Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: on Cut. This is our Ask Uncut episode where we
Speaker 2: answer all of your deep you're duck and your burning questions.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and you threw me off there.
Speaker 3: I could see your because you always start with I'm Laura.
Speaker 2: I literally I changed the whole sentence and britt was
Speaker 2: like what I do with my hand?
Speaker 1: And it honestly goes to show you like when you're
Speaker 1: in such a routine, in a habit, just you just
Speaker 1: really throw a spanner in the works.
Speaker 2: But maybe we should start mixing up our intros because
Speaker 2: you try and you used to cut me off at
Speaker 2: the knees, because look at what happens when we try
Speaker 2: and do it. There's a brawl almost breaks out in
Speaker 2: the podcast studio. Here we are No, this.
Speaker 1: Is our Thursday edition where yeah, you're run any questions
Speaker 1: and we absolutely love them.
Speaker 3: We have some bangers coming up.
Speaker 2: We have one very juicy question, which the reason why
Speaker 2: I picked it was because this was an argument that
Speaker 2: I also had with Matt. Wasn't an argument, Look, I
Speaker 2: mean it kind of was, but it was something that
Speaker 2: we unpacked this week and then I brought it to
Speaker 2: brit and spoke about it. Did you to do with sex?
Speaker 2: And you agreed with him and.
Speaker 3: Not with me. I don't even remember this.
Speaker 2: You will, don't worry.
Speaker 1: I'm actually like, what when did I talk about sex
Speaker 1: with Matt this week? I like, I feel like that's
Speaker 1: been a few four nights. No, I actually am am
Speaker 1: intrigued to hear what this is even though I've had
Speaker 1: the conversation, because right now it cannot pull it into
Speaker 1: the front of mind.
Speaker 2: Well, before we get into answering your questions, if you
Speaker 2: guys do have one that you want to send in
Speaker 2: for next week's episode, or even one that we put
Speaker 2: on the radio show, you can write into our podcast,
Speaker 2: which is at Life Uncut podcast, Slide on into the DMS,
Speaker 2: just put Ask Uncut at the top, and then we
Speaker 2: have an amazing admin person now named Taylor who goes
Speaker 2: in and she gets all of your questions and she
Speaker 2: puts him into a spreadsheet, so you are completely anonymous.
Speaker 2: The only person who knows who sends in those questions now,
Speaker 2: not even Britter I. It's just Taylor and she's a vault.
Speaker 3: And she also doesn't look either.
Speaker 1: She doesn't go deep diving into you, guys, just so
Speaker 1: you know, you are completely anonymous.
Speaker 2: So you can send them in as weird or as
Speaker 2: wonderful as you want, but send them in for next weeks.
Speaker 2: But we have a couple of doozies for you today.
Speaker 2: But before we get into unpacking that, there is something
Speaker 2: that we wanted to briefly talk about and the reason
Speaker 2: for that is because you guys might remember a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks ago we interviewed Moana Hope and her partner
Speaker 2: Billa Carlstrom, who are having a baby. Moana is currently pregnant.
Speaker 2: But the reason why Moana is so famous and many
Speaker 2: of you would know of her and who she is
Speaker 2: is because she is one of aflw's pioneering women in
Speaker 2: the sport. And she spoke on that episode around the
Speaker 2: pay discrepancy between female athletes and male athletes, and how
Speaker 2: even though she when she was playing in AFLW, she
Speaker 2: was at the absolute top of her game. She was
Speaker 2: playing for Collingwood and she was one of the highest
Speaker 2: paid women at the time in AFLW, and she was
Speaker 2: still earning less than what is the pension within Australia.
Speaker 2: That is how poorly paid she was paid when she
Speaker 2: was playing in the sport. Well, at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, she was expected.
Speaker 1: To train and perform like a professional athlete, because well
Speaker 1: she was a professional athlete. She was at the best
Speaker 1: of a game, but she had to quit the game.
Speaker 1: She had to give up afl because she couldn't afford
Speaker 1: to She was better off. She's like, I was better
Speaker 1: off to go and get another job and go on
Speaker 1: the doll than I was to play professional sport. But
Speaker 1: the demands were exactly the same as professional male athlete.
Speaker 1: Now this is absolutely huge news.
Speaker 3: I mean it's still it is still laughable when we
Speaker 3: tell you the actual numbers.
Speaker 1: But the AFLW players did win a ninety four percent
Speaker 1: pay increase this week, so this is a giant step forward.
Speaker 1: Now ninety four percent sounds absolutely huge, right.
Speaker 2: But I think Also, when you think about a percentage,
Speaker 2: it just shows what that discrepancy was prior. So now
Speaker 2: moving forward, players on Tier one contract clubs will now
Speaker 2: get seventy one, nine hundred and thirty five a season,
Speaker 2: which is up from thirty seven one hundred and fifty five.
Speaker 2: Which when you think if that being somebody's entire job
Speaker 2: and they have to sacrifice so much, sacrifice their other work,
Speaker 2: sacrifice all of their time, they have to train their
Speaker 2: asses off in order to be able to compete at
Speaker 2: a level, that's entertaining that advertisers want to put their
Speaker 2: money behind. It still isn't a huge amount of money,
Speaker 2: but it's a massive step in the right direction.
Speaker 1: Well, more than forty players now are expected to earn
Speaker 1: more than one hundred thousand dollars, which is it's incredible,
Speaker 1: But if you still pull up the stats and the
Speaker 1: numbers that the men are earning, it doesn't even touch
Speaker 1: the side. It's because these guys are earning hundreds and
Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of dollars into the millions of dollars,
Speaker 1: so the difference is absolutely ludicrous. We're applauding the pay
Speaker 1: increase one hundred percent, but it is not comparable. Well.
