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Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud your

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Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before

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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I

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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land

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Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,

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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming

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Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing

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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for

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Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 3: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money Podcast, Millennials

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Speaker 2: who want Financial Freedom. My name is Jessica Ricky, and

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Speaker 2: today I am here with my favorite finance expert, Victoria Divine.

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Speaker 4: You better not have any other favorite finance experts. I'm

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Speaker 4: just saying, imagine if I said my second favorite finance experts,

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Speaker 4: you should have red flag, which is very app flag Jessica,

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Speaker 4: because in today's episode, we're going to be talking all

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Speaker 4: about financial red flags in a relationship, which I feel

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Speaker 4: like is a little interesting, a little a little spicy.

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Speaker 4: We're going to kind of cover two really broad areas

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Speaker 4: of conversation here, so I feel like it's important we

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Speaker 4: do put a little content warning at the top. I

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Speaker 4: think a content warning here is perfect, actually, Jessica, because

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Speaker 4: at the end of the day, this topic can be

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Speaker 4: a little bit painful or it might raise a few

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Speaker 4: issues for you, and if it does, I mean, it's

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Speaker 4: not great that that does, but I'm also glad that

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Speaker 4: they're being brought to light so that we can deal

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Speaker 4: with them. There'll be a whole heap of resources in

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Speaker 4: our show notes as usual.

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Speaker 2: But also if you just want to skip.

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Speaker 4: Out on today's episode, there are three hundred plus She's

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Speaker 4: on the Money episodes now that you could dive straight into.

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Speaker 4: So if today's not for you, that is totally okay.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, Now, Via, I wanted to kind of start at

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Speaker 2: the top because something we always talk about on the

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Speaker 2: show is the importance of having conversations about money with

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Speaker 2: your partner. And we've had people say to us before,

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Speaker 2: I want to talk to my partner about it, they

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Speaker 2: just shut me down. Any flag, Yeah, so would you

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Speaker 2: say that that is a little bit of a red flag?

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Speaker 4: I don't know if are they different levels of red flag.

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Speaker 4: Can I have an orange flag, a red flag, and

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Speaker 4: a crimson flag?

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Speaker 2: I love it? Thank you.

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Speaker 4: I feel like financial conversations are really hard and don't

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Speaker 4: tend to come up very easily at the start of

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Speaker 4: new relationships.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: That's because most of the time we're just trying to

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Speaker 4: impress the other person, So you like taking them out

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Speaker 4: to different restaurants and bars, maybe you're getting hotel rooms,

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Speaker 4: or maybe you're having like weekends away or showering them

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Speaker 4: with expensive gifts, like often that is a way that

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Speaker 4: we show off. But soon you might begin to notice patterns, right,

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Speaker 4: and we've spoken about this offline a lot. The patterns

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Speaker 4: might be oh, yes, sorry, I forgot to bring my wallet.

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Speaker 4: I'll pay you back, and then they never pay you back,

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Speaker 4: or too many times they're like, oh, you know, it

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Speaker 4: was my turn last time, and you're thinking, like in

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Speaker 4: the back of your head, you're like, oh, I feel

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Speaker 4: like I paid for a last date. But okay, like

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Speaker 4: gaslighting central, no worries. But it's one of those things

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Speaker 4: that red flags can start green and then start changing

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Speaker 4: to orange, and then they're red, and then you're not sure.

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Speaker 2: What to do because you feel a little bit too deep.

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Speaker 4: So I think it is really important to have this

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Speaker 4: conversation today about what a financial red flag actually looks like,

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Speaker 4: because sometimes when things seem really insignificant, financial red flags

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Speaker 4: can compound faster than anything could in your subranuation account.

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Speaker 4: So it's really, from my perspective, important to talk about this,

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Speaker 4: especially because the statistic exists that sixteen percent of Australian

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Speaker 4: women have or will experience financial abuse at some point

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Speaker 4: in their lifetime. And obviously it's an important area to

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Speaker 4: keep your finger on the pulse, even if the flags

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Speaker 4: do seem a little bit harmless at the time. So

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Speaker 4: it's about being educated and informed and on top.

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Speaker 2: Of it for sure. And as this episode goes on,

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Speaker 2: I think you'll see a little bit of a trend

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Speaker 2: that there are certain things that contextually may or may

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Speaker 2: not be a red flag because in one relationship, something

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Speaker 2: you know, it might seem totally fine, and in another

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Speaker 2: relationship it can be a bit of a warning bell.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's why it is really tricky sometimes

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Speaker 2: to take a step back and see these red flags.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and at the end of the day, you said

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Speaker 4: it just before, like sometimes they can be small red

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Speaker 4: flags and they start out as, oh my gosh, I

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Speaker 4: forgot my wallet. Sorry, can you catch this one? And

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Speaker 4: then they never pay you back. But they can actually

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Speaker 4: very quickly snowball into something bigger. And I was reading

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Speaker 4: something the other day from a psychologist called Ronda Andrews,

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Speaker 4: and she has been a psychologist for more than thirty years,

