WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - THERAPY THURSDAY with Laura and Matty J

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<v Speaker 1>This is gonna be a fucking disaster.

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<v Speaker 2>Why are you laughing?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

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<v Speaker 1>This is our very special Asked Uncut edition where we

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<v Speaker 1>answer your deep, dark and burning questions. And today, well

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<v Speaker 1>it's even more special. And that's because poor old Brittany

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<v Speaker 1>is away on holidays, a very very well deserved holiday,

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<v Speaker 1>but she's left me with no other option here.

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<v Speaker 2>He is what an intro.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the podcast once again. Maddie Jay, my darling fiance,

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<v Speaker 1>the love of my life, my soulmate. Just can't escape,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't.

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<v Speaker 2>I what's kind of nice because you're saying that's also

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<v Speaker 2>very special because Maddy Ja was here and then you

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<v Speaker 2>kind of stop yourself and you're like, there was literally

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<v Speaker 2>nobody else available. I always it was either I record

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<v Speaker 2>this by myself or I pull in Maddi J.

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<v Speaker 1>I woke up to your morning breath this morning, So ah,

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more of you I can handle. Although

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<v Speaker 1>I did say on the last episode guys, that I've

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<v Speaker 1>reached the point in this pregnancy where I just want

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<v Speaker 1>to be naked all the time. So the really exciting

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<v Speaker 1>part about this and the part that I'm very happy

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<v Speaker 1>about is that I'm not wearing any underwear at all,

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<v Speaker 1>and it doesn't matter because Brittany's not here to be offended.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, hang on a second. You can't say that to

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<v Speaker 2>me now, because we've just had someone pick up Marley

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<v Speaker 2>for an hour and I was thinking to myself, we

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<v Speaker 2>could do an episode of the podcast, or we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to have a bit of cuddle time, if you know

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<v Speaker 2>what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, here we are. This is what we do in

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<v Speaker 1>our spare time. Guys, this is four play.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't have sex. We just do podcasts. Hey, before we

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<v Speaker 2>go into these questions, I did see an article yesterday

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<v Speaker 2>which I'm going to say is my favorite article of

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<v Speaker 2>the year. So we're going to travel all the way

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<v Speaker 2>over to Europe. There's a Hungarian politician and he is

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<v Speaker 2>ultra conservative. He's very right wing, and he's actually been

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<v Speaker 2>responsible for spearheading some of the rules and laws regarding

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<v Speaker 2>same sex marriage and he doesn't want it to proceed.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that you read this yesterday, but you've banked

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<v Speaker 1>this specifically to help me on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So this guy's politician, very right wing. He's been

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<v Speaker 2>very vocal and being against any legislation that gives equal

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<v Speaker 2>rights to the LGBTQY plus community, so very very vocal.

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<v Speaker 2>Now over the weekend, he has just been found in

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<v Speaker 2>a little orgy.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I mean what do you do in your spare time?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, yeah, like a little orgy between friends, right,

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<v Speaker 1>but not just.

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<v Speaker 2>Not just three four, not just eight. Twenty five men

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<v Speaker 2>Laura Brn in this orgy. And do you know what

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<v Speaker 2>makes this even worse?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean it's not bad at the moment. I

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<v Speaker 1>think this is quite a happening a hell of a time.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's the fact that obviously in Europe right now,

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<v Speaker 2>they are going through really.

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<v Speaker 1>Strict particularly UNCOVID safe.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly exactly, so they're in lockdown. There's restrictions on how

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<v Speaker 2>many people you're going to have your orgy or your households.

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<v Speaker 1>They're handing out sair hand sanitizer as people will come in,

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<v Speaker 1>don't forget to sanitize, and please make sure that you

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<v Speaker 1>put on your gloves and your conducts.

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<v Speaker 2>So he so he's gone to this orgy twenty five people.

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<v Speaker 2>The neighbor next door has obviously he heard a bit

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<v Speaker 2>of a racket going on and thought this is not good,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, this was COVID lockdown. These guys are breaching

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<v Speaker 2>the rules. I'm going to call the police. So the

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<v Speaker 2>police have come to this apartment and they've knocked on

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<v Speaker 2>the door, and then you know, one of the people

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<v Speaker 2>at the orgie has heard the door, going, don't worry, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go get this. I don't know who it could

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<v Speaker 2>because there's twenty five of us and that's everyone here

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<v Speaker 2>at the orgy, but anyway, I'll go answer. It opens

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<v Speaker 2>the door. Police officers, men in uniforms standing in the doorway,

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<v Speaker 2>and the guy goes, great, come on in, and they

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<v Speaker 2>don't realize that the police officers are actually real policemen.

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<v Speaker 2>They think that it's just like part of the orgy.

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<v Speaker 2>So they're like, great, welcome, take a seat, make yourself comfortable,

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<v Speaker 2>take your pants off. And the police are like, all right,

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<v Speaker 2>get against the wall right now, and they're like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>we will put your hands behind your backs. Oh I

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<v Speaker 2>like it naughty, And so it took them a while

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<v Speaker 2>to realize that they were at real police. It wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>until one of them tried to take the pants of

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<v Speaker 2>a police officer off that they then kind of came

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<v Speaker 2>to And anyway, in the midst of all this, they

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<v Speaker 2>then realized that one of the men of the twenty

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<v Speaker 2>five was a politician, so he has now resigned.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, Well, there you go. That was a big story

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<v Speaker 1>to break. I just I really wasn't prepared for this.

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<v Speaker 1>This is pre coffee. There was a lot. It escalated

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<v Speaker 1>and here we are.

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<v Speaker 2>Look, there's nothing like a little Orgie store are in

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<v Speaker 2>the morning to get your perked out for the day.

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<v Speaker 1>It really gets you warmed up, doesn't it. Okay, Well, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>I put it out to you to send us your questions.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't have any that Augie related, but

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<v Speaker 1>I do, funnily enough, have one that is stripper related

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<v Speaker 1>for you, mattew Jay so, and I'm actually interested in

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<v Speaker 1>this because I wonder if we have conflicting views on

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<v Speaker 1>this as well. It's nice to have Matt on the

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<v Speaker 1>podcast because he gives a male perspective. And although Britt

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<v Speaker 1>and I may be unqualified but extremely enthusiastic about our advice,

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<v Speaker 1>Matt's also unqualified. So we're just keeping it nice and consistent.

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<v Speaker 2>You keep giving me compliments at start off nice and

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<v Speaker 2>end going the other way. This is exactly like our relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>That's terrible. Okay, strippers, what do we got therapy session

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<v Speaker 1>for the two of us that you will get to

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<v Speaker 1>listen to? All Right, So this listener has written in

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<v Speaker 1>and said that her boyfriend of seven months is about

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<v Speaker 1>to go to a Bucks party. However, she knows that

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<v Speaker 1>there's going to be strippers there, and there's going to

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<v Speaker 1>be topless waitresses there, and it's making her feel really,

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<v Speaker 1>really uncomfortable, and she's really against strippers in general. What

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<v Speaker 1>can she do? Should she put rules in place in

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<v Speaker 1>order for him to be able to go, should she

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<v Speaker 1>tell him he's not allowed to go? What do you

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<v Speaker 1>think is an acceptable course of action for her? When

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<v Speaker 1>she feels so insecure about him going to a Bucks

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<v Speaker 1>party where there are strippers?

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<v Speaker 2>I wonder if something's happened previously which is causing her

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<v Speaker 2>to feel so nervous about the situation. Like, I think

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<v Speaker 2>everyone is pretty similar. I would assume that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>when you have a Hen's Night or a Bucks party,

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<v Speaker 2>one of the first things you organize after alcohol is

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<v Speaker 2>a stripper. It's just kind of what happens, right, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>But what's your opinion? Guess this is the question? Right, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>is there a difference between having a stripper and going

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<v Speaker 2>to like a strip club or having a stripper come

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<v Speaker 2>to a party, versus it being a special occasion like

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<v Speaker 2>a Bucks or a Hens, because I kind of separate

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<v Speaker 2>them and think that they're kind of different. I think

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<v Speaker 2>if you were going to the strippers every single weekend,

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<v Speaker 2>that would definitely make you feel really uncomfortable then. And

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<v Speaker 2>I think if you are just going as a one

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<v Speaker 2>off to a Bucks party where there will be strippers,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't see it as being a major issue. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's unique that she feels like she needs

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<v Speaker 2>to put barriers in place, because I don't think the

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<v Speaker 2>rules change at all from whether obviously you are seeing

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<v Speaker 2>somebody who is undressing. But you know, I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>you would have to say to your partner, hey, just

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<v Speaker 2>a reminder you can't touch them, Hey, just a reminder

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you can't be in a room together privately

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<v Speaker 2>with nobody else. I think those kind of rules and

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<v Speaker 2>barriers are just expected given that you're in a relationship, right, Yeah, well.

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<v Speaker 1>I think exactly that. But I do think it's interesting

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<v Speaker 1>that there is this like social acceptance around bus parties

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<v Speaker 1>and Hen's parties and like that's okay, Like we kind

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<v Speaker 1>of give that as a whole pass. And like, speaking

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<v Speaker 1>from like you and I, like, if you were to

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<v Speaker 1>say that you're going to go to a Bucks party,

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<v Speaker 1>I would be cool with it because I would assume

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<v Speaker 1>that there are strippers there. But exactly like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't feel like I need to put boundaries and

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<v Speaker 1>parameters in place and say, hey, don't touch that dripper.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey make sure you don't get a lap dance, because

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<v Speaker 1>I think that that is assumed, like that's a normal

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<v Speaker 1>rule that we would have in our relationship. Like I

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<v Speaker 1>would be really upset if you went out and some

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<v Speaker 1>chick gave you a love dance, So I'd be really

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<v Speaker 1>upset if you did that at a Bucks party. I

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<v Speaker 1>would I would not tell you what you can and

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<v Speaker 1>can't do. I would trust you enough that you wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>do those things.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you that's like ah, But I can imagine

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<v Speaker 2>for somebody in a relationship where there is some potential

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<v Speaker 2>trust issues, that environment is really dangerous. You've got alcohol,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you've got potential privacy. If it's at a

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<v Speaker 2>house or apartment, you know it has all the ingredients

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<v Speaker 2>for something bad to happen. So I can understand that

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<v Speaker 2>she would be really concerned about that situation if the

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<v Speaker 2>relationship isn't in a good place.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I think it's interesting as well, like this

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<v Speaker 1>conversation around like putting rules and boundaries in place, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I think that that obviously you have conversations about what

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<v Speaker 1>isn't isn't acceptable in a relationship. But the only time

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<v Speaker 1>that I've ever been in a relationship where I've had

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<v Speaker 1>to put rules and boundaries in place like per se

