1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,439 Speaker 1: It's their Happy Family's podcast. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 2: wants answers. Now. 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: Kylie came to me the other day and said, we 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: need to do a we need to do what your 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: child needs for Christmas this year podcast episode. Kylie told 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: me that she had come up with two things, beginning 8 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: with pee, that our children need and wanted to do 9 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: an episode about that. So I come up with a 10 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: couple of peace as well. I'm really excited to share 11 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,200 Speaker 1: my peace for Christmas. Four things that your children need 12 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,840 Speaker 1: for Christmas, beginning with pea because alliteration is fun. Kylie, 13 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: We're going to go one on one. You first, then 14 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,959 Speaker 1: me what was your first pe. 15 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 2: Look, I don't know what you've got in mind, but 16 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,280 Speaker 2: you won't find any of my gifts under the tree 17 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 2: that you can't wrap them, you can't buy them, right, 18 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 2: but I think they will bring a lot more joy 19 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 2: to your Christmas experience. 20 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: So, now, while you're talking about your first pee for 21 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: Christmas that is apparently not under the tree, I'm going 22 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: to rewrite my other two piece because. 23 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,639 Speaker 2: The kids do not penguins. 24 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: Just what's your first one? 25 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 2: Peace? I think back to all of the experiences that 26 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 2: we've had over the years with Christmas and the amount 27 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 2: of stress and strain parents put on themselves to provide 28 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 2: this perfect experience for our kids. And I think that 29 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 2: as I've thought back on those experiences, I have spent 30 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 2: more Christmases exhausted or grumpy because I'm exhausted as a 31 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 2: result of trying to create that perfect space. What our 32 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 2: kids actually need is this stress free environment where Mum 33 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 2: and Dad are actually joyful in the experience instead of 34 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 2: being worried about making sure the creamberulet is fired up 35 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 2: or whatever it is. 36 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: I love that you said, Crimbly. I don't think we've 37 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: ever had krembla for Christmas, ever, I. 38 00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 2: Am thinking about it. I would really like some of 39 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 2: our this is. 40 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: This is beautiful, and I'm pretty sure everyone would agree 41 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: with the concept, but it doesn't feel practical because there's 42 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: family coming to visitor. We've got to go to families homes. 43 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: The kids wake up and they make a lot of noise, 44 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 1: and there's anything but peace, and I don't know if 45 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,679 Speaker 1: the kids want things to be peaceful. 46 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 2: Peaceful, and I'm not suggesting it needs to be quiet, 47 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,840 Speaker 2: And I'm going to use the word reverence. 48 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: By the way. I like the idea of a peaceful 49 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,079 Speaker 1: Christmas day with six kids, peace and quite. 50 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 2: It's nice. You don't need to take the word peace literally. 51 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting you need to be quiet and hushed 52 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 2: and all of that kind of stuff. But it's an 53 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 2: opportunity to let go of all of the anks, all 54 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 2: of the worry, all of the stresses, and just be 55 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 2: together in that moment. You can make as much noise 56 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 2: as you want. 57 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, very good. No, I know, I said we're 58 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: going to go you me, you me, But I'm really 59 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: interested in what your second one is. And I'm the 60 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 1: one pushing the buttons. So what's what's your second one? 61 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 2: It's a little bit ciliche. We've all heard it before. 62 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 2: Our kids need our presence, not present. 63 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 1: It's okay, and. 64 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 2: It really taps in beautifully with my initial one of peace. 65 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 2: That acknowledge meant that what they actually need is mum 66 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,119 Speaker 2: and dad to be in the moment, present with each other, 67 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 2: instead of worrying about how many presents they've got under 68 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 2: the tree. When our family was young, we used to 69 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 2: travel up the Freeway every Christmas Day. We were either 70 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 2: staying with one family and then we traveled to the 71 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 2: other family or we would be interstate, and so we 72 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,079 Speaker 2: actually weren't in our own home. The kids didn't wake 73 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 2: up in their own beds, they didn't unwrap gifts underneath 74 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 2: their own Christmas tree, and about I think our eldest 75 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 2: was about ten when they finally looked at us and 76 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: they just said, can we just wake up in our 77 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 2: own bed and have Christmas at home? 78 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: I remember telling I told my family that, and I'm 79 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: the oldest of