Speaker 1: Hey, did I tell you what happened to my mum
Speaker 1: last week? No? Was it last week when we had
Speaker 1: the episode where she told the lie about the PlayStation? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yes, oh yeah, what happened. I'm not the full story
Speaker 2: we're going you know.
Speaker 1: We were like, Elle, we didn't hear a peepe from her.
Speaker 1: It's like, where did she disappear to? And I went
Speaker 1: upstairs to get changed after you guys left, and she
Speaker 1: was like, hello, she was sitting on my bed, scared
Speaker 1: this ship out of me. I didn't think she was
Speaker 1: living here. I was getting changed. I looked over and
Speaker 1: she just was like, nice cock. Welcome back to Two
Speaker 1: Dating Dads. I am Maddy jay And and this is
Speaker 1: a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it
Speaker 1: is the bad and the relatable. If you come for advice,
Speaker 1: I'm very apologetic to say that it's not going to
Speaker 1: come from us. No, not usually. Anyway, I've got some
Speaker 1: advice that was last week. Hey you've got a new hobby.
Speaker 1: You go on listening. Notice she's got a new hobby
Speaker 1: something you enjoy doing. What's that? Just seeing what you've
Speaker 1: been up to?
Speaker 2: Drinkings and not a new hobby. That's yeah, that's that's
Speaker 2: that's an old one.
Speaker 1: Consistent something you like to do that I've just I've
Speaker 1: just noticed, go on, I'm confused, bit of celebrity spotting
Speaker 1: getting selfies? Can I just can I can I just
Speaker 1: refresh your memory? What did I do? I got? Okay,
Speaker 1: I've ran into like four people, just a couple of
Speaker 1: people that you're with on the world. I don't know, guys, Look,
Speaker 1: this is all surprised to me. I just thought I
Speaker 1: was carrying all my normal life. Aaron Finish's ye, Andy Cooks,
Speaker 1: I and Rite the Surfer, they're all friends. It's only
Speaker 1: a few. Actually, there's only half of the ones that
Speaker 1: I got. Same would as well.
Speaker 2: I just it was a good opportunity to meet people
Speaker 2: like minded people.
Speaker 1: Do that guy who's like photo quick photo Nah?
Speaker 2: It was like they were like, can we get a photo?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I guess so you've got
Speaker 1: the same smile on every photo. I'm the same guy
Speaker 1: in every photo.
Speaker 2: I'll be practicing, Come my, guys, I'm trying to be
Speaker 2: trying to be more likable.
Speaker 1: Ash was at the Formula one. Okay, who's your favorite
Speaker 1: celebrity that you met?
Speaker 2: Who's my favorite getting to see Andy Cooks is is
Speaker 2: the best.
Speaker 1: It's good guy. It's got a stylist now. Actually, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I was meant to say that. Sorry, Andy,
Speaker 1: if you're listening. But what I did see I did
Speaker 1: go to the F one. I didn't get to see you.
Speaker 1: We would have got a photo like that because you're
Speaker 1: a celebrity. According to the Jungle, you need to update
Speaker 1: my Wikipedia page. I did already. I mean I didn't.
Speaker 1: I saw damn it. I saw that. It was it was.
Speaker 1: I was like, who Who's done this?
Speaker 2: It was like a best friend ash Wigs. I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I's gonna let me edit it. I
Speaker 2: was like fifteen beers deep when I did that too.
Speaker 2: I was like, and has a really handsome sized car.
Speaker 2: And I took it all out because they would have
Speaker 2: deleted that, right would they. We'll find out find out.
Speaker 2: But we went to I did go to F one.
Speaker 2: Didn't get to see you, unfortunately. But what I did
Speaker 2: see at the airport was an Amish family. First time
Speaker 2: I've ever seen one.
Speaker 1: How were how do you know if they were Amish?
Speaker 1: They were dressed like proper Amish, but they're not allowed
Speaker 1: to fly.
Speaker 2: That was going to be my next question. It was like,
Speaker 2: are they allowed to be there?
Speaker 1: Is like a plane that's been pulled by a horse.
Speaker 2: It's like a paddle popstick plane.
Speaker 1: It's got rubber bands that flipping the back, the kids
Speaker 1: that are in the back on the wings exactly. I
Speaker 1: was just like, do you know for a fact they
Speaker 1: were Amish? I looked up what Imish people look like.
Speaker 1: Did you ask him for a photo? No, otherwise you
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to google, or was just shown you. I
Speaker 1: don't think we have Amish people in Australia. Wow, what
Speaker 1: a weekend.
Speaker 2: But they were using the electronic conveyor belt for the bag,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, wait on a minute.
Speaker 1: My mom's coming down, Come down anywhere? Off to Oh
Speaker 1: you're going to the doctors? Can I come be quick though?
Speaker 1: No talking talk? Good morning, afternoon early? Oh for god,
Speaker 1: l you're right, you just just we'll make it. It's
Speaker 1: not going to walk out here in the nutty shit,
Speaker 1: are you? I mean? Damn? That was Nana coming down
Speaker 1: the stairs trying to get a look at my cock
Speaker 1: later on for hiding upstairs. But they were using the
Speaker 1: electronic conveyor belt thing. I don't think I'm sure allowed
Speaker 1: to use any type its modern. Well, do you think
Speaker 1: it was fancy dress? Maybe they've gone on fancy dress. Maybe, like,
Speaker 1: aren't Mormons dressed a bit like that? I forgot about
Speaker 1: Mormons moments, the moments. The moments always get forgotten about.
Speaker 1: What's the difference anyway? Who knows?
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm good. I'm very good. Actually, i'm very good. Sorry,
Speaker 2: I've just hit my shoulder it and it's really irritated guy.
