1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,720 Speaker 1: For the last several years, resilience has been the buzzword. 2 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 1: How do we help our kids to be resilient? And 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,239 Speaker 1: there's a good reason for it. Resilience is on the 4 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,639 Speaker 1: way down. We're seeing more and more data that's creating 5 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: more and more concern around how our children are backing 6 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: up when things get challenging. Do they have the grit, 7 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: the distermination, the persistence. Do they have the flexibility and 8 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: the adaptability? Today and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, 9 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded 10 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: parenting podcast. My name is doctor Justin Colson, and today 11 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: I'm having a chat with a guy who I think 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,319 Speaker 1: has a few things to share with us about how 13 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,599 Speaker 1: to build resilient kids. His name is Tim Curtis. Tim's 14 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,519 Speaker 1: personal journey has very much shaped what he understands resilience 15 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: to be. I want to share this buier with you 16 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: because I think that it's well, it's out of the 17 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: ordinary and there's got to absolutely be some things here 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: that you and your kids will benefit from. Tim grew 19 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: up in a military family. He experienced constant change, new cities, 20 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: new schools, and new neighborhoods, and a need to adapt 21 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: to all of those new environments. He faced challenges like bullying, 22 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: being heartbroken, and the occasional teenage brawl, but he didn't 23 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,679 Speaker 1: let this define him. Indeed, his childhood experience has culminated 24 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,759 Speaker 1: in him receiving a military scholarship and spending sixteen years 25 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: in the Army, including the elite sas the Special Air 26 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: Service Regiment, where he learned the essence of performing under pressure. 27 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: We haven't had too many military folks on this podcast 28 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 1: over the years, and I'm always in awe of the 29 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: work that they do and the way that they perform 30 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,399 Speaker 1: a duty to this country that very, very few people 31 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: are willing to do it. I'm always staggered by what 32 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: they're willing to do. But beyond his military careers, him 33 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: has led cross cultural teams in some of the world's 34 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: most challenging environments. He's witnessed the depths of human suffering, 35 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: but also the incredible power of strong families and connected 36 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: communities in shaping a child's future by building their resilience. 37 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: He's got a brand new book out, well, actually it 38 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: comes out next Tuesday. It's called Building Resilient Kids, Drawing 39 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: from his diverse experience and providing a comprehensive guide on 40 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: fostering resilience in our kids. Now, Tim, so good to 41 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: have you on the pod. You're not a school teacher, 42 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: you're not a child's psyche, you're not an academic. So 43 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,639 Speaker 1: there's a really different view to how you've written this 44 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,160 Speaker 1: book and what it's all about. I want to pick 45 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: up on a couple of things straight off, just out 46 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: of your bio. First off, all of the moves. You're 47 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: a kid, You're moving around all over the countryside. How 48 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 1: did you deal with it? Because we get this question 49 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: all the time via our email and people are saying 50 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: we're about to move, is it the right thing of 51 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: the wrong thing? And the kid's going to be resilient? 52 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: And there's always been this idea kids are resilient, they'll 53 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 1: be able to move into and adapt to the new environment, 54 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: no problem at all. What's your take? 55 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 2: Maybe jump to the research then I'll give you the answer. 56 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 2: The research is inconclusive. Does geostability assist resilience If you're 57 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,959 Speaker 2: in the same place, building connections with friends, does that 58 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 2: assist you in the social layer of your resilience or not? 59 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 2: Or conversely, does portability assist you in, to use your word, 60 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 2: that adaptation and that inconclusiveness is kind of interesting in itself, 61 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 2: but my individual experience is maybe twofold. The first thing 62 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 2: is the pillar of strength provided by family. No matter 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 2: what school we were going to, no matter what neighborhood 64 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 2: we were in, no matter what new sporting club, Mum 65 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 2: and Dad were always there for us. And we know 66 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,359 Speaker 2: the research says that as little as one parent or 67 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,519 Speaker 2: care or other adult that's there for a child will 68 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 2: assist in resilience. And the second part was using prisms 69 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 2: and vectors like sport for me, generally team sport as 70 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 2: a way to not just build skills, but also social connection. 