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Speaker 1: Ash. I'm gonna pick on the spot here far away,

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Speaker 1: big go. Okay, do you know? All right? Give me

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Speaker 1: your answer. What does a dueler do?

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Speaker 2: It fills my tummy because it sounds like a delicious

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Speaker 2: Indian feet.

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Speaker 1: I think that's dull You got me, You got me.

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Speaker 3: At first I thought it was what's that Dwali? It's

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Speaker 3: an Indian festival of food and culture and color and music.

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Speaker 1: That sounds lovely. It's not. It's not what a dueler does.

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Speaker 1: But don't worry, because we have Alice Worthy here today.

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Speaker 1: She is the modern duela who supports women through one

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Speaker 1: of the most intense moments of their lives. Yes, I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about childbirth.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we get into what a duela actually does, how

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Speaker 3: they differ from midwives, and how partners don't have to

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Speaker 3: just stand there awkwardly in.

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Speaker 2: The labor room or birthing Sweet.

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Speaker 1: Plus, Alice shares her most unforgettable birth story. Let's just

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Speaker 1: say the parents christen their newly renovated bathroom.

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Speaker 2: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum

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Speaker 1: slash dueler. I am Mattie, j.

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Speaker 4: I'm Ash, and I'm Alice the modern Dueller.

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Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is

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Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad and the relatable and Alice,

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Speaker 1: we have to say for legal reasons, not really legal reasons,

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Speaker 1: but kind of legal reasons, not real.

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Speaker 2: Not real, fake legal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't give advice, Ash and I never had

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Speaker 1: that a will. We do sometimes, but if it does

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Speaker 1: come out as advice, it's accidental. But you are more

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Speaker 1: than welcome to give advice.

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Speaker 2: There's a loophole in that legalities are allowed.

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Speaker 1: To I'm allowed to guess are immune from those legal ramifications.

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Speaker 2: You can break the law here and you're fine.

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Speaker 4: I'll talk to my lawyer.

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Speaker 1: We do like to start with our guess a little

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Speaker 1: journey back in time to when they were a youngster

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Speaker 1: and Ash, do you think Alice was someone who was

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Speaker 1: well behaved or was she someone who was quite naughty?

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Speaker 1: She's from Central Coast.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to say class clown ish.

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Speaker 4: You picked that up already.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like a drama kid. Yeah, I was

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Speaker 4: a drama kid.

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Speaker 5: And mom and dad always said like, it doesn't matter

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Speaker 5: about your grades, you just try your hardest.

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Speaker 4: So I was like, okay, I'll be dramatic.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: When did you get your first taste of drama?

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Speaker 5: Oh would have been as soon as I kind of

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Speaker 5: started school, maybe year four.

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Speaker 4: I was like a Shakespeare kind of kid. O hard

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Speaker 4: to believe, I know.

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Speaker 2: Can you remember any of it?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Nothing, nothing, but I think I did play like Desdemona

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Speaker 5: in something we went to the Shakespeare like I can't

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Speaker 5: even remember now, like Desdemona and.

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Speaker 4: Is there a fellow?

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Speaker 2: Just full disclosure, I don't know what any of these were.

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Speaker 4: I just want you to know.

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Speaker 5: You said that this was like a previous life, so

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Speaker 5: I was like, I can't remember now, still left my body.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever get in trouble?

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Speaker 5: Probably when I was in primary school This would have

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Speaker 5: been like year two maybe, and mom and dad sent

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Speaker 5: me to after school care. They owned a cafe at

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Speaker 5: the time and so they would work on long hours

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Speaker 5: and I used to have to go to after school care,

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Speaker 5: which I hated. So I took it upon myself to

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Speaker 5: just get the bus home because I knew where the

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Speaker 5: bus went, and like it was a school bar. It

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Speaker 5: was a school bus, so probably younger. Yeah, I was

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Speaker 5: young for my year too, so I just was like,

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Speaker 5: fuck this, I'm not going after school care, got on

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Speaker 5: the bus took me all the way because we lived

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Speaker 5: at Copacabanna, which was like the furthest suburb away.

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Speaker 4: So I was like last kid on the bus.

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Speaker 5: With my friend Maya. I don't even know where she

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Speaker 5: is now, but she helped me. I got off, I

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Speaker 5: went to Maya's house. Her mom was like, hey, like,

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Speaker 5: you didn't know you were coming over today, because you know,

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Speaker 5: it would be weird if your kid turned up with

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Speaker 5: like a kid from school, And I was like, yeah, no,

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Speaker 5: my mom said at school, So I lied. Maya's mom

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Speaker 5: called my mom because after school care was freaking out.

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Speaker 1: We're missing one those poor teenagers who are running after

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Speaker 1: school care eighteen year old.

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Speaker 5: But I think secretly, deep down, mom and dad were

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Speaker 5: like she's independent, Like she's great.

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Speaker 4: I like to believe that. Now I'm not sure if

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Speaker 4: it's true. I should ask them.

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Speaker 2: But what was the punishment? Do you remember?

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Speaker 4: I don't remember.

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Speaker 5: Like my dad was always like, a you were grounded

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Speaker 5: for a month, And then the next day I'd be like,

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Speaker 5: can I go to my friend's house?

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Speaker 4: And he's like, get out of here.

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Speaker 2: As much easier for you to not be at home.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, grounding your kids is more punishment to the parents and.

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Speaker 2: Them away boarding school for you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Look at you now such an independent woman.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I can get the bus. Yeah, I mean doing

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Speaker 5: this forever. So yeah, I got in trouble for that.

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Speaker 5: But otherwise, like my parents were pretty I had older brothers,

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Speaker 5: so they did a lot of breaking in for me. So, yeah,

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Speaker 5: are you the youngest I am of how many of three?

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Speaker 5: My brothers are ten and eight years older than me,

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Speaker 5: So they're in their forties.

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Speaker 4: They're really old.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I'm pretty much there. Actually, I'm hanging on

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Speaker 1: to thirty seven for as long as I can.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like my grandmother's been twenty nine for like fifty

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Speaker 3: five years.

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Speaker 2: You could do that too.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: It's all about how you feel.

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Speaker 2: Yes, how do you feel so good? You look great.

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Speaker 1: You haven't always been a dueler? No, you used to

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Speaker 1: work in media, yes, so Ash and I were wondering,

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Speaker 1: how does someone who works in media all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden become a dueler?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, a bit of a wild career change, just a

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Speaker 5: but I've actually been doing both for a long time,

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Speaker 5: so I kind of was running the double life a bit,

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Speaker 5: like you know, Hannah Montana. I had been in media,

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Speaker 5: working in radio, and then when I felt pregnant and

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Speaker 5: I went through my own first birth experience that obviously

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Speaker 5: changed everything, as it does for so many people, and

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Speaker 5: I was like, wow.

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Speaker 4: Before pregnancy, no idea, what a doula was. I didn't

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Speaker 4: even know what a cervix was, So like, was so.

