Speaker 1: Ash. I'm gonna pick on the spot here far away,
Speaker 1: big go. Okay, do you know? All right? Give me
Speaker 1: your answer. What does a dueler do?
Speaker 2: It fills my tummy because it sounds like a delicious
Speaker 2: Indian feet.
Speaker 1: I think that's dull You got me, You got me.
Speaker 3: At first I thought it was what's that Dwali? It's
Speaker 3: an Indian festival of food and culture and color and music.
Speaker 1: That sounds lovely. It's not. It's not what a dueler does.
Speaker 1: But don't worry, because we have Alice Worthy here today.
Speaker 1: She is the modern duela who supports women through one
Speaker 1: of the most intense moments of their lives. Yes, I'm
Speaker 1: talking about childbirth.
Speaker 3: Yes, we get into what a duela actually does, how
Speaker 3: they differ from midwives, and how partners don't have to
Speaker 3: just stand there awkwardly in.
Speaker 2: The labor room or birthing Sweet.
Speaker 1: Plus, Alice shares her most unforgettable birth story. Let's just
Speaker 1: say the parents christen their newly renovated bathroom.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum
Speaker 1: slash dueler. I am Mattie, j.
Speaker 4: I'm Ash, and I'm Alice the modern Dueller.
Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad and the relatable and Alice,
Speaker 1: we have to say for legal reasons, not really legal reasons,
Speaker 1: but kind of legal reasons, not real.
Speaker 2: Not real, fake legal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't give advice, Ash and I never had
Speaker 1: that a will. We do sometimes, but if it does
Speaker 1: come out as advice, it's accidental. But you are more
Speaker 1: than welcome to give advice.
Speaker 2: There's a loophole in that legalities are allowed.
Speaker 1: To I'm allowed to guess are immune from those legal ramifications.
Speaker 2: You can break the law here and you're fine.
Speaker 4: I'll talk to my lawyer.
Speaker 1: We do like to start with our guess a little
Speaker 1: journey back in time to when they were a youngster
Speaker 1: and Ash, do you think Alice was someone who was
Speaker 1: well behaved or was she someone who was quite naughty?
Speaker 1: She's from Central Coast.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to say class clown ish.
Speaker 4: You picked that up already.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like a drama kid. Yeah, I was
Speaker 4: a drama kid.
Speaker 5: And mom and dad always said like, it doesn't matter
Speaker 5: about your grades, you just try your hardest.
Speaker 4: So I was like, okay, I'll be dramatic.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: When did you get your first taste of drama?
Speaker 5: Oh would have been as soon as I kind of
Speaker 5: started school, maybe year four.
Speaker 4: I was like a Shakespeare kind of kid. O hard
Speaker 4: to believe, I know.
Speaker 2: Can you remember any of it?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: Nothing, nothing, but I think I did play like Desdemona
Speaker 5: in something we went to the Shakespeare like I can't
Speaker 5: even remember now, like Desdemona and.
Speaker 4: Is there a fellow?
Speaker 2: Just full disclosure, I don't know what any of these were.
Speaker 4: I just want you to know.
Speaker 5: You said that this was like a previous life, so
Speaker 5: I was like, I can't remember now, still left my body.
Speaker 1: Did you ever get in trouble?
Speaker 5: Probably when I was in primary school This would have
Speaker 5: been like year two maybe, and mom and dad sent
Speaker 5: me to after school care. They owned a cafe at
Speaker 5: the time and so they would work on long hours
Speaker 5: and I used to have to go to after school care,
Speaker 5: which I hated. So I took it upon myself to
Speaker 5: just get the bus home because I knew where the
Speaker 5: bus went, and like it was a school bar. It
Speaker 5: was a school bus, so probably younger. Yeah, I was
Speaker 5: young for my year too, so I just was like,
Speaker 5: fuck this, I'm not going after school care, got on
Speaker 5: the bus took me all the way because we lived
Speaker 5: at Copacabanna, which was like the furthest suburb away.
Speaker 4: So I was like last kid on the bus.
Speaker 5: With my friend Maya. I don't even know where she
Speaker 5: is now, but she helped me. I got off, I
Speaker 5: went to Maya's house. Her mom was like, hey, like,
Speaker 5: you didn't know you were coming over today, because you know,
Speaker 5: it would be weird if your kid turned up with
Speaker 5: like a kid from school, And I was like, yeah, no,
Speaker 5: my mom said at school, So I lied. Maya's mom
Speaker 5: called my mom because after school care was freaking out.
Speaker 1: We're missing one those poor teenagers who are running after
Speaker 1: school care eighteen year old.
Speaker 5: But I think secretly, deep down, mom and dad were
Speaker 5: like she's independent, Like she's great.
Speaker 4: I like to believe that. Now I'm not sure if
Speaker 4: it's true. I should ask them.
Speaker 2: But what was the punishment? Do you remember?
Speaker 4: I don't remember.
Speaker 5: Like my dad was always like, a you were grounded
Speaker 5: for a month, And then the next day I'd be like,
Speaker 5: can I go to my friend's house?
Speaker 4: And he's like, get out of here.
Speaker 2: As much easier for you to not be at home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, grounding your kids is more punishment to the parents and.
Speaker 2: Them away boarding school for you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Look at you now such an independent woman.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can get the bus. Yeah, I mean doing
Speaker 5: this forever. So yeah, I got in trouble for that.
Speaker 5: But otherwise, like my parents were pretty I had older brothers,
Speaker 5: so they did a lot of breaking in for me. So, yeah,
Speaker 5: are you the youngest I am of how many of three?
Speaker 5: My brothers are ten and eight years older than me,
Speaker 5: So they're in their forties.
Speaker 4: They're really old.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I'm pretty much there. Actually, I'm hanging on
Speaker 1: to thirty seven for as long as I can.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like my grandmother's been twenty nine for like fifty
Speaker 3: five years.
Speaker 2: You could do that too.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: It's all about how you feel.
Speaker 2: Yes, how do you feel so good? You look great.
Speaker 1: You haven't always been a dueler? No, you used to
Speaker 1: work in media, yes, so Ash and I were wondering,
Speaker 1: how does someone who works in media all of a
Speaker 1: sudden become a dueler?
Speaker 5: Yeah, a bit of a wild career change, just a
Speaker 5: but I've actually been doing both for a long time,
Speaker 5: so I kind of was running the double life a bit,
Speaker 5: like you know, Hannah Montana. I had been in media,
Speaker 5: working in radio, and then when I felt pregnant and
Speaker 5: I went through my own first birth experience that obviously
Speaker 5: changed everything, as it does for so many people, and
Speaker 5: I was like, wow.
Speaker 4: Before pregnancy, no idea, what a doula was. I didn't
Speaker 4: even know what a cervix was, So like, was so.