71 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 2: And so as a result, as the removal vans were 72 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 2: pulling away from the house, my brother and I, who 73 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: was also a part of my bedrock of family, were 74 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 2: knocking on neighborhood doors asking the parents, Hey, have you 75 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 2: got any kids, And that inevitably led to these solid 76 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 2: foundations of friendships that have preserved all around the country 77 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 2: for us as we've grown older. 78 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: I just love the example of going and knocking on 79 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: the doors and saying, have you got any kids? We're 80 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: looking to play. I can't imagine that there are too 81 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: many families in twenty twenty five who'd say, oh, yeah, 82 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: kids did that all the time, really really unusual. Let's 83 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: fast forward. We can talk about military, we can talk 84 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: about so many other things. But there's something in your 85 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: bio that grabbed me when I first found out about 86 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: the book and the work that you were doing, and 87 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: it was this witnessed the depths of human suffering but 88 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 1: also the incredible power of strong families in connective communities, 89 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:36,480 Speaker 1: world's most challenging environments. I don't know how far into 90 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: it you would like to go, but the work that 91 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: you've done militarily and since in these environments, it's the 92 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: kind of stuff that people can't help but tune into 93 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 1: and say, I just need to know more. What have 94 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 1: you done, where did you go, who did you do 95 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: it with, What did it mean? What can you share 96 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: in terms of specifics? Will you share one or two things, 97 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,840 Speaker 1: one or two stories that highlight how you're experience has 98 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: helped you to be more resilient and support the resilience 99 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: of others. 100 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely so. I spent two decades working in the 101 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: world's most inhospitable locations from Afghanistan to Iraq, to Somalia, 102 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,720 Speaker 2: to Sedan, to South Sudan to Sierra Leone, and I 103 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 2: definitely did hand on heart witness the worst of humankind, 104 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 2: the worst that humans can inflict on other humans. But 105 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 2: also how these humans, even little humans, are able to 106 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 2: get through it, are able to persevere or persist. And 107 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 2: perhaps two stories. The first is in my time in 108 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 2: Sierra Leone. I spent ten months as a military advisor 109 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 2: to the government of Sierra Leone during the heights of 110 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 2: the civil war. And when I first arrived, having never 111 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 2: been to Africa before, but having done my research and thinking, look, technically, 112 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 2: this doesn't look like a difficult job. The opposing forces, 113 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 2: the anti government elements, were reasonably primitive. Their tactics were 114 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 2: fairly basic. But I asked around in the formative few weeks, 115 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 2: what are you most scared of now? British Army trained 116 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 2: Sierra Leone Army soldiers came back with a very common answer, 117 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 2: what we're most afraid of is the Small Boys Unit. Now, 118 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 2: the Small Boys Unit of the Revolutionary United Front. That 119 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 2: anti government element were children as young as six. Now, 120 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 2: to get your head around that in our context in 121 00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 2: the Western world, is unfathomable that our children could be 122 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: armed combatants at the age of six, But even more so, 123 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: how could they become the most feared fighting force to 124 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 2: fully grown men who had been trained by the British Army. 125 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 2: And it was because these kids had been grown up 126 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 2: and indoctrinated that murder was noble and rape was normal. 127 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 2: I mean, everything that is just horrific had been conditioned 128 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 2: in these kids. You've spoken before about Paul Bloom and 129 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 2: the massive amount of research that he's done. Well, we 130 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 2: know in Bloom's research that morality is code in a 131 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 2: very young age. So if we code that morality in 132 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,920 Speaker 2: our kids to do horrific things, then absolutely they will. 133 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 2: And the second example, maybe one that's a little bit 134 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 2: more contemplative, occurred in my time in Afghanistan where one 135 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 2: of my local staff, Bashyear, invited me to his family 136 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 2: home for dinner. Very basic family home, mud Straw, a 137 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 2: single room that was the communal room. It served as 138 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 2: the lounge room, the dining room, and the sleeping room, 139 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 2: with three generations living in it, grandparents, parents and kids alike. 