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Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to the podcast. Will answer your questions. A

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Speaker 1: quick message to go and listen to Shamo Mood. You

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Speaker 1: have to search mood. It's a brand new podcast podcast feed.

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Speaker 1: Kate Lanebrook is our guest. She's unbelievable. Have we got

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Speaker 1: that little tease that involves a bit from what you

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Speaker 1: can hear from in her chat if you're interested, if

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Speaker 1: it's head your interest? Yeah, I love you, right, I

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Speaker 1: love sexually? Are we talking or like you wish?

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Speaker 2: It's not born from strength.

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Speaker 3: I'd never felt like those mothers that you see pushing

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Speaker 3: a car off a kid. I never felt strong. I

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Speaker 3: felt weak, but I still keep going.

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Speaker 4: And he never said to pussy galore we Hey, what

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Speaker 4: what do you have to hear from this experience?

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Speaker 1: That's awesome.

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Speaker 3: I can't even look at you when you say that.

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Speaker 3: I just have to look away. Why do people show

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Speaker 3: you if so specially that they can't talk about their

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Speaker 3: relationship secret to whatever they do? People say that, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: how does it get down?

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Speaker 1: Really? It's a great conversation. It's awesome. Yeah, so go

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Speaker 1: and check it out. Driver you get your podcasts. Probably

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Speaker 1: we're listening to this podcast right now. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: An amazingly inception.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, bloody, it's a podcast. In the podcast Tommy, We're

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Speaker 1: lost in it.

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Speaker 4: But amazingly she or the question that we received most

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Speaker 4: recently was what's your greatest strength and what's your greatest weakness? Right,

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Speaker 4: And amazingly this is somehow linked to the Cake Langbrook

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Speaker 4: podcast where she actually said people's greatest strength is often

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Speaker 4: their greatest weakness. And I related to this greatly, and

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Speaker 4: so I believe that I'll start with my greatest strength.

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Speaker 1: This was the question we had in the last Beats podcasts.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so my greatest strength, which is I'm very scary,

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Speaker 4: I think scarily good and I do it subliminally. Now

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Speaker 4: I do it without even thinking. But I think I'm

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Speaker 4: very very good at adjusting my tempo and mood and

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Speaker 4: just how my general energy is around how the energy

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Speaker 4: is around me. Yeah, and so I'm just quite good

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Speaker 4: at going like okay, you're there, and you're there, and

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Speaker 4: again this isn't a thought, and I just adjust how

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Speaker 4: I am around them, and it makes me quite amicable

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Speaker 4: to be around. Right, So that I do view that

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Speaker 4: as a strength.

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Speaker 1: But it's probably something you've picked up as a very

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Speaker 1: little kid, not knowing that you will would have needed

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Speaker 1: to do.

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Speaker 2: Keep the peace.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, always keep the peace. And so fascinatingly that is.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to a friend of mine who's a

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Speaker 1: psychologist on the weekend about how inevitable that is for

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Speaker 1: every child to to do that, to play whatever role

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Speaker 1: their family needs them to play. Yeah, right, just they

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Speaker 1: they're the lowest common denominator. So it's a survival instinct

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Speaker 1: to be like, well, if I'm going to fit in,

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Speaker 1: I'm the small fry in the end. So you know,

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Speaker 1: back in caveman times, if there's a sabertooth tiger coming,

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Speaker 1: I'm the one they're going to throw to the saber

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Speaker 1: tooth unless I can prove that I'm worth keeping.

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Speaker 2: But you see, my skill go to the point.

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Speaker 1: Where you, as a kid, you're like, how do I

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Speaker 1: fit in the best here? I'm just going to make

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Speaker 1: myself really malleable and that whatever that is.

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Speaker 4: But even if you throw me at the sabertooth tiger,

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Speaker 4: I would then just meet that saber tooths energy and

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Speaker 4: they would be like, buddy, hell man, you're one of us.

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Speaker 1: You want to come in and join the clan. I

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Speaker 1: think that's the might that might be the plot of

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Speaker 1: the Jungle Book.

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Speaker 2: It is bloody Kipling beat me too, the jump.

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Speaker 1: Damn it rid And that is definitely a great strength for.

