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Speaker 1: Kylie, you and I have three adult kids. They've moved

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Speaker 1: out of home. Well, I say they've moved out of home.

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Speaker 1: Hasn't quite worked out like that.

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Speaker 2: I was going to say, which three kids are you

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Speaker 2: talking about?

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Speaker 1: One is back, another is returning in a little bit

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Speaker 1: over a month. So we're going to have five kids

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Speaker 1: in the house again. Not sure how that's going to work.

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Speaker 1: As well as that, We've got an eighteen year older

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Speaker 1: teen and a tween and sometimes I look at them

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Speaker 1: and I hope they're not listening to what I'm about

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Speaker 1: to say. I wonder if we could have done more

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Speaker 1: to get them ready for the realities of independent living.

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Speaker 1: I mean, life is the ultimate teacher, and once you

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Speaker 1: move out, you just start to figure stuff out. But

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Speaker 1: every now and again, I feel like there's real value

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Speaker 1: in building some foundational skills while children are still at home,

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Speaker 1: where mistakes are safe and where that little bit of

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Speaker 1: extra guidance is available. Today, we're going to knock out

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Speaker 1: seven life skills that every parent needs to teach their

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Speaker 1: team and help them a master before they leave home.

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Speaker 1: Stay with us. Hello. This is The Happy Family's podcast,

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Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions, every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast,

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Speaker 1: where Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: it's solutions today or just ideas, reminders and a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a rod for parents' backs. Our job is

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Speaker 1: to equip our children so that we become redundant. They

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Speaker 1: can move out and get through life. Okay. And I

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Speaker 1: keep on hearing stories about kids that move out but

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Speaker 1: can't do anything for themselves. Apparently kids are just not

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Speaker 1: that resilient. I think we're being unfair to our kids.

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Speaker 1: I remember when I was young, like when I was

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Speaker 1: a kid and I was at my grandma's house and

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Speaker 1: my uncle, who had moved out three years ago and

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Speaker 1: only lived in the next suburb, was still bringing his

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Speaker 1: washing home. Really, man, Yeah, Uncle Rob used to bring

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Speaker 1: his washing home to Nan once or twice a week

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Speaker 1: so that the washing could be done.

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Speaker 2: But was that as much about Uncle Rob not knowing

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Speaker 2: how to do it, or was it more about Nan

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Speaker 2: needing to feel wanted, or.

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Speaker 1: Maybe it was even just a sign of the times,

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Speaker 1: like it was the late seventies early eighties and men

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Speaker 1: went off to work and women did the washing, and

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Speaker 1: he didn't have a woman at home. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it sounds dreadful saying it like that, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think that he would even agree with that now.

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Speaker 1: But no, but even sitcoms.

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Speaker 2: That I would watch today, dramas, stories and stuff, have

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Speaker 2: the sons come home with their washing.

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Speaker 1: It's so bizarre, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So, I mean we're in modern times and that's

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Speaker 2: still being portrayed.

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Speaker 1: I just want to put it out there. I never

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Speaker 1: took my washing home to mum. I was living in

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Speaker 1: a state when I moved out of home, but I

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Speaker 1: never took my washing home to mum.

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Speaker 2: But I also think about I guess the amount of

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Speaker 2: contribution you made in your family home growing up about

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Speaker 2: zero compared to what you do now. And so it

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Speaker 2: wasn't that you.

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Speaker 1: Hundred percent you didn't know. Sorry, I'm not saying I

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Speaker 1: do one hundred percent now, I'm saying one hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: It's not that you didn't know how to. It's that

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Speaker 2: you didn't need to or didn't want to. There was

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Speaker 2: no motivation. Once you're in your own space, that changes.

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Speaker 2: And I've noticed that with our eldest daughter, she would

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Speaker 2: bark every time I would ask her to do something

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Speaker 2: in our house, but in her own space, she's brilliant.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, she.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't keep house the way I do. But that doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean it's not right.

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Speaker 1: Let's kick on with the seven life skills that every

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Speaker 1: team should master before they leave home. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: kick us off with getting organized and being productive. Now,

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Speaker 1: as you've just said, in some ways, you just do it.

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Speaker 1: Like once you move out, you realize you are responsible.

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Speaker 1: No one else is going to shake you awake. You

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Speaker 1: have to set the alarm, you have to get out

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Speaker 1: of bed, you have to get to work on time,

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Speaker 1: you have to do stuff. But the ability to manage yourself,

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Speaker 1: prioritize tasks, create systems that work, be productive, meet your responsibilities.