Speaker 1: With your first what was your birth plan? How did
Speaker 1: that unfold? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Well, the birth plan was like, have an amazing, beautiful
Speaker 5: hypno birthing in the water, no payment, amazing, Yeah, that
Speaker 5: was that was the plan.
Speaker 2: The plan, Okay, and how did that go?
Speaker 5: NEPI dural and just you know, push this baby out
Speaker 5: after like fifty two hours, so you.
Speaker 3: Know, like fifty two hours.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So before birth, I was like Paula
Speaker 4: Abdullah Jeweler, like what's a duela?
Speaker 5: Had no idea and people would kind of mentioned it,
Speaker 5: and I thought like why would I ever need one
Speaker 5: of those?
Speaker 4: Like, I'm gonna be fine, my buddy's meant to do this.
Speaker 4: I was like, people birth all the time, people.
Speaker 5: Birth every day, Like I got this, and then like
Speaker 5: first contraction, I was like I don't have this, you know.
Speaker 4: So that was a bit of a rude shock.
Speaker 5: But I kind of came out of that and I
Speaker 5: was like, I get now why people need more support
Speaker 5: or should you know, we should have more support if
Speaker 5: they want it. So I was a bit bored on
Speaker 5: maternity leaf. I was like, what am I going to
Speaker 5: do with my life now? Like I'm a mom, what
Speaker 5: am I doing? So I thought I'll just do this
Speaker 5: duel of course, because it sounds cool. And I did
Speaker 5: the course and I was like, this is amazing.
Speaker 4: But I also don't feel like I fit the dueler vibe,
Speaker 4: you know, because there's a bit of a stereotype that
Speaker 4: duelers are really hippie and spiritual and you know, sage
Speaker 4: sticking and you know, burning centers in the woodsage. Yeah,
Speaker 4: clearing the space of like things.
Speaker 5: You know, it's great if you're into it, but I
Speaker 5: just was there was never me. So I kind of
Speaker 5: thought like, maybe this is not Is.
Speaker 2: There smoke involved?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't have smoke around someone
Speaker 3: who's giving birth. Is that.
Speaker 1: It's not like a bonfire, it's just a sage stick
Speaker 1: you will.
Speaker 4: Yes, okay, like burning incense.
Speaker 1: Kind of candle coup of candles for the aura, thank you? Yes.
Speaker 4: Always thought, you know, maybe I don't really fit that.
Speaker 4: But then I thought I.
Speaker 5: Went into pregnancy and birth and I would have loved
Speaker 5: some support that wasn't super spiritual and about all that.
Speaker 4: So I thought I was just going to give this
Speaker 4: a go.
Speaker 5: But I didn't want to jump into running my own
Speaker 5: business without the security of an income, so I went
Speaker 5: back to work full time in radio.
Speaker 1: As well with the course. Yes, how long is that course?
Speaker 5: The course I did was I think it was like
Speaker 5: seven days total over a couple of months, like a
Speaker 5: couple of weekends. But you don't need a course to
Speaker 5: be a dueler. It's not a regulated industry, so you
Speaker 5: don't have to do a course. But I thought I
Speaker 5: just wanted to to like expand my skills and set
Speaker 5: and education. And I went back to radio and I
Speaker 5: was working radio, and I said to them like, hey,
Speaker 5: I'm also a dueler now, like I'm coming back as
Speaker 5: a mum, but I also have my side business here.
Speaker 4: And they were like that's.
Speaker 5: Cool, like so supportive and so willing to work with me.
Speaker 5: So there were a couple of times I'd be at
Speaker 5: work and I'd look at my phone and be.
Speaker 4: Like, shit, got to go, and they're like have fun,
Speaker 4: good luck.
Speaker 1: How do you find your first client?
Speaker 4: So we had to do three student birth experiences. So
Speaker 4: I got them through word of mouth. A physio referred me,
Speaker 4: another duela referred me for someone. So yeah, and it's
Speaker 4: like having your l plates on.
Speaker 3: You're like you're just like in the room going through
Speaker 3: the whole process with a duela that's been experienced or
Speaker 3: good wife.
Speaker 5: Or or a I don't know, No, you're doing it
Speaker 5: on your own, like, so it was more that you
Speaker 5: supported these families through. We kept a diary, we checked
Speaker 5: in with like our educator and stuff, but it was
Speaker 5: pretty much off your own devices.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 5: But yeah, they were great and I did those and
Speaker 5: then I was certified and away we went.
Speaker 1: How was the first birth?
Speaker 5: The first birth was actually amazing. It was a first
Speaker 5: time mum. She was incredible, a water birth in the hospital,
Speaker 5: zero intervention. So as a dueler who's done this course, thinking.
Speaker 4: Like, this is how birth exactly should be. This is textbook.
Speaker 4: Seeing my first birth that wasn't my own like that,
Speaker 4: I was like, it's real, Like it really is a thing.
Speaker 4: I was on an oxytocin high four day.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and a couple of my other colleagues in the
Speaker 5: course had had births that were so like they were
Speaker 5: like I saw everything. I saw the cascade of intervention,
Speaker 5: you know, I saw the cascades, so like you intervene
Speaker 5: somewhere along the way in it kind of cascades and
Speaker 5: it can just like a snowball effect, everything kind of
Speaker 5: ends up happening. And they had seen that, and I'd
Speaker 5: seen this beautiful water birth. You know, my time would
Speaker 5: come for seeing those things too. But yeah, that was
Speaker 5: my first experience as.
Speaker 2: A daller, literally straight into the deep end.
Speaker 3: And you said that they're like, you do three experiences
Speaker 3: it I did.
Speaker 4: Yes, what do they call them against student birth?
Speaker 2: Student birth? Okay?
Speaker 3: And the person who you're supporting obviously know you're student birth,
Speaker 3: so she's a first mum and this is your first time. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I can imagine the maybe the anxiety in the air
Speaker 3: or was it your job to bring that back down?
Speaker 4: Bring it back down? Absolutely?
Speaker 5: And the thing about supporting someone through birth, and I
Speaker 5: was guilty of this thinking that you have to have
Speaker 5: all the answers and you have to know all the
Speaker 5: evidence and have all the information, and really it's not
Speaker 5: about that all, you know, It's about making sure that
Speaker 5: that woman and her partner feel in control and feel
Speaker 5: like they're driving that shit and you're just kind of
Speaker 5: there to support and guide along the way.
Speaker 4: So she was amazing. She had an incredible mindset.
Speaker 5: She was an athlete as well, so she like had
Speaker 5: a good performance mindset. So as a dueler, I was like,
Speaker 5: this is this is dream client goals.
Speaker 1: You know, after you do those three student bursts, are
Speaker 1: you like going hard and trying to recruit your next client?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's I actually felt pregnant, so in that
Speaker 5: student kind of I was doing my student burst, I
Speaker 5: feltregnant again, and I was like, and unplanned pregnancy. But
Speaker 5: I feel like an idiot saying that when you're an adult,
Speaker 5: because you're like, I know how pregnancy works, I know
Speaker 5: how it happens, so like you know, whoop.