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Speaker 2: You, And I can't I can say that. Do you

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Speaker 2: say it is a strength only? Okay?

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Speaker 4: So yeah, okay, I've just said it is, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: I can. But I also know that that can be

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Speaker 4: a huge weakness of mine because I know that you

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Speaker 4: can get start getting to the point where you're like, what, how.

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Speaker 1: Do you actually feel where am I in this situation?

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Speaker 1: How like if I'm constantly.

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Speaker 2: What is actually you? Like?

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Speaker 4: What is like how would actually you as a human

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Speaker 4: individual being responding this situation? And it's and it's a

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Speaker 4: bit like a whoa, I have no idea. I actually

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Speaker 4: I actually don't know. And that if you go really

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Speaker 4: hard on a weakness, I think it may be quite

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Speaker 4: a shallow person because I don't know. It's like there's

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Speaker 4: all it can be a bit surface and then to

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Speaker 4: dig a bit deeper is a bit like whoa, I

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Speaker 4: don't know what's down there?

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Speaker 1: Do you think that that that? Like? That is because

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Speaker 1: I know one of the things that you're big on on,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that you need is like a

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Speaker 1: lot of time by yourself. Do you think that's because

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Speaker 1: subliminately you kind of know that if you are constantly

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Speaker 1: in group situations, then you don't have a chance to

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Speaker 1: connect with what you are or what you need, and

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Speaker 1: as a result, you kind of feel end up feeling

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Speaker 1: a bit lost totally around too many people too often.

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Speaker 4: I said to him recently, and this is like a

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Speaker 4: it's so fak. So I was just saying to her that,

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Speaker 4: like I'm trying to well, well, I want, I wanted,

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Speaker 4: you are one of my priorities, but I need to

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Speaker 4: carve out alone time in my week somehow. And I

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Speaker 4: said to her, like, I want to make sure I've

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Speaker 4: got it locked in rather than getting to a point

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Speaker 4: where I'm like I need a lot.

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Speaker 2: I never want to be in a situation where I

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Speaker 2: need alone time.

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Speaker 4: If I just get enough every week and I never needed,

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Speaker 4: it's just like you're replenishing through this time you come.

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Speaker 4: And then Min was like, so it would it be inclusive?

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Speaker 4: Would alone time be you? And Meter is watching a

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Speaker 4: movie on the couch. She said like, we don't have

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Speaker 4: to talk or anything, it's just just watch a movie.

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Speaker 4: And it's like, you know, honest, just tell me before

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Speaker 4: and you don't want to chat, And I was like,

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Speaker 4: it was so hard to explain to her, but I

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Speaker 4: was like, if we watch a movie and you're sitting

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Speaker 4: next to me, there is so much of me which

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Speaker 4: is taking in every single thing that you are doing.

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Speaker 4: If you twitch, if you move, if you check your phone,

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Speaker 4: if you make any noise, all I'm thinking about is

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Speaker 4: how you enjoy the movie.

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Speaker 2: Not And that was the point where she was like, Okay, totally,

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Speaker 2: I get it.

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Speaker 4: You need to because she was even like, you can

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Speaker 4: choose the movie and I was like, yeah, that will

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Speaker 4: make it worse because if.

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Speaker 2: I choose it, then all I'm thinking about is I

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Speaker 2: hope she's enjoying this. So so yeah, so yeah. It's

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Speaker 2: so definitely strengths weakness.

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Speaker 1: There's a great irony in the the like the more

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Speaker 1: that you accept who you are, then the more capacity

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Speaker 1: you have to change who you are.

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Speaker 4: It's yeah, and then being comfortable with or the biggest

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Speaker 4: thing for me is like which which again this is

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Speaker 4: happening at a subconscious level, so it's a bit easiestaid

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Speaker 4: than done, but like, the biggest thing for me is, yeah, being,

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Speaker 4: as you just said, being very happy with who you

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Speaker 4: actually are. And so happy and confident and comfortable in

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Speaker 4: that person that in a group environment, showing people that

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Speaker 4: and also knowing that there are going to be some

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Speaker 4: people that don't like that, yeah, or disagree with that,

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Speaker 4: and that's okay. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't it doesn't matter

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Speaker 4: they didn't like you. It's totally fine.

