WEBVTT - #151 What's A Doula And Do I Need One? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.840 Ash. I'm gonna pick on the spot here far away, 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:05.320 big go. Okay, do you know? All right? Give me 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.640 your answer. What does a dueler do? 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:10.960 It fills my tummy because it sounds like a delicious 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:11.680 Indian feet. 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:17.439 I think that's dull You got me, You got me. 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:22.040 At first I thought it was what's that Dwali? It's 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:24.920 an Indian festival of food and culture and color and music. 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:30.280 That sounds lovely. It's not. It's not what a dueler does. 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:33.479 But don't worry, because we have Alice Worthy here today. 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.279 She is the modern duela who supports women through one 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:39.040 of the most intense moments of their lives. Yes, I'm 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:40.000 talking about childbirth. 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.760 Yes, we get into what a duela actually does, how 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:46.400 they differ from midwives, and how partners don't have to 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.159 just stand there awkwardly in. 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.160 The labor room or birthing Sweet. 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.760 Plus, Alice shares her most unforgettable birth story. Let's just 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.800 say the parents christen their newly renovated bathroom. 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:10.120 Let's get into it. 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:16.600 Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.000 slash dueler. I am Mattie, j. 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:21.280 I'm Ash, and I'm Alice the modern Dueller. 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:24.080 And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:27.759 the good, it is the bad and the relatable and Alice, 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.039 we have to say for legal reasons, not really legal reasons, 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:33.480 but kind of legal reasons, not real. 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:34.399 Not real, fake legal. 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.920 Yeah, we don't give advice, Ash and I never had 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:39.880 that a will. We do sometimes, but if it does 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.920 come out as advice, it's accidental. But you are more 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:44.000 than welcome to give advice. 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:47.160 There's a loophole in that legalities are allowed. 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:51.280 To I'm allowed to guess are immune from those legal ramifications. 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:52.640 You can break the law here and you're fine. 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:53.560 I'll talk to my lawyer. 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.880 We do like to start with our guess a little 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.000 journey back in time to when they were a youngster 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:06.880 and Ash, do you think Alice was someone who was 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:09.440 well behaved or was she someone who was quite naughty? 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:11.280 She's from Central Coast. 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:16.880 Yes, I'm going to say class clown ish. 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:18.280 You picked that up already. 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:18.840 Yeah. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:23.400 Yeah, I was like a drama kid. Yeah, I was 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:24.000 a drama kid. 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:25.720 And mom and dad always said like, it doesn't matter 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.720 about your grades, you just try your hardest. 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:31.559 So I was like, okay, I'll be dramatic. 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:31.960 Yeah. 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:33.880 When did you get your first taste of drama? 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:36.840 Oh would have been as soon as I kind of 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:38.400 started school, maybe year four. 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:40.839 I was like a Shakespeare kind of kid. O hard 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:41.800 to believe, I know. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:42.959 Can you remember any of it? 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:43.440 Oh? 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:47.320 Nothing, nothing, but I think I did play like Desdemona 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:50.600 in something we went to the Shakespeare like I can't 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:52.520 even remember now, like Desdemona and. 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:53.760 Is there a fellow? 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.440 Just full disclosure, I don't know what any of these were. 0:02:58.520 --> 0:02:59.440 I just want you to know. 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:01.720 You said that this was like a previous life, so 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:05.680 I was like, I can't remember now, still left my body. 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:06.720 Did you ever get in trouble? 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.000 Probably when I was in primary school This would have 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:13.240 been like year two maybe, and mom and dad sent 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:15.040 me to after school care. They owned a cafe at 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.520 the time and so they would work on long hours 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.480 and I used to have to go to after school care, 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:22.320 which I hated. So I took it upon myself to 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:24.840 just get the bus home because I knew where the 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.320 bus went, and like it was a school bar. It 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:31.080 was a school bus, so probably younger. Yeah, I was 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.440 young for my year too, so I just was like, 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.000 fuck this, I'm not going after school care, got on 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:37.760 the bus took me all the way because we lived 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.119 at Copacabanna, which was like the furthest suburb away. 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:41.640 So I was like last kid on the bus. 