Speaker 1: Are you ready?
Speaker 2: Good pickup with Britt Hogley and Laura ben.
Speaker 3: Brady or what our windows down?
Speaker 4: My world?
Speaker 3: Reason the dust only good?
Speaker 2: Bab Doug all down?
Speaker 4: I don't much, but yeah I'm our big get and
Speaker 4: what I want.
Speaker 2: It don't matter where does this is the pickup?
Speaker 4: Hi?
Speaker 1: Guys, it's the pick up with Bret Happily and Laura
Speaker 1: burn and Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
Speaker 4: Valentine's Day, the day of love. You either love it
Speaker 4: or you hate it.
Speaker 1: I know it really is polarizing, isn't it. You love
Speaker 1: it if you're in a relationship. Otherwise you're like, oh way,
Speaker 1: well no, But I.
Speaker 4: Think we can flip this on its head. I think
Speaker 4: you can love it no matter who you are. You
Speaker 4: just have to redefine what it means. You can have
Speaker 4: Gallantine's Day with your friends.
Speaker 3: You can have dog and Tinne's Day we talked about
Speaker 3: the other day.
Speaker 4: If you're you're me as in a relationship, you don't
Speaker 4: ever see the person and you just live with your dog,
Speaker 4: you can have dog Day. There's loads of things you
Speaker 4: can do, but you also don't need to make it
Speaker 4: like this big cringey thing like if you don't froth
Speaker 4: it and you think it is just like a money maker.
Speaker 4: Use it as a day just to like tell someone
Speaker 4: you love them. You don't have to go send them
Speaker 4: like Teddy Bear flowers. You can just lean into the
Speaker 4: real rule passion.
Speaker 1: So don't lean into the commercialization you're saying, lean into
Speaker 1: the feeling side.
Speaker 3: What it's about cute love.
Speaker 1: Well, look, considering that it is Valentine's Day, we wanted
Speaker 1: to make a show that is all about love. And
Speaker 1: the reason for that is because we have a podcast
Speaker 1: it's called Life on Cut and our main tagline for
Speaker 1: that podcast is we.
Speaker 3: We love Love. So there's no way that.
Speaker 1: We could get away without making today's show completely about love.
Speaker 3: And finally the Boss's letters, so we're doing it. But
Speaker 3: also we wanted.
Speaker 1: To highlight exactly like Britz said, all of the different kinds,
Speaker 1: Like there's people who are in long distance relationships, there's
Speaker 1: people who are in long term relationships and relationships yeah,
Speaker 1: and I mean also people who are single who maybe
Speaker 1: don't have a romantic love in their life but have
Speaker 1: found the most fulfilling loves is that of their friends
Speaker 1: or that of their pets. Like whatever it looks like
Speaker 1: to you, we want to be able to celebrate that
Speaker 1: Today's a day for really making the people that you
Speaker 1: love the most feel incredibly appreciated, and that's what it's
Speaker 1: all about. Well, speaking of Valentine's Day, and since everything
Speaker 1: on this show is centered around love, this conversation is
Speaker 1: going to be for anyone who is in a long
Speaker 1: term relationship. Maybe you've got kids, maybe you're in the
Speaker 1: trenches and things just aren't as magical as what once
Speaker 1: upon a time they were. I feel like it happens
Speaker 1: to all long term couples, Like keeping with me. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: long distance kind of changes things a little bit, but
Speaker 1: trying to keep like that long term spark is really
Speaker 1: really hard. But it's interesting for me because the women
Speaker 1: that we're about to speak to, Tara Pavlovich. Once upon
Speaker 1: a time I was in competition with her for the
Speaker 1: Heart of a Man on a reality TV show, and
Speaker 1: now I just love watching everything that she puts out
Speaker 1: in the world on social media.
Speaker 3: Tara, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: Hello, Laura, arguably the fan favorite of whatever season we
Speaker 1: were of The Bachelor.
Speaker 2: Look, guys, the competition's over. You're both married with kids.
Speaker 2: Let's leave that one in the six year past, but Tyre,
Speaker 2: it's so cool.