140 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 2: And we shared a meal on that floor and in 141 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 2: the process of talking geopolitics, Basheer was incredibly wise on geopolitics. Inevitably, 142 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 2: the conversation did turn to family, and he asked some questions, Hey, 143 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 2: do you live like this back in Australia, No, bashar, 144 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 2: we do not. Do you eat like this with three 145 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 2: generations of families back in Australia? Noba, shear, we do not, 146 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 2: and nearly ashamed to tell him that in most family groups, 147 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 2: in most family units in Australia, the kids might be 148 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 2: eating alone. Maybe they're reading with one parent, perhaps the 149 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 2: second parent comes back at a different time. Perhaps they're 150 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 2: reading in front of the television. Well, none of these 151 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 2: things were a thing in Afghanistan. There was no television, 152 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 2: There was no electricity in this small village save for 153 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 2: a small amount of generated power. And it actually got 154 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 2: me thinking, justin have we got it right? Are we 155 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 2: saying that family is all important, but then diverting our 156 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 2: attention to do something completely different. 157 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: We have an economy that demands things that are just 158 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: not in harmony with the best interests of our children, 159 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: or our families, or even of us. It's extraordinary. Let's 160 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: talk more about resilience. Generally. You've developed a model that 161 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: I think is worth exploring and Obviously, the book goes 162 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: into it in depth. We can barely scratch the surface here, 163 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: but let's just talk about a couple of basics around resilience. 164 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: First off, there is a growing trend on the part 165 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: of well intentioned parents, and I get it because I've 166 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: been guilty of it myself, to try to protect our 167 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 1: children from stresses in life. Let's talk about why stress matters. 168 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 1: Let's just start there and then move into resilience. Why 169 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: does stress matter? And this is coming from a guy 170 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: who has seen some of the most stressful, difficult, challenging, 171 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:27,599 Speaker 1: volatile adversity that life can throw at you. 172 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 2: We think about stress like it is all incredibly negative. 173 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 2: But Yerks and Dodson, two researchers over one hundred years ago, 174 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 2: prove that some stress in our life is beneficial. We 175 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 2: can't have too little stress, we can't have too much stress, 176 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 2: but the right amount of stress drives us to optimize performance. 177 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,559 Speaker 2: And the second comment I'd make to that is the 178 00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 2: thing called resilience, which is a big word that hopefully 179 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 2: we've codified in a fairly coherent way. It varies by degree, 180 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 2: not kind. So that amount of stress in your life, 181 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 2: my life, the life of our pair and should be 182 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 2: the same amount of stress in our kid's life, but 183 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: it varies by degree, not kind, so it's relative stress. 184 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:11,960 Speaker 2: Perhaps if I can cite one example, my youngest did 185 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 2: not want to go to her year ten school camp. 186 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,439 Speaker 2: She said, Dad, I've got anxiety. I don't want to 187 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: go and making me anxious. I'm not going to survive 188 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 2: the school camp. Now, back when we were growing up, 189 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 2: that wasn't a clinical term, that word anxiety. It was 190 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 2: just called nervous. We said, nope, you're going to go. 191 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 2: You'll grow from it. And on the other side of 192 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 2: disturbance and disruption is growth. And so off she went. 193 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 2: She came back, had an incredible time, and twelve months 194 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 2: later she's in the United States instructing at a summer 195 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 2: camp herself. A little bit of stress is useful, and 196 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,839 Speaker 2: you can also turn your attention to the problems with 197 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 2: helicopter parenting and bulldeouze of parenting the parents that are 198 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:01,599 Speaker 2: hovering around or clearing all obstacles. In longitudinal studies, we 199 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 2: now know that that's not beneficial at all for the child. 200 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,439 Speaker 2: It's not teaching them their ability to emotionally regulate, to 201 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 2: problem solve, to cope, it's not teaching any of the 202 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: three core components of executive function, including cognitive flexibility and 203 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 2: working memory. In fact, we're degrading the resilience of our 204 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:21,559 Speaker 2: kids by doing that. 205 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny, isn't it, Because we want the 206 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: very best for them, and then when we see them uncomfortable, 207 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: we kind of go, well, because I want the best 208 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 1: for you, I'm going to fix this. I'm going to 209 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: remove you from the discomfort. And yet that avoidance seems 210 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: to reinforce the very anxiety that we're trying to alleviate. 