Speaker 1: New Fall. Ray.
Speaker 2: You are.
Speaker 3: I believe that the.
Speaker 2: Heart does go on.
Speaker 1: More.
Speaker 3: You open the door.
Speaker 2: And you what and you here in my heart will.
Speaker 3: Go on.
Speaker 4: Wow, you are a strange cat.
Speaker 3: Welcome back to to Going Dads. I'm Maddie, Jay, I'm
Speaker 3: Ash and this is a podcast all about parenting. It's
Speaker 3: the good, the bad, and and if you've come wanting
Speaker 3: any advice, not right now. It's not going to happen.
Speaker 3: Not today, beat it, not next week, not the week after.
Speaker 3: It's never going to happen.
Speaker 2: It happened on the bonus episodes. That happened.
Speaker 3: It happens, but not from us, from the other guests.
Speaker 2: Essentially, we're just a vessel.
Speaker 3: Two men, one of whom finished school, got a terrible,
Speaker 3: terrible result.
Speaker 2: Oh didn't you ever?
Speaker 3: You didn't finish school, did you?
Speaker 1: I left school at fifteen at shows. Can't read, can't write,
Speaker 1: can't talk. Just old school salesmen, That's what I am.
Speaker 1: Come out of school and I'm like, hey, hey, what do.
Speaker 3: You want to buy?
Speaker 2: What do you want to buy?
Speaker 3: What price you're looking at?
Speaker 1: Before we do get into it, Matt, we need to
Speaker 1: mention our friend Stone would yes. And today we are
Speaker 1: drinking a pacific Ale. Okay, it's bar and Bay in
Speaker 1: a bottle, Matthew, it is from Iron Bay.
Speaker 2: It's the name.
Speaker 3: Let me dress one second, have a sip, let me.
Speaker 1: Know what you think, just as delicious as it always is.
Speaker 2: Let me have a go.
Speaker 3: They're yet to disappoint.
Speaker 2: Ah tme on the.
Speaker 1: Pacific Ocean where it gets its pacific Ale name.
Speaker 2: And do you know what you can taste in there?
Speaker 3: Hang on? What's that? Almost? One more? When you're not
Speaker 3: thinking about it, it's easy to miss. But when you
Speaker 3: are thinking about it, the galaxy hops.
Speaker 2: Oh, fresh from Tasmania.
Speaker 3: Those are coming through.
Speaker 1: Strong leaves, those floral aromas. It's nice and fruity. It
Speaker 1: they just make grape beer. And we thank them as
Speaker 1: always for making this episode possible.
Speaker 3: I've booked in a trip, have you in May to
Speaker 3: Byron Bay.
Speaker 2: Well, and may you enjoy yourself.
Speaker 3: I cannot wait to go to the brewery.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I haven't been in a long time.
Speaker 1: And I guarantee you, my friend, that when you go
Speaker 1: on this trip and you go to the brewery, you
Speaker 1: will see my face there. We have threatened that sort
Speaker 1: of thing before. I'm going to weasel my way into
Speaker 1: this trip.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, my trip is for my brother's fortieth, but
Speaker 3: which includes me podcast as well. And I have to
Speaker 3: apologize before we continue anymore. Ash because it's happened. Mate.
Speaker 3: We got struck by bad last year to the.
Speaker 2: Point where we nearly had to cancel.
Speaker 3: We were almost just going to pull the pin on
Speaker 3: two doting.
Speaker 1: Dads because just two dying dads.
Speaker 3: It was wee can week out. We would just get
Speaker 3: hit left, right and center with all types of ailments.
Speaker 1: And I remember we did that episode and I was
Speaker 1: just profusely sweating, and I was like.
Speaker 3: It wasn't just the flu though, with like any kind
Speaker 3: of orifice. We'd like, you know, hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids, We had
Speaker 3: mouth ulcers, we had kidneys, were.
Speaker 1: Sore, shipped myself a heap of times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that's people don't tell you about running a
Speaker 3: podcast about the health issues that come as a result.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think we've got workers comp.
Speaker 3: Ma'am. I'm sick at the moment.
Speaker 1: You don't sound, you don't sound. You sound better than
Speaker 1: you did yesterday. You're a little bit snuffily, but do
Speaker 1: you to be expected?
Speaker 3: Do you know why it's not hitting as hard I'll
Speaker 3: tell you do you.
Speaker 2: Tell me, you tell me what.
Speaker 3: So at the moment, Laura is away.
Speaker 1: Of course, gallivanting in between the boozy lunches April's having
Speaker 1: and the trips Laura is having.
Speaker 2: We might as well move in together, two gay dads.
Speaker 3: I thought you never asked, and I did. I facetimed
Speaker 3: the other day she is working over there, she's working
Speaker 3: very hard. But I facetimed literally FI guess where she was,
Speaker 3: next to the pool, by the pool, tonic in hand,
Speaker 3: and she was like, it's between meetings.
Speaker 2: Shows, a quick meeting with Sir Jinn and satonic.
Speaker 3: I was like her and a sister obviously her business
Speaker 3: partner for those of you who don't know, just having
Speaker 3: a bloody lovely time sipping G and t's by the pool. Just.
Speaker 3: Part of the reason why it's not hit me as
Speaker 3: hard is because I've got like the mum shield.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, because they just get on with it.
Speaker 3: They just get on with it. A drop in one
Speaker 3: or two degrees in temperature, and.
Speaker 1: I'm like other hatches, yeah, bed ridden, head in to bed.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But so I've got like the mumshield, which is deflecting.
Speaker 3: I'm running it like half capacity right now, and I've
Speaker 3: got both kids. Nana is also away.
Speaker 2: She's gallimanting too.
Speaker 3: The women in my life have deserted me.
Speaker 2: Back to Vegas, I go.
