1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,200 Speaker 1: How I Work is having a little break over the 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: bestive season, so I have handpicked a few of my 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 1: absolute favorite episodes from the last year to play for 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: you in this best of series. I hope you enjoy, 5 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: and I will be back with new episodes twice weekly 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: from January twenty nine. You know that beautiful leather bound 7 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,319 Speaker 1: journal you bought with the best of intentions, the one 8 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: now gathering dust under a pile of books. If you've 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: abandoned more journals than you care to admit, you're about 10 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: to discover why. After forty years of failed journaling attempts, 11 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: Michael Bungay Stania finally cracked the code to sustainable reflection 12 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: with his do Something that Matters journal and It's nothing 13 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: like what you've tried before. Michael is the Wall Street 14 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: Journal best selling author of The Coaching Habit, which Brene 15 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: Brown called a classic with over one point five million 16 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 1: books sold, was named the number one thought leader in 17 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: coaching by Thinkers fifty, and his insights have transformed our 18 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 1: leaders work worldwide. I am thrilled to welcome Michael back 19 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,559 Speaker 1: to How I Work, where he reveals his deceptively simple 20 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,919 Speaker 1: approach to journaling that actually sticks. His Monday morning ritual 21 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 1: that drives results and the unexpected reflection technique that prevents 22 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: him from drowning in commitments. If you've ever struggled to 23 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,679 Speaker 1: maintain a reflection practice, this conversation might finally end your 24 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: journal graveyard collection. Welcome to How I Work, a show 25 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: about habits, rituals, and strategies for optimizing your day. I'm 26 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 1: your host, Doctor Amantha Imber. Michael is so prolific with 27 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: his work and is clearly in high demand all around 28 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: the world, so I know he would have to be 29 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: pretty good at saying no to work offers in order 30 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: to have overload. So this chat starts with Michael sharing 31 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: his very practical tips on how and when to say no. 32 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 2: I start by saying, it's just one of those skills 33 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: that a little bit like gratitude turns out to be 34 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 2: a silver bullet, or as close to a silver bullet 35 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 2: to happiness as you can get, even though silver bullet's 36 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 2: a terrible metaphor, so let's call it a warm, gentle 37 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,960 Speaker 2: hug towards happiness, which is this gift of being able 38 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 2: to say no. And I mean, I'll tell you I 39 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 2: am not particularly good at it. I like unhappy people. 40 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 2: I like pleasing people. I'm the oldest child, so I've 41 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 2: got a strong sense of responsibility and show up and 42 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 2: do the thing. But at the heart of understanding no 43 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 2: is a commitment to what you're saying yes to. So 44 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 2: saying no is not just a look I'm just being 45 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: obstinate or selfish. It's I've got an idea of really 46 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 2: what matters, and my yes is meaningless unless my no 47 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 2: has some weight. And I'm going to just take a 48 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 2: rough guess here that there's not a single person listening 49 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 2: to this podcast or a single person participating in this podcast, 50 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: So that's you and me, Amantha, who's going The problem 51 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 2: with my life is I just don't have enough stuff 52 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 2: in it. The problem with my life is it's just 53 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 2: not crowded enough. Like everybody's got too much on the yes's, 54 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: and so every time we make a commitment without a no, 55 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 2: we're pouring water into a full glass and all you're 56 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 2: doing is getting the floor wet and you're not really 57 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 2: getting committed to the big thing. So I've done a 58 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 2: few things to try and build my capacity for saying no, 59 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 2: and a lot of it is structural stuff, so it's 60 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 2: actually not building my capacity for saying no. It's building 61 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 2: an infrastructure around me that allows me to say no 62 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 2: when there's parts of my body screaming to say yes. 63 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 2: So I'll give you an example. One of the things 64 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 2: that that's really helpful is just to know that, look, 65 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 2: I don't have to say yes right away. And in fact, 66 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 2: one of the core things I keep trying to tell 67 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: myself is, Michael, slow down the rush to yes. Every 68 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 2: yes is precious. Your default should be no. Your default 69 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 2: shouldn't be yes. Your default should be no. So slow 70 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 2: down the rush to yes. So just you know, in 71 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 2: some ways this it's just getting a little bit more 72 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,799 Speaker 2: mindful about what are you committing to and how quickly. 