Speaker 1: Laura and come.
Speaker 2: On, holla everyone, We're on Hello Me Tuesday, Lauren and Mitch.
Speaker 1: How are we feeling?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Feeling very good except for the fact.
Speaker 2: Okay, so my husband Matt and I we both had
Speaker 2: the night away from our kids. So we got home
Speaker 2: yesterday and let me tell you, my kids seemed to
Speaker 2: not care at all that we were gone, and I
Speaker 2: actually think that they liked the babysitter beter than they
Speaker 2: like us. We walked in the door and Mally, honestly,
Speaker 2: she was like, why you would expect your four year
Speaker 2: old to be excited where mommy and daddy came home?
Speaker 2: And she was just like, we had the best time
Speaker 2: and we don't want you to come back.
Speaker 1: Well did that sting?
Speaker 4: Like, wait, a bit extra sting because they didn't care
Speaker 4: you were leaving nine you said goodbye and you thought
Speaker 4: they'd be tears.
Speaker 1: They were like, see, yep, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, on one hand, you want them to love their babysitter,
Speaker 2: but you don't want them to love them so much
Speaker 2: that they could possibly replace you and they wouldn't care.
Speaker 5: Babysitter was it family or did you have to hire them? No?
Speaker 1: She' them just around them off. No, he's the same girl.
Speaker 1: She's amazing.
Speaker 2: It's Danny, but like you know, when you've got she's
Speaker 2: she makes everything fun, everything feels like a holiday.
Speaker 1: And when you're a mom, you make everything feel like
Speaker 1: your mum. And yeah, and it's what the end goal is, right.
Speaker 4: You want your kids to be independent, you want them
Speaker 4: to be able to be with other people like for
Speaker 4: these moments.
Speaker 1: But as a part of you that's like just cry
Speaker 1: a little bit, like need me a little bit.
Speaker 2: I mean, we were looking at photos on the plane
Speaker 2: and we've been gone for five minutes, so I need them.
Speaker 4: Guys, we have a great show today. We're going to
Speaker 4: be speaking to Aunt Middleton. He is the host and like,
Speaker 4: what do you call him? The Commando of Sas, Yeah,
Speaker 4: the commando. Yeah, he is a bit of a ball breaker.
Speaker 4: So he's going to come on and talk about the
Speaker 4: new series in the Middle East.
Speaker 2: Wow, all right, I remember when you were entertaining the
Speaker 2: idea of going on that show, Britt.
Speaker 4: Oh could you imagine absolutely, it would be pretty funny.
Speaker 5: All right, Well, let's see he remembers that, Laura remembers it.
Speaker 5: Let's see if ant does, we'll get him on next.
Speaker 5: You're at the pickup ladies. Our next guest is back
Speaker 5: on our televisions with SAS Australia. It continues tonight seven
Speaker 5: thirty on Channel seven and seven plus. Everyone's talking about
Speaker 5: this new season. It is bigger, better than ever. He's
Speaker 5: a little bit if you missed the premiere.
Speaker 6: Deep in the desert, they're just like a speck of sand.
Speaker 5: The selection process is.
Speaker 3: The most brutal, the hardest military course.
Speaker 5: In the world.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's just sadistic.
Speaker 5: Listen to him now, that's the whole that's air middles
Speaker 5: are now breathing down the farm like the creepy is
Speaker 5: hollo ants.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know about a creep but look, I
Speaker 6: think that I think.
Speaker 4: That that was like absolutely perfect timing.
Speaker 1: It was like the bomb goes off and then you
Speaker 1: hear this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and usually this is filmed in like less dire
Speaker 4: conditions like Australia. But what made you take this to
Speaker 4: the Middle East this year because from what we've seen,
Speaker 4: the conditions and the heat are next level.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we just wanted to mix things up when it
Speaker 6: came to the environment, because if you have a different
Speaker 6: environment with different personalities, you're going to have a completely
Speaker 6: different course or a completely different show. So the desert
Speaker 6: environment is one that we've operated in, you know, for
Speaker 6: the past sort of twenty years, so we wanted to
Speaker 6: keep it nice and current, nice and relatable. And also
Speaker 6: in the desert, they one.
Speaker 3: Can hear you scream, oh my God, to go.
Speaker 2: And what do you think is the biggest motivator like
Speaker 2: for celebrities to do this show?
