Speaker 1: This is gonna be a fucking disaster.
Speaker 2: Why are you laughing?
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: This is our very special Asked Uncut edition where we
Speaker 1: answer your deep, dark and burning questions. And today, well
Speaker 1: it's even more special. And that's because poor old Brittany
Speaker 1: is away on holidays, a very very well deserved holiday,
Speaker 1: but she's left me with no other option here.
Speaker 2: He is what an intro.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast once again. Maddie Jay, my darling fiance,
Speaker 1: the love of my life, my soulmate. Just can't escape,
Speaker 1: you can't.
Speaker 2: I what's kind of nice because you're saying that's also
Speaker 2: very special because Maddy Ja was here and then you
Speaker 2: kind of stop yourself and you're like, there was literally
Speaker 2: nobody else available. I always it was either I record
Speaker 2: this by myself or I pull in Maddi J.
Speaker 1: I woke up to your morning breath this morning, So ah,
Speaker 1: a little bit more of you I can handle. Although
Speaker 1: I did say on the last episode guys, that I've
Speaker 1: reached the point in this pregnancy where I just want
Speaker 1: to be naked all the time. So the really exciting
Speaker 1: part about this and the part that I'm very happy
Speaker 1: about is that I'm not wearing any underwear at all,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't matter because Brittany's not here to be offended.
Speaker 2: Well, hang on a second. You can't say that to
Speaker 2: me now, because we've just had someone pick up Marley
Speaker 2: for an hour and I was thinking to myself, we
Speaker 2: could do an episode of the podcast, or we're going
Speaker 2: to have a bit of cuddle time, if you know
Speaker 2: what I mean.
Speaker 1: Okay, here we are. This is what we do in
Speaker 1: our spare time. Guys, this is four play.
Speaker 2: Don't have sex. We just do podcasts. Hey, before we
Speaker 2: go into these questions, I did see an article yesterday
Speaker 2: which I'm going to say is my favorite article of
Speaker 2: the year. So we're going to travel all the way
Speaker 2: over to Europe. There's a Hungarian politician and he is
Speaker 2: ultra conservative. He's very right wing, and he's actually been
Speaker 2: responsible for spearheading some of the rules and laws regarding
Speaker 2: same sex marriage and he doesn't want it to proceed.
Speaker 1: I like that you read this yesterday, but you've banked
Speaker 1: this specifically to help me on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Okay, So this guy's politician, very right wing. He's been
Speaker 2: very vocal and being against any legislation that gives equal
Speaker 2: rights to the LGBTQY plus community, so very very vocal.
Speaker 2: Now over the weekend, he has just been found in
Speaker 2: a little orgy.
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean what do you do in your spare time?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, like a little orgy between friends, right,
Speaker 1: but not just.
Speaker 2: Not just three four, not just eight. Twenty five men
Speaker 2: Laura Brn in this orgy. And do you know what
Speaker 2: makes this even worse?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's not bad at the moment. I
Speaker 1: think this is quite a happening a hell of a time.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the fact that obviously in Europe right now,
Speaker 2: they are going through really.
Speaker 1: Strict particularly UNCOVID safe.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, so they're in lockdown. There's restrictions on how
Speaker 2: many people you're going to have your orgy or your households.
Speaker 1: They're handing out sair hand sanitizer as people will come in,
Speaker 1: don't forget to sanitize, and please make sure that you
Speaker 1: put on your gloves and your conducts.
Speaker 2: So he so he's gone to this orgy twenty five people.
Speaker 2: The neighbor next door has obviously he heard a bit
Speaker 2: of a racket going on and thought this is not good,
Speaker 2: you know, this was COVID lockdown. These guys are breaching
Speaker 2: the rules. I'm going to call the police. So the
Speaker 2: police have come to this apartment and they've knocked on
Speaker 2: the door, and then you know, one of the people
Speaker 2: at the orgie has heard the door, going, don't worry, guys,
Speaker 2: I'll go get this. I don't know who it could
Speaker 2: because there's twenty five of us and that's everyone here
Speaker 2: at the orgy, but anyway, I'll go answer. It opens
Speaker 2: the door. Police officers, men in uniforms standing in the doorway,
Speaker 2: and the guy goes, great, come on in, and they
Speaker 2: don't realize that the police officers are actually real policemen.
Speaker 2: They think that it's just like part of the orgy.
Speaker 2: So they're like, great, welcome, take a seat, make yourself comfortable,
Speaker 2: take your pants off. And the police are like, all right,
Speaker 2: get against the wall right now, and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we will put your hands behind your backs. Oh I
Speaker 2: like it naughty, And so it took them a while
Speaker 2: to realize that they were at real police. It wasn't
Speaker 2: until one of them tried to take the pants of
Speaker 2: a police officer off that they then kind of came
Speaker 2: to And anyway, in the midst of all this, they
Speaker 2: then realized that one of the men of the twenty
Speaker 2: five was a politician, so he has now resigned.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, there you go. That was a big story
Speaker 1: to break. I just I really wasn't prepared for this.
Speaker 1: This is pre coffee. There was a lot. It escalated
Speaker 1: and here we are.
Speaker 2: Look, there's nothing like a little Orgie store are in
Speaker 2: the morning to get your perked out for the day.
Speaker 1: It really gets you warmed up, doesn't it. Okay, Well, guys,
Speaker 1: I put it out to you to send us your questions.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't have any that Augie related, but
Speaker 1: I do, funnily enough, have one that is stripper related
Speaker 1: for you, mattew Jay so, and I'm actually interested in
Speaker 1: this because I wonder if we have conflicting views on
Speaker 1: this as well. It's nice to have Matt on the
Speaker 1: podcast because he gives a male perspective. And although Britt
Speaker 1: and I may be unqualified but extremely enthusiastic about our advice,
Speaker 1: Matt's also unqualified. So we're just keeping it nice and consistent.
Speaker 2: You keep giving me compliments at start off nice and
Speaker 2: end going the other way. This is exactly like our relationship.
Speaker 1: That's terrible. Okay, strippers, what do we got therapy session
Speaker 1: for the two of us that you will get to
Speaker 1: listen to? All Right, So this listener has written in
Speaker 1: and said that her boyfriend of seven months is about
Speaker 1: to go to a Bucks party. However, she knows that
Speaker 1: there's going to be strippers there, and there's going to
Speaker 1: be topless waitresses there, and it's making her feel really,
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable, and she's really against strippers in general. What
Speaker 1: can she do? Should she put rules in place in
Speaker 1: order for him to be able to go, should she
Speaker 1: tell him he's not allowed to go? What do you
Speaker 1: think is an acceptable course of action for her? When
Speaker 1: she feels so insecure about him going to a Bucks
Speaker 1: party where there are strippers?
