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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers.

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Speaker 3: Now, what I know as a parent is that I'm

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Speaker 3: a better dad when there is margin in my life.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: It's so ironic that today we're talking about overcoming exhaustion

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Speaker 3: and you're sitting here yawning like you're tired or something.

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting here yawning.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well maybe.

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Speaker 2: We'd like to get yawns. And you're yawning too.

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Speaker 3: Were you yawn first? Isn't it funny how contagious yawns are.

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Speaker 3: Have you noticed that somebody yawns and everyone starts yawning

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Speaker 3: around them. Hey, something really funny popped up in my

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Speaker 3: Facebook feed the other day. I thought i'd share it

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Speaker 3: with you. Ready for this, okay, So what I love

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Speaker 3: about this before I play it, is that it's a

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Speaker 3: dad who's giving a report on his day with his

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Speaker 3: kids as if he's a sports player who's just come

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Speaker 3: off the field and is doing a press conference. Because

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Speaker 3: you know how the guys in the press conferences, they

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Speaker 3: always said the same thing, Oh the boys did really well,

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Speaker 3: that's the setup you some the day.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly, just felt like we got behind early after

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Speaker 4: the milk spill and the marker on the wall. We

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Speaker 4: just felt like we were playing catch up the rest

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Speaker 4: of the day. Right before you went to the store

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Speaker 4: you called the time out. Was there an attitude change

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Speaker 4: after that? Yeah, it felt like we were losing our

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Speaker 4: heads there for a minute, so we wanted to just

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Speaker 4: calm things down and get back.

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Speaker 1: To the basics.

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Speaker 4: Did you ever find your keys? I no, no, no

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Speaker 4: idea where they are. You gave them a snack half

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Speaker 4: hour before dinner.

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Speaker 1: Was that planned?

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Speaker 4: No, last track of time. Just wasn't thinking and so

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Speaker 4: you know, three bites at dinner.

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Speaker 2: That's on me.

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Speaker 4: And didn't look like you had many answers to the

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Speaker 4: double teams a question.

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Speaker 1: I really liked that.

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Speaker 3: I thought it was pretty funny and really consistent with

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Speaker 3: what it feels like to be an exhausted parent, right.

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Speaker 2: I just like always said, we just started off on

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Speaker 2: the wrong foot. As soon as the spilt milk happened,

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Speaker 2: that was it that the day was doomed.

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Speaker 1: So today we.

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Speaker 3: Thought we would share some ideas about what we can

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Speaker 3: do as parents to overcome exhaustion. And and I want

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Speaker 3: to use a metaphor for this. What you can hear

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Speaker 3: right now in the background is Kylie playing the piano. Now,

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Speaker 3: Kylie's only just started to learn the piano. In fact,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to play this one instead to start off with.

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Speaker 3: Just started your lessons, getting very excited about counting to

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Speaker 3: for doing a great job, not making any mistakes, sounding good,

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Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden we end up at

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Speaker 3: a new situation where you decide to put two hands

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Speaker 3: together inside.

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Speaker 2: My teachers told me I have to.

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Speaker 1: And you went from being able to play really well

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Speaker 1: I forgot to count.

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Speaker 3: To trying to do a little bit extra. And I mean,

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Speaker 3: you're definitely getting better, but it's a little bit messy.

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Speaker 1: Is it okay if I say that? Of course, because

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Speaker 1: you're really is.

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Speaker 2: We's be fair.

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Speaker 3: This is I don't want this to turn it to

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Speaker 3: a pick on Kylie thing. I mean, you're doing really well,

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Speaker 3: and I'm so excited that you're learning the piano. But

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Speaker 3: it's a great metaphor for what it's like to be

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Speaker 3: a parent, right because you can play one hand just fine.

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Speaker 3: That is, you can look after your own life reasonably well. Actually,

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Speaker 3: some people even struggle with that. Let's be honest, but

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Speaker 3: most of us can look after our own lives pretty well.

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Speaker 3: That's like playing with one hand, and then you get

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Speaker 3: married or you create a partnership with somebody else, and

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Speaker 3: you can usually still navigate that pretty well. That's like

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Speaker 3: counting while you're playing the notes.

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Speaker 1: But as soon as you.