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Speaker 1: With your first what was your birth plan? How did

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Speaker 1: that unfold? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Well, the birth plan was like, have an amazing, beautiful

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Speaker 5: hypno birthing in the water, no payment, amazing, Yeah, that

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Speaker 5: was that was the plan.

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Speaker 2: The plan, Okay, and how did that go?

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Speaker 5: NEPI dural and just you know, push this baby out

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Speaker 5: after like fifty two hours, so you.

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Speaker 3: Know, like fifty two hours.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So before birth, I was like Paula

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Speaker 4: Abdullah Jeweler, like what's a duela?

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Speaker 5: Had no idea and people would kind of mentioned it,

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Speaker 5: and I thought like why would I ever need one

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Speaker 5: of those?

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Speaker 4: Like, I'm gonna be fine, my buddy's meant to do this.

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Speaker 4: I was like, people birth all the time, people.

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Speaker 5: Birth every day, Like I got this, and then like

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Speaker 5: first contraction, I was like I don't have this, you know.

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Speaker 4: So that was a bit of a rude shock.

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Speaker 5: But I kind of came out of that and I

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Speaker 5: was like, I get now why people need more support

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Speaker 5: or should you know, we should have more support if

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Speaker 5: they want it. So I was a bit bored on

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Speaker 5: maternity leaf. I was like, what am I going to

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Speaker 5: do with my life now? Like I'm a mom, what

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Speaker 5: am I doing? So I thought I'll just do this

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Speaker 5: duel of course, because it sounds cool. And I did

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Speaker 5: the course and I was like, this is amazing.

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Speaker 4: But I also don't feel like I fit the dueler vibe,

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Speaker 4: you know, because there's a bit of a stereotype that

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Speaker 4: duelers are really hippie and spiritual and you know, sage

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Speaker 4: sticking and you know, burning centers in the woodsage. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: clearing the space of like things.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's great if you're into it, but I

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Speaker 5: just was there was never me. So I kind of

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Speaker 5: thought like, maybe this is not Is.

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Speaker 2: There smoke involved?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can't have smoke around someone

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Speaker 3: who's giving birth. Is that.

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Speaker 1: It's not like a bonfire, it's just a sage stick

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Speaker 1: you will.

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Speaker 4: Yes, okay, like burning incense.

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Speaker 1: Kind of candle coup of candles for the aura, thank you? Yes.

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Speaker 4: Always thought, you know, maybe I don't really fit that.

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Speaker 4: But then I thought I.

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Speaker 5: Went into pregnancy and birth and I would have loved

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Speaker 5: some support that wasn't super spiritual and about all that.

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Speaker 4: So I thought I was just going to give this

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Speaker 4: a go.

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Speaker 5: But I didn't want to jump into running my own

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Speaker 5: business without the security of an income, so I went

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Speaker 5: back to work full time in radio.

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Speaker 1: As well with the course. Yes, how long is that course?

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Speaker 5: The course I did was I think it was like

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Speaker 5: seven days total over a couple of months, like a

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Speaker 5: couple of weekends. But you don't need a course to

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Speaker 5: be a dueler. It's not a regulated industry, so you

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Speaker 5: don't have to do a course. But I thought I

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Speaker 5: just wanted to to like expand my skills and set

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Speaker 5: and education. And I went back to radio and I

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Speaker 5: was working radio, and I said to them like, hey,

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Speaker 5: I'm also a dueler now, like I'm coming back as

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Speaker 5: a mum, but I also have my side business here.

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Speaker 4: And they were like that's.

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Speaker 5: Cool, like so supportive and so willing to work with me.

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Speaker 5: So there were a couple of times I'd be at

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Speaker 5: work and I'd look at my phone and be.

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Speaker 4: Like, shit, got to go, and they're like have fun,

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Speaker 4: good luck.

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Speaker 1: How do you find your first client?

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Speaker 4: So we had to do three student birth experiences. So

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Speaker 4: I got them through word of mouth. A physio referred me,

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Speaker 4: another duela referred me for someone. So yeah, and it's

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Speaker 4: like having your l plates on.

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Speaker 3: You're like you're just like in the room going through

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Speaker 3: the whole process with a duela that's been experienced or

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Speaker 3: good wife.

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Speaker 5: Or or a I don't know, No, you're doing it

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Speaker 5: on your own, like, so it was more that you

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Speaker 5: supported these families through. We kept a diary, we checked

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Speaker 5: in with like our educator and stuff, but it was

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Speaker 5: pretty much off your own devices.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, they were great and I did those and

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Speaker 5: then I was certified and away we went.

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Speaker 1: How was the first birth?

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Speaker 5: The first birth was actually amazing. It was a first

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Speaker 5: time mum. She was incredible, a water birth in the hospital,

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Speaker 5: zero intervention. So as a dueler who's done this course, thinking.

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Speaker 4: Like, this is how birth exactly should be. This is textbook.

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Speaker 4: Seeing my first birth that wasn't my own like that,

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Speaker 4: I was like, it's real, Like it really is a thing.

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Speaker 4: I was on an oxytocin high four day.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and a couple of my other colleagues in the

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Speaker 5: course had had births that were so like they were

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Speaker 5: like I saw everything. I saw the cascade of intervention,

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Speaker 5: you know, I saw the cascades, so like you intervene

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Speaker 5: somewhere along the way in it kind of cascades and

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Speaker 5: it can just like a snowball effect, everything kind of

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Speaker 5: ends up happening. And they had seen that, and I'd

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Speaker 5: seen this beautiful water birth. You know, my time would

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Speaker 5: come for seeing those things too. But yeah, that was

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Speaker 5: my first experience as.

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Speaker 2: A daller, literally straight into the deep end.

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Speaker 3: And you said that they're like, you do three experiences

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Speaker 3: it I did.

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Speaker 4: Yes, what do they call them against student birth?

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Speaker 2: Student birth? Okay?

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Speaker 3: And the person who you're supporting obviously know you're student birth,

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Speaker 3: so she's a first mum and this is your first time. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I can imagine the maybe the anxiety in the air

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Speaker 3: or was it your job to bring that back down?

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Speaker 4: Bring it back down? Absolutely?

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Speaker 5: And the thing about supporting someone through birth, and I

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Speaker 5: was guilty of this thinking that you have to have

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Speaker 5: all the answers and you have to know all the

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Speaker 5: evidence and have all the information, and really it's not

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Speaker 5: about that all, you know, It's about making sure that

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Speaker 5: that woman and her partner feel in control and feel

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Speaker 5: like they're driving that shit and you're just kind of

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Speaker 5: there to support and guide along the way.

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Speaker 4: So she was amazing. She had an incredible mindset.

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Speaker 5: She was an athlete as well, so she like had

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Speaker 5: a good performance mindset. So as a dueler, I was like,

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Speaker 5: this is this is dream client goals.

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Speaker 1: You know, after you do those three student bursts, are

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Speaker 1: you like going hard and trying to recruit your next client?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's I actually felt pregnant, so in that

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Speaker 5: student kind of I was doing my student burst, I

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Speaker 5: feltregnant again, and I was like, and unplanned pregnancy. But

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Speaker 5: I feel like an idiot saying that when you're an adult,

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Speaker 5: because you're like, I know how pregnancy works, I know

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Speaker 5: how it happens, so like you know, whoop.

