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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: wants answers Now.

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Speaker 1: Once a month or thereabouts on the Happy Families podcast,

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Speaker 1: we do a doctor's Desk episode. This is the episode

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Speaker 1: Kylie where we dive into the latest research. We talk

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Speaker 1: about what's been found that can help parents to parent better,

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Speaker 1: to raise happier, healthier kids. And I promise there is

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Speaker 1: no gas lighting. There is no pressure. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to do the stuff we're talking about, but we really

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Speaker 1: do think that it will be helpful if you try

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Speaker 1: at least some of it.

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Speaker 3: We have three big studies today, one about alcohol, one

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Speaker 3: about digital switching, and another about how thank yous can

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Speaker 3: go a long way.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I want to talk about the alcohol one first,

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Speaker 1: especially since we're at that time of the year where

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Speaker 1: everyone's starting to get excited about end of year. Summer

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Speaker 1: is coming, there's barbecues, there's school is just around the corner.

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Speaker 1: For our year twelve school leavers, many of whom are

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Speaker 1: not yet eighteen. This is a conversation that I just

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Speaker 1: think matters so very much. From The Herald Son, reported

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Speaker 1: by the name of Sarah Pirillo, wrote about underage drinking

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Speaker 1: and how it's linked to violence and risky sexual behavior.

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Speaker 1: She says exposing teenagers to even small amounts of alcohol

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Speaker 1: can lead to violent outbursts, risky sexual behavior, and binge drinking.

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Speaker 1: And this is the thing that really dragged me in.

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Speaker 1: It comes as new data reveals just under half of

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Speaker 1: Victorian teens. Forty eight percent of Victorian teens between twelve

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Speaker 1: and seventeen reported drinking alcohol in the last week obtained

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Speaker 1: from their parents. So let me say that again. I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying that half of teenagers twelve to seventeen are drinking,

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Speaker 1: but rather those who are forty eight percent of them

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Speaker 1: are getting the grog from mum or dad.

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Speaker 3: I guess when I think back to my childhood specifically

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Speaker 3: and my teenage years, I had cousins whose parents gave

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Speaker 3: them olcole because they actually thought that they were educating

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Speaker 3: them on how to drink responsibility.

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Speaker 1: So this has been a myth that's been around for

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Speaker 1: a long time. It's known in research circles as the

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Speaker 1: Mediterranean effect. This idea that if you live in the

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Speaker 1: Mediterranean nations that you somehow are inoculated against binge drinking

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Speaker 1: and riotous alcohol fueled parties and that kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: The research doesn't support it. By the way, people in

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Speaker 1: any of you Mediterranean nations, they still have alcohol challenges,

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Speaker 1: some really significant ones. In fact, there's quite a bit

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Speaker 1: of research here in Australia, really good research that shows

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Speaker 1: that kids who are supplied alcohol by their parents are

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Speaker 1: much more likely to be binge drinkers, much more likely

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Speaker 1: to develop an alcohol use disorder, and much when you

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Speaker 1: give kids alcohol, it affects their brain, It affects their sleep,

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Speaker 1: it affects their capacity to process emotions. It could affect

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Speaker 1: how well they're performing in their chosen support, Like if

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Speaker 1: you're an elite athlete, best thing you can do as

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Speaker 1: a kid is to be drinking alcohol. They'll find schoolwork harder,

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Speaker 1: their ability to regulate, all these things are affected by alcohol.

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Speaker 1: And this idea that if I give my kids alcohol,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to teach them to drink responsibly, research points

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Speaker 1: in exactly the opposite direction. What it says is.

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Speaker 3: Mum and dad endors alcohol.

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Speaker 1: Mum and Dada cool with it. Yeah. In fact, in

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Speaker 1: this article in The Herald Son from a couple of

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Speaker 1: weeks ago. In fact, in this article from Sarah Perillo,

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Speaker 1: she says that quote parents who supply are doing it

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Speaker 1: with good intention. They're trying to teach their kids how

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Speaker 1: to drink more responsibly, how to stay safe when they're drinking.

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Speaker 1: But when parents supply alcohol, the kids are drinking more

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Speaker 1: than they would have if they hadn't been given alcohol.

