WEBVTT - Is Dark Humour An Ick or Red Flag? 🚩 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:03.040 The Flex and Rooms Daily podcast. 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:08.440 Hello, sweet Angels, It's Flex and Froom's podcast edition. This week, 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:10.800 I am telling you about this show I watch Little 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:16.759 Fires Everywhere by the author celesng It's the series adaptation. 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:18.680 I haven't read the book, and I think it's too 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:20.880 late for me. I don't want to consume the same 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:24.560 bits of media in two different ways, especially because you've 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:28.000 said that the series differs from the book even worse, 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:30.480 I don't want to know what it could have been. 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:31.360 I know what it was. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.960 It's I'm trying to do this thing where I don't 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:40.400 make every enjoyable thing I do monetizable in any capacity, 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:42.680 and so oh, I just share them in a social 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.000 way that is for me and my faves. And so 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.680 when I watched this show, my instinct was to tell 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:51.000 the Internet about it in detail, and I didn't knowing 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.360 that I would fire enjoy telling rooms about it now. 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.000 So that's what you're gonna hear next Lot a Pleasure. 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:57.960 Flex Androms FLEXI. 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:00.080 A few days ago, I was telling you about my 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:03.600 Little lum Oh yeah, my fun times on Facebook Marketplace. 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:06.640 I haven't been sleeping, so instead I've been quelling my 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.840 brain by going on Facebook marketplace, And. 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:14.640 If you know someone who has a magenta Persian rug 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:18.040 for through me in pretty neat condition, please reach. 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:19.720 Out please, I'm desperate. 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:23.000 Anyway, when I was looking for some rugs, I came 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:29.000 across this other Facebook marketplace find. It was a pink, hot, hot, 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:30.440 pink bedside table. 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:31.480 You're in the hot pink. 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.280 I just my eyes are attracted to pink. What can 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:34.679 I say? 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:35.680 It's your favorite color? 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:36.440 It is. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:39.280 So this is the thing that I found. It is 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.319 can't see the item anymore, but the title is three 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:45.200 tier Compo Nibbily style cabinet. 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:46.480 Do you know what they are? Yeah? 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:51.360 So it's like these cylindrical cute retro cabinets and they 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.360 have these sliding doors and these holes look like eyes. 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:55.400 They're cute. 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:57.840 They're cute, and most of the replica in the market. 0:01:57.840 --> 0:01:59.720 You can get a cute one for like fifty bucks 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:01.920 if you really want to very accessible. 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:04.200 So I'm always on the fence about these cabinets because 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.720 I was always been in the always looking for a 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:09.680 bedside table. I don't want the mid century it's been 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:12.200 for me. Then the other day I bought one that's 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:15.360 black with like a wood top and a little bit 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:17.440 for books. It actually looked like it's meant for a 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:20.440 kid's bedroom. So it's not very sophisticated. It's not hitting 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:21.880 the brief. I don't know what I want to say, 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:23.320 bedside table. So I came across. 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:25.800 Tables are hard to buy it so hard, they're really hard. 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:28.160 Anyway, came across this one. You can see FLEXI. It's 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:30.440 a hot pisk, very cute, one of those. 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:33.720 Have you been screened at the moment? You sent four texts? 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:34.440 No response? 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:35.200 This is the thing. 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:36.079 It hurts, doesn't it? 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:36.800 Message? 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:38.320 Welcome you just like me? 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:39.480 You have this too? 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:41.200 You just like me? 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:45.480 I measure like, Hey D, where did you purchase this? Originally? 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:46.040 It's a fake? 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:48.720 Whoa? Why are you coming out the gate with an 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:52.480 attitude that attitude? Hey, I hope you're going well, really 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.359 love this piece. Just wanted to know where you purchased 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:54.560 it from. 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:57.240 Originally. I know i'd screen your message for sure. Well, 0:02:57.280 --> 0:02:59.680 I just why you want my data? You're my bank statement? 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.680 Then he didn't reply next day, hey D, I'm keen 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.120 to purchase this. Just interesting where it's from? Originally? 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:09.760 Thanks? No reply? Next manage your business, hey G. 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:13.040 Just trying one more time, and then I send him, 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:14.960 you can do this offer thing on Facebook. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:17.040 Mic close. So you send an offer? Yeah, send the 0:03:17.080 --> 0:03:19.920 offer then for how much? Fifty five? Just what it 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:20.400 was there for? 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:21.040 Yeah? Nice? 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:24.200 He replies, When and where will you pick up dot? Oh? 