Speaker 2: I think it's such an interesting conversation though, and I
Speaker 2: know that there's many debates that play out across how
Speaker 2: much women in sport should be paid and whether it
Speaker 2: should be reflective of the advertising dollars that advertisers are
Speaker 2: spending now. Obviously, especially in sports like AFL, men's sport
Speaker 2: has been around for so much longer, it is very
Speaker 2: well established, and so advertisers pay incredible amounts of money
Speaker 2: in order to advertise alongside their games, which then obviously
Speaker 2: means that men are paid more from that as well.
Speaker 2: There's this debate that like, the advertising dollars simply aren't
Speaker 2: there for women's sport yet, and that's why women are
Speaker 2: paid such a low percentage. But I think in these
Speaker 2: sorts of situations, and the big thing to keep into
Speaker 2: perspective is that it's a chicken before the egg scenario
Speaker 2: unless money is poured into the sport and it is
Speaker 2: made as entertaining as what the men's sports is. Unless
Speaker 2: it's you know, they put them on the same sort
Speaker 2: of platforms, unless they really hype up the games, put
Speaker 2: them in the same stadiums, all the other fun stuff
Speaker 2: that goes along with watching professional athletes play. Adding that
Speaker 2: extra entertainment value goes so far in getting so many
Speaker 2: other people to watch the game, not just people who
Speaker 2: are interested in the sport, but people who watch it
Speaker 2: because they want to have fun. I have a fun day,
Speaker 2: be entertained. And I remember talking to mat about this
Speaker 2: because I was like, I personally don't like football, but
Speaker 2: I will happily go and watch a football game at
Speaker 2: a big stadium because the atmosphere is so fun, the
Speaker 2: environment is so engaging, and it's like female sport unless
Speaker 2: they had the same amount of money being poured into it,
Speaker 2: can't compete with that sort of entertainment factor.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And in another huge, huge landmark equal pay win
Speaker 1: last well earlier this week women in America. So if
Speaker 1: you play soccer now or football for the United States,
Speaker 1: you will be paid an equal amount as the men,
Speaker 1: which is absolutely huge. This has been going on for
Speaker 1: three three years, this case for three years for them
Speaker 1: fighting for equal pay, and this is really setting an
Speaker 1: international standard here on in in the soccer world and
Speaker 1: hopefully in the sporting world. We do hope that this
Speaker 1: sets a precedent and it is a flow on effect. Well.
Speaker 2: Also, it goes to kind of change that conversation, and
Speaker 2: it shows that there is shifting perceptions around women in
Speaker 2: sport and that women want to watch women in sport,
Speaker 2: and not just that, but everybody wants to watch women
Speaker 2: in sport. And I think that, you know, as this
Speaker 2: new generation of kids come through, as a new generation
Speaker 2: of incredible sporting stars come through, they're given the opportunity
Speaker 2: to be able to play to the same standard that
Speaker 2: men are because for so long, women haven't really had
Speaker 2: the option to go into professional sports because the money
Speaker 2: just wasn't there and it wasn't worth their time or
Speaker 2: their energy. Now, with that conversation out of the way,
Speaker 2: there is something I wanted to ask you, Britt and
Speaker 2: had a conversation I don't remember I had that the
Speaker 2: conversation you don't remember you had, and it's very very intimate. Oh,
Speaker 2: if you're dating someone and you guys have a healthy, active,
Speaker 2: great sex life, I still don't like, how do I
Speaker 2: word this? Okay, if you're dating someone you guys have
Speaker 2: an active sex life, just say you have a shower
Speaker 2: in the morning. You haven't done any X, Like you
Speaker 2: haven't gone for a run, you haven't done anything. That's
Speaker 2: like you've just been living. You've just been wearing clothes
Speaker 2: throughout the day, You've just been living. If you then
Speaker 2: have sex, it's say four o'clock in the afternoon, but
Speaker 2: you had a shower in the morning, would you let
Speaker 2: your partner go down on you or would you not
Speaker 2: let your partner go down on you because you haven't
Speaker 2: just showered. Well, this is so intimate, Like how many
Speaker 2: hours closed shower until you would allow someone to go
Speaker 2: down on you.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think there's a set number. I
Speaker 1: don't think I put a timer on my phone. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: you pass them, you pass the hour. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think the general rule is if you feel like you're
Speaker 1: you're clean, and you haven't gone and run a marathon,
Speaker 1: and you're not sweaty and gross, you haven't been worked
Speaker 1: for eight hours, go for it. If I feel like
Speaker 1: I have been working all day and I have gone
Speaker 1: to the gym, No, of course, I wouldn't want someone
Speaker 1: to go down there. I wouldn't want them to go
Speaker 1: down there, let alone want them to go down there.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want my partner to want to go down there,
Speaker 1: because I would want to reciprocate that, like I would
Speaker 1: not want to be going anywhere near something that had
Speaker 1: been sweating around for eight hours.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, I don't mean sweating around. I think let's
Speaker 2: just take the gym element out of it. Let's take
Speaker 2: exercise day to day living. But if you've just been
Speaker 2: living your life, walking around, just being alive, wearing clothes
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, you wouldn't let your
Speaker 2: partner go down on you?
Speaker 3: Now, would not?
Speaker 2: Would you go down on your partner?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: No, because I have a shower, But would they have
Speaker 2: a shower? What if you're like in the moment and
Speaker 2: you've just like you've gotten home from work, you're having
Speaker 2: a hot makeout session.
Speaker 3: You pass it. I'd go straight to the end goal.
Speaker 2: This is wild to me. So, I mean, I've had
Speaker 2: this conversation with Matt because Matt is very staunchly against it,
Speaker 2: And if I am not freshly out of the shower,
Speaker 2: like I mean walking out of the shower, He's like, nah,
Speaker 2: not for me, I'm.
Speaker 3: Not going to do it. So it's going to be
Speaker 3: like a ten minute limit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon. The guy has a timer. But he's
Speaker 2: always been like this. Whereas what's his reasoning? He just
Speaker 2: he I guess I mean this is probably too much
Speaker 2: of a measure. I don't think he probably likes doing
Speaker 2: it very much, So it needs to be the perfect
Speaker 2: needs all of the situations and all of the scenario
Speaker 2: needs to be perfect for him to be encouraged to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: I am literally now a picturreing you guys in a
Speaker 1: fire where you've been like, just do it, like, just
Speaker 1: go down there, and he's like, I don't want to,
Speaker 1: don't make.