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Speaker 3: Bring children into the scenario, all of a sudden, it's

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Speaker 3: like that second hand has to come in. So now

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Speaker 3: you're trying to play with one hand, count with your mouth,

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Speaker 3: and also play with the second hand, and.

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Speaker 2: My second hand just does not want to stay where

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Speaker 2: it's supposed to stay, or find the notes that it's supposed.

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Speaker 1: To find, or do them all the right timing. Yeap. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: does that not just sound like parenting a little bit?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So we thought, let's talk about what it's like

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Speaker 3: to overcome exhaustion as a parent, or how we can

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Speaker 3: overcome exhaustion as a parent.

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Speaker 1: What seems to be happening more and more.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I have so many parents who email me

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Speaker 3: and say, we're just so busy all the time.

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Speaker 1: You talk to anybody, and.

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Speaker 3: They say, oh, flat out don't have any time, no balance,

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Speaker 3: It's all too much.

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Speaker 1: So it's probably a useful conversation to have.

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Speaker 2: I think the reality is we're busier than we have

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Speaker 2: ever been, But how do we counter that because we're

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Speaker 2: more exhausted than we've ever been.

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Speaker 3: I kind of feel completely qualified in some ways to

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Speaker 3: answer this because I've done a lot of study, and

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Speaker 3: I feel completely unqualified to answer this in other ways,

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Speaker 3: because you're exhausted.

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Speaker 1: I'm exhausted. Where exhausted.

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Speaker 3: I've always tried to do too much, But in the

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Speaker 3: last couple of weeks, I've made a conscious decision to

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Speaker 3: live in this space of time.

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Speaker 1: Affluence, Kylie.

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Speaker 3: I've decided to I've decided that time is abundant and

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Speaker 3: I'm going to have all the time that I need.

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Speaker 2: How's that working for you?

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Speaker 1: Not very well at all, because there's so much stuff

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Speaker 1: that I have to do.

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Speaker 3: And what happens is I say I've got all the

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Speaker 3: time in the world, and I'm going to be completely

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Speaker 3: focused here and now in the present, and everything something

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Speaker 3: else just stacks up, including time with children and the

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Speaker 3: desire to give you a great Mother's Day and all

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Speaker 3: that sort of stuff. We will talk about Mother's Day tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: I saw your eyes light up when I said that.

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Speaker 3: For I'll do better tomorrow. So I reckon that there's

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Speaker 3: a couple of things that we can do. What I

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Speaker 3: know as a parent is that I am a better

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Speaker 3: dad when there is margin in my life, and that's

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Speaker 3: not margin. Like on a page, you rule a margin,

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Speaker 3: and that creates a line from which you can start,

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Speaker 3: But it also gives you space to make margin notes.

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Speaker 3: It gives you time to pause and reflect if you

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Speaker 3: read over what you've written. The whole purpose of the

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Speaker 3: margin is not only are we starting from a good space,

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Speaker 3: but we're going to be able to reflect and improve

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Speaker 3: as a result. Margin doesn't mean I'm going to just

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Speaker 3: try to do less so that I can stare at

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Speaker 3: my phone and veg out. That's not the same kind

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Speaker 3: of thing. The word recreation is made of two words. Recreation.

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Speaker 3: We're supposed to be recreating ourselves in our downtime, in

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Speaker 3: our margin, but finding space for margin is really tricky.

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Speaker 2: So I think after the break, we should discuss how

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Speaker 2: we might help parents navigate this really crazy space of

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Speaker 2: having too much in our lives.

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Speaker 3: In other words, help parents to create some space in

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Speaker 3: this crazy space.

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Speaker 1: Love it.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts

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Speaker 5: of Discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 5: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy

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Speaker 5: families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we're

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Speaker 2: going to tell you all how to find more space

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Speaker 2: in your space.

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Speaker 3: We're so good at ourselves with our six kids in

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Speaker 3: the business and goodness.

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Speaker 1: So I reckon.

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Speaker 3: There's a handful of things that we need to talk

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Speaker 3: about if we want to create more margin. And the

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Speaker 3: first thing that I'm going to highlight is the importance

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Speaker 3: of sleep. Sleep is not a luxury item. So many

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Speaker 3: people treat sleepers that thing that you get when you've

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Speaker 3: done everything else that you had to get, or gotten

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Speaker 3: everything else you had to get. Sleep is not a

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Speaker 3: luxury item. And so many parents are exhausted because they

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Speaker 3: go to bed so late well.

