1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers me out. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 2: When I think about ingratitude and entitlement, what I do 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,480 Speaker 2: automatically is I go back to what research and ancient 5 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,920 Speaker 2: wisdom tell us about the importance of gratitude. This is 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 2: a virtue, This is a characteristic of more refined, more 7 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 2: elevated people. 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My mum 9 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: and dad. 10 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 2: Hi, he you seem like you're in a great mood today. 11 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,880 Speaker 2: I love Monday's Happy Monday. You weren't in a great 12 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 2: mood the other day when one of the kids got 13 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 2: cranky at you because you didn't know where her music was. 14 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 3: What is it with that? 15 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 4: Clearly I moved it just to make your life hard. 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 3: That's right. 17 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 2: Sometimes we wake up and we think that the kids 18 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 2: decided that they were going to make our lives help. 19 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 2: But sometimes I think that they wake up thinking we 20 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 2: are really doing our best to ruin their lives. 21 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 3: I don't get it the kids. 22 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: They'll turn and I'll be like, do you know where 23 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 2: my shoes are? Or do you know where my lunchbox is? 24 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 2: Or do you know where my school baggage, or do 25 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 2: you know who my swimming stuff is? And I'm like, 26 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 2: why are you asking me? 27 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 3: Like? 28 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 2: Whose stuff is it? Do I ever ask you where 29 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,320 Speaker 2: my stuff is? And they look at me like I'm 30 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 2: from another planet. 31 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 5: Well you do ask me a lot where you're sunnglasses 32 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 5: are or your wallet. But that's another story. 33 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 3: Thank you for raising that. 34 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:20,320 Speaker 1: Oh. 35 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 2: By the way, I'm justin here with Kylie, my wife. 36 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 2: We're the parents of six kids. I've written a bunch 37 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 2: of books about raising happy families and are on a 38 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 2: website called happy families dot com dot au. Today we're 39 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 2: talking about entitled kids. How do you know if you're 40 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 2: raising on what can you do to make sure that 41 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: you don't raise one? And what's the problem with being entitled? 42 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 3: Anyway? 43 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 5: It is a problem. 44 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 3: You sound really confident about that. What's the problem with 45 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 3: raising entitled kids? 46 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 2: Kids that think that they deserve everything and that everyone 47 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 2: should do stuff for them. 48 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 3: Is that a real problem? 49 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 5: It's a huge problem. 50 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 4: It's really really hard when as a parent, every waking 51 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 4: moment is spent thinking about how to make your children's 52 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 4: lives as comfortable as possible. 53 00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 5: You want to make. 54 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 4: Sure that they've got to where and they've got food 55 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 4: on the table and that they can get to, you know, 56 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 4: the music lessons or the swimming lessons or whatever else 57 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 4: it is that they're doing. And sometimes our kids just 58 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 4: expect that everything is going to be done for them, 59 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 4: that they're not responsible for any of it, Like where's 60 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 4: my music books or where's my flippers? Or I don't 61 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 4: use them? But why am I responsible for all of that? 62 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 4: As well as ensuring that you get from A to 63 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 4: B because you're ten and you can't get there on 64 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 4: your own, do I have to look after your flippers 65 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 4: as well? 66 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 2: When I think about ingratitude and entitlement, what I do 67 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 2: automatically is I go back to what research and ancient 68 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 2: wisdom tell us about the importance of gratitude. This is 69 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:46,080 Speaker 2: a virtue, This is a characteristic of what I would 70 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 2: call more refined, more elevated people over the centuries. And 71 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 2: there's this acknowledgment that a person who takes everything for 72 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 2: granted and has high expectations, they actually don't fit in 73 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 2: well in society. It's almost like it's an unspoken reality 74 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 2: that gratitude is simply it's important, not only because it 75 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 2: helps us to feel good, but it inspires us to 76 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 2: do good, and when we come across in gratitude, it 77 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 2: makes us feel like we're taken for granted, like we're unimportant, 78 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 2: like we're just an object. We're a slave in that 79 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 2: person's life. And that's the big drama when it comes 80 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 2: to entitlement our children. It's important as a society we 81 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:33,079 Speaker 2: value people valuing contribution. So I thought it'd be really 82 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 2: interesting to talk about a handful of ways that you 83 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: can tell if your kids are entitled. 