WEBVTT - Discovering Deception & Moving On! 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:04.920 Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:08.680 the Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:11.160 we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:14.319 would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:17.680 of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:22.240 acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:26.960 through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:30.120 and the storytelling of you to make a difference for 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.640 today and lasting impact for tomorrow. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:34.120 Let's get into it. 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:38.920 She's on the Money, She's on the Money. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.240 Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:04.560 Millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:06.480 of our money diaries where we get to talk to 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:09.160 one of our incredible She's on the Money community members 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:12.319 all about their money story. Let's jump straight into it, 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:14.280 because this week I got a message and it went 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:18.520 like this, Hi, Victoria, my story is a rollercoaster. I'm 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:21.640 one of getting through six years of financial coercion in 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:25.200 a relationship. I've recovered a sixty five thousand dollar car 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:28.240 debt and a forty thousand dollar personal loan, both in 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:29.000 my name. 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:29.679 Due to my ex. 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:32.640 I have two kids with my new husband, but this 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:36.360 relationship has recently broken down. I left my full time 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:39.080 salary to start a business in December twenty twenty one 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:42.399 to support kids, which was tricky timing, but I'm now 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:45.360 on my way back. What a journey it has been, 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.920 Money Diarist, Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:49.920 learn more about you. 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:51.520 Thank you for having me. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:53.640 Oh my gosh, I feel like there's just so many 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:56.600 questions I have, but we'll dive in with the first question. 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:59.720 I always ask whitches money darist, what grade would you 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.000 give you your money habits from an AA through to 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:04.720 an F. If I asked you to give them a grade. 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:09.040 I would say a C right in the middle, because 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:12.800 there has been so much change and I feel like 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.760 I haven't quite gotten my decks in a room yet, 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:17.000 but I feel like I'm on. 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:17.760 The way to it. 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:20.480 I love this. Let's learn a little bit more about it. 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:22.160 Let's take it all the way back. 0:02:22.000 --> 0:02:24.720 Money dis Can you tell me a little bit more 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:26.480 about your money story? 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:26.840 Cool? 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.920 So my ex and I were engaged, We're in a 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:38.440 relationship from twenty thirteen to twenty nineteen, and long story short, yeah, 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:43.560 lots of financial coercion and just compulsive lying about money. 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:48.399 And I always had this uneasy feeling like why is money. 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.320 Always a conversation? Where is the money going? 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:56.040 Like from what he's telling me to what I'm actually seeing, 0:02:56.080 --> 0:03:00.720 it doesn't add up. And we will working in the 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:06.840 sporting fitness industry, and we set up a business within 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.520 a business, and for that we needed to buy a 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.119 new equipment and we wanted to go on a holiday. 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:16.480 So for some reason, I was like, yeah, we'll take 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.560 out a personal loan of forty thousand dollars in my name. 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.760 That's fine because you can't get approved for one because 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:25.320 within the last I think it was like a five 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:30.880 or seven year period, he had claimed bankruptcy from another business, which, yes, 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.000 that's a red flag that I didn't take notice of. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.200 But that's okay, because when you're in love and you 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.400 trust someone, you immediately go no, let's make this happen totally. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:42.480 I was like, this is my forever person. I will 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:47.360 support you whatever exactly, Oh, forty thousand dollars personal loan. 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:51.800 And he also needed a new count but again couldn't 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.080 get a loan because YadA YadA. 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.160 So we were like, yep, we want to start. 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:01.240 A family, let's get like a full drysuv thing. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.080 And so yeah, I can totally take out a. 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:07.520 Sixty five thousand dollars car loan in my name and 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:12.360 run it through my business. So yeah, he was paying 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:16.480 the repayments, but I would often get calls and emails 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.840 and text messages saying your repayment's like, your repayment's late, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.120 and I'd be like, just pay it on time. It's 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:26.520 not that hard, and that just became a bit of 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.119 an issue and all these red flags from the state. 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.239 So that's my number one thing is maybe just don't 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:34.920 take out over one hundred thousand dollars worth of loans 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:36.240 in your name for someone else. 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:37.080 Yeah. 