WEBVTT - Scarily Honest Relationship Advice. Find Out What Men Are Really Thinking. 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:12.360 Hi, and welcome to a very special episode of Outspoken. 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:15.280 You're joined by journalists Sophie Kate and Amy Torbert. 0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:18.280 Have you ever wanted to know what men really think? 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.599 In a modern world of dating apps, social media, etiquette 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.560 and mixed messages, We want to help you navigate the 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:28.360 harsh dating world. We're actually feeling a bit nostalgic today. 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:32.120 Growing up, everyone would remember Dolly Doctor's sealed section was 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.400 where you'd go for dating advice. Nothing was too embarrassing 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.320 or too cringey. We want to move Dolly Doctor into 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.839 twenty nineteen with our very own doctor X. 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:44.239 Welcome Doctor X. 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:47.559 Good evening, ladies. I've got three of you here. That's 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:51.479 a man's dream. 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:53.239 Well, thank you for joining us, and we will be 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:57.560 keeping your identity anonymous because we want you to be 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.560 as open as possible. And we've chosen you because we 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:04.200 think you give the best dating advice. 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.240 Well, if you want the truth and you think it's 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:09.840 the best dating advice, then I'll take that, but I'll 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:11.840 give you the truth. I'm not going to hold anything back. 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:12.360 Thank you. 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:15.759 So we've taken to social media to find out what 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:17.640 you really want to know but are too embarrassed. 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:18.080 To ask. 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:22.520 So the first question, Dear doctor X, my boyfriend and 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:25.200 I have been together for a year. Ever since we 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.640 started dating, he has continued to like other girls photos 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:32.399 on Instagram. I don't mind him liking his female friend's photos, 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.040 but I've stumbled across him liking pictures of girls I 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.640 don't know. In some of the photos, the girls are 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:41.280 wearing bikinis or a scantily dressed Why do men do this? 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:44.800 And should I be worried? And that's from Caitlin from Queensland. 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:49.040 Caitlin, very good question. I don't think there's anything wrong 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.440 with it one year. Yeah, you haven't been around long 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:54.560 enough yet. I think I think he's still kind of 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:57.360 hedging his bets. To be totally honest, he still wants 0:01:57.360 --> 0:01:59.400 to see what's out there, and I think it's a 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.960 normal thing for guys just to look at other women. 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:04.960 There's nothing wrong with it as long as you reap 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:07.880 the rewards, if you know what I'm saying. So, I think, 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.480 in answer to your question, I wouldn't worry about it 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:13.239 too much. Maybe if he's still doing it next year, 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:15.639 then i'd think of changing boyfriends. 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:19.600 I personally think that, yeah, if he's into you, he 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.000 shouldn't be liking those photos. As you say, from a 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:25.280 woman's perspective, I would think that would show he's maybe 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.120 unless it's unless it's a friend of his photos, that's 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.200 fine to like it. But if you're liking bikini photos, 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:33.240 it shows you a little bit uninterested. I would think 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:34.320 I wouldn't put up with it. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:36.880 So you wouldn't like the idea of looking at bikini photo. 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:37.480 Is that what you're saying. 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.560 I wouldn't like the idea of my boyfriend liking other 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:41.840 girls photos. 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:42.960 In bikini Do you feel threatened? 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.680 Well, I would feel threatened because I was be thinking, 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.079 but why is he liking this if he's interested in me. 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:49.560 But he doesn't know them? 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:51.000 Oh, if he doesn't know them? 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:54.560 Does she's saying he knows these guys? 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:55.880 I took it that she knew that. 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:59.200 They weren't, you know, like supermodels, they were just normal girls. 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:01.440 Yeah, but does he know them? 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.000 Well, she said that she doesn't know them, So I'm 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:05.440 wondering if that's the problem. 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.240 Well, if he knows them, then that maybe changes things. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:12.560 If he knows them, then it's a little bit weird. 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.640 But maybe he has't got what's his intentions? Is he 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:18.360 just looking for the hell of looking at the attractive 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:20.360 girl in a bikini, which guy doesn't like, I mean 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:22.520 even girls like looking at attractive women and bikinis. 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:23.560 Well, I like to know. 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:27.000 If he's open to publicly liking this girl's photo and 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:29.720 perhaps commenting what is going on behind closed doors in 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.480 the is he sliding into a few girls dms that 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:34.079 the girlfriend doesn't know about as well? 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.920 Well, I don't know, I think maybe being a bit 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:41.280 too precious. But having said that, if it was the 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.080 other way around, you know, and she was looking at 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:49.160 guys in nice tight little bathers the speedo's, maybe he 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:51.200 might be a bit jealous. Maybe he's trying to make 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:52.080 it jealous. I don't know. 