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:27.480 And I said Alexandria because I said it was in Alexandria. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.160 No reply, one hour later, I can come this afternoon, 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:33.080 didn't reply, one hour later, au tomorrow morning, no reply. 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:37.360 Then this morning I said, hey, d is this sold? 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:38.600 I'm happy to pay a high price. 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.360 It's sold. I had lots of people wanting it. End 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:41.920 of conversation. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:43.840 I own one I can give to you. 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:45.480 It's blue, though I don't know if you're in a 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:46.840 market for a cobalt blue. 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:49.840 I mean i'd consider it. I'll bite off you. 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:52.840 I wanted the hot pink though, I know, I know. 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:54.360 Can you send me a photo of the blue one? 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:55.360 Please? Yeah? 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:58.760 So alas, I'm learning, you're right, I should be nicer 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:02.720 in Facebook message, just regarding Facebook marketplace, but often I 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:04.920 just don't want to be too nice. I've learnt in sales, 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.440 don't be a pushover. You've got to meet them with aggression, 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:09.560 and then when you meet them they'll be like, oh 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:10.840 my god, she's such a nice woman. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:12.040 That's on that. 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:13.040 That is a good tip, though. 0:04:13.160 --> 0:04:15.600 I will say I told you a couple of weeks 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:19.960 ago that I've been having issues with getting trades to 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.520 my house to fix things, or just agreeing to any 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:25.479 time I'll send four messages in a row and get screens, 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:29.440 and another three get screen. But in that instance, when 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:34.440 I was leading with cute, jovial manners, no response. As 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.880 soon as you get terse the responses are flying in. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.440 The job's getting done. I don't like what that's telling me, 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:44.560 but it's just information. Do with it what you will. 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:46.200 Flex and frooms. 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.280 This article on CNBC says work is good for you, 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.080 but only one day a week, scientists say, and it 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.440 was published in twenty nineteen, in the month of June. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:58.960 They say that working eight hours a week is the 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:03.680 quote unquote commended dose for optimum mental well being. According 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:09.760 to British scientists who surveyed more than seventy one thousand 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:13.440 working age people in the UK over a nine year period, 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:15.440 this is a serday. 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:17.760 None of them rinky dinks. We got a couple hundred people. 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:19.360 This is an instable. 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:21.560 Yeah, not an instable. 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.680 They put in work with it. So what they tried 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:28.120 to measure was your anxiety and your sleep habits, and 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:31.520 your general perspective on your life based on how much 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:33.440 or how little you work, to see if there was 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:37.240 any correlation that could be actually measured, not just presumed. 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:41.400 And so they noticed when people worked one day a 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.960 week that their risk of mental health problems reduced by 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.360 an average of thirty percent. 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:48.320 Wow. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.120 But if they worked any more than one day a 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:56.279 week or eight hours, there was no measurable impact on 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:59.320 the quality of their mental health improving. It kind of 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.120 stayed in the state that it was in. So if 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:03.920 it's terrible, then it stayed kind of terrible. If it 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.320 was average, it stayed kind of average. And so if 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.760 we're looking at work as a tool to improve our 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:16.400 well being physically, socially, culturally, mentally, then working more than 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:18.160 one day a week is never going to hit. 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:18.320 It for you. 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.920 We're going to change that, according to this study, abolish 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:23.920 to get the four day work week. I think there's 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:27.160 like chat that that could come in, Yeah, one day work, Well. 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.960 Let's just go straight to the source one day. Because 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:33.359 if we start implementing these things small, small four days, 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:36.120 next ten years three days next ten years, let's just 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:36.440 get to it. 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:36.919 We're trying to go. 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:39.000 They're going to be retired by then, yeah, and I 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.839 need I need help now, and by then. 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:43.680 I want someone to look after me. So we'll bump 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:45.320 back up to five days, of course. 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:49.359 So the point is, though, what jobs can we do 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:51.080 for eight hours a week that are going to fund 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:52.680 our life styles nowhere that we need it to. That's 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:57.640 an important question number two. As you said, if we 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.400 all start working eight hours a week, who's making us nas, 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:05.800 who's delivering the orders, the online shopping? Everything has to 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:07.000 change to accommodate this. 