Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms.
Speaker 2: This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Speaker 3: How Allo welcome if you're on you here, I'm Frumes
Speaker 3: and opposite me is Flex Mummy looking like for Rucaus
Speaker 3: salt that Yeah, like you got a little tracksuit moment on.
Speaker 3: I think she's the one that was the little spoiled brat.
Speaker 1: Vibe, but like should I claim it?
Speaker 2: Do we have? She's got a fit?
Speaker 1: Okay, great, she's giving you think she's in aries Anyway, Guys,
Speaker 1: we are a radio show you best believe that also
Speaker 1: has a very successful catch up podcast. We are on
Speaker 1: break right now.
Speaker 3: But our producer Mickey made you are bonus episode, so
Speaker 3: you don't miss us too much.
Speaker 1: The rukasults. How I imagine my kid based on these images?
Speaker 1: One hundred Yeah problem, that's so pretty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is.
Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms. We are having a hot girl rat
Speaker 1: summer by we, I mean obviously you, me and Frumena
Speaker 1: is coming to You might be thinking it is not
Speaker 1: summer in Australia. It's not, but it's actually summer like
Speaker 1: everywhere else in the Northern Hemisphere. So it's good to
Speaker 1: maintain a breast of what's happening in culture, and so
Speaker 1: I think all of these things can be applied and
Speaker 1: should absolutely be applied to the Australian winter. I feel
Speaker 1: that so strongly in my gut and loins, the ideas
Speaker 1: that we should be behaving in rat like ways, scurrying places,
Speaker 1: eating well, being in places we should not be in
Speaker 1: congregating with the community. This creative made a follow up
Speaker 1: video and distilled the ethos of Hot Rat Girl Summer
Speaker 1: into four distinct points, which I will repeat now. Number one,
Speaker 1: go outside. You might be thinking, I've seen plenty of
Speaker 1: rat inside. Maybe you saw a mouse, am I. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you saw a rat, and if you did,
Speaker 1: it's time to call your landlord. I can't stress enough
Speaker 1: how much staying inside is. It's a plague on our
Speaker 1: our society and culture. Because you stay inside long enough,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say four days in a row, you'll never
Speaker 1: want to go outside again. You'll convince yourself that everything
Speaker 1: you need remains in your home. And yes, to a point,
Speaker 1: you know you can't get in your home. The feeling
Speaker 1: of meeting a stranger, Yeah, you can't do that. Number two,
Speaker 1: you have to be eating and enjoying eating. What do
Speaker 1: we know about rats scuing around having little cheeses, being indulgent,
Speaker 1: being over indulgent. If I had a block of cheese,
Speaker 1: would a rat leave half? Never? No way never. There's
Speaker 1: something also very like ceremonial about eating outside. I don't
Speaker 1: think you can again conjure that feeling up inside. It
Speaker 1: starts to get really like everyday pedestrian when it needs
Speaker 1: to feel celebratory and ceremonial. Our fresco number three And
Speaker 1: I don't know if rats do this, but this person said,
Speaker 1: you need to kill the cringe, kill the part of
Speaker 1: you that thinks it's too cool to enjoy things. Right
Speaker 1: taking that selfie in the middle of a busy road,
Speaker 1: Just do it, babe. You're gonna have the memory wearing
Speaker 1: that loud outfit talking to a stranger. All of these
Speaker 1: things that you've somehow told yourself are just too embarrassing
Speaker 1: for you to get around being up the front at
Speaker 1: a gig, in the in the moush in the pit.
Speaker 1: You know you would you would never do that, You
Speaker 1: would never do that. Why not? You're a rat. I'm
Speaker 1: a rat. We're all rats. I like Netflix and number
Speaker 1: four no overthinking. I like to say, for every degree
Speaker 1: of overthinking, the action must increase. Wow, I'm an overthinker,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't stop the action. If anything, the action
Speaker 1: quells the overthinking. The issue with overthinking is that the
Speaker 1: tangents never stop. You open a new door every time,
Speaker 1: so many possibilities, it's infinite. But as soon as you
Speaker 1: make a decision, you close a door. You might open
Speaker 1: a new one, but it's a fresh narrative. So number
Speaker 1: four is neverthinking. But if you must overthink, quell it
Speaker 1: with an action.
Speaker 2: I like that a lot.
Speaker 1: FLEXI well done, period, have a happy hot girl rat
Speaker 1: summer or winter. And if you don't celebrate, that's okay.