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.560 It's interesting though, because I think the difference is back 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:56.640 in the day, men would look at, you know, these 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.080 sorts of photos in magazines, but there was no way 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:02.440 of actually contact the girls, whereas in Instagram you can 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:05.200 find a hot girl and then directly message her. So 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.000 wondering if that's sort of a part of it, that 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.440 she's a bit worried that the you know, he might 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:12.600 not just be looking at these photos but then trying 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:14.840 to pursue the girl. I don't know. I kind of 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.200 think when you see men liking all these sort of 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:19.080 bikini photos that look a bit sleep. 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:20.680 Well, how many of them what you're saying, like hundreds 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:21.000 of them? 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.880 Well, if I was looking, say, I met a guy 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:27.000 and I saw that all these bikini photos kept popping 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:28.640 up of him liking, I think maybe he was a. 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:30.360 Bit of a player, a bit of a pig. 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:32.800 I was gonna say that actually happened to me. I 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:35.800 was dating some guy and on the Instagram, I kept 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:38.599 you can see what people like follow a like, and 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.960 I noticed that he kept liking girls photos in bikinis, 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:44.400 and I was sort of like, what I mean, we 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:46.839 weren't even exclusive or anything like that, but that kind 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:48.200 of made me feel like he was a bit of 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:50.360 a perv. Does that make you sound a bit crazy, though, 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:51.880 that you're not even going out with this guy and 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:54.280 you're already stalking his instagram for you? No, I wasn't 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:57.000 actually stalking him, but it just kept popping up, and 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:58.800 I was like, this is a bit weird. That section 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.120 doesn't pop up. You have to you're actively looking for 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:04.359 that section. No, but I wasn't actively seeking out what 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:06.719 he was liking. It. I just noticed there was a 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:07.640 trend about it. 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:10.400 So what did you think of him? How were you thinking? 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:12.120 Were you feeling threatened? Yeah? 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.240 Well they were kind of girls with massive boobs, and 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.000 I was like, well, I don't have massive boobs. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.120 So and it wasn't just models, it. 0:05:18.040 --> 0:05:21.760 Was like random girls in Adelaide. So I was like, hmm, okay. 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.440 In nnswer two ways? Was it Caitlin? Was it from Queensland? 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.560 I'd say to Caitlin, if you really feel threatened and 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.680 he keeps looking at these girls, maybe it's time to 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:30.600 get a new boyfriend. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:34.040 Moving on to the next question. It's from Ella from Melbourne. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:37.760 Dear doctor X. The other night, my boyfriend revealed to 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.520 me he has slept with that twenty six women. We 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:43.000 are both in our mid twenties and began dating two 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:46.360 years ago. Do men usually lie about their numbers? 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:50.000 That's another good question. Yeah, I think some guys do. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.320 I think it's sometimes safer to lie about how many 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.240 year because and I think we've all been there. Tell 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.040 me the truth, I really, I don't mind. I won't 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.320 I won't care. And then you do tell them the truth, 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:04.800 and then they'll hold it against you forever. So I reckon. 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:11.400 It's best either to say you can't remember, that's me, 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:15.040 or maybe just say two or three, because that way, 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:18.560 there the girls will be more sort of satisfied. Though 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.080 there's only a couple, so I feel more special because 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.159 for whatever reason, I mean, you expect a guy to 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.880 have a lot of women more than women to have 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.719 a lot of guys. That's how us blokes think anyway, 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:31.480 So you either tell them you can't remember, or just 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:33.440 make it minimal, like a couple of women. 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:36.080 Is there a general rule of thumb that guys have 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:36.799 the women? 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:39.400 There's some rule that, you know, divide it by three 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:40.320 whatever they say. 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.280 No, I don't know really, because I mean you can 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.360 ask any guy you know and ask them, and many 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:48.839 women they've had. I'll be surprised if they know, unless 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:50.880 they're dead shits and they don't and they're not very 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:53.120 good looking and they've never had that many women. That's different. 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:56.760 But otherwise most blokes will not remember, and to us 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:58.760 it doesn't really matter. It's like, at the end of 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.400 the day, you're with the are now, so who cares 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.479 what was in the past. That was just a bit 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:04.080 of practice. 