WEBVTT - Turning adversity into purpose with model & cancer-survivor Jess Quinn 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.600 Welcome to the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. This podcast is 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.320 for women who want to take ownership of their lives, 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:20.480 live unapologetically, and are ready to turn their biggest dreams 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:23.759 into their reality. If you're ready to be armed with 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:27.480 the tools that will inspire to take bold action, feel 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:31.160 confident within yourself, and conquer your goals, then you've come 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.840 to the right place. I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson. I'm 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:38.720 a lawyer turned entrepreneur, co founder of Naked Harvest Supplements, 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.640 and social media personality with a community of over three 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:46.199 hundred thousand. I grew up believing I had to pursue 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:49.360 the safe option and fit into a mold others had 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:52.240 created for me. But then I entered my corporate law 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:55.200 job and I realized that settling for a reality that 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:58.040 didn't set my soul on fire was something I. 0:00:58.040 --> 0:00:59.200 Was not prepared to do. 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:01.880 I want to more, and I have a feeling you 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:05.480 do too. Join me and special guests weekly as we 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:08.440 get down to the nitty gritty on all things health, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:13.119 mastering your mindset, creating lasting habits, thriving in your career 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:17.360 and relationships, plus so much more, and together we'll gain 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:21.680 the knowledge and perspective to pursue our wildest dreams and 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:24.399 kick fear to the curb. Well, what are you waiting for? 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:36.800 Let's rise and conquer. Hey guys, welcome back to the 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:41.640 Rise and Conquer podcast. Today's guest is Jessica Quinn. At 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:44.880 the age of nine, Jess was confronted with a diagnosis 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.960 of bone cancer and as a result, she lost her 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:51.160 hair and one of her legs. Jess showed cancer whose 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.840 boss in two thousand and one and now it is 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:57.960 a champion of body diversity and cannot be stopped. Rather 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:00.880 than not let this hold her back, she shifted her 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:05.320 focus and instead tuned into everything she could do instead 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.560 of what she couldn't and let me tell you, she 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.200 smashed some pretty epic goals. Jess, as a model an 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:16.040 advocate changing how women see themselves, am proving that beauty 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:20.320 comes in so many different forms. This incredible, resilient and 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.040 determined woman is a shining example of how our biggest 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:25.880 challenges can help us find. 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:26.840 Our true purpose. 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.600 I hope you enjoyed this chat as much as I did. 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:34.280 Prepared to be inspired. Hey, Jess, thank you so much 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:36.280 for making the time to chat to us. I know 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:38.760 you are a busy baby, but I am so excited 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:40.880 to have you on here. Thank you for having me. 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:45.040 I'm very excited, of course, of course. So we're going 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:48.960 to get into some really cool stuff. But firstly, something 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.960 I want to ask you is what season are you 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.640 currently in? And so the reason why I want to 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:58.160 ask this is seasons is this concept that I talk 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:02.200 about a lot of my own social and it's kind 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:05.680 of like, you know, are you busy or are you 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.800 going through a slow season? And I just like to 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:11.800 talk about this because I think sometimes when you're in it, 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:16.440 it can feel very like there's no way out, or 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.799 you're always going to be busy or you're always going 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:20.640 to be slow. So I just like to talk about 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:22.799 it because I think it's a good reminder that we're 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:27.360 constantly changing and evolving. So tell us, Jess, what season 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:28.200 are you currently in? 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.239 Yeah, it's actually funny that you asked that, because it's 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:34.000 something I also talk about a lot, and it's something 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.600 that's helped me lately. And a girlfriend said it to 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:39.040 me once. She was like, don't worry, it's just a season, 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.400 and it's kind of stuck with me and reassured me 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:44.240 along my kind of journey of ups and downs. So 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:48.240 at the moment, I'm in a season of healing. It 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:52.920 looks different every day, but it's helped me to recognize 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.800 that I am in a state of healing right now, 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:57.560 so I have to take the good with the bad. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:01.240 I've been dealing with a bit of of injuries in 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:03.000 and around the stuff that I deal with every day, 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:04.680 which I'm sure we're going to get into in a 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:08.600 little bit. But yeah, so I unfortunately it's been a 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:10.960 year and a half long season, so it's late living 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:14.560 through a really long winter that you're hoping will end soon, 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:18.480 but knowing it's just a season. And when I look 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.240 back on my life, I've had multiple seasons like this, 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.120 and I know that they've all ended and there's been 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.680 a beautiful summer at the end of all of those seasons. 