Speaker 1: But anyway, good, Oscar fly, So many distractions?
Speaker 2: What am I talking about again? Oscar, I've got some
Speaker 2: really good news. You're going to be excited. Oscar was
Speaker 2: elected his class student representative.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, but he's in kindy Yeah. So every class
Speaker 1: has a male and a female in the class represent
Speaker 1: their exactly their classroom. So there's I think there's like
Speaker 1: fourteen kids or fifteen kids in the class. How long
Speaker 1: did he campaign for He didn't. He was elected by it,
Speaker 1: just by his class. Do kids have any idea the
Speaker 1: teacher chose, So she chose Oscar. Yeah, apparently he's really sensible.
Speaker 1: So okay, so running through what are the responsible is
Speaker 1: of what's he called his president? So he's going to
Speaker 1: be part of what they call the SRC, which is
Speaker 1: the Student Representative Council. It sounds very culty SRC. It's
Speaker 1: it's like a bikey club. It's a biker gang. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they've got patches and tattoos. Yeah, what's like the initiation?
Speaker 1: And what happened?
Speaker 2: So he Apram might have to go to an assembly
Speaker 2: a school, the first schoolssembly of the year, and it
Speaker 2: was to announce from all the classes.
Speaker 1: You must have been proud as part of course.
Speaker 2: I was, absolutely. I was also a bit like, you've
Speaker 2: got the wrong kid anyway, And I haven't been to
Speaker 2: a school.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I shouldn't laugh at that's funny. I get everyone
Speaker 1: else is laughing about it.
Speaker 2: I am whatever anyway, So I haven't been to a
Speaker 2: school assembly since I was at that school myself pretty much.
Speaker 1: Would you still sit on the floor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they do sit on the floor, not me. I
Speaker 2: got to sit in the seat at the back. It
Speaker 2: must be nice special guest so that all the kids
Speaker 2: came in and he didn't know we were there. I've
Speaker 2: never seen him so well behave he's an impostor.
Speaker 1: He didn't know he was. He didn't know we were
Speaker 1: going to be there to watch him get presented.
Speaker 2: He didn't tell him no because we through because he
Speaker 2: has to get up.
Speaker 1: They said, look, they said, sorry, sorry, you guys, if
Speaker 1: you'd let me finish a story, we would know. So okay.
Speaker 1: So they all came in really nicely.
Speaker 2: It was great, really well behaved kids, and then they
Speaker 2: would present from each class, and of course when they
Speaker 2: started to present, they were like, okay, and this person
Speaker 2: and this person, and then everyone would clap, and of
Speaker 2: course the principal was like, what.
Speaker 1: Don't we just say about claps till the end? Smart? Smart?
Speaker 1: But anyway, the Oscar's name gets called up and he
Speaker 1: walks up and he's got up, confident, straight upstairs, shaking
Speaker 1: hands like he's president being elected.
Speaker 2: And then they took this big group photo and everyone
Speaker 2: was like, they give the a little src pins that
Speaker 2: go on your shirt.
Speaker 1: It's really cute.
Speaker 2: And everyone else is sitting there like He's like, and
Speaker 2: I wish I could show your photo, but they're all
Speaker 2: in school uniform, not allowed to. And Oscar was just like,
Speaker 2: instead of facing the camera, he's decided to go forty
Speaker 2: five degrees this way and face where he was sitted
Speaker 2: because he was obviously so nervous, and he was like
Speaker 2: I'm just going to stand and while they take a post,
Speaker 2: stare at where I really.
Speaker 1: Want to be. And the photos, if you can picture
Speaker 1: it is everyone everyone front on and then Oscar's just
Speaker 1: like something's got his attention. I was like April.
Speaker 2: I was like, April film, the whole thing is great,
Speaker 2: but I was like, to April, what's he staring at?
Speaker 2: Then I realized there's a big blank spot on the
Speaker 2: ground where he was sitting, and he was like, I
Speaker 2: just want to be back there.
Speaker 1: You could just and then they were like, okay, now
Speaker 1: we're going to do They sung the national anthem. Does
Speaker 1: he know the words? No?
Speaker 2: And he can't read because I was like, if you
Speaker 2: don't know the word, the words are up on the wall.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh god, He's like, I'm just looking at
Speaker 1: where all sitting. I'm just looking at that.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you remember his school assemblies
Speaker 2: when you you.
Speaker 1: Can't read, your dad will help you sing. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you remember.
Speaker 2: Like with school assemblies, they're all about like inclusive. Everyone's
Speaker 2: singing and a teacher gets up and sort of conducts
Speaker 2: and helps and they're all about that sort of thing. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So the music started, and the National Anthem started, and
Speaker 2: I started to get flashbacks and remember last time we
Speaker 2: went to a school thing there, because it was like,
Speaker 2: I haven't been back here for twenty two years, very
Speaker 2: nostalgia bit of PTSD started to get some flashbacks. Now
Speaker 2: I'm sitting there and everyone's singing the national anthem beautifully
Speaker 2: and it reminded me of a simpler time when I
Speaker 2: was going to that school. And I specifically remember in
Speaker 2: year four I was in class and do you remember
Speaker 2: the quantus ad?
Speaker 1: Yes? Did the quiet? How does the song go? I've
Speaker 1: been to city still get into that part, but I
Speaker 1: just thought, like for anything anyway, so they remember that,
Speaker 1: rushed me along the song?
Speaker 2: Sorry, GoGet continue you continue? No, yeah, yeah, are still
Speaker 2: cold Australia.
Speaker 1: For anyone who doesn't know the song and can't tell
Speaker 1: from us singing, We'll give you a little taste here.
