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Speaker 1: Get A.

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Speaker 2: I'm Lola Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter, and professional oversharer.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is all about celebrating failure because I believe

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Speaker 2: it's a chance for us to learn, grow and face

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Speaker 2: our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview a different guest

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Speaker 2: about their highs as well as their lows, all in

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Speaker 2: a bid to inspire us to fearlessly fail.

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Speaker 1: Get A on the pot.

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Speaker 2: Today we have Menage Diaz. He is a Buddhist meditation

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Speaker 2: and mindfulness teacher.

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Speaker 1: He's Ossie.

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Speaker 2: We actually became mates in Malbs about eight years ago

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Speaker 2: because we were both teaching at the yog studio called

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Speaker 2: Power Living. Cut to now eight years later. He is

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Speaker 2: a breath work teacher and works out of a studio

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Speaker 2: here in Venice. So how's that for full circle? In

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Speaker 2: this chat, I really get him to open up about

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Speaker 2: not just mindfulness, but like breakdown breath works. I was

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Speaker 2: lucky enough to go to one of his holotropic breath

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Speaker 2: work classes, so we kind of break it all down.

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Speaker 2: He opens up about his own journey as well. Really

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Speaker 2: lovely voice, might I say, really nice dulcet tones, but

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Speaker 2: a really gentle Aussie too. He's not Bogues like me

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Speaker 2: my word for bogan. Anyway, I think you're gonna love

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Speaker 2: this chat. I really hope you enjoy manage and thanks

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Speaker 2: for jumping on the pod mate, it's been too long, mate,

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Speaker 2: fellow Aussie on the pod managed, Yes, get mates.

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Speaker 1: I'm raped to have you here.

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Speaker 3: And I was just thinking, like I do so many podcasts,

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Speaker 3: and it's rare that I can really let my austral

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Speaker 3: accent come out.

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Speaker 2: Oh go for space, safe space, safe space. So you're

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Speaker 2: a you're a Buddhist meditation and mindfulness teacher.

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Speaker 1: Is that what you call.

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Speaker 4: Yourself among other things?

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Speaker 2: I promise I'm a vergo. I've researched the Bejesus out

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Speaker 2: of you. So is it true that you were raised

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Speaker 2: like with traditional Buddhism?

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Speaker 1: Is that right?

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Speaker 4: That's right. Yeah. I was born in Shilannka.

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Speaker 3: I was raised there until the age of seven, and

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Speaker 3: Sri Lanka and the particularly the village where I was from,

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Speaker 3: is a very Buddhist part of the country, and so

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Speaker 3: I grew up around monks and temples and we'd have

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Speaker 3: ceremonies every weekend. And at one point my dad thought

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Speaker 3: I was going to be a monk.

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Speaker 4: And that's a whole different podcast.

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Speaker 2: Didn't you were you like bowing every time you see

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Speaker 2: a monk?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, So what they say so in in

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Speaker 3: Sri Lunkan culture and in Buddhist culture, if a child

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Speaker 3: shows a proclivity towards monk houd or just so as

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Speaker 3: a fascination, it usually means in a past life that

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Speaker 3: there was some sort of connection to to being a

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Speaker 3: monk or to Buddhism, and they would usually send the

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Speaker 3: child to the temple and that would be it, like

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Speaker 3: you would lose your child essentially that would become a monk.

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Speaker 3: And they get that's still happened. Yeah, yeah, there's little

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Speaker 3: child monks and stuff like that. And so whenever we

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Speaker 3: would drive in the back of the van, whenever I

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Speaker 3: would see monks, I would get up, put my hands

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Speaker 3: together and like bou to them.

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Speaker 4: And my mom and dad.

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Speaker 3: Started freaking out because I thought I'd losing like that said,

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Speaker 3: I've lost my son.

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Speaker 4: He's going to be a monk. But my dad used

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Speaker 4: to yell at my mom, He's like, hide him, make

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Speaker 4: sure it doesn't see like the kids outside.

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Speaker 3: Oh. But yeah, so it's actually really ironic that I

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Speaker 3: am a meditation teacher now because it was not even

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Speaker 3: on the cards when I was growing up.

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Speaker 2: For me, So at about seven, you go to Australia,

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Speaker 2: you grow up in beautiful you know, the land of Lucky,

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Speaker 2: like they call it the Lucky Country, I think is

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Speaker 2: the nickname for Australia. And you go through school you're

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Speaker 2: more are you more like driven towards like marketing finance

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Speaker 2: that kind of like corporatedy world.

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Speaker 4: No, I was actually really into sports.

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Speaker 2: Oh I'd pick that, I would pick that that fits

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Speaker 2: this fill I feel, well, it was exactly.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to be Janet Jackson's backup dancer or I

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Speaker 3: wanted to be like a really famous cricket player.

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Speaker 4: There was no in between.

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Speaker 1: Both brilliant goals.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but the problem was that my mom and dad

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Speaker 3: sent me to dance classes when I was young with

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Speaker 3: my brother, but they sent me to ballroom dancing classes.

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Speaker 4: Oh, very different, very different.

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Speaker 2: And so I was like, I feel, like Janet Jackson,

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Speaker 2: you need to hip hop and jazz.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean this was I was in the

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Speaker 3: country at this point, so there wasn't many options.

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Speaker 1: What where'd you grow up?

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Speaker 3: So originally it was final with Queensland. That was where

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Speaker 3: I spent the first couple of years and then we

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Speaker 3: went to kind of rural Victoria right back of marsh Melton.

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Speaker 1: That's sort of lovely.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so how do you then go down the

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Speaker 2: corporatety like and I'm going to say, like financially safe

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Speaker 2: kind of route.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, does that happen?

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Speaker 3: I mean I wasn't something I actively chose, like when

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Speaker 3: I had to go to college or union as we

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Speaker 3: called it back home.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they call it college college.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I had to choose like what I was going to do,

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Speaker 3: and like my grades weren't amazing, Like they weren't great.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, Okay, I'm going to go to

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Speaker 3: work for a couple of years and then maybe I'll

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Speaker 3: decided what I want to do.

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Speaker 4: And I just started working at a bank.

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Speaker 3: Actually that was when I first started like my first

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Speaker 3: job or second job. My first job was MACI is

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Speaker 3: my second job was working at a bank.

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Speaker 1: My first time was Brumbies.

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Speaker 4: Do you remember Rumby's.

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Speaker 2: Everyone work at either maccas at thirteen and nine months

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Speaker 2: that's how old you'd have to be in Australia.

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Speaker 1: There you go, or Brumbies. Yeah, Bakers the light.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, bakers the light were great.

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Speaker 1: I love there for cashas actually oh yeah, banana bread.

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Speaker 4: But I yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I started working at a bank and I was

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Speaker 3: working in their lending department in the back office, and

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Speaker 3: I just had so much fun because I was like

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Speaker 3: eighteen nineteen with a bunch of other people that were

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Speaker 3: kind of similar sort of age. And I just stayed

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Speaker 3: at this bank for like five or sixties maybe even longer,

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Speaker 3: and I just.

