Speaker 1: Hey, we had a few comments about your swearing in
Speaker 1: the last episode.
Speaker 2: Did you see that I haven't seen that? Is it
Speaker 2: our ageous?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It's huge, like canashtop swearing?
Speaker 2: Seriously, what buck off?
Speaker 1: I'm just joking. Welcome back to Two Dads. I am
Speaker 1: Mattie Jay and I'm as. This is a podcast that
Speaker 1: is all about parenting, the good, the bad, and relatable.
Speaker 1: And look, if there are any new listeners right now
Speaker 1: have just tuned in. Maybe they've seen our faces on
Speaker 1: the artwork of the podcast and thought, hey, they look
Speaker 1: like they could offer some advice. I think if you
Speaker 1: come here for advice, it'd be like someone entering a
Speaker 1: chili eating contests.
Speaker 2: Actually, that's a lie. Someone took my advice the other day.
Speaker 2: They even sent me a message to say I forgot
Speaker 2: to tell you.
Speaker 1: Actually, now, look at the smile on your face.
Speaker 2: I'm an expert. Which part don't talk in the middle
Speaker 2: of the night. Did you see that I have been
Speaker 2: a message?
Speaker 1: I think I saw a message from.
Speaker 2: A ready my dam.
Speaker 1: From a mum.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she was like genius, didn't even think about it.
Speaker 2: So like, why do you need to talk in the
Speaker 2: middle of night? You don't need to talk. If she goes,
Speaker 2: can you get me some water?
Speaker 1: Just do it? Just there is the odd look. You know.
Speaker 1: Obviously we like to talk ourselves down too much. Because
Speaker 1: there are a lot of other podcasts out there that.
Speaker 2: Do offer gen we don't focus on it.
Speaker 1: No, if there is advice, it's purely accidental.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that was an accident. That was me kind of
Speaker 2: being like that what worked for me could work for you.
Speaker 2: But I also I just don't want to see people
Speaker 2: getting in an argument in the middle of the night, especially
Speaker 2: if they are your neighbors, thinking your neighbors.
Speaker 1: If there's one thing that we can do, Ash, I
Speaker 1: hope we can do, it's just bring couples together and
Speaker 1: try and minimize any arguments that they have around the kids.
Speaker 2: And build some normality before we start.
Speaker 1: Yes, it would be remiss of us not to crack
Speaker 1: a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, what have we got today?
Speaker 1: Well, this is something different.
Speaker 2: I've had this before, you've had I had a couple
Speaker 2: last night, Ash at all.
Speaker 1: Oh Yeah, cheers your ginger beer people.
Speaker 2: Of the equipment, because that's expensive.
Speaker 1: Better be a ginger beer, Ash, fact, if I may,
Speaker 1: this has half the sugar of other ginger beers out
Speaker 1: there that are alcoholic.
Speaker 2: All right, and like you know me, I'm a beer
Speaker 2: guy all the all the day long. I couldn't get
Speaker 2: that out. I'm a big guy through and through. I
Speaker 2: don't drink any spirits rarely unless I'm absolutely hammered.
Speaker 1: What made you go for the ginger beer yesterday? Oh?
Speaker 2: I thought, like, I haven't had a chance to try
Speaker 2: it yet. We're going to talk about it today real quick,
Speaker 2: and I thought, you know what, I'm gonna have six
Speaker 2: of them. So I had a few of them last
Speaker 2: year and I quite like them. They're definitely in the rotation.
Speaker 1: Normally i'd have this on a summer afternoon. Winter still
Speaker 1: quite nice.
Speaker 2: Winter's got a gingery beer feel about it too.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like I think if you're in the UK,
Speaker 1: like mulled wine. Yeah, yeah, it is big and the
Speaker 1: Australian equivalent ginger beer.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I did? It was late yester afternoon.
Speaker 2: I had the kids. I locked them in the trampoline
Speaker 2: out there as you do perfect ziparp, but I put
Speaker 2: a padlock with man. Just went out there and just
Speaker 2: watched them UFC wrestle out there and did.
Speaker 1: They want to be in the trampoline or were you like,
Speaker 1: get in there now, oscar.
Speaker 2: Well it was pretty dark and cold by the time
Speaker 2: I got.
Speaker 1: Dad. Please anyway, twelve Ginger Beer being like you guys
Speaker 1: having fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're good, So thank you again, Better Beer for
Speaker 2: the Ginger Beer, lower Sugar get in India.
Speaker 1: Can I ask just really quickly before we get into
Speaker 1: the episode. We joked the other week about April's reaction
Speaker 1: to Better Be here being a sponsor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, obviously she doesn't know yet. No, look it's fine. Yeah, Look,
Speaker 2: it wasn't the first choice. But where that's right? Now
Speaker 2: she's up, she's working.
Speaker 1: So this is not easy working, Like this podcast business
Speaker 1: is hard work.
Speaker 2: It's tough. Choose again, half empty. I wanted to just
Speaker 2: quickly touch on something really quickly. You know, I've had
Speaker 2: a rough week so far already Wednesday. But it's been
Speaker 2: a rough week, a rough trot. As some would say,
Speaker 2: We can't.
Speaker 1: Go into detail, can we? No, No, because they'll be listening.
