1
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:04,120
Speaker 1: To get your tipsy, like godrick love drunk girl.

2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.

3
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:14,600
Speaker 1: Welcome to it. It's layered.

4
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:20,040
Speaker 2: We're in a long distance friendship that started nearly twenty

5
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,560
Speaker 2: years ago when we were in high school.

6
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,080
Speaker 1: We'll be talking about all things live, love, family, everything

7
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,840
Speaker 1: and anything under the sun.

8
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:40,239
Speaker 2: That was deeper with us because in life, Jeanette malaise,

9
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,159
Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm doing that.

10
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,640
Speaker 1: No, Ruby, how have you been since we last spoke.

11
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:50,239
Speaker 2: I'm still good, still high, still excited to be on

12
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,240
Speaker 2: this journey with you of a podcast. You know, you

13
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,319
Speaker 2: talk about certain things like I'm gonna do this, I'm

14
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:01,240
Speaker 2: gonna do that, but yeah, really really really yeah, just

15
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,679
Speaker 2: happy to be doing this with you. But yeah, what

16
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,480
Speaker 2: is the tea of the convo? As I sipped my

17
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,959
Speaker 2: mint and honey tea, That's what.

18
00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,639
Speaker 1: I like it, getting on subeductive on honey Ya.

19
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,880
Speaker 2: Gotta keep a voice, you know. On on part.

20
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:25,480
Speaker 1: Well, I did a ball. I was just thinking, perhaps

21
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,120
Speaker 1: you could delve deeper into dating, because.

22
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,880
Speaker 2: We know that that's got gena ma z Lake.

23
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:38,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, who the worst dating has the worst layer bru

24
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:39,360
Speaker 1: you have to keep delving.

25
00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, we could Dowve forever, like it's like a bottomless pit.

26
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,640
Speaker 2: I mean, maybe not a bit.

27
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,880
Speaker 1: It sounds like we hate like a black hole.

28
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,760
Speaker 2: Sometimes it feels like a black hole. It's horrible sometimes

29
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,960
Speaker 2: for sure, Oh my gosh, who I mean?

30
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,640
Speaker 1: I have to assure people there's a there's lights.

31
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 2: Like some light at the end of the some light

32
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 2: at the end of the tunnel. But it's a long

33
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,200
Speaker 2: tunnel for some of us. I mean, let's be honest,

34
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 2: I some more than Do.

35
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,320
Speaker 1: You want to fill us in on your dating life?

36
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,360
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, so jeez, like I had, I've had

37
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,480
Speaker 2: a really like bad dating life, Like it's been not

38
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:26,359
Speaker 2: great from high school days even like gosh, like from

39
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,839
Speaker 2: having crushes to like see I even getting awkward because

40
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:35,400
Speaker 2: it's like awkward, just like uncomfortable and awkward. Yeah, do

41
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,040
Speaker 2: you want a nutshell or like history of the different

42
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,440
Speaker 2: phases of my dating life?

43
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,359
Speaker 1: I reckon the best way to navigate is like phases,

44
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,480
Speaker 1: because you change, right, the phases change your dating life,

45
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 1: change tastes this change.

46
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, So maybe I'll start with like high school. High

47
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,480
Speaker 2: school was the era of like having crushes on like

48
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,720
Speaker 2: boy and be like, oh my gosh, she's so out

49
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:02,640
Speaker 2: of reach, like, oh my goodness, this sim coackies.

50
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,000
Speaker 1: Shout out to Peter House and meeting us wear coakis.

51
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:12,600
Speaker 2: That was a very flattering, disgusting uniform. Disgusting, very disgusting.

52
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,120
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think it was horrible. High school was

53
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,160
Speaker 2: a mess. Like I did not My dating life was horrible,

54
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:22,560
Speaker 2: did not do very well. I think my first Amanda,

55
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:28,519
Speaker 2: my first kiss, I was eighteen. Oh my gosh, it

56
00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,239
Speaker 2: was my birthday weekend. Yes, I still remember the boy.

57
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:35,720
Speaker 2: You won't give them credit out here, but I still remember.

58
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,560
Speaker 1: How the king, So I was that kid.

59
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,320
Speaker 2: I don't know what I know. It was messy. I

60
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,240
Speaker 2: think what made high school difficult was, you know, obviously

61
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,160
Speaker 2: especially at boarding school. I don't know if it's just

62
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,520
Speaker 2: a Zim thing. People who aren't from Zim, let us know.

63
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,760
Speaker 2: If you're not in boarding school, let us know. But

64
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,800
Speaker 2: it was all about who's who to date in high school,

65
00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,720
Speaker 2: like who's the most popular, who do you want to

66
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:03,800
Speaker 2: be with? So it was really like frivolous. I just

67
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,320
Speaker 2: remember like having like hectic crushes and just be like,

68
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,040
Speaker 2: oh well, I'm just gonna go to sleep dreaming about this,

69
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,520
Speaker 2: and like you know what I mean so I honestly,

70
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,080
Speaker 2: high school, my dating life was like the pits. Yes,

71
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,440
Speaker 2: I got a few letters from guys and like roses

72
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:24,400
Speaker 2: on Valentine's Day, which was to give people contexts.

73
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 1: On Valentine's Day, our school would make you all go

74
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,039
Speaker 1: into the dining hall, all of you, oh, the whole

75
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,240
Speaker 1: school in the dining hall, which you know, usually sometimes

76
00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,280
Speaker 1: when we're using the dining hall would take turns so

77
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,840
Speaker 1: that everyone could have but this time they would pack

78
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,120
Speaker 1: you all in there and then they would call you

79
00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,560
Speaker 1: out bouquet by bouquet, rose by a rose. People would

80
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:52,159
Speaker 1: step up and get whatever they're getting. The popular girls

81
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,720
Speaker 1: would get all the things, and some of us would

82
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,320
Speaker 1: walk out with nothing. And then we started doing like

83
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,839
Speaker 1: later on as the years went, she was starting friendship. Yeah,

84
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,279
Speaker 1: so that she you know, you can get something for Valentine.

