1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,840
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's Podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, the

2
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,800
Speaker 1: podcast for the time, Poor parent who just Wants Answers Now?

3
00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,360
Speaker 1: Where Luke and Susie our husband and wife radio team

4
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:11,119
Speaker 1: and the parents of three young boys. And today we

5
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:15,200
Speaker 1: are talking about the Coulson household with Justin's wife Kylie

6
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,080
Speaker 1: spilling the beans. For a long time, Luke, we've been

7
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,360
Speaker 1: talking with doctor Justin Coulson.

8
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,320
Speaker 2: He comes into the studio.

9
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,320
Speaker 1: We have a lot of chats on air and off

10
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,200
Speaker 1: air as well, which is always a whole lot of fun.

11
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,880
Speaker 1: And we've learned so much about parenting along the way.

12
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,400
Speaker 1: But quite commonly what comes up is my wife, Kylie.

13
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,959
Speaker 1: My wife, Kylie, my wife Kyle. She's amazing, she is amazing.

14
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,159
Speaker 1: So we've got her in studio with us today and

15
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,920
Speaker 1: today is about my wife Kylie.

16
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:39,920
Speaker 3: Your your wife.

17
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,160
Speaker 2: Doctor.

18
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 3: To tell you all about my wife, well.

19
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,320
Speaker 1: You can just step aside and we might have to

20
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 1: turn your mic off.

21
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:47,479
Speaker 4: Its up.

22
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,200
Speaker 3: Like that, because we've got his wife Kylie.

23
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,440
Speaker 1: We do. Okay, Kylie's great to have you, Thanks for

24
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:53,920
Speaker 1: being here.

25
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:54,520
Speaker 2: Thank you.

26
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,360
Speaker 1: It's it's interest got to be an interesting life for you.

27
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,640
Speaker 1: You have six daughters together, three who or older three

28
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,960
Speaker 1: who are younger. Your youngest is five, your oldest is married,

29
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,280
Speaker 1: so that's it. Like, that's quite an age bracket for you.

30
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,679
Speaker 1: And you're parenting with someone who is a parenting expert.

31
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,360
Speaker 1: So my first question.

32
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,080
Speaker 3: For you, Oh, I see where this is going on.

33
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:14,000
Speaker 4: The first question for.

34
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,480
Speaker 1: You is it might not be what you think. As

35
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,440
Speaker 1: the wife of a parenting expert. Does this put pressure

36
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,319
Speaker 1: on or take pressure off you?

37
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:26,280
Speaker 2: As a mum? I feel immense pressure, Oh dear, Yeah,

38
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,040
Speaker 2: I feel ammen's pressure. In the early days, it was suffocating.

39
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:36,560
Speaker 2: It was very not so much because of Justin, but

40
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 2: because of what other people thought of me as a

41
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,160
Speaker 2: result of being Justine's wife.

42
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,319
Speaker 4: And in hindsight, do you think they thought that, Like,

43
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,680
Speaker 4: do you have evidence that that was a case or

44
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,280
Speaker 4: do you think it was mostly your perception? Like you

45
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,480
Speaker 4: feeling the pressure, me feeling the pressure.

46
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:55,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the most part, I think that it's very

47
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,360
Speaker 2: much me. But just as you would have experience online,

48
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,160
Speaker 2: things get a little bit intense sometimes and often there's

49
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,120
Speaker 2: a negative comment which is quite intense, and that leaves

50
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,560
Speaker 2: me feeling very unsettled. So I really enjoy being in

51
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,160
Speaker 2: the background.

52
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,519
Speaker 4: You you've never experienced that reaction to a negative comment

53
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,919
Speaker 4: on Amazing.

54
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,880
Speaker 1: It's so funny, isn't it, Because if someone goes after Luke,

55
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,000
Speaker 1: it's like I didn't. I don't even sometimes think that

56
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,560
Speaker 1: there's a line in me. But if someone goes after Luke,

57
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,640
Speaker 1: I suddenly get even more protective than I do with

58
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:32,120
Speaker 1: my children.

59
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,200
Speaker 2: I think I just.

60
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:39,880
Speaker 4: Get the loveliest person in the world. But when she

61
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,120
Speaker 4: loses it, when that switch flicks, like there was a

62
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,840
Speaker 4: moment when we were in a car rental place and she's.

