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Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the

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Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboom

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Speaker 1: Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present

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Speaker 1: and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and

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Speaker 1: Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,

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Speaker 1: and this is the Rise and Concer podcast. This is

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Speaker 1: the podcast where weich have mindset self development and becoming

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Speaker 1: your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs,

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Speaker 1: plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses

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Speaker 1: and being among Think of us as the perfect combo

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Speaker 1: of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No

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Speaker 1: matter where you are in your journey, We're here to

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Speaker 1: help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical

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Speaker 1: self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's

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Speaker 1: seat of your own life and stop letting life pass

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Speaker 1: you by, then you're in the right place. Hello and

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Speaker 1: welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is Part two

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Speaker 1: with the amazing Eleanor Hadley. For those who don't know

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Speaker 1: who she is, she is a qualified sex and relationship

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Speaker 1: coach and we actually have a part one with her

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Speaker 1: that we did a few weeks ago, So if you

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Speaker 1: haven't listened to that, I highly recommend you do. We'll

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Speaker 1: put a link in the show notes otherwise, if you

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Speaker 1: just scroll back, I think it's about three episodes ago.

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Speaker 1: And so in this episode, we're going a little bit

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Speaker 1: deeper and really unpacking how to navigate feelings of guilt

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Speaker 1: and shame when it comes to our sexual desires, how

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Speaker 1: we can release our slut archetype after shaming her for

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Speaker 1: so long. Plus we go into so much more, and

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Speaker 1: Eleanor is just so amazing at explos these concepts, making

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Speaker 1: you feel really safe, and it just gets you thinking

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Speaker 1: about stuff that honestly no one talks about. So I

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Speaker 1: hope you love this episode. Before we get into the show, though,

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Speaker 1: I do want to say a bit of a special announcement.

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Speaker 1: We have decided to extend our eoffie sale. This is

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Speaker 1: sheerly because I want to throw a cake at Cooper Space.

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Speaker 1: And if you saw in Socials, that's what he did

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Speaker 1: to me for the real that announced our eoffie. So

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Speaker 1: I pitched to Georgina, can I throw cake at Cooper

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Speaker 1: Space and let's extend it for a couple of days. So, honestly,

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Speaker 1: I love that you get to do that. It's so selfish,

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Speaker 1: but I'm like, this is this would make my absolute Monday.

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Speaker 1: So we're on a whim extending it. There is fifty

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Speaker 1: percent off courses, twenty five percent of products, and we

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Speaker 1: hardly ever do sales, so get in while you can

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Speaker 1: also n H Naked Harvis Supplements has just started. It's

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Speaker 1: eoffie and it's twenty five percent off site wide. Or

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Speaker 1: you do need as a code and that is on

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Speaker 1: the website if you want to check that out. But

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Speaker 1: a tear. Should we get into our weekly recommendations? Yes,

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Speaker 1: I have two.

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Speaker 2: Number one is Inside Out too, So if you haven't

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Speaker 2: seen Inside Out one, obviously watched that first is on

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Speaker 2: Disney Plus, and then go see Inside Out two. It

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Speaker 2: is honestly such a good film, and I just love

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Speaker 2: the way they explain everything, and like her emotional development

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Speaker 2: because it's like a lot of sort of what we

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Speaker 2: talk about with like suppressed emotions, creating beliefs really young

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Speaker 2: and how they work, and it's just it's just also

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Speaker 2: very entertaining love.

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Speaker 1: So I love that.

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Speaker 2: And my second recommendation is perfect time for a media reset.

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Speaker 2: I personally am redoing the project along with everyone, but

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Speaker 2: it's also a great time to do do it for

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Speaker 2: your future self, especially coming up to end of financial year,

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Speaker 2: because it feels like such a good time to set

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Speaker 2: financial goals.

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Speaker 1: I feel so true. Yeah, I when I got back

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Speaker 1: from Europe, I was like I needed a reset, and

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Speaker 1: I spent the weekend like redoing my wardrobe and kind

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Speaker 1: of making it a bit more you know when like

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Speaker 1: it changes from like autumn to winter and you kind

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Speaker 1: of don't do anything about it, and so you've got

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Speaker 1: all your summer stuff there, yeah, and like not much

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Speaker 1: winter stuff. I basically just made it a bit more

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Speaker 1: winter friendly, and you know, got rid of a couple

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Speaker 1: of things and put them on deep hop for like

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Speaker 1: summer stuff. Oh, obviously I had the most amazing time

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Speaker 1: in Europe, guys, I'm back. It was the best time. Obviously.

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Speaker 1: It's a very short and sharp trip. When we originally

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Speaker 1: planned this trip, we didn't have IVY. It was pre COVID,

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Speaker 1: so it was supposed to be like six weeks long.

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Speaker 1: She was only two weeks long, but so we only

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Speaker 1: got to do half the places. But it was amazing.

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Speaker 1: It looked beautiful, it was incredible. I think my favorite

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Speaker 1: place was Sant Tropez, Love for France just next level

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Speaker 1: and I was very present, mostly off social media, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was just beautiful to like, you know, reconnect with myself,

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Speaker 1: have space connect TM. So yeah it was incredible. But

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Speaker 1: also I was like, God, I love my every day,

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Speaker 1: I love my routine, I love where I live, I

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Speaker 1: love my work. And it was such a good reminder

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Speaker 1: of like it's beautiful to have a holiday, but like

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Speaker 1: to curate your every day so you don't feel like

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Speaker 1: you need one. That was like such a big, like

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Speaker 1: aha moment. Yeah, it was incredible. My recommendation. I was

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Speaker 1: reading this on the trip and we've got another fantasy recommendation.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm still finishing activity.

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Speaker 1: She's back. She's back into the fantasy. So it's called

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Speaker 1: a Dawn of on X And I'm not too sure

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Speaker 1: if there's a book too. I'm only about halfway through

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Speaker 1: and it's it's good. It's captivating me love. I won't

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Speaker 1: tell you about it. I'm sure you can go rid

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Speaker 1: the sybnosis, but yeah, that's my book.

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Speaker 3: Rack.

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Speaker 1: I might I let to the list. Should we get

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Speaker 1: into the show, Yes, okay, So Eleanor, welcome back to

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Speaker 1: the Rise and Conquer potty. This is part two. So

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Speaker 1: if you guys haven't listened to part one, highly highly

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Speaker 1: recommend you go there because we unpacked so much, we

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Speaker 1: got into so much, and you're just so juicy that

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Speaker 1: I was like, we need to keep going. So here's

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Speaker 1: the part too.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. I've never been called juicy before, and I

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Speaker 3: love it.

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Speaker 1: For really, you haven't been called juicy no.

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Speaker 3: I mean maybe the things I say are juicy, but

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Speaker 3: I'm just going to take that out.

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Speaker 1: Well, you've embodied the whole thing, so you are juicy.