Speaker 2: See We're like, I can't believe it.
Speaker 4: That happened always.
Speaker 5: So that was a bit of a shock because I
Speaker 5: was my girls are eighteen months apart, so I had
Speaker 5: two under two, and I was like, I had a
Speaker 5: bit of a break, but I was you're active on
Speaker 5: social media, which was good because you're always working nine
Speaker 5: months ahead like my clients that I'm signing at the moment.
Speaker 5: Are due in January February, you know, so you're.
Speaker 4: Always working a long way.
Speaker 5: So I kind of was planning to be back doing
Speaker 5: burst around four months postpartum, so I could kind of plan.
Speaker 4: That head to get the next client.
Speaker 2: That's pretty quick. Yeah, especially with two under two. I
Speaker 2: know you're telling congratulations.
Speaker 1: And so someone right now maybe they they haven't had
Speaker 1: a child just yet, they're thinking about they're planning that
Speaker 1: to get pregnant.
Speaker 4: Yep.
Speaker 1: When is the right time to engage with a.
Speaker 5: Dueler, I would say, like most duelers will offer obligation
Speaker 5: free connect calls and catch ups and stuff. So if
Speaker 5: you really want to take your time finding the one
Speaker 5: that's right for you, which I do recommend, like meet
Speaker 5: with a few, you could even do it before you're pregnant,
Speaker 5: just so that you've put the feelers out in the
Speaker 5: connects to be like, hey, I'm thinking about this, and
Speaker 5: maybe some guidance or some support in your trying to
Speaker 5: conceive journey. So it's never too early. But I would
Speaker 5: say most people will reach out at the moment. It's
Speaker 5: like people are peeing on a stick and sending me
Speaker 5: a photo of their double lines. You know, that's kind
Speaker 5: of where we're at now. And I'm like, whoa, Okay,
Speaker 5: this is great, amazing, And then some people don't find
Speaker 5: me till like thirty weeks and they're like.
Speaker 4: Shit's changed.
Speaker 5: My plan is, I don't know what's happening, Like I
Speaker 5: need support, and you know, usually I can kind of.
Speaker 4: Make them fit.
Speaker 1: And so we are now currently twenty one weeks. Yes,
Speaker 1: exciting to thank you very much, thank.
Speaker 3: You're welcome every time, soing congratulations in front of me.
Speaker 2: I also take that off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Ash is godfather, oh godchild. So if I reach
Speaker 1: out and I say, Alice, we're having a baby twenty
Speaker 1: one weeks, yep, what happens? Then how do I or
Speaker 1: how do you make sure that I own the right
Speaker 1: potential client for yourself?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Well I do like connect calls so facetimes where I
Speaker 5: love the partners to be there too, because I think
Speaker 5: that's really important to know that part is on board
Speaker 5: for me. I'm like a lot of guys don't understand
Speaker 5: what a dueler is, and that's so fine, guilty, but
Speaker 5: at least need dad.
Speaker 4: To be like at a five, like if there's a
Speaker 4: scale of zero, to ten.
Speaker 5: I need a dad to be at a five where
Speaker 5: he's at least like whatever you want, babe, Like I
Speaker 5: support your choices.
Speaker 4: That For me, I'm like tick because I know that,
Speaker 4: like we're going to get on. But if a dad's
Speaker 4: like that sounds dumb, like why are we paying for that?
Speaker 4: Like that's stupid? Like that for me, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: but I do like to connect with the couple to
Speaker 4: make sure that we can have a free conversation a
Speaker 4: bit of banter, because like I swear, I like have
Speaker 4: a sense of humor. I want to have a laugh
Speaker 4: I don't.
Speaker 5: I want to bring some fun and light to birth
Speaker 5: because it is such a big time, but it should
Speaker 5: be a joyous time, so I want to help bring
Speaker 5: that out too.
Speaker 1: So how do you support mum and dad to be
Speaker 1: not during birth, but initially during that pregnancy phase before
Speaker 1: you're actually in the room about to give birth.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so kind of depends on where they're at. I
Speaker 5: love to meet couples like where they are. So if
Speaker 5: I meet a couple and they've got zero education, they
Speaker 5: don't understand birth, they don't understand like what the body
Speaker 5: is doing and what the process looks like.
Speaker 4: Then I kind of know we've got to.
Speaker 5: Do a bit of education and a bit of like
Speaker 5: a more teaching than I would usually do, which I
Speaker 5: prefer to do more like connect and and get to
Speaker 5: know each other that way.
Speaker 4: So maybe it's education.
Speaker 5: But we meet three sometimes four times in pregnancy, have
Speaker 5: a group chat going I love, send me some gifts,
Speaker 5: send me some memes about pregnancy and shit, and when
Speaker 5: we catch up. I like to do a bit of
Speaker 5: birth planning and birth prep and then I like to
Speaker 5: get physical with my clients.
Speaker 4: That's soundever really weird?
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 5: I like to, you know, show them hands on support techniques,
Speaker 5: So show them how they can use the different tools.
Speaker 4: I've brought some props as well.
Speaker 5: Maybe I can show you later, yeah, how they can
Speaker 5: be good support people and practice for the for the
Speaker 5: big day.
Speaker 3: Like positions women give birth and all sorts of different positions,
Speaker 3: like on.
Speaker 2: All fours can be, or on their back, on their back,
Speaker 2: I think is there more than that they.
Speaker 1: Can squat side? Someone says like, hey, I got no
Speaker 1: idea when you ask me what my birthing plan is, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's available. What are the kind
Speaker 1: of main options like a menu that I can choose from.
Speaker 4: That's a big question.
Speaker 5: It would really depend on what your like birth philosophy is.
Speaker 5: So some people will see birth as a really scary
Speaker 5: medical event that is going to need a lot of
Speaker 5: support and help, I suppose in managing that situation, and
Speaker 5: they're going to feel safest having either an obstetrician or
Speaker 5: you know, a private midwife maybe, And they're on one side,
Speaker 5: and then there's the other side that thinks it's a
Speaker 5: really natural event that rarely needs medical interference. So depending
Speaker 5: on where you're kind of on this spectrum, birth is
Speaker 5: going to look different for you. But you've got lots
Speaker 5: of options depending on where you choose to have your baby.
Speaker 5: So some people will choose to have their baby in
Speaker 5: a public hospital under like midwife care. Those public hospitals
Speaker 5: might have baths, so water birth if some people will
Speaker 5: want to have epidurals and want to have pain relief,
Speaker 5: and they'll want to be you know, on the bed
Speaker 5: and not feel the pain of labor. Some people want
Speaker 5: to have their baby at home with a private midwife.