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<v Speaker 1>is when I've been cheated on, and then after that

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<v Speaker 1>we've sat down and I've said, Okay, this is stuff

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<v Speaker 1>that is not acceptable to me. So if you've been

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<v Speaker 1>cheated on in the past and you're trying to rebuild

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<v Speaker 1>that trust that takes a really long time to rebuild,

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<v Speaker 1>then maybe that's a reason to turn around and say, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want you going to a Bucks party where

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<v Speaker 1>there's going to be strippers, because there are some consequences

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<v Speaker 1>to actions, and unfortunately, maybe that is one of them

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<v Speaker 1>which is going to help her rebuild her ability to

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<v Speaker 1>trust again. But if he hasn't ever done anything that's

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<v Speaker 1>actually made you question his intentions or question his trust,

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<v Speaker 1>then I do think that, like unfortunately, a Bucks party

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<v Speaker 1>or a Hen's party is kind of a hall pass

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<v Speaker 1>in this because imagine if you had your best friend's

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<v Speaker 1>wedding and there was going to be a stripper there,

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<v Speaker 1>and your partner said you can't go, Like if the

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<v Speaker 1>tables were turned in that environment, and like it's very

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<v Speaker 1>often that you know, we go to Hen's parties and

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<v Speaker 1>there's a stripper. I think the problem is is that

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<v Speaker 1>the strippers that come to Hen's part it's usually comical,

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<v Speaker 1>and when there's strippers involved with guys, it's not necessarily

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't have that comic element. It's definitely more sexual,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think that that's why women feel and can

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<v Speaker 1>feel more insecure than men do when there's a stripper present.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you think it's more sexual at a men's party?

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<v Speaker 2>What's it? How do you differentiate between a male stripper

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<v Speaker 2>and a female stripper?

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<v Speaker 1>Because I feel like every single time I've been to

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<v Speaker 1>a Hen's party, and maybe I'm just being totally stereotyping here,

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<v Speaker 1>but every time I've been to a Hen's party where

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<v Speaker 1>there's been a male stripper, it's usually like the bride

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<v Speaker 1>is trying to get away from the stripper. There's lots

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<v Speaker 1>of like everyone's pissing themselves laughing. It's a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>comical elements to the actual show itself.

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<v Speaker 2>Laura, that's just like a Bucks party. It's it's always

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<v Speaker 2>the guy going, oh, no, touch me, get those boobs

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<v Speaker 2>out of my face. Somebody help me please. That's what

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<v Speaker 2>happens at our party.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you so tortch it are you? Poor soul? I

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<v Speaker 1>can only imagine it must be really awful having perky

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<v Speaker 1>boot staring into your pupils. I remember when my nipples

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<v Speaker 1>used to stare into people's pupils, so now they stare

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<v Speaker 1>at the floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's actually quite anxiety inducing, I think, having the

0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:14.640
<v Speaker 2>nipples in your face. I remember I was I was eighteen,

0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:18.000
<v Speaker 2>and I was in Europe. I just had my birthday

0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:21.679
<v Speaker 2>and I was with the mate. We were backpacking around Europe,

0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:23.360
<v Speaker 2>and I thought, I'm now going to go to a

0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:27.120
<v Speaker 2>strip club because I'm legal. And I think we were.

0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I think we were like in Berlin, I'm going to

0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:30.679
<v Speaker 2>say Germany.

0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.240
<v Speaker 1>Were you in Hungary? At a twenty five?

0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:38.080
<v Speaker 2>I went to this strip club and I was so nervous.

0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.400
<v Speaker 2>I'd never been to a strip club before. And I

0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.040
<v Speaker 2>sat down and I was like, hi, and you know,

0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.600
<v Speaker 2>I was like trying to give her a smile, make

0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:47.240
<v Speaker 2>her feel comfortable as well, and she could tell that

0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.160
<v Speaker 2>I was really really nervous. And she was wearing a

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:53.559
<v Speaker 2>G string bottom, no top, and she had some money

0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:55.840
<v Speaker 2>in a G string and I didn't I didn't know

0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.960
<v Speaker 2>the protocol for you know, like do you just offer

0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.880
<v Speaker 2>the money? And you know, that's what I did. I

0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:04.240
<v Speaker 2>literally just like leant over and I had some money

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:06.360
<v Speaker 2>and she kind of gestured to put it in a

0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:07.880
<v Speaker 2>G string and I was like no, no, no, no,

0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:10.000
<v Speaker 2>no, no no, this is too much, like it just just taken.

0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:11.800
<v Speaker 2>She was like no, please, like in the G string.

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:15.240
<v Speaker 2>And obviously we couldn't communicate because music in the club.

0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>And then I had to like quickly pull a G

0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:19.800
<v Speaker 2>string and then like tuck the money in. And then

0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:21.080
<v Speaker 2>as soon as I did that, I was like, well

0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:25.480
<v Speaker 2>that's it, job done, strip club is finished. Tick that box,

0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.240
<v Speaker 2>let's get out of here. And that was my first

0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:29.520
<v Speaker 2>experience at a strip club.

0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.000
<v Speaker 1>When I was eighteen, I used to go to the

0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.360
<v Speaker 1>strip clubs. This is okay, this was just over sharing

0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:35.439
<v Speaker 1>for you guys, but I used to go to the

0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:38.280
<v Speaker 1>strip clubs when I was eighteen, nineteen twenty, because as

0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.120
<v Speaker 1>a female, you would go there kind of early and

0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:43.400
<v Speaker 1>you would get free drinks. So there was this strip

0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:47.400
<v Speaker 1>club in the Cross called Butterbing, and I'd go there

0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:49.080
<v Speaker 1>with all my girlfriends and we'd go there and we'd

0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.800
<v Speaker 1>get primed for the night, have a few drinks free

0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:53.480
<v Speaker 1>on the strip club, and then we'd leave and we'd

0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:57.079
<v Speaker 1>go out. This one night, I got very, very drunk

0:12:57.400 --> 0:12:59.439
<v Speaker 1>prior to going to the strip club, and then we

0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:00.720
<v Speaker 1>ended up the strip club.

0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:03.600
<v Speaker 2>And I feel like you're about to tell me that

0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:04.440
<v Speaker 2>you started dancing.

0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:09.400
<v Speaker 1>No, I did it. I did something worse. There was

0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.880
<v Speaker 1>a girl on stage who was dancing, and I pulled

0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:14.880
<v Speaker 1>my dress up over my head and screamed, I can

0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:16.000
<v Speaker 1>do it better than you.

0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:17.520
<v Speaker 2>Wow.

0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.920
<v Speaker 1>And then I got picked up by the security guard,

0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.400
<v Speaker 1>carried downstairs with my dress still over my head, and

0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.120
<v Speaker 1>I got put on my ass on King's Cross Street

0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.160
<v Speaker 1>and I got banned from the strip clubs. That's the

0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.160
<v Speaker 1>story about the last time I went to a strip club.

0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:29.920
<v Speaker 2>Wow.

0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.360
<v Speaker 1>I was nineteen. I was wild back in the day.

0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 1>And then you found me on a reality TV show.

0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.120
<v Speaker 1>Out of all the women you could have met in Australia,

0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:38.480
<v Speaker 1>and this is the one you ended up with.

0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:42.880
<v Speaker 2>What a catch, my baby mama, the mother of your children.

0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.959
<v Speaker 1>Goodness me, that didn't even get a chuckle out of you.

0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:47.880
<v Speaker 1>You're like so disappointed in your face.

0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:52.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm literally I'm imagining right now how I would have

0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.040
<v Speaker 2>reacted if I was there and I'd seen you do that.

0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.120
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, Laura, how dare you repulsed?

0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:58.200
<v Speaker 1>You definitely wouldn't have.

0:13:58.240 --> 0:13:59.679
<v Speaker 2>Ended up dating me disappointed?

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:01.840
<v Speaker 1>So what did we get to in a conclusion for

0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:02.360
<v Speaker 1>that one?

0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:04.200
<v Speaker 2>At the end of the day, this all comes down

0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.920
<v Speaker 2>to trust. I think it's definitely a situation which will

0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.760
<v Speaker 2>make you feel uncomfortable. But I think you can explain

0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:11.560
<v Speaker 2>that to him. But I don't think you can go

0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.960
<v Speaker 2>down the route of asking him not to attend. I

0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:15.960
<v Speaker 2>think that would be far more dangerous.

0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I definitely agree. I think that there has to

0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 1>be a huge element of trust that happens here. I

0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:23.840
<v Speaker 1>don't think it's healthy in a relationship to tell someone

0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:25.760
<v Speaker 1>what they can and can't do as a mandatory, Like,

0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't think that you should give someone the altimatum

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.160
<v Speaker 1>saying like you know you can't do this, you can't

0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.960
<v Speaker 1>go to this. I won't allow it because I do

0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.520
<v Speaker 1>think that that breeds a lot of resentment within relationships.

0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:38.640
<v Speaker 1>But I do think it's very important to have a

0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:41.920
<v Speaker 1>conversation with him before he goes about why this is

0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:44.560
<v Speaker 1>making you so uncomfortable and about the things he can

0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.440
<v Speaker 1>do to minimize that discomfort. Maybe he needs to like

0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:49.880
<v Speaker 1>text and check in or something, or maybe it will

0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:52.640
<v Speaker 1>just make him more aware and his behavior will change slightly,

0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:54.080
<v Speaker 1>because you know, at the end of the day, he

0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:55.720
<v Speaker 1>loves you, he respects you, and he doesn't want you

0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:59.280
<v Speaker 1>to feel that way. However, is he going to boycott

0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:00.680
<v Speaker 1>his friends Bucks party?

0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.520
<v Speaker 2>Probably not, absolutely not.

0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.120
<v Speaker 1>So the very last thing I want to say on

0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.800
<v Speaker 1>this is that regardless of whether he's at a Bucks

0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:09.520
<v Speaker 1>party where there strippers or not, if you're with somebody

0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:13.040
<v Speaker 1>who isn't treating you the right way or is going

0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:15.240
<v Speaker 1>to cheat on you, it doesn't matter the environment, they

0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 1>will still do that. And I think that you know,

0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.040
<v Speaker 1>if you can't trust him to go to a Bucks

0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:21.680
<v Speaker 1>party where there's going to be a stripper, then you

0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:23.720
<v Speaker 1>probably can't trust him to go out to a nightclub

0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:27.000
<v Speaker 1>where there's other girls as well. So I think check

0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:29.640
<v Speaker 1>whether this is an insecurity that you feel, or whether

0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:33.680
<v Speaker 1>this is actually a legitimate issue because of his behavior

0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:35.280
<v Speaker 1>and the things he's done in the past, and that's

0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:36.800
<v Speaker 1>sort of where you need to unpack this.

