1
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,200
Speaker 1: How many times do you find yourself saying? How many

2
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,720
Speaker 1: times do I have to tell you? I'm on repeat?

3
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,880
Speaker 1: I feel like I've just told you this. Why do

4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,040
Speaker 1: I have to keep on saying this? Get your shoes,

5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 1: get your school back? How hard can it be? It's

6
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:21,040
Speaker 1: one of those familiar scenes, repeated one way or another

7
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,920
Speaker 1: across most days in most homes in Australia, that slow

8
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,040
Speaker 1: semmer of frustration, where that simple request seems to vanish

9
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,080
Speaker 1: into the ether and it's met with the selective deaftness

10
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,960
Speaker 1: that only a child seems to be able to master.

11
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:40,560
Speaker 1: Stay with us Kylie today on the podcast, we're talking

12
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,920
Speaker 1: about why repeating yourself doesn't work and what to do instead,

13
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,960
Speaker 1: because repeating yourself doesn't work. Repeating yourself doesn't work, doesn't

14
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,040
Speaker 1: work work, if you know what I mean. It's trying

15
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,840
Speaker 1: to be funny. That was a really subdued piece of laughter.

16
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,840
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm trying. Is it because it's a Monday?

17
00:00:58,960 --> 00:00:59,600
Speaker 1: Is that the issue?

18
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:00,320
Speaker 2: Maybe?

19
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe it just wasn't funny. I think that's what

20
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,280
Speaker 1: you're saying. Hey, Kylie, let's talk about this because kids

21
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:13,400
Speaker 1: right don't love doing what they're asked, and it's pretty

22
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,160
Speaker 1: easy to call them to find or inattentive or I

23
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,000
Speaker 1: don't know, see if we can find a diagnosis for them,

24
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,520
Speaker 1: because they just don't ever seem to listen.

25
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,440
Speaker 2: I remember one of our children, we actually took them

26
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,640
Speaker 2: to have a hearing test because we were convinced that

27
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:27,440
Speaker 2: there had to be something.

28
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,760
Speaker 1: And this was back in the days. I don't know

29
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,480
Speaker 1: what it's like in every other statement in Queensland. You

30
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,920
Speaker 1: don't have to pay for it anymore, I don't believe,

31
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,200
Speaker 1: but this back in the days when you did have

32
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,840
Speaker 1: to pay for it, we paid hundreds of dollars to

33
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,880
Speaker 1: test their hearing and they said, oh, she can hear,

34
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,320
Speaker 1: she just doesn't like what she's been told. I think

35
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,960
Speaker 1: that was the same day that I had my hearing

36
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: tested because you keep on saying that I am deaf.

37
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,600
Speaker 1: And the hearing guy said, your hearing is fine, just

38
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,360
Speaker 1: needs to talk louder. Yeah, And you were like, well

39
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,320
Speaker 1: then your hearing isn't fine, and I'm like, no, no, no.

40
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,480
Speaker 2: Bad boys band together.

41
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,880
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So from a communication point of view,

42
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,240
Speaker 1: we've got nine things to do to help the kids

43
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,559
Speaker 1: to get it and to make mornings or day help

44
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:07,840
Speaker 1: instructions to be heard and ideally, ideally, if the settlings

45
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,160
Speaker 1: are appropriate, ideally to be followed.

46
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,640
Speaker 2: So the challenge we've got here is that I would

47
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,120
Speaker 2: suggest that most parents expect that if there is no

48
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:21,959
Speaker 2: hearing challenge, I make a request, it's heard, and then

49
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 2: I want an instant action. I want an instant response.

50
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,120
Speaker 2: I want an acknowledgment number one that they've heard it,

51
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,280
Speaker 2: and number two that they will then go and do

52
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 2: what I've requested them.

53
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,840
Speaker 1: And that's kind of that's how psychologists would describe the

54
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,480
Speaker 1: hearing process, right, It's a linear process. You work out

55
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,840
Speaker 1: what you want to say, you say, it comes out

56
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 1: of your mouth, the other person's brain is here at

57
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,360
Speaker 1: brain interprets it, and then you get the response. Ideally,

58
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:49,359
Speaker 1: they act, they do the thing that you've asked them

59
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,960
Speaker 1: to do. But communication with children is different to that.

