WEBVTT - #126 Big First Birthday's, Troublemaking Kids And Hangover Bribes 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:04.080 I am concerned with by the end of the weekend, 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:06.279 how much Jeers is going to be in this hotel. 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:10.960 Coming he goes this an ancient cave. They took the nearest. 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:31.000 Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Ash. 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:33.240 I'm not Mattie Jay. I might sound like him. I'm 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:34.239 definitely more handsome. 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:37.000 But we also have Nick Cody. 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:39.400 Nick Cody is also a dad, believe it or not. 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.000 For two doting dads, and this is a podcast all 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:45.320 about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable. 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:49.560 And we are joined on a weekly episode with the guest, 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:52.880 which is very the first time but the second time 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:54.840 we've had Nick on the podcast. 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:57.160 This is the first time we've had a guest twice 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:01.000 other than like wives. Oh, I'm the first second outside 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:05.040 a family have sex. Later, I knew there was a catch. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:06.720 I knew there was a hot catch. 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:11.640 I am matt and I would have gotten away with it. 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:17.119 Kids. He will. Let's just say that he's commuting back. 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:21.320 So yeah, twice on the podcast is an honor, I 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.399 would say, and not for you, for us. 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:26.080 Thank you, Nick. 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:28.120 One thing I want to talk to you about. It 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:31.720 is the first week of school for us. You've got 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:32.479 kids in. 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:36.000 Prep now, I've got a grade one now grade one, yeah, 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.720 grade one and a little three year. 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.680 Old kinder Yeah me too, yeah, Oscar. 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:45.760 Yesterday was his first day at big school as we're 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:49.040 calling it, which is kinder Prep for Melbourne, South Australia. 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:51.360 Same and he. 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.360 Did really well. Oh he was good after it. So 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:56.880 he went with like he's got three mates, the brat pack, 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:00.440 and they're all together. They're all good in the same US. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.120 It's two and two, so there's like four of them. 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:08.440 He was great going in. He was like see April Crichter, 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.400 eyes out as per usual as you would expect. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.120 Of course, they're on like reduced hours for the first week. 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.360 So we all went yesterday to collect him from his 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.639 first day of school and it's so weird, like you 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:22.120 would know what it's like when you see them off 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:25.160 and you're like, fuck, this is so strange. And he's 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:26.720 going to the same primary school that I went to. 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.640 Really so it's like, oh wow, yeah, I've got teachers 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:31.440 coming as to me and was like you're back, and 0:02:31.480 --> 0:02:31.880 I'm like. 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.920 But he yesterday April went and picked him up and 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:38.400 he was so excited that he grabbed his bag without 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:40.840 zipping an up, ran down the stairs and everything fell 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:42.080 out of his bag like a. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:48.080 Cartoonish ruined the whole day. Apparently he was gutted. 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.080 So he's now called empty bags. 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.480 He's already been bully. And then you will find out 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:55.679 very soon. I went. 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:57.720 I remember last year when my kid was in prep 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:04.520 for Victorian's kindy. 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.880 Figure it out your first year of the fucking big school. Yeah, 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:08.520 they have a uniform. Yeah, but like a. 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.120 Grade four kid got up and I've got to go 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:14.079 into an assembly and a grade four kid got up 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:18.360 to play saxophone and everyone clapped, like even the grade sixers. 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:20.000 I was like, I was gonna call this kid a 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:20.560 fucking nerd. 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:25.800 What is happening. I'm like, they were so supported. I'm like, 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.280 this is beautiful and sweet. But all I could think 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.680 is every time I had my best mate growing up. 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:36.560 We're still best mates from prep Tommy, he played saxophone. 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:39.160 He was in the local paper in Werribee, the western 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.920 suburbs of Melbourne. He was on the in the werribe 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:44.840 banner with a saxophone, like playing the saxophone, and he 0:03:44.880 --> 0:03:47.160 played it at school once and we're like or Lisa 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:52.960 Simpson bang out and like it's just roasting immediately bleeding. 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:56.000 It's the equivalent now, I reckon. 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.680 They could be like, hey, we've got a performance at 0:03:58.680 --> 0:03:59.480 school this week. 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:03.800 It's actually a live debate, really like yeah. 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:08.720 Back in the door would be like, know's I remember 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:10.760 in high school someone coming along to tell us, like 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:13.560 a story of how they stuffed everything up. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.080 They were making all this money, had a great job, wife, cars, 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:23.680 and then they started gambling, drinking drugs and yeah, this 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:31.240 is an interventions, my wife here coming everybody. But then 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:34.479 he starts to tell us about how he's turned his 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:36.600 life around, his back working again. 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:38.360 And the kids in my class were. 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.599 Like, tell us the fucking six stories, dude, go back 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:43.680 to the why. 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:48.679 Are you gonna get saxophone out? But then he's fine, 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.520 No one's got to bully stuff. 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:53.119 I don't think anyone even remembers he went to school 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:59.719 fine today, everything is fine. But it's it's like it's look, 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:00.960 I I'm pretty good. 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:02.080 Like I didn't. 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.080 I didn't put a lot of pressure on him because 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:07.760 he would already be anxious and excited, and so I was. 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:09.640 To get him with a little sign holding up a 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:11.880 sign of his name age. 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.760 No we got like a sign like on the first 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:17.160 day of kindy or whatever. 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:18.839 Yeah, and that was pretty cool. 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:22.479 I think like my wife went into full mum zilly 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.520 yesterday where she was like, they let. 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.160 Him walk down the stairs with his bag on zip. 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:29.680 She wanted she wanted heads. She was like, I want 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:33.760 heads and I want him now. And I was like, relax. 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.040 I was like, the more you project that, the more 0:05:37.080 --> 0:05:38.159 he picks up on it. 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.159 And they do that, They're like, why is mom upset? 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:45.840 And so we had Luke who's like a Teacher to 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:51.760 the Stars influencer who is a prep KINDI teacher, and 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.200 we had him on to go through the prepping for 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:56.720 school and he was like, just don't cry it drop 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:59.240 off because they think, think about this, you're a five 0:05:59.320 --> 0:05:59.920 year old kid. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:04.120 You gotta be staunched. Yeah, your mum's crying saying goodbye. 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:06.159 Am I? They think, am I never going to see 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:07.039 this person ever again? 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:11.680 And imagine like an Army general local. It's like, we 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:14.560 don't need this ship right now, stiff up. 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.200 They need know they need the Army tea and tissues. 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:19.960 Yeah, they'll get together afterwards and were no, I can 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:20.760 see them cry. 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:24.800 But yeah, it was a big day he crashed out. 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:28.919 That's why I was so excited because these holidays was 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.560 our first big because he was going to daycare of 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:35.280 kinder and there'd be different activities over the break, but 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:39.200 this was just seven weeks of just hanging out at 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:42.160 home or six weeks, and it was good to get 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:43.640 him back. Even though he's got a bit of tuit. 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.839 He wants to snack straight away. He just walks out, like, so, 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:49.880 have snack? Can I play at school? 0:06:49.960 --> 0:06:56.159 His school keeps the playground open until sundown? Like you yeah? Yeah, 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:59.799 five minute walk? Oh how good? Yeah, basketball courts everything, 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:01.919 They leave the whole thing open. You used to do that? 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:05.479 Do it anymore? Oh? Really? No? So like he's going 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:07.440 Oscar's going to the same school I went to. 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:09.800 And when I was a kid, I had a mate 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:13.080 whose house backed onto the school, and we used to 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:16.600 spend every every other there, every weekend. 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:19.400 There, we go to gate the stairs, we play the basketball. 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:20.640 You've shut it down? 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.760 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't tell gets out in 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:25.200 the bathroom. 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.160 Dad sucked it. So now there's big fences. 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:36.240 I attracted too many prinators, but it's yeah, like now 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:38.760 you can't even go. I feel like your kids are 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:40.760 missing out on, Like, let's go to the school. 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.200 When I see I had the reverse because my primary 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.200 school was grim You could look at that. It's called 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:50.120 Glendevon Primary School. It was the glen Devon. Yeah, second 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:52.960 worst primary school in the state of Victoria, according to 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:56.400 the Herald Son. One year, the fees were like forty 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:58.200 bucks a year and they weren't mandatorate. 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:00.000 That's like, yeah, that's like us here. 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.840 But the principal lost forty grand of the school's money. 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:07.680 So you can imagine howe whoa she ladies? 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:12.520 Then what do they do? Dare I missed gender? 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:16.200 The principle ladies can be principals And she lost it 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:17.960 on the pokeys. 