0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:39.800
<v Speaker 2>From and failing that, you can just go to the

0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:40.680
<v Speaker 2>Bucks party with him.

0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay. Question number two, Mattie J Is going to read

0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.440
<v Speaker 1>this one for y'all. Okay, it is I think this

0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.600
<v Speaker 1>one was specifically written in for us.

0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is very relevant for us. The question is

0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:59.640
<v Speaker 2>do you always find each other attractive or other days

0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:00.840
<v Speaker 2>where you ain't feeling it?

0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:10.000
<v Speaker 1>Shall we answer this on the count of three? Okay, one, two, three? No, No, okay,

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:10.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm really.

0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I mean there are certain moments when you know, I'll

0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:17.800
<v Speaker 2>walk past the bathroom and the door's open and you're

0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:18.560
<v Speaker 2>doing a number two.

0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:20.640
<v Speaker 1>Excuse me. I don't leave the door open when I'm

0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:21.400
<v Speaker 1>doing a number two.

0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:24.360
<v Speaker 2>And you do, Actually you do, and I think, God,

0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:25.040
<v Speaker 2>that's my girl.

0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:27.280
<v Speaker 1>Only if you I don't trust that you have an

0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.640
<v Speaker 1>eye on Marley and I'm trying to keep an ear out,

0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:33.480
<v Speaker 1>which is often, which is sometimes, But anyway, no, okay,

0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:36.840
<v Speaker 1>I think that it's important to kind of separate these things.

0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.600
<v Speaker 2>And I just say I always love you.

0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I always love you too, honey, but.

0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:44.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't always like you.

0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:48.280
<v Speaker 1>If you know what I mean, I know exactly what

0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.120
<v Speaker 1>you mean. I always find you attractive, like I don't

0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:54.360
<v Speaker 1>find you less attractive. But there are days when old times.

0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 1>I shouldn't say there are days, but there are times

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:58.200
<v Speaker 1>when I'm not attracted to you. And I think of

0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.880
<v Speaker 1>attraction in the same way that I think of happiness,

0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:02.680
<v Speaker 1>or I think of sadness, or I think of any

0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.879
<v Speaker 1>other emotion that you feel like attraction is this overwhelming

0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.199
<v Speaker 1>feeling of being like I want to be with you

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:12.040
<v Speaker 1>right now, and that can't be a constant. Nothing in

0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.760
<v Speaker 1>life is a constant. Everything has ebbs and flows. And

0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:16.639
<v Speaker 1>I think the more time that you spend with someone,

0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:20.320
<v Speaker 1>the more comfortable you feel with them, the more that like, Yes, absolutely,

0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.840
<v Speaker 1>there are times where I'm super attracted to you, and

0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:24.960
<v Speaker 1>then there are times where I'm less attracted to you. Actually,

0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:27.480
<v Speaker 1>there's probably times where I'm super frustrated about things that

0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:28.520
<v Speaker 1>you've done and we fight.

0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:29.960
<v Speaker 2>And I don't be ridiculous, Laura.

0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.120
<v Speaker 1>In the middle of a fight, I'm not thinking, Fuck,

0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.200
<v Speaker 1>this man's so attractive. In the middle of an argument,

0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking do I hate you? Is this hate? Do I?

0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.520
<v Speaker 1>Actually no, I don't hate you. That's right. I love you.

0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.360
<v Speaker 1>I need to remind myself, but I'll find you attractive

0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:45.400
<v Speaker 1>again tomorrow, but now is not the time.

0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think there's certain times. And I know that

0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:51.119
<v Speaker 2>the last few weeks have been pretty hard with Marley

0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:52.800
<v Speaker 2>because she's been a little bit on well and she's

0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:56.200
<v Speaker 2>not been sleeping. And I think there are certain pinch

0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.800
<v Speaker 2>points in a relationship where you are tired, you're exhausted,

0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:02.840
<v Speaker 2>you're a bit stressed out with work, and you're squabbling

0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:06.480
<v Speaker 2>over minor things. In those situations there you definitely don't

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.760
<v Speaker 2>find the other person attractive. That's that's the last thing

0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.720
<v Speaker 2>on your mind. But you know that's not gonna last,

0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:13.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, and you've got to take the good with

0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:14.080
<v Speaker 2>the bad.

0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely. I think that everything, like we said, everything comes

0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:20.439
<v Speaker 1>on a spectrum. You're gonna have intense feelings towards someone

0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.520
<v Speaker 1>and you're gonna have times where you know those feelings

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:26.680
<v Speaker 1>are less. But the important thing is like having that

0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:30.720
<v Speaker 1>mutual love, that really deep seated mutual love for each other,

0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.840
<v Speaker 1>knowing that that doesn't go away regardless of everything else

0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.879
<v Speaker 1>that fluctuates around you, but like I always feel like

0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:38.679
<v Speaker 1>I love you. There's never a time where I'm like,

0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:41.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I don't love you. I don't like I

0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.240
<v Speaker 1>question my feelings. That doesn't happen. But do I question

0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.800
<v Speaker 1>my attraction? I guess that that's a weird. It's a

0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:48.840
<v Speaker 1>weird way of putting it because like it also ties

0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.520
<v Speaker 1>down to my own personal libido, like you know, being pregnant.

0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:53.800
<v Speaker 1>We've talked about it loads on the podcast. I am

0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:57.560
<v Speaker 1>certainly nowhere near as like sexually driven as what I

0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:00.840
<v Speaker 1>normally am, and this pregnancy is hugely at my libido,

0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:04.919
<v Speaker 1>So therefore it's affected my feelings of being attracted and

0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:06.480
<v Speaker 1>everything else that comes with that as well.

0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.680
<v Speaker 2>But it's it's funny that I think back to the weekend.

0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:12.760
<v Speaker 2>On Sunday, we had a really really busy day where

0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.240
<v Speaker 2>we had our family, Like my family and your family

0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.199
<v Speaker 2>were both over, so we were from the moment we

0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.200
<v Speaker 2>woke up, we were cleaning the house, we were organizing food,

0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:24.000
<v Speaker 2>people were around, and it was extremely hectic and I

0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:25.840
<v Speaker 2>didn't get to spend much time with you, and like,

0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:28.440
<v Speaker 2>I don't think we even had more than a kiss

0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.560
<v Speaker 2>or two throughout the whole day because I wasn't focused

0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:32.879
<v Speaker 2>on that, and then it wasn't until the end of

0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:35.080
<v Speaker 2>the day where you said, hey, you know, you've not

0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:38.240
<v Speaker 2>really kissed me today, and I, you know, I didn't

0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:40.439
<v Speaker 2>even realize that i'd been acting in that way. But

0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.080
<v Speaker 2>I think sometimes, you know, if you are feeling like

0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:45.240
<v Speaker 2>you need more attention, or if you do feel like

0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:48.080
<v Speaker 2>you need more or love and affection, I think it's

0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:50.639
<v Speaker 2>it comes down to communicating that to your partner, Like

0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:52.880
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even realize. And of course you know that day,

0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:55.000
<v Speaker 2>I still loved you more than ever, but I just

0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:57.919
<v Speaker 2>I guess I wasn't showing that outwardly as much as

0:19:57.920 --> 0:19:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I normally would.

0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 1>It's funny you bring that up. Actually, Like you guys

0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.280
<v Speaker 1>know that we do our stuck and sweet on every episode,

0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:05.720
<v Speaker 1>and if you listen to the episode we did on Tuesday,

0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 1>which was the one with doctor Angela Jay, it's a

0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.399
<v Speaker 1>freaking awesome episode. I really really, I mean that sounds

0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:15.480
<v Speaker 1>very biased because obviously it's our episode, but it's a

0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:18.520
<v Speaker 1>really special episode and I really really hope that you

0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:20.159
<v Speaker 1>can go and listen to it if you haven't already.

0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.560
<v Speaker 1>But I did talk about my suck that week and

0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:22.960
<v Speaker 1>my suck.

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:23.399
<v Speaker 2>Was that this.

0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:26.879
<v Speaker 1>Feeling of, you know, I've been a lot more emotional lately,

0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:29.520
<v Speaker 1>and things that normally wouldn't upset me have upset me

0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:31.480
<v Speaker 1>a lot more. And I was saying to brit like,

0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:33.600
<v Speaker 1>it's not something that I can just put down to

0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:36.400
<v Speaker 1>hormones constantly and just blame on hormones. But it's also

0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:38.440
<v Speaker 1>the fact that, like my body's changed heaps. I don't

0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:41.120
<v Speaker 1>feel as attractive as I normally do. I'm pretty down

0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:44.560
<v Speaker 1>on myself about those changes. And when we had all

0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:46.639
<v Speaker 1>these people over on Sunday and Matt just wasn't his

0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:51.119
<v Speaker 1>normal attentive self, it like really amplified my insecurities around

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:54.560
<v Speaker 1>me not feeling as attractive. So I definitely think that

0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:57.399
<v Speaker 1>this is something that's fluid. And I obviously told that

0:20:57.440 --> 0:21:00.080
<v Speaker 1>on the podcast. Matt's just mentioned it again, and you know,

0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:03.119
<v Speaker 1>we spoke about it a lot that Sunday night, But

0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:05.439
<v Speaker 1>I think you absolutely nailed it. Like you have to

0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:08.000
<v Speaker 1>have communication, you have to talk about when you're feeling

0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:10.400
<v Speaker 1>those ebbs and flows that your partner doesn't feel rejected

0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:13.199
<v Speaker 1>as well. That's a really important part of communication and

0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:14.960
<v Speaker 1>of making sure that you guys are completely on the

0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:15.600
<v Speaker 1>same page.

0:21:15.680 --> 0:21:17.439
<v Speaker 2>And I also just want to say, I think it

0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:21.000
<v Speaker 2>is really important at some point throughout the day that

0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.200
<v Speaker 2>you do, even if it's just one brief moment, having

0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:27.920
<v Speaker 2>a hug, having a kiss, not to have that eventuate

0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:30.080
<v Speaker 2>into anything more than just, you know, a quick embrace.

0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:32.920
<v Speaker 2>But I think it is really important that you don't

0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:34.560
<v Speaker 2>forget those little intimate moments.