Speaker 3: Go on to the days of us having a hell
Speaker 3: of time. So I'm looking after both kids. I will
Speaker 3: say the trip that we had on the cruise ship
Speaker 3: that has helped me a great deal and just making
Speaker 3: Lola not think I'm a piece of shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you bonded.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And now that Laura's out of the mix, she's
Speaker 3: come back and kid the dark side. This morning was
Speaker 3: a little bit tricky. This morning was a bit of
Speaker 3: a clusterfuck, if I may say that, go for it.
Speaker 3: What happened, well, the girls have over the last few
Speaker 3: nights Becauselaura has been gone for a little while now,
Speaker 3: Lola's been waking up at two o'clockish once a warm water.
Speaker 3: That's her jam. She gets the warm water in a
Speaker 3: baby bottle to go back to sleep, and then when
Speaker 3: I give it to her, she's like, I want to cuddle.
Speaker 3: As a man who's been neglected by their child for
Speaker 3: a long period of time, who am I to knock
Speaker 3: back a cuddle? Like?
Speaker 2: Did you say cuddle?
Speaker 4: She's like, no, no, I'm like dragging her into my bed.
Speaker 3: She's like, leave me alone, but I bring it into
Speaker 3: my bed and then Marley will then wake.
Speaker 2: Up realize that she's not there because they share a room.
Speaker 3: Right, they share a room.
Speaker 2: How is the bunk beds going just really quickly?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I might have to get.
Speaker 3: Some absolutely fantastic, highly reckon.
Speaker 2: I don't need Macie running around as well in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night. She's she's bad news.
Speaker 3: I would keep the cop for as long as you can,
Speaker 3: but when it's time to bunk beds.
Speaker 1: Even the lid, I keep the lid on it.
Speaker 2: No, you got me, just lock her in there.
Speaker 3: But Marley will wake up and then she comes into
Speaker 3: our bed and I've got both girls in the bedroom.
Speaker 3: Issue is can I wake each other up? And then
Speaker 3: they start chatting as well?
Speaker 2: Are they chatting about?
Speaker 3: Just like I don't know. Marley woke up this morning
Speaker 3: and was talking about daycare. She was just like, well,
Speaker 3: today's going to be pretty big day because we're making
Speaker 3: these cards. And Molly was like, right, how many cards
Speaker 3: are you making?
Speaker 2: The scheduling and meeting It was five in.
Speaker 3: The morning, and I was like, Marley was like well,
Speaker 3: I'm up now, and I'm like, no, it's it's not
Speaker 3: it's in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like right at the cusp of like
Speaker 1: the end of day.
Speaker 2: Let's savings too, so it's so dark, that's right.
Speaker 3: I was like, you've got to go back to sleep.
Speaker 3: I was like, please, come on, and do you know
Speaker 3: what she said? Sleeping is boring.
Speaker 1: She says that now, but when you get older, you're like,
Speaker 1: I wish I could get more sleep.
Speaker 2: It's not boring, it's the best.
Speaker 3: So our day started at five o'clock this morning and
Speaker 3: we had two bottles of milk in the fridge. I
Speaker 3: used up one on the girl's breakfast. I then had
Speaker 3: the freshy fresh bottle. You know, sometimes things happen where
Speaker 3: it doesn't register that that's a problem in it's an
Speaker 3: issue after the fact that you're like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 3: should have known. But I opened the milk and it
Speaker 3: was like I was opening a bottle of coke. I
Speaker 3: went the milk. You said that the kids no, because
Speaker 3: they had the bottle that was finished, that was already opened. Okay,
Speaker 3: So I opened the fresh bottle.
Speaker 2: You never buy two at a time for starters. That
Speaker 2: was your milk management terrible, terrible.
Speaker 3: You've either got too much or not an art.
Speaker 2: So you had some carbonated milk for breakfast and I.
Speaker 3: Didn't register until I was almost like, I was so tired,
Speaker 3: and I had one mouthful and I had the second one.
Speaker 3: Oh and it was it was so fucking it was
Speaker 3: two weeks off.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, was it clumpy?
Speaker 3: Not clumpy? I was in this scene vomiting. Emalia and
Speaker 3: Laula were like, can you keep it down?
Speaker 2: The release of gas is definitely a.
Speaker 3: Giveaway if you're opening up milk.
Speaker 2: You got some milk on.
Speaker 3: So that's how my morning started with a carbonated milk.
Speaker 2: How are you feeling now? Yeah, you just got it
Speaker 2: straight up.
Speaker 3: I vomited it all up, straight out.
Speaker 1: You're like, that's a spicy cow honestly bad milk. There's
Speaker 1: nothing worse putrid.
Speaker 3: And it's a shame because you know, normally I'm a
Speaker 3: guy who likes he likes milk. I don't want I
Speaker 3: don't just like milk. How good is the glass, mik,
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 2: You're a horse now.
Speaker 3: Milk is done.
Speaker 2: The mention of a full glass of milk.
Speaker 3: But it's such a shame when something that normally brings
Speaker 3: you so much joy ends up.
Speaker 2: And then it takes forever to go back to it.
Speaker 1: One time I got sick from a sweet tailed pork
Speaker 1: in Bali, but I pooped myself at a restaurant, and.
Speaker 3: I love how you almost tried to pull out of
Speaker 3: that story.
Speaker 1: I was like, too much, no, and it dripped down
Speaker 1: the chair. It took me two years to eat sweet
Speaker 1: and sail pork again because of the fear that I
Speaker 1: might poop and drip down the chair again.
Speaker 3: After the milk incident, Lola's got this weird addiction that's
Speaker 3: just kind.
Speaker 2: Of crept Is it a clips mints?
Speaker 3: No? No? Hows that going by?
Speaker 1: Well, we ran out and we hadn't got to the
Speaker 1: shop because the day we ran out happened to be
Speaker 1: good Friday. Everything's closed and I'm not paying petrol station
Speaker 1: money MINS.