Speaker 1: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: So year four, Yes, young Ash, sprightly young sprightly Ash.
Speaker 1: We're in class.
Speaker 2: And what they would do is these the people who
Speaker 2: picked though kids for those ads, would go to schools
Speaker 2: and actually hand select hands select kids, right, which is
Speaker 2: pretty cool.
Speaker 1: Sounds like very p word if you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: go to schools. What do you what's your job? I
Speaker 1: go to schools and I pick out the kids that
Speaker 1: I want. So fun is anyway? So I remember this
Speaker 1: particular day they came to our class. Are this is
Speaker 1: a serious serious anyway?
Speaker 2: So what you do is they go, okay, we'll explain
Speaker 2: what's happening. They obviously play the song. We all know
Speaker 2: the song, and then the cold class stands up, belt
Speaker 2: it out and belts the song with the music apps
Speaker 2: and these judges do the do the lap around the classroom?
Speaker 1: Was this actually like the it's already been filmed, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're TV producers. It was your best kids. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think they because it was such a successful campaign.
Speaker 2: I think they wanted to continue continue the legacy. Very
Speaker 2: good word, the quantas legacy. The judges, it's called them,
Speaker 2: not the pedophiles. The judges walk around the class to
Speaker 2: hear everybody singing. And anyway, I'm how old am I ten?
Speaker 2: And I'm belting this out like like the chance for me?
Speaker 2: Did you know what was at stake? Did you know
Speaker 2: I was would be potentially be on the ad?
Speaker 1: But did you know that? Yeah? You were? You were
Speaker 1: told that you told. This is your fucking moment. Kids,
Speaker 1: don't stuff this up. This is before reality TV. This
Speaker 1: is like the realest, this is like this is really
Speaker 1: the voice. Yes, but they can see you.
Speaker 2: So if you're like a pathetic looking kid, this is idyle.
Speaker 2: This is this is kids idol, but a group performance. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So they're walking around there, taken little notes like who's
Speaker 2: who and blah blah blah blah blah. They get by
Speaker 2: my section of the room anyway. I remember they circled
Speaker 2: and circle back and I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 2: this is pretty good, I must be pretty good.
Speaker 1: And then one of them leans and I remember.
Speaker 2: It because this is why I got PTSD. One of
Speaker 2: them leans over to the other one was like, don't
Speaker 2: bother going over there, But he didn't think that I
Speaker 2: could hear him.
Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't fucking waste your time in that back corner.
Speaker 2: Oh my little kid's no good. That's exactly what happened.
Speaker 2: And it was like, I remember, I was just trying
Speaker 2: so hard. I was traumatized. I was and I had
Speaker 2: forgotten about this memory. I have suppressed this memory so
Speaker 2: much so that it only came back to me when
Speaker 2: everyone was in this school was singing the national anthem
Speaker 2: and I was like, holy shit, and.
Speaker 1: I was like. April looked at me, She's like, are
Speaker 1: you okay.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm not okay, Like I remember just
Speaker 2: crying my eyes.
Speaker 1: As a kid. I don't think anyone from my class
Speaker 1: got picked.
Speaker 2: So I was thankful because if like someone like next
Speaker 2: to me got picked, I would have been like.
Speaker 1: Things sounded bad. Not me, But I know now very good.
Speaker 1: Can I just say thank you for the record, You're
Speaker 1: a very good scene, very.
Speaker 2: Good as a stretch. Thank you for trying to make
Speaker 2: me feel better. I said to people.
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't be here anymore. Literally, I
Speaker 1: was like, can we go? And she was like no.
Speaker 1: I was like I was sweating. I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god.
Speaker 2: Anyway, so we eventually like went outside and Oscar came out.
Speaker 1: We got a photo.
Speaker 2: It was like, because it's not about me, it's about him.
Speaker 2: And he did really well and then yeah, booked in
Speaker 2: a therapy appointment for Monday.
Speaker 1: How was he when you saw him? Oh, he was pumped,
Speaker 1: it was palmed. His dad was crying. But I have not,
Speaker 1: for different reasons. Shaking in the corner.
Speaker 2: I know you're trying to tell April that story the
Speaker 2: other day.
Speaker 1: She was like the full story. She was like, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, isn't it weird the things that happened as
Speaker 1: a kid that just become the core memories that you suppressed, suppressed,
Speaker 1: suppressed to press.
Speaker 2: It was like when I really like this girl and
Speaker 2: we're playing sports and we head buttered at each other,
Speaker 2: and I remembered it like twenty years later.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my gosh, that's like I'm
Speaker 1: so embarrassing, very embarrassing that he's embarrassing Becky. Sorry, Becky,
Speaker 1: did you not want to tell Oscar that you were
Speaker 1: going to be there because he might be nervous. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's like swimming lessons, for example, I have to like
Speaker 1: pretend like I'm leaving because I'm in the room. Then
Speaker 1: they went on the water because they want to be
Speaker 1: with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it was my I just did't we didn't
Speaker 2: want to put in restaurant. Yeah, and I very good parents.
Speaker 2: It didn't last very long because bloody Lenny, because you're crying,
Speaker 2: and Lenny spotted me immediately. He was looking for his parents,
Speaker 2: and I like that they're not here because they didn't
Speaker 2: really understand.
Speaker 1: But then like Oscar, they're not here. They're not here.
Speaker 1: They're not here all the time like you. Maybe next
Speaker 1: time they'll be here. But yeah, he's a representative for
Speaker 1: the whole year. Wow. Wow, this is mate. This is
Speaker 1: a taste of what's going to happen in the future,
Speaker 1: future Prime Minister. Very proud, proud dad. I also had
Speaker 1: a moment where I was very proud parent. Ash go on,
Speaker 1: I'm listening. Okay, it's a bunch.