Speaker 1: I mean, I personally couldn't think of anything here that works.
Speaker 6: Do you know what you and your athletes that have
Speaker 6: retired that want to just challenge themselves again. They want
Speaker 6: to see if they've got that winner's mentality still. They
Speaker 6: want to see if they've still got that flame inside
Speaker 6: their inside their stomachs. And then you've got people that
Speaker 6: one there that want to redeem themselves. They want to
Speaker 6: show what a different sight to them, a different sort
Speaker 6: of outcome, and how they've changed, if they've changed. And
Speaker 6: then you've got your people that just hippos, like you say,
Speaker 6: you just stick the want to come and put themselves
Speaker 6: through some hardship and suffering.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well I saw I was watching some of the snippets.
Speaker 4: I'm looking at it right now. Play actually while we're
Speaker 4: speaking to you. I think it's Peter Bowle was one
Speaker 4: of the He's an Olympic runner and he was quote
Speaker 4: unquote buried alive.
Speaker 1: And I was watching that and.
Speaker 4: I was like, that actually looks like there could be
Speaker 4: a serious injury, Like it looked like you had a
Speaker 4: centimeter or two to breathe. What kind of serious injuries
Speaker 4: have been on there? Because I actually I actually had
Speaker 4: an interview for this show two years ago, and the
Speaker 4: reason I didn't end up doing it was because I asked.
Speaker 1: I was like, what kind of injuries do people actually
Speaker 1: get hurt?
Speaker 3: And they were like, yeah, yeah, you know, it depends
Speaker 3: on how well you listen and how how were you
Speaker 3: take on board information.
Speaker 6: Because ultimately what we did, as we do put you
Speaker 6: your life into your own hands. When we're telling you
Speaker 6: to add self of a cliff, you know, if you
Speaker 6: let down that roade, you're going to come crushing down
Speaker 6: pretty fast. And even if you get you know, stopped
Speaker 6: at the bottom, you're still going to injure yourself. If
Speaker 6: you don't listen to the detail that would give you,
Speaker 6: then you know you're going to hurt yourself.
Speaker 2: You said that there's often people who come on their
Speaker 2: warning retribution.
Speaker 1: Do you think from this experience.
Speaker 2: Do you think that they're the people are always entitled
Speaker 2: to that this sort of platform, it can sometimes allow
Speaker 2: people to show their vulnerabilities, and it can allow people to,
Speaker 2: you know, show that they're sorry for the things that
Speaker 2: they may have done. But do you think that everyone
Speaker 2: is entitled to have that ability to have retribution in
Speaker 2: the public eye.
Speaker 6: Well, entitlement is you know, who gets to choose who
Speaker 6: gets a second chance, you get to third chance, you
Speaker 6: get to fourth chance. You know, it's a social construct
Speaker 6: out there that that puts that person in that situation.
Speaker 6: So the idea of the course, and it's like that
Speaker 6: on the selection process is the slate is wipe clean.
Speaker 6: You know, it's who are you right now? We know
Speaker 6: what do you bring to this world? What do you
Speaker 6: bring to yourself? What do you bring to the team?
Speaker 6: And can you cope under extreme pressure? So I think
Speaker 6: edone deserves a second, third, fourth, fifth chance. You know,
Speaker 6: as long as it's not gone on to you know,
Speaker 6: to be super detrimental to anyone, then I think everyone
Speaker 6: deserves deserves a chance in life. And you know, no
Speaker 6: one's perfect. We've all got skeletons in our closet, We've
Speaker 6: all got demons. We need to exercise and this is
Speaker 6: a perfect course to do it on.
Speaker 1: Oh and I don't know about that. I'm pretty perfect
Speaker 1: Middleton There everyone.
Speaker 5: SAS Australia continues tonight seven thirty on Channel seven and
Speaker 5: seven plus.
Speaker 2: Well speaking about going rogue and going bush and you know,
Speaker 2: doing things that are well off the beaten track.
Speaker 1: Oh god, what have you done there?
Speaker 2: I mean, I reckon that there's no toilets in SAS.
Speaker 2: I reckon people are going to have to be doing
Speaker 2: a few bush peas. And now my daughter Lola, she
Speaker 2: has a brand new technique for the bush peek.
Speaker 1: Laura's training for SAS Great yeer old.