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Speaker 1: Well let's get straight into it. So what we're kind

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Speaker 1: of wanting to unpack is the concept of how like

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Speaker 1: it's not just sex. It's like you said in part one,

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Speaker 1: it's this conditioning. It's about connection and intimacy and how

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Speaker 1: much we haven't realized how much society, our parents, friends, teachers,

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Speaker 1: all those people have kind of left an imprint on

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Speaker 1: what we think sex connection relationships should be. So I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited to kind of like get straight into that.

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Speaker 1: These are questions from our community and from the team.

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Speaker 1: So should we get straight into it?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: So this is such a good question. I did not

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Speaker 1: come up with this, but I wish I did. How

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Speaker 1: do we release our slut archetype and be confident in

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Speaker 1: her after shaming her for so long?

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Speaker 3: This a juicy question, so juicy, Okay, we should all

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Speaker 3: embrace our inner slut. I think it is so powerful.

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Speaker 3: And the term slut as well, is just it's got

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Speaker 3: such an interesting etymology, Like the history of the term

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Speaker 3: slut is quite ridiculous. But to be a slut in

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Speaker 3: our society is this idea that how dare you be

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Speaker 3: a woman and enjoy sex, which, when you think of it,

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Speaker 3: it's pretty fun tough, like we are designed to experience pleasure,

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Speaker 3: like we are the people who have an organ that

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Speaker 3: is designed almost solely for pleasure, like the glitterius is.

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Speaker 3: That's basically its only job. It's not doing too much else,

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Speaker 3: not doing too much else. And so the idea that

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Speaker 3: we are not meant to feel pleasure and that we

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Speaker 3: are not meant to enjoy sex, and that sex is

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Speaker 3: just something that happens to us, to me, is just wild.

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Speaker 3: And so you know, you'd be forgiven for feeling like

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Speaker 3: I shouldn't be a slut, because you know, of course

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Speaker 3: society makes us feel terrible for daring to enjoy our

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Speaker 3: sex life. And so it is like this process of

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Speaker 3: peeling back the layers and removing all of that. You know,

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Speaker 3: we've spoken last the last episode about journaling and about

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Speaker 3: working through the shame and the stories that we grew

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Speaker 3: up with, and so sort of you know, starting with

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Speaker 3: that practice, but then also just like fully owning it.

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Speaker 3: What do you desire? You know, start exploring what it

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Speaker 3: is that you really really want to try in the bedroom.

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Speaker 3: Start seducing yourself. This is the most powerful practice I've

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Speaker 3: ever found. It's something that I talked about in the

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Speaker 3: previous episode as well. You know, this sensual movement, this

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Speaker 3: self touch, really allowing yourself to seduce yourself is going

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Speaker 3: to bring out you're inner slut as well. And then

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Speaker 3: voicing your desires and saying this is something like that

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Speaker 3: turns me on. I'd really like to try this with

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Speaker 3: you if you're sharing with a partner and fully own it.

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Speaker 3: You know, sometimes we can really i like to say,

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Speaker 3: like clock block our desires because we're afraid of judgment

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Speaker 3: from our partner. So start to really voice them, and

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Speaker 3: that will also allow your partner to share these are

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Speaker 3: the things that I'm really interested in. And when you're sharing.

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Speaker 3: It's really important not to ever yuck someone's yum. It's like, okay,

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Speaker 3: that's something that turns you on. It doesn't work for me,

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Speaker 3: but that's okay. And maybe I'm willing to compromise and

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Speaker 3: explore that with you, or maybe that's just a boundary

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Speaker 3: for me, But really, like, allow yourself to try things.

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Speaker 3: I think in the past, I want to say, in

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Speaker 3: the past two years, I feel like I have just

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Speaker 3: sort of opened up a whole new world. So I

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Speaker 3: used to have judgments about certain things and like, oh no,

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Speaker 3: I'm not that kind of person. I would never do that.

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Speaker 3: But secretly there's this little voice in the back of

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Speaker 3: my head that's like, well, that sounds kind of hot.

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Speaker 3: But the messages that I've received growing up, or from

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Speaker 3: TV or from media are like that's slutty, that's a bad.

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Speaker 1: Thing to do.

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Speaker 3: Only weird people do that, blah blah blah. And I

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Speaker 3: got to a point where I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: fuck it, I just want to try. I want to

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Speaker 3: explore and maybe it's for me and maybe it's not,

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Speaker 3: but I'm sick of holding myself back. And as well,

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Speaker 3: I've kind of found this evidence right that there was

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Speaker 3: one time that I didn't allow myself to experience X,

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Speaker 3: and then at one point I tried it and now

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Speaker 3: it's great and now I love it, and I've kind

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Speaker 3: of integrated that into my life, into my sex life,

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Speaker 3: and so that could potentially keep happening. And so if

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Speaker 3: I allow myself to own my desires and actually give

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Speaker 3: it a go and you know, embrace my inner slut,

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Speaker 3: pleasure is what's on the other side. Like shame can

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Speaker 3: go fuck off quite frankly, but pleasure is on the

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Speaker 3: other side. So yes, I know there might be judgment

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Speaker 3: from other people that might be like, oh gosh, how

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Speaker 3: dare you enjoy your own sex life?

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Speaker 1: Probably don't hang out with those people.

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Speaker 3: Don't have a fut Like, I'm going to actually live

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Speaker 3: this one life that I have, and I'm going to

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Speaker 3: enjoy my body for what it's designed to be enjoyed for,

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Speaker 3: and I'm going to explore because that's my progative.

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Speaker 1: I even like even think about from the concept of

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Speaker 1: you know, like after you orgasm, you are like in

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Speaker 1: this energy of not only like pleasure, but it's like

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Speaker 1: everything feels hopeful, exciting, magical. It's like obviously it's like euphoria.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, you know, in that energy of anything

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Speaker 1: that feels like that, why would it be bad.

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Speaker 3: That's not a bad thing at all.

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Speaker 1: It's not a bad thing. And like, if you think

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Speaker 1: about the slot archetype being that rather than something you

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Speaker 1: saw on TV that because I think you can people

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Speaker 1: get murky with the slut archetype is like breaking up

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Speaker 1: a marriage or you know, those sorts of things. But

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Speaker 1: you need to separate that. You need to redefine what

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Speaker 1: the slot is for you and have your own definition

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Speaker 1: of what it means. And then yeah, like you said,

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Speaker 1: it's like, wouldn't you want to be in that energy

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Speaker 1: of pleasure euphoria, you know, even after the fact of

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Speaker 1: like everything just feels better, feels more exciting, Like that's

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Speaker 1: the vibe.

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Speaker 3: That's the aliveness. And you know, one of the the

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Speaker 3: older definitions of the term slut was a woman unto herself,

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Speaker 3: and it was like this idea that you have your

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Speaker 3: own sovereignty, you are your own person, you choose I'm

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Speaker 3: a slut, I'm a big slot.

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Speaker 1: I'm like.