Speaker 4: I was like reading your posts on Instagram just saying that, hey,
Speaker 4: let's normalize couples counseling. You know, we're trying to get
Speaker 4: our connection back and do all these things and it
Speaker 4: doesn't have to mean that life is over. What made
Speaker 4: you start going to therapy and what made you want
Speaker 4: to speak about it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think therapy is something that like everyone
Speaker 5: can benefit from singly or as a couple. Even if
Speaker 5: we went because we needed a lot of help Black
Speaker 5: things were really bad. But then once I went, I
Speaker 5: was like, wait a minute, I think I want to
Speaker 5: do this even now things are good because it really
Speaker 5: does help the connection because they're so trained in helping
Speaker 5: couples and they know so many ways to get you
Speaker 5: both to understand each other a little bit more. So
Speaker 5: it's just good to go and have a little refresher
Speaker 5: and kind of understand each other all because in reality,
Speaker 5: like you're always going to have little issues and you're
Speaker 5: never going to completely understand each other, like when you're
Speaker 5: married with kids, it's hard, like stuff changes all the time.
Speaker 5: You're forever evolved. So it's just about going and having
Speaker 5: a little refresher and finding that connection again.
Speaker 1: Tara, you and Neck have been together for a while now,
Speaker 1: and obviously you've got two beautiful children, But did you
Speaker 1: feel that your relationship just completely shifted after having kids.
Speaker 5: Oh it's so hard when you have kids. You just
Speaker 5: don't have that time to connect anymore. And that's what
Speaker 5: the therapist helped us with because we're broth up, but
Speaker 5: we don't have time and she's like, no, but you do,
Speaker 5: and here's how you can have it, you know. So
Speaker 5: it's hard with kids because they don't even let you speak,
Speaker 5: like honest, like I'm hiding outside right now, like to
Speaker 5: speak on the phone, because you know, when Laura you
Speaker 5: messaged her, I was like, no, I can't talk to you,
Speaker 5: like I've got children at me. It's the same here. Literally,
Speaker 5: if we even look at each other, they're like, no,
Speaker 5: you do not, Like how dare you we are here?
Speaker 1: Like when you talked about wanting to go and see
Speaker 1: a counselor or do couples counseling with either of you,
Speaker 1: apprehensive because I think there is still a lot of
Speaker 1: stigma around it, Like a lot of people interpret that
Speaker 1: as oh, well, we must be at doomsday when it
Speaker 1: comes to our relation ship, if you want to go
Speaker 1: and see a counselor.
Speaker 5: I know it is like that, and that's why I'm
Speaker 5: so open about it because I want people to know that, like,
Speaker 5: it's not doom and gm. I honestly think that the
Speaker 5: strongest couples go and seek it because it's like, we
Speaker 5: will do anything for this to work. When we first
Speaker 5: saw the counselor, we were like, it was kind of
Speaker 5: like the last resort type thing. We really needed to
Speaker 5: go there. But after going, we were like, wait, this
Speaker 5: is actually like pretty good and so useful.
Speaker 4: It's so good Because I am with one of my ex's.
Speaker 4: We were doing therapy individually and then I said, hey,
Speaker 4: I think we need to go together and he refused
Speaker 4: because I think the next step is a couple was
Speaker 4: something different for him. You know, he could understand going individually,
Speaker 4: there was still this stigma for the couple's therapy.
Speaker 2: He refused to.
Speaker 3: Go and now that worked out and he got me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was my point.
Speaker 1: Laura, how are you and Nick now, like after all
Speaker 1: of this and everything that you guys have weathered with
Speaker 1: having kids and come back together, Like, how do you
Speaker 1: feel your relationship is now?
Speaker 5: Oh? Definitely after that therapy session, we've been a looser,
Speaker 5: So it's helped us so much. It was only like
Speaker 5: a couple of months ago, and it's definitely made such
Speaker 5: a difference. So I'm going to go again and have
Speaker 5: another refresher and learn some more little things from her
Speaker 5: because it's really just helped a lot. Like just having
Speaker 5: the reminder and the conversation with her was so helpful.
Speaker 5: Obviously there's things that we both do every day that
Speaker 5: were just like, okay that, like that's annoying, goal away,
Speaker 5: like you're so annoying. But yeah, but you know, I
Speaker 5: think it's important to remember that that's completely normal. And
Speaker 5: like what we're seeing on Instagram with couples and everything
Speaker 5: isn't the whole picture. Like everyone has little bickers every
Speaker 5: day and you piss each other off and that's normal.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely a Tara, You're a breath of fresh air. I
Speaker 1: love watching your Instagram post for anyone who hasn't followed
Speaker 1: Tara Tara Pavlovich on Instagram, Like you're very relatable with
Speaker 1: all of your very funny updates around parenting and relationships,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you just say it as it is,
Speaker 1: which you always.
