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Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the

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Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb

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Speaker 1: Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on

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Speaker 1: this land for thousands of years, and we show our

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Speaker 1: gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture.

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Speaker 1: This is Rise and Copper, the podcast where we strive

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Speaker 1: to become the highest version of ourselves through curious conversations,

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Speaker 1: healthy mindsets, laughter, connection, and a deep desire to evolve.

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Speaker 1: I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson.

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Speaker 2: Join me as we explore parenthood, business, manifestation, and so

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Speaker 2: much more. It's positive, it's practical, and it's about putting

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Speaker 2: you in the driver's seat of your own life.

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Speaker 3: Are you ready.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. Today's guest

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Speaker 2: is the incredible Margarita Nazarenko, a certified life coach and

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Speaker 2: one of the freshest voices in women's empowerment and self development.

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Speaker 2: With a background as an actress where she has been

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Speaker 2: on TV shows like The Bill and Home and Away,

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Speaker 2: Margarita has since turned her passion to coaching women on confidence,

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Speaker 2: love and feminine energy, all shared authentically across her viral TikTok,

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Speaker 2: Instagram and YouTube platforms, and guys me and the podcast

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Speaker 2: Girls are obsessed with Margarita. We always say never miss

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Speaker 2: a Margarita video. She just really talks about.

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Speaker 1: Feminine energy and female magnetism in a way which just lands.

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Speaker 1: So I was so excited to get her on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: And in this episode, we're diving into the art of

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Speaker 1: making a man obsessed with you, obviously in a very health, wealthy, magnetic,

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Speaker 1: and empowering way. So whether you're you know, in the

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Speaker 1: dating world or you're in a long term relationship, this

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Speaker 1: episode is for you because Margarita breaks down how to

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Speaker 1: captivate and connect on a deep, deeper level without losing yourself.

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Speaker 1: And it's honestly, it's not what you think when I say,

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Speaker 1: you know, making men obsessed with you, because like that's

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Speaker 1: not what our whole world should be about. But also

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Speaker 1: I do believe like women should be the prize. We

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Speaker 1: should feel loved and adored, we should.

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Speaker 3: Have romance in our lives.

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Speaker 2: So Margarita gives us all the tips and tricks and

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Speaker 2: if you've ever wondered how to hold you know, power

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Speaker 2: and create this irresistible attraction in your relationships that comes

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Speaker 2: from this beautiful, authentic place. You are going to be

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Speaker 2: obsessed with this episode, so let's get into it. Okay, Margarita.

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Speaker 2: For those who are not obsessed with you like I am,

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Speaker 2: who are not familiar, could you give us a bit

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Speaker 2: of a rundown, a bit of an intro of who

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Speaker 2: is Margarita?

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Speaker 3: What is she passionate about? What's her message?

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Speaker 4: Do you know that the obsession is mutual? I discovered

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Speaker 4: you about a year ago when my web designer was like,

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Speaker 4: have you seen her? She's amazing, Her contents are beautiful.

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Speaker 4: Look her angel numbers that she prices her things at.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, wait a minute, who is this?

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Speaker 3: So it's mutual star.

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Speaker 4: I started on well, I did a life coaching diploma,

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Speaker 4: but I went viral when I opened a TikTok thinking

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Speaker 4: it would be a super secret sleuth thing to do

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Speaker 4: that nobody would ever see me on TikTok and I

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Speaker 4: went and put all my real opinions on there, and

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Speaker 4: there I was, and it went pretty viral within the

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Speaker 4: first six months. I talk about women, feminine energy, how

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Speaker 4: to get what you want, strategies in life and confidence,

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Speaker 4: and I've just written a book called The New Rules.

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Speaker 2: I loved your book.

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Speaker 3: I consumed it in such.

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Speaker 2: A short amount of time, and can I just say

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Speaker 2: to all the RNC community after this interview, you will

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Speaker 2: also be obsessed if you don't already follow Margret and

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Speaker 2: I highly highly recommend her book because it's like all

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Speaker 2: your best tiktoks in one place. And when I found

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Speaker 2: your TikTok, it was a relationship TikTok, and I was

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Speaker 2: going through something in my relationship and it was basically about,

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Speaker 2: you know, pulling your energy back and putting it into yourself.

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Speaker 2: And it's funny because it's like I'm in the self

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Speaker 2: development world. I have my own self development podcast. It's

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Speaker 2: almost that concept is something I know and something I embody.

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Speaker 2: But with my relationship, I've been with my husband since

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Speaker 2: I was seventeen, so thirteen years now. It's funny. It's

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Speaker 2: almost like I had put our relationship in a different

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Speaker 2: category compared to how I show up in my business

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Speaker 2: and my life in self development. And so you really

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Speaker 2: brought so many concepts that I almost like live by

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Speaker 2: in different aspects of my life to my relationship that

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Speaker 2: just made so many aha moments, really changed how he

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Speaker 2: showed up, how he started treating me changed how I

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Speaker 2: felt about myself. And so I really kind of want

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Speaker 2: to get straight into making the men obsessed with you

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Speaker 2: and what that has entailed, because I feel like when

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Speaker 2: I looked at your TikTok, those were the most viral.

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Speaker 2: And I think as a woman, we want to feel adored.

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Speaker 2: We want to feel like the prize. We want to

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Speaker 2: feel like the only one. But with life and us,

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Speaker 2: you know, working and kids and all those sorts of things,

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Speaker 2: that's God in loss. So let's get straight into the

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Speaker 2: juicy staff, how do we make a man obsessed with us?

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Speaker 4: Well, if a man is obsessed with you, and I

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Speaker 4: use words there are that are you know a little

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Speaker 4: bit spicy, like obsessed or selfish in order to really

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Speaker 4: communicate the point. But if he's crazy about you, essentially

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Speaker 4: it's going to make your life a lot easier in

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Speaker 4: terms of life is hard enough. You've got babies, you've

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Speaker 4: got businesses, you might have illnesses in your family, you

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Speaker 4: might have things. The last thing you want is to

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Speaker 4: be chasing a grown man to make him do staff.

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Speaker 4: Men don't do things for people that they're not obsessed with,

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Speaker 4: or things that they're not obsessed with. You know, when

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Speaker 4: a guy has a hobby, he travels halfway across the

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Speaker 4: world to do whatever it is. That's what you want

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Speaker 4: on your side? Do you want a man who's going

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Speaker 4: to move mountains for you? So the first thing is

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Speaker 4: you've got to choose that kind of man. But you

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Speaker 4: said earlier, you said, you know, I was working on

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Speaker 4: myself and I did all the good things, and I

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Speaker 4: had it in my business. You were probably in your

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Speaker 4: masculine energy in your business. What does that mean? Driving, achieving, succeeding,

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Speaker 4: moving forward, goal oriented. All of those things I just

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Speaker 4: listed will get a man to be completely repelled by you.

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Speaker 4: Men do not like you to try and strive for them,

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Speaker 4: try and get their attention, try and move towards them.

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Speaker 4: If anything, they feel and I mean it, repulsed by

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Speaker 4: a woman who does that for them.

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Speaker 2: Why?

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Speaker 4: Because they want to achieve you, They want to feel

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Speaker 4: good about themselves. Why do men play video games? Why

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Speaker 4: do men play sports? Because it has a level of achievement.