Speaker 2: Is about to join up SAS. But no, look, things
Speaker 2: did not go well on the weekend.
Speaker 5: Oh god, all right, Laura's child's audition for SAS on
Speaker 5: the pickup coming next.
Speaker 2: Now, my little Lola, she's two years old. She I mean,
Speaker 2: two is such a good age. It's a really funny
Speaker 2: age because they go through these little periods where they
Speaker 2: become obsessed with different things. Do you remember when I
Speaker 2: was telling you recently how Laura got obsessed with wearing
Speaker 2: underwear on her head and.
Speaker 1: It was my favorite phase of her.
Speaker 5: Did you tell She showed photos and we posted them
Speaker 5: to the pickup page everye.
Speaker 2: Only that because it wasn't it wasn't like a one
Speaker 2: off like this kid. One day she just woke up
Speaker 2: and I tried to put underpants on her bottom, and
Speaker 2: she was like, I'll put a pair on my bottom,
Speaker 2: and I'll put a pair on my head.
Speaker 1: And then that was it. She wore that or not
Speaker 1: the exact pair.
Speaker 2: But every single day, every waking minute, the kid had
Speaker 2: a pair of undies on her head. Now at the moment,
Speaker 2: we're going through a new phase, a new obsession that
Speaker 2: she has. Her newest thing is that she is she's
Speaker 2: toilet trained. Like the kid is great, she never needs
Speaker 2: a nappy unless it's nighttime. But she's all over it now.
Speaker 2: But she's decided out of nowhere, she doesn't really want
Speaker 2: to use a toilet. She would prefer to do a bush.
Speaker 4: We Well, I think that means they're not toilet trained, Laura,
Speaker 4: I think that's the opposite toilet train.
Speaker 1: She's not doing it. Wait, wait, no, she is.
Speaker 2: She's not doing it in the house, she's not doing
Speaker 2: it in the pants. She knows exactly when she wants
Speaker 2: to go. She just has a preference and that's being
Speaker 2: out in nature. She wants to go out into the
Speaker 2: garden and pee behind a jacaranda bush.
Speaker 5: I just need to point out the fact that you
Speaker 5: don't live on property. You live in the middle of
Speaker 5: a populated city. During the way that Laura says it
Speaker 5: is like, yeah, bush.
Speaker 1: We not kangaroos.
Speaker 5: And I can see your neighbour's kitchen from your house.
Speaker 5: I've been with your backyard, Laura.
Speaker 2: Literally there's so much concrete. It's full on suburbia where
Speaker 2: we live. But we do have a little bit of
Speaker 2: a garden, like we've got a backyard, butere there's some grass.
Speaker 7: Now.
Speaker 2: We never used to have grass, and we moved into
Speaker 2: a new place and it has a backyard.
Speaker 1: So she has become obsessed.
Speaker 2: And I would say, no, ninety percent of daytime wheeze
Speaker 2: are done in the garden.
Speaker 4: Now, I think you figured out, you know how Laura
Speaker 4: had that big conundrum where she's like, all the plants
Speaker 4: in my yard and dead.
Speaker 1: I can figure it out a couple of it. We
Speaker 1: need to backtrack, Laura.
Speaker 5: Ninety percent of daytime wheeze is so much, so do
Speaker 5: you just go where's my child. Oh she's popping the
Speaker 5: squat above the Jacaranda bush.
Speaker 1: I just I don't really care, you know what.
Speaker 2: I'm really Most the time it's fine, But every so often,
Speaker 2: when we're at the park or whatever, she'll do the
Speaker 2: same thing. She'll say, Mom, I've got to do a
Speaker 2: bush wi And I was like, Darline, there's a toilet
Speaker 2: right there. And then she finds me on it and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, fine, go there's a go behind that
Speaker 2: bush over there.
Speaker 1: So public in decency, got it. Yeah, she's two, she
Speaker 1: can get away with it for a bit longer.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Anyway, we were at the park a couple of days
Speaker 2: ago and I had Marley, so Molly it was with me.
Speaker 1: She's four, and she was with me on the slides.
Speaker 2: And Laura was like, mummy, toilet, mummy toilet. I was like, okay, well,
Speaker 2: go get your daddy and he'll take you to the toilet.
Speaker 1: And she's like okay.