Speaker 5: Laura appreciate you and my you and my egg.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, well, happy Valentine's Day, Tara.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 5: Happy Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 5: I hope it's amazing, Sita, Bye.
Speaker 2: It's so nice.
Speaker 4: It's such a nice reminder, isn't it. Like your brain
Speaker 4: is also a muscle. We exercise our like our body
Speaker 4: and where we do our squats, we want great legs
Speaker 4: or whatever it is, but we forget that our brain
Speaker 4: is something that needs to be exercised too, And I
Speaker 4: think is a really good reminder of like you can't
Speaker 4: just forget it until it shrivels away and be like,
Speaker 4: oh yeah, now it's time to.
Speaker 2: Try and work it back up.
Speaker 4: Well, we are doing a dedicated show today to.
Speaker 2: Love because it is Valentine. We love, we love love,
Speaker 2: but we love all kinds of love.
Speaker 4: We didn't want it to be just like romantic relationships
Speaker 4: because so many people aren't in that situation right now,
Speaker 4: and that is okay, yeah.
Speaker 1: But also because Valentine's Day can be really hard for
Speaker 1: people who've gone through breakups or who are single, and
Speaker 1: you know, we put so much emphasis on romantic relationships.
Speaker 4: Well, one person that is also in this situation where
Speaker 4: they are single and they are not in a romantic
Speaker 4: relationship after a very difficult public split. Is our homegrown
Speaker 4: Aussie Isla Fisher. So Isla Fisher and Sasha Baron Cohen
Speaker 4: were together for over twenty years I think almost twenty
Speaker 4: four years or something, married for about thirteen years. They've
Speaker 4: got kids, and two years ago they announced that they
Speaker 4: were going through their breakup.
Speaker 2: Well, Isla has just come out and done. She's starting to.
Speaker 4: Do like her first interviews where she's talking about single
Speaker 4: life and getting back into the dating scene, and recently
Speaker 4: when she was asked if she is dating, she had
Speaker 4: this really amazing response that I just loved.
Speaker 2: She's been in this relationship for twenty years.
Speaker 4: You'd think that she'd be wanting to get out there
Speaker 4: and go for it and meet new people and have
Speaker 4: some sexy time.
Speaker 3: Like, oh my god, I feel the opposite.
Speaker 1: I feel like if I was married for twenty years
Speaker 1: and I got divorced, I wouldn't want to see another man.
Speaker 4: Oh I think I'd be the opposite. I think I
Speaker 4: would want to be like what else is out there?
Speaker 4: Like I've only known one thing for twenty five years. Oh,
Speaker 4: I'd not I'd be exhausted. I'd be back out there
Speaker 4: for sure, but way we're all different.
Speaker 2: But she she basically came out and said.
Speaker 4: You know, her split was the most difficult thing she's
Speaker 4: ever been through, and now she just wants to focus
Speaker 4: on the women in my life that have held me,
Speaker 4: she said, the female relationships that I have cultivated in
Speaker 4: our business. Those women have been there for me. I'm
Speaker 4: actually going to get emotional. I'm only sitting here today
Speaker 4: because of them. She goes on to say, I've learned
Speaker 4: so much about the power of female friendship, and I've
Speaker 4: just learned that I do have resilience, who I am
Speaker 4: outside of a partnership and what my values are, and
Speaker 4: that she wants to focus on these women in her
Speaker 4: life now and those relationships as opposed to dating and
Speaker 4: romantic relationships.
Speaker 1: I love this, and I also think that this is
Speaker 1: something and a conversation that needs to be had more
Speaker 1: because we put so much emphasis on romantic relationships, like
Speaker 1: we do throughout our whole life.
Speaker 3: We kind of hold it up.
Speaker 1: As like the beacon of what is the most important
Speaker 1: relationship that and potentially parenthood or motherhood. But what we
Speaker 1: don't talk about is friendship as being something that is
Speaker 1: equally as important because in the instance like this with
Speaker 1: Eila Fisher, in the instance that your romantic relationship is
Speaker 1: no longer there for you, who is it that holds
Speaker 1: you through that?
Speaker 3: Who is it that supports you through that?
