1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,120 Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcast. 2 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,600 Speaker 2: We're a little bit more sensitive at this time of 3 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 2: the year as well. 4 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: Because we're so tired. 5 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 2: We're tired and stressed. 6 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,439 Speaker 1: We're supposed to be relaxed, so none. 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 2: Of us are at our best. And now here's the 8 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:25,639 Speaker 2: stars of our show, my mom and dad. 9 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the author of a 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: whole bunch of books that would be fantastic Christmas gifts. 11 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 2: Oh what a great idea bunch of books? Are my 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 2: favorite Christmas gift? 13 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: To give one of my books? 14 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 2: Yes, I love to give relationship rules because do you 15 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 2: know what. 16 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: No, I this is totally unscripted, by the way, but 17 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:42,880 Speaker 1: thanks for the plug. 18 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 2: It's white and red, right look, and I tie it 19 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 2: with a beautiful white bow, and then I tuck in 20 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 2: a little candy cane. Yeah, red and white candy. It 21 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 2: just looks so good. 22 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: It looks Christmas. 23 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 2: It looks so good. 24 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. 25 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: Well, Happy Families dot com dot you if you're interested 26 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: speaking of Happy Families dot com dot you on Monday night. 27 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,479 Speaker 1: So every month, if you're a Happy Family's Premium member 28 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: or in fact a Happy Family's member, we include in 29 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: our memberships for you every single month a webinar about 30 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,320 Speaker 1: making your family happier, because a happy family doesn't just happen. 31 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: And on Monday Night this week, we did a webinar 32 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,040 Speaker 1: that might be interesting for everybody who is a little 33 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: bit stressed about relationships in laws, arties, uncles, cousins, everyone 34 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: crashing at your house or you having to go to 35 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: everyone else's house. You know, Christmas is funny. Sometimes we 36 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 1: struggle a little bit with our relatives throughout the year, 37 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,399 Speaker 1: but we've got this romantic notion that we're supposed to 38 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,759 Speaker 1: suddenly be best friends with our entire family at Christmas time, 39 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:38,479 Speaker 1: even though we sort of struggle a bit during the year. 40 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? 41 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 2: Do you think it's a romantic notion or do you 42 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 2: just think there's this in a hope in us gether 43 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 2: we can pull it together. 44 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: We're designed to be connected, especially to those to whom 45 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: we are biologically related. That's how we're actually designed, and 46 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: so we kind of think Christmas is a time of 47 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: coming together. It's a time of connection. It's time of 48 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: giving and healing and forgiveness and kindness and gift giving. 49 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: And so we can think, yes, this Christmas is going 50 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: to be better this year, even though we had a 51 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: horrible year with the sister in law, or with our 52 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: brother who said that unkind thing, or our mum who 53 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,639 Speaker 1: continues to be by the way, I'm not talking about 54 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:13,799 Speaker 1: your mom or my mum but continues to be insensitive 55 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: or whatever it is, the stepdad, all those sorts of things. 56 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: We kind of just have this hope that Christmas is 57 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: going to be time of togetherness and we're going to 58 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: sit in the living room and smile at each other 59 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: and talk about fond memories, eat good food, open and 60 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: give safe thank you to one another, hug and heal, 61 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: and you. 62 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 2: Know what, Sometimes that happens. 63 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,239 Speaker 1: It does, and then. 64 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 2: And then January and then Boxing Day comes and you're 65 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 2: kind of what happened? We had this awesome day yesterday 66 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: and everything was fine, and now. 67 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 1: We're back to where we were sometimes anyway, we did 68 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: a webinar on Monday night that I think can be 69 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: helpful for any family that has tricky moments around Christmas 70 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: and wants to get it wants to get it better. 71 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 2: I'm going to give a plug to Evelyn. She does 72 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,799 Speaker 2: all of our social media posts and just does such 73 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 2: a brilliant job. She's on fire at the moment, meant 74 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 2: she is, and she created these little ninja posts for 75 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 2: your webinar and shared some of the things that you 76 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: shared in your webinart. 77 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 1: Ninja posted, but there were little ninjas by the way. 78 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: We will we will repost that because it absolutely went 79 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:16,959 Speaker 1: off on social media. I think it was one of 80 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: the most shared social posts we've ever done. Will repost it. 81 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 2: She needs to repost it. 82 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: Now. We're going to repost it on social so that 83 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: everyone can find it, because you've got to go back 84 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: a couple of weeks. 