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Speaker 4: They do ABCDFG and they can win a goal. If

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Speaker 4: you do not present a challenge and a goal to

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Speaker 4: be met, you are quite essentially boring for them. They

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Speaker 4: don't see you as amazing. They want to feel amazing

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Speaker 4: in your eyes by winning your affections. So the reason

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Speaker 4: it didn't translate for you and your marriage, and same

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Speaker 4: with me when I was in my marriage earlier, is

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Speaker 4: because I was also in my masculine energy. I was

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Speaker 4: trying to plan dates, I was trying to do all

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Speaker 4: the things. I was trying to apply masculine energy to

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Speaker 4: a relationship, and that doesn't work. So I would say,

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Speaker 4: the way to make a man obsessed with you, and

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Speaker 4: I talked about it yesterday at my book launch is

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Speaker 4: to be the mirror, not the microphone. What does that mean?

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Speaker 4: When he behaves in a certain way, you are his mirror.

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Speaker 4: He messages you, you message him back. He's kind to you,

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Speaker 4: you're kind to him.

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Speaker 3: He's not talking to you.

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Speaker 4: He needs space. You need space. Also, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 4: you don't have your own entity, but that is how

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Speaker 4: you work within the relationship. So be the mirror, not

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Speaker 4: the microphone. What's the microphone? Long paragraphs about how you

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Speaker 4: feel about him? On his text message? When he's looking

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Speaker 4: outside thinking about something, what are you thinking about? What

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Speaker 4: are you thinking about? You're doing too much, talking, too much,

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Speaker 4: explaining too much, conversating when he is not reaching out

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Speaker 4: to you. If he is there and he's talking with

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Speaker 4: you and he's open to the connection and conversation, go

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Speaker 4: for gold because you're his mirror.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: I love that because it's so simple and it makes sense.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like, especially you know who's going to

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Speaker 2: be listening to this podcast, my community is we are

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Speaker 2: high achievers. We do want to go out, we do

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Speaker 2: want to create the career and the businesses and the

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 3: The personal growth.

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Speaker 2: But it has made us also do that, you know

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Speaker 2: in our relationship where if he's not putting in the effort,

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Speaker 2: well I'm going to put in twice the effort.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to show him what he should do.

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Speaker 2: But what I've realized and has been reflected in my

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Speaker 2: relationship too, is like biologically men do need to almost

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Speaker 2: be the hero. They do need to yeah, like feel

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Speaker 2: like they have accomplished something. And even if they think

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Speaker 2: back to the very start of our relationship with my

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Speaker 2: husband Tim, like I made him work for it, Like

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Speaker 2: I was like I thought, you know, like I also

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Speaker 2: had just got out of relationship, and I very much

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Speaker 2: was like, if you make it worth it. But otherwise

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Speaker 2: I'm happy to be single and it's this energy where

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Speaker 2: he had to, you know, work for our relationship. And

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes you know, as you do get more comfortable,

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Speaker 2: as you shift and evolve, you can start wanting to

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Speaker 2: put more effort in. But pulling your energy back like

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Speaker 2: that is so so powerful. So do you want to

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Speaker 2: talk about long term relationships? But let's do dating first.

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Speaker 2: So if someone's dating, how what are your non negotiable

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Speaker 2: tips to create that like magnetic they can't stop thinking

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Speaker 2: about you energy, And like, what are some of your.

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Speaker 4: Rules in terms of dating? I think number one And

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Speaker 4: the biggest thing I would say is you have to

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Speaker 4: be the one who chooses the man. I know it's

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Speaker 4: conventional wisdom to say that let him approach and let

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Speaker 4: him lead. Yes, within the confines of you already being

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Speaker 4: in contact. But if you don't put yourself out there,

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Speaker 4: and you sit online and you just swipe on apps,

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Speaker 4: you're putting yourself out in the market as a commodity,

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Speaker 4: as an item that people swipe left or right. And

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Speaker 4: you need to be going out and putting yourself in

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Speaker 4: places where people who men who are doing hobbies that

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Speaker 4: you would like or that you would perceive your man

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Speaker 4: to like. So yeah, I know it's weird, but yeah,

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Speaker 4: go to the fishing store if that's the type of

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Speaker 4: guy you'd want. Maybe you don't like fishing, but that's

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Speaker 4: where he is. He's not on the tinder app yet.

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Speaker 4: He's not in a bar. He's not that kind of

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Speaker 4: half drunk guy who stumbles up to you. He's the

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Speaker 4: guy who wouldn't talk to you. So what you need

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Speaker 4: to do is ask for him to hold your jacket

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Speaker 4: while you take your drinks to the table. You need

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Speaker 4: to facilitate the first introduction. Hold his eye contact a

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Speaker 4: bit too long. If you're both at a bus stop,

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Speaker 4: I don't know wherever it is. You are at the library.

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Speaker 4: You want a guy who's obsessed with I don't know,

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Speaker 4: ancient artifacts or something. Go in that section and the library,

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Speaker 4: stand there and then be like, this is the number

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Speaker 4: one tip. Ask a man to explain something to you.

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Speaker 4: They love to man's plain and we like to be like,

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Speaker 4: don't tell me this or that. Ask him. You see

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Speaker 4: a man online who's a chef or claims to love

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Speaker 4: to cook, DM him and be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: I saw you did a roast chicken. What was that

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Speaker 4: salt you used for it? And you don't initiate the relationship.

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Speaker 4: You don't ask him out, you don't question, you don't

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Speaker 4: pursue him, but you open the door to the conversation.

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Speaker 4: I really don't think dating apps are conducive to women

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Speaker 4: and dating. It's not in our favor. We like men

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Speaker 4: who are tens out of tens onlines out of tens.

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Speaker 4: We don't like to settle. So all of us are

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Speaker 4: holding around this one percent of man who's got all

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Speaker 4: the options, and everybody else, the average joe who's actually

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Speaker 4: might be quite charismatic or you might actually like because

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Speaker 4: of the actions he puts into the relationship. You're ignoring.

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Speaker 4: So get off the apps, get in real life where

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Speaker 4: the man you would like to meet might be, you know,

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Speaker 4: all the man oriented hobbies. And then you make the

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Speaker 4: first move.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 2: And then so once someone, let's say they are now

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Speaker 2: in the you know, they've found the men.

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Speaker 3: They've made the first move, it's going along.

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Speaker 2: What are some of the common energy leagues or mistakes

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Speaker 2: women make during the dating phase that keeps them in

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Speaker 2: the dating face or like, you know, is I guess

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Speaker 2: conducive to them staying in you know, their masculininity and

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Speaker 2: that sort of thing what's the most common.

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Speaker 4: They forget that the essence of feminine energy isn't flower

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Speaker 4: picking and running through the field. It is being the chooser,

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Speaker 4: the picker, right even down to biology, we are the

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Speaker 4: ones who pick things and men are the ones who hunt. Right,

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Speaker 4: So you are picking him. He is not picking you.

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Speaker 4: Every woman I speak to who's in dating is obsessed

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Speaker 4: about the fact that did he text me? Will he

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Speaker 4: choose me? You need to reframe. It's you who's choosing him.