0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:36.600
<v Speaker 1>I one hundred percent agree. And I think as soon

0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:40.080
<v Speaker 1>as you do start forgetting those intimate moments, that's when

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:41.960
<v Speaker 1>you kind of end up feeling like you're just living

0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:44.439
<v Speaker 1>with a friend, you know, like, and I get it,

0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:46.439
<v Speaker 1>like as life changed, it it's very easy to be

0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:49.639
<v Speaker 1>constantly intimate with each other when you first start a dating,

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:52.000
<v Speaker 1>when you're in the honeymoon phase and like when you

0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:54.879
<v Speaker 1>have no other distractions, but like once you have kids

0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:57.000
<v Speaker 1>and things become a little bit more chaotic and you

0:21:57.080 --> 0:22:00.239
<v Speaker 1>seem like you're you can't focus on that person with

0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:03.360
<v Speaker 1>the same intensity that you could before, it does sometimes

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:06.360
<v Speaker 1>become easy to just forget to make sure that they

0:22:06.400 --> 0:22:10.120
<v Speaker 1>feel completely appreciated. But it is such an important thing

0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:12.160
<v Speaker 1>to remind your partner of that. I mean, maybe after

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:14.000
<v Speaker 1>this we should just go make out for a little while.

0:22:13.960 --> 0:22:17.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, we'll put this on pause. We'll come right back.

0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:18.800
<v Speaker 1>Hi, guys, it's good to be back.

0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:20.840
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:22.520
<v Speaker 1>But the other thing as well, and something that the

0:22:22.520 --> 0:22:23.920
<v Speaker 1>reason why I picked this question, I thought it was

0:22:23.960 --> 0:22:26.119
<v Speaker 1>really important one to unpack is because we see it

0:22:26.160 --> 0:22:28.919
<v Speaker 1>on Instagram. You see couples that look perfect, that they

0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.520
<v Speaker 1>look like they're always in love. And you know, like

0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:34.560
<v Speaker 1>we constantly say, like comparison is the thief, thief of joy.

0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:39.080
<v Speaker 1>But that is not sustainable. It's not how relationships work.

0:22:39.400 --> 0:22:43.000
<v Speaker 1>Relationships have the full spectrum. You know, you fight in relationships.

0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:46.080
<v Speaker 1>It's a very normal and healthy part of relationships. Feeling

0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.680
<v Speaker 1>intensely attracted to your partner and then also having days

0:22:48.680 --> 0:22:51.000
<v Speaker 1>where you feel slightly less attracted to them are all

0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:53.439
<v Speaker 1>normal parts of a relationship. And I don't think that

0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:56.280
<v Speaker 1>if you feel that, if you feel those waves and

0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:58.560
<v Speaker 1>those ebbs and flows, it doesn't necessarily mean that anything

0:22:58.680 --> 0:23:02.439
<v Speaker 1>is wrong with your relationship. You're just riding the waves

0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:03.959
<v Speaker 1>of it. And like you know, you can't be with

0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:06.000
<v Speaker 1>someone for thirty years or forty years or fifty years

0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:08.639
<v Speaker 1>of life, and every single day, for every single moment

0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:11.760
<v Speaker 1>wake up feeling peak aroused and peak attracted to them,

0:23:11.800 --> 0:23:13.879
<v Speaker 1>it's just not gonna happen, never going to happen. No,

0:23:13.960 --> 0:23:15.479
<v Speaker 1>you see them at the worst and you see them

0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.320
<v Speaker 1>at the best. And yeah, all of that is part

0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:19.240
<v Speaker 1>of a relationship.

0:23:19.440 --> 0:23:21.840
<v Speaker 2>You mentioned fighting in a relationship, and I think it

0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:26.080
<v Speaker 2>is such a really critical part of sustaining a really

0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:30.080
<v Speaker 2>healthy relationship is how you resolve conflict. And even we

0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:33.160
<v Speaker 2>have little squabbles, I don't think we wouldn't. We never

0:23:33.200 --> 0:23:36.679
<v Speaker 2>really fight over anything major. It's always something that's just

0:23:36.720 --> 0:23:40.439
<v Speaker 2>like so trivial and so minor, and it's just just

0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:43.640
<v Speaker 2>us being tired and exhausted, which makes it so much

0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:45.600
<v Speaker 2>bigger than what's actually at hand.

0:23:46.119 --> 0:23:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and one of the questions that we chose, which

0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:51.159
<v Speaker 1>I thought was so relevant, is in regards to fighting.

0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:53.639
<v Speaker 1>So I'm going to hear question number three, Maddy J.

0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:56.480
<v Speaker 1>So weird that I'm calling you Maddy J. Just I

0:23:56.520 --> 0:23:59.119
<v Speaker 1>would never call him that. It's just for like, this.

0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:02.640
<v Speaker 2>Is just for knew it. But I didn't even flinch.

0:24:02.920 --> 0:24:05.440
<v Speaker 1>Matthew Johnson is what I would more likely call you,

0:24:05.480 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>but usually just when you're in trouble.

0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:07.800
<v Speaker 2>I'll answer to anything.

0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:10.520
<v Speaker 1>All right, babe, here we go. So my question is

0:24:10.920 --> 0:24:13.280
<v Speaker 1>my partner and I have very different fighting styles. We've

0:24:13.280 --> 0:24:16.159
<v Speaker 1>been together for nine years now and literally nothing has changed.

0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:19.720
<v Speaker 1>The things we fight over are generally inconsequential, but afterwards

0:24:19.720 --> 0:24:22.880
<v Speaker 1>I want comfort and resolution and he wants to retreat.

0:24:23.280 --> 0:24:26.119
<v Speaker 1>The more I push, the more he retreats, and then

0:24:26.160 --> 0:24:28.480
<v Speaker 1>we get stuck in a cycle, resulting in both of

0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:32.160
<v Speaker 1>us feeling like shit. In particular, I end up emotional

0:24:32.160 --> 0:24:35.080
<v Speaker 1>and irrational. How can we break the cycle? Help?

0:24:35.520 --> 0:24:38.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's interesting. I know that I've spoken to other

0:24:38.359 --> 0:24:41.960
<v Speaker 2>couples about their fighting style. I would find it so

0:24:42.119 --> 0:24:46.080
<v Speaker 2>difficult to have a fight with you, Laura, and to

0:24:46.240 --> 0:24:48.640
<v Speaker 2>not resolve it before we went to bed. I think

0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:51.000
<v Speaker 2>we kind of we didn't even really speak about it. It

0:24:51.000 --> 0:24:52.359
<v Speaker 2>was just something that I think we were lucky that

0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:55.560
<v Speaker 2>we're both on the same page that we never wanted

0:24:55.600 --> 0:24:59.040
<v Speaker 2>to go to sleep still having angst with each other.

0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:02.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I guess it's such an important thing, right, Like

0:25:02.359 --> 0:25:04.679
<v Speaker 1>everyone talks about your love languages, and we've done an

0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:08.040
<v Speaker 1>episode on like attachment styles, but we've never really unpacked

0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:10.639
<v Speaker 1>argument styles, and I think that that is probably one

0:25:10.640 --> 0:25:12.639
<v Speaker 1>of the most critical parts of a relationship, is like

0:25:12.640 --> 0:25:14.160
<v Speaker 1>your conflict resolution.

0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:15.760
<v Speaker 2>And we're very very similar.

0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:17.560
<v Speaker 1>We fight in the exact same way.

0:25:17.640 --> 0:25:21.920
<v Speaker 2>We're so stubborn, So Matt and I.

0:25:21.920 --> 0:25:24.920
<v Speaker 1>We have the exact same fighting style when we fight.

0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Like like you said, we don't actually ever fight over

0:25:27.240 --> 0:25:29.960
<v Speaker 1>big things, and that's because there have been no big

0:25:30.000 --> 0:25:32.320
<v Speaker 1>and bad things that happened to our relationship to fight over.

0:25:32.480 --> 0:25:36.439
<v Speaker 1>They're always such like small irritations. It could be that

0:25:36.920 --> 0:25:38.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't like the way that Matt has said a

0:25:38.520 --> 0:25:41.159
<v Speaker 1>specific thing to me and it's made me feel upset

0:25:41.440 --> 0:25:44.600
<v Speaker 1>or insecure, or I don't like that you've been a

0:25:44.640 --> 0:25:47.120
<v Speaker 1>little bit short with me. It's it's always something that's

0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:49.920
<v Speaker 1>been taken out of context, but I have found it offended,

0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:51.879
<v Speaker 1>or vice versa. You know, I've said something to you

0:25:51.920 --> 0:25:54.439
<v Speaker 1>and you haven't liked my tone more so than actually

0:25:54.440 --> 0:25:55.800
<v Speaker 1>what the words that were said.

0:25:56.040 --> 0:25:58.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to think back to the last little argument

0:25:58.280 --> 0:26:01.000
<v Speaker 2>we had, and I think it was when one day

0:26:01.640 --> 0:26:04.160
<v Speaker 2>I had Marley in the morning. You'd been at work,

0:26:04.280 --> 0:26:07.159
<v Speaker 2>we were doing like a change over midday and you

0:26:07.320 --> 0:26:09.120
<v Speaker 2>came home and I think I said it was as

0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:12.439
<v Speaker 2>simple as and I don't know if I'll get the

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:14.600
<v Speaker 2>tone right, but I said, can you please take Marley.

0:26:15.760 --> 0:26:18.040
<v Speaker 2>Maybe maybe I didn't maybe I didn't say please.

0:26:18.119 --> 0:26:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So what actually happened was we're going to rehash

0:26:22.200 --> 0:26:24.439
<v Speaker 1>this argument right now. What I actually happened was is

0:26:25.040 --> 0:26:28.840
<v Speaker 1>Matt had had Marley for two hours and I had

0:26:28.880 --> 0:26:29.720
<v Speaker 1>had her all morning.

0:26:29.800 --> 0:26:30.520
<v Speaker 2>I think it was three.

0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:32.960
<v Speaker 1>It was two hours, and like, you know, fair like,

0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:35.120
<v Speaker 1>it had been a stressful two hours. She hadn't been

0:26:35.280 --> 0:26:37.760
<v Speaker 1>her best self she you know, like anyone who has

0:26:37.800 --> 0:26:39.960
<v Speaker 1>toddler knows that, like even in a small period of time,

0:26:40.080 --> 0:26:42.480
<v Speaker 1>if there's a toddler tantrum that ensues, it can be

0:26:42.520 --> 0:26:45.600
<v Speaker 1>super stressful and like hard to manage. And I had

0:26:45.600 --> 0:26:47.760
<v Speaker 1>come home, I had taken her, and of course, like

0:26:47.840 --> 0:26:49.480
<v Speaker 1>the change in parenting meant that she was being an

0:26:49.480 --> 0:26:51.399
<v Speaker 1>absolute angel for me. So Matt was just a bit

0:26:51.440 --> 0:26:53.320
<v Speaker 1>frustrated and he went to the bedroom to kind of

0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:56.600
<v Speaker 1>calm down. And I walked into the bedroom with Marley

0:26:56.920 --> 0:26:59.040
<v Speaker 1>and she was being super happy. I didn't really realize

0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:00.920
<v Speaker 1>what had kind of gone on before I'd gotten home,

0:27:01.520 --> 0:27:04.280
<v Speaker 1>and I was playing with her and I was like, oh, like,

0:27:04.320 --> 0:27:05.840
<v Speaker 1>you know, kip daddy a cuddle or something like that,

0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:07.359
<v Speaker 1>and he was like, nah, I need like ten minutes

0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:09.560
<v Speaker 1>away and he kind of got up and walked out

0:27:09.600 --> 0:27:10.240
<v Speaker 1>of the room.