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Speaker 3: Just owning our slots over here totally exactly, and something

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Speaker 3: that you know you may not want to share because

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Speaker 3: it's a little I guess taboo, but I really feel

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Speaker 3: that the idea of slut shaming, it really provides fodder

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Speaker 3: for the you know, patriarchy that we exist in to continue.

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Speaker 1: And so.

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Speaker 3: If we are aware, deeply connected to the fact that

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Speaker 3: we can create pleasure and euphoria and bliss and transcendence

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Speaker 3: within our own body, and you know, maybe the sex

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Speaker 3: that you're having isn't necessarily like that, but it is possible.

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Speaker 3: If we know that that power is available just through

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Speaker 3: our body and our connection with ourselves and other people,

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Speaker 3: then we're not going to look to certain institutions to

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Speaker 3: tell us what to do. And this is where you know,

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Speaker 3: our society and culture is often very very intertwined with religion,

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Speaker 3: and so the church might have you believe that you

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Speaker 3: need to come here and praise this almighty figure and

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Speaker 3: anything that you do, especially in terms of sexuality, that's

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Speaker 3: going to take you away from godliness, from transcendence, that's

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Speaker 3: going to take you away, when really we know that

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Speaker 3: sex and pleasure can actually take you towards this openness,

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Speaker 3: this transcendence. But that's a threat to an institution that

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Speaker 3: is like, no, you must obey us. We are the

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Speaker 3: ones that are in power. We are the ones that

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Speaker 3: tell you what you can and cannot do, especially when

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Speaker 3: it comes to your body. And so I think that

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Speaker 3: it's really really intertwined. So allowing yourself to access your

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Speaker 3: pleasure and to reclaim your sexuality is a small act

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Speaker 3: of rebellion. You know what, It's not even a small actor.

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Speaker 3: It's a really fucking big act of rebellion and saying

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Speaker 3: I'm actually the one that is going to you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to experience God, the universe, transcendence, whatever it is,

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Speaker 3: through my body and not by someone else telling me

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Speaker 3: what this person, this this entity thinks about me and

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Speaker 3: my dildos.

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Speaker 1: I love it so much. It's really like claiming that

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Speaker 1: energy back and claiming I love the word sovereignty. It's

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Speaker 1: like claiming that sovereignty of like owning who you are,

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Speaker 1: owning your body, owning your own pleasure. It's powerful, scarce people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it is, And so of course being a slut

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Speaker 1: is shamed by the patriarchy and certain institutes because it

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Speaker 1: is powerful. Yeah, she's independent, Yeah, she's alive, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's totally tapped in and she's connected. Actually, I'm kind

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Speaker 1: of just putting this together right now. But any time

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Speaker 1: that I am tapped in connected, I kind of call

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Speaker 1: it like my higher self, Like I'm tapped into her,

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Speaker 1: I'm having the best sex of my life.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely. Of course, you're embodying that you know, and you're

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Speaker 3: magnetic when you're tapped into who you are and what

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Speaker 3: you care about, and you're prioritizing your pleasure, no wonder,

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Speaker 3: your sex life is amazing.

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Speaker 1: My word for twenty twenty four is pleasure.

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Speaker 3: Oh I love that, so hear that.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, no, I love that so much.

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Speaker 1: We went like, we really went deep in that question.

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Speaker 1: But thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, I can't help myself.

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Speaker 1: How does traditional gender roles impact our understanding and expression

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Speaker 1: of sexuality? What challenges to individuals face when trying to

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Speaker 1: break free from these roles from the lens of sexuality.

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Speaker 3: This is so fascinating because so this is something that

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Speaker 3: I've had a direct experience with in my own life.

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Speaker 1: Tells you tell us an example.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't until I was thirty years old that I

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Speaker 3: realized I was bisexual, or allowing myself to realize that

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Speaker 3: I was bisexual. And when I first started dating women,

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Speaker 3: I didn't know what the fuck to do because I

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Speaker 3: had had so much experience dating men. I was like,

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Speaker 3: they're easy.

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Speaker 1: I am a pro. That's easy. I can flirt with them.

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Speaker 3: Like I can, I can seduce it. It's fine.

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Speaker 1: I got it.

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Speaker 3: And then suddenly I'm like faced with a woman, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: oh on, that's so pretty. I don't know what I'm doing?

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Speaker 3: Do I what do I do? I remember even going

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Speaker 3: on my first date with a woman, official date with

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Speaker 3: a woman, and I was talking to my houseman at

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Speaker 3: the time. I was like, I don't know what to where.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I had this perception that she was

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Speaker 3: really firm right in her hinge profile. It was like

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Speaker 3: flowy skirts and like long hair, and she was like

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Speaker 3: so beautiful, and I was like should I wear? What

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Speaker 3: should I wear? And so I ended up wearing like

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Speaker 3: pants and like a shirt. Like I felt as though

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Speaker 3: I had to dress masks because I was in this

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Speaker 3: like dynamic, and thankfully I've kind of figured my shit

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Speaker 3: out since that I can dress however I want. And

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Speaker 3: it's not about a masculine and a feminine vibe that

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Speaker 3: you need. I'm definitely about the polarity sort of conversation.

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Speaker 3: And I think that everything exists on a spectrum, and

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Speaker 3: so when it comes to really figuring out identity and

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Speaker 3: how you experience these different energies, sometimes it can really

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Speaker 3: limit us. We can go, oh, well, there's meant to

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Speaker 3: be the masculine and there's meant to be the feminine energy,

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Speaker 3: and one of us has to be each, and even

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Speaker 3: in queer couples, one of us has to be each,

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Speaker 3: and it can limit you from really experience experiencing deep

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Speaker 3: pleasure because you're so confined in this is the role

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Speaker 3: that I must adhere to. And so you know, talking

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00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:27,440
Speaker 3: about like a heterosexual situation, and you're used to going, okay, well,

337
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 3: the man is meant to be masculine and they're meant

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Speaker 3: to be dominant, and so I'm the feminine and I'm

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Speaker 3: going to be submissive. But sometimes you're in a slut

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Speaker 3: is like I want to ride you and I want

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Speaker 3: to tell you what the fuck to do, and that

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Speaker 3: feels hot and empowering, right, But sometimes we'll talk ourselves

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Speaker 3: out of embodying the energy that we want to embody

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Speaker 3: and switching up the energy that we want to explore,

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Speaker 3: because no, that's not how it's meant to be. And

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Speaker 3: so I think it's really about like kind of like

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Speaker 3: queering your world a little bit and being like, you

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Speaker 3: know what, we can actually play in between the spectrum

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Speaker 3: and we can explore all different elements and see how

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Speaker 3: that feels. Because it's really fun to kind of put

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Speaker 3: on the other hat and go ooh, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: try this energy instead.

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Speaker 1: You know what's so interesting? Me and Tim actually have

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Speaker 1: been doing that a lot. The concept we kind of got.

