Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to a very special episode of Outspoken.
Speaker 1: You're joined by journalists Sophie Kate and Amy Torbert.
Speaker 2: Have you ever wanted to know what men really think?
Speaker 1: In a modern world of dating apps, social media, etiquette
Speaker 1: and mixed messages, We want to help you navigate the
Speaker 1: harsh dating world. We're actually feeling a bit nostalgic today.
Speaker 1: Growing up, everyone would remember Dolly Doctor's sealed section was
Speaker 1: where you'd go for dating advice. Nothing was too embarrassing
Speaker 1: or too cringey. We want to move Dolly Doctor into
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen with our very own doctor X.
Speaker 2: Welcome Doctor X.
Speaker 3: Good evening, ladies. I've got three of you here. That's
Speaker 3: a man's dream.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you for joining us, and we will be
Speaker 1: keeping your identity anonymous because we want you to be
Speaker 1: as open as possible. And we've chosen you because we
Speaker 1: think you give the best dating advice.
Speaker 3: Well, if you want the truth and you think it's
Speaker 3: the best dating advice, then I'll take that, but I'll
Speaker 3: give you the truth. I'm not going to hold anything back.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: So we've taken to social media to find out what
Speaker 1: you really want to know but are too embarrassed.
Speaker 2: To ask.
Speaker 1: So the first question, Dear doctor X, my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: I have been together for a year. Ever since we
Speaker 1: started dating, he has continued to like other girls photos
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I don't mind him liking his female friend's photos,
Speaker 1: but I've stumbled across him liking pictures of girls I
Speaker 1: don't know. In some of the photos, the girls are
Speaker 1: wearing bikinis or a scantily dressed Why do men do this?
Speaker 1: And should I be worried? And that's from Caitlin from Queensland.
Speaker 3: Caitlin, very good question. I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 3: with it one year. Yeah, you haven't been around long
Speaker 3: enough yet. I think I think he's still kind of
Speaker 3: hedging his bets. To be totally honest, he still wants
Speaker 3: to see what's out there, and I think it's a
Speaker 3: normal thing for guys just to look at other women.
Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with it as long as you reap
Speaker 3: the rewards, if you know what I'm saying. So, I think,
Speaker 3: in answer to your question, I wouldn't worry about it
Speaker 3: too much. Maybe if he's still doing it next year,
Speaker 3: then i'd think of changing boyfriends.
Speaker 1: I personally think that, yeah, if he's into you, he
Speaker 1: shouldn't be liking those photos. As you say, from a
Speaker 1: woman's perspective, I would think that would show he's maybe
Speaker 1: unless it's unless it's a friend of his photos, that's
Speaker 1: fine to like it. But if you're liking bikini photos,
Speaker 1: it shows you a little bit uninterested. I would think
Speaker 1: I wouldn't put up with it.
Speaker 3: So you wouldn't like the idea of looking at bikini photo.
Speaker 3: Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't like the idea of my boyfriend liking other
Speaker 1: girls photos.
Speaker 3: In bikini Do you feel threatened?
Speaker 1: Well, I would feel threatened because I was be thinking,
Speaker 1: but why is he liking this if he's interested in me.
Speaker 3: But he doesn't know them?
Speaker 2: Oh, if he doesn't know them?
Speaker 3: Does she's saying he knows these guys?
Speaker 2: I took it that she knew that.
Speaker 1: They weren't, you know, like supermodels, they were just normal girls.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but does he know them?
Speaker 1: Well, she said that she doesn't know them, So I'm
Speaker 1: wondering if that's the problem.
Speaker 3: Well, if he knows them, then that maybe changes things.
Speaker 3: If he knows them, then it's a little bit weird.
Speaker 3: But maybe he has't got what's his intentions? Is he
Speaker 3: just looking for the hell of looking at the attractive
Speaker 3: girl in a bikini, which guy doesn't like, I mean
Speaker 3: even girls like looking at attractive women and bikinis.
Speaker 2: Well, I like to know.
Speaker 1: If he's open to publicly liking this girl's photo and
Speaker 1: perhaps commenting what is going on behind closed doors in
Speaker 1: the is he sliding into a few girls dms that
Speaker 1: the girlfriend doesn't know about as well?
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know, I think maybe being a bit
Speaker 3: too precious. But having said that, if it was the
Speaker 3: other way around, you know, and she was looking at
Speaker 3: guys in nice tight little bathers the speedo's, maybe he
Speaker 3: might be a bit jealous. Maybe he's trying to make
Speaker 3: it jealous. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's interesting though, because I think the difference is back
Speaker 1: in the day, men would look at, you know, these
Speaker 1: sorts of photos in magazines, but there was no way
Speaker 1: of actually contact the girls, whereas in Instagram you can
Speaker 1: find a hot girl and then directly message her. So
Speaker 1: wondering if that's sort of a part of it, that
Speaker 1: she's a bit worried that the you know, he might
Speaker 1: not just be looking at these photos but then trying
Speaker 1: to pursue the girl. I don't know. I kind of
Speaker 1: think when you see men liking all these sort of
Speaker 1: bikini photos that look a bit sleep.