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Speaker 4: and she said that she thinks it's about the rush

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Speaker 4: of getting into joint financial circumstances. And she says that

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Speaker 4: she sees a lot of people suggesting that they stet

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Speaker 4: up joint accounts when they've only just met someone. And

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Speaker 4: as innocuous as it sounds, let's have a joint account

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Speaker 4: so that we can say, for a joint holiday and

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Speaker 4: be on the same page, it actually can be a

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Speaker 4: massive red flag. So I think it's really important to

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Speaker 4: talk about what this is and what healthy boundaries mean

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Speaker 4: for you and your relationship.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't agree more so. Having that initial conversation about

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Speaker 2: money can be a little bit awkward, and that in

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Speaker 2: itself isn't necessarily a red flag. It could just be

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Speaker 2: reflective of your new partner's money story or the experiences

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Speaker 2: that they've had. How can we comfortably ease people that

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Speaker 2: we're seeing or interested in dating into having those more

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Speaker 2: challenging intimate conversations about money.

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Speaker 4: So I think it's important to remember that not every

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Speaker 4: conversation about money has to be personal, right, Like if

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Speaker 4: I go on a date with you, Jess, which I

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Speaker 4: should be so lucky. Actually, let's be honest. I've been

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Speaker 4: out for dinner with you a billion times. I've probably

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Speaker 4: been out for dinner with you more times than I've

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Speaker 4: been out with Steve.

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Speaker 2: Should we tell him? Should we let him know there's

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Speaker 2: a third person in your relationship and it's me?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, me and Lucy. It's good anyway. I think

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Speaker 4: it's really important to realize that if you're going out

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Speaker 4: for dinner with someone or going on a date with someone,

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Speaker 4: money conversations can happen in a non personal way. Like

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Speaker 4: we can talk about your salary, great, really personal, but

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Speaker 4: we could also just talk about inflation. We could talk

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Speaker 4: about the interest rates. We could talk about how much

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Speaker 4: dinner costs. We could start with really small things to

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Speaker 4: get an understanding of somebody else's general attitude towards money

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Speaker 4: and start kind of like teasing out how different their

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Speaker 4: money story could be to yours. We could talk about

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Speaker 4: financial goals. I don't have to have a conversation Jess

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Speaker 4: with you about oh my gosh, how much money do

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Speaker 4: you earn? To oh my gosh, are you working towards

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Speaker 4: anything big financially at the moment, And they might say, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm actually saving for a house, which is exactly what

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Speaker 4: you would say, Oh are you close? Yeh, Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 4: I'm talking to a broker. I'm so close. This is

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Speaker 4: such an exciting conversation. That question, too, though, could be

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Speaker 4: really scary for someone to be asked if they're in

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Speaker 4: a mountain of debt, because I know, Jesse, if I

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Speaker 4: asked you that six or seven years ago, you would

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Speaker 4: have shied away and run for the hills because you're like, please,

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Speaker 4: don't ask me that. That's none of your business. So

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Speaker 4: it's really important to talk talk about money in your relationship,

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Speaker 4: but make sure you're taking baby steps. You don't get

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Speaker 4: to just dive in and go how much do you earn?

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Speaker 2: What do you spend? What do you earn? What do

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Speaker 2: you woe?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, do you got any debt? What does it look like?

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Speaker 4: How do you feel about your hex? Do you reckon

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Speaker 4: your parents? Are go guarante or on a future property

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Speaker 4: if we ever, you know, decided to do things together.

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Speaker 2: Can't go full Victoria divine on your first day.

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Speaker 4: No, I didn't, though, But I do think that financial

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Speaker 4: intimacy is a thing, and I think that in the

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Speaker 4: same way that you might not dive straight into bed

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Speaker 4: with somebody. I mean you might, you might ask them

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Speaker 4: how much they earn, but it's all about reading the

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Speaker 4: other side of the table and going are they going

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Speaker 4: to be comfortable with this?

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Speaker 2: Am I asking a question that.

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Speaker 4: Maybe isn't actually related to the conversation we're having, or

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Speaker 4: is it just on the right path? And I feel

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Speaker 4: comfortable because I've had so many conversations, mostly in my DMS,

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Speaker 4: with people being like, oh, Ve, like you said on

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Speaker 4: a podcast that you would never ask on a first date,

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Speaker 4: and haha, it came up in the first ten minutes

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Speaker 4: of our conversation.

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Speaker 2: That's so fine.

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Speaker 4: I think it's more about respecting somebody else's boundaries and

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Speaker 4: if they're being really evasive of money conversations, not to pry.

