1
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,640
Speaker 1: There's a brand new parenting style that everybody seems to

2
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,000
Speaker 1: want to talk to me about. I've been interviewed in

3
00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 1: the UK, in the USA and all over Australia about

4
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: FAFO parenting. Now, Kylie and I are non swearers, but

5
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,120
Speaker 1: the first F in FAFAX parenting is one of those

6
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,680
Speaker 1: swear words that we don't say and you probably don't

7
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,600
Speaker 1: want your kids sayings. F around and find out. This

8
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,519
Speaker 1: is a new tough love kind of parenting style that

9
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,680
Speaker 1: is exactly the opposite of gentle parenting. And today I'm

10
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,839
Speaker 1: going to unpack why it's all the rage, where this

11
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,880
Speaker 1: has come from, and why every journalist in the country

12
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,240
Speaker 1: has been on the phone to me in the last

13
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:51,520
Speaker 1: month to talk about FAFA parenting. Stay with us. That's next. Gooday,

14
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,559
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families podcast where you get real

15
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,480
Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded

16
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,400
Speaker 1: parenting podcast. We are justin and Kylie Cours and the

17
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,760
Speaker 1: parents have children and we are going to talk about

18
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,960
Speaker 1: FAFO parenting today. Kylie. Recently another reporter was in touch

19
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,240
Speaker 1: about FAFO parenting wanting to know all the details. So

20
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,280
Speaker 1: I've just written down all the questions that I've been

21
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,520
Speaker 1: getting from reporters over the last few weeks about this

22
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,920
Speaker 1: parenting style that is sweeping the world by storm. I've

23
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,280
Speaker 1: handed them to you. You're going to be our reporter extraordinary.

24
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,240
Speaker 1: You might even have some comments and stories to share.

25
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,360
Speaker 1: Let's go, let's pick this apart and find out why

26
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,600
Speaker 1: this is all over social media and on all of

27
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,960
Speaker 1: the major news media sites.

28
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,520
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for spending time with me today, doctor Justin.

29
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,640
Speaker 1: When you do this, I haven't really.

30
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 2: Heard a lot about this fafou parenting.

31
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,600
Speaker 1: That's because you also deleted social media and you don't

32
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,440
Speaker 1: watch the news. But yes, it's everywhere.

33
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,880
Speaker 2: How would you describe it?

34
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,800
Speaker 1: So this is the tough love parenting. It's kind of

35
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,360
Speaker 1: like the pendulum has swung so, I don't know, a decade,

36
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,960
Speaker 1: maybe more ago, probably two decades ago, there was that

37
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,040
Speaker 1: whole tough love kids just have to do as they're told.

38
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,440
Speaker 2: I mean, this is all that was last generation.

39
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:11,200
Speaker 1: Traditional parenting is another generation. But things come in trends, right,

40
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,119
Speaker 1: like mustaches. I'm going to offend half of the male

41
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,760
Speaker 1: population and probably a whole bunch of females.

42
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,280
Speaker 2: I talk about mullets, then if you're going to.

43
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: Mullets, mustache is the same thing. Right in the eighties,

44
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,280
Speaker 1: everyone had them. They're stupid. I mean, why do you

45
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,840
Speaker 1: want to have this little bit of fuzz above your

46
00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:28,120
Speaker 1: top lip and nothing else. I tried to grow one

47
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,560
Speaker 1: once upon a time, and you just said get rid

48
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,600
Speaker 1: of it, and you were right, Kylie. Just like bad

49
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:37,880
Speaker 1: hairdoos and bad facial hair, parenting also goes in trends.

50
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,000
Speaker 1: So over the last ten to fifteen years, we've become

51
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,800
Speaker 1: increasingly gentle. In fact, I would say that started in

52
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,880
Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties when John Gottman wrote Raising an Emotionally

53
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,280
Speaker 1: Intelligent Child and started talking about the power that comes

54
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,640
Speaker 1: from validating our children's emotions. And what's happened since nineteen

55
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,200
Speaker 1: ninety seven. We're now I can't do maths very well,

56
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,519
Speaker 1: but I'm thinking this is thirty years down the track.

57
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,359
Speaker 1: We have made emotions king, and when a child is

58
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,720
Speaker 1: having an emotion, we have to validate that emotion, and

59
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: we have to therapeutically analyze that emotion with a child.

60
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,480
Speaker 1: And frankly, we tell our children that they should believe

61
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,200
Speaker 1: what their emotions are telling them, because emotions give us truth,

62
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:17,640
Speaker 1: which is unhealthy, unhelpful, it's a lie. Emotions are liars.