Speaker 3: Well, how many of them what you're saying, like hundreds
Speaker 3: of them?
Speaker 1: Well, if I was looking, say, I met a guy
Speaker 1: and I saw that all these bikini photos kept popping
Speaker 1: up of him liking, I think maybe he was a.
Speaker 2: Bit of a player, a bit of a pig.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that actually happened to me. I
Speaker 1: was dating some guy and on the Instagram, I kept
Speaker 1: you can see what people like follow a like, and
Speaker 1: I noticed that he kept liking girls photos in bikinis,
Speaker 1: and I was sort of like, what I mean, we
Speaker 1: weren't even exclusive or anything like that, but that kind
Speaker 1: of made me feel like he was a bit of
Speaker 1: a perv. Does that make you sound a bit crazy, though,
Speaker 1: that you're not even going out with this guy and
Speaker 1: you're already stalking his instagram for you? No, I wasn't
Speaker 1: actually stalking him, but it just kept popping up, and
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a bit weird. That section
Speaker 1: doesn't pop up. You have to you're actively looking for
Speaker 1: that section. No, but I wasn't actively seeking out what
Speaker 1: he was liking. It. I just noticed there was a
Speaker 1: trend about it.
Speaker 3: So what did you think of him? How were you thinking?
Speaker 3: Were you feeling threatened? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well they were kind of girls with massive boobs, and
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I don't have massive boobs.
Speaker 2: So and it wasn't just models, it.
Speaker 1: Was like random girls in Adelaide. So I was like, hmm, okay.
Speaker 3: In nnswer two ways? Was it Caitlin? Was it from Queensland?
Speaker 3: I'd say to Caitlin, if you really feel threatened and
Speaker 3: he keeps looking at these girls, maybe it's time to
Speaker 3: get a new boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Moving on to the next question. It's from Ella from Melbourne.
Speaker 1: Dear doctor X. The other night, my boyfriend revealed to
Speaker 1: me he has slept with that twenty six women. We
Speaker 1: are both in our mid twenties and began dating two
Speaker 1: years ago. Do men usually lie about their numbers?
Speaker 3: That's another good question. Yeah, I think some guys do.
Speaker 3: I think it's sometimes safer to lie about how many
Speaker 3: year because and I think we've all been there. Tell
Speaker 3: me the truth, I really, I don't mind. I won't
Speaker 3: I won't care. And then you do tell them the truth,
Speaker 3: and then they'll hold it against you forever. So I reckon.
Speaker 3: It's best either to say you can't remember, that's me,
Speaker 3: or maybe just say two or three, because that way,
Speaker 3: there the girls will be more sort of satisfied. Though
Speaker 3: there's only a couple, so I feel more special because
Speaker 3: for whatever reason, I mean, you expect a guy to
Speaker 3: have a lot of women more than women to have
Speaker 3: a lot of guys. That's how us blokes think anyway,
Speaker 3: So you either tell them you can't remember, or just
Speaker 3: make it minimal, like a couple of women.
Speaker 2: Is there a general rule of thumb that guys have
Speaker 2: the women?
Speaker 1: There's some rule that, you know, divide it by three
Speaker 1: whatever they say.
Speaker 3: No, I don't know really, because I mean you can
Speaker 3: ask any guy you know and ask them, and many
Speaker 3: women they've had. I'll be surprised if they know, unless
Speaker 3: they're dead shits and they don't and they're not very
Speaker 3: good looking and they've never had that many women. That's different.
Speaker 3: But otherwise most blokes will not remember, and to us
Speaker 3: it doesn't really matter. It's like, at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, you're with the are now, so who cares
Speaker 3: what was in the past. That was just a bit
Speaker 3: of practice.
Speaker 1: Is there a number that would put you off if
Speaker 1: you found out someone you were dating, like a girl
Speaker 1: had slept with you know, fifty guys. Is there a
Speaker 1: number that you would cap it at that you'd think
Speaker 1: not interested anymore?
Speaker 3: What depends how she old she was. If she was
Speaker 3: twenty one and she had fifty blokes, I think that
Speaker 3: would worry me a tad. What then you do your sums?
Speaker 3: I think that's twice a day. Yeah, I suppose that
Speaker 3: you know guys. I think most guys would prefer women
Speaker 3: to add that many guys. If you come up with
Speaker 3: a high total, then then there is a kind of
Speaker 3: a red flag, which is I didn't make the rules.
Speaker 3: That just seems to be the case.
Speaker 1: I dated a guy and he was only twenty at
Speaker 1: the time, so this was back in the day, and
Speaker 1: he told me that he and his friends would keep
Speaker 1: a list and write down every girl that they'd slept with.