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Speaker 4: Ended up working my way up.

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Speaker 3: And as I was working my way up, I started

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Speaker 3: to really grow interested in finance and marketing and advertising.

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Speaker 3: Those are the areas that were really kind of speaking

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Speaker 3: to me. And so then I went back as like

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Speaker 3: a mature age student and studied and did a degree

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Speaker 3: in commerce. Yea, and I yeah, I didn't really like

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Speaker 3: the financial side of it, but I was more drawn

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Speaker 3: to the creative side of it.

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Speaker 1: Cool.

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Speaker 2: So, because I love the way you speak about you

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Speaker 2: kind of had all this success, right, like you were

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Speaker 2: doing really well in.

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Speaker 1: This kind of world.

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Speaker 2: But then things started cropping up like anxiety and panic

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Speaker 2: attacks and insomnia and disordered eating and all stuff that

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Speaker 2: I can totally relate to, by the way, and I'm

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Speaker 2: sure a.

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Speaker 1: Lot of humans can when they're out of alignment.

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Speaker 2: So was there like a turning point where you were like,

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Speaker 2: holy smokes, I can't keep doing this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was when I got really sick, when I

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Speaker 3: had a really serious panic attack, but it was probably

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Speaker 3: leading up to that. You know, it's probably for four

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Speaker 3: years where I just started to feel really not in

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Speaker 3: my body, Like I started to feel this tension and

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Speaker 3: every day became like I wasn't excited by work anymore. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I started to feel like I just wasn't meant to

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Speaker 3: do this, and then the stress kicked in, and then

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Speaker 3: they'd be, you know, drinking on the weekends, like finance

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Speaker 3: culture is wild, right, so all of that.

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Speaker 2: So Melbourne, I feel like Melbourne because it's cold. You

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Speaker 2: want to go for a vina, I feel like it's astraya.

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Speaker 3: Let's be honest, right, because you don't drink now, right, No,

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Speaker 3: It's like I mean, it's also a byproduct of living

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Speaker 3: on the West side of la Right.

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Speaker 4: Everyone's into health and wellness.

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Speaker 3: People do psychedelics maybe, but not so much like alcohol.

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Speaker 3: It's it's not a big scene, but you know, I

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Speaker 3: used to drink a lot and it was the culture

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Speaker 3: back then. All's played footy, it was just one of

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Speaker 3: those things. And then one day I had this panic

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Speaker 3: attack and it was the first time I'd experienced anything

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Speaker 3: like that. And every doctor that I went and saw,

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Speaker 3: and psychologist and anyone I really asked was giving me

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Speaker 3: different information. One was saying, you know, it's anxiety, one

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Speaker 3: was saying it's depression, one was saying it's a byproductive

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Speaker 3: Like for the last year before the panic attack, I

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Speaker 3: was on Ridland for ADHD.

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Speaker 4: And so it was all these one Yeah, it was

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Speaker 4: like really full on.

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Speaker 3: And the whole time I was like, I don't think

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Speaker 3: I am this or that or that, and just intuitively

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Speaker 3: I didn't feel like what I was being proscribed and

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Speaker 3: diagnosed as was really me. But I didn't listen to

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Speaker 3: that little voice, and I'm like, Okay, these guys are

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Speaker 3: the experts.

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Speaker 4: I'll do it.

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Speaker 2: And when I had, you would have been in your

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Speaker 2: twenties then, right, exactly do.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: We don't even we're figuring ourselves out then, like if

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Speaker 2: I'm thirty six, now, if you talk to me at

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Speaker 2: twenty six, mate, I didn't know if I was coming

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Speaker 2: or going.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know it, no, And relpened to.

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Speaker 3: That well, and also wellness wasn't really big back then.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's like fifteen twenty years ago. It wasn't

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Speaker 3: what it is nowadays. Yeah, and so I had this

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Speaker 3: panic attack and I was pretty sick for about eighteen

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Speaker 3: months to two years.

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Speaker 4: I was.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's when the disordered eating came and really chronic

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Speaker 3: and somnea. And my mother was living in Hong Kong

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Speaker 3: at the time, and she came down to look after

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Speaker 3: me for a period of time.

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Speaker 2: It's really interesting to hear someone who identifies as a

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Speaker 2: man talking about disordered eating, because we associate it as

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Speaker 2: like a young female thing.

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Speaker 1: Can you share a little bit about the disordered eating?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean for me, it wasn't a conscious thing,

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Speaker 3: like I don't know if it's like that for anyone else.

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Speaker 3: I didn't really speak to many people about it, but

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Speaker 3: it wasn't like I was like, oh, I don't like

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Speaker 3: what I look like, I'm going to go and not eat.

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Speaker 3: I was really I really got into yoga at that

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Speaker 3: point and like it was the only thing that was starting.

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Speaker 4: To make me feel a bit better.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and so I knew when I was eating less

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Speaker 3: like I would be performing better.

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Speaker 1: Like, of course, because you could do all those great

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Speaker 1: twists in your.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like floating and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is this is amazing. But I was also just

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Speaker 3: really depressed at that point, so like I had no

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Speaker 3: real interest in eating either. So you know, I would

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Speaker 3: be doing yoga for like five six hours a day

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Speaker 3: some days, oh like like really really intensely and not

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Speaker 3: eating much. And then yeah, it was just a bit

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Speaker 3: of a bit of a spiral. And my mum would

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Speaker 3: call my teacher at one point He's like, you need

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Speaker 3: to come and have a chat to him. And then

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Speaker 3: I went and went and lived with him. Wow.

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Speaker 4: I lived with him for about four months.

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Speaker 1: Yoga teacher or meditation tea.

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Speaker 4: This is my meditation teacher.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and my meditation teacher really took me in and

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Speaker 3: looked after me, and yeah that was that was And

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Speaker 3: he was also an amazing cook.

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Speaker 1: So oh double wabby, it's a great way to get it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think you and I actually met on your

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Speaker 2: yoga journey. So I was telling a mate because I

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Speaker 2: went to your class, your breath work class on Tuesday.

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Speaker 1: Night, and I was telling me and I go, I

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Speaker 1: think I've known Minaj for.

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Speaker 2: Like nine years, a long time because I graduated when

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Speaker 2: I was twenty seven and I'm thirty six as a

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Speaker 2: yoga teacher, and you came to one of my first

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Speaker 2: classes at Yoga two one three in Richmond.

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Speaker 4: I remember that. I remember that because I've only been

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Speaker 4: there a couple of times.

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Speaker 2: They I remember, and you were head I remember you

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Speaker 2: were ahead of me, like you were teaching where we

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Speaker 2: wanted to teach, right right, and I was like like

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Speaker 2: nipping at your yeah heels, like I wanted to follow where.