0:27:10.440 --> 0:27:13.560
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I delivered that with a bit too much frustration.

0:27:13.800 --> 0:27:15.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and I and I took it personally. I took

0:27:15.960 --> 0:27:17.439
<v Speaker 1>it like, well, you wanted to be away from me

0:27:18.520 --> 0:27:20.480
<v Speaker 1>and not just Maley, not just that you needed a

0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:22.800
<v Speaker 1>break from parenting. I took it as though, like in

0:27:22.800 --> 0:27:25.560
<v Speaker 1>that moment, you wanted to get away from us, and

0:27:25.640 --> 0:27:28.280
<v Speaker 1>so obviously then I was offended, and then he was

0:27:28.320 --> 0:27:29.680
<v Speaker 1>offended that I was offended.

0:27:29.800 --> 0:27:31.280
<v Speaker 2>We just snowboard from then.

0:27:31.520 --> 0:27:33.600
<v Speaker 1>And I guess the thing with our fighting style is

0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:36.840
<v Speaker 1>like I actually think that sometimes we can gaslight each

0:27:36.840 --> 0:27:38.760
<v Speaker 1>other when one of us has an issue, and it's

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:42.240
<v Speaker 1>not intentional, but it's because the gas lighting occurs because

0:27:42.359 --> 0:27:44.440
<v Speaker 1>neither of us want to admit that we've actually hurt

0:27:44.440 --> 0:27:47.440
<v Speaker 1>the other person's feelings, so we try and change their minds.

0:27:47.480 --> 0:27:49.280
<v Speaker 1>So we will be like, you know, Matt might have

0:27:49.320 --> 0:27:51.440
<v Speaker 1>said something that's upset me, or I might have said

0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:54.160
<v Speaker 1>something that's upset him, and instead of sitting down and

0:27:54.200 --> 0:27:57.440
<v Speaker 1>listening to what is the what is what the other

0:27:57.480 --> 0:28:00.600
<v Speaker 1>person is upset about, our instant d fault and we

0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:02.760
<v Speaker 1>both do it is to turn around and be like, well,

0:28:02.880 --> 0:28:05.480
<v Speaker 1>you you are too sensitive. You've taken that the wrong way,

0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:08.199
<v Speaker 1>and that's your problem. It's not what I said, and

0:28:08.280 --> 0:28:10.840
<v Speaker 1>I recognize that that's not very healthy. But the good

0:28:10.840 --> 0:28:13.320
<v Speaker 1>thing that we both do is that after a little

0:28:13.359 --> 0:28:15.840
<v Speaker 1>while of us being stubborn, one of us always ends

0:28:15.920 --> 0:28:18.560
<v Speaker 1>up going I'm sorry. I can see it from your perspective,

0:28:18.600 --> 0:28:20.960
<v Speaker 1>and I think that that's what's the most important part

0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:24.960
<v Speaker 1>about conflict resolution is that you need to remember are

0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:28.040
<v Speaker 1>you fighting because you want to get to a better goal,

0:28:28.119 --> 0:28:29.920
<v Speaker 1>like you need an end goal and like you want

0:28:29.920 --> 0:28:31.639
<v Speaker 1>to make up from it, or are you fighting to

0:28:31.680 --> 0:28:34.240
<v Speaker 1>be right? And if you're just fighting to be right,

0:28:34.600 --> 0:28:36.959
<v Speaker 1>then that's when you need to concede and go, Okay,

0:28:37.160 --> 0:28:39.360
<v Speaker 1>pick your battles, like it's not worth being right over

0:28:39.400 --> 0:28:41.120
<v Speaker 1>something that is inconsequential.

0:28:41.240 --> 0:28:45.440
<v Speaker 2>There are so many fights where I've been really stubborn.

0:28:45.640 --> 0:28:47.440
<v Speaker 1>So many there's like a cat no, no, no.

0:28:47.800 --> 0:28:49.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm just thinking back to like moments where we've both

0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:52.960
<v Speaker 2>been lying in bed and we're facing the other way,

0:28:53.040 --> 0:28:55.560
<v Speaker 2>and I'm thinking to myself, there is absolutely no way

0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:57.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to give in, and I'm going to roll

0:28:57.240 --> 0:28:59.080
<v Speaker 2>over and give her a kiss. She's the one who's

0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:01.040
<v Speaker 2>going to do it this time. But then I look

0:29:01.120 --> 0:29:03.800
<v Speaker 2>back at that situation and I think the reason I

0:29:03.840 --> 0:29:06.440
<v Speaker 2>was being so stubborn is because I just didn't want

0:29:06.480 --> 0:29:06.960
<v Speaker 2>to be wrong.

0:29:07.200 --> 0:29:08.880
<v Speaker 1>And it's so hard to do it in the moment.

0:29:08.920 --> 0:29:10.600
<v Speaker 1>It's so hard to do it when you feel angry

0:29:10.600 --> 0:29:11.360
<v Speaker 1>about something.

0:29:11.640 --> 0:29:14.520
<v Speaker 2>I think you do sometimes you need to take a

0:29:14.560 --> 0:29:16.480
<v Speaker 2>bit of a breather because in the moment when you

0:29:16.520 --> 0:29:19.360
<v Speaker 2>are frustrated, aggression is only going to breed more aggression,

0:29:19.360 --> 0:29:21.560
<v Speaker 2>and then you'll just end up shouting and getting you know,

0:29:22.000 --> 0:29:24.080
<v Speaker 2>the fight will then build up and you're never going

0:29:24.120 --> 0:29:24.640
<v Speaker 2>to resolve it.

0:29:24.880 --> 0:29:26.440
<v Speaker 1>And I think the important thing to come back to

0:29:26.440 --> 0:29:28.160
<v Speaker 1>you with this question and like we obviously we were

0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 1>just hashed about our own fighting styles. But the problem

0:29:31.080 --> 0:29:33.760
<v Speaker 1>with this question is that your fighting styles are different.

0:29:34.160 --> 0:29:36.600
<v Speaker 1>And I think when you have different fighting styles to

0:29:36.640 --> 0:29:39.320
<v Speaker 1>your partner, it means you have to work even harder

0:29:39.360 --> 0:29:41.760
<v Speaker 1>to better understand them. So knowing that your partner is

0:29:41.760 --> 0:29:44.760
<v Speaker 1>someone who retreats and someone who has to avoid conflict,

0:29:45.560 --> 0:29:47.840
<v Speaker 1>there does and I understand that, Like you know, when

0:29:47.880 --> 0:29:50.520
<v Speaker 1>you're someone who needs reassurance and you need love and affirmation,

0:29:50.800 --> 0:29:54.520
<v Speaker 1>that can leave you feeling even more abandoned. But in

0:29:54.560 --> 0:29:57.680
<v Speaker 1>the same instance that you need love and affection, he

0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:00.880
<v Speaker 1>also needs some time to process his thoughts. So it's

0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:03.600
<v Speaker 1>unfair of you to push, push, push, push, push, and

0:30:03.680 --> 0:30:06.160
<v Speaker 1>keep pushing the conversation to get what you want out

0:30:06.200 --> 0:30:09.040
<v Speaker 1>of it, because it makes him also feel isolated in

0:30:09.040 --> 0:30:11.960
<v Speaker 1>the exact same way that you feel isolated. So you

0:30:12.040 --> 0:30:14.040
<v Speaker 1>do have to try and meet in the middle a

0:30:14.040 --> 0:30:15.720
<v Speaker 1>little bit with this. And I think that some way

0:30:15.720 --> 0:30:18.280
<v Speaker 1>that you can resolve this is for somebody who's an

0:30:18.280 --> 0:30:22.720
<v Speaker 1>avoidant personality type who needs time to themselves, saying hey,

0:30:22.760 --> 0:30:25.240
<v Speaker 1>we need to talk and then knowing that that could

0:30:25.240 --> 0:30:27.600
<v Speaker 1>be an open ended conversation that could go for hours

0:30:27.720 --> 0:30:30.400
<v Speaker 1>is actually petrifying to someone who is an avoidant person

0:30:30.520 --> 0:30:35.080
<v Speaker 1>personality type. So maybe saying I'm feeling really upset and

0:30:35.160 --> 0:30:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I know that this is something that you struggle with,

0:30:37.600 --> 0:30:40.200
<v Speaker 1>but I need five minutes to explain to you why

0:30:40.320 --> 0:30:42.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel upset, and then I'd really love it if

0:30:42.560 --> 0:30:44.680
<v Speaker 1>you would just give me five minutes to reassure me

0:30:44.840 --> 0:30:47.360
<v Speaker 1>that that we're okay, and then we can You can

0:30:47.400 --> 0:30:49.720
<v Speaker 1>go and have your time out and I will be

0:30:49.920 --> 0:30:52.400
<v Speaker 1>all right. But I think it's when things escalate so

0:30:52.600 --> 0:30:55.719
<v Speaker 1>much and there's lack of communication there that even if

0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:59.920
<v Speaker 1>the fight itself is inconsequential, the fight becomes so bit

0:31:00.320 --> 0:31:03.800
<v Speaker 1>and so magnified that you're left feeling like your partner

0:31:03.800 --> 0:31:05.360
<v Speaker 1>doesn't understand you as a person.

0:31:05.640 --> 0:31:08.240
<v Speaker 2>I want to say as well, when you are in

0:31:08.280 --> 0:31:11.280
<v Speaker 2>a situation where an argument is escalating and you're almost

0:31:11.280 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 2>going blow for blow, and I say this, and I

0:31:15.440 --> 0:31:17.520
<v Speaker 2>know it's really easy for me just to say, hey,

0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:19.200
<v Speaker 2>here's a rule full of this when you have an argument,

0:31:19.240 --> 0:31:21.680
<v Speaker 2>but I think the worst thing you could potentially do

0:31:21.800 --> 0:31:24.920
<v Speaker 2>in an argument is to have personal attacks for the

0:31:24.960 --> 0:31:28.080
<v Speaker 2>other person. And I think in the moment, when it's

0:31:28.160 --> 0:31:30.440
<v Speaker 2>very heated, it is so easy because you know that's

0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:32.400
<v Speaker 2>what's going to get you the best reaction, you know,

0:31:32.840 --> 0:31:35.760
<v Speaker 2>in the moment. But I think as much as you

0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:39.440
<v Speaker 2>can try and avoid going down that route, because then

0:31:39.440 --> 0:31:41.440
<v Speaker 2>it's so much harder to try and resolve it when

0:31:41.480 --> 0:31:44.000
<v Speaker 2>you're going so far deep into hurting the other person's.