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Speaker 1: That is something that as parents we have a responsibility

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Speaker 1: to teach and model.

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Speaker 2: Well, I want to take that a little bit further.

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Speaker 2: You're talking about this idea of getting organized, I actually

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Speaker 2: think this encompasses taking care of house keeping house. There

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Speaker 2: is nothing worse. Only there is nothing worse than walking

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Speaker 2: into somebody else's bathroom and being met with a toilet

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Speaker 2: that has never been scrubbed, or your hair all over

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Speaker 2: the floor. Like those little things make a huge difference

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Speaker 2: to the way other people not only view you, but

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Speaker 2: feel how you.

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Speaker 1: Feel when you're Like, I used to be a furniture

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Speaker 1: removal so that's how I paid for myself and our

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Speaker 1: family to survive while I was doing my university. Great

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Speaker 1: is one of them, and I remember going into some

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Speaker 1: people's homes and thinking, literally, these people have never cleaned.

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Speaker 1: They don't know what cleaning is. And do I sound

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Speaker 1: a little bit snobby here?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I'm standing by it. You've got to know

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Speaker 1: how to look after that. And that ties in with

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Speaker 1: a second one that I was going to highlight, which

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Speaker 1: is maintaining basic health and hygiene routines. You've got to

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Speaker 1: know how to brush your teeth twice a day, how

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Speaker 1: to floss, have a shower, had a shower and use

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Speaker 1: the odor it, Oh my goodness, and how to recognize

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Speaker 1: when you need to see a doctor, and how to

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Speaker 1: keep yourself clean and healthy. These are basic skills that

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Speaker 1: unfortunately are lacking in some young people, and they always

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Speaker 1: probably have and they probably always will, and it's probably

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Speaker 1: only minority, but I think it's worth highlighting get organized,

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Speaker 1: be productive, and maintain basic health and hygiene routines.

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Speaker 2: What else have you gone on the list?

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Speaker 1: So this is one that I wrote down as a

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Speaker 1: result of our conversation recently with our twenty two year

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Speaker 1: old daughter. You're topping her, yeah, I am, and I'm

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Speaker 1: hoping she's not listening to her pod. But I asked

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Speaker 1: her what she was going to cook for dinner since

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Speaker 1: you and I were out, and she told me, and

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Speaker 1: it was the same thing that she cooked last time

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Speaker 1: you and I were out, And I said, can't you

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Speaker 1: cook anything else, to which she replied no, Well, actually

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Speaker 1: she replied yes, and she gave me two other options,

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Speaker 1: but she moved out and lived away from home for

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Speaker 1: eighteen months. And on my list, I have to be

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Speaker 1: able to cook at least three basic meals, and then

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Speaker 1: in brackets, I wrote two minute noodles is not a

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Speaker 1: life skill, so I can move.

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Speaker 2: When I was fair young, a friend of mine introduced

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Speaker 2: me to spaghetti, onion and cheese, and that was my

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Speaker 2: first meal I ever cooked. I would come home after

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Speaker 2: church on a Sunday, I would get a can of spaghetti.

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Speaker 2: I would fry up some onion and then I would

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Speaker 2: put the spaghetti in there and add extra cheese. Delicious.

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Speaker 1: That sounds disgusting. But I remember when we met, I

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Speaker 1: cooked dinner for you the first time. I think we

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Speaker 1: were already married, and I cooked dinner, and I was

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Speaker 1: very excited to I fried up some onion and some

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Speaker 1: diced steak, and then I added some pasta sauce and

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Speaker 1: I put it on some pasta, and I was so

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Speaker 1: proud of myself. I felt like it was my masterpiece,

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Speaker 1: my bisy resistance. And you mocked me hellishly. You're like,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you're feeding me this.

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Speaker 2: I never had second pasta in my life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. One of my flatmates when I was younger, had

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Speaker 1: cooked that. That was his specialty, and I just thought

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Speaker 1: this was a great meal. I thought it was brilliant.

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Speaker 1: I'm getting everything I need all right after the break.

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Speaker 1: I've got a couple of other things that your kids

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Speaker 1: need to know. Life skills that every team must master

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Speaker 1: before they leave home. On the Happy Families Podcast. Okay, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: we are going to kick on with some more life

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Speaker 1: skills that every team should master before they leave home.

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Speaker 1: Next one, A little bit, A little bit involved, a

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Speaker 1: little bit complex, and something that kids hate doing today.