Speaker 2: I wonder if something's happened previously which is causing her
Speaker 2: to feel so nervous about the situation. Like, I think
Speaker 2: everyone is pretty similar. I would assume that you know,
Speaker 2: when you have a Hen's Night or a Bucks party,
Speaker 2: one of the first things you organize after alcohol is
Speaker 2: a stripper. It's just kind of what happens, right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: But what's your opinion? Guess this is the question? Right, Like,
Speaker 2: is there a difference between having a stripper and going
Speaker 2: to like a strip club or having a stripper come
Speaker 2: to a party, versus it being a special occasion like
Speaker 2: a Bucks or a Hens, because I kind of separate
Speaker 2: them and think that they're kind of different. I think
Speaker 2: if you were going to the strippers every single weekend,
Speaker 2: that would definitely make you feel really uncomfortable then. And
Speaker 2: I think if you are just going as a one
Speaker 2: off to a Bucks party where there will be strippers,
Speaker 2: I don't see it as being a major issue. But
Speaker 2: I think it's unique that she feels like she needs
Speaker 2: to put barriers in place, because I don't think the
Speaker 2: rules change at all from whether obviously you are seeing
Speaker 2: somebody who is undressing. But you know, I don't think
Speaker 2: you would have to say to your partner, hey, just
Speaker 2: a reminder you can't touch them, Hey, just a reminder
Speaker 2: you know, you can't be in a room together privately
Speaker 2: with nobody else. I think those kind of rules and
Speaker 2: barriers are just expected given that you're in a relationship, right, Yeah, well.
Speaker 1: I think exactly that. But I do think it's interesting
Speaker 1: that there is this like social acceptance around bus parties
Speaker 1: and Hen's parties and like that's okay, Like we kind
Speaker 1: of give that as a whole pass. And like, speaking
Speaker 1: from like you and I, like, if you were to
Speaker 1: say that you're going to go to a Bucks party,
Speaker 1: I would be cool with it because I would assume
Speaker 1: that there are strippers there. But exactly like you said,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I need to put boundaries and
Speaker 1: parameters in place and say, hey, don't touch that dripper.
Speaker 1: Hey make sure you don't get a lap dance, because
Speaker 1: I think that that is assumed, like that's a normal
Speaker 1: rule that we would have in our relationship. Like I
Speaker 1: would be really upset if you went out and some
Speaker 1: chick gave you a love dance, So I'd be really
Speaker 1: upset if you did that at a Bucks party. I
Speaker 1: would I would not tell you what you can and
Speaker 1: can't do. I would trust you enough that you wouldn't
Speaker 1: do those things.
Speaker 2: But if you that's like ah, But I can imagine
Speaker 2: for somebody in a relationship where there is some potential
Speaker 2: trust issues, that environment is really dangerous. You've got alcohol,
Speaker 2: you know, you've got potential privacy. If it's at a
Speaker 2: house or apartment, you know it has all the ingredients
Speaker 2: for something bad to happen. So I can understand that
Speaker 2: she would be really concerned about that situation if the
Speaker 2: relationship isn't in a good place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's interesting as well, like this
Speaker 1: conversation around like putting rules and boundaries in place, Like
Speaker 1: I think that that obviously you have conversations about what
Speaker 1: isn't isn't acceptable in a relationship. But the only time
Speaker 1: that I've ever been in a relationship where I've had
Speaker 1: to put rules and boundaries in place like per se
Speaker 1: is when I've been cheated on, and then after that
Speaker 1: we've sat down and I've said, Okay, this is stuff
Speaker 1: that is not acceptable to me. So if you've been
Speaker 1: cheated on in the past and you're trying to rebuild
Speaker 1: that trust that takes a really long time to rebuild,
Speaker 1: then maybe that's a reason to turn around and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't want you going to a Bucks party where
Speaker 1: there's going to be strippers, because there are some consequences
Speaker 1: to actions, and unfortunately, maybe that is one of them
Speaker 1: which is going to help her rebuild her ability to
Speaker 1: trust again. But if he hasn't ever done anything that's
Speaker 1: actually made you question his intentions or question his trust,
Speaker 1: then I do think that, like unfortunately, a Bucks party
Speaker 1: or a Hen's party is kind of a hall pass
Speaker 1: in this because imagine if you had your best friend's
Speaker 1: wedding and there was going to be a stripper there,
Speaker 1: and your partner said you can't go, Like if the
Speaker 1: tables were turned in that environment, and like it's very
Speaker 1: often that you know, we go to Hen's parties and
Speaker 1: there's a stripper. I think the problem is is that
Speaker 1: the strippers that come to Hen's part it's usually comical,
Speaker 1: and when there's strippers involved with guys, it's not necessarily
Speaker 1: it doesn't have that comic element. It's definitely more sexual,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's why women feel and can
Speaker 1: feel more insecure than men do when there's a stripper present.
Speaker 2: Why do you think it's more sexual at a men's party?
Speaker 2: What's it? How do you differentiate between a male stripper
Speaker 2: and a female stripper?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like every single time I've been to
Speaker 1: a Hen's party, and maybe I'm just being totally stereotyping here,
Speaker 1: but every time I've been to a Hen's party where
Speaker 1: there's been a male stripper, it's usually like the bride
Speaker 1: is trying to get away from the stripper. There's lots
Speaker 1: of like everyone's pissing themselves laughing. It's a lot of
Speaker 1: comical elements to the actual show itself.
Speaker 2: Laura, that's just like a Bucks party. It's it's always
Speaker 2: the guy going, oh, no, touch me, get those boobs
Speaker 2: out of my face. Somebody help me please. That's what
Speaker 2: happens at our party.
Speaker 1: Oh you so tortch it are you? Poor soul? I
Speaker 1: can only imagine it must be really awful having perky
Speaker 1: boot staring into your pupils. I remember when my nipples
Speaker 1: used to stare into people's pupils, so now they stare
Speaker 1: at the floor.
Speaker 2: Well, it's actually quite anxiety inducing, I think, having the
Speaker 2: nipples in your face. I remember I was I was eighteen,
Speaker 2: and I was in Europe. I just had my birthday
Speaker 2: and I was with the mate. We were backpacking around Europe,
Speaker 2: and I thought, I'm now going to go to a
Speaker 2: strip club because I'm legal. And I think we were.
Speaker 2: I think we were like in Berlin, I'm going to
Speaker 2: say Germany.
Speaker 1: Were you in Hungary? At a twenty five?
Speaker 2: I went to this strip club and I was so nervous.
Speaker 2: I'd never been to a strip club before. And I
Speaker 2: sat down and I was like, hi, and you know,
Speaker 2: I was like trying to give her a smile, make
Speaker 2: her feel comfortable as well, and she could tell that
Speaker 2: I was really really nervous. And she was wearing a
Speaker 2: G string bottom, no top, and she had some money
Speaker 2: in a G string and I didn't I didn't know
Speaker 2: the protocol for you know, like do you just offer
Speaker 2: the money? And you know, that's what I did. I
Speaker 2: literally just like leant over and I had some money
Speaker 2: and she kind of gestured to put it in a
Speaker 2: G string and I was like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no, no no, this is too much, like it just just taken.
Speaker 2: She was like no, please, like in the G string.