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:06.320 Is there a number that would put you off if 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:09.360 you found out someone you were dating, like a girl 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.080 had slept with you know, fifty guys. Is there a 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.040 number that you would cap it at that you'd think 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:15.840 not interested anymore? 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:18.240 What depends how she old she was. If she was 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:20.080 twenty one and she had fifty blokes, I think that 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:24.680 would worry me a tad. What then you do your sums? 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:27.920 I think that's twice a day. Yeah, I suppose that 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.520 you know guys. I think most guys would prefer women 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:35.160 to add that many guys. If you come up with 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:37.680 a high total, then then there is a kind of 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:40.320 a red flag, which is I didn't make the rules. 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:41.480 That just seems to be the case. 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:45.280 I dated a guy and he was only twenty at 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.040 the time, so this was back in the day, and 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:50.040 he told me that he and his friends would keep 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.120 a list and write down every girl that they'd slept with. 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:55.320 And his list was up to twenty three and he 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.600 was only twenty years old and lost his Begitta. Not 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:00.680 a bad effort when he was eighteen. I actually think 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:05.160 he was over over selling how many girls he'd actually 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:06.560 been with to sound more impressive. 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.560 You're right, when you're younger, you kind of you do 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.680 keep count as you're growing up past puberty, and you 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.280 know it's a challenge to see how many girls you 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.960 can get. So yeah, yeah, I think I most probably 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:20.600 was the same. But then you get to a point 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.520 where you just don't worry about it anymore. It's kind 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:25.280 of you don't have to impress anyone. But yep, I 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:25.880 believe that. 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:29.560 Okay, So our next question is from and from Sydney. 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:31.040 So do you, doctor X? 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.200 I have a question about online dating. I swipe right, 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:37.600 we match, I text first. He never replies. This is 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:40.679 happening more and more frequently to me and many of 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:43.920 my single gal pals. Why we are catchers? But why 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:46.480 swipe bright if you don't think we fit your criteria? 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.560 Why inflate your ego by gaming matches and not talking 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:52.439 to them? So why do you think these guys aren't talking? 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.760 Yeah, I don't know they what depends what they look like, 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.400 because let's face it looks first impressions is what they 0:08:58.440 --> 0:08:58.760 look like. 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:02.040 So she's talking about the dating app Tinder, So that's 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.840 based on what people look like. So you can either 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:06.760 go yes, yes, yes, or no. 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:09.160 Well not to butt in here, doctor X. 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:10.520 But I've heard it from a lot of guys that 0:09:10.559 --> 0:09:13.440 they all just swipe right on basically every girl that 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.000 pops up in their feed, So they're just kind of 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:17.199 hedging their bets. 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:18.680 At who's gonna law of average. 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.560 Yes, so they probably match with someone and they weren't 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:23.640 particularly interested in matching with them, so they're not going 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:25.400 to pursue the conversation any further. 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:31.840 Yeah, that's an interesting one, and I've never used Tinder thankfully. Well, 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:33.920 I think it's there is a need for it, There's 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:35.600 no doubt about it because a lot of single people 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:38.839 out there, a lot of women especially, don't like going 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.120 to bars and finding their perfect match for the rest 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.560 of their life at a pub while he's pissed. But 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:47.720 at the same time, I think this is for blokes. 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.120 They mostly use it as a thing to just meet 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.839 girls to have sex with. Whether they're serious. I'm sure 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:54.600 there are some that are serious about wanting to meet 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:57.800 the right woman on here, and likewise women would like 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:01.839 to meet the right man. But why they swipe right 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:06.400 And I don't know, Like you say, maybe they just 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:11.120 hedging their bets. The more that you swipe right, maybe 0:10:11.120 --> 0:10:13.000 there's a good charge you can end up with the jackpot. 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.679 Who knows but good luck to just keep swiping right, 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:16.120 I reckon. 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.160 So moving on to the next letter, it reads, Dear 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.680 doctor X. At the start of the year, I found 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.520 out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He admitted to 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:26.679 me that he slept with another girl on a drunken 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:29.560 night out. The girl in question is quite plain looking. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:31.640 A lot of people have told have been shocked as 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:34.440 they say, I'm a lot better looking than her. Whye 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.440 a man cheat with girls who aren't as good looking 0:10:36.559 --> 0:10:39.440 as their partners. And that's from Lizzie from Melbourne. 