85
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yes, it was very sad. It was very

86
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:13,400
Speaker 2: like honestly, it was the most like I don't know

87
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,160
Speaker 2: who thought about that strategy, but it was not kind.

88
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,160
Speaker 1: To naming and shaming.

89
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,520
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, literally like you you got a man, you

90
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,240
Speaker 2: ain't got a man. Haha, look at me enjoying my my,

91
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,000
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?

92
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,520
Speaker 1: But sometimes I think what a geek. I could have

93
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,960
Speaker 1: just kept doing my homework. I would have gone fed that.

94
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,080
Speaker 1: With that, then sitting in that hallway for an hour

95
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:38,560
Speaker 1: waiting for nothing, literally I mean nothing, oh apart from

96
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,000
Speaker 1: his roomy had been nice enough to send me around.

97
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,600
Speaker 1: If my girl had come through with some pocket money

98
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,400
Speaker 1: to give me one rose, thank you and me. I

99
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,800
Speaker 1: appreciate all the roses you.

100
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,000
Speaker 2: I appreciate you girl, I appreciate you holding it down.

101
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,880
Speaker 2: But no, honestly that I don't even know how to

102
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,839
Speaker 2: summarize my high school. I think it's one of those

103
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,200
Speaker 2: where you raise a lot of the memories. What about you, Amanda,

104
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,159
Speaker 2: how did it go for you in high school?

105
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,520
Speaker 1: I actually think high school is equal to non existence, like.

106
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:11,960
Speaker 2: No, why.

107
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,480
Speaker 1: Why any of the boys I had whatever crushed on

108
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:22,920
Speaker 1: or whatever? Deley balanced with any credit because it means

109
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,760
Speaker 1: it was a nanity, Like it means nothing has not

110
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:29,720
Speaker 1: shaped me in anyway in terms of romance. It was

111
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,840
Speaker 1: just a waste of you know, parents say when you

112
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,120
Speaker 1: go to school, I should.

113
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,240
Speaker 2: Have just done the book.

114
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,000
Speaker 1: I think for me personally, as you said, not only

115
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,600
Speaker 1: about being elitist and going Oh you have to be

116
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,040
Speaker 1: seen with this person that person also depends on schools.

117
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,200
Speaker 1: I'm sure we're in further but group A schools, private

118
00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,840
Speaker 1: schools versus not private schools, Saladh.

119
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:57,600
Speaker 2: That whole.

120
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:06,200
Speaker 1: Is very very very much classes. And and then within

121
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:11,360
Speaker 1: the classes there's classes. So that's the definition of layers.

122
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,560
Speaker 1: It's just you have to be. And then also obviously

123
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,600
Speaker 1: not dating someone else's eggs, and it's just gets so complicated,

124
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,960
Speaker 1: and when you're dating from a small pool, it ends

125
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:28,360
Speaker 1: up being everyone is someone's ex yeah, zim, dating is incestuous.

126
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 1: And then also I wore glasses in high school, which

127
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,480
Speaker 1: obviously means that I do not deserve to be looked at.

128
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,640
Speaker 2: By a guy. We both wear glasses.

129
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,360
Speaker 1: It probably means like that is the death sentence of

130
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:50,360
Speaker 1: any girl in high school. I struggled to think girls

131
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,640
Speaker 1: who did wear glasses, who had were dating hot guys, struggle.

132
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,320
Speaker 1: They probably weren't. I just struggle to think because I

133
00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:04,160
Speaker 1: think people just couldn't see past spectacles. So I don't know.

134
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,280
Speaker 1: I think it's the accumulation of all those things. Yeah

135
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:13,080
Speaker 1: about it, because I feel like in some ways you

136
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,800
Speaker 1: learn and you blossom from that. Yes, Like, yeah, of

137
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,000
Speaker 1: course it hurt. You want to always be able to

138
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,520
Speaker 1: talk about you know, you see high school, speedthearts and

139
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,360
Speaker 1: all that, and that's the narrative they're pushing all these

140
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:31,520
Speaker 1: movies and books, and it was far far from reality.

141
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:36,240
Speaker 2: I'm with you, I'm with you. My girls okay, yeah

142
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,160
Speaker 2: I had, I had my girls. We have Yeah, No,

143
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,120
Speaker 2: I agree. I think it was just it was just

144
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,400
Speaker 2: a mess and complicated to navigate. And I think something

145
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:50,240
Speaker 2: that I've always I've never wanted to not feel like myself.

146
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,160
Speaker 2: And I felt like in a lot of situations you

147
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,360
Speaker 2: had to be different or not to you in order

148
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,920
Speaker 2: to be deemed beautiful or accepted, and it just didn't

149
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,079
Speaker 2: it right with me, or be the one type of

150
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,480
Speaker 2: girl yes, yeah, And I was like, that's not me,

151
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,200
Speaker 2: you know type of things. So for sure, I think, yeah,

152
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,600
Speaker 2: high school, okay, I clearly we gonna skip past this one.

153
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, high school is a hard pass like, yeah it

154
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,280
Speaker 1: comes to friends.

155
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, not at all. And what about college and UNI?

156
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:35,040
Speaker 1: For you? That was the emancipation, please do doubt deeper colors.