Speaker 2: Potentially they'll be listening and that would end really badly.
Speaker 2: But same time, but something worse happened, something more embarrassing happened.
Speaker 2: Yesterday I was down the shops, just picked up a
Speaker 2: few things as you do. You know what we're picking
Speaker 2: up just condon.
Speaker 1: Want definitely not you just like groceries. Grocery.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just had to get you know, the usual
Speaker 2: stuff like eggs, ship whatever, that sort of stuff. And
Speaker 2: I've got a few things from Woolie's. I've got a
Speaker 2: few things that weren't on the list. Okay, and you
Speaker 2: know I love their brown paper bags. I just feel
Speaker 2: like an elegant man walking out with the brown paper bag.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know something about it.
Speaker 1: What do you mean?
Speaker 2: They're just nice, They're just nice to carry. The nice
Speaker 2: and square things fit in there nicely. I'm not rummaged
Speaker 2: around with a plastic fucking suitcase.
Speaker 1: Yeah I can't. I kind of get what you're saying.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I prefer the plastic one,
Speaker 1: like the hard plastic, because they're more robust, like if
Speaker 1: you're carrying milk and stuff.
Speaker 2: I didn't have any others, and I don't have any
Speaker 2: linen bags.
Speaker 1: Although no products that were like letting out no more.
Speaker 2: I stupidly overfilled them. Okay, now we think you know
Speaker 2: where this is going. Yes, I was walking out to
Speaker 2: the car and it just so happened to be school
Speaker 2: knockoff time as a school across the street. Yep, and
Speaker 2: they're all hall and these teenagers and you know what
Speaker 2: teenagers are like, they're fucked. They're absolute assholes.
Speaker 1: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Speaker 2: Both bags snap right in front of all these school kids,
Speaker 2: and it was just like, it's such an ick.
Speaker 1: It's like that scene from Home Alone where he's got
Speaker 1: the brown paper bags and they just bottom out.
Speaker 2: Will happen, and it's like such an ick. If you
Speaker 2: see someone, it's like, there's two things that I think
Speaker 2: that's similar. There's picking up your groceries off the off
Speaker 2: the floor of the car park or ground of the
Speaker 2: car park. Yeah, that's bottom feeder, that's bottom feed And
Speaker 2: also chasing a plastic bag that's in the wind. Weird
Speaker 2: little run after a plastic bag that's called the wind.
Speaker 1: It's just always out of reach. Did you lose the eggs?
Speaker 2: No, they were on top, so like safe landing, Thank heavens,
Speaker 2: Thank heavens. But look I was red faced.
Speaker 1: Did you get a reaction from the kids, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it was what are you staring at? I was just like,
Speaker 1: get out of here, picking up your condoms.
Speaker 2: It seems ash buy his home Brown. I wanted to
Speaker 2: talk about Macy. Yes, so Lola's what two? Macy's coming
Speaker 2: up to two? Lola's potty training as we worked out
Speaker 2: last week, would you smite it all over the fucking wall.
Speaker 2: Macy's almost almost too.
Speaker 1: She's like six months out, how far.
Speaker 2: Month in June? Five months five months out, say five
Speaker 2: months out, So she's not potty training. She's still in
Speaker 2: very much in nappies, diapers, whatever people's preferences on that.
Speaker 2: And she's doing this thing now where she just disappears
Speaker 2: and goes quiet. So it's safe to say a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks ago, two weeks ago, it was just me
Speaker 2: and Macy in the house. Anyway, I've got distracted and
Speaker 2: I've lost Macey.
Speaker 1: Hang on, wait, so you've lost her because we're in
Speaker 1: your house right now and.
Speaker 2: I've lost her.
Speaker 1: It's not really.
Speaker 2: I was distracted. I was doing something.
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Drinking?
Speaker 2: No? Go on, man, sorry no, I was probably scrolling
Speaker 2: TikTok or taking a shit, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: was just she was up there playing or whatever, and
Speaker 2: then she's just gone quiet. I was like, I just
Speaker 2: gone quiet. So I went try and find her. Went
Speaker 2: into the bedroom, their bedroom, No one to be found.
Speaker 2: Nowhere to be found. Back into my bedroom. Checked the
Speaker 2: bathrooms as you do.
Speaker 1: Am I losing my mind?
Speaker 2: I thought, like, I'm fucking losing my mind. He checked
Speaker 2: the balconies, even the doors shut. She's grown three foot
Speaker 2: and reached the doors. I've come downstairs. Thought okay, she
Speaker 2: must be in the kitchen because she loves the snack
Speaker 2: cupboard is within reach for her. And I thought, gotta
Speaker 2: be there, got to be down there somewhere.
Speaker 1: But she's also not at the age where like it's
Speaker 1: funny for kids when you're like where are you and
Speaker 1: they hide because it's like hide and seek. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: not there yet.
Speaker 2: Right now, she's like starting to know that it's Oh,
Speaker 2: it's a game.
Speaker 1: If you're like here, she won't come. She won't come.
Speaker 2: No, But this was like she just went quiet. I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck, Like where is she? I thought, because
Speaker 2: she can get up and down the stairs backwards thankfully,
Speaker 2: and I have downstairs. The doors are all shut. Going
Speaker 2: to the garage and not in the garage, open the
Speaker 2: front ship. At this point, I'm panicking.