73 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 2: What helps me do that is to have criteria about 74 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 2: what I'm saying yes to. And you know, it's you 75 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 2: won't have criteria for everything in your life that you're 76 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 2: saying yes to. But as an example, I get asked 77 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 2: to come and give keynote speeches on a regular basis, 78 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,159 Speaker 2: and every time I get a little inquiry, one part 79 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,919 Speaker 2: of my fragile mail ego gets stroked and I'm like, see, 80 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,080 Speaker 2: i know I'm getting old, i know I'm over the hill. 81 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,919 Speaker 2: I know like I'm fading from people's memory, but I 82 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 2: still got it, Like I'm still I'm still like a 83 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 2: person out there in the world. And what happens is 84 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 2: six months later, I end up in some god forsaking 85 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 2: part of the world and like the US or Canada 86 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 2: or wherever am I be going? What am I doing here? 87 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 2: Who's responsible for me giving this talk? And I'm like, 88 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 2: I am I said yes to this. It's my fault. 89 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 2: So here's how I work it for my speaking and 90 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 2: people can figure out their own kind of version of 91 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 2: this for whatever shows up for them. But I have 92 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 2: five plus one criteria for my speaking and the rule 93 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 2: is if they tick two of the boxes, I'll have 94 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 2: a conversation with them. So the five criteria is they 95 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 2: will pay my full fee. Now I live in Canada 96 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 2: and so the speaking fees in the North America are 97 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 2: ridiculously are I've tried to price myself out of the market, 98 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 2: so most people don't want to pay the money because 99 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 2: I'm like, my rack rate for a speech is fifty 100 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 2: thousand dollars, which is believe me, I know how stupid 101 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 2: that is. And when people go that's a ridiculous amount 102 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 2: of money and I'm like, hey, it is you should 103 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 2: find somebody else. But so this is me kind of 104 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 2: building infrastructure to make create kind of resistance to people 105 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 2: wanting to even ask me in the first place. But anyway, 106 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 2: my five grade here, pay my full fee. It's a 107 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 2: friend who's asking me. It's a cool organization, it's in 108 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 2: a cool location. It's more than a thousand people in 109 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 2: the audience. And if they're like, we've got two out 110 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 2: of five for you here, then I'll be like, Okay, 111 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 2: let me find out more about it. Let me find 112 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 2: out what's going on. So if I have a friend 113 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 2: calling up and going, hey, Michael, mate, come and speak 114 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 2: on the Gold Coast, I'm like, but I've got no money, 115 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, maybe. Or if it's you know, some 116 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 2: cool organization let's say Apple Say and they're like, hey, 117 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 2: come and speak. We can't afford to pay very much. 118 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 2: And it's it's in a terrible, terrible part of the country. 119 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,280 Speaker 2: It's in Alaska in the middle of winter. But we're 120 00:06:57,279 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 2: going to have two thousand people there. I'm like, okay, 121 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 2: well that's two out of five of my criteria. So 122 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 2: I'll have a conversation with them and I'll see how 123 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 2: it goes. 124 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: So can I ask? Because I love that criteria and 125 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: as someone who does speaking and has to say no 126 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: for various reasons to quite a lot of speaking gigs, 127 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: how did you get to that criteria? What was your process? 128 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 2: I noticed all the things that made me sad when 129 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 2: I was giving a talk somewhere where I was like, 130 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 2: what am I doing? This is a terrible, terrible decision, 131 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 2: was like, I don't want to be in this place. 132 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 2: I don't want to be in front of this audience. 133 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 2: I conned myself that this would be useful in some way. 134 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 2: And so the plus one criteria is this. I go, 135 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 2: if this was tomorrow, would I be happy about it? 136 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 2: And that's a super useful criteria for me, because present 137 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: day Michael sells future day Michael down the river time 138 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 2: and time again. Future day Michael now looks back at 139 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 2: past Michael and go, you an a hole man? What 140 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 2: do you do sending me to this place? This is 141 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 2: a nightmare. So I try and bring future Michael and 142 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 2: present day Michael really close together, and I go, if 143 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 2: this was tomorrow, will I be out for it? And 144 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: if I'm like, oh, I can just feel in my 145 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 2: bones and I probably would be less excited than I 146 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 2: would then I'll do that. I'm playing with other criteria, 147 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 2: which is for this year, I'm going I want to 148 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: do ten in real life speaking gigs this year, so 149 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 2: I've only got ten to spend. You know what am 150 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: I doing. I'm speaking to a friend of mine, Mike mccallowitz, 151 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 2: the other day. He has a rule that he has 152 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 2: twenty glasses of wine to spend in a year. So 153 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 2: he's like, I'm not going to be drinking crappy wine, 154 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 2: and I'm probably going to be drinking good wine with 155 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 2: my wife, who's my favorite person in the world. So 156 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 2: when I'm out with Mike and I'm like, Mike, let's 157 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 2: have a cocktail, He's like, sorry, Matte, Like, you're a 158 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 2: good guy, but I'm not spending one of my twenty 159 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,800 Speaker 2: glasses of wine with you because I've got other places 160 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 2: i want to spend that. And all of this I 161 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 2: think about understanding the opportunity cost and understanding there's a 162 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 2: limit to it, and setting these kinds of criteria. You're 163 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,480 Speaker 2: gaming yourself in just making it easier to say no. 164 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 2: And when you say no, you create space and capacity 165 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: for the stuff that you really want to say yes 166 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 2: to now, if you're me and Mantha, what that does 167 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 2: is to create a certain amount of anxiety. Like this month, 168 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,079 Speaker 2: i sat down with my fancy journal and I did 169 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,199 Speaker 2: a kind of what's coming up in the month ahead, 170 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 2: and I'm like, ooh, I've got a pretty open month. 