Speaker 2: Of proud parents over here, are we just I'm just
Speaker 2: bursting with pride and I can see.
Speaker 1: That's what that is seeping out of me. Very similar
Speaker 1: to when you're angry. So what expect we like, we've
Speaker 1: had We've had an ordeal with an ordeal well, you know,
Speaker 1: just backstory for those who haven't been following. Decided to
Speaker 1: move daycares for Lola. She's at the new daycare, which
Speaker 1: is a great daycare. Okay, very good daycare.
Speaker 2: And then.
Speaker 1: I sold the dream. Okay, I sold the dream that
Speaker 1: she was going to that daycare because her cousin was
Speaker 1: in the same class. Chas mcgaz. What up shares chas
Speaker 1: mcgas one of the best. After look like when I'm
Speaker 1: in the jungle. I kind of realized they have different
Speaker 1: groups depending on the age. Oh so now Lola colored
Speaker 1: in the three to four. It's our animal names, O
Speaker 1: animal names? Yeah, where I got colors? What color are
Speaker 1: you guys?
Speaker 2: I think Macy's blue room right now? Their next us
Speaker 2: is in green room. Right, we were in the wallabyes
Speaker 2: sounds exciting.
Speaker 1: It's fucking boring. And you're over here going we've got
Speaker 1: wallabies and koalas. Any non parent must be listening and
Speaker 1: going like, what the fuck are these guys going? I
Speaker 1: get a live. I'm trying. How can I get alive?
Speaker 1: I gonna look after like four other lives? So so
Speaker 1: in the wrong age group. Because the plan was ash
Speaker 1: that Lola wasn't going to go to school next year.
Speaker 1: We're going to keep her. But she's a fed baby, right,
Speaker 1: She's a fucking fed baby. This is the most the
Speaker 1: most stressful part of parenting is what to do about school?
Speaker 1: When does school start? You should have thought it out
Speaker 1: that before you conceive. I know, I know fed fed births. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like on the cast, what do you do? What
Speaker 1: do you? And also so hard because how she is
Speaker 1: right now? I don't know how much she'll change in
Speaker 1: twelve months time. Yeah, she may stay the same. She
Speaker 1: might be the same, she might be exactly the same. Well,
Speaker 1: she might be a genius. She might be like playing
Speaker 1: Beethoven on piano. You just don't know. That's the whole
Speaker 1: that's that's the whole thing about prank. You don't know
Speaker 1: what we're gonna be like. But you have to make
Speaker 1: the decision now right now. They're like, what do you
Speaker 1: want to do? And I'm like, I don't know. Can
Speaker 1: I just decide tomorrow? And they land hot. Fuck, it's
Speaker 1: really hard. So so also even harder to make the
Speaker 1: decision because she's struggling. She hates it there. She's not
Speaker 1: her best self. She's not. So we made the decision
Speaker 1: ash to send Lola to school slash KINDI next year.
Speaker 1: I think it's the right call.
Speaker 2: I think it's the right call because Marley Marley's mid year,
Speaker 2: so that's confusing in its own You could go either way,
Speaker 2: but I think.
Speaker 1: We should be five next year. Be five next year.
Speaker 2: And she's not a.
Speaker 1: Small five year old. She's not a small she's the
Speaker 1: ninety eighth per center for her head, So yeah, I
Speaker 1: know she's big.
Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, I'll just pointing that out. But big head,
Speaker 2: big brain, there you go. See how I recovered the
Speaker 2: good very good.
Speaker 1: But I think it's right. I think she's ready. I
Speaker 1: think she's way more. She's pretty reckless, but I think
Speaker 1: she's more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, whenever you say someone did something, I know exactly
Speaker 2: who it is because it's Lola.
Speaker 1: You're like, what's that burn on your arm? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: who do you think did it? She's also very clever.
Speaker 1: She knows how to gaslight people. She's gonna be fine,
Speaker 1: thank you. I think I think it's the right call.
Speaker 1: What's the call on the rest of this year? Though?
Speaker 1: Because she's so so luckily luckily, I kind of said
Speaker 1: to the daycare direct I was like, can you squeeze
Speaker 1: her up into the into the top class because they
Speaker 1: have the class that's specific for transitioning to pre scoops.
Speaker 1: How did you ask? Though? Did your email? Did you
Speaker 1: get down there with a little button up shirt button?
Speaker 1: Laura sent the email. Laura sent the email, and then
Speaker 1: I did the follow up face to face. We hit
Speaker 1: it with both parents. Too prong. I call that the
Speaker 1: too prong Yeah, the too wrong email face to face?
Speaker 1: But did you button up, shirt, button down. I was
Speaker 1: naked good. This is like, oh nice, she's gone straight up.
Speaker 1: So we got her in there. A little bit tricky
Speaker 1: so far. Rules ash for that class. There's rules you
Speaker 1: cannot but that's going to be good for her. It's
Speaker 1: important boundaries, sign bound. You can't bring coloring in books, pencils,
Speaker 1: can't bring the toys. As we know from the other week,
Speaker 1: there's a lot that you can't do. So Lola was
Speaker 1: very excited. We're one day in and she's already like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is this? Where have you sent me?
Speaker 1: What is this hell?
Speaker 2: Hole?
Speaker 1: Like put her in a hole? So she she's been
Speaker 1: what one day now or two days? What's going on?
Speaker 1: This is their second day? Okay, so how did the
Speaker 1: first overall? How did the first get? Like the drop?
Speaker 1: It was it better? She was excited. We sold it
Speaker 1: in and you gotta like, you gotta sell it in
Speaker 1: as a dream. You're like, this is a great thing.