Speaker 1: At this time, right now, how long until April gets home.
Speaker 2: A while.
Speaker 1: See, Okay, so you're like, I'm panicking, but I would.
Speaker 2: Have had enough time to go and steal another baby
Speaker 2: and come back with it.
Speaker 1: But I was like, doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: I was like, where's she gone anyway? So I was like,
Speaker 2: check back upstairs one more time. And I was like,
Speaker 2: walked upstairs, checked in their bedroom. Nothing. I was like,
Speaker 2: walk into our bedroom, and as I walked past our closet,
Speaker 2: I just a waft was emitting. A waft went up
Speaker 2: my nose. It happened to be shit.
Speaker 1: Yes, so she's gone, you say, shit, Yeah.
Speaker 2: She's gone. She's hidden in our cupboard. She's sitting on
Speaker 2: top of the shoe rack. It's the three to two
Speaker 2: or three story shoe rack, depending on how many levels
Speaker 2: you account, and she was on top of that, sitting there, silent.
Speaker 2: And what she's done. She's snuck off into our wardrobe
Speaker 2: and taking a shit. And I would have never have
Speaker 2: founder unless I walked past and smelt the waft of
Speaker 2: baby shit straight up my nostrils. And since then, she's
Speaker 2: continued to do it. So like the other day, we're
Speaker 2: at a friend's house and she's gone again, completely gone.
Speaker 2: She doesn't know this house anyway, like the balcony wrap around,
Speaker 2: she's completely gone. And then i'd come around the corner,
Speaker 2: she's out there like looking at me.
Speaker 1: Like don't like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: So at the moment, it's kind of like a hide
Speaker 2: and go poosy situation.
Speaker 1: It's weird that they go through that phase of wanting
Speaker 1: to have a bit of privacy, because they definitely come
Speaker 1: out of it like now my kids will just shit.
Speaker 2: And then Laura's done the complete one eighty or three
Speaker 2: sixty where she's like she's like, I'm just shit rush.
Speaker 1: But it's funny how they do that, don't you reckon?
Speaker 1: Like I remember Marley would sit down and squat behind
Speaker 1: the couch and just like just to have like a
Speaker 1: little bit of privacy. And I'd look over and she'd
Speaker 1: be like popping a vein from a forehead.
Speaker 2: That look well, I told you about my friend that
Speaker 2: had the poo runner, remember, oh yeah yeah, And when
Speaker 2: he needs to pooh, he just takes off in like circles,
Speaker 2: like running and running and running, and he would just
Speaker 2: find a spot where no one's looking, like, I mean,
Speaker 2: they don't know any better. But like also, like I
Speaker 2: think Macy thinks it's some sort of game. Now if
Speaker 2: I know, I can't hear her for a little bit
Speaker 2: of time, am I smeller? Just getting a nappy out
Speaker 2: and the whips and I'm prepping.
Speaker 1: It's a really annoying time as well when they start
Speaker 1: going onto solids and their poos go from being like
Speaker 1: a kind of like a purely breast milk or milk
Speaker 1: based poo to then transitioning to like having solids form
Speaker 1: that pool, and it's like the smellers I know.
Speaker 2: And then also it was like can I check it? Why?
Speaker 2: What for?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: You should know this. Apparently you can say a lot
Speaker 2: about the baby's health by their ship.
Speaker 1: Obviously you don't want it to runny, but it comes.
Speaker 2: It's just coming across a bit now, like if you
Speaker 2: want to check every poo, like, what is it your thing? Now?
Speaker 1: But surely I'm doing it for a medical reason. Are
Speaker 1: you eating Macy's No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no checking if she's
Speaker 2: healthy taste? Yeah, look, so hide and go pooh seek
Speaker 2: with Macy lately?
Speaker 1: What's your trigger for when you guys will get to
Speaker 1: add a nappies during the day to start potty training?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Look, is that an April question. I'll be on the spot.
Speaker 2: I don't know, classic dad, do you know what? The
Speaker 2: other day as well, I was at the doctors with
Speaker 2: Macy because she needed a clearance to go back to
Speaker 2: Kindy or something. Anyway, went to just like the medical
Speaker 2: center down here really early, first in and the guy goes,
Speaker 2: who does she usually see?
Speaker 1: Is it like the regular doctor?
Speaker 2: I was like, I have no idea. He was like,
Speaker 2: is this your baby? I was like, yeah, let me
Speaker 2: just go them up a classic dad has no idea?
Speaker 1: Did you have the blue books? I always going there
Speaker 1: like where's the blue book?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I thought the blue book for when
Speaker 2: you just when you just have them? I mean you
Speaker 2: could you got offer me baby journal?
Speaker 1: Well apparently like I don't know when you stop.
Speaker 2: Dad forgot and my GP's.
Speaker 1: Name anyone who doesn't have kids. When you have a
Speaker 1: baby there then and there isn't it. They're like, here's
Speaker 1: your baby, and you get.
Speaker 2: Baby comes out with it under a time, here's my
Speaker 2: blue book.
Speaker 1: Sigh. You get like a little gift pack you get.