60
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,320
Speaker 1: I mean, it's far more nuanced. A I'm going to

61
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,280
Speaker 1: sound all flower and poetic for a second. It's a

62
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:01,280
Speaker 1: dynamic dance, Kylie. And it requires more than just the

63
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,160
Speaker 1: sending and receiving and the encoding and the decoding, Like

64
00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,280
Speaker 1: I just want to go back to mornings for a sec.

65
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,600
Speaker 1: You say to your child, I need you to put

66
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,080
Speaker 1: on your shoes. Put in your shoes. Please go and

67
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,320
Speaker 1: get your shoes, put them on. That's the opening move.

68
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,160
Speaker 1: So your child then has to receive the message and

69
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,959
Speaker 1: decode and understand what you're asking. And then they provide feedback,

70
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,679
Speaker 1: ideally with a nod or an okay, mum, or they

71
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,680
Speaker 1: just walk towards their shoes wherever the shoes might be,

72
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,200
Speaker 1: because who knows where they could be, and they start

73
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,720
Speaker 1: to put them on, and our job is to be

74
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,160
Speaker 1: attuned to their feedback in case that's a problem. But no,

75
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,960
Speaker 1: it gets confusing because timing matters, what they're doing, how

76
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:41,120
Speaker 1: they're feeling, what their agenda is. They're all factors on

77
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,000
Speaker 1: how they receive the message. What's going on for us,

78
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,520
Speaker 1: The way we say it, the tone of voice. All

79
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,760
Speaker 1: of these things interfere with how the message is both

80
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,320
Speaker 1: sent and received, regardless of how clear the words actually are.

81
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,800
Speaker 2: One of our children, specifically, she really struggles if we

82
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:05,000
Speaker 2: sound hurried. Yes, she doesn't cope with the sense that

83
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,840
Speaker 2: she's been moved on too quickly. She really likes things

84
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 2: to be calm, They need to be collected, and we

85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,480
Speaker 2: need to kind of do things in a really even tone.

86
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,680
Speaker 2: For her to respond positively. Our kids have so many

87
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:23,160
Speaker 2: different little nuances, so many different ways that they interpret

88
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,080
Speaker 2: the communication that we give them, and it's important that

89
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,080
Speaker 2: we are able to understand that so that we can

90
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,120
Speaker 2: have better outcomes.

91
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,039
Speaker 1: So today nine ways. We've got less than a minute

92
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,880
Speaker 1: for each of these things, so we need to go fast.

93
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,880
Speaker 1: Nine ways that you can help if your child is

94
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 1: quite unquote not listening, so that you can shift strategies

95
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,880
Speaker 1: and engage in more mindful and collaborative communication practices.

96
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,680
Speaker 2: Okay, so number one, Number one, you're going to make

97
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,360
Speaker 2: sure you've got their attention to start with.

98
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,680
Speaker 1: Before you start speaking. Literally, so often we just start

99
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 1: shouting things from one room to another room and expect

100
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,360
Speaker 1: that that will be enough. And that's a major problem.

101
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,800
Speaker 2: This is something that I learned way back when I

102
00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:06,280
Speaker 2: was doing my childcare diploma, the acknowledgment that if I

103
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:09,000
Speaker 2: want a child's attention, I actually need to get down

104
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,839
Speaker 2: to their level. I need to be in their space.

105
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,800
Speaker 2: It's imperative for effective communication.

106
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: So I'm going to suggest four things to help to

107
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,400
Speaker 1: get there. No, three things, just three things. Number one,

108
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 1: say their name, So if there's some sort of naming,

109
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,480
Speaker 1: if there's a personalized invitation. If there's a clear signal

110
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,880
Speaker 1: that you're about to say something and you want their

111
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,240
Speaker 1: attention for it, the name is the best way to go.

112
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,839
Speaker 1: I'll say Kylie, and then you look at me. Okay.

