Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Card.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. And guess who's in my
Speaker 2: dead Drew.
Speaker 3: I think they know it's me.
Speaker 4: Brittany is back, Babies.
Speaker 2: It's not Jason Momoa, and it's not Laura's hall pass.
Speaker 2: It is, in fact, just me. It is not Matt either.
Speaker 2: You know, he's often here in my bedroom. Surprising for everyone.
Speaker 2: I know, Brittany is back. She's back in old Sydney Town.
Speaker 2: She's here in the Eastern suburbs. And I know how
Speaker 2: thrilled you are to be back amongst my dirty laundry.
Speaker 4: Truly, nothing has changed.
Speaker 5: It's honestly like I never left. Like sitting here, this
Speaker 5: is our first proper record back together. I actually feel
Speaker 5: like I never left.
Speaker 4: I should have made it a bit fancier for you.
Speaker 4: Shouldn't like I could.
Speaker 2: I've gotten maybe a champagne, but after the weekend that
Speaker 2: I just had, I never fucking want to see a
Speaker 2: champagne again.
Speaker 3: No, no, do. I we're too old for We both
Speaker 3: tried to go out.
Speaker 4: It was a disaster. I'm too old.
Speaker 2: I'm too My liver is gone, my kidneys, everything, it's
Speaker 2: my back hurts.
Speaker 5: I came home at midnight to think with the girls.
Speaker 5: I went out for dinner. I actually wasn't even gonna go.
Speaker 5: I said, I have to prep for this episode tomorrow,
Speaker 5: and then like you have to have a life, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, fine, I'm coming to dinner, but I need
Speaker 5: to go home after that. Thinking in my head i'd be,
Speaker 5: i'd eat, I'd be home by nine, nine thirty and
Speaker 5: when midnight rolls around, I've got this We've got to
Speaker 5: record at eight am that I haven't yet prepped, and
Speaker 5: I was like, guys, I need to go home and
Speaker 5: do this record now, to go home at midnight start working.
Speaker 3: I woke up and I don't have to wake up
Speaker 3: to kids. You've got to wake up to kids.
Speaker 5: I felt like I had been hit by a semi trailer,
Speaker 5: not of us, a semi trailer having.
Speaker 4: A hangover when you've got children.
Speaker 2: It's just the most like masochistic form of torture, Like
Speaker 2: why would you do it?
Speaker 4: It's just evil.
Speaker 2: But also I am not used to this, and I
Speaker 2: think that half of Australia, I mean Melbourn's out of lockdown,
Speaker 2: you South Wales' is that of lockdown?
Speaker 4: Half of Australia. It's not half is it's it's a
Speaker 4: good chunk.
Speaker 3: It's a solid chunk of Australia.
Speaker 2: Chunk of Australia who's probably still nursing a hangover. But
Speaker 2: my hangovers are no longer like one day, and they're
Speaker 2: also unjustified. I only had a couple of margaritas and
Speaker 2: a glass of wine, and it's like the punishment doesn't
Speaker 2: match the crime.
Speaker 4: That's how I feel.
Speaker 5: You know what your problem is, old, No, that's one two.
Speaker 5: You mix margarita's with wine.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it was a good time.
Speaker 6: Though.
Speaker 5: You have to pick your lane and stay in your lane.
Speaker 5: You can't just be going willing Nelly with spirits and
Speaker 5: different cocktails.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: It's like back in the day when I was like
Speaker 2: eighteen and I'd mix Membora with white wine.
Speaker 4: I'd wake up fine. I was like fifteen years ago.
Speaker 3: It's like my used to be, like when I was
Speaker 3: young and had a six pack. My sister's like it
Speaker 3: was twenty years ago.
Speaker 4: Yeah as well. Times have changed, But you know what
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 2: This is what okay, this is my first Is it
Speaker 2: a foray or ferrah foray? What is it when you
Speaker 2: go out into the world again. I've forgotten because I
Speaker 2: haven't been out in the world for a while. Okay,
Speaker 2: what we did on Saturday night was we went to
Speaker 2: a friend's fortieth birthday party. And her name is Carla.
Speaker 2: She was the makeup artist on The Bachelor Laura.
Speaker 3: Maybe Carla doesn't want all Australia to know how old she.
Speaker 2: Is the fourth true Maybe actually, you know what, she's
Speaker 2: living her best life. She's the best. So she's Osher's
Speaker 2: makeup artist. And we went to her fortieth which meant
Speaker 2: that we had dinner with Osha and Matt Agnew and
Speaker 2: it was just this weird bachelor reunion, but also it
Speaker 2: was really great.
Speaker 5: My boat party too, was also like a weird bachelor reunion.
Speaker 5: I was on a boat party incidentally with Holly and Jimmy.
Speaker 5: That was interesting because Jimmy Camappen was like hey.
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, did you like we matched on Tinder.
Speaker 4: I was like hey, I was like hey, so did
Speaker 4: you tell hollywe matched on Tinder?
Speaker 3: He was like yeah, and I was like cool.
Speaker 4: And then it was just like this that were really great?
Speaker 4: Was it was?
Speaker 5: It was fine, but I was like this first moment
Speaker 5: of like cool, like I feel like we know each other,
Speaker 5: but we've never actually met.
Speaker 4: Now we matched.
Speaker 5: He's like, yeah, you ghosted me, and I'm like, cool,
Speaker 5: I did that too, and then she was there and
Speaker 5: it was an interesting triangle.
Speaker 2: How does it feel to have the upper hand to
Speaker 2: know that I go to the Bachelor you ghosted Australia's
Speaker 2: most eligible man this year.
Speaker 5: I said to him, Look or in hindsight, everything happens
Speaker 5: for a reason. Imagine who knows what would have happened
Speaker 5: if we didn't go. You might never have met Holly.
Speaker 2: So you maybe have been dating the kinky Captain, could
Speaker 2: have happened. No, but it's always okay. It sounds I
Speaker 2: feel like we sound like wankers, being like, yeah, we
Speaker 2: feel like had Bachelor reunions.
Speaker 4: It is always weird.
Speaker 2: I find seeing people from the Bachelor franchise outside of
Speaker 2: the Bachelor environment so weird.
Speaker 3: I would never intentionally put myself in that situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're but guys, we actually, I mean, we've got
Speaker 2: an awesome episode for you today. This is a bit
Speaker 2: of a different one. We're talking about compatibility on this episode,
Speaker 2: but it was I don't know, it kind of started
Speaker 2: off that we wanted to talk about how important is
Speaker 2: compatibility in a relationship, like how do you navigate when
Speaker 2: things are different? And then we thought, actually, let's touch
Speaker 2: on a few different types of incompatibility and to couples
Speaker 2: who maybe conventionally people might look at their relationship and go, oh,
Speaker 2: how do they make that work? So in order to
Speaker 2: unpack this whole concept around compatibility, we also wanted to
Speaker 2: reach out to you guys, to the listeners and if
Speaker 2: you're following us on Instagram, we put up some stories
Speaker 2: and we did a call out. Basically, we wanted to
Speaker 2: know who of you are in relationships where compatibility has
Speaker 2: been a part of the conversations that you had to
Speaker 2: have early on. For example, if you're navigating into faith
Speaker 2: or interracial relationships, just two people who have come together
Speaker 2: from significantly different backgrounds and overcome or made it work.
Speaker 2: So we do have a couple of people on the
Speaker 2: podcast today to tell their stories. We're going to get
Speaker 2: into that a little bit later and we're going to
Speaker 2: unpack the whole conversation around compatibility.
Speaker 4: But before we do that.
Speaker 2: We want to talk about what everybody is talking about.
Speaker 2: Alec Baldwin, holy shit, holy.
Speaker 5: Shit, it's insane and I buy Now. Surely you guys
Speaker 5: have heard and you've had this conversation with your friends
Speaker 5: or you're hearing everyone talk about it. But Alex was on
Speaker 5: the set of one of his films and he accidentally
Speaker 5: shot and killed somebody. He shot and killed a crew
Speaker 5: member with a prop gun. So this is a gun
Speaker 5: that obviously was not supposed to have any live ammunition
Speaker 5: in it. It is supposed to be able to be shot,
Speaker 5: and nothing actually happens, but it looks like a real gun.
Speaker 5: Everybody in the industry is up in Ar'm saying, I
Speaker 5: don't know how this could have possibly happened. How could
Speaker 5: this have gotten through all the checks that was supposed
Speaker 5: to get to to get to the point that a
Speaker 5: gun is fired on set and kill somebody.
Speaker 3: And there are so many.
Speaker 5: Aspects to this that are captivating the world. There are
Speaker 5: so many discussions coming off the back of this about
Speaker 5: set safety and how this happened. But I just I
Speaker 5: can't get my head around it. I tried to put
Speaker 5: myself in his position. Could you imagine what Alec Bald
Speaker 5: wanted to be feeling right now?
Speaker 4: Oh man?
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, apart from like the complete and utter
Speaker 2: distress and heartbreak, like he killed somebody, whether or not
Speaker 2: it was a mistake or an accident, all of those
Speaker 2: things aside. Imagine living the rest of your life knowing
Speaker 2: that an accident that was made was altered in you
Speaker 2: killing someone. And now Alec Baldwin is an actor on
Speaker 2: this the movie is called Rust. He's an actor on
Speaker 2: the set obviously, but he's also the producer, so his
Speaker 2: level of liability in this whole scenario goes beyond just
Speaker 2: being an actor who has handed a prop gun. But
Speaker 2: we went down a rabbit hole.