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Speaker 2: See We're like, I can't believe it.

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Speaker 4: That happened always.

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Speaker 5: So that was a bit of a shock because I

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Speaker 5: was my girls are eighteen months apart, so I had

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Speaker 5: two under two, and I was like, I had a

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Speaker 5: bit of a break, but I was you're active on

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Speaker 5: social media, which was good because you're always working nine

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Speaker 5: months ahead like my clients that I'm signing at the moment.

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Speaker 5: Are due in January February, you know, so you're.

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Speaker 4: Always working a long way.

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Speaker 5: So I kind of was planning to be back doing

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Speaker 5: burst around four months postpartum, so I could kind of plan.

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Speaker 4: That head to get the next client.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty quick. Yeah, especially with two under two. I

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Speaker 2: know you're telling congratulations.

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Speaker 1: And so someone right now maybe they they haven't had

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Speaker 1: a child just yet, they're thinking about they're planning that

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Speaker 1: to get pregnant.

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Speaker 4: Yep.

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Speaker 1: When is the right time to engage with a.

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Speaker 5: Dueler, I would say, like most duelers will offer obligation

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Speaker 5: free connect calls and catch ups and stuff. So if

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Speaker 5: you really want to take your time finding the one

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Speaker 5: that's right for you, which I do recommend, like meet

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Speaker 5: with a few, you could even do it before you're pregnant,

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Speaker 5: just so that you've put the feelers out in the

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Speaker 5: connects to be like, hey, I'm thinking about this, and

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Speaker 5: maybe some guidance or some support in your trying to

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Speaker 5: conceive journey. So it's never too early. But I would

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Speaker 5: say most people will reach out at the moment. It's

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Speaker 5: like people are peeing on a stick and sending me

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Speaker 5: a photo of their double lines. You know, that's kind

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Speaker 5: of where we're at now. And I'm like, whoa, Okay,

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Speaker 5: this is great, amazing, And then some people don't find

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Speaker 5: me till like thirty weeks and they're like.

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Speaker 4: Shit's changed.

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Speaker 5: My plan is, I don't know what's happening, Like I

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Speaker 5: need support, and you know, usually I can kind of.

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Speaker 4: Make them fit.

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Speaker 1: And so we are now currently twenty one weeks. Yes,

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Speaker 1: exciting to thank you very much, thank.

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Speaker 3: You're welcome every time, soing congratulations in front of me.

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Speaker 2: I also take that off.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Ash is godfather, oh godchild. So if I reach

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Speaker 1: out and I say, Alice, we're having a baby twenty

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Speaker 1: one weeks, yep, what happens? Then how do I or

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Speaker 1: how do you make sure that I own the right

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Speaker 1: potential client for yourself?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Well I do like connect calls so facetimes where I

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Speaker 5: love the partners to be there too, because I think

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Speaker 5: that's really important to know that part is on board

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Speaker 5: for me. I'm like a lot of guys don't understand

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Speaker 5: what a dueler is, and that's so fine, guilty, but

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Speaker 5: at least need dad.

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Speaker 4: To be like at a five, like if there's a

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Speaker 4: scale of zero, to ten.

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Speaker 5: I need a dad to be at a five where

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Speaker 5: he's at least like whatever you want, babe, Like I

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Speaker 5: support your choices.

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Speaker 4: That For me, I'm like tick because I know that,

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Speaker 4: like we're going to get on. But if a dad's

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Speaker 4: like that sounds dumb, like why are we paying for that?

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Speaker 4: Like that's stupid? Like that for me, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 4: but I do like to connect with the couple to

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Speaker 4: make sure that we can have a free conversation a

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Speaker 4: bit of banter, because like I swear, I like have

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Speaker 4: a sense of humor. I want to have a laugh

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 5: I want to bring some fun and light to birth

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Speaker 5: because it is such a big time, but it should

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Speaker 5: be a joyous time, so I want to help bring

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Speaker 5: that out too.

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Speaker 1: So how do you support mum and dad to be

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Speaker 1: not during birth, but initially during that pregnancy phase before

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Speaker 1: you're actually in the room about to give birth.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so kind of depends on where they're at. I

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Speaker 5: love to meet couples like where they are. So if

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Speaker 5: I meet a couple and they've got zero education, they

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Speaker 5: don't understand birth, they don't understand like what the body

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Speaker 5: is doing and what the process looks like.

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Speaker 4: Then I kind of know we've got to.

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Speaker 5: Do a bit of education and a bit of like

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Speaker 5: a more teaching than I would usually do, which I

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Speaker 5: prefer to do more like connect and and get to

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Speaker 5: know each other that way.

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Speaker 4: So maybe it's education.

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Speaker 5: But we meet three sometimes four times in pregnancy, have

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Speaker 5: a group chat going I love, send me some gifts,

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Speaker 5: send me some memes about pregnancy and shit, and when

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Speaker 5: we catch up. I like to do a bit of

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Speaker 5: birth planning and birth prep and then I like to

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Speaker 5: get physical with my clients.

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Speaker 4: That's soundever really weird?

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Speaker 1: Nice.

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Speaker 5: I like to, you know, show them hands on support techniques,

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Speaker 5: So show them how they can use the different tools.

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Speaker 4: I've brought some props as well.

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Speaker 5: Maybe I can show you later, yeah, how they can

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Speaker 5: be good support people and practice for the for the

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Speaker 5: big day.

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Speaker 3: Like positions women give birth and all sorts of different positions,

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Speaker 3: like on.

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Speaker 2: All fours can be, or on their back, on their back,

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Speaker 2: I think is there more than that they.

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Speaker 1: Can squat side? Someone says like, hey, I got no

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Speaker 1: idea when you ask me what my birthing plan is, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what's available. What are the kind

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Speaker 1: of main options like a menu that I can choose from.

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Speaker 4: That's a big question.

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Speaker 5: It would really depend on what your like birth philosophy is.

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Speaker 5: So some people will see birth as a really scary

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Speaker 5: medical event that is going to need a lot of

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Speaker 5: support and help, I suppose in managing that situation, and

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Speaker 5: they're going to feel safest having either an obstetrician or

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Speaker 5: you know, a private midwife maybe, And they're on one side,

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Speaker 5: and then there's the other side that thinks it's a

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Speaker 5: really natural event that rarely needs medical interference. So depending

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Speaker 5: on where you're kind of on this spectrum, birth is

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Speaker 5: going to look different for you. But you've got lots

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Speaker 5: of options depending on where you choose to have your baby.

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Speaker 5: So some people will choose to have their baby in

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Speaker 5: a public hospital under like midwife care. Those public hospitals

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Speaker 5: might have baths, so water birth if some people will

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Speaker 5: want to have epidurals and want to have pain relief,

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Speaker 5: and they'll want to be you know, on the bed

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Speaker 5: and not feel the pain of labor. Some people want

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Speaker 5: to have their baby at home with a private midwife.