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.440 Not even I was expecting you to be like, yep, 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:27.320 she lost it on strippers. Yeah, it's just like sorry, sorry, kids, 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:32.680 no camp this year. Queen of the Nile. Yeah, the 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:36.040 Queen of the Nile. I was looking for the girl. 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:41.719 Guys like, well, well anyway, we yeah, it's day two. 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.040 I haven't because I'm here with you. I haven't found out. 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:48.000 But that time over school, it's a long time for 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:49.199 parents over that school. 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:50.920 It's like eight weeks or whatever. 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:53.000 And it's the first time that I've had to do 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:57.320 it too. Where Oscar finished early. Macy also did some 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:58.200 casual days. 0:08:57.960 --> 0:08:59.199 Through summer and stuff like that. 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.600 But you little one hate did she have to go 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.960 when your eldest didn't have to go anywhere, because my youngest. 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.439 Went that trictum. Yeah. Well, some days we're. 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.280 Like, you've got to go to kinder and he broke down. 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:12.440 He loves kinder, he loves three year old kinder. But 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:14.880 he was upset that his older brother wasn't doing anything, 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:16.920 and we just said, he's got school stuff on. 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:18.319 Man. Yeah, we always lie. 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:21.520 We always harp on like he's doing boring stuff, and 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.720 that's that he's going to do boring stuff like study 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:28.640 and chess and time zone and bowling and go to 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:29.480 the park with his friends. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.840 It's boring and maybe trying to so. 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.160 And like I wanted to ask you because we do 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:37.439 this big stint at the end of the year and 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:41.880 you sort of find yourself in the last week or 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:46.559 two trying to find things to do that they haven't done, 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.560 which is hard because they get bored so easily. And 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.920 I found on the last day where I had Oscar 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.280 and I had Macie before school started, I was like, 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:57.760 it's like forty degrees. 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:00.880 Let's just go to the shops down the shop as 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.800 you do. And I was like, what do you got 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.160 near you? Like a big Westfields or something. No, it's 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:11.000 like it's like a it's like a junior Westfields. It's 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:12.160 like plaza. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:16.079 There's no levels, yeah, plasas like I've got levels in 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:16.960 these places. 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.960 Like I've got one. I got one. 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.560 It's all ground, it's all ground. But I was like, fuck, 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:22.880 what am I going to do with these kids here? 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:27.520 And thankfully I got hit got there and we were 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.439 going well halfway down the escalator and the power went out. 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:32.160 Sick. 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:34.520 Have you ever been in and this is my question 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.080 to you, have you ever been in a shopping center 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:37.040 and the panel's gone out? 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:38.160 No, it's a mix. 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.840 It's a bunch of mixed emotions because people all of 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:45.559 a sudden, first off, for me, theft ransack, Yeah, what 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:46.160 can we get? 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:46.640 Yeah? 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:49.400 And that that that's not I was walking down it 0:10:49.440 --> 0:10:52.520 was dark and I'm like, perfect, it's like. 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:55.600 Squid game, but it's no light on light. It's like 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:57.680 so much hit can I put in my pockets? And 0:10:57.720 --> 0:10:59.000 when the lights come back and I've got to be 0:10:59.040 --> 0:10:59.480 still and. 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.280 All the make ship, all the makeshift barricades that all 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.360 the retail employees have set up in the front of 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:06.800 the door. I was gonna get past those that stack 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.920 of chairs, but we were like I remember I was 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.080 walking down and the lights went out and my head 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:13.640 went yes. 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:16.920 I'm like, the kids are gonna love this. Any natural 0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:18.760 light coming in or is there is like a little 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:22.360 bit of natural light. But the kids were like, so oh, 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:25.040 it's corn up in it. Do you know what to give? 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:29.480 It gives similar energy to when a dog comes through school. 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:33.320 Yeah, and you're like, whoa. 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.520 I remember in Gray too we had dogs root on 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.920 the playground and we're just all out the window. 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:43.679 The best dog. I was just like, how good is 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:45.079 it when a dog comes in here? Like we've got 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.560 to see two dogs. We saw two dogs and they fucked. 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:49.120 I don't want to try one up this. 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:53.160 Story, but a dog and a dog in the school playgrounds. 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:54.920 And that's what counsels don't understand. 