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Speaker 1: Parental supply is still riskier than not at all, and

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Speaker 1: she also cited some other research that shows that parental

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Speaker 1: supply in one year increases the chance that the children

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Speaker 1: will receive alcohol from non parental sources the next year.

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Speaker 1: If you give your kids alcohol, essentially, what you're doing

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Speaker 1: is you're saying it's okay to receive alcohol. And so therefore,

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Speaker 1: if somebody else has the alcohol, instead of saying, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not loud or I don't, they're going to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: mom and dad a call with it, So yeah, I'll

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Speaker 1: take it.

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Speaker 3: Of course.

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Speaker 1: The other thing that really shocked me is that there

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Speaker 1: is some research that shows that boys have their first

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Speaker 1: alcoholic drink on average at the age of ten, with

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Speaker 1: one in five drinking regularly by the time they're fourteen.

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Speaker 1: By seventeen, forty percent binging on the booze, and one

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Speaker 1: in ten consumes more than ten standard drinks in a

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Speaker 1: single session. That's research from this train is chit of

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Speaker 1: family studies. So the take a message from this doctor's

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Speaker 1: desk is as we move into summer, as we move

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Speaker 1: into party season, as we move into everyone chilling out

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Speaker 1: a little bit, and around several parts of the country,

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Speaker 1: daylight saving extends those afternoons and everyone just relaxes a

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Speaker 1: bit more in the night. It may be tempting as

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Speaker 1: a parent to give you care some alcohol, just don't

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Speaker 1: if they're under eteen. The answer is no, we don't

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Speaker 1: endorse it, we don't encourage it. We want you to

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Speaker 1: be this. We want you to be the designated driver

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Speaker 1: if you're old enough to be driving, and if they're

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Speaker 1: younger than driving age, we want them to just not participate,

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Speaker 1: not drink, or at least understand that their parents do

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Speaker 1: not encourage it and don't endorse it. Of course, blowing

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Speaker 1: up at them if they do drink alcohol is not

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Speaker 1: going to make things any better. But we've really got

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Speaker 1: to we've got to make sure that we are on this.

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Speaker 1: It's a really big challenge, and I don't think that

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Speaker 1: these are the kinds of outcomes that we want to

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Speaker 1: see for our kids. Primarily because of all the risks

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Speaker 1: associated with it.

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Speaker 3: Study number two is all about digital switching.

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Speaker 4: If you're bored, scrolling through online videos may actually make

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Speaker 4: the problem worse. Researchers say, digital switching, when you only

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Speaker 4: watch snippets or fast forward through videos, leave people less autus.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this one really excited me. It caught my attention

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Speaker 1: because it's paradoxical, pulled me in. It's from the Journal

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Speaker 1: of Experimental Psychology. It was just published in the last

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Speaker 1: month or so by TAM and Insulin. And what they

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Speaker 1: found is this, obviously boredom is unpleasant. People will go

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Speaker 1: to great lengths to avoid being bored, and increasingly, in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, screens of the way that people are

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Speaker 1: avoiding being bored. You look like you're about to yawn.

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Speaker 1: You can't be bored this soon into.

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Speaker 3: My you're putting me to sleep.

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Speaker 1: Come on. So, what they've highlighted is that switching videos

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Speaker 1: YouTube TikTok fast forwarding through them is what they call

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Speaker 1: digital switching, and they've hypothesized that people who consume media

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Speaker 1: that way to avoid boredom will paradoxically have their boredom intensified.

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Speaker 1: They've done seven experiments twelve hundred and twenty three people participating,

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Speaker 1: and they've found a relationship between boredom and digital switching.

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Speaker 1: Here's what they find. In study one, when participants were

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Speaker 1: bored they switched. In study two, they found that the

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Speaker 1: reason for the switching was that people believe that switching

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Speaker 1: would help help them to avoid their boredom. They found

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Speaker 1: in study three that switching between videos and in study

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Speaker 1: four and switching within the video of fast forwarding led

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Speaker 1: not to less boredom, but to more boredom. It also

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Speaker 1: reduced satisfaction, it reduced attention, and it lowered meaning. Even

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Speaker 1: when participants had the freedom to watch videos of personal

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Speaker 1: choice and interest on YouTube, digital switching, according to study five,

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Speaker 1: still intensified the boredom.

