WEBVTT - MINI! Is it okay for your partner to get a vasectomy… without letting you know?

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<v Speaker 1>So we had the big live on Cut podcast live show.

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<v Speaker 1>We're in the middle of our two right.

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<v Speaker 2>Around the country, but last weekend it was in Sydney

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<v Speaker 2>at the State Theater, Beautiful Theater. Now, Laura and I,

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<v Speaker 2>it's our show, MITCHI or the MC. You're very heavily involved,

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<v Speaker 2>very funny. Just had to live doing a great But

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<v Speaker 2>something came up at the show that sparked a pretty

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<v Speaker 2>fierce debate amongst the audience and the results because we

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<v Speaker 2>got the audience involved about what they thought and.

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<v Speaker 1>The results were not what I thought. So I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to have another little discussion and really like work it out.

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<v Speaker 1>The question was.

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<v Speaker 2>Can a man or a husband go and get a

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<v Speaker 2>visectomy without consulting his partner or wife. Now I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think this matters so much if you have kids or

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<v Speaker 2>you don't, because I think the discussion around is going

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<v Speaker 2>to be pretty similar. But we're all for body autonomy, right,

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<v Speaker 2>you can do whatever you want your body. But does

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<v Speaker 2>that still stand when it's talking about pro creating which

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<v Speaker 2>affects two people?

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<v Speaker 1>Can I clarify it is a permanent of a sect.

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<v Speaker 3>You can reverse it, but like it's not advised to

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<v Speaker 3>go and get it done if you intend on reversing

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<v Speaker 3>a temporary Okay, I think I disagree. I think it

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<v Speaker 3>is important the context. So the part of this question

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<v Speaker 3>was that the couple already had two kids, and the

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<v Speaker 3>woman wanted a third child and he didn't, and he

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<v Speaker 3>had made that aware, and he hadn't gone and got

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<v Speaker 3>the vasectomy yet, but he had booked in for the

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<v Speaker 3>appointment without telling her. She discovered she yeah, so he

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<v Speaker 3>so he was going to go ahead and get it done.

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<v Speaker 3>I think the reason why I related to this so

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<v Speaker 3>much is because Matt and I are currently I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>he hasn't booked himself in for aseectomy, like I canceled

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<v Speaker 3>the appointment, but we're in those discussions, Like we're in

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<v Speaker 3>the discussions around do we have a third child?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because you've got two, Laura, We've got two. I've

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<v Speaker 1>had a four year old.

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<v Speaker 3>I've got a two year old. We always said that

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<v Speaker 3>if we were going to have three, would have them

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<v Speaker 3>very back to back. But our two year old is

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<v Speaker 3>almost a three year old. Like she's she's well out

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<v Speaker 3>of the nappy phase now, she's out of the baby phase.

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<v Speaker 3>And Matt always really wanted three kids, like he was

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<v Speaker 3>hell bent on it, and the time I wasn't so sure.

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<v Speaker 3>Now he's changed his mind. Matt doesn't want any more kids,

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<v Speaker 3>and I think I am, like, my feelings have changed

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<v Speaker 3>so much in the past six months, and I want

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<v Speaker 3>a third.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you think your feelings have changed because he have changed?

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<v Speaker 2>Like you know when someone pulls something away from you, like,

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<v Speaker 2>hang on a minute, maybe I want that.

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<v Speaker 3>No, my feelings have changed because so for for the

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<v Speaker 3>very reason that Matt doesn't want to go back to

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<v Speaker 3>having babies is the exact reason why my feelings have changed.

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<v Speaker 3>Because I'm out of the trenches now with having babies

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<v Speaker 3>that I've had. I've come up for air and I

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<v Speaker 3>feel better about myself. I feel better about my body.

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<v Speaker 3>So you want to feel like I'm okay with my

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<v Speaker 3>work again. I can see myself managing it again with

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<v Speaker 3>a third Whereas when I was in the trenches, I

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<v Speaker 3>couldn't possibly add another baby onto those trenches, like it

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<v Speaker 3>was too hard. And now it's really hard for us

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<v Speaker 3>because I know he doesn't want to have a third child,

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<v Speaker 3>and so we're having those big conversations about the fact

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<v Speaker 3>that we're not on the same page with it anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>So then how would you feel if knowing this now

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<v Speaker 2>we found out he had booked in for a second

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<v Speaker 2>without telling you.

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<v Speaker 3>I think I would feel very betrayed. Not because I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>I understand that you know my husband's body. It's his body.

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<v Speaker 3>He has his own autonomy, but I would hope that

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<v Speaker 3>there's still a discussion around it. But in the same instance,

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<v Speaker 3>I respect the fact that one of the big things

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<v Speaker 3>he's said is is that he feels that if we

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<v Speaker 3>were to have another child, it would impact our relationship,

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<v Speaker 3>Like there comes a point where when you're so busy

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<v Speaker 3>with work and you're so busy with your other children

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<v Speaker 3>that you can't prioritize your relationship as much. And our

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<v Speaker 3>relationship for the past couple of years, especially when you

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<v Speaker 3>have young children, has come second to having young children often.

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<v Speaker 3>And I think he's at the point where he's like, well,

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<v Speaker 3>can we not get back to a place where our

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<v Speaker 3>relationship is number one priority? So why do you want

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<v Speaker 3>to add more stress when we're just coming to a

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<v Speaker 3>place of being great again.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a hard discussion, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 3>And I know it's I mean, I understand it's a

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<v Speaker 3>privileged discussion because there's so many people who struggle to

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<v Speaker 3>have any children, and we've had our own issues in

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<v Speaker 3>terms of carriages, and we've had our hard times with

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<v Speaker 3>fertility as well. But for some reason, I'm now dealing

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<v Speaker 3>with the acceptance that maybe our family unit having three

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<v Speaker 3>kids is not going to happen, and we will just

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<v Speaker 3>have the two beautiful kids that we have.

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<v Speaker 1>Interesting, what's of lots of chats you have to have.

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<v Speaker 3>To unpack still, but you're not on the same page.

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<v Speaker 1>There's the phone because they're still practicing, they're still undecided.

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<v Speaker 3>I've got some existential family crisis is going on at

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<v Speaker 3>the moment.