211 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 2: It comes from a place of love and care and 212 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 2: support and the I mean the inclusive place. Not just parents, 213 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 2: but aunts and uncles and grandparents and teachers and coaches 214 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 2: and mentors. We all do it, try and wrap our 215 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 2: kids up in cotton wall a bit because we love 216 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 2: them so much or care or want to support them significantly, 217 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 2: But it's not benefit. We should allow them to have 218 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 2: a little bit of stress. And interestingly, what the research 219 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 2: says at the youngest of ages, when their brains are 220 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 2: incredibly neuroplastic, where we can laminate pathways that are highly beneficial, 221 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 2: what does that mean for a toddler or wadler. Allow 222 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 2: them to sit in the emotion, not dive in and 223 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 2: try and do something about that emotion good bad, or 224 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 2: in different emotion, but allow them to work out Okay, 225 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: this emotion will pass. Jill Bolt Taylor says, it passes 226 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,319 Speaker 2: in ninety seconds. It certainly passes in less amounts of 227 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 2: time in our kids, So allow them to wait it 228 00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: out rather than feeling like the only coping mechanism is 229 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 2: the adult. 230 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: Critical that we remember just how quickly it can pass. 231 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: It doesn't always like Sometimes our kids will have an 232 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: emotion just I don't know. In the last month or two, 233 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,679 Speaker 1: one of my daughters who had a big crush on 234 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: a boy, well that all just blew up. It didn't 235 00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:00,200 Speaker 1: quite work out, and the emotion lasted about I'm going 236 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: to say a week. There was a lot going on, 237 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: But that's unusual. The day to day trivialities and challenges 238 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: and basic adversities that we all encounter, they're gone pretty quickly. 239 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: The person cuts you off on the road, you get 240 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:17,679 Speaker 1: really upset, and literally sixty seconds later, you've typically forgotten 241 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:28,559 Speaker 1: about it, unless it was really bad. Hey, let's move 242 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,839 Speaker 1: on to a question that I think really matters a 243 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: lot here, and that is just at the very foundations, 244 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: the foundational pillars of resilience. What have you written about 245 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:39,319 Speaker 1: these foundations. 246 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, So our model in the Resilience Shield, the book 247 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 2: I co wrote with doctor Dan Pronk and Ben Pronk, 248 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 2: recognizes layers of resilience. Now, this is an evidence based model. 249 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 2: It's been validated by the University of Western Australia. And 250 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 2: to skate over what the layers are and then perhaps 251 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:58,080 Speaker 2: to contextualize them after all that. The first is an 252 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 2: innate layer, so part genetics, part epigenetics, how you were 253 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,559 Speaker 2: brought up, where you were brought up, Your DNA and 254 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 2: your experiences, including intergenerational experiences counts for a bit. Now 255 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 2: for you and me justin not very modifiable. There's a 256 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 2: bit of your personality in there, there's some of your 257 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 2: morality in there, your values sit in there. So it 258 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 2: is modifiable in some way, but not easily modifiable. The 259 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 2: four truly modifiable layers are the mind layer. It's the 260 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 2: importance of mindset and also the importance of meditation and 261 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 2: mindfulness practices, which yes, you can teach by agent stage 262 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 2: to a Toddler Wardler, tween and teen. Then there's the 263 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,680 Speaker 2: body layer. Unsurprisingly, sleep, diet, and exercise. They exist in 264 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 2: this healthy trinity. Anything you do on one of those 265 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: angles influences the other angle. And I get no prizes 266 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 2: for telling you and your listeners that. But when we're 267 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 2: under stress load, what are the first three things that 268 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 2: go inevitably at sleep, diet, and exercise. 269 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: We eat lousy, stoping in our bodies and get less sleep. 270 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, that's right, that's right. And then there's the 271 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: social layer, so the importance of social support systems, the 272 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 2: people that are there for you, those that you're there for. 273 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 2: Then the professional lab. If we suck at our job, 274 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 2: it's likely to bring more stress in our life. This 275 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 2: is about improving confidence and competence to overcome adversities in 276 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 2: our professional life, including a stay at home parents if 277 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 2: that's the profession that you have. And then our bonus layer, 278 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 2: I come back to the words you use right at 279 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 2: the start, is adaptation, our ability to do things that 280 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 2: we never thought we'd be able to do if we 281 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 2: are able to apply the rock solid foundations established in 282 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 2: those underlying layers, and the varies by degree and not 283 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 2: kind model is absolutely transferable to our kids. In all 284 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 2: four stages of their development. 285 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really solid. I think there's so much there. 286 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:53,960 Speaker 1: Let me run something past you that I hear all 287 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: the time when I'm talking to parents regularly, I'll be 288 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: running my resilience presentations in schools and organizations, and I'll 289 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: ask the question when when do your children show a 290 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: lack of resilience, And consistently I hear things like, well, 291 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 1: they're not very resilient when they're tired or they're hungry. 