63
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:49,600
Speaker 1: Thought that would take advantage of my husband.

64
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,919
Speaker 4: I was holding her by the shoulders and pulling her back.

65
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,880
Speaker 4: I'm glad there wasn't someone with the phone. But you

66
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,440
Speaker 4: didn't say anything wrong, but you would, you would.

67
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:02,880
Speaker 3: We've been really fortunate though.

68
00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:08,239
Speaker 5: We built a beautiful community online with the Happy Families

69
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,600
Speaker 5: Facebook page, and most people are really, really great, And

70
00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,600
Speaker 5: over time, I've just learned not to let Kylie know

71
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,560
Speaker 5: that people are saying these things about me or about us.

72
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,720
Speaker 5: It's just easy that way, and Kylie is so much

73
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,400
Speaker 5: calmer because of that.

74
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,680
Speaker 4: So then I want to know about you know, when

75
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,720
Speaker 4: have you ever thrown his words back to him in

76
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,040
Speaker 4: the midst when you're at a different position on a

77
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 4: parenting situation to go well. As a great parenting expert

78
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:41,440
Speaker 4: once said.

79
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,840
Speaker 3: Well, Kylie thinks of a scenario to dump me in it.

80
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,920
Speaker 5: Let me let me just share a really funny situation

81
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,000
Speaker 5: where I was being the most empathic, kind, gentle parenting

82
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,200
Speaker 5: expert right, and Kylie was having a really hard day

83
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,839
Speaker 5: and things weren't going well. And so I walked over

84
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,240
Speaker 5: to her and said, honey, it's just it's been a

85
00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,280
Speaker 5: really rough day for you.

86
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,000
Speaker 3: I know how it feels.

87
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,440
Speaker 5: And I started to do the whole empathy thing. She

88
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,320
Speaker 5: looked at me and said, don't you give me that

89
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,200
Speaker 5: psychology crap.

90
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:09,320
Speaker 1: I feel yours.

91
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,200
Speaker 4: Into it? When have you thrown him back at himself?

92
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:19,119
Speaker 3: Oh, there's too many to come on, There's not that many. Really,

93
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,080
Speaker 3: I'm getting a little bit nervous.

94
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:25,279
Speaker 2: The reality is, for both of us, even though we

95
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,240
Speaker 2: have got lots of things that help us and we

96
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,120
Speaker 2: know a lot of things, just like the every day

97
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,440
Speaker 2: moment dad, we get it wrong all the time, and

98
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,920
Speaker 2: some days it's me and some days it's him, and

99
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,000
Speaker 2: thankfully more times than not we share.

100
00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,599
Speaker 3: It's not so the days that we're both having a

101
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:45,520
Speaker 3: bad day from past.

102
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,760
Speaker 4: Well that was that was the most devastating thing that

103
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,320
Speaker 4: to start of our marriage was when you know, because

104
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,640
Speaker 4: we'd both been sick, but we've been sick one at

105
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 4: a time. The first time we both had a vomiting

106
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,359
Speaker 4: experience at the same time and there was nobody to

107
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,960
Speaker 4: look after us, like.

108
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,360
Speaker 3: This is not what parents are supposed to be.

109
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,600
Speaker 4: But that sense of that when you when you it's

110
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,280
Speaker 4: all good, when you once having a good day, once

111
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,720
Speaker 4: having a bad day, but when you're both having a

112
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,719
Speaker 4: bad day together, who's there to rescue you?

113
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:12,320
Speaker 3: Yeah?

114
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: So were there times where it comes down to I

115
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,880
Speaker 1: know you're the parenting expert, but I.

116
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:16,640
Speaker 3: Am a woman.

117
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 1: I know what my daughter's going through.

118
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,599
Speaker 2: Yes, and no, I think that I look at the

119
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,599
Speaker 2: journey that we've taken together as husband and wife, and

120
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,640
Speaker 2: in the early days, Justin's been very open sharing the

121
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,520
Speaker 2: fact that parenting was hard for him in the beginning,

122
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,880
Speaker 2: and this journey started for him because he recognized a

123
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,440
Speaker 2: lack in his own life. But it took me a

124
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,880
Speaker 2: long time as his wife to actually come on board

125
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,080
Speaker 2: and go, you know what, I actually want to do

126
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,760
Speaker 2: things differently. You know, I've been brought up a certain way,

127
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,919
Speaker 2: and I thought I was okay, and I thought it

128
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 2: was all right.