Speaker 1: You're so lucky to be in the top. You've got
Speaker 1: to sell it like you're a desperate real estate agent. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people have tried to get
Speaker 1: into that classroom and we finally got you? Unheard of
Speaker 1: how do we do it? I don't know. And this
Speaker 1: kindergarten is north facing. Think about the sea breeze. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be great. It's got great bones, so much potential
Speaker 1: and investors. She's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 1: A grantic light out of the back. She's like, are
Speaker 1: you is?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: What am I doing? So? Yeah, so far, it's it's hard,
Speaker 1: very hard, very hard at the moment. Also, poor little Lola,
Speaker 1: she's been moved daycares, had like two months in one room,
Speaker 1: yanked her out, put her in another room, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're in here now. She was like a navy kid
Speaker 1: and they get moved from station to station. Oh god,
Speaker 1: she'll say it all, will she probably not, but also
Speaker 1: just gonna say I'm gonna say it. Okay, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to say it save a lot of money by
Speaker 1: not going to daycare.
Speaker 2: Oh no shit, no shit, Like it's a it's up
Speaker 2: there in the top five complaint for parents because it's
Speaker 2: not cheap.
Speaker 1: And you're like, this is the thing I find that
Speaker 1: that daycare is. You need to do it so you
Speaker 1: can go to work, But it takes up all your
Speaker 1: money that you're going away. It's so counter productive, it's stupid.
Speaker 1: Do you know who does it? Well, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: go on a little tangent here, just very very quickly
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: I'll ride this tangent horse with you into the dark.
Speaker 2: The French have done a lot of things, right, okay,
Speaker 2: Mcuel macwellen an, Miguel MacLaren.
Speaker 1: That's it. There you go, I did it.
Speaker 2: Who's he?
Speaker 1: He's the Prime Minister, isn't he? Who am I thinking of? Whatever?
Speaker 1: Its cargo champagne, stupid frog, no snails, babe frogs. All
Speaker 1: of the daycares in France. France, they're all subsidized. Ue
Speaker 1: it's cheap ass subsidize. It's cheap as It's like it's
Speaker 1: like twenty euros a day. But I made that up.
Speaker 1: It's cheap. A friend of mine, I lived in London
Speaker 1: for four years. Shut up. He now he's moved to
Speaker 1: France because it's cheaper.
Speaker 2: But there's a language barrier. He doesn't speak French, but
Speaker 2: his kids speak French. They're not your kids, dude.
Speaker 1: What Yeah, dude, I'm just saying we don't need to
Speaker 1: pull the trigger, but we should consider moving to France.
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: Ash, yep, quick question. I just need your thoughts on
Speaker 1: a matter, another matter, another matter. Am I a bad person? Yes?
Speaker 1: Go on. We talked about the F One. You were there,
Speaker 1: I was there, meeting the final celebrities this country has
Speaker 1: to offer. I went to the F One, had to
Speaker 1: go there, had to fly solo initially. Yeah. Question, My
Speaker 1: initial flight was on a Sunday. Yep, okay, my flight
Speaker 1: was on a Sunday. I had told Laura the flight
Speaker 1: was at three pm. Okay, so I had to let
Speaker 1: to Sunday afternoon. Traffic's really bad as well on a Sunday,
Speaker 1: We'll know that. So I had to leave at like
Speaker 1: twelve thirty. Okay, get to the f You are a dad,
Speaker 1: I am a dad. When in reality my flight was
Speaker 1: booked for five Okay. I brought the time forward a
Speaker 1: couple of hours because I just wanted to have a
Speaker 1: little bit of time at the airport by myself. I
Speaker 1: feel lots of food options the self so be. It
Speaker 1: was lovely. Yeah, And obviously people might be thinking, weren't
Speaker 1: you just crying in the jungle because you got renoted
Speaker 1: with your family because you missed them so much? Yes
Speaker 1: I was, Yeah, yes I was, But that was weeks ago.
Speaker 1: It's all about balance. I needed a break, and so
Speaker 1: I was at the airport for a few hours. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just by myself. Oh lovely, isn't it. You're not a
Speaker 1: bad person. Laura doesn't know that, and she doesn't listen
Speaker 1: to this podcast, so she won't know. Yeah. I want
Speaker 1: to say, that's a parenting hack. I'm gonna tell her.
Speaker 1: Fuck you. All right, look guilty, I've done this. What
Speaker 1: have you got? So I went to their one. Yes,
Speaker 1: I had a flight a Saturday afternoon. I did.
Speaker 2: Tell April it was at two o'clock. Was the actual
Speaker 2: time three thirty, but go on. I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I told her a time that I was going to
Speaker 2: leave a couple of more time. I was like, I
Speaker 2: got it, Okay, I better go this time. It's much
Speaker 2: further for me to go to the airport.
Speaker 1: It's like, ashfy, one's not till next week, and you're like, sya,
Speaker 1: gotta go. And then I think I was maybe half
Speaker 1: an hour from the time I was going to have
Speaker 1: to leave.
Speaker 2: I pulled another swifty. I said, I best go at
Speaker 2: the traffic is really bad. Kids are a been a
Speaker 2: bit difficult. We're going to get canceled for this I
Speaker 2: can feel it.
Speaker 1: It feels good to get it out. Feels good. Up
Speaker 1: until now, I've been living this life of sin. It
Speaker 1: feels good to get it out, though, doesn't it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah? And then I got to the airport, I had
Speaker 1: another lie. What have you done? I had something to
Speaker 1: eat as I did drink, and then I went on
Speaker 1: my way. But on the way back my flight was delayed. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: you told me it was delayed by like two hours.