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Speaker 4: It's not your position on a first date. Whereas if

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Speaker 4: it comes up and it's just naturally flowing conversation, I

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Speaker 4: don't see that as a red flag. I think it's

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Speaker 4: really important to have these conversations, but really reading into

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Speaker 4: what is appropriate and what is not appropriate, and that

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Speaker 4: can be flipped to the other side, Jess, like if

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Speaker 4: you consistently asked me about my income and what that meant,

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Speaker 4: but I was clearly showing you evasive signs and I

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Speaker 4: didn't want to have that conversation. I'd say that is

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Speaker 4: a red flag, not just a financial red flag. But

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Speaker 4: you can't read the room red flag.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think what you said there is really

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Speaker 2: relevant when it comes to the conversation because I think

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Speaker 2: if you're just meeting someone and you're trying to put

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Speaker 2: on your best face, it might catch you a little

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Speaker 2: off guard. If I said, oh, how's the Brussels sprouts?

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Speaker 2: By the way, how much debt do you have? It's

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Speaker 2: a really jarring Are you actually tering Brussels sprouts on

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Speaker 2: your first date? I mean, you love the ones that

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Speaker 2: chin chin, which as I just wasn't sure, but that

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Speaker 2: could be really disarming for someone who wasn't prepared for it,

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Speaker 2: and particularly in the early signs of a relationship, you

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Speaker 2: maybe aren't as comfortable having those conversations. So I think

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Speaker 2: warming into those things. Working your way up is a

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Speaker 2: really good way to approach it. But also understanding that

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Speaker 2: people's reactions aren't necessarily reflective of a red flag immediately.

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Speaker 2: Like if you ask someone about their finances on you know,

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Speaker 2: your first couple of dates and they seem taken aback,

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Speaker 2: that's not necessarily a red flag because they don't want

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Speaker 2: to talk about it.

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Speaker 4: Might they've just grown up with a different money story

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Speaker 4: to you. If some money we've never discussed in their families,

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Speaker 4: or in their past relationships or in their friendship circles.

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Speaker 4: I mean, the more I'm in this community, the more

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Speaker 4: conversation I have about money. Like Jess, We've just gotten

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Speaker 4: back recently, in last month or so from a finance conference.

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Speaker 4: All we did was talk about money. Yeah, can you

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Speaker 4: imagine going to a lawyer's conference, how often money would

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Speaker 4: have come up? Like, nobody in that space that I'm

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Speaker 4: aware of openly discusses their salary, and they more often

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Speaker 4: the not especially in Australia, don't discuss their salary because

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Speaker 4: there's salary secrecy clauses in most lawyers employment contracts. So

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Speaker 4: for different industries it's going to mean different things. Whereas

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Speaker 4: jessl I know, you've got a lot of friends that

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Speaker 4: are similar to mine, and they are nurses, they're on

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Speaker 4: an award.

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Speaker 2: They're like, oh, how long have you been working? Oh

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Speaker 2: where do you work?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: That hospital?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the pay grade is xyzed like. There's such an

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Speaker 4: open conversation around that. Whereas you flip it to different industries,

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Speaker 4: it means different things. So I think you need to

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Speaker 4: be really aware that there's no such thing as one

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Speaker 4: size fits or when it comes to money conversations. But

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Speaker 4: I think it's about once you get to know them

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Speaker 4: a bit more and you understand their money story and

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Speaker 4: you understand where they're coming from, that's where red flags

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Speaker 4: start to mean something for sure.

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Speaker 2: Now, in my mind, red flags go one of two ways,

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Speaker 2: particularly when you are dating. So there's the red flags

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Speaker 2: that go, Okay, you and I we're not in the

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Speaker 2: same place, so I'm a saver and you're a spender.

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Speaker 2: Or I want to buy a house and get married

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Speaker 2: and have children and you don't want any of those things,

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Speaker 2: And those are indicators that neither of you are necessarily

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Speaker 2: doing anything wrong, but there's a misalignment there that potentially

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Speaker 2: could mean that a relationship isn't going to work. Out

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Speaker 2: in the long term.

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Speaker 4: And I mean there are so many different examples of that,

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Speaker 4: right like you said them before, But it doesn't even

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Speaker 4: have to be financial. It doesn't even have to be

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Speaker 4: the big things. Like you might be a vegetarian and

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Speaker 4: you hate the fact that you're you know, person that

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Speaker 4: you're dating eats meat, and then you realize you would

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Speaker 4: never want to live in a house with someone who

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Speaker 4: cooks steak every second night for dinner. Like, there are

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Speaker 4: so many different things and reasons a relationship might not

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Speaker 4: work out, but I do think that the crux of it,

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Speaker 4: money can be one of the hardest things to get

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Speaker 4: on the same page about.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's those kind of little misalignment things, and

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Speaker 2: then the second kind of red flag is something that

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Speaker 2: signifies that there's some toxic behavior going on. So red

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Speaker 2: flags that perhaps there might be a history or a

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Speaker 2: future of financial abuse or financial control, which is obviously

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Speaker 2: something that we are very passionate about, and we don't

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Speaker 2: date that not at all. We've done a full episode

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Speaker 2: on financial abuse. If if you're not up to speed,

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Speaker 2: I would really recommend giving it a listen. And I

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Speaker 2: want to talk to VD about how we kind of

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Speaker 2: differentiate between the two.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, So first to differentiate, I would really want

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Speaker 4: to define what a financial red flag means. I think

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Speaker 4: your two perspectives actually make a lot of sense. But

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Speaker 4: from my perspective, a financial red flag is an ongoing

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Speaker 4: money concern that's either causing a problem right now or

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Speaker 4: has the ability to cause a problem a little bit

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Speaker 4: later into the future. So if it is either of

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Speaker 4: those things, which I think you've defined, I've just done

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Speaker 4: it in like one sentence. Apologies, love your work, Jessica, Ricky.