Speaker 5: Some people want to have an obstetrician, and elective cesarean like,
Speaker 5: there's so many choices that exist, and I don't think
Speaker 5: people realize exactly what those choices are. So part of
Speaker 5: my work is working with a couple to see where
Speaker 5: they are on that spectrum, what they want for birth,
Speaker 5: what they think could be possible for them, and then
Speaker 5: helping them navigate the system to try and get their goals.
Speaker 1: I've always been inquisitive about the water births, not for me.
Speaker 4: Has Laura had a water birth?
Speaker 1: I remember we went This is when Marley was still
Speaker 1: in Laura's tummy. We went into the hospital and this
Speaker 1: is when we were kind of going through the different options.
Speaker 1: Like I had no wight. I thought it was just
Speaker 1: like you give birth, you lay on a bed, comes out.
Speaker 4: That's what we see in the movies, right.
Speaker 1: How to remember them. There's like a big, big bathtub.
Speaker 1: It's a big one. It was like a half spa.
Speaker 4: Getting in the sauna. We have a bath first and
Speaker 4: then and then.
Speaker 1: And that's when I found out about water births. And
Speaker 1: I don't like blood. So the idea of being like
Speaker 1: in with Laura.
Speaker 5: To be in there with it, I just scoot over.
Speaker 4: That.
Speaker 2: Actually, that's a good one. Is the water cold or
Speaker 2: is it warm?
Speaker 4: No, it's warm. It's it's got to be warm, otherwise
Speaker 4: maybe it's get a bit freaked down.
Speaker 2: Joe Rogan's in the having and ice.
Speaker 1: Degrees. Just breathe three minutes and then how do you differ?
Speaker 1: You mentioned midwife before a lot of people, even I
Speaker 1: put the call out on social media. The main question
Speaker 1: that I got most commonly asked was what is the
Speaker 1: difference between a midwife and a dueler.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a good question.
Speaker 5: So a midwife is someone who is clinically trained and
Speaker 5: looks after the clinical care of your yourself and the baby.
Speaker 5: So they're really concerned to make sure that you're healthy,
Speaker 5: you're well, and medically speaking, you guys are all good
Speaker 5: and happy. A dueler is not medically trained, so we
Speaker 5: should never ever be performing any medical tasks or like
Speaker 5: checking bellies or doing cervical exams or anything like that.
Speaker 5: So even though we can be hands on with support
Speaker 5: and pressure and acti pressure massage, we're not doing anything
Speaker 5: medical at all. So really just providing emotional, physical, informational,
Speaker 5: and advocating support. Your midwife is clinically responsible for you
Speaker 5: and the baby as well.
Speaker 3: With a midwife, we're saying everything's very medical.
Speaker 2: It's what they do day in day out.
Speaker 1: You're more in.
Speaker 2: There to support them, I suppose.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like bringing the anxiety down and trying to manage
Speaker 3: the pain, but without having to do the medical side
Speaker 3: of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And I think a lot of midwives would love to
Speaker 5: be doing that side as well. But they're in a
Speaker 5: system that you know they've got I don't want to downplay,
Speaker 5: but lots of paperwork and reporting and lots of things
Speaker 5: and checkboxes that they have to do. That means that
Speaker 5: they're not really a lot of the time able to
Speaker 5: give you that one on one support. And that was
Speaker 5: a shock for me when I went into labor with Billy.
Speaker 5: I thought my midwife was going to be like with
Speaker 5: me the whole time and doing my hip squeezes and
Speaker 5: helping me out and giving me different positions.
Speaker 1: I just want to say, this is a midwife plan though,
Speaker 1: So you have like you have a midwife, just a midwife,
Speaker 1: your midwife. Yeah from start, Like you get to sign
Speaker 1: a midwife and that will all the way from the start. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Laura was in the mid with Free program, gotcha. So
Speaker 1: if the romany midwives listening and going, well, hang on
Speaker 1: a second, we are there. We don't just come in
Speaker 1: at birth you get a signed your midwife and then
Speaker 1: all your checkups are with that midwife from like until
Speaker 1: your full term and then this is the.
Speaker 4: Gold standard, so everyone should have that.
Speaker 5: But that midway free group practice program is really hard
Speaker 5: to get into and often fills up quite quickly. So
Speaker 5: if you're lucky enough to get in that program, like
Speaker 5: you're kicking goals, like, good on you, like you've got
Speaker 5: this girl.
Speaker 2: But oh, backtrack on that midwifelogize.
Speaker 5: And you know what we need both, Like I think
Speaker 5: we really and what works really well is when midwives
Speaker 5: and duelers and even obstetricians work on the same team together.
Speaker 5: We're all there for the same reason and that's to
Speaker 5: make sure that this family has a great birth experience.
Speaker 5: So yeah, we should all be working together collaboratively.
Speaker 1: If there is someone who is thinking right now, I
Speaker 1: do want to engage the dueler, what would you recommend
Speaker 1: the best questions to ask?
Speaker 5: So I would ask them, you know, what their birth
Speaker 5: philosophy is, like, like what do they think about pain relief?
Speaker 5: What do they think about home birth? What do they
Speaker 5: think about private obstetricians? And usually you'll be able to
Speaker 5: get a sense of what kind of duela this person is.
Speaker 5: I would always want to ask them practical questions like
Speaker 5: what's your backup? You know, like what happens if you
Speaker 5: can't make my birth? Who would stand in? Or refunds
Speaker 5: and that kind of stuff. How many clients do they
Speaker 5: take on a month? Just so that you can understand
Speaker 5: like where you fit in their calendar and scheme, and
Speaker 5: then ask them like what experience they have? What's their
Speaker 5: skill set?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: Some duelers are really skilled in massage.
Speaker 5: Others are like acupressure geniuses, you know, poetry, yeah.
Speaker 4: Shakespearean sonnets, you know, drama skill set.
Speaker 2: Stand up comedians. You just got to ask them, you know.
Speaker 5: So yeah, ask them what their skill set is and
Speaker 5: how they like to support.
Speaker 1: Is there ever a scenario where you go into the
Speaker 1: delivery suite, you're then with your client, the midwife comes
Speaker 1: in and there's any tension at all between yourself and
Speaker 1: the midwife where midwife is like, I think we should
Speaker 1: do this, and you go, well, I think this could
Speaker 1: be an option.
Speaker 5: Honestly, like, it's happened maybe once or twice. Okay, it's
Speaker 5: really rare.
Speaker 1: Did you guys punch on?
Speaker 4: Yeah? In the whole way.
Speaker 1: I would watch that.
Speaker 4: Downstairs to Ed.
Speaker 5: No, very rarely does it happen, and usually it's you know,
Speaker 5: I would say as a door in my style of
Speaker 5: advocating is not to really speak for the woman.
Speaker 4: If she's able to do it herself.
Speaker 5: So often I'll refer to things like, oh, that's written
Speaker 5: on the birth plan, or you know, we had discussed this,
Speaker 5: what do you think, and just trying to open up
Speaker 5: more of a conversation around it, as opposed to like.