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Speaker 4: If his behavior, if he does something that you don't like, fine,

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Speaker 4: note it down, even get a book. Put one side

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Speaker 4: good behavior, one side bad behavior. You're not reacting to it.

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Speaker 4: You're not questioning him on it. He doesn't belong to you.

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Speaker 4: He's still in the You're Simon Cowell American idol, and

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Speaker 4: he's auditioning for you. Women always think this the other

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Speaker 4: way around. She's trying to perform for him. What should

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Speaker 4: I say on a date? What should I do on

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Speaker 4: a date? What do you mean? He's the one? So

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Speaker 4: you sit there and you evaluate. He said that that

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Speaker 4: was a bit weird. Don't like that, but I like this,

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Speaker 4: but I don't like that. And another thing that trips

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Speaker 4: women up. Is that they that's an energetic leak because

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Speaker 4: they are in that men can feel this that they're

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Speaker 4: auditioning for them. Don't do that. So when you are

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Speaker 4: on that date, you need to be evaluating whether this

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Speaker 4: person is for you or not, and also don't hide

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Speaker 4: to the fact that you want potentially marriage and children.

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Speaker 4: One of the chapters in my book is called remember

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Speaker 4: You Are the Prize. Women are forgotten because of modern feminism.

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Speaker 4: And feminism is great because we now have rights, but

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Speaker 4: it's gone to the point where in dating we've forgotten

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Speaker 4: that we're the prize. Because back in the day, a

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Speaker 4: man could only have access to you if he was

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Speaker 4: very serious about you, because the danger was you'd get

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Speaker 4: pregnant and then you'd have to get married and that

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Speaker 4: was you forever. Now we have contraceptions, so we don't

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Speaker 4: have those boundaries. So you need to remember that you're

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Speaker 4: the prize. He still sees you that way. So when

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Speaker 4: women are very apologetic about the fact that they want

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Speaker 4: to get married and have children, Oh no, that's it's

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Speaker 4: not for me. I just want to casual you know, No,

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Speaker 4: you don't, No, you don't. And what you're allowing him

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Speaker 4: is access to you because you're telling yourself that lie.

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Speaker 4: You don't need to sit there and tell him that

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Speaker 4: you want to marry him then and there. But you

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Speaker 4: definitely need to speak in terms of when I'm married,

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Speaker 4: when I have children, just as you would about your business,

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Speaker 4: when my business scales. Why you are not something to

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Speaker 4: be embarrassed of and hidden. It is a prize for

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Speaker 4: him to potentially marry you one day. That's a goal.

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Speaker 4: So and if he's scared about that, great, good riddance Godden.

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Speaker 2: How do we make someone propose to us? And I

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Speaker 2: know that you have personal experience in your relationship with this.

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Speaker 2: So let's say someone's like, you know, they've been dating

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Speaker 2: for a long time, he's not proposing. She's like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: well what do I do because I want him to propose.

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Speaker 4: Well, there's two layers to it. Off the jump, if

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Speaker 4: you've not got into a serious relationship yet, you cannot

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Speaker 4: get into a free wife situation. If you're living with

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Speaker 4: him performing as a wife, should maybe already have his children.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. There is not

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Speaker 4: much you can do to get a proposal. Then you

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Speaker 4: just need to like count your losses and be like, great,

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Speaker 4: we're partners. Now. I'll tell you what to do in

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Speaker 4: that situation in a minute. But before you get there,

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Speaker 4: you need to explain to that person that you will

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Speaker 4: only invest that time, effort, and energy into building a

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Speaker 4: life with someone if they choose you as a life

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Speaker 4: partner and a wife. Even if he says, oh, I

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Speaker 4: don't believe in marriage modern dad, be like, great for you,

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Speaker 4: it's not important. You don't believe in it, but I do,

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Speaker 4: so marry me if that's what you want, you know,

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Speaker 4: and give it a time frame. You know, if I'm

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Speaker 4: not married by the age of whatever, or then we're

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Speaker 4: just gonna have to be friends. By that, you mean

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Speaker 4: he's not going to be in your life, of course,

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Speaker 4: but you give him a time frame so you don't

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Speaker 4: move in with him. You don't do these performative duties.

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Speaker 4: You don't cook for him, you don't advocate for everything

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Speaker 4: you need to do. Tell him when you need to

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Speaker 4: go to the dentist. But if you are already in

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Speaker 4: that situation, you need to have a frank and honest

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Speaker 4: conversation where, yes, we are now in this situation, but

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Speaker 4: I've decided marriage is important for me. Now, I don't

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Speaker 4: want you to speak on it.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: That's what you need to tell him. Don't react, don't don't,

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Speaker 4: don't you know, do anything. Think about it, and if

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Speaker 4: you don't choose to propose to me within a year,

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Speaker 4: I will take that as a sign that you don't

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Speaker 4: take this seriously and we'll have to part ways. But

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Speaker 4: don't speak now. Think about it, because he's gonna have

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Speaker 4: all kinds of things to say to you that might

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Speaker 4: hurt your feelings. So just let him think on it,

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Speaker 4: let him ruminate, and if he doesn't after a year,

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Speaker 4: cut your losses.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 2: And then so what about that person who is in

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Speaker 2: a long term relationship. They've got the kids, they've got,

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Speaker 2: you know, that moved in and that sort of thing.

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Speaker 4: You need to understand if that's a hill you're willing

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Speaker 4: to die on, how important is marriage for you? For me,

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Speaker 4: it's very important. Right for you, it might not be

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Speaker 4: culturally morally, maybe it would be nice for you to

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Speaker 4: get a ring, but it's not something that you're willing

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Speaker 4: to break up a family over. For me, family is

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Speaker 4: more important than concept of marriage. So if I was

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Speaker 4: in that situation, I can't imagine why I would because

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't have got there in the first place. But

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Speaker 4: if you are now there, and now you've changed your mind,

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Speaker 4: and you've read my book and you've listened to you

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Speaker 4: and you are glowing up in every way, and you

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Speaker 4: would like that sit down and truly decide is this

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Speaker 4: something that I'm willing to break up my family over.

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Speaker 4: If it is not, say it to him, and if

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Speaker 4: he doesn't move on it, understand that you have made

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Speaker 4: some errors in judgment where he now doesn't have the

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Speaker 4: incentive to propose to you. Okay, and that is what

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Speaker 4: it is. But if it is important enough for you

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Speaker 4: to break up everything over it, I wouldn't advise it.

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Speaker 4: But if it is, understand that when you communicate it,

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Speaker 4: you should communicate it strongly and then take action on

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Speaker 4: what you decide. There's only two ways about it. But

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Speaker 4: nagging him, going on about it every day, Why don't

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Speaker 4: you want to marry me? My friend Johnny and Samantha

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Speaker 4: are married. I don't like That's not the one because

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Speaker 4: you're just gonna degrade and peck away your marriage with

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Speaker 4: the nagging. You either decide to tell him about it

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Speaker 4: and then live with it, or you leave.

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Speaker 2: And well that's even talking. Let's talk about the nagging.

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Speaker 2: Because something I love that you've said is, you know,

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Speaker 2: when you become the mother in the relationship, the nagger,

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Speaker 2: the mother, the partner role is up for grabs. And

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Speaker 2: I loved this. Why do you think so many women

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Speaker 2: fall into this trap of becoming a mother.