157
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,640
Speaker 1: I finally got rid of those glasses they were holding

158
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:45,839
Speaker 1: me back. One of the spectacles that left I think

159
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,240
Speaker 1: put the glasses, thank you, shout out to my opptition,

160
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:55,440
Speaker 1: but like you know, I just found in Australia much

161
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:59,840
Speaker 1: more I was ready. Also, like we have to remember

162
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:03,600
Speaker 1: you also operating under the system of being a good girl,

163
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,840
Speaker 1: you know. So when you say dating just for people

164
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:12,600
Speaker 1: who are not in Africa or not African, we pretty

165
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:16,920
Speaker 1: much mean maybe holding hands, maybe going for movies. Maybe

166
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,920
Speaker 1: not not full on like you know, I mean some

167
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,520
Speaker 1: people probably would, but full on having sex and doing

168
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,959
Speaker 1: all the time. It's more like to have a best

169
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,520
Speaker 1: friend who's.

170
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,040
Speaker 2: A boy boy yeah, and someone you can be seen

171
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,040
Speaker 2: with and that kind of thing and hang out with.

172
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,600
Speaker 1: But it was guess less physical and more societal where

173
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,240
Speaker 1: you here to.

174
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,240
Speaker 2: Get absolutely and I think that societal. The societal thing

175
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,839
Speaker 2: just to add is like, for example, we used to

176
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:48,120
Speaker 2: have school dances and literally there'd be like thirty centimeters

177
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,400
Speaker 2: between you and a boy, like if you got caught

178
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,319
Speaker 2: kissing a boy, chaperones, chaperones, if you're court kissing a boy,

179
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,520
Speaker 2: you're in trouble. Like so that's just like the environment.

180
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,360
Speaker 2: Boys used to come visit us on Sunday that you

181
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,880
Speaker 2: were allowed to come from the boys school to visit us,

182
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,920
Speaker 2: and they would have someone be patrolling and checking out

183
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:06,560
Speaker 2: like what's happening.

184
00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:08,840
Speaker 1: You'd have to sign in and say which girl you're geting.

185
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,600
Speaker 1: And then also with the dancers, you have to invite

186
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,240
Speaker 1: either the boy or the girl. So it wasn't like

187
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,079
Speaker 1: I mean, there was some that everyone was invited, but

188
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:22,800
Speaker 1: most of them were by invite only. The picking order

189
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,160
Speaker 1: if you're never being invited to dances and some girls

190
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:31,520
Speaker 1: are starts, so starts early, starts early, the picking order

191
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:39,640
Speaker 1: of life. For me, it I was unleashed from all

192
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:46,679
Speaker 1: those shackles, you know, fizz, so I was dancing and

193
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,520
Speaker 1: I was like our present. So like, yeah, no, literally,

194
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,440
Speaker 1: I just felt like I could meet different people from

195
00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,160
Speaker 1: all over the world. You know, my university was was

196
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,280
Speaker 1: pretty multicultural. I learned a lot of things about other

197
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,040
Speaker 1: cultures that I had never even like, you know, I

198
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:12,640
Speaker 1: just never spent time with these people before, and then

199
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,840
Speaker 1: it helped. And then also people didn't see color, which

200
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,240
Speaker 1: is another thing when it comes to dating in Zimbabwe.

201
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,840
Speaker 1: So like I feel like, when yeah, I got to UNI,

202
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,559
Speaker 1: I just and I started to know myself. That's why

203
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,040
Speaker 1: I think I'm a bit grateful for high school because

204
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,880
Speaker 1: the time I got to UNI, boys couldn't play with

205
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,880
Speaker 1: me because I kind of thought, no, I know what

206
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,439
Speaker 1: I stand for, I know what I want. Whereas I

207
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:41,319
Speaker 1: think if I personally, if I was, I wasn't ashore

208
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:45,280
Speaker 1: of myself by then I think, yeah, you just end

209
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,480
Speaker 1: up caught up in situations you don't want. And not

210
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:52,199
Speaker 1: to say they didn't, the definitely did. But yeah, that

211
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,400
Speaker 1: was me. What about you?

212
00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:59,000
Speaker 2: I think university I was maintained a bit of the

213
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,439
Speaker 2: awkward girl. I think I definitely had a lot of

214
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:06,240
Speaker 2: the good girl thing going on, where I always would

215
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,600
Speaker 2: think about what would my parents think, or what would

216
00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,040
Speaker 2: so and so think, and society things. So I was

217
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,360
Speaker 2: definitely still a good girl or trying to be. But I,

218
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:19,120
Speaker 2: you know, was focused on like studying. I really like

219
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:25,000
Speaker 2: guys in certain areas, you know. But honestly, I felt

220
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,240
Speaker 2: like university was a continuation of high school, like in

221
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,400
Speaker 2: terms of the messiness of it all, in terms of

222
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:37,719
Speaker 2: you know, we've spoken about classism and Zim colorism. So

223
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:42,800
Speaker 2: for example, Zim guys going to South Africa where typically

224
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,959
Speaker 2: the girls are fairer and complexion, it's like you want

225
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,839
Speaker 2: to be seen. I really felt that like I was

226
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,480
Speaker 2: at the bottom of the totem pole, like of the

227
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:56,120
Speaker 2: pole in terms of myself. But again it gave me room,

228
00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:00,600
Speaker 2: similar to am to like explore and like just be comfortable,

229
00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,640
Speaker 2: like learn what I like. I was very into cultural things.

230
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:07,440
Speaker 2: I wasn't quiet. I did a lot in that way.

231
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,560
Speaker 2: So yeah, I really I'm sitting here actually, like, girl,

232
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:15,800
Speaker 2: what were you doing? Like were you really like what happened?

