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Speaker 1: Every child's going to be different, and it really depends

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Speaker 1: on the emotional climate in the home.

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Speaker 2: It's a Happy Family's podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 2: poor parent.

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Speaker 3: He just wants answers Now. Hello. My name is doctor

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Speaker 3: Justin Coulson. I'm the author of six books.

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Speaker 1: About raising happy families, and I'm here with my wife

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Speaker 1: and life partner and my podcast partner, missus Happy Families.

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Speaker 3: Kylie.

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Speaker 2: I had a really proud mumma moment this morning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Really.

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Speaker 2: We rode the kids to school, and because we were

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Speaker 2: running a little bit behind, I actually let the kids

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Speaker 2: push their bikes up this steep embankment to put their

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Speaker 2: bikes away in the bike rack all by themselves.

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Speaker 3: Usually I would help them.

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Speaker 2: So Lily, miss ten year old, she pushed her bike

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Speaker 2: up quickly and got it all settled, but she could

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Speaker 2: tell that Emily was still struggling to get back up

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Speaker 2: the hill all by herself, and so Lily actually came

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Speaker 2: down the hill helped Emily pull the bike up, and

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Speaker 2: then I watched her her to put it into the

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Speaker 2: track and Emily took a helmet off, and then Lily

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Speaker 2: started to walk off, and Emily called out to her

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Speaker 2: and the next thing. I couldn't hear what they were saying,

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Speaker 2: but the next thing, there was this massive embrace. They

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Speaker 2: gave each other a big hug, and Emily trotted off

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Speaker 2: to class and said, I'll see.

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Speaker 1: You this afternoon.

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Speaker 2: And it was just just one of those little goldfleck

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Speaker 2: moments where I was just so.

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Speaker 4: Elated, cause yesterday afternoon they weren't doing that in the

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Speaker 4: living room. Let me tell you, so elated that in

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Speaker 4: that moment and in that space, there was just this acknowledgement,

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Speaker 4: I love you, You're my sister, and I'm so grateful that

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Speaker 4: we're together.

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Speaker 1: We have those moments from time to time, and we've

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Speaker 1: got to save them because they're not common enough. But

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you shared that. We received some

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Speaker 1: correspondence via the podcasts at Happy families dot com dot

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Speaker 1: you email address if you'd like to give us any

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Speaker 1: feedback on the podcast to ask us questions that we

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Speaker 1: should discuss on the podcast. That's How You Do It

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Speaker 1: podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot you, and Roslin

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Speaker 1: sent us an email. Here's what she said, Hi, Justin,

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Speaker 1: I loved your podcast on making mornings magic and wanted

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Speaker 1: to ask for similar advice. On how to manage afternoons

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Speaker 1: with kids. When's the best time to start homework, how

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Speaker 1: much time should be given for after school wind down,

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Speaker 1: rest and play. If families do allow afternoon and evenings

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Speaker 1: screen time, when's the best time and for how long,

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Speaker 1: assuming it's for fun and not for learning. As kids

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Speaker 1: are usually tired and unresponsive immediately after school, when's the

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Speaker 1: best time to ask them about their day?

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Speaker 3: Basically? Do you have any suggestions on.

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Speaker 1: A schedule to manage the hours after school to bedtime

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Speaker 1: for school age kids?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm so glad that magic mornings, you know, work

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Speaker 2: to treat for everybody.

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Speaker 3: I hope sounds like.

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Speaker 2: We've got a bit of work ahead of us to

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Speaker 2: help make afternoons just as magic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, afternoons are tricky though, because you try to juggle

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Speaker 1: the children. There's usually multiple children. Sometimes there's after school

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Speaker 1: activities for one but not the other. Sometimes you've got

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Speaker 1: to go in different directions.

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Speaker 3: You're tired, and you're trying to organize the house.

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Speaker 1: You're trying to organize washing school bags, you're doing dinner,

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Speaker 1: all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 2: I think with the morning routine, we're all kind of

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Speaker 2: headed in one direction, aren't we. We're all heading out

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Speaker 2: the door, whereas in the afternoons, like you said, there's

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Speaker 2: just so much going on. And so what are some

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Speaker 2: practical tips that we can use to help us, you know,

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Speaker 2: kind of create some kind of system in our afternoon

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Speaker 2: so that they can flow a little bit better for

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Speaker 2: our families.

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Speaker 1: Well, I want to answer everyone of Roslin's questions, but

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Speaker 1: there's a lot to get through. So let's step back

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Speaker 1: for just a moment and consider one central thing, and

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Speaker 1: that is, what do we want our afternoons to feel?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What kind of experience do we want our children to

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Speaker 1: have as they reflect on what their upbringing was. And

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Speaker 1: I think that depending on the age of your child,

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Speaker 1: the less that you can put into their afternoons the better.

