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Speaker 1: Welcome back to mind for his fridays with my wonderful

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Speaker 1: friend Jad Patrick. He is so passionate about mental health,

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Speaker 1: mindfulness and he's a counselor, natural path and nutritionist. You

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Speaker 1: can find out more about him. Chad's laughing at me

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Speaker 1: because he said, laughing because I do this every time.

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Speaker 2: It's start because technically I'm not a qualifi nutritionist.

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Speaker 3: What are you?

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Speaker 2: And I keep forget for certain I'm just like you.

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Speaker 1: Know what I tell everybody when I'm putting you in touch.

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Speaker 1: He has three degrees.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've done a lot of nutrition There's some

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Speaker 2: equivalencies there, but in respect for all of my nutritionist colleagues.

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Speaker 1: I'm a nutritionist. I don't take any offense to that

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Speaker 1: at all. Also, you're ways smarter than me. Chad is

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Speaker 1: probably one of the smartest people that I know. So

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Speaker 1: we are so lucky to have him here today. If

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Speaker 1: you want to learn more about him, his Insta handle

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Speaker 1: is Chad Patrick Neutropathy and it's Ja d for Derek.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to say, Dick, I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 3: Oh Amaze.

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Speaker 1: You can tell we've got to that stage of the

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Speaker 1: day now people listening, We've this is the first time

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Speaker 1: I've ever done this. But we're recording this whole series

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Speaker 1: in one go, which makes for an interesting day, and

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Speaker 1: you've got to record all the meditations. Jad's got a

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Speaker 1: massive day ahead of him. Okay, So the theme today

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Speaker 1: is in this in this podcast episode, is that feeling

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Speaker 1: of being stuck. And then I've written here versus drive

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Speaker 1: and motivation. So the stuck feeling is probably the most

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Speaker 1: common out of all of these topics we've covered that

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Speaker 1: I relate to. I think, and I don't want to

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Speaker 1: sound like I'm tooting my own horn here.

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 1: So I'm an overachiever and I probably work obsessively a

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Speaker 1: bit too hard, and if I feel the opposite, So

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Speaker 1: I really struggle every December and January because all media

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Speaker 1: work closes until the end of jan and I'll just

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Speaker 1: sit down with my therapist and I'll be quite agitated

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Speaker 1: and worked up and he's like, talk to me, and I.

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Speaker 3: Go, I'm stuck.

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Speaker 1: I'm stuck, like and I just get really and he'll

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Speaker 1: often be like, why can't you be in a phase

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Speaker 1: of learning in your life, like, because that doesn't have

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Speaker 1: a dollar sign attached to it.

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Speaker 3: All that's not going to help me.

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Speaker 1: And he's like, but all this training that you're doing

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Speaker 1: now will actually help you in the long term be

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Speaker 1: more successful. And so it took me a long time

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Speaker 1: to be okay with this feeling of not physically working on.

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Speaker 3: A project or something like that. That's the stuck feeling.

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Speaker 3: I get.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and it's not a fun space to be in.

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Speaker 2: I think I get. We were talking a bit before

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Speaker 2: the show about while we compliment one another well as friends,

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Speaker 2: is that I can kind of get dwelling in that

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Speaker 2: stuckness for too long. And Laura's very good at that

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Speaker 2: activation get up, do something, and.

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Speaker 3: Quite harsh on you are.

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Speaker 2: Oh, gives me a good kick up with the bum,

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Speaker 2: But it's coming from a place of love and respect

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Speaker 2: and that's best for me. Not in a punishing kind

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Speaker 2: of way, or you're not good enough. It's kind of like,

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Speaker 2: you are good enough, So get up and yeah, I

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Speaker 2: like your cheerleader. Yeah, And you know, I think as

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Speaker 2: part of the mindful of stuff we're talking about, it's

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Speaker 2: also about developing this inner kind of cheerleader in a

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Speaker 2: in a compassionate presence within us at once what's best

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Speaker 2: for ourselves and pushes us a little bit in an encouraging,

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Speaker 2: motivating way, not in a you're not good enough, you suck,

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Speaker 2: you should do this well tangent? Where was I?