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Speaker 4: I feel like yours makes more sense. Minds a little

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Speaker 4: bit more clinical, you could say. But red flags, as

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Speaker 4: you said, not always a relationship deal breaker, but if

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Speaker 4: they're not addressed, they probably will create a pretty significant

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Speaker 4: relationship and financial strain, Which means, the sooner jest you're

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Speaker 4: able to identify any red flags in a relationship, the

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Speaker 4: sooner you can work to address and resolve them. So

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Speaker 4: I guess that's why we're talking about this, to so

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Speaker 4: that we can actually understand some of the common financial

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Speaker 4: red flags, what you can do when you see those

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Speaker 4: red flags, and also be able to identify what it

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Speaker 4: means when it goes beyond just being a red flag,

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Speaker 4: because at the end of the day, a red flag

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Speaker 4: is just an indicator that something might be wrong. Sometimes

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Speaker 4: we get false reds, but of course not every single

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Speaker 4: partner who displays a red flag to us is going

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Speaker 4: to be a financial abuser, right like, at the end

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Speaker 4: of the day, just because we have different red flags.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if you look at my financial circumstance, I'm

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Speaker 4: sure we could find some Absolutely we could. But it

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Speaker 4: could just mean that someone is bad with money and

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Speaker 4: doesn't know how to end the cycle of credit card

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Speaker 4: debt or making poor money decisions. It doesn't mean that

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Speaker 4: they're abusive, but in some circumstances it does mean that,

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Speaker 4: and we need to be really clear when that happens

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Speaker 4: what we need to do. What we need to do

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Speaker 4: is get out of that circumstance.

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Speaker 2: So what indicators are there that the red flags that

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Speaker 2: we're seeing might be a symptom of a large issue.

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Speaker 4: As we discussed Jess in the episode about financial abuse.

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Speaker 4: So we believe that you're in a financially abusive relationship

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Speaker 4: if your partner does any of the following, So if

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Speaker 4: they give you allowances or budgets without your input, if

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Speaker 4: they require you to account for each and every single

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Speaker 4: dollar that you spend. If they pressure you to quit

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Speaker 4: your job or sabotage any of your work responsibilities, if

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Speaker 4: they feel entitled to your money or your assets, if

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Speaker 4: they spend your money without your knowledge, they control how

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Speaker 4: all of the household finances are spent without your consent.

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Speaker 4: They limit your ability to attend job training, pursue higher education,

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Speaker 4: or otherwise advance your career. Or they limit access to

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Speaker 4: your own bank accounts or joint bank accounts. And obviously

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Speaker 4: there are a heap of other indicators of financial abuse. However,

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Speaker 4: as we discussed in that episode, it is financially abusive

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Speaker 4: if it is beyond your own personal control and you

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Speaker 4: don't feel like you have a say, so, it can

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Speaker 4: actually be a whole heap of things, Like Jess, it

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Speaker 4: could be threatening to cut you off, But at the

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Speaker 4: end of the day, it means that you are not

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Speaker 4: in control of your personal financial circumstances. And if that's

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Speaker 4: the case, it's not a red flag. It is financial abuse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, that's really solid, and I feel like that

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Speaker 2: gives us a good basis understanding of where that line

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Speaker 2: in the sand is. Obviously, like we said before, you

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Speaker 2: really need to read the room, and sometimes it does

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Speaker 2: take a couple more dates to figure out if something

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Speaker 2: is just them doing something you don't agree with, versus

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Speaker 2: something where they're trying to be controlling of you. So

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Speaker 2: I think let's digest that, let's go to a quick break,

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Speaker 2: and then when we come back, I want to talk

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Speaker 2: through some of the other general red flags you might

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Speaker 2: want to keep an eye out for. Don't go anywhere,

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Speaker 2: all right, VD, Let's talk through some of the red

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Speaker 2: flags that we can expect to see in a relationship

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Speaker 2: and why we might need to be concerned about them that.