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Speaker 5: Some people want to have an obstetrician, and elective cesarean like,

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Speaker 5: there's so many choices that exist, and I don't think

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Speaker 5: people realize exactly what those choices are. So part of

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Speaker 5: my work is working with a couple to see where

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Speaker 5: they are on that spectrum, what they want for birth,

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Speaker 5: what they think could be possible for them, and then

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Speaker 5: helping them navigate the system to try and get their goals.

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Speaker 1: I've always been inquisitive about the water births, not for me.

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Speaker 4: Has Laura had a water birth?

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Speaker 1: I remember we went This is when Marley was still

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Speaker 1: in Laura's tummy. We went into the hospital and this

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Speaker 1: is when we were kind of going through the different options.

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Speaker 1: Like I had no wight. I thought it was just

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Speaker 1: like you give birth, you lay on a bed, comes out.

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Speaker 4: That's what we see in the movies, right.

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Speaker 1: How to remember them. There's like a big, big bathtub.

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Speaker 1: It's a big one. It was like a half spa.

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Speaker 4: Getting in the sauna. We have a bath first and

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Speaker 4: then and then.

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Speaker 1: And that's when I found out about water births. And

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Speaker 1: I don't like blood. So the idea of being like

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Speaker 1: in with Laura.

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Speaker 5: To be in there with it, I just scoot over.

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Speaker 4: That.

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Speaker 2: Actually, that's a good one. Is the water cold or

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Speaker 2: is it warm?

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Speaker 4: No, it's warm. It's it's got to be warm, otherwise

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Speaker 4: maybe it's get a bit freaked down.

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Speaker 2: Joe Rogan's in the having and ice.

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Speaker 1: Degrees. Just breathe three minutes and then how do you differ?

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Speaker 1: You mentioned midwife before a lot of people, even I

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Speaker 1: put the call out on social media. The main question

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Speaker 1: that I got most commonly asked was what is the

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Speaker 1: difference between a midwife and a dueler.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a good question.

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Speaker 5: So a midwife is someone who is clinically trained and

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Speaker 5: looks after the clinical care of your yourself and the baby.

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Speaker 5: So they're really concerned to make sure that you're healthy,

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Speaker 5: you're well, and medically speaking, you guys are all good

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Speaker 5: and happy. A dueler is not medically trained, so we

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Speaker 5: should never ever be performing any medical tasks or like

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00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 5: checking bellies or doing cervical exams or anything like that.

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Speaker 5: So even though we can be hands on with support

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Speaker 5: and pressure and acti pressure massage, we're not doing anything

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Speaker 5: medical at all. So really just providing emotional, physical, informational,

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Speaker 5: and advocating support. Your midwife is clinically responsible for you

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Speaker 5: and the baby as well.

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Speaker 3: With a midwife, we're saying everything's very medical.

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Speaker 2: It's what they do day in day out.

445
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 1: You're more in.

446
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,880
Speaker 2: There to support them, I suppose.

447
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, like bringing the anxiety down and trying to manage

448
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,760
Speaker 3: the pain, but without having to do the medical side

449
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 3: of it.

450
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

451
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 5: And I think a lot of midwives would love to

452
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 5: be doing that side as well. But they're in a

453
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 5: system that you know they've got I don't want to downplay,

454
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 5: but lots of paperwork and reporting and lots of things

455
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,159
Speaker 5: and checkboxes that they have to do. That means that

456
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 5: they're not really a lot of the time able to

457
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 5: give you that one on one support. And that was

458
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 5: a shock for me when I went into labor with Billy.

459
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 5: I thought my midwife was going to be like with

460
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 5: me the whole time and doing my hip squeezes and

461
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,640
Speaker 5: helping me out and giving me different positions.

462
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 1: I just want to say, this is a midwife plan though,

463
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: So you have like you have a midwife, just a midwife,

464
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: your midwife. Yeah from start, Like you get to sign

465
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:06,400
Speaker 1: a midwife and that will all the way from the start. Yeah. Yeah.

466
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 1: Laura was in the mid with Free program, gotcha. So

467
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: if the romany midwives listening and going, well, hang on

468
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 1: a second, we are there. We don't just come in

469
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,439
Speaker 1: at birth you get a signed your midwife and then

470
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 1: all your checkups are with that midwife from like until

471
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: your full term and then this is the.

472
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,199
Speaker 4: Gold standard, so everyone should have that.

473
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 5: But that midway free group practice program is really hard

474
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 5: to get into and often fills up quite quickly. So

475
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 5: if you're lucky enough to get in that program, like

476
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 5: you're kicking goals, like, good on you, like you've got

477
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:35,880
Speaker 5: this girl.

478
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 2: But oh, backtrack on that midwifelogize.

479
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 5: And you know what we need both, Like I think

480
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 5: we really and what works really well is when midwives

481
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 5: and duelers and even obstetricians work on the same team together.

482
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,439
Speaker 5: We're all there for the same reason and that's to

483
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 5: make sure that this family has a great birth experience.

484
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 5: So yeah, we should all be working together collaboratively.

485
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,719
Speaker 1: If there is someone who is thinking right now, I

486
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 1: do want to engage the dueler, what would you recommend

487
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,240
Speaker 1: the best questions to ask?

488
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 5: So I would ask them, you know, what their birth

489
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 5: philosophy is, like, like what do they think about pain relief?

490
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 5: What do they think about home birth? What do they

491
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 5: think about private obstetricians? And usually you'll be able to

492
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 5: get a sense of what kind of duela this person is.

493
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 5: I would always want to ask them practical questions like

494
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 5: what's your backup? You know, like what happens if you

495
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 5: can't make my birth? Who would stand in? Or refunds

496
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 5: and that kind of stuff. How many clients do they

497
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 5: take on a month? Just so that you can understand

498
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 5: like where you fit in their calendar and scheme, and

499
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 5: then ask them like what experience they have? What's their

500
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 5: skill set?

501
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 1: You know?

502
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 4: Some duelers are really skilled in massage.

503
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 5: Others are like acupressure geniuses, you know, poetry, yeah.

504
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 4: Shakespearean sonnets, you know, drama skill set.

505
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 2: Stand up comedians. You just got to ask them, you know.

506
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 5: So yeah, ask them what their skill set is and

507
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 5: how they like to support.

508
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,679
Speaker 1: Is there ever a scenario where you go into the

509
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 1: delivery suite, you're then with your client, the midwife comes

510
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: in and there's any tension at all between yourself and

511
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 1: the midwife where midwife is like, I think we should

512
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: do this, and you go, well, I think this could

513
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 1: be an option.

514
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 5: Honestly, like, it's happened maybe once or twice. Okay, it's

515
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 5: really rare.

516
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: Did you guys punch on?

517
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 4: Yeah? In the whole way.

518
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 1: I would watch that.

519
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 4: Downstairs to Ed.

520
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 5: No, very rarely does it happen, and usually it's you know,

521
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 5: I would say as a door in my style of

522
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 5: advocating is not to really speak for the woman.