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Speaker 1: So what I'm what I'm with the idea of feeling

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Speaker 1: stuck or lost. I think that everybody again experiences at

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Speaker 1: some stage. It can be simple as like you've fallen

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Speaker 1: into a career path where you're like, oh, this is

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Speaker 1: kind of safe. Like I can't believe I've been saying

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Speaker 1: this right now, but I remember one day, probably about

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Speaker 1: six months ago, my therapist I walked in and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I've had an epiphany. He literally is like

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Speaker 1: rolling his seat up here, hit me with it, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I've been living my backup career this

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Speaker 1: whole time, and he's like.

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Speaker 3: What do you mean.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I fell into nutrition. I was passionate about it.

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Speaker 1: But I've always really loved theater and that's the degree

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Speaker 1: I did straight out of Uniview twelve was theater studies performing,

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Speaker 1: So I've just learned something. And then I was a

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Speaker 1: DJ and party animal and whatnot, and then fell into

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Speaker 1: studying nutrition because it was.

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Speaker 3: Always my backup.

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Speaker 1: And I said to him, I used to get the

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Speaker 1: tram back from school and I'd.

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Speaker 3: Always passed the UNI.

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Speaker 1: I'd studied out and I'd be like, oh, that's good

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Speaker 1: backup career if you don't succeed in film and television

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Speaker 1: as an actor. And Terry, since I furt my therapist,

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Speaker 1: since I first started seeing him, he'd always refer to

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Speaker 1: me as his actor. He'd be like, well, you're an actor,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, is this guy losing his marm?

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Speaker 3: I had no idea. I was like, why does he

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Speaker 3: keep saying this?

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Speaker 1: Like and He's like, you're a performer, can You're a creative, empathetic,

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Speaker 1: performing person. You're a that's your that's who you are.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, no, I'm a nutritionist. And

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Speaker 1: he's like, no, no, yeah you do that.

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Speaker 2: And as we've just discovered, neither am I. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think that was the last episodes. Oh I was

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Speaker 3: it on this episode?

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Speaker 2: Good?

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Speaker 1: Good, good, because I was like, oh shit did I

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Speaker 1: talk about in the last one. Yeah, So Chad is

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Speaker 1: a natural path and AC counselor.

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Speaker 3: Is that what I'm allowed to say?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Great, and I'm a nutrition so we've got all the

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Speaker 1: bases covered on this podcast. But yeah, I said to Terry,

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Speaker 1: I'm living my backup career and that's why I feel

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Speaker 1: so stark. And he's like, when do you feel most

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Speaker 1: live when you're doing the nutrition stuff? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: if I'm on TV filming, if I'm on a photo

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Speaker 1: shoot set, if I'm speaking to camera, if I'm filming

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Speaker 1: a vlog, if I'm recording a podcast, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: all these things you're describing are a performer.

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Speaker 3: And I remember I went into him one day and.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I think I'm a bad person, and

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Speaker 1: he goes, why and I go, I did a red

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Speaker 1: carpet event, like where you have to walk along red

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Speaker 1: carpet and there's a whole pit of photographers and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I fucking loved it. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: felt like I'm meant to be photographed on this red carpet.

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Speaker 1: And I said, is that my ego? And he goes,

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Speaker 1: explain to me what you love about it, and I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you if it's your ego, and I so, I

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Speaker 1: love the theater. I love the energy of it. I said,

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Speaker 1: my heart pounds and I can feel and I feel

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Speaker 1: the opening of my heart and I said, I love

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Speaker 1: that I'm putting on this persona that is me. But

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Speaker 1: it's almost like a heightened me or it's and he said, well,

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Speaker 1: you're an actor.

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Speaker 3: No wonder why you don't love that. It makes sense

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Speaker 3: that that's what you love.