Speaker 1: You message it like midnight, and you're like, I finally
Speaker 1: got home. Yeah, were you just sitting in the driveway
Speaker 1: and it wasn't the flight was delayed? Okay, that's not
Speaker 1: the lie. How long was it delayed for two hours?
Speaker 1: It was? It was after I popped the tie in
Speaker 1: front of it.
Speaker 2: It was two hours. But I rang April and I said, look,
Speaker 2: the flight is delayed. The lie on this end is
Speaker 2: that I was upset about it.
Speaker 1: How did you sell it? I was like, can you
Speaker 1: fucking believe this?
Speaker 2: And then I doubled down on it by saying it's
Speaker 2: going to ruin me for the traffic on the way home. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I was like, with beer in hand, no, this is
Speaker 2: on the way home. The last thing I wanted was
Speaker 2: a beer, I tell you that much. I was like.
Speaker 1: For two hours to sit.
Speaker 2: Watch TV on my phone pretty much, or I could
Speaker 2: have flown home and then done the school pickup, spent
Speaker 2: the afternoon wrangling some kids that haven't slept and whatever.
Speaker 2: So I look, it was annoying, but not for me,
Speaker 2: And speaking of lies, I feel good speaking of life
Speaker 2: about this.
Speaker 1: We're not the only people lying in this world. At
Speaker 1: there is plenty. It's fine, it's fine, she won't listen,
Speaker 1: but there's plenty of lies being told, not just by us,
Speaker 1: but other parents. It's time for.
Speaker 2: Tell me loud, tell me love. All right, I'll go first,
Speaker 2: of course, this is from Steph, and congratulations, Steph, you
Speaker 2: have won yourself the choice of either and Maddie J
Speaker 2: doll or a much more handsome ash doll that will
Speaker 2: be sent to you by our producer Jess. So I'm
Speaker 2: going to read the lie out Nami's okay, Steph says,
Speaker 2: I always tell my girls that this is the season
Speaker 2: final Bluie, what reason?
Speaker 1: So she can change the fucking channel?
Speaker 2: Obviously, Like I get like short episodes. Do you know
Speaker 2: what I saw the other day? Actually just on Bluey
Speaker 2: really they have many episodes. They're already seven minutes. What
Speaker 2: are they just like, blink and you'll miss.
Speaker 1: It, ruining the attention span of people in this country.
Speaker 1: Like we're gonna watch bleink, We're gonna watch blue. Don't
Speaker 1: blink because you'll miss it. Is from Amy, and this
Speaker 1: is a line that she tells her kids, your eyes
Speaker 1: turn purple when you tell a lie, So her daughter
Speaker 1: closes her eyes every time she's talking to her and
Speaker 1: telling a lie. Very good.
Speaker 2: There's so many variations of that where it's like you like, obviously,
Speaker 2: get your nose gets bigger or whatever, like Pinocchio or
Speaker 2: a dot on your forehead or like whatever.
Speaker 1: But that one's good because they close their eyes. It's
Speaker 1: so obvious. Idiots, idiots.
Speaker 2: Kids are stupid anyway. This one's from Nina. Nina says
Speaker 2: there's a good eyes one. The chocolate at the checkout
Speaker 2: is actually rat poison. I can't really pull that one
Speaker 2: because I'm the worst to check out chocolate because you're
Speaker 2: eating it. Yeah, I was just like, what are you getting?
Speaker 1: You're gonna die? It's worth it, worth it. This one
Speaker 1: is from uh Alissa. You aren't You aren't allowed to
Speaker 1: turn six until you learn how to wipe your own bum.
Speaker 1: It's a worldwide rule, worldwide wide. What that's good too?
Speaker 1: I think? Can I just say one thing that may
Speaker 1: blow your mind. On the age that you turn it's
Speaker 1: the end of the year. So when you turn one,
Speaker 1: you're finishing that age, yeah, because you turn two, you're
Speaker 1: starting to Because if you're you turn one, you turn
Speaker 1: one on your birthday, you've just completed that age. You
Speaker 1: completed one. So when you turn two, you completed too.
Speaker 1: You've already completed two. Because but that your age is
Speaker 1: the age that you've completed, not the age that you're turning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we talk about it like this.
Speaker 2: We say one and a half, right, not two months
Speaker 2: pre two. So really you're completing one, right, That's what
Speaker 2: I just said when you turn two, when you turn two,
Speaker 2: because then you would be two and a half two
Speaker 2: and three months, you're still in two.
Speaker 1: You haven't completed too if the number two, So then
Speaker 1: but think about it, right, think about it. When you're born, right,
Speaker 1: you're born zero, Yeah, but then you turn one, you
Speaker 1: turn one, you've already done a year.
Speaker 2: You completed zero though, but you haven't you've done nine months. Okay,
Speaker 2: moving on, I think I'll go Yeah, is this a
Speaker 2: win for me? Jess, No, she's shaking head.
Speaker 1: The other week we talked about the bedtime routine of Lola.
Speaker 1: It's a little bit different, a little bit unique. Many
Speaker 1: steps involved. Parents have reached out on our Instagram account.
Speaker 1: So the parents have reached out via our Instagram account
Speaker 1: with some of the behaviors of their own children when
Speaker 1: it comes to bedtime, and that Instagram account is what
Speaker 1: At Two Doting Dads, we will read out some of
Speaker 1: the bedtime routines from other parents listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: This one is Sam Ash and she says, our oldest
Speaker 1: will sleep on the floor while the youngest wind's down.
Speaker 1: Both beds are in the same room. How's that the
Speaker 1: oldest will sleep on the floor that doesn't go for
Speaker 1: his bed. I'm guessing it to a heat because sounds
Speaker 1: like a boy problem. Well, the other one winds down
Speaker 1: or in bed?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, just anywhere on the floor. I don't know, Sam,
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, please give us more information.
