1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,399
Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just on answers Now.

3
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,039
Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson here with my wife Mum,

4
00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:17,680
Speaker 1: to our six children, missus Happy Families, Kylie Coulson. There's

5
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,960
Speaker 1: a favorite podcast that I have. I've got a long

6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,239
Speaker 1: list of podcasts that I love, but one of those

7
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,560
Speaker 1: podcasts is by an author and a psychologist that I

8
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,760
Speaker 1: really look up to and love learning from. His name

9
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,520
Speaker 1: is Adam Brandt. A couple of years ago, he wrote

10
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:34,800
Speaker 1: a book called Think Again, and his podcast is called Rethinking.

11
00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,959
Speaker 1: It's about analyzing what's working and what's not in our

12
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,760
Speaker 1: lives and looking at psychological science and evidence to help

13
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,279
Speaker 1: us to be better. When he has his guests on

14
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,960
Speaker 1: his podcast, he does this thing called a lightning round

15
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,560
Speaker 1: and the first question that he always asks in the

16
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,480
Speaker 1: lightning round is what's the worst piece of advice you've

17
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,360
Speaker 1: ever been given? Today I'm the Happy Families Podcast. We

18
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,560
Speaker 1: ask you what is the worst pairing advice that you

19
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,480
Speaker 1: have ever been given? And I think the easiest way

20
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,280
Speaker 1: to say this is that some people say really dumb

21
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,520
Speaker 1: things with the very best of intentions. All of the

22
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,160
Speaker 1: advice that people have been given is well intentioned advice,

23
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,880
Speaker 1: but at happy Families, we want your family to be happy.

24
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 1: So with the overwhelming number of responses that you gave,

25
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,720
Speaker 1: I mean, we had something like seven hundred and eight

26
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,959
Speaker 1: hundred comments come through. It was overwhelming. Nobody's going to

27
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,000
Speaker 1: read all of those on Facebook. So we've consolidated them

28
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,880
Speaker 1: down into groups and lumps of areas. And today in

29
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,720
Speaker 1: the podcast, we're going to share the worst parenting advice

30
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,480
Speaker 1: on the planet so that you don't succumb. And if

31
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,919
Speaker 1: you've been doing any of these things, we will gently

32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,880
Speaker 1: encourage you to stop. Now.

33
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,920
Speaker 2: Please, do you remember anyone giving us really bad parenting advice?

34
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the advice that I'm going to say was

35
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,920
Speaker 1: the worst advice ever is really provocative, and I know

36
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,280
Speaker 1: that some people are going to hate me for saying.

37
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,320
Speaker 1: When we had our first daughter, we actually got a

38
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,440
Speaker 1: lot of advice around cry out sort of stuff. Our

39
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,840
Speaker 1: poor baby girl. She had terrible reflux. I mean, we

40
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,520
Speaker 1: almost didn't sleep for six or nine months when she

41
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,920
Speaker 1: was born. It was just terrible. But we also received

42
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:05,120
Speaker 1: don't vaccinate your child, Vaccination causes autism, Vaccination does this,

43
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,800
Speaker 1: Vaccination does that? And for a little while there, we

44
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:12,919
Speaker 1: seriously considered not vaccinating. Now, I've got some significant reservations

45
00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,600
Speaker 1: about what happened with the mr Anda vaccines with COVID,

46
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,400
Speaker 1: and when we have a look at what's going there,

47
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,800
Speaker 1: that's a different story. But here's what we know about

48
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,079
Speaker 1: kids and vaccines. The world is healthier than it's ever been,

49
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,400
Speaker 1: and our kids are safe than they've ever been. And

50
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,959
Speaker 1: I'm fully pro vaccination now, but we really went through

51
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 1: the ringer on that. I think it was terrible advice

52
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that we made the decision to

53
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,079
Speaker 1: vaccinate our kids. Can you think of any bad advice

54
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 1: that we received?