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Speaker 1: He goes that to me, he's got nothing to do with ego,

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Speaker 1: and going to an event is just a celebration of

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Speaker 1: something that you love. And so I find whenever I

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Speaker 1: fall back into my qualified skill set or what I'm

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Speaker 1: good at. And this is where I'm getting to this

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Speaker 1: very long rounded story. But like it's easy to fall

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Speaker 1: into the trap of doing what you're good at and

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Speaker 1: feeling stuck versus being courageous and taking the leap to

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Speaker 1: kind of go. Like when you and I have our

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Speaker 1: discussions when I'm like do this, let's do this podcast

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Speaker 1: and release some meditations series, and you're amazing at taking

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Speaker 1: the leaps as well.

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Speaker 3: Now like you're like, yep.

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Speaker 2: I'm a lot less resistant than I once was, you know,

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Speaker 2: And I think, you know, credit to both of us

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Speaker 2: as our own individual selves. We've post done a lot

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Speaker 2: of work over the teams we've known one another. And

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Speaker 2: I was just thinking about that before that. If you know,

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Speaker 2: if you had suggested to me, say eight years ago,

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Speaker 2: let's record six podcasts in one day, I would be

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Speaker 2: shitting myself. I'd be like, I have to, you know,

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Speaker 2: have to research this. I have to know every bit

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Speaker 2: of the topic, and I'll have to have stats on

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Speaker 2: hand and you know, studies written out and all this

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Speaker 2: sort of stuff. And what I've learned from you over

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Speaker 2: the years is the power of just just just do

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Speaker 2: it to use it, you know, marketing slogan, but there's

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Speaker 2: power in that slogan is that sometimes you just got

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Speaker 2: to take the leap. You've got to just start doing,

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Speaker 2: and then the energy will follow, the confidence will follow.

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Speaker 2: A lot of people wait for the confidence. They wait

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Speaker 2: for the motivation, they wait for the inspiration, they wait

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Speaker 2: for their muse, they wait for their activity. You wait forever.

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Speaker 2: It's in the taking action that that starts to come

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Speaker 2: come into being.

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Speaker 1: And does that come back to a sense of self worth?

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Speaker 1: Because when you were like, the confidence will come because

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Speaker 1: I've always been that I'll be more confident when, be

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Speaker 1: more confident when I'm fifty ko oh, be more confident

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Speaker 1: when or when I've got this or when I'm doing this,

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Speaker 1: or when I'm a star. And then it's like, what

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Speaker 1: if you value yourself enough to be like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to give this a crack. Can you see the difference

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Speaker 1: in that, Like yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, self worth does come into it and hear you're

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Speaker 2: sort of saying that.

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Speaker 1: Also doing it for yourself, not for another reason, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like this podcast exists out

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Speaker 1: of passion only, that's all it is. Like I didn't

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Speaker 1: think I would fall madly in love with it, and

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Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with it.

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Speaker 3: I love it so much. Like even doing.

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Speaker 1: These recording these six episodes in one day, I didn't

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Speaker 1: even think about the time that it would take. I

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Speaker 1: was just like, my mind whent to this idea is amazing,

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Speaker 1: this is Matt's idea.

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Speaker 3: Let's do it.

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Speaker 1: And then I called up my podcast major and was

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Speaker 1: like how fast can we release them? So that's where

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Speaker 1: my mind has gone. And so I don't know if

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Speaker 1: and that's where like this is maybe even more like

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Speaker 1: chasing your dreams success kind of topic. Maybe that's what

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Speaker 1: this is turning into because that stuck feeling. It might

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Speaker 1: be a gift where you go, oh, I can acknowledge,

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Speaker 1: like the way you were saying, you kind of become friends,

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Speaker 1: like in the episode about stress and anxiety, kind of

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Speaker 1: like having a cup of tea with the anxiety or

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Speaker 1: as you were saying, like welcoming in the feeling of shame,

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Speaker 1: Like maybe it's.

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Speaker 3: Welcoming in Why am I stuck? What's this here to

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Speaker 3: teach me?

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Speaker 1: Because I never stay stuck in stuck for very long

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Speaker 1: more than about it never gets like a bad stint.

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Speaker 3: Of it will be forty eight hours.

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Speaker 1: Usually it's twenty four, and I'll be like, I've learned

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Speaker 1: that I don't want that feeling again, and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: serve me even though I get the feeling again, and

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Speaker 1: then I will use it to propel me into X,

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Speaker 1: Y and ZT, export of which.