523
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 4: If she's able to do it herself.

524
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 5: So often I'll refer to things like, oh, that's written

525
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 5: on the birth plan, or you know, we had discussed this,

526
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 5: what do you think, and just trying to open up

527
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 5: more of a conversation around it, as opposed to like.

528
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 4: She doesn't want this, she doesn't want that.

529
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 5: So it rarely happens occasionally, of course, you know, because

530
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 5: we've got different agendas. I guess, you know, midwives are

531
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 5: working within a system. I'm supporting a client who has

532
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 5: their own wishes. So it's a bit of a dance,

533
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 5: you know.

534
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,880
Speaker 3: And if you're going to the same hospitals, you would

535
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 3: build rapport with these guys anyway, right, It's not like

536
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,879
Speaker 3: you're just turning up on day one like you're at

537
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 3: the Mash Hospital. Make it more Hollywood, don't remember I

538
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 3: did drama in primary schools.

539
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: Is there ever a scenario where like one thing that

540
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 1: stands out for me as advice that I've heard other

541
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 1: mums give each other is that if you want to

542
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: have an epidural, you got to ask for it early.

543
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: You don't want to have a scenario where you're like,

544
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: I like the epidural please, and I go, actually, you're

545
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: too far gone, it's too late. Because I know you

546
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: mentioned that you don't get involved in involved in the

547
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,959
Speaker 1: medical side of things. Is there ever a case where

548
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: you say to that your client, like, if you want

549
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: your epidural, you should request it now.

550
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever said that.

551
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 5: I try not to actually offer any pain relief, Like

552
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 5: a lot of the people that I'm working with don't

553
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,120
Speaker 5: want that either, like they want to have a more

554
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 5: natural physiological experience. Of course, when I hear a client

555
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 5: that we've had a discussion about epidurals, when I hear

556
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 5: them say like I want an epi durol, I'm like, great,

557
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,679
Speaker 5: Like she wants an epi driol, and we kind of

558
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 5: make it happen. I wouldn't ever offer it because I

559
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 5: think that's kind of almost a sign that you think

560
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 5: that they can't do it or they're not handling it.

561
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 1: Yea.

562
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 4: So I kind of like try not.

563
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 5: To ever offer pain relief because I believe that they

564
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 5: can do it without it until they ask for it themselves.

565
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you could imagine being in that vulnerable state

566
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 3: and you're going, I think you should. Yeah, your emotions

567
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 3: are so probably so heightened right there that yeah, you could.

568
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 2: It could be a bit traumatic. I spose and I

569
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 2: had a.

570
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 5: Midwife do that to me in my first birth, and

571
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 5: this is the one that I want to have, the

572
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 5: beautiful water birth. And when I was like, oh, this

573
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 5: is really hard, she just like, have some gas, and

574
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:44,360
Speaker 5: I was like.

575
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 4: I love gas, Like send me off, like you know,

576
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 4: that's the only reason I go to the dentist, like

577
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 4: the gas.

578
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 5: So when she said that, I was like, oh, I

579
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 5: feel like a bit of a drug addict, like hook

580
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,159
Speaker 5: me up. And that just started like that menu of

581
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 5: pain relief for me. So yeah, I try not to

582
00:24:58,800 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 5: try not to offer it.

583
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 4: I get that it was so good too.

584
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: I'm understanding more of the role of a dueler and

585
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: tell me if this is way off here, But it

586
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 1: kind of feels like you're almost like a supportive parent.

587
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: So that's been there before.

588
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, is that?

589
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 1: Am I kind of getting on the right track? Yeah?

590
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.

591
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: Can you give me examples of where when you're at

592
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 1: birth in the delivery suite, and what ways do you

593
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: support your patient.

594
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 5: So lots of different ways. One is just being close.

595
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 5: I know it sounds really weiry, but we call it

596
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 5: holding space. So it's really just being kind of a

597
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 5: bodyguard of the area to make sure that that kind

598
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 5: of bubble doesn't get popped, whether it's like unwanted interruptions

599
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,679
Speaker 5: and that kind of thing and unwanted questions. It's always

600
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 5: nice to have a handhold. Like people often be like, oh,

601
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 5: dolors are just handholders. I'm like, well, you've never had

602
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 5: your handheld.

603
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 4: Really good, because it's so nice to have your.

604
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 5: Handheld and just to like know that someone is there

605
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 5: and that has been through it and that knows that

606
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 5: you can do it. And then there's all the physical

607
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 5: side of things, So the hip squeezes, the acupressure, the positions,

608
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 5: the helping babies turn positions when maybe they might be posterior,

609
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 5: and trying to encourage them to turn around, encouraging different

610
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 5: forms of pain relief. So we've got showers, we've got

611
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 5: birth balls, birth comes, tens, machines, there's so many ways

612
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 5: you can support. And then the other one would just

613
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 5: be like advocating, so you know, either if it's buying

614
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,160
Speaker 5: them more time and.

615
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 1: Then once delivered, yes, are you like, well.

616
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 4: They got to get home for bedtime.

617
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: No.

618
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 5: I usually stay like up to maybe two hours after

619
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 5: the baby's born. Definitely like love to step back and

620
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 5: let mom and dad have their moment meeting their their

621
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 5: baby and trying to take some photos and videos and

622
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 5: stuff for them, And then I kind of will often

623
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 5: go out and make mum like a nice cup of

624
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 5: like chicken sleep or broth or like you know, is

625
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 5: it natural organic, So they've got these powders, they're really good,

626
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 5: and I make them broth and come back and make

627
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 5: sure that they're doing well having their skin to skin

628
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,959
Speaker 5: and that Sometimes I can help latch, you know, if

629
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 5: they want a breastfeed, and make sure that mum's got

630
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 5: everything that she needs for either that night or to

631
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 5: go home. Sometimes I'm helping you have a shower and

632
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 5: then making sure she's all tucked up and happy and

633
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 5: save and well.

634
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 3: The hospital can be a pretty isolating place depending on

635
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 3: It's so different every day, right, Like I remember just

636
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 3: being like people in and out in and out in

637
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 3: and out in and out, and it must be really

638
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 3: comforting for mums to be that take up a dueler

639
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 3: to have someone there all the time if they want

640
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 3: them there all the time to help them with those

641
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 3: things that they're and not feel isolated.

642
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: Do you get that as a response from people. Yeah?

643
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:43,639
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

644
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 5: And sometimes if mums have an unexpected like stay in hospital,

645
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 5: they're staying a few days that they didn't expect to.

646
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 5: Sometimes I'll bring supplies from home or make sure that

647
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 5: they've got some food, bring them food to the hospital

648
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 5: so that they're not eating a cheese sandwich and a

649
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 5: dry wee bigs, you know. So yeah, it's nice to

650
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 5: have a friendly face when you're in there for sure.

651
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 1: And then do you then still stay in contact with

652
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: them when they've returned home if they have had a

653
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:08,640
Speaker 1: hospital state. Yeah.