Speaker 3: Well it's not mins for Lola. It's band aids.
Speaker 2: They love band aids.
Speaker 3: And to be fair, she had cut us a little
Speaker 3: nick previously with stairs outside. They're a bloody killer. A
Speaker 3: little nick on the foot. Put a bandad on it.
Speaker 3: Problem solved. But now every morning she's been waking up
Speaker 3: and she's like, could put on me, could you?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, like two thousands Nelly and he had
Speaker 1: one of his face.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I should show her that photo of Nellie.
Speaker 2: And so if she mimics it.
Speaker 3: No, because then she that's what she'll start wanting. At
Speaker 3: the moment, it's anywhere from the hips down, so she's
Speaker 3: sometimes she's like, yeah, give me an upper thigh. Other
Speaker 3: times it's a knee, just anywhere. At the moment, she's
Speaker 3: really into putting band aids on the big toe. Leave it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's moments like she just wants it on there
Speaker 3: for like a split second, and then she's like, take
Speaker 3: it off. Other times, this morning she had five band
Speaker 3: aids on her legs and I sent her out the door.
Speaker 2: What's kin together?
Speaker 3: Think?
Speaker 2: I was like, is everything okay at home?
Speaker 3: I'm about to get well fed? But just absolutely yeah,
Speaker 3: loves it and also as a single pan it now
Speaker 3: if that's going to keep them happy.
Speaker 1: Oh totally, Oh yeah, I don't care.
Speaker 3: I want to ask you one thing though, I'd love
Speaker 3: to know your thoughts on this situation. Who is entitled
Speaker 3: to the toothpaste? In this situation, one of you is
Speaker 3: going away, you and your partner, one of you is
Speaker 3: going away? Do you keep the toothpaste at home? Or
Speaker 3: does a person who's going away get to take the
Speaker 3: toothpaste with them?
Speaker 2: You haven't thought about getting two toothpastes?
Speaker 3: Made the money you've got?
Speaker 2: How many bathrooms you got? Fifteen bathrooms? We have three
Speaker 2: brooms a three bathroom.
Speaker 3: Look when you say it, oh my god, we have.
Speaker 2: That's two more than a regular man.
Speaker 3: When Laura left for Bali, she.
Speaker 2: Took a bathroom with it.
Speaker 3: She's taken the toothpaste.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not so who gets a toothpaste? I think
Speaker 1: she's entitled to taking it as long as there's one
Speaker 1: left at home. For general years, I'm using kids. I
Speaker 1: have notice on the bench over there there's a new toothpaste. Yeah,
Speaker 1: was taking the kids toothpaste, but these.
Speaker 3: I've been using the kids toothpaste.
Speaker 2: It's so yummy.
Speaker 1: I always use it when I get home pissed and
Speaker 1: our toothpastes in the other bathroom. I don't want to
Speaker 1: wake anyone up. I'm like brushing my teeth with a
Speaker 1: tiny little toothbrush.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I wonder where amazing gets a mint addiction from.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but look, I think.
Speaker 2: She should get her own.
Speaker 3: She's going to the airport, there's going to be a chemistry.
Speaker 2: Also, get a travel size one on the way to
Speaker 2: the airport. What do you want to lug around.
Speaker 1: A big toothpaste tube like a freak less risk of
Speaker 1: it exploding in your bag, because that happened to me.
Speaker 2: Didn't explode on the way to Vegas.
Speaker 1: It was pushed open and it filled up the bottom
Speaker 1: of a bum bag like a dad bum bag that
Speaker 1: we use filled it up, and I found myself scrubbing
Speaker 1: out a bum bag and Vegas. It's like meant to
Speaker 1: be having a good time here.
Speaker 2: I am hands and knees.
Speaker 3: Look at a bum bag, a bum bag.
Speaker 1: I was like joy two person like, yeah, just folded,
Speaker 1: folded in the bag inside. I just wipe your toothbrushure
Speaker 1: on this. And worst case scenario is you use it
Speaker 1: all over there you come home with less things.
Speaker 3: You're a smart man. There you go, beautiful for.
Speaker 1: More travel tips. But yeah, I think you've been left
Speaker 1: in the lurch there.
Speaker 2: I don't like that. And I'll have a stone word
Speaker 2: to please.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: One of the best feelings in the world.
Speaker 2: ASH give it me straight, big man.
Speaker 3: Being welcomed, Being welcomed with open arms. Ah, doesn't matter
Speaker 3: where I am. If I'm being welcomed, I'm going to
Speaker 3: stick around. I'm going to have fun. That reminds me
Speaker 3: Ash at KO everyone is welcome, even if you think
Speaker 3: a sin bin is something you find in a church.
Speaker 2: Wow that dad joke?
Speaker 1: Yes, Matt, And on KO there is heaps of action
Speaker 1: this weekend. We've got, of course, You're Mighty Broncos versus Dolphins,
Speaker 1: another local derby no ad.
Speaker 2: Breaks in play. We've also got the rabbit Os versus
Speaker 2: the Sharks.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't happen to be in four K? Is it?
Speaker 1: It is in four K and it's exclusive to Fox League,
Speaker 1: available on KO.
Speaker 3: And let's not forget about the afl ash. We do
Speaker 3: have a great game fierce rivals the beautiful Brisbane Lines
Speaker 3: versus Melbourne going to face off to start Round six
Speaker 3: and GWS come up against a good challenge against Saint
Speaker 3: Kilda as they fight to stay in the top eight
Speaker 3: right now.
Speaker 1: Arguably, also, the biggest event in UFC history is happening
Speaker 1: on the weekend is UFC three hundred.
Speaker 2: It's a round number. It's Perera at verse Hill.
Speaker 1: Okay, twelve current or former champions that will feature at
Speaker 1: the historic event. You can order exclusively on main event
Speaker 1: with Chaosport. No KO subscription is needed.