233
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 2: Like you know, I don't think I actively pursued dating

234
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 2: because I was always of the mindset of a guy

235
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,200
Speaker 2: find you and will chase you and like that kind

236
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 2: of thing. But I didn't know people would be like, oh,

237
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,520
Speaker 2: you got to be out there. I'm like, what does

238
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,440
Speaker 2: it mean to be out there? Like someone breaks this

239
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,720
Speaker 2: down for me, you know, So really just in my

240
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:38,080
Speaker 2: own space like in that way. Yes, there were a

241
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,000
Speaker 2: couple of guys and crashes and all that, but it

242
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 2: was awkward. I was more partying than anything, to be fair,

243
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 2: like a lot. But yeah, I actually don't understand that.

244
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,560
Speaker 1: It's funny you say that with some you know, trying

245
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,560
Speaker 1: to maintain the good girl, because yeah, you do see

246
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,920
Speaker 1: it with like a lot of Zimbabwean girls move over here.

247
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:06,040
Speaker 1: Heavily focused on finding a Zimbabwean boy, even if they're

248
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 1: not still in Zimbabwe.

249
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:08,600
Speaker 2: And I get it.

250
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,800
Speaker 1: I get obviously when to have someone who understands you

251
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,000
Speaker 1: and knows you. But I think for me, I was

252
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,400
Speaker 1: so put off by high school.

253
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,600
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm good, I'm good.

254
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,400
Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends that was Zimbabwian boys.

255
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,640
Speaker 1: But I think also, to be honest, being friend zoned

256
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 1: a lot in high school carried on into Uni. So

257
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,960
Speaker 1: even if I did meet a Zimbabwean boy that I liked,

258
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,960
Speaker 1: we just ended up being the best of buds. They

259
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 1: you no, so then you almost you could think, oh,

260
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,760
Speaker 1: why bother, like, it's fine, let me just look outswear

261
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,840
Speaker 1: and then if I'll swear people are approaching you, then

262
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,880
Speaker 1: it's like, oh okay. But obviously you always worry with

263
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:56,600
Speaker 1: people from other cultures and other races, especially fittasizing you

264
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: or like maybe you feel like exotic. At first, you

265
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: think oh I'm special. A few years you're like, this

266
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 1: is tiring. I just want to be treated normal. Yeah,

267
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 1: so there's there was a lot of balancing that, you know,

268
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,320
Speaker 1: because a lot of zim couples I know do meet

269
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 1: in Uni over here, but that wasn't for me either.

270
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's it's complex. I feel like

271
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 2: it's never linear, and I think that's why dating is

272
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,120
Speaker 2: just complicated. It's not ever linear, like it's not ever

273
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 2: like straightforward. It's just so many layers to it. Ha

274
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 2: ha ha, you're a layers. Sorry. And then in your career,

275
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,800
Speaker 2: how do you think that then changed as you became

276
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:38,720
Speaker 2: a working woman.

277
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 1: And I think as a working woman, so early on

278
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,600
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship. I did find my first love,

279
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 1: and like so early on in my career, I was

280
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,080
Speaker 1: happily with him, and obviously I was like, oh, yeah,

281
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 1: there's what woman to do now, you know, I met

282
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,000
Speaker 1: the guy you got the career you didn't get, you know,

283
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,240
Speaker 1: wait to get engaged, wait to get I got thought

284
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 1: that my life was going to be like yeah, straightforward

285
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,640
Speaker 1: that everyone tells you, you know, and then it wasn't.

286
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,760
Speaker 1: We ended up breaking up. And then that I think

287
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,479
Speaker 1: again researched that thing that I had fought in high school,

288
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,600
Speaker 1: maybe start of college or UNI, where I was like

289
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 1: emancipated again, like I felt like now now a woman

290
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,200
Speaker 1: and and I have experienced the relationship, I have experienced

291
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 1: with someone, I have experienced living with someone. You know,

292
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,400
Speaker 1: what does that mean, now that I make my own money,

293
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:37,440
Speaker 1: I'm standing on my own two feet. I want another

294
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:45,760
Speaker 1: a partner who is so then a whole heap of frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs, frogs,

295
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:49,160
Speaker 1: frogs until I found.

296
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 2: Your prints so too, But like, yeah, I get you.

297
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,880
Speaker 1: So I must say. I think college it was fun,

298
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 1: but then it was almost like you're always bound by

299
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 1: not having enough money because you're you're working. You also

300
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,679
Speaker 1: trying to make sure your grades stay good. But like now,

301
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: when I was a working woman, it was just like, wow,

302
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,119
Speaker 1: actually dating can actually have an element of fun. I

303
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: started traveling more so when you're traveling and meeting different

304
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 1: people as well. Again, so I guess it was a

305
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,040
Speaker 1: lot of without making my son myself sound like a

306
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:33,400
Speaker 1: whole podcast, there was a lot of just friendships, entanglements.

307
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:39,640
Speaker 1: There was just a lot of like just meeting different people.

308
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 2: Tangle and then.

309
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,880
Speaker 1: What I want to find in my Now I felt

310
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: like I had found it early on in my career,

311
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 1: and then when we broke up, I was like, Okay,

312
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 1: now I know this is what I definitely want, Whereas

313
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 1: before I think I just used to think I know, Yes,

314
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 1: now I knew you how I am someone. You also

315
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 1: get a reflection of who you are.

316
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, what do you think you're going to? Yeah?

317
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:13,720
Speaker 1: So I ended up well with my husband and here

318
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 1: we are.

319
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

320
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think career dating was fun. It got a

321
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 1: bit annoying towards the end. Yeah, I do you want

322
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:27,400
Speaker 1: to find someone? I don't want to keep like babies happening,

323
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: traveling to eat people. Definitely, it was a big lesson

324
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,200
Speaker 1: and there why was it again.