six kids. Myself and my younger siblings 80 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: were like, I can't believe you're not going to show 81 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: up for Christmas. And I was like, well, I've got 82 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: my own family now, and they all accused me of 83 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: being really selfish. Over the years, several of them have 84 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: come to me and said, we gave a really hard 85 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: time about that, but we're all feeling it now because 86 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: they've all got younger families who are growing, and they're 87 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: sort of going, it's really nice to wake up in 88 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,960 Speaker 1: your own home on Christmas Day. But whether you do 89 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: or not, it's really it's about I say this all 90 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 1: the time. Can spell love t im and of all 91 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: the times of the year when this is supposed to happen, 92 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: Christmas day is the day where you would expect that 93 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: this would be absolute where we're really available for one another. 94 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 2: And I think if you were to ask each about 95 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 2: kids now, what is their favorite Christmas experience? It is 96 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 2: literally being able to wake up together. They open up 97 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 2: their stockings on our bed, which is getting rather small 98 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 2: these days now that we've got all of these big bodies. 99 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: Not to mention a son in law who sits on 100 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,040 Speaker 1: the edge of the bed as well, it's weird, uncomfortable. 101 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 2: And then we just enjoy time together. We actually don't 102 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 2: make a big deal about Christmas branch or anything like that. 103 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 2: We really just have a swim in the pool, we'll 104 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 2: go to the beach. But it literally is a laid back, 105 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 2: chill day where we're there is it's peaceful in that 106 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,040 Speaker 2: we're not worried about anything else and we are in 107 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 2: the moment with each other. 108 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: And I need to just quickly add, in case Jared's listening, 109 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: you can sit on the edge of our bed on 110 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: Christmas morning anytime. It's no problem. Just want to be 111 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: clear about that. So your two peas that our children 112 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 1: need the gifts that our children need this Christmas. Number one, 113 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: they need peace. That is well, we want to have 114 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,159 Speaker 1: a home that has an absence of conflict, doesn't have 115 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 1: to be hushed and quiet, but rather there's a peaceful 116 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: atmosphere where we can just enjoy being together, which ties 117 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 1: in with your second one, which is presence, not the 118 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,480 Speaker 1: presence under the tree, although let's be honest, if they 119 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: don't get any of those, they're going to be pretty disappointed. 120 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,919 Speaker 1: They need both kinds of presents. They need our presence 121 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 1: and a few things to under let's not talk about 122 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: that going to be suffering financially for years because of 123 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 1: that one. So they're the two that you come up with, 124 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,160 Speaker 1: the two piece that our children need. I've also I've 125 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: done a little bit of work on this, Kylie. 126 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 2: Please tell me there's no penguins. 127 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,119 Speaker 1: There are no penguins. You are absolutely safe. 128 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 2: What are your two piece? 129 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: My two piece, now that I've been thinking about it. 130 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: Another one, playfulness, I think on a Christmas Day, Playfulness 131 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: is about lighthearted nurs bringing that joyful energy and counterbalancing 132 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 1: the potential seriousness of peace, which I'm not bagging it. 133 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,799 Speaker 1: I actually quite like it. But you can be peaceful 134 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,840 Speaker 1: and present and still be playful, yes, of course. And 135 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: I just I think if we can remember that connection 136 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,359 Speaker 1: is about being seen and heard and valued, that doesn't 137 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,560 Speaker 1: always have to be serious like normally when we're talking 138 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: about connection and being present, we're talking about being there 139 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 1: and holding our children's hands as they go through a 140 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: big emotion and looking into their eyes and validating and 141 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: doing all of the emotion coaching stuff. But you can 142 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: be present and you can have peaceful interactions. 