85 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 2: It's going to be there if you just go to 86 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 2: Instagram and you just click on your link and oh yeah, yeah, 87 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 2: that's fine. 88 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: It just comes straight up on Facebook as well. Anyway, 89 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: we want everybody to be able to see it again. Okay, 90 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: so there you go. 91 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 2: I'm not even technically zavvy and I know how to 92 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 2: do that. 93 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: Well, I'm the boss and I'm saying that the team 94 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: are going to put it back around. 95 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 2: So she's going to be cranky at you. 96 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: So let's talk about the things. There are seven things 97 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: that I've suggested in the webinar. 98 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: You know that brains can only take in two or three, right, Well. 99 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: Let's do two now and then we're really smokes five 100 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: alfter the break. 101 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: Anybody who's followed you for a long time knows that 102 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 2: you can't do it until or three. But anyway, the 103 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 2: first one was create some structure, all right. What I 104 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 2: love about this one is the fact that the reality 105 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 2: doesn't usually work out the way we want it to. 106 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 2: There's always something going on. 107 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: So somebody shows up late, or somebody forgets something like 108 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: I'll forget to put the roast in the oven or 109 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: something like that. Everything's cooked and sudden we're like, oh no, 110 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,839 Speaker 1: we've got no meat, or whatever it might be. 111 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 2: So the most important thing is to have a schedule 112 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 2: of some sort. Communicate it with everybody what your expectations are. 113 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: Be flexible. 114 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 2: I don't think it has to be a minute by 115 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 2: minute thing. But if you would like to have lunch 116 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,479 Speaker 2: at one o'clock, then it's just the house is open 117 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 2: from eleven. We will be eating at one. 118 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, whether you here or not, because you might have 119 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: stuff with the in laws. You might have stuff somewhere else, 120 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: but be here in time for the one o'clock food, 121 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 1: otherwise you'll miss out on the food. You might also 122 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 1: say the general structure is everyone's going to show up, 123 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 1: We're going to catch up, do a bit of prep. 124 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: We'll be eating at one, and we're going to do 125 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: the family tradition stuff around presents or reading the Nativity, 126 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 1: a faith background or whatever it is that you do 127 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 1: as a family on a Christmas Day. We'll be doing 128 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 1: that from two, or from three or from four, so 129 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,280 Speaker 1: everyone has a good idea of what the general outline 130 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: of the day is. It's an expectation setting exercise and 131 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: it takes the pressure off. 132 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 2: Well, there's nothing worse when you show up somewhere and 133 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 2: you kind of think you're going to be there for 134 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 2: an hour and find out five hours later, yeah. 135 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: You're still there. Pretty annoying, by the way, if you're 136 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 1: the host and somebody is late and things just don't 137 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: going to plan, have a couple of backup activities scheduled 138 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: or ready to go, Like we're doing a podcast about 139 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: favorite Christmas movies. Have a Christmas movie on standby, have 140 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: it ready to go, so that if the kids are 141 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: getting antsy, or maybe the kids don't play well with 142 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,239 Speaker 1: their cousins, they don't want to share their new Christmas toys, 143 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: and you might be able to say, hey, you know what, 144 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 1: we've got that DVD remember when we had Maybe you've 145 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: got a DVD lined up, or if you're a DVD 146 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: or if you're a modern parent, you might even have 147 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 1: a subscription service and you can stream something. 148 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 3: Has you know. 149 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 2: Our seven year old shared a story with me that 150 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 2: she wrote the other day. She was talking about this 151 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 2: tape and she looked at me and she said, you know, mum, 152 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 2: the tapes that you recorded the movies on and you 153 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 2: push them into that machine. 154 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 1: Really, she said, or she didn't know what it was, 155 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: but she knew that it was a machine that existed. 156 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 1: All right, well, we've just dated. 157 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 2: Ourselves anyway, we don't dress. Let's go to phase two. 158 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: Okay. Our practice acceptance is this one. And we talked 159 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,599 Speaker 1: about this at length in the webinar. The kids are 160 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 1: going to grow in a moon. Sometimes your partner might 161 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: be apathetic or misaligned with your view. In other words, 162 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 1: you might be like, oh, this is going to be 163 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: so special, it's all about family, and they're like hate it. 164 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 1: Can't wait for it to be over because that happens. 