Speaker 4: With this, like really did?
Speaker 2: I am stuck deep in the warren because it is
Speaker 2: just it is so fascinating as much as it is heartbreaking.
Speaker 2: It is fascinating and there are so many different facets
Speaker 2: to this story, and every day more information is coming out.
Speaker 2: But just to give you guys an overview in case
Speaker 2: you know, maybe you've heard of it or you've seen
Speaker 2: the headlines, but you haven't actually read the story. The
Speaker 2: woman's name was Hala Hutchins. She's forty two years old.
Speaker 2: She has a nine year old son, and she was
Speaker 2: a cinematographer on set. And when it comes to movie
Speaker 2: sets that have guns as part of their props. There
Speaker 2: are so many safety regulations that are supposed to be
Speaker 2: put in place, so many that it seems completely unfathomable
Speaker 2: that something like this would have happened. Now there is
Speaker 2: there's been some reports of people have come out and
Speaker 2: said for this to happen, there must have been a
Speaker 2: great deal of neglect around safety and precautions because it
Speaker 2: just doesn't make sense. And there have been a few
Speaker 2: key players in this story where they're trying to unpack
Speaker 2: where their responsibility lies. A couple of people that are
Speaker 2: important to mention are the gun armorer. So they have
Speaker 2: a dedicated senior gun armorer on set. Her name was
Speaker 2: Hannah Guziera Read. She's twenty four years old, and she
Speaker 2: is responsible for checking the guns, making sure that it
Speaker 2: has blanks loaded. She's the one that's responsible for calling
Speaker 2: the safety precautions on set every day whenever a gun
Speaker 2: is on set. And then there is also another man,
Speaker 2: and that is the assistant director, Dave Halls. Dave Halls
Speaker 2: is basically the guy who put the gun in Ali
Speaker 2: Borwyn's hand. He was the one that called cold gun
Speaker 2: on set, and cold gun is basically the term that's
Speaker 2: used whenever there is a prop gun or any gun
Speaker 2: that's on set, and it is supposed to identify that
Speaker 2: it's been through all the safety checks and that there
Speaker 2: are no rounds in the gun at all, and the
Speaker 2: rounds that are usually used would be blanks. Ammunition is
Speaker 2: never allowed on set, so the fact that this even
Speaker 2: had real live ammunition in it is just a whole
Speaker 2: other level of crazy.
Speaker 5: Then that gets to another level. So this once you
Speaker 5: started digging, so many things keep coming out. Now there
Speaker 5: is a woman named Maggie Goll. Maggie Goll is a
Speaker 5: prop maker and a licensed proto technician. Now, she had
Speaker 5: filed an internal complaint with the executive producers of Hulu's
Speaker 5: Into the Dark TV series back in twenty nineteen, and
Speaker 5: this was over concerns about assistant director Dave Hall's conduct
Speaker 5: on set. So this same man that handed the gun
Speaker 5: that actually had the ammunition in it to Alec Baldwin
Speaker 5: had already had a complaint put in about him two
Speaker 5: years earlier about the same thing. She alleged in an
Speaker 5: interview that Hall's had previously not followed safety protocols for
Speaker 5: weapons and proto technics when she worked alongside him in
Speaker 5: the TV series.
Speaker 4: So two years ago.
Speaker 5: This has already come out saying, look, something's not right.
Speaker 5: He's not doing what he's supposed to do with his
Speaker 5: gun safety. Now he is just one person. Then we
Speaker 5: have Hannah, who Laura just mentioned. So she's the other
Speaker 5: person whose sole job, that is her job, that is
Speaker 5: the reason she is on set. She's literally the armorer.
Speaker 5: That is her whole purpose to be there is to
Speaker 5: make sure that everything is loaded properly, everything is safe,
Speaker 5: the gun's are ready. It's also come out that not
Speaker 5: that long ago, she was on a podcast herself talking
Speaker 5: about her experience in her job, talking about what she
Speaker 5: has to do, and she actually stated that she didn't
Speaker 5: feel ready to be taking on the level of responsibility
Speaker 5: that she had been taking on recently. So she's come
Speaker 5: out and said, like, these are really crazy jobs. I
Speaker 5: don't feel like I'm really ready for that. But somehow
Speaker 5: she has ended up on this set, she has ended
Speaker 5: up running it. She's a head armorer, she's the daughter
Speaker 5: of one of the world's best armorers. And this has
Speaker 5: happened so so far, we've got two to three people
Speaker 5: where this live bullet, this live ammunition has somehow made
Speaker 5: it through these people into a gun into the hands
Speaker 5: Valley Baldwin. How this is happening still is beyond everybody.
Speaker 2: And also in regards to Hannah. So I mean when
Speaker 2: I say we went into a rabbit's born, on this,
Speaker 2: we went into a rabbit's orn. So Hannah being the gun.
Speaker 2: She also has a very checkered past. And now she's
Speaker 2: only twenty four years old, she's new to the industry.
Speaker 2: As Britches said, she felt completely unprepared and like she
Speaker 2: didn't have the experience to be put into the position
Speaker 2: of head armorer. So Hannah previously on another job which
Speaker 2: only just recently wrapped filming. It was called the Old
Speaker 2: Way film. They had to holp filming on that because
Speaker 2: she was responsible for giving an eleven year old boy
Speaker 2: a fully loaded gun.
Speaker 4: So she has.
Speaker 2: Already pied like you've got one job, Hannah, mate, check
Speaker 2: the gun, Like are we kidding anyway?
Speaker 4: So there's just so many levels.
Speaker 2: Here where there have been like people screwing up on
Speaker 2: their jobs, not taking health and safety into consideration. Other
Speaker 2: crew members had already walked out over concerns of health
Speaker 2: and safety.
Speaker 4: They had already walked out.
Speaker 2: Because of thirteen hour work days. And I know the
Speaker 2: big question that everybody is asking that doesn't have an
Speaker 2: answer to it yet is how the hell does live
Speaker 2: ammunition get into a prop gun. But secondly, I think
Speaker 2: the other big question that people need to ask is
Speaker 2: what sort of liability does Alec Baldwin have beyond just
Speaker 2: being the actor who pulled the trigger? If he is
Speaker 2: the producer of this film, what is his responsibility when
Speaker 2: it comes to health and safety.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just six hours before the actual shooting, a whole
Speaker 5: bunch of crew members walked off not only for poor
Speaker 5: working conditions, Laura, but actually because there was actually an
Speaker 5: incident where a prop gun was accidentally misfired earlier in
Speaker 5: the filming, So they'd actually already had an incident with
Speaker 5: gun relations. So there were people on set that were like,
Speaker 5: this is crazy, we don't want to be here anymore.
Speaker 5: Six hours before this unfortunate event unfolded.
Speaker 2: Now, Britt and I had a bit of a debate
Speaker 2: about this, Like we had a heated debate on the
Speaker 2: phone before, because Britt was like, I feel sorry for
Speaker 2: Alec Baldwin, and I don't think it's at all his
Speaker 2: responsibility or his fault. I feel very sorry for Ali
Speaker 2: Baldwin and of course I feel sorry for Alec Baldwin.
Speaker 2: I feel incredibly sorry for him. But I do think
Speaker 2: when there is health and safety issues in a workplace
Speaker 2: and it's already been voiced, that has to be managed
Speaker 2: from top tier, right like it is the people who
Speaker 2: are in charge. It's the CEOs of companies, its producers
Speaker 2: on set. It is their responsibility to ensure that the
Speaker 2: safety and the environment that their crew are working in
Speaker 2: is not compromised. And if you have your staff essentially
Speaker 2: working extreme hours they're fatigued. How can you then not
Speaker 2: take some responsibility when people are not doing their jobs properly.
Speaker 2: And I think the big issue that I have with
Speaker 2: this whole thing is that people had already voiced their
Speaker 2: concerns for it. Now there has actually been some more
Speaker 2: reports that came out today and this was reported in TMZ.
Speaker 2: I just want to tell you this because this is
Speaker 2: a fucking wild guys. The prop gun that killed cinematographer
Speaker 2: Hala Hutchins on New Mexico movie set had been used
Speaker 2: by crew members off site for fun, and new report
Speaker 2: claims the gun, which was fired by Alec Borwan on
Speaker 2: set of the movie Russ, may have even been loaded
Speaker 2: with live rounds when it was used for was essentially
Speaker 2: target practice. Multiple sources connected to the production and the
Speaker 2: film told TMZ that the gun was fired at off
Speaker 2: the clock gatherings, which could explain how round found its
Speaker 2: way into the gun's chambers. This is wild, and I
Speaker 2: think is something huge like this happening in a very
Speaker 2: public setting doesn't do something for gun reform, and at
Speaker 2: least gun reform in these sorts of scenarios, I would
Speaker 2: be very surprised, because it's just devastating that at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, a forty two year old mother
Speaker 2: with a nine year old boy has lost her life
Speaker 2: and a little boy has become motherless.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and on top of that, I mean that would
Speaker 5: make sense if those allegations are true that they were
Speaker 5: using the gun off site for target practice, that would
Speaker 5: make absolute sense. But what that also means is that
Speaker 5: the armorah didn't check it again before she handed the gun.
