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Speaker 1: Today, parenting advice from Oprah's bestie and how it's going

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Speaker 1: to help you to be a better parents. I'll do

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Speaker 1: better tomorrow. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting

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Speaker 1: solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.

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Speaker 2: We are Doctor Justin and Kylie Colson.

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Speaker 3: What did I get promoted to Oprah's best friend?

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize that's where you were going to go

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Speaker 1: with that. I've got no idea what you're talking about.

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Speaker 1: I just know what I'm talking about today.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I've got a photo with her.

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Speaker 2: You're keeping secrets with Oprah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, since when.

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Speaker 1: You saw Oprah at Madame Tussad'sman Wakes Museum, didn't you?

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Speaker 3: It's a great photo.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great.

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Speaker 1: How exciting, Kylie. Today, as we always do, we review

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Speaker 1: the week that was. We talk about our parenting experiences

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Speaker 1: in the hope that what we've learned through our mistakes

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Speaker 1: or by getting things right, can help everyone else to make.

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Speaker 2: Their parenting and their families happier.

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Speaker 3: Well, if I'm not Oprah's best friend, who's Oprah's best friends?

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Speaker 1: You're going to find out about that in just a

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Speaker 1: sec that's my older better tomorrow. It's coming up in

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Speaker 1: just a sec. We do want to follow up on

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Speaker 1: what we talked about last week though. Last week we

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Speaker 1: described how our year twelve daughter participated in her first

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Speaker 1: ever swimming carnival since entering high school so that she

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Speaker 1: could fulfill her dreams of being an active and complete

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Speaker 1: participant in everything. Year twelve, and she won everything, which

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Speaker 1: was the world's biggest surprise.

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Speaker 3: Well, what was even more of a surprise. She came

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Speaker 3: home a few days later and she said, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to district. She wasn't as excited about that as she

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Speaker 3: was about winning.

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Speaker 2: She's like, I'd better start training anyway.

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Speaker 1: There's been this thing that's been doing the rounds on

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Speaker 1: social media for some time now. It's a pretty old

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Speaker 1: video and it goes for about two minutes. It's a

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Speaker 1: little bit lengthy, but we wanted to share it with

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Speaker 1: you today because it's a really nice way of underscoring

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Speaker 1: our position on competition. That is that competition can be

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Speaker 1: terrible for your identity if you take it as an

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Speaker 1: inn decater of your value as a person, winning or losing.

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Speaker 1: But if you have the right approach to competition, it

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Speaker 1: can be tremendously beneficial.

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Speaker 2: This is Frank Dick. Obe.

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Speaker 1: Frank Dick is the former director of Coaching for UK Athletics.

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Speaker 1: He's coached Olympic teams from the nineteen seventies through the

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Speaker 1: nineteen nineties during the UK's golden years. I mean, this

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Speaker 1: guy was a dead set a legend when it comes

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Speaker 1: to athletic performance and competition. And Kylie, you dragged this up.

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Speaker 1: It really spoke to you.

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Speaker 3: I just love these first few seconds. Literally, the first

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Speaker 3: few seconds just grabbed me because we get so called

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Speaker 3: up in our kids needing to be better than other kids.

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Speaker 3: But his definition and the way in which he's able

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Speaker 3: to coach kids is just brilliant.

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Speaker 2: Let's hear it.

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Speaker 4: You know, one hundred years ago and I was a

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Speaker 4: Scottish National Court so I used to go round the

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Speaker 4: tracks of Scotland working with She's never now and again

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Speaker 4: a little girl from this town or that town would.

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Speaker 2: Turn up, mister Dick.

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Speaker 3: Yes, will you coach me?

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Speaker 4: Well, yeah, but not at the moment because I'm working

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Speaker 4: with these people.

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Speaker 2: Will you coach me later? Yes?

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Speaker 3: Fine.

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Speaker 4: She's nine years of age and she wants to go

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Speaker 4: to run one hundred meters and I worked with her

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Speaker 4: for a few weeks she goes to her first race.

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Speaker 4: She lines up with another seven kids.

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Speaker 2: Oh your march set, runs.