Speaker 2: To please nar be dad to your friends.
Speaker 3: I was thinking in bed the other day, what are
Speaker 3: some things that I wish I knew in my early twenties.
Speaker 3: I feel like, when decades go past, when you're in
Speaker 3: your thirties, to talk about your twenties, when you're in
Speaker 3: your twenties, talk about your teens. Let's normalize. Uh oh,
Speaker 3: doing it like fire every five years when you're checking
Speaker 3: close enough, you're so close enough to the bomb site
Speaker 3: to like appreciate the waves, but you're also further enough
Speaker 3: away to have a little bit of perspective.
Speaker 1: So see the beauty in the debris.
Speaker 3: That's exactly right, FLEXI. So I've come up with my
Speaker 3: three personal things that I wish I knew in my
Speaker 3: early twenties that I think would have.
Speaker 2: Saved some time.
Speaker 3: Number One, your wait wait for it, ladies, Oh, does
Speaker 3: not determine your date ability.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: In my early twenties, she was dealing, she was going
Speaker 3: through some things. It was giving a low weight fibe. Okay,
Speaker 3: and tell me why I went on less dates when
Speaker 3: I was quote unquote in my perfect body. Yeah, riddle
Speaker 3: me that girl's Yeah. So if you are currently in
Speaker 3: your state, we're thinking, oh my god, like I look
Speaker 3: too much this way, or I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Lose this if I do this.
Speaker 3: Trust me, girls and guys or anyone else who experiences this.
Speaker 1: I sound like Rihanna.
Speaker 3: Oh gender appropriations, No, whoever you are, I.
Speaker 1: Truly believe that.
Speaker 3: Like, if someone's gonna go shoo, they're gonna go shoe,
Speaker 3: whether or not you're a size six or a size
Speaker 3: whatever else.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's never like this. That's the real equality. Literally,
Speaker 1: why a dating experience is so universal, babe, you can't escape.
Speaker 1: What I will say though, is if you don't trust
Speaker 1: yourself trust the data. Do you know you don't want
Speaker 1: to be that girl who's like, oh my god, em
Speaker 1: Rada got cheated on, so there's no hope. No, that
Speaker 1: should excite you in the sense that if this person
Speaker 1: that your pedestal as the peak of is still experiencing
Speaker 1: these very human things, what does that tell you that
Speaker 1: we're all subject to experiencing human things?
Speaker 2: Exactly?
Speaker 1: It won't. It won't guard you.
Speaker 2: It won't safeguard you.
Speaker 4: Girls.
Speaker 2: Boys.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing to learn very quickly, to be
Speaker 1: affiliate known. Yeah, so I have great stories some of
Speaker 1: us and a roster of hotties. I'm making out for
Speaker 1: it now, I think, at least in my own mind. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Number two, if you go to UNI, you'll get a
Speaker 3: hex step. Tell me why I didn't realize when I
Speaker 3: decided to go to university that hex for a thing.
Speaker 1: I don't who didn't tell me, I don't know why
Speaker 1: the tell everyone made so free.
Speaker 2: So weird they didn't mention it. I think it's a
Speaker 2: I think you.
Speaker 1: Like when your parents were young. I feel like it
Speaker 1: wasn't an option anyway, it was free or something that free.
Speaker 2: Here I am in UNI.
Speaker 3: I never really failed any subjects just because it's not
Speaker 3: my style. But there's people out here like swapping degrees,
Speaker 3: like still finishing degrees.
Speaker 2: That's like one hundred of thousands of dollars. So like,
Speaker 2: if you're still.
Speaker 1: In school and didn't be in just increase my seven
Speaker 1: point reconsider university.
Speaker 2: But also if you got I'm serious though.
Speaker 3: Literally in my first job, I like left you need
Speaker 3: to do it, and the boss would always be like,
Speaker 3: you should just leave UNI. I was like, no, it's
Speaker 3: like not, you know, It's like I didn't want to
Speaker 3: like lose this thing that.
Speaker 1: I worked really hard for optics.