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Speaker 4: We can expect to see in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I hate that well, that we should make an eye

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Speaker 2: out for in a relationship. Maybe a little less hush.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 4: So number one I have written down is that your

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Speaker 4: partner refuses to talk about money. So I feel like

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Speaker 4: this is an interesting one. I get it, talking about

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Speaker 4: money sucks. It is hard, nobody likes it, especially when

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Speaker 4: you're trying to keep thing sexy at the start of

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Speaker 4: a relationship. But I think there's a really big difference

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Speaker 4: between feeling a little bit uncomfortable when it comes to

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Speaker 4: talking about money and outright refusing to have a conversation,

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Speaker 4: regardless of how long you've been with that person. From

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Speaker 4: my perspective, a partner who actually refuses to talk about

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Speaker 4: money could be doing so for a number of reasons,

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Speaker 4: and all of them leave room for concern.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. And that's kind of what we covered

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Speaker 2: off earlier when we said, you know, it is a

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Speaker 2: little bit of a bad sign if they're not willing

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Speaker 2: to talk about it at all. And there is definitely

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Speaker 2: a big difference between being uncomfortable versus flat refusing to

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Speaker 2: get involvedible, and the flat refusing is to me the

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Speaker 2: red flag. It's not just being uncomfortable. Everyone gets a

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Speaker 2: little bit uncomfortable with pervy topics. I think it's the

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Speaker 2: flat out refusal me red flag. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Next one is when your partner is being super secretive

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Speaker 4: about their spending and saving and investing behaviors. I think

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Speaker 4: that that, to me is a little bit suspicious, especially

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Speaker 4: when you get deeper into a relationship.

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Speaker 2: So it's obviously really sexy to think that.

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Speaker 4: I keep using the words sexy because relationships should be,

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Speaker 4: but I think it's nice to romanticize that your partner

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Speaker 4: might hide some funds away to one day purchase an

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Speaker 4: engagement ring right, Like, I've thought about it. My partner

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Speaker 4: did it money in It was very exciting. But while

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Speaker 4: all of that seems really romantic, it's less romantic when

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Speaker 4: all of their spending and saving habits are hidden. Secretive

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Speaker 4: behavior is obviously a massive concern if you have joint accounts,

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Speaker 4: or you're working together towards a common financial goal, like

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Speaker 4: you're saving for a house, and their secretive behavior is

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Speaker 4: actually completely throwing you off the rails to being able

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Speaker 4: to achieve that goal, or something that they're spending their

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Speaker 4: money on doesn't align to your financial goals and you're like, well,

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Speaker 4: where is this going to me? It's not necessarily about

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Speaker 4: having different money priorities. It's actually about the secretiveness of it.

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Speaker 4: And this can lead to obviously bigger issues, like it

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Speaker 4: could lead to a gambling addiction, or it could mean

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Speaker 4: that they have a credit card that you weren't aware of,

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Speaker 4: or maybe they're carrying debt that they didn't bring up

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Speaker 4: earlier and didn't know how to bring up with you.

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Speaker 4: I think it's a really worthy conversation, but I do

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Speaker 4: think that another red flag is when someone is super

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Speaker 4: secretive about their spending habits. I think particularly as well,

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Speaker 4: even just beyond the financial aspect of it, your partner

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Speaker 4: is arguably the person in your life that you know

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Speaker 4: the most intimately or if not one of the most intimately,

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Speaker 4: and so if they're not in a position where they

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Speaker 4: feel comfortable opening up to you, or you don't feel

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Speaker 4: comfortable opening up to them, I think that you need

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Speaker 4: to consider whether you are in fact comfortable with that

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Speaker 4: person to level that you want to be. And I

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Speaker 4: guess we maybe should define this at the top. But

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Speaker 4: when we're talking about these red flags in relationships, we're

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Speaker 4: talking about long term relationships. Ye're not like first date

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Speaker 4: red flags.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not necessarily for someone that you're going to

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Speaker 2: go on one date with and never see again, have

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Speaker 2: a good night, thank you, wambam, thank you, ma'am. It's

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Speaker 2: more about, okay, well, if you're planning on potentially spending

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Speaker 2: the rest of your life with this person, if you

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Speaker 2: can't get comfortable enough with them to be honest about

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Speaker 2: your debt that you're embarrassed by, I've been there, or

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Speaker 2: absolutely the roles reversed and they're not comfortable enough with you,

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Speaker 2: is the level of trust that you would hope to

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Speaker 2: see in a long term partner, does it exist, because yeah,

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Speaker 2: it can be embarrassing, it can be confronting to talk

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Speaker 2: about these things. But if you're not in a place

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Speaker 2: where you can do that, are you in a place

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Speaker 2: where you can get married, Are you in a place

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Speaker 2: where you can have children or grow old together? Because

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Speaker 2: I think that it's important that you are able to

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Speaker 2: get on the same page with these things because they

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Speaker 2: impact your financial wellbeing really significantly one hundred percent.

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Speaker 4: And that leads into my next red flag when it

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Speaker 4: comes to money in a relationship, Jess, and that is

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Speaker 4: that your partner's financial values don't actually align to your own.

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Speaker 4: And to me, this is a rare flag. It's not

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Speaker 4: a be all, end all, end of relationship conversation, but

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Speaker 4: I think it's really important to be one aware of

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Speaker 4: your partner's financial goals to a point where you deeply

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Speaker 4: can overlay your goals and go, oh, we're on the

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Speaker 4: same path or we're not. And I've openly discussed before

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Speaker 4: that prior to meetings Steve, I didn't want to buy property.