Speaker 2: And obviously we couldn't communicate because music in the club.
Speaker 2: And then I had to like quickly pull a G
Speaker 2: string and then like tuck the money in. And then
Speaker 2: as soon as I did that, I was like, well
Speaker 2: that's it, job done, strip club is finished. Tick that box,
Speaker 2: let's get out of here. And that was my first
Speaker 2: experience at a strip club.
Speaker 1: When I was eighteen, I used to go to the
Speaker 1: strip clubs. This is okay, this was just over sharing
Speaker 1: for you guys, but I used to go to the
Speaker 1: strip clubs when I was eighteen, nineteen twenty, because as
Speaker 1: a female, you would go there kind of early and
Speaker 1: you would get free drinks. So there was this strip
Speaker 1: club in the Cross called Butterbing, and I'd go there
Speaker 1: with all my girlfriends and we'd go there and we'd
Speaker 1: get primed for the night, have a few drinks free
Speaker 1: on the strip club, and then we'd leave and we'd
Speaker 1: go out. This one night, I got very, very drunk
Speaker 1: prior to going to the strip club, and then we
Speaker 1: ended up the strip club.
Speaker 2: And I feel like you're about to tell me that
Speaker 2: you started dancing.
Speaker 1: No, I did it. I did something worse. There was
Speaker 1: a girl on stage who was dancing, and I pulled
Speaker 1: my dress up over my head and screamed, I can
Speaker 1: do it better than you.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And then I got picked up by the security guard,
Speaker 1: carried downstairs with my dress still over my head, and
Speaker 1: I got put on my ass on King's Cross Street
Speaker 1: and I got banned from the strip clubs. That's the
Speaker 1: story about the last time I went to a strip club.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: I was nineteen. I was wild back in the day.
Speaker 1: And then you found me on a reality TV show.
Speaker 1: Out of all the women you could have met in Australia,
Speaker 1: and this is the one you ended up with.
Speaker 2: What a catch, my baby mama, the mother of your children.
Speaker 1: Goodness me, that didn't even get a chuckle out of you.
Speaker 1: You're like so disappointed in your face.
Speaker 2: I'm literally I'm imagining right now how I would have
Speaker 2: reacted if I was there and I'd seen you do that.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, Laura, how dare you repulsed?
Speaker 1: You definitely wouldn't have.
Speaker 2: Ended up dating me disappointed?
Speaker 1: So what did we get to in a conclusion for
Speaker 1: that one?
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, this all comes down
Speaker 2: to trust. I think it's definitely a situation which will
Speaker 2: make you feel uncomfortable. But I think you can explain
Speaker 2: that to him. But I don't think you can go
Speaker 2: down the route of asking him not to attend. I
Speaker 2: think that would be far more dangerous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely agree. I think that there has to
Speaker 1: be a huge element of trust that happens here. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's healthy in a relationship to tell someone
Speaker 1: what they can and can't do as a mandatory, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think that you should give someone the altimatum
Speaker 1: saying like you know you can't do this, you can't
Speaker 1: go to this. I won't allow it because I do
Speaker 1: think that that breeds a lot of resentment within relationships.
Speaker 1: But I do think it's very important to have a
Speaker 1: conversation with him before he goes about why this is
Speaker 1: making you so uncomfortable and about the things he can
Speaker 1: do to minimize that discomfort. Maybe he needs to like
Speaker 1: text and check in or something, or maybe it will
Speaker 1: just make him more aware and his behavior will change slightly,
Speaker 1: because you know, at the end of the day, he
Speaker 1: loves you, he respects you, and he doesn't want you
Speaker 1: to feel that way. However, is he going to boycott
Speaker 1: his friends Bucks party?
Speaker 2: Probably not, absolutely not.
Speaker 1: So the very last thing I want to say on
Speaker 1: this is that regardless of whether he's at a Bucks
Speaker 1: party where there strippers or not, if you're with somebody
Speaker 1: who isn't treating you the right way or is going
Speaker 1: to cheat on you, it doesn't matter the environment, they
Speaker 1: will still do that. And I think that you know,
Speaker 1: if you can't trust him to go to a Bucks
Speaker 1: party where there's going to be a stripper, then you
Speaker 1: probably can't trust him to go out to a nightclub
Speaker 1: where there's other girls as well. So I think check
Speaker 1: whether this is an insecurity that you feel, or whether
Speaker 1: this is actually a legitimate issue because of his behavior
Speaker 1: and the things he's done in the past, and that's
Speaker 1: sort of where you need to unpack this.
Speaker 2: From and failing that, you can just go to the
Speaker 2: Bucks party with him.
Speaker 1: Okay. Question number two, Mattie J Is going to read
Speaker 1: this one for y'all. Okay, it is I think this
Speaker 1: one was specifically written in for us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is very relevant for us. The question is
Speaker 2: do you always find each other attractive or other days
Speaker 2: where you ain't feeling it?
Speaker 1: Shall we answer this on the count of three? Okay, one, two, three? No, No, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm really.
Speaker 2: I mean there are certain moments when you know, I'll
Speaker 2: walk past the bathroom and the door's open and you're
Speaker 2: doing a number two.
Speaker 1: Excuse me. I don't leave the door open when I'm
Speaker 1: doing a number two.
Speaker 2: And you do, Actually you do, and I think, God,
Speaker 2: that's my girl.
Speaker 1: Only if you I don't trust that you have an
Speaker 1: eye on Marley and I'm trying to keep an ear out,
Speaker 1: which is often, which is sometimes, But anyway, no, okay,
Speaker 1: I think that it's important to kind of separate these things.
Speaker 2: And I just say I always love you.
Speaker 1: I always love you too, honey, but.
Speaker 2: I don't always like you.
Speaker 1: If you know what I mean, I know exactly what
Speaker 1: you mean. I always find you attractive, like I don't
Speaker 1: find you less attractive. But there are days when old times.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't say there are days, but there are times
Speaker 1: when I'm not attracted to you. And I think of
Speaker 1: attraction in the same way that I think of happiness,
Speaker 1: or I think of sadness, or I think of any
Speaker 1: other emotion that you feel like attraction is this overwhelming
Speaker 1: feeling of being like I want to be with you
Speaker 1: right now, and that can't be a constant. Nothing in
Speaker 1: life is a constant. Everything has ebbs and flows. And
Speaker 1: I think the more time that you spend with someone,
Speaker 1: the more comfortable you feel with them, the more that like, Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: there are times where I'm super attracted to you, and
Speaker 1: then there are times where I'm less attracted to you. Actually,
Speaker 1: there's probably times where I'm super frustrated about things that
Speaker 1: you've done and we fight.
Speaker 2: And I don't be ridiculous, Laura.
Speaker 1: In the middle of a fight, I'm not thinking, Fuck,
Speaker 1: this man's so attractive. In the middle of an argument,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking do I hate you? Is this hate? Do I?
Speaker 1: Actually no, I don't hate you. That's right. I love you.