Speaker 4: She doesn't want this, she doesn't want that.
Speaker 5: So it rarely happens occasionally, of course, you know, because
Speaker 5: we've got different agendas. I guess, you know, midwives are
Speaker 5: working within a system. I'm supporting a client who has
Speaker 5: their own wishes. So it's a bit of a dance,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 3: And if you're going to the same hospitals, you would
Speaker 3: build rapport with these guys anyway, right, It's not like
Speaker 3: you're just turning up on day one like you're at
Speaker 3: the Mash Hospital. Make it more Hollywood, don't remember I
Speaker 3: did drama in primary schools.
Speaker 1: Is there ever a scenario where like one thing that
Speaker 1: stands out for me as advice that I've heard other
Speaker 1: mums give each other is that if you want to
Speaker 1: have an epidural, you got to ask for it early.
Speaker 1: You don't want to have a scenario where you're like,
Speaker 1: I like the epidural please, and I go, actually, you're
Speaker 1: too far gone, it's too late. Because I know you
Speaker 1: mentioned that you don't get involved in involved in the
Speaker 1: medical side of things. Is there ever a case where
Speaker 1: you say to that your client, like, if you want
Speaker 1: your epidural, you should request it now.
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever said that.
Speaker 5: I try not to actually offer any pain relief, Like
Speaker 5: a lot of the people that I'm working with don't
Speaker 5: want that either, like they want to have a more
Speaker 5: natural physiological experience. Of course, when I hear a client
Speaker 5: that we've had a discussion about epidurals, when I hear
Speaker 5: them say like I want an epi durol, I'm like, great,
Speaker 5: Like she wants an epi driol, and we kind of
Speaker 5: make it happen. I wouldn't ever offer it because I
Speaker 5: think that's kind of almost a sign that you think
Speaker 5: that they can't do it or they're not handling it.
Speaker 1: Yea.
Speaker 4: So I kind of like try not.
Speaker 5: To ever offer pain relief because I believe that they
Speaker 5: can do it without it until they ask for it themselves.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you could imagine being in that vulnerable state
Speaker 3: and you're going, I think you should. Yeah, your emotions
Speaker 3: are so probably so heightened right there that yeah, you could.
Speaker 2: It could be a bit traumatic. I spose and I
Speaker 2: had a.
Speaker 5: Midwife do that to me in my first birth, and
Speaker 5: this is the one that I want to have, the
Speaker 5: beautiful water birth. And when I was like, oh, this
Speaker 5: is really hard, she just like, have some gas, and
Speaker 5: I was like.
Speaker 4: I love gas, Like send me off, like you know,
Speaker 4: that's the only reason I go to the dentist, like
Speaker 4: the gas.
Speaker 5: So when she said that, I was like, oh, I
Speaker 5: feel like a bit of a drug addict, like hook
Speaker 5: me up. And that just started like that menu of
Speaker 5: pain relief for me. So yeah, I try not to
Speaker 5: try not to offer it.
Speaker 4: I get that it was so good too.
Speaker 1: I'm understanding more of the role of a dueler and
Speaker 1: tell me if this is way off here, But it
Speaker 1: kind of feels like you're almost like a supportive parent.
Speaker 1: So that's been there before.
Speaker 4: Yeah, is that?
Speaker 1: Am I kind of getting on the right track? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: Can you give me examples of where when you're at
Speaker 1: birth in the delivery suite, and what ways do you
Speaker 1: support your patient.
Speaker 5: So lots of different ways. One is just being close.
Speaker 5: I know it sounds really weiry, but we call it
Speaker 5: holding space. So it's really just being kind of a
Speaker 5: bodyguard of the area to make sure that that kind
Speaker 5: of bubble doesn't get popped, whether it's like unwanted interruptions
Speaker 5: and that kind of thing and unwanted questions. It's always
Speaker 5: nice to have a handhold. Like people often be like, oh,
Speaker 5: dolors are just handholders. I'm like, well, you've never had
Speaker 5: your handheld.
Speaker 4: Really good, because it's so nice to have your.
Speaker 5: Handheld and just to like know that someone is there
Speaker 5: and that has been through it and that knows that
Speaker 5: you can do it. And then there's all the physical
Speaker 5: side of things, So the hip squeezes, the acupressure, the positions,
Speaker 5: the helping babies turn positions when maybe they might be posterior,
Speaker 5: and trying to encourage them to turn around, encouraging different
Speaker 5: forms of pain relief. So we've got showers, we've got
Speaker 5: birth balls, birth comes, tens, machines, there's so many ways
Speaker 5: you can support. And then the other one would just
Speaker 5: be like advocating, so you know, either if it's buying
Speaker 5: them more time and.
Speaker 1: Then once delivered, yes, are you like, well.
Speaker 4: They got to get home for bedtime.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 5: I usually stay like up to maybe two hours after
Speaker 5: the baby's born. Definitely like love to step back and
Speaker 5: let mom and dad have their moment meeting their their
Speaker 5: baby and trying to take some photos and videos and
Speaker 5: stuff for them, And then I kind of will often
Speaker 5: go out and make mum like a nice cup of
Speaker 5: like chicken sleep or broth or like you know, is
Speaker 5: it natural organic, So they've got these powders, they're really good,
Speaker 5: and I make them broth and come back and make
Speaker 5: sure that they're doing well having their skin to skin
Speaker 5: and that Sometimes I can help latch, you know, if
Speaker 5: they want a breastfeed, and make sure that mum's got
Speaker 5: everything that she needs for either that night or to
Speaker 5: go home. Sometimes I'm helping you have a shower and
Speaker 5: then making sure she's all tucked up and happy and
Speaker 5: save and well.
Speaker 3: The hospital can be a pretty isolating place depending on
Speaker 3: It's so different every day, right, Like I remember just
Speaker 3: being like people in and out in and out in
Speaker 3: and out in and out, and it must be really
Speaker 3: comforting for mums to be that take up a dueler
Speaker 3: to have someone there all the time if they want
Speaker 3: them there all the time to help them with those
Speaker 3: things that they're and not feel isolated.
Speaker 2: Do you get that as a response from people. Yeah?
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 5: And sometimes if mums have an unexpected like stay in hospital,
Speaker 5: they're staying a few days that they didn't expect to.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I'll bring supplies from home or make sure that
Speaker 5: they've got some food, bring them food to the hospital
Speaker 5: so that they're not eating a cheese sandwich and a
Speaker 5: dry wee bigs, you know. So yeah, it's nice to
Speaker 5: have a friendly face when you're in there for sure.
Speaker 1: And then do you then still stay in contact with
Speaker 1: them when they've returned home if they have had a
Speaker 1: hospital state. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Absolutely.
Speaker 5: So a lot of my packages have you know, six
Speaker 5: weeks postpartum care in them as well.
Speaker 4: So I'll come over postpartum, make mum food.