0:31:43.680 --> 0:31:46.640
<v Speaker 1>Feelings, like our big one is like you cannot swear,

0:31:46.960 --> 0:31:49.320
<v Speaker 1>like that's our big one. And I know that sometimes

0:31:49.320 --> 0:31:52.440
<v Speaker 1>I swear, but my role is I don't like being

0:31:52.480 --> 0:31:55.640
<v Speaker 1>sworn at. So IF's Matt ever is like oh fuck this,

0:31:55.800 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 1>or and like he doesn't swear at me. Don't get

0:31:57.480 --> 0:32:00.480
<v Speaker 1>me wrong, Like our fight's are really really tame and docile.

0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:03.720
<v Speaker 1>But if we're having an argument and Matt responds with

0:32:03.760 --> 0:32:06.640
<v Speaker 1>like fuck this and storms off, that takes the argument

0:32:06.680 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 1>to like the next level. Like that for me is

0:32:09.760 --> 0:32:11.120
<v Speaker 1>such level of disrespect.

0:32:11.160 --> 0:32:13.360
<v Speaker 2>So but I think it's great when you when you

0:32:13.400 --> 0:32:16.320
<v Speaker 2>when either one of us does go to like stage

0:32:16.360 --> 0:32:18.680
<v Speaker 2>tuber fight where we were a swear word is starting

0:32:18.680 --> 0:32:20.520
<v Speaker 2>to be thrown and we see it escalating straight away,

0:32:20.520 --> 0:32:22.520
<v Speaker 2>We're like, you shot that right now?

0:32:22.640 --> 0:32:24.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because we're what you're doing. We have boundaries and

0:32:24.840 --> 0:32:27.080
<v Speaker 1>like they're rules that we have to our fighting. And

0:32:27.120 --> 0:32:30.200
<v Speaker 1>I think, like anything in a relationship, you have rules

0:32:30.200 --> 0:32:32.280
<v Speaker 1>that you've communicated that you you know that are your

0:32:32.320 --> 0:32:35.680
<v Speaker 1>boundaries about what is respectful and what is acceptable, and

0:32:35.760 --> 0:32:38.760
<v Speaker 1>like if you are feeling like you're not being respected,

0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:40.760
<v Speaker 1>it's time to kind of call out and be like cool, cool,

0:32:41.000 --> 0:32:43.440
<v Speaker 1>we need to take a couple of seconds here, because

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:45.560
<v Speaker 1>this is not how we're going to fight about this.

0:32:45.720 --> 0:32:47.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to swear at you. You're not going

0:32:47.120 --> 0:32:48.840
<v Speaker 1>to swear at me. You're not going to insult me.

0:32:49.240 --> 0:32:51.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to insult you because we're actually fighting

0:32:51.320 --> 0:32:53.880
<v Speaker 1>about something that you didn't do, Like you didn't take

0:32:53.880 --> 0:32:56.320
<v Speaker 1>the freaking bins out, or you're you walked away from

0:32:56.320 --> 0:32:58.600
<v Speaker 1>me in the bedroom. I didn't like your tone. You

0:32:58.680 --> 0:33:00.880
<v Speaker 1>have to kind of try and bring yourself back to

0:33:01.200 --> 0:33:04.240
<v Speaker 1>why are you fighting and what happened? And I think

0:33:04.320 --> 0:33:07.320
<v Speaker 1>if you can break it down to being something that

0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:10.000
<v Speaker 1>is literally not a big deal, you need to keep

0:33:10.000 --> 0:33:12.719
<v Speaker 1>that in perspective when you're fighting. Different if it is

0:33:12.800 --> 0:33:15.479
<v Speaker 1>a big deal. Different, if you've been cheated on, Different,

0:33:15.520 --> 0:33:18.800
<v Speaker 1>if you feel like you've been lied to, different. There

0:33:18.840 --> 0:33:20.960
<v Speaker 1>are so many other things that kind of like break

0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:23.800
<v Speaker 1>the fighting rules. Of course, like even then you're not

0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:25.600
<v Speaker 1>going to go down the path of screaming, calling and

0:33:25.680 --> 0:33:28.360
<v Speaker 1>hurling abuse, But I can understand why the fight would

0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:31.720
<v Speaker 1>become slightly more irrational in those instances, and there takes

0:33:31.880 --> 0:33:34.720
<v Speaker 1>it takes a lot more work and potentially some therapy

0:33:35.040 --> 0:33:38.160
<v Speaker 1>to overcome those things. But I'm talking about the everyday

0:33:38.240 --> 0:33:42.960
<v Speaker 1>irritations of just living with and being a cohabitating unit

0:33:43.600 --> 0:33:46.200
<v Speaker 1>that you need to work through. And there has to

0:33:46.240 --> 0:33:48.160
<v Speaker 1>always be this level of respect for how the two

0:33:48.160 --> 0:33:52.200
<v Speaker 1>of you communicate and where possible. I was like, I'm

0:33:52.280 --> 0:33:53.560
<v Speaker 1>rapping this up power.

0:33:53.400 --> 0:33:56.080
<v Speaker 2>And where possible. Always have to make up sex.

0:33:56.400 --> 0:33:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, makeup sex is the thing, right, You have

0:33:58.720 --> 0:34:00.360
<v Speaker 1>to have makeup sex, and you have to like a

0:34:00.400 --> 0:34:04.560
<v Speaker 1>big harg and a big kiss afterwards, and like what Matt' said,

0:34:05.160 --> 0:34:09.800
<v Speaker 1>just the sex, I reckon, that's why you pick farts

0:34:09.800 --> 0:34:10.040
<v Speaker 1>with me.

0:34:10.239 --> 0:34:16.799
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's been a while. Hey, Laura, fuck you. Here

0:34:16.840 --> 0:34:19.359
<v Speaker 2>we go, let's go and we're on.

0:34:22.640 --> 0:34:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we got one more question, guys, question number three.

0:34:26.719 --> 0:34:29.200
<v Speaker 1>Who was it three or is it four? I kind

0:34:29.200 --> 0:34:30.320
<v Speaker 1>of remember where we're at.

0:34:30.719 --> 0:34:33.440
<v Speaker 2>No, that's this is question four. You had first one

0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:36.600
<v Speaker 2>or second? We did third? We can count. We are good.

0:34:37.040 --> 0:34:39.600
<v Speaker 2>Gon'd help Molly May when she has Matt's at school.

0:34:39.800 --> 0:34:42.880
<v Speaker 1>This one is very related to timing, so I think

0:34:42.920 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 1>this is important. It's another relationship question. But I mean,

0:34:45.560 --> 0:34:47.160
<v Speaker 1>it kind of makes sense that you guys are throwing

0:34:47.160 --> 0:34:50.399
<v Speaker 1>loads of relationship questions at us, seeing as though we're

0:34:50.400 --> 0:34:52.000
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship, well and.

0:34:51.960 --> 0:34:55.480
<v Speaker 2>Seeing as though this is a relationship podcast. True, I mean,

0:34:55.480 --> 0:34:59.640
<v Speaker 2>if people are throwing like electrical questions at us, engineering

0:34:59.719 --> 0:35:01.600
<v Speaker 2>question it'd be really hard for us to come back

0:35:01.640 --> 0:35:02.040
<v Speaker 2>and answer that.

0:35:02.080 --> 0:35:05.160
<v Speaker 1>And you're also a terrible handyman, so do you particularly.

0:35:04.640 --> 0:35:08.279
<v Speaker 2>Hard the light in the bathroom? But yesterday, thank you very.

0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:10.600
<v Speaker 1>Much, he did change a light globe. Okay, all right,

0:35:10.640 --> 0:35:13.919
<v Speaker 1>So I started dating this guy in April. COVID made

0:35:14.000 --> 0:35:16.919
<v Speaker 1>me make a dumb decision. I've known the whole time

0:35:16.920 --> 0:35:18.840
<v Speaker 1>that this man is not my penguin and it's not

0:35:18.880 --> 0:35:22.080
<v Speaker 1>going to be long term, which leads me to the

0:35:22.080 --> 0:35:24.439
<v Speaker 1>problem I have. Now I need to break up with him.

0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:26.960
<v Speaker 1>The problem is he went all out for my birthday,

0:35:27.239 --> 0:35:30.520
<v Speaker 1>and now Christmas is coming. Should I wait until after Christmas?

0:35:30.840 --> 0:35:32.879
<v Speaker 1>I have already set a limit for presents, so I'm

0:35:32.880 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 1>not really worried about the whole present thing. However, is

0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:38.719
<v Speaker 1>it worse him being alone during Christmas or leading him

0:35:38.719 --> 0:35:41.160
<v Speaker 1>on by letting him come along to my family Christmas

0:35:41.520 --> 0:35:44.240
<v Speaker 1>he can't head to his hometown due to COVID? Help

0:35:45.360 --> 0:35:47.040
<v Speaker 1>to break up or not to break up?

0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:48.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, she's got herself in a.

0:35:48.880 --> 0:35:50.720
<v Speaker 1>Real pickle, A real pickle dickle?

0:35:51.040 --> 0:35:54.960
<v Speaker 2>Is this what you would call? Laura? Tell me if

0:35:54.960 --> 0:35:56.880
<v Speaker 2>this is correct? A situationship?

0:35:57.080 --> 0:35:57.279
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:35:57.360 --> 0:35:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Okay, great, that's definitely not what, because that's not what

0:35:59.760 --> 0:36:00.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to say.

0:36:00.920 --> 0:36:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Perfect. This is not a situationship. They have defined the relation.

0:36:04.840 --> 0:36:07.560
<v Speaker 1>They are in a relationship, and she wants out of

0:36:07.560 --> 0:36:11.120
<v Speaker 1>it because she sounds like she kind of used them

0:36:11.160 --> 0:36:13.359
<v Speaker 1>as a bit of an emotional crutch during COVID, when

0:36:13.440 --> 0:36:14.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, she was feeling a bit alone and she

0:36:15.040 --> 0:36:16.960
<v Speaker 1>ended up dating a guy that she knew wasn't right

0:36:17.000 --> 0:36:19.360
<v Speaker 1>for her. And now it's come to a point where

0:36:20.120 --> 0:36:21.960
<v Speaker 1>she can go out, she can see guys, she can

0:36:22.000 --> 0:36:25.560
<v Speaker 1>live her life, and she wants to end this relationship

0:36:25.600 --> 0:36:27.000
<v Speaker 1>before it escalates any further.