Speaker 2: So she walks over and I just assume she's gone
Speaker 2: to go and get dad to take it the toil
Speaker 2: because we are in the park and there's lots of people,
Speaker 2: and this little bit of time passes and this woman
Speaker 2: comes up to me and she goes, excuse me, I
Speaker 2: think I think your daughter's going to the toilet, and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, yeah, sorry, she's she's just doing
Speaker 2: a bushway like as though it's not that weird.
Speaker 1: Standing at the park. The kids do right, like little
Speaker 1: kids will do a bushwie at the park. It's fine.
Speaker 1: And she goes, oh, okay.
Speaker 2: The woman walks away, but she I could tell something
Speaker 2: was like she obviously had to be in a bonnet
Speaker 2: about the bushwie.
Speaker 1: She wasn't cool. She's not cool, mom, Okay, she had
Speaker 1: an issue with it. Anyway.
Speaker 2: A couple of seconds later she comes back over and
Speaker 2: she goes, oh.
Speaker 1: I'm so so sorry to interrupt you. And I know
Speaker 1: you said your daughter's going to but she's doing.
Speaker 2: A poo behind the swings park dump.
Speaker 1: Bush pe to park dump. She didn't even go behind
Speaker 1: a bush.
Speaker 2: She did a poo in the middle of the park,
Speaker 2: behind mons lauraa.
Speaker 1: Dumped anywhere.
Speaker 5: My god, who's that child going down a slide? Oh wait, no,
Speaker 5: it's a tur We.
Speaker 2: Had no toilet paper, no nothing, don't even take baby
Speaker 2: wipes with us anymore.
Speaker 1: And my kid did a dump in the bar.
Speaker 4: I actually am shook her. You are going to start
Speaker 4: to get some proper complaints.
Speaker 1: What do you pick it up with? You got to
Speaker 1: pick that up. You don't leave it dump in the park.
Speaker 1: I went and got a pooh bag. Don't have a
Speaker 1: doggy bag. I took the docky bag.
Speaker 2: And picked it up and then tried to also wipe
Speaker 2: the barn with a doggy bag.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we had a chat.
Speaker 2: I told her she could do bushweeze, but she can't
Speaker 2: do park poos.
Speaker 1: She accepted these rules. She's too she doesn't care what
Speaker 1: I say.
Speaker 5: It's still with her team.
Speaker 1: Yep, she's going to.
Speaker 4: Be leaving it, you know how like most kids when
Speaker 4: you leave, like the cookie crumbles, so you know your way.
Speaker 1: It's just down the slide, it's a poo trail.
Speaker 4: Then on the swings there she.
Speaker 5: Is on the burn children. You know they're a special breed,
Speaker 5: all right, everyone, Next on the show, we have documented
Speaker 5: girl math here on the show before it and Brittain Laurie,
Speaker 5: you've taught it's what girl math is. There's a new
Speaker 5: trend in town called gay math and oh yeah yeah,
Speaker 5: and now I'm about to blow your mind ladies. And
Speaker 5: you can't say anything else because if you do. It's
Speaker 5: homophobic and I'll cancel Youaha.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to listen to your talk at us
Speaker 1: between and that's next on the pickup.
Speaker 5: Gay math Now, Britt Laura on the show, you girls
Speaker 5: have brought to us the trend that's taken the world
Speaker 5: by storm. That is girl math, and that is you
Speaker 5: guys can speak to it. You're the girls on the show.
Speaker 1: What is girl math?
Speaker 2: A very easy kind of example of this is, say
Speaker 2: you're going to buy some expensive shoes. Girl math would
Speaker 2: be justifying the cost, the overall cost of the shoes
Speaker 2: by the amount of times that you're going to wear it.
Speaker 2: So you divide the overall cost by you know, three
Speaker 2: hundred days, and then that gives you the actual cost
Speaker 2: per wear.
Speaker 5: Yes, Laura, I'm all for girl math.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: And we've had girl math, we've had guy math. But
Speaker 5: now let me introduce you to the only math that
Speaker 5: I've ever been interested in in my entire life. If
Speaker 5: only this was a subject a high school. It is
Speaker 5: gay math. Okay.
Speaker 7: So we know about girl math, and we know about
Speaker 7: boy math, and now it's time for gay math. Let's begin.
Speaker 7: If it takes fifteen minutes for a regular person to
Speaker 7: get there. It's gonna take a gay seven point five minutes.