Speaker 3: I should have taken his advice and lastly have conviction,
Speaker 3: but never say never. So I was thinking the other
Speaker 3: day in the shower, isn't it funny how at every
Speaker 3: single point of my life I've thought I was right,
Speaker 3: but not in a righteous way, Like I never have
Speaker 3: thought that I've known better than other people. I've just
Speaker 3: been really clear on like I like this and I
Speaker 3: like that. I haven't really been wishy washy on certain
Speaker 3: moral things. Then tell me why two years after the
Speaker 3: fact of something, I have a completely different understanding of
Speaker 3: my life. I love them who I am, and so
Speaker 3: it's a good thing to realize. Is that doesn't mean
Speaker 3: don't have conviction or don't believe in certain things because
Speaker 3: they're going to change, but just be prepared for the
Speaker 3: personal three sixty, which is both changing your opinion and
Speaker 3: changing it back and having a new lease of life
Speaker 3: on that opinion and a new perspective. Prepare for that
Speaker 3: however you can. I don't even know if it's possible to.
Speaker 1: But it's always coming. Even when you think it's not coming,
Speaker 1: it's coming. My first piece of feedback, not advice, just feedback,
Speaker 1: is that you should get into the habit of learning
Speaker 1: through doing, not observing. When you are in your early twenties,
Speaker 1: I feel like you get into the habit of thinking
Speaker 1: you know stuff because you saw some stuff, and you
Speaker 1: might be thinking, what's the difference. This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: If you can't tell the difference between learning through observing
Speaker 1: versus learning through doing, then that's the point in itself.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of beauty you can get from preparing
Speaker 1: yourself for the reality of something and shielding yourself from
Speaker 1: actually having to break your own back to get invested right,
Speaker 1: so you can observe your friends going to UNI. You
Speaker 1: can observe a fowled relationship. You can someone buying a house,
Speaker 1: but when the stakes aren't high, you don't put in
Speaker 1: the effort to understand the nu answers of what's involved. Right, So, like,
Speaker 1: before I bought a house, I was like, how even
Speaker 1: buy a house? Exactly, babe, they're talking LMI, they're talking
Speaker 1: taxes twenty percent of what what is? It's twenty percent?
Speaker 1: And suddenly this thing I felt so adult to do
Speaker 1: at a big age of twenty eight, I was like,
Speaker 1: I actually don't have any insight for this. Number two,
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, Oh, everything actually matters. I
Speaker 1: think that people think that being whimsical and fantastical and
Speaker 1: being someone who's very pragmatic are on opposite ends of
Speaker 1: the spectrum at all time. You can definitely do both.
Speaker 1: But I think the thing that high school doesn't prepare
Speaker 1: you for is all the things that you should be
Speaker 1: practical about you become whimsical about, and all the things
Speaker 1: to be whimsical about you become practical about. So you
Speaker 1: become you know, friendships should be practical, and then it
Speaker 1: stays in a whimsy place, and then you're like, well,
Speaker 1: we're twenty one and we're not friends anymore because there's
Speaker 1: no recess. It's like, yeah, because you should have been
Speaker 1: practical about that, about what you want to do when
Speaker 1: you leave school. Maybe be practical about that. Be whimsy
Speaker 1: about like jigging one day. It's funny, whimsy, but if
Speaker 1: you care about academics, then be practical. I feel as
Speaker 1: though this whole concept of practical decision making I swear
Speaker 1: I did not do until I was twenty three hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's whatever, I can just like do
Speaker 1: a bit at this and do a bit at that.
Speaker 1: I've got time, and you do have so much time.
Speaker 1: But what I don't think people say is how you
Speaker 1: get to spend that time is very indicative of how
Speaker 1: you spent it. You don't just suddenly learn academia through age.
Speaker 1: You don't learn maturity just by existing. You actually have
Speaker 1: to be practiced in stuff. Things matter and you should
Speaker 1: figure out if and how and where they matter to you.
Speaker 1: And number three or what I wish I knew. The
Speaker 1: behaviors you make around friendship are defined in high school.
Speaker 1: I really think they are because we come out of
Speaker 1: high school and expect that these relationships that we want
Speaker 1: so badly. These friendships are a byproduct of existing, Like
Speaker 1: if I go to UNI, I should just make friends
Speaker 1: because we all go here. If I go to work,
Speaker 1: just make friends, And it's like, no, there's actually an
Speaker 1: intention required. And I also feel like we're in denial
Speaker 1: about the type of friends we are. I was saying
Speaker 1: to free me earlier. If you've ever been someone who
Speaker 1: was complicit in someone being kicked out of the group,
Speaker 1: you were a bully, but you don't want to see
Speaker 1: it that way. If you created conditional dynamics, you're probably
Speaker 1: going to keep that with you because who's checking you
Speaker 1: to make sure you're switching it up. If you were
Speaker 1: the friend who always had a best friend, chances are
Speaker 1: you probably going to maintain that dynamic as you get older,
Speaker 1: because who's going to break the circuit. You know, if
Speaker 1: you always had a friend group, or if you in
Speaker 1: this friend group did stuff on the weekends, you haven't
Speaker 1: expect So just be mindful that your expectation matches your adulthood.