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Speaker 1: You were going, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, how funny that that's like Yoga's is amazing.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's so amazing at like, you know,

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Speaker 2: you sit with yourself and you're forced to show up

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Speaker 2: the exactly. I'm sure I know you're more camp meditation nowadays,

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Speaker 2: but I do think yoga is this great mirror, you know,

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Speaker 2: and it's just nice that that's how we became friends.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it is nice, And I think it's really important

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Speaker 3: you shared that reflection because for me, as I was

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Speaker 3: sharing that story before, and I haven't actually been asked

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Speaker 3: about that on a podcast, so thanks for asking. It

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Speaker 3: made me realize that yoga can be this really beautiful

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Speaker 3: thing that allows us to develop healing and connect to

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Speaker 3: our body and really sit in what we're going through.

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Speaker 3: And it can be a way of us bypassing what

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Speaker 3: we're really meant to be feeling, which is how I

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Speaker 3: initially treated it. Right, I'm like, Oh, if I do

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Speaker 3: eight hours yoga, I won't have to think about the

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Speaker 3: sadness or the anger, or the grief or the anxiety.

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Speaker 3: I'll just put my mind over here and just kind

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Speaker 3: of avoid what was actually happening.

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Speaker 2: Mate, you're looking at someone that did an eighty day

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Speaker 2: Bigram challenge for fun.

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Speaker 1: Wow, So same thing.

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Speaker 2: Because it's so hot, you're totally like I lost my

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Speaker 2: hearing a little bit from tumor, Like I was just

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Speaker 2: too much stress on my body.

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Speaker 1: It's the same thing.

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Speaker 2: It's that a weird kind of escapism where you almost

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Speaker 2: have too much of a good thing.

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Speaker 3: Well, we call a spiritual bypassing in the community. So

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Speaker 3: it's a way of you know, whether it's meditation or

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Speaker 3: yoga or breath work, or whether it's a religion or

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Speaker 3: whatever it is, it's just a way for us, Like

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Speaker 3: crystals or reiki, it's a way for us to put

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Speaker 3: our attention and awareness into something else as a way

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Speaker 3: of bypassing the actual somatic experience of what we're going through.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I love that. I've definitely done. I'm trained in

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Speaker 2: crystals and definitely done those all those things. So when

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Speaker 2: did Because I know the person that taught me, I'm

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Speaker 2: trained in beatic meditation by your dear mate Leroy, it's

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Speaker 2: my guy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so he.

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Speaker 2: Taught me about and he always says me when he checks,

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Speaker 2: and he's like, follow the arm.

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Speaker 1: Lolack, you just got to follow that charm. So when

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Speaker 1: did meditation?

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Speaker 2: Kind of like because when I met you, it was

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Speaker 2: jog's yogos and power yogs like you and I were

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Speaker 2: doing hardcore hot vinyasa. Yeah, So when did that flick

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Speaker 2: for you more into like mindfulness and meditation.

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Speaker 3: I mean I was doing meditation simultaneously to that. The

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Speaker 3: reason I actually ended up becoming a yoga teacher was

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Speaker 3: because the girl I was dating was doing a yoga

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Speaker 3: teacher training and I wanted to impress it. And I

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Speaker 3: had no intention of ever being a yoga teacher or

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Speaker 3: a meditation teacher.

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Speaker 4: Yeah I was.

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Speaker 3: I was back working at this point and I was

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Speaker 3: successful again, and yeah, I ended up doing this training

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Speaker 3: because this other girl was doing it. And then through

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Speaker 3: that training, Duncan was like, hey, do you want to

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Speaker 3: just teach a class or too?

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Speaker 4: And that was in the end.

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Speaker 2: Of that, And that's Dunk and Peak Power Living, right

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Speaker 2: because I talked there as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, how funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I still miss sometimes because in La it's different

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Speaker 2: yoga here, and sometimes I'm like, I just want a

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Speaker 2: good power living No. Yeah, you know, we had we

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Speaker 2: had it release, we had it good for a couple

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Speaker 2: of years. Yeah, okay, so you've also got a book

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Speaker 2: still together.

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Speaker 1: Now what I really have deep dived to you, my friend.

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Speaker 2: Notes mate, welcome to a triple virgo.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome, welcome.

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Speaker 2: So I love I really want to talk to you

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Speaker 2: about mindfulness and the way that you break up the

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Speaker 2: four foundations of mindfulness.

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Speaker 1: Can you share a little bit about that?

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So, traditionally, the four foundations of mindfulness was taught by

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Speaker 3: the Buddha in a discourse he gave called the Sati

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Speaker 3: Patana Suta, and we don't have to go into each

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Speaker 3: of them right now, but essentially he breaks down these

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Speaker 3: foundational elements of what he calls sati, which is what

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Speaker 3: mindfulness became, right, it's another translation for it. And the

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Speaker 3: first place, which is the first two areas is where

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Speaker 3: I spent most of my time teaching these days is

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Speaker 3: the body and the mind, and the body being the

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Speaker 3: entry point for where we get to experience mindfulness. Now,

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Speaker 3: historically it started off by just an awareness of the body,

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Speaker 3: because that's where we know we well, that's where we

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Speaker 3: know that we can get a sense of the present moment,

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Speaker 3: and we get a sense of it through our senses,

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Speaker 3: right so through our hearing, through our touching, through our tasting.

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Speaker 4: And then it moves into the mind.

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Speaker 3: Then it moves into thoughts, then it moves into what

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Speaker 3: we call dharmas. So it becomes progressively a lot more

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Speaker 3: complex and hard.

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Speaker 4: These days, how.

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Speaker 3: I've interpreted and how I kind of extrapolate the core

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Speaker 3: teachings is to make it more of a somatic experience.

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Speaker 3: And traditionally meditation has been divorced from the body. Like

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Speaker 3: we talk a lot about it the mind. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it's about stilling the mind, calming the mind, emptying the mind,

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Speaker 3: coming to learn the correct, correct, correct, But what we're

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Speaker 3: also learning and in the last five years I've spent

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Speaker 3: a lot of time learning coun trick Buddhism, which is

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Speaker 3: like a more Tibetan form of practice that focuses more

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Speaker 3: on the And so what we learned in the body

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Speaker 3: is that you know, we're able to create like a

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Speaker 3: real stability just by bringing awareness to it. But also

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Speaker 3: it's where a lot of our emotions and feelings get stuck, right,

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Speaker 3: It's in the body.

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Speaker 2: So this is what I learned on Tuesday night because

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Speaker 2: I had my first ever breathwork class with you, and

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be no bs. Like I literally went in.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh see, we're gonna we're gonna fox

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Speaker 2: breathe to image and heat.

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Speaker 1: Now we did get image and heat.

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Speaker 2: You did play, but it was not at all what

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Speaker 2: I was. I think I liked that I went in

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Speaker 2: with no expectation because I was just like, take me basically,

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Speaker 2: you know, like, let's.

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Speaker 1: See what happens here.

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Speaker 2: But it it was you could feel the room and

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Speaker 2: that it was profoundly affecting people in very like opposing

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Speaker 2: ways and in extremes too, Like I could feel and

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Speaker 2: hear like collective anger and joy and humor.

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Speaker 1: And like grief.

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Speaker 2: And it's such a special thing to even just be

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Speaker 2: part of. But I've never in my life done I'm

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Speaker 2: going to say, is word wrong with that?