325
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,160
Speaker 2: I'm with you, I feel you, I think I think

326
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 2: for me who lots of frogs too, and also had

327
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 2: a lot to We needed to do a segment on

328
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 2: like dating in the church, because that's just like, yeah, girl,

329
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 2: there are a lot of conections that happened the.

330
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: People in because even I want to know.

331
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 2: Bruh, Like it was literally it was like a mess.

332
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 2: It was a lot of sort of you know, you

333
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,159
Speaker 2: put your guard down because you're thinking you're in a

334
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 2: safe space, and then you know, people really enforce this,

335
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 2: like reinforce this notion that they're more women than men

336
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 2: in the church, and also the notion of like you

337
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 2: need to be back, like seeling the deal, bagging a man,

338
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 2: you know that kind so like I was like, I'm

339
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 2: not competing. I'm not going to compete for a guy.

340
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,480
Speaker 2: But guys would show interest, right then you're like, okay,

341
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 2: should I give him space and time? Then you give

342
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 2: them space and then they just waste your time because

343
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 2: they're doing you know, no commitment, no like desire to

344
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 2: be you know, upfront and being like oh this is

345
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 2: what I'm gonna do, or like dillydallying and that kind of.

346
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 2: And I honestly think I gave way too much time

347
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 2: to some like way too much time, uh and energy

348
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 2: and really should have like been like cut cut cut

349
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 2: like in some way, but I think it was. It

350
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,200
Speaker 2: was good. It was a lesson learned for me to

351
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 2: be like, you need to know what you want. Similarly,

352
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 2: I think it taught me that I want someone who

353
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 2: knows what they want and someone who communicates what they want.

354
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,440
Speaker 2: So that was the one aspect. The other one was

355
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 2: like fun, Like I like was going out a lot,

356
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 2: so I would just like have fun, nothing ever really serious.

357
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 2: It always would happen like I'm traveling, like you were

358
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 2: saying similarly, or do you know what I mean? Like

359
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: nothing you know, really serious. So yeah, honestly I was

360
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:37,640
Speaker 2: just like, you know what, if it ain't happening, I'm

361
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 2: just gonna focus on like work and what I want

362
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 2: out of my career in life up till the point

363
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 2: to do yeah, up to the point of like last year,

364
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 2: and then kind of being like, you know, I'm in

365
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 2: this news space. I really felt like I need I

366
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 2: wanted companionship, not needed, but I wanted it. So I

367
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: dated a lot, like when on a lot of day

368
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: like and I got it as well. Similar with like fetishizing.

369
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: Obviously being in a new country, new environment, so some

370
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 2: people are just like intrigued by the idea of you

371
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 2: being so different and you're just like, okay, I don't

372
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 2: have time for that, and yeah, and then eventually meeting

373
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 2: my current boyfriend and you know, just that was it

374
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,679
Speaker 2: was fun like that in the check room me.

375
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: Would you in the check the fetishizing because it can't

376
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 1: be that many yeah, no, yeah.

377
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 2: I think the issue is the language barrier in terms

378
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 2: of not like having like a sea of guys being

379
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 2: like hey, what you know, But at the same time,

380
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 2: when you do. When I did connect, it like it

381
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 2: was really like from a like fetishizing point of view,

382
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: because like this is unheard of like you know, you're

383
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 2: so different, like that kind of thing. So it gets

384
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 2: very exhausting very quickly. And I got really tired of that,

385
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 2: like you just and you can smell it, like you

386
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 2: can just be like, no, that's not for me, like

387
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 2: you can smell it honestly. So yeah, so that was that.

388
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, really like if liquid carriage is and isn't for

389
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 1: like for me, A lot of times just having a

390
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 1: few drinks and someone you think he's cute and the

391
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 1: time he approaches you, he's like five beers in and yes,

392
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: slurring his words.

393
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 2: You're like no, like no, no, no, you know, I.

394
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: Would rather you would have just walked in and actually

395
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,120
Speaker 1: as I saw you before.

396
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 2: You know.

397
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of when especially when you're

398
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: in a group of girls, and especially when girls with

399
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 1: people of color, they hesitate on how to approach the

400
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,120
Speaker 1: nervous for sure, then they end up drinking so much

401
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: and then they finally get there like oh.

402
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 2: No, like what a disappointment. Yeah no, I'm with you,

403
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:46,440
Speaker 2: I'm with you.

404
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you get over that quickly and like going

405
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 1: out it's fun and all, but I don't know, like

406
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 1: something happens after like twenty five Yeah, yeah, yeah, switch

407
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 1: just goes yeah.

408
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 2: Do this literally literally I have Peter and Wine with

409
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 2: like literally I remember I remember the day that like

410
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: it literally was just like I was out like partying

411
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 2: and was like, what on earth is happening? Like I

412
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 2: was just really just like nah, like you really get

413
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 2: to a point. So yeah, for sure. And unfortunately what

414
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: happens then is like it takes away one aspect of

415
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 2: a dating pool for you, right if you're not doing that,

416
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 2: just like takes away like a portion of the dudes

417
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 2: or whatever. So it just gets complicated.

418
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I suppose that's why we kept probably going

419
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: back to to meeting people when we're traveling, because when

420
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: you're trying are in the mood to go out, yeah,

421
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: like I want to see, I want to I want

422
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,439
Speaker 1: to see because as we said, we love to dance,

423
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: and I always people don't understand, like they will never

424
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 1: understand and they've seen this, whether it's so or not,

425
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 1: the fact that we just love dancings. When you travel,

426
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: then you meet those people.