Speaker 1: Because people like my friend doesn't call me after work.
Speaker 1: She's employed now crazy, she's not alive crazy stuff an
Speaker 1: ata like she was when you knew her. Best I
Speaker 1: love it Flex.
Speaker 2: Thank you for indulging.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, bab.
Speaker 3: If you have any great tips, send them in to
Speaker 3: Flex and Frooms at Instagram. I'd like to hear other
Speaker 3: people's ideas of what they would say to you in
Speaker 3: the early twenties. I always love these chats, very illuminating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, have fun but also be more serious. Oh,
Speaker 1: be more serious and be more fun. That's what I
Speaker 1: would consolidate.
Speaker 2: Totally makes sense.
Speaker 3: Flex and Frooms on kedas So the Lantic Getti and
Speaker 3: coming through the Goods didn't article about why we speak
Speaker 3: more weirdly at home. I think I read this a
Speaker 3: few months ago, perhaps, But it's the idea that when
Speaker 3: you're at home, you're speaking different languages and are more comfortable.
Speaker 1: What it's like is like so this on when he's.
Speaker 3: Talking about how her Turkish American boyfriend, she wanted to
Speaker 3: impress him and find out the way to say happy
Speaker 3: birthday on his special day. So she learned some of
Speaker 3: the new vocabulary and there's like numbers and animals and
Speaker 3: months to wish him. I'm not going to try and
Speaker 3: say it, but the Turkish way of saying happy birthday,
Speaker 3: And she said it incorrectly while they drank like pigs
Speaker 3: in his tiny apartment. And now more than a decade later,
Speaker 3: they still use that.
Speaker 1: Word, the incorrect phrase. Oh that's sweet, so don't we love?
Speaker 3: I say, get more words in your own language incorrect,
Speaker 3: and then you can all have a secret language. I
Speaker 3: find it here on this podcast. I'll missay something. Flexie
Speaker 3: would definitely repeat it back to me. Yeah, what is
Speaker 3: a small form of bullying. But I think we're quite worthy.
Speaker 1: People like for me and I very quick to nickname
Speaker 1: people to kind of like add a flare to language,
Speaker 1: and we don't really pick and choose when that's done professionally. Personally,
Speaker 1: it's all going to be there. I think it's nice
Speaker 1: to know. But it's also easy to see when we're
Speaker 1: influencing other people. When it's no longer weird anymore. Other
Speaker 1: people are using the nicknames or accepting the way that
Speaker 1: we say things or do things. It's like, this is
Speaker 1: what happens. We are a plague and we are insecting
Speaker 1: at rapid rates. It is true, and I love that.
Speaker 3: I think this is what really sets certain movies and
Speaker 3: TV shows apart. You can tell when someone who likes
Speaker 3: that stuff writes a dialogue because it's successful, because not
Speaker 3: when they do comedies like I'm pretty sure I've whatt
Speaker 3: Shit's creak, and they talk to each other like how
Speaker 3: you actually talk.
Speaker 2: To your siblings. I think sometimes it's like people go
Speaker 2: into I've never really been in a writer's room for
Speaker 2: a fiction, go.
Speaker 1: Hey, sis, hey my top back.
Speaker 2: Usually you're just saying, can you get my top now?
Speaker 1: Now, you effing b I'm so sick of you. I'm
Speaker 1: super sick of this vibe. My sister's kissing me off.
Speaker 1: So when what it actually say is my sister's a demon,
Speaker 1: she's a rabid wheel debase. But no, we're worried the
Speaker 1: audience won't get it, Yeah, but they always get it
Speaker 1: quickly before we go to our break. That's the issue
Speaker 1: I had when I was writing my first book. This
Speaker 1: like constant back and forth between like the big dogs,
Speaker 1: the editors the book people being like people won't understand,
Speaker 1: and I'm like the person who I'm writing this for understands.