Speaker 5: So maybe she's checked it a day earlier, maybe she
Speaker 5: checked it in the morning. But I feel like this
Speaker 5: sort of thing comes down to when you were physically
Speaker 5: about to hand the gun over.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's when it should be checked. Now
Speaker 3: in regards to Alec Baldwin.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes this is I was like, I have one
Speaker 2: more thing to say about the Alec Baldwin think I
Speaker 2: want to know.
Speaker 5: In regards to Alec Baldwin, I do not think that
Speaker 5: he is at fault. I think what has happened to
Speaker 5: him he could very well be charged for manslaughter, which
Speaker 5: is obviously when something tragic like this has happened. But
Speaker 5: there has never been any intent. But it is not
Speaker 5: his job. And anyone that says it is his job
Speaker 5: to have checked that gun, that's that's not what he's
Speaker 5: there for. That is not what he's employed for. He's
Speaker 5: employed as an actor, and he's employed as a producer.
Speaker 5: Now for people saying that it's a producer's role, it's
Speaker 5: actually not.
Speaker 4: It is actually not.
Speaker 3: A producer's job to do this.
Speaker 5: I want to tell you the difference between a producer
Speaker 5: and a director. So a producer, which is what Alec
Speaker 5: Baldwin is, is the person responsible for like finding and
Speaker 5: launching the project, so they find funding and things like that.
Speaker 5: They hire the writers, they hire the directors, they hire
Speaker 5: key members, and they're involved in like the pre production,
Speaker 5: the production and the pros production.
Speaker 3: The director is.
Speaker 5: A man named Joel Susa. Now the part we haven't
Speaker 5: told you yet is Joel Susa was also shot. He
Speaker 5: hasn't died, but he was injured in this as well,
Speaker 5: so he's also in hospital. He was shot because he
Speaker 5: was standing behind. He was shot on the shoulder, Yeah,
Speaker 5: which is just horrific. But the director, which is Joel,
Speaker 5: the man that was shot. A director is usually employed
Speaker 5: to routinely check in with heads of every department to
Speaker 5: communicate their needs and ensure that their creative vision properly
Speaker 5: translate to the big screen. Ultimately, it is the director's
Speaker 5: job to check in with each department to say, hey,
Speaker 5: how's it going, what do you need? Can I do
Speaker 5: anything for you? And make sure it's running smoothly. There
Speaker 5: will definitely be people saying I'm not saying that what
Speaker 5: happened was absolutely no one's fault or completely someone's fault.
Speaker 3: I'm not putting the blame of anyone.
Speaker 5: Obviously, this has gone through so many people and it's
Speaker 5: beyond me how it made it this far. But I
Speaker 5: feel horrific. My point is I feel horrific for Alec
Speaker 5: Baldwin because he's not a trained armorer. In his mind,
Speaker 5: he's like cool. That's why I have all these people
Speaker 5: on set. I'm the actor. I'm here ready. It should
Speaker 5: have gone through two people, at a minimum three people.
Speaker 5: I'm ready to go. Like he's not trained in that.
Speaker 5: So I feel very very sorry for him. I feel
Speaker 5: sorry for everyone involved. I think it's horrific. He could
Speaker 5: face charges, he may not. We're not really going to
Speaker 5: know until there's a proper investigation.
Speaker 4: Oh, Like, I.
Speaker 2: Agree with so much of what you're saying, And of
Speaker 2: course it is a incredible tragedy. And like I'm not
Speaker 2: here saying I don't think him going to jail or
Speaker 2: him being charged with murder or manslaughter. I don't think
Speaker 2: that that solves what the problem is here. And I
Speaker 2: don't know what the right problem. I don't know what
Speaker 2: the right resolution is. I don't know what would make
Speaker 2: this okay, because nothing will make it okay. Someone's dead.
Speaker 2: But when you say his job is he's a producer,
Speaker 2: so he gets the team together, do your fucking diligence check.
Speaker 2: You check the person's references. If that armor has already
Speaker 2: had complaints against her because she's twenty four years old,
Speaker 2: she put a gun in an eleven year old's hand
Speaker 2: and they had to stop filming. You hired her. There's
Speaker 2: some responsibility there. If Dave Halls has already had a
Speaker 2: long checked past with complaints against health and safety and
Speaker 2: his attitudes towards gun safety on set, you're responsible for
Speaker 2: hiring these people. And so that's why I feel a
Speaker 2: little bit more like, as much as I feel so
Speaker 2: sorry on all levels, exactly like you do, Britt, I
Speaker 2: do think that there is a greater level of onus here.
Speaker 2: Nothing that I have read so far has really put
Speaker 2: claim to that, whereas everything is putting all the responsibility
Speaker 2: on Dave Hall's and also on Hannah who was the armorer.
Speaker 2: And I do understand at the end of the day
Speaker 2: the buck stops with them. But as an employer, if
Speaker 2: you employ people who are not good enough at their jobs,
Speaker 2: or who have a history of not doing their jobs properly,
Speaker 2: why didn't you check that?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Now did you employ them?
Speaker 5: I totally hope you're saying too, But I still don't
Speaker 5: think the blame is on him, like I think, ultimately
Speaker 5: this is just it's so so unfortunate, it's so upsetting
Speaker 5: and tragic, and it's so messy. There are so many
Speaker 5: moving pieces in this it's going to be really hard
Speaker 5: to investigate. I'm very, very interested to see what happens
Speaker 5: at the end of this. And I think what it
Speaker 5: really comes down to is budget people have tried to
Speaker 5: take and whether that's Alec, whether that's I don't know
Speaker 5: who's involved.
Speaker 3: And that's the thing we don't know.
Speaker 4: We're all just.
Speaker 5: Reading news articles that people are vomiting out. Someone has
Speaker 5: probably cut some corners with budget and tried to keep
Speaker 5: it really, really low. And unfortunately, when it comes to
Speaker 5: things like guns on set, it's the last place that
Speaker 5: you should be trying to cut corners and save money.
Speaker 5: It's just safety comes first and that's probably what you
Speaker 5: should be throwing your money out totally.
Speaker 2: And if you have your staff working crazy, crazy hours,
Speaker 2: I mean that is truly a budget issue, right Like
Speaker 2: when people are worked to the bone or they work
Speaker 2: sixteen seventeen hour days, it's because they're understaffed. And I
Speaker 2: think that this has been a conversation that's been happening
Speaker 2: on a much greater scale in the entertainment industry in
Speaker 2: the States recently. So there's so much more to unpack here,
Speaker 2: and as this story develops, maybe we'll give you guys
Speaker 2: some updates, But I feel like Brittany and I are
Speaker 2: quite hated all there.
Speaker 4: We're so into.
Speaker 5: It, like we were just talking about it and I
Speaker 5: don't want to say into it like it's bad, but
Speaker 5: like we're just so enthralled at how this sort of
Speaker 5: thing can happen.
Speaker 3: But anyway, we'll update you as we go.
Speaker 2: So our recommendation for this week is to read the news. Ah, great,
Speaker 2: thanks for coming to Life on Cut. Okay, let's talk
Speaker 2: about something more upbeat.
Speaker 4: Hey, how did we do so? Accidentally? I'm filters? What
Speaker 4: a segue?
Speaker 6: All right?
Speaker 5: I am ready for all right, I'm going to give
Speaker 5: you a really fucking pretty funny and it's we've never
Speaker 5: had anything like this for an accidentally unfilter.
Speaker 4: I'm so I need this in my life.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's so gross.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I've missed you so much.
Speaker 2: Just seeing the laugh like in IRL, just being right
Speaker 2: here across from the cackle.
Speaker 4: God, it's heart warming. It was worth the way. Oh man,
Speaker 4: it's been long four months in the desert.
Speaker 3: I was eating some pudding. That's not it's just so funny.
Speaker 4: I was eating some.
Speaker 3: Pudding while sitting on my bed and watching TV.
Speaker 5: After that I decided to trip my fingernails, because that's
Speaker 5: just what you do.
Speaker 4: Once I was.
Speaker 5: Done, I realized there was a bit grubby to cut
Speaker 5: my nails while sitting on my bed, and I needed
Speaker 5: to clean up the clippings, so I scooped them up
Speaker 5: and just dumped them into my empty pudding bowl. Because
Speaker 5: because it's lockdown, I'm lazy and the episode was reaching
Speaker 5: his climax. Obviously didn't want to get up just to
Speaker 5: put these little clippings in the bin. I thought I
Speaker 5: would take them away when I'm done. So after the
Speaker 5: finished I got up to take my dishes to the kitchen,
Speaker 5: I decided, you know what, I might just treat myself
Speaker 5: to another small serving of pudding.
Speaker 3: I then happily thought I would save myself some washing up,
Speaker 3: and I just reused my bowl. Made sense.
Speaker 5: It wasn't until the scraping the cream off the bottom
Speaker 5: of the bowl I felt a fingernail in my mouth
Speaker 5: and I remembered what I had done.
Speaker 4: I might be the grub of a century. I ate
Speaker 4: all my fingernails in my pudding. The only thing that
Speaker 4: makes this.