427
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 2: Yeah for sure, And the intention is different, don't you

428
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 2: find because you're now like when you go out, it's

429
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 2: for fun to enjoy the music and to dance. So

430
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 2: it shs things a little bit, and yeah, for sure

431
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: I get that, yeah man.

432
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: And also a great way to meet locals because sometimes

433
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 1: when you're traveling you want to see how the locals

434
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: do it, they what do they eat? And then so

435
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: it's another way of pretty much getting like a guide.

436
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 2: And what Sorry boys, disclaimer that was or not me

437
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: just letting it be known. I was not talking about

438
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 2: no tour guide.

439
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: I didn't say accommodation, but hey, we can do accommodation too.

440
00:25:55,000 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: Why why are you this president? Why? Oh gosh? And overall,

441
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 2: like what would you say, like with the wins are

442
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 2: the losses or lessons for your dating life?

443
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: Oh speaks winds. I would have to say, knowing myself,

444
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 1: knowing what I want. So I think for me now,

445
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: knowing who I am now, I don't think I could

446
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: have done the meet one guy maybe in high school

447
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: and then I've dated him all the way. Yeah, I

448
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: don't know. I love that idea and I love people

449
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: who've done that, and I'm genuinely happy kudos. But for

450
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: someone like me, I think it was good for me

451
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: to explore and actually think, Okay, what do I actually want?

452
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: What do I actually you know, seek in a partner,

453
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,880
Speaker 1: So I think that that was the biggest win, finding

454
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: me in the midst of all of that, knowing me, like, Okay,

455
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: this is what I like. Is what I don't like,

456
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: you know, And obviously the losses is probably time, a

457
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 1: whole heap of time.

458
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 2: I'm reclaiming my time, if only we.

459
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 1: Can time and fact be giving your paperback. Please reclaiming

460
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: that time, my time, my energy, my zests, like all

461
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: those things I would probably say. And obviously this is

462
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 1: all just to do with the frogs in amongst them,

463
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: having the lessons and the winds. Knowing myself, it's also

464
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: sometimes you put yourself out there and it's very very vulnerable.

465
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: People can trash. Men can be trash, and I'm not

466
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: trying to men to man hate.

467
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 2: Yeah's trashy just for people.

468
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: It can be, yeah, and people like sometimes in love

469
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: we can be very selfish and there's someone else at

470
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: the at the end of it, you know, if you're

471
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: cheating on someone or if you're ghosting someone, which absolutely hate.

472
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: It's it's the worst thing.

473
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: You know.

474
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine.

475
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 1: If you're not interested, that's fine, but tell me, don't

476
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: leave me hanging and thinking you're when it text me

477
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 1: every time my phone beats, I'm like, is it him?

478
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,679
Speaker 1: You know it's it's just trash.

479
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is trash. I agree completely.

480
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, And what about you wins and losses, I think

481
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: the winds.

482
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: I think I would have been loyal to someone who

483
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 2: does not deserve my loyalty at the time, had I won,

484
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,719
Speaker 2: because essentially I dated, but I didn't have a partner,

485
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: like this is my first like full on relationship that

486
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 2: I currently am in.

487
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 3: So I really say first official, yes, official, like because

488
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 3: there were many frag not that many, but you like

489
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 3: they were there, but like, yeah, I think I would

490
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 3: have invested my and put my loyalty into some really

491
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 3: unhealthy situations, and.

492
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 2: As a result, the work I've been able to do

493
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 2: because of not really dating or not having relationships would

494
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 2: have all been undone. Whereas now I feel because it

495
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 2: played out in such a way, in such a long way,

496
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 2: I think God knew you was just like you just

497
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 2: need not we just gon't know, We're just gonna wait.

498
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 2: I think it would have been very you know, like

499
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 2: waste of time, like backtracking or only to kind of

500
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 2: wake up years down the line and be like, oh

501
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 2: this sucks type of thing. So those are the winds,

502
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: just like with discovering myself like what I like, what

503
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 2: I don't like and really starting to be like, you know,

504
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 2: who is room me? What does room? We want?

505
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 1: Like do?

506
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 2: What do you hold onto? Is this a narrative that

507
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: would just put on you by others or is it

508
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 2: something you believe in around relationships or dating? So yeah,

509
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 2: that's definitely been the winds and losses of course, like

510
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,479
Speaker 2: we said, our time, our energy, and you know are

511
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 2: like conversation because you know, as girls we dissect it's like,

512
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 2: oh my gosh. And then this like most my friend's

513
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 2: energy was stolen and time, so let's reclaim that we

514
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 2: put all.

515
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: That energy into setting up a company, we would be

516
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: like sitting in Tahiti right now, bowling out.

517
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 2: Of control.

518
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly.

519
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 2: But yeah, so those definitely and the lessons are that truly,

520
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 2: no one's gonna love you more than you love yourself

521
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 2: like someone you know, I think relationships people are there

522
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 2: to remind you of who you are, to remind you,

523
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 2: but if you don't, no one will type of situation.

524
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 2: Do that makes sense? And definitely like trust the process,

525
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 2: Like we wouldn't be where we are had we forced things,

526
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 2: had we you know, be like you know, it's like

527
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 2: trust the process and you'll get to where you're supposed

528
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 2: to be. I think those are the lessons that I've learned.