55
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,400
Speaker 2: I wish that I had written down all of that

56
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,080
Speaker 2: bad advice.

57
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,280
Speaker 1: We definitely got it over the years. We definitely have,

58
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,959
Speaker 1: especially when people found out that I was going to

59
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,639
Speaker 1: become like a parenting expert, like, oh, you need to

60
00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:50,760
Speaker 1: make sure you tell people this.

61
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 2: But I remember a handful. One of them was specifically

62
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,080
Speaker 2: around the fact that we shouldn't be picking up our

63
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,639
Speaker 2: kids every time they cry, because yes, they'll start to

64
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,320
Speaker 2: control us. That we need to actually show our baby

65
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:08,639
Speaker 2: whose boss and make sure that we're in control, not them.

66
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,520
Speaker 2: Those kinds of things. They're the ones that really stand

67
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,480
Speaker 2: out to me the most because they were so counter

68
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 2: to what I believed in my heart.

69
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,440
Speaker 1: Well, let's dive into the responses that we had from

70
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:21,200
Speaker 1: parents on our Facebook page when we said, tell us

71
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,960
Speaker 1: the dumbest stuff that you've ever been told about raising kids, Like,

72
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,399
Speaker 1: what is the worst pairing advice you've ever received?

73
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,560
Speaker 2: Brook, Marie, This one blows my mind.

74
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:34,320
Speaker 1: Advice from a photographer. Brooke said that the photographer told

75
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,119
Speaker 1: her to make my baby sleep, I should give him

76
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,800
Speaker 1: painstop medication for three days in a row. No.

77
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:46,200
Speaker 2: I do remember having a conversation with my doctor when

78
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,080
Speaker 2: we had little kids who actually said that he would

79
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,680
Speaker 2: give his kids when they did long flights forgan.

80
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,640
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes, yeah, I'm not recommending that here at all.

81
00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,240
Speaker 1: Really bad idea, Please don't. Lucky mcclucky said that the

82
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,360
Speaker 1: worst pairing advice received was lock them in a shed

83
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,800
Speaker 1: for the night for controlled crying.

84
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,200
Speaker 2: Oh.

85
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,840
Speaker 1: I mean, it's heartbreaking. But what I hate about this

86
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,840
Speaker 1: is that there are people who are walking the planet

87
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,320
Speaker 1: right this very minute, walking in our neighborhoods, right this

88
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,720
Speaker 1: very minute, who actually think this is good advice. I

89
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,360
Speaker 1: loved Amanda Bombardier's response when she was told to let

90
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,839
Speaker 1: her newborn cry herself to sleep. She said this, I

91
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:25,359
Speaker 1: wouldn't leave that now seventeen year old to cry alone.

92
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,320
Speaker 1: So why on earth do people think it's okay to

93
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 1: leave a tiny baby?

94
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,640
Speaker 2: The logic, it's so logical to me when you read

95
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,880
Speaker 2: something like that shills. It just makes sense. And yet

96
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,760
Speaker 2: we have this mindset that we need to show our

97
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,560
Speaker 2: baby's response.

98
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,960
Speaker 1: Then there was the advice that I'm going to say

99
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:46,039
Speaker 1: actually hurt to read. It was simply awful. Counsel things

100
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,360
Speaker 1: like insisting that parents are always in control, always having

101
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,640
Speaker 1: to be right, always having power over their children, using

102
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,360
Speaker 1: that natural position of power to force an issue through

103
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 1: a show of might and strength. Check out this one

104
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,039
Speaker 1: from Rachel Crane an Orange.

105
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,240
Speaker 2: She said the best way to deal with your strong

106
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,240
Speaker 2: will child was to push back with a tougher and

107
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,200
Speaker 2: stronger will until she submitted.

108
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,200
Speaker 1: So this archaic idea.

109
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,440
Speaker 2: It feels like we're breaking in a horse exactly.