Speaker 5: Like remotely better, he said, it was your fingernails and
Speaker 5: not your toenails, because if there was your toenails, I
Speaker 5: would I probably would go make myself ump it.
Speaker 4: It's like the best ax ellely I felt it.
Speaker 3: It's so innocent a lot because you've just done it
Speaker 3: to yourself. There were no witnesses.
Speaker 4: You never had to share that.
Speaker 2: Imagine if you were sharing it, though, would have made
Speaker 2: the story better. Imagine if your fingers ate it up
Speaker 2: on your boyfriend's mouth. No, just like a first date,
Speaker 2: you're like, you have some pudding.
Speaker 4: Oh my god? Do you know what my life consists of?
Speaker 2: Walking around telling Molly to get her finger out of
Speaker 2: her nose now, and every time she's like, yeah, Mummy,
Speaker 2: my boogers are green every day. Yeah, it's the same conversation.
Speaker 2: We have a lot of the same conversations with my toddler. Wow,
Speaker 2: do you have an accillent im filter? I? Okay, I do, Guys.
Speaker 2: Something mortifying happened to me today. I was in the
Speaker 2: office speaking to a coworker who is in a specialized
Speaker 2: at bougie program and I would die to be in
Speaker 2: this program. She holds a lot of sway due to
Speaker 2: being quite a senior member, and I've been trying to
Speaker 2: impress her for the last couple of months. As my
Speaker 2: other coworker and I have chatting to her at our desk,
Speaker 2: I try and act casual and I put my hand
Speaker 2: in my back pocket and feel something soft in there.
Speaker 2: I thought, you know what, it's an antibacterial white. We
Speaker 2: used to wipe things down on the desk and the
Speaker 2: phone and everything else. So I pull it out, and
Speaker 2: as I'm pulling it out, I'm standing there holding it
Speaker 2: in my hands. And then after about twenty seconds, I
Speaker 2: look down to find that there I am holding my worn,
Speaker 2: silky undies that I wore all day yesterday and overnight.
Speaker 4: I had grabbed them off the bathroom floor. This morning
Speaker 4: after showering, I had grabbed podfort that's what you do
Speaker 4: with your dirty undies. She says.
Speaker 2: She lives in a sharehouse and she didn't want to
Speaker 2: leave them on the floor, so she just absent mindily
Speaker 2: put them in her pocket. Anyway, Apparently the woman had
Speaker 2: been looking at them, and that's why she looked down,
Speaker 2: and then she.
Speaker 4: Just tried to carry on and pretend like nothing had happened. No,
Speaker 4: like you have your uneasying your hand. Do you know
Speaker 4: what this reminds me of?
Speaker 5: This reminds me of that girl that accidentally took her well,
Speaker 5: I mean she didn't accidentally. She purposely took her tampon
Speaker 5: out when she went home on a date and she
Speaker 5: was like and she she didn't have anywhere to put it,
Speaker 5: so she's like, oh, just put it in my jean's pocket,
Speaker 5: her black tampon, her used tampon. She put it in
Speaker 5: the back of her black jeans pocket, wrapped up in
Speaker 5: toilet paper because it has been it was not wrapped up.
Speaker 4: She whipped it out. She was about to have sex
Speaker 4: with this.
Speaker 3: Guy and she wanted to pretend she didn't have a period, so.
Speaker 2: She just whipped it out and put it in her
Speaker 2: jean pocket.
Speaker 5: But no, but that gets worse because the next day
Speaker 5: she's like, she put a jeans on and left. She's like,
Speaker 5: I better take the tampon out, and she realized it
Speaker 5: wasn't there. She put it in his jean pocket. So
Speaker 5: he had the tampon in his jean pocket. See, Irapy,
Speaker 5: you were dead, you are dead. That is still one
Speaker 5: of my favorite accidently on filters. It's ever happened, but
Speaker 5: this just makes me think of you know, how small
Speaker 5: kids have a comforter or a little bit of a blankie.
Speaker 4: I'm just imagining.
Speaker 5: I'm outing Keisha I producer, Keisha has one. She's staying
Speaker 5: in my house, so I know, I'm just imagining.
Speaker 2: I'm imagining her standing there, talking to her boss and
Speaker 2: pulling it out and like holding in her hands, playing
Speaker 2: with it like she's playing with the confident, just playing
Speaker 2: with a pair of dirty underse.
Speaker 3: Or like a stress ball, like rolling in between her fingers.
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, that is it.
Speaker 2: Let's get into the chat around compatibility and how important
Speaker 2: it is in your romantic relationship. Well, you know what,
Speaker 2: is it compatibility or is it chemistry?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 3: I don't know? I think they go.
Speaker 5: I mean, I do know that was I've done the research.
Speaker 5: Compatibility in chemistry, they do go hand in hand. You
Speaker 5: do want a little bit of both. But I think
Speaker 5: people often confuse the two. I think when there's a
Speaker 5: really high level of chemistry with someone, like when you
Speaker 5: just meet someone and you're like I want to oh,
Speaker 5: and you're like let me sit on you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're like this.
Speaker 5: Is so sexy and there's so much heat and passion,
Speaker 5: I think people confuse that chemistry with compatibility. But by
Speaker 5: saying like we're just so men for each other, like
Speaker 5: we can't keep our hands of each other. Then what
Speaker 5: happens is you date for a little while and you're like, whoa,
Speaker 5: this person's actually boring as fuck. They're breathing annoys me,
Speaker 5: Like nothing about you.
Speaker 3: I want to hang out with, but I still want
Speaker 3: to rip your clothes off.
Speaker 4: See.
Speaker 2: I don't know if people confuse I think that like
Speaker 2: for a lot of us, you would expect that it's intuitive,
Speaker 2: but I just don't think it is. I don't think
Speaker 2: people confuse chemistry and compatibility. I think they will force it.
Speaker 2: If you have insane chemistry with someone, you will try
Speaker 2: and make yourself believe that you're compatible, even if all
Speaker 2: the red flags and the warning signs are there to
Speaker 2: say that you're not. We have done a whole episode
Speaker 2: around chemistry, But I think compatibility is a really interesting
Speaker 2: kettle of fish because it's kind of like you're more
Speaker 2: reliable brother of chemistry, whereas chemistry brother Chemistry is a liar. Right,
Speaker 2: Chemistry is what we can become infatuated with, and compatibility
Speaker 2: is its more reliable friend. Now, when I think of
Speaker 2: compatibility and one of the things they think is really
Speaker 2: interesting about this conversation is that for men, compatibility is twofold.
Speaker 2: You need to be compatible in what you're doing now,
Speaker 2: as in like your morals need to align, and like
Speaker 2: when we say you need to be compatible. Firstly, I
Speaker 2: just want to preface this with compatibility does not mean
Speaker 2: that you need to be the same in every single
Speaker 2: facet of life. We all know that opposites can attract.
Speaker 2: We all know that you can be very different in
Speaker 2: many ways to your partner. However, there has to be
Speaker 2: an undercurrent of core values or beliefs or something that
Speaker 2: binds you. Whether it's it's your views on the world,
Speaker 2: whether it's the fact that you're both vegans, whether it's
Speaker 2: how you treat other people, whether it's just because they're
Speaker 2: a really nice person and that's what you value at
Speaker 2: the end of the day. Like, there has to be
Speaker 2: some deep seated level of compatibility, and then you can
Speaker 2: have all your other varying factors around you. Know, maybe
Speaker 2: you do have different religions that you believe in, maybe
Speaker 2: you are from really different upbringings, Maybe your perspectives on
Speaker 2: money different. There can be so many different parts of
Speaker 2: a relationship where compatibility comes into play. But the other
Speaker 2: really really important thing about compatibility is that it has direction.
Speaker 2: So not only are you thinking about, well, what do
Speaker 2: you and I have and share in our core values?
Speaker 2: But where is this a relationship heading? And is this
Speaker 2: relationship like do we want to have kids in the future,
Speaker 2: how are we going to raise our kids? Where do
Speaker 2: we want to live? How many times a week do
Speaker 2: we have to see your mum? These are the sorts
Speaker 2: of things that can really dictate whether not just a
Speaker 2: relationship works now, but whether a relationship is compatible in five, ten,
Speaker 2: fifteen years time.
Speaker 5: Now that might have sound like a lot of information,
Speaker 5: but to break down compatibility, just to put it at
Speaker 5: a really base level, it's just the ability to live
Speaker 5: and work together in harmony, to want the same things,
Speaker 5: and to have a really good, solid calming environment. And
Speaker 5: like Laura said, it's to move forward directionally, compatibilities directional.
Speaker 5: So you do want to have this environment that you
Speaker 5: can not only live in in the now that is happy,
Speaker 5: but in the future.
Speaker 2: Before we go any further with unpacking this, I'd love
Speaker 2: to know what are your opinions on opposites attracting.
Speaker 5: I think opposites do attract I don't think you can
Speaker 5: be too similar for someone like for me personally, I
Speaker 5: look at all my relationships in the past, and the
Speaker 5: most disastrous relationship I ever had was with somebody that
Speaker 5: was too similar to me in terms of the way
Speaker 5: we our argument style, which I think is a really
Speaker 5: big one because I think argument style and things like that,
Speaker 5: like if or I don't know what the right word is,
Speaker 5: not argument style, but the way we thought. We were
Speaker 5: both too passionate about it. We wouldn't let each other win.