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Speaker 3: In the relationship and how do we stay out of it?

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Speaker 4: So it's the three roles, the mother, the martyr, and

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Speaker 4: the manager. That's the three roles that women fall into

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Speaker 4: in modern relationships. The mother is exactly how you would

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Speaker 4: mother your children. You're very instructional. Mothering, ironically, is masculine energy.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't feminine energy doesn't mean female things like motherhood

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Speaker 4: masculine energy. I tell my kids where to go, I

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Speaker 4: tell them how to do things. I am the leader

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Speaker 4: of my children, and if they don't do what I say,

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Speaker 4: then you know, it has consequences, et cetera. You have

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Speaker 4: to parent in a certain way. So women just put

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Speaker 4: that onto men because either they already have children so

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Speaker 4: he just becomes one of them, or because it's a

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Speaker 4: natural instinct and they don't yet have children and he

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Speaker 4: becomes the child. But it's sometimes easier for us to

391
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Speaker 4: mother men because we can just instruct them on what

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Speaker 4: to do. They fall into the role of the child

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Speaker 4: because they're like, well, if she's so adamant about how

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Speaker 4: she wants things done, I might as well just go

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Speaker 4: for the ride, because fighting her will be more difficult.

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Speaker 4: And then you start to become more and more in

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Speaker 4: control of what he does, looking after him, doing everything

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Speaker 4: for him, managing him. That's the second role manager. Did

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Speaker 4: you go here, did we go there? Did you book

400
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Speaker 4: this thing? Why didn't you do it? I told you

401
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 4: to buy the chicken? Why did you buy the fish?

402
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Speaker 2: It?

403
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Speaker 4: Does it really matter? Does it really matter? You wouldn't

404
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Speaker 4: even treat your friends that way. And then the last

405
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Speaker 4: one is the martyr. When you start to sacrifice yourself,

406
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Speaker 4: sacrifice your beauty, sacrifice your time, sacrifice everything, and you're

407
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Speaker 4: doing everything for him and the children and your business

408
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Speaker 4: and work, and you do nothing for yourself in hopes

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Speaker 4: that one day they'll all turn around and be like,

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Speaker 4: thank you, thank you, you did this for us, We

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Speaker 4: really appreciate it. No one's going to thank you. In fact,

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Speaker 4: everyone is just going to be annoyed by you, because

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Speaker 4: nobody likes a person who sacrifices things for them with

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Speaker 4: the hope of reciprocity. No one's going to do it

415
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Speaker 4: back for you. You've got to do it for yourself

416
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Speaker 4: because you are the feminine essence in the whole relationship.

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Speaker 4: So you've got to feed yourself first, and people will

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Speaker 4: be more enamored by you because of that. Falling into

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Speaker 4: that role is a very bad idea. Women find it

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Speaker 4: very hard. But what you do is you, I know,

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Speaker 4: shocka Let people have autonomy. You don't need to control them,

422
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Speaker 4: you don't need to look after them. You don't need

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Speaker 4: to do everything for them. He lived before he met you.

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Speaker 4: He will still live without you, and yes he will

425
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Speaker 4: do things unlike you, but he is not you. And

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Speaker 4: you cannot respect a man you control, and that's the problem.

427
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Speaker 4: And then women don't want to sleep with their husband

428
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Speaker 4: why because he is in the role of a child.

429
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Speaker 4: No one wants to sleep with their child. You become

430
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Speaker 4: his mother. The role of partner is open. He often

431
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 4: might not cheat in real life, but fantasizes about other women.

432
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 4: Because at the end of the day, the essence of

433
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 4: fair and energy is playfulness and lightness. And when you

434
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 4: are carrying the heavy load of the whole relationship. You know,

435
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 4: I sometimes think about it and I just think it's

436
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 4: not that deep, like well, how the laundry gets done,

437
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 4: how the dishwasher gets stacked, But women get really fixated

438
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 4: on it. Just let him be who he is. Men's

439
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 4: number one prerogative in life is to have the freedom

440
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 4: to be who they are. Women love to come and

441
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 4: like change a man. They love to project, like chip

442
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 4: away at him until he becomes perfect, accept him exactly

443
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 4: as he is, or find someone who you can accept.

444
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 3: I think that's so true.

445
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,679
Speaker 2: And also, like you said, what I found in my

446
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 2: relationship is like understanding that how much Tim does want

447
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 2: and like freedom. And it's not freedom to go off

448
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 2: and you know, talk to women or go off and

449
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: explore the world or anything like that. But I very

450
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 2: much found myself in that manager role because you know,

451
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 2: I am a career galley. I do manage a lot

452
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 2: of projects. It's very natural for me. And so when

453
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 2: I kind of drew things back and it's kind of like, yeah,

454
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: he's his own person, he can do that sort of

455
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:14,199
Speaker 2: thing naturally. He stepped more into his masculine of not

456
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 2: so much managing me but looking after things where I

457
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,360
Speaker 2: felt like I was the only one that could look

458
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: after those things. And again, like you said, is having

459
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 2: some broom that maybe it's not done in the exact way,

460
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 2: but at least it's done even very strong in the

461
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 2: leaving the space and the time to either see him

462
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 2: step up or see him for who he is and

463
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 2: not trying to change him because it's exhausting. Imagine going

464
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 2: through life kind of trying to constantly change this person

465
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 2: and redirect them because it's like, you know, I have

466
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 2: a three year old, I have a baby on the way,

467
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: And once I, you know, had my child, I was like, fuck,

468
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, there's so much to do all the time,

469
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: as well as my business is so having that one

470
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 2: less person to control and tell what to do is

471
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,400
Speaker 2: so empowering.

472
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 4: He should be an asset in your life. And men

473
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:17,880
Speaker 4: are functionally there to make women's life easier. You are

474
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,239
Speaker 4: creating life. Your children need you. His functionality and the

475
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 4: way even men are structured and who they are is

476
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 4: to make your life easier. They're stronger than you to

477
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 4: make your life easier while you make the children and

478
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 4: do all these things. Now, if you are looking after him,

479
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 4: he becomes more boylike and then they rebel. They really

480
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 4: need freedom, and like you said, is not to go

481
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 4: to the bar or to travel the world. Irony of

482
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 4: men is you give them freedom. They're right there, it's like,

483
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 4: why are you here? Go away? If you try and

484
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 4: control them, they run away because they're trying to fight

485
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 4: for their freedom and autonomy. Masculinity is freedom and autonomy.

486
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,679
Speaker 4: But hopefully you choose a man whose autonomy and freedom

487
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 4: means being next to you, and that's what you want

488
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 4: to see. You want to see if he's going to

489
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 4: choose you before you do things like get married and

490
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 4: have children. Give him that freedom and see if he's

491
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 4: going to be by your side and he is, oh

492
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 4: my god great, and if he isn't, didn't we want

493
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 4: to see that and see that that's going to be

494
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 4: the consequence. You can't hold him on a leash. That's ridiculous.