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.680 Who's delivering my youth foods? Apparently it is just one 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:13.120 day week because I didn't deliver my food last week. 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.720 Really yeah, thet a little refund. 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.320 I just couldn't. I was like, this is a sign 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:18.320 from God. It's not for me. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:19.720 It's yeah, I. 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:23.720 Could be open in future brand sponsors, but it wasn't 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:24.560 meant to be at that time. 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:28.960 So yeah, that's a hot tip. I love studies and facts. 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:30.520 I love this. 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:33.000 Obviously, it'd be interesting to see how the study would change. 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:38.320 Measuring Australians, all Americans, people in African countries who knows 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.680 could be could be heaps interesting. But for now, just 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.240 know that if you're assuming that more work is going 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:46.920 to make you more mentally sound, the studies are saying 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:48.720 that it's incorrect and contradictory. 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:53.320 Bastards, all right, this is flex and frooms. 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:58.280 I was recommended to watch Little fires everywhere. The thing 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.600 about me is, I don't really think I'm too about 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:01.680 media generally. 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:02.800 Like I have. 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.920 Said verbatim, I watch a lot of bad shows. I 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:09.520 watch a lot of bad movies. I'm not like, I 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.440 don't mind. I don't care if the acting is a 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.120 bit off. I don't care if the dub is bad. 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.760 I'm just here to enjoy. To me in the background, anyway, 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:18.360 I would say that if a show is too good, 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:20.040 I don't want to watch it. Like Game of Thrones, 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:22.560 I haven't watched past season two because I have to commit. 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:24.760 I can't be on my phone. I need to know 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:26.760 the characters and how they're connected. And that's just too 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:28.200 much to what I watched TV for. 0:08:28.720 --> 0:08:29.360 But this one, in. 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:32.600 Particular, I hadn't googled what it was about, just somebody 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:35.440 had recommended it, not even knowing my taste. I think 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:37.480 so I thought put in the background. It's not even 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:40.600 for me anyway, And I did, and I remember it's 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:43.320 the show's Little fires everywhere. It's got Reese Witherspoon and 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.840 Kerry Washington. I watched it on Amazon Prime, but I'm 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:47.559 not sure else you can watch it. Oh and if 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:49.880 in case you're interested, I got seven point seven out 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.760 of ten on IMDb, seven nine percent on Rotten Tomatoes. 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:55.440 I don't know if that's good or bad. I've been 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:56.240 known to watch a five. 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:01.200 It's all good. But it's actually based off a book. 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:04.120 Is it the same woman who wrote Beg Little Lives? 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:04.720 I think it is. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:08.040 Let me nah. That was by Leanne Moriarty and this 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:09.480 is by Celeste Energy. 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:10.199 Oh. 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.679 Yes, it's based in the book by the same name. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.640 And it's an eight episode mini series. And the premise 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:22.760 follows the intertwined fates of the picture perfect Richardson family 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:26.360 and an enigmatic mother and daughter who up end their lives. 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:30.439 The story explores the weight of secrets, the nature of 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:34.880 art and identity, the ferocious pool of motherhood, and the 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:40.360 danger in believing that following the rules can avert disaster. Honestly, 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:42.240 had I read that before I watched it, I would 0:09:42.240 --> 0:09:45.800 have been more interested because when I press play, I'm like, Okay, 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:49.880 this is like a Stepford Housewives, white picket fence, perfect 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:54.840 family type vibe. But then as we got to just 0:09:54.920 --> 0:09:58.520 the climax of the show, when you realize why we've 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:02.040 watched six episodes so far, I was like, oh, wow, 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:06.559 we really are talking about little fires everywhere. This idea 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.920 that if you do not put out the fire, like 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.800 the figurative fire, if you do not you know, if 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.280 you do not tell the truth, or if you do 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:19.120 not have the hard conversation, if you do not tell 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:23.320 someone how you feel, then in trying to avoid that fire, 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.560 it's gonna keep growing. That's what fires do. You turn 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.440 your back to a little fire, it's not just gonna 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:32.280 go away in its own time. It's wafting, it's gathering, 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:35.680 it's tindering, it's flaming, and it will continue to grow 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:40.000 because just by nature, it's what fires do. And so 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:43.360 after having and generally I would pose these questions to 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:45.440 the internet, I would be like, I watched this movie 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.720 or this TV show and I have thoughts as talk 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:49.840 about it, but I'm more interested in that I'd rather 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:53.440 have this conversation with you. But when I had some 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.520 moment to myself, I was thinking, when is it a 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:59.560 good time to put out a little fire? Because I 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:02.400 just think you the more you think you can control 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.160 unavoidable things, the more unhappy you get, because you start 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.480 to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life. 