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Speaker 3: So what you're saying to avoid boredom just don't get

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Speaker 3: on your phone.

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Speaker 1: Well that's part of it, yes, But if you do,

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Speaker 1: apparently you've got to watch the video to the end.

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Speaker 1: Don't switch.

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Speaker 4: That's why I watch all the videos.

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Speaker 3: You get so cranky with me.

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Speaker 1: I just get I get cranky about screens generally. What

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Speaker 1: might take home message from this really is is it's

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Speaker 1: pretty simple. When you're on your device, you feel like

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Speaker 1: you're resting. You feel like you're refreshing, you're rejuvenating or whatever,

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Speaker 1: but you're not. Your brain is in this constant state

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Speaker 1: of search, this constant state of amplification, this constant state

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Speaker 1: of arousal, this constant state of alertness, and as a result,

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Speaker 1: you are not resting, you are not relaxing. It's completely

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Speaker 1: different when you pick up a book or when you

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Speaker 1: just go and enjoy some green space. But when you

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Speaker 1: start switching or when you start watching, you turn your

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Speaker 1: brain on more rather than turning it off, and it

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Speaker 1: makes things worse, not better. Get off the screen. Get off.

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Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is. Even if you're watching fun

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Speaker 1: TikTok's Insta reels or Facebook thingos, whatever they are. I've

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Speaker 1: stopped social media, right, I forgot what they do.

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Speaker 3: Now I send you some really important stuff and you

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Speaker 3: don't see any of it.

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Speaker 1: So important? What is it like somebody shouting at the

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Speaker 1: camera because something went wrong. Anyway, let's move on Study

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Speaker 1: number three.

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Speaker 3: Thank yous, go a long way.

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Speaker 1: Thank you no, thank you, no, no, thank you for

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Speaker 1: thanking me, thank you for thank you, thank you. Research

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Speaker 1: in one of my favorite journals. I've published research in

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Speaker 1: the Journal of Positive Psychology. Some researchers at the University

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Speaker 1: of Illinois Urbarna Champagne. I don't know if it's urbarner,

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Speaker 1: is that hey say it. They've done this really cool

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Speaker 1: study with gratitude and families. They've recruited five hundred and

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Speaker 1: ninety three people aged from twenty four to seventy five,

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Speaker 1: all of whom are parenting at least one child between

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Speaker 1: four and seventeen, and who are in a romantic relationship. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: what they've done is they've looked at perceived gratitude participants

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Speaker 1: in providing ratings of how appreciated and valued they feel

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Speaker 1: by their partners and children. Parents are also indicating how distressed,

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Speaker 1: how psychologically distressed they've felt during the last month, how

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Speaker 1: overwhelmed they've been with parenting responsibilities, so that's different to

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Speaker 1: psychological distress, that's parenting stress, and how satisfied they feel

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Speaker 1: in their relationships. They've also answered some questions about family

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Speaker 1: chaos or children's emotional and behavioral problems, finding number one

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Speaker 1: in this study, Kylie, it won't be any surprise to you.

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Speaker 1: Results revealed that women felt much less valued and appreciated

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Speaker 1: by both their romantic partners and their old children than

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Speaker 1: men did.

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Speaker 3: Why do you think that is?

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Speaker 1: I have some ideas, but before I shad heart is,

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Speaker 1: what do you think the answer would be?

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Speaker 3: You're hilarious. I just asked you a question. You're throwing

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Speaker 3: it back at me.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly right, because I appreciate your insolent. It is

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Speaker 2: because as mums, we are more involved in our children's

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Speaker 2: lives than the dads are, generally speaking, and we sacrifice

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Speaker 2: more than the dads do on a day to day basis.

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Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting that it's not.

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Speaker 1: Research would support you in that, as much as some

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Speaker 1: people would great and chafe at that, research would support that.

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Speaker 3: And as a result, when our kids are seemingly ungrateful

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Speaker 3: for the time, energy and sacrifice that we put into it,

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Speaker 3: we take it to heart because for us as mums,

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Speaker 3: they're our wives. Yeah, like everything we do is focused

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Speaker 3: on them.