84 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 5: Some red flags, some red flags. 85 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,119 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. 86 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 2: So I was going through the list of different things 87 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 2: that we could throw in there, and the first one 88 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 2: that I thought was just the expectation that someone else 89 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 2: is going to. 90 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 5: Do it for me, Like where are my flippers? 91 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:49,800 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, yeah. 92 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 2: I'm just astounded at how often the kids say to me, 93 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 2: where's this? And I'm like, why haven't Every now and 94 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 2: again one of the kids will say to us, why 95 00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 2: haven't you done that for me? I'm like, where is 96 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 2: it in my job description that that's my job? 97 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 3: Now? 98 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 2: Now, let's be clear, if you're too I think that 99 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 2: it's reasonable that you would have an expectation that someone 100 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 2: else is going to do it all for you and 101 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 2: even if you're four or five or seven, there are 102 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 2: many things that you still kind of need a lot 103 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 2: of help with. So developmentally, it's important that we recognize 104 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,039 Speaker 2: that children do need us to do stuff. 105 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 3: But that's the first red flag. The older they get, 106 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,880 Speaker 3: the more they expect a little bit of a concern. 107 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 4: I think another red flag is definitely when we don't 108 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 4: involve our kids in chores or duties around the house. 109 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 4: They just again, they just expect that the washing is 110 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 4: going to end up on their bed, clean, folded and ironed. 111 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, I keep on talking over you because I'm so 112 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 2: passionate about what you've just said. But it's not about 113 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 2: us not involving them, it's about them refusing. Just again, 114 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 2: it's that expectation someone else can do it, and you 115 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:49,799 Speaker 2: want me to weed. 116 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 3: I don't weed. Have you seen my nails? I don't 117 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 3: get my hands dirty like that. 118 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,679 Speaker 2: It's that kind of thing. So not having chores, totally 119 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,719 Speaker 2: expecting someone else to do it. There are a couple 120 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 2: of other things that I thought, and you've probably got 121 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 2: the one on your list as well. 122 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 3: So a third sign that you're. 123 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 2: Raising an entitled child is when you tell them no 124 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 2: and they just can't take it, like, but why not? 125 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 3: But why not? 126 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 5: I think that's every child. 127 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 2: Well it is, and I guess this is where the 128 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 2: developmental thing comes in. And I'm not saying that we're 129 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 2: supposed to be hardcore and. 130 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 3: No means no one. That's all there is to it. 131 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,799 Speaker 2: I don't want to sort of drive that hard authoritarian, 132 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,679 Speaker 2: suck it up princess kind of approach. 133 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 3: That's not where I'm going, but just that thing, like 134 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,600 Speaker 3: sometimes kids look at you and they're like, what do 135 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 3: you mean no, You can't say no to me. I'm twelve. 136 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 3: I deserve better than this. 137 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 5: Another one for me would just be they're bad losers. 138 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 4: They really struggle to lose at a game, or to 139 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 4: not be the head poncho. 140 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 2: No one wants to be the head poncho. If you 141 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 2: want to be a pancho, you want to be the 142 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 2: full body poncho, not just the head poncho. 143 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 3: So we don't want kids to be bad losers. 144 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 2: We don't want to be unable to take no for 145 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 2: an answer, and we don't want them to be expecting 146 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:02,919 Speaker 2: that someone else is going to do it, or for 147 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 2: them to never have to lift a finger, not do. 148 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 3: Any chores or duties. 149 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,479 Speaker 2: Now, it would be kind of obvious to say, well, 150 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 2: if you don't want to raise entitled kids, just don't 151 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 2: let any of that happen. 