Speaker 1: I don't know where on the floor.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, but weird either way? Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam,
Speaker 3: kids are weird. We get said about our own kids.
Speaker 3: We can't say that about the listeners kids. Okay, okay,
Speaker 3: that's great that your kid's not weird.
Speaker 2: Sorry, guys, Okay. This one's from Ashley. We have to
Speaker 2: go outside to see them. It's an excuse to use
Speaker 2: his little moa versure.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a good from She has five songs that
Speaker 1: they have to play in a certain order or they'll
Speaker 1: get yelled at. Having a kid is like having a
Speaker 1: really bad boss. All right. This one's from Emma.
Speaker 2: My daughter violently shakes her head from side to side
Speaker 2: until she falls asleep.
Speaker 1: She's done this since she was a newborn. You have
Speaker 1: a friend who did they get tested? No, but she
Speaker 1: got kicked out of dance class. There's something yarn on there.
Speaker 1: I know you have lots to look forward to. Mel
Speaker 1: I have long acrylic nails. I have to do scratchees
Speaker 1: on his back until he's comatose. That's gonna He's going
Speaker 1: to grow into a weird kink. That's true.
Speaker 2: That's not even a joke. That's a concern. I love
Speaker 2: a good scratchy exhibit a. Ellie's like, I used to
Speaker 2: do that when you're a kid. Now you're freaking.
Speaker 1: Sometimes there's me in a moment where I've been sitting
Speaker 1: on the couch and my mom has been like, do
Speaker 1: you a little scratchy? And I'm like yes please, and
Speaker 1: Laura and Laura has come in and I'm like getting
Speaker 1: my hair tickle by my mum. As I'm a thirty
Speaker 1: seven year old man on the couch and hates j
Speaker 1: what's a head job?
Speaker 2: John says? Three year old gets too? These are ridiculous
Speaker 2: gets two sleep token songs to head bang two before
Speaker 2: as the time of his life.
Speaker 1: We're our own worst enemy. We let him get away
Speaker 1: with this ship and his parents were like, why wouldn't
Speaker 1: they sleep? Question question for you, Ash. This is off
Speaker 1: the back of taking some flights with the family. Also
Speaker 1: off the back of something I saw on TikTok an
Speaker 1: Amish family on an aeroplane. What is the right seating
Speaker 1: configuration for a family of four on a domestic flight?
Speaker 2: Domestic flight? So we're talking three and three, OK, just
Speaker 2: running through it, not a rex and it's like two
Speaker 2: and two now they have gone to liquidation. So he's
Speaker 2: the right word.
Speaker 1: Mom, two parents, two kids, two parents, and let's say
Speaker 1: the kids age between like two and six, so they
Speaker 1: have their own seats because pre two they don't get
Speaker 1: a seat. Correct, that's pretty straightforward. What is what is
Speaker 1: the right answer? Here? Ash? The right answer?
Speaker 2: How do you in April fly? The window seat is
Speaker 2: the child windows yep. The middle seat is another child.
Speaker 2: There's two children, yep, these basic maths. The third seat
Speaker 2: is one parent. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm not liking this, but go on. And then there's
Speaker 1: a fourth seat, which is across the aisle. Is the
Speaker 1: other parent. What is that wrong? You did you even
Speaker 1: draw it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I get it, it's wrong. Okay, it's wrong. Is that
Speaker 1: what we should go?
Speaker 2: Go?
Speaker 1: Okay, go the way I fly? Ash? The way I
Speaker 1: fly seems to be a lot, which this is the
Speaker 1: best way you go? Window child, Yeah, okay, that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's what I said. Next one across middle seat is
Speaker 1: the parent. Okay. Now either in front or behind you
Speaker 1: follow that same configuration child parent child parent, okay.
Speaker 2: And so you're on the same side. It's evenly distributed.
Speaker 2: But then there's a stranger. That's fine, Is it fine?
Speaker 2: I don't want my kids sitting there strangers.
Speaker 1: That's why you're in the middle. You're in the middle,
Speaker 1: your kid is in the window. You're protecting the child
Speaker 1: ash But it means that you know, if you need
Speaker 1: any snacks, any coloring in pencils, any toys, you can
Speaker 1: just pass it in front. Okay, I get it.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna look, I'm not. This is where we're different.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to shut you down like you shut
Speaker 2: me down.
Speaker 1: But who's going to be like that that works? Who
Speaker 1: is the parent? Who is the parent that gets this
Speaker 1: in the eye of himself? They're the utility now hear
Speaker 1: me out. They're the utility parent. What that mean?
Speaker 2: They carry the bags on, They get anything the kids
Speaker 2: need from the overhead locker without inconvenience the kids at
Speaker 2: the time. All right, both parents are on the outside. Okay,
Speaker 2: so they can go right toilet, take a child to
Speaker 2: the toilet, while the utility.
Speaker 1: Parents slides over.
Speaker 2: In the meantime, midway through the flight, after a meal,
Speaker 2: perhaps there's a switch the other parent becomes a utility parent.
Speaker 1: Do you know who the utility parents should be the strongest?
Speaker 1: Do you know why? So they can get the things
Speaker 1: up and down from the big thing at the top
Speaker 1: when you travel with kids. Let me finish and then
Speaker 1: you get off the plane.
Speaker 2: The strong parent carries all the shit off the plane
Speaker 2: while the other parents.
Speaker 1: So let's just get this straight. You don't think April
Speaker 1: is strong enough to reach up above it. Plenty strong,
Speaker 1: my god, to get something out of the overhead locks.