63
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:22,720
Speaker 1: They give us information, but that information is not always accurate. Nevertheless,

64
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,600
Speaker 1: as a result of the backlash to gentle pairing, I mean,

65
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,079
Speaker 1: if you watch Parental Guidance season one, two, or three,

66
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,960
Speaker 1: you would have seen a lot of really soft, gentle

67
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,280
Speaker 1: cotton wooling and bubble wrapping of children in some of

68
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,560
Speaker 1: those parenting styles. And what that has basically done is

69
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,040
Speaker 1: it's made a lot of people really mad about the

70
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,680
Speaker 1: way kids these days are being raised. And so the

71
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,400
Speaker 1: backlash means that we've got to go from one extreme

72
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 1: to the other. So one pole is gentle parenting and

73
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 1: FAFO parenting. If I won to find out is basically,

74
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,240
Speaker 1: if you really want to test me, test me, and

75
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,720
Speaker 1: I'll show you where the boundary is, and I'm going

76
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 1: to do it in a really unkind, nasty way.

77
00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,280
Speaker 2: Would you suggest that this is a direct result of

78
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,840
Speaker 2: parents just feeling really burned out and looking for permission

79
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,720
Speaker 2: to just let the kids do whatever they want? Yeah,

80
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,240
Speaker 2: is that where we're going?

81
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,560
Speaker 1: I mean, partly, yes, this might sound a little odd,

82
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,880
Speaker 1: but I think it's also a reflection of our times.

83
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,160
Speaker 1: It's a reflection of our broader socio political climate. So

84
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,120
Speaker 1: we're seeing increasingly that people like Nigel Farage in the

85
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,560
Speaker 1: UK and Donald Trump in the US and strong men

86
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 1: and I'm using the word men on purpose because they

87
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,039
Speaker 1: generally are strong men kind of political leaders are shifting

88
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:35,320
Speaker 1: the political discourse and hardening it and coarsening it and

89
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,800
Speaker 1: making people feel like, well, it's a dog eat dog

90
00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:39,960
Speaker 1: world out there, and we need to be top dog.

91
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,400
Speaker 1: And I think that that kind of trickles down into

92
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,640
Speaker 1: things like business and our living rooms. So to me,

93
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,800
Speaker 1: this is a little bit political, it's a little bit

94
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:53,479
Speaker 1: socio cultural. And yeah, I think sometimes parents are just

95
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,479
Speaker 1: so sick of going hang on these little people who

96
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,159
Speaker 1: are knee high or waist high or chest high. They

97
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,799
Speaker 1: don't dict eight terms, And I'm sick of being dictated

98
00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,280
Speaker 1: to by an eleven year old or an eight year

99
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,440
Speaker 1: old or a three year old. I'm the adult in

100
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,480
Speaker 1: the in the relationship, and I'm just going to stamp

101
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,280
Speaker 1: my authority. It's really ineffective, by the way, But I

102
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,960
Speaker 1: kind of think there's a confluence of all of these factors.

103
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:18,440
Speaker 2: So from what I understand, everything you've shared FAFO parenting

104
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,360
Speaker 2: claims to allow children to experience the consequences of their

105
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,560
Speaker 2: own actions.

106
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,320
Speaker 1: Yeah kind of yeah, yeah, Well are they really experiencing

107
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,520
Speaker 1: the consequences of their actions or are they experiencing parents

108
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,240
Speaker 1: who are just sick of who are going to impose

109
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,160
Speaker 1: consequences because they don't like what the kids are doing.

110
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,480
Speaker 1: I mean, it could be a bit about it.

111
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,520
Speaker 2: I kind of get the impression, and maybe I've got

112
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,400
Speaker 2: it completely wrong. But if we're going to just allow

113
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,480
Speaker 2: kids to do whatever they want, right and then experience

114
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,040
Speaker 2: the consequence the consequences, then this is actually just neglectful,

115
00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:52,760
Speaker 2: disengaged parenting.

116
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,920
Speaker 1: In some ways. But there's there's a bit of acrimony,

117
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,760
Speaker 1: there's a bit of animosity. There's a bit of anger

118
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,560
Speaker 1: associated with as well.

119
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,479
Speaker 2: Well, are we creating the consequence for our chu?

120
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:01,919
Speaker 1: It's both.

121
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,760
Speaker 2: Are they experiencing it? Because so I'm.