171 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 2: Like it's I don't have a single client engagement. I've 172 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 2: got a few podcasts that I'm recording, and a few 173 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 2: podcasts that i'm the host on and recording, and I've 174 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 2: got other commitments. But relatively speaking, I've got one small 175 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 2: piece of travel, which is an award ceremony I'm going to. 176 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: And part of me is like, this is exactly what 177 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 2: I've been planning. And there's one part of me that 178 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 2: goes my gors. This is it. This is the start 179 00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 2: of something terrible. This is the apocalypse happening. See, you're 180 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 2: sliding even further into irrelevance. So part of it is 181 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 2: also some deeper work, which is around understanding a deeper 182 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,960 Speaker 2: reason why you might be saying yes, which is to 183 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 2: feel important, to feel filled up, to feel over committed, 184 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 2: to feel busy, and knowing that for some of us anyway, 185 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 2: and for me, there's a degree of work I need 186 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 2: to be doing to go. I just got to get 187 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 2: used to building a life which is less crowded. 188 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: Now, Michael, you mentioned journaling, and I have heard you 189 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: say that you hate journaling. Can you tell me about 190 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: that and what has changed? 191 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 2: Well, it's more to say that I have failed to 192 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 2: successfully journal since I was sixteen, so I'm now fifty seven. 193 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: So I've been attempting to journal for as I used 194 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 2: to try and do it in high school. And when 195 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 2: I look back there, I'm like, I've got things like 196 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 2: bus tickets stapled into it. It's such a teenage boys 197 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 2: journal because there's absolutely no self reflection, there's no sense 198 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 2: of emotionalness. It's purely a kind of did this did 199 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 2: that sort of criteria and not even interesting things. And 200 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: I've tried most of the journaling formats because there is 201 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 2: something about creating a space where you stop and you 202 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 2: reflect and you're able to kind of be provoked and 203 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 2: think about the day. And I found I two types 204 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 2: of journalists didn't work for me. One is the kind 205 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 2: of artist's way just free float and just write whatever 206 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 2: comes into your head. That's just a bit too loose 207 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 2: for me. Equally, there's a type of journal which is 208 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 2: more of a planet thing, which is like, okay, right 209 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 2: down the day to write down your seventeen commitments, write 210 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,320 Speaker 2: down your phone callse write down your vision, write down 211 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: your three values right down. First of all, I have 212 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,080 Speaker 2: time for this, and secondly, it's too structured. I've got 213 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 2: a freedom driver that just makes me want to rebel 214 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 2: against things like that. So I have been looking for 215 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 2: a journal that allows me to make progress on the 216 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 2: stuff I need to do day to day. So it 217 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: makes me present and makes me focused for the day ahead, 218 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 2: but also provokes me to learn and to grow and 219 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 2: become a wiser, smarter person. So this is what people 220 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,560 Speaker 2: like me do. I created my own journal. So I've 221 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 2: got something called that do something that matters journal, which 222 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 2: is so nicely set me up. You're holding it up 223 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 2: from the screen, and I've got mine in front of 224 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: me as well. And I find this one works for me. 225 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 2: It's it's three questions in the morning to check in 226 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 2: and one question in the evening or for the next 227 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,559 Speaker 2: morning if you want to do that. So that's your 228 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 2: kind of daily movement making progress. You know the Progress 229 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 2: Principal by Teresa Marblay, which is like people find meaning 230 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 2: if they make small, regular progress and stuff that matters 231 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: to them. And then kind of start of the week, 232 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 2: end of the week, middle of the week, there are 233 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 2: more kind of provocative questions to help you stop and 234 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 2: lift your eyes up off the page and reflect on 235 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 2: who you are and what's going on to enable kind 236 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 2: of growth. So it's not just about the grind, nor 237 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 2: is it just about the deep self reflection. But it's 238 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 2: kind of combination of the two. 239 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: I would love you to talk about some of the 240 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,680 Speaker 1: questions that each shows for the journal. 