495
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 2: And so even with a long term relationship, how because

496
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: again I feel like we get in this long term

497
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,679
Speaker 2: relationship it's either the manager or the martyr or the

498
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 2: mother comes in and the spark fades and then you know,

499
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 2: women are like, oh I don't have the romance, I

500
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: don't have this, and blah blah, blah, what some ways,

501
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 2: like some practical ways in a long term relationship to

502
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 2: keep it you know, sexy, playful and like keep that

503
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 2: spark alive.

504
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,919
Speaker 4: What kills it is mundane conversations about household runnings, and

505
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 4: it's inevitable. Both you and I have very similar positions.

506
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 4: My son was three when my daughter was born. I

507
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 4: know exactly the life that we're living. We both run business, okay,

508
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 4: but if you divide your household and divide your life

509
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 4: into areas, like let's say you have a company and

510
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 4: you both run different departments, so that you don't have

511
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 4: to have conversations like did you unstack the dishwasher because

512
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 4: you do it on Monday and I do it on

513
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 4: Tuesday and you do it on Wednesday. How about the dishwashers?

514
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 4: Just your job? And so I'm saying it like a

515
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 4: mundane small task, right, but it could be bigger things

516
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 4: or the washer and dryer is mine, so that we

517
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 4: don't have to always conversate about mundane tasks. And sometimes

518
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 4: it will feel unfair, especially when you have small children,

519
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 4: because you will do the majority of the lifting. But

520
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 4: I always advocate for women taking liberties in other areas.

521
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 4: When women are like, no, we've got to do fifty

522
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 4: to fifty of all the things because we're now equal.

523
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 4: Let him do a lot more because trust me, when

524
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,919
Speaker 4: you have children and when you're making them with your

525
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 4: own body, you will understand why men used to have

526
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 4: to do everything and pay for everything. Let him initiate more,

527
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 4: let him do more, ask him for more. We don't

528
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 4: ask things because oh, he won't want to do it.

529
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 4: Oh he'll roll his eyes, doesn't matter, roll his eyes.

530
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 4: Ask him for so many things that you then start

531
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 4: to see him as someone who is enhancing your life

532
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 4: and someone you admire. Ask him to the point of

533
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 4: you feeling a little bit selfish and uncomfortable, because that

534
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 4: is the point right there, when you're going to be like,

535
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 4: that's my man, Look how much he does for me,

536
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 4: And then you're going to start to feel sexy again.

537
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 4: We don't ask for much because we're good girls.

538
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 3: You know.

539
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 4: We want to be likable. We don't want to be annoying.

540
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 4: What if I'm too much? Oh gosh, it's better to

541
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,440
Speaker 4: be happy than good. You don't want to be good

542
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 4: people get men get bored of good women. They don't

543
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 4: get bored of happy women. So if you are happy

544
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 4: with yourself, you're feeling a bit selfish. You're sitting there, Oh, yeah,

545
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 4: he's doing everything for me. That's where you want to be.

546
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 3: I love it.

547
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: I just I love the realness of it. And I

548
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 2: think also something to add to that is just really

549
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 2: being selfish in the way of again, like you said,

550
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 2: we like to be the good girls. We like to

551
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 2: do everything for everyone and then do our business and

552
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 2: then we want this like on the back, we want

553
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 2: this recognition. But it's like I find in those moments,

554
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 2: you know, if he's not stepping up or whatnot, feeding

555
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 2: into myself being like I'm going to go get a facial,

556
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to go do something, I'm going to go

557
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,640
Speaker 2: on a retreat and giving back to yourself. Because when

558
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 2: you give back to yourself and you put the energy

559
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 2: into yourself, you feel less resentful to them.

560
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 3: You then show up in.

561
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: This energy where they want to be around you. You know,

562
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:29,760
Speaker 2: like I even I'm super playful with my husband Tim,

563
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: where if he does something I don't like, or you know,

564
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 2: there's some sort of situation, it's like I will almost

565
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 2: obviously not acknowledge it, or I like make a joke

566
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 2: out of it, I'm lighthearted, and it's like it doesn't

567
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 2: have to everything doesn't have to be a DNM because

568
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 2: I do that with my girlfriends. And also it's like

569
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 2: I don't have to take life so seriously. And then

570
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 2: when I'm in that playful energy, he is so much

571
00:28:59,120 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 2: more receptive to.

572
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 4: And women are like, if you imagine it, just on

573
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 4: a metaphorical level, women are like cats. They like to

574
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 4: be pampered. They like to be like idolized. They like

575
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 4: to be like, oh my god, look at that beautiful

576
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 4: cat there, look at it. They don't like to work, right,

577
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 4: I mean, we like to work on our businesses, but

578
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 4: within the context of a relationship. And women don't understand

579
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 4: that that's not what men want. So we treat them

580
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 4: the same. We try and be like, yes, anything for you,

581
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 4: pamper you do you like a meal? Men are like dogs.

582
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 4: For example, they found that dogs are happiest on the

583
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 4: farm where they have to work and they feel that

584
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 4: they've owned their meal. They're not happy being a pampered poodle.

585
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 4: All those poodles that are pampered always get some kind

586
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 4: of depression and have to you know, see the vets

587
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 4: all the time. That men are the same men love

588
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 4: to be useful if you give him tasks, if you

589
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 4: make him feel like he belongs this whole male crisis

590
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 4: at the moment, they don't know what they belong to.

591
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 4: They don't know what to do with themselves. You know,

592
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 4: there's a story about World War two when there was

593
00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 4: a psych ward of men who had depression because men

594
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 4: and women had different different wards. At the time, they

595
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 4: were catatonic, meaning they couldn't move. They were so depressed

596
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 4: nothing could motivate them. But then when the war happened,

597
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 4: they needed drivers to drive the fire trucks to put

598
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 4: out the fires. What happened to these men Suddenly they

599
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 4: could walk. Suddenly they could walk and drive the trucks

600
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 4: because they were needed because all the other men were

601
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 4: fighting on the front. Yes, so that is what motivates men,

602
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 4: extreme need and extreme kind of urgency for them to

603
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 4: do something. Hence again the video games.

604
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 2: Well, and this is just a personal story, but I

605
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 2: want to bring this in because you see exactly what

606
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 2: you're talking about. But in a very interesting example. So

607
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 2: in my relationship, my husband is a stay at home

608
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: dad and he looks after Ivy full time, and then

609
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: you know, I work full time, and we really struggled

610
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 2: firstly going into it because what I realized I did

611
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 2: is I had some sort of guilt that I wasn't

612
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 2: the stay at home mum and the homemaker. So with

613
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: Ivy and especially him being a male looking after you know,

614
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 2: a toddler and a child, it's different. It's hard, well,

615
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 2: I think it's hard for anyone. But I tried to

616
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 2: make his life as easy as possible with we had

617
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 2: a cleaner, we had a chef, we had a gardener,

618
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 2: and so basically he didn't have to do anything except

619
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 2: look after our daughter.

620
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: And it really got our.

621
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: Relationship into this very interesting place. And what has actually

622
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 2: worked is pulling.

623
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 3: Back all that help.

624
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 2: And does go to daycare two days a week and

625
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 2: on those two days he golfs. He does stuff around

626
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 2: the house. But then otherwise we don't have a gardener,

627
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 2: we don't have a cleaner, and we don't have a chef.