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Speaker 1: I think it's called like ranging or something like that,

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Speaker 1: where it's like, yeah, it's trying on the different not

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Speaker 1: archetypes or energies, but for example, you know, sometimes you know,

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Speaker 1: during sex, I want Tim to be super dominant and

359
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Speaker 1: super and it's usually what I realized. It's if I

360
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Speaker 1: have been dominant that day and I've been in like

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Speaker 1: my boss bitch mode and I'm like, I need to surrender.

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Speaker 1: I want you to be and it's having that clear

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Speaker 1: communication and then you know, we've also had other times

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Speaker 1: where Tim's like I just want you to tell me

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Speaker 1: what to do and take care of me beautiful, and

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Speaker 1: then you know, and I guess definitely having that communication

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Speaker 1: and stepping into that, I love that You're like, not,

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Speaker 1: it's not every time is like that just because I

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Speaker 1: asked for it once doesn't mean that's how I want

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Speaker 1: it every time, and really felling into what do I

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Speaker 1: want to try right now? Well, what I need in this,

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Speaker 1: and then communicating that with your partner, but also trying

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Speaker 1: things on absolutely. Like I remember Tim was saying how

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Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I really am enjoying right now you

375
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Speaker 1: being super feminine and so like I started dressing like

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Speaker 1: a little bit more feminine and it's like it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like you know, seducing him kind of thing, and hey,

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Speaker 1: you know he's really into it. And then you know,

379
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Speaker 1: sometimes I'll be, you know, in my suit, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to like some business sleeping and he's like, oh my god,

381
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Speaker 1: Like this is such a turn on, Like when you're domineering, Yeah,

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00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 1: the power and like not mean not making it mean

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Speaker 1: anything or getting stuck in da oh well they communicated

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Speaker 1: this once or expressed this once or I have to

385
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Speaker 1: do it every time, but just keeping that open conversation

386
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Speaker 1: about like, oh, like wouldn't it be fun to try this?

387
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 1: Like I read a lot of fantasy books. What are

388
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Speaker 1: you currently reading?

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Speaker 3: Wait? I read a lot of Smart? Are you talking

390
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 3: about Smart?

391
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 1: Yeah? Right, always all I read and yeah, so they'll

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Speaker 1: be like, you know, you'll read certain things and I'll

393
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Speaker 1: be like, let's try this.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

395
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Speaker 1: And he also reads smart delicious.

396
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,359
Speaker 3: That's like that's the ideal, I know.

397
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Speaker 1: And so he's also like it's so funny because I'll

398
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: see him like giggling or something at his book and

399
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Speaker 1: I'm like, what's happening and he would tell me and

400
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: he's like even if he's like so naughty. Yeah, And

401
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: then like we'll you know, talk about it, and I'll

402
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,639
Speaker 1: be like, is that something you want to try? And

403
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:02,440
Speaker 1: sometimes he's like absolutely not, this is And then sometimes

404
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, it'd be fun to blah blah blah,

405
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 1: and you're still having that communication. But a big thing

406
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 1: we do in our relationship, we kind of call it

407
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 1: the black hole where I can say something to you

408
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: and I don't want you to take it not to heart,

409
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 1: but like take it as verbatim, like yeah, this is

410
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: now law. Yeah, And I think even having that conversation first,

411
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: but like I want to be able to like throw

412
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 1: things out in the relationship and like talk about different

413
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 1: things and you for you to just be like open

414
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Speaker 1: and be able to absorb it because sometimes you say

415
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: something and then after you're like I don't actually want

416
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 1: to try that, or like, you know, it's like it's

417
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: was on your mind and you want to talk about it,

418
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: but it doesn't actually mean it's like that's it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's a really really nice practice. I'm

420
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 3: gonna steal that, so thank you. Yeah, you know you.

421
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 3: We can just have these different things that we want

422
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Speaker 3: to try, and just because we tried it once doesn't

423
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Speaker 3: mean that that's we're signed up for life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, say with.

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Speaker 3: Labels, like I think people get really really hung up.

426
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, but I was vegetarian for a while

427
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 3: and now I'm not like, oh, what's that label going

428
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 3: to mean? And do I have to choose this? And

429
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 3: is it me for life? Like no, try things out.

430
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 3: I love a little food analogy. So it's like, Okay,

431
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: maybe you've been eating pizza and pasta for four months

432
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Speaker 3: and you're like, okay, I'm really done yet pizza and

433
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 3: pasta and you're like, I could really go some sushi,

434
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 3: and it's like, okay, well, you don't have to eat

435
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 3: sushi for the rest of your life now. Just because

436
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,959
Speaker 3: you're trying sushi, you have a whole Smoger's ward of

437
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 3: food available to you. You don't have to eat the same

438
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 3: thing every day. And just because you tried it once,

439
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 3: you know, sometimes you're like, oh, I'll try some caveat

440
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: and you're like, ooh, I don't like that. That's fine.

441
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 3: Just because you tried it once doesn't mean now you're

442
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: locked in. Yeah, as that type of person who eats cavia.

443
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Letting go of the labels. Yeah, Yeah,

444
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: let's even get into the libido conversation, because we had

445
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: a lot of questions about, you know, how do I

446
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: increase my sex drive? What if his libido is different

447
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 1: to my libido? And I know you're actually going to

448
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: release a course on this soon. Yes, if I can

449
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: say that on here, of course you can. Thank you amazing.

450
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,360
Speaker 1: And I would love to just like open that up

451
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 1: that conversation because again, I feel like there's a lot

452
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: of conditioning, there's a lot of like right and wrong.

453
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's get into that.

454
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, Honestly, this is the most common thing that

455
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 3: I have clients come to me with is sex drive libido, thinking,

456
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, my sex drive is higher or lower

457
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 3: than my partners or I'm not feeling any desire for

458
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 3: sex and something must be wrong with me as a result,

459
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm broken. That is the most heartbreaking

460
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,679
Speaker 3: thing that I have heard, and unfortunately, I've heard it

461
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 3: so many times from clients saying I feel like I'm

462
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 3: broken and it's just because they aren't desiring sex at

463
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 3: all or in the way that their partner does. And

464
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 3: so we can easily create all of these stories and

465
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:04,400
Speaker 3: the meaning behind why we're not desiring sex, and often

466
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 3: it can be oh, you must just not love your

467
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 3: partner enough, or you must not desire your partner you

468
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 3: don't find them sexy enough. And to be honest, libido

469
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: is the most layered and multifaceted, nuanced topic out there.

470
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm creating this clause like I told you,

471
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 3: but gosh, there is so much that goes into it.

472
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 3: And so from a sexological point of view, we need

473
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 3: to understand what are our desire types like I spoke

474
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: about in the previous episode, what are our breaks and accelerators,

475
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,120
Speaker 3: the things that turn us on, the things that turn

476
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 3: us off. How do we like our partner to initiate

477
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 3: sex with us? Do we want it to be playful?

478
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 3: Do we want it to be explicitly erotic, do we

479
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 3: want it to be central and slow? How do we respond?