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Speaker 1: An example and then an insight. Dinner to me is

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Speaker 1: the perfect example. You work really hard to provide a

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Speaker 1: really nice meal and the kids look at and say

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Speaker 1: I don't like it, and you don't get an expression

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Speaker 1: of gratitude. Jim, Um, even though I don't love this meal,

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Speaker 1: I appreciate so much that you make the effort to

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Speaker 1: give me food and nutrition and sustenance on a daily basis.

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Speaker 1: You don't get that, You just say I don't like it, right,

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Speaker 1: that's what the kids do.

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Speaker 3: And then you get to a point like me who

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Speaker 3: just stops cooking.

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Speaker 1: You're so tired of cooking, which which devastates me because

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Speaker 1: I love food and I love you're cooking, and I

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Speaker 1: find that anyway, let's not get into that right now.

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Speaker 1: But it's that lack of gratitude, and mums are highlighting it.

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Speaker 1: I think a deeper part of this is psychologically, you

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Speaker 1: become part of the furniture, right and when anyone becomes

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Speaker 1: habituated to something that is it's just always there. And

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Speaker 1: I take it for granted there are going to be

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Speaker 1: fewer expressions of gratitude. There's a really key finding here

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Speaker 1: for any partner, any husband of a mum, and that

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Speaker 1: is say thank you. Find ways to express gratitude. If

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Speaker 1: you walk in the houses tidy, say I just appreciate

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Speaker 1: so much what you've done today. If you've got iron

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Speaker 1: clothing in the wardrobe, say I know how much and

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Speaker 1: it's been I'm assuming this has been done by your wife. Right,

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Speaker 1: Those expressions of gratitude matter because the research reveals that

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Speaker 1: women feel much less valued and appreciated by both their

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Speaker 1: romantic partners and their older children. Now, let's wrap this up.

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Speaker 1: Here's the other thing that the research has found about

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Speaker 1: gratitude and family, similar to trends found in previous research,

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Speaker 1: in this study, they found that a simple thank you,

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Speaker 1: literally just those two words are simple thank you can

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Speaker 1: go a long long way in maintaining good relationships and

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Speaker 1: good mental health. In the study, a sense of being

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Speaker 1: appreciated by romantic partners was also associated with higher relationship

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Speaker 1: satisfaction and lower psychological distress. Just knowing, just knowing that

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Speaker 1: your partner appreciate you makes you less psycho and feel

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Speaker 1: safer and better in your relationship. Apologies five was a

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Speaker 1: little bit lived with that, but let's be honest, sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's like that. Now, interestingly doesn't reduce stress in parenting,

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Speaker 1: doesn't reduce that stress of chaos and overwhelm, but it

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Speaker 1: does just make you feel more comfortable and happier in

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Speaker 1: your relationship, and it does make you feel more generally psychologically. Okay.

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Speaker 1: The other thing that if your wife is psycho, say

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Speaker 1: thank you. That's the hardest time to say right. Gratitude

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Speaker 1: from children was also influential, with higher levels of gratitude

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Speaker 1: from both young grand older children being associated with less

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Speaker 1: parental stress, though appreciation from older children had more of

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Speaker 1: an impact. I love this. If the kids. If we

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Speaker 1: can teach our kids to say thank you, if we

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Speaker 1: can move our kids away from entitlement, if our children

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Speaker 1: can express appreciation, especially to mum, there's going to be

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Speaker 1: less parenting stress. That beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Well, thank you for sharing all of that information with me, Justin.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you for thanking me for sharing that information.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 1: Bridge Media. If you would like look at you laughing

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Speaker 1: in the corner, If you would like more information about

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Speaker 1: how to make your family happier, we'll link to these

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Speaker 1: studies in the show notes. I'm sure some of you

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Speaker 1: will find them fascinating and worth the read. Or you

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Speaker 1: can visit us on our social media pages. Just don't

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Speaker 1: switch too much and don't spend too much time there.

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Speaker 1: Dr Justin Corson's Happy Families on Facebook and Instagram.

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Speaker 3: Or our website's make someone vomit and them

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry or happy families dot com dot au