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Speaker 2: And lots of cases they're doing all of the things

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Speaker 2: that they can't do for themselves during the day because

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Speaker 2: they're being parent and trying to be the perfect parent

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Speaker 2: in that space and I think the realization that we

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Speaker 2: can't be good at everything, and we can't have it

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Speaker 2: all because in order to try, it's just too big

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Speaker 2: a cost.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 3: Second thing that I think is we've got to get

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Speaker 3: really clear on our values and our priorities. And this

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Speaker 3: is not something that people spend a lot of time on.

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Speaker 3: We're going to do a podcast about this next week

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Speaker 3: because we've had a listener send us an email via

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Speaker 3: podcasts at happy families dot com.

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Speaker 1: Dot are you. They've asked, what is it that you do?

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Speaker 1: They've heard us talk about.

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Speaker 3: Our quarterly getaways, but getting clear in our priorities. We

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Speaker 3: go away once a quarter for an I or two

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Speaker 3: and we talk about what our going to be and

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Speaker 3: try our hardest to get clear on those priorities we

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Speaker 3: intentionally decide, rather than letting life push us around and

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Speaker 3: force us to have priorities based on other people's agendas.

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Speaker 2: One of the things that I've been really intentional on,

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Speaker 2: and I actually have to pull you up on it

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Speaker 2: sometimes as a result, is just you know, our kids

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Speaker 2: go off to school, and then having a large family

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Speaker 2: means that there are a lot of different options for extracurricula.

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Speaker 2: For each child. I would love it if they would

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Speaker 2: all just play one sport, or if they would all

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Speaker 2: just do you know, X, Y and Z, But it

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Speaker 2: doesn't happen that way. And in the beginning, before we

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Speaker 2: were experienced parients, we used to just think if everyone

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Speaker 2: just had two sports or you know, two extracurricular activities,

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Speaker 2: we could manage. We hadn't taken into account that that

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Speaker 2: meant ten different activities that we were going to have

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Speaker 2: to and then twelve different activities that we had to

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Speaker 2: try and squeeze into any given week. And so one

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Speaker 2: of the things that I have really really been conscious

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Speaker 2: is trying to make our afternoons as calm and peaceful

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Speaker 2: and uncluttered as possible. And that has meant at times

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Speaker 2: when you've come to me and said this, the kids

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Speaker 2: want to do X Y and said that, I've actually

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Speaker 2: said no.

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Speaker 3: And it's really hard as a parent, because you want

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Speaker 3: your children to have every opportunity. You want them to

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Speaker 3: learn the musical instrument and to play this sport, but

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Speaker 3: also to have that opportunity at school to do the

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Speaker 3: drama thing, or be in the band, or play percussion.

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Speaker 1: Whatever it might be. It's really hard to say no.

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Speaker 3: Which I guess kind of ties in with this idea

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Speaker 3: of values and priorities. If we're going to reduce exhaustion,

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Speaker 3: we've got to be clear on what we're saying yes

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Speaker 3: to and what we're saying no to. Every time you

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Speaker 3: say yes to something, you're saying no to something else.

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Speaker 3: If I say yes to one more lesson that's twenty

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Speaker 3: minutes across town that the kids have got to go to.

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Speaker 2: I'm saying no to family dinner.

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Speaker 3: Exactly because of the time of day. That is, because

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Speaker 3: it's twenty minutes there, then it's half an hour of

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Speaker 3: the lesson, and then twenty minutes back you've lost well

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Speaker 3: over an hour in a really important part of the

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Speaker 3: day for the rest of the family. Every time you

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Speaker 3: say yes, there's a cost in terms of the things

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Speaker 3: that you're missing out on, as well as the cost

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Speaker 3: of participating in and doing it. And the other thing

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Speaker 3: is when you say yes to all of these things,

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Speaker 3: they all actually cost financially as well, which means that

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Speaker 3: you've got to work harder, you've got to do more.