129
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,880
Speaker 5: And Kylie's training was in early childcare, so she knew

130
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,640
Speaker 5: more about children than I did. So for me to

131
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,600
Speaker 5: suddenly say, well, I'm doing this like college degree and

132
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 5: look what I learned, Kyla was like, no, no, definitely not.

133
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,280
Speaker 2: I've had a really big epiphany. One day, I had

134
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,960
Speaker 2: a really really bad day. I had two children at

135
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,640
Speaker 2: the time, and I was pregnant with number three, and

136
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:17,400
Speaker 2: my two year old was just losing the plot and

137
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,000
Speaker 2: I had spent an entire day with this child losing

138
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,880
Speaker 2: the plot at me, and Justin walked home. I walked

139
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,440
Speaker 2: in the door after work one afternoon and the house.

140
00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,719
Speaker 3: Was a mess. Nothing had been done. There was no food,

141
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,080
Speaker 3: called door and a thing I shaveled.

142
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,960
Speaker 2: Kylie kind of looked at him and just when you

143
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,200
Speaker 2: deal with this I have. I'm done. I can't do

144
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:40,000
Speaker 2: this anymore. And I walked off, and about three minutes later,

145
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:44,440
Speaker 2: everything was just calm, and I came out to see

146
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:49,320
Speaker 2: Justin kneeling at my daughter's level, and I heard him say,

147
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,680
Speaker 2: You've had a really bad day today, haven't you. And

148
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,039
Speaker 2: she burst into tears and they had a little hug

149
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,480
Speaker 2: and that was the end of the chaos. It just

150
00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:01,320
Speaker 2: melted and I thought, wow, maybe I do need to

151
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,680
Speaker 2: kind of listen a little bit more to what he

152
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,200
Speaker 2: has to share. And so as a result, that kind

153
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 2: of journey just it's taken time. As a woman, you

154
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:15,240
Speaker 2: feel innately equipped to be a mother, but the reality

155
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:20,920
Speaker 2: is there's so much we can learn, and not everything

156
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 2: comes innately. Yeah, and often our first initial reaction is

157
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 2: not necessarily the right one.

158
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,480
Speaker 4: And in life, from a computer term, there's these two

159
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 4: words that you use to say it's a static page

160
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,320
Speaker 4: or it's a dynamic page. And the static page means

161
00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 4: it stays the same and it's predictable and everything is

162
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,440
Speaker 4: in order. The dynamic means it's changing, and so therefore

163
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,400
Speaker 4: every little detail that changes means there's a whole new equation,

164
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,640
Speaker 4: an algorithm on how to come out the other side.

165
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:52,160
Speaker 4: And parenting is the most dynamic that I've ever experienced,

166
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,560
Speaker 4: and no matter how much you know, they're bound to

167
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,080
Speaker 4: throw up a scenario that doesn't quite fit the textbook

168
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,400
Speaker 4: right well, and I.

169
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:02,240
Speaker 2: Think too, because we're so emotional and tied to our children,

170
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,720
Speaker 2: so it's really easy in a moment to have knowledge,

171
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,120
Speaker 2: but once there is emotional connection to it, utilizing that

172
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,960
Speaker 2: knowledge in that highly emotive state is really challenging.

173
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:20,360
Speaker 4: So on that story, justin I saw your eyes that memory.

174
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,559
Speaker 4: What was that that got your emotional in that moment?

175
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:23,640
Speaker 4: I just.

176
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,720
Speaker 5: I love my wife and I love hearing her say

177
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 5: nice things about me.

178
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,360
Speaker 1: Well, that actually raises a good point is when it

179
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,920
Speaker 1: comes to raising children for those who are fortunate to

180
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Speaker 1: still be married in that scenario raising children together, how

181
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,600
Speaker 1: important is the marriage relationship in parenting.

182
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:45,120
Speaker 3: Everything?

183
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:49,040
Speaker 2: It's everything everything without that, without that relationship.

184
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,959
Speaker 5: We had a two year We had a two year

185
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,360
Speaker 5: phase with one of our children where it was torture

186
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,120
Speaker 5: and I don't like talking about it because I'm the

187
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 5: parenting expert and everything's supposed to be perfect, right, but

188
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:04,600
Speaker 5: my kids are not perfect.