110
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,680
Speaker 1: In fact, there was an anonymous person didn't want to be

111
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,240
Speaker 1: named from Sydney who was giving the advice it's your

112
00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,520
Speaker 1: job as the parent to hurt your child and to

113
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:21,000
Speaker 1: break their will and this is actually where I was

114
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,520
Speaker 1: when we first started this whole parenting journey. If we

115
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,640
Speaker 1: go back to two thousand and one, two thousand and two,

116
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,159
Speaker 1: we've got a two year old, a three year old,

117
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,120
Speaker 1: and I truly believe that as the father of a

118
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,000
Speaker 1: little girl who had a very strong will, it was

119
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,599
Speaker 1: my job to bend her will until it met with mine.

120
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,240
Speaker 1: And it was a disaster. It was the worst thing ever,

121
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,800
Speaker 1: and our family was fracturing and falling apart, our daughter

122
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,760
Speaker 1: was it was only getting worse, it was not getting better.

123
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,159
Speaker 1: And it's why I quit my radio career and spent

124
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,599
Speaker 1: the next twenty years of my life or more now

125
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,200
Speaker 1: like twenty five years of my life researching this stuff

126
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,280
Speaker 1: because it's just plain bad advice Amanda van State and

127
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:02,720
Speaker 1: on the Sunshine cost Set to.

128
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:06,080
Speaker 2: Never apologize to children, as it shows weakness, and we

129
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,440
Speaker 2: wonder why our kids struggle to apologize and seek forgiveness.

130
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,680
Speaker 1: There's nothing better when you're a kid than having a

131
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,200
Speaker 1: parent look at you and say you're right, and I

132
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:19,280
Speaker 1: was wrong and I'm sorry. It just builds so much trust.

133
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,400
Speaker 1: It makes such a difference. Then there was the advice

134
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,040
Speaker 1: that seems okay at first, glance, but it really isn't

135
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:29,039
Speaker 1: Melissa Wayne said, give them whatever they want, Darling, give

136
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,280
Speaker 1: them whatever they want.

137
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,479
Speaker 2: She must be a grandparent.

138
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,440
Speaker 1: I love that one, and I love this one from

139
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:35,719
Speaker 1: Lucas Avgernos.

140
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,960
Speaker 2: He said, it doesn't matter how you parent, you just

141
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:39,960
Speaker 2: have to love your kids.

142
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,800
Speaker 1: So if you've been following me for any length of

143
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,880
Speaker 1: time at all, you'll know that this last one, it

144
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,560
Speaker 1: just isn't true, and it's pervasive. People really truly believe that.

145
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,479
Speaker 2: I remember that story from Wally, your mentor, about being

146
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,320
Speaker 2: in the garage with his neighbor and his son comes

147
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,320
Speaker 2: screaming into the garage, drops his bike and goes to

148
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,080
Speaker 2: run off.

149
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,680
Speaker 1: We wanted to play with his friend who just come

150
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,279
Speaker 1: home in the neighborhood, and.

151
00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:05,839
Speaker 2: The neighbor calls the son back, grabs them by the

152
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,120
Speaker 2: shirt sleeves and kind of pulls them up into the

153
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,960
Speaker 2: air and says, you know, put your bike away.

154
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,920
Speaker 1: How many times times I have to tell you to

155
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,760
Speaker 1: put the mic away?

156
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,440
Speaker 2: And then as he puts the child down, he kind

157
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,120
Speaker 2: of looks at while he realizes that while he's a

158
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,000
Speaker 2: parenting expert, and he says.