Speaker 1: And his list was up to twenty three and he
Speaker 1: was only twenty years old and lost his Begitta. Not
Speaker 1: a bad effort when he was eighteen. I actually think
Speaker 1: he was over over selling how many girls he'd actually
Speaker 1: been with to sound more impressive.
Speaker 3: You're right, when you're younger, you kind of you do
Speaker 3: keep count as you're growing up past puberty, and you
Speaker 3: know it's a challenge to see how many girls you
Speaker 3: can get. So yeah, yeah, I think I most probably
Speaker 3: was the same. But then you get to a point
Speaker 3: where you just don't worry about it anymore. It's kind
Speaker 3: of you don't have to impress anyone. But yep, I
Speaker 3: believe that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So our next question is from and from Sydney.
Speaker 2: So do you, doctor X?
Speaker 1: I have a question about online dating. I swipe right,
Speaker 1: we match, I text first. He never replies. This is
Speaker 1: happening more and more frequently to me and many of
Speaker 1: my single gal pals. Why we are catchers? But why
Speaker 1: swipe bright if you don't think we fit your criteria?
Speaker 1: Why inflate your ego by gaming matches and not talking
Speaker 1: to them? So why do you think these guys aren't talking?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know they what depends what they look like,
Speaker 3: because let's face it looks first impressions is what they
Speaker 3: look like.
Speaker 1: So she's talking about the dating app Tinder, So that's
Speaker 1: based on what people look like. So you can either
Speaker 1: go yes, yes, yes, or no.
Speaker 2: Well not to butt in here, doctor X.
Speaker 1: But I've heard it from a lot of guys that
Speaker 1: they all just swipe right on basically every girl that
Speaker 1: pops up in their feed, So they're just kind of
Speaker 1: hedging their bets.
Speaker 2: At who's gonna law of average.
Speaker 1: Yes, so they probably match with someone and they weren't
Speaker 1: particularly interested in matching with them, so they're not going
Speaker 1: to pursue the conversation any further.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's an interesting one, and I've never used Tinder thankfully. Well,
Speaker 3: I think it's there is a need for it, There's
Speaker 3: no doubt about it because a lot of single people
Speaker 3: out there, a lot of women especially, don't like going
Speaker 3: to bars and finding their perfect match for the rest
Speaker 3: of their life at a pub while he's pissed. But
Speaker 3: at the same time, I think this is for blokes.
Speaker 3: They mostly use it as a thing to just meet
Speaker 3: girls to have sex with. Whether they're serious. I'm sure
Speaker 3: there are some that are serious about wanting to meet
Speaker 3: the right woman on here, and likewise women would like
Speaker 3: to meet the right man. But why they swipe right
Speaker 3: And I don't know, Like you say, maybe they just
Speaker 3: hedging their bets. The more that you swipe right, maybe
Speaker 3: there's a good charge you can end up with the jackpot.
Speaker 3: Who knows but good luck to just keep swiping right,
Speaker 3: I reckon.
Speaker 1: So moving on to the next letter, it reads, Dear
Speaker 1: doctor X. At the start of the year, I found
Speaker 1: out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He admitted to
Speaker 1: me that he slept with another girl on a drunken
Speaker 1: night out. The girl in question is quite plain looking.
Speaker 1: A lot of people have told have been shocked as
Speaker 1: they say, I'm a lot better looking than her. Whye
Speaker 1: a man cheat with girls who aren't as good looking
Speaker 1: as their partners. And that's from Lizzie from Melbourne.
Speaker 3: Because they're blokes, I think that's I mean, that's not
Speaker 3: the first time I've ever heard that little story, I
Speaker 3: can tell you, especially when they have a few drinks.
Speaker 3: Sometimes having a few drinks as an excuse, mind you.
Speaker 3: But I don't think it's for blokes. I mean, as
Speaker 3: long as she's you know, hasn't got a leash on her,
Speaker 3: and she's not ugly, I think I don't think guys
Speaker 3: really care. I think there as long as it's another woman,
Speaker 3: that's I'm afraid to say that it's just another woman
Speaker 3: and it's just sex, so he might still love the
Speaker 3: girl he's with. But that was just a little fling,
Speaker 3: So it's got nothing to do with the looks. Unless
Speaker 3: it's a real ugly looking woman, then that's a different ballgame.
Speaker 2: So do you think it's it is the excitement of
Speaker 2: someone new?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, see where hunters men are hunters, So not that
Speaker 3: they all go looking for women or for other women
Speaker 3: or other sex. Some do and there's some that just
Speaker 3: lands on their lap and then they do it. Not everybody,
Speaker 3: but most of them would.
Speaker 1: Do you think that this guy in question truly loves
Speaker 1: his girlfriend? If he's going off and sleeping with someone else.
Speaker 3: Well, he could still love her. I'm not saying that
Speaker 3: it's just because he's sleeping with someone else doesn't mean
Speaker 3: he doesn't love his girlfriend. That's not the case. But
Speaker 3: there could be a situation where he doesn't love her
Speaker 3: that's why he's sleeping. So it's not everybody's the same.