480
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 3: And when you understand these kinds of concepts, you can

481
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 3: start to really unpack why we might not be feeling

482
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 3: desire in the same way as our partner or the

483
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 3: same way as our previous self, because we also have

484
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 3: to take into account there's so many lifestyle factors that

485
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 3: impact your libido. You know, whether you've had a child recently,

486
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: whether you are parenting and you're not getting much time

487
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: to yourself, if you're having a really stressful time in

488
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 3: your work life, if your mental health or physical health

489
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 3: is suffering, if you're on SSRIs like. There are a

490
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 3: lot of things that can impact the way that you

491
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 3: experience desire, and none of them mean that there is

492
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 3: something wrong with you. You are not broken. You simply

493
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 3: need to just understand yourself a little bit more and

494
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 3: understand your partner and create a vocabulary so that you

495
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 3: can unlock your desire.

496
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: That's beautiful, and I think also I loved what you

497
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: said in part one of the episode of You're Allowed

498
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: to go through Seasons. Yes, Like, even though I said

499
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: in part one, how you know I do have quite

500
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: a high libido in my relationship. It's like, very much

501
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: I'm the one who's like, let's go. I haven't always

502
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: been like that. Yeah, like there has been, you know,

503
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 1: seasons where I am very stressed or like you know,

504
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: things are happening, or you know, just shit is happening,

505
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: And so I think it's also I think people go

506
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: straight to I'm broken, that shame. But also I love

507
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: to look at any time you know, maybe I do

508
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: have a low libido. It's like, yeah, what's actually happening

509
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 1: in my life right now? And where am I actually

510
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 1: not giving myself love and compassion? Where am I not

511
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 1: connecting with myself? And I love that you do talk

512
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: about it's not just a one thing or you should

513
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: try this, because yeah, like that's it's very not silly,

514
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 1: but it's like it's not a one dimensional thing.

515
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 3: No, not at all. There's so many factors that can

516
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 3: play into it. And I love that you have that

517
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 3: moment of reflection of like, Okay, well if my libido

518
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 3: is low right now, what could be playing a part?

519
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 3: And I always really love to encourage people to look

520
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 3: at the relationship. Is there some sort of festering resentment

521
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 3: for your partner that might have been there for years,

522
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: and you're not feeling fully seen, fully heard, fully accepted,

523
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 3: fully loved by them. And if you are feeling like

524
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 3: this person doesn't get me, this person doesn't help me,

525
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: I don't feel supported, then why would you want to

526
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 3: have sex with that person? You know it makes sense,

527
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 3: and so sometimes the libido the sex drive fix isn't

528
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 3: about the sex, It's about the relationship. And on another level,

529
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 3: like you mentioned with the self love, are you seducing yourself?

530
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 3: Do you have for yourself? Are you masturbating? Like are

531
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 3: you feeling any connection with your sexuality or are you

532
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 3: simply expecting to turn it on for another person or

533
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 3: are you expecting your partner to turn it on for you?

534
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 3: And maybe they don't have a connection. They're not feeling

535
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 3: sexy themselves, They're not feeling any connection to their sexuality.

536
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:24,960
Speaker 3: And how can you really encourage that?

537
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 1: I love that spoken so beautifully. Thank you. Another great question,

538
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: how does societal pressure to conform to a certain beauty

539
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: standard affect our sexual confidence? And do you have any

540
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: strategies that we can cultivate a positive body image and

541
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: boost self esteem in the bedroom?

542
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: Oh? I love this yes, absolutely. It plays a big role.

543
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 3: When we assume that we need to look or be

544
00:31:55,600 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 3: a certain way in general, we're going to almost minimize

545
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 3: ourselves and we're not going to fully express who we

546
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 3: are and our bodies. We're not going to feel comfortable

547
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 3: showing up naked, being on top. But these are the

548
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: things that a lot of people come to me with, Like,

549
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 3: it feels really uncomfortable because I'm not satisfied with the

550
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 3: way that I look or present because of societal beauty standards, right,

551
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 3: and beauty standards are so fucked up because they change constantly.

552
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: So true, it's ridiculous, so hard to keep up.

553
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, well, one one era you're meant to

554
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 3: look like this, and the other era you're meant to

555
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 3: look like the complete opposite to be considered so called beautiful.

556
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 3: And so it really can play a huge role in

557
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 3: how we see ourselves and if we see ourselves as

558
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 3: sexy or not, because sometimes we have this idea of like, oh,

559
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 3: a sexy person is X, Y, Z, and I don't

560
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 3: have those things, so therefore I mustn't be sexy. And

561
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 3: so my invitation to you is, how can you find

562
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 3: yourself sexier? How can you like kind of just let

563
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 3: those the conditioning just like kind of like flick that

564
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 3: off to the side and go these are the ways

565
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 3: that I'm going to seduce myself. These are the ways

566
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 3: that I'm going to feel into my sexiness and also recognizing.

567
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 3: So sometimes we hold ourselves back because we're like, oh,

568
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 3: I don't want my partner to see me naked. I

569
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 3: don't want them to see like you know that angle.

570
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 3: I was talking to a friend yesterday about like being

571
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 3: on top and how sometimes especially if you have like

572
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 3: bigger boobs. Mine an't aren't that as big, but she's

573
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 3: got very large boobs, and she's like, oh, well, when

574
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 3: I lean over if I'm on top, like my moobs

575
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: sag down and like they're hanging. And that was a concern,

576
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 3: And you know, we have all these different things that

577
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 3: we might be thinking about and up in our heads

578
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 3: about like oh, like are they seeing this, are they

579
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 3: seeing that stretch mark or like that pimple? At whatever,

580
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,160
Speaker 3: the end of the day, this person's having sex with you.

581
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 3: They are stoked, they have one lottery right, they are keen.

582
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 3: This person already finds you so desirable. So allow yourself

583
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 3: to get out of your head and go, I am

584
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,919
Speaker 3: a goddess, Like how fucking sexy am I to be

585
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 3: in this room being totally worshiped by this other person.

586
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,919
Speaker 3: This person wants to like lick my clip, Okay, go

587
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 3: for it. Provide me with that pleasure. I deserve it. It

588
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,360
Speaker 3: has nothing to do with all of the random little

589
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 3: things that we are sold products to fix that are

590
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 3: simply just human bodies being bodies. And so really like

591
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 3: trying to unpack that and remind yourself check yourself in

592
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 3: that moment when you go, oh, what are they thinking

593
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 3: of this? This? And that go they're thinking, fuck, yeah,

594
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 3: I'm having sex with this goddess okay, and then like

595
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 3: own that, fully own it, be like yes, you know what,

596
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 3: You're welcome, you are having sex with me right now,

597
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 3: like congrats.