Speaker 3: And before we go a little reminded as well that
Speaker 3: we do have sun Corp supernet Ball the ss N.
Speaker 2: I've been lately, have you?
Speaker 3: Have you? I could see you playing netball.
Speaker 1: I love how it's these sports that's like you grew
Speaker 1: up with playing in the winter and watching you know,
Speaker 1: your sisters or your cousins or your family members playing netball.
Speaker 1: Now you can watch it on TV.
Speaker 2: It's great.
Speaker 3: I can't wait till Marley and Lola get to enjoy netball.
Speaker 2: Make sure they cut their nails. It's one thing I know.
Speaker 3: The new season kicks off this weekend with defending champs
Speaker 3: Adelaide Thunderbirds. It's the first title defense against the Firebirds
Speaker 3: and the newest team, the Mavericks face off against new
Speaker 3: crosstown rivals Melbourne Vixen's.
Speaker 1: Just remember there's plenty of room for everyone, so get
Speaker 1: on board with KO now also available on Hubble.
Speaker 2: Where do I start? Matt, Where do I start?
Speaker 1: And actually you might relate to this because you have
Speaker 1: two girls. I have one toilets in public. Okay, now
Speaker 1: hear me out yeah. I was at the shops with
Speaker 1: Macy and Oscar was after kindy. I thought I do
Speaker 1: April of favor and get him out of the house
Speaker 1: so she could get the house in order right.
Speaker 2: Take them down to the shop.
Speaker 1: There's a little playground at the shop there, right near
Speaker 1: a bathroom. Oscar goes and needs we. I'm like, sweet,
Speaker 1: no worries, and because it's just me, I've got to
Speaker 1: take all the kids. I can't leave it to an
Speaker 1: a half year old just in the playground on their own.
Speaker 1: I've got to pack the whole fm up and go
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. And thankfully, shopping says, I have the
Speaker 1: kids kids room, beautiful. We come out, Macy takes off
Speaker 1: into the women's bathroom. Now I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: noticed me, did she?
Speaker 3: But I'm oh, Mazi, I've got to come and collect
Speaker 3: You's like, what are you doing? Has anyone seen my daughter?
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you know this man, but
Speaker 2: I am a man, not a woman.
Speaker 3: Hang on a second, shocker.
Speaker 1: I had my suspicions, yes, and my first thought is fuck,
Speaker 1: I got to chase Macy. But then I saw that
Speaker 1: there's a big women's sign. My first nature thought is
Speaker 1: what do I do here? And it's very busy. It's
Speaker 1: those afternoon before a long weekend, so there's people getting
Speaker 1: their ship for the weekend together.
Speaker 2: Makes she's taken off.
Speaker 3: I've just gone in dilemma.
Speaker 1: She's running a mark in these women's bathroom. You can
Speaker 1: hear it, and I'm like hello, and I hear this.
Speaker 2: Whose kids this? I was just like, oh fuck, so
Speaker 2: I'm in the bathroom.
Speaker 3: Okay, hang on, are is Oscar on your hip?
Speaker 2: Oscar's grid behind me in toe.
Speaker 3: A child on your hip is the best sign of
Speaker 3: like I'm not a threat to anyone.
Speaker 1: Oscar was like really close in time, and I was
Speaker 1: actually I actually used.
Speaker 2: Oscar as the sacrificial lamb. I was like, go and
Speaker 2: find your sister.
Speaker 3: It's like, Bro, I'm four.
Speaker 1: He's like, this is you problem? Bro, I'm going back
Speaker 1: to the playground. I'm old enough. I did go into
Speaker 1: a point where you could see like the way they
Speaker 1: wash where they washed their head, like it's a zoo
Speaker 1: where people where women wash their hands.
Speaker 2: And I was like, this is as far as like
Speaker 2: a go.
Speaker 1: She's taken off into this into the stalls somewhere, and
Speaker 1: I'm like to Oscar, my go find it to the
Speaker 1: point where I was like, I was like, God.
Speaker 2: Find your sister. And then I think the me raising
Speaker 2: my voice at my child. Someone was like, you.
Speaker 3: Don't want to start shouting. You don't want to be
Speaker 3: a man shouting in the woman's toilet.
Speaker 2: Someone was like, is this yours?
Speaker 1: And it was amazing, and I was like, thank god
Speaker 1: she'd gone all the way to the end. But I
Speaker 1: was staring down the barrel of like, am I going
Speaker 1: to have to check all the stalls in a women's bathroom?
Speaker 1: And thankfully not, but Oscar did have to do a
Speaker 1: couple of laps up and down.
Speaker 3: But not having I think you're well in your right.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. It's never happened to come in.
Speaker 3: And be like, I'm a dad. Don't be threatened by.
Speaker 2: My liken like an ID.
Speaker 1: Like you know when you go to a crime scene
Speaker 1: and you're like Matt Johnson, FBI Dad Badge.
Speaker 2: I could be like, I am ash Dad Badge.
Speaker 3: I am not a sexual predator. Do not be alarmed
Speaker 3: by my presence. And here, Dad Badge, continue your pisses
Speaker 3: and ships. I am looking for a daughter.
Speaker 2: By the way, it stinks in here.
Speaker 3: Do you remember being a youngster and I don't know
Speaker 3: if you ever went to like after school care and
Speaker 3: you go into girls toilets and it was just a
Speaker 3: different world. It was like being on another planet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they had music.
Speaker 3: It was so much nicer. Yeah, we were a bit
Speaker 3: like I want to I wouldn't mind getting comfy in here.
Speaker 3: Yeah it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did talk a ship.
Speaker 1: No, but it was like I'd never I'd never experienced
Speaker 1: that situation before. I don't don't know how many of
Speaker 1: the listeners have had that happen to them.