Speaker 3: He still could love his girlfriend, but he just wants
Speaker 3: to sort of have something different. See.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of women who would be listening
Speaker 1: to your advice they would be confused because I would
Speaker 1: think if my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else, that
Speaker 1: he wouldn't love me.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I find it I think that's probably a hard ideology
Speaker 1: for women to hear. Do you think it's just because
Speaker 1: men and women are different in that respect?
Speaker 3: One hundred percent different? And I know of women, many
Speaker 3: women they wouldn't have sex with someone unless they love
Speaker 3: them and they have feelings. Guys don't have to be
Speaker 3: like that because to guys it's just physical. You know,
Speaker 3: they could go past the feelings and lovey and all
Speaker 3: that sort of stuff because it's just physical. So yeah,
Speaker 3: we're completely different, and I can understand why women would
Speaker 3: think that.
Speaker 1: The next letter says, Hi, doctor X, I'm so confused.
Speaker 1: I met a guy two months ago through a mutual friend.
Speaker 1: Everything was going great. We'd message all the time. He'd
Speaker 1: seemed really interested in getting to know me. We spoke
Speaker 1: about our families and our goals for the future. Out
Speaker 1: of nowhere, he started to ghost me. He's never free
Speaker 1: to catch up anymore, and he started to ignore my texts.
Speaker 1: Why when everything seems to be going great to men
Speaker 1: get cold feet?
Speaker 3: Speaking from experience, he didn't want to full on relationship.
Speaker 3: It took him a while to work out that. You know,
Speaker 3: she could be a lovely girl, and he could see that,
Speaker 3: and he thought, well, I I'm not ready to settle
Speaker 3: down just yet, so maybe I'll pull back because I
Speaker 3: still want to be single. That's happened to me, it's
Speaker 3: happened to people I know where you're just not ready
Speaker 3: for a commitment. Maybe it started off he just wanted
Speaker 3: to have a fling with this girl, and then he
Speaker 3: realized that it's maybe more than a fling. She's a
Speaker 3: nice girl. I could, you know, like, I don't want
Speaker 3: to start a relationship as I don't want to hurt
Speaker 3: this girl. So maybe that's why I got cold feet.
Speaker 1: See I think that's really good advice for women to hear,
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of the time women go, oh,
Speaker 1: it must be me, I've done something wrong. But I
Speaker 1: feel like that's good to hear that you know you're
Speaker 1: this person, You're probably an amazing girl, but this guy
Speaker 1: is just not looking for something right now.
Speaker 3: Well that's maybe why. And I could speak from experience
Speaker 3: in the past that there were some amazing girls, there
Speaker 3: were lovely girls, that it wasn't them, it was me,
Speaker 3: And I felt like I wasn't ready to lead them
Speaker 3: in the wrong direction when I knew there wasn't In
Speaker 3: my mind, if there wasn't going to be a relationship
Speaker 3: because I wasn't ready. So yeah, those girls that are
Speaker 3: in that situation, it's not always you. Hopefully the guy
Speaker 3: does the right thing, and maybe he sometimes is going
Speaker 3: to be cruel to be kind, he's doing that for
Speaker 3: your own good most probably.
Speaker 1: So the next question is from back from Adelaide, says
Speaker 1: dear dr X, I've started dating a guy I can
Speaker 1: see a future with. I wanted to know how long
Speaker 1: I should make him wait before we sleep together. In
Speaker 1: the past, I've slept with guys too early into a
Speaker 1: relationship and it's made them feel like they don't have
Speaker 1: to put a title on our relationship. I really want
Speaker 1: to show him I'm girlfriend material.
Speaker 2: So what do you think?
Speaker 3: Wow, Now, this is a tough one. There's no easy
Speaker 3: answer for this question, because it can guy. Are the
Speaker 3: two ways it can guy. Either if you have sex
Speaker 3: with him too early, maybe that's all he wanted and
Speaker 3: he's out of there. And if you wait too he's
Speaker 3: waiting that long that he's out of there as well,
Speaker 3: or he wants to have it with somebody else. So
Speaker 3: this is something that everybody's different and you've got to
Speaker 3: just judge it individually. On that individual person and know
Speaker 3: that person very well to think, well, if he loves
Speaker 3: me enough, he'll wait. But my advice to you is
Speaker 3: you've got to work out this person's personality. I believe
Speaker 3: if he doesn't want to wait for you to have sex,
Speaker 3: well you don't want him anyway.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that because there's another podcast
Speaker 1: I really enjoy listening to called Love etc. And they
Speaker 1: were saying, oh, you know, just go for it, like
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter if if you do sleep with
Speaker 1: the guy and then he rejects you, then at least
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: But I kind of.