598
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,720
Speaker 1: I also think there's such a conversation for like everything

599
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: is energy and if you like you said, I own

600
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: bodying that, like no, I am a goddess, Like this

601
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 1: is a privilege right now. Yes, And also you're again

602
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 1: mirroring that for that person and like I think they

603
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: can feel that energy when you're showing up and you're

604
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 1: like no, like if and that's the thing is you

605
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 1: can still be working through certain things, but you can

606
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 1: still step into that energy of like no, like I

607
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 1: am magnetizing, I am you know, sexy in my own right,

608
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,319
Speaker 1: I am like I am me. No one's me, like

609
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 1: my favorite saying, ever, it's like, no one is me,

610
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 1: and that's my power. Yeah, Like, and I'm here and

611
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 1: I'm in this experience and I'm committing to the experience,

612
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: and I I'm going to be fully present. They will

613
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: feel that energy like I can feel when I'm having

614
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: sex with Tim and if he's not really present, I'm like,

615
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 1: get your head in the game because I can feel

616
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: it and it's not doesn't feel good totally. He's like

617
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 1: all right, l right, sor I don't thinking about that exactly,

618
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: and then like and I will also do it. And

619
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: even like this is obviously such a conversation of like

620
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: if I can't orgasm, it's because I'm up in my

621
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 1: head and I'm like not being present. And if I

622
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: drop in and I'm like, relax, get into your body,

623
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: and I'll be like to him, I'm like we needed

624
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: a bit more full play. Like let's like get present

625
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: and then I step into that energy. Like such a

626
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:43,479
Speaker 1: difference in the experience. He can feel it. I can

627
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: feel it, and when you're thinking from the lens of energy,

628
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: that's like it doesn't look a certain way. Yes, And

629
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: I think that's what I really come back to in

630
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: those moments of like, it doesn't actually matter how I look,

631
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: it's how I'm being in this moment, talent and bodying.

632
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 3: That's so beautiful.

633
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you just thought about then. That's even like

634
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 1: I saw a great question from the community and she

635
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: was saying that she hasn't been able to come after

636
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,439
Speaker 1: giving birth. Yea, so they've been having sex again and

637
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, I can't come anymore. Like what would

638
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:22,320
Speaker 1: you say to that person?

639
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I think that that could be grounded in

640
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 3: a disconnection to your own body when I have no

641
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 3: experience of giving birth. I'm not a parent, but from

642
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 3: working with clients, I think that it's very common to

643
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 3: feel this disconnection with your body because suddenly it's not

644
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 3: necessarily yours anymore. You're sharing it and sustaining a life,

645
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 3: and so now it's almost like you're viewing your body

646
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 3: as for its purpose. You know, I'm existing only to

647
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 3: keep this newborn alive, and so a lot of new

648
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 3: mothers feel this disconnection with their body. It's like I

649
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 3: don't know it anymore. And so I would really encourage

650
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 3: you to step back and start to connect more with

651
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 3: your physical body and reclaim a little bit of that.

652
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 3: Of course, you can't just be like, you know what,

653
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 3: titties are off limits.

654
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: Hate these are I but like take some.

655
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 3: Time or just like allow your mind to drift back

656
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 3: to this is mine and I am worthy of feeling

657
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 3: pleasure and I can also be a sexual person and

658
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 3: a mother.

659
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, that's important.

660
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 3: I think that holds a lot of people back.

661
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 1: Again, it's not putting yourself in the box of I'm

662
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 1: not just a mum anymore. I get to also have

663
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: my identity and be also my own person exactly.

664
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 3: There's this really really interesting concept called the Madonna horde dichotomy.

665
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 3: Have you heard of this no, So it's the idea

666
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 3: that you've got the madonna, which is like the archetype

667
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 3: of like the virgin, the really like beautiful, cure chase woman,

668
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 3: and then you've got the whore, and you cannot possibly

669
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:27,319
Speaker 3: be both. You're either a sexually liberated slutty woman or

670
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 3: you are a virginal, which is ridiculous because you can't

671
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 3: be a virgin if you're a mother, but the virginal, innocent,

672
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 3: pure mother figure and never the train shull meet. And

673
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 3: so this is what society kind of lumps women into.

674
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 3: Either you're one or the other. You're a pure good girl,

675
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 3: you're a mum. You are just this innocent, virginal sort

676
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 3: of you know, not sexual remotely at all. Or you're

677
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 3: a total slot and you like sex and this is

678
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 3: the reason that you exist. But you couldn't possibly be

679
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 3: a mother who enjoys sex, right, And we take that

680
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 3: on because that's some serious societal conditioning that we have

681
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 3: thrust upon us. And so if you're a mother, it

682
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 3: would make a lot of sense that you would feel like, shit,

683
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 3: I can't access my sexuality anymore, or I feel like

684
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 3: I'm not meant to and I can't be taken seriously

685
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 3: as a mum if I'm also a sexually liberated woman.

686
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 3: And so it's really like, that's what we need to

687
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 3: reckon with is embodying and kind of bringing the two

688
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 3: archetypes together and recognizing that you're a multi faceted person

689
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 3: and you have so many different layers to yourself and

690
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 3: you are allowed to be both.

691
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: I love that and even like doing some journaling on

692
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 1: like where, like what identities am I currently playing into

693
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: and how is it serving me? But also not serving me?

694
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,279
Speaker 1: Because a lot of things with like identity work that

695
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 1: I do is you're usually playing into it because it's

696
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 1: serving you. At some it's giving you some sort of benefit.

697
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: Other those you wouldn't be doing it. But it's also like, yeah,

698
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: let's see the benefits, but also let's see where it's

699
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 1: not serving you, so you can give your brain the

700
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: evidence of like I don't actually have to fully play

701
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,759
Speaker 1: into this identity and only be boxed into one identity.

702
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely, I love that.

703
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 1: A sensitive question, do you have any recommendations on how

704
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: we can work to let our guard down for future

705
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 1: partners after experiencing trauma sexual trauma in a previous relationship.

706
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is a big and unfortunately incredibly common question

707
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 3: and experience that a lot of people have gone through,

708
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 3: and for me, my first suggestion is always working with

709
00:41:55,880 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 3: a certified counselor psychologist psychiatrist to really work through that trauma,

710
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 3: because there's only so much that you can do yourself,

711
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 3: and that's really really vital. So you know in my work,

712
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,320
Speaker 3: if someone comes to me and they're wanting to explore

713
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:17,760
Speaker 3: sexuality and they have had a history of sexual trauma

714
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 3: or abuse, my first question is are you working with

715
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 3: someone or have you worked with someone a professional in

716
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 3: this space, because that's going to be key. So yeah,

717
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 3: I would absolutely recognize that first and speaking as openly

718
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 3: as you feel comfortable with with your partner about your history,

719
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:45,280
Speaker 3: because it's important that you don't retrigger yourself. And firstly,

720
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 3: you might not know what your triggers are. Psychologists can

721
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:51,959
Speaker 3: help you figure that out, but recognizing that there might

722
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:56,320
Speaker 3: be moments when you're intimate with a partner in any sense,

723
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 3: maybe it's making out, maybe it's having sex, that something

724
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 3: might come up and you might be triggered in that moment,

725
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 3: And so having a really open and honest conversation with

726
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 3: your partner about what your triggers could be and what

727
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 3: you or how you might react in a moment of

728
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 3: being triggered, and what you need to feel soothed and

729
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 3: safe if it should come up. Having a partner that

730
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 3: you do really trust as well, because trust is going

731
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 3: to be a big topic when you have had it

732
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 3: broken in such a horrendous way, and so taking that

733
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 3: time to recognize this is a person that I can

734
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 3: trust and maybe even taking them to therapy too and saying, hey,

735
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 3: I want to work through this. This is a relationship

736
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 3: that I am invested in, and I recognize that my

737
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,760
Speaker 3: past is going to play a role in how I

738
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 3: show up in this relationship. And I need my partner

739
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 3: to understand this. And if your partner cannot hold space

740
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 3: for you and recognize the depth of and the way

741
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 3: that trauma impacts you and anybody, then potentially not for you.