Speaker 1: All you have to do is a vibe by two.
Speaker 7: If there's four siblings in your family, one of them's gay.
Speaker 7: If there's three siblings in your family, one of them's gay.
Speaker 7: If it's ninety five degrees out, you order a nize coffee.
Speaker 7: If it's ten degrees out, you order an ized coffee,
Speaker 7: A plus B equal C. If someone looks at you
Speaker 7: one to two times, they're not interested in you. If
Speaker 7: they look at you a third time, that's the love
Speaker 7: of your life.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's gay math.
Speaker 1: Girls, Not one of those things made sense to me.
Speaker 1: It did to me.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's three siblings in my family and one
Speaker 2: of them is gay, so that one was a very
Speaker 2: straightforward piece of math equation. It worked in my household.
Speaker 1: There's four in mind, and none of us are gay,
Speaker 1: no that they know of you.
Speaker 5: But you're a matt, you're brunette, and you had gold jewelry,
Speaker 5: So don't question gay math. Brittany Hockley, thank you. I'm
Speaker 5: gonna take you to school if you girls don't mind,
Speaker 5: I've got some time.
Speaker 1: Well, it feels like a really jazzy school as well.
Speaker 5: Gay math sounds fine, jazzy school, you've never sounds and
Speaker 5: a straighter all right, So more gay math on the fly,
Speaker 5: Britt and Laura. If the party begins at six and
Speaker 5: I get there at ten, in fact, I'm.
Speaker 2: Early, okay, But because that's literally what you do anytime. Yeah,
Speaker 2: anytime there's a deadline, anytime that there is a required
Speaker 2: time that you need to be at something, we need
Speaker 2: to tell you to get there half an hour earlier
Speaker 2: because you are always late and it's a terrible quality.
Speaker 1: Correct.
Speaker 5: But I'm gay, so I'm earlysh But.
Speaker 1: That's not it's not a hall pass right.
Speaker 5: It's not behymophobic. One month a one.
Speaker 1: Month to throw that turn around, okay.
Speaker 5: A one month relationship for a straight couple is one
Speaker 5: month they've been together one month. A one month relationship
Speaker 5: for a lesbian couple is three years.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 1: I get that. Yeah, okay, I Britt, I agree with you.
Speaker 1: And you know why.
Speaker 2: It's because women are so intense and we share everything
Speaker 2: about ourselves and so we instantly have deep conversations and
Speaker 2: we're already talking about spending our lives together and everything
Speaker 2: else at the one month mark.
Speaker 4: Well, every gay friend that I have has like fallen
Speaker 4: in love, gotten married, engaged kids didn't like.
Speaker 1: Two well done.
Speaker 5: As you're picking up, you're picking up game map. If
Speaker 5: I scream at a sport match embarrassing, But if I'm
Speaker 5: screaming at a concert iconic.
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I agree, I agree, it's cream ash makes Yeah.
Speaker 5: Why don't I test you?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 5: I've given you enough examples of gay math.
Speaker 1: You can answer this for me.
Speaker 5: If a twenty one year old and a twenty eight
Speaker 5: twenty eight year old straight couple of dating, that's a
Speaker 5: seven year age gap. But if a twenty one year
Speaker 5: old and a twenty eight year old a dating in
Speaker 5: the gay world, how big is that age gap?
Speaker 1: Mitch? Can you repeat the question? Yeah, If a.
Speaker 5: Twenty one year old and a twenty eight year old
Speaker 5: straight couple of dating, seven year age gap. If a
Speaker 5: twenty one year old and a twenty eight year old
Speaker 5: gay couple of dating, how big is the age gap?
Speaker 1: One year?
Speaker 5: The age gap is non existent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Mitch, I.
Speaker 2: Know why you're doing this, and it's because you're dating
Speaker 2: a twenty one year old and you want us to
Speaker 2: say it's okay.
Speaker 1: And look, if you need to convince yourself it's all right.
Speaker 1: It's all right. Midge had this very crush on this kid.
Speaker 1: What his plates on his path?
Speaker 5: Still up and run with that, But that was this
Speaker 5: was self serving and I didn't think it would go
Speaker 5: down this path.
Speaker 1: What past did you think, Gameth?
Speaker 5: Is that I can end the show at any time.
Speaker 6: We're going on.
Speaker 1: We're getting gay math means by