1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:08,879 Speaker 1: This is a Happy Family podcast with doctor Justin Kelsenriel Lukinsuzi, 2 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: and this is the podcast for time poor parents who 3 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: just want answers Now, Justin. 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 2: It's great to chat to you, and we thank you 5 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 2: so much for your time today, and we thank you 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 2: in advance for sharing a story that's all too personal 7 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 2: for you. When you received an unexpected phone call from 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 2: your daughter when you were away. Would you like to 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 2: share the story with us? 10 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 3: I will, but before I do that, first of all, 11 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 3: there are some mature themes. Secondly, I'm not going to 12 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 3: state anything about which of my children are whereabouts or 13 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 3: how it happened, except to say that I have six daughters, 14 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 3: so it could have been any of them. Yep. But 15 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 3: there was an incident while I was away a certain 16 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 3: period of time ago where I received a phone call 17 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,480 Speaker 3: from my daughter. She was clearly distressed. That day, I'd 18 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 3: been talking to eight hundred kids in Melbourne about making safe, 19 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 3: healthy decisions in the use of their mobile devices, specifically 20 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 3: regarding pornography and sexting. And so I'm coming off the 21 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,559 Speaker 3: back of this long day talking about these heavy topics 22 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 3: with all of these kids, and my daughter rings me 23 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 3: and she says dad. You know that friend. He lives 24 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 3: a long way away from us. We've been friends for years. 25 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 3: I've just had an exchange with him via text message 26 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,759 Speaker 3: and he's asked me to send nude images of myself 27 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 3: to him. I said straight away, well, I'm so glad 28 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 3: you called me. Thank you for calling me. Tell me 29 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 3: a bit more. It ends up that she hadn't sent anything, 30 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 3: which was wonderful. She called me, which was great, and 31 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 3: we were able to have a really important conversation. Now 32 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 3: we've had many of these conversations before, but we were 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 3: able to continue that conversation, make sure she was safe, 34 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 3: and then deal with the matter appropriately. It was a 35 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 3: pretty big shock for me. But you know, the hardest 36 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 3: thing for me, and the thing that really hit home, 37 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 3: Luke and Susy, was I heard my saying these words 38 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 3: to my daughter. You know, next time this happens, it's 39 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 3: really important that And I stopped myself at that point 40 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,080 Speaker 3: and I thought, no, no, no, no, this should never 41 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 3: have happened in the first place. What am I saying 42 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 3: next time? But we've got to we've got to, I guess, 43 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 3: be prepared as parents for the fact that we live 44 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 3: in a world now where young adolescents, but both males 45 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,639 Speaker 3: and females, although it is predominantly the boys that are 46 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 3: asking soliciting lude and inappropriate and explicit images from the 47 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,119 Speaker 3: kids they go to school with, the kids that grew 48 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 3: up next door with. You know, they're lifelong friends in 49 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,839 Speaker 3: some cases, and we need to know how to deal 50 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 3: with it as parents, not as the ambulance at the bottom, 51 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 3: although sometimes we've got to have that as well, but 52 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 3: as the fence at the top of that metaphorical cliff. 53 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 2: We're going to talk about some of the things that 54 00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 2: we can do as parents about this massive, massive time 55 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 2: topic more with doctor Justin Coilson next. 56 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 4: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do, 57 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 4: so it's important that we get it right. But with 58 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,079 Speaker 4: so much pressure, demands and advice, it's hard to know 59 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,360 Speaker 4: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific 60 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,679 Speaker 4: research and then turning it into an easy to read 61 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 4: book and cd what your Child Needs from You helps 62 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,920 Speaker 4: you connect with, understand, and teach your children in meaningful ways. 63 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,399 Speaker 4: What your Child Needs from You by Doctor Justin Coulson 64 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 4: is the parenting book that offers the solutions to make 65 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 4: you a better parent and help your family to be Happier, 66 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 4: available in paperback or CD at Happy Families dot com 67 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 4: dot Au. 68 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: It's a Happy Families podcast with doctor Justin Coulson, where 69 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: Luke and Suzi. 70 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 2: We're chatting to doctor Justin Coulson today on the back 71 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 2: of an experience he had with one of his daughters, 72 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 2: who received a text message from a male friend of 73 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 2: hers asking for inappropriate photos of her so be sent 74 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 2: to him. 75 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 5: So adult concepts here, we're just putting that warning out 76 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 5: if you've just joined us, that we're talking about something 77 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 5: that's pretty big as a dad getting this phone call 78 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 5: to say that this has been happening. Yeah, I can imagine, Justin, 79 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 5: it was equally that you were pleased that you got 80 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 5: the phone call, as you are probably horrified that your 81 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 5: dough had to face this situation, but you're glad that 82 