Speaker 1: I need to remind myself, but I'll find you attractive
Speaker 1: again tomorrow, but now is not the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think there's certain times. And I know that
Speaker 2: the last few weeks have been pretty hard with Marley
Speaker 2: because she's been a little bit on well and she's
Speaker 2: not been sleeping. And I think there are certain pinch
Speaker 2: points in a relationship where you are tired, you're exhausted,
Speaker 2: you're a bit stressed out with work, and you're squabbling
Speaker 2: over minor things. In those situations there you definitely don't
Speaker 2: find the other person attractive. That's that's the last thing
Speaker 2: on your mind. But you know that's not gonna last,
Speaker 2: you know, and you've got to take the good with
Speaker 2: the bad.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. I think that everything, like we said, everything comes
Speaker 1: on a spectrum. You're gonna have intense feelings towards someone
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have times where you know those feelings
Speaker 1: are less. But the important thing is like having that
Speaker 1: mutual love, that really deep seated mutual love for each other,
Speaker 1: knowing that that doesn't go away regardless of everything else
Speaker 1: that fluctuates around you, but like I always feel like
Speaker 1: I love you. There's never a time where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't love you. I don't like I
Speaker 1: question my feelings. That doesn't happen. But do I question
Speaker 1: my attraction? I guess that that's a weird. It's a
Speaker 1: weird way of putting it because like it also ties
Speaker 1: down to my own personal libido, like you know, being pregnant.
Speaker 1: We've talked about it loads on the podcast. I am
Speaker 1: certainly nowhere near as like sexually driven as what I
Speaker 1: normally am, and this pregnancy is hugely at my libido,
Speaker 1: So therefore it's affected my feelings of being attracted and
Speaker 1: everything else that comes with that as well.
Speaker 2: But it's it's funny that I think back to the weekend.
Speaker 2: On Sunday, we had a really really busy day where
Speaker 2: we had our family, Like my family and your family
Speaker 2: were both over, so we were from the moment we
Speaker 2: woke up, we were cleaning the house, we were organizing food,
Speaker 2: people were around, and it was extremely hectic and I
Speaker 2: didn't get to spend much time with you, and like,
Speaker 2: I don't think we even had more than a kiss
Speaker 2: or two throughout the whole day because I wasn't focused
Speaker 2: on that, and then it wasn't until the end of
Speaker 2: the day where you said, hey, you know, you've not
Speaker 2: really kissed me today, and I, you know, I didn't
Speaker 2: even realize that i'd been acting in that way. But
Speaker 2: I think sometimes, you know, if you are feeling like
Speaker 2: you need more attention, or if you do feel like
Speaker 2: you need more or love and affection, I think it's
Speaker 2: it comes down to communicating that to your partner, Like
Speaker 2: I didn't even realize. And of course you know that day,
Speaker 2: I still loved you more than ever, but I just
Speaker 2: I guess I wasn't showing that outwardly as much as
Speaker 2: I normally would.
Speaker 1: It's funny you bring that up. Actually, Like you guys
Speaker 1: know that we do our stuck and sweet on every episode,
Speaker 1: and if you listen to the episode we did on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: which was the one with doctor Angela Jay, it's a
Speaker 1: freaking awesome episode. I really really, I mean that sounds
Speaker 1: very biased because obviously it's our episode, but it's a
Speaker 1: really special episode and I really really hope that you
Speaker 1: can go and listen to it if you haven't already.
Speaker 1: But I did talk about my suck that week and
Speaker 1: my suck.
Speaker 2: Was that this.
Speaker 1: Feeling of, you know, I've been a lot more emotional lately,
Speaker 1: and things that normally wouldn't upset me have upset me
Speaker 1: a lot more. And I was saying to brit like,
Speaker 1: it's not something that I can just put down to
Speaker 1: hormones constantly and just blame on hormones. But it's also
Speaker 1: the fact that, like my body's changed heaps. I don't
Speaker 1: feel as attractive as I normally do. I'm pretty down
Speaker 1: on myself about those changes. And when we had all
Speaker 1: these people over on Sunday and Matt just wasn't his
Speaker 1: normal attentive self, it like really amplified my insecurities around
Speaker 1: me not feeling as attractive. So I definitely think that
Speaker 1: this is something that's fluid. And I obviously told that
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Matt's just mentioned it again, and you know,
Speaker 1: we spoke about it a lot that Sunday night, But
Speaker 1: I think you absolutely nailed it. Like you have to
Speaker 1: have communication, you have to talk about when you're feeling
Speaker 1: those ebbs and flows that your partner doesn't feel rejected
Speaker 1: as well. That's a really important part of communication and
Speaker 1: of making sure that you guys are completely on the
Speaker 1: same page.
Speaker 2: And I also just want to say, I think it
Speaker 2: is really important at some point throughout the day that
Speaker 2: you do, even if it's just one brief moment, having
Speaker 2: a hug, having a kiss, not to have that eventuate
Speaker 2: into anything more than just, you know, a quick embrace.
Speaker 2: But I think it is really important that you don't
Speaker 2: forget those little intimate moments.
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent agree. And I think as soon
Speaker 1: as you do start forgetting those intimate moments, that's when
Speaker 1: you kind of end up feeling like you're just living
Speaker 1: with a friend, you know, like, and I get it,
Speaker 1: like as life changed, it it's very easy to be
Speaker 1: constantly intimate with each other when you first start a dating,
Speaker 1: when you're in the honeymoon phase and like when you
Speaker 1: have no other distractions, but like once you have kids
Speaker 1: and things become a little bit more chaotic and you
Speaker 1: seem like you're you can't focus on that person with
Speaker 1: the same intensity that you could before, it does sometimes
Speaker 1: become easy to just forget to make sure that they
Speaker 1: feel completely appreciated. But it is such an important thing
Speaker 1: to remind your partner of that. I mean, maybe after
Speaker 1: this we should just go make out for a little while.
Speaker 2: Well, we'll put this on pause. We'll come right back.
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, it's good to be back.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: But the other thing as well, and something that the
Speaker 1: reason why I picked this question, I thought it was
Speaker 1: really important one to unpack is because we see it
Speaker 1: on Instagram. You see couples that look perfect, that they
Speaker 1: look like they're always in love. And you know, like
Speaker 1: we constantly say, like comparison is the thief, thief of joy.
Speaker 1: But that is not sustainable. It's not how relationships work.
Speaker 1: Relationships have the full spectrum. You know, you fight in relationships.
Speaker 1: It's a very normal and healthy part of relationships. Feeling
Speaker 1: intensely attracted to your partner and then also having days
Speaker 1: where you feel slightly less attracted to them are all
Speaker 1: normal parts of a relationship. And I don't think that
Speaker 1: if you feel that, if you feel those waves and
Speaker 1: those ebbs and flows, it doesn't necessarily mean that anything
Speaker 1: is wrong with your relationship. You're just riding the waves
Speaker 1: of it. And like you know, you can't be with
Speaker 1: someone for thirty years or forty years or fifty years
Speaker 1: of life, and every single day, for every single moment
Speaker 1: wake up feeling peak aroused and peak attracted to them,
Speaker 1: it's just not gonna happen, never going to happen. No,
Speaker 1: you see them at the worst and you see them
Speaker 1: at the best. And yeah, all of that is part
Speaker 1: of a relationship.