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:56.640 They put on what is it like white not with 0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:00.119 all the lights and the. 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:01.560 Actually that night is that what it's called. I don't know. 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:03.440 At some festival of. 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:06.960 Festivals the lights lights, but really all you need to 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.360 do is just turn the lights off of the shops, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.440 release the hand. 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.040 But the kids were like so caught up in the 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.920 whole moment, and I was like, you know, it's a 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:21.360 good time to go around to those places that need 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:25.000 their food to be refrigerated. 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:29.720 I was stuck up. But also it was sounded like 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:31.840 old made on into the bush. Yeah. 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:39.240 I was like, you're getting full boom boom cracker chili brawl, 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:43.480 ransacking the sushi players pretty quickly giving away rolls for 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:47.000 a dollar age and the kids were like, just didn't 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:50.800 quite understand, and they're playing in like the playground in 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:51.360 the dark. 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:51.880 It was. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:56.400 It was honestly the I had spent thousands of dollars 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.560 over the eight weeks or whatever going a bowling, going 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.880 to all the indoor play centers because it's been stinking hot, 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:08.400 And all I really had to do was cut the power, kick. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.199 Time the big switch, have a bloody good time. It 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:11.640 was great. 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:14.719 It's also good for the employee. Is there guess to 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.319 where I worked at Werriby Plaza at Harris Scarf and 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:21.240 it was shipouse, Harrisf paras scaff What is it? Just 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.840 a Scarffwy resume is not good enough to get into Maya. 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.720 So you find yourself and Harris and it's like they 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.160 sell Harriscarf in Maya, but they're like, you're not good 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:30.520 enough to. 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:34.120 Work in I remember the first day they're like, you're 0:13:34.160 --> 0:13:36.000 working in Manchester And I said, what's that? 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:42.520 I shouldn't have been I didn't bring my passport? Brutal. 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.440 All right, Nick, it's enough about me. You're the guest 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.199 on this podcast and I've taken over how many minutes? 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.040 Enough minutes enough? 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:51.960 Tell me? Where are you at? Where are you are? 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:53.719 You're you're You've got. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.640 Away from a family in the hotel room, drinking beers, 0:13:57.160 --> 0:13:58.880 having fun with the stench of seamen. 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.480 That's not yet. 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.920 I mean, look, we just we just went over that 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:11.559 eight week period. How are you readjusting to twenty twenty 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:12.080 twenty five? 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:12.320 Well? 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.800 Pretty good. My wife is stay at home mum. At 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:15.199 the minute. 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:17.600 She gets sad when the kids have to go back. 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:21.160 But because I worked early mornings and at nighttime, I'm like, 0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:24.000 please please go see your friends. I'm one of those 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.160 I'm like, I love you so much, but all day, 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.160 every day is unnecessary. Yeah, and then you hear it 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:34.120 goes fast and things, but sometimes it doesn't and on 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:36.800 those days they should probably go to school. 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:41.320 Yeah, they say, like it does go so fast, yeah, 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:43.440 but also goes so fucking slow. 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:45.040 Yeah, especially afternoons. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.640 Comedian Harley Breen said, before my first was born, I said, 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:50.800 made any tips and he said, I can tell you 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:52.040 exactly how it is. 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:54.680 And I said all right, and he said, long days, 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.320 short years, Oh, very true. I was like, that is 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:03.480 Can we put that on a T shirt? That yeah, 0:15:03.560 --> 0:15:04.920 long days, short years as well. 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:08.120 Fine, you know some days feel anyone that says the 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:13.240 years flying by look after children with a hangover, Your 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:18.640 year will fucking slow right down o'clock to the seconds. 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:20.800 I lived like twelve years last year. 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:25.160 You know those days where it honestly feels like a 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:27.560 week in a it's some weird interstellar planet. 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.600 Your wife gets back and it's like, where have you been? 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.200 It's felt like twenty five years. She's been gone for 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:35.360 two hours. Why did you leave me like this? 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.120 You're like a shriveled up sultan. There was a hangover 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:40.080 at the start of the year. Was so I could 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:44.280 I could hear blinking, I could hear it, I. 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:49.080 Like it, I could hear my like I am dry. 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:53.240 It gets yeah, and the kid. 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:55.880 I'm like, boys, should we have a super deeper right now? 