529
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, hey, lessons are like even for me, Like

530
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: I think a huge lesson would definitely be that don't

531
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,440
Speaker 1: always think potential is dead. Like I think we look

532
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: at people we think, oh, potential, eye, it's going to

533
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: be this, It is going to be that. It's going

534
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: to like sometimes it's accept what you're shown like and

535
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: then don't don't embellish it and think hey, but then hey,

536
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: b then so when it sends you that one text

537
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: every couple of days, that's not good enough. That's no

538
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: potential of those people. I've learned a lot people will

539
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: make time when they care. Even if I'm like, between

540
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: you and me be maintaining an almost twenty year long

541
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: distance mainly friendship, We've had to have times when I'm like, oh,

542
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: maybe I can't talk to you. Sorry, I'm busy with

543
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: this with that, but you know what's up, Like, it's

544
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: not like it's not like you're sitting there wondering I

545
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: don't think you ever look at your phone and think,

546
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: I wonder why she's not communicated. I've already told you,

547
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 1: and I think the lessons are just accepted. If he's not,

548
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: then accept that you're not that important to You're not

549
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: the priority. It's things. It hurts, and ego is involved,

550
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: but pack your bags and keep it moving. Yeah, for sure,

551
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: I think it was gets done quickly then in the

552
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: long run.

553
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 2: No, for sure. And I think it was Maya Angelou

554
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 2: who said if someone shows you who they are, believe them.

555
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 2: I don't know if it was her, I think it was,

556
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 2: but honestly, and also the other thing I learned is

557
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: like sometimes it's quick, it's easy to point the fingers,

558
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 2: but also to be like this person was just not

559
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 2: in the right frame of mind and there was the

560
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 2: signs and like they may have alluded to it, like

561
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 2: believe what people say or how they behave in that

562
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 2: way type of thing. And also sometimes it could be

563
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 2: the right person the wrong time, Like yeah, that also exists.

564
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 2: Like I think so often do you think things don't

565
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 2: work out because someone's a douche? I go, But it

566
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 2: can literally be like wrong time or like we're in

567
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: different parts of the world or you know what I mean,

568
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: so absolutely, but yeah, it just.

569
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: Leads us into expectations. Yes, do you, because people like

570
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: potential also goes hand in hand with what you're expecting

571
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 1: to find. Do you believe in the lists? Do you

572
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,480
Speaker 1: have a list? Did you have a list? Or what's

573
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: your thoughts on that?

574
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 2: So? I know, like some people preach you have to

575
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 2: have a list, like write it down, otherwise you won't

576
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 2: get what you want. God won't give you the guy

577
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 2: you want and all that kind of list. I think

578
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 2: I've made the list. I definitely think I've made a

579
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: list at some point, but I stopped that, and I

580
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 2: think it's more about the core values that you want

581
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 2: a person to possess and qualities. Does that make sense?

582
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: Because have you ever heard, oh, insecure? Let's talk about insecure?

583
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 2: I think what seasoned two or three Molly Sterling K

584
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: Brown played Molly's love interests. I love that man, but the.

585
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: Way they portrayed him on Insecure, Yeah, but.

586
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 2: You get that right. He looked right on paper, right, right,

587
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 2: family right, like look good, but she just couldn't like

588
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 2: there's just something, Yeah, there was something she couldn't vibe

589
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 2: with him on and that legit can happen, you know.

590
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 2: So I think it shifted more about like these things,

591
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 2: how like the values I wanted. So it was about,

592
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,680
Speaker 2: you know, knowing what he wants in terms of like

593
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 2: being upfront about like wanting to be with me and

594
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 2: like no dilly dallying, no, like maybe maybe not, I

595
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 2: don't know, you know, type of thing communicative, respectful and

596
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 2: open minded, but probably if I say there's a list,

597
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,280
Speaker 2: that would probably be it. And it stopped being about

598
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 2: like you need to have this kind of job, this

599
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 2: kind of lifestyle, like be this that or the It

600
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 2: really was just more about things that I believe in

601
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 2: or core value things I couldn't live with someone who

602
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 2: does not communicate, Like I couldn't be with It's just

603
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 2: like it would kill me and I know I would

604
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: go crazy and I can't deal with that. So yeah,

605
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 2: how do you feel about the list? Girl?

606
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,320
Speaker 1: I mean two minds, YEA. A part of me is

607
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,879
Speaker 1: also like you can't just be going for anything and everything. Yes,

608
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,919
Speaker 1: it's good to walk in prepared knowing what you want,

609
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 1: but I think you also can't be unrelenting with years.

610
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: You can't be like if you don't take next, you

611
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 1: know so because people are going to come as they

612
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: are imperfect. You know, we all have flaws, we all

613
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: have things, so it's almost like what can you compromise

614
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 1: on and what can you essentially put up with that's

615
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,879
Speaker 1: not that great about that person and vice versa. Also, yeah,

616
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 1: I first remember these lists. It can go both ways.

617
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: You know, as much as you're expecting whatever you're expecting

618
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: from this guy, he's also expecting the same.

619
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 2: For me.

620
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: Like, I just got to the place where I kind

621
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: of knew what I wanted, but it wasn't like a

622
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 1: check list. It wasn't like a tick tic tick, but

623
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 1: I knew fundamentally something you know, like for example, a

624
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: huge example for me would be family. My family, I

625
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: would say that nashall is complicated, So I knew I

626
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: needed to have someone who's understanding, someone he doesn't have

627
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 1: to have experienced the exact same as me. I would

628
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: never probably find someone like that, Yes, just someone who's

629
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: understanding without being judgmental. So it was things like that,

630
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 1: whereas like, so when he's in my family as an

631
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: open heart, you understand, like you know what I mean?

632
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 1: So I think like where it was like but putting

633
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,279
Speaker 1: it on a list, and you don't really see these things.

634
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: We initially meet someone, but then there was also a

635
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 1: superficial list like tall, I'm a tall girl.

636
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

637
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: I want to wear my heels.