241 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,199 Speaker 2: I love questions. I love them. I mean, if I'm 242 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 2: known for anything, it's the Coaching Habit Book, which is 243 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 2: like kind of my curated seven best coaching questions. And 244 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 2: you know earlier versions of that book. I tempted one 245 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 2: version of that book, which is here in my favorite 246 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 2: one hundred and thirty two Questions. It was a terrible book. 247 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: It was so bad. 248 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, this is unbearable and unreadable. 249 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 2: It's turgent. But I do keep my ear to the 250 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 2: ground and collect great questions, and so the three Morning Questions. 251 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 2: And I'm really happy to give this because you don't. 252 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: I mean, i'd like to love you to buy a journal, 253 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 2: but you don't have to. You can just kind of 254 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 2: use these questions and buy a blank journal and just 255 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 2: use them yourself. The first three questions are, first of all, 256 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 2: what do I notice? And I asked that question, Amantha, 257 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 2: because I am a heady sort of guy, and I'm 258 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 2: often kind of a bit into the future and a 259 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: bit distracted. And what do I notice is a way 260 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 2: for me to try and be present. What's going on 261 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 2: in my head, what's going on in my heart, what's 262 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 2: going on in my ass? What am I seeing out 263 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 2: of the window in front of me, what am I feeling? 264 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 2: It's a kind of a call to be present to 265 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 2: the inner and the outer world that's there right in 266 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 2: front of me. The second question is what do I want? Now? 267 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 2: Deep cut fans will know that what do I want 268 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 2: is one of the questions from the coaching habit. And 269 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 2: actually I've always when I've been teaching the coaching your habit, 270 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 2: I've always said, this is the hardest question. It is 271 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 2: a hard question. But I heard somebody say, if you 272 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 2: just ask yourself what do I want? Day in and 273 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 2: day out, it just starts forcing a deep clarity about 274 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 2: what you're missing, what you're sad about, what you're longing for, 275 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 2: what's not working, what's calling you. And when we're talking 276 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 2: about what you want to say yes to, if it 277 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 2: stems from this deep awareness of what do I want, 278 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 2: that then makes the how to say no for instance, 279 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 2: a little easier. And the third question for the start 280 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 2: of the day is what's the one thing today? And 281 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 2: this question works for me because, again getting back to 282 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 2: our previous conversation, I love to be over committed. I 283 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 2: love a to do list that stretches to the near 284 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 2: horizon and is all read because I'm like eight and 285 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,640 Speaker 2: a half years behind in my to do list, and 286 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 2: so I'm like, I'm going to remember what's the most 287 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 2: important thing today to do so that I don't go look, 288 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 2: I was busy today and I did ninety eight things. 289 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,480 Speaker 2: I can say I did the thing today that moved 290 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 2: the project forward that matters most to me to make 291 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 2: sure that that worked because I made that choice. So 292 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 2: it's a reminder of focus on the important stuff. I 293 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 2: read recently, I think probably Oliver Berkman said you should 294 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 2: consider your to do list more like a menu than 295 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 2: a obligation, and I'm like, oh, that's so good because 296 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 2: I create a what's that jacket that ties you up, 297 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 2: you know jacket, a stray jacket. My to do list 298 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 2: can be a stray jacket, and what's the one thing 299 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 2: today can be a bit of a release from that. 300 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 2: And then the final question, which I tend to answer 301 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 2: the next morning but some people answer at the end 302 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 2: of the day comes from Austin Kleon who introduced it 303 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 2: to me, and it's what's the best thing that happened today? 304 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 2: And it's a gratitude question really in disguise, because it 305 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,320 Speaker 2: forces you to go, well, what am I remembering and 306 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 2: celebrating and happy about from the day? And it's not 307 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 2: what did you do or what did you crush? Or 308 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,479 Speaker 2: what boxes did you tick? Not every day is about productivity. 