628
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 2: He cooks every night, he cleans up the kitchen, he

629
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 2: does everything around the house, and we've actually never been

630
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: so happy yet.

631
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 4: Because he's a poodle. He's a working dog and as

632
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 4: he should. You know, it's interesting because as you were

633
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 4: saying that story, I was like, yep, that's fine because

634
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 4: women often say, what if I'm the working one? He

635
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 4: says at home. Good, it's the modern world. It's fine,

636
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 4: but he should be showing up. Actually, the questions more framed.

637
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 4: What if I make more money than him? And I

638
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 4: always say, well, that doesn't make him more feminine than you.

639
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 4: What if he's building fences out in your garden and

640
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 4: maintaining everything and cleaning. When my husband cleans the kitchen,

641
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 4: let me tell you, it is like some kind of

642
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 4: professional cleaning surface service came in. It is like pristine me.

643
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 4: I'm not like, yeah, just wipe it a little bit,

644
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 4: like I'm not that precise, right, Like I'm good at

645
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 4: business and talking, I'm not good at that kind of thing.

646
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 4: You don't have to stick to roles that were created

647
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 4: in the past. Women stayed at home because women didn't work,

648
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 4: and women were almost always pregnant, right because of contraception.

649
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 4: You don't have to stick to those roles. But he

650
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 4: needs to feel physically purpose purposeful, yeah, because you took

651
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 4: away all the roles that he had to do and

652
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 4: he just had to sit with a child, which men

653
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 4: aren't very good at. No, they're not their brain cannot

654
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 4: compute just one on one child. They're actually better at,

655
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 4: you know, functioning with everything and the child going on.

656
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 4: Sometimes I see my husband with my two kids and

657
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 4: no one's screaming and they're all fine, and I'm like,

658
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 4: what's happening because when it's me, they're all crying because

659
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 4: I'm the mum, you know.

660
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think even you know, in my instance,

661
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 2: what was the bee thing I had to overcome was?

662
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 2: You know, still even now he'll be like, oh, you know,

663
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 2: I did the house or day, and I did this,

664
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 2: and I did that, and previously I used to feel

665
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 2: guilty and then that's why we had people in that help.

666
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 2: But he does that now and I just give him praise.

667
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, you are the best you you know, like

668
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 2: he's not saying those things because previously it's like I

669
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 2: was giving him a solution, whereas now I just give

670
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 2: him praise kind of like a dog and kind of

671
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 2: like a dog, and I give him praise and I

672
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 2: have space for him not complaining because I don't want

673
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 2: to use that word, but it's like I just have space.

674
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 2: And it's like, you know, if they have an eye roll,

675
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 2: or if they complain or whatnot just be like that's

676
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 2: it's not actually about me and not take it so personally.

677
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 4: I used to do exactly the same. My husband is

678
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 4: renovating our house that we got, and he used to

679
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 4: be like, oh, I worked so hard, I went after

680
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 4: work did it, and I was like, well, why don't

681
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 4: you hire someone, why don't you hire a builder? And

682
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 4: it would just come for the conflict. Now I'm like,

683
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,279
Speaker 4: oh my god, you built that.

684
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:20,359
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

685
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 4: They're looking for number one freedom and number two appreciation. Yeah,

686
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 4: that is the number two. Yeah, that is what they're

687
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 4: looking for. So if they have that freedom and appreciation

688
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 4: and also that whole concept of getting a cook and

689
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 4: a cleaner and all this stuff builds him like a

690
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 4: gilded cage, you know, like it's beautiful and it's nice,

691
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 4: but he can then not get the appreciation that he desires.

692
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's crazy because ever since making those shifts

693
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,919
Speaker 2: like night and day difference in a relationship in both

694
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 2: of us.

695
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 4: So modern work is more designed for women. There's a

696
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 4: reason women do better at university. There's a reason you

697
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 4: do good at your business because that's modern work. You

698
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 4: can sit down and you can function and like I

699
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 4: said hunter gatherer. With the gatherer mindset, you can see

700
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,759
Speaker 4: the things and you can move them around and you

701
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: can create businesses. Modern societies is hard for boys. I

702
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 4: have a son, and it's more difficult for them to

703
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 4: adhere to these kind of systems. So it's natural a

704
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 4: lot of men need to find their purpose in things

705
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 4: outside of work because a lot of women are going

706
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,320
Speaker 4: to take over jobs.

707
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 2: Well, I love that you spoke on that, and I

708
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 2: feel like that really hits the nail on the head

709
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: with how to make him obsessed with you and how

710
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 2: to kind of keep that spark alive. And again, I've

711
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 2: never heard someone kind of speak about it like you do.

712
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 3: So thank you for doing what you do.

713
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 2: Let's switch gears a little bit and let's kind of

714
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 2: focus on the work you do with that energetic glow up,

715
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 2: that feminine magnetism. You know, that kind of like that

716
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: it girl energy, and when someone walks in, you can

717
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 2: like feel her energy and you're like, everyone wants to

718
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 2: do things for her and everything works out for her.

719
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:02,320
Speaker 2: What does that actually mean to you? What does that embodiment.

720
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 3: Mean to you?

721
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 4: I think it's a lot to do with actual neurology.

722
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,319
Speaker 4: What you focus on you notice as you yourself know.

723
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 4: It's a lot of things that you talk about. It's

724
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 4: the fact that if I said, have you seen a

725
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 4: red car lately? You would say no, But then that

726
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,720
Speaker 4: same day you would see a red car ten times

727
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,879
Speaker 4: because your brain is now predisposed to notice something. If

728
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:27,320
Speaker 4: you perceive yourself as Lucky, the main character, the main girl,

729
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 4: it you will see ques in life, and you will

730
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 4: notice things in life people in life who see you accordingly.

731
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 4: It's an energetic shift. So instead of seeing the guy

732
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,359
Speaker 4: who doesn't want you, you'll see the guy who does.

733
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 4: Instead of chasing a friend who never replies to you,

734
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 4: you'll be like, oh, because I'm the main character and

735
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 4: I'm that girl. Look my friend replied to me, we're

736
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:46,919
Speaker 4: going out for drinks. Now it will be the friend

737
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 4: who actually wants your company and wants to be around you.

738
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 4: Psychological bias for things to work out for you, it's

739
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 4: not luck. It's luck that you determine yourself and it's

740
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 4: just way more fun to live that way. Another thing

741
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 4: is with social media, will often open to seeing things

742
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 4: that are unattainable for us. And I don't mean money

743
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,479
Speaker 4: wealth for success. I mean if I am five foot

744
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,839
Speaker 4: three and I look like j Lo, But I'm looking

745
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 4: at Victoria's secret models. That's not what I need to

746
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 4: be looking at. I need to be looking at women

747
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 4: who look like me so that I can feel I'm

748
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 4: the main character, so that I can feel that it's

749
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,280
Speaker 4: all about me, because we all have our own beauty

750
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,399
Speaker 4: and our own merit, and it's about curating your life.