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Speaker 3: You kind of say yes to all that stuff, which

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Speaker 3: means that you might not be able to say yes

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Speaker 3: to a family holiday because you're spending all your warning.

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Speaker 1: On extracurriculum, very very hard to balance.

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Speaker 3: I think what it really comes down to is, and

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Speaker 3: this is such an unsatisfactory thing to say on a

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Speaker 3: podcast like this, but you can't have it all, like

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Speaker 3: you just you cannot have it all. If you want

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Speaker 3: to not be exhausted, you have to say no to stuff.

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Speaker 2: And as you're talking, I think for me, it's just

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Speaker 2: it's this idea of living a life of intention, you know,

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Speaker 2: being so intentional about the things that you welcome into

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Speaker 2: your space and you welcome into your life and the

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Speaker 2: lives of your children.

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Speaker 3: Something else that's really stood out to me, maybe the

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Speaker 3: last thing to highlight is when so we made a

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Speaker 3: choice early on, or you made a choice early on

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Speaker 3: in our marriage that you wanted to primarily be at

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Speaker 3: home and raise the kids while I would go out

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Speaker 3: and be the primary breadwinner. And while there's been times

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Speaker 3: where you've gone and worked and certainly supported the family financially,

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Speaker 3: your central way of supporting our family has been to

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Speaker 3: be at home with the children so that I can

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Speaker 3: go out and do my studies and do my work,

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Speaker 3: which has been really really great for us, but for

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Speaker 3: two people who are running faster than they're able. It's

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Speaker 3: really it's absolutely exhausting for two parents to have to

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Speaker 3: go out and work all day then come home and

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Speaker 3: try to look after the laundry and the cleaning and

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Speaker 3: the cooking and the uniforms and the permission notes for school,

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Speaker 3: and just doing one thing is tiring enough. It's got

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Speaker 3: to be so so hard. So the take home message

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Speaker 3: from all of this is.

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Speaker 1: Number one, create margin. Create margin, which means.

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Speaker 2: You need to have space to breathe and to be

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Speaker 2: able to reflect and recreate.

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Speaker 3: Recreation means recreate yourself. It doesn't mean stare at Netflix

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Speaker 3: or play some stupid game on your telephone which isn't

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Speaker 3: going to have any meaningful impact on your life at all.

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Speaker 3: So create some margins somehow. Second, think enough sleep. Like, seriously,

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Speaker 3: there's so much research that talks about the benefit of sleep.

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Speaker 1: Nine hours a night. If you can eight hours.

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Speaker 3: Is probably sufficient for most I know some people say

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Speaker 3: they can do it on six. The research wouldn't support

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Speaker 3: that as being a healthy way.

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Speaker 1: To live long term. Get enough sleep.

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Speaker 3: And the third thing, if you can't have it all,

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Speaker 3: be intentional about your priorities.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm really looking forward to having a conversation in

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Speaker 2: the next few weeks about those couple getaways because that

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Speaker 2: is where we specifically talk about our priorities.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so in a couple of tuesdays, we're going to

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Speaker 3: be having a conversation. We received an email podcast at

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Speaker 3: Happy Families dot com dot you somebody asked about what

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Speaker 3: we do in our family meetings. We've got a daily

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Speaker 3: family meeting, a weekly family meeting, and a quarterly couples meeting.

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Speaker 3: So we're going to talk you through that because we

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Speaker 3: think that it's at the absolute forefront of intentional family living.

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Speaker 3: Can't wait to dive in and share all of our

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Speaker 3: secrets and the conversations that we have.

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Speaker 1: We really hope that you've enjoyed.

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Speaker 3: The podcast as produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media

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Speaker 3: and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Tomorrow I'll Do

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Speaker 3: Better Tomorrow our favorite episode of the week. Tomorrow, though,

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Speaker 3: I'm more nervous than I've ever been for one of these,

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Speaker 3: because we're going to be sharing with.

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Speaker 1: You some things that we've gotten wrong.

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Speaker 3: Oh and on Monday, how to have a playful household

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Speaker 3: and create traditions that count. Can't wait to talk to

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Speaker 3: you about that. That's coming up on the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 3: If you'd like more and fol about making your family happier,

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Speaker 3: fight at all at happy families dot com.

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Speaker 1: Donate you