189
00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:08,040
Speaker 3: We are out sorry our kids, our children. Our children are.

190
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,160
Speaker 1: Not It's great, but.

191
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,520
Speaker 3: I'm so used to talking to you on my own.

192
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,200
Speaker 3: Our children are not perfect.

193
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,640
Speaker 5: They are learning and progressing and growing just like anybody,

194
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,160
Speaker 5: and they have imperfect models in us. We do the

195
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,800
Speaker 5: best that we can, but we make mistakes. And with

196
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:27,920
Speaker 5: this particular child for two years just was so challenging

197
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:35,080
Speaker 5: and the relationship that we share. It was really hard.

198
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,000
Speaker 5: For two years. It was so hard. And what we

199
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,720
Speaker 5: found was that when we were aligned, when we were

200
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,160
Speaker 5: working together, when we're on the same page, when we

201
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 5: were connecting, no matter how bad things were outside our relationship,

202
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:51,000
Speaker 5: if we were together, we could weather anything. But when

203
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,000
Speaker 5: we were fractured, when we were saying, what are you

204
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:54,600
Speaker 5: doing like this for?

205
00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:55,560
Speaker 3: You should be doing it like that?

206
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,360
Speaker 5: Or you know, if I had a bad moment with

207
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,240
Speaker 5: that daughter, if Clytie had a bad moment with that daughter,

208
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,080
Speaker 5: and it was easy for one of us to step

209
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,320
Speaker 5: and be judgmental and say, why did you do that?

210
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 5: We've talked about this, We're not supposed to be responding

211
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,520
Speaker 5: to her in this way our relationship, would you know,

212
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 5: And the whole family felt like it was on such

213
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,079
Speaker 5: a shaky foundation all of a sudden. So the quality

214
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,600
Speaker 5: of the marriage is central to I think the well

215
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,400
Speaker 5: being of the family.

216
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,240
Speaker 4: So then what have you found is the best way

217
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,920
Speaker 4: to protect that? So both perspectives the best way to

218
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,800
Speaker 4: protect and invest into your marriage relationship.

219
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:38,200
Speaker 2: So until that time, we actually thought we were invincible

220
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,880
Speaker 2: as a husband and wife team. We actually thought we

221
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:45,520
Speaker 2: were really doing things great and that experience really highlighted

222
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,600
Speaker 2: just the need to connect even when things are good,

223
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,959
Speaker 2: and so out of that actually we created a little

224
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,240
Speaker 2: thing that has made all the difference in our lives.

225
00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,000
Speaker 2: We have a quarterly getaway. We go away for two

226
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,320
Speaker 2: nights together.

227
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,560
Speaker 5: Every twelve weeks, so the end of term or towards

228
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 5: the end of turn, we just disappear every twelve weeks

229
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,600
Speaker 5: for two nights.

230
00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,040
Speaker 2: And if you have been listening long enough, you know

231
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,120
Speaker 2: who Justin is. And dynamic is a really good word, Luke.

232
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:20,520
Speaker 2: Justin nothing stays the same for very long and so

233
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,400
Speaker 2: that getaway would really really be great if it was

234
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,080
Speaker 2: just rest and relaxation, but it really isn't. With Justin,

235
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:35,360
Speaker 2: he has been very instrumental in being very intentional about

236
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,720
Speaker 2: ensuring that our relationship improves and grows. And so in

237
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,640
Speaker 2: that timeframe, we actually spend a lot of time talking

238
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,360
Speaker 2: about our family and we look at each of our children.

239
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 2: We discuss what's going well for them, what's not, how

240
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,520
Speaker 2: we can support them better As mum and dad. We

241
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,840
Speaker 2: look at our own relationship what's going well, what's not?

242
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,960
Speaker 2: Three questions, what's going well, what's not? And what are

243
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,440
Speaker 2: we going to do to make things better. What are

244
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,080
Speaker 2: we going to work on?

245
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,200
Speaker 5: What's our next twelve weeks? Look like, yeah, I've got

246
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 5: the agenda. It's all planned. Kylie's like, can we.

247
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,520
Speaker 1: Just sound super romantic?