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Speaker 4: Down the track, hers herself at the line, eighth out

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Speaker 4: of eight in eighteen seconds. Comes back, Oh, mister Dick,

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Speaker 4: I was last. No, you weren't last, Yes, it was

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Speaker 4: you were eighteen seconds. What do you mean, Well, you've

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Speaker 4: smashed the twenty second barrier and I had you down

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Speaker 4: for nineteen seconds. You're a whole second first than that.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what this means? No, this means it's

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Speaker 4: your lifetime best performance, your own personal world record. Really, yes,

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Speaker 4: in some ways, you're a first. What do you mean,

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Speaker 4: she's the first athlete I've ever coached who's run eighteen

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Speaker 4: seconds for one hundred meters. Now, listen, in a few

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Speaker 4: weeks time, she's got another race. How does she think

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Speaker 4: winning is? Now? If she does seventeen point nine, she'll

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Speaker 4: grab a flag and she'll run around the track, because

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Speaker 4: that's what winning is. Winning is being better today than

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Speaker 4: you were yesterday, every day. And if she keeps on

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Speaker 4: working at that, in a few weeks time, she's fighting

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Speaker 4: with other kids to get to the line. And you

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Speaker 4: might think yourself, well, surely winning now Frank is beating them.

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Speaker 4: Not if it's in nineteen seconds, it's not, or we've

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Speaker 4: killed our definition. The reason you go into tough arenas

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Speaker 4: in life is to be challenged to perform better. You

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Speaker 4: cannot perform better if you're not challenged.

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Speaker 3: Listen.

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Speaker 4: You don't learn to climb mountains in life by going

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Speaker 4: round them or asking somebody for a ladder. You learn

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Speaker 4: to climb mountains by climbing mountains by seeking out the

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Speaker 4: really toughest challenges, because that makes you perform better when

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Speaker 4: you keep on going at that one day you'll be

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Speaker 4: a one and oner. But the truth is sure was

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Speaker 4: is and will be.

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Speaker 1: Kylie, how inspiring it makes you just want to go

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Speaker 1: and climb a mountain right now, doesn't it?

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Speaker 3: I kind of you?

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Speaker 2: I keep up. I love Mside on the shore.

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Speaker 3: I love that acknowledgment that he says, you don't get

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Speaker 3: better by kind of going around the mountain. You actually

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Speaker 3: have to climb it. And the idea that competition is

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Speaker 3: against other people is not going to help our children.

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Speaker 1: Like if your PB is eighteen seconds and you'll beat everyone,

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Speaker 1: but you do nineteen you didn't run a good race.

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Speaker 3: But other people motivate us because they give us the

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Speaker 3: hard to work against. Without that, we don't we don't

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Speaker 3: have anything to work with.

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Speaker 1: Interesting story about that cockroaches. A research called Zion z

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Speaker 1: aj onc Zion back in the nineteen sixties did these

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Speaker 1: experiences with cockroaches. He found that when they had to

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Speaker 1: run down a little track to get some food at

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Speaker 1: the other end, he figured out what the average time was.

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Speaker 3: Then you know that cockroach races are actually a thing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Then he put an audience cockroaches there and these little

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Speaker 1: cockroach grandstands that he made out of card stock or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And the cockroaches run faster when they've got an audience,

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Speaker 1: and so do we. Isn't that fascinating. It's called the

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Speaker 1: mirror exposure effects, just being exposed to audience, I know,

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Speaker 1: just random factoids that you learn when you study psychology.

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Speaker 2: All right, So we're using up all of.

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Speaker 1: Our time and we haven't even done all Do better

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Speaker 1: Tomorrow yet, Kylie, what is your old do better tomorrow today?

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Speaker 3: Just really short little story. A couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 3: I found something on my feed. It was a conversation

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Speaker 3: that a nutritionalist was having with the idea that our

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Speaker 3: taste buds actually change every two weeks, huh. And what's

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Speaker 3: interesting about that is we get it in our minds

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Speaker 3: that we don't like something. Our children specifically, they try

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Speaker 3: something and they don't like it, and then the idea

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Speaker 3: that they would try it again, knowing full well that

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Speaker 3: they don't like it doesn't make sense. But I shared

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Speaker 3: this idea with Emily after I watched it.

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Speaker 1: So, for those who are not familiar Emily are year

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Speaker 1: old is she eats yellow food and she eats white food.

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Speaker 1: She's really really, really difficult to get and then she gets.

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Speaker 3: Crazy things like cucumbers.

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Speaker 2: And cucumbers aren't that crazy.