152 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:12,720 Speaker 3: But I think there's more to it. 153 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 2: We need to kind of unpack how we can make 154 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 2: sure that kids aren't being entitled, because it is a 155 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 2: really unattractive way to be. 156 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,040 Speaker 3: No one likes an entitled adult. There is a name 157 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 3: for them. 158 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 2: It's such an unfortunate name to call somebody a Karen, 159 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: but it's that whole entitled Karen attitude. I hate saying 160 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 2: that because I know a couple of wonderful Karens. My 161 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 2: mum is a Karen, and she's one of the most 162 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 2: terrific people in the world. Mind you, sometimes she can 163 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 2: be a bit of a Karen. Let's face it, sorry mum, 164 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 2: but let's talk about how we can make sure that 165 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 2: we don't raise Karens and Kevin's, that we don't raise 166 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 2: those entitled kids who don't take no for an answer, 167 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 2: who are bad losers, who expect everything done for them 168 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 2: and don't ever want to do a chore or a 169 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 2: duty right after the break. 170 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: It's a happy family's podcat. 171 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 4: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership because 172 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 4: happy family doesn't just happen. 173 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 3: Details at happy families dot com dot au. 174 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time, 175 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 4: poor Parent who Just Wants Answers Now? And today we've 176 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 4: been talking about some red flags that would kind of 177 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 4: help us recognize whether or not we are raising an 178 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 4: entitled child. 179 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 5: I think we have a few in our house. 180 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 2: No, our kids are not entitled. They're perfect. They're absolutely fabulous. 181 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 2: I was just thinking about what you said, so every 182 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: day we say this. It's the Happy Families Podcast, the 183 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: podcast for the time, poor parent who just Wants Answers Now? 184 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 3: Does that strike you as being a bit entitled? I'm 185 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 3: just getting them to me give me the answer now. 186 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 3: I'm entitled to it. I'd deserve it. 187 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 2: I want it, and I want it for free, and 188 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 2: I want it now, and I want it on a plate. 189 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 3: I want to take our message as well. I'm just 190 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 3: kidding you know what. 191 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 5: I think it'd be great if we gave them some answers. 192 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, let's do that, Okay. 193 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 2: My first answer is we have to be a model 194 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 2: of gratitude ourselves. If we act entitled, if we act 195 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 2: like we expect the children to be our slaves if 196 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 2: we act as though we are entitled when we walk 197 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 2: into a store and make demands and say but I 198 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 2: expect more, or were at the restaurant, we say, I 199 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 2: can't believe that you didn't give me enough ice cream 200 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 2: in my thirty cent yuck Donald's ice cream cone. I 201 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 2: deserve more ice cream in my cone than that. If 202 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 2: we have that entitlement in the way we behave with others, 203 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 2: whether it's our children or people outside of our family, 204 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 2: we shouldn't be surprised that our children also feel entitled. 205 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 3: We've known people, We've been in restaurants with people. From 206 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 3: time to time. We've been that. 207 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 2: Person who walks up to that poor staff member and says, 208 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,719 Speaker 2: really unhappy with this, not good enough. I'm paying good 209 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 2: money and I expect better now. It is true that 210 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,079 Speaker 2: there should be a certain level of service when you're 211 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 2: paying for something. I get that, But there's a sense 212 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 2: of entitlement that sometimes goes along with that. That's unhealthy. 213 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 2: We've got to be a model. That's my first suggestion. 214 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 3: What about you. 215 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 4: I think it's important that children have responsibilities in any home. 216 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,079 Speaker 4: It requires a team effort to help the home function 217 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 4: to help the family function, and regardless of their age, 218 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 4: there are age appropriate things that each of our children 219 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 4: could be doing that would help the team. You know, 220 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 4: our family is a team, and they help the family, 221 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,920 Speaker 4: help the team to actually be able to function efficiently, effectively, 222 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 4: and we work together. 