Speaker 2: Me, and you're like, force his hand down.
Speaker 3: This is where my mind has gone right now.
Speaker 2: Never forcing he would just be like, just go and
Speaker 2: have a shower, and I kind of.
Speaker 3: You would be so stubborn that you'd be like, just
Speaker 3: do it. You can't have it this morning.
Speaker 2: If you can't have me at my worst, you don't
Speaker 2: deserve me at my bed.
Speaker 3: No half damn shower, Laura. Okay.
Speaker 2: My reason why I asked this is because I have
Speaker 2: definitely dated guys in the past where it has been
Speaker 2: an absolute non event. If anything, I'm the one that's like, no, oh,
Speaker 2: I want to go and have a shower after the
Speaker 2: living the day, whereas they would never like it would
Speaker 2: never have been an issue.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's just a personal preference.
Speaker 2: Isn't it.
Speaker 1: Of course it does at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: Of course it doesn't matter. Of course, it never matters. Like, actually,
Speaker 1: I think this all the time. You know, my favorite show.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite show's Outlander, which is set in
Speaker 1: seventeen hundreds in Scottish Highlands.
Speaker 3: It's such a sex field show, right.
Speaker 1: I always think this to myself when they're doing these
Speaker 1: scenes because it's very sex driven.
Speaker 3: But they're camping and they don't have showers. It's back
Speaker 3: in the day.
Speaker 1: They're not even camping. They just sleep on the ground,
Speaker 1: but there's so much sex and I'm like, when was
Speaker 1: the last time.
Speaker 3: You got shower?
Speaker 1: It? I always think that, I'm like, what, isn't this
Speaker 1: very e high genie? But I think it's just a
Speaker 1: personal preference. There's no right or wrong answer here, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You could go days without it and
Speaker 1: your partner might be into it. I would prefer my
Speaker 1: partner to be somewhat clean, and I would prefer.
Speaker 2: To be showered and clean. I mean, you're totally right.
Speaker 2: There is no right and wrong. There's no right or
Speaker 2: wrong in any of these situations. And I know that
Speaker 2: there are going to be a lot of people who
Speaker 2: are like, oh, yeah, my partner doesn't care, And then
Speaker 2: there's gonna be some people who, like you say, I
Speaker 2: don't like it, Like I wouldn't want my partner to
Speaker 2: go down there unless I've you know, had a little
Speaker 2: bird bath or something in between.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a strong No, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: like karate kick him in the head to keep him away.
Speaker 3: But like, yeah, I guess it depends.
Speaker 1: On the moment and the person and the situation. And
Speaker 1: have you run a marathon or do you just sit
Speaker 1: at your office desk?
Speaker 2: Okay, but how many times have you like gone on
Speaker 2: to go down on a guy and then be like
Speaker 2: you have not washed this very recently, and I need
Speaker 2: this to stop right now, And then you have to
Speaker 2: just kind of like go straight back up like that
Speaker 2: never happened.
Speaker 3: That's why you just shower that this brings back.
Speaker 1: You've just proven you literally just came full circle and
Speaker 1: proved Matt's point.
Speaker 3: That's what you see. You are not good at this debating.
Speaker 2: It's not I don't think that Matt doesn't have a point.
Speaker 2: I just think that it shouldn't have to be the
Speaker 2: second you get out of a shower.
Speaker 3: No, that's that is extreme, Like there has.
Speaker 2: To be some like an hour two hours.
Speaker 1: Well comes into the shower fully clothed, like let's just
Speaker 1: do this now. Well the water's running, I haven't even
Speaker 1: towled off, and he's like, all right, time's a dicken anyway, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'd like to know how everyone else feels about the situation.
Speaker 2: Do you need to be like very very freshly showered
Speaker 2: or is there is there some level of just acceptance
Speaker 2: that you will have with your partner if you want
Speaker 2: to get down to frisky oral town. There's a lot
Speaker 2: their time.
Speaker 3: You bring the weirdst questions.
Speaker 2: Well, the reason why this came up is because somebody
Speaker 2: actually wrote this in as a question, and the question was,
Speaker 2: my boyfriend won't go down on me if I haven't
Speaker 2: just freshly showered, and it makes me feel really self conscious.
Speaker 2: And I was like, girlfriend, I feel you. I feel
Speaker 2: you to my call. So it is good.
Speaker 1: It is the thing people are running the questions in.
Speaker 1: There are lots of women in your situation too, Laura.
Speaker 2: So what was your feedback and advice there? Brittany Oh,
Speaker 2: for her, for anyone, I.
Speaker 3: Think you have to just respect your partner. I think
Speaker 3: you can't make if someone says I don't want.
Speaker 1: To go down on you, you can't just say fucking
Speaker 1: get it, son, like you've you've got to respect your
Speaker 1: partner's wishes. And like we just said, everyone's different. If
Speaker 1: somebody doesn't want to do something, unfortunately, that's not on
Speaker 1: you to be like, well I'm overruling you.
Speaker 2: Okay, No, And I totally agree with that, But I
Speaker 2: think in this situation, for example, that whole conversation of
Speaker 2: like I will only go down on you if you're
Speaker 2: freshly out of a shower, it's like, well, then obviously
Speaker 2: you just don't like evolver or a vagina at all,
Speaker 2: like you know, on your face near it. Because I
Speaker 2: don't agree with that you don't because I kind of think, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: like if you're only wanting to go there when it's
Speaker 2: like completely.
Speaker 3: Mean, that's okay.
Speaker 2: If someone wants that.