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Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that it's happening on a

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Speaker 1: subconscious level, because you know everything's happening on a subconscious level.

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Speaker 1: I think the statistic so that, like your brain has

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Speaker 1: like a thousand impulses every moment and you're only aware

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Speaker 1: of fifty of them.

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Speaker 2: That's so unbelievably wild, but so it's so true.

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Speaker 1: It's so true, and I think that the like the

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Speaker 1: but the thing is you can kind of reprogram your head, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or you can reprogram what fifty impulses you're aware of,

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Speaker 1: but consciously focusing on them. So do you have any

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Speaker 1: like thing is that you do to try and be

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Speaker 1: more aware of what you want?

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Speaker 4: So it sounds really simple, but I have been trying

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Speaker 4: really to, like if I order a coffee or like

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Speaker 4: a meal, it's very difficult to and I don't deliberately

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Speaker 4: do this, like I don't like lie and say that

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Speaker 4: they've done it wrong.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm being.

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Speaker 4: Very conscious now of being like, hey, I actually said

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Speaker 4: this and this that didn't come in that for me,

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Speaker 4: I can tell you how much anxiety that builds up

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Speaker 4: in Yeah, or even as simple as like like in

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Speaker 4: a in a conversation with people, This one's a bit harder,

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Speaker 4: is like just disagree, just try it, disagree with someone.

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Speaker 1: Do you find when you have got the time to

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Speaker 1: yourself that it's easy for you to tap into what

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Speaker 1: you want or what you need? That's it? Yeah? Yes, yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: like that's it, that's effortless, like it is there. It's

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Speaker 1: the blocking of it that happens, it's quickly, it's.

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Speaker 2: The blocking and normal. I think it's the guilt.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, of like.

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Speaker 2: I'm just so conscious of how everyone else is experiencing

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Speaker 2: what I want to do or want to say.

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Speaker 1: Because you don't feel like it's you feel like it's

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Speaker 1: going to ruffle someone's feathers the wrong way further boor

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Speaker 1: someone Yeah yeah, and then you won't be included. Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: So apart from the meal thing, do you think there

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Speaker 1: are I hate to be a therapist.

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Speaker 2: Do you think you're not judging, you know.

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Speaker 1: I'll get your Elian voice here after the podcast. I'm

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Speaker 1: just interested because I think everybody goes through this. It

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Speaker 1: just everyone just goes through it on different levels. So

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Speaker 1: I mean, I go through this. I know it might

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Speaker 1: not seem like that sometimes, but I definitely go through

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Speaker 1: this trying to get in touch with what you want,

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Speaker 1: because I think the kicker is here is that people

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Speaker 1: that you know are very good at being in touch

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Speaker 1: with what they want, it actually has the opposite effect.

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Speaker 1: You end up feeling really calm around that person, Oh.

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Speaker 2: Because you know you're calling it how it is. You're

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Speaker 2: never gonna.

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Speaker 1: Bullshit me, no gray space, and you're right.

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Speaker 4: It's comfortable knowing that, Like if you're not enjoying yourself,

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Speaker 4: you would just say, hey, I'm not liking this or

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Speaker 4: I don't want to do that.

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Speaker 2: You're right, and that is so relaxed, lovely.

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Speaker 1: I'm living with a I've been living with some very

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Speaker 1: good friends of ours for a while, Tests and Legs,

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Speaker 1: and it's really funny because Tess is Croatian and her

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Speaker 1: mum's Croatian and she was raised just by her mum

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Speaker 1: and they are like these beautifully strong women, and they

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Speaker 1: just do not mince words. So I always know exactly

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Speaker 1: what she wants when, and I'm living with her. So

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Speaker 1: in the middle of seven or eight weeks, they're renovating

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Speaker 1: their house and if people keep sending me out, if

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Speaker 1: you guys have any issues, and I'm like no, but

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Speaker 1: I know it's because of Tessa, because I just know

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Speaker 1: that if anything comes up, she just walks into the it.