654
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

655
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 5: So a lot of my packages have you know, six

656
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 5: weeks postpartum care in them as well.

657
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 4: So I'll come over postpartum, make mum food.

658
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 5: And make sure she's well and sitting down because they

659
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 5: always bloody get up. And when I come around, I

660
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 5: want you in bed, I want your hair and a mumbum.

661
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 5: I want you covered in breast milk like I want

662
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,920
Speaker 5: you just looking like shit.

663
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 4: Basically, I come around, they.

664
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 5: Always look amazing and I'm like, yeah, yeah, they never

665
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 5: listened to me.

666
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,640
Speaker 3: In those post visits. My wife suffered from postpartum depression

667
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 3: pretty badly. Do you lend an air for those people?

668
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 4: Yeah?

669
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And just being someone that they can talk to

670
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 5: without judgment, you know, and not try and be that

671
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 5: toxic positivity that a lot of like people get in

672
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 5: the newborn stage.

673
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 4: Like isn't it amazing? And yeah, it is, but it's

674
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 4: also can be really hard sometimes.

675
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just on that as well, like knowing where

676
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 5: the red flags are someone can't recognize it in themselves

677
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 5: and being able to then refer on if I think

678
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 5: that it's beyond my scope as a dueler, and I

679
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 5: think that they might need more support and more clinical

680
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 5: care or clinical supervision so that you can get onto

681
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 5: it early.

682
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 3: Real mother, hen vibe, you're there for the whole process

683
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 3: and then after the process for you to go in

684
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 3: six weeks later, and then also lend an air And

685
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 3: that must be really powerful for a lot of women.

686
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 5: So yeah, and it's nice to be around there. They

687
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 5: often call being a duela like mothering the mother. It's

688
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 5: nice because you've got this baby that is sucking everything

689
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 5: out of you.

690
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 4: You're recovering from birth and now you're feeding the baby.

691
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 5: You're not getting any sleep, and then to have someone

692
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 5: come over and make sure that you're okay so that

693
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 5: you can do that again tomorrow is like just fills

694
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 5: your cut back up for sure.

695
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 1: When you look at all the births that you've been

696
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: involved in, when you look at the dads, what advice

697
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: can you give? And this may be not just for us,

698
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: but for any dads to be that are listening and

699
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: they're thinking, how can I help not only during pregnancy

700
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 1: but during birth and postpartum. What's the best advice you

701
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: can give?

702
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 5: The best advice is in pregnancy. Please listen to the

703
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:16,600
Speaker 5: podcast that she's sending you. Yeah, like you've got to

704
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 5: be on the same educational journey that she's on because

705
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 5: a lot of the time pregnancy we go through this.

706
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 5: You know, I've got to learn all this stuff, I've

707
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,479
Speaker 5: got a prep for birth, and then dads kind of

708
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 5: just continue on their life because it's not happening to

709
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 5: their body right, So it's hard to sometimes connect with that,

710
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 5: especially if it's your first. So listen to the podcast

711
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 5: go to the course, try to stay awake a time,

712
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 5: try not to stream sports while you.

713
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 4: And you turn out alright, all right, yeah, I've got

714
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 4: a whole podcast on parenting now, so.

715
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 5: So yeah, go on the educational journey with her, because

716
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 5: when when she's in birth and when she's in labor land,

717
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 5: she's actually not in that brain anymore. So you kind

718
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 5: of have to be her brain for her. In birth,

719
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 5: whatever she says goes right. So like if she says,

720
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 5: you know, it's time to go to the hospital, or

721
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,719
Speaker 5: I want to do this, or I need this, I

722
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 5: want this, you kind of got to be like, yes,

723
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 5: I believe in you. I believe you can, and I'm

724
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 5: listening to what you say, you know, because instinct is

725
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 5: so powerful in birth, so we need to like really

726
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 5: tune into what she's saying because a lot of the time,

727
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 5: like in labor, you can't really form full sentences. It's

728
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 5: hard to get your words out. So when she does

729
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 5: say something, we need to listen.

730
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: Because I feel quite redundant in the birthing suite obviously,

731
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 1: Like if Laura asks for anything, then I'm like straight

732
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: onto it is anything unprompted or proactive that a partner

733
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 1: should be aware of in the birthing suite. Yep.

734
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 5: Absolutely, So the first thing I would say is always

735
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 5: be physically close to her. So if she's going to

736
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 5: the toilet, you're going to the toilet with her. If

737
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 5: she wants to get in the shower, you're holding the

738
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 5: shower jets with her. If she's getting in the bath,

739
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 5: you're sitting by the bath. Always being really physically close

740
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 5: because you are the most important person to her in

741
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 5: that room. You know, even if you have a dueler,

742
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 5: nothing will replace the love that you guys have for

743
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 5: each other. And love is what it sounds like, It's

744
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 5: really beautiful. Love is what we need to make contractions happen.

745
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 5: Right That oxytocin hormone is what is going to power labor.

746
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 4: So she needs you really close.

747
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,719
Speaker 5: So even if you don't know what to say, just

748
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 5: being there and even holding her hand is like enough.

749
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 5: If she's ever saying things like I can't do it anymore,

750
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 5: I'm so tired, rather than saying like, yeah, let's get

751
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 5: you an epidural, baby, look tired, we really want to

752
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 5: say like turn it into an affirmation of like I

753
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 5: know you can do this. You've prepared for this you're

754
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 5: so strong, and like hearing that from your partner is

755
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 5: like like gives all of those like oxytocin vibes so encouragement.

756
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 5: And then if she's really saying she can't do it anymore, distraction,

757
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 5: So let's switch it up. So even if you to

758
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 5: make like a triangle in the birth suite of like

759
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 5: you know, the bed up on its highest level so

760
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 5: that she can lean up against it, the shower and

761
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 5: the bath, if you just move between those three stations

762
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 5: in the hospital, just keep distracting her.

763
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 4: You're by yourself so much time.

764
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: I have a flashback to when I got really hungry

765
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: and I have to go down to the get a sandwich.

766
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 4: Oh my god, so not physically close.

767
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. And on that note, is there is there anything

768
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: that dads shouldn't do? Does anything stick out that you've

769
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: seen or heard of where you're like, that's like that's

770
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 1: a no brainer, but don't do it.

771
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 4: Oh.

772
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 5: The first thing that comes to me, Yeah, I've heard

773
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 5: your birth story, so I know that. The first thing

774
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 5: that came to mind was if you drive a big truck.

775
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 4: Like check that it goes in the car park of

776
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 4: the hospital, Please please, like do a drive by in

777
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 4: the birth suite, I would say, like, is there anything

778
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 4: that you can't do? Is like, please don't be on

779
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 4: your phone, even if you think.

780
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 3: Before you're fucking streaming in the birth class, it's different.

781
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 4: You got it out of business mainly did the day

782
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 4: out or yeah.

783
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 5: Like even when you're hiding it, you know, like at

784
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 5: school when you think that, like the teacher can't see

785
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,399
Speaker 5: you on your phone and they because they so can.