Speaker 1: Think, well, no, I wouldn't be happy with that because
Speaker 1: then they've got what they wanted and then keeped you
Speaker 1: to the curb. I don't think it's how long are
Speaker 1: they talking, Okay, like a few days or something. They
Speaker 1: were talking like, if you want to hook up like
Speaker 1: one night stand, then go for it, And to me,
Speaker 1: that's I don't think that's good advice at all.
Speaker 3: Definitely bad advice. It's the worst bullshit I've ever heard,
Speaker 3: to be totally honest. You know you're going to feel
Speaker 3: sorry for yourself and bad for yourself if you just
Speaker 3: have sex with the sky let's say even after the
Speaker 3: second night. If he puts pressure on you, you know
Speaker 3: that's what he wants. If he puts pressure on you
Speaker 3: to have sex early, you know that that's what all
Speaker 3: he wants. Is that because he'll be gone the next week.
Speaker 3: So bad advice.
Speaker 1: Just on that topic. What do you think about kissing
Speaker 1: on the first date?
Speaker 3: Then, yeah, that's another one that's sort of horses for courses.
Speaker 3: You're really going to play it by ear. If there's
Speaker 3: chemistry there, go for it. I think, go for it
Speaker 3: because you can feel how much you want this person
Speaker 3: if there is chemistry. If there's no chemistry there, then
Speaker 3: just pull back. That could still come. It doesn't mean
Speaker 3: there won't be. But sometimes you know, you can meet
Speaker 3: someone straight away and straight away this chemistry you know. Yep,
Speaker 3: all you want to do is just kiss him. But yeah,
Speaker 3: you're going to play that one by ear as well.
Speaker 3: But I haven't got a problem with kissing him on
Speaker 3: the first date, no problem at all.
Speaker 2: I think there's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1: It's so it's a bit awkward when there's this kiss
Speaker 1: lingering over your head and it's almost like a wee friend, do.
Speaker 2: You like me?
Speaker 1: It's ye it's always a bit awkward when you don't
Speaker 1: kind of get that kiss out the way.
Speaker 3: Well, you're only going to kiss the person, and if
Speaker 3: one of two things, if you really like them and
Speaker 3: you want a relationship, or you're going to kiss them
Speaker 3: because you want to get into bed with him, that's
Speaker 3: the only two reasons. Otherwise you're just gonna give me
Speaker 3: a peck on the chicken sagod night.
Speaker 1: I actually had this experience before where there was no
Speaker 1: kiss on the first day. It was a good date.
Speaker 1: We both actually lost our verses from talking so much.
Speaker 1: There was a really good friendship there. But it stretched
Speaker 1: out to date number four and it was so the day.
Speaker 1: The date before was a movie date, so you're kind
Speaker 1: of waiting for the guy to make a move and
Speaker 1: it was all but I don't think it's just up
Speaker 1: to him to make a move. I feel like with
Speaker 1: you in particular, sometimes you give this really bad body
Speaker 1: language where it's kind of like back off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, it was just awkward.
Speaker 1: It got to the point where it was like the
Speaker 1: fourth day and it finally happened, But it just we'd
Speaker 1: all spoken about it so much that it was just
Speaker 1: it was awkward, and there was just nothing there.
Speaker 2: Do you know what this reminds me?
Speaker 1: I remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn't He said
Speaker 1: he couldn't sleep with this girl because he respected her
Speaker 1: too much.
Speaker 2: And he said, yeah, he.
Speaker 1: Said, the conversation was just so good there was no
Speaker 1: time to pause and make a move. It sounds like
Speaker 1: the same situation.
Speaker 3: Well it is, and I can see that. But I'm
Speaker 3: with Sophie. There's nothing wrong with you making a move,
Speaker 3: you know. I think in the twenty first century especially,
Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with the girl making the first move
Speaker 3: if she's sure she wants to kiss this guy. Because
Speaker 3: most guys, most guys, not all guys, would want to
Speaker 3: kiss a pretty woman. There's no doubt about that. But
Speaker 3: obviously there was no chemistry from the start. You know,
Speaker 3: obviously you're always going to be good friends. But otherwise
Speaker 3: you would have you both would have kissed, and you
Speaker 3: wouldn't have you know, we'd like plunges. You wouldn't have
Speaker 3: let go for an hour.
Speaker 1: I feel like that awkwardness wouldn't be there if you
Speaker 1: did have a good connection with someone. Yeah, And I think,
Speaker 1: reflecting back on it, it was just you just knew
Speaker 1: that we were good friends got along, but there was
Speaker 1: just nothing there. And yeah, as he said, it's pretty obvious.
Speaker 1: So I think it can be good to get it
Speaker 1: out of the way because then at least, you know,
Speaker 1: do you know what I keep getting in my head?
Speaker 1: You know that Kath and Kim episode where it's like,
Speaker 1: no kiss now.
Speaker 2: Coach, no kiss, no coach.
Speaker 1: The next question is about a kiss of a different kind.