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Speaker 1: Hyper? What's it called?

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Speaker 4: Well, it's a combination.

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Speaker 3: So at open we tend to combine a couple of

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Speaker 3: different things, so it's an open experience really. So it

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Speaker 3: starts off with a little bit of meditation practice, more grounding,

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Speaker 3: and then we go into the introduction of like a

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Speaker 3: theme that we'll explore, and then we actually go into

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Speaker 3: the practice. So the first portion of the practice was

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Speaker 3: a three part breath, so you breathe into the belly,

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Speaker 3: breathe into the chest, and you breathe out and you

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Speaker 3: do this repetitively to the beat of the music, which

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Speaker 3: is something pretty uniquely open. And then you do breath

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Speaker 3: holes along the way, which have a whole host of

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Speaker 3: like health benefits that come with that. And then we

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Speaker 3: switched up to a holotropic breathwork. My holotropic is really

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Speaker 3: like another level.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And luckily you like you were like, some of

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Speaker 2: your mouth might go weird, your hands might go weird,

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Speaker 2: and I was just like, oh, on my hands a gay.

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Speaker 4: For everyone listening, Like, it's not that it's going to

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Speaker 4: go weird. People are going to freak out.

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Speaker 3: Your hands and your fingers might start to cramp up

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Speaker 3: and the reason they cramp up is momentarily we're reducing

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Speaker 3: the oxygen to the tissues.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for clarifying that.

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Speaker 2: I was totally fine afterwards, everybody and I felt phenomenal

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Speaker 2: after But it was just and to be given permission

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Speaker 2: by you to scream was such an interesting thing. Like

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Speaker 2: it I was like, I had a moment where I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, I really feel like I'm in venice

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Speaker 2: right now, Like I had that real ala wellness kind

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Speaker 2: of like immersing moment. And then I was like, just

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Speaker 2: roll with this, Lola, Like how cool that you get

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Speaker 2: to scream your lungs out and just let it be

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Speaker 2: whatever it needs to be.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So for people listening, So the arc of the

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Speaker 3: class is that you breathe repetitively for about twenty five

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Speaker 3: to thirty minutes, and as you do that, you experience

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Speaker 3: like a physical shift, a mental shift, and then an

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Speaker 3: emotional shift. The physical shift is like, first the first

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Speaker 3: couple of songs like so many thoughts, you're having reactions,

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Speaker 3: You're like, oh, I don't know why I'm here, I

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Speaker 3: mean a wellness thing and Vente's.

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Speaker 4: What the hell?

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Speaker 3: And then you move into the physical where you start

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Speaker 3: to notice like the hands start to crap up, your

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Speaker 3: body will get hot and cold, and then you go

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Speaker 3: into the emotional, and the emotional is like the deepest layer, right,

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Speaker 3: It's the deepest layer of our experience because the breath

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Speaker 3: is so powerful, it's playing with our nervous system, so

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Speaker 3: it cuts straight through to whatever it is you're holding onto.

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Speaker 4: And that could be the stress of the day.

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Speaker 3: You could be an argument with your partner that you're

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Speaker 3: holding onto, or it could be like you heard, like

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Speaker 3: people's sadness come up, people's laugh to come up because

447
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,959
Speaker 3: they've been holding enjoy people's anger come up. And it's

448
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 3: a really beautiful way. And then that scream is that

449
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 3: ultimate release, right, it's like holy shit, like.

450
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 4: I could really let go. And when do you get

451
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 4: that chance to ever just scream? All?

452
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Well, when I teach yoga, i'd always do

453
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,919
Speaker 2: lions breaths where you could really make a sound on

454
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 2: your exil.

455
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,880
Speaker 1: But it was like a hundredth of what we were doing.

456
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 2: And it was really nice to scream without it for me,

457
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,119
Speaker 2: without needing it to be like anger or any like,

458
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 2: I had no emotion, really attachment.

459
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's a good thing.

460
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 4: Or not.

461
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 2: I was just like also studying acting like your body

462
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 2: and your breath and your instrument basically, So I.

463
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 1: Was just like, how cool is this.

464
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: I get to connect to my body in a different way,

465
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:22,199
Speaker 2: you know, But screaming without necessarily needing to attach a

466
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 2: feeling to that is really cool.

467
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 4: Yeah.

468
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 3: And the feeling may I mean not come after after

469
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 3: the screen, but just that somatic release.

470
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, being able to.

471
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 3: Let whatever is there just just go, even if it's

472
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 3: just energy, even if it's breath, it's a really it's

473
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:38,639
Speaker 3: a really powerful part of the practice.

474
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 1: And just got to give you a little plug.

475
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 2: I've got a I'm going to have a link in

476
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 2: the show notes, so people are going to be able

477
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 2: to try open for free.

478
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, even if you're in Australia, you get to have

479
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:49,439
Speaker 1: a go.

480
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 2: I even I couldn't sleep last night and so I

481
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 2: put on your you've got a meditation for sleep, I do. Yeah,

482
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 2: listen to your beautiful doulcet tones last night.

483
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 3: I actually taught a breathwork class in Melbourne when I

484
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 3: was there last December, and it was great.

485
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're a bit like me.

486
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 2: I feel like you dip your toe back in the Australiana, Paul,

487
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 2: because Australian is.

488
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: A freaking awesome Yeah, I'm Australia.

489
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 2: Whatever this podcast is called, Fearlessly Failing has there. But

490
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 2: you're obviously like extremely motivated. You have this beautiful energy

491
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 2: of like being very connected to yourself and I know

492
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,160
Speaker 2: you don't like being talked about this way.

493
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: But you do feel like you at least know who.

494
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,360
Speaker 2: You are and where you're coming from, and maybe more

495
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 2: involved than some people. I know that makes you feel

496
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 2: uncomfortable because I've listened to enough podcasts about you. But

497
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 2: you then have this like business drive that I really

498
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 2: like that. I feel like that's probably come from, you know,

499
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 2: your history of having that corporate y background. I think

500
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,640
Speaker 2: nothing's waste of time, Like you're looking at someone who's

501
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 2: thirty six is totally changing their career.

502
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: Like I just think everything is a gift.

503
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 2: But is there ever been a time, whether it be

504
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 2: maybe the panic attack time, or have you started a

505
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,439
Speaker 2: business and been like nah, like that didn't work. We

506
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 2: had any failures and if so, have they kind of

507
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 2: turned into little like gifts along the way.

508
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think the I mean there's so many failures

509
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 3: and it's it's beautiful that you offered that reflection of me.

510
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 3: But you know, there's a lot we don't need to

511
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 3: get into on the podcast that that hasn't worked out.

512
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 3: But you know, the biggest one in recent memory was

513
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 3: I was fundraising for my own app and so I.

514
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 1: Had a space really expensive.

515
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely expensive. Yeah, So I had a company called a Space.

516
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,960
Speaker 3: It was the first company that I started with a

517
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,679
Speaker 3: friend of mine and that was Australia's first drop in

518
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 3: meditation studio. And it was a beautiful little project where

519
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 3: me and Josh we essentially put all of our money

520
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 3: into this project, took to credit cards and we just

521
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 3: opened this little spot at the back of a psychology

522
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 3: practice in Melbourny and Collingwood.