Speaker 5: We're too stubborn. And maybe that's an age thing too,
Speaker 5: like I was a bit younger and I always wanted
Speaker 5: to be right. But for me, I think opposites do attract.
Speaker 5: And the people that I have been attracted to in
Speaker 5: the past Jordan, now they're very different to me in
Speaker 5: terms of being introverted and extroverted, and I think that
Speaker 5: this is a really key factor in dating now. We
Speaker 5: have spoken about this in the past as well. You
Speaker 5: don't have to be an introvert, doesn't have to be
Speaker 5: with an extrovert. An extrovert can be with an extrovert,
Speaker 5: but you have to be able to meet in the
Speaker 5: middle on certain things. For me, I say that I'm
Speaker 5: an introverted extrovert because I am. You guys know what
Speaker 5: I'm like on the podcast, Like I am loud, I
Speaker 5: don't have a filter. I laugh a lot at my
Speaker 5: own jokes, but other people's jokes touper mainly my If
Speaker 5: I'm at the party, I like to be the life
Speaker 5: of the party. Getting me to the party is the
Speaker 5: hard part. Like I do have this part of being introverted.
Speaker 5: When I'm there, I'm great for somebody. I'm dating someone
Speaker 5: like Jordan, and you guys will hear from him soon.
Speaker 3: But he is the opposite. So he's very shy, he's
Speaker 3: very quiet. He's very happy to.
Speaker 5: Let me tell my jokes and be the energy between us.
Speaker 5: But he's also really happy to have that introverted side
Speaker 5: with me as well, so he'll be happy to then
Speaker 5: sit at home watch a movie as opposed to going
Speaker 5: out partying. And I think that is why we work,
Speaker 5: because we're not one hundred percent opposite. We just have
Speaker 5: enough to compliment each other. But we want to do
Speaker 5: the same things in life, and we want to hang
Speaker 5: out and do the same things on the weekend. So
Speaker 5: the rest of it, he's like, you go party and
Speaker 5: then we'll do something fun together on the weekend. So
Speaker 5: it's about finding that balance. So I think one hundred
Speaker 5: percent for me personally, I'm more attracted to people that
Speaker 5: are opposite to me.
Speaker 2: It's interesting, isn't it, Because I would have said back
Speaker 2: in the day that like, opposites don't attract. I would
Speaker 2: have really I found it really hard to get my
Speaker 2: head around it. And I think the more the we
Speaker 2: have done this podcast, the more that we have spoken
Speaker 2: to so many different couples, the more I realized I
Speaker 2: was living in an echo chamber of my own thoughts.
Speaker 2: Like Matt and I are so similar. Sure, there's things
Speaker 2: that we don't like. I hate football, he loves football.
Speaker 2: There's some stuff that we don't align on. But when
Speaker 2: it comes to like who we are at our core,
Speaker 2: we are exactly the same. And that's why we fight
Speaker 2: exactly the same.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, and.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's a really bad thing, and sometimes it's a
Speaker 2: really really great thing. But I think it's so interesting
Speaker 2: and like we will get into a couple of conversations
Speaker 2: we had in a little while with some of you
Speaker 2: who have come from like fundamentally different paths and fundamentally
Speaker 2: different backgrounds and upbringings. However, there's still this base. And
Speaker 2: I think the really interesting thing about this conversation of
Speaker 2: compatibility is even if you aren't compatible, as in, even
Speaker 2: if you have different belief systems, whether like I said,
Speaker 2: whether it's that one person's a vegan one person's a
Speaker 2: meat eater, so long as there's respect for the other
Speaker 2: person's belief that's what defines compatibility.
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 2: So you can be you can not align on a
Speaker 2: lot of things in your relationships. Maybe you have very
Speaker 2: different political views. But if you respect each other's political
Speaker 2: views and it gives for like interesting debate and interesting discussions,
Speaker 2: then that's a really healthy relationship. But if your political
Speaker 2: views are so important to you that you cannot respect
Speaker 2: someone who has a different political view to you, or
Speaker 2: you cannot respect someone who has a different religion or
Speaker 2: whatever it is, that's where compatibility is a huge part
Speaker 2: of why relationships break down.
Speaker 5: There really is a strong argument from a lot of
Speaker 5: professors and a lot of professionals that argument and conflict
Speaker 5: is actually good in relationships. And it's exactly what you
Speaker 5: just said, Laura. You're never gonna have a relationship where
Speaker 5: you don't argue, But it's about how you argue and
Speaker 5: about how you disagree.
Speaker 3: So if you can disagree and.
Speaker 5: Debate each other with a lot of respect and in
Speaker 5: a really calm way, then that's healthy and that's encouraged.
Speaker 5: And it's like Laura and I like prime example, Laura,
Speaker 5: I would like to think that you and I are
Speaker 5: very compatible, but we had we just completely disagreed about
Speaker 5: Alec Baldwin. But that doesn't mean we're not going to
Speaker 5: be able to be podcast host because we disagree respectfully.
Speaker 5: We listen to each other's opinions. We're like, I get
Speaker 5: what you're saying, but I think this, and I think
Speaker 5: that that's a really like that's a prime example of cool.
Speaker 5: We don't agree on this, but we have so many
Speaker 5: similarities and so much respect for each other in every
Speaker 5: other aspect that this makes it a compatible podcast hosting
Speaker 5: thing that we've got going on here.
Speaker 2: We are but also on that I mean, and this
Speaker 2: is one of the this is one of the research
Speaker 2: studies that we pulled out for this because we can
Speaker 2: talk about compatibility and how important it is all day,
Speaker 2: but like I said, it is this huge undercurrent of
Speaker 2: respect that plays into it. And there is this quote
Speaker 2: psychology professor at the University of Texas. His name is
Speaker 2: at Ted Huston. He conducted a longitudinal study of married couples,
Speaker 2: and he claims that maybe compatibility is a little bit overrated, right,
Speaker 2: and maybe we put too much focus on the need
Speaker 2: for everything to align. He says, my research shows that
Speaker 2: there is no difference in the objective level of compatibility
Speaker 2: between couples who are unhappy and those who are actually
Speaker 2: happy in their relationships. But the unhappy ones think compatibility
Speaker 2: is important to a good marriage, but they don't think
Speaker 2: that they have it in their own marriage. People over
Speaker 2: emphasize the effect of personality or values, and they underemphasize
Speaker 2: the extent to which easy congenial temperaments aid marriages. So
Speaker 2: basically what he's saying then, is like, if you're a
Speaker 2: nice person to get along with, if you're a kind
Speaker 2: to your partner, if you have mutual respect with your partner,
Speaker 2: if you love each other and you seek to better
Speaker 2: understand each other, that is more important than being compatible.
Speaker 2: That is more important than having like for like. You
Speaker 2: can be really different to your partner, but if you
Speaker 2: respect who they are, where they come from, and why
Speaker 2: they show up in the relationship the way they do,
Speaker 2: you guys can make it work out.
Speaker 5: Some of the big hurdles that we want to talk about,
Speaker 5: and the biggest hurdles that couples face in a relationship
Speaker 5: in regards to compatibility are things like race, religion, and
Speaker 5: politics now.
Speaker 2: And philosophical views. I think that's a big one as well,
Speaker 2: philosophical views one hundred percent.
Speaker 5: And also, like we will get into this in a minute,
Speaker 5: the big things like race and religion and culture differences,
Speaker 5: they are very big driving factors, unfortunately, because it results
Speaker 5: in the way you want to, for example, raise your children.
Speaker 5: If you have very different ideas on how you want
Speaker 5: to raise your children that comes from your religion, it's
Speaker 5: going to be a big wedge in your relationship.
Speaker 2: It's not just about how you want to raise kids,
Speaker 2: it's also about how you navigate your relationship in the now. Obviously,
Speaker 2: if you're from a Christian background, sex before marriage can
Speaker 2: be a huge conversation. And if you're somebody who's not
Speaker 2: religious and maybe you have had quite a free and
Speaker 2: exciting sex life in the past dating somebody who's reserving
Speaker 2: themselves for marriage, that's a huge conversation to have, and
Speaker 2: that is very different and a very unique situation that
Speaker 2: requires a lot of respect and requires so much communication
Speaker 2: to make that work.
Speaker 5: And that just comes down to what you know you
Speaker 5: want in a relationship and who you are. So there's
Speaker 5: no right or wrong. If you want to save yourself
Speaker 5: a marriage because that's what you're believing, that is absolutely,
Speaker 5: that's one hundred percent amazing, But you can't probably expect
Speaker 5: to go and date somebody that really wants to have sex. Now,
Speaker 5: I personally, when I think about compatibility, I if I
Speaker 5: met someone on a date, like first date, I'm talking,
Speaker 5: I don't know them, so I haven't got to know
Speaker 5: their soul and who they are. I've gone on a
Speaker 5: date with someone and they're like, hey, I don't want
Speaker 5: to have sex. Before marriage was like girls gonna eat?
Speaker 5: I was like, do you mind grabbing the bill? Like
Speaker 5: I gotta get home, Sorry, I have a guy.
Speaker 4: That they need to text and there's Brittany writing a
Speaker 4: you up text.