Speaker 2: You mentioned fighting in a relationship, and I think it
Speaker 2: is such a really critical part of sustaining a really
Speaker 2: healthy relationship is how you resolve conflict. And even we
Speaker 2: have little squabbles, I don't think we wouldn't. We never
Speaker 2: really fight over anything major. It's always something that's just
Speaker 2: like so trivial and so minor, and it's just just
Speaker 2: us being tired and exhausted, which makes it so much
Speaker 2: bigger than what's actually at hand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and one of the questions that we chose, which
Speaker 1: I thought was so relevant, is in regards to fighting.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to hear question number three, Maddy J.
Speaker 1: So weird that I'm calling you Maddy J. Just I
Speaker 1: would never call him that. It's just for like, this.
Speaker 2: Is just for knew it. But I didn't even flinch.
Speaker 1: Matthew Johnson is what I would more likely call you,
Speaker 1: but usually just when you're in trouble.
Speaker 2: I'll answer to anything.
Speaker 1: All right, babe, here we go. So my question is
Speaker 1: my partner and I have very different fighting styles. We've
Speaker 1: been together for nine years now and literally nothing has changed.
Speaker 1: The things we fight over are generally inconsequential, but afterwards
Speaker 1: I want comfort and resolution and he wants to retreat.
Speaker 1: The more I push, the more he retreats, and then
Speaker 1: we get stuck in a cycle, resulting in both of
Speaker 1: us feeling like shit. In particular, I end up emotional
Speaker 1: and irrational. How can we break the cycle? Help?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting. I know that I've spoken to other
Speaker 2: couples about their fighting style. I would find it so
Speaker 2: difficult to have a fight with you, Laura, and to
Speaker 2: not resolve it before we went to bed. I think
Speaker 2: we kind of we didn't even really speak about it. It
Speaker 2: was just something that I think we were lucky that
Speaker 2: we're both on the same page that we never wanted
Speaker 2: to go to sleep still having angst with each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess it's such an important thing, right, Like
Speaker 1: everyone talks about your love languages, and we've done an
Speaker 1: episode on like attachment styles, but we've never really unpacked
Speaker 1: argument styles, and I think that that is probably one
Speaker 1: of the most critical parts of a relationship, is like
Speaker 1: your conflict resolution.
Speaker 2: And we're very very similar.
Speaker 1: We fight in the exact same way.
Speaker 2: We're so stubborn, So Matt and I.
Speaker 1: We have the exact same fighting style when we fight.
Speaker 1: Like like you said, we don't actually ever fight over
Speaker 1: big things, and that's because there have been no big
Speaker 1: and bad things that happened to our relationship to fight over.
Speaker 1: They're always such like small irritations. It could be that
Speaker 1: I don't like the way that Matt has said a
Speaker 1: specific thing to me and it's made me feel upset
Speaker 1: or insecure, or I don't like that you've been a
Speaker 1: little bit short with me. It's it's always something that's
Speaker 1: been taken out of context, but I have found it offended,
Speaker 1: or vice versa. You know, I've said something to you
Speaker 1: and you haven't liked my tone more so than actually
Speaker 1: what the words that were said.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think back to the last little argument
Speaker 2: we had, and I think it was when one day
Speaker 2: I had Marley in the morning. You'd been at work,
Speaker 2: we were doing like a change over midday and you
Speaker 2: came home and I think I said it was as
Speaker 2: simple as and I don't know if I'll get the
Speaker 2: tone right, but I said, can you please take Marley.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe I didn't maybe I didn't say please.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what actually happened was we're going to rehash
Speaker 1: this argument right now. What I actually happened was is
Speaker 1: Matt had had Marley for two hours and I had
Speaker 1: had her all morning.
Speaker 2: I think it was three.
Speaker 1: It was two hours, and like, you know, fair like,
Speaker 1: it had been a stressful two hours. She hadn't been
Speaker 1: her best self she you know, like anyone who has
Speaker 1: toddler knows that, like even in a small period of time,
Speaker 1: if there's a toddler tantrum that ensues, it can be
Speaker 1: super stressful and like hard to manage. And I had
Speaker 1: come home, I had taken her, and of course, like
Speaker 1: the change in parenting meant that she was being an
Speaker 1: absolute angel for me. So Matt was just a bit
Speaker 1: frustrated and he went to the bedroom to kind of
Speaker 1: calm down. And I walked into the bedroom with Marley
Speaker 1: and she was being super happy. I didn't really realize
Speaker 1: what had kind of gone on before I'd gotten home,
Speaker 1: and I was playing with her and I was like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: you know, kip daddy a cuddle or something like that,
Speaker 1: and he was like, nah, I need like ten minutes
Speaker 1: away and he kind of got up and walked out
Speaker 1: of the room.
Speaker 2: Maybe I delivered that with a bit too much frustration.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I and I took it personally. I took
Speaker 1: it like, well, you wanted to be away from me
Speaker 1: and not just Maley, not just that you needed a
Speaker 1: break from parenting. I took it as though, like in
Speaker 1: that moment, you wanted to get away from us, and
Speaker 1: so obviously then I was offended, and then he was
Speaker 1: offended that I was offended.
Speaker 2: We just snowboard from then.
Speaker 1: And I guess the thing with our fighting style is
Speaker 1: like I actually think that sometimes we can gaslight each
Speaker 1: other when one of us has an issue, and it's
Speaker 1: not intentional, but it's because the gas lighting occurs because
Speaker 1: neither of us want to admit that we've actually hurt
Speaker 1: the other person's feelings, so we try and change their minds.
Speaker 1: So we will be like, you know, Matt might have
Speaker 1: said something that's upset me, or I might have said
Speaker 1: something that's upset him, and instead of sitting down and
Speaker 1: listening to what is the what is what the other
Speaker 1: person is upset about, our instant d fault and we
Speaker 1: both do it is to turn around and be like, well,
Speaker 1: you you are too sensitive. You've taken that the wrong way,
Speaker 1: and that's your problem. It's not what I said, and
Speaker 1: I recognize that that's not very healthy. But the good
Speaker 1: thing that we both do is that after a little
Speaker 1: while of us being stubborn, one of us always ends
Speaker 1: up going I'm sorry. I can see it from your perspective,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's what's the most important part
Speaker 1: about conflict resolution is that you need to remember are
Speaker 1: you fighting because you want to get to a better goal,
Speaker 1: like you need an end goal and like you want
Speaker 1: to make up from it, or are you fighting to
Speaker 1: be right? And if you're just fighting to be right,
Speaker 1: then that's when you need to concede and go, Okay,
Speaker 1: pick your battles, like it's not worth being right over
Speaker 1: something that is inconsequential.
Speaker 2: There are so many fights where I've been really stubborn.