523
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: Beautiful.

524
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,360
Speaker 3: And you know, both of us had very little business acumen,

525
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 3: very little support and very little money and so we

526
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 3: just had vision and like heart, and it was so hard.

527
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 3: It was so hard because for three years we didn't

528
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 3: make personally much money. We haven't made enough for the

529
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 3: company to tick over. But we it started to become

530
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 3: really obvious that we were weigh in over our heads

531
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 3: and it caused like a lot of a lot of angs,

532
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 3: like a lot of both of us suffered so much

533
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 3: mental health issues because of it, anxiety, depression, and it

534
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 3: was ironic because here we are with a meditation studio

535
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 3: and the back end, we just couldn't, you know, feed ourselves.

536
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 3: There were nights where we were like, Okay, I think

537
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 3: we have to move in here to actually save money

538
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 3: on rent. And it was it was really ugly. It

539
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: was really bad, and then you know it was. Josh

540
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 3: ended up leaving at one point, and then I decided

541
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 3: to take it on. And again I was like, I

542
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 3: don't know how I'm going to do it, but I

543
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 3: know this is changing people's lives and people love it,

544
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 3: so let's just keep it going.

545
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 4: And then on a whim, I took it.

546
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 3: I bought a ticket to New York and I was

547
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 3: dating a girl in New York at the time.

548
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: There's a lot of romance ties to your stories.

549
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 3: To you, yes, that's where most of the failures exist, actually, Lola, Right,

550
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 3: So I was eating girl in New York and I

551
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 3: was my dream to live in New York.

552
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: Oh, one of the best it is in the world, in.

553
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,680
Speaker 3: The world, and it really was a very healing place

554
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 3: for me. So I went there and I started pitching

555
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 3: a space for investment, and I'm like, I want to

556
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 3: raise a million dollars and if I can raise a

557
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,199
Speaker 3: million dollars, then they'll give me enough from way to

558
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,360
Speaker 3: launch my own product. And so that was a long process,

559
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 3: but I found incredible partners out there, and I found investors,

560
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 3: and we were about to get into it. And this

561
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 3: was January eighteenth, I think, twenty twenty, and I remember

562
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 3: I'm saying to my girlfriend, all right, cool, I've got it.

563
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 3: I'm going to go close up aspace and I'll be

564
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 3: back in two weeks and let's get on with our

565
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 3: life because we've been doing two years of long distance

566
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 3: at that point. And then I went home and literally

567
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 3: like the next week, New York went into hard lockdown

568
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 3: and Australia and did.

569
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: You stay in Australia? What did you?

570
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 4: I was stuck in in Australia. I couldn't leave.

571
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 3: And so that was the lowest point in my life

572
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 3: because I was like writing this book. I was I

573
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 3: had no idea.

574
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 4: What I was going to do for work afterwards.

575
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 3: All my money, all my time, everything was here, and

576
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 3: my investors were like, we don't think now is the

577
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 3: right time to invest. And my partners were like, you know,

578
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 3: we're also a bit nervous about getting involved. So I

579
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 3: was left with nothing at that point, and obviously Australia

580
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 3: couldn't do anything, so a space wasn't active.

581
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 4: And then I started.

582
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 3: A friend of mine introduced me to write who was

583
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 3: the CEO of this really small breath Work pop up

584
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,479
Speaker 3: in San Francisco, and he's like, can you help him

585
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 3: out as an advisor for the next couple of months?

586
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 4: They just need some help setting up. I'm like, cool,

587
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 4: you know.

588
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 3: I started helping with recruiting, started helping with content, and

589
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: then we just got along like a house on fire.

590
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 3: And then me right and Peter, who's the other the

591
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 3: third co founder. We just started having a lot of

592
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 3: fun together and at one point he's like, why don't

593
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 3: you join us? Yeah, why don't you join us? And

594
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 3: it was at that point, have you read The Surrender Experiment?

595
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 2: No? But I know what you're referring to, Yeah, because

596
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 2: you talked about it the other night.

597
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 4: I feel I feel like I did.

598
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like every one of their ones talking about

599
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: The Surrender.

600
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's his.

601
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 3: Book, and like it was, it's essentially that I won't

602
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 3: give it away, but the premise is Michael Singer, who

603
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 3: wrote the NTE. The Soul talks a lot about how

604
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 3: life is, you know, oftentimes really working in our favor

605
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 3: if we just get out of its way.

606
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 2: Oh do you know how like it's I love that saying,

607
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 2: like I love, love, love it.

608
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 1: But mate, it's hard to put into practice some day.

609
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 3: Hard, yeah, because we're so conditioned to resist like most

610
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 3: of the things that happen.

611
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: We also grew up in a country where life is

612
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 2: really safe and really easy.

613
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: And you know you kind of were.

614
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 2: Really really like said at the start, we're really lucky

615
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,560
Speaker 2: in Australia. It's a little bit more cutthroat in the

616
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 2: other on the other side of the world.

617
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 4: It is, Yeah, it is.

618
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 3: And it's also like our conditioning that gets in the way, right,

619
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 3: It's also all that sort of stuff. So anyway to

620
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 3: cut out really long story short, I ended up becoming

621
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 3: the third co founder of Open and I moved my

622
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 3: whole life to la which I had no plans of doing.

623
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: You know, I love to Panga, I love Santa Monica,

624
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 3: I love mate.

625
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 2: I was hiking to Panga the other day. This is

626
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: a true story. I'm not even hamming this up. There's

627
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 2: a there's a hike where it's really skinny, so your

628
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 2: single file. Anyway, I hear this rustling on the side

629
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: of the I have to tell it story on the

630
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 2: side of the cliff. So the cliff was faced, was

631
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 2: very close to where I was, and then I hear

632
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: a rattle and then I look down and I shit

633
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: you not, there is a fucking rattlesnake at my thigh

634
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 2: thing not that far away, about an inch and a

635
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 2: half away from my leg.

636
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,959
Speaker 1: And its head's just there, ready to go. And I

637
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: was like, I ran the other way.

638
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 2: The two mates I didn't the breath work course was

639
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 2: left me for dead and ran the other way at

640
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 2: this snake.

641
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: We had to wait for this snake to passes. Oh

642
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: my gosh, just saying in side I've seen no this side.

643
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 4: I was just going to say, like, we're are strange.

644
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 4: We shouldn't be worried about that sort of stuff.

645
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 1: Though, rattlesnakes. Have you seen one that angry?

646
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got pythons in my backyard and Barron Bay

647
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 2: no probs, no probs, they're cute.

648
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: This was I fully digress, but I just have to tell.

649
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 4: You no, it's yeah, it's dangerous out you be careful.

650
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So I love that you're just sharing so

651
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 2: much of your journey with me. This was going to

652
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 2: sound like I'm going backwards in time. I did warn

653
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 2: you that I have a ping pong brain me too.

654
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 2: You became a dad in your final year.

655
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 1: Of high school? Is that right?