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Speaker 3: Well kind of it is if you're if you're a

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Speaker 3: white food yellow food kid, like cucumbers is really out

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Speaker 3: of the box, and so is passion for it with

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Speaker 3: its crunchy seeds, and she just yeah, random things. But anyway,

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Speaker 3: I talked to her about the fact that her taste

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Speaker 3: buds change all the time and that.

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Speaker 1: And when you say change, you mean like the tastebuds

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Speaker 1: that you have today will not be the same taste

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Speaker 1: buds that you have in two weeks.

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Speaker 3: Food of the way sells kind of like shed themselves.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, And.

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Speaker 3: So The idea is that you would reintroduce foods at

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Speaker 3: a regular interval because there's a chance that you might

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Speaker 3: actually decide that you like something.

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Speaker 2: When I was younger, I could need have a card.

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Speaker 2: I know now I love it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, Well there's so many foods that I didn't

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Speaker 3: eat as a child, and over time you've introduced me

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Speaker 3: with different foods.

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Speaker 2: Yet to get you there with oysters. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 2: know if I'll ever get there anyway.

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Speaker 3: But the other day it was hilarious because there's a

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Speaker 3: treat that I make in the house on special occasions,

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Speaker 3: and I had some lefto from an event that I'd done,

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Speaker 3: and she loves part of it, but not all of it,

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Speaker 3: and so she was trying to steal some of it

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Speaker 3: off you. You didn't want to share it with it

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Speaker 3: because she didn't want to eat the whole thing. She

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Speaker 3: just wanted to take part of it, and.

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Speaker 2: Like skimming the cream off the top, that kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And what was so cool about it was she

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Speaker 3: did it and you just said, no, no, if you

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Speaker 3: want it, I'm really happy to share with you, but

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Speaker 3: you need to take the whole thing, not just the topping.

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Speaker 3: And she kind of looked at you, and she went

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Speaker 3: all right, and so she dug in. She took a bite,

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Speaker 3: and she looked at me with these wide eyes and

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Speaker 3: she said, I think my taste changed. And then you

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Speaker 3: had to hide it because she wanted more of it.

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Speaker 1: I just handed it over. I just gave it to it.

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Speaker 1: I'm off sugar anyway. So that wasn't such a bad idea.

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Speaker 3: But what was delightful about that was just again these

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Speaker 3: little we just plant these seeds and help our children

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Speaker 3: to recognize things, and in their own time and their

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Speaker 3: own way, they will. And so that is such a

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Speaker 3: beautiful stepping stone as we continue with our food journey

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Speaker 3: together in helping her to recognize it. I know you

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Speaker 3: didn't like it two weeks ago. That's okay, let's give

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Speaker 3: it another go. So may I'll do better tomorrow. Is

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Speaker 3: taste buds change every two weeks, and we can encourage

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Speaker 3: our kids to try things in different ways at different times,

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Speaker 3: and hopefully over time things will get better.

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Speaker 1: Kylie, my old but it's tomorrow is built on something

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Speaker 1: that Oprah Winfrey said, Well, it wasn't Oprah.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't Oprah. I'm not best friend. Yeah, it's not Oprah.

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Speaker 1: But it was something that happened on the Oprah Show,

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Speaker 1: and we're going back years like I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: don't know how long ago it was, but she had

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Speaker 1: Tony Morrison on her program, and this is what they said.

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Speaker 5: I said, it's interesting to see when a kid walks

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Speaker 5: in the room, your child or anybody else's child, does

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Speaker 5: your face light up. When my children used to walk

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Speaker 5: in the room when they were little, I looked at

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Speaker 5: them to see if they had buckled their trousers, if

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Speaker 5: their hair was combed, or if their socks were up.

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Speaker 5: And so you think your affection and your deep love

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Speaker 5: is on display because you're caring for them. It's not

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Speaker 5: when they see you, they see the critical face. What's

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Speaker 5: wrong now? But then if you let your face speak

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Speaker 5: what's in your heart. Because when they walked in the room,

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Speaker 5: I was glad to see them. It's just as small

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Speaker 5: as that you see. That is what I think is

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Speaker 5: so profound, because that is how you learn what your

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Speaker 5: value is. That's right, not by what the person is

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Speaker 5: saying to you, but what you feel.

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Speaker 1: So Cali mild bit it tomorrow is just the wisdom

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Speaker 1: of Tony Morrison on Oprah I've shared this in presentations

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Speaker 1: for years. Make a bit of a joke about how

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Speaker 1: I've got a PhD in psychology, I'm teaching parenting by

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Speaker 1: Oprah who doesn't even have kids.