Speaker 1: So it says, dear doctor X, I recently found out
Speaker 1: my boyfriend kissed another girl when he was away on
Speaker 1: a work trip. He told me it was a mistake
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't happen again. Should I give him a
Speaker 1: second chance?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Now that is from Stephanie for Melbourne, So you do
Speaker 1: think he should have a.
Speaker 3: Second Tephany, give him one more chance? He I mean
Speaker 3: a kiss again. All the circumstances that surround it makes
Speaker 3: a big difference. But I think if you, yeah, everyone
Speaker 3: makes a mistake. Maybe in that moment something happened. Did
Speaker 3: they have sex or just a kiss?
Speaker 2: Well she's saying just kiss.
Speaker 3: Well, if it was just a kiss, I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: give him a chance. I mean it might have just
Speaker 3: been a quick kiss or was it one of those
Speaker 3: full on don't let go type kiss.
Speaker 1: If he's already been dishonest, you know, in the first place,
Speaker 1: and probably has been caught out with the kiss. Maybe
Speaker 1: there has been more that's happened that he's not being
Speaker 1: honest about.
Speaker 2: We don't know, I suppose so, doctor X.
Speaker 1: Would it be different if this guy had actually slept
Speaker 1: with the girl instead of just kissing it?
Speaker 3: Well, it changes things for sure. But as we know,
Speaker 3: there are some couples that forgive give them another chance,
Speaker 3: even under those circumstances, and then there's others that no chances.
Speaker 3: You've done the wrong thing, you're out of here. So again,
Speaker 3: need to know more information, need to have more ideas
Speaker 3: of how this all started, what happened. Was he drunk
Speaker 3: or was she drunk? Maybe some people say it's not
Speaker 3: an excuse, but people do make mistakes.
Speaker 1: Do you think it would make a difference if, say,
Speaker 1: he knows the girl compared to if it's a random girl.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a very good question. I think some women
Speaker 3: would most probably say I'd rather be a random girl
Speaker 3: than know the girl. I think that is a huge difference,
Speaker 3: especially if it's your girlfriend. Then that one there is
Speaker 3: that one there is getting on a really sticky ground.
Speaker 3: If it's your girlfriend that he had sex with, I
Speaker 3: think that's a no note of going with your girlfriend's girlfriends,
Speaker 3: if you know what I mean. I think that's definitely
Speaker 3: a you don't go in that area because I don't
Speaker 3: think there's any excuses for that.
Speaker 2: But that's a bigger boundary it is.
Speaker 3: Namely because and you can understand how it happens, because
Speaker 3: they see so much of each other. Then you start
Speaker 3: to grow on them as well. And if they're attractive,
Speaker 3: then you're only human. But it's still not an excuse,
Speaker 3: and I think it's a no no that one there.
Speaker 3: But if it was just a stranger, I think it's
Speaker 3: a little bit different. That's what I think.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's also different if he's been honest
Speaker 1: about it, like if he's tried to deceive the girlfriend
Speaker 1: and lie about it, is it different? Or if he's
Speaker 1: actually come to him said I've made a genuine mistake.
Speaker 3: Never admit to it. Never admit to it, because what
Speaker 3: you don't know will not hurt you unless you've been
Speaker 3: found out. That's a different ballgame. But if you admit it,
Speaker 3: that is looking for trouble.
Speaker 1: See if my boyfriend went out and kissed another girl,
Speaker 1: I would dump his r so quickly just a kiss, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think it's so disrespectful and it should have
Speaker 1: shows what their motives are, as in if I know,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go out and do that if I really
Speaker 1: cared about somebody.
Speaker 3: So I think that what about if he's intoxicated, because
Speaker 3: people do things they don't normally do when they're drunk.
Speaker 3: Is that an excuse or not?
Speaker 2: I don't really. I think that sometimes it's a bit
Speaker 2: of a cop out. I think you'd have to be there.
Speaker 1: And if his friends were like he just didn't know
Speaker 1: what he was doing, he was paralytic and he was
Speaker 1: you know, oh, please forgive me.
Speaker 2: I'd never do this. I don't know. But I'm just
Speaker 2: of the mind that once a cheater, always a cheater.
Speaker 1: And you know, it depends if it's really early on
Speaker 1: in the relationship as well. I'm not sure when this happened,
Speaker 1: but you kind of think where you know, that's kind
Speaker 1: of what the relationship's going to be like. If this
Speaker 1: guy's kissing other girls already.
Speaker 3: No, but you're saying kissing other girls, we're talking about
Speaker 3: one person here. If your boyfriend kissed one person that's
Speaker 3: all he's ever done. You would actually go to the
Speaker 3: extreme of dumping him just because he kissed one girl.
Speaker 3: That's pretty extreme. Well, he's made a mistake.