113
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,720
Speaker 1: And that's the second thing. Once you've said the name

114
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,880
Speaker 1: of the person that you want to talk to, press

115
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,400
Speaker 1: the pause button, give them a minute or a moment,

116
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,160
Speaker 1: give them a beat or a breath to disengage from

117
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,320
Speaker 1: whatever is that they're currently doing and shift their focus

118
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,960
Speaker 1: to you. Eye Contact is the signal that they're with you.

119
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,800
Speaker 1: Once you've met eyes, that's when you know you can continue.

120
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,400
Speaker 1: Sometimes as well, it's really helpful if you're not getting

121
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,160
Speaker 1: the eye contact, or if they're not stopping what they're doing,

122
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 1: or they've ignored you calling their name, touch elbow, shoulder, leg, Hey, kiddo,

123
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,240
Speaker 1: you mention their name. You're touching them now, and then

124
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,600
Speaker 1: they look at you, because there's that added level of

125
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,599
Speaker 1: making sure that you have their attention before you speak.

126
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,920
Speaker 2: Number two, speak their language.

127
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:21,440
Speaker 1: Yeah. Essentially, keep it simple, keep it clear, keep it direct,

128
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,680
Speaker 1: keep it kind, and make it fun. And one thing

129
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:25,960
Speaker 1: at a time, did you like to lie? I gave

130
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,919
Speaker 1: five things so that I could say one thing at

131
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 1: a time right at the end, so much information. I'm

132
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:32,560
Speaker 1: so sorry.

133
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,839
Speaker 2: Number three, confirm understanding.

134
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,320
Speaker 1: Hang on a second before we do that. This one

135
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,919
Speaker 1: also goes with the previous one, but it kind of

136
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,960
Speaker 1: segues into confirming understanding as well. If you're going to

137
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,000
Speaker 1: speak their language, I think it's really important that we

138
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:51,200
Speaker 1: engage their thinking. So rather than just saying here's what

139
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,880
Speaker 1: I need you to do, say to them, what do

140
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaker 1: you think we need to do before we leave? What

141
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,279
Speaker 1: needs to happen before we can eat? So when you

142
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 1: ask them that question, not only you're speaking their language,

143
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:05,080
Speaker 1: but you're engaging them in thinking, and that confirms what

144
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,840
Speaker 1: they understand. So you might say what do we need

145
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,640
Speaker 1: to do? Or if you've told them, you can say

146
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,120
Speaker 1: what did I just ask you? And I've done that

147
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,160
Speaker 1: many times. I'll just stand in front of our daughter,

148
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,240
Speaker 1: she's looking at one of our daughters. They're looking at

149
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,800
Speaker 1: me blankly, and I say, what did I just ask

150
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,600
Speaker 1: you to do? You're looking a bit lost, and I say,

151
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,360
Speaker 1: I have no idea. And the last one that I'd

152
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,240
Speaker 1: recommend here is just say to them, what are you

153
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,960
Speaker 1: going to do first? Or when will you do? That

154
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,679
Speaker 1: by for things that aren't time sensitive, like the dishes.

155
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,320
Speaker 1: Every now and again, instead of doing all in one

156
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,280
Speaker 1: of the kids will say, hey, I've got the dishes tonight.

157
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,880
Speaker 1: I want to watch an episode, or I want to

158
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,480
Speaker 1: listen to a podcast, or I want to talk with

159
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,480
Speaker 1: a friend while I'm doing the kitchen tonight. So I'll

160
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,560
Speaker 1: do it on my own. Love it when they do that.

161
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate time together, and I don't love that they're

162
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,320
Speaker 1: on a screen. But sometimes it's just really nice to

163
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,320
Speaker 1: give everyone a break, and that child's happy to do

164
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,600
Speaker 1: the kitchen, and so my conversation with them at that

165
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,320
Speaker 1: point will be when do you plan on doing it?

166
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,200
Speaker 1: Because I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and

167
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,680
Speaker 1: discover that you just decided not to.

168
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,480
Speaker 2: Number four read the non verbal cues.