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Speaker 1: She goes all right, guys, I think we need to

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Speaker 1: talk about this. And it's great, it's really really great.

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Speaker 1: I don't find it confronting. I don't find it because

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Speaker 1: she does it in a lovely way, obviously, But the

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Speaker 1: irony is that she's married to her engaged to this

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Speaker 1: guy called Legs, who's one of my best friends, you

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Speaker 1: know very well, who's the most polite boy in the world.

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Speaker 1: And he will never ever tell me if he needs

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Speaker 1: something that's you know, beyond you know, if he needs

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Speaker 1: something or if you want something, take him ages to

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Speaker 1: be build at the confidence. And it's funny whenever we're

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Speaker 1: trying to make a decision in the house and it

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Speaker 1: involves Test and Legs, you know, can they look after

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Speaker 1: the dog? Can they look after Max? The discussion is

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Speaker 1: never are we worried about what Tessa things.

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Speaker 5: I just know when it comes to Legs, I've got

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Speaker 5: to be like, let me just read him for a

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Speaker 5: couple of days. You know, I'll have a beer with

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Speaker 5: him tonight and see if I can get a age

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Speaker 5: and how it feels. And luckily, you know, we have

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Speaker 5: a nice open friendship now and I can get there.

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Speaker 5: But just to give you the contrast there, so.

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Speaker 4: It's funny you bring up that though, because I'm so

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Speaker 4: The other thing is I'm very sensitive, like highly highly sensitive,

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Speaker 4: and so I don't necessarily like it's funny.

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Speaker 2: I was saying.

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Speaker 4: I was agreeing with you, like it's great when someone's

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Speaker 4: really direct. If someone's so direct with things, I can

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Speaker 4: be hurt by it, which is funny. And I'll use

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Speaker 4: an example from home. But like, so Mim and I

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Speaker 4: have this thing where which so I told my mum

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Speaker 4: and my dad about it because I was like, it's

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Speaker 4: really it's definitely working for us where if Mim has

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Speaker 4: to bring something up, it can be so small, but

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Speaker 4: like she's not liking that I'm leaving my glass in

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Speaker 4: the sink or whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: Just use an example of.

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Speaker 4: Something really you're one glass, My one glass that I

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Speaker 4: use if it's been put in the wrong spot.

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Speaker 1: He has one cup and one ball that he uses

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Speaker 1: for everything.

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Speaker 4: And I've got a little tea spoon in the glass anyway,

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Speaker 4: So mim, if that's annoying, mim, because it can totally fine.

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Speaker 2: We're living in the same place and da dah dah.

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Speaker 4: But I we've discussed this and I've said to her,

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Speaker 4: if you want to say to me it's annoying you

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Speaker 4: that I'm living my glass in the sink, it's what

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Speaker 4: I want you to start with. If it's okay, is hey,

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Speaker 4: what are you in a position to be receiving a.

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Speaker 1: Little bit of feedback?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 4: Oh that's nice, and it just it just it's And

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Speaker 4: then sometimes I'll say no, yeah, just like I'm whatever

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Speaker 4: is going on right now and that will tip me

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Speaker 4: over the edge, or yeah absolutely, and then it's always

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Speaker 4: a really healthy conversation.

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Speaker 2: Apparently the All Blacks do that, the New Zealand rugby team.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, I know.

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Speaker 2: So my dad was across that. Dad goes, that's that's

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Speaker 2: their whole thing.

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Speaker 1: That's culture.

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Speaker 4: They walk up with someone and go, are you in

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Speaker 4: a position to receive some feedback. Wow, your game and

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Speaker 4: it's a real like trusting like yes I am, I

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Speaker 4: respect you and I trust.

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Speaker 1: You, and it's going to be constructive for me.

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Speaker 2: And it's not that I don't get defensive, because it's

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Speaker 2: like I said to.

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Speaker 1: You, that's a that's a great idea. I hope people

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Speaker 1: can get something out of that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Bloody Earth. Oh we've spoken for more than ten minutes.

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Speaker 1: Well have Bloody Hell and trouble Tomorrow were my tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: my greatest strength and greatest weakness. Yeah, she's saying exactly

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Speaker 1: what the funk I want, whenever the I want