751
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 4: Stop comparing yourself to people who you're never going to

752
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,960
Speaker 4: be like, and start to look at people who are

753
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 4: like you, and understand that you have one go around

754
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 4: this planet, on this earth, and you might as well

755
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 4: show up as the best optimized version of you. I

756
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 4: am so obsessed by this, like optimizing how I look, feel,

757
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 4: and am. Then I'm like, oh my god, I'm going

758
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:44,879
Speaker 4: to be sad when it's over because I just want

759
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 4: to optimize and optimize because I've been given this body

760
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 4: one time, Like I don't know who if second lives exist,

761
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 4: and if they do, I might be some man or

762
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 4: something God for it, you know what I mean. So

763
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:58,240
Speaker 4: it's just like, don't waste the journey.

764
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 2: And so let's talk about the gloss then the optimization,

765
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 2: give us some real talk.

766
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 3: What does that look like, what can we.

767
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 4: Do well when I make this content? I think it's

768
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 4: always the first thing is got to have to be Yes,

769
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 4: mindset's great, but it has to be external. Also a

770
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 4: lot of people focus now on just appreciating who you

771
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 4: are for who you are, just be who you are. No,

772
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 4: you've got to love yourself for the effort you put

773
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 4: in and consistently show up for yourself. Are you the

774
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 4: healthiest you can be? Because health is beauty. Straight white teeth,

775
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 4: nice skin, good hair, weight that you want to be

776
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,959
Speaker 4: at is all health. Those are all signs of health.

777
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 4: That's how human beings see. Health is beauty, that's all

778
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 4: it is. It doesn't matter if you've got a long nose,

779
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 4: a short nose, a big forehead, a small forehead. Anyone

780
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 4: can find anything beautiful. Culturally. We all have different beauty standards.

781
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 4: But are you the best optimized version of what you

782
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 4: see for yourself? Are you doing it? Are you showing

783
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 4: up for yourself? Because that's what confidence means. If I

784
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 4: were friends with you and we were going to meet

785
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 4: up five times and you didn't show up, I wouldn't

786
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 4: be confident that you would be there on the sixth time.

787
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 4: That's how we treat ourselves, don't we I'm going to

788
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 4: go to the gym NET didn't show up. I'm gonna

789
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 4: eat the sweight NAT didn't show up. I'm going to

790
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: do this thing that didn't show up. You now don't

791
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 4: like yourself. You psychologically don't like yourself. You're not showing

792
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 4: up for yourself. So how can you be confident in yourself?

793
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 4: To be confident in yourself is to be confident that

794
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 4: you will show up for yourself like you would for

795
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 4: a best friend, like you would for a pet. Do

796
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 4: you know people give their pets their medication more consistently

797
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 4: than they do themselves because they show up for a

798
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 4: pet rather than themselves. It shows that you don't like yourself.

799
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 4: Start showing up every day like you are your own

800
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 4: best friend. Start protecting yourself like you are your own

801
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 4: best friend. Why are you letting that person ghost to

802
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 4: you again? Would you let that happen to your friend?

803
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 4: You would not let that happen to your friend. You

804
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 4: would throw that phone in the river or something. You

805
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: know you wouldn't let that happen.

806
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 3: And so why do you think women, even like.

807
00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: Specifically really struggle with the putting themselves first?

808
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 3: Like putting the effort into the.

809
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 2: Confidence and showing up for themselves.

810
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 3: Like, what do you think is the block?

811
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 4: Because we got told that if we're good enough at work,

812
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 4: at school, at being someone's friend, at showing up for

813
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 4: other people will be rewarded. But that's a lie.

814
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 3: We won't be.

815
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 4: Someone might say thank you, but that's it. You have

816
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 4: to still show up for yourself. No one's going to

817
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 4: do it for you. If you don't do it for you,

818
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 4: we think it's selfish. It's not selfish. You have to

819
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 4: have something that you give energy from. If you're giving

820
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 4: energy from zero, it's negative energy. You have to replenish yourself.

821
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 4: It feels difficult. I struggle when my husband calls me

822
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: and he's like, hey, can you pick up I don't know,

823
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 4: some oranges from the store. He wouldn't say that, but

824
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 4: let's just say. I feel a moment of being torn

825
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 4: because I say I'm all almost home and I've got

826
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 4: my kids, And then I start to think, oh, but

827
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 4: my kids need to go home, and that wins because

828
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 4: it's for them, not for him. But if it was

829
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 4: just me and my kids weren't with me, I'd go

830
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 4: to the store because I want to make him happy.

831
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 4: It's really hard for women, even me, even with the

832
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 4: work I do, even with everything to go. Do you

833
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 4: know what, No, I'm tired. Like it's hard for them

834
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 4: to put themselves first. But when you do, you will

835
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 4: see the world changes towards you because you give your

836
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 4: self value. When you start to put yourself first, and

837
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 4: when you start to value yourself like you would a

838
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 4: best friend or a pet or whatever, the world changes

839
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 4: because people see that you value yourself. The reason ferraris

840
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 4: are expensive, the reason things have a luxury label is

841
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 4: because they don't just put them out in the store.

842
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 4: When you see an iPhone, they don't just have all

843
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 4: these iPhones and Apple still standing there, like pick an iPhone.

844
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 4: They put one out, the rest of them are back

845
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 4: there somewhere. It's exclusive, it's protected. You can't just get

846
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 4: to it. People read that energy. It's like branding and

847
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 4: so like.

848
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 2: And that's even what comes to mind is you know,

849
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 2: like you said right at the start of like, what

850
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 2: you focus on expands, and it's like, if you're going

851
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 2: through life focusing on everything, think else and making everyone

852
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 2: else happy, pleasing everyone else, that's what's going to continue.

853
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 2: That's what's going to expend and if you want your

854
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,719
Speaker 2: husband to give you more attention, if you want to

855
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 2: feel more special, if you want to feel more femine,

856
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 2: if you want to you know, have that energy where like.

857
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 3: I'm that girl.

858
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 2: You have to give that energy to yourself and then

859
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,880
Speaker 2: the other people reflect that too. And I think it

860
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 2: is hard. Like you said, it's like it's so ingrained

861
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 2: in us. Do you have any tips for the mom.

862
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 2: She's listening to this episode and she's like, holy shit,

863
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 2: I give everyone else my energy.

864
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:41,840
Speaker 3: I always put my kids first.

865
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 2: And I think the mom's situation is hard because we

866
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 2: do have to put the kids first, and you know,

867
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 2: we do somewhat maybe like you said, it's like, oh,

868
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 2: if the kids in the car, I can kind of

869
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 2: use them as you know, the excuse, and it does

870
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 2: complicate things.

871
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 3: So the mom who wants to.

872
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 2: Grow up, who wants to feel like that girl, who

873
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 2: has that belief that it's like, oh, well, I can't anymore.

874
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 2: I'm the mom. What can she do?

875
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 3: What can she put in place?

876
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 4: She needs to understand it's not an action she's going

877
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 4: to do, but an understanding. I'm gonna say now, and

878
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 4: it might shift how you feel. Is that your children

879
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 4: model themselves on who you are, not what you do.

880
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 4: So if you have daughters. Even more so when I

881
00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:23,359
Speaker 4: had my daughter, when I found out I'm having a girl,

882
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 4: I freaked out because I was like, oh my god,

883
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 4: now I actually have to be a role model. When

884
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 4: I had my son and I thought I'm gonna have

885
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 4: another son, I was like, great, my husband can do

886
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 4: you know? The modeling for them? Obviously I'm still a

887
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:35,439
Speaker 4: role model, but they model themselves after the same sex parent. Usually.