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.560 Look, it's really challenging though, because I can see how 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.400 it would have happened, and I think a lot of 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:43.799 people might jump to the conclusion and well, that's so silly. 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:45.599 I can't believe you do that. Don't do it. 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:47.559 And I mean even you right now you're like, don't 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:49.919 do that. But in the moment, you're like, well, this 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.000 is my person. I love my person. We've got this 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.560 life we're building together. There's some stuff in his past 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.520 that's so fine. We're going to get through it, you know, 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:00.480 to move forward and actually create the life we want. 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:02.760 These are the decisions that we're making, and obviously they 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.159 weren't great. But I'm sure you know what, there are 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:07.560 probably some people in our community who have done exactly 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.200 that and their partner's paid off the loans early and 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:11.960 everything with sunshine and roses. 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.520 And I'm assuming that's what you thought it would be. 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:18.159 Because when you've got those blinkers on, you just don't 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.600 see what you don't see, and even though red flags exist, 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:22.720 you sometimes just go, that's all right. Like I know 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:24.640 some other people might think this is a red flag, 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.120 but I know this person deeply because they're my partner, 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.080 right They were engaged, so he's going to be here 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:30.800 for the long haul. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:31.279 Yes. 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.840 In the start of those types of relationships, it's all 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:40.160 about confusing the person with words and beautiful gestures and stuff, 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:44.080 so that when red flags do pop up, the person 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:47.680 holds onto the hope of oh no, but their actual 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:50.680 behavior is you know, loving and grand gestures and all 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.400 that sort of stuff that the red flags just get 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:55.640 overtaken because essentially you're just. 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.920 Confused exactly, and they did that on purpose. 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:00.440 So tell bit more. 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:04.560 You took out these loans, obviously repayments started being late. 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:06.240 What did that then lead to? 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:11.720 So once we separated and I moved into State, the 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:16.000 personal loan, so the forty thousand dollar loan was down 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:20.280 to about twenty five thousand dollars, so still a fair 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:24.479 amount on it. And I in that time frame had 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:27.440 also bought myself a car, but ran it through my 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.400 dad's business because I already had a car through my name, 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:33.880 which was my partner's car. And he offered to pay 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.520 off that loan as well, which was only one hundred 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:41.240 dollars a week. So when we separated, the agreements was 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.880 that he would continue to pay off the personal loan. 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:49.120 I paid eight thousand dollars into that loan, which was 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.880 equivalent to the repayments that he had been doing for 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:56.599 my car, so that brought it down to about fifteen 0:06:56.680 --> 0:07:01.200 thousand dollars. We set up this agreement in writing that 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:04.320 he would continue to pay the loan. It wouldn't have 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:07.400 stood up in court, but I don't think he was 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.400 smart enough to know that it wouldn't, so he thought 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.200 it was a legal document I knew it wasn't quite, 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.360 but it was something in writing, so he would keep 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:16.440 the repayments coming. 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:17.920 Fast. 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:21.520 Forward a couple of years and I had my new 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.600 partner and I'd fallen pregnant, and I still had this 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.960 stress of this personal loan, and so I think by 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:31.920 that time it was down to that seven thousand dollars, 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:36.000 and I asked my dad and I said, I don't 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:39.360 want this loan to be a debt. Can I borrow 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:41.440 seven thousand dollars so I can. 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:42.360 Pay that off? 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:47.640 And my ex will continue to pay the repayments, and. 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:49.720 If he doesn't for whatever reason. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.360 I will cop that on the chin and I will 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:54.200 just repay you that seven thousand dollars. So that meant 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.920 I had no debts to my name, which was more 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.560 important to me than the actual value of the money. 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.320 I just wanted that person out of my life. 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.160 Especially when you're planning a family and you're going to 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:06.360 have a baby, like this is not where I need 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.200 to be, even if it costs me more. 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:10.520 I don't need this stress exactly. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:14.640 So that was fine, And eventually it did get paid 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:18.240 off when I was pregnant with my second child, so 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:22.160 that it was really nice. To actually not have to 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.880 fall into like a debt for a debt, so that 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:29.720 finally got paid off, and with the car really, in hindsight, 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:33.120 because it was technically mine, however, I was into state 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:35.199 I really should have kept the car. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:37.360 And sold it and just paid off that debt. 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.360 But I couldn't really access the car to get it, 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:42.400 and there's no way he would have handed it over, 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:44.520 and I didn't want to have to get you know, 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:48.719 police and lawyers involved. So for me to get that 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:52.600 loan transferred into his name through one of the big 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:57.480 four banks took months of paperwork back and forwards, but 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.680 he eventually got the car and his name and the 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:03.880 loan in his name. So was his problem and again 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:05.760 just not tied to me anyway. 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:09.200 That's so stressful though to have to go through. Was 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.360 he really, I guess, defiant during that, not wanting to 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:12.840 take it on. 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:13.439 Yes. 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.440 It got to a point where I think the amount 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.120 of money was like ten grand that was floating around, 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:21.720 and I said to him, why don't you just borrow 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:22.440 the money off. 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:24.360 Your parents and pay them. 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:28.280 Back like interest free loan be paid off quicker, you 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:31.560 know than like really ten thousand dollars isn't that much money? 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.680 And it later came out I had a conversation with 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.160 his family and he'd already taken a lot of their 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:39.920 money and they didn't have any super. 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.640 Less and so of course they wouldn't give him another 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:43.400 ten grand. 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:47.360 Yeah, so they physically couldn't. And then all these lives 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:50.800 started coming out from people that he'd asked to invest in, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:54.199 these fake businesses that had lost money. And there were 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:57.720 stories of him collecting money from friends of friends for 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:00.760 someone's birthday present, which was out to thousand dollars, and 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.520 then trying to run off with that money. So all 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:08.959 of these really fraudulent theft stories started to come out 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:10.560 about all this money stuff. 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:11.800 Oh that is so it. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:14.840 Oh it's such a problem for this person. And how 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:17.080 have they not been reported to the police? 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:21.079 So what's happening there so hasn't been reported to the police. 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.240 Is he just still out there coercing people into giving 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:28.800 them their money for these fake investments or how is 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:30.160 he being held accountable? 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.920 I literally have no idea. 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:37.480 I think in the fine print of these investments, if 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.200 you're an investor, you kind of sign a thing to say, hey, 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:41.920 like if the business doesn't work. 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.600 Out, like, yeah, you could lose any to lose that money. 0:10:44.840 --> 0:10:46.680 I'd a couple of them call me and say like 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:47.280 what do I do? 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.560 And I said, just get a paper from your lawyer 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.840 that says you're on going to be on a payment plan. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.800 It might take a little bit longer, but at. 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.680 Least you get some more all of your money back, 0:10:57.120 --> 0:10:59.520 and he won't know that it's not going to stand 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.880 in court because he can't afford a proper lawyer. 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:05.240 Yeah, exactly, Yeah, he's still out there doing it. Oh 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.520 my god, I don't know. That makes me feel sick. 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:11.400 I cannot stand stories like that where it's just these 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:14.760 people that take advantage of you and then just run 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:15.320 off with it. 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.720 I mean, karma does have a way of coming around. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.600 But my gosh, is that something that you carried into 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:24.920 your next relationship? Maybe some anxieties or like some hang ups, 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.640 or you weren't willing to share money in another relationship, 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.400 Like how did that impact the relationship with your now 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:32.280 husband that you're separating with. 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:37.120 Yes, so I never had joint bank accounts with my 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:41.720 exx and I never have in a relationship. It's just 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.960 something that I've never done because I've never seen the 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:48.280 point in it, you're just really moving money across to 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:53.400 somewhere for no reason. So in that sense of things, 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.520 there wasn't really a conversation about it because neither of 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:58.640 us said to one another, hey, let's do a joint 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:04.600 bank account. My husband knew what was happening with the 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:09.000 repayments and stuff, so we were very open about the 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.600 money situation, but there was never a conversation of him 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:15.520 to go, oh, well, let's do a joint bank account. 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:17.839 Anyway. So I think always. 