165 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,600 Speaker 1: Let's be real about it. Some people really struggle with 166 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,719 Speaker 1: this sort of stuff. And if you can just accept that. 167 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 2: Well, Grandpa shows up and if he gets his hearing aids, 168 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 2: so he talks at the top of his voice, or 169 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 2: you have to repeat yourself fifteen times because Grandma's not listening. 170 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: Or was she staring at a phone? 171 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 2: Whatever it is, and you can make a little bit 172 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 2: of a game out of it, can't you. 173 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: Well, you're not in a nasty way, but let's just 174 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 1: accept sometimes it is what it is. They are who 175 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: they are. I think it's really important that we attribute 176 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: the best possible motives to them. They didn't show with bingo. 177 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: That's right, you get to come. 178 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 2: How many times does grandma not listen? 179 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 1: How many times does Grandpa say that same dad joke 180 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: that he says every. 181 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 2: Year, who's the first one to two? 182 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: By the way, in our family, we don't say fart, 183 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: we say suit can't believe you? Just okay? So they're 184 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: the first two things. You know what, Let's do one 185 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: more before the break. 186 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 2: Because phase three craft your joy. I really think I 187 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 2: just want to live in face. 188 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: I really want to emphasize this, and that is that 189 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: there are some things that are going to bring you 190 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: joy at Christmas, and it might be involving your family 191 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: or it might not, but make sure that when you're 192 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: scheduling your Christmas Day that you acknowledge the things that 193 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: matter most to you and schedule an opportunity for it. 194 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: So for you and I, there are a couple of 195 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 1: things that I think matter most. We love morning hugs 196 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: the kids on the Christmas Eve. We love to go 197 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: to bed early with a book, and by early I 198 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: mean about eight thirty, so we fall asleep by about 199 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: page six. We love to after we've opened our gifts, 200 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: have conversations about what we've been what we've been grateful 201 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 1: for during the year, what has been the most wonderful 202 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: gift that we've experienced in our lives during the last year. 203 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 1: We make sure that we read through the Nativity with 204 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: the kids. Those are things that bring our family and 205 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: bring us joy. 206 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 2: The kids love us watching them open their gifts. They 207 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 2: actually love us to be a part of that and 208 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 2: to watch their expressions and for them to be able 209 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 2: to express their joy and their gratefulness and gratitude for 210 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: the things that they've been gifted. 211 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: So I think that it's critically important as we go 212 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: to the break that we recognize that Christmas, even if 213 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: it does come with stress, because the relatives can be 214 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: cranks sometimes or grinchy. There are some things that happen 215 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: on Christmas Day, or on Christmas Eve, or around the 216 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: Christmas season that bring us joy, and we need to 217 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: create the space make the moments of joy and bliss 218 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: happen so that Christmas does feel special at least in 219 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 1: those moments. 220 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,040 Speaker 2: I love it. 221 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: After the break a handful of other ideas to help 222 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: you to make Christmas work for you. It's the Happy 223 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: Families Podcast. 224 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,560 Speaker 3: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having 225 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 3: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts 226 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 3: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits 227 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 3: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happy 228 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 3: families dot com dot au slash shop. 229 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, The podcast for the time 230 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now and today. If 231 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 2: you're feeling a little bit grinchy, then this podcast might 232 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 2: be helpful. 233 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: How do we navigate the challenges of Christmas and relatives 234 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 1: and people being in our space? And I don't know 235 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: somebody is saying something insensitive because that does tend to 236 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: happen at Christmas when big groups get together, especially if 237 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: you come from a family where there's a bit of 238 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: a bit of wine or a bit of alcohol involved, 239 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 1: somebody can't help but open up their mouth and say 240 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: that offensive thing. 241 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 2: I think too, we're a little bit more sensitive at 242 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 2: this time of year as well, because we were so 243 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 2: tired and stressed. 244 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: We're supposed to be relaxed, so none. 245 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 2: Of us are at our best where sometimes those things 246 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: would happen and they just kind of brush over us. 247 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 2: But in that timeframe, which just is so extra sensitive too, right, 248 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 2: So phase four is to assume the best intentions. 