122
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,279
Speaker 1: Going to start calling it matho parenting, because mess around

123
00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 1: and find out just is more consistent with our values, right,

124
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:15,760
Speaker 1: So matho parents will approach these challenges in a couple

125
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,120
Speaker 1: of ways. First off, there's the you want to touch

126
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,599
Speaker 1: the hot stove, well mess around and find out. You

127
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,880
Speaker 1: want to play with a ball in the house, Well

128
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,960
Speaker 1: mess around and find out, right, So there's just the

129
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,600
Speaker 1: you're going to experience the consequences. You don't want to

130
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,200
Speaker 1: do your essay, you don't want to do your assignment,

131
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,000
Speaker 1: you don't want to do your homework, mess around and

132
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:31,800
Speaker 1: find out you don't want.

133
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,800
Speaker 2: Okay, So my seven year old decides that they're going

134
00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,279
Speaker 2: to play cricket in the house and they smash the

135
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,440
Speaker 2: front window.

136
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,320
Speaker 1: Well, that's where it switches from. You're going to experience

137
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,560
Speaker 1: the natural consequences of doing dumb things like saying horrible

138
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,960
Speaker 1: words to your friends, or being rude to the teacher,

139
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,440
Speaker 1: or mess around and find out. There's that. But then

140
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,480
Speaker 1: the second one is if you mess around with my rules,

141
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,080
Speaker 1: you'll find out what the consequences will be. So there's

142
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,080
Speaker 1: that that punitive approach as well. It's not just an

143
00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,479
Speaker 1: abrogation of parental responsibility. Just socialize your kids and you're

144
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,400
Speaker 1: just going to say you figure it out, jump on

145
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,000
Speaker 1: the e bike and ride down the street on the

146
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,719
Speaker 1: wrong side with three people on the back. Just mess around,

147
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 1: find out, and then the police will pull you over. Well,

148
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,600
Speaker 1: your problem, your fault. Now you've learned your lesson, Okay,

149
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,840
Speaker 1: So that's the this is not my problem approach. But

150
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 1: then there's also the this is my problem approach and

151
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,880
Speaker 1: you've messed around and now you're going to find out

152
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,600
Speaker 1: how I feel about it, So it actually goes in

153
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,400
Speaker 1: both directions.

154
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,440
Speaker 2: Well, I'm just really curious about how we're going to

155
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,800
Speaker 2: move forward, like, how do parents navigate this? Yeah kind

156
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,920
Speaker 2: of trend because it's going to come up more and more, right,

157
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,440
Speaker 2: We're going to we're going to be experiencing it as

158
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,960
Speaker 2: our children socialize with other families. How do we safeguard

159
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,960
Speaker 2: our kids against it? How do we work through it?

160
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,160
Speaker 2: How do we come to our own conclusions?

161
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's talk about that right after the break Solutions

162
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: for MATHO slash FAFA Parenting, We're back. This is the

163
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,240
Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast where you get real parents solutions every

164
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 1: single day. Is this parenting style working? I mean, when

165
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,320
Speaker 1: you hear this, you've been married to me and heard

166
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,720
Speaker 1: me go through the books and the podcasts and the

167
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,000
Speaker 1: talks and all that sort of stuff for years. I'd

168
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,120
Speaker 1: love to get a non expert perspective when you hear

169
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,640
Speaker 1: about this Before I sort of step into what I

170
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,480
Speaker 1: would really like to say, what's your initial response to

171
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,920
Speaker 1: this style of parenting? This hard? Nosed.

172
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,600
Speaker 2: It just makes me angry, like, it makes me really angry,

173
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,760
Speaker 2: I feel, and I said it earlier in my comments.

174
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:38,920
Speaker 2: I feel like this is just an abdication of parental

175
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:43,160
Speaker 2: responsibility because I'm allowing my kids to make their own

176
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,320
Speaker 2: choices and they'll find out for themselves what's right or wrong.

177
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:55,760
Speaker 2: Without recognizing developmental appropriate stages of life, cognitive function and development,

178
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,640
Speaker 2: there's no safeguard. There's no security in that for our children.

179
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,400
Speaker 1: It feels like there's a lack of warmth. It's this,

180
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:07,000
Speaker 1: it's just this really harsh concept. I mean, this could

181
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,720
Speaker 1: actually be done nicely and it could be healthy. And

182
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,880
Speaker 1: I've not had this thought at all until today. I've

183
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,280
Speaker 1: done too many interviews and not even said this once.