Speaker 1: If someone only wants to go near genitalia when that
Speaker 1: is clean, that is okay, Like that's one hundred percent fine.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean they don't like vaginas or volvers or
Speaker 1: giving oral sex. It just means they're particular about when
Speaker 1: they do it. And I think that there's nothing to
Speaker 1: be self conscious about It's just your partner's opinion, and
Speaker 1: maybe you can talk Tom about it and tell him
Speaker 1: why it makes you feel like that, But then you
Speaker 1: have to also respect why it makes him feel like that.
Speaker 1: This is like a very much I'm meet in the
Speaker 1: middle and respect each other's opinion.
Speaker 2: All right, Let's get into other questions that have come in. Hey, girls,
Speaker 2: I have a predicament. I've been friends with this guy
Speaker 2: at UNI for around two years now. We spend so
Speaker 2: much time together, get on like a house on fire,
Speaker 2: and it's safe to say I've developed feelings. The issue
Speaker 2: is he has a long term girlfriend. He's been with
Speaker 2: his girlfriend for a couple of years, and I have
Speaker 2: met her at parties on many occasions. Although she's always
Speaker 2: been lovely to me and it's not my place to
Speaker 2: say it, although she's gonna say it anyway, I genuinely
Speaker 2: just don't think that they're good for each other. It
Speaker 2: frustrates me so much. I have found myself getting rather
Speaker 2: down about this lately, as I can't remember the last
Speaker 2: time but I clicked with someone like this, and it's
Speaker 2: stopping me from exploring other connections. I've been on other dates,
Speaker 2: but constantly find myself comparing everyone to him. I one
Speaker 2: hundred percent don't want to be a home wrecker, so
Speaker 2: need to find a way to figure this out and
Speaker 2: move on for the good of us. All would really
Speaker 2: appreciate some advice. I also should add people constantly ask
Speaker 2: us how long we've been together or dating, so I
Speaker 2: think it's safe to say that there is definitely a
Speaker 2: vibe or a connection there that other people can see.
Speaker 2: Help girl, cut and run baby this okay?
Speaker 3: I feel I need to break it down into a
Speaker 3: few segments.
Speaker 1: Firstly, you are one hundreds percent biased when you say
Speaker 1: it might be just me, but I don't think they're
Speaker 1: right for each other.
Speaker 2: You've been looking for reasons as to why they're.
Speaker 1: Not right for each other and their long term like
Speaker 1: there are a long term relationships. Something is working in
Speaker 1: that relationship for them to be long term. And yes,
Speaker 1: I am a really big believer that you can be
Speaker 1: friends with people from the opposite sex. You guys are at UNI,
Speaker 1: so you're spending a lot of time. You obviously have
Speaker 1: things in common because you're studying the same thing at university.
Speaker 1: I have male friends, and I think that is one
Speaker 1: hundred percent okay, to have. If there aren't feelings there,
Speaker 1: that's when it crosses a bit of a boundary. If
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship and you were friends with someone
Speaker 1: in the opposite sex and there's feelings, that's not cool.
Speaker 1: I do love that you haven't acted on it, and
Speaker 1: you're not saying anything because I don't think you can.
Speaker 1: He is an, you know, what, seems like a loving
Speaker 1: and long term relationship. If the relationship isn't right, it
Speaker 1: will end, it will run its course, and maybe you
Speaker 1: guys can keep just being friends. And if that time
Speaker 1: comes and he feels the same way, or if he
Speaker 1: did feel the same way, maybe he wouldn't be with
Speaker 1: his partner.
Speaker 3: Maybe he would end that relationship.
Speaker 1: But right now, he thinks that he has a really
Speaker 1: good friendship with you, which you do have, but he
Speaker 1: obviously thinks that's all it is. He's in a loving relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't think you can say anything. I think what
Speaker 1: you need to do is maintain a friendship with him
Speaker 1: and that's it. But I think you need to start
Speaker 1: dating other people. I think you need to start looking
Speaker 1: for your own connections. It is also easy to and
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you're doing this, but I have done
Speaker 1: with people in the past where you do form a
Speaker 1: friendship with them and you start to imagine and fantasize what.
Speaker 3: That would be.
Speaker 1: You've got a really good connection as a friend, and
Speaker 1: you think that, oh, because we have this connection as
Speaker 1: a friend, we are one hundred percent going to have
Speaker 1: ten times better of a connection if we were together.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't always translate into a romantic relationship from
Speaker 1: a friendship. So it is easy to sit back and
Speaker 1: imagine this amazing life that you would have together. People
Speaker 1: are looking at you and probably saying or how long
Speaker 1: you've been together, But that's probably just because you spend
Speaker 1: so much time together as well. If you're always seen
Speaker 1: around UNI campus together and hanging out, people are going
Speaker 1: to make that assumption. That doesn't mean that the universe
Speaker 1: is saying, look, everyone else thinks we should be together.
Speaker 3: So it's I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's really tough, and I feel for you because it's
Speaker 1: I guess a level of love that is not unrequired,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure he loves you as a friend. You're
Speaker 1: in a situation where you really want to be with
Speaker 1: someone and you can't, and that sucks so much. But
Speaker 1: it's tricky it's too tricky when he's with someone else
Speaker 1: that I just don't think you can.
Speaker 3: Even dabble in that.
Speaker 2: Well. I think it is the definition of unrequired love, like,
Speaker 2: you know, because he doesn't love you. That's the thing,
Speaker 2: Like he's your friend.
Speaker 3: Not romantically anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I guess like the big part of this is,
Speaker 2: like you said, Britt, and I totally agree, you can
Speaker 2: be friends with the opposite sex, but you're not actually
Speaker 2: friends now, Like once your feelings have gone past a
Speaker 2: certain point, and you're thinking about what your relationship could
Speaker 2: be like if you were together, if you're thinking about,
Speaker 2: you know, how you navigate the situation, it's not really
Speaker 2: a true friendship. There's so many other things loaded into that.