Speaker 5: But for me, sex in a relationship is important, Like
Speaker 5: it's for my values and my beliefs. The intimacy that
Speaker 5: comes with sexual relationships, that's what's important to me. And
Speaker 5: I think that So if I met somebody that wasn't
Speaker 5: really on that wavelength. It's just not gonna work. And
Speaker 5: I think that's a big driving factor for compatibility. When
Speaker 5: I write down a list of what I want.
Speaker 2: I think sexual compatibility is huge and actually it's probably
Speaker 2: one of the biggest paradigms on this. Like we didn't
Speaker 2: mention it before, but you said, you know, religion, race, philosophical,
Speaker 2: cultural sex is a huge one as well. Are you
Speaker 2: compatible in the bedroom?
Speaker 4: Yes or no?
Speaker 2: I so this can I actually be a really interesting
Speaker 2: time to get into the conversation with Kurt and Daisy.
Speaker 2: Now Kurt and Daisy we got to interview them. We
Speaker 2: did put the call out to everybody to try and
Speaker 2: garner these really interesting relationships who have come to the
Speaker 2: table with very different backgrounds. Daisy is from the UK.
Speaker 2: She identifies as agnostic. She has no religious preference really
Speaker 2: and I guess she describes herself as a little bit
Speaker 2: more spiritual. Whereas her boyfriend Kurt, he is an evangelical Christian.
Speaker 2: He has been very much brought up as very integrated
Speaker 2: in the church, an extremely proactive member of the church,
Speaker 2: and his family are devout Christians. They talked about what
Speaker 2: it's been like navigating dating when they come from such
Speaker 2: different belief systems when they have such different ideas around
Speaker 2: sex and what that conversation.
Speaker 7: Is like, I think because with the church, like it
Speaker 7: does from an outside point of view, it's obviously like
Speaker 7: a really tight knit community and Kurt's families really involved,
Speaker 7: and it kind of just felt a bit like I
Speaker 7: was on the outside of something in some weird ways.
Speaker 7: I felt like I was almost corrupting you.
Speaker 6: You probably were, which in all honesty, she did, Yeah,
Speaker 6: in all honestly, Like I had to come to a
Speaker 6: point where I was like, well, what are our values?
Speaker 6: Like do we have the same values? Now that's kind
Speaker 6: of the core thing that I lent on, but rather
Speaker 6: what do we actually care about? Like what we what's
Speaker 6: the bigger things that we care about? And that's why
Speaker 6: I moved the conversation personal question.
Speaker 5: But was their compromise so like, Kurt, were you no
Speaker 5: sex before marriage? Were you not wanting to drink? Like
Speaker 5: how strict were you in your faith? And then was
Speaker 5: a compromise on that when you guys met?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: So for me, yeah, like I was waiting for a marriage,
Speaker 6: like to have sex, and I guess I'd always had
Speaker 6: this kind of open mindness about it as well, so
Speaker 6: I wasn't just like this is just a way that
Speaker 6: it would go.
Speaker 4: I was like, if I.
Speaker 6: Really fall in love with someone, we build a really
Speaker 6: solid relationship, I would be open to it. But the
Speaker 6: kind of idea was marriage.
Speaker 7: I remember when Kurt told me that, and because I'd
Speaker 7: obviously known about like the faith and everything before, and
Speaker 7: then when that came up, and I think, because we've
Speaker 7: had drinks together and this sounds like maybe a bit ignorant,
Speaker 7: but I was like, oh, he seems so normal, like
Speaker 7: surely not Like surely that wouldn't be the case. And
Speaker 7: then when I found out, I think there was part
Speaker 7: of my mind that was like, can you really call
Speaker 7: someone your boyfriend if you haven't slept with them?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 6: To me, that was like crazy because from the culture
Speaker 6: that I come from, you can build a really great
Speaker 6: connection and relationship without sex.
Speaker 2: When you're brought up in the church and your life
Speaker 2: is centered around your beliefs, that also is mostly very
Speaker 2: much ingrained in your family values as well. How has
Speaker 2: it been navigating for both of you, essentially the in laws,
Speaker 2: like meeting each other's family, being accepted into each other's family,
Speaker 2: knowing that you both have different faith and different belief systems.
Speaker 6: I think that's still the tricky one because of COVID,
Speaker 6: Like our relationships have kind of been built on like
Speaker 6: this crazy time of not really getting to connect with
Speaker 6: one another's friends. We've spent a lot more time together.
Speaker 6: One of the things that my mum actually did say
Speaker 6: was when I first told mom about Daisy, was like, oh,
Speaker 6: does she have the God factor?
Speaker 4: And what is the God factor?
Speaker 6: I know, it's pretty much it's pretty much does she
Speaker 6: believe in God? Is she a Christian? It's like kind
Speaker 6: of like you know, slang by saying is does she
Speaker 6: believe what we believe?
Speaker 4: And I was like, no, she doesn't.
Speaker 6: It was Daisy that in the beginning of the relationship,
Speaker 6: and it was a terrible thing. I've told her because
Speaker 6: it's pretty much at the time and didn't think about it.
Speaker 6: Pretty much told her, hey, like, my family won't accept
Speaker 6: you if you're not this, But that wasn't the case.
Speaker 6: It just that's how it came across. My family ended
Speaker 6: up coming to Sydney for a bit and Daisy didn't
Speaker 6: meet them briefly. It's kind of like how Daisy spent
Speaker 6: time with me the first time. She just seems normal
Speaker 6: because like, my family are normal. They just have this
Speaker 6: yeah but like sometimes oh no, like they're religious and
Speaker 6: are scary, but my family are very normal. They just
Speaker 6: have this very cool thing that brings them together and
Speaker 6: that is part of convers station. But my dad actually
Speaker 6: pulled me aside after they were just about to go
Speaker 6: back and just said, hey, if you love Daisy, that
Speaker 6: we love daisy, you know. So for me that was
Speaker 6: really important and yeah, I was, like, I guess a
Speaker 6: really moving moment for me because even myself I was
Speaker 6: kind of like there's a lot of shame and guilt
Speaker 6: and like, this isn't what I think the quick cutter
Speaker 6: thing that my parents would want for me, but it's
Speaker 6: just not how it's happened, and that's just had to
Speaker 6: accept that.
Speaker 2: What do you think of the biggest challenges that you
Speaker 2: guys have, knowing that you both come from these different backgrounds.
Speaker 7: I feel like one of our biggest things actually has
Speaker 7: just been trying to overcome fear of judgment from like
Speaker 7: our different friendship groups or family. That's probably been one
Speaker 7: of the biggest things. And weirdly, COVID has been quite
Speaker 7: good for that because we have just spent a lot
Speaker 7: of time in our own bubble.
Speaker 2: How is that presenting itself? And is it more from
Speaker 2: your friends or your side or like whose side is
Speaker 2: this judgment coming from? All these feelings of inadequacy?
Speaker 7: It was definitely both because I think, especially around the
Speaker 7: sex thing, for my friends, like that's like really weird,
Speaker 7: like if you're seeing someone for a certain amount of
Speaker 7: time and you haven't slept with them, And for Kurt's friends,
Speaker 7: it would be like really weird the other way. So
Speaker 7: it wasn't any like really negative judgment. It was just
Speaker 7: almost this otherness like between our friendship group.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then I guess when we kind of moved
Speaker 6: through that, Like for myself, it just it doesn't seem.
Speaker 3: Like the biggest thing.
Speaker 6: If I could be honest, I think that in a relationship,
Speaker 6: sex is a great thing, but there's so many other things.
Speaker 6: Communication is like I think if you're gonna have good communication,
Speaker 6: you can build a good relationship. There's just so many
Speaker 6: different layers, and I found that that's a great way,
Speaker 6: like for intimacy, but even just like good conversation and
Speaker 6: being open and being willing to like compromise and listening
Speaker 6: to one another. Those things. I found those things are
Speaker 6: more richer and better for me than the physical side
Speaker 6: of things.
Speaker 2: This whole idea the opposites attract. How do you find
Speaker 2: that impacts your relationship? Like do you find that, yeah,
Speaker 2: we had that these things that are opposite, but who
Speaker 2: we are and what we want is aligned.
Speaker 7: I think actually, all the things that came with like
Speaker 7: Kirk growing up with a religion are all the things
Speaker 7: that have given him like really good values and like
Speaker 7: ability to communicate. We were saying on the walk here
Speaker 7: when you know, I was kind of considering, oh, is
Speaker 7: religion Is that the red flag at the beginning of
Speaker 7: the relationship. And if I think about other people that
Speaker 7: I've dated, and I've kind of been okay with their things,
Speaker 7: like you know, people smoking weed every day and like
Speaker 7: doing like not so nice.
Speaker 4: Like I'm not preparing religion to weeds.
Speaker 7: Snow No, But it's like, oh, like I'm okay with
Speaker 7: things like that that like you know, and I'll put
Speaker 7: up with things like that. But then it comes to
Speaker 7: religion and it's like, oh, that's that's a red flag.
Speaker 3: That's a no.
Speaker 5: I think, yeah, like why is the religion the red
Speaker 5: flag as opposed to the drugs?