309 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 2: Some days are like, the best thing about today was 310 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 2: gazing out my window and noticing that spring is just 311 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 2: just whispering and arrival here in Toronto because we've been 312 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 2: digging out snow for months now or whatever it might be. 313 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: And for me, as somebody who is perpetually charging into 314 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 2: the future and not that good at kind of being 315 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,639 Speaker 2: delighted about the present, it keeps bringing me back to 316 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,160 Speaker 2: the present and being grateful and kind of actually, as 317 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 2: I get into my journal is building up a record 318 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 2: of all the good things in my life. 319 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,080 Speaker 1: I was going to ask, do you look back on 320 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,959 Speaker 1: your journal? Is that part of your ritual as well? 321 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 2: It's not so much. That's just not part of what 322 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 2: nourishes me, and looking back, I have too many things 323 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,160 Speaker 2: calling me forward in the future that make it that 324 00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 2: met that hard. But even just this recognition of in 325 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 2: this moment, this was what was good about the day. 326 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 2: And it's true that occasionally I'll look slightly back in 327 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 2: the journal if I'm kind of like this morning, for instance, 328 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 2: it's Monday, the third of March here in Canada, I 329 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 2: spent like an hour reflecting on what I'm thinking about 330 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 2: the month ahead, and in part that was looking back 331 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 2: over February and going, what do I notice from February? 332 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 2: What happened? What am I celebrating. So there's a little 333 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 2: bit of that look back that happens there, but it's 334 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 2: not a kind of regular thing. Some people love to 335 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,920 Speaker 2: kind of dig deep into their journals and flick through them, 336 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,879 Speaker 2: and that's not for me. 337 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 1: What it reminds me of is so my partner is 338 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 1: a very consistent journaler. You've probably seen that one sentence 339 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: a day journal where you write a few sentences over 340 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: five years and then every year is a different row 341 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: if you like. 342 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 2: I love that. It's so clever. It's such a clever construction. 343 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 1: It is, isn't it. So I got usked both one 344 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: about nearly two years ago. Now I have written about 345 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:44,720 Speaker 1: fifteen entries. He has written several hundred. And what's really great, 346 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,120 Speaker 1: he's a very generous journaler in that he'll often talk 347 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,639 Speaker 1: about what's happened in both our days. He'll be like, 348 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: I did this, and here are the key beats to 349 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 1: the day, and then A did blah blah blah that 350 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: it was funny. We were looking back on it last night, 351 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: and I was in such a lope for work, and 352 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: I remember just viscerally how that felt, just with even 353 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: one or two sentences he read out, and there was 354 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: something quite joyous in going, Wow, I've done a one eighty. 355 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 1: I feel completely different. And so I understand like that 356 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: some people don't like looking back, but I personally found 357 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 1: that so useful, just for that sense of progress over 358 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:25,160 Speaker 1: the year. 359 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,360 Speaker 2: That's so good. I can absolutely see how that would 360 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 2: be great because I think It's true that we tend 361 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 2: to homogenize our past, kind of blend it all into going, 362 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 2: oh no, it was all seven out of ten. And 363 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,800 Speaker 2: in fact there's ups and downs, and you'll forget those 364 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,120 Speaker 2: unless you have an opportunity to reflect like that. 365 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: That's so true. It's like some of the details that 366 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,199 Speaker 1: were written there, even about Frankie, my daughter. I'm like, 367 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 1: that day just would have disappeared from my mind had 368 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: we not captured that one sentence that summed up that 369 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:57,639 Speaker 1: day beautifully. 370 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 2: Clearly, the journal to buy here is the one five 371 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 2: year journal, But if you also like a second journal 372 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 2: in your life, you can consider. But I mean I 373 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,200 Speaker 2: know that because when I was writing this journal, I 374 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,879 Speaker 2: just bought all sorts of journals coming on what do 375 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 2: I like and what do people doing? And I think 376 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 2: that is one of the really good ones. 377 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: We will be back with Michael soon, and when we return, 378 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,679 Speaker 1: he'll be sharing his Monday morning journaling richual why he 379 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: rejects the popular word of the year approach for something 380 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: far more effective, and the monthly reflection practice that keeps 381 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: his work and life aligned while preventing burnout. If you're 382 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: looking for more tips to improve the way you work 383 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 1: can live. I write a short weekly newsletter that contains 384 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 1: tactics I've discovered that have helped me personally. You can 385 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: sign up for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha 386 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:58,640 Speaker 1: dot com. I really like how you talk about weekly 387 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,479 Speaker 1: and monthly rich for journaling, and I might add that 388 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: one sentence a day one does not include that, so 389 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 1: definitely don't get that one. But I would like to 390 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,920 Speaker 1: talk about what you do at the beginning of the 391 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: week and what you do at the beginning of the 392 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 1: month that is different. So let's start with a weekly focus. 