Speaker 1: And you know, we had a we had a really
Speaker 1: interesting conversation recently about something that radio presenter Tanya Hennessy
Speaker 1: talked about. She was talking about the catch up trap
Speaker 1: when it comes to being friends and how we get
Speaker 1: to a point in life. And I know it's something
Speaker 1: I really resonate with where you're no longer making new
Speaker 1: experiences or really you're not really adding to the richness
Speaker 1: of your friendships, but you're just going through this constant
Speaker 1: catchup where you're just updating your friends on your life
Speaker 1: rather than really like deeply connecting with them. And I think, like,
Speaker 1: it's so nice to take stock and have a think,
Speaker 1: especially on Valentine's Day. Okay, well, what are those other
Speaker 1: relationships I have in my life that means so much
Speaker 1: to me and are so important to me? And have
Speaker 1: I given them time recently and have I told them
Speaker 1: how much I love them and appreciate them as well?
Speaker 2: It's also easy to forget that you need your friends.
Speaker 4: Where you've got a partner, it's easy to forget how
Speaker 4: important those people are.
Speaker 2: Usually when we get married, we.
Speaker 4: Think it's forever, and we know statistically that that is
Speaker 4: not true. So what's happening is you're maybe subconsciously even
Speaker 4: neglecting other people.
Speaker 3: In your life. We do it by accident, don't we Yeah,
Speaker 3: we don't.
Speaker 2: It's not intentional at all.
Speaker 4: But you know, time is such a valuable commodity, and
Speaker 4: as adults we don't really have it. As parents, you
Speaker 4: don't really have it, So you give your time to
Speaker 4: your family. If that breaks down, a lot of people
Speaker 4: find themselves with or hang on a minute, where's my people?
Speaker 2: Where's my group gone?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: You know, an interesting statistic around this is that our
Speaker 1: friendship groups. So every seven years on average, our friendship
Speaker 1: group has so even though you're meeting new people and
Speaker 1: making new friends, the amount of friends you have continues
Speaker 1: to reduce. And like, think about it when you're in school,
Speaker 1: or think about it when you're in Uni, how many
Speaker 1: friends you had, and then think about, okay, well what
Speaker 1: was that like ten years later or twenty years later?
Speaker 1: And I would say that for the big majority of us,
Speaker 1: we would look at our lives now and maybe think, Okay,
Speaker 1: we don't have as many people around us. And I
Speaker 1: know it's not necessarily about the volume of people. It's
Speaker 1: about the richness of those friendships. But I really think
Speaker 1: it's so important to take stock of okay, am I
Speaker 1: giving those friendships everything that they require to mean that
Speaker 1: they're going to be with me for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life.
Speaker 3: I think it's a really important one.
Speaker 1: And if you do find yourself alone this Valentine's Day,
Speaker 1: make sure that you are spending it or at least
Speaker 1: touching base with the people that you love the most.
Speaker 1: We have been talking about everything to do with love,
Speaker 1: but it would be remiss of us to talk about
Speaker 1: how sometimes love doesn't go exactly to plan.
Speaker 2: It never goes to plan.
Speaker 3: Well, sometimes some people get their happy endings.
Speaker 1: And for those of you who are single, you'll be
Speaker 1: well aware if you're in the dating world that it
Speaker 1: can absolutely be a cess pool at the exact same time.
Speaker 1: And one thing that we do on our podcast Life
Speaker 1: on Cup podcast it's kind of become a namesake of
Speaker 1: the pod, is that we often get in your most embarrassing, hilarious,
Speaker 1: like worst dating stories when things just go absolutely not
Speaker 1: to plan.
Speaker 2: I remember going on a lunch date with this guy.
Speaker 4: It was supposed to be a sandwich and a smoothie,
Speaker 4: and I took him to this play in my local suburb.
Speaker 2: He didn't know it.
Speaker 4: We got there, I went to pay with my bank
Speaker 4: card and the place was like, oh, sorry, it's cash
Speaker 4: only and I.
Speaker 2: Didn't have cash.
Speaker 4: He thought you were being a tight ask yeah, so
Speaker 4: I said, oh, sorry, do you have cash?
Speaker 2: And I don't know why I was paying anyway. He
Speaker 2: asked me on the date.
Speaker 4: He was like, yeah, okay, are you just taking me
Speaker 4: to places where you don't have to pay? And I
Speaker 4: was like, this is so in my head, I was like,
Speaker 4: this is so weird. Bro, it's twenty five bucks. Anyway,
Speaker 4: he walked me to an ATM and I got a
Speaker 4: twenty dollar note out from the ATM and had to
Speaker 4: give it to him to repay him for the sandwich.
Speaker 3: That's soba.
Speaker 4: Then he tried to kiss me and said we had
Speaker 4: a connection. Can I see you again?
Speaker 3: I can you deal? I can I saw him again?