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:28.720 So yeah, I'm the same as you. I like to 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:32.160 look at it in that light. But yeah, season of healing. 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:35.800 I love that. I know. 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.120 I'm sorry going through a hard season too, but I 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.800 love what you said about knowing that there's a summer 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:48.720 season coming. It's beautiful. So let's get into the interview. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:51.880 And I've obviously done a bit of an intro but 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:56.480 I love when my guests explain who they are themselves. 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.279 So do you want to give the listeners just a 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:02.000 bit of a snapshot of who you are and what 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:04.880 it's like in the day of life of Jass? 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:09.920 My day of life is always very different. I kind 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:13.400 of sometimes wish I had a routine, but I definitely don't. 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:17.440 I live in New Zealand. At the moment, I've grown 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.240 up my whole life in New Zealand. I am currently, 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:23.080 as of the last two months, living between New Zealand 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.880 and Los Angeles. I got signed to a modeling agency 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.560 about probably a year and a half ago, and they're 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:32.480 based in LA. Took me a while to get a 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:35.039 visa that I eventually got that so I decided to 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.360 make the transition to giving life a go up there, 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:41.360 but kind of realized that I still have a lot 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:43.560 of work and a lot of commitment that I love 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.039 in New Zealand, So I kind of live between New 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:48.440 Zealand and LA at the moment. I'm currently in a 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:52.040 state of extending my flight and my trip home by 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:54.599 the week, which is quite funny. So I'm in a 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.040 bit of a limbo. But in terms of my work, 0:05:57.080 --> 0:06:00.240 I work obviously as a model, I do a lot 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.120 of social media stuff that all kind of blew up 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:07.960 for me about three years ago, very unexpectedly, just I 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.880 did a photo shoot that ended up going viral and 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.840 found me with a following and having to learn how 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.280 to navigate the world of social media that I knew 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:21.160 nothing about. I do public speaking. I do a mixture 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.159 of other projects that I'm working on that I'm sure 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.800 we'll also get into a bit later. But most of 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.919 my life is in and around helping people understand that 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.400 different is okay, that we're all different, and that I 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:36.520 think the one thing we all have in common as 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:39.479 humans is that we are different. Yet we've lived in 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:44.400 a society that projects perfection, especially I believe, for women. 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:47.159 So that's something I'm trying to break down at the moment. 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:50.080 I lost my leg to cancer as a kid, so 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:53.720 I grew up feeling very different from anyone I knew, 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:57.280 from anyone I saw in the media. So I wanted to, 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.279 I guess, spend my life trying to fight that change, 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.640 because as they got older, I realized that even my 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.440 friends or people I knew who had two legs grew 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:08.640 up feeling different in some way. Because of what they 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:12.000 would have gone through. So I realized that it's really 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:15.280 normal and in our experiences in and around that just different. 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:19.480 So yeah, it's become my life mission to normalize diversity, 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:23.400 and yeah, to help people understand that different it's okay. 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:29.200 And also, I guess help others through their journey through adversity, 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:31.800 because we all face adversity in our life, whether it's 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.360 the loss of the job that we really wanted, or 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.360 it's losing our leg to cancer. You know, there's the 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:40.080 spectrums massive and we all face this unexpected adversity at 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:42.840 different times, and it's learning how to, I guess, grow 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:44.840 through it and live through it and see it as 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:48.280 an opportunity to grow opposed to kind of a roadblock 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:52.160 in life. So yeah, that's kind of a really long 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:54.880 winded answer to what I do. But unfortunately I don't 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:58.120 have the simple I'm in marketing kind of answer. I 0:07:58.240 --> 0:07:59.120 kind of wish I did. 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.720 No, I loved it, and that was perfect. You are 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.960 doing some epic things on social media and definitely one 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:07.480 of my favorite accounts to follow. 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:10.520 I had a moment recently. I think it was when 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:12.280 I was asked to go on the podcast and I 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:14.560 went onto Instagram and I didn't even realize that you 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.680 followed me because I followed your YouTube for a really 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:18.840 long time. And I was like, oh, wow, this is 0:08:18.880 --> 0:08:19.400 so cool. 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:21.680 Is funny, that's. 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:23.760 So funny how the world connects. I know. 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:24.800 I love that. 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.720 Well, let's go, let's go to the start. And so 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:32.040 you were diagnosed with bone cancer and lost your leg 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:35.440 at age nine, which is such a young age to 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:38.400 go through something like that. Can you tell us what 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:40.800 it was like as a child pre cancer. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:45.440 Yeah, I had an awesome childhood pre cancer. I was 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:51.120 a very very active kid. I competed or participated in 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:53.520 pretty much every sport I could get my hands on. 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:57.320 I was born in a time before social media. Obviously 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:59.320 we had TV and stuff. I'm not that old, but 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.200 you know, it wasn't for me. I was such an 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:06.440 outdoorsy kid, so I remember just being outdoors all the time. Yeah, 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.600 I was kind of I just love life. I have 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:11.000 two sisters. I'm in the middle of both of them, 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:14.840 so we grew up, you know, playing teachers, playing mothers 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:19.080 and fathers and bossing us, bossing each other around, and yeah, 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:22.000 I had amazing family life. I'm still really grateful that 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.680 I still have an amazing family life. So yeah, life 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:28.920 for me was pretty I guess you could say normal. 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.880 I grew up in New Zealand, which I feel like 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:33.760 the luckiest person in the world to grow up in 0:09:33.800 --> 0:09:37.240 a country that's beautiful and the safe, so I'm very 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.800 grateful for that. And then, yeah, life took a massive, 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.680 unexpected turn in the matter of a moment. 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:47.400 Really yeah, so tell us about that moment. So when 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:51.360 the doctors said to you they had to amputate your leg, 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:53.040 what was going through your head? I know you were 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.840 so young, or can you remember kind of how your 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:57.360 parents or sisters were acting. 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.679 Yeah, a lot of it. My memory kind of comes 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.840 in and out, abe because I was so young. I 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.360 think it was nearly I think eighteen years ago, and 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:07.560 I mean most of us don't fully remember our life 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.680 back then. And I think also trauma's kind of blocked 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.440 it out of my brain a little bit. And it 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:17.599 was also a progressive process, so I or a progressive discovery. 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:20.040 I stood on a soccer ball, just trying to show 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:22.040 off that I could balance on a soccer ball without 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:25.480 holding onto anything, and I plummeted to the floor and 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.959 fractured my femur bone. Which is supposed to be the 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:32.160 strongest bone in your body, and mine snapped doing something 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:36.480 pretty routinely simple. But the doctors didn't discover the cancer 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.880 for about four months. So I was stuck in a 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.480 wheelchair and plaster trying to heal a broken leg, and 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.200 I just wanted to get back to life and like 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:44.880 run around with my friends. And I was like, oh, 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:48.240 this broken leg sull annoying, you know, And then it 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.960 just wouldn't go away in terms of I went into 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:53.800 rehab to try heal, and I was in so much pain. 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.800 And then I think kind of red flag started to 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.720 arise when they realized that my break was quite weird 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.160 in the first place, and then the fact that I 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:07.360 was still in pain. So they started to investigate, and 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:10.280 they found in osteosarcoma, which is a form of bomb 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.520 cancer that was living in my femur bone. We don't 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.959 know for how long, but that's what had I guess 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.200 caused my bond to break in such a kind of 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:23.120 simple way. So yeah, then I did nine months of chemotherapy, 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:27.000 so I lost my hair. On the day of my surgery. 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.400 I waited about eighteen kilos so I had a feeding 0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:32.240 tube in my nose because I just couldn't stomach food, 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.440 and when I could stomach food, I couldn't keep it down, 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:38.160 and you know all the other symptoms of chemotherapy, like 0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:41.200 my mouth was covered in ulcers, which also stopped me eating. 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:43.320 So yeah, I lost a lot of weight, I lost 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.840 my hair. I looked like it could going through cancer basically, 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:51.040 and yeah, life changed very quickly. And then they told 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:52.800 me that they would have to antutate my leg. It 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.800 was the only way to save my life. The chemo 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:59.800 hadn't really shrunk it like like we had hoped, so 0:12:00.000 --> 0:12:04.640 it was all quite obviously scary and strange, and even 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.720 more scary because the amputation that I had was I 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:09.640 was one of the first in New Zealand to have 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.839 that surgery. It was a fourteen hour surgery. It's called 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:15.640 a rotation plasty. I won't explain it because it's really 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:17.440 hard to wrap your head around, but if you're interested, 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:20.720 I highly recommend googling because your mind will be blowing 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:23.680 how that works. But yeah, I had the surgery. I 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:28.480 remember being really scared being wailed into the theater about 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:32.880 to have my leg amputated. But I think also in hindsight, 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:36.240 I don't think I rarely knew what was going on completely. 