Speaker 2: And I think the only way for you to be
Speaker 2: able to move past it and to be able to
Speaker 2: actually find somebody else that you're interested in, have a
Speaker 2: connection with someone else where you're not comparing, is to
Speaker 2: get some space away from him. Because every time that
Speaker 2: you spend more and more time together as quote unquote friends,
Speaker 2: you're sitting there not really just being friends. You're sitting
Speaker 2: there thinking like, oh gosh, you know, I've a these feelings,
Speaker 2: you know, I hope that he thinks the same way.
Speaker 2: Is he looking at me in a certain way? Is
Speaker 2: his hand getting closer to mine? Is he sitting closer
Speaker 2: to me? Like you start to unpick and unpack little
Speaker 2: things that he does in his mannerisms to try and
Speaker 2: find hope that maybe that is being reciprocated, And maybe
Speaker 2: it is being reciprocated, who knows. But also you're getting
Speaker 2: yourself into a really fucking dangerous situation. So I think
Speaker 2: the best way to deal with this is to just
Speaker 2: put distance between the friendship. Do you think, Britt, though,
Speaker 2: and this is my question, do you think it's okay
Speaker 2: to say to someone who you are really good friends
Speaker 2: with who's in a long term relationship? Do you think
Speaker 2: it's fine to be honest and say, Hey, I need
Speaker 2: to be honest with you. I don't think that we
Speaker 2: can continue to be friends because I've developed feelings for you,
Speaker 2: and I think that it's just going to cause problems
Speaker 2: down the track. So that way, it's a really clear
Speaker 2: line in the sand, and he knows why you're pulling
Speaker 2: away from the friendship a little bit.
Speaker 1: That's a really tricky one because it's part of me
Speaker 1: that wants to say you know, yes, live your life,
Speaker 1: live your truth.
Speaker 3: If you have feelings for someone, tell them.
Speaker 1: But there's another part of me that's saying, essentially, all
Speaker 1: you're doing is going to him and saying, hey, do
Speaker 1: I have a chance I have feelings for you? So
Speaker 1: it's a really backhanded not sneaky, that's not the right word.
Speaker 1: It's a way of putting your feelers out there to
Speaker 1: see if he feels anything back without directly asking him.
Speaker 1: You're planting a seed in that relationship, and it's it's
Speaker 1: one hundred percent going to cause a problem of some level.
Speaker 1: It's either going to cause a problem with you and
Speaker 1: him and completely and the friendship because he's going to
Speaker 1: say I don't feel that back, this is awkward, now goodbye,
Speaker 1: so you've lost that, or it's going to plant a
Speaker 1: seed of doubt and cause a problem in his relationship.
Speaker 2: But I do think that you can't just keep on
Speaker 2: continuing with things the way that they are and hoping
Speaker 2: that you're going to fall in love with someone else,
Speaker 2: because when you're mentally and emotionally invested in someone and
Speaker 2: it's not being reciprocated, you almost fall in love with
Speaker 2: exactly what you said. The potential of what that relationship
Speaker 2: could be, and so you're so you're hanging on to
Speaker 2: it so much that you can't invest yourself in somebody
Speaker 2: else because you are comparing you're comparing them to a
Speaker 2: friendship that you've had for X amount of years. You
Speaker 2: go on one date with someone.
Speaker 3: There is no.
Speaker 2: Way that that one date or that small amount of
Speaker 2: time that you've spent with a new person can compete
Speaker 2: with someone who you have the history with, the depth
Speaker 2: of conversation with the connection with that you have with
Speaker 2: your friend, who you've fallen.
Speaker 3: In love with.
Speaker 2: They're never going to stack up. And I think it's
Speaker 2: an unfair comparison that you're drawing. You're not giving yourself
Speaker 2: the opportunity to form any other relationships because you're so
Speaker 2: invested elsewhere, which is a dead end.
Speaker 3: Have you ever developed feelings for a friend?
Speaker 2: Yes? And how at UNI?
Speaker 3: So, okay, this is you, What did you do?
Speaker 2: I think mine was a tricky one because I developed
Speaker 2: feelings for him. I was in a long distance relationship
Speaker 2: and he developed feelings for me. But then when I
Speaker 2: found out that his feelings were reciprocated, it kind of
Speaker 2: made me not really have feelings.
Speaker 1: Standard you like, why, oh you want me now you're knives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I liked him until he liked me, and then
Speaker 2: I didn't like him.
Speaker 3: Back, and you're like, ill, don't like me bad?
Speaker 1: You know what?
Speaker 2: It fucked our friendship, Like, we were genuinely best friends
Speaker 2: throughout UNI and he's the fucking best guy. And I
Speaker 2: still see him on social media and thank god, I'm
Speaker 2: so happy that he's so happy in his life and
Speaker 2: we were so so close. But it fucked our friendship
Speaker 2: and we've never ever had the same friendship since, so
Speaker 2: I think, And that's a good point.
Speaker 3: It does change things. I think what you need to
Speaker 3: do now, is what I would do, is just put
Speaker 3: some distance between you. Guys.
Speaker 1: You don't have to, Like, you don't have to spend
Speaker 1: every second together. You don't have to go to every
Speaker 1: party together. You don't have to do that catch up
Speaker 1: coffee before or after your class as well.
Speaker 3: Like, there's definitely ways you can limit it. For sure.
Speaker 3: You can start to go on other dates and meet
Speaker 3: other people.
Speaker 1: Tell him you're going on another dates, Say I can't
Speaker 1: grab coffee today, I've got a got a date. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, he's in a relationship. If you guys, are friends,
Speaker 1: you would talk about that stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the big, big thing as well
Speaker 2: to start to break down that sort of attachment is
Speaker 2: also to start prioritizing other people. I think when we
Speaker 2: are in love with someone especially, I mean when we're
Speaker 2: in love, regardless of whether it's being reciprocated or not,
Speaker 2: we prioritize them. We put them first. If he's saying, hey,
Speaker 2: let's get a cough, I bet you you were there,
Speaker 2: like you're canceling other things. You're making that like your
Speaker 2: priority because you want to see him, because that kind
Speaker 2: of you know, that fills you with so much excitement, hope,
Speaker 2: all those different wonderful, positive emotions. But you have to
Speaker 2: start prioritizing other things over him, because he is not
Speaker 2: your person right now, and maybe maybe something might happen
Speaker 2: in the future, who knows. But while he has a
Speaker 2: long term girlfriend, and while he's happy in his relationship,
Speaker 2: regardless of whether you think that he's in the wrong
Speaker 2: relationship or not, he doesn't think that because he's in
Speaker 2: a relationship.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: Question number three was the question number why I feel
Speaker 1: like you went rogue with there going down on me questions.