Speaker 5: And make sure she's well and sitting down because they
Speaker 5: always bloody get up. And when I come around, I
Speaker 5: want you in bed, I want your hair and a mumbum.
Speaker 5: I want you covered in breast milk like I want
Speaker 5: you just looking like shit.
Speaker 4: Basically, I come around, they.
Speaker 5: Always look amazing and I'm like, yeah, yeah, they never
Speaker 5: listened to me.
Speaker 3: In those post visits. My wife suffered from postpartum depression
Speaker 3: pretty badly. Do you lend an air for those people?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And just being someone that they can talk to
Speaker 5: without judgment, you know, and not try and be that
Speaker 5: toxic positivity that a lot of like people get in
Speaker 5: the newborn stage.
Speaker 4: Like isn't it amazing? And yeah, it is, but it's
Speaker 4: also can be really hard sometimes.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just on that as well, like knowing where
Speaker 5: the red flags are someone can't recognize it in themselves
Speaker 5: and being able to then refer on if I think
Speaker 5: that it's beyond my scope as a dueler, and I
Speaker 5: think that they might need more support and more clinical
Speaker 5: care or clinical supervision so that you can get onto
Speaker 5: it early.
Speaker 3: Real mother, hen vibe, you're there for the whole process
Speaker 3: and then after the process for you to go in
Speaker 3: six weeks later, and then also lend an air And
Speaker 3: that must be really powerful for a lot of women.
Speaker 5: So yeah, and it's nice to be around there. They
Speaker 5: often call being a duela like mothering the mother. It's
Speaker 5: nice because you've got this baby that is sucking everything
Speaker 5: out of you.
Speaker 4: You're recovering from birth and now you're feeding the baby.
Speaker 5: You're not getting any sleep, and then to have someone
Speaker 5: come over and make sure that you're okay so that
Speaker 5: you can do that again tomorrow is like just fills
Speaker 5: your cut back up for sure.
Speaker 1: When you look at all the births that you've been
Speaker 1: involved in, when you look at the dads, what advice
Speaker 1: can you give? And this may be not just for us,
Speaker 1: but for any dads to be that are listening and
Speaker 1: they're thinking, how can I help not only during pregnancy
Speaker 1: but during birth and postpartum. What's the best advice you
Speaker 1: can give?
Speaker 5: The best advice is in pregnancy. Please listen to the
Speaker 5: podcast that she's sending you. Yeah, like you've got to
Speaker 5: be on the same educational journey that she's on because
Speaker 5: a lot of the time pregnancy we go through this.
Speaker 5: You know, I've got to learn all this stuff, I've
Speaker 5: got a prep for birth, and then dads kind of
Speaker 5: just continue on their life because it's not happening to
Speaker 5: their body right, So it's hard to sometimes connect with that,
Speaker 5: especially if it's your first. So listen to the podcast
Speaker 5: go to the course, try to stay awake a time,
Speaker 5: try not to stream sports while you.
Speaker 4: And you turn out alright, all right, yeah, I've got
Speaker 4: a whole podcast on parenting now, so.
Speaker 5: So yeah, go on the educational journey with her, because
Speaker 5: when when she's in birth and when she's in labor land,
Speaker 5: she's actually not in that brain anymore. So you kind
Speaker 5: of have to be her brain for her. In birth,
Speaker 5: whatever she says goes right. So like if she says,
Speaker 5: you know, it's time to go to the hospital, or
Speaker 5: I want to do this, or I need this, I
Speaker 5: want this, you kind of got to be like, yes,
Speaker 5: I believe in you. I believe you can, and I'm
Speaker 5: listening to what you say, you know, because instinct is
Speaker 5: so powerful in birth, so we need to like really
Speaker 5: tune into what she's saying because a lot of the time,
Speaker 5: like in labor, you can't really form full sentences. It's
Speaker 5: hard to get your words out. So when she does
Speaker 5: say something, we need to listen.
Speaker 1: Because I feel quite redundant in the birthing suite obviously,
Speaker 1: Like if Laura asks for anything, then I'm like straight
Speaker 1: onto it is anything unprompted or proactive that a partner
Speaker 1: should be aware of in the birthing suite. Yep.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, So the first thing I would say is always
Speaker 5: be physically close to her. So if she's going to
Speaker 5: the toilet, you're going to the toilet with her. If
Speaker 5: she wants to get in the shower, you're holding the
Speaker 5: shower jets with her. If she's getting in the bath,
Speaker 5: you're sitting by the bath. Always being really physically close
Speaker 5: because you are the most important person to her in
Speaker 5: that room. You know, even if you have a dueler,
Speaker 5: nothing will replace the love that you guys have for
Speaker 5: each other. And love is what it sounds like, It's
Speaker 5: really beautiful. Love is what we need to make contractions happen.
Speaker 5: Right That oxytocin hormone is what is going to power labor.
Speaker 4: So she needs you really close.
Speaker 5: So even if you don't know what to say, just
Speaker 5: being there and even holding her hand is like enough.
Speaker 5: If she's ever saying things like I can't do it anymore,
Speaker 5: I'm so tired, rather than saying like, yeah, let's get
Speaker 5: you an epidural, baby, look tired, we really want to
Speaker 5: say like turn it into an affirmation of like I
Speaker 5: know you can do this. You've prepared for this you're
Speaker 5: so strong, and like hearing that from your partner is
Speaker 5: like like gives all of those like oxytocin vibes so encouragement.
Speaker 5: And then if she's really saying she can't do it anymore, distraction,
Speaker 5: So let's switch it up. So even if you to
Speaker 5: make like a triangle in the birth suite of like
Speaker 5: you know, the bed up on its highest level so
Speaker 5: that she can lean up against it, the shower and
Speaker 5: the bath, if you just move between those three stations
Speaker 5: in the hospital, just keep distracting her.
Speaker 4: You're by yourself so much time.
Speaker 1: I have a flashback to when I got really hungry
Speaker 1: and I have to go down to the get a sandwich.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, so not physically close.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And on that note, is there is there anything
Speaker 1: that dads shouldn't do? Does anything stick out that you've
Speaker 1: seen or heard of where you're like, that's like that's
Speaker 1: a no brainer, but don't do it.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 5: The first thing that comes to me, Yeah, I've heard
Speaker 5: your birth story, so I know that. The first thing
Speaker 5: that came to mind was if you drive a big truck.
Speaker 4: Like check that it goes in the car park of
Speaker 4: the hospital, Please please, like do a drive by in
Speaker 4: the birth suite, I would say, like, is there anything
Speaker 4: that you can't do? Is like, please don't be on
Speaker 4: your phone, even if you think.
Speaker 3: Before you're fucking streaming in the birth class, it's different.
Speaker 4: You got it out of business mainly did the day
Speaker 4: out or yeah.
Speaker 5: Like even when you're hiding it, you know, like at
Speaker 5: school when you think that, like the teacher can't see
Speaker 5: you on your phone and they because they so can.