Speaker 7: It's normalized because it's like someone smoking weed or like
Speaker 7: taking drugs, like it's normalized. But it's been like, even
Speaker 7: though we are opposite in that way, we're really really
Speaker 7: similar in values. And I think that's like the common threat.
Speaker 6: It's just this ongoing thing, like a relationship is just
Speaker 6: going to be ongoing, and that's what makes it kind
Speaker 6: of fun because it is hard, but that's what makes
Speaker 6: it worth it for me.
Speaker 2: One of the really interesting parts of this conversation was
Speaker 2: this idea that compatibility is not static. It's a constantly
Speaker 2: shifting thing. And I think the more conversations that were
Speaker 2: had in Daisy and Kurt's relationship, the more that they
Speaker 2: realized how compatible they really were. And this idea that
Speaker 2: you can work towards something and have conversations and communicate
Speaker 2: towards something, and it's the understanding of where somebody else
Speaker 2: is coming from. It's this understanding of their background that
Speaker 2: can also build compatibility.
Speaker 4: That it's not just a static thing.
Speaker 5: It's compromise, and that in that sense, compatibility has changed
Speaker 5: because now you're far more compatible because you've decided to
Speaker 5: make some compromise in your relationship. So one hundred percent
Speaker 5: if you do meet someone and there are so many
Speaker 5: aspects that you were just like thurrothing on and you
Speaker 5: want them in your life, but there's something that you
Speaker 5: deem not compatible. It could be worth having the conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it also just lends itself to
Speaker 2: this idea that sometimes we think we know what we want,
Speaker 2: Like sometimes we have an idea.
Speaker 3: Don't make me laugh, but do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, sometimes we think we know what we want. We
Speaker 2: think we know that we have a checklist, or we
Speaker 2: have this idea of the type of person that we're
Speaker 2: going to meet, and then somebody comes into our lives
Speaker 2: and we're like, wow, I didn't expect that it was you,
Speaker 2: but it's you, you know. And I think that sometimes
Speaker 2: that can really bowl us off our feet. And if
Speaker 2: we get too hung up on I want someone who
Speaker 2: matches all my checklist in every single way, we kind
Speaker 2: of can go into relationships with a little bit of
Speaker 2: a blinker. Now when we say when I say checklists, like,
Speaker 2: I'm actually not against them. I think it's kind of
Speaker 2: good to have some idea about the person that you want.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really good, especially if you're someone
Speaker 2: who it's really shitty people who are really poor for you,
Speaker 2: I think it's really important to have some sort of
Speaker 2: checklist or some sort of idea. But the thing is
Speaker 2: is like, you don't want that checklist to be so
Speaker 2: rigid that you're drawing and drafting up a Ken dole.
Speaker 2: You want it to be more based around value as
Speaker 2: to who that person is at their deep core and
Speaker 2: does that align with what you want and what you
Speaker 2: love in life as well. Now, when we did the
Speaker 2: call out to you guys, because we wanted to get
Speaker 2: and we wanted to hear your stories. We wanted to
Speaker 2: know who in our life on cut community is living
Speaker 2: and navigating what might be deemed by other people as
Speaker 2: an unconventional relationship. We understand that there is no cookie cutter,
Speaker 2: There is no one size fits all. Even the conversation
Speaker 2: between Daisy and Kurt. There are millions of other people
Speaker 2: navigating similar relationships and doing it very differently. But we
Speaker 2: wanted to make sure that we did our due diligence,
Speaker 2: and we also spoke to an interracial couple who's one
Speaker 2: of our listeners. Amelia has been with her husband Brian
Speaker 2: for five years. Amelia was born here in Australia. She's
Speaker 2: Caucasian and her husband was raised Buddhist and he was
Speaker 2: born in China. Amelia speaks a lot about how being
Speaker 2: in this relationship has made her very aware about microaggression
Speaker 2: and racism within Australia. It also became evident to her
Speaker 2: that a lot of the judgment that she felt was
Speaker 2: from their families and from their in laws, because their
Speaker 2: families had expected or wanted something different for them. As
Speaker 2: I said, Amelia and Brian are happily married and it
Speaker 2: was so great to speak to someone who has successfully
Speaker 2: overcome some of the initial hurdles in regards to compatibility
Speaker 2: that I found at the beginning of the relationship.
Speaker 5: So, Amelia, what were some of the issues that you
Speaker 5: did face early on in your relationship due to the
Speaker 5: fact that you do come from different cultural backgrounds.
Speaker 8: There haven't been many issues between us, but it's been
Speaker 8: our families that have been the biggest issue. His mum
Speaker 8: especially was particularly concerned that I was Caucasian and therefore
Speaker 8: I wouldn't have the same family values as they did,
Speaker 8: and she often made very unfair assumptions about me, especially
Speaker 8: at the beginning of our relationship. Seems like, oh, she's Caucasian,
Speaker 8: so therefore she's not going to want the children to
Speaker 8: learn Mandarin. But these were all assumptions that she made,
Speaker 8: essentially without getting to know me. And if you'd asked me,
Speaker 8: I would have thought it was a great idea for
Speaker 8: our kids to learn another language. Well, I wouldn't I
Speaker 8: want them to learn another language. I guess the biggest
Speaker 8: issue we had was other people's assumptions about each other.
Speaker 8: And so, you know, for example, my parents would say
Speaker 8: things like, oh, he's he's all right for a Chinese guy,
Speaker 8: or his English is really good, and those sorts of
Speaker 8: comments are actually quite racist when you stop and you
Speaker 8: think about them, like, oh, somehow, it's this extraordinary thing
Speaker 8: that this person whose Chinese can speak English with an
Speaker 8: Australian act. We would walk into a Chinese restaurant and
Speaker 8: people would just stare at us, or we would walk
Speaker 8: into an Italian restaurant and people would just stare at us,
Speaker 8: because somehow, in people's minds it was completely baffling to
Speaker 8: them that I could be Caucasian and he could be
Speaker 8: Asian and that we would love each other. Our particular
Speaker 8: relationship dynamic really confuses people because it's not that common
Speaker 8: but yeah, I definitely had no idea that racism still occurred,
Speaker 8: and now I'm much more aware of it. I realized
Speaker 8: like those microaggressions that ethnic minorities face, and you just
Speaker 8: kind of go like, gee, they just put up with this,
Speaker 8: and they just kind of laugh it off because that's
Speaker 8: what their sort of conditioned to do, because if you
Speaker 8: call it out, then you bring more of an awareness
Speaker 8: to the problem and you can embarrass the other person.
Speaker 8: So they'd rather not embarrass the other person.
Speaker 2: How did you overcome some of the cultural differences that
Speaker 2: you were face with and at the time did that
Speaker 2: involve a lot of compromise from the two of you.
Speaker 8: So I think at the beginning, we possibly didn't quite
Speaker 8: put enough time into sort of educating me about Chinese
Speaker 8: culture and what was expected of me. And so as
Speaker 8: a result, the first actually like eighteen months of knowing
Speaker 8: his parents were really difficult because again of this sort
Speaker 8: of like preconceived idea that his mum had about me
Speaker 8: being white and how that would change or affect my
Speaker 8: values as a person, and therefore like it was just
Speaker 8: not compatible with their culture. And so actually it required
Speaker 8: a lot of education. I had to speak to a
Speaker 8: lot of other Chinese people and kind of go like,
Speaker 8: what am I doing wrong here? The thing in Chinese
Speaker 8: culture is you're never outwardly discussing with someone what issues are,
Speaker 8: but it will be sort of like danced around, beating
Speaker 8: around the bush essentially, so I wasn't meant to talk
Speaker 8: about things that I didn't like. If I had to
Speaker 8: address something that I didn't like, it had to be
Speaker 8: through him so he could essentially then like translate it
Speaker 8: to his parents in a way that they accepted it.
Speaker 8: Whereas I'm very open and very honest, and so I
Speaker 8: had to really learn to kind of keep my mouth
Speaker 8: shut and kind of talk to them through him. All
Speaker 8: I could do was just educate myself. So I just
Speaker 8: had to learn from other people what to do. How
Speaker 8: do I show respect to these people? How do I
Speaker 8: show that I'm he is big with their son? And
Speaker 8: as I found out, my in laws are quite traditional.
Speaker 8: But this is like how you should treat your elders.
Speaker 8: Pour them tea, serve them food, give them the last
Speaker 8: bite of the food on the table, open doors for them,
Speaker 8: pull back the chair for them. I had to learn
Speaker 8: to do all these things, which obviously as a white
Speaker 8: person I'd never poured tea for someone before. It's just
Speaker 8: like if you want tea for it yourself. One of
Speaker 8: the differences is that Brian doesn't celebrate Christmas at all,
Speaker 8: has never celebrated Christmas in his life, and I am
Speaker 8: big on Christmas. He was trying to weasel his way
Speaker 8: out of it because I've also got a birthday of December.
Speaker 8: So he was like, what do you mean I have
Speaker 8: to buy a birthday present and a Christmas present.
Speaker 3: Like briant on board this ship, and.
Speaker 8: So like I had to say to him, like, we're
Speaker 8: going to go buy a Christmas tree and we have
Speaker 8: to buy ornaments, and you know, you've got your big
Speaker 8: ornaments and then you've got like your little fillow that
Speaker 8: make the tree, you know, look nice as full. And
Speaker 8: then I have to tell him, you can't just give
Speaker 8: me the present in the packaging that it came in,
Speaker 8: Like you have to wrap.