292 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: And I often want to distinguish between resilience and willpower 293 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: or capacity to control yourself because you're depleted. And there's 294 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: another element as well, and that is people will say, well, 295 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: they show a lack of resilience when they don't want 296 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,240 Speaker 1: to try, like when they're ready to give up. And 297 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: for me, this is my hypothesis. Will power and resilience 298 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: are different, and so to perseverance and resilience. In short, 299 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: if I have a lousy experience at school, I'm eight 300 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: years old and I have a blow up with my friends, 301 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to come home and I'm going to feel lousy. 302 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: I might not be hungry, i might not sleep well, 303 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: I might be a little bit emotional, but that doesn't 304 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 1: mean that I'm lacking resilience. It means that I've had 305 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: a bad day, And I wonder if you could unpack 306 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: that little more and either argue against what I'm saying 307 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: or even flesh it out further. Based on your model 308 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,240 Speaker 1: and based on the work that you do with the 309 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: Resilience Shield and with the new book about helping kids 310 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:10,479 Speaker 1: to be more resilient. 311 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 2: You think about stress and resilience like they're on a 312 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 2: seesaw with our resilience on one side and stress on 313 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 2: the other, or our kids resilience on one side, and 314 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 2: the amount of stress in their life on the other. 315 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 2: And this isn't fair to compare. These things aren't relative. 316 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 2: But actually, for the most part, we do go through 317 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: lives with things in balance. So to your example, a 318 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 2: bit more stress into our kids' life tips the scales 319 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 2: in favor of the stress side of the seesaw. But 320 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 2: remembering if they have had a trying time at school, 321 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:49,720 Speaker 2: whether it's intellectually, whether they have been cognitively sapped, whether 322 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 2: it is sleep, diet, exercise, or the absence of social support, 323 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,919 Speaker 2: their friendship network is in their mind dissolving or disintegrating. 324 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 2: A lot of resilience happen to be about rest and recovery, 325 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 2: and we don't really think too much about that. You know, 326 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,160 Speaker 2: the true psychological terms you're familiar with is the parasympathetic backlash. 327 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 2: You know, when we see this spike of stress, then 328 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 2: our body wants to return it to homeostasis, but it 329 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 2: dives back through that baseline of equilibrium in order to 330 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 2: reconstitute the neurochemicals that we need to just establish this equilibrium. 331 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 2: So that's the first thing that a lot of resilience 332 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 2: is all about rest and recovery, and our kids don't 333 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 2: really recognize that, hence the importance to guide shape and 334 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 2: supervise them to do that. The second part that's a 335 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 2: bit more interesting is how do we build motivation, tenacity, 336 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 2: will power, or to use Angela Duckworth's word, grit, And 337 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 2: a lot of that is about a little part of 338 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 2: our brain called the anterior mid singular cortex, now the AMCC, 339 00:18:55,720 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 2: very understudied part of our neurot me is where we 340 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,959 Speaker 2: generate this tenacity, will power and determination, and you can 341 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 2: flex it by doing things that are slightly more uncomfortable 342 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 2: than you're willing to deal with. And so we want 343 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 2: our kids to be stressed to the point where they 344 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 2: are flexing that AMCC. That's kind of crucially important. The 345 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 2: other part that relates to this is not just Duckworth's work, 346 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 2: but also Carol Dweck, you know her concept of the 347 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 2: fixed and growth mindset, and those people who have fixed 348 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 2: mindsets believe there is nothing I can do to change 349 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:39,159 Speaker 2: the outcome, whereas the growth mindset individuals and we can 350 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 2: certainly instill this in our kids recognize that failure is 351 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,479 Speaker 2: an opportunity to learn, and learning, of course is an 352 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 2: opportunity to grow. And there's a direct correlation to resilience 353 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 2: inside that model as well. 354 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: So let's talk specifically about ways that we can grow 355 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,880 Speaker 1: resilience in kids. If parents can take one to maximum 356 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: three things out of this conversation to bolster resilience for 357 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 1: their children, what would they be. 358 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 2: I have to go to the wisdom of all the 359 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 2: experts that I've interviewed for the book. I mean, in 360 00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:12,200 Speaker 2: Building Resilient Kids. There's probably sixty plus hours of interviews 361 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 2: and wisdom from the