Speaker 2: Like from New South Wales Healthy in this instance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get a little tote bag and it has
Speaker 1: goodies can't remember what's in there. I think I know,
Speaker 1: I start, I stell a couple of blankets from the hospital.
Speaker 2: Oh the stripy color there class, Yeah, we took one
Speaker 2: for the dog so the dog could get used to
Speaker 2: the smell before the baby came home.
Speaker 1: Very good, very good. It didn't work, But within that,
Speaker 1: it is a blue book and that's meant to be
Speaker 1: you thing for like every it has like has it's
Speaker 1: like your car. Essentially also lose in my car as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, night man, I know, like I don't even know
Speaker 2: where it is, but April will be able to whip
Speaker 2: it out. Yeah, he keep it on me at all times.
Speaker 2: This is my one too. Anyway, that's maze at the moment.
Speaker 1: A question, what is your bedtime?
Speaker 2: I'm going to rinse me about my bedtime on this
Speaker 2: last night, I was in bed at seven point thirty.
Speaker 2: I'm essentially a toddler.
Speaker 1: Okay, can you just just like really really top line,
Speaker 1: don't have to go to so much detail. What time
Speaker 1: did the kids go to bed? What's your schedule? Like?
Speaker 2: Well, makes is usually in bed by like seven?
Speaker 1: Okay, so dinner at six? What time?
Speaker 2: I feel like you call me out? I had dinner
Speaker 2: last night.
Speaker 1: At five o'clock.
Speaker 2: I get so much shit about this from my friends
Speaker 2: because they're like.
Speaker 1: Dinner at five is not even dark yet?
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait till summer. It's definitely not like it's midday
Speaker 2: when we have dinner.
Speaker 1: So you have dinner with the kids or it.
Speaker 2: Varies depending on how hungry April is. Shit. But yeah,
Speaker 2: so like for example, last night last night, I had
Speaker 2: dinner at five quarter.
Speaker 1: Past five wow. Wow.
Speaker 2: Then bath macy the bed oscar to bed like bit
Speaker 2: after seven last night and daddy's lights out.
Speaker 1: Are you asleep by seventeen?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, no, I'm like sleep by like eight thirty.
Speaker 2: If you message me after eight, you're not getting respect.
Speaker 2: You've noticed, no totally. It says ash has do not disturb.
Speaker 2: And it's like three in the afternoon, I'm having a nap, man,
Speaker 2: I get a message from you are like twelve o'clocking like, yeah,
Speaker 2: good luck, champ, but you know you've noticed that you.
Speaker 2: I'll respond when I'm on the pier like okay, well
Speaker 2: I've got in for another few hours. Now let's have
Speaker 2: a business meeting real quick.
Speaker 1: And so how does it work then with the kids,
Speaker 1: Like because obviously Macy's in a cot still yeah yeah, yeah, Oscar,
Speaker 1: what's he sleeping.
Speaker 2: He's in a single bed with a he's in a cage.
Speaker 2: He's in a cage in the garage.
Speaker 1: Is he able to leave his bed?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he does. He comes gets in.
Speaker 1: With us on average, like every night.
Speaker 2: It's an argument every time before we go to bed.
Speaker 2: You say, you stay in your bed all night.
Speaker 1: And he's there thinking shut up.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. So instead of now bribing him with things
Speaker 2: to staying there, I've decided to take things back to
Speaker 2: the shop. So, like, he's got this bike, hot Wheels
Speaker 2: bike who rides around the living room. I think it's
Speaker 2: outside of the moment. And he loves it, obviously he
Speaker 2: loves it. And the other night you're sleeping in your
Speaker 2: bed all nights And he's like nope, that's stupid face.
Speaker 2: And I was like, well you are, because otherwise I'm
Speaker 2: taking that fucking Hot Wheels thing and I'm taking it
Speaker 2: back to the shop. I didn't say fucking or maybe
Speaker 2: I did. I really register it. I'm taking it back
Speaker 2: to the shop and he's like no, And I was like,
Speaker 2: we'll sleep in your bed. He's like no. I'm like
Speaker 2: how are you not working this out? Work work it out?
Speaker 2: So he did that night and he got keep it.
Speaker 2: But then last nime.
Speaker 1: Just putting the fear of God and yeah, you.
Speaker 2: Know, but then he started doing this thing where he's like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, man, how do you how do you go? No,
Speaker 2: you didn't. It's like, tell me all about it. Because
Speaker 2: someone says to me, watch your nightmare last night. I'm
Speaker 2: just like, I did that thing where you're trying and
Speaker 2: punch someone and you can't do it. Are you trying
Speaker 2: to run after something and running backwards?
Speaker 1: Marley had a nightmare and it was about the fact
Speaker 1: that she wanted some warm water in a bottle and
Speaker 1: the babysitter said no to her, and that was her nightmare.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Yeah, the life of a toddler. It'd
Speaker 1: be sweet, wouldn't it. That's your biggest worry, that's your nightmare.
Speaker 2: God, that'd be amazing. I'm having nightmares about having to
Speaker 2: wake up and go to work. Real problems, real problems, Marley, real.
Speaker 1: Problem when I comes into bed. Are you guys like
Speaker 1: this is fine?