169
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,800
Speaker 1: This simply means paying attention to them, like their body

170
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,560
Speaker 1: will tell you how they're feeling. Sometimes they don't need

171
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:24,120
Speaker 1: to communicate out loud. Their face, their shoulders, their movements

172
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 1: will tell you if they're feeling confused or overwhelmed, or

173
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,840
Speaker 1: if they're resistant, and you can adjust Listen, yeah, and

174
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,400
Speaker 1: you can adjust your approach accordingly by going back to

175
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,160
Speaker 1: number one and making sure you have their attention before

176
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,120
Speaker 1: you speak.

177
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,679
Speaker 2: Validate their feelings.

178
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,760
Speaker 1: If they're struggling to comply. We talked about this last

179
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,120
Speaker 1: a week and a bit ago on Friday's Older Better Tomorrow,

180
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,160
Speaker 1: when we're talking about our daughter wanting roadblocks and we're

181
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,480
Speaker 1: not okay with that, and there was so much validation

182
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,160
Speaker 1: of her feelings that went into that. We talked all

183
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,200
Speaker 1: about how much she missed a friends and how fun

184
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 1: it is to be on those devices and on those

185
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,720
Speaker 1: screens and on those games. There's a lot of validation

186
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,599
Speaker 1: going on. Don't you just wish that we could be

187
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 1: like all the other parents. Don't you wish that there

188
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,480
Speaker 1: was a way that you could have more time with

189
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,520
Speaker 1: your friends. I know, it's really hard to be in

190
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,040
Speaker 1: this situation right now. It feels like it's just not

191
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:15,080
Speaker 1: fair that validation does. Wonders when you've got a child

192
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,520
Speaker 1: who doesn't appear to be listening or who is resistant

193
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,959
Speaker 1: to what you're saying. You're not agreeing with them, you're

194
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,959
Speaker 1: not acquiescing. You're not telling them that they can have

195
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,199
Speaker 1: whatever they want or that they're even right. You're just

196
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,000
Speaker 1: saying I get it.

197
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, that idea that you've talked about plenty of times

198
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 2: about giving our children in fantasy what they can't have

199
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,480
Speaker 2: in reality. In doing that, what you're actually saying is

200
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,439
Speaker 2: I get it. I get that you want this, and

201
00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:42,400
Speaker 2: wouldn't it be amazing if you could. Just having someone

202
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 2: validate you in that way is so comforting.

203
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels good. Now you wanted to do the

204
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,120
Speaker 1: next couple, so let me go through the ones that

205
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,839
Speaker 1: you've jotted down. I don't know if this one's a

206
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,400
Speaker 1: bit targeting towards me or not, but you said practice patience.

207
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:57,640
Speaker 1: Thank you.

208
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,040
Speaker 2: I think it's just really important for us to remember

209
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,400
Speaker 2: our kids are just kids. Yeah, they're learning, they're just

210
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 2: they're starting out in life, and they're going to work

211
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,880
Speaker 2: it out. But it's going to require a bit of

212
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,880
Speaker 2: patience on our part. It's not going to happen as

213
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,719
Speaker 2: quickly as you want. It's not going to happen even

214
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:19,239
Speaker 2: as streamlined as you'd like it too. But with time, patience,

215
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:22,600
Speaker 2: and a holy beloved, these kids are going to work

216
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:22,880
Speaker 2: it out.

217
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 1: You saying that has actually reminded me of something that

218
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,400
Speaker 1: I've been doing a bit lately. I don't know if

219
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,480
Speaker 1: you've noticed. I'd love to get some kudos here. If

220
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:33,040
Speaker 1: you've seen it happening in my parenting workshops. I'll say

221
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,880
Speaker 1: to parents, when you ask your kids to do something,

222
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,839
Speaker 1: how long do you wait before you ask them to

223
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,240
Speaker 1: do it again if they haven't done it? And most

224
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,240
Speaker 1: parents will laugh and they'll be like, oh, like four seconds,

225
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,360
Speaker 1: six seconds, something like that. I've been really practicing lately,

226
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,280
Speaker 1: asking and then just waiting. Sometimes I stand and wait.

227
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,040
Speaker 1: Other times I ask and then I say, I'll leave

228
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,640
Speaker 1: it to you to get this done, and I'll walk away.