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:44.120 With my friend Maya. I don't even know where she 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:49.560 is now, but she helped me. I got off, I 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:51.920 went to Maya's house. Her mom was like, hey, like, 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:54.400 you didn't know you were coming over today, because you know, 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:55.920 it would be weird if your kid turned up with 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.560 like a kid from school, And I was like, yeah, no, 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.400 my mom said at school, So I lied. Maya's mom 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.600 called my mom because after school care was freaking out. 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:09.040 We're missing one those poor teenagers who are running after 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:10.960 school care eighteen year old. 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.040 But I think secretly, deep down, mom and dad were 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:15.960 like she's independent, Like she's great. 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:18.920 I like to believe that. Now I'm not sure if 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:19.880 it's true. I should ask them. 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:21.240 But what was the punishment? Do you remember? 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:22.160 I don't remember. 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:25.280 Like my dad was always like, a you were grounded 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.280 for a month, And then the next day I'd be like, 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:28.240 can I go to my friend's house? 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:29.200 And he's like, get out of here. 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.000 As much easier for you to not be at home. 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:36.320 Yeah, grounding your kids is more punishment to the parents and. 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:40.240 Them away boarding school for you. 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:44.359 Thank you. Look at you now such an independent woman. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:47.400 Yeah, I can get the bus. Yeah, I mean doing 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:49.560 this forever. So yeah, I got in trouble for that. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:53.599 But otherwise, like my parents were pretty I had older brothers, 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:56.520 so they did a lot of breaking in for me. So, yeah, 0:04:56.640 --> 0:05:00.000 are you the youngest I am of how many of three? 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:02.159 My brothers are ten and eight years older than me, 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:03.000 So they're in their forties. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:03.800 They're really old. 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:10.359 Wow. Yeah, I'm pretty much there. Actually, I'm hanging on 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:11.920 to thirty seven for as long as I can. 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:15.159 Yeah, Like my grandmother's been twenty nine for like fifty 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:15.920 five years. 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:17.159 You could do that too. 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:17.640 Wow. 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:20.880 It's all about how you feel. 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:25.240 Yes, how do you feel so good? You look great. 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:28.560 You haven't always been a dueler? No, you used to 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:30.800 work in media, yes, so Ash and I were wondering, 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:33.280 how does someone who works in media all of a 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:34.800 sudden become a dueler? 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:38.520 Yeah, a bit of a wild career change, just a 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.719 but I've actually been doing both for a long time, 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.040 so I kind of was running the double life a bit, 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:46.960 like you know, Hannah Montana. I had been in media, 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.000 working in radio, and then when I felt pregnant and 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:52.440 I went through my own first birth experience that obviously 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:55.240 changed everything, as it does for so many people, and 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:56.320 I was like, wow. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.680 Before pregnancy, no idea, what a doula was. I didn't 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:03.440 even know what a cervix was, So like, was so. 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:08.240 With your first what was your birth plan? How did 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:09.320 that unfold? Yeah? 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:13.080 Well, the birth plan was like, have an amazing, beautiful 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:16.960 hypno birthing in the water, no payment, amazing, Yeah, that 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:17.680 was that was the plan. 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:22.479 The plan, Okay, and how did that go? 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:25.560 NEPI dural and just you know, push this baby out 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.160 after like fifty two hours, so you. 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:31.320 Know, like fifty two hours. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:36.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So before birth, I was like Paula 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:38.279 Abdullah Jeweler, like what's a duela? 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.440 Had no idea and people would kind of mentioned it, 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:42.800 and I thought like why would I ever need one 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:43.080 of those? 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.960 Like, I'm gonna be fine, my buddy's meant to do this. 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:48.040 I was like, people birth all the time, people. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:49.719 Birth every day, Like I got this, and then like 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:52.600 first contraction, I was like I don't have this, you know. 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:54.400 So that was a bit of a rude shock. 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:55.680 But I kind of came out of that and I 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:59.120 was like, I get now why people need more support 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:01.560 or should you know, we should have more support if 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:04.279 they want it. So I was a bit bored on 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.040 maternity leaf. I was like, what am I going to 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.000 do with my life now? Like I'm a mom, what 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:09.920 am I doing? So I thought I'll just do this 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.480 duel of course, because it sounds cool. And I did 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.240 the course and I was like, this is amazing. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:17.520 But I also don't feel like I fit the dueler vibe, 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:20.440 you know, because there's a bit of a stereotype that 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.000 duelers are really hippie and spiritual and you know, sage 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:28.360 sticking and you know, burning centers in the woodsage. Yeah, 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.600 clearing the space of like things. 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:32.760 You know, it's great if you're into it, but I 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:34.640 just was there was never me. So I kind of 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:36.360 thought like, maybe this is not Is. 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:37.239 There smoke involved? 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.080 Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't have smoke around someone 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:44.400 who's giving birth. Is that. 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:51.880 It's not like a bonfire, it's just a sage stick 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:52.880 you will. 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:54.800 Yes, okay, like burning incense. 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:57.720 Kind of candle coup of candles for the aura, thank you? Yes. 0:07:57.840 --> 0:07:59.880 Always thought, you know, maybe I don't really fit that. 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:01.360 But then I thought I. 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:04.280 Went into pregnancy and birth and I would have loved 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.240 some support that wasn't super spiritual and about all that. 0:08:07.280 --> 0:08:08.320 So I thought I was just going to give this 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:08.520 a go. 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:10.760 But I didn't want to jump into running my own 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:13.960 business without the security of an income, so I went 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:16.000 back to work full time in radio. 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:19.200 As well with the course. Yes, how long is that course? 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.240 The course I did was I think it was like 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.040 seven days total over a couple of months, like a 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.520 couple of weekends. But you don't need a course to 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:30.840 be a dueler. It's not a regulated industry, so you 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:32.440 don't have to do a course. But I thought I 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:34.800 just wanted to to like expand my skills and set 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:37.440 and education. And I went back to radio and I 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:39.240 was working radio, and I said to them like, hey, 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:41.400 I'm also a dueler now, like I'm coming back as 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.520 a mum, but I also have my side business here. 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:45.160 And they were like that's. 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.920 Cool, like so supportive and so willing to work with me. 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:50.920 So there were a couple of times I'd be at 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:52.439 work and I'd look at my phone and be. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:54.280 Like, shit, got to go, and they're like have fun, 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:54.840 good luck. 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:56.320 How do you find your first client? 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:00.120 So we had to do three student birth experiences. So 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:03.960 I got them through word of mouth. A physio referred me, 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:07.800 another duela referred me for someone. So yeah, and it's 0:09:07.800 --> 0:09:08.880 like having your l plates on. 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:11.520 You're like you're just like in the room going through 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:15.559 the whole process with a duela that's been experienced or 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:16.560 good wife. 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:18.960 Or or a I don't know, No, you're doing it 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.920 on your own, like, so it was more that you 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:25.839 supported these families through. We kept a diary, we checked 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.440 in with like our educator and stuff, but it was 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.160 pretty much off your own devices. 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:29.800 Wow. 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:33.240 But yeah, they were great and I did those and 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:35.480 then I was certified and away we went. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:37.079 How was the first birth? 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:41.200 The first birth was actually amazing. It was a first 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:45.319 time mum. She was incredible, a water birth in the hospital, 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:49.319 zero intervention. So as a dueler who's done this course, thinking. 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:51.840 Like, this is how birth exactly should be. This is textbook. 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:54.520 Seeing my first birth that wasn't my own like that, 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:58.240 I was like, it's real, Like it really is a thing. 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:00.120 I was on an oxytocin high four day. 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:02.400 Yeah, and a couple of my other colleagues in the 0:10:02.440 --> 0:10:05.600 course had had births that were so like they were 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:08.280 like I saw everything. I saw the cascade of intervention, 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.320 you know, I saw the cascades, so like you intervene 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.520 somewhere along the way in it kind of cascades and 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.880 it can just like a snowball effect, everything kind of 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:19.000 ends up happening. And they had seen that, and I'd 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:20.920 seen this beautiful water birth. You know, my time would 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:23.040 come for seeing those things too. But yeah, that was 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:24.440 my first experience as. 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.560 A daller, literally straight into the deep end. 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:30.559 And you said that they're like, you do three experiences 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:31.240 it I did. 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.200 Yes, what do they call them against student birth? 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:34.439 Student birth? Okay? 