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:43.840 Because they're blokes, I think that's I mean, that's not 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.520 the first time I've ever heard that little story, I 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:47.600 can tell you, especially when they have a few drinks. 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:50.480 Sometimes having a few drinks as an excuse, mind you. 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:54.400 But I don't think it's for blokes. I mean, as 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.120 long as she's you know, hasn't got a leash on her, 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:59.480 and she's not ugly, I think I don't think guys 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:02.199 really care. I think there as long as it's another woman, 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:06.079 that's I'm afraid to say that it's just another woman 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:08.720 and it's just sex, so he might still love the 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.440 girl he's with. But that was just a little fling, 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.720 So it's got nothing to do with the looks. Unless 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:17.559 it's a real ugly looking woman, then that's a different ballgame. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:19.840 So do you think it's it is the excitement of 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:20.400 someone new? 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:25.000 Absolutely, see where hunters men are hunters, So not that 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.520 they all go looking for women or for other women 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:31.600 or other sex. Some do and there's some that just 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:35.319 lands on their lap and then they do it. Not everybody, 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:36.720 but most of them would. 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.160 Do you think that this guy in question truly loves 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:43.120 his girlfriend? If he's going off and sleeping with someone else. 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:44.680 Well, he could still love her. I'm not saying that 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.720 it's just because he's sleeping with someone else doesn't mean 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:50.439 he doesn't love his girlfriend. That's not the case. But 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.240 there could be a situation where he doesn't love her 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.360 that's why he's sleeping. So it's not everybody's the same. 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.640 He still could love his girlfriend, but he just wants 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:00.440 to sort of have something different. See. 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.199 I think a lot of women who would be listening 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.720 to your advice they would be confused because I would 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:07.920 think if my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else, that 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:09.360 he wouldn't love me. 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:10.120 Do you know what I mean? 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:12.800 I find it I think that's probably a hard ideology 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.600 for women to hear. Do you think it's just because 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:17.000 men and women are different in that respect? 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.400 One hundred percent different? And I know of women, many 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:22.760 women they wouldn't have sex with someone unless they love 0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:24.560 them and they have feelings. Guys don't have to be 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.160 like that because to guys it's just physical. You know, 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:30.559 they could go past the feelings and lovey and all 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:33.480 that sort of stuff because it's just physical. So yeah, 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.920 we're completely different, and I can understand why women would 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:36.240 think that. 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:40.000 The next letter says, Hi, doctor X, I'm so confused. 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.280 I met a guy two months ago through a mutual friend. 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:45.440 Everything was going great. We'd message all the time. He'd 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.240 seemed really interested in getting to know me. We spoke 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.080 about our families and our goals for the future. Out 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.720 of nowhere, he started to ghost me. He's never free 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.320 to catch up anymore, and he started to ignore my texts. 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:58.559 Why when everything seems to be going great to men 0:12:58.640 --> 0:12:59.480 get cold feet? 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:05.720 Speaking from experience, he didn't want to full on relationship. 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:07.320 It took him a while to work out that. You know, 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.320 she could be a lovely girl, and he could see that, 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.320 and he thought, well, I I'm not ready to settle 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:16.160 down just yet, so maybe I'll pull back because I 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:18.559 still want to be single. That's happened to me, it's 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:21.079 happened to people I know where you're just not ready 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.960 for a commitment. Maybe it started off he just wanted 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:25.240 to have a fling with this girl, and then he 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.800 realized that it's maybe more than a fling. She's a 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:31.080 nice girl. I could, you know, like, I don't want 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:33.600 to start a relationship as I don't want to hurt 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:35.480 this girl. So maybe that's why I got cold feet. 0:13:35.600 --> 0:13:38.640 See I think that's really good advice for women to hear, 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:41.600 because I think a lot of the time women go, oh, 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.480 it must be me, I've done something wrong. But I 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:46.520 feel like that's good to hear that you know you're 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.520 this person, You're probably an amazing girl, but this guy 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.400 is just not looking for something right now. 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:54.160 Well that's maybe why. And I could speak from experience 0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:57.200 in the past that there were some amazing girls, there 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.160 were lovely girls, that it wasn't them, it was me, 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:04.240 And I felt like I wasn't ready to lead them 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.240 in the wrong direction when I knew there wasn't In 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:09.520 my mind, if there wasn't going to be a relationship 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:13.240 because I wasn't ready. So yeah, those girls that are 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:17.200 in that situation, it's not always you. Hopefully the guy 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.720 does the right thing, and maybe he sometimes is going 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:21.200 to be cruel to be kind, he's doing that for 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:22.520 your own good most probably. 