249 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean I kind of touched on this before, 250 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 1: but let's just really drill into this for a second. 251 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: Maybe your father in law is that guy who just 252 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 1: says offensive things, especially if he's had a drink or two. 253 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: And what he's saying might absolutely reek of politically correctness. 254 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: It might offend your sensibilities, and you might even be 255 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: right and he might actually be wrong. But what's actually 256 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 1: going on is he's trying to share something that's important 257 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: to him and he believes that he's right and he 258 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: wants you to realize his wise ways. And the same 259 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 1: thing happens when your Mum shows up and it's critical 260 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: of what you're wearing. What are you wearing that for 261 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 1: on Christmas Day? Or what you cooked? Why did you 262 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 1: prepare that it's too hot for this or it's too 263 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 1: cold for that, or the cooking or the kids, or 264 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 1: in their own clumsy way. Have you noticed that sometimes 265 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 1: relatives try to be helpful by pointing out all of 266 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: your faults and everything that's wrong with the way you're 267 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: living your life, and Christmas days the day to do 268 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: it like it's clumsy, it's wrongheaded, it's inappropriate, but they're trying. 269 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: They didn't wake up that morning and think, oh, how 270 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 1: can I make how can I ruin Christmas? How can 271 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: I offend everybody at Christmas lunch? Like that's not what 272 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 1: they woke up doing. And I think we've just got 273 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: to assume the best of intentions. We can find our 274 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: relatives far easier to stomach when we just think it's 275 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: just who they are and they're actually trying to be helpful. 276 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 1: They don't realize how much they're stepping in it well. 277 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 2: And I think the reality is for a lot of 278 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 2: people being in each other's space in a really concentrated 279 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 2: period with everybody involved can actually be overwhelming, and we 280 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 2: say and do things that we wouldn't normally say and 281 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 2: do because we're in that situation. But I think that 282 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 2: you're right. It's a really hard one to do when 283 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 2: you feel hurt by someone else. But if we can 284 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 2: kind of just take a step back and recognize that 285 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 2: they have a good heart. 286 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: Well hopefully they do. My typical response will be shruggered off. 287 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: But I think it's also important to just highlight if 288 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 1: this is a person who is a repeat offender, if 289 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: this is a person who is a needler and an antagonist, 290 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: if this is a person who has created pain and 291 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: difficulty and horrible stuff in your life over the years. 292 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: It might also be appropriate to just say, actually, we're 293 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: not going to do a family Christmas anymore. We'll have 294 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: a phone call, but this year Christmas is kind of 295 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,199 Speaker 1: canceled for extended family. We're just having a Christmas together. 296 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 1: I did that a few years ago, probably about ten 297 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,679 Speaker 1: or eleven years ago, with my extended family. So I'm 298 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: the oldest of six kids, and you remember this. I 299 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: rang mum and let her know, Hey, you know what 300 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: our oldest child is now. I think our oldest was 301 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: twelve even or twelve, we had five of our six 302 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 1: children by then. I have one other sibling that had kids, 303 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,319 Speaker 1: but none of the other siblings had any children at all. 304 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: And when I rang mom, I said, We're just going 305 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 1: to have Christmas with our family this year. We might 306 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: see you before or after, but Christmas Day it's going 307 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: to be our family day. And a couple of my 308 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: siblings found out, and they were incensed. What do you 309 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 1: mean It's Christmas, We're supposed to be together. They couldn't comprehend. 310 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, my little brother said to me, 311 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 1: I was so upset. I was so offended when you 312 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,480 Speaker 1: did that. But now I've got three of my own children, 313 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: and his oldest, I think is nine or ten, and 314 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:36,280 Speaker 1: he basically said, I don't want to get together for Christmas. 315 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,079 Speaker 1: I want it to be my family. Like things change, 316 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: and so whether it's putting boundaries in place because you've 317 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 1: been hurt, or putting boundaries in place just because your 318 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,959 Speaker 1: family needs it, it's okay to do that. We've got 319 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: to give people a commission for that. 320 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 2: Number five. Find ways to serve others. This is a 321 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 2: favorite one in our home. We love this and Christmas 322 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 2: time just provides a little bit bit more space for 323 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 2: us to do it. But we love finding opportunities to serve. 324 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I want to specifically highlight serve each other. 