786
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: You flash they can't yeh.

787
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,839
Speaker 4: Try not to call your mom, you know while birth

788
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 4: is happening. Yeah, let's wait for the placenta to be

789
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,240
Speaker 4: born before you do that, Yeah, for sure.

790
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: And then postpartum, I think that's a time where a

791
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: lot of partners feel a bit redundant because Bubba's so

792
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,359
Speaker 1: attached to mom. What's your advice on how they can

793
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: be a standout individual.

794
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 4: Or stand out individual?

795
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 5: I would say, if you've if this is your first baby,

796
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 5: please be with her in the nighttime. So nighttime feeds

797
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 5: is a real like whack to the system.

798
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 4: Your hormones are going crazy.

799
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,399
Speaker 5: So even if you feel like you can't do much,

800
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 5: even just being with her and sitting up with her

801
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 5: in bed and like being a support, like what do

802
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:47,960
Speaker 5: you need me to grab? Changing the nappy after the

803
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 5: feed and being there for those night feeds can help

804
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 5: make her feel less alone.

805
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 4: And then if you could.

806
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 5: Encourage her and be supportive of her really resting and

807
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 5: I mean really resting, like treat her like a in

808
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,320
Speaker 5: those two weeks, even if you could like ideally six,

809
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 5: but like it's unrealistic for a lot of people to.

810
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 2: Be doing that.

811
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 5: So if you could give it two weeks of just

812
00:35:09,280 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 5: like being a doting dad and a doting husband, well said,

813
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 5: that would be amazing. You're making sure that she's staying

814
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 5: in bed, she's staying warm, she's sped, she's showered and

815
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 5: has unhydrated well, and he's encouraged to be in bed

816
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 5: with the baby's skin to skin. If you have other kids,

817
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 5: really doing what you can to take those other kids

818
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 5: away so that she has wanting time with the newborn,

819
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 5: because she's probably going to feel like her heart is

820
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 5: split in For Laura's case.

821
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: Three, Yeah, that was one of the biggest regrets that

822
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: we have is once Lola was born, coming home as

823
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: quickly as we could, and then having it's so so

824
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: hard because Marley was eighteen months and they don't understand.

825
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: And this time around, Laura is like, I will stay

826
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 1: in that hospital bed for as long as a bloody can.

827
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 5: It's a holiday with a newborn, yeah, and it's a

828
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 5: bit divide and conquering those days if you've got other kids,

829
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 5: so it can kind of feel like you know you've yeah,

830
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 5: you're with your newborn, your partners with the other kid.

831
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 4: So just making time to connect with her as well.

832
00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: I remember some of the some advice I got given

833
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: was but for those nighttime feeds is just just don't

834
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 3: say anything to her, just.

835
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 1: Be there, Just be there and do it.

836
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 3: If she says can you get me some water, don't

837
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 3: even say yes, just go and do it, because yes

838
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 3: could come out as like an attitude.

839
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 2: You're both tired, exactly.

840
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 3: I remember as a new dad first time, I put

841
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 3: so much pressure on myself to be up all the

842
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 3: time that it made us both tired the whole time

843
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 3: and too tired.

844
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 2: People don't equal a fully rested person. But I was

845
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 2: always felt like the pressure to do so. But then

846
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, well I'm going to do it,

847
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 2: but I'm not going to say anything.

848
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 3: So then she can look across the dark room and

849
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,800
Speaker 3: I'm there, but only if she needs me to do something.

850
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 2: And then, you know, sometimes i'd fall asleep.

851
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,919
Speaker 5: Sorry, you can't help it, slippery, come far across the room,

852
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 5: wake up.

853
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: And then you've obviously been through many births. Do you

854
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: know the exact number of how many you've been involved in?

855
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 4: I did count it for you. We're up to thirty four.

856
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 2: Now, wow, that's cool.

857
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: How are you here to celebrate the fiftieth drink? Are

858
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: there any births? Yeah, that stand out for you as

859
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,879
Speaker 1: being the most memorable? Oh? Yes.

860
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 5: It was actually a good friend of mine that I

861
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 5: met through my mother's group. I'm now fully identified her

862
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 5: as well. Anyway, she says, will you Abby, will you

863
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 5: be my dueler for our second? And I thought this,

864
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,920
Speaker 5: this is incredible, Like I'd love to. So it happened

865
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 5: around Christmas time and I was working in radio at

866
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,439
Speaker 5: the time, so we had this like big Christmas Carol's event,

867
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 5: and as an on call dueler, and like working big events,

868
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 5: you're kind of like it's a little bit stressful. So yeah,

869
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 5: I'm like wearing my freaking glitters Christmas outfit. Fuck, And

870
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 5: I'm thinking I think she might have been like thirty

871
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 5: nine weeks or something, and we're messaging in this group

872
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 5: chat of this mother's group, and Abby says, I'm going

873
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 5: to go for a walk. I'm gonna walk this baby out.

874
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 5: And I'm like, how can you not, because like I'm

875
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 5: at this event. And one of our other friends in

876
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 5: mother's group sends her an excerpt of like fifty Shades

877
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 5: of Gray and it's like this will get that, this will

878
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 5: get the juices going.

879
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 4: And I'm like, how dare you like like the audio

880
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 4: of it, like like a screenshot of the like Kindle

881
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 4: book or something like, you know, the passage of my

882
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 4: giant pulsetting member, you know, like like yeah, like real smart.

883
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 4: And I'm like, god, like doesn't work. Well, yeah, you

884
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 4: know that's it right. I'm thinking anyway, she's going for

885
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 4: a walk.

886
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,359
Speaker 5: Then I get, like maybe an hour later, I get

887
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,760
Speaker 5: this message from her husband saying, hey, like she's having

888
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 5: some like contractions.

889
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 4: I think we might be on And I'm like, da,

890
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 4: do you haven't in my hand?

891
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm going to use this when my next

892
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 5: mum gets to forty two weeks. You know, screenshots, smartfolder,

893
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 5: It's the work I sweat. So I'm like, ship, I

894
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 5: better go. So I I go up to work and

895
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 5: I'm like, hey, like I think a baby's coming, Like.

896
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 4: I got to run. They're like, just go do what

897
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 4: you need to do. Totally got out of the pack

898
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 4: out pack down for the event, perfect so much. I

899
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 4: run home.

900
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 5: I message my husband Phil be like can you get

901
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 5: my dueler bag ready?

902
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 4: And like my T shirt or like whatever I gotta

903
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 4: get changed I could have like here's a Christmas mirror.

904
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 1: I run home.

905
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 5: Luckily they don't live far from me, Like I'm I'm speeding,

906
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 5: like I got out of the car park.

907
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:25,479
Speaker 4: I'm speeding home.

908
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 5: I get a message saying her waters have just broken,

909
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 5: like babies coming, and I'm like fuck, So I like

910
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 5: grab my bag, Hey Phil, Hey girls, like mommy's got

911
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 5: to go, like help the babies. I run out the

912
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 5: door and I go into the house the husband's mother,

913
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 5: and mother's sitting on the couch downstairs.