Speaker 2: You flash they can't yeh.
Speaker 4: Try not to call your mom, you know while birth
Speaker 4: is happening. Yeah, let's wait for the placenta to be
Speaker 4: born before you do that, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: And then postpartum, I think that's a time where a
Speaker 1: lot of partners feel a bit redundant because Bubba's so
Speaker 1: attached to mom. What's your advice on how they can
Speaker 1: be a standout individual.
Speaker 4: Or stand out individual?
Speaker 5: I would say, if you've if this is your first baby,
Speaker 5: please be with her in the nighttime. So nighttime feeds
Speaker 5: is a real like whack to the system.
Speaker 4: Your hormones are going crazy.
Speaker 5: So even if you feel like you can't do much,
Speaker 5: even just being with her and sitting up with her
Speaker 5: in bed and like being a support, like what do
Speaker 5: you need me to grab? Changing the nappy after the
Speaker 5: feed and being there for those night feeds can help
Speaker 5: make her feel less alone.
Speaker 4: And then if you could.
Speaker 5: Encourage her and be supportive of her really resting and
Speaker 5: I mean really resting, like treat her like a in
Speaker 5: those two weeks, even if you could like ideally six,
Speaker 5: but like it's unrealistic for a lot of people to.
Speaker 2: Be doing that.
Speaker 5: So if you could give it two weeks of just
Speaker 5: like being a doting dad and a doting husband, well said,
Speaker 5: that would be amazing. You're making sure that she's staying
Speaker 5: in bed, she's staying warm, she's sped, she's showered and
Speaker 5: has unhydrated well, and he's encouraged to be in bed
Speaker 5: with the baby's skin to skin. If you have other kids,
Speaker 5: really doing what you can to take those other kids
Speaker 5: away so that she has wanting time with the newborn,
Speaker 5: because she's probably going to feel like her heart is
Speaker 5: split in For Laura's case.
Speaker 1: Three, Yeah, that was one of the biggest regrets that
Speaker 1: we have is once Lola was born, coming home as
Speaker 1: quickly as we could, and then having it's so so
Speaker 1: hard because Marley was eighteen months and they don't understand.
Speaker 1: And this time around, Laura is like, I will stay
Speaker 1: in that hospital bed for as long as a bloody can.
Speaker 5: It's a holiday with a newborn, yeah, and it's a
Speaker 5: bit divide and conquering those days if you've got other kids,
Speaker 5: so it can kind of feel like you know you've yeah,
Speaker 5: you're with your newborn, your partners with the other kid.
Speaker 4: So just making time to connect with her as well.
Speaker 3: I remember some of the some advice I got given
Speaker 3: was but for those nighttime feeds is just just don't
Speaker 3: say anything to her, just.
Speaker 1: Be there, Just be there and do it.
Speaker 3: If she says can you get me some water, don't
Speaker 3: even say yes, just go and do it, because yes
Speaker 3: could come out as like an attitude.
Speaker 2: You're both tired, exactly.
Speaker 3: I remember as a new dad first time, I put
Speaker 3: so much pressure on myself to be up all the
Speaker 3: time that it made us both tired the whole time
Speaker 3: and too tired.
Speaker 2: People don't equal a fully rested person. But I was
Speaker 2: always felt like the pressure to do so. But then
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, well I'm going to do it,
Speaker 2: but I'm not going to say anything.
Speaker 3: So then she can look across the dark room and
Speaker 3: I'm there, but only if she needs me to do something.
Speaker 2: And then, you know, sometimes i'd fall asleep.
Speaker 5: Sorry, you can't help it, slippery, come far across the room,
Speaker 5: wake up.
Speaker 1: And then you've obviously been through many births. Do you
Speaker 1: know the exact number of how many you've been involved in?
Speaker 4: I did count it for you. We're up to thirty four.
Speaker 2: Now, wow, that's cool.
Speaker 1: How are you here to celebrate the fiftieth drink? Are
Speaker 1: there any births? Yeah, that stand out for you as
Speaker 1: being the most memorable? Oh? Yes.
Speaker 5: It was actually a good friend of mine that I
Speaker 5: met through my mother's group. I'm now fully identified her
Speaker 5: as well. Anyway, she says, will you Abby, will you
Speaker 5: be my dueler for our second? And I thought this,
Speaker 5: this is incredible, Like I'd love to. So it happened
Speaker 5: around Christmas time and I was working in radio at
Speaker 5: the time, so we had this like big Christmas Carol's event,
Speaker 5: and as an on call dueler, and like working big events,
Speaker 5: you're kind of like it's a little bit stressful. So yeah,
Speaker 5: I'm like wearing my freaking glitters Christmas outfit. Fuck, And
Speaker 5: I'm thinking I think she might have been like thirty
Speaker 5: nine weeks or something, and we're messaging in this group
Speaker 5: chat of this mother's group, and Abby says, I'm going
Speaker 5: to go for a walk. I'm gonna walk this baby out.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, how can you not, because like I'm
Speaker 5: at this event. And one of our other friends in
Speaker 5: mother's group sends her an excerpt of like fifty Shades
Speaker 5: of Gray and it's like this will get that, this will
Speaker 5: get the juices going.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, how dare you like like the audio
Speaker 4: of it, like like a screenshot of the like Kindle
Speaker 4: book or something like, you know, the passage of my
Speaker 4: giant pulsetting member, you know, like like yeah, like real smart.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, god, like doesn't work. Well, yeah, you
Speaker 4: know that's it right. I'm thinking anyway, she's going for
Speaker 4: a walk.
Speaker 5: Then I get, like maybe an hour later, I get
Speaker 5: this message from her husband saying, hey, like she's having
Speaker 5: some like contractions.
Speaker 4: I think we might be on And I'm like, da,
Speaker 4: do you haven't in my hand?
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm going to use this when my next
Speaker 5: mum gets to forty two weeks. You know, screenshots, smartfolder,
Speaker 5: It's the work I sweat. So I'm like, ship, I
Speaker 5: better go. So I I go up to work and
Speaker 5: I'm like, hey, like I think a baby's coming, Like.
Speaker 4: I got to run. They're like, just go do what
Speaker 4: you need to do. Totally got out of the pack
Speaker 4: out pack down for the event, perfect so much. I
Speaker 4: run home.
Speaker 5: I message my husband Phil be like can you get
Speaker 5: my dueler bag ready?
Speaker 4: And like my T shirt or like whatever I gotta
Speaker 4: get changed I could have like here's a Christmas mirror.
Speaker 1: I run home.
Speaker 5: Luckily they don't live far from me, Like I'm I'm speeding,
Speaker 5: like I got out of the car park.
Speaker 4: I'm speeding home.