Speaker 3: Don't like? Because I can deal?
Speaker 1: Because I did a lot of dating before meeting my husband.
Speaker 1: I reckon I dated three quarters of Sydney. You know
Speaker 1: when you're on Tinder so aggressively that you're swiping and
Speaker 1: swiping and it's like there's no one left in your location.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how have I gone through all of the men?
Speaker 1: When I was like in the throes of dating, Like,
Speaker 1: he was a guy who was kind of friends with
Speaker 1: I didn't even know it was a date. We were
Speaker 1: going to UNI together and he asked me around and
Speaker 1: I got to his house and it was like he
Speaker 1: had been watching too many teen rom com movies. He
Speaker 1: walked out and he brought out literal apple pie that
Speaker 1: he had made.
Speaker 2: He's watched American Pie.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it was American pie, wasn't it? With whipped
Speaker 1: cream on the apple pie?
Speaker 3: Completely?
Speaker 1: But as naked And I had zero sexual attraction to
Speaker 1: this man, Like it was repulsive to me. Anyway, you
Speaker 1: win some you lousum grace, which is a grace You've
Speaker 1: got a terrible first date story.
Speaker 6: Yeah, back when I was like eighteen or nineteen, I
Speaker 6: was dating this guy for maybe three or four months.
Speaker 6: He'd met my family, I'd met his. We were like
Speaker 6: quite in it, and I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 6: plan this date. We're going to go to the aquarium
Speaker 6: just to look at fish. It's going to be lovely.
Speaker 6: He never turned up and I never heard from him again.
Speaker 6: You got ghosted at the aquarium, the saddest aquarium trip
Speaker 6: I've ever been on in my life.
Speaker 3: Did you still go through?
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, I'm not an idiot by yourself crying
Speaker 2: looking at the fish.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, we've got some terrible ones from you
Speaker 1: guys that you've written in and like I said, we
Speaker 1: do do this on Life on Cut podcast. If you
Speaker 1: want to go have a listen to more there you can.
Speaker 3: Here he goes.
Speaker 1: He spent the whole day telling me how good he
Speaker 1: is at dating and how he's really proficient at Tinder,
Speaker 1: and that he also applied for maths.
Speaker 3: Perfect well done, A plus.
Speaker 2: Am I like to say, a sexy one?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Sure. We were on the first date.
Speaker 4: It was going really well and I was really attracted
Speaker 4: to him, so we decided to take it back to his.
Speaker 2: House after one pump.
Speaker 4: Oh it ended everywhere and he said, I'm so sorry
Speaker 4: it's not happened.
Speaker 2: I think it's because I'm in love with you. We'd
Speaker 2: been on one date.
Speaker 3: This one's also bad. First date guy goes in for
Speaker 3: the kiss. I pull away.
Speaker 1: He says, oh wow, that was awkward, then goes in
Speaker 1: for a second one.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm a vegetarian. So he took me to KFC.
Speaker 2: That's terrible.
Speaker 1: He obviously was just trying to see he doesn't want
Speaker 1: a date a vegetarian, and he was trying to see
Speaker 1: if you would, like, you know, change your ways for him.
Speaker 4: This is a common theme that's come through. It took
Speaker 4: me to a steakhouse. I told him I was a vegetarian, Like,
Speaker 4: why are men doing that?
Speaker 1: Maybe they didn't they send very well, didn't read the
Speaker 1: text and they know what vegetarian is.
Speaker 3: But I think they do. I think they just don't care. Wait,
Speaker 3: what about this?
Speaker 1: He had a nosebleed while we were making out, and
Speaker 1: the entire thing just went straight into my mouth.
Speaker 4: Okay, what about this one that came in from one
Speaker 4: of our own Lifelunge cutters one time. One of our
Speaker 4: life is that's our podcast Lifeline cut So she was
Speaker 4: on this day. It was a beautiful coast walk and
Speaker 4: they were stopped on a cliff and looking over at
Speaker 4: the water and they're having this really romantic moment and
Speaker 4: they went in for like a smooch. There was like
Speaker 4: some dirt falling on them and they were like, oh,
Speaker 4: there's some dirt falling off the cliff, like what's happening.
Speaker 2: And they looked up up on the top of the cliff.
Speaker 2: Someone was spreading ashes.
Speaker 1: They were covered in cremation in Nana and Papa Nana
Speaker 1: was right there.
Speaker 3: Terrible, terrible.
Speaker 2: Person.
Speaker 3: Anyway, guys, that's it from us. We've got to go