393 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,959 Speaker 1: And indeed it even says weekly focus in your journal, 394 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 1: tell me what you do differently at the beginning of 395 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: the week. 396 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 2: I've tried to build in cycles into the journal, so 397 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 2: different rhythms that kind of ebb and flow through it. 398 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,760 Speaker 2: So you've got your daily like Monday through Friday. Basically 399 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 2: you got these four questions that you used to check 400 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 2: in with at the start of each week. There's a 401 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,679 Speaker 2: little section for you, like your weekly focus, and it's 402 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 2: just useful to look out ahead and go, well, what's 403 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 2: their week ahead look like, and what's beckoning and what's 404 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,360 Speaker 2: calling me? And what do I need to know? About that. 405 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 2: And the other thing that I invite people to do 406 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 2: is at the start of the week to go deep 407 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,399 Speaker 2: on a question. So, for instance, I you know, I 408 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 2: was writing my journal this morning and it's like the 409 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 2: go deep question, and there's sixteen weeks in the journal, 410 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: so there's sixteen different questions to provoke you around this. 411 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 2: And the question I answered is what are you loyal to? 412 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 2: So this is what keeps you there even when the 413 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 2: sensible thing is to leave. Loyalty can be what's required. 414 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,120 Speaker 2: Loyalty can also mean sticking around too long. What's your 415 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,920 Speaker 2: deep commitment? So you know, here's what I wrote email 416 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 2: boo because I'm like, I am trying with my assistant 417 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 2: to extract me from email, and I'm finding it very 418 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,200 Speaker 2: hard to let go of that. Been too busy and overwhelmed, 419 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 2: and I'm committed to avoiding the hard things. So this 420 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 2: is like obviously I've been I was fueled up on 421 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 2: an espresso, so I was trying to go deep on myself, 422 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,520 Speaker 2: which is like where is my loyalty? Which is part 423 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,879 Speaker 2: of how I show up in the world. I'm a 424 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 2: good loyal person. I'm paying a price for that, and 425 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 2: I could have you know, depending on the day, I 426 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 2: could have gone somewhere else entirely, which is like, I've 427 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 2: got loyalty to my my fifteen closest friend because I'm 428 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 2: the one who will ring them up and chat with 429 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,960 Speaker 2: them have those conversations. But for me to this morning, 430 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,439 Speaker 2: it was really helpful just to go I've got a 431 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,639 Speaker 2: deep commitment to avoiding some stuff or sticking with stuff 432 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 2: that feels too comfortable for me. That's a helpful thing. 433 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,199 Speaker 2: And every sort of every week there's a kind of 434 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 2: new question to provoke you to go a little deep 435 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,439 Speaker 2: and kind of shake you up a little bit. And 436 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 2: then the journal is also designed on a six week cycle, 437 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,160 Speaker 2: which is something I stole from kind of lean production. 438 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 2: And the guys at thirty seven Signal, they're the ones 439 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,680 Speaker 2: who wrote Rework. 440 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 1: It's called Yeah it doesn't have to be crazy at 441 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 1: work or something like that. 442 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 2: That's it Yeah, And I have a podcast called rework 443 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 2: as well. And so they run a sas technology company. 444 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,640 Speaker 2: But they've always been quite contrarian around how they work. 445 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,840 Speaker 2: They're like, probably most of common sense at work is terrible, 446 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,280 Speaker 2: so what do we think is actually good? And the 447 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 2: way that they produced work is they do a six 448 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 2: week sprint and then a week or two to reset 449 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 2: and recalibrate and figure out what's next, and then they go, right, 450 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 2: here's what I'm working on for the next six weeks, 451 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 2: and they work that. And we've used that cycle in 452 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 2: a membership group we have, which is people working on 453 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:17,119 Speaker 2: their big projects. We have six chapters a year, six 454 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 2: week chapters and breaks in between. So the journal reflects that, 455 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,439 Speaker 2: which is like, figure out what your six week goal is, 456 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 2: what your big thing is for the six weeks, and 457 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 2: then go for that and commit to that. So you're 458 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 2: continually creating these layers of context for your daily check in. 459 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,639 Speaker 2: You've got your weekly context, you got your six week context, 460 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 2: which helps you stay focused on what's the point of 461 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 2: all of this? What am I actually working towards? 462 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: Okay, so I want to talk about your monthly ritual 463 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: because you mentioned sitting down at the beginning of March 464 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,639 Speaker 1: and thinking about things or reflecting on things. What do 465 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 1: you do each month? 