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 5: when she did, she was able to reach out to you. 83 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 3: Well, I would rather she never had the situation. But 84 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 3: you know what the worst thing is. Look, it's almost 85 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 3: inevitable now if you have children, they're going to be 86 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 3: exposed to this kind of thing. And I've heard from 87 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 3: parents of children as young as nine and ten who 88 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 3: have people who are being explicit and inappropriate with their 89 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 3: children from making those kinds of requests from such a 90 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 3: young age. There's a few things that we need to 91 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,799 Speaker 3: go over here. First of all, let me state something 92 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 3: that I've said again and again and again. Our children 93 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,599 Speaker 3: do not need smart phones. They need smart parents, and 94 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,840 Speaker 3: smart parents give their kids dumb phones. We've got to 95 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,800 Speaker 3: monitor what technology our children are using, where they're using it, 96 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 3: and how they're using it. Now, daughter, when she received 97 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 3: this request, was in a public place with family and friends, 98 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 3: and yet it still came through. Now, she would never 99 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 3: have acted on it, which I'm so grateful for, But 100 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,840 Speaker 3: the fact is, had she been in a bedroom, had 101 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 3: it been late at night, had she been feeling a 102 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 3: little bit low, those are all risk factors that increase 103 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 3: the likelihood that a child may send something that could 104 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: come back to haunt them. Another thing that my daughter did, 105 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 3: which was excellent, was number one, she kept the evidence, 106 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 3: and number two she told someone. Research tells us that 107 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 3: the two biggest mistakes our kids are making is that 108 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 3: they're deleting it and they're telling no one. In fact, 109 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 3: once I dealt with the situation, I discovered that that 110 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:44,919 Speaker 3: same boy had made similar requests from at least two 111 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 3: or perhaps more other girls. In other words, if our 112 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 3: kids don't tell us, somebody else is going to be 113 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 3: harmed as well as almost certain, so they need to 114 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 3: keep the evidence and they need to tell us number three. 115 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 3: At that point, we've got to make sure we don't 116 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 3: do our nana. We can't go off our block. What 117 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 3: we've got to do is stay calm, make sure our 118 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 3: daughter is okay, or our son if it's a boy, 119 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 3: and then we need to work out the best thing 120 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 3: to do. If we know the family, we might choose 121 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 3: in some circumstances to give them a call and say, 122 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 3: I don't know how to tell you this, but my 123 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 3: daughter has just received these messages from your son. Most 124 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,039 Speaker 3: parents are good parents and they will be devastated to 125 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 3: hear it, and they will want to act immediately to 126 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 3: remedy the situation. If we don't feel that we can 127 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 3: do that, though, we need to go to the police. 128 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 3: Sexual harassment, production of child pornography if it's gone that far. 129 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 3: These things are illegal and kids need to learn now. 130 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 3: Hopefully the kids, unless they've been doing something really serious 131 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 3: way be charged. They'll just learn their lesson. I know 132 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,679 Speaker 3: if I got if me as a fourteen fifteen sixteen 133 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 3: year old kid today, I don't know if I would 134 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,119 Speaker 3: have survived like I did back at the in the nineties. 135 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 3: It's a very different world, and it's a lot of 136 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 3: pressure on our kids to get it right and heavy 137 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 3: penalties if they get it wrong. But the point is 138 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,040 Speaker 3: we need to go to the police now. Every now 139 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 3: and again I hear stories from Paris who say I've 140 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 3: been to the police and the police just said something 141 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 3: like I wish that happened to me. Some police aren't supportive. 142 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 3: Most are brilliant, but every now and again you come 143 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 3: across one that's not. If that's the case, the federal 144 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 3: government has a website about the safety. It's called the 145 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 3: Children the Office of the Children's e Safety Commissioner. They 146 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 3: have all of the help that you need and they 147 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 3: will pursue it, and they will make sure that this 148 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 3: never happens again to you or to your child, and 149 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 3: that that offender doesn't do it either. 150 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 5: Doctor Justin Pilson a big topic, but a very important 151 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 5: one whose parents. For us to not put our head 152 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 5: in the sand over, for us to actually have our 153 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 5: eyes open, head up and address what needs to be 154 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 5: done now to prepare ourselves for a time when our 155 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 5: kids are going to need to reach out to us. 156 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 5: Thank you so much for your time today, all right. 157 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 3: Thanks. 158 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 2: Thanks for more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts, 159 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 2: and programs. You can jump online to Happy Families dot 160 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 2: com today you and to find out how to have 161 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 2: Justin speak at your school, or you can come along 162 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: to your organization as well. Go to Justin Coulson dot com.