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Speaker 3: Is to courage.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the way to approach that starkness

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Speaker 2: is first you really got to get a sense of it.

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Speaker 2: You know, we're so quick to move from I've got

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Speaker 2: this feeling. I don't want this feeling. How do I

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Speaker 2: get it away? But first we've got to feel the

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Speaker 2: feeling of stuckness or boredom, of inertia, or of depression,

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Speaker 2: of whatever it is it feels. So I can't move

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Speaker 2: from this or I'm not moving, so there's something wrong.

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Speaker 2: Get a sense of it. Because all emotions are is

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Speaker 2: messages through the body, messages through the psyche, that's all

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Speaker 2: they are. They're a way of communicating needs. So underlying

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Speaker 2: that sense of stuckness is some sort of unmet need,

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Speaker 2: and those needs often speak to the concept of values.

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Speaker 2: You know, what do we value in our lives? What

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Speaker 2: gives our lives meaning and purpose? What matters to you

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Speaker 2: truly deep down? What is the qualities or personal strengths

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Speaker 2: or attributes of your behavior you want to bring into

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Speaker 2: being in the world, so that when you're you know

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Speaker 2: you're lying on your deathbed, when you're older, you can

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Speaker 2: say to yourself, yeah, I lived a good life. I

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Speaker 2: lived a life of integrity or of compassion, or of

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Speaker 2: motivation or whatever or passion. So the stuckness can be

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Speaker 2: a good opportunity to examine that, But first you're going

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Speaker 2: to feel it. If you keep chasing ways of escaping

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Speaker 2: the stuckness, you'll probably default to things that you've already

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Speaker 2: done to try to get rid of that feeling. So

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Speaker 2: you've got to know the message that's behind at first.

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Speaker 2: So first you get to sit with the starkness, really

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Speaker 2: come to understand it, sort of welcome it in, think

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Speaker 2: of it like the seasons. It's kind of like the

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Speaker 2: winter of your emotional kind of landscape where things go

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Speaker 2: into hibernation and dormancy and they kind of regroup and

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Speaker 2: go within. It's an opportunity to go within. And how fitting,

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Speaker 2: we've got thunder in the even though it's quite human.

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Speaker 3: I'm sweating. Are you sweating?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Thank god? I thought something was wrong.

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Speaker 2: But so it's an opportunity to look at your values.

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Speaker 2: So I guess getting out of the darkness involves finding

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Speaker 2: something that gives you that vitality, that drive, that enthusiasm,

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Speaker 2: and that involves connecting with some kind of purpose and

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Speaker 2: that relates back to meaning and then sorry to values

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Speaker 2: and then two goals. So I guess it's worth unpacking

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Speaker 2: the difference between, say, values and goals, because sometimes they're

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Speaker 2: used interchangeably, but they're.

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Speaker 3: They're they're quite different, quite different.

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Speaker 2: So values are sort of what matters to us deep down,

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Speaker 2: relates to the sort of person you want to be

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Speaker 2: and the kind of qualities you want to embody or

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Speaker 2: enact in the behaviors you engage in in life. So

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Speaker 2: whereas a goal is something specific that you can achieve

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Speaker 2: and tick off a list.

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Speaker 3: So the value would be loyalty, a value would be loyalty.

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Speaker 2: A goal might be to have a committed marriage. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and the value behind that is loyalty.

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Speaker 3: And goals change.

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Speaker 2: Values are more values tend to stay more consistent through

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Speaker 2: our life span, So goals can shift and change. Goals

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Speaker 2: we're not really in control of, but we can stay

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Speaker 2: present in control of the values we keep. So the

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Speaker 2: goal might be to get married and be in a

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Speaker 2: committed relationship. But if the value is loyalty, you can

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Speaker 2: live the value of loyalty in all sorts of aspects

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Speaker 2: of your life. You can be a loyal friend, you

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Speaker 2: could be loyal to a business, you can be loyal

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Speaker 2: to your own hopes and dreams. So that loyalty then

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Speaker 2: becomes the energizing force that propels you into action the world.

