1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: If you're anything like me, networking feels like a necessary 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 1: evil at best, and an overwhelming nightmare more often than not. 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: But it doesn't have to be that way. So today 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: I thought I would share an extract from my new 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 1: book time Wise, which is out in all places where 6 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:21,159 Speaker 1: you buy books. And this is a simple trick that 7 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:25,239 Speaker 1: I learned from Professor Marissa King that's helped me return 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: to in person events with a newfound confidence, even when 9 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,520 Speaker 1: I don't know a single other person when I arrive. 10 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 1: My name is doctor amanthe Immer. I'm an organizational psychologist 11 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: and the founder of behavioral science consultancy Inventium, and this 12 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: is how I work a show about how to help 13 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: you do your best work. I avoid business events and 14 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: conferences like the plague. In fact, the only time you'll 15 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: see me at an event is if I happen to 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: be speaking at it. I hate that feeling of walking 17 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: into a large conference hall and seeing a sea of strangers. 18 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: Everyone seems to be having an amazing time and connecting 19 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 1: with long lost friends, whereas I feel like a social 20 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: pariah and I'm always at a loss as to how 21 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 1: I will infiltrate the crowd and find even one person 22 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: who might want to talk to me. Marissa King hates networking, 23 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: yet somewhat ironically, has dedicated more than fifteen years to 24 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: researching social networks. Marissa is a professor of organizational behavior 25 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 1: at the Yale School of Management and wrote the book 26 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: Social Chemistry, which explores the science behind our networks. Like 27 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:50,920 Speaker 1: me and possibly everyone else on the planet, Marissa really 28 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: dislikes entering a room full of strangers and having to 29 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: strike up a conversation with someone she doesn't know. But 30 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: luckily some of her research can help us out. What 31 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: we know from research is that people don't form walls 32 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: or oceans. They actually tend to clump together in small groups, 33 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: explains Marissa. So really it's not an ocean of people, 34 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: it's only little islands. Then the question is, now that 35 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: I know they're islands and things feel a bit more manageable, 36 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: what am I going to do next? What researchers have 37 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: found is that people almost always interact in groups of 38 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 1: two or diads. It's really the most fundamental unit of 39 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,639 Speaker 1: human interaction. We have two eyes, and we have two ears, 40 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,239 Speaker 1: and our hearing does something that's known as the cocktail 41 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 1: party effect, homes in on a single voice. For Marissa, 42 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 1: this means that when she looks at the islands of people, 43 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: she is looking for a group that has an odd number. 44 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: It might be three, five, seven, it doesn't really matter. 45 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: If there's an odd number of people, then there's someone 46 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 1: who really isn't part of the conversation and they are 47 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 1: likely looking for a conversational partner. And so that's a 48 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: very basic strategy that has become critical for me to 49 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: start to navigate a lot of the social anxiety I 50 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: feel in these types of situations, because it gives me direction, 51 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 1: explains Marissa. Gone will be the days of standing around 52 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: wasting time for and in You'll now easily be able 53 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: to connect with new people while simultaneously helping that third 54 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 1: wheel who might be feeling left out. If you're keen 55 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: for more tips like this one, I think you will 56 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: love my new book time Wise. You can get it 57 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: from all the usual places where you buy books. How 58 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: I Work is produced by Inventing with production support from 59 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: Dead Set Studios. And thank you to Martin Nimba, who 60 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: does the audio mix for every episode and makes everything 61 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: sound so much better than it would have otherwise. See 62 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: you next time.