0:36:27.400 --> 0:36:29.960
<v Speaker 2>I can sympathize with her because I've been in a

0:36:30.040 --> 0:36:34.880
<v Speaker 2>situation over in the UK before, where look, the winter

0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:38.560
<v Speaker 2>in Europe is so brutal and depressing. That I have

0:36:38.920 --> 0:36:41.520
<v Speaker 2>dated someone and I knew at the time that they

0:36:41.520 --> 0:36:43.319
<v Speaker 2>weren't someone who I was going to be madly in

0:36:43.360 --> 0:36:45.319
<v Speaker 2>love with. There was someone that I enjoyed hanging out

0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:48.600
<v Speaker 2>with and like we had good chemistry, but I definitely

0:36:48.680 --> 0:36:50.560
<v Speaker 2>wasn't thinking to myself, oh my gosh, this is going

0:36:50.600 --> 0:36:53.000
<v Speaker 2>to be the person I'm going to marry. But at

0:36:53.040 --> 0:36:55.879
<v Speaker 2>the time I was like, this is nice, this is fine.

0:36:55.960 --> 0:36:58.400
<v Speaker 1>How to winter shack up. You're cozy exactly right, and

0:36:58.440 --> 0:36:59.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to go to the bar. And when

0:36:59.719 --> 0:37:00.880
<v Speaker 1>it's more snowing outside.

0:37:01.040 --> 0:37:02.359
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, you want to say you want to watch

0:37:02.400 --> 0:37:07.439
<v Speaker 2>movies down the couch, so you use people. That's yeah

0:37:07.480 --> 0:37:10.080
<v Speaker 2>for one of a better phrase, Thanks Laura. I knew

0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:12.279
<v Speaker 2>that was the old Mandy Jay. Gosh, the things I

0:37:12.360 --> 0:37:14.640
<v Speaker 2>used to do. No, But I knew that it was

0:37:14.719 --> 0:37:19.520
<v Speaker 2>leading up to Christmas, and I realized that if I

0:37:19.520 --> 0:37:22.600
<v Speaker 2>had gone through a big event like spending time with

0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:25.640
<v Speaker 2>her family over Christmas, that is something that is really

0:37:25.680 --> 0:37:29.600
<v Speaker 2>going to solidify the relationship for her. And I knew

0:37:29.640 --> 0:37:32.400
<v Speaker 2>that moving forward it would be so much harder to

0:37:32.480 --> 0:37:35.000
<v Speaker 2>try and end that relationship because that person is getting

0:37:35.000 --> 0:37:38.920
<v Speaker 2>more and more invested, and I think it's, you know,

0:37:38.960 --> 0:37:40.359
<v Speaker 2>you want to do the right thing here. You don't

0:37:40.360 --> 0:37:42.719
<v Speaker 2>want to hurt someone's feelings, and so it is really

0:37:42.840 --> 0:37:44.719
<v Speaker 2>tempting to just go, do you know what, I'll see

0:37:44.760 --> 0:37:47.879
<v Speaker 2>through Christmas It'll make it a lot easier. It means

0:37:47.880 --> 0:37:49.759
<v Speaker 2>that they're going to be with somebody and not by

0:37:49.800 --> 0:37:53.759
<v Speaker 2>themselves over such a really huge event of the calendar year.

0:37:54.480 --> 0:37:57.839
<v Speaker 2>But I think, unfortunately, you're just prolonging that pain, and

0:37:57.880 --> 0:37:59.560
<v Speaker 2>when you do eventually break up with him, if it

0:37:59.600 --> 0:38:01.840
<v Speaker 2>is half Christmas, it's actually gonna make it harder for

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:04.960
<v Speaker 2>them long term. So I think, do you know what

0:38:05.000 --> 0:38:09.640
<v Speaker 2>I would do, Laura, what I do wonder? I think

0:38:09.800 --> 0:38:14.120
<v Speaker 2>what she should do is break up with him pre Christmas. However,

0:38:14.600 --> 0:38:17.120
<v Speaker 2>I think what would be a nice little like, nice

0:38:17.160 --> 0:38:19.160
<v Speaker 2>little like sweetness to the situation is I think she

0:38:19.160 --> 0:38:22.799
<v Speaker 2>should still get him a Christmas present. That's weird, No, no,

0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:24.680
<v Speaker 2>because I think it's like it's a bit of a

0:38:24.719 --> 0:38:26.680
<v Speaker 2>shit soundwich right, So it's like, Hey, I've had a

0:38:26.719 --> 0:38:30.960
<v Speaker 2>really great time. Unfortunately I don't want to see you again.

0:38:31.440 --> 0:38:36.840
<v Speaker 1>However, I bought you a Christmas hamper. However, here's some

0:38:36.960 --> 0:38:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Christmas pudding.

0:38:37.920 --> 0:38:39.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and here's a new T shirt and socks.

0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:41.759
<v Speaker 1>But he's never gonna want to wear it. He's never

0:38:41.840 --> 0:38:43.359
<v Speaker 1>gonna want what she's gonna give hand.

0:38:43.440 --> 0:38:44.680
<v Speaker 2>That's not true. I'm true at all.

0:38:44.880 --> 0:38:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Everyone likes socks.

0:38:45.880 --> 0:38:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Everyone likes socks. I still have gifts that I've worn.

0:38:50.600 --> 0:38:52.160
<v Speaker 1>You still have gifts from ex partners?

0:38:52.600 --> 0:38:54.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? My wallet? Really?

0:38:54.680 --> 0:38:56.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you've always you know what, This is a real

0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:58.480
<v Speaker 1>point of contention because every year. I'm like, Matt, you

0:38:58.480 --> 0:38:59.799
<v Speaker 1>need a new wallet, and he's like, no, there's nothing

0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:01.160
<v Speaker 1>wrong my wallet. My Walt's great.

0:39:01.560 --> 0:39:04.560
<v Speaker 2>Now I know why because obviously it was still you know, you're.

0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:05.399
<v Speaker 1>Getting for Christmas this year.

0:39:08.800 --> 0:39:12.560
<v Speaker 2>So I think she should break up with him. I

0:39:12.560 --> 0:39:14.480
<v Speaker 2>think it will be the right thing to do. The

0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:16.600
<v Speaker 2>longer she leaves it, the more invested he's going to get,

0:39:16.640 --> 0:39:17.880
<v Speaker 2>and the harder it's going to be for him to

0:39:17.880 --> 0:39:18.960
<v Speaker 2>recover from that breakup.

0:39:19.320 --> 0:39:21.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to get a little bit sciencing on you,

0:39:21.520 --> 0:39:26.880
<v Speaker 1>which I think it explains relationships and connections and bonding.

0:39:27.640 --> 0:39:31.839
<v Speaker 1>So when we love someone and when we spend time

0:39:31.840 --> 0:39:35.000
<v Speaker 1>with them, we create neurological pathways, right, And the more

0:39:35.080 --> 0:39:37.280
<v Speaker 1>memories and the more time that you spend with someone,

0:39:37.640 --> 0:39:41.280
<v Speaker 1>the more pathways that literally bind you to that person.

0:39:41.840 --> 0:39:45.759
<v Speaker 1>So by you going and inviting him to your family Christmas,

0:39:46.040 --> 0:39:49.799
<v Speaker 1>all you're doing is cementing that that chemistry, that love,

0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:53.400
<v Speaker 1>that connection, and you're giving him validation that this is

0:39:53.400 --> 0:39:56.160
<v Speaker 1>a relationship that is going to have longevity. So to

0:39:56.200 --> 0:39:59.080
<v Speaker 1>break up with him very shortly after, you're only going

0:39:59.120 --> 0:40:02.839
<v Speaker 1>to be magnifying that pain. Because science says he will

0:40:02.880 --> 0:40:05.600
<v Speaker 1>have more neurological pathways that he needs to actually break

0:40:05.640 --> 0:40:09.400
<v Speaker 1>down over time, because he's created more beautiful memories with you.

0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:13.600
<v Speaker 1>As much as breakups freaking suck, they suck at every

0:40:13.640 --> 0:40:16.719
<v Speaker 1>time of the year, they suck, particularly around Christmas. But

0:40:16.800 --> 0:40:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I think that it's it's almost crueler to do it

0:40:19.640 --> 0:40:22.600
<v Speaker 1>after Christmas because you feel like it's making it a

0:40:22.600 --> 0:40:25.400
<v Speaker 1>bit easier for you. I actually do think it'll make

0:40:25.440 --> 0:40:29.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot harder for him, So it's not ideal. Could

0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.239
<v Speaker 1>you do it in mid March. Sure, that's a bit

0:40:31.239 --> 0:40:33.640
<v Speaker 1>of a more like obsolete time of year. That would

0:40:33.680 --> 0:40:35.440
<v Speaker 1>be great, But I don't think that you should put

0:40:35.440 --> 0:40:36.880
<v Speaker 1>your life on hold for three months so it's in

0:40:36.960 --> 0:40:40.480
<v Speaker 1>between hallmark occasions. I think, unfortunately, this is something that

0:40:40.920 --> 0:40:42.919
<v Speaker 1>you really really have to do, And it also means

0:40:42.920 --> 0:40:44.840
<v Speaker 1>it's going to free him up to spend his summer.

0:40:45.320 --> 0:40:47.399
<v Speaker 1>He can be single, he can go out and live

0:40:47.440 --> 0:40:49.680
<v Speaker 1>his life. Does that mean that you check in with

0:40:49.760 --> 0:40:52.160
<v Speaker 1>him on Christmas Day? Maybe maybe you do need to

0:40:52.239 --> 0:40:53.520
<v Speaker 1>just be like, I hope you're okay.

0:40:54.400 --> 0:40:59.040
<v Speaker 2>Maybe no, I'm thinking no checking in, no checking in,

0:40:59.280 --> 0:41:04.439
<v Speaker 2>but still still look the Christmas present because he gave

0:41:04.440 --> 0:41:07.280
<v Speaker 2>you a great birthday present. But I think I'm assuming

0:41:07.320 --> 0:41:09.040
<v Speaker 2>that it's going to be the same for girls as

0:41:09.040 --> 0:41:11.879
<v Speaker 2>it is for guys. That the first time you meet

0:41:11.920 --> 0:41:15.520
<v Speaker 2>their family, your partner's family in your head, you know,

0:41:15.560 --> 0:41:17.040
<v Speaker 2>it's a bit of a taste of what the future

0:41:17.040 --> 0:41:20.920
<v Speaker 2>could be like. You know, it's such a huge milestone

0:41:20.920 --> 0:41:23.080
<v Speaker 2>moment in any relationship when you are taking that next

0:41:23.080 --> 0:41:24.400
<v Speaker 2>step and meeting their family.

0:41:24.680 --> 0:41:26.440
<v Speaker 1>What was I like meeting my family when you got

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:28.400
<v Speaker 1>to meet for other women's family simultaneously.