Speaker 2: But you don't know what the etiquette is.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm trying to I know that this will
Speaker 3: not be allowed this one.
Speaker 2: You can't jerk off in their matter.
Speaker 3: A man can dream.
Speaker 2: It's like dad bad, where are you kids? Why are
Speaker 2: you sweating? No?
Speaker 3: I think it's be allowed. My biggest gripe, m m ash.
Speaker 1: It's not your biggest gripe.
Speaker 3: I've never opened up about this before.
Speaker 2: You've got a fear of women's baths.
Speaker 3: It sucks having to take my girls into a men's bathroom.
Speaker 2: When there's no option for the kids room.
Speaker 3: There's no kids room, and men's bathrooms are disgusting. That place.
Speaker 3: That place is how.
Speaker 2: Can I suggest something to you disabled?
Speaker 3: I encourage it, please, And this is what.
Speaker 1: It's frowned upon because you're enabled bodied man.
Speaker 3: I don't know what the rule is here, but like,
Speaker 3: if I'm with both girls and I'm traveling solo, you're disabled,
Speaker 3: I'm taking them into the disabled toilet and I'm being quick,
Speaker 3: I'm being efficient, I'm not mucking about.
Speaker 2: It's like you come out there and there's a double ampt.
Speaker 3: On the ground.
Speaker 2: Excuse me.
Speaker 3: It sucks when you go into a bathroom and like,
Speaker 3: I'm yet to go into a men's cubicle with my
Speaker 3: daughters and they're not be like, piss all over the
Speaker 3: toilet set piss on the floor. The guy next to
Speaker 3: us is going. It also sucks to shut up ash.
Speaker 2: It also sucks to be part of the problem too, though,
Speaker 2: doesn't it?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like is this is this how we're represented?
Speaker 3: But I just I wish there was there was more
Speaker 3: parent specific bathrooms out there. I often have to say
Speaker 3: to Laura, I'm not taking Lola or Marley into the
Speaker 3: men's bath.
Speaker 1: If we start a political party, which very likely it
Speaker 1: will be, our main policy will be more parent bedrooms.
Speaker 3: You heard it you first, bedrooms or bathrooms both?
Speaker 2: Sorry I got confused there, I got confused. We need
Speaker 2: public naps as well.
Speaker 3: Let's come, let's have bedrooms just everywhere, just parent bedrooms
Speaker 3: and them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a hotel and they are in fact open
Speaker 2: to the public. Anyway.
Speaker 1: I don't have a job, so public clu that don't
Speaker 1: really matter to me.
Speaker 3: This is my job.
Speaker 2: I could do it whenever. I can do it on
Speaker 2: the silight. Now, Oscar gave himself a black eye.
Speaker 3: He fell down the stairs, that old chestnut.
Speaker 2: He ran into a doorknob.
Speaker 3: He gave himself.
Speaker 2: He gave himself a black eye. Now it's the stupid
Speaker 2: Stop winking at me, you freak. This is legit. Okay,
Speaker 2: we could lose his eye.
Speaker 3: Ship.
Speaker 2: We're gonna have to. We're gonna have to scrap this story.
Speaker 3: Go on.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have child Services banging.
Speaker 3: On the door.
Speaker 1: Sure, that's how it happened. This is how it happened.
Speaker 1: It's stupid how it happens. And he did it to
Speaker 1: himself wink, No he did. I can't get through it.
Speaker 1: I got a photo. I'll show you the photo. Here's
Speaker 1: the photo.
Speaker 3: It's up there.
Speaker 2: Here's the photo. It's not that bad.
Speaker 3: Sorry. Sorry, we're winking at.
Speaker 2: Each other, looking at you know, this is audio.
Speaker 3: We can't see the perfection. Y.
Speaker 1: They're very over exaggerated to just like it's like a
Speaker 1: whole body where.
Speaker 3: You go the head, the head gets into it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he gave himself a black eye.
Speaker 3: Look a look at you.
Speaker 1: So I'm downstairs, April's upstairs, Macy's downstairs with me. I
Speaker 1: was as far away from him as possible.
Speaker 2: I didn't give him a black I'm sweating. I'm over here.
Speaker 2: I'm sweating.
Speaker 1: I'm downstairs, April's upstairs. Oscar's jumping on the bed, which
Speaker 1: I don't mind if he's jumping in the bed as
Speaker 1: long as I have shoes on.
Speaker 2: That's not on. He's jumping on the bed.
Speaker 1: He's doing He's at the age where he's like, wants
Speaker 1: to do heaps of park Yes, that's the word I'm
Speaker 1: looking for. He wants to do heaps of parkour and
Speaker 1: stuff like that.
Speaker 2: And he doesn't know what park is, but he's doing
Speaker 2: his version of it. Kids, and I love flipping around
Speaker 2: on the bed.
Speaker 1: And you know, I often think like being that small
Speaker 1: would be so cool, so easy, so easy, to be
Speaker 1: jumping around on a big, king sized bed like lovely
Speaker 1: love that, and then I hear like a bellowing scream,
Speaker 1: knee to the eye, need himself in the eye.
Speaker 3: I've been there, and I was like, how did.
Speaker 2: You manage that?
Speaker 1: First of all, jealous of the flexibility, so he's giving
Speaker 1: himself a black eye.
Speaker 2: Right before we had to go to a kid's party.
Speaker 1: Questions for flying people were like, oh God, what's happened.
Speaker 2: Do you know how many people had to explain that
Speaker 2: I scatter black eye?
Speaker 3: Do you think you were being investigated?
Speaker 1: Well, I think the first person asked me, I said,
Speaker 1: I punched him, so everyone else had to ask me
Speaker 1: to But there was a joke, was a joke that
Speaker 1: was a blatant joke.
Speaker 2: Have your kids ever done? Yeah?