914
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 4: And she's like hello Alice, and I was like, Hi,

915
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,640
Speaker 4: like go upstairs, go into the bedroom.

916
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 5: Abby's in the bathroom and she's she's roaring at this stage,

917
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 5: and I was like, wow, you doing so amazing, like

918
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 5: you're doing so well and try and just like bring

919
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,399
Speaker 5: the bring the pressure down a bit, bring the anxiety down.

920
00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 5: And she's going and I'm thinking like okay, like her

921
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 5: waters are broken. All the signs are pointing to like

922
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 5: this baby's coming soon. And she says like I was

923
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 5: like okay, Harry, like you know, listen to those words, Harry,

924
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 5: like let's get the.

925
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 4: Car going, like we need to go. And Harry's like yes, yes, yes,

926
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:22,800
Speaker 4: yes yes. Then I hear like this real like beddown.

927
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 4: She says, we're not going to make it.

928
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 5: And I was like, okay, Harry, we're not gonna make it.

929
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 5: Can you call an ambulance? So Harry is like yeap, cool.

930
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 5: So we get on the phone to ambulance and I'm like,

931
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 5: you're gonna be okay, let's sit on the toilet because

932
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 5: I know that that's like can relax the pelvic floor.

933
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 4: She's doing so.

934
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 5: Well breathing this you know baby, and the ambulance is

935
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 5: on the phone.

936
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,280
Speaker 4: I said, you can pop it on loud speaker.

937
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 5: And these ambulance like paramedics are following this script right

938
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 5: like they don't they don't really know, they don't not

939
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 5: know birth, but they following this script that they have

940
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 5: to do. And so it's like put her on her back,

941
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 5: is can you see the baby's head? And so poor

942
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 5: Harry is going, hey, babe, can you get on your back?

943
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 4: And she's like no oh, and I'm like no, we're

944
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 4: not getting on the back. Like the baby's like coming.

945
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:06,920
Speaker 5: And it doesn't just for anyone listening, if this happens,

946
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 5: it doesn't change the fact that they're sending an ambulance.

947
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 5: It's just like the triage on the phone, yep. And

948
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 5: so she's got here. The lady's going like can you

949
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 5: see your head? And poor Harry's like trying to like

950
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 5: get back there and like see if he can see

951
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 5: his head.

952
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 4: And I'm like, Harry like trying to swalloway his hands.

953
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 5: Like you can't do a vaginal exam on her, you know,

954
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 5: like this this baby's starting to crown. So the ambulance

955
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 5: turns up. But we've got a head, like this head

956
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 5: is coming. So I'm filming.

957
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,959
Speaker 4: We're in the bathroom, like on the tiles on the floor,

958
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 4: get some.

959
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 5: Towels, going. Harry's sort of in front. I'm like you

960
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,959
Speaker 5: can hang up now on the ambulance. Paramedics are waiting

961
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 5: outside and a couple of pushes later, like Harry's picked

962
00:41:42,719 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 5: up his baby and like looking at this baby. And

963
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,879
Speaker 5: then I said, put it on mum's chest and so

964
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 5: he passed it to Abby and Abby's holding his baby

965
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,200
Speaker 5: and she's like, oh my gosh, like I've just had

966
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 5: this baby at home, Like I've got shivers telling it now,

967
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 5: like so incredible. I've got it all on film and

968
00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 5: it was just amazing. And these paramedics are out out

969
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 5: side and I was like, do you guys want to

970
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 5: come in?

971
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 4: They're like, oh no, you guys have got this, and

972
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 4: I'm like, what turns out?

973
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,399
Speaker 5: When the paramedics arrived, Harry's mum said, oh yeah, they're

974
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 5: upstairs with the midwife. So these paramedics were like, oh,

975
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 5: we're sweet here. So like I said, I'm like, I'm

976
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 5: not a midwife, like I'm a duela. Like I'm not

977
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 5: sure for this, you know.

978
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 4: So they came in and yeah, she was.

979
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 5: She was perfect. Happy they had a little girl. They

980
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:24,919
Speaker 5: already had a boy.

981
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 4: So this was a very exciting moment.

982
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,399
Speaker 1: And it sounds great, but I would not.

983
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,399
Speaker 4: Want that to know, like call Harry the midman now,

984
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 4: because he did. He did such a good job.

985
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 5: So delivered his baby on the bathroom floor of their

986
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 5: freshly renovated bathroom. So we got like, so they go

987
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 5: off to hospital. I'm like staying to Harry's. Can you

988
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 5: start like cleaning the tiles? Like I don't want to stay.

989
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: You've mentioned that you do have some toys with you.

990
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: We're not going to do it on the podcast, but

991
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 1: we have a tense machine, so we're going to experience yep,

992
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 1: close to what later may feel like or me. We'll

993
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 1: figure it out.

994
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 4: Well, you can do half half at the same time,

995
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 4: so who can handle more?

996
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go Like that, we go. So we're

997
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 1: not going to do it on the podcast episode, but

998
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 1: if you do want to watch this, it'll be on

999
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 1: our socials. Alice, thank you so much for joining us today.

1000
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: We are going to now get into the tense machine. Yes,

1001
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 1: so Ash, prepare yourself. I'm assuming it's going to be intense.

1002
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,800
Speaker 1: So there is, there is, there is. It's been a pleasure.

1003
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

1004
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 2: Thanks for coming. We really appreciate you giving us all the.

1005
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 3: Information about doers because I had no idea really what what.

1006
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:37,760
Speaker 2: A dealer is. So thank you.

1007
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 4: You're welcome, Thanks for having me.

1008
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: I'm annoyed that we didn't start this podcast before I

1009
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: had kids, which obviously wouldn't have worked because you can't

1010
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: do a parony podcast without kids.

1011
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 2: Don't think you'd be called two Doting dads with no kids?

1012
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1013
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:56,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, correct, unless go on to doting dog dads.

1014
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: Well, I just think I know so much more now

1015
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: that what a shame.

1016
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 2: It's for your next marriage.

1017
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: My current wife is Thrill.

1018
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave.

1019
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 1: Review, share, share, and join and us on social media

1020
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,760
Speaker 1: either TikTok, Instagram or Facebook.

1021
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 2: There is a group.

1022
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 1: Just search two Doting Dads and you will find it.

1023
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: I have to warn people though, when you search two

1024
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 1: Doting Dads, if you're like me, the algorithm is like, ah,

1025
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: you want gay content? Is that? Haven't anyone else?

1026
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 3: What else?

1027
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:36,280
Speaker 1: That's my excuse?

1028
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 2: You put you You typed in two gay dads.

1029
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 1: Didn't you love this shit? I typed it into pornharb

1030
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 1: and I was like.

1031
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 2: Oh whoops, not again speaking about porn harbit. It's time

1032
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 2: I go.

1033
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:56,320
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'll see you next time. Two Doting Dads podcast

1034
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:00,560
Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and connections

1035
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: to Land sea and community.

1036
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,

1037
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

1038
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 3: peoples today