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Speaker 1: If you've got the fortunate experience to have the capacity

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Speaker 1: to let them go ride their bikes, or go down

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Speaker 1: to the park, or spend time playing, I think that

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Speaker 1: that's much more valuable than trying to cram their afternoons

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Speaker 1: full of loads and loads of stuff, or alternatively, letting

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Speaker 1: them just hang out on screens all afternoon. We've used

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Speaker 1: the technology tickets that are available on my website to

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Speaker 1: great ends in that regard.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, definitely with our youngest Emily, she was really

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Speaker 2: struggling to kind of, you know, self direct when it

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Speaker 2: came to the use of screen time as a six

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Speaker 2: year old. This is very developmentally challenging, and so I

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Speaker 2: just gave her two little rolls before. You're allowed to

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Speaker 2: watch a screen in the afternoon, and you get one

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Speaker 2: ticket a day, which is a half an hour half

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Speaker 2: an hour pass. You have to have some time being creative,

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Speaker 2: and you have to have some time outdoors. I don't

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Speaker 2: give her a time limit on it. She just knows

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Speaker 2: that in order to be able to watch the screen,

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Speaker 2: she needs to be creative and she needs to be outdoors.

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Speaker 2: And I know I don't need to give her a

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Speaker 2: time limit because there are two things that she absolutely loves.

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Speaker 1: And if you give her a time limit, she'll say,

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Speaker 1: I spent my thirty minutes outside.

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Speaker 2: Yet that's exactly right. And so what I find usually

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Speaker 2: is that by about five point thirty she's walking in

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Speaker 2: the door and saying, Hey, my mom, can I watch

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Speaker 2: my TV now? Which is perfect because it just gives

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Speaker 2: me enough time to wrap dinner up and get it

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Speaker 2: ready on the table, and she's had some creative time

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Speaker 2: some outdoor time and a little bit of screen time.

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Speaker 3: And everyone's happy.

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Speaker 1: So next, let's see if we can answer those questions

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Speaker 1: for Roz and work out the best way to structure

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Speaker 1: afternoons so that they're not too structured, but we're getting

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Speaker 1: the stuff done that needs to be done.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 2: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership, because a.

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Speaker 3: Happy family doesn't just happen.

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Speaker 1: Details at happy families dot com dot AU. It's the

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Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast with doctor Justin Coulson and missus Happy Families,

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Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson. We're responding to an email that came through

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Speaker 1: to podcasts at Happy Families dot com DOTU from Roz

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Speaker 1: who said, how.

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Speaker 3: Am I supposed to get my afternoons right?

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Speaker 1: You've told me what I can do for my mornings,

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Speaker 1: but by golly, afternoons are challenging.

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Speaker 2: So I guess the first place to start is how

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Speaker 2: much time do we give our children to wind down

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Speaker 2: after school?

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Speaker 1: So that kind of goes back to the conversation that

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Speaker 1: I had prior to break and that is that to

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Speaker 1: the extent that it's possible, we give them as much

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Speaker 1: time as we can, we don't want to have too

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Speaker 1: many structured activities in the afternoon. I mean, if they've

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Speaker 1: got swimming, or they've got tennis, or they've got whatever

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Speaker 1: extracurricular stuff that's on, that's going to change things. They

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Speaker 1: don't have time for the downtime because they get home

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Speaker 1: from school and then they go to that thing. But

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Speaker 1: if you do have relatively free afternoons, I'm going to say,

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Speaker 1: stretch it out. Let them have as much of that

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Speaker 1: time as possible.

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Speaker 2: You know, I think, you know, extracurricula can actually be

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Speaker 2: a part of downtime. If it's something that your children

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Speaker 2: are really engaged, and if they're doing it because mum says,

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Speaker 2: you know, you've got to swim, then clearly it's not

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Speaker 2: really you know, going to float their boat, so to speak.

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Speaker 2: But if it's something that they love, you know, dancing

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Speaker 2: or playing basketball or whatever, that's actually, you know, really

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Speaker 2: awesome downtime for them, even though it may be structured.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, choice is really critical there, but I would still

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Speaker 1: say that they need to have unstructured time as well,

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Speaker 1: and that gets really tricky.

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Speaker 3: The more activities that they're doing.

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Speaker 2: Well, the next thing, you know, when's the best time

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Speaker 2: to start homework.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a big one. So I'm going to

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Speaker 1: direct everybody. We'll put it into the show notes to

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Speaker 1: my homework letter. We'll just a whole podcast all on.

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Speaker 1: We'll do a big podcast on that in the new year,

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Speaker 1: once school kicks off again after the summer break. But

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Speaker 1: generally speaking, if your kids are in primary school, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to say, don't emphasize homework at all other than

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Speaker 1: reading and the occasional project. There's no research evidence to

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Speaker 1: support the use of homework.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 1: I know that schools and teachers it can be a

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Speaker 1: bit of a dicey issue. Like I said, we'll address

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Speaker 1: that down the track, but I would be saying, don't

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Speaker 1: even worry about homework if your kids are in primary school.