638
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 2: Those are those extras? Were like Jesus, please just like

639
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 2: like please, I'm with you.

640
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:19,439
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, this has has layers too. For sure.

641
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 1: Could I have compromised height for someone who's very communicative?

642
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 2: Probably, yeah, yeah, I'm going to have to yeah, exactly, No,

643
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 2: for sure. And what about the lists that in essence

644
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:44,319
Speaker 2: are society gives us right because I think in Ronda

645
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 2: there's a problem that says, oh man, it just went

646
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 2: on my head, like about being in the same like

647
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 2: the community, like keeping it within the community. My mom's

648
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 2: going to kill me for forgetting this one.

649
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 1: I'm going to be listening to this like room by.

650
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 2: From to be like, girl, say what what be like?

651
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: You need to get your Shauna back on point. But anyway,

652
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,239
Speaker 2: I gotta be in shana, which was quite high back

653
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:19,479
Speaker 2: when we wrote out. So I'm just going to say

654
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 2: put it out there, but like basically to keep it

655
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 2: within the community, you know, And yeah, what are your

656
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 2: thoughts about those pressures? We come from a very classist

657
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 2: country and society.

658
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 1: And not only dad being in dire spotters, So not

659
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: only people want you to meet the perfect Zimbabwean guy

660
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: that you would meet wing in Zimbabwe, but you're not

661
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: in Zimbabwe how, you know how And as we talked

662
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: about it before, a lot of these Zimbabwean guys that

663
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 1: I've met and end up friends zoning each other because

664
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 1: we're like my sister, did you know? And and I'm

665
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 1: not going to be why you're this person?

666
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: You know? So like for me, it was just.

667
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: It's very important that family and your friends, society the

668
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: closer society except who you're dating. But I don't think

669
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: you can take all the numerous boxes we have, not

670
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: only the Zimbabwean list, you also have your own list

671
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: of society. So you're living in Czech I'm in Australia,

672
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 1: people in America and England. I'm sure there's society expectations.

673
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 1: You know, you have to be a certain stature financially.

674
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: I was going to ask you what those expectations you

675
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 2: think are from your society, and it's just, yeah, it's such.

676
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: A complex things to talk about because it's like and

677
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 1: I would love to hear people's opinions on this is

678
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 1: it when you're like, when you're putting your head on

679
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: your pillow at night, How important is is it that

680
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 1: society cares about that person who's making you smile just

681
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 1: before you go to bed? Like how important? Because I

682
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people have closed themselves to

683
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: blessings because of it, and I always wonder is it

684
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,919
Speaker 1: worth it. At the same time, some people say they're

685
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,839
Speaker 1: being wise because like you look at like and here

686
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,720
Speaker 1: I am generalizing the Indian community where people have arranged

687
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: marriages and it's more about families. You know that you

688
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,359
Speaker 1: think to yourself, Okay, they better off in the long

689
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: run because their families been alone, because you know, in

690
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: the short term that might not be an issue when

691
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: you have kids someone and it might be how families interact. Yeah,

692
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: it's so late because it's like which way do you go?

693
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: Do you go love marriage or arranged marriage? Do your

694
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 1: societal marriage or And I think sometimes people don't want

695
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: to be honest with themselves. No one wants to say

696
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: I settled, So it's a.

697
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah you went there, growth you went there. You

698
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 2: ma layers like she ne' you know. If I think

699
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 2: of like societal expectations, Like you're saying it's financial, right,

700
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 2: it's about who's who, Like, who do we know in

701
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 2: the family. It's like, you know, are they Christian? Are

702
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 2: they like like what job do they have?

703
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:25,720
Speaker 1: Total?

704
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 2: Yes, Like it's just like it's I don't know how

705
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 2: it's a lot, and I think like a lot of people,

706
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 2: that pressure can become overwhelming, like you just want to

707
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: like believe yourself of it, and so you do what

708
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 2: is expected. And some people are fortunate to find someone

709
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 2: who meets all those expectations. But yeah, it's a lot.

710
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: And then also I feel like in saying that, there's

711
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 1: like not only are the expectations societal, but your parents

712
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 1: obvious they're ready like us grow up telling you you

713
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 1: have to be with this person or that personal someone

714
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: like this, so someone like that. So when you choose

715
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,840
Speaker 1: another way, you internally feel like you're disappointing people. But

716
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 1: at the same time, it's your life, so it's like,

717
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 1: well what do you what do you do?

718
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 2: So there's no winning, right, It's because it's like, I mean,

719
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 2: if you're fortunate to find someone who takes all the

720
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: boxes on the societal parental front and also takes all

721
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 2: your boxes then that's like perfect, right, But often it

722
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 2: doesn't happen like that, like it's just too complex, but not.

723
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 1: Not in dire Sport, especially you way more different people.

724
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, so it's definitely more complicated. But man oh man,

725
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 2: who girl. Yeah, that's please let us know, please let

726
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 2: us know.

727
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: We need we need to and I need confessions from people.

728
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:52,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, let us know. You can email us anonymously

729
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 2: and like maybe we can like tap back into what

730
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 2: you say so you can email us. It's layered pod.

731
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 2: It's it s l A y e r E D

732
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 2: p O D at gmail dot com. It's layeredpod at

733
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 2: gmail dot com because hey, we want to know, or

734
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 2: you can hit us up on Instagram. It's layered. Literally

735
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 2: that I T s l A y e r E

736
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 2: d Oh wow. Yeah, man, I'm curious to hear what

737
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:20,359
Speaker 2: people say.

738
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: I feel like we're going to revisit this one.

739
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:34,760
Speaker 2: Always get the people going, he's get hired. I'm always

740
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: always

741
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 1: Be careful