Speaker 2: You try and look at that point, it's about sleep. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the punts is annoying because he just does that little
Speaker 2: half cry thing if you're not cuddling him, like.
Speaker 1: They'll get ya and I get ya. Shut the I
Speaker 1: remember speaking to other parents about bedtime routines, and here
Speaker 1: it is, before I had kids, hearing a parent talk
Speaker 1: about like co sleeping, having their child in bed with them,
Speaker 1: and I remember thinking, what the fuck is wrong with
Speaker 1: you letting your child sleep in your bed, Like that's
Speaker 1: just gonna, I think, just make them really dependent. And
Speaker 1: also it's just gonna then ruin you know, any intimacy
Speaker 1: with you on your partner when your child keeps coming
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Look, we go through phases where he can sleep
Speaker 2: with us, and then we get him to go back.
Speaker 2: He's pretty good at going back. Like he'll come in
Speaker 2: at like three, four o'clock in the morning and there's
Speaker 2: no action having at three or four o'clock in at
Speaker 2: that point. A lot of time you just sneaks and
Speaker 2: you don't even know he's there, and I wake up
Speaker 2: and as a child's foot in my face.
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, because yeah, Marley, nowadays, like I would say,
Speaker 1: every single night.
Speaker 2: If she's in there every night, Now, if.
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and she's not there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is weird. I don't even register now,
Speaker 1: Like she just slots in where the beds positioned. She'll
Speaker 1: come to me first because I'm like closest to the doorway,
Speaker 1: and it's almost like just you know, in my sleep,
Speaker 1: I just grab her and I put her in accept
Speaker 1: Except last night wasn't a smooth operation. We had a
Speaker 1: little incident in the bedroom.
Speaker 2: Okay, you seem to be having instance in the bedroom
Speaker 2: all the time.
Speaker 1: And this one's not like animals, This is not this
Speaker 1: is not sexually it's not sexulated. Unfortunately, I wish it was,
Speaker 1: which it would be. Yeah with my wife's Okay, So
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night Marley's obviously you know
Speaker 1: she's working up at like one or two o'clock, which
Speaker 1: is normally when she comes in. She's started walking towards
Speaker 1: the bed.
Speaker 2: And punch her out like she was an intruder.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't recall doing this. This is just me.
Speaker 1: This is me. I'm a protective kind of guy. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm looking up.
Speaker 2: Oh you look real alpha. I can't imagine in the
Speaker 2: middle of the night. How yeah, I'll love to do
Speaker 2: what your pajamas the classes with a flap at the back.
Speaker 2: Real project you've got.
Speaker 1: She's tried to like pull up the doubt and slot in,
Speaker 1: and I've in my sleep, I've had my instincts have
Speaker 1: kicked in, thinking someone's trying to like I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's like a dog trying to attack us, and so
Speaker 1: I've like grabbed her and like thrown her.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And then I just I kind of like, I'm half asleep,
Speaker 1: but I hear this like.
Speaker 2: You threw your child across the room, pushed on You
Speaker 2: just said you grabbed her and through it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you make it sound so much more just.
Speaker 2: Gathering evidence just in case, just for the testimony.
Speaker 1: And obviously Marley starts bawling her eyes out. She's wailing,
Speaker 1: oh yeah. And I'm still going to half asleep. Takes
Speaker 1: me a while to get the engine running, and Laura
Speaker 1: is like, what the hell was that. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, rabid dog's broken into the house and I've
Speaker 1: just saved us.
Speaker 2: Oh the floor she hit the floor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I threw onto the carpet. I was protecting the family.
Speaker 1: It's my instincts.
Speaker 2: Social services up in you.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sure it's not the.
Speaker 2: First You're not the first parent to think any intruders
Speaker 2: in your.
Speaker 1: Bed, Like sometimes it's scary.
Speaker 2: Especially where you live like you once. At the end
Speaker 2: of the it's a bit sketchy. So I think it's
Speaker 2: fair play. Play on. So she's okay. Obviously she.
Speaker 1: Was fine. No, yeah, she's like desiccated shoulder. She's ok
Speaker 1: No big deal.
Speaker 2: Hope just eight weeks out.
Speaker 1: I was secretly hoping that it might deter her from
Speaker 1: coming in the next night.
Speaker 2: Did it well? Even half she ran in, She ran
Speaker 2: in like a hit up, comes in with shoulder pads.
Speaker 2: Karen Football starts up. That's how you get your kids
Speaker 2: to not sleep with you anymore?
Speaker 1: Yes, crash tackle them to the ground.
Speaker 2: This podcast is full of advice. I fly kick them
Speaker 2: to the head, straight to the head.
Speaker 1: Problem solved, Cash, It is time to answer some questions
Speaker 1: which have been submitted by lovely listeners. We always go
Speaker 1: with two questions. I guess this part of the podcast
Speaker 1: is where you may there may be a peppering of advice.
Speaker 2: Except for what we just talked about previously, where you've
Speaker 2: how to get your kids out of your bed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think if anyone does come for advice,
Speaker 1: normally you just skip through three quarters. Come here, you
Speaker 1: may get something. It's like if you're looking for gold
Speaker 1: and creek.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you like you.