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:11.000 Why didn't I do this sooner? Why didn't I ask 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.280 this person this question? Why did I make that decision? 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:18.360 Some things just happen, But in particular, if you don't 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:21.400 put out little fires when they pop up, then what 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:22.439 is the consequence? 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:25.280 And what is that? A learn from this? Living an 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:26.679 honest life is horr. 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:28.160 It's simply too much. 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.200 Can I just tell everybody flex is currently looking very comfortable? 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:33.920 Oh, I'm bush picking so hard. 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.080 She's got a gray mile track sit on, which is 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:37.080 a fantastic gray. 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.720 I must say. You're sitting on a high chair and 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.080 then you put your feet. 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:44.400 On another chair and no shoes, of course, not very much. 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:46.560 I'm not a bush pit. I wouldn't put shoes on 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:46.960 the chair. 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:49.200 But you do have socks, yeah, and these are fresh socks, 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.360 you even, But I'm just like legs spread or maybe 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:53.359 they're elongated. 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:55.679 I think you can tell in my tone, and you 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:56.440 don't have a good time. 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.560 I'm doing these. I got my chins resting on two 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.079 hands that I've got a hunch back. 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:02.120 It's giving sulky. 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:08.120 I want to read out this note I made after 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:11.200 watching the full season immediately, it's like a two am 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:15.359 note or Yeah, and so I said, little fires everywhere? 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.520 Is it better to speak or die? Because that's a 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:22.959 common phrase idiom cliche, those little moments in life where 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.080 you betray yourself or you make a bad decision you 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:27.400 don't know how to unravel yourself from eventually go to 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:30.040 create little fires everywhere. When you choose not to speak, 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:34.640 you avoid putting yourself at risk to hypothetically avoid hurt. However, 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:42.440 the question becomes which is more painful, rejection or regret? Wow, 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:44.720 And I wanted to leave it there because you know, 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:46.520 if you can only imagine if I was like, let's 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:48.320 talk about this thing on a thing, and then you 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.400 know what would starts like me just watching the show 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.440 and enjoying myself turned into like this discourse that I 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.200 want to have. But I do want to hear from 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:58.360 you about this idea of self betrayal because I find 0:12:58.400 --> 0:12:59.920 that I do it more often than I want to. 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:03.200 And that's because you just can't anticipate what the outcome 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:04.240 of a decision is going to be. 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.720 Right, So would an example be you take a job, 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.079 for example, that you're not quite sure. 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.280 On a small scale, like let's say, you know, somebody 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.040 really wants to be my friend, and I'm like, I've 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:15.800 got all the friends I need, But who am I 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:17.840 to say no to someone who earnestly wants to create 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:20.400 a connection with me? Right, And so I might agree 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.560 to go to a lunch, what's the big deal? But 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:24.480 then I go to the lunch and it's insufferable. They 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.680 really rude or we just don't vibe as people, but 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:30.960 they feel really connected. And now I have to one 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.640 soft ghost them or two, you know, create this environment 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:37.120 where I'm telling this person they're not quote unquote good 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:40.400 enough to be my friend. That just feels like an 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:42.400 over commitment for what I didn't even want to do 0:13:42.440 --> 0:13:45.800 in the first place. And so not honoring that first 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:47.680 ping of being like, ugh, I didn't really want to 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.319 do this now created a little fire. And the longer 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:53.640 that I leave that brewing and to gather energy and 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:57.000 all that, it's getting out of hand. And when it's 0:13:57.000 --> 0:13:58.960 a good time to tell this person, oh wait, this 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.079 is not gonna work out. That's one example of that, 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:02.480 And I've done it so many times in my life 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.120 where I'm like, I'll just let this simmer. 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:08.280 And then boom, it doesn't simmer. It turns into a wildfire. 