248
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,679
Speaker 3: Well, we fit a little bit of that in there

249
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:07,080
Speaker 3: as well.

250
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,120
Speaker 4: Don't you worry.

251
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,560
Speaker 3: But it's been a huge hasn't it.

252
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 2: It has literally changed things for us.

253
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,120
Speaker 5: And I know a lot of people will hear us

254
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,840
Speaker 5: talk about that and be like, well, I can't go

255
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,760
Speaker 5: away every twelve weeks. I mean there's the cost and

256
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:24,560
Speaker 5: who looks after the children. We are very conscious of budget.

257
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,679
Speaker 5: In fact, we stay we live in Brisbane. We stay

258
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,080
Speaker 5: in Brisbane. We just stay at a hotel in Brisbane,

259
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,440
Speaker 5: and because all of the hotels in the city charge

260
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,199
Speaker 5: you know, fifty or sixty bucks to park overnight, we

261
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,880
Speaker 5: ride our bikes in from a nearby suburb. We park

262
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 5: the car, we got on our bikes, put all our

263
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,520
Speaker 5: clothes and a backpack and we ride in. So we

264
00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,040
Speaker 5: don't have to pay that, you know, we get the

265
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,560
Speaker 5: biggest discounts we can. We're not spending a lot of money,

266
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:51,120
Speaker 5: but it's two nights in a nice ish hotel and

267
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,160
Speaker 5: we spend that time together. And in terms of babysitting,

268
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,559
Speaker 5: we rely on family too with grandparents. I know not

269
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,200
Speaker 5: everyone's got this, but we've got two sets of grandparents

270
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,200
Speaker 5: and we ask if they can do it twice a

271
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:07,240
Speaker 5: year each and sometimes they can't, which is really we're like, oh,

272
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,240
Speaker 5: this is what it's like for people that don't have support.

273
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:09,800
Speaker 3: This is really hard.

274
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,160
Speaker 5: How are we going to do it this time? And

275
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,640
Speaker 5: we've got to be really creative. But it's been a

276
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:14,280
Speaker 5: game changer.

277
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,760
Speaker 4: Well, you had me at We Can get Away, You

278
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:23,920
Speaker 4: lost me at bikes and backpacks. But we have implemented

279
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,520
Speaker 4: some of the Doctor Justin Coilson suggestions, one of them

280
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,760
Speaker 4: being family meeting, and we've been a bit slack on

281
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,800
Speaker 4: it lately. But the thing that we've found as that

282
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,880
Speaker 4: the benefit of that is as while it's an agenda

283
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,959
Speaker 4: and while it's a meeting, the reality is we discovered

284
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,120
Speaker 4: that most of our problems, most of the freight edges,

285
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:46,840
Speaker 4: came from poor communication, lack of communication. She thought one thing,

286
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,400
Speaker 4: I thought another, the kids thought something different, and then

287
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,439
Speaker 4: we found out at the moment where it was least convenient,

288
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,760
Speaker 4: that we're on a different page. Whereas something like just

289
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,000
Speaker 4: having that dedicated time to talk that stuff out actually

290
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 4: took away the communication breakdown, which left more room for

291
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,960
Speaker 4: that connection totally.

292
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:06,120
Speaker 2: And that's what we found. It's just it's being connected

293
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,800
Speaker 2: and being on the same page and allowing us to

294
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,480
Speaker 2: six children. It's not very often that we don't have

295
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:20,840
Speaker 2: a conversation that is not interrupted. It doesn't happen. We literally,

296
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,440
Speaker 2: you know, three sentences in and someone's knocking on the door. Mom,

297
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,680
Speaker 2: you know I need this? Can you help me with that?

298
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 2: And it's frustrating and hard, and.

299
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 5: There are days where we think we should have stopped

300
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,200
Speaker 5: at once, and that we love our children so much,

301
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,800
Speaker 5: but just so that we can have a conversation. How

302
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 5: nice would it be to be able to wake up

303
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,000
Speaker 5: on a Saturday morning with nothing to do but go

304
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,480
Speaker 5: down to your favorite cafe. But that's not the life

305
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:48,280
Speaker 5: that we live. It's life we chose. So we have

306
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,320
Speaker 5: to make time for each other. And that's been the

307
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,760
Speaker 5: heart of well, it has become the heart of our lives,

308
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:56,160
Speaker 5: hasn't it.