Speaker 1: So many there's like a cat no, no, no.
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking back to like moments where we've both
Speaker 2: been lying in bed and we're facing the other way,
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking to myself, there is absolutely no way
Speaker 2: I'm going to give in, and I'm going to roll
Speaker 2: over and give her a kiss. She's the one who's
Speaker 2: going to do it this time. But then I look
Speaker 2: back at that situation and I think the reason I
Speaker 2: was being so stubborn is because I just didn't want
Speaker 2: to be wrong.
Speaker 1: And it's so hard to do it in the moment.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to do it when you feel angry
Speaker 1: about something.
Speaker 2: I think you do sometimes you need to take a
Speaker 2: bit of a breather because in the moment when you
Speaker 2: are frustrated, aggression is only going to breed more aggression,
Speaker 2: and then you'll just end up shouting and getting you know,
Speaker 2: the fight will then build up and you're never going
Speaker 2: to resolve it.
Speaker 1: And I think the important thing to come back to
Speaker 1: you with this question and like we obviously we were
Speaker 1: just hashed about our own fighting styles. But the problem
Speaker 1: with this question is that your fighting styles are different.
Speaker 1: And I think when you have different fighting styles to
Speaker 1: your partner, it means you have to work even harder
Speaker 1: to better understand them. So knowing that your partner is
Speaker 1: someone who retreats and someone who has to avoid conflict,
Speaker 1: there does and I understand that, Like you know, when
Speaker 1: you're someone who needs reassurance and you need love and affirmation,
Speaker 1: that can leave you feeling even more abandoned. But in
Speaker 1: the same instance that you need love and affection, he
Speaker 1: also needs some time to process his thoughts. So it's
Speaker 1: unfair of you to push, push, push, push, push, and
Speaker 1: keep pushing the conversation to get what you want out
Speaker 1: of it, because it makes him also feel isolated in
Speaker 1: the exact same way that you feel isolated. So you
Speaker 1: do have to try and meet in the middle a
Speaker 1: little bit with this. And I think that some way
Speaker 1: that you can resolve this is for somebody who's an
Speaker 1: avoidant personality type who needs time to themselves, saying hey,
Speaker 1: we need to talk and then knowing that that could
Speaker 1: be an open ended conversation that could go for hours
Speaker 1: is actually petrifying to someone who is an avoidant person
Speaker 1: personality type. So maybe saying I'm feeling really upset and
Speaker 1: I know that this is something that you struggle with,
Speaker 1: but I need five minutes to explain to you why
Speaker 1: I feel upset, and then I'd really love it if
Speaker 1: you would just give me five minutes to reassure me
Speaker 1: that that we're okay, and then we can You can
Speaker 1: go and have your time out and I will be
Speaker 1: all right. But I think it's when things escalate so
Speaker 1: much and there's lack of communication there that even if
Speaker 1: the fight itself is inconsequential, the fight becomes so bit
Speaker 1: and so magnified that you're left feeling like your partner
Speaker 1: doesn't understand you as a person.
Speaker 2: I want to say as well, when you are in
Speaker 2: a situation where an argument is escalating and you're almost
Speaker 2: going blow for blow, and I say this, and I
Speaker 2: know it's really easy for me just to say, hey,
Speaker 2: here's a rule full of this when you have an argument,
Speaker 2: but I think the worst thing you could potentially do
Speaker 2: in an argument is to have personal attacks for the
Speaker 2: other person. And I think in the moment, when it's
Speaker 2: very heated, it is so easy because you know that's
Speaker 2: what's going to get you the best reaction, you know,
Speaker 2: in the moment. But I think as much as you
Speaker 2: can try and avoid going down that route, because then
Speaker 2: it's so much harder to try and resolve it when
Speaker 2: you're going so far deep into hurting the other person's.
Speaker 1: Feelings, like our big one is like you cannot swear,
Speaker 1: like that's our big one. And I know that sometimes
Speaker 1: I swear, but my role is I don't like being
Speaker 1: sworn at. So IF's Matt ever is like oh fuck this,
Speaker 1: or and like he doesn't swear at me. Don't get
Speaker 1: me wrong, Like our fight's are really really tame and docile.
Speaker 1: But if we're having an argument and Matt responds with
Speaker 1: like fuck this and storms off, that takes the argument
Speaker 1: to like the next level. Like that for me is
Speaker 1: such level of disrespect.
Speaker 2: So but I think it's great when you when you
Speaker 2: when either one of us does go to like stage
Speaker 2: tuber fight where we were a swear word is starting
Speaker 2: to be thrown and we see it escalating straight away,
Speaker 2: We're like, you shot that right now?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we're what you're doing. We have boundaries and
Speaker 1: like they're rules that we have to our fighting. And
Speaker 1: I think, like anything in a relationship, you have rules
Speaker 1: that you've communicated that you you know that are your
Speaker 1: boundaries about what is respectful and what is acceptable, and
Speaker 1: like if you are feeling like you're not being respected,
Speaker 1: it's time to kind of call out and be like cool, cool,
Speaker 1: we need to take a couple of seconds here, because
Speaker 1: this is not how we're going to fight about this.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to swear at you. You're not going
Speaker 1: to swear at me. You're not going to insult me.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to insult you because we're actually fighting
Speaker 1: about something that you didn't do, Like you didn't take
Speaker 1: the freaking bins out, or you're you walked away from
Speaker 1: me in the bedroom. I didn't like your tone. You
Speaker 1: have to kind of try and bring yourself back to
Speaker 1: why are you fighting and what happened? And I think
Speaker 1: if you can break it down to being something that
Speaker 1: is literally not a big deal, you need to keep
Speaker 1: that in perspective when you're fighting. Different if it is
Speaker 1: a big deal. Different, if you've been cheated on, Different,
Speaker 1: if you feel like you've been lied to, different. There
Speaker 1: are so many other things that kind of like break
Speaker 1: the fighting rules. Of course, like even then you're not
Speaker 1: going to go down the path of screaming, calling and
Speaker 1: hurling abuse, But I can understand why the fight would
Speaker 1: become slightly more irrational in those instances, and there takes
Speaker 1: it takes a lot more work and potentially some therapy
Speaker 1: to overcome those things. But I'm talking about the everyday
Speaker 1: irritations of just living with and being a cohabitating unit
Speaker 1: that you need to work through. And there has to
Speaker 1: always be this level of respect for how the two
Speaker 1: of you communicate and where possible. I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: rapping this up power.
Speaker 2: And where possible. Always have to make up sex.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, makeup sex is the thing, right, You have
Speaker 1: to have makeup sex, and you have to like a
Speaker 1: big harg and a big kiss afterwards, and like what Matt' said,
Speaker 1: just the sex, I reckon, that's why you pick farts
Speaker 1: with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been a while. Hey, Laura, fuck you. Here
Speaker 2: we go, let's go and we're on.
Speaker 1: Okay, we got one more question, guys, question number three.
Speaker 1: Who was it three or is it four? I kind
Speaker 1: of remember where we're at.