466 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 2: Well, I do a few things. I try and remind 467 00:24:57,359 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 2: myself the rules I'm playing by, you know, things like 468 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 2: you're doing this for the joy of the work, and 469 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 2: you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 470 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 2: You know how at the start of the year, the 471 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 2: bloom has gone completely off New Year's resolutions, Like everybody goes, 472 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 2: that's uncool. Now, don't make a New Years resolution, You're dead. 473 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: But everyone's like, I've got a word of the year. Well, 474 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 2: I've got to I've actually got to be in my 475 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 2: bonnet about the word of the year, because I think 476 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 2: a single word is typically a bit too simplistic, a 477 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 2: bit too vague, a bit too jazz handy. It's like 478 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 2: when you go and see corporate values and they're like, 479 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 2: here are five very banal things as corporate values, and 480 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 2: you know, what's the point of that? Honestly, some words 481 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 2: of the year strike me like that as well. So 482 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 2: my thing is to get two words for the year, 483 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 2: because two is more than twice as good because when 484 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 2: you have two words, they're in relationship with each other, 485 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 2: and ideally your two words want to be in tension 486 00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,720 Speaker 2: with each other, so there's a kind of push pull 487 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,400 Speaker 2: around that. So my two words for twenty twenty five 488 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 2: one is autismal, meaning I want to create beautiful stuff, 489 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 2: you know, stuff that like an artist makes where you're 490 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 2: like there's a magic to them, and there's a there's 491 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,679 Speaker 2: a uniqueness and a specialness to that thing. So I 492 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 2: want autismal. And then the second word is ballsy, meaning 493 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 2: I want to be brave and I want to be loud, 494 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,439 Speaker 2: and I want to be courageous and I want to 495 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 2: go for it and I want to be ambitious. And 496 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 2: I really like how those two words don't fit that 497 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 2: neatly together. So I'm reminding myself of some of my 498 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 2: key things and my principles around that, and then I'm 499 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,120 Speaker 2: reminding myself of what my key projects are because one 500 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 2: of the things I've learned is once I lose context, 501 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 2: once I lose the big picture, my life deteriorates into 502 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,199 Speaker 2: emails and to do's, And so I keep needing to 503 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,359 Speaker 2: find reasons to pull myself out and surface. And hence 504 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 2: the weekly and the monthly and the sixth weekly kind 505 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 2: of cycles, because they keep forcing me to hold a 506 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 2: wider perspective, going what is going on here and what 507 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 2: does matter to me? And what are the things I'm 508 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 2: trying to nurture, so you know, for this year, I 509 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 2: go look. One of my projects is change Signal, which 510 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,879 Speaker 2: is a podcast in the newsletter about change management and 511 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 2: organizations and the key driver for that is a beautiful podcast, 512 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 2: a newsletter, and growing the audience for both of those things. 513 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 2: That's one of my kind of core projects. And then 514 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:35,160 Speaker 2: another one of my projects is basically today, Amantha Mark's 515 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 2: the ninth birthday of The Coaching Habit. It came out 516 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 2: on the twenty ninth of February twenty sixteenth, which means 517 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 2: in a year's time, almost exactly, it'll be the tenth 518 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,880 Speaker 2: birthday of The Coaching Habit, and we're going to put 519 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,479 Speaker 2: out a special edition. It's a hardback. I'm I'm going 520 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 2: to write a new chapter. I'm going to do some 521 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,199 Speaker 2: other cool things as part of that. So part of 522 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 2: it is around Coaching Habit ten. How do I set 523 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,879 Speaker 2: myself up for a really successful, fun year in twenty 524 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 2: twenty six championing this book which has been a kind 525 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 2: of life changing book for me. And then one of 526 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 2: my projects is to be in the best shape of 527 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 2: my life. So I'm like, okay, so what does that 528 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 2: actually mean? And so there's a bunch of things around exercise, 529 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,160 Speaker 2: and I have old man's knees, so trying to get 530 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,200 Speaker 2: my knees to work, you know, and kind of other 531 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 2: kind of boring stuff around that. And my fourth project 532 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 2: of four is learn to love Toronto, because I've lived 533 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 2: here for twenty years and I've kind of fallen out 534 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:33,959 Speaker 2: of love a little bit with the place. So I 535 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,440 Speaker 2: need to get back into love with this place where 536 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: I live. And so part of it is me going 537 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 2: one of my key projects. And how does my month 538 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 2: look in terms of where I'm committed to these projects 539 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 2: or not? And what's in my calendar which isn't about 540 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 2: those four projects? And what shall I be thinking about 541 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 2: or doing about that? 542 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 1: I love that? How long? Like practically speaking, do you 543 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: sit down and think about these things every month? Like? 544 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: Is it just a quick half an hour a day? 545 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: What does that look like? 546 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 2: I was seventeen days. I spent the first seventeen days 547 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 2: of every month just planning the No, I'm kidding. I 548 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 2: spent an hour doing that this morning, because this is 549 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 2: what I did this morning around that, and so I 550 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 2: went to yoga, did a yoga class, went to my 551 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 2: favorite coffee shop, and just spent an hour sitting and reflecting. 