309
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,960
Speaker 4: So we said there was a couple, didn't we, So

310
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 4: we've got to the weekend getaways? Was there the things

311
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 4: you implemented?

312
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:02,280
Speaker 3: Hmmm?

313
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:10,920
Speaker 5: So what would you say would be the next Well,

314
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 5: I don't know if we can say this or not,

315
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,680
Speaker 5: but making sure that we have a great intimate life

316
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 5: is critical.

317
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:19,880
Speaker 3: It's overlooked.

318
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,240
Speaker 5: I run seminars on this sort of stuff from time

319
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 5: to times. Corporates might ask me to come in and

320
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,480
Speaker 5: run relationship sort of things, and so many people will

321
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 5: roll their eyes and be like, oh yeah, like who's

322
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,960
Speaker 5: got the energy for it at ten thirty or eleven

323
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,760
Speaker 5: o'clock at night, Whereas we've been really intentional about we

324
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,200
Speaker 5: don't have any TV subscriptions, so we're not on with

325
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:44,000
Speaker 5: Foxtel or Netflix or Disney or Amazon Prime or any

326
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,480
Speaker 5: or stand or any of the others. We actually don't

327
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,080
Speaker 5: have any of that. And people, you know, people say, well,

328
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,800
Speaker 5: you've got six kids, you mustn't have a TV. Well,

329
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,280
Speaker 5: we do, but we actually like other things more than TV,

330
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,480
Speaker 5: and that's to have that physical connection is absolutely critical,

331
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:05,080
Speaker 5: and it's so easily overlooked. Or people are influenced in

332
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,560
Speaker 5: a range of ways and start to think that it

333
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,320
Speaker 5: should be something and they try to allow it to

334
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,760
Speaker 5: they allow other influencers into that relationship, or they start

335
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 5: to feel like it's the same old, same old, which

336
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 5: means that they're actually not connecting. They're not connect We're

337
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 5: divorcing physical intimacy from emotional intimacy. When the emotional intimacy

338
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 5: is there, the physical intimacy doesn't seem to be a problem.

339
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,680
Speaker 5: So that's something that we've been really intentional about, absolutely consistently.

340
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 3: What else have we done, Honey.

341
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:39,200
Speaker 2: I think finding time going for walks. Again, we've said

342
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,480
Speaker 2: it with the kids, but going for walks has been

343
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,800
Speaker 2: something that we've absolutely loved doing. Again, just getting outside

344
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,880
Speaker 2: the house and even if it's twenty minutes, just take

345
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,760
Speaker 2: the dog for a walk and just have some downtime

346
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,920
Speaker 2: and for both of us, outdoors.

347
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,640
Speaker 3: Is fuel for the soul.

348
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,160
Speaker 4: One of the experiences we had recently, the kids wanted

349
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 4: to go to the park and rather than sit on

350
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 4: the park bench and we could still have a conversation there,

351
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,280
Speaker 4: we just they went to the playground and we just

352
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 4: did laps around this big kids parking playground, so we

353
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,880
Speaker 4: still could keep an eye on them, but we were

354
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,639
Speaker 4: just talking as we were walking, and there was something

355
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 4: sort of you know, there's a conversation where you could

356
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 4: sit and gaze into each other's eyes, but there was

357
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,440
Speaker 4: something powerful about just the moving together, and I don't

358
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,680
Speaker 4: know whether there was a rhythm about it or something.

359
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,919
Speaker 2: Would usually use your phone while you're walking.

360
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 4: Let's see it. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

361
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,120
Speaker 1: I find I'm more relaxed, and I find it easier

362
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 1: stuff comes out. I can see why you take the

363
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,280
Speaker 1: daughters for a walk, just one on one relationship building,

364
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,679
Speaker 1: because I don't know, there's something about it. Eventually your

365
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 1: guard comes down and it's easier to talk. I think

366
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 1: when you're walking, not.

367
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:47,440
Speaker 5: When you're running side by side, feels less less intrusive.

368
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 5: It feels a little bit more like you're just with

369
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 5: somebody rather than face to face and almost confrontational time.

370
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,439
Speaker 4: So we shouldn't do staring competitions.

371
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,960
Speaker 3: You can do that. It's fun. Whoever blinks first?