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.880 Having that independence of having my own money has just 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:23.480 stuck with me and I think it will stay with 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.240 me forever. And I know plenty of long term partners 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.880 that still don't have joint bank accounts. And I think 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:33.120 that's really normal because you know, if we think of 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:35.920 this is going to be really like negative. But if 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:39.000 we think of marriages like a business, it's the same stats, 0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.000 you know, like forty percent succeed So yeah, exactly did 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:46.120 you start shifting money around? Really, there's no point if 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:49.320 you're paying rent or mortgage repayments or bills, you just 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:50.880 split the money. 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:54.040 Yeah, no, that's fair, And I know that, like obviously, 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.120 lots of people have different ways of managing it, and 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:59.080 there's actually no right way. But it makes me so 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:02.680 happy to know that your money wasn't as intertwined with 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.160 this person as it could have been, Like I feel 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:08.000 like that put you in a much better position than 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:11.280 what you came out as. Like, it's just, yeah, it 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.280 gives me so much anxiety that this person is out 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:16.560 there taking advantage of other people. And what would have 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:18.720 you done if he actually had access to all of 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:19.719 your funds. 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:24.120 Exactly because all this money was disappearing and I didn't 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.440 know where it was going, but then later found out 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:30.079 like there was a substance abuse problem happening right in front. 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.880 Of my face. So no, only that, but then you've. 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:36.240 Got money shifting out to god knows where to fuel 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:37.800 that addiction as well. 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:40.200 How did you figure all of that out? 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:43.160 Was there like a turning point in the relationship where 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:46.360 all of a sudden you realized, oh my gosh, this 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.040 is definitely happening, or did somebody else bring it to 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:49.640 your attention? 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.200 Like how does this come up? 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:55.360 Somebody else brought it to my attention because they had 0:13:55.480 --> 0:14:01.760 seen the transactions happen. They'd been you know, messaged for it, 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.840 you know, looking for it, and then when that light 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:08.880 bulb clicked, I went, this is where all that cash 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.640 is going, Him saying that he lost an envelope of 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.880 cash from a client and fell out. 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:14.360 Of his pocket. 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:18.800 These people coming over to our apartment, but not coming upstairs, 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:21.240 just staying downstairs and having a bit of a chat. 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:22.400 Oh my gosh. 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:27.760 Yeah, him saying he was tired, and you know, just 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.840 so many obvious things, you know, going to the bathroom 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.240 lots and having this vague look on his face. 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:35.800 But I just didn't think anything of it. 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:38.120 Well, if you're not a substance abuser and you never 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.120 have been, it might be something that you're going on. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.400 I don't I really hadn't thought about that. 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:45.560 And I also thought, like in his honesty of the 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.280 way he communicated with me, I was sort of like, 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:50.920 why wouldn't you just tell me, Like I don't want 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.240 to do it, but just tell. 0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:54.600 Me if you're going to go out or whatever. That 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:55.400 doesn't bother me. 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:59.040 Yeah, oh my gosh, that is heartbreaking to work all 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.320 of that out and have to go through that. I 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:04.920 want to know now, I guess you've come through all 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:08.200 of that you mentioned before. You know, you're currently in 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:11.240 the midst of a relationship breakdown. But you also started 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.360 a business in December twenty twenty one. Talk to me 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.080 about what you do now for work and how much 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:17.880 money you bring in. 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.640 So I am an Infant and Todd Last Sleek consultant, 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:23.920 so I worked with children up to five years old. 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:27.960 Previous to that, I was working in a school full time, 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.680 and then with my first pregnancy that was a COVID baby, 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.400 and we were in and out of lockdowns and sport 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:38.760 just shut down, and I just thought, oh my gosh, 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.640 I need something that will always be able to be around. 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.400 So I started that business. And then when I had 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:48.680 my second baby, I didn't go back to my full 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.080 time job, and that full time job was bringing in 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:56.160 seventy six thousand dollars eight hundred and seventy five, so 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.320 it was an amazing money and I'd been asking for 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:02.880 a pay rock. And then I started my business, which 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.640 was great because I didn't get maternity leave from my 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:08.400 employer as well as Centerlink. I just got the cent 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.680 to Link payments, so it really helped me through my 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:13.080 second maternity leave. 