Speaker 3: You know what? A tumble can just derail the day
Speaker 3: at any point.
Speaker 1: Morning you wanted to happen in the afternoon, for sure,
Speaker 1: it happens in the morning.
Speaker 3: I don't want it to happen at all, ash because
Speaker 3: I don't want to hurt my kids. Sorry, keep winking,
Speaker 3: But I often, especially when I'm cooking dinner now that
Speaker 3: I'm a single parent, I'm in the kitchen and I'm
Speaker 3: turning around to go to the stovetop and Lula's come
Speaker 3: up to get a snack a bumper off, and she.
Speaker 2: Goes, what does she hate you?
Speaker 3: My kids are yet to give themselves any kind of serious.
Speaker 1: But the saddest part was he was so upset. Black
Speaker 1: eyes hurt. It's also very visual. It's a visual injury.
Speaker 1: He was so concerned about being teased for it. Man,
Speaker 1: that's what he was like. And I was like, nah, dude,
Speaker 1: people going to.
Speaker 2: Think you're really cool.
Speaker 3: He is a handsome young man.
Speaker 2: But he was more concerned, and he was like, has
Speaker 2: it gone yet? Has it gone away yet? Like literally
Speaker 2: every ten minutes.
Speaker 3: No one's going to mass with Oscar. No, especially the
Speaker 3: way that he finds yes, which.
Speaker 1: I have experienced first first hand.
Speaker 3: I want to quickly show you something that I've purchased. Oh, yes,
Speaker 3: has made me feel more masculine than any other purchase
Speaker 3: of recent months.
Speaker 1: If I make you finally got that butt poke, let
Speaker 1: me just get prepared for what's going to be unveiled.
Speaker 1: Oh that sounded so good, isn't it good? So many
Speaker 1: men have erections, isn't it good?
Speaker 2: Women's women don't get it.
Speaker 3: I don't think they get it.
Speaker 2: He listened to that all day.
Speaker 3: It might not look like much how you use it,
Speaker 3: and it's weird how something so small can fill you
Speaker 3: with so much power.
Speaker 2: That's what she said.
Speaker 3: The fence had a few palings that had fallen off,
Speaker 3: and so I wasn't going to say anything people, you know,
Speaker 3: the house was falling apart. So I picked up that
Speaker 3: little drill. I drilled in the three pailings that had
Speaker 3: fallen off. I felt like I was unstoppable.
Speaker 2: Did you jerk off? After?
Speaker 3: I couldn't even finish the last paling without jerking off.
Speaker 3: I was Laura was like, wonder how Matt's going in
Speaker 3: the backyard, just sitting there with the drill, fullball the
Speaker 3: full four vaults.
Speaker 1: Really tearing the skin off the top of it.
Speaker 3: I was thinking about paying someone to come and fix
Speaker 3: the fence, and I'm so glad that I didn't. I'm
Speaker 3: so glad that I had the initiative. Went out to Bunnings,
Speaker 3: got the field, fix the fence, and I was like,
Speaker 3: now you have a drill.
Speaker 1: I don't even have a drill, dude, And so how
Speaker 1: much was it?
Speaker 3: It was like sixty bucks of them. But then I
Speaker 3: guess I was in this this high, a drill high,
Speaker 3: if you will.
Speaker 2: My judgment was very clown, nothing like that feeling I was.
Speaker 3: I was thinking that there was nothing I couldn't fix
Speaker 3: for it, and I came down pretty hard after that.
Speaker 3: The car had been parked underneath a tree which had
Speaker 3: very like it was. Yeah, the sap it was and
Speaker 3: so annoying covered in it. Went to the car wash,
Speaker 3: like it's going to cost three hundred bucks to get
Speaker 3: all that off the car.
Speaker 2: You're like, do you know why I own a drill?
Speaker 2: I was like, excuse me, that's not now. They're like,
Speaker 2: whoa three dollars?
Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, I'm going to do
Speaker 3: this myself. So came back home, tried to scrub it
Speaker 3: off with my finger and a cloth. Oh, it didn't work,
Speaker 3: And I said, what would a would a guy with
Speaker 3: a drill do?
Speaker 2: Drill it off?
Speaker 3: I did something should didn't use the drill. I used
Speaker 3: the dishwashing scrub.
Speaker 2: Up the green.
Speaker 3: I've completely fucked the car. Oh. I washed it and
Speaker 3: when when it was still wet, the car was great
Speaker 3: because the car was clean. It was listening as it dried.
Speaker 3: There's just scrubby I.
Speaker 1: Know, I know you've done it, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell you a story of me and my youth, very
Speaker 1: youthful that I've just remembered. As a child, we decided
Speaker 1: to wash cars to get to a little bit of money.
Speaker 1: At one particular house, we were washing the car. Didn't
Speaker 1: realize that I was using a green sponge on someone
Speaker 1: else's car. Yes, ah, it's safe to say he didn't
Speaker 1: have to pay for that five dollar wash. And also yeah,
Speaker 1: and I also, if he's listening, I'm sorry that I
Speaker 1: ran away before, but I got the fuck out of
Speaker 1: there once I realized.
Speaker 2: We all did very quickly.
Speaker 1: And the car wash business shut down pretty much immediately.
Speaker 1: We all had to get disguises because it was in
Speaker 1: the local neighborhood.
Speaker 3: I mean, the only difference is you're twelve and I'm
Speaker 3: thirty six. I'm still learning you are. I'm not afraid
Speaker 3: you are saying it's beautiful, and he's listening.
Speaker 2: Sucked in Matt Meltdowns, Let's get into.
Speaker 1: It's the fun Fine. This is a segment where parents
Speaker 1: send in their child's meltdowns in the idea.
Speaker 3: One of my favorite segments off this podcast.
Speaker 1: It has been going for a little while there.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's time for a change. We do have a
Speaker 3: lot of people asking for line tell me lies.