Speaker 1: It would depend, it would depend what he said, and
Speaker 1: if I really loved him, I might be stupid enough
Speaker 1: to forgive him. But I think my initial I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't think I could get over that because I
Speaker 1: feel like it's just so dishonest. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of girls would keep it in the back of their
Speaker 1: mind as well and not be able to trust them
Speaker 1: when they went out on Further.
Speaker 3: We're talking about a kiss, not having sex. A kiss,
Speaker 3: I think that's okay, you shouldn't do it, but it's
Speaker 3: really not that bad like having sex.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously it's not as bad as that. There's
Speaker 1: obviously scales of badness, but I think it's still as
Speaker 1: a betrayal of someone's trust. If you're out on a
Speaker 1: work trip and the first thing you do is go
Speaker 1: on hook up with another girl, to be honest, I
Speaker 1: think it's wrong, but I think you got It's easy
Speaker 1: to sit here and talk about. Oh, I definitely dump him,
Speaker 1: but I think when in the situation and you love
Speaker 1: the person, you built a life with them, then it
Speaker 1: would be a lot easier to forgive a kiss as
Speaker 1: opposed to you having I think I think it's easy
Speaker 1: to say now. I think you can forgive it, but
Speaker 1: it's always going to be at the back of your mind.
Speaker 1: I think we should move on to the quick fire
Speaker 1: round for Doctor X is quite an interesting one. So
Speaker 1: when do you think it's acceptable to fight in front
Speaker 1: of your partner?
Speaker 3: I reckon you should do it within the first week.
Speaker 1: What about So if a girl farted in front of
Speaker 1: you in the first week, would you be impressed or
Speaker 1: a bit disturbed?
Speaker 3: No, I would be okay, because you know, sometimes you
Speaker 3: go out like you know you what depends how long
Speaker 3: you've been out with this person, and you hold it in.
Speaker 3: You don't want to and you're fucking dying to get
Speaker 3: out of there. As soon as you're getting that car away,
Speaker 3: she goes and that car is dangerous all of a
Speaker 3: sudden because it doesn't smell very nice. So I reckon,
Speaker 3: the sooner you get that out of the way, the better,
Speaker 3: so you both feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: I've never farted in front of dale.
Speaker 3: Well, that's ridiculous. That is ridiculous.
Speaker 1: We heard of someone someone we know has never farted
Speaker 1: in front of their girlfriend of seven years a boy nahn.
Speaker 3: Like, I find that very very hard to believe. There's
Speaker 3: nothing that's just the human beings do that. That's what
Speaker 3: everybody does it, you know, like everybody does it.
Speaker 1: So I thought I hadn't yet farted in front of
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, and then I found out that I've done
Speaker 1: it in my sleep. I'll just add my ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: he told me that if I ever farted in front
Speaker 1: of me, he'd kick me to the curb.
Speaker 2: That too, he said he'd break up with me. Douchebag.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I think if any guy ever says that,
Speaker 3: or vice versa, you don't want to be with him,
Speaker 3: because that's the most natural thing in the world, is farting. Really,
Speaker 3: In fact, I wish I had one. Now, I'd let
Speaker 3: one rip what I haven't.
Speaker 1: I've also heard of someone who's going out with a
Speaker 1: new girl and he hasn't farted in front of her,
Speaker 1: so he'll actually go out to the car to fart
Speaker 1: before he goes and asleep. Oh you tell it. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: we've actually heard this guy that we know. He's been
Speaker 1: dating her for a year and they've even been overseas together,
Speaker 1: and so while they were overseas, as an excuse to
Speaker 1: go far outside, he'd go on like field, drink bottles up,
Speaker 1: or pretend to be going somewhere.
Speaker 2: And then every time.
Speaker 1: He stays at her house, he leaves his overnight bag
Speaker 1: in the car so he has an excuse to go
Speaker 1: out and get it to far and she always think
Speaker 1: his bloody got on set dementia or something.
Speaker 3: Well, I think he's fucked in the head. If you
Speaker 3: ask me, that's a lot of work just for a fart. Well,
Speaker 3: I believe. Well, I'll ask you girls, if a guy
Speaker 3: farted in front of you after the first week, what
Speaker 3: would you think.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's just a normal thing for guys
Speaker 1: to do. If I fight it after first week, I
Speaker 1: would be mortified.
Speaker 2: And I don't know.
Speaker 1: In that situation with this guy who doesn't far in
Speaker 1: front of it, I would think there was something wrong
Speaker 1: because imagine if you were the first to fight, Like
Speaker 1: I feel like the guy has to be the first
Speaker 1: to fight, otherwise you're thinking, who is this guy?
Speaker 3: That's not normal? That what that guy did?
Speaker 1: I think it shows a level of comfort if you
Speaker 1: are willing to pass wind in front of your part
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 3: That's the best way to describe it. I think once
Speaker 3: you find in front of each other, you know you
Speaker 3: feel comfortable with each other. If it's after the first week,
Speaker 3: kudos to you.