0:41:29.360 --> 0:41:35.000
<v Speaker 2>So again back to the point of Christmas is I

0:41:35.040 --> 0:41:37.719
<v Speaker 2>think when someone breaks up with you, I think you

0:41:37.800 --> 0:41:39.600
<v Speaker 2>do want to have some closure. You do want to

0:41:39.600 --> 0:41:43.640
<v Speaker 2>have some information that allows you to understand what went wrong.

0:41:43.960 --> 0:41:47.480
<v Speaker 2>If you're having Christmas together, meeting the family, and let's

0:41:47.760 --> 0:41:51.120
<v Speaker 2>assume that you guys have a really amazing time, everybody

0:41:51.120 --> 0:41:54.000
<v Speaker 2>gets along, he becomes best friends with your brother. To

0:41:54.040 --> 0:41:56.080
<v Speaker 2>then break up after that, he is going to be

0:41:56.160 --> 0:41:59.360
<v Speaker 2>so confused trying to figure out what went wrong because

0:41:59.440 --> 0:42:02.360
<v Speaker 2>everything we just tracking along perfectly. So it's going to

0:42:02.360 --> 0:42:05.160
<v Speaker 2>be such a shock to his system when you do

0:42:05.239 --> 0:42:07.879
<v Speaker 2>break up pre Christmas. And also it's New Year's Eve.

0:42:08.080 --> 0:42:10.000
<v Speaker 2>Let the man go out and get a New Year's eve.

0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:12.520
<v Speaker 1>Pash and he might also think that maybe the breakup

0:42:12.560 --> 0:42:14.400
<v Speaker 1>has come as a result of, like your family not

0:42:14.440 --> 0:42:17.839
<v Speaker 1>necessarily liking him or something. I think that, yeah, I

0:42:17.880 --> 0:42:20.319
<v Speaker 1>agree with Matt wholeheartedly, which is nice. It's nice when

0:42:20.320 --> 0:42:23.839
<v Speaker 1>we agree. I think that it's really important to have

0:42:23.880 --> 0:42:26.239
<v Speaker 1>a conversation and just be transparent with him as to

0:42:26.280 --> 0:42:29.120
<v Speaker 1>why you are breaking up, you know, explaining to him

0:42:29.120 --> 0:42:32.600
<v Speaker 1>that this is something that you have been thinking about

0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:35.160
<v Speaker 1>for a while. It's not a rash decision. It's not

0:42:35.200 --> 0:42:37.879
<v Speaker 1>a decision that you're making because Christmas is here and

0:42:37.920 --> 0:42:41.239
<v Speaker 1>you know that the timing is actually pretty freaking horrendous,

0:42:41.719 --> 0:42:45.480
<v Speaker 1>but that you don't feel the same level of connection

0:42:45.520 --> 0:42:47.600
<v Speaker 1>that you should feel, being that you've been in a

0:42:47.600 --> 0:42:50.120
<v Speaker 1>relationship sin since April and you don't want to waste

0:42:50.160 --> 0:42:54.000
<v Speaker 1>his time anymore. And unfortunately that's that's it, Like, that's

0:42:54.000 --> 0:42:57.239
<v Speaker 1>where the relationship ends. And I think explaining all those

0:42:57.280 --> 0:43:00.880
<v Speaker 1>things around the breakup and giving a level of explanation

0:43:01.080 --> 0:43:02.600
<v Speaker 1>equals a little bit of closure.

0:43:02.760 --> 0:43:04.279
<v Speaker 2>But also it's just going to mean that you're going

0:43:04.320 --> 0:43:07.959
<v Speaker 2>to have a much better Christmas with your family as well. Absolutely,

0:43:08.000 --> 0:43:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Like it means that you're gonna be able to enjoy

0:43:10.160 --> 0:43:12.080
<v Speaker 2>it without the fear of, oh my god, I'm gonna

0:43:12.080 --> 0:43:14.080
<v Speaker 2>have to break this person's heart in a couple of weeks.

0:43:14.160 --> 0:43:16.160
<v Speaker 1>But don't get me wrong, Like I mean, it's it's

0:43:16.200 --> 0:43:18.640
<v Speaker 1>shit situation for everyone. Like breakups are hard for the

0:43:18.680 --> 0:43:21.120
<v Speaker 1>person who's being broken up with, but it's also incredibly

0:43:21.160 --> 0:43:23.640
<v Speaker 1>hard for the person doing the breaking up. Like nobody

0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:27.560
<v Speaker 1>gets out of this situation feeling good about themselves. And

0:43:27.760 --> 0:43:29.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, I think it's nice that you're considering his

0:43:30.040 --> 0:43:31.759
<v Speaker 1>feelings and you're trying to figure out what is the

0:43:31.760 --> 0:43:35.279
<v Speaker 1>best solution. But I just always think in these situations,

0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:41.440
<v Speaker 1>honesty and a really genuine conversation is the absolute best solution. Well,

0:43:41.480 --> 0:43:43.319
<v Speaker 1>I love it when we agree, and I also love

0:43:43.400 --> 0:43:45.680
<v Speaker 1>that this is the end of the episode. It's our

0:43:45.719 --> 0:43:48.520
<v Speaker 1>first one together, honey, and we popped your cherry.

0:43:48.719 --> 0:43:54.040
<v Speaker 2>We've got ten like that, We've got ten minutes left

0:43:54.280 --> 0:43:57.880
<v Speaker 2>until Marley's back home, so we should wrap this up because.

0:43:57.800 --> 0:43:59.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we literally we literally got one of our friends

0:43:59.760 --> 0:44:01.160
<v Speaker 1>to come take her in the prem so that we

0:44:01.160 --> 0:44:03.200
<v Speaker 1>could sit in the house and do this. We have

0:44:03.320 --> 0:44:05.120
<v Speaker 1>been trying to get this episode done for the past

0:44:05.120 --> 0:44:07.400
<v Speaker 1>three days, and even though we live together, and we

0:44:07.440 --> 0:44:09.520
<v Speaker 1>spent all of our time together. We've still managed to

0:44:09.520 --> 0:44:11.680
<v Speaker 1>do it last minute, which is very typical of Laura

0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:15.360
<v Speaker 1>and Maddy Jay. That is us to a t Anyway, guys,

0:44:15.360 --> 0:44:17.400
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much to everybody who has written in

0:44:17.680 --> 0:44:20.080
<v Speaker 1>for today. I hope you love the episode. Britt will

0:44:20.120 --> 0:44:23.280
<v Speaker 1>be back if you did, she'll be back next week.

0:44:24.800 --> 0:44:27.399
<v Speaker 2>When you you know what's happened. When you first asked

0:44:27.400 --> 0:44:29.040
<v Speaker 2>me to come on the podcast, it was like the

0:44:29.080 --> 0:44:31.600
<v Speaker 2>opening of the floodgates. Now all of a sudden, I'm

0:44:31.600 --> 0:44:32.720
<v Speaker 2>back every other week.

0:44:33.320 --> 0:44:36.080
<v Speaker 1>It's just you're slowly muscling one of us out. I

0:44:36.080 --> 0:44:37.880
<v Speaker 1>wonder if it's going to be me or Britt. Like,

0:44:37.880 --> 0:44:39.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to come home one day and you guys

0:44:39.440 --> 0:44:42.200
<v Speaker 1>are just recording the Tuesday episode in the bedroom. I'm like, hey, guys,

0:44:42.239 --> 0:44:45.080
<v Speaker 1>what are you doing here? Why are you wearing any pants?

0:44:45.080 --> 0:44:45.600
<v Speaker 1>What's going on?

0:44:45.800 --> 0:44:45.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh?

0:44:46.000 --> 0:44:52.200
<v Speaker 1>Fuck? Is escalated? Relax anyway, guys, if you have any

0:44:52.320 --> 0:44:54.359
<v Speaker 1>questions for next week's episode, Britt, it'll be back. We'll

0:44:54.360 --> 0:44:57.000
<v Speaker 1>be answering it as per normal. We also have our

0:44:57.040 --> 0:45:01.520
<v Speaker 1>accidentally unfiltered section on Tuesday's episode, which is basically your

0:45:01.640 --> 0:45:06.600
<v Speaker 1>most embarrassing cringe worthy stories, which we love. It's our

0:45:06.640 --> 0:45:08.719
<v Speaker 1>favorite part of the episode, so please make sure that

0:45:08.760 --> 0:45:10.640
<v Speaker 1>you send them to us as well. You can send

0:45:10.680 --> 0:45:13.399
<v Speaker 1>your questions and you're accidentally unfiltered stories through to at

0:45:13.400 --> 0:45:16.200
<v Speaker 1>Life un Cut Podcast through a DM on Instagram. Just

0:45:16.239 --> 0:45:17.919
<v Speaker 1>make sure that you title it with ask on cut

0:45:17.960 --> 0:45:20.719
<v Speaker 1>or accidentally unfiltered, otherwise Brittany will have a conniption because

0:45:20.719 --> 0:45:22.640
<v Speaker 1>she has to sort through it. And you can also

0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:25.400
<v Speaker 1>follow us at Life Uncut Podcast on the Facebook group

0:45:25.960 --> 0:45:28.239
<v Speaker 1>Last bit of housekeeping. If you haven't given us a

0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:30.400
<v Speaker 1>review yet and you love the app, please jump on

0:45:30.520 --> 0:45:32.640
<v Speaker 1>and do that. Five stars would be a great place

0:45:32.680 --> 0:45:33.080
<v Speaker 1>to start.

0:45:33.280 --> 0:45:36.759
<v Speaker 2>Is this where we have my favorite part? What's this?

0:45:38.360 --> 0:45:39.439
<v Speaker 1>Jump on, Maddie Jack?

0:45:39.680 --> 0:45:42.719
<v Speaker 2>Because when you guys normally record and I'm out in

0:45:42.719 --> 0:45:45.560
<v Speaker 2>the living room, I listen for this moment because this

0:45:45.640 --> 0:45:48.399
<v Speaker 2>is what signifies that finally it's done and I can

0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:49.440
<v Speaker 2>come back into the bedroom.

0:45:49.600 --> 0:45:52.720
<v Speaker 1>Because tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friends,

0:45:52.719 --> 0:45:56.719
<v Speaker 1>tell your doctory cat, tell your nanto, everybody, because we.

0:45:56.880 --> 0:46:02.279
<v Speaker 2>Love love the ban.

0:46:03.640 --> 0:46:11.719
<v Speaker 1>They're not cutting the bombery, they're not cutting the bomboy,

0:46:13.239 --> 0:46:14.160
<v Speaker 1>they're not cutting

0:46:16.239 --> 0:46:22.040
<v Speaker 2>The happen by the ba