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:57.000 It's seven thirty in the morning. 0:15:57.080 --> 0:16:04.560 That rules. I started offering them money. Its some fucking 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:05.840 hush money. 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:09.040 They've learned about hush and I was like, this morning, 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:11.240 both kids were in bed with me. April went to 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:13.040 the gym this morning because it's a fitness freak. 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:17.760 And I was like, hey, kids, whoever's the quietest, the longest. 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:21.880 It's five dollars. Great. I haven't heard from him all day. 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:28.000 The hango. I think you can beat it with myney. 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:29.760 Yeah, I don't know if I said on here last time, 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.560 the one that I call it topsy turvy day. So 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.160 my wife is the best in the way that because 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.040 I you know, early mornings during the week and then 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.840 they stand up at night different things. She's like, if 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:42.640 you go and do gigs on a Friday or Saturday 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:44.360 and you want to stay out, She's like, o't care. 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:46.240 But if you said you're going to watch the kids 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:48.440 Saturday morning, you just got to get up. 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:49.120 You just got to get up. 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:50.520 She's like, I don't care if you get home at 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.840 five am, if they wake up at five point forty five, 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:53.560 you're up. 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.640 You're up. Yeah, that's a fair deal. I think so, 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:56.760 and I agree with you. 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:58.560 I had a friend of mine tell me once, there's 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:01.280 some of the best advice I ever had from a 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:06.359 dead shit dad was because he had three girls at 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:07.800 the time and I had no kids, and I was 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.320 like trying to understand how he does it, and he's like, 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.560 he goes, I just just get up. He's like, you'll 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.680 You'll keep thinking, you'll keep mum happy. And then when 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.160 you get to a point during the day and you've 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.520 looked after him all day and you're like, oh, I 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.920 can have a little lay down, She's like, you earn that. 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:29.600 But otherwise, if you don't get up, and I've got Europe, 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:33.080 I've got mates who don't get up like that blows 0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.960 my mind, curiates me, infurious get up. 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:38.440 But also we were recently on a trip to Barley 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.600 with some guys who are like that because I want 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.199 my kids to grow up. And then get a hangover 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:45.640 one day and be like, Dad, did you ever feel 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:48.199 like this? I'm like, heaps, and I got up. 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:53.480 Give my headache. 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.320 Man, he's not here, So I thought I'm with the 0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:59.840 looser of the two. I love you, Maddie, but when 0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:01.760 it comes to if you're going to be a bit 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:05.240 of a disaster, I think you'd be more forgiving to 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:08.120 this walking. I thought you would appreciate just a couple 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:10.440 of things about my eldest son's first birthday. 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:10.680 I do. 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:13.160 I want to hear about it because we all put 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:14.879 so much pressure on the first birth And there's a 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:18.199 lot of parents listening to this that their kids are 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:19.040 coming up to. 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.159 Their first birthday this year. They all, you know, we 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:26.240 with our community. A lot of them are fairly new parents, parents, 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:26.800 your freaks. 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:31.800 But you're on the list, although some may want to be. 0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.359 I had a couple of mates that had a parenting 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:37.000 pop before I had kids, and I listened to it 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:39.520 to think, oh that's what I saw. Would you listen 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:43.120 to this one? Well, it wasn't around before I would. 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.800 Of course, you want to take advice, you want to 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:48.080 hear what's what's coming up. 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:49.199 It's like a preview for. 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.159 We get a lot of women being like, it's so 0:18:55.359 --> 0:18:59.600 nice to say refreshing, Like what's refreshing? Like I feel 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:01.879 like we're not charge and because we're ship too, and they're. 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:06.639 Like yeah, yeah, yeah, but and you're clearly trying his 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:09.280 dad's I've tried my absolutely heart out. 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:11.160 I haven't been on stage at a minute. 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.800 About twenty years ago, to be a good dad, you 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:16.600 just had to smoke outside and everyone's like. 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:20.320 That's the dream fucking hero. This guy rules, you know, 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:22.520 But now it's like we're dad. Well. 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:25.040 A really funny story is how we got our name 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.200 doting dads is matt took his kids to the park 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:32.159 and the Daily Mail snapped him taken the it is 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:36.800 and on the headline was doting Dad Matthew Johnson just 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:37.440