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Speaker 1: Once upon a time, kids were really happy to pick

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Speaker 1: up the phone and make a phone call to somebody

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Speaker 1: and just deal with stuff today not so much. Can

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Speaker 1: I please do it online? Can I please not engage

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Speaker 1: with anybody? I think that this stuff can be done online,

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Speaker 1: although sometimes you do need to talk to others. But

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Speaker 1: it's research and make informed decisions. So whether you're choosing insurance,

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Speaker 1: or whether you've got a couple of job offers, or

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Speaker 1: you're trying to work out what you're going to study

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Speaker 1: at university, sometimes you've just got to talk to people,

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Speaker 1: or at least get on the interwebs. Sorry, I'm sounding

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Speaker 1: like I just wanted to say intertwebsite could sound boomerash

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Speaker 1: because I'm giving young people a hard time here. But

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Speaker 1: the ability to figure out what what is the best

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Speaker 1: choice right now? I need to buy a new washing machine,

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Speaker 1: or I'm looking at getting a new car. How do

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Speaker 1: I make this decision? Ideally, they'll do it with our input.

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Speaker 2: I was about to say, while this is important, I

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Speaker 2: mean it's imperative to being able to kind of function

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Speaker 2: as an adult in life without the appropriate scaffolding. This

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Speaker 2: is a really daunting task for any emerging adult, and

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Speaker 2: I think that it's really important that as parents we

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Speaker 2: actually step them through the process so that they feel

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Speaker 2: equipped to be able to make the decisions. I remember

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Speaker 2: when I turned eighteen and I had to make some

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Speaker 2: of these decisions. I was kind of just told, you're

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Speaker 2: old enough, now you go and do it. Yeah, And

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Speaker 2: I had no idea what I was doing sink or

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Speaker 2: swim ban. I had no idea what questions I needed

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Speaker 2: to ask, And so I would make calls and get

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Speaker 2: the information I thought was important and then get off

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Speaker 2: the phone and find out that I hadn't asked any

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Speaker 2: of the.

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Speaker 1: Constructs that were important that have to ring back.

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Speaker 2: So while it is about holding their hand a little bit,

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Speaker 2: it really is more about preparing them so that they

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Speaker 2: actually know what to do in those moments.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And a lot of these things you don't have

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Speaker 1: to do very often, Like you buy a car, so

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Speaker 1: what do I do about transferring registration?

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Speaker 2: Or how do I do my taxes? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Too often as parents we just kind of take it

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Speaker 2: on board because it's like it's easier than having to

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Speaker 2: go through the process of helping them understand the process.

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Speaker 1: I just thought you could when it's time for my

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Speaker 1: bile phone plan, you could have them involved in the

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Speaker 1: selection of the appropriate plan. They can see how much

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Speaker 1: it costs, they can weigh up one plan against another.

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Speaker 1: There's some complexity in that, and that gives them a

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Speaker 1: sense of how you research and make these decisions. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that leads into managing money and understanding basic budgeting. Kids, know,

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Speaker 1: they a lot of adults struggle with this. We've done

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Speaker 1: a lot of podcasts recently on managing money but being

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Speaker 1: able to track spending safe for goals, avoid debt traps.

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Speaker 1: Know how many subscriptions you've got to Netflix and Stand

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Speaker 1: and Binge and on Prime and whatever else is going

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Speaker 1: on there. This is a really big one, and unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: I think that too many kids are finding themselves in

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Speaker 1: some money traps money challenges because they don't understand basic budgeting.

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Speaker 2: This is really intriguing to me. We have one child

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Speaker 2: whose salary sacrifices every week of her own free will

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Speaker 2: in an effort to reach financial.

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Speaker 1: Goals substantially, and then she complains that she has no

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Speaker 1: money every week.

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Speaker 2: But then we have another child who literally has no

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Speaker 2: money every week.

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Speaker 1: But he's living her best life.

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Speaker 2: And we've taught them both the same things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and we've also worked with plenty of young people

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Speaker 1: who are drowning in debt, who have made a lot

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Speaker 1: of decisions, often with very good intentions, sometimes not so much.

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Speaker 1: And it really hurts when you see somebody young who's

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Speaker 1: got debt up to their eyeballs and they're only twenty

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Speaker 1: two or twenty six. It's pretty it's pretty intense.

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Speaker 2: What has surprised me in some of the conversations I've

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Speaker 2: had in recent times the amount of kids who are

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Speaker 2: in debt in an effort to support other family members

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Speaker 2: right more mature than them in age, whether it be

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Speaker 2: parents or older siblings. And I just feel like, while

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Speaker 2: it's such a beautiful quality to want to assist and

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Speaker 2: help people, when it comes at the detriment of your

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Speaker 2: capacity to do.