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Speaker 2: And it's often when we take action that that feeling

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Speaker 2: of stuckness disappears. Often we wait for the right action,

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Speaker 2: but just taking action sometimes can be enough to get

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Speaker 2: you out of that kind of funk. So goals we

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Speaker 2: can tick off, goals we can achieve. Values are the

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Speaker 2: sort of ways of being that kind of guide us there.

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Speaker 2: The goal might change, the goal will probably shift and change.

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Speaker 2: That's life where we can't control the goal, but we

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Speaker 2: control the input, and the imp is the value behind it.

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Speaker 2: So someone might have a very similar goal. What's a

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Speaker 2: good example. Stay, if we stick with the concept of marriage. Now,

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Speaker 2: one person's goal might be to get married. The value

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Speaker 2: behind that could be loyalty. Another person that could be

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Speaker 2: companionship and love. Another person it might be just tradition.

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Speaker 2: You know, Tradition is important to me, Tradition is important

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Speaker 2: in my culture. So I get married. Yeah, And that's

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Speaker 2: once that value is sort of satisfied, that the other

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Speaker 2: sort of aspects of marriage become in the same goal,

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Speaker 2: completely different ways of getting there, completely different orientations of

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Speaker 2: seeing it. So getting in touch with our values is

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Speaker 2: so important. So the values.

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Speaker 3: I love talking about values.

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Speaker 1: I think also often sometimes when in the past, when

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Speaker 1: I've gone through a breakup, people will say, why did

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Speaker 1: you guys break up? And I'll be like, well, our values,

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Speaker 1: which is so opposite, and not that one was better

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Speaker 1: than the other.

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Speaker 2: But that's a very good point.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've found that that is often when I can

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Speaker 1: start to see the value, you can figure it out

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Speaker 1: within three months usually what someone's kind of baseline values are,

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Speaker 1: and you'll be like, oh, Wow, that's not one for me,

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Speaker 1: and you'll know because I won't feel right. And I

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Speaker 1: think the value thing is almost to me more important

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Speaker 1: than the goal thing because goals are changing in because

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Speaker 1: the values can probably impact the goals as well. So fascinating.

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Speaker 1: And one thing, I just want one more thing. I

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Speaker 1: want to ask about the stuckness. How do this might

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Speaker 1: be a selfish question as well, how do atypes go

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Speaker 1: with that?

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Speaker 3: Because I know.

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Speaker 1: Initially without therapy, I looked at the stuck feeling and

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Speaker 1: was like, I need to run the fuck away from

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Speaker 1: this feeling as fast as I can, or I'm going.

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Speaker 3: To feel depressed if I stay in it too.

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Speaker 1: Long, Like I'll notice I won't get up as early

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Speaker 1: and do my morning routine, I will start sleeping in more,

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Speaker 1: I will let my healthy eating and movement and mind

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Speaker 1: habits go, and I will quickly kind of like slip

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Speaker 1: into this void where I'm not even honoring my values.

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Speaker 1: And it has taken therapy for me to feel it

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Speaker 1: and process that feeling and to then kind of like

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Speaker 1: change my mindset around it to welcome it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, then take action.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, there's almost a bit of black and white

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Speaker 2: thinking going on there that if I'm not like, go go, go,

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Speaker 2: go go. If I'm stopping, then that's bad, that's black,

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Speaker 2: that's you know, and I want to move into the white.

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Speaker 2: I want to be go go, go go. So restructuring

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Speaker 2: the way you see it, that that there's an up

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Speaker 2: and down, there's a wave like motion in how we

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Speaker 2: approach life. That those times where we hit the stock

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Speaker 2: points is a time to reflect, reevaluate, rest grow, recharge, replenish,

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Speaker 2: all of those kind of like and that takes a pause.

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Speaker 2: And some people are scared of the pause because they

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Speaker 2: feel like then they're not achieving. And if I'm not achieving,

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Speaker 2: then what does that say about me? That I'm not worthy,

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Speaker 2: that I'm not enough, that I'm not good enough? And

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Speaker 2: so again it becomes an opportunity to look at these

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Speaker 2: beliefs we have ourselves about ourselves, these negative core beliefs

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Speaker 2: that we all have about you know, what's fundamentally so

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Speaker 2: wrong about me? And those stuck points, particularly for those

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Speaker 2: type a driven sort of people, can be you know,

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Speaker 2: often they're just escaping those feelings rather than really moving

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Speaker 2: towards a goal. And in act therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy,

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Speaker 2: we talk about moving away goals and moving towards goals.