Speaker 1: Comes at the end, you may get a sprinkling of
Speaker 1: gold dust.
Speaker 2: Unlikely, it always the last place you look.
Speaker 1: Definitely no nugget. Yeah, but this first question is an
Speaker 1: interesting one. This one popped up and we both went, oh,
Speaker 1: I won't say who it's from. Some people have said,
Speaker 1: we really like it that you didn't put our name
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 2: Let's stick with that.
Speaker 1: Let's run it will always make it anonymous, unless you
Speaker 1: say I want to call out, then well.
Speaker 2: I don't want to get them in trouble or like,
Speaker 2: because we're.
Speaker 1: All about keeping the peace between relationships.
Speaker 2: Well, we started the episode with that, so I suppose
Speaker 2: a bit of finish with that.
Speaker 1: Okay, we've got a question for you guys.
Speaker 2: How did you go for you guys? For me? Is
Speaker 2: it for me?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: No? This is or.
Speaker 1: Question for us guys coming from it's coming from a
Speaker 1: mum here. Okay, how did you go with sexy time
Speaker 1: during pregnancy? Were you into it? Or were you a
Speaker 1: little bit turned off? Slash freaked out? She kind of
Speaker 1: gives some context here she's with her second partner, she's
Speaker 1: pregnant with her third. She has two older boys with
Speaker 1: someone else, and she said that she's experienced this with
Speaker 1: both men now that they're just not into it. So
Speaker 1: she says, is it not being attracted to me whilst
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant or is it thinking they're poking the baby's head.
Speaker 1: I'm interested to know how you guys were with this
Speaker 1: and how your wives reacted. She wants at twenty four
Speaker 1: to seven. Huh yeah, good on her.
Speaker 2: That's not that's the dream, I think. Look, unless you're
Speaker 2: hung like an absolute horse, you're not poking anyone in
Speaker 2: the head.
Speaker 1: Champ, Well that's Mike cue to say that as a
Speaker 1: man with an enormous cock ash. It was a very
Speaker 1: big concern for me. Oh okay, I thought that mine
Speaker 1: is very long, very thin.
Speaker 2: I've seen your budget smokers, mate, no grower, nothing to
Speaker 2: worry about. Look, it's definitely different.
Speaker 1: Did you have more sexy time?
Speaker 2: I think it was like pretty standard, Like I don't
Speaker 2: think a whole lot changed, but it's always also going
Speaker 2: to be like in how far along.
Speaker 1: I was kind of into it. I kind of liked it.
Speaker 2: Well, obviously the vision is getting ready for childbirth. Yes,
Speaker 2: so there is changes.
Speaker 1: It's a bit more plump plump, which it's a good thing.
Speaker 2: It's great, exactly right. Look it was, yeah, I would
Speaker 2: say for the first six months were still happening, and
Speaker 2: then I think as we got close to the end,
Speaker 2: she was just more uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Right, totally totally and like you can't you know.
Speaker 2: I can't, Maneve, Yeah, you know, I'd be like, Laura,
Speaker 2: get up if you need a roller over. It's like
Speaker 2: one two three.
Speaker 1: I asked Laura, I know, I said, like were you
Speaker 1: were you hornier?
Speaker 2: And she was like, nah, I see, I was meant
Speaker 2: to ask it this morning and I forgot, But I'm
Speaker 2: going to say she wasn't. I'm going to say it,
Speaker 2: like I said, it was pretty normal for most of it.
Speaker 1: But I kind of I don't know, like I kind
Speaker 1: of thought it was like being so I'm trying to
Speaker 1: find my words here, Laura being so womanly. I found
Speaker 1: that like a turn on.
Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, the.
Speaker 1: Fact that she was like mothering my credit. I don't know,
Speaker 1: sound sounds weird when I try and verbalize it.
Speaker 2: Yea, I just found it, like the whole the whole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's sexy, like she's you know.
Speaker 2: Carrying my childe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of that put together.
Speaker 2: Okay, you just don't know. Some people, it could be
Speaker 2: their turn off, could be completely attractive to the look
Speaker 2: of what they're actually mounting. Otherwise it could be much
Speaker 2: more emotional, like yours sounds more emotional. So look, I
Speaker 2: think we obviously can't answer this question because we're just
Speaker 2: two people with no idea. Okay, So for me, like
Speaker 2: I said, it wasn't a turn on and it wasn't
Speaker 2: a turn off.
Speaker 1: Did you though, towards the tail end of the pregnancy,
Speaker 1: you know, this is when my baby's very close to
Speaker 1: coming out. Did it ever enter your deliveries a quick,
Speaker 1: quick five minutes? I would, You know, sometimes in the
Speaker 1: middle of sex, I'd be like, holy shit, I'm about
Speaker 1: to become a dad sun And obviously that's not a
Speaker 1: thought that you want to have, as you're I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I don't recall having that.
Speaker 1: You didn't look at the belly and go that's going
Speaker 1: to be my child, not even.
Speaker 2: Once, yeah, but not like during it. Sometimes I train
Speaker 2: on something else.
Speaker 1: Man, So I would sometimes I'd be like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: that's going to be my daughter a right, and then
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh.