Speaker 1: If I'm saying this girl is being a demon, I
Speaker 1: don't need to specify from which culture was she in?
Speaker 4: Gin?
Speaker 3: Was she?
Speaker 1: It's clear?
Speaker 5: Don't make me explain their why I let to spell
Speaker 5: it out. She was actually gonna sell a way. But
Speaker 5: there is.
Speaker 3: An application called Grinder. It is probably as infamous as
Speaker 3: Tinder in that it was one of the original apps,
Speaker 3: predominantly for men who like to have relations with men.
Speaker 3: I don't know much about it. I'd never even actually
Speaker 3: seen the interface, despite having many what literally, I've.
Speaker 1: Never seen the Internet is very surprising to me.
Speaker 2: Having many.
Speaker 3: Friends, okay, I had never once looked inside them until
Speaker 3: I was walking on the street with a friend of
Speaker 3: mine anonymous.
Speaker 2: Anonymous, So there is no shame in being on Grinder.
Speaker 1: There's no shame in dating.
Speaker 3: Seriously, guys, but it's not really dating. According to this person,
Speaker 3: he gave me the rundown on what Grinder is all about.
Speaker 3: I'm just going to play the tape, so we are
Speaker 3: just on a walk in von day and tell me
Speaker 3: about Grinder.
Speaker 4: Well, I was showing Lucinda aman'sa's and then Lucinda asked
Speaker 4: what his name was and I didn't know, and listener
Speaker 4: was shocked about that. But then I explained that when
Speaker 4: it comes to Grinder, you don't really know anyone's names,
Speaker 4: like you can choose to write your name in the
Speaker 4: header but not many people do. Most people just write
Speaker 4: like come.
Speaker 1: Dump Twink.
Speaker 4: Because there's just this anonymity on the app that is
Speaker 4: different to Tinder and Hinge, a bit of a subversion
Speaker 4: from the normal dating apps where they're so personal. But
Speaker 4: when it comes to Grinder, it's like the antithesis of that.
Speaker 4: It's all about the anonymity. People don't really care about
Speaker 4: each other's info. They just walk.
Speaker 2: I see, it's just like I first heard about the concept.
Speaker 1: Well see, that's interesting to me because I feel like,
Speaker 1: of course, in contrast to Grinder, traditional online dating feels personal,
Speaker 1: but I don't think it is either. Really. I feel
Speaker 1: like you give a lot of information, but I don't
Speaker 1: think it's personal because even how you choose to frame
Speaker 1: yourself is done like through the lens of what will
Speaker 1: appeal most other people. It's very rare that people are
Speaker 1: curating profiles that are as accurate of a reflection of
Speaker 1: who they are as a person. I feel, no, you
Speaker 1: you had a round table to make your pro the same,
Speaker 1: and you know what it was important. It was important.
Speaker 1: I feel like Grinder works because it's like threaded into
Speaker 1: the way that gay people are socialized to date each other,
Speaker 1: right but the way that heteros are socialized date, all
Speaker 1: of the information is almost like collateral, so you have
Speaker 1: to like step up to what you're offering. For example,
Speaker 1: like people are so aware of like the disparity between
Speaker 1: like heterodating and like women do this and men do this,
Speaker 1: and I'm putting in this and you're taking this that
Speaker 1: even before you get to finding someone you want to
Speaker 1: match with, you're acutely aware of what the exchange is
Speaker 1: and you want it to be fair or you want
Speaker 1: to be getting more than you're giving, which means that
Speaker 1: any information you put on your profile is just to
Speaker 1: say I'm worth what I'm asking for.
Speaker 3: Yes, I feel that most. That's why I cover up
Speaker 3: on my arm, on my hinge. The first picture of me,
Speaker 3: I'll show you flex, show me the hinge. Tell me
Speaker 3: why I've got this beautiful picture covered up the tatars
Speaker 3: ah because.
Speaker 1: It's like a payball.
Speaker 3: Don't boobs just because it's like the boobs are really
Speaker 3: present the photo.
Speaker 2: I don't want that to be the first thing.
Speaker 1: And it's a great photo of you.
Speaker 2: It's a good photo that looks like me yesified, yeah, yes, fied.
Speaker 1: But that's what flashotography will do to you, you know,
Speaker 1: is that not what I look like? It is what
Speaker 1: you look like, but not every day, and you probably
Speaker 1: look like that on a date as well.
Speaker 4: True you've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 4: For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.