656
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 2: Holy mackerel, Because I remember when I met you and

657
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: we were seeing each other at yoags all the time,

658
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,479
Speaker 2: and then I think I saw on your Instagram that

659
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 2: you posted something gorgeous with you and your daughter, and

660
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,239
Speaker 2: I was like, hang on, I think it's my age

661
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: and I only knew you in my mid twenties, so

662
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 2: I was like, shiver me timbers, Like you must have

663
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: been such a young dad, Like how was that? Like

664
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 2: did that affect choices and how you navigated things as

665
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 2: an adult?

666
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 4: Yeah? How was it?

667
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 3: I mean, in retrospect, amazing? First of all, Like she's

668
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 3: the biggest gift I've ever been blessed with in this

669
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 3: whole life, and so much of the decisions I've made

670
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 3: have been because of her. Like her in mind, but

671
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,479
Speaker 3: at the time it was very scary, Like me and

672
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 3: her mother were together for seven years, but that was

673
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 3: obviously very unplanned, and so when it happened, and you know,

674
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 3: collectively we decided we were going to keep it, I

675
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: had no idea what to do. Like I came from

676
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 3: a pretty strict Sri Lankan family as well, so it

677
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 3: wasn't like they were cool with it. It wasn't like

678
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 3: her family was cool with it. But you know, it

679
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 3: was this beautiful thing of having so much support at

680
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 3: that point that we were able to really raise this

681
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 3: incredible child. And yeah, I mean having a child at

682
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 3: the age of nineteen, Like I wasn't partying, you know,

683
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: those first few years, not until my mid twenties, actually

684
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 3: I was time to go up.

685
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 4: But like, you know, up until the.

686
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 3: Age of twenty four, I was every Saturday night I

687
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 3: was home changing nappies and feeding her, and it was

688
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 3: a really special time. I just I wish I had

689
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 3: the tools that I have now back then. You know,

690
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 3: this the practice of really being present I didn't really

691
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 3: have back.

692
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 2: Then, And understandably though understandably yeah, totally, totally totally.

693
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 3: But I now think of like my friends that are

694
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 3: becoming parents and I'm like, wow, like I don't know

695
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 3: how you do it without some sort of like practice,

696
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 3: you know, yoga or meditation or whatever it is, because

697
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 3: it's it looks it's such a skill and I'm in

698
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 3: awe of parents.

699
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I had a million, bazillion percent. So you've

700
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: got this really cool. I'm going to give you another

701
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: compliment that you're going to be like this. Gu's feel

702
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: a couple of you're this kind.

703
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 2: Of like cool aura where you're like very connected to yourself,

704
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 2: You're very health conscious, you don't drink, You obviously choose

705
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 2: to move and meditate and do the things that no

706
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 2: issue do You have a field because for me, right,

707
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 2: I can do that and then I'll have I call

708
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 2: it a wobble day. There's an amazing British pete called

709
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 2: the Body Coach Joe Weekonia me too, yeah yeah, and

710
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 2: it's always this area of founding and he goes, oh,

711
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: he's like just had a little wobble day, Lola, and

712
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 2: so like I have wobble days, and so like I'll

713
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 2: go great for like a couple of weeks a month

714
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: where I'm at Yo's. I'm getting there early doing some

715
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: meditation or breath work, not to the extent because I've

716
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 2: just learned the world that you introduced me to but

717
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: like connecting to my body to breath and feeling really good.

718
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 2: And then like I'll notice that I'll like fall off

719
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 2: the wagon at that two week kind of mark where

720
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 2: I'm either hankering something sweet or I don't get a gig.

721
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: Like the amount of rejections you get as like an

722
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 2: actor and TV host in LA is crazy.

723
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: And so sometimes you'll self soothe.

724
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 2: With food or booze or whatever it is. Or I've

725
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 2: heard you like shopping, is that yourself?

726
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 4: It's actually shopping in food these both.

727
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I live right down the road from shakeshak, which

728
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 3: is very dangerous.

729
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: So I think in and out is better.

730
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with you, but shakeshak shakes are insane

731
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 3: the malta vanilla.

732
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 4: But you know it's for me.

733
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 3: I'm the same, Like I emotionally eat and I emotionally shop,

734
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 3: and I it's not a good it's not a good combination.

735
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 3: But I have off like you have it every two weeks.

736
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 3: I have it like once once a week, like once

737
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 3: every three days four days.

738
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 4: Sometimes.

739
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 3: You know, I'm becoming better at it, and I think

740
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 3: the older I get, the more I'm realizing, like there's

741
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 3: no one to blame anymore, you know, for me feeling

742
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 3: like shit because I've just had like burgers and I've

743
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 3: just been eating really terribly. And I had a bit

744
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 3: of a health scare last year just with my heart

745
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 3: and you know, heart diseases in my family. And I

746
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 3: really kind of decided at that point like I don't

747
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 3: want to kind of I don't want to be the

748
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: reason that I have a short life totally.

749
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 2: My mum is a freakin' legend and she's a nurse.

750
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 2: And when her and I were with my name when

751
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 2: she was passing, and Mum said to me, and my

752
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: mom is so healthy, like like Lollie's at school.

753
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: We dried apricots right, so we were.

754
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 2: Actually threw the microwave out when she got pregnant with

755
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 2: me in the eighties, you know, very curse of the curb.

756
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 1: Very coolum.

757
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 2: And she said to me because Nan was like quite

758
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 2: sharp right like pretty much until the end, and she

759
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: goes this, what's taking her is diet. Like she's like,

760
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 2: because she's a nurse, you knows, she was like this

761
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 2: all the stints in the heart all that She's like,

762
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 2: that's the diet of McDonald's and things like that that

763
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 2: have come up and my mom lives the healthiest diet,

764
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 2: like lives on a farm in Dales for like happy

765
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 2: as Larry. I swear she's going to live like into

766
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 2: her hundreds because she's just so connected to who she

767
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 2: is but also about nourishing herself. And I just think

768
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 2: as scary as a health scary is like that or

769
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: seeing someone that you love go through something that you

770
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 2: know you've got the same genetics for.

771
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: It's also really.

772
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 2: Empowering and it can be a beautiful like Penny drop

773
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: light switch moment where you're like, hang on a sec

774
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 2: like I want to really vital life and I know

775
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 2: as well, like I just love being me and like

776
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 2: being honest and being real and giving my best. And

777
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 2: in La it is the city of rejection, Like it

778
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 2: is literally designed to make you fail. And that's not

779
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: me being negro, that is just the facts. And so

780
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, shivers, I need to be clear and like

781
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,839
Speaker 2: connected to who like the essence of Lola if I'm

782
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 2: going to make it. And so that is kind of

783
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 2: the filter that I pulled everything through when I'm like,

784
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 2: oh that so the way you like your shake shack

785
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 2: thick shake.

786
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: I love the strawberry ones in and out. Oh mate,

787
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:40,839
Speaker 1: do yourself.

788
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 4: Faving morning to go there.