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Speaker 2: But the real joy or the real delight that.

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Speaker 1: I find when I hear that particular story, that particular

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Speaker 1: piece of audio is I worked really hard. When you

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Speaker 1: call me, I want you to hear the delight in

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Speaker 1: my voice. When I walk into the house, I want

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Speaker 1: you to see the smile on my face because I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad to see you. I don't get it right

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Speaker 1: all the time, but I try really hard to do

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Speaker 1: that because I think that that matters. When our children

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Speaker 1: walk into the room, I want them to see that

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Speaker 1: joy as well. Although as we're recording this podcast, one

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Speaker 1: of our children did walk in, and we have a

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Speaker 1: rule that when the headphones are on our heads, nobody's

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Speaker 1: laying to walk in, and she did not see joy

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Speaker 1: on my face, even though we hadn't seen her all day.

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Speaker 1: But to the extent that I can, I really really

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Speaker 1: want them to see joy in my face when they

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Speaker 1: look at me when I walk into the room or

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Speaker 1: when they walk into the room. It really struck me,

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Speaker 1: though the difference even when I'm trying with our kids,

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Speaker 1: when our granddaughter Indiana comes into our home or into

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Speaker 1: our orbit, when we see her, my face lights up

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Speaker 1: in a way that it doesn't frown the kids. And

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Speaker 1: I'm a bit embarrassed about it because I need to

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Speaker 1: work harder with our own kids. But just the other

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Speaker 1: day she came over for a visit. Our daughter brought

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Speaker 1: her over and I looked at her and as soon

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Speaker 1: as I saw her, my whole face came alive.

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Speaker 2: It was like, this is the best news of.

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Speaker 1: My life that you're here today and I get to

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Speaker 1: have cuddles with you. I was just so filled with

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Speaker 1: delight and joy to be able to see her. And

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Speaker 1: as I reflected on it, that came into my mind,

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Speaker 1: does your face light up? Does their face light up?

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Speaker 1: What's going on? What are they seeing? And I thought, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting it right. And I was like, oh, hang on,

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Speaker 1: that's my granddaughter. What's going on with the kids? And

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Speaker 1: I thought, I know I'm doing a good job. I

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Speaker 1: know I work really hard on it, but I don't

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Speaker 1: think my face gets quite as excited as it does

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Speaker 1: for Indie.

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Speaker 3: And I think we're all the same though. Yeah, kids included.

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Speaker 1: Everybody gets excited and they see indy. But my older

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Speaker 1: about it tomorrow is just to be intentional. When you

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Speaker 1: look at the people that you love, can they see

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Speaker 1: how much you love them in your face? Or are

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Speaker 1: they getting the critical face, the stressed face, the tired face.

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Speaker 1: There's too many things to do, not enough time to

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Speaker 1: do it, and you're not pulling your weight face.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting that she brought up this idea of your

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Speaker 3: critical face, even in the acknowledgment that in that moment,

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Speaker 3: she's checking to make sure that everything's okay, they're presentable

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Speaker 3: because she wants them to walk out feeling confident about themselves.

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Speaker 3: So it's not even that she was angry.

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Speaker 2: No, it's a critical face because I want what's good

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, And just the acknowledgment that that's what they

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Speaker 3: see as opposed to what's actually in our heart and

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Speaker 3: the intention behind our actions, even when our actions are kind. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I love how you have just acknowledged just the

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Speaker 3: contrast between having your grandchild walk in and how intense

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Speaker 3: that emotion feels and our desire because words aren't the

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Speaker 3: essence of our relationship with our one year old grandchild

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Speaker 3: yet she doesn't.

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Speaker 2: It's just the feeling.

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Speaker 3: It's the face that is, and the face means everything,

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Speaker 3: and I just I'm such a beautiful reminder to light

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Speaker 3: up when you see the people you love.

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Speaker 2: Have a great weekend everyone.

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Speaker 1: We really thank you so much for listening to the

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Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast. Hopefully it's giving you some inspiration, joy and.

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Speaker 2: Making your family happier.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 1: Bridge Media. More information and more resources to make your

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Speaker 1: family happier at the Oprah Network and I'm

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Speaker 2: Just kidding at happy families dot com dot au.