159
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,680
Speaker 1: But I love you, I love you, and as a

160
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:24,520
Speaker 1: kid runs into the garage, do you think he's going. Gee,

161
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that when I get things wrong, at

162
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,880
Speaker 1: least I know my dad loves me. It matters how

163
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:32,640
Speaker 1: your parent it actually does. And here's the thing I've spoken, unfortunately,

164
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,720
Speaker 1: with so many parents who are simply neglectful, who have

165
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,920
Speaker 1: even been abusive to their children. Over the years, I've

166
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,600
Speaker 1: talked to all kinds of parents in all sorts of

167
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,760
Speaker 1: really challenging situations, and every single one of them will

168
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,560
Speaker 1: tell me I love my kids. In fact, I had

169
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,239
Speaker 1: one mum shout in my face, I love my kids.

170
00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,560
Speaker 1: I'm a good mother. But I've just been watching the

171
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:53,720
Speaker 1: way she was speaking to her kids, and it was

172
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:56,080
Speaker 1: kind of how she was talking to me. And it

173
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,200
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how much you think you love your kids.

174
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 1: What matters is how much your kids know that they're loved.

175
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,560
Speaker 1: There's a very big difference.

176
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,840
Speaker 2: Well, and all the research says that we can say

177
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,120
Speaker 2: all the words we want, but if our actions aren't

178
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,800
Speaker 2: congruent with those words, then our actions are going to

179
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,119
Speaker 2: speak louder every time.

180
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:20,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, so some of you shared, I'm going to say

181
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,760
Speaker 1: words of wisdom, quote unquote woods wisdom that at first glance,

182
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 1: seem really harsh, but you can actually flip them or

183
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,360
Speaker 1: reframe them, and I like doing this. So Elizabeth and

184
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,000
Speaker 1: Davis said that the worst advice she ever got was

185
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,520
Speaker 1: kids need to know their place, And at first you

186
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,600
Speaker 1: kind of go, gee, that's harsh, But then I thought,

187
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 1: I reckon, there's something in that. Kids do need to

188
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,839
Speaker 1: know their place, and you know what their place.

189
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,600
Speaker 2: Is a safe, loving home where they can be seen,

190
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,800
Speaker 2: heard and valued.

191
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 1: In your arms, feeling like they matter. It's terrible advice,

192
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,840
Speaker 1: but if you put the right spin on it, it can

193
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,400
Speaker 1: become really good advice.

194
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,280
Speaker 2: Another piece of advice was if you don't force them

195
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,560
Speaker 2: to be independent, they will always rely on you.

196
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I reckon, if we flip this around and

197
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,840
Speaker 1: think about it, this is probably actually a good place

198
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 1: to finish the worst advice ever. This concept that if

199
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,520
Speaker 1: you don't force them to be independent, they're always going

200
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,480
Speaker 1: to be relying on you, suggests that by supporting our children,

201
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:20,079
Speaker 1: we're making them dependent. But I think if we flip

202
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,640
Speaker 1: it around our kids, it's so wonderful when they know

203
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,040
Speaker 1: that they can always rely on us. We don't want

204
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,200
Speaker 1: them to be dependent on us, but we do want

205
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,120
Speaker 1: them to be confident that we, as their parent or

206
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,760
Speaker 1: their caregiver, have their back and that we love them

207
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,439
Speaker 1: no matter what. And the great irony is that when

208
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,720
Speaker 1: kids know that they can always rely on you, they're

209
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,280
Speaker 1: less likely to feel the need to It gives them

210
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 1: the courage, though, to explore. And I think that's the

211
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,920
Speaker 1: crux of it when I think about how we do

212
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 1: Happy Families right, this business that we've created over the

213
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,040
Speaker 1: last fifteen years, it's got a TV show and a podcast,

214
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,240
Speaker 1: and or the speaking that I do in the books,

215
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 1: and all the Happy Families membership, the quest everything that

216
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,839
Speaker 1: we do online. That all happened because I could rely

217
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,840
Speaker 1: on my dad. The story briefly is that in my

218
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,960
Speaker 1: mid to late thirties, after finishing my PhD working as

219
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,680
Speaker 1: a university lecturer, I rang Dad one day and said,

220
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,800
Speaker 1: I think I want to leave the university setting, stop

221
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,960
Speaker 1: doing research, stop lecturing, and build a Happy Family's business.