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:37.680 You know, you know the facts, you know you're about 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:39.840 to lose your leg, but when you're nine, you know 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:42.120 a year is a really long time. Therefore, you don't 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.120 know the implications of what you're going through is going 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.120 to have on your future. So that didn't really hit 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.760 me until I was probably an intermediate, so kind of 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:54.400 early teens. But yeah, obviously I was scared and all 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.400 of that. But I'm also forever grateful that I went 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.440 through what I did at the age that I did, 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.320 because A I had the resilience to just get back 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:04.600 up and get on with life, and I didn't overthink things. 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.680 I was just like, I've got one league, now let's 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.280 learn how to use it. Whereas, had it happened to 0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.640 me at kind of the age i'm at now or 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:14.400 in my late teens, I think it would have been 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.120 a lot harder because you kind of know too much, 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.800 and as an adult or a young team, we kind 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.360 of or a late team, we have kind of there 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.640 instilled in us, whereas I don't believe we have that 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.560 as kids. So it really helped me kind of just 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:29.000 get up and get on with life. 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:33.360 Really so, like you said, he didn't really grasp because 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.840 you were so young. When did it start getting quite 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:44.360 difficult for you in regards to accepting that you did 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.040 have this surgery. And where did it start, I guess 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:48.320 feeling more real to you. 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:52.520 It was kind of in my early teens. I think 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.040 I'd say I was around thirteen ish, so that would 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:59.760 have been three or four years after everything had gone down. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:03.160 I think a I started to realize really what I'd 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:06.319 been through. I started to realize, as I mentioned, kind 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.240 of the implications that that was going to have on 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.720 my future. I remember having a really morbid thought. I 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.920 got into a really dark place and I remember thinking, like, wow, 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:15.720 I'm literally going to die one day and I'm still 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:17.560 going to have one leg, you know, like it just 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.520 that's so morbid. But it just really hit me how 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:24.040 this was permanent. You know, this is forever, and if 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:25.760 I have children one day, I'm going to have to 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:27.480 explain it to them, and like, you know, all of 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.160 that kind of stuff. I just saw it. I saw 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:31.160 the bigger picture and all of this. I didn't just 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:33.360 see it then what I was going through at the 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.960 time anymore. And it all I guess my struggles with 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:39.640 it all started from a place of body image. So 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.920 I was thirteen, my my girlfriends at school were starting 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.240 to wear mini skirts and starting to flirt with boys 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.800 and all of this kind of stuff, and I, especially 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.000 because of the nature of the surgery I had, it 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:54.640 was hugely unusual looking. Therefore, I didn't wear shorts for 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.800 the first kind of eight years and what I like 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.960 to call me new life. So I didn't wear shorts 0:15:00.080 --> 0:15:02.520 until I was kind of just leaving high school, which 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:06.400 is crazy to think about now, given I live in 0:15:06.400 --> 0:15:08.880 shorts all day long, and it's actually I hate wearing jeans. 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:12.720 They're very annoying, but you know, it's just kind of 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.160 become a normality. But I went through this phase where 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.960 I just wanted to kind of hide away, and I 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.280 was super confident during the day, and a lot of people, 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:23.840 even my parents, didn't even really notice how much I 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:27.160 was struggling. But it was something I was really internalizing, 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:28.760 and I'd let it out at night, and I'd get 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:31.160 really upset when i'd go to bed, and I kept 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.320 asking myself, you know, why me, Why did I have 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:35.640 to go through this, And why can't my life just 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:39.120 be simple and easy and then, yeah, I took about 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.680 probably a good two to three years before I came 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.360 out the other end. And I remember saying to myself 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:46.760 one night, I was like, cancer has taken so much 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.080 from me already, I can't let it take my happiness. 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.520 And I knew that I think I needed to go 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.480 through that process of grief, I guess, and I had 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:58.320 to just get on with life because i'd already, you know, 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:00.360 nearly lost it. I was grateful to have the lack 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.360 that I had, so I needed to find a way 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:05.360 to make the most of it because my situation wasn't changing. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:09.200 So yeah, I kind of faked a smile and got 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.040 on with it, which sounds kind of weird, but I 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.600 just thought I should try on being confident. I just 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:18.320 started to become more comfortable in my own skin, even 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.400 if I didn't truly feel it. And then one day 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:23.120 it wasn't until later on I realized once I was 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.560 an other interview actually, and I realized that I told 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:28.240 the lady, I was like, I wouldn't change what I 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:29.880 went through even if I had the choice. And that's 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.720 when I realized that that confidence had really kind of stuck. 