229
00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,840
Speaker 1: Have you noticed that I've been much more patient? You're laughing.

230
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to say that that is a no. I'll

231
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:00,679
Speaker 1: keep I'm working on it.

232
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,440
Speaker 2: No no, no, that's not what else?

233
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,320
Speaker 1: But that was three noos? That no no no, Oh

234
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:10,679
Speaker 1: my goodness. I'll practice give them a chance, is what

235
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,280
Speaker 1: I'm is how I would add to your suggestion number seven.

236
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:18,559
Speaker 1: You said the culture of respectful communication matters, and I

237
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,360
Speaker 1: loved this. I could have talked about this one for ages,

238
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,319
Speaker 1: but I love that you said this.

239
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,400
Speaker 2: It's so important to foster open and honest communication in

240
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 2: your family, to create a safe space for everyone to

241
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,520
Speaker 2: be able to express their thoughts and feelings, regardless of

242
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,800
Speaker 2: the fact that it may go against everything that you've

243
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,679
Speaker 2: asked them to do. It's important that they know that

244
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,719
Speaker 2: they can say the things that they need to say

245
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 2: to work through whatever it is they're feeling.

246
00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,360
Speaker 1: So the gen Xa in me, when I hear the

247
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,560
Speaker 1: term safe spaces, I kind of chafe and bristle, because

248
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,240
Speaker 1: there was interesting safe spaces when I was come on.

249
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:56,319
Speaker 1: And yet when I think about how there are, unfortunately

250
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,120
Speaker 1: in all of our lives, and in mine and yours

251
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,600
Speaker 1: as well, there are some people who when we're around them,

252
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,200
Speaker 1: we feel like we have to hold back, we can't

253
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,679
Speaker 1: be our authentic selves. We certainly don't have open and

254
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,600
Speaker 1: broad ranging conversations with them because we don't have the trust.

255
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:15,000
Speaker 1: We don't feel safe disclosing around them. And when you

256
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,400
Speaker 1: said that idea of creating that culture of respectful communication

257
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,600
Speaker 1: and the safe spaces, as much as part of me goes,

258
00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:23,520
Speaker 1: oh gosh, I get it and I agree with it

259
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,520
Speaker 1: because while we spend time with people sometimes that we

260
00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,160
Speaker 1: don't know that well or we don't want to disclose

261
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:33,439
Speaker 1: that much too, they're still in our lives and you

262
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,600
Speaker 1: can really tell the difference when you're with somebody who

263
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,839
Speaker 1: you feel safe with versus someone that you don't and

264
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,319
Speaker 1: in our homes, our children have got to have that,

265
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,599
Speaker 1: and when we do that, we're much more likely to

266
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,360
Speaker 1: have an appropriate give and take in terms of when

267
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,839
Speaker 1: you ask the kids to do something and you don't

268
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,559
Speaker 1: get a response, here's how we're going to deal with it.

269
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,280
Speaker 2: When I think back to the conversation we had with

270
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:58,720
Speaker 2: our daughter who wanted to have roadblocks, there was this absolute,

271
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,800
Speaker 2: a surety in her mind she could share with us

272
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,920
Speaker 2: everything that she was feeling and all the reasons why

273
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,079
Speaker 2: she should be able to have it. But there was

274
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,160
Speaker 2: equal acknowledgment that while she had come up with an

275
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:18,040
Speaker 2: impressive list, a brilliant list, that at the end of

276
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,880
Speaker 2: the day, where her parents and we feel like this

277
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,560
Speaker 2: is not the right decision for our family.

278
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,000
Speaker 1: It's that culture, that safe space we can talk about

279
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 1: stuff and figure stuff out together here. Yeah, all right,

280
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,920
Speaker 1: two more, KYLEI you said, remember the power of connection.

281
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,560
Speaker 1: This is the heart of relationships, especially when things aren't

282
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:35,840
Speaker 1: going quite right and the kids aren't listening.

283
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,280
Speaker 2: Connecting with our kids on an emotional level, If they

284
00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:43,000
Speaker 2: know that they are seen, heard and valued, that they're

285
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:48,800
Speaker 2: absolutely loved, they're more likely to respond to our requests positively?