Speaker 1: We had an idea the other day, really quickly about
Speaker 1: lies that you've told about to.
Speaker 2: Get your kids into things. Yes, which, let's workshop that.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I do want to do though
Speaker 3: your you did it on your stories. The petty things
Speaker 3: you do to your partner.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, I'd like to. Okay, do that next week,
Speaker 2: next week? All right.
Speaker 1: If you've got anything petty that you do to your
Speaker 1: partner or your partner does to you, it is out
Speaker 1: of spit, nothing too crazy. I don't want to like
Speaker 1: running over the car when he upsets me. I don't
Speaker 1: want that ship.
Speaker 2: I want the little things like, for example.
Speaker 1: My wife and I had a disagreement and I made
Speaker 1: my half of the bed and didn't make her half.
Speaker 2: I've got a list of things that I love that
Speaker 2: I'm going to do it.
Speaker 3: I love a couple's tips, I love a bit of
Speaker 3: next week anyway, okay to get on with not to
Speaker 3: wrap you up.
Speaker 2: You literally just exit music me okay. So this one
Speaker 2: comes from Rebecca Rosebeca. Hi, Rebecca, how are you?
Speaker 1: My three year old had a full meltdown because I
Speaker 1: don't wear a nappy to bed like he does.
Speaker 3: Lolan onrmally has melt down about wearing a nappy, like
Speaker 3: I need to wear an appy and I'm like, you
Speaker 3: piss yourself every night. You need to wear that na
Speaker 3: I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm good every morning. He's like, check my nappy, there's
Speaker 1: nothing in it. Br that thing's full.
Speaker 3: Okay. This one is from Scuba Chez. That can't be real,
Speaker 3: she says. My four year old granddaughter came home from
Speaker 3: daycare and told her mum that a kid was saying
Speaker 3: the F word and that the teachers said the F
Speaker 3: word is bad. My daughter felt like a great parent
Speaker 3: and then went on to get dinner ready. My four
Speaker 3: year old granddaughter walked back into the kitchen and said, Mommy,
Speaker 3: where is my fucking tennis racket?
Speaker 2: I love it when.
Speaker 3: Swear Hey, list of questions we do. Also, I want
Speaker 3: to take this opportunity to say, if you are a
Speaker 3: parent out there, please send us through any questions that
Speaker 3: you may have. Maybe you just want to get the
Speaker 3: perspective of a dad to tackle a tough subject that
Speaker 3: you're too afraid to ask. Your friends, your peers, your
Speaker 3: family members.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ask a stranger.
Speaker 1: That seems like the most plausible if you like anonymous.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't have to put your name. And this
Speaker 3: one here is from Dharia Daria.
Speaker 2: She asked, diarrhea.
Speaker 3: What's one thing you wish your wife understood more.
Speaker 1: I would like my wife to understand that what I
Speaker 1: do for a job is not all fun and games.
Speaker 1: It might look like that from the outside, but sometimes
Speaker 1: she's made snoggy little comments, like you know, it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I got to go to mat Town.
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, you're going to go to matow.
Speaker 3: I guess we are just having a chat drink, having
Speaker 3: a drink.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like when we went on a cruise that was work.
Speaker 2: She came, but I'm like, I've got to.
Speaker 1: Leave you with the kids to go off and zip line.
Speaker 1: We're not for fun. I promise I won't have any fun. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: but she gave me attitude. She was like oh, and
Speaker 1: I was like.
Speaker 2: Babe, this is my job. It might look like I'm
Speaker 2: just a bit a tom foolery.
Speaker 3: Because it is. It is well depart from what.
Speaker 2: I did twelve months ago. Be miserable like the rest
Speaker 2: of us.
Speaker 1: If she's listening, which she will be. I'm better to
Speaker 1: say this very delicately. Just relax, Bra.
Speaker 3: Mine's also work related for Laura. I think it comes
Speaker 3: from the fact that a few reasons to unpack Laura A.
Speaker 1: A.
Speaker 2: We're going to go through the whole alphabet, or we just.
Speaker 3: I'll get three points at gay. Growing up, she didn't
Speaker 3: have a lot of money. They were definitely not born
Speaker 3: with silver spoons in their mouths, right, as was I
Speaker 3: one of five single parent and and so I think
Speaker 3: you've always had a bit of like a save mentality
Speaker 3: in terms of like trying to like, you know, when
Speaker 3: there's money, you got to do whatever you can to
Speaker 3: try and like fill the bank account. And then in
Speaker 3: addition to that, coming off reality TV, the narrative is
Speaker 3: always like you've got fifteen minutes and then your time's
Speaker 3: up and you're getting out of here. I've been lingering
Speaker 3: around for eight years now.
Speaker 2: You can't get rid of you.
Speaker 3: People have tried. But I think there is that there
Speaker 3: is that fear of like literally you're like cot coroach j.
Speaker 3: There is that fear of, well, soon my time will
Speaker 3: be done.
Speaker 2: Not if I can help it, Matt. That's why not
Speaker 2: if I can help it.
Speaker 3: That's why I partnered with you. But I think Laura
Speaker 3: is very much like, if I don't say yes to
Speaker 3: this opportunity, who knows when the opportunities will dry up.
Speaker 3: And even though she's working such an insane amount, you know,
Speaker 3: she's taking on so many jobs. I remember when they asked,
Speaker 3: she was asked to do Dancing with the Stars, and
Speaker 3: I was thinking, I was stressed out. You're clearly going
Speaker 3: to say no, and she was like, well, you know,
Speaker 3: who knows when I get asked again, which is true.