Speaker 2: No, that's this is question four. You had first one
Speaker 2: or second? We did third? We can count. We are good.
Speaker 2: Gon'd help Molly May when she has Matt's at school.
Speaker 1: This one is very related to timing, so I think
Speaker 1: this is important. It's another relationship question. But I mean,
Speaker 1: it kind of makes sense that you guys are throwing
Speaker 1: loads of relationship questions at us, seeing as though we're
Speaker 1: in a relationship, well and.
Speaker 2: Seeing as though this is a relationship podcast. True, I mean,
Speaker 2: if people are throwing like electrical questions at us, engineering
Speaker 2: question it'd be really hard for us to come back
Speaker 2: and answer that.
Speaker 1: And you're also a terrible handyman, so do you particularly.
Speaker 2: Hard the light in the bathroom? But yesterday, thank you very.
Speaker 1: Much, he did change a light globe. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: So I started dating this guy in April. COVID made
Speaker 1: me make a dumb decision. I've known the whole time
Speaker 1: that this man is not my penguin and it's not
Speaker 1: going to be long term, which leads me to the
Speaker 1: problem I have. Now I need to break up with him.
Speaker 1: The problem is he went all out for my birthday,
Speaker 1: and now Christmas is coming. Should I wait until after Christmas?
Speaker 1: I have already set a limit for presents, so I'm
Speaker 1: not really worried about the whole present thing. However, is
Speaker 1: it worse him being alone during Christmas or leading him
Speaker 1: on by letting him come along to my family Christmas
Speaker 1: he can't head to his hometown due to COVID? Help
Speaker 1: to break up or not to break up?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, she's got herself in a.
Speaker 1: Real pickle, A real pickle dickle?
Speaker 2: Is this what you would call? Laura? Tell me if
Speaker 2: this is correct? A situationship?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, great, that's definitely not what, because that's not what
Speaker 2: I'm going to say.
Speaker 1: Perfect. This is not a situationship. They have defined the relation.
Speaker 1: They are in a relationship, and she wants out of
Speaker 1: it because she sounds like she kind of used them
Speaker 1: as a bit of an emotional crutch during COVID, when
Speaker 1: you know, she was feeling a bit alone and she
Speaker 1: ended up dating a guy that she knew wasn't right
Speaker 1: for her. And now it's come to a point where
Speaker 1: she can go out, she can see guys, she can
Speaker 1: live her life, and she wants to end this relationship
Speaker 1: before it escalates any further.
Speaker 2: I can sympathize with her because I've been in a
Speaker 2: situation over in the UK before, where look, the winter
Speaker 2: in Europe is so brutal and depressing. That I have
Speaker 2: dated someone and I knew at the time that they
Speaker 2: weren't someone who I was going to be madly in
Speaker 2: love with. There was someone that I enjoyed hanging out
Speaker 2: with and like we had good chemistry, but I definitely
Speaker 2: wasn't thinking to myself, oh my gosh, this is going
Speaker 2: to be the person I'm going to marry. But at
Speaker 2: the time I was like, this is nice, this is fine.
Speaker 1: How to winter shack up. You're cozy exactly right, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to go to the bar. And when
Speaker 1: it's more snowing outside.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you want to say you want to watch
Speaker 2: movies down the couch, so you use people. That's yeah
Speaker 2: for one of a better phrase, Thanks Laura. I knew
Speaker 2: that was the old Mandy Jay. Gosh, the things I
Speaker 2: used to do. No, But I knew that it was
Speaker 2: leading up to Christmas, and I realized that if I
Speaker 2: had gone through a big event like spending time with
Speaker 2: her family over Christmas, that is something that is really
Speaker 2: going to solidify the relationship for her. And I knew
Speaker 2: that moving forward it would be so much harder to
Speaker 2: try and end that relationship because that person is getting
Speaker 2: more and more invested, and I think it's, you know,
Speaker 2: you want to do the right thing here. You don't
Speaker 2: want to hurt someone's feelings, and so it is really
Speaker 2: tempting to just go, do you know what, I'll see
Speaker 2: through Christmas It'll make it a lot easier. It means
Speaker 2: that they're going to be with somebody and not by
Speaker 2: themselves over such a really huge event of the calendar year.
Speaker 2: But I think, unfortunately, you're just prolonging that pain, and
Speaker 2: when you do eventually break up with him, if it
Speaker 2: is half Christmas, it's actually gonna make it harder for
Speaker 2: them long term. So I think, do you know what
Speaker 2: I would do, Laura, what I do wonder? I think
Speaker 2: what she should do is break up with him pre Christmas. However,
Speaker 2: I think what would be a nice little like, nice
Speaker 2: little like sweetness to the situation is I think she
Speaker 2: should still get him a Christmas present. That's weird, No, no,
Speaker 2: because I think it's like it's a bit of a
Speaker 2: shit soundwich right, So it's like, Hey, I've had a
Speaker 2: really great time. Unfortunately I don't want to see you again.
Speaker 1: However, I bought you a Christmas hamper. However, here's some
Speaker 1: Christmas pudding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and here's a new T shirt and socks.
Speaker 1: But he's never gonna want to wear it. He's never
Speaker 1: gonna want what she's gonna give hand.
Speaker 2: That's not true. I'm true at all.
Speaker 1: Everyone likes socks.
Speaker 2: Everyone likes socks. I still have gifts that I've worn.
Speaker 1: You still have gifts from ex partners?
Speaker 2: Yeah? My wallet? Really?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've always you know what, This is a real
Speaker 1: point of contention because every year. I'm like, Matt, you
Speaker 1: need a new wallet, and he's like, no, there's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong my wallet. My Walt's great.
Speaker 2: Now I know why because obviously it was still you know, you're.
Speaker 1: Getting for Christmas this year.
Speaker 2: So I think she should break up with him. I
Speaker 2: think it will be the right thing to do. The
Speaker 2: longer she leaves it, the more invested he's going to get,
Speaker 2: and the harder it's going to be for him to
Speaker 2: recover from that breakup.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get a little bit sciencing on you,
Speaker 1: which I think it explains relationships and connections and bonding.
Speaker 1: So when we love someone and when we spend time
Speaker 1: with them, we create neurological pathways, right, And the more
Speaker 1: memories and the more time that you spend with someone,
Speaker 1: the more pathways that literally bind you to that person.
Speaker 1: So by you going and inviting him to your family Christmas,
Speaker 1: all you're doing is cementing that that chemistry, that love,
Speaker 1: that connection, and you're giving him validation that this is
Speaker 1: a relationship that is going to have longevity. So to
Speaker 1: break up with him very shortly after, you're only going
Speaker 1: to be magnifying that pain. Because science says he will
Speaker 1: have more neurological pathways that he needs to actually break
Speaker 1: down over time, because he's created more beautiful memories with you.