experts, and the things that they 362 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 2: would say back to you justin would be role model 363 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: of resilience you want to see in your kids. I 364 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 2: don't know how many times we witness a parent saying 365 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 2: one thing or doing something completely different. If you want 366 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,639 Speaker 2: your kids to grow up to be the best version 367 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 2: of them, then show them how it's done. Let me 368 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 2: give you some examples. So if you wake up in 369 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 2: the morning and go and meditate, your child grows up 370 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 2: watching you meditating. They don't put a label on that. 371 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,400 Speaker 2: It's just what mum or dad do to remain calm 372 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 2: and balanced and centered, to build this level of self 373 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 2: awareness and self reflection. If you always eat healthy, cook together, 374 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:59,360 Speaker 2: and eat together, they don't describe that as nutrition. It's 375 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 2: just the way we eat. And we could continue on. 376 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 2: That'd be observation number one. 377 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 1: I want to jump in on you here because this 378 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 1: modeling is so important when I think about Resilien. It's 379 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,440 Speaker 1: one of the examples that I love to share, and 380 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,159 Speaker 1: i'd love your reaction. When you're in the car and 381 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: somebody cuts you off, or when you're a sporting event 382 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 1: and the referee can't see very well with his two 383 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: eyes what you can clearly see with your one, and 384 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 1: so you start making a big noise about decisions that 385 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,920 Speaker 1: don't go your way. What are the children seeing? We say, 386 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: that we want ac kid to be resilience, but often 387 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 1: our responses to the adversity and hardship that we encounter 388 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 1: tends to be more reactive than resilient. 389 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 2: Your thoughts absolutely is, without question, and it's largely because 390 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 2: we are inundated with data. The University of California, Los 391 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 2: Angeles says thirty four gigabytes a day, and that's compounding 392 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,199 Speaker 2: five percent year on year. So how are you flushing 393 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 2: the nonsense from your head? How are you bringing yourself 394 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 2: to a place where your reaction isn't driven by the 395 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 2: end that thinks you're being attacked by sabertoothed tiger, not 396 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,280 Speaker 2: being cut off in traffic, and therefore creating space between 397 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 2: stimulus and response. And of course i'm paraphrasing man Search 398 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 2: for Meeting by Victor Frankel. That quote's been attributed to Francle. 399 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 2: But that's space between stimulus and response is incredibly important, 400 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 2: and we can practice at reps and sets really matter 401 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,160 Speaker 2: in order to get a better response. Now, it doesn't 402 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 2: mean you won't be perfect. I had an outburst at 403 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 2: my youngest just a couple of weeks ago, and of course, 404 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:38,160 Speaker 2: classic amygdala hijack. Thought the circumstance, which was a broken 405 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 2: sink was threatening my life. I thought it was the 406 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 2: saber tooth tiger. It was not. It was just a 407 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 2: broken sink. And of course the key measure here, when 408 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 2: you think of Goldman's work on amigdala hijack, the key 409 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 2: thing that a human reflects on immediately after having an 410 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 2: amidala hijack, the key emotion is shame and regret. And 411 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 2: I've experienced both of those nearly instantly, and I immediately 412 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: went to my young, lucy, beautiful baby daughter and apologized 413 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 2: profusely for the way I'd reacted. So even though I 414 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,160 Speaker 2: know the theory, even though yes I meditate and I'm 415 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 2: mindful and I try and get my brain into a 416 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 2: place of balance, it can still happen, for sure, so hard. 417 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 1: So that's one is great modeling. What would another really 418 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 1: central strategy for parents be to bolster their kids' resilience? 419 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I turned the microphone around on the experts in 420 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 2: my final question to everyone that I researched with for 421 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 2: building resilient kids, and said, what are the thing? What 422 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,160 Speaker 2: are the things? And specifically, what is the one thing 423 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 2: that you would suggest that we should be allowing kids 424 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: to do, enabling kids to do, and generally speaking, there 425 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 2: was a common theme let them fail, but fail well. 426 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 2: Let them understand that this is isn't about the aplus 427 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 2: on the report card, or the blue ribbon at the 428 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 2: sports carnival or the trophy. It's about the effort that 429 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 2: they put out to get those things that actually we 430 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 2: want to be recognizing that effort's more important than achievement. 