Speaker 2: God, no, I know what you mean. She was saying,
Speaker 2: he's just not that both just not been into It's
Speaker 2: probably just going to come down to the person. That's
Speaker 2: my answer to that question.
Speaker 1: Long story short, sometimes during sex you do think of
Speaker 1: what is actually happening here, and there's a child in
Speaker 1: the room.
Speaker 2: The longer process. Yes, all right, Matthew. So our second
Speaker 2: question today comes from one of our lovely listeners and
Speaker 2: it comes that's weird. Oh my god, I get through it.
Speaker 2: Just let me get okay. Question number two, Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: having your child circumcised? Are you for or against?
Speaker 1: I think I'm for it.
Speaker 2: I think I mean, don't give you that look your form.
Speaker 2: Mutilating a child's peenis that sounds about right?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's freak, it's cleaner, right. I heard the numbers
Speaker 1: have dropped off. I feel like not as many people
Speaker 1: are getting the snip for their kids.
Speaker 2: Nah.
Speaker 1: In the nineties, I was born in eighty seven. I
Speaker 1: think the nineties it was like all the rage. It
Speaker 1: was like fondu fondu un circumcision.
Speaker 2: So my friend group is split up in between circumcised
Speaker 2: and uncircumcised, and it's always a consistent battle.
Speaker 1: What do you mean as in like people like the circumcised.
Speaker 1: We all have a Sunday barbecue and the.
Speaker 2: Unders making fun of the other one the party.
Speaker 1: It's segregated personally.
Speaker 2: I am uncircumcised and thankful because I need the length,
Speaker 2: And Oscar is also uncircumcised because I know he's also
Speaker 2: going to need the length.
Speaker 1: Builthy animals, You are disgusting. I can smell parmes and
Speaker 1: cheese from here.
Speaker 2: Okay, you're telling me that if you had a baby
Speaker 2: boy right now, you would cut the end of its
Speaker 2: dick off. What would you do? Wear it around your
Speaker 2: neck like a trophy?
Speaker 1: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Freak huh girl. Dads would be like that too.
Speaker 1: This has now become anyone listening who's circumcised. I think
Speaker 1: what you've done is an admirable thing. You are a
Speaker 1: clean individual, great hygiene.
Speaker 2: There is this like bit of war though, like women
Speaker 2: have go do you prefer them circumcised? I think that's
Speaker 2: just your just blankt and assumptions. Get April down there,
Speaker 2: flop me cock out.
Speaker 1: Okay. I was circumcised, not for religious reasons.
Speaker 2: But because it was too big.
Speaker 1: I wish it was too big. I had too much foreskin.
Speaker 2: Had a five skin.
Speaker 1: I had half cock half skin.
Speaker 2: Oh really fifty to fifty Yeah, I was fifty.
Speaker 1: So what happened was I was six at the time. Whoa,
Speaker 1: I was once one of you, and I thought.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, so you're a trader.
Speaker 1: So the age of six, I thought, well, this is
Speaker 1: now it's you know, obviously this point, I'm now going
Speaker 1: to grow up being uncircumcised. I was hanging out with
Speaker 1: the uncircumcised kids. I'd form my allegiances, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, my mom, Yeah, she brought the boys
Speaker 1: together because I'm one of five kids, three boys, four
Speaker 1: boys in the family. So the issue was someone kept
Speaker 1: pissing everywhere, all over the toilet floor, it was everywhere.
Speaker 1: I don't think I knew. I think I just thought
Speaker 1: that was how you pissed.
Speaker 2: I don't know, well, like a like an elephant's trunk
Speaker 2: when it's super excited living around.
Speaker 1: Because I had so much foreskin, it would just like
Speaker 1: it would ruin the spray and it had come out
Speaker 1: like a oh my god, so much to that, and
Speaker 1: there would just be pissed everywhere, and I'd be like
Speaker 1: that was a good one, and then I'd leave my mom.
Speaker 1: My mom would come and being like, fuck.
Speaker 2: Is this so you're telling me that your mom chopped
Speaker 2: the end of you, dick off because you didn't want
Speaker 2: to clean up the bathroom anymore in the kitchen and
Speaker 2: said I thought I was going to say, we got
Speaker 2: all the kids together and took a vote should be to.
Speaker 1: Sacrifice of me on a Friday evening in the backyard
Speaker 1: in the goat, but my mom pulled me aside and
Speaker 1: she was like, hey, can I I think she must
Speaker 1: have been like, can I just have a quick look,
Speaker 1: and then she was like, fuck, he's got a big car.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of foreskin went to the doctor and
Speaker 1: wait to see your mum again.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, it must be sad for you recording in
Speaker 1: your house this time and my mom's not around.
Speaker 2: I know, you just save this so I can't be like.
Speaker 1: I went to the doctors and they were like, we
Speaker 1: got to get rid of it. It's too much on
Speaker 1: the young fella.
Speaker 2: I don't believe this where I feel like you absolutely
Speaker 2: trying to pull one over.
Speaker 1: I swear to god, I'm not trying to so then
Speaker 1: at the age of yeah, ages six, so I was
Speaker 1: grade one at a time and I had to then.
Speaker 1: You remember saying to the classroom. I was like, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm going into surgery. Wish me luck. It's booked for tomorrow.