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Speaker 1: If they're in high school, they need to get in

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Speaker 1: and do their homework at the appropriate time, for the

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Speaker 1: appropriate amount of time.

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Speaker 2: Roslyn wants to know screen time. You know when's the

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Speaker 2: best time and how long should I be letting my

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Speaker 2: child or children be on screens.

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Speaker 1: I like your answer about the technology tickets. I think

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Speaker 1: that it's a really great way to approach it. Make

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Speaker 1: sure that the kids have done all the stuff that

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Speaker 1: matters outside of screens. And they've done all of that,

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Speaker 1: then give them a technology ticket and say you've got

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Speaker 1: forty five minutes or thirty minutes or an hour or

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Speaker 1: whatever amount of time you have agreed as a family.

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Speaker 1: Suits what your family's all about.

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Speaker 2: So with the screen time and technology tickets, do they

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Speaker 2: have to earn those tickets?

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Speaker 3: Huh, that's an interesting question. I wasn't expecting that.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that kids should have to earn technology

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Speaker 1: time because what it does is it devalues the thing

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Speaker 1: that they've got to do so that they can have

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Speaker 1: the technology. You know, if you say, well you've got

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Speaker 1: to go out and do X, Y and Z so

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Speaker 1: that you can earn the right to use the tech,

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Speaker 1: the tech becomes increasingly valued and the activity prior to

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Speaker 1: that becomes devalued. And so what I like about our

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Speaker 1: approach is we say, of course you can have screen time,

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Speaker 1: but there are other things that we think are more important.

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Speaker 1: So when you've done those things, then you can have

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Speaker 1: some time on screens. It's a pretty subtle distinction, but

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Speaker 1: it does make a difference.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it goes back to that conversation we had with

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Speaker 2: alphae Cone a few weeks ago. You know that whole

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Speaker 2: idea of being punished by rewards, and one of our

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Speaker 2: families actually suggested that or she doesn't make her children

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Speaker 2: earn things, you know, earn these technology tickets if they've

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Speaker 2: done something really good, she might actually kind of pass

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Speaker 2: over an extra one to give them a little bit

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Speaker 2: of extra time on their screens as a.

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Speaker 3: Bit of a treat as a bonus.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I liked that idea. I thought that was really cool.

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Speaker 2: And then I guess the last thing that Roslyn really

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Speaker 2: wanted to know was when's the best time to actually,

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Speaker 2: you know, work through that your children's days, ask them

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Speaker 2: how it was and what they got up to.

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Speaker 3: It's kind of.

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Speaker 1: An interesting question because every child's going to be different,

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Speaker 1: and it really depends on the emotional climate in the home.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes our kids just want to tell us everything

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Speaker 1: when they walk in the door, and other times they

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk to us until dinner time. And

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Speaker 1: I think if we can be flexible about that and

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Speaker 1: just make sure that they know that we're available to connect,

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Speaker 1: that we've got a genuine interest, that we really see

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Speaker 1: them and hear them and value what they want share

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Speaker 1: about their day. It doesn't really matter when it happens.

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Speaker 1: What matters is that they know that they can and I.

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Speaker 2: Think you know, you know, like you said, often our

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Speaker 2: afternoons can be very busy, and the more children you have,

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Speaker 2: the more complicated the afternoon can get. And so one

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Speaker 2: of the things that we found has been just so

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Speaker 2: beautiful with our children is if we haven't had a

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Speaker 2: chance to connect with them through the day, you know

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Speaker 2: that that last five minutes before they kind of close

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Speaker 2: their eyes for the night, just sitting on their bed

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Speaker 2: and having a conversation about the things that matter to

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Speaker 2: them has been such a beautiful way for us to

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Speaker 2: connect with them.

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Speaker 1: Well, we hope that answers your questions, Rosalind, and we

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Speaker 1: hope that's been helpful for you as well. If you've

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Speaker 1: enjoyed the podcast, we'd be so grateful for you to

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Speaker 1: leave a rating and review at Apple Podcasts. That's how

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Speaker 1: other people get to find out about the podcast and

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Speaker 1: start listening to it so that they can make their

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Speaker 1: families happier. Thank you so much for all the ratings

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Speaker 1: and reviews that have been coming through. We are very

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Speaker 1: grateful for those and The Happy Families podcast is produced

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Speaker 1: by Justin Rulan and our Executive.

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Speaker 3: Producer is Craig Bruce.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like more information on how we can help

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Speaker 1: your family to flourish, you can get all the info

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Speaker 1: at happy families dot com dot au, but you can

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Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram or at Facebook doctor Justin Coulson's

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Speaker 1: Happy Families