888
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 4: When I had my daughter, I was like, great, now

889
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 4: I'm gonna have to show up in a different way.

890
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 4: I think my mom told me this thing. My mom

891
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 4: is very fabulous. She was hard to be a daughter

892
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 4: of when I was younger because she had me when

893
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 4: she was twenty years old and without a lot of

894
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 4: guidance about how to be a parent. But she told

895
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 4: me this. She said, when i'd get some money because

896
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,240
Speaker 4: she used to work two jobs she was a single parent,

897
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 4: she goes, I would It's just a metaphor. She wouldn't

898
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 4: actually buy a lipstick every time, but she goes, I'd

899
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,399
Speaker 4: buy like a lipstick for three dollars and the other

900
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 4: seven dollars, I'd spend on you. I would always do

901
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 4: something for myself, and I remember that despite my mom

902
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,720
Speaker 4: being young and not always knowing like the gentle parenting

903
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 4: things to do, you know what I mean? I always

904
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 4: remember my mum was fabulous. She was just iconic and

905
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 4: she still is. And I modeled myself on her, how

906
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 4: she talks, how iconic she is, and I was like, man,

907
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 4: women can do anything. Everything is possible. When people were like, yeah,

908
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 4: women need to get, you know, out of the kitchen

909
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 4: and work, I'm like, what do you mean? Haven't they

910
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 4: always worked? Like it wasn't even understanding to me because

911
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 4: my mum always worked and was like this powerhouse, as

912
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 4: was my grandma. So I never felt like the suppression

913
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 4: of like, women can't do something, because I was just like,

914
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 4: what do you mean? My whole lineage of women are

915
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 4: always doing everything. I'm not sure where the men are though,

916
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 4: And so I think when a woman is trodden down

917
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:56,880
Speaker 4: with motherhood and it is hard, I'm not gonna lie

918
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 4: about it. It's hard. I get up at four thirty

919
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 4: sometimes because my daughter decided that right. Most days it's hard.

920
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 4: You get tired, but you need to remember it's not

921
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 4: another sacrifice that you're going to make. It's not the

922
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 4: perfect pastor with the perfect you know, greens in it

923
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 4: and everything that's going to really shift their life. It's

924
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 4: how you show up. So if you're going to sacrifice

925
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 4: yourself and you're going to be this like headless chicken

926
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 4: running around in a bathrobe, do nothing for yourself, that's

927
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 4: going to be their identity, not how much they put

928
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 4: into whatever it is that they were doing. The unlived

929
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 4: life of a parent is the worst burden on a child,

930
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 4: Whilst an amazing life that a parent curates is an

931
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 4: inspiration for a child. You don't want to burden your

932
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 4: child with the sacrifices that you made that they didn't

933
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 4: ask for.

934
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 2: That's like sometimes I really struggle with mum girl, with

935
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 2: being you know, the working parent, and that's what I

936
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,919
Speaker 2: remind myself of. You know, maybe I had to fly

937
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 2: into state for something and I missed, you know, a

938
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: bedtime story with Ivy. But also I'm going to be

939
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 2: the mom who when after what she wanted, who went

940
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 2: after her dreams, who you know, she hopefully feels inspired

941
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 2: by to go after her dreams, to do the things

942
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 2: that I want to do. And so I'm able to

943
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,439
Speaker 2: use this beautiful mindset shift to be like I don't

944
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 2: always have to get it right, but like my intention

945
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 2: is to show her you can be what you want,

946
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 2: you can create what you want. You can you know,

947
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: show up in this way and you can create a

948
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 2: life that maybe looks different to other people, but if

949
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 2: it's serving you and your family, it can be really beautiful.

950
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 2: And she doesn't have to follow in my footsteps. But

951
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 2: if she has the general values of that, I am

952
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 2: so happy. So for me, it's like if I miss

953
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 2: a bedtime, you know, once a month or that sort

954
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 2: of thing, it's okay, big, but you know when she

955
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 2: was little, I really struggled with that, and so that, yeah,

956
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 2: that really helped me. So thank you for explaining that.

957
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 4: I think, no, you know, I think also acceptance of

958
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 4: our emotions as a human biological mechanism is a really

959
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 4: good idea. Do you know why you feel guilt biologically?

960
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 4: It's because your body is like, hey, you're a healthy mom,

961
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 4: you have children, Remember you have children. You just sit

962
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 4: with yourself and go, thank you body for reminding me,

963
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 4: because if you didn't, if you didn't have guilt, Essentially,

964
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 4: what that would mean is you don't have an attachment.

965
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 4: M you don't have an attachment to your child if

966
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 4: you had no guilt. There is no like flag going hello.

967
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 3: You've got a baby.

968
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 4: Hello. That's just a mechanism going off saying you're a

969
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 4: healthy mom with a child who you have an attachment to.

970
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 3: I don't forget.

971
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 4: So you're just like, Okay, thanks noted. H.

972
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 3: I love that.

973
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 2: And again, it's like not making your emotions wrong and

974
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 2: being able to sit with them and have space for

975
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,880
Speaker 2: them and not make them mean something.

976
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 4: I mean anything except for that you're a mom.

977
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 3: That's it.

978
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 4: That's all it means. Your body's just going You're a mum.

979
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 4: Remember you're like, yep, got it, thank you haven't forgotten.

980
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, soh Margarita, if you could give the women listening

981
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,960
Speaker 5: one thing that they could do today to you know,

982
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,840
Speaker 5: be more magnetic.

983
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 2: Step into themselves, like one piece of advice. Sorry, what

984
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 2: would you say to them?

985
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 4: I would say, stop seeking validation in the eyes of

986
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 4: other people and show up for yourself. Show up for

987
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,240
Speaker 4: yourself in the ways that you would for a friend,

988
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 4: and stop seeking for somebody else to say you're good

989
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 4: enough to return your phone call to not ghost you.

990
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 4: You should be there so much for yourself that it

991
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 4: doesn't matter if somebody else doesn't want you. It truly

992
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 4: should not matter. You need to start showing up for

993
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,960
Speaker 4: yourself in the way that you hope these people would.

994
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 3: And then that's going to be reflected.

995
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 2: That's incredible, Margarita, thank you so much for your time.

996
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 2: I'm so glad we got to do this full episode.

997
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 3: I know your baby is sleeping too.

998
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:52,760
Speaker 4: It's so good iconic.

999
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 3: I will link.

1000
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 2: You everything you're about in the show notes. I'm sure

1001
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 2: everyone will flee to that. But again, thank you so

1002
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,280
Speaker 2: much for spending this time with me and my community.

1003
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 3: Thank you, love, thank you, thank.

1004
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 1: You so much for listening to this episode of the

1005
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more,

1006
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 1: connect with us via Instagram or continue the conversation on

1007
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 1: our beautiful Facebook community page. All the details are in

1008
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 1: the show notes, and I'd love to hear more about

1009
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 1: your journey. Also, we're an independent podcast with a small

1010
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 1: but mighty team, so we really do appreciate your support.

1011
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:33,280
Speaker 1: If you have a spare moment, please click the follow

1012
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1013
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1014
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