Speaker 5: I get a message saying her waters have just broken,
Speaker 5: like babies coming, and I'm like fuck, So I like
Speaker 5: grab my bag, Hey Phil, Hey girls, like mommy's got
Speaker 5: to go, like help the babies. I run out the
Speaker 5: door and I go into the house the husband's mother,
Speaker 5: and mother's sitting on the couch downstairs.
Speaker 4: And she's like hello Alice, and I was like, Hi,
Speaker 4: like go upstairs, go into the bedroom.
Speaker 5: Abby's in the bathroom and she's she's roaring at this stage,
Speaker 5: and I was like, wow, you doing so amazing, like
Speaker 5: you're doing so well and try and just like bring
Speaker 5: the bring the pressure down a bit, bring the anxiety down.
Speaker 5: And she's going and I'm thinking like okay, like her
Speaker 5: waters are broken. All the signs are pointing to like
Speaker 5: this baby's coming soon. And she says like I was
Speaker 5: like okay, Harry, like you know, listen to those words, Harry,
Speaker 5: like let's get the.
Speaker 4: Car going, like we need to go. And Harry's like yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 4: yes yes. Then I hear like this real like beddown.
Speaker 4: She says, we're not going to make it.
Speaker 5: And I was like, okay, Harry, we're not gonna make it.
Speaker 5: Can you call an ambulance? So Harry is like yeap, cool.
Speaker 5: So we get on the phone to ambulance and I'm like,
Speaker 5: you're gonna be okay, let's sit on the toilet because
Speaker 5: I know that that's like can relax the pelvic floor.
Speaker 4: She's doing so.
Speaker 5: Well breathing this you know baby, and the ambulance is
Speaker 5: on the phone.
Speaker 4: I said, you can pop it on loud speaker.
Speaker 5: And these ambulance like paramedics are following this script right
Speaker 5: like they don't they don't really know, they don't not
Speaker 5: know birth, but they following this script that they have
Speaker 5: to do. And so it's like put her on her back,
Speaker 5: is can you see the baby's head? And so poor
Speaker 5: Harry is going, hey, babe, can you get on your back?
Speaker 4: And she's like no oh, and I'm like no, we're
Speaker 4: not getting on the back. Like the baby's like coming.
Speaker 5: And it doesn't just for anyone listening, if this happens,
Speaker 5: it doesn't change the fact that they're sending an ambulance.
Speaker 5: It's just like the triage on the phone, yep. And
Speaker 5: so she's got here. The lady's going like can you
Speaker 5: see your head? And poor Harry's like trying to like
Speaker 5: get back there and like see if he can see
Speaker 5: his head.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, Harry like trying to swalloway his hands.
Speaker 5: Like you can't do a vaginal exam on her, you know,
Speaker 5: like this this baby's starting to crown. So the ambulance
Speaker 5: turns up. But we've got a head, like this head
Speaker 5: is coming. So I'm filming.
Speaker 4: We're in the bathroom, like on the tiles on the floor,
Speaker 4: get some.
Speaker 5: Towels, going. Harry's sort of in front. I'm like you
Speaker 5: can hang up now on the ambulance. Paramedics are waiting
Speaker 5: outside and a couple of pushes later, like Harry's picked
Speaker 5: up his baby and like looking at this baby. And
Speaker 5: then I said, put it on mum's chest and so
Speaker 5: he passed it to Abby and Abby's holding his baby
Speaker 5: and she's like, oh my gosh, like I've just had
Speaker 5: this baby at home, Like I've got shivers telling it now,
Speaker 5: like so incredible. I've got it all on film and
Speaker 5: it was just amazing. And these paramedics are out out
Speaker 5: side and I was like, do you guys want to
Speaker 5: come in?
Speaker 4: They're like, oh no, you guys have got this, and
Speaker 4: I'm like, what turns out?
Speaker 5: When the paramedics arrived, Harry's mum said, oh yeah, they're
Speaker 5: upstairs with the midwife. So these paramedics were like, oh,
Speaker 5: we're sweet here. So like I said, I'm like, I'm
Speaker 5: not a midwife, like I'm a duela. Like I'm not
Speaker 5: sure for this, you know.
Speaker 4: So they came in and yeah, she was.
Speaker 5: She was perfect. Happy they had a little girl. They
Speaker 5: already had a boy.
Speaker 4: So this was a very exciting moment.
Speaker 1: And it sounds great, but I would not.
Speaker 4: Want that to know, like call Harry the midman now,
Speaker 4: because he did. He did such a good job.
Speaker 5: So delivered his baby on the bathroom floor of their
Speaker 5: freshly renovated bathroom. So we got like, so they go
Speaker 5: off to hospital. I'm like staying to Harry's. Can you
Speaker 5: start like cleaning the tiles? Like I don't want to stay.
Speaker 1: You've mentioned that you do have some toys with you.
Speaker 1: We're not going to do it on the podcast, but
Speaker 1: we have a tense machine, so we're going to experience yep,
Speaker 1: close to what later may feel like or me. We'll
Speaker 1: figure it out.
Speaker 4: Well, you can do half half at the same time,
Speaker 4: so who can handle more?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go Like that, we go. So we're
Speaker 1: not going to do it on the podcast episode, but
Speaker 1: if you do want to watch this, it'll be on
Speaker 1: our socials. Alice, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 1: We are going to now get into the tense machine. Yes,
Speaker 1: so Ash, prepare yourself. I'm assuming it's going to be intense.
Speaker 1: So there is, there is, there is. It's been a pleasure.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Thanks for coming. We really appreciate you giving us all the.
Speaker 3: Information about doers because I had no idea really what what.
Speaker 2: A dealer is. So thank you.
Speaker 4: You're welcome, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: I'm annoyed that we didn't start this podcast before I
Speaker 1: had kids, which obviously wouldn't have worked because you can't
Speaker 1: do a parony podcast without kids.
Speaker 2: Don't think you'd be called two Doting dads with no kids?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, correct, unless go on to doting dog dads.
Speaker 1: Well, I just think I know so much more now
Speaker 1: that what a shame.
Speaker 2: It's for your next marriage.
Speaker 1: My current wife is Thrill.
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave.
Speaker 1: Review, share, share, and join and us on social media
Speaker 1: either TikTok, Instagram or Facebook.
Speaker 2: There is a group.
Speaker 1: Just search two Doting Dads and you will find it.
Speaker 1: I have to warn people though, when you search two
Speaker 1: Doting Dads, if you're like me, the algorithm is like, ah,
Speaker 1: you want gay content? Is that? Haven't anyone else?
Speaker 3: What else?
Speaker 1: That's my excuse?
Speaker 2: You put you You typed in two gay dads.
Speaker 1: Didn't you love this shit? I typed it into pornharb
Speaker 1: and I was like.
Speaker 2: Oh whoops, not again speaking about porn harbit. It's time
Speaker 2: I go.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'll see you next time. Two Doting Dads podcast
Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and connections
Speaker 1: to Land sea and community.
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
Speaker 3: peoples today