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:38.400 And the person who you're supporting obviously know you're student birth, 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:41.760 so she's a first mum and this is your first time. Yeah, 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:44.480 I can imagine the maybe the anxiety in the air 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.000 or was it your job to bring that back down? 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:48.800 Bring it back down? Absolutely? 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.880 And the thing about supporting someone through birth, and I 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.160 was guilty of this thinking that you have to have 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.280 all the answers and you have to know all the 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:59.400 evidence and have all the information, and really it's not 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:02.520 about that all, you know, It's about making sure that 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.800 that woman and her partner feel in control and feel 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:07.720 like they're driving that shit and you're just kind of 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:09.920 there to support and guide along the way. 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.880 So she was amazing. She had an incredible mindset. 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:15.560 She was an athlete as well, so she like had 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.560 a good performance mindset. So as a dueler, I was like, 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:20.199 this is this is dream client goals. 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:24.199 You know, after you do those three student bursts, are 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:27.760 you like going hard and trying to recruit your next client? 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:32.920 Yeah, yeah, it's I actually felt pregnant, so in that 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:34.800 student kind of I was doing my student burst, I 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:40.200 feltregnant again, and I was like, and unplanned pregnancy. But 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:42.400 I feel like an idiot saying that when you're an adult, 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:44.200 because you're like, I know how pregnancy works, I know 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.559 how it happens, so like you know, whoop. 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.240 See We're like, I can't believe it. 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:50.360 That happened always. 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.400 So that was a bit of a shock because I 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:56.360 was my girls are eighteen months apart, so I had 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:58.720 two under two, and I was like, I had a 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.040 bit of a break, but I was you're active on 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:03.480 social media, which was good because you're always working nine 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:06.520 months ahead like my clients that I'm signing at the moment. 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:09.800 Are due in January February, you know, so you're. 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:10.520 Always working a long way. 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:12.320 So I kind of was planning to be back doing 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.840 burst around four months postpartum, so I could kind of plan. 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.080 That head to get the next client. 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.640 That's pretty quick. Yeah, especially with two under two. I 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:22.720 know you're telling congratulations. 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.680 And so someone right now maybe they they haven't had 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:29.120 a child just yet, they're thinking about they're planning that 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:30.440 to get pregnant. 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:30.720 Yep. 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.520 When is the right time to engage with a. 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:39.040 Dueler, I would say, like most duelers will offer obligation 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:41.600 free connect calls and catch ups and stuff. So if 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.480 you really want to take your time finding the one 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.520 that's right for you, which I do recommend, like meet 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:49.520 with a few, you could even do it before you're pregnant, 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:50.960 just so that you've put the feelers out in the 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.160 connects to be like, hey, I'm thinking about this, and 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:57.079 maybe some guidance or some support in your trying to 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.480 conceive journey. So it's never too early. But I would 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.800 say most people will reach out at the moment. It's 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:05.280 like people are peeing on a stick and sending me 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:07.120 a photo of their double lines. You know, that's kind 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:08.800 of where we're at now. And I'm like, whoa, Okay, 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.560 this is great, amazing, And then some people don't find 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:13.559 me till like thirty weeks and they're like. 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:15.120 Shit's changed. 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.360 My plan is, I don't know what's happening, Like I 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.640 need support, and you know, usually I can kind of. 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:20.120 Make them fit. 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.320 And so we are now currently twenty one weeks. Yes, 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.880 exciting to thank you very much, thank. 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.320 You're welcome every time, soing congratulations in front of me. 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:31.920 I also take that off. 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:36.400 Yeah, Ash is godfather, oh godchild. So if I reach 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:38.920 out and I say, Alice, we're having a baby twenty 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:42.640 one weeks, yep, what happens? Then how do I or 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:44.320 how do you make sure that I own the right 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:45.840 potential client for yourself? 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:46.440 Yeah? 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:50.480 Well I do like connect calls so facetimes where I 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:52.120 love the partners to be there too, because I think 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.439 that's really important to know that part is on board 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.880 for me. I'm like a lot of guys don't understand 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:58.880 what a dueler is, and that's so fine, guilty, but 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:00.520 at least need dad. 