Speaker 2: So I just like put that as a question question
Speaker 2: number one point five.
Speaker 1: Okay, I got broken up with about a year and
Speaker 1: a half ago, and I still haven't had sex since.
Speaker 3: Or even been on a date or spoken.
Speaker 2: To a guy.
Speaker 1: For a bit of background, my ex was quite emotionally
Speaker 1: manipulative and would always gaslight me into thinking that I
Speaker 1: was the problem, making me believe I could never find
Speaker 1: a better man than him.
Speaker 3: Because I wasn't good enough. Oh gross.
Speaker 1: Now I feel like I have definitely moved on from him,
Speaker 1: as I've seen him around on nights out. I have
Speaker 1: absolutely no feelings towards him or whatsoever.
Speaker 3: However, I still have not been able to have sex
Speaker 3: with anyone. I've definitely had opportunities to go home with people,
Speaker 3: but I'd honestly rather go and eat some maccas.
Speaker 1: I honestly rather go and eat some macis and go
Speaker 1: to sleep. Even though I same girl say it feels
Speaker 1: even though I do think I want to have sex,
Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong with me. I honestly feel
Speaker 1: like I'm asexual even though I actually want to have sex.
Speaker 3: It's all very confusing. Please give me some advice.
Speaker 2: You're not okay, I mean one, if you are a
Speaker 2: sexual there's nothing wrong with it, but like, you're not asexual.
Speaker 2: I think that we just live in a hyper sexualized
Speaker 2: society where we think that you have to be happy,
Speaker 2: Like if you're single, if you're dating, you have to
Speaker 2: be having sex. You have to be out there and
Speaker 2: putting yourself forward, which is fine if you want to
Speaker 2: do that, but it's also so fine if you don't
Speaker 2: want to do that. And also depending on how you
Speaker 2: feel about sex, Like a lot of people need to
Speaker 2: have an emotional connection or be invested in someone or
Speaker 2: like have some sort of some connection before they feel
Speaker 2: comfortable with having sex. It's not about having one night stands.
Speaker 2: And I either really think if you've been through this
Speaker 2: traumatic relationship or you've come out the other side of it,
Speaker 2: healing is not. It's not it doesn't have a time
Speaker 2: limit on it. You know, it's been a year and
Speaker 2: a half, and that's okay. If it's taken you a
Speaker 2: year and a half to get over this relationship and
Speaker 2: you're in a really great place and you don't want
Speaker 2: to bring anything in that could necessarily fuck with that,
Speaker 2: I think, like, be a little bit kind to yourself
Speaker 2: and don't think that there's something wrong with you just
Speaker 2: because you don't want to have sex.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you literally.
Speaker 1: Said, I don't know what's wrong with me because you'd
Speaker 1: rather have Macus. Nothing, girl, Maccus is great, but.
Speaker 3: No, nothing is wrong with you. And I think there's
Speaker 3: another thing.
Speaker 1: We did an episode not long ago, if you didn't
Speaker 1: listen to an intentional celibacy, and it was a really
Speaker 1: really interesting episode. It was one of our life is
Speaker 1: that we actually spoke to and she decided to be
Speaker 1: She know she was in a bad relationship and she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna spend some time on myself. And I think
Speaker 1: she started from memory with six months, but she just
Speaker 1: felt so good not having sex that she kept going
Speaker 1: and going and going. She lasted two years. And that's
Speaker 1: a really interesting episode. If you haven't listened to it,
Speaker 1: so go and give that a listen.
Speaker 2: It's called intentional celibacy.
Speaker 3: But I guess the thing that we forget too is
Speaker 3: that we sex.
Speaker 1: We don't have to have sex to have this fulfilling life.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have sex in your life, nothing
Speaker 1: is wrong with you. Like that's my first point. My
Speaker 1: second point is I think that all you're doing is
Speaker 1: listening to your body because you said you've been out,
Speaker 1: you've literally had the opportunity to, but you have made
Speaker 1: like you have had the opportunity to go home with someone,
Speaker 1: but you've made the choice not to. And that's just because,
Speaker 1: in that moment and in that situation, for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: you don't want to.
Speaker 3: So all you're doing is listening to what you and
Speaker 3: your body wants.
Speaker 1: I think for you, what's going to happen is you
Speaker 1: will meet someone, and maybe it is when you're dating
Speaker 1: them as opposed to a night out. Maybe you are
Speaker 1: just not ready for whatever reason. I think the time
Speaker 1: is gonna come. But I reckon for you it's not
Speaker 1: gonna be a one night stand, and you don't have
Speaker 1: to go out and say, oh I'm just gonna get
Speaker 1: it done.
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna go and meet someone.
Speaker 1: Listen to your body, start dating again, and it's okay
Speaker 1: if you date for a while and you still don't
Speaker 1: want to have sex. But I think the time will
Speaker 1: come where you'll meet someone, you'll have a connection, and
Speaker 1: you will want it again. There is nothing your sex
Speaker 1: drive is not laying dormant like it is still there.
Speaker 3: Maybe you can try and bring it back a bit
Speaker 3: if you want, Maybe you can masturbate some more. I
Speaker 3: don't know what you're doing at home.