184
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,280
Speaker 1: But like, mess around and find out has an implicit

185
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,760
Speaker 1: threat in it, right, there's this idea that you can

186
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,040
Speaker 1: mess around and it's going to hurt you too bad,

187
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,240
Speaker 1: so sad you should have listened to me, but you

188
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,480
Speaker 1: chose not to. There's that kind of I don't know,

189
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 1: there's almost like an arrogance.

190
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,200
Speaker 2: There's an but there's also lots of things that our

191
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,040
Speaker 2: children could participate in that don't necessarily hurt them in

192
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:38,719
Speaker 2: the moment.

193
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,679
Speaker 1: Or other people, right, and they can learn great lessons

194
00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:42,040
Speaker 1: from them.

195
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,280
Speaker 2: Well, no, they're not going to learn anything because there's

196
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,760
Speaker 2: no consequences in the moment.

197
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,880
Speaker 1: Well there's that too, Okay, Okay, But if.

198
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,800
Speaker 2: My child starts smoking a vape as a seven year old,

199
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,920
Speaker 2: I mean, that's what we're dealing with. Right, You've got

200
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,120
Speaker 2: a parent who's saying you can work it out. My

201
00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,160
Speaker 2: child starts doing that, they don't recognize any significance and

202
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,679
Speaker 2: impact in their decision in the moment, of course, right.

203
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,960
Speaker 2: But over three years, four years, five years, six years,

204
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,320
Speaker 2: fifty years of that behavior, that's when the consequence is

205
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:16,280
Speaker 2: really hit. There's no security, there's no safeguard. It just

206
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,160
Speaker 2: feels like you're throwing them into the big wide world

207
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,440
Speaker 2: without any preparation. That's what it feels like.

208
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and again, sometimes it's caring, other times it doesn't.

209
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 1: Like I had a surf trip last year. I went

210
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:32,599
Speaker 1: to Sumatra, Indonesian Ireland, and like, if you've driven in Indonesia,

211
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:37,760
Speaker 1: it's an experience. But in the particular place that I went,

212
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,319
Speaker 1: had a fly to the airport and then it was

213
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:43,160
Speaker 1: a six hour drive and this road like there's just

214
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,559
Speaker 1: houses everywhere along this road. There's people all over the place.

215
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,920
Speaker 1: And as we drive along this road with no shoulder

216
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,719
Speaker 1: and no footpaths because the infrastructure just doesn't exist in

217
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,400
Speaker 1: this part of Indonesia, probably most of Indo, there's kids

218
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,920
Speaker 1: right next to the road, right next to a thousand

219
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,840
Speaker 1: million mopeds and motorcycles and cars and trucks. And I

220
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:06,040
Speaker 1: said to the driver, did you grow up here? He

221
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,719
Speaker 1: said yeah. I said, how did your parents teach you

222
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:13,160
Speaker 1: about road safety? And he didn't say it in these words,

223
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,120
Speaker 1: but he basically gave me this fa faux mafo idea

224
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,160
Speaker 1: mess around and find out. He said, they didn't. They

225
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,320
Speaker 1: just let us figure it out and kids. I mean,

226
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,560
Speaker 1: I guess some kids end up worse for wear as

227
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,480
Speaker 1: a result of that, But he said, most kids just

228
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,680
Speaker 1: figure it out. They learned that it's not safe to

229
00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,040
Speaker 1: be on the roads. Now, this does my head in.

230
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:35,839
Speaker 1: But there's no explicit teaching. There's no parental stepping in

231
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,720
Speaker 1: and actively teaching children to stay away from the road.

232
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,319
Speaker 1: I can't comprehend this.

233
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,240
Speaker 2: No, But each of the times we've visited villagers and

234
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,520
Speaker 2: things like that, families are very insular. They stick together.

235
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,080
Speaker 2: They're quite especially in the heat of the day, which

236
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,319
Speaker 2: is when you're going to see traffic.

237
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,080
Speaker 1: Well maybe, I mean I was watching kids on the side.

238
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,599
Speaker 1: I'm talking two year olds on the side of the

239
00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,160
Speaker 1: road with no adults in sight. Like it was doing

240
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,840
Speaker 1: my head in. So I'm not arguing that we should

241
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,920
Speaker 1: do that, by the way, and not even slightly. But

242
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:09,559
Speaker 1: what I'm highlighting really is that children will learn life's lessons.

243
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:15,079
Speaker 1: Natural selection will select for genetics that orient us away

244
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,960
Speaker 1: from dangerous things. Apparently, although again this e byte thing

245
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:21,080
Speaker 1: that's going bonkers everywhere we turn at the moment maybe

246
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,000
Speaker 1: argues against that.