552 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 2: I had my phone with me, so I was kind 553 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 2: of looking at calendar, looking forward, looking back. I had 554 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 2: my journal with me, so I don't spend a lot 555 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 2: of time. I don't write a lot. I'm a fairly 556 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 2: quick processor around some of that stuff, but an hour 557 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 2: is enough for me to feel grounded about, Oh yeah, 558 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 2: I know what I'm doing and I know why I'm 559 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 2: doing it. 560 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 1: The final thing I wanted to ask is you like 561 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: to coincide with the launch of your journal. You put 562 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 1: out an e book that was fifty two brilliant questions, 563 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 1: and I love that as a lot of questions. I 564 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 1: would love to know one or two or three that 565 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 1: are like your absolute favorites that you find yourself coming 566 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: back to a lot. 567 00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 2: Yeah. It was such a funny excess because I was like, 568 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 2: I was just writing to people who I know in 569 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 2: the coaching world and kind of be ongoing what is 570 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 2: your best question? Why do you like it so much? 571 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 2: And it had a real mix. Some of them are 572 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 2: familiar ones the people have heard before, you know, things 573 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 2: like if I had no fear, what would I do? 574 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 2: And that can be really liberating, although I prefer a 575 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 2: slight version on that, which is, if I didn't care 576 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 2: about the consequences, would I still do this anyway? Because 577 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 2: I don't know how to get over fear, Like fear 578 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 2: is just part of you know, it's part of our 579 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,719 Speaker 2: nervous system. So having no fear, I feel like it 580 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 2: feels like you're lobotomized. Yeah, no fear. But if you're 581 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,120 Speaker 2: like I don't care about the consequences, what does that 582 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,000 Speaker 2: look like? Can be really powerful. One of the questions 583 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 2: is what does it mean to be fully committed to this? 584 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 2: And for me that's particularly powerful. But you know, I 585 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 2: think perhaps the one that is the one that I 586 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:56,280 Speaker 2: really love is from a guy called Frankie thorough Good. 587 00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,040 Speaker 2: And Frankie was this young guy in his thirties. I 588 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 2: had this kind of early wisdom to him. He's a 589 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 2: seeker and he's a questioner, and he's just accumulated a 590 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,600 Speaker 2: kind of a grace and a presence to him which 591 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 2: I really admire. And his was the final question in 592 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 2: the book, and it was who do you love? And 593 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 2: who loves you? And you know, before we hit record, Amantha, 594 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 2: you're saying last year is difficult for work, but it's 595 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 2: fantastic on a personal level because you know, you're getting 596 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,920 Speaker 2: married and you've found your person, and it is amazing 597 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 2: what that means when you find your person, when you 598 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,880 Speaker 2: feel loved. You know, this year I get to celebrate 599 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 2: thirty years married with my wife, which is impossible because 600 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,600 Speaker 2: I'm still young, God damn it. But I'm like, I'm 601 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 2: just very lucky to have somebody who I love and 602 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 2: who loves me. And as I sometimes say about marriage, 603 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 2: a good marriage is when you both feel that you're 604 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 2: getting the better deal. And I definitely feel like I'm 605 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 2: getting the better deal. So I really think we can 606 00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 2: talk about productivity and efficiency and all of this and 607 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 2: self growth, but if you can kind of crack your 608 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 2: heart open and love somebody and be loved, those are 609 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 2: both learned skills, by the way, those are things you 610 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,360 Speaker 2: can work on to get better at. That feels like 611 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 2: a really good question, Michael. 612 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: It is always such a joy to chat to you 613 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 1: on microphone or off microphone. Thank you so much. You're 614 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:28,239 Speaker 1: always such a generous and helpful shaer. So I thank you, 615 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,480 Speaker 1: and I'm sure you'll be back for twenty twenty six 616 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,479 Speaker 1: to talk about the coaching habit. I hope. 617 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 2: I hope so too, but that will be lovely. But 618 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,520 Speaker 2: thank you, mother, You set me up. You make me 619 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,520 Speaker 2: sound better than I actually am. So thank you for 620 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 2: such a lovely conversation. 621 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: I hope you love this chat with Michael as much 622 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 1: as I did, and I highly recommend his do something 623 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 1: that matters journal. If you want to check this out 624 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: or find out anything else about Michael, I will provide 625 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: a links in the show notes. If you like today's 626 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: jow make sure you get follow on your podcast app 627 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,160 Speaker 1: to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work 628 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: was recorded on the traditional land of the Warrangery people, 629 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: part of the Kullen Nation.