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Speaker 4: I didn't think that that was a line to my

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Speaker 4: own financial goals. I was scared of it. I didn't

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Speaker 4: want to take on that amount of debt. I didn't

436
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 4: want to owe the bank that much money. I was

437
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,199
Speaker 4: obviously a financial advisor when I met Steve, and I

438
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,120
Speaker 4: was so excited about the share market and that's where

439
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 4: all my wealth was. And so for me, yeah, our

440
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 4: financial values did in the line. But what it meant

441
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 4: was we opened that conversation up how to chat and

442
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 4: realized that relationships are about compromise, how do we both

443
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 4: meet our financial goals. So to me, it's a red

444
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,199
Speaker 4: flag in a good way. It's an indicator that you

445
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,679
Speaker 4: need to have deeper conversations, But it goes back to

446
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 4: the other issue where if your partner then doesn't want

447
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 4: to compromise, or then your partner doesn't want to have

448
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 4: the conversations around money, that red flag becomes crimson. So

449
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 4: I think it's about are you willing to be flexible?

450
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 4: Are you willing to have a conversation about how to

451
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,240
Speaker 4: get on the same page, because you're never going to

452
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 4: meet someone that you're one thousand percent on exactly the

453
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 4: same page, as like, life is about compromise and change

454
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 4: and being flexible, and a partner who doesn't share your

455
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 4: financial goals could be an indicator that they're not on

456
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 4: the same page as you long term, which inevitably is

457
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 4: going to put you in a position of frustration and

458
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 4: lack of control and feeling upset and maybe even heartbreak

459
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 4: down the line.

460
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 2: How do we differentiate between things that we shouldn't shouldn't

461
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,120
Speaker 2: compromise on? And I know should and shouldn't is very

462
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 2: definitive and it's really hard personal. But I mean, you know,

463
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 2: when you're in love and you're in those early days

464
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 2: and you're so you know, you're in the moment and

465
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 2: you're in your little rose colored bubble, I think it's

466
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 2: really easy to go, oh, you want to buy a house.

467
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 2: That's fine, we can buy a house beause I love

468
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 2: you and I want you to be happy. How do

469
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 2: we figure out where the line in the sand is

470
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 2: between things that we are okay with being a bit

471
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 2: f explode, Like I want to live in the city

472
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 2: and you want to live in the country, So maybe

473
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 2: we live in the middle versus the things that are

474
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 2: us fundamentally changing our wants and needs out of love

475
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 2: in a way that won't necessarily make us happy.

476
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 4: So I think it's different for every single person. But

477
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 4: the we did it was having a conversation about the

478
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 4: importance of those goals. It wasn't just Steve going I

479
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 4: want to own a house, full stop endo story, Like

480
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 4: we quite literally were like, how important is it to

481
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 4: you to have a house? And you know, it didn't

482
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 4: happen overnight. It happened over a number of years where

483
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 4: we came to the general consensus that yes, buying a

484
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 4: house made sense. But it made sense because his love

485
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 4: and want and goal of buying a house was far

486
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 4: stronger than my want to be in the share market

487
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 4: for the long term. So I think it was about

488
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 4: the importance and where you value it. Whereas you know,

489
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 4: house ownership was sitting quite low on my priority list,

490
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 4: but it was very close to the top for Steve,

491
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 4: and as his partner, I want him to achieve those things.

492
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 4: So for me, I wanted to be on that journey

493
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 4: with him because it was no longer about just the property.

494
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,920
Speaker 4: It was about helping my partner achieve his life goals.

495
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 4: And so I think you need to take it a

496
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,479
Speaker 4: little bit further and really weigh up the pros and

497
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 4: cons of it, because pathetically, if we were in a

498
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 4: different financial circumstance, that wouldn't have made sense for me

499
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 4: to support that because I could have been like, great,

500
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 4: but it's going to take us another ten years and

501
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 4: we don't have the income to support a mortgage, and

502
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 4: you know, there could have been a million stumbling blocks.

503
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 4: But I think it's about having open, honest conversation, and

504
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 4: for us, it was actually about saying, let's put aside

505
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 4: your feelings, Victoria, and let's put aside your feelings, Steve,

506
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 4: and go what does buying a house financially look like?

507
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,479
Speaker 4: What doesn't mean for us? How would this work? How

508
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 4: would it impact all of our other goals? And that's

509
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 4: kind of how we came to the decision to actually buy,

510
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 4: because we're like, all right, well now we're on the

511
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 4: same page about exactly what that means. It was a

512
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 4: less emotional decision, so it was taking the emotion out

513
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 4: of it, being able to have a pragmatic outcome, and

514
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 4: then overlaying the emotion again for me to go, yep,

515
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 4: it's still not like my number one priority, but I

516
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 4: can see how much that means to you. Does that

517
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: make sense?

518
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely. The next red flag I.

519
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 4: Have just is borrowing money consistently from family and friends.