286
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:49,800
Speaker 2: Is that simple?

287
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,360
Speaker 1: And my final one, which is just my favorite, is

288
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,040
Speaker 1: when you ask the kids to do something and they

289
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,440
Speaker 1: don't listen, or they resist or they react. Number nine. Last,

290
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,120
Speaker 1: but definitely not least, just do it with them. Yeah,

291
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,040
Speaker 1: bedroom's too messy, Go and do it with them. Can't

292
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,640
Speaker 1: find their shoes, Go and help them put them on.

293
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 1: What are you laughing at?

294
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,640
Speaker 2: I'm laughing because I showed you a reel the other day.

295
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,360
Speaker 2: A little maybe three or four year old had been

296
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,320
Speaker 2: asked to clean her room.

297
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,199
Speaker 1: I remember, yeah, I was thinking, where are you going

298
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:18,400
Speaker 1: with this?

299
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 2: I remember she was so excited to show her parents

300
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,080
Speaker 2: and she's raced down the hallway and her parents have

301
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 2: got the camera on her, and she says, come, come

302
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 2: with me, and they've turned the corner and in the

303
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:33,120
Speaker 2: hallway you cannot see the floor. All of her toys

304
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,040
Speaker 2: are now in the clothes.

305
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,760
Speaker 1: I'm sure everything from her room was in the hallway.

306
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,320
Speaker 2: Come and she walks into her room and it is sparkling,

307
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,800
Speaker 2: and her mum says, nothing done. Is such an amazing job.

308
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,960
Speaker 2: And she said, but guess what now you have to

309
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,760
Speaker 2: clean the hallway up and she says, no, I don't

310
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:50,440
Speaker 2: want to mess.

311
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,280
Speaker 1: Up my room diving in and doing it with the kids.

312
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 1: We've done this so many times with our children when

313
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 1: we asked them to do something and it's just too

314
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,560
Speaker 1: big for them right there in the moment, even if

315
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,400
Speaker 1: they've done it before, even if they've got the capacity

316
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,800
Speaker 1: to do it. Sometimes they're too tired, they're too overwhelmed,

317
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 1: there's too much other stuff going on, And you get

318
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,920
Speaker 1: in there and do it with them, and you enjoyed

319
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,080
Speaker 1: the time together and they're happy.

320
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,800
Speaker 2: To do it if there was just feel so overwhelming

321
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,920
Speaker 2: in that space. I can think about one hundred different

322
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,240
Speaker 2: jobs that I have done multiple times in my daily

323
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,920
Speaker 2: life as a parent, and some days it just feels

324
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,560
Speaker 2: all too much.

325
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but when I get in there and help make

326
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 1: the bed, yes, it's amazing. There we go. Nine ways.

327
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,200
Speaker 1: Nine ways to deal with challenging moments when the kids

328
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,400
Speaker 1: aren't listening, or when you're repeating yourself over and over

329
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 1: and over and over and over and over again. I'm

330
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,800
Speaker 1: not going to repeat them all. There were too many,

331
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,200
Speaker 1: but hopefully this was helpful and it's given you some

332
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 1: inspo for when you get home this afternoon and things

333
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,960
Speaker 1: aren't quite right, or maybe this morning when you finish

334
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,560
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you're doing this morning, you run

335
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 1: or whatever, Hopefully things will be better so that you

336
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,560
Speaker 1: can have growth and understanding and deeper connection with your

337
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,800
Speaker 1: kids and transform those challenging moments into something a whole

338
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: lot nicer. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin

339
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: Rule from Bridge Media. Tomorrow on the pod Answering Your Questions.

340
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,960
Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit a question, just go to

341
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot you. We've got this super

342
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,200
Speaker 1: simple system to use. You scroll down to where it

343
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 1: says podcasts, You press the button and you start talking

344
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,000
Speaker 1: love answering your questions. You can send them through any time.

345
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,680
Speaker 1: For more info about making your family happy and check

346
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,920
Speaker 1: out our social pages on Facebook and Instagram, or visit

347
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,960
Speaker 1: us at happy families dot com dot au