Speaker 1: If it's if you feel like your brain is saying
Speaker 1: you want sex but your body is not, maybe you
Speaker 1: can start doing things like masturbation. But it's I think
Speaker 1: it's just gonna come naturally. And sometimes we go through
Speaker 1: these ebbs and flows and highs and lowers. I've gone
Speaker 1: through really long periods of not having sex before, not intentionally,
Speaker 1: but I exactly like you, I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: feel it. I don't want to have a one night stand.
Speaker 1: I wasn't connecting with anyone, So life just put me
Speaker 1: in that situation where I didn't do it for a while.
Speaker 2: And I also think on that britt like, when you
Speaker 2: haven't had sex for a while, you also continue to
Speaker 2: not want to have I think like the more you
Speaker 2: have it, the more you want it, the less you
Speaker 2: have it, the less you really think about it, like
Speaker 2: it's deef drunk. Yeah, but it's funny, isn't it. How
Speaker 2: Like you know, if you get into a routine where
Speaker 2: it's not front and center, you often find that like
Speaker 2: it mentally, physically it really falls down the priority list
Speaker 2: because your body's like, ah, yeah, we've gone a while
Speaker 2: without that thing, we don't really need it anymore. So
Speaker 2: I do think like if you're not having sex, that
Speaker 2: also adds to the reasons why you're not kind of
Speaker 2: like your libido. I almost think your libido is lying dormant,
Speaker 2: like your libido's gone, Okay, well, I'm gonna switch off
Speaker 2: for a while and have a nap. I'm gonna have
Speaker 2: a nap. I'm gonna have a year and a half
Speaker 2: fliber nation, like it's been a long winter. And that's
Speaker 2: absolutely fine. And people forget or what people don't talk about,
Speaker 2: and I don't think anyone forgets it. When you're in
Speaker 2: the throes of it. It's like, it's a lot of
Speaker 2: fucking effort to go out on a night out to
Speaker 2: pick up, to go back to some guy's house or
Speaker 2: have them come back to your house, to mitigate having
Speaker 2: another human in your space, and like hooking up and
Speaker 2: picking up, there is a certain amount of effort that
Speaker 2: goes into doing that. Oh, it's exhausting, it's and you
Speaker 2: have to be in the right mental space. And I
Speaker 2: think after going through what you've been through, getting yourself
Speaker 2: back to a place where you feel empowered, you feel strong,
Speaker 2: you feel like, you have your sense of self, you
Speaker 2: have your own sense of self worth. All of those
Speaker 2: things are so important before you get back out into
Speaker 2: the dating game, because I think you can really get
Speaker 2: yourself into a situation where your validation comes from other people,
Speaker 2: and your validation comes from how other people view you.
Speaker 2: And I really think like this is your time to
Speaker 2: focus on yourself and sex doesn't have to be a
Speaker 2: big part of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just lastly before we leave this one, the
Speaker 1: other thing I really wanted to hone in on here
Speaker 1: is it is one thing to say listen to your body.
Speaker 1: If you don't feel it, that's okay. But you made
Speaker 1: a point here of saying he made you feel like
Speaker 1: you weren't good enough.
Speaker 3: If that is still something that you think, and if
Speaker 3: that you think.
Speaker 1: Is still a big part of the reason you're not
Speaker 1: getting back out there, because he has made you believe
Speaker 1: you're not good enough, then like that is absolutely incorrect.
Speaker 1: You will are one hundred percent good enough. But that
Speaker 1: is something that we've all felt.
Speaker 3: In the post.
Speaker 1: We've all been made to feel a little bit smaller
Speaker 1: at times, or like especially after a breakup, there's so
Speaker 1: much negative talk that you can say to yourself, like
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think of an example of things
Speaker 1: that I would have said in the past, like I'm
Speaker 1: never gonna be good enough, no one's gonna love me. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, I couldn't keep that relationship. There's all these
Speaker 1: things like that. You've got to make sure you're a
Speaker 1: year and a half out now. If you're still struggling
Speaker 1: with that, then I one hundred percent recommend speaking to
Speaker 1: somebody because that is a cycle that only you can
Speaker 1: break within yourself, and there could be a big part
Speaker 1: of that that is holding you back subconsciously. So maybe
Speaker 1: you saying I don't know why I'm not getting back
Speaker 1: out there. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe
Speaker 1: there are some subconscious things that you haven't dealt with
Speaker 1: yet from that relationship. That's a byproduct of that relationship,
Speaker 1: and that is also very very common when you get
Speaker 1: out of a toxic relationship.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I think we can get into the last question.
Speaker 2: I was swiping on Bumble and stumbled across one of
Speaker 2: my girlfriend's boyfriends on Bumble with a new account. Should
Speaker 2: I a tell her and show her screenshot evidence or
Speaker 2: be just not get involved in this as it's going
Speaker 2: to cause huge issues in their relationship. Of course it will.
Speaker 3: Well, yes, that's that's generally what happened.
Speaker 2: Point for context, for context. She is so lovely, but
Speaker 2: she's been really badly hurt by guys in the past.
Speaker 2: I know she loves him so much, and I know
Speaker 2: he loves her too. Ladies, please help.
Speaker 1: I mean that is debatable that he loves her so
Speaker 1: much too if he has just gone and created another
Speaker 1: bumble account.
Speaker 2: I mean, I am like, I feel like this is
Speaker 2: cut and dry. If you find your friend's boyfriend on
Speaker 2: a dating app, you tell them, you tell them.
Speaker 3: If I saw.
Speaker 1: Matt one of my multitude of dating apps, you I
Speaker 1: one hundred percent wouldn't be like, oh, Laura loves him.
Speaker 3: I will just I'll let that one slide and I'll
Speaker 3: protect that relationship.
Speaker 2: And I think the big thing in all of these situations,
Speaker 2: we get so many people who write in and ask,
Speaker 2: you know, like that they've found out about someone cheating
Speaker 2: whatever the situation is behind her, But finding out that
Speaker 2: somebody in your close friendship circle is cheating on their partner.