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.120 And then when I went to return. 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.520 To full time work, the way that was handled was 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:22.840 not ideal and they'd readvertised my job with a very 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:27.080 substantial over ten thousand dollars pay drom and I just 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:30.640 couldn't afford going back, and I just thought, well, let's 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:33.160 just make my business vibe or By this stage it 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.280 was about eight months up and running, and so it 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.080 has its second birthday on the first of December this year. 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.840 Oh exciting, Yeah, it's really exciting. 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:45.200 And so last financial year, let's take. 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.280 Into account that I had a four month old baby 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:51.360 at the start of the financial year. Last year, it 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:54.320 brought in thirty eight and a half thousand dollars. 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:55.920 Oh my gosh, how good. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.280 Yeah, and that's only working part time as well, so 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.120 I really it wasn't like full time. 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:03.080 So I think that's pretty good. 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.520 I think that's airpic, especially for the first couple of 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.600 years of business. And then you drop in, oh, by 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:11.720 the way, I also had one child and a four 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:13.879 month old baby, like that's killing it. 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:15.399 I was really proud of that. 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.480 And now that the kids are older and they're in care, 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.640 I'm able to dedicate more time and effort into the business. 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:25.240 I'm just about to do a rebrand all of this stuff, 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.880 which has really going to freshen it up and I'm 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:31.760 so much clearer with it. Next financial year, I'm hoping 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:33.360 to crack fifty. 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:35.240 But we just have to see how that goes. 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:41.119 And yeah, also like managing separation and working out, you know, 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:44.359 being a single parent and what that sort of looks 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:48.280 like in terms of income and expenses. You know, I'm 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:52.000 still waiting on child support arrangements to come into place. 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.160 That can take a few months, so I don't quite 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.919 know what that looks like at this present time. I'm 0:17:56.960 --> 0:18:00.440 still yet to receive any money from my ex husband 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:03.080 for the kids. So yeah, things are a little bit tight, 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.080 but we are getting there, which is great. 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.200 And to be a little bit pervy because obviously this 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:10.359 is something that does happen in our community. 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:12.159 Is relationship breakdown? 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:15.960 Was this amicable or is this something where you're going 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:18.720 to have to argue a fair bit for child support? 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:21.160 Like what does that actually look like? Do you think? 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:21.480 For you? 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:26.280 So it wasn't amicable, but it was explicitly talked about 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.760 before I left, so I'll just be honest. It was 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.280 because of domestic abuse. 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:32.440 So I'm sorry. 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:32.600 Sorry. 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:33.520 I'm in a much more. 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:37.640 Supportive and safer environment now with regards to the kids. 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.399 The requests from the other party is fifty to fifty. 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.280 But when you look at family law and what's actually 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.440 more beneficial for the kids, especially because they're so young, 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.600 like my kids are three years. 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:49.840 And almost one and a half. 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:53.439 Yeah, they need to be spending more time with the 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.840 primary care because of their age. And then as they 0:18:56.840 --> 0:19:00.240 get older and your child support gets reviewed every six months, 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:03.520 you can start to request more overnight stays with the 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:07.240 other parties. So at the moment, we're still waiting for mediation, 0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:10.679 but I'm requesting that I have them eleven out of 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.879 fourteen nights and then it will just look to improve, 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.239 which is kind of motivating for the other party as well. 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:16.840 It's getting up. 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.040 I do really well for six months and I prove that, 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.280 you know, I can have the kids in that capacity, 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:24.800 that's got the next step for him to ask for 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:26.560 an extra night or two, which is great. 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:30.080 Obviously I do not know nearly enough about your circumstance, 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:34.200 but given you mentioned that the reason for the relationship 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:37.720 breakdown was domestic abuse, I just feel like he is 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.240 lucky that it's not you asking for one hundred percent 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:43.480 of that, because that is a very real outcome that 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:46.200 could happen and to be honest, I feel like if 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:48.919 that's the circumstance, the courts would probably agree with you. 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.199