Speaker 3: But she did it and like she had fun. But
Speaker 3: I'm very much having to remind her that, like it's
Speaker 3: okay to say no to jobs, it's okay to you know,
Speaker 3: not be running at one hundred miles an hour. We
Speaker 3: I mean, it's a doublehswaw there, because we are extremely
Speaker 3: fortunate to be where we are financially. But at the
Speaker 3: same time, now that we've been running at this fast
Speaker 3: pace for so long, we can just put it back
Speaker 3: in a third gear.
Speaker 2: You slow down, Smell the roses a little bit.
Speaker 3: Smell the roses.
Speaker 2: Are you thankful that it's Britt in the jungle and
Speaker 2: not Laura?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I'm losing Laura for a
Speaker 3: week in Bali and I'm like, oh.
Speaker 1: So you'd like her to just drop it back a
Speaker 1: gear when it's time to drop it back a gear.
Speaker 3: Which is right now. For the last three years we've
Speaker 3: been working, especially.
Speaker 1: La, I've only really been around it for like, you know,
Speaker 1: like eighteen months. Call it and it's pretty turbo. I
Speaker 1: will say, it's crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeh, it's crazy. And you know what it's like when
Speaker 3: you're tired, when you're exhausted.
Speaker 2: All the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, let's like go into semi retirement. Let's
Speaker 3: fade away.
Speaker 1: Let's fade away, let's run let's run away. Now now
Speaker 1: you're talking.
Speaker 3: But that's what I wish she had said more of.
Speaker 2: And I think that's fair.
Speaker 3: She's getting better.
Speaker 2: That's good man. I have a question for you. Oh
Speaker 2: he's a really good one.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 2: You've got two girls, Like I said, I've got a boy, which.
Speaker 1: Is going to be you know, you cut boy's hair
Speaker 1: much more, I would, I would think.
Speaker 3: I agree with you. We've never cut Lola's hair. She's three.
Speaker 3: She never had a haircut, not once. Marley had a
Speaker 3: little phase where she went through having a fringe that
Speaker 3: was self cut. How to cut Oscar's hair.
Speaker 1: Well, we went through phases of cutting Oscar's hair. The
Speaker 1: first time when I said we should cut your hair
Speaker 1: and he'd never had it before, he was really excited. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's an experience, experience, until I got the clippers out,
Speaker 1: the noises.
Speaker 3: And he was.
Speaker 2: And I was like, look, touched on his hand, doesn't hurt. Hurt.
Speaker 3: Although I have cut my ball seck a number of times.
Speaker 1: The skin down there is unforgiving. But then what he
Speaker 1: really hated was the feeling of hair falling onto his
Speaker 1: neck to the point it scared the shit out of him.
Speaker 1: So it took me another two years to get him
Speaker 1: cut his hair again, to the point where I was like,
Speaker 1: you look like no one owns you.
Speaker 2: I need to cut your hair.
Speaker 1: So I went to the next phase, which was to
Speaker 1: pin him down like I was shearing a sheep, okay.
Speaker 3: Which I'm sure went down and swimmingly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Then I went to bribery, where I bribed him for
Speaker 1: like a really big fucking toy just so that I
Speaker 1: could trim the sides a bit. But then he's cottoned
Speaker 1: onto the fact that if he gets a haircut, he
Speaker 1: gets a toy. So now he's coming to me every
Speaker 1: second day going I think I need a haircut, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think you do. If I cut
Speaker 1: anymore off, we're going in the scale. I think he's
Speaker 1: getting better at it, but like, honestly, they don't understand that.
Speaker 2: They don't understand how to steal.
Speaker 3: They're like, well, I'm at the point now. Marley actually asked.
Speaker 3: She's like, can I cut my own hair? And I
Speaker 3: was like sure, And she was about to cut.
Speaker 2: Off, and I was like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3: And she's like, I'm getting a haircut. She's never had
Speaker 3: like a proper, proper haircut. She's only had like the
Speaker 3: ends taken up.
Speaker 2: Because they get their nails done. But she'd probably love it.
Speaker 3: She went and took her Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited.
Speaker 3: I don't know if she understands that once it's gone,
Speaker 3: it's not coming back for a long time.
Speaker 1: Also, Macie all of a sudden has like hair down
Speaker 1: her back, not on her back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was thinking work quite hairy.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Oscar bribery gets him through, that's my answer.
Speaker 3: Perfect.
Speaker 2: We took the Sceny groute, but We're there.
Speaker 3: If you ever enjoyed this episode, any episode of two
Speaker 3: Doating Dads, we would love it if you would send
Speaker 3: it to any other people out there, parents specifically, but
Speaker 3: even non parents. Definitely not pet parents.
Speaker 4: Oh fuck them, but everybody else.
Speaker 3: Please share the love. Yes, because we love love. That's
Speaker 3: Laura's life on cut that's their ending.
Speaker 2: Sorry Okay, we just ripped that right off.
Speaker 1: We love love more, we we love parenting.
Speaker 3: But if you would give us any type of review,
Speaker 3: could be Spotify, could bee Apple podcasts? There have been There.
Speaker 2: Are no death threats. They were actually sick of them.
Speaker 3: It was Can I just really quickly just read you
Speaker 3: the last review that we've got. If anyone doesn't like
Speaker 3: the pot right now, they may be listening for the
Speaker 3: first time. Stick with it because honestly hated this pod
Speaker 3: to start with, and now I love it. Very easy
Speaker 3: listening and very funny. Please keep the ebbs coming, legends.
Speaker 2: What did you hate about it?
Speaker 3: No need to say you hated it? Like that's it?
Speaker 2: Nah, I like it. I like your honesty.
Speaker 3: You guys were pieces of shit to start with, but
Speaker 3: now I like you.
Speaker 2: That's a win. I'm getting out.
Speaker 3: You can go we'll see next week.
Speaker 2: See Buddy.
Speaker 3: N I get it, I get it, I get it, fine,
Speaker 3: get it, I got it Fie. Two Doting Dads podcast
Speaker 3: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
Speaker 3: connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land