Speaker 2: If it was the other way round and you found
Speaker 2: your friend there and they were cheating on their boyfriend.
Speaker 2: I would say, go to your friend first and have
Speaker 2: the conversation of what the hell's going on. But in
Speaker 2: this instance where it's your friend, yes, she's your friend,
Speaker 2: you need to protect her. And also, like as much
Speaker 2: as you don't want to cause issues in their relationship,
Speaker 2: you also want better for your friend, and you want
Speaker 2: your friend to know what's going on behind her back.
Speaker 2: And I think the big thing to ask yourself in
Speaker 2: any of these situations is would I want to know?
Speaker 2: Would I want to know that this is what was
Speaker 2: being done to me? And my answer is yes, I
Speaker 2: would want to know that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for me, this one's really there's no fence sitting
Speaker 1: here for me. This is really cut and dry. You
Speaker 1: have literally seen her boyfriend on bumble. You one hundred
Speaker 1: percent need to tell her, and you have to be
Speaker 1: ready for I mean, we've I feel like we had
Speaker 1: something similar to this, like maybe a year ago now,
Speaker 1: But you have to be ready for the fact that
Speaker 1: she might approach him and he will end up coming
Speaker 1: back and saying it's not me, like someone's catfishing me.
Speaker 1: There's going to be all of these things that'll come
Speaker 1: from it. All you're doing is deliver in information. You
Speaker 1: don't have to go to her and say you end this,
Speaker 1: now break up with him, he's a liar. Like you
Speaker 1: just have to say, hey, just so you know, this
Speaker 1: is what I've seen and I don't know what it
Speaker 1: is or what it means or what's going on, but like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's this is the hard truth about it. Here's here's
Speaker 1: the photo, and yeah, I'm here if you need anything
Speaker 1: or what do you.
Speaker 3: What do you want to do about it?
Speaker 2: And the big one with this as well is is
Speaker 2: like how I always think this. If you are on
Speaker 2: a dating app and you see someone who you know
Speaker 2: who shouldn't be on a fucking dating app because they're
Speaker 2: in a committed relationship, screenshot it like just keep the
Speaker 2: keep those receipts girlfriends.
Speaker 3: But now Raya because you get kicked off the screenshot.
Speaker 2: Do you really get kicked off of screenshotting on Raya?
Speaker 1: Yeap screen it's the most private little community. You can't screenshot,
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 2: So if you screenshot, will they know that you've screenshot?
Speaker 1: Yes, they get you get you get one strike, You
Speaker 1: get a message into you saying that's your only strike.
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you have screenshot one person finds I forgot.
Speaker 2: If you have RAYA, I've got a whole other tip
Speaker 2: for you. You keep it on that screen. You go
Speaker 2: and find somebody else's phone, and you take a photo
Speaker 2: of the phone of the screen, because I think like
Speaker 2: in these situations, it's so you need to have evidence.
Speaker 2: You really have to be able to say, look, this
Speaker 2: is what i've seen and this is what I've experienced,
Speaker 2: because it's so easy as the messenger to be the
Speaker 2: one that cops the full brunt of this, the whole
Speaker 2: like you know they're going to end up shooting the
Speaker 2: messenger situation. So I think, like, have the information, have
Speaker 2: the receipts, have the screenshots, and then you have to
Speaker 2: approach your friend in a really loving way of like
Speaker 2: I saw this, and I don't know how you're going
Speaker 2: to react to this, because I don't know what's going
Speaker 2: on in your relationship at the moment, but I think
Speaker 2: you need to know this and then leave it to
Speaker 2: them to kind of figure out how they want to respond.
Speaker 1: You can also, I'm just like really thinking ahead here.
Speaker 1: I'm putting my detective hat on. If there is any
Speaker 1: chance that they're going to come back and say that's
Speaker 1: not me that's a fake account.
Speaker 3: Test the waters.
Speaker 1: Why don't you match with them? Like them and see
Speaker 1: if it's a match. If it's a match and you
Speaker 1: start talking, it's one hundred percent of fake account because
Speaker 1: he's not going to go and talk to his girlfriend's friends.
Speaker 1: So if it's just a random spicey I've written, if
Speaker 1: it's a random that's stolen photos and like this guy's hot,
Speaker 1: I'll use his account.
Speaker 3: He's going to not know you, so you can chat away.
Speaker 3: So maybe you could do a little test first and.
Speaker 1: Then take that extra I mean, like I'm thinking ahead,
Speaker 1: but that's probably what I would do.
Speaker 3: I'd be like, let's see if it's a match.
Speaker 2: I actually love this, But then what if okay, here's
Speaker 2: another snow what if it is the friend's boyfriend and
Speaker 2: then he's just swiped right on her because he's like
Speaker 2: I don't know, but you know, tou his life.
Speaker 3: You would start you would just be like, hey, what
Speaker 3: what do you do? Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: You'd start fresh. You'd pretend you are strangers and play
Speaker 1: it from there. You would you were one hundred percent
Speaker 1: know the person you've made.
Speaker 2: It's so sneaky, brite. I love this is like this
Speaker 2: is like another ten years this ship.
Speaker 3: I have had every circumstance thrown at me.
Speaker 2: Well, you guys, that is it. If I was in
Speaker 2: a situation, I would want to know. If you guys
Speaker 2: see Matt on a dating app somewhere, please screenshot it
Speaker 2: and send it to me because I want the want
Speaker 2: the cold hard evidence. Put it that way.
Speaker 1: Guys, keep your questions coming into a Life on Cut
Speaker 1: podcast on Instagram. And also that is where you can
Speaker 1: put all your confessionals or accidentally Unfiltered's funny moments.
Speaker 3: Put them all there.
Speaker 1: If you have episode suggestions, everything goes to Life on
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Speaker 3: Also there's a Facebook discussion group.
Speaker 1: That has so many of you guys and at sixty
Speaker 1: thousand people that have some really great conversations in there,
Speaker 1: so you can jump on and join that as well
Speaker 1: on Facebook.
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