789
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 2: But my point is like, if you've got that little

790
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 2: filter of like actually, so for me, I'm like, I

791
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 2: want to be the truest version of myself that's kind

792
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: of usually enough to like won't always stop me, Like

793
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 2: I said, I'll get two weeks down the track, but

794
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,240
Speaker 2: it usually will pull the handbrake up a few times.

795
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: So that it's not as regular. But I feel like

796
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: you have a really good filter.

797
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: I know you've just admitted to like no, no, no, I

798
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 2: wobble too, like I have moments. But and that was

799
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 2: the overarching feeling I got seeing you Tuesday night after

800
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:15,879
Speaker 2: how many years?

801
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 4: Two years?

802
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 1: Maybe I reckon longer, mate, Yeah, I reckon.

803
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 2: You invited me to your book launch and I just

804
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 2: got here and I was, that's right last year. And

805
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 2: I got here and I was so freaked out about COVID.

806
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 2: I was like, but I just feel like you've got

807
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 2: a really nice filter.

808
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

809
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 3: I mean it's truthfully, it's I spent so much time

810
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 3: trying to get a clear mind and feel connected to

811
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 3: my body, like intuitively, I'm my my wake up or

812
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 3: penny drop moment was just realizing that I'm doing all

813
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 3: of this work, but then I'm also like ingesting all

814
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,880
Speaker 3: this other like rubbish, like whether that's you know, social media,

815
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 3: too much TV, or bad conversations or the food. Like

816
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 3: I really need to pay more attention to what I'm ingesting.

817
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 2: Can I remember you and I went through hotel quarantine

818
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 2: in Australia at the same time.

819
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 1: We both got sent all this chocolate. Do you remember?

820
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 4: I remember every day? Every day? Yeah, I took your tip,

821
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 4: but I was ordering like calls like.

822
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 2: That's the way, that's the way, that's the way. So

823
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 2: for somebody listening, that is like, Okay, I'm inspired. I

824
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 2: want to feel more connected to myself. I want to

825
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 2: feel like a truer version or understand my own essence.

826
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 2: What is like a simple whether it's a mindfulness habit,

827
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 2: what's something like that people could implement now to start

828
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:35,959
Speaker 2: to feel more.

829
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:40,800
Speaker 1: Connected to themselves. Such a loaded question.

830
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a really great question. I think the one

831
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 3: thing we can do is that we can decide and

832
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: recognize we have a choice. Right at every moment, we

833
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 3: are taking in stimulus, like we're stimulated consciously or unconsciously,

834
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 3: whether it's the sounds that we whether it's the subliminal

835
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,880
Speaker 3: ads or whether it's friends thought like, there's always things

836
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 3: like nipping it away at our attention. And Victor Frankel

837
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 3: has this beautiful quote. It says that between stimulus and

838
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 3: response there is a space, and in that space is

839
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 3: our power to choose, and our power to choose, and

840
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 3: I'm mucking up the actual quote.

841
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 4: Essentially is our sense.

842
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 3: Of freedom, right if we can choose what happens next, Like,

843
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 3: that's a really powerful moment. So you know, I'll get

844
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 3: the hankering to go to shakeshag yeah right now, And

845
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 3: that's the stimulus. It's like, oh okay, I've got a thought.

846
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 3: But then there is a space between that thought, and

847
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:40,760
Speaker 3: that space is where it's called mindfulness, right, it's awareness, Like, Okay,

848
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 3: am I going.

849
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 4: To have a shakeshack? Will I feel good? Probably?

850
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 3: Not?

851
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 4: Am I going to be in bed the rest of

852
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,360
Speaker 4: the day? Probably? Will I feel like shit the next day? Probably?

853
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 3: And then you get to choose, Okay, maybe I'll just

854
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 3: go to air one and spend too much money on

855
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 3: a salary.

856
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 1: I was just about say there's a silver Lake air one.

857
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 4: There we go.

858
00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so that that then in that moment, You've

859
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 3: made a very empowered choice, something that's going to be

860
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,239
Speaker 3: really supportive and nourishing for you.

861
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,640
Speaker 1: Ah, I love this.

862
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 2: You just gave me the audiogram, mate, So okay, I'm

863
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 2: obviously going to put in the show notes. Everyone can

864
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 2: find out more about you. And I've sushed your book

865
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 2: and everything like that. What's next, Like, I feel like

866
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 2: you're someone that's kind of got pots on the stove. Yeah.

867
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 3: I mean, truthfully, I've been learning to surrender, Like I've

868
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 3: been so caught up in what I want, Like I

869
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 3: want to do this, I want to write another book.

870
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 3: I've been trying to dig deep in my brain for

871
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 3: the topic of the next book, and then I want

872
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 3: to do all this work and blah blah.

873
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,400
Speaker 1: I think your podcast. You've got a podcast in your mate.

874
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 4: I would love to do that.

875
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean again, I'll surrender to it if the

876
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 3: opportunity kind of arises. But I'm really just learning to

877
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 3: just be receiving and receiving what comes up, because, like

878
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 3: you said, LA is like a really cutthroat place, and.

879
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 4: Opportunities are endless here.

880
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 3: It's just finding the right one and being receptive to

881
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 3: things as they arise.

882
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 2: I think that receptive thing is a really good handy tip,

883
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 2: like right before you got here, you're running a tiny

884
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: bit late, which is ended up being this amazing thing

885
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 2: because I got a callback and so straight away I

886
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 2: was like, sweet, get.

887
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 1: The tripod up and I did a piece to camera.

888
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: I filmed it once, I didn't second guess it.

889
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 2: I was like great, I was just my honor self

890
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: hits and away you go, and it was like the

891
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 2: biggest gift from you accidentally, but also like just being

892
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,919
Speaker 2: like if you stay open and you're pretty clear, you'll

893
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 2: be like, oh cool, this was meant to happen for

894
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 2: a little reason because there's a little bit of magic

895
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:39,719
Speaker 2: in here.

896
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,959
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's like we talked about before, right, Sometimes life

897
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 3: is happening for us if we just get out of

898
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 3: its way and not impose our preferences onto that experience.

899
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,720
Speaker 2: There's a Sydney yogi I reckon. You know, Kate Kendall

900
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 2: flow in Sydney. I know you're more of a Melbs

901
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 2: than a Sydney person, but she used to always at

902
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 2: the end of her classes. It's a roomy quote like

903
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: act as if life is rigged in your favor, and

904
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:03,880
Speaker 2: it's really nice.

905
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 4: Me really say rigged because.

906
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 2: Maybe she's like paraphraser, I'm going to try and buy

907
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 2: that thing there.

908
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 4: No, it's true.

909
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 3: There, Like if we can if we can see life

910
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 3: as being like this flow of good things coming, bad

911
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 3: things coming, ultimately everything's going to even itself out, then

912
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 3: you can just give us more peace.

913
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 2: I've got one more question for you. I want to

914
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 2: talk about the two arrows. Do you know what I'm

915
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 2: referring to? And I say this, Can you talk to

916
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 2: me about the two arrows?

917
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 4: Please?