520
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,959
Speaker 4: I think this is a massive red face flag, and

521
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 4: like I get it. Things happen. It's pretty common to

522
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 4: have to borrow money from a friend or a family

523
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,919
Speaker 4: member at some point, sometimes somewhere, but I think the

524
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 4: problem arises when it's pretty consistent, so every single weekend

525
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 4: they're borrowing money from their mum but they have a

526
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,479
Speaker 4: full time job, or they're always borrowing money from friends,

527
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,239
Speaker 4: like I just think that that is an indicator of

528
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 4: poor money management. And obviously, not only does money come

529
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,919
Speaker 4: as a massive burden, I'm very against lending money to

530
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 4: your friends or your family where you can avoid it,

531
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 4: because I think that it plays into a far bigger

532
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 4: issue and often a power dynamic. But I think it

533
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 4: also just shows that your partner is not very good

534
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 4: at money management. And to me, if you want a

535
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:44,360
Speaker 4: financially secure future for future you, that to me would

536
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 4: be a red flag of like, this person needs to

537
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 4: get it together.

538
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 2: Would you say, the excessive usage of credit cards and

539
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 2: buy now, pay later services comes in my same cutry.

540
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 2: So to whip up the rest of that point, I

541
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 2: also think it's a bit of a lack of respect

542
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 2: for your friends and families generos, and also they just

543
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 2: don't have clear financial boundaries, which I think is again

544
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 2: red flag. But the credit card thing, Yes, if they're

545
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 2: over using a credit card or racking up a heap

546
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 2: of debt, or falling behind on credit card payments or

547
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 2: opening a new credit card to pay off the old

548
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 2: credit card, I just think that that's an even bigger

549
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: problem that needs to be addressed. That if you end

550
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 2: up in a relationship with that person, arguably becomes your

551
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: issue too. And I'm not saying that that is your

552
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 2: responsibility to pay it off. But at the end of

553
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 2: the day, if you're in a relationship with someone who

554
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 2: has pretty significant personal debt, that's going to stop you

555
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 2: moving ahead in the future. It's arguably a bit savage, Jess,

556
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 2: but it is the truth. And I have one more

557
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 2: financial red flag before I ask you if you've written

558
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: down any and my last financial flag is and this

559
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,119
Speaker 2: has come from previous experience in an old relationship that

560
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: we won't mention ever again after this episode. And that's

561
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 2: when your partner is overly frugal with their money but

562
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 2: super frivolous with yours. So I hated this, so.

563
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 4: Obviously we know that, oh my god, honey, I left

564
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 4: my wallet at home.

565
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 2: Can you get this?

566
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 4: And then they never transfer you the money back, but

567
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 4: something that and this is so niche.

568
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 2: I hope no one resonates with this.

569
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 4: But often when I was staying over at a previous

570
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 4: partner's house, when we were seeing each other and it

571
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 4: was all well and good, we'd go to the shops,

572
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 4: and if we were buying ice cream and it was

573
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 4: at his house and he was paying, it would always

574
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 4: be home brand. But if he was at my house

575
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 4: and we were going to the shops to get whatever

576
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 4: we were getting, and maybe we're getting like a little

577
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 4: dessert and wanted some connoisseur or vanilla ice cream, somehow

578
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: it always made it into the basket that I was

579
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 4: paying for, But if I put it in his, he'd

580
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,920
Speaker 4: be like, oh, it's not on sale, Oh we can't

581
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,479
Speaker 4: do this, and always go for the cheaper option. And

582
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 4: to me, it was a massive red flag that he

583
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 4: would be overly frugal with his money but not very

584
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 4: frugal with my own, because I felt like that was

585
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 4: generally disrespectful of my generosity and my financial boundaries. But

586
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 4: I also think that it was a little bit deep

587
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 4: representative of his lack of respect for my time, energy

588
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 4: and effort that it took to earn that money, and

589
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 4: he obviously respected his So to me, I'm like, oh,

590
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 4: Victoria divine, you should have seen that earlier.

591
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, yeah, one thousand percent.

592
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 4: So, Jess, what red flags would you like to bring

593
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: up with the team?

594
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 2: I think you covered them all really well. The one

595
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 2: big one I think for me that I think it's

596
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,159
Speaker 2: important to hit home is if you see a disconnect

597
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,719
Speaker 2: between the words of what your partner is saying and

598
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 2: their actions. That's a huge red flag for me across

599
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: the board in finances and in other aspects of the

600
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 2: relationship as well. When it comes to finance, like you

601
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 2: were saying, if you're talking about, oh, we want to

602
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 2: buy a house together, and we have this big goal,

603
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 2: but then your partner's going out and you know, dropping

604
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 2: in a couple hun with the boys every weekend at

605
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 2: the pub or things like that, I think it's important

606
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 2: that absolutely you both have room to do things that

607
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 2: are important to you, and nobody should be accountable to

608
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: anybody else for every cent that they spend. But I

609
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 2: think if your partner is saying one thing and doing another,

610
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: it's a symptom of a bigger issue. So if they go, oh,

611
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 2: I'm really trying to save money, but every date you

612
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: go on is at a five star restaurant, you go

613
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: you're not though, Yeah, exactly right. It makes me question

614
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 2: their self awareness, whether they know what they're doing and

615
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 2: they see the disconnect, or whether they don't recognize the

616
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: problems that they have. It makes me question the validity

617
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 2: of what they're saying as well, like are they just

618
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 2: telling me these things because they want me to believe them?