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:38.520 I love that, and I let's get more into your 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:41.760 self love journey, because I know that you did a 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:44.280 Ted talk and I've watched it and I loved it. 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:46.040 If you guys want to check it out, it's called 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:50.360 why are You Chasing an unachievable idea of Perfection? I'll 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:53.400 actually put a link in the show notes too, And 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:56.080 in it you mentioned how you like you were just 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.960 saying before like you battled cancer, it was so hard, 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.480 and losing your life was hard, but then the hardest 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.480 thing for you was putting on a pair of shorts. 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:05.520 And I hope this is right. You said you didn't 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:09.520 wear shorts for eight years, and then when you look 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:13.720 back on high school, you had a lot of issues 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:18.240 like body image issues in comparison issues, and I know 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:22.560 that's very prevalent in young girls, but I couldn't imagine 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.400 too how you felt. So let's get into that more. 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.640 And I know that you just said that it did 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:32.080 sort of come a time when you were like, look, 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:36.080 I can't let cancer take any more from me. Can 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.920 you kind of tell us a little bit more about 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:42.560 that and your experience with those issues and how you 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.080 did sort of cope with them. 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.960 It was definitely just a process I had to go 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.879 through I think, and it wasn't. There was kind of 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.199 just step by step I kind of things got better. 0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:59.520 I also got stuck in a state of I guess, 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:01.800 almost pressure, and I just got so down and out 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:04.159 about it that I almost couldn't get myself out. And 0:18:04.200 --> 0:18:07.159 then eventually I kind of saw the light as I 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.480 was explaining earlier, and I was just able to know 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.840 that there was more to life than being miserable, and 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:15.399 that I was the only person that was going to 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:18.480 be able to make myself happy. So I one day 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.680 I wasn't planning on wearing shorts and a lot of 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.760 the stuff I've thought about in recent times, I didn't 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.439 even know I was doing it at the time, you know. 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:29.159 Like I would go to a party, whether it was 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:32.399 a family gathering with extended friends, or it was a 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.720 social gathering with my girlfriends or whatever, a party that 0:18:35.800 --> 0:18:38.360 would go to as a team. But I found myself 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.520 if I was having a conversation with someone knew I 0:18:40.600 --> 0:18:42.840 was slightly hiding behind a piece of furniture, like I 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:46.240 would almost have my prosthetic like slightly to the side, 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:48.439 so they wouldn't ask questions and they wouldn't see it, 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:50.520 and I think that was even though I was happy 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:51.960 to talk about it, it was a way of me 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:53.800 just trying to let it go and trying to forget 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.840 about it. And also just people do not notice. I. 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:01.119 The nature of my surgery left my legs super, super skinny, 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:04.000 and I started to grow. Obviously, I was turning into 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.600 a woman. And I would wake up every day and 0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:09.880 I would wrap socks around my leg I would wrap 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:12.439 t shirts and then I would put sports bandages off 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.480 the top and then masking tape just to make it 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.000 look like I had a thigh so I could wear 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.840 skinny jeans. And I would do that every single day. 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:21.240 And then I was lucky that I got a prosthetic 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:24.679 to kind of make that process a lot easier. But 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:26.920 even through that process, I realized, you know, I can't 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.400 live like this. I can't just you know, keep trying 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:32.720 to make my body look like Then word normal was 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:34.119 always in my head, and I was like, what is 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:37.199 this normal that I'm trying to reach, you know? And 0:19:37.240 --> 0:19:39.719 then one day I was at a girlfriend's house. There 0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:41.760 was a group of us really growth close friends, and 0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:44.720 it was a super hot summer's day and they were like, Jess, 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:46.120 you want to borrow a pair of shorts, like GE's 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:47.720 so hot out. We were just sitting up on the 0:19:47.720 --> 0:19:51.560 grass catching up and I was like, okay, yeah whatever. 0:19:51.680 --> 0:19:54.000 You know, it was really daunting for me, but I thought, 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:56.240 you know, it's just my girlfriends, why not. So I 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:58.520 put on a pair of shorts and they kind of 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:00.760 thought nothing of it. But I just felt this massive 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.760 relief and I felt so good about myself. I felt 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:06.440 like I didn't even care anymore that people would look 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.040 I just, you know, I realized that I was the 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:11.240 one that had been holding myself back. So from that 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:13.240