Speaker 1: I reckon now along with the same sort of line,
Speaker 1: doctor X, when do you think you should use your
Speaker 1: partner's bathroom to do an number two?
Speaker 3: Your partner's bathroom?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, like if you were it on a first, second,
Speaker 1: third date with the girl, you probably wouldn't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: And do that.
Speaker 3: It is a bit orkie, but you know what, if
Speaker 3: you've got to go, you've got to go, you know.
Speaker 3: You know, there's times we just can't you can't wait
Speaker 3: to get home. And I don't like stopping at service stations,
Speaker 3: so I'm one of those that And it's the worst
Speaker 3: part about doing that is if it's really quiet in
Speaker 3: the house and the toilet's next to where the people
Speaker 3: are and you're trying to getting out really softly, that's
Speaker 3: fucking hard, you know, and all it wants to do
Speaker 3: is just get the hell out of there. That's a
Speaker 3: tough one. But I have done it, I must ad been.
Speaker 3: I have done it where I think, oh, fuck it,
Speaker 3: let's just do it and suffer the consequences.
Speaker 2: I actually remember this guy I was going out with.
Speaker 1: I went to use his toilet and he lived in
Speaker 1: a sharehouse with another group of guys, and I walked in.
Speaker 1: There was no toilet paper next to the toilet, and
Speaker 1: then there were complete skinties all over, like it was
Speaker 1: like someone had done one of those reverse Kangi poos
Speaker 1: in the toilet.
Speaker 2: It was disgusting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the no toilet paper is not a good thing either.
Speaker 1: I had a store and I'm this is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent true about a guy. He was dating a girl
Speaker 1: from his work and they had been dating for that long,
Speaker 1: but she slept over at his house and she got
Speaker 1: up in the middle of the night to go to
Speaker 1: the toilet, and unbeknownst to him, she'd done a number two.
Speaker 1: And when he woke up, he found that there was
Speaker 1: a pool in his sink, and she'd left like she
Speaker 1: she'd done that Perlin gone, And so he was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is so weird.
Speaker 2: So he ended up.
Speaker 1: Actually breaking up with the girl and he wrote sorry
Speaker 1: she it's gotten hard at work or.
Speaker 3: Something like that.
Speaker 2: Was she drunk?
Speaker 3: It must have been drunk, surely. No, that's pretty fucked up.
Speaker 2: I have no idea. It's like this, mystery, it's like this.
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
Speaker 3: Why I've been drunk when I was younger to that extreme.
Speaker 3: But I've never shit in a base?
Speaker 2: What is it in a sink?
Speaker 3: In a sink? Never?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Well, actually funny, wasn't.
Speaker 3: There toilet normally next to the sink?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well, actually on the subject, on the subject to poos,
Speaker 1: it's so funny because a friend told me that he
Speaker 1: knew somebody that this couple they bought a brand new house,
Speaker 1: and so they had this beautiful bathroom, and apparently.
Speaker 2: They had this rule that they would never pooh in
Speaker 2: the bar.
Speaker 1: Sorry, they had a rule that they'd never pooh in
Speaker 1: the toilet. So they used to nip down the road
Speaker 1: to do their number two's at the petrol station.
Speaker 3: That's nearly that's nearly as fucked up as the other story.
Speaker 2: But I was thinking, maybe is it ridiculous? Is it
Speaker 2: because they didn't want each other to smell their poos?
Speaker 3: That's stupid. Everybody shit stinks.
Speaker 2: Sorry, yeah, that's true. Sorry, we'd do another quick fire.
Speaker 3: Question is another ship question?
Speaker 1: Who should pay for a first date. Do you get
Speaker 1: and do you get Offendedive girls don't offer to pay.
Speaker 3: All depends who the girl is. Growing up, I never
Speaker 3: paid because I was a tight ass, but as I
Speaker 3: got older it didn't bother me to pay, and not really,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't get a if she did an.
Speaker 2: Offer, so you would split it.
Speaker 3: I feel weird when I split a tab with a girl.
Speaker 3: I don't know why. I just feel like it's my
Speaker 3: duty to pay for it if I like her not,
Speaker 3: you know, if I don't know, if we're not that
Speaker 3: good friends, then I would expect her to pay her
Speaker 3: own way.
Speaker 1: So if you're on a date with someone that you
Speaker 1: don't like, you won't pay the bill.
Speaker 3: If someone that I don't like, I wouldn't be with
Speaker 3: her in the first place.
Speaker 1: If you've kind of figured out all this is going,
Speaker 1: nowhere we go.
Speaker 3: I'll just cut my losses, pay for it, never see
Speaker 3: her again.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for joining us tonight, dr
Speaker 1: X Ladies.
Speaker 3: It's been my pleasure and I just.
Speaker 1: Have a feeling this segment is going to be extremely popular,
Speaker 1: So if you have any questions you'd like to ask
Speaker 1: dr X, please send them through on our Facebook and
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Speaker 2: Thank you and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1: Es