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:12.400 Yeah. I mean this is a tricky one though, because 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.000 I get what you mean. Like I've met people in 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.960 the past and we've semi vibes and then you know, 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:18.760 they want to hang out more. I want to hang 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.560 out more and it doesn't work. It's a tricky one 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.000 because I think sometimes you have that impulse to not 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.600 want to see the person again next minute. It's just 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:29.040 because you were in a funny way, so you've got 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:30.560 to take the leap. I think that's what you mean 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.800 as well. We'd like speak or die? Yeah, is it 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:35.720 keep quiet or die or speak or die? 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:37.280 I think it's speak or die. I think it wasn't 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:38.840 Coolly by your name, but I didn't watch that. But 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:41.360 so this idea of like self betrayal, like do you 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:43.720 follow like the initial ping of like I don't want 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.160 to do that? Should that be enough to govern the 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.120 decisions you make? Just like I don't want to. I 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.800 don't feel like it. I'm not comfortable, or even the 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:52.440 feeling that you can't put a phrase behind it just 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.040 gave me a weird vibe. Right, should that be enough? 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.080 Or should we be able to see things through so 0:14:58.120 --> 0:14:59.560 we can know for sure. 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:00.480 That it right? 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:02.400 I think your instincts oft and right. 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:04.920 And like you say, if you see things through, you 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:06.800 get too deep to you can't do this seft ghost. 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:09.840 But it's not really worth it to hurt someone's feelings 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:12.000 because you're not really hurt them. There's nothing worse than 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:15.280 being rejected in a friend space or in any context. Right, 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.280 this idea, because when I think about self betrayal, that 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.720 is so unique, Like you don't know in any given 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:24.400 day how far, Like you don't even know what you 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:26.800 want generally, right, Like I could want a ton of things, 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.240 I could not want a ton of things, and so 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:30.400 I don't even know when I'm doing things I don't 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:33.320 want to do until I've probably done them, and then 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.440 in retrospect being like, okay, that wasn't for me. But 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:40.040 with that in mind, it's almost like reversing the cliche, 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:43.040 like you know, all experience is good experience or honestly, 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.760 is the best policy. It's like, is it, like, what 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.200 would life be like we just trusted yourself fully to 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:49.440 be Like I caught a vibe. 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:51.800 I'm following the vibe that to know from me. I'm 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.280 not doing that. I'm not going there, I'm not interested 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:56.760 in that. I'm choosing to do what I want because 0:15:56.760 --> 0:16:00.240 I want feels very brave but also really limiting. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.760 Rereads a certain personality or it's like certain personality people 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:06.720 do that and it's good if you always like that. 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:07.680 People just expecting it. 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:09.160 Like I've got friends and I'm like, I know you're 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:11.320 gonna do what you want, and that's cool because that's you. 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.360 It's hard when you're trying to incorporate this later in 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.880 your life. Literally, hmm. 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:18.200 It's a tricky one. 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.960 Can we also talk about Kerry Washington's mouth acting and 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:22.680 it's just gone all around the internet. 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.600 But Chause, Yeah, she's a very particular math actor and 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:29.760 I think she I've only seen her in Scandal, and 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:31.920 I feel like, based on what I've seen from her acting, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.160 she plays the same character, which I love for her 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.640 because she does it well. But just like really intelligent 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:40.960 scorned woman. Yeah, someone's gonna do it and so does 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:44.000 Reese Witherspooner this rat. I don't know her story though, 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:48.040 but I really recommend the show. Not I like this 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:50.240 show as it is, but I wouldn't stop what you're 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:52.440 doing to go and watch it. Need a background show, 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.560 chuck it on. And I think it's a nice thinking 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.160 show in terms of trying to put yourself in the 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:00.320 perspective of any of those characters and saying, well, what 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:00.960 would I do? 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.160 Because stuff is too complex? 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.560 And I give it credit for and then I think, wow, 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:09.600 real people are living complex lives too, not just fictional characters. 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.120 I must be more empathetic, true shocking. 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:14.840 This is Flex and Froomes On. 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:19.040 Last week we talked about the distinction between an ike 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.520 and IRK and a red flag. I have forgotten what 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.120 they are, but that doesn't matter because I was explaining 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.480 how some X can be IRK, some X can be 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:33.920 also red flags. They are separate but can have some correlations, 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:35.560 and you said, well, what's an example of that? And 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.800 I said, well, I could imagine for me, like a 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.080 having dark humor is a red flag, but I can 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:44.919