918
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,280
Speaker 3: So it's the story of the two arrows, and the

919
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 3: two arrows the Buddher talks about is one the arrow

920
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 3: that all of us will experience in our life, and

921
00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 3: that arrow is the inevitable pain that we experience from

922
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,479
Speaker 3: a break, loss of a family member, things not going

923
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:50,879
Speaker 3: our way.

924
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 4: Like that is the inevitable arrow that everyone you.

925
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: Want to hear a funny arrow. You can use it

926
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: as much as you want in this story.

927
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 2: One morning I got up out my car and I

928
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, that's funny. It's not starting car battery stolen.

929
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 2: There we go two thousand and three. Hondre Civic. Don't

930
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,439
Speaker 2: get it get stolen in La all the time.

931
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:08,800
Speaker 3: Wow.

932
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was a.

933
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 3: Little Yeah, we'll move to the east side there, so yeah,

934
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 3: I mean, it's the inevitable pain of what we'll go through.

935
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 3: And then there is the second arrow, which we shoot

936
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 3: ourselves and we inflict upon ourselves. And that is the

937
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:29,399
Speaker 3: story we tell ourselves about the first arrow. And that

938
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 3: could look like I'm unlovable. That's why he's breaking or

939
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 3: she's breaking up with me. This always happens to me.

940
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 3: I'm not good enough, I'm not attractive enough, smart enough, I.

941
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 4: Am a victims.

942
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 3: It's the narrative we create about the first arrab and

943
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 3: in the story, the bood essentially us. Which one do

944
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 3: you think is more painful?

945
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: The second?

946
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 4: For sure, And it's the second one.

947
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 3: But that's why we meditate, that's why we practice, is

948
00:41:55,440 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: to get into contact with our authentic selves in each month,

949
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 3: whether that's in pain or whether that's in bliss.

950
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 2: Do you know what though, like with pain and this

951
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 2: is kind of like where the name of the pod

952
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 2: comes from, Philsey failing. But like with pain, in the moment,

953
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,360
Speaker 2: let's be honest, it usually feels pretty shitty.

954
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: But like even the car.

955
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,879
Speaker 2: Thing and I know that's like a really materialistic thing.

956
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 2: But do you know how funny it was? After and

957
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,239
Speaker 2: like calling people going hey, you know, can I get

958
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 2: the insurance? And they're like, oh, your fault for living

959
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 2: in this area. And I was like, oh my god,

960
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,960
Speaker 2: what do I do? Like you know, it was a

961
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 2: but it was Do you know how much I laughed

962
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 2: the second I got I went down to auto barn

963
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 2: got the new Do you know there's always a gift

964
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 2: in the uncomfortable, I think, and like breakups, Like I

965
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 2: remember I work with a hypnotherapist and I'd always dated

966
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 2: the same I was a bit like I had the

967
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 2: same romancy pain.

968
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 1: We might have that in common. And my therapist and

969
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: hymnotherapist goes, oh, so how long how long do you

970
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,799
Speaker 1: want to keep dancing this narcissistic dance? Lola? Like how

971
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: long do you want to be in this?

972
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 2: And I want of my first date with my boyfriend,

973
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 2: the boss Matt, and I said to him other next hour,

974
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 2: I saw my therapist and I was like, I think

975
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 2: I have to be with someone creative and he just

976
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 2: burst into laughter and goes, no shit, Lola. But my

977
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 2: point is like I learned all these amazing lessons from

978
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 2: the horrible heartbreaks, and when you're in it, it feels

979
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 2: like there's no way out, But like when you get

980
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 2: to look back, you're like, actually, I learned this amazing

981
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 2: thing from this person. Sure we're not aligned, but like

982
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 2: they still had something to offer and I had something

983
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 2: to offer them. Like I always say that, Like I

984
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 2: feel really lucky for everyone that I've ever dated because

985
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,719
Speaker 2: it brought me to Matt, you know.

986
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,399
Speaker 1: And I think that's that choosing not to.

987
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 2: Take that second arrow, yeah, and being okay with the first.

988
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 3: One, absolutely, and you know, you shared a beautiful story

989
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 3: around that.

990
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 4: It's that you get to learn more about yourself in

991
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 4: the process.

992
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 3: Right. The one of my friends actually shared with the

993
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 3: other day, like, and he's a psychologist that emotion actually

994
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:57,120
Speaker 3: lasts in your body.

995
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 4: For nine seconds.

996
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,879
Speaker 3: Really, yeah, Like a strong emotional will come and it'll

997
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,479
Speaker 3: actually last for nine seconds. But what keeps it there

998
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,280
Speaker 3: is us trying to make sense of it, us second arrow, yeah,

999
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 3: and like adding all of the layers to it, and

1000
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,480
Speaker 3: then it gets stored deep down and it blends in

1001
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 3: with our old memories and our conditioning, and.

1002
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 4: Then it becomes like a condition that we're experiencing.

1003
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: Oh I love, like I know that's about but I

1004
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 1: love it.

1005
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 2: I love hearing that I love and that's where like

1006
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 2: I didn't think we would talk about this, but I'm very,

1007
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 2: very pro therapy. I'm six years down the therapy track

1008
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 2: because I can process stuff so much faster now, and

1009
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 2: we do like visualizations, hypno meditation, you name it, and

1010
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 2: it's just I'll be like, ah, and now that you're

1011
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,959
Speaker 2: teaching me the arrow thing, I can often like get

1012
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 2: that first arrow and the second one is absolutely coming

1013
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 2: for me. But when you've you can kind of like

1014
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 2: use the tools that you learn to be like hang

1015
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:49,799
Speaker 2: on a sec like.

1016
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: I don't actually need to choose to take on.

1017
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 2: That second arrow absolutely, And would you say meditation and

1018
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 2: mindfulness is another way to have that clarity?

1019
00:44:57,360 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I also see a therapist. It's like

1020
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 3: the thing in the world, it is, and they're all

1021
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 3: pointing at the same thing, right, It's that you develop

1022
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 3: an awareness of yourself. And if you can develop an

1023
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 3: awareness of yourself, you develop an awareness of literally everyone else.

1024
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 3: So you know, like everyone will be reactive when they're

1025
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 3: feeling sad or angry or pushed away, just like we will.

1026
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 3: And then what comes out of that is compassion and understanding.

1027
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 2: Totally mate. I could chat to you all day long.

1028
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 2: I feel like this has been long overdue. We did

1029
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 2: talk about doing this in Melbs and we were both

1030
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 2: in males. So thank you so much for jumping on

1031
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 2: the potter Rooney. It's a total honor to have you

1032
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 2: here and I'm really excited to see what's next for you.

1033
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 4: My friend me too. I can't wait to see you

1034
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 4: on TV soon.

1035
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,920
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, big love.

1036
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 2: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

1037
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,880
Speaker 2: thank you to our guests, and let's continue the conversation

1038
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 2: on Instagram.

1039
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 1: I'm at Yamo lollaberry. This potty my word for podcast

1040
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 1: is available on all streaming platforms.

1041
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: I'd love it if you could subscribe, rpe and comment

1042
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,319
Speaker 2: and of course spread the love.