619
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: Are they saying I'm really frugal because they know that's

620
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 2: important to me, But ultimately they're not h so are

621
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 2: they lying to me? And ultimately I just think you

622
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 2: know that there's that all daying actions speak louder than words,

623
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 2: and maybe they aren't comfortable having those money conversations like

624
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 2: we were talking about at the top of the episode,

625
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 2: and that's okay, But if you're saying one thing and

626
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 2: doing another, it says to me that there's a disconnect

627
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 2: either within yourself or with me, and either way that's

628
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 2: a big issue.

629
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 4: I agree, And I think one of the most important

630
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 4: things to come out of this episode is not just

631
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 4: the red flags, right, Like red flags are going to

632
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 4: be different to everybody, Like a red flag could actually

633
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 4: just be an ikey feeling that you get about a

634
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 4: circumstance that if you wrote it down you'd be like,

635
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,239
Speaker 4: that makes no sense. But I want you to know

636
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 4: that that is a really valid ikey feeling and you

637
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 4: can hold onto that and think about it and you

638
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 4: can look deeply into that. But I think the one

639
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 4: thing that I want you guys to get out of

640
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 4: today is to know when to walk away from a situation,

641
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 4: a relationship, or you know, anything that is not serving

642
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 4: you any longer. And I mean, we live in a

643
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 4: world where women are often encouraged in a way to

644
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 4: stay in less than ideal circumstances in exchange for financial security,

645
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 4: and that's not what we want for the She's on

646
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 4: the money community. We want you to be empowered, and

647
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 4: we want you to have your emergency funds, and we

648
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 4: want you to be able to say no to anything

649
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 4: that doesn't respect you or the circumstances or what you

650
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 4: have worked towards. Right, So you, personally, each and every

651
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 4: single one of you deserve to be in a relationship

652
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 4: that serves you, one that aligns to your goals and

653
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 4: your values for the future and prior ortizes your well being.

654
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 4: And your financial wellbeing and a relationship that is built

655
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 4: on mutual respect and trust. And I feel like these

656
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 4: red flags are all indicators that those things aren't there.

657
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 4: And so from my perspective, I think that such a

658
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 4: significant part of this episode is just knowing your worth

659
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 4: and knowing that you don't have to put up with

660
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 4: financial red flags and we can say no, thank you,

661
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 4: this doesn't align to my goals or my values. And

662
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 4: as much as walking away can be super, super difficult,

663
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 4: it's a way of protecting you when your financial health

664
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 4: and your financial future and you need to give yourself

665
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 4: the respect you deserve. And I think that's that's what

666
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 4: I want you to get out of today, not just

667
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, here's a particular red flag, like yeah,

668
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 4: the red flags are a bit of a fluffy catchphrasy

669
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 4: way of being like, hey, guys, listen to this episode.

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00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 2: We want you to know your worth absolutely, And going

671
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 2: back to the conversation at side of the show, if

672
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 2: you are unsure about anything you're experiencing, if you're feeling

673
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 2: like your relationship might be taking a turn for the worst,

674
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 2: please have a look at the resources that we've got

675
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 2: linked in the show notes talk to your friends and

676
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 2: family as well. I think sometimes your girlfriends or your

677
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 2: boyfriends are a really good sense check for You'd be like, hey,

678
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 2: my date, did this cool or a cool or nah?

679
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 2: Usually nah? If you have to ask those usually nah

680
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 2: for sure. But you know, if you're going is it

681
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 2: just me blowing something out of proportion? Which I think

682
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: is women we sometimes do a lot.

683
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 4: No, not the blowing it out of proportion. We just

684
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 4: assume we're blowing it out of proportion when it's usually

685
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:25,959
Speaker 4: a crimson flag.

686
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't gaslight yourself. Talk to the chicks, talk to

687
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: the dudes, get a bit of a sense check on it,

688
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 2: and if in doubt, chat it out. Oh I love that.

689
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 2: I love that we're keeping that. Get me right, I

690
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 2: think we are done.

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Speaker 4: As always, it is paramount that you connect with your

692
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 4: friends and support networks if anything has been brought up

693
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 4: in this podcast that you would talk about. Obviously, you

694
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 4: can chat with our friends from the National Debt Helpline,

695
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 4: and there are going to be a heap of resources

696
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 4: in the show notes of this episode, so please check

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00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 4: them out.

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Speaker 2: See you on Friday, guys. Bye.

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Speaker 4: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general

700
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 4: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's

701
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 4: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should

702
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 4: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.

703
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 4: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read

704
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:23,719
Speaker 4: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards

705
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 4: your needs. Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are

706
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 4: authorized representatives of money. Sheper pty Ltd ABN three two

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Speaker 4: AFSL four five one two eight nine