431 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,520 Speaker 2: And it does certainly link back to the work of 432 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 2: Carol Dweck allowing them to learn from their failures rather 433 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 2: than engineering their success. Now we can we can do that. 434 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 2: We can set the preconditions for our kids to be 435 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 2: successful in nearly everything. Do their homework for them, make 436 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 2: their lunch for them, drive them to school, don't allow 437 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,920 Speaker 2: them to be late for sporting practice, ensure that their 438 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 2: school uniforms are always launded. Or we can insert some 439 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,919 Speaker 2: little stressors in their life that enable them to fail, 440 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:50,040 Speaker 2: to learn, to learn. 441 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: Well, and to grow tim They's insights are so fundamental, 442 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 1: and in some ways they're so basic, like people would 443 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: be listening going yeah, yeah, I know that, I know that, 444 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 1: And yet the simple is often the most profound. And 445 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 1: these are the things that people I think will resonate 446 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 1: with the most. I so much appreciate your sharing the 447 00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: wisdom that you've shared. Like I said, we barely scratch 448 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,920 Speaker 1: the surface. Brand new book, Building Resilient Kids, by Tim 449 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: Curtis comes out next week, available for pre order now, 450 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: I guess online. 451 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, ebook, audiobook and also paperback published by Pam McMillan. 452 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,960 Speaker 2: A big shout out to Alex Lloyd, my editor. He's 453 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,680 Speaker 2: persisted with me on book number two. But Building Resilient 454 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 2: Kids available in all good bookshops and probably some of 455 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 2: the bad ones too, justin on the first of July. 456 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:37,760 Speaker 2: Pre order before the first of July. 457 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, great, so jump online. We will link to Building 458 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: Resilient Kids in the show notes so that you can 459 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,720 Speaker 1: if this is something that's sparked your interest. Hey, just 460 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: before we go as well, obviously you've done plenty of 461 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: resilient things over the years. You've got a podcast. Tell 462 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: us about the pod and how people can find out 463 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: about that and how much of a resilience boost that's 464 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 1: going to give them. 465 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's two podcasts actually. The first one is the 466 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,200 Speaker 2: Unforgiving sixty podcast that I co host with Ben Pronk, 467 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 2: and it interviews people living lives less ordinary, those people 468 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 2: who are inspiring us to do things bigger, better, maybe 469 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,440 Speaker 2: even a little bit badder. It's a bit of a 470 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 2: variety show, but we look at what they do for 471 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 2: themselves to go all ways a little further. Unforgiving sixty 472 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,760 Speaker 2: is a line from a Rudyard Kipling poem where Kipling 473 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 2: challenges us to fill your unforgiving minute with sixty seconds 474 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,920 Speaker 2: worth of distance run. You'll be highly familiar with it 475 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 2: the poem, if will fill every moment in your life. 476 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 2: And the second is a podcast by the name of 477 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 2: the book Building Resilient Kids, where I'll be exploring, initially 478 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,920 Speaker 2: with all of those cast members in the book, those 479 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 2: people that I have interviewed, what do they do? How 480 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 2: can we bring this to life by age and stage 481 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 2: for all of our kids. A lot of this is 482 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 2: codified in the tools and techniques inside the book, but 483 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,840 Speaker 2: more person suddenly, what do they do that maybe isn't 484 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:07,160 Speaker 2: captured inside the interviews and inside print in the book? 485 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,159 Speaker 1: Fantastic? Okay, well, we will link to those in the 486 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 1: show notes as well. Tim Curtis, the author, the podcaster, 487 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:17,160 Speaker 1: the former SAS commander and squadron leader, and everything else. 488 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:19,480 Speaker 1: What a privilege to be able to have you on 489 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: the podcast today. Thank you for not just the books 490 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 1: that you've written and the podcast that your host. But 491 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 1: I know that this is one of those things that 492 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 1: you see in American movies on social media and you 493 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 1: kind of roll your eyes. But what you do, or 494 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 1: what you've done for our country and for preserving peace 495 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: and making a difference in the world, I just think 496 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,280 Speaker 1: that that needs to be identified. It's not just impressive, 497 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: it's noble and noteworthy, and I'm so grateful for people 498 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: like you who are willing to do it. 499 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 2: Thank you, Tim, appreciate your time. Lucky to be on 500 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:48,160 Speaker 2: your show. 501 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from 502 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 1: Bridge Media. If you'd like more info about the things 503 00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: we've talked about, Tim Curtis's details are through all the 504 00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:59,640 Speaker 1: show notes, and you can find out more about making 505 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: your family happier by visiting Happy families dot com dot 506 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:10,359 Speaker 1: a um hm hm