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Speaker 2: Moving towards goals, we're moving towards something of value and

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Speaker 2: importance to us. It's energizing, it's life affirming, it's often

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Speaker 2: full of vitality. Moving away goals is when we're trying

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Speaker 2: to escape something painful and that we don't want to experience,

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Speaker 2: and that tends to come with a fear element to it.

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Speaker 2: It's not as life affirming and inspiring. So running from

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Speaker 2: starkness could be a problem. Sitting with the starkness and

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Speaker 2: realizing where you want to be moving towards that's where

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Speaker 2: they kind.

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Speaker 1: Of and I think what you've just unpacked for is

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Speaker 1: is going to It's a feeling that will happen, like

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Speaker 1: you will get that. That's normal human experience and it's

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Speaker 1: not a bad thing to feel it. And I've just

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Speaker 1: almost like scribbled word stuck here in written pause because

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Speaker 1: I know that this podcast wouldn't exist without me have

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Speaker 1: having a few stuck feelings. Because just because the nature

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Speaker 1: of media, there's not many TV shows that come out

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Speaker 1: of Melbourne, So I was like, how can I create

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Speaker 1: something that is some form of media that I love

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Speaker 1: that fills me up creatively? And that was born out

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Speaker 1: of a pause or a feeling of stuckness. So I

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Speaker 1: think by looking at it not as a negative thing

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Speaker 1: and knowing that it's almost like there's this word we

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Speaker 1: use in yoga equanimity, ebbs and flows, and so knowing

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Speaker 1: that there are going to be these moments of pause

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Speaker 1: or stuck or reevaluating a situation, and if you look

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Speaker 1: at them like a pretty great way to.

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Speaker 3: Oh, this thunder is like awesome, so awesome.

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Speaker 1: We've got this like sick mood soundtrack in the background. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: look at these as almost a gift. It's quite powerful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. And you know, I like to think

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Speaker 2: of it sort of as I mentioned before, like a

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Speaker 2: win of the soul, like where you're moving into this

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Speaker 2: space where you're kind of reflective and introspective and that

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Speaker 2: that's okay to welcome that onto that bit dig deep,

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Speaker 2: you know, dig into that what does this say about

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Speaker 2: me and where I've come from? And sometimes values change

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Speaker 2: in our lives as well. You know, the value of

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Speaker 2: being a loving parents going to be more relevant when

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Speaker 2: you are a parent. It is when you know you're

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Speaker 2: much older or much younger. So values sort of need

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Speaker 2: to be held kind of lightly. And we also have

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Speaker 2: to understand that sometimes values come into conflict with one another.

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Speaker 2: So sometimes that sense of stuckness might be when there's

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Speaker 2: one particular value that's important and then another value that's

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Speaker 2: important and they're kind of at odds with one another. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So then it's about exploring ways where you can meet

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Speaker 2: the needs of each value, perhaps in you and creative

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Speaker 2: ways so that you're not completely squashing one value versus another.

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Speaker 1: And I think your meditation exercise around this almost touches

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Speaker 1: on Sometimes this stuck feeling or this pause can be

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Speaker 1: a lesson to let go of something, Yeah, which is

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Speaker 1: scary because like the death of something or the completion

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Speaker 1: of something. And is that kind of what this meditation

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Speaker 1: this is a little bit around.