143 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 2: Is it about being at peace with yourself and at 144 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 2: peace with the relationationships in the room. 145 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,919 Speaker 1: Yeah? And just playing. I think if we can play 146 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: some silly games and share some wonderfully bad dad jokes 147 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: and have unexpected fun. 148 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 2: And last year we did a whole heap of those 149 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 2: minute to Win It challenges. Oh yeah, yeah, kids just 150 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 2: loved it. 151 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 1: It's so much fun. It's about full engagement and enjoying 152 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,480 Speaker 1: each other's company. And you know something that you didn't 153 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: mention in your list of things beginning with pe. You 154 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: know what our kids don't need that starts with peak. 155 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 1: They don't need perfection and we keep on shooting for 156 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: perfection on Christmas Day and you're just not going to 157 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: get there. I think that it's about delight and humor 158 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 1: and presence and having a peaceful day. And you're going 159 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: to have a more perfect Christmas that way than shooting 160 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: for a perfect Christmas tree and a perfect layout and 161 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: spread on the table and a perfectly cooked meal and 162 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: a perfectly balanced diet and a perfectly wrapped gift. The 163 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: perfection is irrelevant. It's about playfulness so much more. 164 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 2: So. 165 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: That's my first one. 166 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 2: What is your second? 167 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: My second one, I'm going to get a bit deep 168 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: on this one. We've made no secret of the fact 169 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: that we have a faith background, and so Christmas is 170 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 1: a really sacred time of year for us. It's a 171 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 1: time where we celebrate the birth of the individual, the 172 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: person that we believe is the most important person to 173 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: ever walk the planet. It's a time of reflection, it's 174 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: a time of recognizing Jesus in our lives. And so 175 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 1: I want to add purpose. Now, you don't have to 176 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: be religious for Christmas to be a time of purpose. 177 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: But I think that when we consider the meaningful aspects 178 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: of Christmas beyond consumerism and the surface level celebrations, and 179 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: we intentionally create traditions and develop shared values and connect 180 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,560 Speaker 1: with the spiritual or the philosophical significance of the day 181 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: and of the season. It makes the day beautiful. And 182 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,439 Speaker 1: so we have traditions around the purpose of Christmas in 183 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: our home where we open up the Bible and we 184 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,440 Speaker 1: read the Bible story from Luke chapter two and from Matthew, 185 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 1: and we spend time in that, and we spend time singing. 186 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 1: Not just root off the red Nosed Reindeer and we 187 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: wish you a merry Christmas, but we spend time singing 188 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: silent night. And there's something there's something deep and profound 189 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 1: and meaningful about having the pea of purpose in Christmas. 190 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,560 Speaker 1: This is the p that I think transforms Christmas from 191 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: a potentially chaotic event into an opportunity for really intentional 192 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: family bonding. A few years ago, I read a book 193 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:29,439 Speaker 1: called Born This Happy Morning, and it introduced this idea 194 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: of three levels of Christmas. Level one is Santa and 195 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: jingle bells and decorating gift giving, and that's the level 196 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: that most of us are pretty happy going for on 197 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: a Christmas day. Level two is about remembering the reason 198 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: for the season. That is the beautiful, important part of Christmas. 199 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: The shepherds Joseph and Mary are baby born in a manger. 200 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: But level three Christmas is the love of Christ that 201 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: he would not only be born as a babe, but 202 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: that he would die on the cross for our sakes. 203 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: And I know there are a lot of people who 204 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: are listening who are not religious and might be rolling 205 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: their eys or getting ready to push the fast forward 206 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 1: thirty seconds move to the end. But whether you've got 207 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 1: the religious tradition or some other purpose behind it, when 208 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: we invoke purpose and bring that into our conversation, when 209 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: we make that part of our Christmas, it feels different. 210 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,560 Speaker 1: It gives it a depth and a meaning that I 211 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: think is so valuable, and it's something that I'm looking 212 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 1: forward to on Christmas, even on Christmas Day as we 213 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,440 Speaker 1: celebrate that level of Christmas with our kids as well. 214 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 2: Four gifts you won't find wrapped under any Christmas tree 215 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 2: but will make such a difference to the way you 216 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 2: experienced Christmas this year. Peace, presence, playfulness, and purpose. So 217 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 2: we hope this makes your Christmas a merry and bright one. 218 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: Okay, And you've got about twenty days to pull those 219 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,040 Speaker 1: four things together and make sure that they're all set 220 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 1: to go, as well as everything else that you're going 221 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: to be doing. We really hope that it's peaceful Christmas. 222 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow on the Happy Families podcast with 223 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: our second last I'll Do Better Tomorrow of the year. 224 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. The Happy Famili's podcast 225 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. For more 226 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 1: information and details and ideas about making your family happier, 227 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot au.