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:01.600 To be like at a five, like if there's a 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:02.680 scale of zero, to ten. 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:04.120 I need a dad to be at a five where 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:06.520 he's at least like whatever you want, babe, Like I 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:07.320 support your choices. 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:08.840 That For me, I'm like tick because I know that, 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:10.720 like we're going to get on. But if a dad's 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.640 like that sounds dumb, like why are we paying for that? 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:16.640 Like that's stupid? Like that for me, I'm like, oh, 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.680 but I do like to connect with the couple to 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.120 make sure that we can have a free conversation a 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:23.880 bit of banter, because like I swear, I like have 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:25.320 a sense of humor. I want to have a laugh 0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:25.680 I don't. 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.160 I want to bring some fun and light to birth 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.080 because it is such a big time, but it should 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:32.920 be a joyous time, so I want to help bring 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:33.400 that out too. 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.840 So how do you support mum and dad to be 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:41.320 not during birth, but initially during that pregnancy phase before 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.880 you're actually in the room about to give birth. 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.840 Yeah, so kind of depends on where they're at. I 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:49.240 love to meet couples like where they are. So if 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:52.400 I meet a couple and they've got zero education, they 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.400 don't understand birth, they don't understand like what the body 0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:57.120 is doing and what the process looks like. 0:14:57.160 --> 0:14:58.360 Then I kind of know we've got to. 0:14:58.400 --> 0:14:59.960 Do a bit of education and a bit of like 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.120 a more teaching than I would usually do, which I 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:06.200 prefer to do more like connect and and get to 0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:07.200 know each other that way. 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:08.880 So maybe it's education. 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.480 But we meet three sometimes four times in pregnancy, have 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:15.120 a group chat going I love, send me some gifts, 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:19.320 send me some memes about pregnancy and shit, and when 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.960 we catch up. I like to do a bit of 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:24.080 birth planning and birth prep and then I like to 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.240 get physical with my clients. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:27.440 That's soundever really weird? 0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:27.760 Nice. 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:30.720 I like to, you know, show them hands on support techniques, 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.240 So show them how they can use the different tools. 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:34.800 I've brought some props as well. 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:36.400 Maybe I can show you later, yeah, how they can 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.600 be good support people and practice for the for the 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:38.960 big day. 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.120 Like positions women give birth and all sorts of different positions, 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:42.320 like on. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.520 All fours can be, or on their back, on their back, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:47.400 I think is there more than that they. 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:51.640 Can squat side? Someone says like, hey, I got no 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:53.960 idea when you ask me what my birthing plan is, Like, 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.720 I don't even know what's available. What are the kind 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:59.360 of main options like a menu that I can choose from. 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:01.840 That's a big question. 0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.960 It would really depend on what your like birth philosophy is. 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:10.120 So some people will see birth as a really scary 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.600 medical event that is going to need a lot of 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.800 support and help, I suppose in managing that situation, and 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:19.440 they're going to feel safest having either an obstetrician or 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.040 you know, a private midwife maybe, And they're on one side, 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:24.360 and then there's the other side that thinks it's a 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:27.960 really natural event that rarely needs medical interference. So depending 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.760 on where you're kind of on this spectrum, birth is 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.080 going to look different for you. But you've got lots 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:35.680 of options depending on where you choose to have your baby. 0:16:35.760 --> 0:16:37.600 So some people will choose to have their baby in 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.680 a public hospital under like midwife care. Those public hospitals 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:44.480 might have baths, so water birth if some people will 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.480 want to have epidurals and want to have pain relief, 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.800 and they'll want to be you know, on the bed 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.720 and not feel the pain of labor. Some people want 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:53.920 to have their baby at home with a private midwife. 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:57.080 Some people want to have an obstetrician, and elective cesarean like, 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.480 there's so many choices that exist, and I don't think 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.560 people realize exactly what those choices are. So part of 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:06.080 my work is working with a couple to see where 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.760 they are on that spectrum, what they want for birth, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.120