325 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,360 Speaker 1: So a wise mentor of mine once pointed out the 326 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: bi directional relationship between love and service. He said to me, 327 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: you'll find that the people that you love the most 328 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: you want to serve. But the people that you serve 329 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: the most, you tend to increase in love. For the 330 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 1: more you do things for somebody, the more you actually 331 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: love them. And I love that concept. I think that 332 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: there's a wonderful opportunity for us at Christmas to find 333 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 1: joy in serving our family. It might be just expressions 334 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: of appreciation. It could be doing something really nice for them, 335 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: doing things that bring you closer together, and doing it 336 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: without an expectation, and you watch the way that it 337 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: shifts your heart. 338 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 2: When I saw this ninja come up on my screen 339 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 2: the other day, I actually had this little thought because 340 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,359 Speaker 2: our kids love doing secret siblings. 341 00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,720 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, secret sisters. 342 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, they just what we call it sibling now because 343 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 2: we've got a brother in law. That's right, they can't 344 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 2: be sisters. He gets left out. And I was thinking 345 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: about how we could extend on that because they just 346 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 2: love they love doing the secret stuff and wondered whether 347 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 2: or not secret sisters could extend for a few days 348 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 2: and they have to try and do secret acts of 349 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 2: service for each other and see who can do it 350 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 2: without getting caught. 351 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: Just something amazing about serving a family and bringing everyone together, 352 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: and it can really lead into the sixth idea that 353 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: I wanted to share, which is Christmas is a time 354 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: for healing wounds. And healing wounds usually comes through offering forgiveness, 355 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: It comes through saying sorry, It comes through service and 356 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 1: going out of your way to lift help and be 357 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 1: good to others. And I just I know that it's 358 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: a sensitive thing for some. But if we can swallow 359 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,720 Speaker 1: our pride and acknowledge our faults and say sorry, if 360 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 1: we can make unconditional apologies, that may actually be the 361 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: best Christmas gift that we can give to our family. 362 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 2: Well number seven was to serve a higher cause. 363 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, we come together with a common purpose, especially 364 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: one that's deep and meaningful to us, we can kind 365 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: of forget about our petti grievances with one another, because 366 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: families get caught up fighting about stuff that actually doesn't 367 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: really matter that much quite often, and so in the 368 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: webinar we talked about different ways that we can find 369 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: something bigger than us and make a difference in our 370 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: family and in families of those that we know. We've 371 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: seen people use Christmas as a time to donate to 372 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: a cause together or volunteer in the community. Some families 373 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: choose to just work as a family to decorate their 374 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: home and yard with Christmas lights, and that brings delight 375 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: and joy to the neighborhood and everyone else from that 376 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: local town or city where everyone drives past. U says, well, 377 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: look at those lights. And of course, if you've got 378 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: a faith background, once again, serve us through religious participation 379 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: can also be really great in lifting lifting our sights 380 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: to something much bigger than just our family and just ourselves. 381 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: That can really bind families and strengthen relationships. 382 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: Well, hopefully you found something that's helpful to help keep 383 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 2: the cranks down this Christmas. 384 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,880 Speaker 1: And if you'd like more info, just jump onto Happy 385 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 1: Families dot com dot you. The webinar is called tis 386 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: the Season to be Cranky? How to handle in laws 387 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: and other grinches, And there's a whole lot more that 388 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: we've talked about in terms of navigating the trickiness of 389 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: kids not wanting to play with their cousins or not 390 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: wanting to hang out with Gramma, Grandpa, or whatever it 391 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 1: might be the challenges around Christmas. It's all at Happy 392 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: families dot com dot a you. The Happy Families podcast 393 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Rulon from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce 394 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 1: is our executive producer. We hope that this podcast will 395 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: make your Christmas happier. Oh, by the way, something else 396 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: that might make Christmas happier is to give one of 397 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,919 Speaker 1: our books to somebody that you love for Christmas, or 398 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 1: maybe a Happy Families membership. You can buy one yourself 399 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: as your personal Christmas present, or you can give them 400 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 1: to others. All of the information about the books, the 401 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 1: Happy Families Annual Premium membership, and much more is available 402 00:17:54,400 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 1: at Happy families dot com dot au.