372
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 1: So can I ask Kylie?

373
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,200
Speaker 6: We've got to wrap up shortly.

374
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,760
Speaker 1: But with three girls who have gone through or in

375
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 1: the midst of the teenagers, you've got three still coming through,

376
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 1: do you feel like the next three will do better

377
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 1: because you've already been through it once.

378
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 2: I want to say yes, you're not going to a.

379
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,920
Speaker 3: I want to say yes, do better.

380
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 5: As an interesting term, can I just I think that

381
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,479
Speaker 5: I think they'll be raised differently. I know you ask, Kylie,

382
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,680
Speaker 5: but I think they'll all do well in their own

383
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 5: ways because they're unique people. But I cut you off

384
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 5: and I'm sorry, No, that's fine.

385
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,160
Speaker 2: They are all so different, and yes, we definitely parent

386
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,160
Speaker 2: them different and that became very obvious as four, five,

387
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 2: and six came along. And part of that comes as

388
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,560
Speaker 2: a parent, you become more confident in your ability to respond.

389
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 2: But and with that I think creates a calmer child

390
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 2: in lots of cases, in saying that you haven't met Emily, Yes,

391
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:16,720
Speaker 2: last one, Oh my goodness, we have bookends. Okay, number

392
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,399
Speaker 2: one and number six, energy to the max, and just

393
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 2: confidence like.

394
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 3: You've never seen.

395
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 2: But will they do better? I don't necessarily believe they'll

396
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 2: do better, but we will be better parents as a

397
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,520
Speaker 2: result of the experiences that we've had.

398
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,919
Speaker 4: But you're learning different lessons with the last three than

399
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 4: some of the lessons you told us about earlier on

400
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,159
Speaker 4: in the first three. I'm not to say it's not

401
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 4: that you know everything. You just got to learn new

402
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,920
Speaker 4: things now because it's a different dynamic, different kids. Yeah, three, four, five,

403
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 4: six versus the one and two. So it's just this

404
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 4: is the beautiful thing parently when people will talk about

405
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,159
Speaker 4: because some people try and convince those who don't have

406
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 4: kids or don't want kids kids that they should want

407
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 4: them and have them, and they try and tell them

408
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,320
Speaker 4: how wonderful it is. And I have these conversations and

409
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 4: I'll just say, none of it makes any sense. There

410
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 4: is no spreadsheet that I can put whether some title

411
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 4: of the formula at the end says it's a win

412
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,840
Speaker 4: but for some reason and in somehow your life is

413
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 4: so much richer in these experiences, But it doesn't add

414
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 4: up on a spreadsheet, does it?

415
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,479
Speaker 3: And so much tighter.

416
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it's for a time though, right, Let's come,

417
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 6: let's not just keep this going, this moment going for

418
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,040
Speaker 6: just a little bit, for another minute of contemplation, which

419
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 6: is really just let's we'll just take a sixty seven break.

420
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,719
Speaker 1: Carlie, it's so great to meet you. Thanks for sharing

421
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: some of the inside story of life in the Coolson

422
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 1: household with a parenting expert for a husband justin. Thanks

423
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 1: for sharing as well and not goofing off too much.

424
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 5: I did my best. I'm sorry for interrupting, but I'm

425
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 5: just I'm so glad that you got to meet Kylie.

426
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: Oh, You're Adorable together. Thanks to Justin Pulson and Kylie

427
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 1: appreciate it.

428
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 4: If you've enjoyed the podcast, we'd love for you to

429
00:20:58,600 --> 00:20:59,400
Speaker 4: leave a review on.

430
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,479
Speaker 1: It chair Thank Samantha. Did I really enjoy hearing his outlook.

431
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,639
Speaker 1: I grew up very differently from my children, and I'm

432
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: trying to break the cycle that my parents have given me.

433
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: I just want to have a happy family and feel

434
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: very fortunate to have found and heard these podcasts. I

435
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 1: can only hope i'd do a good job raising my

436
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,160
Speaker 1: little Lea's If I wasn't so far from him, I'd

437
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,959
Speaker 1: book him here so I could hear his advice firsthand.

438
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 4: Well, if you'd like Justin to speak at your school

439
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 4: or organization, all you gotta do is visit happyfamilies dot

440
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 4: com dot au.