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:26.160 So the next question is from back from Adelaide, says 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.320 dear dr X, I've started dating a guy I can 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.520 see a future with. I wanted to know how long 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.560 I should make him wait before we sleep together. In 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:37.160 the past, I've slept with guys too early into a 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.440 relationship and it's made them feel like they don't have 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.400 to put a title on our relationship. I really want 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:44.080 to show him I'm girlfriend material. 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:45.280 So what do you think? 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.520 Wow, Now, this is a tough one. There's no easy 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:52.000 answer for this question, because it can guy. Are the 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:55.160 two ways it can guy. Either if you have sex 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.080 with him too early, maybe that's all he wanted and 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:00.840 he's out of there. And if you wait too he's 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:03.080 waiting that long that he's out of there as well, 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:05.240 or he wants to have it with somebody else. So 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.560 this is something that everybody's different and you've got to 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:12.360 just judge it individually. On that individual person and know 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.360 that person very well to think, well, if he loves 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:18.760 me enough, he'll wait. But my advice to you is 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.480 you've got to work out this person's personality. I believe 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:24.440 if he doesn't want to wait for you to have sex, 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:25.520 well you don't want him anyway. 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.840 It's funny that you say that because there's another podcast 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.680 I really enjoy listening to called Love etc. And they 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:33.880 were saying, oh, you know, just go for it, like 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.280 it doesn't really matter if if you do sleep with 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.960 the guy and then he rejects you, then at least 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:39.280 you know. 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:40.080 But I kind of. 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.320 Think, well, no, I wouldn't be happy with that because 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:44.160 then they've got what they wanted and then keeped you 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:46.080 to the curb. I don't think it's how long are 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.760 they talking, Okay, like a few days or something. They 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.240 were talking like, if you want to hook up like 0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:53.480 one night stand, then go for it, And to me, 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:55.680 that's I don't think that's good advice at all. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.040 Definitely bad advice. It's the worst bullshit I've ever heard, 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:02.960 to be totally honest. You know you're going to feel 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.480 sorry for yourself and bad for yourself if you just 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.240 have sex with the sky let's say even after the 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:10.240 second night. If he puts pressure on you, you know 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:12.040 that's what he wants. If he puts pressure on you 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:15.520 to have sex early, you know that that's what all 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:17.320 he wants. Is that because he'll be gone the next week. 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:18.280 So bad advice. 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:20.840 Just on that topic. What do you think about kissing 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:21.640 on the first date? 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:24.960 Then, yeah, that's another one that's sort of horses for courses. 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:27.880 You're really going to play it by ear. If there's 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:31.000 chemistry there, go for it. I think, go for it 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.920 because you can feel how much you want this person 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:36.560 if there is chemistry. If there's no chemistry there, then 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.040 just pull back. That could still come. It doesn't mean 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:42.640 there won't be. But sometimes you know, you can meet 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.240 someone straight away and straight away this chemistry you know. Yep, 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:47.800 all you want to do is just kiss him. But yeah, 0:16:47.840 --> 0:16:49.560 you're going to play that one by ear as well. 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.200 But I haven't got a problem with kissing him on 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:53.720 the first date, no problem at all. 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:55.320 I think there's nothing wrong with it. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.160 It's so it's a bit awkward when there's this kiss 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.320 lingering over your head and it's almost like a wee friend, do. 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:00.880 You like me? 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.080 It's ye it's always a bit awkward when you don't 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:04.400 kind of get that kiss out the way. 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:06.200 Well, you're only going to kiss the person, and if 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:08.480 one of two things, if you really like them and 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:11.159 you want a relationship, or you're going to kiss them 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:13.160 because you want to get into bed with him, that's 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.080 the only two reasons. Otherwise you're just gonna give me 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:16.239 a peck on the chicken sagod night. 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:19.359 I actually had this experience before where there was no 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.640 kiss on the first day. It was a good date. 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:24.040 We both actually lost our verses from talking so much. 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.960 There was a really good friendship there. But it stretched 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:30.560