Speaker 1: As much as breakups freaking suck, they suck at every
Speaker 1: time of the year, they suck, particularly around Christmas. But
Speaker 1: I think that it's it's almost crueler to do it
Speaker 1: after Christmas because you feel like it's making it a
Speaker 1: bit easier for you. I actually do think it'll make
Speaker 1: a lot harder for him, So it's not ideal. Could
Speaker 1: you do it in mid March. Sure, that's a bit
Speaker 1: of a more like obsolete time of year. That would
Speaker 1: be great, But I don't think that you should put
Speaker 1: your life on hold for three months so it's in
Speaker 1: between hallmark occasions. I think, unfortunately, this is something that
Speaker 1: you really really have to do, And it also means
Speaker 1: it's going to free him up to spend his summer.
Speaker 1: He can be single, he can go out and live
Speaker 1: his life. Does that mean that you check in with
Speaker 1: him on Christmas Day? Maybe maybe you do need to
Speaker 1: just be like, I hope you're okay.
Speaker 2: Maybe no, I'm thinking no checking in, no checking in,
Speaker 2: but still still look the Christmas present because he gave
Speaker 2: you a great birthday present. But I think I'm assuming
Speaker 2: that it's going to be the same for girls as
Speaker 2: it is for guys. That the first time you meet
Speaker 2: their family, your partner's family in your head, you know,
Speaker 2: it's a bit of a taste of what the future
Speaker 2: could be like. You know, it's such a huge milestone
Speaker 2: moment in any relationship when you are taking that next
Speaker 2: step and meeting their family.
Speaker 1: What was I like meeting my family when you got
Speaker 1: to meet for other women's family simultaneously.
Speaker 2: So again back to the point of Christmas is I
Speaker 2: think when someone breaks up with you, I think you
Speaker 2: do want to have some closure. You do want to
Speaker 2: have some information that allows you to understand what went wrong.
Speaker 2: If you're having Christmas together, meeting the family, and let's
Speaker 2: assume that you guys have a really amazing time, everybody
Speaker 2: gets along, he becomes best friends with your brother. To
Speaker 2: then break up after that, he is going to be
Speaker 2: so confused trying to figure out what went wrong because
Speaker 2: everything we just tracking along perfectly. So it's going to
Speaker 2: be such a shock to his system when you do
Speaker 2: break up pre Christmas. And also it's New Year's Eve.
Speaker 2: Let the man go out and get a New Year's eve.
Speaker 1: Pash and he might also think that maybe the breakup
Speaker 1: has come as a result of, like your family not
Speaker 1: necessarily liking him or something. I think that, yeah, I
Speaker 1: agree with Matt wholeheartedly, which is nice. It's nice when
Speaker 1: we agree. I think that it's really important to have
Speaker 1: a conversation and just be transparent with him as to
Speaker 1: why you are breaking up, you know, explaining to him
Speaker 1: that this is something that you have been thinking about
Speaker 1: for a while. It's not a rash decision. It's not
Speaker 1: a decision that you're making because Christmas is here and
Speaker 1: you know that the timing is actually pretty freaking horrendous,
Speaker 1: but that you don't feel the same level of connection
Speaker 1: that you should feel, being that you've been in a
Speaker 1: relationship sin since April and you don't want to waste
Speaker 1: his time anymore. And unfortunately that's that's it, Like, that's
Speaker 1: where the relationship ends. And I think explaining all those
Speaker 1: things around the breakup and giving a level of explanation
Speaker 1: equals a little bit of closure.
Speaker 2: But also it's just going to mean that you're going
Speaker 2: to have a much better Christmas with your family as well. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: Like it means that you're gonna be able to enjoy
Speaker 2: it without the fear of, oh my god, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: have to break this person's heart in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: But don't get me wrong, Like I mean, it's it's
Speaker 1: shit situation for everyone. Like breakups are hard for the
Speaker 1: person who's being broken up with, but it's also incredibly
Speaker 1: hard for the person doing the breaking up. Like nobody
Speaker 1: gets out of this situation feeling good about themselves. And
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's nice that you're considering his
Speaker 1: feelings and you're trying to figure out what is the
Speaker 1: best solution. But I just always think in these situations,
Speaker 1: honesty and a really genuine conversation is the absolute best solution. Well,
Speaker 1: I love it when we agree, and I also love
Speaker 1: that this is the end of the episode. It's our
Speaker 1: first one together, honey, and we popped your cherry.
Speaker 2: We've got ten like that, We've got ten minutes left
Speaker 2: until Marley's back home, so we should wrap this up because.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we literally we literally got one of our friends
Speaker 1: to come take her in the prem so that we
Speaker 1: could sit in the house and do this. We have
Speaker 1: been trying to get this episode done for the past
Speaker 1: three days, and even though we live together, and we
Speaker 1: spent all of our time together. We've still managed to
Speaker 1: do it last minute, which is very typical of Laura
Speaker 1: and Maddy Jay. That is us to a t Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much to everybody who has written in
Speaker 1: for today. I hope you love the episode. Britt will
Speaker 1: be back if you did, she'll be back next week.
Speaker 2: When you you know what's happened. When you first asked
Speaker 2: me to come on the podcast, it was like the
Speaker 2: opening of the floodgates. Now all of a sudden, I'm
Speaker 2: back every other week.
Speaker 1: It's just you're slowly muscling one of us out. I
Speaker 1: wonder if it's going to be me or Britt. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to come home one day and you guys
Speaker 1: are just recording the Tuesday episode in the bedroom. I'm like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? Why are you wearing any pants?
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Fuck? Is escalated? Relax anyway, guys, if you have any
Speaker 1: questions for next week's episode, Britt, it'll be back. We'll
Speaker 1: be answering it as per normal. We also have our
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered section on Tuesday's episode, which is basically your
Speaker 1: most embarrassing cringe worthy stories, which we love. It's our
Speaker 1: favorite part of the episode, so please make sure that
Speaker 1: you send them to us as well. You can send
Speaker 1: your questions and you're accidentally unfiltered stories through to at
Speaker 1: Life un Cut Podcast through a DM on Instagram. Just
Speaker 1: make sure that you title it with ask on cut
Speaker 1: or accidentally unfiltered, otherwise Brittany will have a conniption because
Speaker 1: she has to sort through it. And you can also
Speaker 1: follow us at Life Uncut Podcast on the Facebook group
Speaker 1: Last bit of housekeeping. If you haven't given us a
Speaker 1: review yet and you love the app, please jump on
Speaker 1: and do that. Five stars would be a great place
Speaker 1: to start.
Speaker 2: Is this where we have my favorite part? What's this?
Speaker 1: Jump on, Maddie Jack?
Speaker 2: Because when you guys normally record and I'm out in
Speaker 2: the living room, I listen for this moment because this
Speaker 2: is what signifies that finally it's done and I can
Speaker 2: come back into the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Because tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friends,
Speaker 1: tell your doctory cat, tell your nanto, everybody, because we.
Speaker 2: Love love the ban.
Speaker 1: They're not cutting the bombery, they're not cutting the bomboy,
Speaker 1: they're not cutting
Speaker 2: The happen by the ba