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Speaker 1: Life, Yeah, it's upside down.

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Speaker 2: It really is upside down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I said that with compassion. I don't say

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Speaker 1: that with the judgment. It's frustrating for the child who's

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Speaker 1: in debt. It's also frustrating, I'm sure for the other

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Speaker 1: adults that they're trying to support. But I believe that

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Speaker 1: as adults we have a responsibility to make sure that

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Speaker 1: our children are not supporting us.

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Speaker 2: We've got to not encumbered by our financial decisions.

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Speaker 1: Having said that sometimes life throws curve balls at you,

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Speaker 1: and there's plenty of plenty of stories of really great

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Speaker 1: kids who have gone out of their way to support

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Speaker 1: other family members and even their parents, and it's made

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Speaker 1: all the difference. So I'm not making this a blanket rule,

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Speaker 1: nor am I asking judgment. I just I think that

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Speaker 1: in an ideal world, most adults would agree that the

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Speaker 1: kids shouldn't be supporting the family. Instead the parents are

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Speaker 1: supposed to support the family. All right, I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about two emotional ones. They kind of tie in together,

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Speaker 1: and our time is up, so we're going to do

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Speaker 1: this one reasonably briefly. We need to be able to

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Speaker 1: regulate emotions. Sorry, our children need to be able to

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Speaker 1: regulate emotions. You're looking at me like, I know plenty

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Speaker 1: of adults who can't do it themselves. Modeling matters and

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Speaker 1: being able to navigate conflict constructively. So whether it's disagreeing

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Speaker 1: with somebody without destroying a relationship, not running home because

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Speaker 1: I've had a fight with my boyfriend or my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: or my husband or wife, or knowing how to send

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Speaker 1: an email to a boss who's doing something that there's

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Speaker 1: a disagreement about, being able to regulate your emotions, navigate

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Speaker 1: conflict constructively. I think these are life skills that every team,

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Speaker 1: if not masters, should at least be able to be

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Speaker 1: thoughtful about and be developing their competence in when they

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Speaker 1: leave home and start to get on with life. It's

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Speaker 1: just inappropriate when a child is having a hard time

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Speaker 1: at work and they say, oh, I need to call

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Speaker 1: my mum. Do you know what I mean? But if

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Speaker 1: your child is old enough to work, then they should

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Speaker 1: be old enough to navigate these challenges on their own.

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Speaker 2: I think also the acknowledgment is when our kids are

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Speaker 2: having relationship trouble, specifically with significant others, that our job

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Speaker 2: is to listen and support, but I think far too

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Speaker 2: often we get involved.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a line that I've got in relationship rules,

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Speaker 1: take the ride, not the wheel.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. To scaffold and build healthy relationships, it requires us

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Speaker 2: to actually push them back in the right direction. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: In fact, I just want to make a really clear

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Speaker 1: point here these seven things on this list. It's not

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Speaker 1: about your child being completely independent. It's not about you saying, well,

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Speaker 1: you're an adult, now you've left home, you should be

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Speaker 1: able to do this on your own. We're always going

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Speaker 1: to be there for them. We're always going to be

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Speaker 1: able to support them, but it's about them knowing how

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Speaker 1: to get these things going. Certainly, we're not going to

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Speaker 1: be rubbing deodorant under their armpits and brushing their teeth anymore,

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Speaker 1: and that goes without saying.

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Speaker 2: But you could buy them floss.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you could give them a Willy's voucher and say

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Speaker 1: go buy some hygiene products. The goal isn't to send

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Speaker 1: them out perfect, it's to send them out capable and

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Speaker 1: make ourselves redundant in the process. That's the beauty of

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Speaker 1: being a parent. One day, you're just not needed for

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Speaker 1: anything except who you are, and that's what we're trying

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Speaker 1: to work towards. We really hope that there's been some

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Speaker 1: inspo and some fun ideas in what we've shared. If

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Speaker 1: you think that somebody you know would lead a happier

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Speaker 1: family life because of this episode, we'd love for you

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Speaker 1: to share it with others. Just click that share button

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Speaker 1: passed along. It takes about twenty seconds and it could

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Speaker 1: make somebody else happier. Plus it helps other people discover

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Speaker 1: the pod and make their family thrive. The Happy Families

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Speaker 1: podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Mimhammonds

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Speaker 1: provides research, admin and other support, and if you'd like

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Speaker 1: more information and resources, please visit us at happy families

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Speaker 1: dot com dot au