742
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 3: Like you deserve a partner who is going to show

743
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 3: up for you and really do everything in their power

744
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 3: to make you feel safe.

745
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: That's beautiful.

746
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for thing on emotional.

747
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: That's so so important, and it's yeah, what you said

748
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 1: at the end is like so heartbreaking that people go

749
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: through that, but also like you do get to have

750
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: that safety.

751
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, you deserve safety, and that's the key thing. Like

752
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 3: we all deserve to feel safe around our relationships and

753
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 3: our sexuality, and so often we don't. And so whatever

754
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 3: you can do to build that is going to be

755
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 3: so powerful.

756
00:44:56,520 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Seeking on that last two questions

757
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: from the community how can I talk to my partner

758
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:05,800
Speaker 1: if I want to spice up our sex life?

759
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 3: This is a fun one.

760
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 1: Okay.

761
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 3: So firstly, again you can blame me and you can

762
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 3: be like, oh, listen to this podcast with the sex educator.

763
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 3: Let's talk about our sex life. Ways to spice up

764
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 3: your sex life. Okay. We spoke before about smart Yes, yeah,

765
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 3: tell us, which we love.

766
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 1: I've already encouraged my whole audience.

767
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,439
Speaker 3: Yes, I actually have a free book club. It's called

768
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 3: Smart Slut.

769
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up, I will not.

770
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 3: It is so hot because I got them all, all

771
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 3: the recommendations for me and my community, and like spice rating.

772
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 1: What is this just on your Instagram?

773
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 3: It's just on Telegram.

774
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: You just joined for free, Like watch me in that

775
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: this afternoon.

776
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 3: Exactly, and I see your recommendations.

777
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: We went on, Yeah, we went to raise for our

778
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: anniversary and I was like, I said to Tim, it

779
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: was like the second date. I'm reading this book right

780
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:57,879
Speaker 1: now and it's like it's not it. And I said

781
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: to him, I kind of feel a bit of annoyed

782
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: this trip because I haven't got a good money book.

783
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: And He's like, get it sorted, go get some records, please,

784
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: like it actually was. Yeah, so I'm so glad. I'll

785
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:13,879
Speaker 1: take that right out.

786
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 3: I've got like different levels, so like Spice rating level

787
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 3: one to five amazing, and so people can kind of

788
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 3: choose their own adventure.

789
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 1: Amazing. But I really just doing God's work.

790
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 3: Oh thank you. I think that's smart. And reading erotica,

791
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 3: even listening to erotica is a really nice way to

792
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 3: kind of create this little steady simmer, you know, for

793
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 3: your libido.

794
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: You're just like I'm almost just like a little.

795
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 3: Bit horny because I'm listening to my nasty book.

796
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: Literally like actually, like the difference that smutty books has

797
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: made to my libido is wild. But not even like

798
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:02,280
Speaker 1: sexually towards him, like yes, but even like towards life.

799
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 3: Oh totally, isn't it. While it's the best thing ever.

800
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 3: I go on what I like to call smut girl walks,

801
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 3: so I'll be listening to a smutty book and I'm

802
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 3: just walking. I'm like, oh, yes, good morning, and I

803
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:22,320
Speaker 3: held okay, I know sometimes I it's so funny.

804
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 1: I think it was yeah, No, it was my friend

805
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 1: who she jumped in the car and my audiobook was

806
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 1: playing and it was like at a very specific point

807
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,799
Speaker 1: and she just looks at me and I'm like, yeah,

808
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: this is where.

809
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 3: I'm at, what I do on my free time.

810
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:44,399
Speaker 1: What of it? Okay, perfect smutty books take one way.

811
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 3: And yeah, you know, if your partner is open to

812
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 3: listening or reading smutty books.

813
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: As well, So a ps if you want to get

814
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 1: your partner into the smart books. What I said to

815
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: Tim was it was all about like reading books, like

816
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:01,760
Speaker 1: being present. And I was like, this is he's into boxing.

817
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is a boxing book. Oh great, you know,

818
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: like so find like an interest and we like it's

819
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: a book about their interests.

820
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 3: A boxer, yeah, and then the things that they do.

821
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, but now it's all about it because he understands it.

822
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 3: Really. I love that. So otherwise, to kind of spice

823
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 3: up your sex life, I have a practice in one

824
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 3: of my workbooks that is the yes, No, maybe List,

825
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 3: and so it's essentially like a sexual desires list and

826
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 3: going through that together. So it's basically this list of

827
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 3: all these different sexual acts and things that you might

828
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 3: want to try, you know, and it might go from

829
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:44,959
Speaker 3: threesomes to spanking or whatever, and each of you will

830
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 3: answer yes, no or maybe yep, I'm into it. No absolutely,

831
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 3: not all maybe interested in trying. And so then you

832
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 3: compare your lists. If you've got some yes's amazing, put

833
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 3: them aside for like a future list of things to

834
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 3: do together. If one is a yes and a maybe,

835
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 3: then give that a try and then see if the

836
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,279
Speaker 3: maybe turns into a yes or no. If anyone has

837
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 3: a no, then it's just off the list altogether, non negotiable.

838
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 3: And this is a really fun way to just explore

839
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 3: different things that you might not have even thought about

840
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,840
Speaker 3: trying before. I've got a whole bunch of things on

841
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,399
Speaker 3: this list. There's also this very fun app that I'm

842
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 3: actually playing with a lover right now, and it's called

843
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 3: ex Confessions, and so it's essentially the idea of the yes, No,

844
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 3: maybe list, but it's in like a Tinder style game,

845
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 3: and so you swipe yes or no, and it'll be

846
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 3: like I want to watch you masturbate and you'll be

847
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,759
Speaker 3: like I'm into that, or like I want to be

848
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 3: tied up and you're like, I'm not into that, and

849
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 3: then your partner will play it as well. You connect

850
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 3: accounts and then it creates a list of all the

851
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 3: things that you matched on love very fun.