Speaker 1: When I come out of it, I will no longer
Speaker 1: be the Maddy j that I was once before. And
Speaker 1: I remember waking up and the words that I was
Speaker 1: told by the doctor were very comforting, said surgery had
Speaker 1: gone well, and.
Speaker 2: We added two extra inches because we felt sorry for that.
Speaker 1: But I remember, it's weird how some things stick out
Speaker 1: in your mind, like your penis.
Speaker 2: It's meant to do that.
Speaker 1: My penis was bandaged up. It was like it was
Speaker 1: so girthy for the thought it was going to be
Speaker 1: hell yeah, I was like yes, but he made me
Speaker 1: go do a week to make sure that the bandages
Speaker 1: weren't covering, and it was all fine.
Speaker 2: Was like a little target, like let's see how you
Speaker 2: get bull's eye, you good fellas.
Speaker 1: This is a fucking serious story, and you're just there
Speaker 1: taking them. I think, being vulnerable and opening myself up.
Speaker 1: I think, no, this is true and so love this.
Speaker 2: Did she keep it?
Speaker 1: I don't think she did. I haven't. I can't confirmed.
Speaker 2: I've got a phone number you can ask it.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming that Mum decided not to keep my foreskin.
Speaker 1: There would have been so much of it because I
Speaker 1: had so much foreskin like a scarf. You could have
Speaker 1: like gone fucking sailing with that thing. Put it on
Speaker 1: a little tinny and you could have fucking sailed to Sydney.
Speaker 1: It's like Sidney to Hobart. Who's that it's the foreskin
Speaker 1: boat again?
Speaker 2: Skin?
Speaker 1: So yeah, So then from that moment on, I was
Speaker 1: then circumcised. So I'm the only one in my family
Speaker 1: of the kids.
Speaker 2: Just the head of your paenis kept colduring winter.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it does. I'm not gonna lie. Apparently we are
Speaker 1: less sensitive, so sex is more enjoyable for those who
Speaker 1: are uncircumcised. But I wouldn't know because I still come
Speaker 1: in like thirty seconds.
Speaker 2: He's pretty enjoyable to me. I had a mate who actually,
Speaker 2: within the last ten years so in his twenties, had
Speaker 2: to get his get circumcised because the girth of his
Speaker 2: penis actually outgrew the skin and it became tight, so tight.
Speaker 1: So he must have been just a massive grower or
Speaker 1: was it like as it was flaccid. It was still
Speaker 1: too big.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it was becoming really uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: They just like not put like a snip in it
Speaker 1: to like.
Speaker 2: Release the pressure.
Speaker 1: They had to get rid of the whole thing.
Speaker 2: How old was Well, the thing is he had a size.
Speaker 2: He had a size thirty four skins. You need to
Speaker 2: starze thirty two.
Speaker 1: That would be such a good problem to have. So
Speaker 1: your penis are we big? Are we yay of? Are
Speaker 1: we nay? Look?
Speaker 2: You're yay for circumcism? And there's no criticism from me
Speaker 2: because it's each to their own.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm for it.
Speaker 2: I have my allegiance with all of my friends are
Speaker 2: circumcised too.
Speaker 1: That I should have asked this question a lot sooner.
Speaker 1: The fact that you're uncircumcised.
Speaker 2: That's what that's why this works.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, freak.
Speaker 2: I need the length, so I've got an.
Speaker 1: Excuse so it doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me, Okay.
Speaker 1: To be honest, it's one of those things that I'd say, Laura,
Speaker 1: what do you want to do?
Speaker 2: It'll be up to her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a Laura.
Speaker 2: Question to take one look at and go.
Speaker 1: He needs all the length, Ash That is all we
Speaker 1: have time for anyone out there who's having some issues parenting.
Speaker 1: Maybe they have turned to the professionals, they haven't given
Speaker 1: them a reasonable answer. Come to us, say.
Speaker 2: Getting If they go to professionals, they're getting an educated answer.
Speaker 1: Yes, you want to count to that word.
Speaker 2: Than someone who's educated doesn't have kids trying to give
Speaker 2: you advice. It's one who's uneducated and also has kids
Speaker 2: give you advice.
Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's important if you are making any
Speaker 1: big life decisions with your children, you want to make
Speaker 1: sure you're getting answers from everybody, like family, friends, professional,
Speaker 1: medi j ash. That's that is why, that is why
Speaker 1: we're here. But you can submit any questions on Instagram
Speaker 1: at two Doting Dads, slip into our dms. We'll pick
Speaker 1: out the best ones. Keep it anonymous unless you want
Speaker 1: to shout.
Speaker 2: Out yeah, yeah and look. If you enjoy today's episode,
Speaker 2: please go onto Apple Podcasts, leave a review, leave a
Speaker 2: star rating. Same with Spotify as well. Otherwise, if you
Speaker 2: just want to send us a message picture of your penis.
Speaker 1: Send it.
Speaker 2: If you've got a five skin right now.
Speaker 1: If you're pregnant, send us a photo, give us. We'll
Speaker 1: be posting them all.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys.
Speaker 1: We've ended up recording right now, see you next Verses.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight
Speaker 2: onto peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land