Speaker 5: It and you have to write a card, and you
Speaker 5: have to leave biscuits out for Santa.
Speaker 4: You have to do a lot of stuff and you
Speaker 4: have to put it under.
Speaker 2: The tree, like there's a process here and take take
Speaker 2: the price tag off.
Speaker 8: Yeah, And so he was like, what do you mean,
Speaker 8: I have to wrap it, and so I was like, look,
Speaker 8: we'll buy some Christmas paper, like wrapping paper. This is
Speaker 8: sort of how do you write the present? He doesn't
Speaker 8: still doesn't wrap presents particularly well, but he's getting better
Speaker 8: at it.
Speaker 2: So you guys, fully compromise on this in that now
Speaker 2: you celebrate Christmas, which is something that previously in his
Speaker 2: upbringing he never would have done. Yea. And are there
Speaker 2: any cultural ceremonies that you now celebrate that are Chinese
Speaker 2: that you obviously would never have been exposed to prior
Speaker 2: to Chinese Year?
Speaker 8: Chinese New Year is like Christmas, New Years, every big
Speaker 8: event that we celebrate in the one event. And the
Speaker 8: think about Chinese New Year is that it changes dat
Speaker 8: every year, so it never falls on the same I'd
Speaker 8: like to keep your guessing. So it's usually at the
Speaker 8: beginning of the year February, but it changes every year.
Speaker 5: With the relationship with your husband's family, when was it
Speaker 5: that they finally became more accepting of you?
Speaker 8: It eventually it just shifted. I think they realized I
Speaker 8: wasn't going anywhere. They realized I was making an effort.
Speaker 8: I was doing the best I could, you know, like
Speaker 8: I don't have a background in this. I don't I
Speaker 8: wasn't brought up like fears and doing my best. And
Speaker 8: I think eventually we realized, like as a family, that
Speaker 8: I wasn't going anywhere, and therefore we all have to
Speaker 8: make an effort to make things more pleasant because we
Speaker 8: weren't going to be able to continue to move forward
Speaker 8: in the manner that we had been. And so certainly
Speaker 8: there were more attempts at speaking English at the table.
Speaker 8: You know, often they would say something in Chinese and
Speaker 8: then one of the family members would then translate it
Speaker 8: into English for me, or we would have a conversation
Speaker 8: in English and then if someone didn't know a word,
Speaker 8: they would say it in Chinese, so then my husband
Speaker 8: could translate it to me. So they certainly started to
Speaker 8: make the effort because I think we all realized that
Speaker 8: we just want what's best for Brian, and we you know,
Speaker 8: we all loved him, and essentially the way we'd been
Speaker 8: acting was we were like asking him which handy wanted
Speaker 8: to cut off, which we then realized we didn't wanted
Speaker 8: to cut off any hands. We wanted to be able
Speaker 8: to move forward together. Brian, he realized he also had
Speaker 8: to kind of educate his parents about what I was
Speaker 8: like and what my family was like, and what my
Speaker 8: upbringing was like, so they could have a bit more
Speaker 8: context and understanding around why I was the way I was.
Speaker 2: What advice do you have for anybody who is listening
Speaker 2: who might be navigating relationship that has cultural differences.
Speaker 8: I think the biggest thing you can do is to
Speaker 8: educate yourself, and if that means even talking to people
Speaker 8: of the same race outside of your partner, to understand
Speaker 8: what the cultural dynamics are, to understand how does respect work,
Speaker 8: how do I show respect? And I think you know,
Speaker 8: being really frank with your partner going this is really tough.
Speaker 8: And if your partner can reciprocate that and go, I know,
Speaker 8: but you know, we'll figure it out together, then I
Speaker 8: think you're on the right track. I think it's about
Speaker 8: being open and honest and realizing you don't have all
Speaker 8: the answers, and also realizing sometimes you have to swallow
Speaker 8: your pride. It's really difficult when you pride yourself as
Speaker 8: an independent, you know, open minded person that speaks the truth,
Speaker 8: and you're suddenly being told you can't talk too much
Speaker 8: or talk about things that will upset other people because
Speaker 8: you know, you've got to keep the peace somehow. So
Speaker 8: I think part of it is is swallowing your pride.
Speaker 8: I know that's maybe not the nicest thing to hear,
Speaker 8: but just going like, this situation is difficult, and I
Speaker 8: need to make this peaceful somehow. I think there's no
Speaker 8: point trying to like be right in a situation all
Speaker 8: the time. Sometimes you've got to just let the waits
Speaker 8: or show over you eventually, you know.
Speaker 5: Well, I absolutely loved these chats today. And the fact
Speaker 5: is there are so many different factors when it comes
Speaker 5: to compatibility in a relationship. There's no right or wrong,
Speaker 5: but there is a lot you need to think about.
Speaker 5: There's a lot you need to negotiate with your partner
Speaker 5: if you do have these fundamental differences and you do
Speaker 5: want a long term relationship, there is no two ways
Speaker 5: around it. Unfortunately, if you do not have compromise in
Speaker 5: the relationship, you can never have a successful relationship where
Speaker 5: the compatibility seems too divisive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guess the big like take home message
Speaker 2: for me, especially after speaking to so many of you
Speaker 2: as well, is just like, and we say it every week,
Speaker 2: but the conversation around communication, you know, the more that
Speaker 2: you better understand your partner, the better you understand where
Speaker 2: they come from and how they show up in life,
Speaker 2: the easier it is to support them and to figure
Speaker 2: out whether or not you are actually compatible long term.
Speaker 2: And I know for some of us, it's so fucking
Speaker 2: hard to ask those questions because it's not the questions
Speaker 2: that are scary, it's the answers that are scary. And
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we avoid it and we skirt around
Speaker 2: it because we're too scared of being disappointed and maybe
Speaker 2: having to try again.
Speaker 4: But it's just so.
Speaker 2: Awesome to speak to people, especially from our own little life,
Speaker 2: uncut family and community who we love. It's just so
Speaker 2: amazing to speak to people who have come from these
Speaker 2: different worlds and they're making their relationships work.
Speaker 5: Okay, time for our suck and sweet. You know, we
Speaker 5: never finish an episode without it.
Speaker 3: That highlights in our low lights are you can go.
Speaker 2: First, you are back, my suck and my sweet, my sweet,
Speaker 2: my suck is you.
Speaker 4: Were I did it around the wrong way?
Speaker 2: No, my sweet, my sweet, is that your home and
Speaker 2: that we get to record together and that we're no
Speaker 2: longer having to look at each other on zoom and
Speaker 2: I can touch you and kiss your face.
Speaker 3: It makes you give me the wrong idea of what happens,
Speaker 3: and you're suck.
Speaker 2: And my suck for the week is that I had
Speaker 2: a fucking dirty hangover on Sunday.
Speaker 5: Okay, this is unheard of, but our mind's exactly the same.
Speaker 5: My sweet has been back with you, and my suck
Speaker 5: is that I had a dirty hangover. The only good
Speaker 5: part about my dirty hangover is I didn't wake up
Speaker 5: to a trial. Oh I woke up to two of them.
Speaker 5: You could have had one of mine.
Speaker 4: I had a spare.
Speaker 3: We've never had the same sucking suite in life. That
Speaker 3: What a way to finish.
Speaker 2: We're so compatible, We're so compatible. What a perfect end
Speaker 2: of the episode. Also, I'm going to check another suite
Speaker 2: in there. I just got to see some friends.
Speaker 4: And god, it felt good.
Speaker 2: And I put on makeup, but I will high her
Speaker 2: shoes and you look smoking. Oh man, do you know
Speaker 2: what it's Sometimes it's nice to like put makeup on
Speaker 2: and be like.
Speaker 4: Remember, you're still hot. That's what my face can look like.
Speaker 4: I still haven't. That's that's better than what we thought.
Speaker 4: It's better than what I thought we were at we're
Speaker 4: working with something here. People. Guys, thanks to everyone that in.
Speaker 5: We absolutely loved reading all your stories. We loved reading
Speaker 5: some of you weren't so successful in your relationships, but
Speaker 5: so many of you were, and that's really what we
Speaker 5: wanted to take home from this, so thank you to everyone.
Speaker 4: Totally.
Speaker 2: We didn't even touch on the fact that a lot
Speaker 2: of you guys were like, yeah, actually it didn't work out.
Speaker 4: We just talked about the success stories.
Speaker 5: Yeah it doesn't Maybe we can do another episode on
Speaker 5: the failures. But we you know, we love love here,
Speaker 5: so we wanted to highlight the successes and what the
Speaker 5: relationship that you can have. Just because you're from different
Speaker 5: parts of life. Please keep your accidentally unfilters coming in
Speaker 5: your confessionals any other awkward, embarrassing story.
Speaker 4: Please. If you're eating pudding.
Speaker 5: And cutting your toenails, don't put the toenails, cutting the pudding,
Speaker 5: and guys.
Speaker 2: You know the drill, Tell your mom, tell your dad,
Speaker 2: tell your dog, tell your friends. I don't know, just
Speaker 2: tell everybody and share a lout because we love love.
Speaker 4: I'm about to wear
Speaker 2: Bakababao takaba bababa karabeo