852
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 1: Apps are so fun, so.

853
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:56,240
Speaker 3: Fun, and it's like things like this, It again creates

854
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,799
Speaker 3: that steady simmer because it's like we're not just talking

855
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 3: about sex when we're having said where like throughout the day,

856
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: when I'm like on a little break from work, I'm

857
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 3: doing a little swipe and I'm like, oh God, I

858
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 3: want to try these things. And then it's building that

859
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,879
Speaker 3: desire and that aroused and I'm like, oh yeah, I'm

860
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:14,239
Speaker 3: feeling much more interest in sex, and by the time

861
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 3: I see my lover, I'm like, oh, let's get it on.

862
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Interesting. And also I think the biggest thing too,

863
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,680
Speaker 1: with the spicing thing up, spicing things up, it's like

864
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: it's the communication that makes it spicy, totally, like talking

865
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 1: to them about the things, exploring the things, having that

866
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:35,240
Speaker 1: connection is.

867
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,720
Speaker 3: So huge, totally, it's massive.

868
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:42,439
Speaker 1: I love that. The last question, and I know from

869
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 1: your highlights, I did do my research. I know that

870
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 1: you have some experience in this. How do you ask

871
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 1: your partner for a threesome and what could that look like?

872
00:50:55,280 --> 00:51:01,919
Speaker 3: Okay, I love talking about threesomes. Tell us mores, I

873
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,879
Speaker 3: am a relatively experienced unicorn, which is essentially like when

874
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 3: you're the third, So how do you ask?

875
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,240
Speaker 1: Which just says how to ask your partner for a threesome?

876
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 3: Okay, amazing, how to ask someone for a threesome? I

877
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 3: think firstly it's important to recognize that this could be

878
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,879
Speaker 3: quite triggering because the story that tends to come up

879
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 3: is what do you mean I'm not good enough for you? Yeah?

880
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 3: I'm not enough, And so we need to frame it

881
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 3: properly and say, like, I love our sex life so much,

882
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 3: and there's some really fun things that I'd like to try.

883
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 3: You know, maybe if you're by or you haven't had

884
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 3: much experience with people of the same sex or gender,

885
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:42,720
Speaker 3: then maybe you can express that like, well, there's something

886
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 3: that I'd like to explore, and like I have a

887
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 3: desire to be with another woman for example. Do you

888
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 3: think that's something that you'd find hot? Do you desire

889
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 3: that as well? You can also play like, for example,

890
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 3: the Sexual Desires game do the list and threesomes is

891
00:51:58,080 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 3: one of the things on there, and see if you

892
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,439
Speaker 3: matt that right, and be really open to the fact

893
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:08,359
Speaker 3: that Okay, if they're not into it, we can't force it, right,

894
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 3: we have to be understanding, but also just sort of

895
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 3: coming at it from this angle of I want to

896
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 3: experience this with you. This is going to be something

897
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 3: that I think could be really, really fun and connected,

898
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 3: as opposed to you're not enough and I need someone

899
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 3: else there to turn me on. So that's how people

900
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 3: can assume. And in my experience having threesomes, I've only

901
00:52:34,600 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 3: ever been the third I haven't had been in a

902
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:41,880
Speaker 3: couple and had someone join. But in those situations, something

903
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 3: that I love about it is I get to see

904
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 3: this beautiful relationship that has so much trust and communication

905
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 3: where they have decided that they're going to explore and

906
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 3: invite someone in, and the way that they connect with

907
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 3: one another and check in with one another throughout. Its

908
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,840
Speaker 3: honestly like some inspiring. Sometimes I'm like, because are so cute,

909
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 3: now ravish me? It loves really lovely, and like, I

910
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 3: think that it can be done so well. Never ever

911
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:19,360
Speaker 3: approach a threesome from the point of view that our relationship,

912
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 3: our sex life is dwindling and let's spice it up

913
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 3: by adding someone else into the mix. It's not fair

914
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 3: on your relationship, it's not fair on the other person

915
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,280
Speaker 3: as well. You don't ever want to invite someone into

916
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:35,160
Speaker 3: a flailing relationship. Interesting threesomes will not fix a relationship,

917
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 3: will not fix a dwindling sex life. Only ever do

918
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 3: it consciously.

919
00:53:40,360 --> 00:53:43,800
Speaker 1: Like almost like from overflow, Like our sex life is

920
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 1: so good, I love you so much and I'm so

921
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 1: into it, and let's try this because it could be fun.

922
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 3: Totally, we're both so secure and now we're going to

923
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 3: explore more. Not all this isn't enough For all, I'm

924
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 3: not getting what I want or like I'll try and

925
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 3: be sexier somehow by pretending I'm the cool girl that's

926
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 3: fine with inviting a third Yeah, no, really I'm not.

927
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 3: And I'm going to get triggered. And it's good to

928
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 3: break our relationship down.

929
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: And I also I love that you brought that up too.

930
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:12,919
Speaker 3: Of like.

931
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,839
Speaker 1: This is with anythink of like if your partner wants

932
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:20,360
Speaker 1: to try something and it's a boundary for you, stick

933
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 1: to your boundaries. Yes, don't try and be the cool

934
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: girl who tries you know. The bunch of things is

935
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: like even if it's like maybe it's a goal you

936
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: want to get to. That point is like working with

937
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 1: someone doing you know, doing the work to feel secure,

938
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 1: but stick to your boundaries because it's so empowering. Yeah,

939
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 1: and it's like, your sexual experience should be empowering, it

940
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 1: should feel good, it should feel safe and grounded.

941
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 3: Definitely. I think that's so important, incredibly important. Without boundaries,

942
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,720
Speaker 3: we're just sort of like flailing in the wind.

943
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 1: We don't want that, we don't want with boundary queens. Yeah, yeah, Wow,

944
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:07,319
Speaker 1: this episode has been so spicy, so fun. You have

945
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 1: given us so many beautiful tips, and I think what

946
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 1: I get from you know part one and part two

947
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:19,319
Speaker 1: is just like, first of all, how much you know

948
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 1: sex is so much just about communication and connection and

949
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: opening up and having these conversations, like how fun it

950
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 1: gets to be, how empowering it gets to be. So

951
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: thank you so much for chatting to me in the

952
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: community today. It has it's been incredible. We'll make sure

953
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: we link you and all the things in the show notes,

954
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 1: but thank you so much.

955
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 3: Such a pleasure, Thank you for having me.

956
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:51,440
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to another episode of

957
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: the Rise and Conquer Podcast. If you enjoyed it and

958
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 1: want more, come connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer

959
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: dot podcas and join our Facebook discussion group a Rise

960
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:07,360
Speaker 1: and Conker podcast community. We're an independent podcast and we

961
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 1: have a small team, so we do appreciate your time

962
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 1: and support. If you have a spare moment, a follow

963
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 1: or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to would be

964
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: so amazing. And look, if you're feeling extra kind, a

965
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts would be great.