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Speaker 2: A little bit around that I'm sure, I'm sure that

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Speaker 2: could come up. This meditation be more reflection on the

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Speaker 2: qualities you really want to embody in your life and

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Speaker 2: how to really reconnect with them. What would be really

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Speaker 2: important a sort of the end of your life that

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Speaker 2: stands out, and where did those qualities perhaps come from,

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Speaker 2: and how can you kind of how would you maybe

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Speaker 2: honor that in your best possible sort of life And

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Speaker 2: that can then reconnect you with what's important. I'd say,

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Speaker 2: in that sense of stuckness, think of times where you

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Speaker 2: haven't felt stuck. What was different, what was going on

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Speaker 2: that was different. Think of your childhood dreams and not

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Speaker 2: so much the specifics, Like I wanted to be an archaeologist.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to be Indiana Jones. I could totally see

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Speaker 2: you doing that, And now I wouldn't necessarily want to

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Speaker 2: be an archaeologist. But that value of adventure, curiosity, exploration

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Speaker 2: is still really strong men. And so when I've hit

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Speaker 2: stuck points in my life, I've sort of realized, Ah,

437
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,120
Speaker 2: those needs aren't being met. I need a holiday where

438
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 2: I do something adventurous. I need to challenge myself in

439
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,399
Speaker 2: some way or learn something about the natural world in

440
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 2: some way. So yeah, reflecting bad and also reflecting forward,

441
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,920
Speaker 2: Like in thirty years time, what do I want to

442
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 2: stand for? What would give my life meaning? What would

443
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,119
Speaker 2: other people you know see in me that they admired

444
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 2: or respected or were inspired by. I love it.

445
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 3: I've been taking notes as you start all this.

446
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, because is it called the deathbed meditation

447
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,199
Speaker 1: or the eightieth year old Ladies Birthday menditation.

448
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 2: I think we'll do the death. Yes.

449
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 3: I love that you're going all all in.

450
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 2: With clients that sometimes do like an eightieth birthday meditation,

451
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 2: because death can feel a bit more. But we face

452
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 2: grief in another episode we've moved on from.

453
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 1: But I think and then the theory is like, on

454
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 1: your deathbed, you don't want to have regret? And is

455
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: it that kind of and what values or what what

456
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,399
Speaker 1: do you how do you want to have lived your life?

457
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, what's really important to you? And sometimes in

458
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 2: the moment we get hung up on the kind of

459
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 2: storyline of what's going on now and we forget that

460
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 2: there's a bigger picture and getting in touch with that

461
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 2: bigger picture can then reinvigorate us and give us a

462
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 2: sense of purpose. And if it doesn't, if this stirs

463
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 2: up difficult feelings to you that you're really not making

464
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 2: sense of, it might be time to unpack it in

465
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 2: a bit more detail with a life coach or a

466
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 2: psychologist or a psychiatrist or a counl or any of

467
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 2: those sorts of people that can work with you around

468
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: kind of getting in touch with what's really important to

469
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 2: you and what matters to you. And then taking this

470
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 2: step to behave in that way, even though it might

471
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,639
Speaker 2: come with anxiety, even though it might come with self doubt,

472
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 2: even though it might come with self criticism. Just taking

473
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 2: those steps, that's what's important.

474
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 3: Okay again, signing up for this meditation. So hang around.

475
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 1: JAD is now going to give you a meditation around

476
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: this topic of kind of like getting clear on your

477
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: gleetting here on who you're getting clear on who you

478
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 1: are like on a fundamental level, I guess rather, when

479
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 1: we feel stuck, we're often like who am I?

480
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 3: Where am I? What am I going?

481
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 2: What do I stand for? You know, all of us

482
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 2: have different values, all of us have we unique bloody

483
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 2: little snowflakes. But what what makes you tick? What gives

484
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 2: your life meaning and purpose? And how can you reconnect.

485
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 3: With that unreal You're amazing, Thanks, Chattles.

486
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 2: Thanks. This meditation is called the deathbed meditation. Sounds rather morbid,

487
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,439
Speaker 2: but really it's about reflecting on what's really important to

488
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 2: you in your life and discovering some values. For this meditation,

489
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 2: you can sit comfortably. There's no need to adopt any

490
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 2: special position or anything. Just go along with the words

491
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 2: and use your imagination as I speak. So imagining. Imagining,

492
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: You've lived a long, rich, meaningful life. You've achieved everything

493
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 2: you wanted to achieve, You've explored everything you wanted to explore,

494
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,479
Speaker 2: You've had amazing relationships. Really let your imagination run wild.