222
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,320
Speaker 1: But I've only got enough cash to get my family

223
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,920
Speaker 1: through maybe six to nine months, and I don't want

224
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,560
Speaker 1: to ever have to rely on your dad. But if

225
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,600
Speaker 1: things go badly, if the bottom drops out of this,

226
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,520
Speaker 1: can we come and live in your garage until we

227
00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,959
Speaker 1: get back on our feet. In other words, I'm trying

228
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,319
Speaker 1: to do this independently, but if it doesn't work, can

229
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,079
Speaker 1: I rely on you to just help us to get

230
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,080
Speaker 1: back on our feet? And Dad didn't hesitate. He said yes.

231
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,160
Speaker 2: There's so much power in knowing that somebody believes in you, yeah,

232
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,839
Speaker 2: and that somebody's willing to step in if things get

233
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:53,319
Speaker 2: too hard.

234
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,560
Speaker 1: We do what we do now because my dad said

235
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,000
Speaker 1: yes that day and we didn't have to rely on him.

236
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,960
Speaker 1: We had a couple of really close moments where we

237
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,559
Speaker 1: thought we were going to have to do It's pretty

238
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:05,960
Speaker 1: hard to start running a business, especially when you don't

239
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 1: know how. But here's the thing. When you look at

240
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,480
Speaker 1: all of the pairing advice that's bad. The worst pairing

241
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 1: advice that we've got on that Facebook page, and there

242
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,840
Speaker 1: were some other really awful ones that we haven't shared

243
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,240
Speaker 1: because they were just a little bit too awful to

244
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,600
Speaker 1: talk about. But the reason that so much of that

245
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,400
Speaker 1: pairing advice is so bad is because it actually tells

246
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,959
Speaker 1: our kids that they can't rely on us.

247
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,400
Speaker 2: They don't matter. Yeah, but they literally they don't matter.

248
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,880
Speaker 2: What they want, what they need is not even thought of.

249
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,160
Speaker 1: It's that we don't have their back, like we're putting

250
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,679
Speaker 1: conditions on the relationship.

251
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,200
Speaker 2: It feels so archaic. It's that kind of thing children

252
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,000
Speaker 2: should be seen but never heard. All of that just

253
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,920
Speaker 2: feels so dismissive.

254
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,800
Speaker 1: Every high quality book that I've read, every well researched

255
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,840
Speaker 1: lecture that I've attended, every study that I've personally written

256
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:56,319
Speaker 1: or reviewed, it all tells the same story. The very

257
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,120
Speaker 1: core of resilience, the very core of a life well lived,

258
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,120
Speaker 1: comes down to the qual of not just the quality

259
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:06,199
Speaker 1: the security that we feel with the people that we

260
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,240
Speaker 1: have the closest relationships with. We just live better lives.

261
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,679
Speaker 1: We live longer lives, We live happier, more productive lives

262
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,800
Speaker 1: when we know that the important people in our lives

263
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,959
Speaker 1: have got our back. The Happy Families podcast is produced

264
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,480
Speaker 1: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our

265
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:25,600
Speaker 1: executive producer. We hope that this conversation has sparked something

266
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,400
Speaker 1: for you. If it has, let us know podcasts at

267
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,520
Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au. That's podcasts with an

268
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,440
Speaker 1: s at happy families dot com dot au. If you'd

269
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,000
Speaker 1: like more information about getting the best parenting advice, sign

270
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,120
Speaker 1: up for the waitlist. The quest our brand new membership

271
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,840
Speaker 1: where we hold your hand and walk you through the

272
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,360
Speaker 1: step by step instructions you need to raise your family

273
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,839
Speaker 1: to flourish. It's all available at Happy families dot com

274
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,319
Speaker 1: dot au. The waitlist for the Quest is now open.