223 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,439 Speaker 3: That's the key. In fact, I've got that written down. 224 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,880 Speaker 2: That was going to be the next thing that I 225 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 2: said to sort of extend on your idea. When children 226 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 2: are young, and even when they're older and capable of 227 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 2: doing things on their own, working together, letting everybody know 228 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 2: that we all participate, that we're all in and making 229 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 2: sure that we go through an induction process to help 230 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 2: the children learn how to do stuff. That's how you 231 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 2: minimize entitlement. We're all in this together, we're all working 232 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 2: on this, we're figuring it out, we're going to we're 233 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 2: going to all contribute to the household. That's how you 234 00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 2: make sure you don't raise entitle kids. 235 00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 5: Do you have anything else for us? 236 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 2: I want to really go back to that idea of 237 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 2: I said that you're at risk of raising an entitled 238 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 2: child if they can't take no for an answer. But 239 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 2: I think that I just need to pause on that 240 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 2: for a moment, maybe double click and go a little 241 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 2: bit deeper. I don't know that it's helpful for us 242 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: to say I've told you no, and if you don't 243 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,400 Speaker 2: accept my no, that you're entitled. I kind of think 244 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 2: we need to soften that just a little bit and 245 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,440 Speaker 2: be gentle around that. Children have strong desires and they 246 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 2: often don't know how to manage and regulate their emotions 247 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 2: and their behaviors when they get refusal on that thing 248 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 2: that matters to them. So I just want to emphasize 249 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 2: if we say no, it's really helpful to say I 250 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 2: wish that you could, but here are some reasons that 251 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 2: I have to say no today. Provide a little bit 252 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 2: of a rational, little bit of an explanation. Wouldn't it 253 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 2: be great if we could go to the park. Wouldn't 254 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 2: be awesome if you could have your friends over for 255 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 2: a sleepover. Unfortunately this weekend we've got this going on. 256 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 2: What can we do about maybe making it happen later 257 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 2: so a hard no doesn't have to be a hard no. 258 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,439 Speaker 4: Well, I think that's where we run into trouble when 259 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 4: we just say no and we don't give our children 260 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,839 Speaker 4: an opportunity to understand why we're saying no. 261 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I reckon. 262 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 2: The other thing that I would say to make sure 263 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 2: that we don't raise entitled kids is to minimize competition. 264 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 3: We were talking about bad losers. 265 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 2: When we reduce competition and we focus more on collaboration, 266 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: kids are less likely to lose badly because they're not 267 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 2: losing anything because they're collaborating, not competing. And I know 268 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,000 Speaker 2: that we live in a competitive world, but competition isn't 269 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 2: good for kids. 270 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,719 Speaker 3: There's enough research around to. 271 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,719 Speaker 2: Say that we need to let our kids grow up 272 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 2: and figure out life a bit before we start making 273 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 2: them dive into mutually exclusive situations where winning or losing 274 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 2: are the only likely outcomes. 275 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 3: Reducing competition means that. 276 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,640 Speaker 2: Kids aren't going to feel entitled to come out as 277 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 2: top dog, because there is no top dog when you're 278 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:48,240 Speaker 2: not in a competition. 279 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 4: So the main take homes from today are give our 280 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 4: children responsibilities, make sure that they're age appropriate. 281 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 2: And work with them, especially if we want it to 282 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 2: be successful and they're tired, or they're hungry or it's 283 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 2: just too big, work with. 284 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 4: Them perfect and then when we say no, give them 285 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 4: an explanation, help them to understand, work through that process 286 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 4: with them. 287 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, and just be a good example. Don't be entitled. 288 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 2: Sit around the table at the end of the day 289 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 2: and say what we're grateful for today, what's awesome in 290 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 2: your life? What have you got to really appreciate? What's 291 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,439 Speaker 2: great right now about the lives we live. Because we 292 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 2: live great lives, we have so much to be appreciative of, 293 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 2: and it helps to overcome. 294 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,800 Speaker 3: The scourge of entitlement. 295 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,200 Speaker 2: Hey, we really hope that you've enjoyed our conversations today 296 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,439 Speaker 2: about Entitled Kids. The podcast is produced by Justin Rulan 297 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 2: from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and 298 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 2: we'd love for you to tell other people about the podcast, 299 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 2: either by sending them a link and saying, hey, listen 300 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 2: to this, it was great, or just jump onto Apple 301 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 2: Podcasts and leave five star ratings and reviews so that 302 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:52,439 Speaker 2: others can find out about the podcast and make their 303 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 2: family happier. As always, if you'd like more info about 304 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,559 Speaker 2: making your family happier, you can find it at happy 305 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 2: families dot com dot a U. 306 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 5: It is to