495
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 2: You're in your nineties and you're lying on your deathbed.

496
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 2: You know you're going to go soon, but you've lived

497
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 2: such an incredible life. Picturing all the amazing things that

498
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 2: have happened in your life, all the things that you

499
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 2: did and got to see, and most importantly, reflecting on

500
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 2: the type of person you were, and thinking about what

501
00:24:53,119 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: you stood for in your life, what really mattered to you.

502
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 2: Thinking about the people who were there in your life

503
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 2: for you, imagining they're with you now as you're resting,

504
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 2: getting closer to the end of such a wonderful life,

505
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 2: and they're sharing with you some of the things they

506
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 2: admired most in you. Who would be there, and it

507
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 2: can be anyone, can be people alive, already passed. It

508
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 2: can be young people or people. This is an imaginary

509
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 2: exercise thinking of all the people that meant the world

510
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 2: to you and having to think about what they might

511
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 2: say about you. What did you stand for in life?

512
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 2: What would you have fought to the death for. What

513
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 2: were the things they noticed where time stood still for you,

514
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 2: where you felt the most sure, where you felt the

515
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 2: most passion. What sort of qualities did you bring with

516
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 2: you when you engaged with the world. What strengths of

517
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 2: character did you possess in your working life when you're

518
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 2: acting as true to yourself? What we like in a relationship?

519
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: What were the qualities that you brought into friendships? What

520
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:53,919
Speaker 2: did your friends admire about you? What we are like

521
00:26:54,040 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 2: in your hobbies and pursuits. What qualities of behavior did

522
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 2: you bring into your family life? And what are some

523
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 2: of the qualities that you would like to pass on

524
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 2: to the others who are in that room. What do

525
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 2: you want them to remember you by taking note of

526
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 2: these qualities of your own self. It might be your patience,

527
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: It might be your loyalty. It could be your commitment

528
00:27:47,680 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 2: to adventure or curiosity or compassion or education. Thinking of

529
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: these qualities now, noting that you possess them, and thinking

530
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 2: about all the people in your big, long, wonderful life

531
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:27,400
Speaker 2: that helped you to have those qualities. Who in your

532
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 2: early years, teachers, parents, friends, grandparents, who had an influence

533
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: on you that allowed these wonderful qualities within you to develop.

534
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 2: Laying in your deathbird, you send some gratitude and thanks

535
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 2: to these people, thanking them for the gift of these

536
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: values that you hold your heart, that you've stood by

537
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 2: in your life, that you've worked hard to live out fully,

538
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 2: sending gratitude to them, and then holding those values close

539
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: to your heart, knowing that you honor them by appreciating

540
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 2: that within yourself, by living those values to their fullest,

541
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 2: letting go of the image of yourself as an old

542
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 2: man or woman on your deathbed, bringing your awareness back

543
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 2: to your present life, and thinking of some of those

544
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: values others noted in you that you noted in yourself,

545
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 2: and thinking of the domains of your life, such as

546
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:07,239
Speaker 2: your family, life, your career, hobbies, sense of spirituality. In

547
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: each of these areas, where are you living most closely

548
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: with your values and where are you perhaps living out

549
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: of alignment with those values. Perhaps after this meditation is finished,

550
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 2: you might write down some examples of the values you

551
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 2: noted were so important in the length of your life

552
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: and explore where in your life you could live more

553
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 2: fully in those in accordance with those values, and where

554
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 2: in your life you're already living those values to the fullest,

555
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 2: making room again for any difficult feelings that show up,

556
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 2: but can be hard to recognize that as humans, sometimes

557
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 2: we get out of sync with what's important and meaningful

558
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 2: to us, and seeing this as an opportunity to recalibrate,

559
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 2: to set your compass in the direction of the values

560
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 2: that are most important to you, and noticing what changes

561
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 2: then in your life. Taking a few deep, easy breaths,

562
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: now letting go of any tension in the body, letting

563
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 2: go of the exercise, making room for discomfort, savoring any

564
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 2: positive feelings you might be feeling around those values that

565
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 2: you embody, and then when you're ready, they're ever so

566
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 2: gently opening your eyes