Speaker 1: There's plenty strong. She's not tall enough. Don't you shame her.
Speaker 1: I'm not high shaming. She can't control that. It's like five',
Speaker 1: seven she's like five to.
Speaker 2: Four, stumpy little, arms, stumpy a little really strong. ARMS
Speaker 2: i just, think, okay you if we're here's another thing.
Speaker 2: Too if we go in your configuration and the strangers
Speaker 2: in the, aisle anytime that kid needs to move or get,
Speaker 2: out or someone needs to get something from the other,
Speaker 2: head a stranger is.
Speaker 1: Inconvenient we have a bag that's small enough to have
Speaker 1: at your. Feet, well must be. Nice, Yes and and
Speaker 1: we always do a wee before we go on the.
Speaker 1: Plane get rid of the. Surprise predictable it's in our. Flight.
Speaker 1: Surprise we what if a surprise UT i pops? Up.
Speaker 1: Surprise let's. Okay if you're a parent and you're, listening
Speaker 1: you have an. OPINION i want to hear it is
Speaker 1: ash right or AM i? Right that's all? Right he's?
Speaker 2: Right next, QUESTION i don't, Know i'm too fired. Up
Speaker 2: listen From. Darcy would you RATHER a kids be the
Speaker 2: dream all day and then nightmare bedtime? Routine OR b
Speaker 2: kids be a nightmare all day but go to sleep.
Speaker 2: Instantly can we need to fine? Instantly are we talking like?
Speaker 1: Night let's go with. That, yeah, yeah, OKAY i THINK
Speaker 1: i think the dream would be like a spot, book
Speaker 1: like that length of, book just a, quick little express.
Speaker 1: Book does have no. Flaps, NO i don't think anyone
Speaker 1: does have flaps to just get ripped off by a,
Speaker 1: small redheaded. Child if you are a parent of a
Speaker 1: young child that hasn't ripped off the flaps of a spot,
Speaker 1: Book i'd be.
Speaker 2: CONCERNED i wouldn't roll that kid into the into a,
Speaker 2: really really prestigious school because they've got their shit.
Speaker 1: Together, Right, yeah that's unheard. OFHEAD i will go With,
Speaker 1: god it's a tough. ONE i don't think you should
Speaker 1: have to. CHOOSE i think at the, Moment i've kind
Speaker 1: of got the kids being a nightmare all day And
Speaker 1: i've got the nightmare. Routine, YEAH i would, say do
Speaker 1: you know? What do you know WHAT i would? RATHER
Speaker 1: i can? DO i have the patience to deal with
Speaker 1: a nightmare child during the. Day, okay WHEN i get
Speaker 1: to the end of the, day you, Know i'm out of.
Speaker 1: Energy i'm. Exhausted to have them eat their dinner without
Speaker 1: having to yell at, them without them getting off the
Speaker 1: seat every two. Seconds they eat their own. Dinner they
Speaker 1: don't argue when they go on the, bath they don't
Speaker 1: argue when they go to. Bed oh that's. Good that's.
Speaker 1: Bliss that is. Good that's.
Speaker 2: Bliss, Yeah i'll just go to the airport a little bit.
Speaker 2: Earlier CAN i just quickly say this took about four
Speaker 2: hours to. REPORT i actually want to say something, else
Speaker 2: AND i just do want to say. Something, YEAH i
Speaker 2: want to just give a quick little shout out to
Speaker 2: two people really quickly That i'm calling doting dad super
Speaker 2: fans AND i didn't know.
Speaker 1: This two Of apul's frank by the name Of ali And.
Speaker 2: Tania they listen to every episode they like and comment
Speaker 2: and share on every video pretty much between the two of.
Speaker 2: Them when you were in the, Jungle ali voted more
Speaker 2: than twenty to thirty times every.
Speaker 1: Day SO i just want to shout out to, them
Speaker 1: say thank you have thet friends Of. April, yeah they're
Speaker 1: like best.
Speaker 2: Friends AND i didn't know this until yesterday And april was, like,
Speaker 2: yeah do you know that they listen to every episode they.
Speaker 1: Like and share all the videos AND i was, like no, way.
Speaker 1: Blood SO i said THAT i would say thank, you thank.
Speaker 1: You we love. You ali And Tanya Ali antonia don't
Speaker 1: get the same. Thing so thank. You we appreciate the.
Speaker 1: Support and if you want to support, us you can
Speaker 1: do that by, subscribing giving us a, review writing a
Speaker 1: few comments On Apple, podcasts or spotify us some. Money
Speaker 1: follow us on social, media, yes, TikTok instagram And. Facebook
Speaker 1: Two dads, okay so t shirts are going to be?
Speaker 1: Live when now they're? Live? Now right? Now shut, Up
Speaker 1: i'm going to get. One there's only a couple left there.
Speaker 1: IS i got limited. Numbers we're currently sitting with two
Speaker 1: shipping containers in our backyard that's right next to the.
Speaker 1: Calendar grab them on the website www dot Two doting
Speaker 1: dads dot. Com very, well don't know what acts. In
Speaker 1: that was very well, said and we'll see you guys next.
Speaker 1: Week thank you.
Speaker 2: Bye i've been two cities that never close, down From
Speaker 2: New york To Rioend Old London, town but no matter how,
Speaker 2: far oh how, WIDE I.
Speaker 1: I still call the. Strain Two Doting dads podcast acknowledges
Speaker 1: the traditional custodians of country Throughout australia and the connections to,
Speaker 1: land sea and. Community we pay
Speaker 2: Our respects to their elders past and present and extend
Speaker 2: that respect to All aboriginal And Torrestrate islander peoples today