247
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,640
Speaker 2: Well. A couple of weeks ago, we had a conversation

248
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,600
Speaker 2: all about resilience specifically in our children and how it's relational.

249
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,880
Speaker 2: I just feel like, based on everything we're talking about today,

250
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,160
Speaker 2: where's the resilience for our children? Because it's the tough

251
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,680
Speaker 2: en up princess kind of, you know, white knuckle it

252
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,319
Speaker 2: through life kind of conversation we're having here because there's

253
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,160
Speaker 2: no one guiding them.

254
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,560
Speaker 1: And I think that's the critical thing if we were

255
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,400
Speaker 1: to bring it right back to basics, and we need

256
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,760
Speaker 1: to because we can't talk all day. Children need security,

257
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,480
Speaker 1: they need predictability. They need clear rules and boundaries. They

258
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,560
Speaker 1: had parents who work with them rather than do things

259
00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,720
Speaker 1: to them, and FAFA is fundamentally about I'm going to

260
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,599
Speaker 1: do things to you or I'm going to live do

261
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,760
Speaker 1: things to you, depending on which way it goes. If

262
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,120
Speaker 1: you want to mess around, if you don't want to

263
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:12,320
Speaker 1: follow the rules, it's just this this blase a. Oh well,

264
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,000
Speaker 1: I mean I've told you what's going to happen. You're

265
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,120
Speaker 1: going to do the wrong thing and to stay on screens. Well,

266
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,520
Speaker 1: I'm just going to take your phone off. You're going

267
00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:23,240
Speaker 1: to cut it off. I'm emotionally distant and uninvolved. I

268
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,760
Speaker 1: don't know that that's a healthy way to be. Like

269
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,280
Speaker 1: I said, we've gone from one end of extremes to

270
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,480
Speaker 1: the other. The stuff we talk about consistently on the pod.

271
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,240
Speaker 1: Build a relationship with the kids, work stuff out, recognize

272
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,319
Speaker 1: it when they're having big emotions. It's not usually about you,

273
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,840
Speaker 1: it's about them. Just be with them and say, I

274
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,280
Speaker 1: know this is hard, we'll figure it out once you're

275
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,360
Speaker 1: feeling okay, and then problem solved. So that they understand

276
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,920
Speaker 1: that there are expectations and rules. Get them to make

277
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,920
Speaker 1: those rules as much as possible, and then support them

278
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,120
Speaker 1: to live them. I don't know why we keep on

279
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,520
Speaker 1: complicating parenting and why the media, Well, the media loves

280
00:13:55,559 --> 00:14:00,280
Speaker 1: these narratives because it gets eyeballs. That's my take. I

281
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,120
Speaker 1: don't know if that's helpful, but I wanted to talk

282
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:06,960
Speaker 1: about FAFO parenting, MATHO parenting, mess around and find out,

283
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,920
Speaker 1: don't do it. Don't do it unless you're exhausted and

284
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,559
Speaker 1: you've had enough and you're having a bad day. But

285
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,640
Speaker 1: then apologize and don't do it again. That's that's kind

286
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 1: of well.

287
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,120
Speaker 2: I really appreciate your time to say, just.

288
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 1: So that you've got back to report mode.

289
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,360
Speaker 2: I am going to assume that if we want to

290
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,680
Speaker 2: have strong, healthy relationships with our children that last well

291
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:29,760
Speaker 2: and truly once they leave our home into that adulthood,

292
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:36,440
Speaker 2: that finding a way to develop an autonomy supportive.

293
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, or explain in power, you got.

294
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,880
Speaker 2: It, We're going to experience a lot more joy and

295
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:41,960
Speaker 2: happiness in our families.

296
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, FAFO breaks the connection. You said it before,

297
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:48,920
Speaker 1: and you'll bang on. Connection is the heart of relationships

298
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,720
Speaker 1: and the heart of what makes families tick. The Happy

299
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,200
Speaker 1: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media.

300
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,560
Speaker 1: Mim Hammonds provides our admin and other support and if

301
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,640
Speaker 1: you'd like more info to make your fan are we happier,

302
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,320
Speaker 1: particularly and fall about how to not do the fafo

303
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 1: mafo thing when it comes to raising an ADHD child.

304
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,560
Speaker 1: Check out our Parenting ADHD course online now at happy

305
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,960
Speaker 1: families dot com dot au