WEBVTT - #106 Aims Owens: Sobriety, Raising A Child With Autism And Unapologetic Parenting 0:00:00.000 --> 0:00:02.040 You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now, 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:02.440 but we have. 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:06.320 A bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:09.039 you might know better as Aims. She is a TikTok 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:14.400 mum sensation, and she's probably one of those relatable mums 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:16.799 online on the line at the moment. 0:00:17.040 --> 0:00:19.720 I found her ash, I want to say two years 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:23.000 ago I was fed her videos on TikTok and she 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:27.080 is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:30.520 love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos. 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:34.960 She's raising four kids. We've got Marley seven. It's like 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.320 you're Maley, but a bit older, Indy five, Billy three, 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:40.320 and little boy body. 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:43.040 Like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:46.440 on foods, so she often finds herself baking things with 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:51.320 her kids. Leftovers, sinner, turn leftover toast into cereal. 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:52.040 Believer it or not? 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.720 Oh wait, how I believe that? 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:55.600 She cut it up? 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:58.320 She put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:00.720 and then she Adamson milk. 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:02.480 You always get Vetter recipe videos. 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:03.640 I do, Matthew. 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:07.000 She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:11.040 I think I watched one once more than once, and 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:13.240 now I get fed all of her cooking videos. 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.280 Literally see when I get her videos, it's often about 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:19.600 how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley, 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:22.920 has recently been diagnosed with autism. And now I'm yet 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:25.560 to speak to another parent who has a child with autism, 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:28.160 so I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:28.920 with Marley. 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.200 We also talk about her past and how it led 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.440 to her sobriety, and Matthew, it has been ten years 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:37.960 now sober, which is a huge achievement. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.479 She was quite vulnerable in opening up about her journey 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:43.240 with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:47.000 ended up in rehab. It's a really amazing story, Matthew. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:59.920 Let's get into it. 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:06.280 Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:07.480 I'm Maddie Jay. 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:09.080 And I'm Aims. 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:12.920 This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting. 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:15.440 It is the good, it is the bad, and the 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.959 relatable and Aims. We have to say every episode for 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:22.040 legal reasons that we don't give any advice, but if 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.160 you have advice, you're more than welcome to share that 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:25.720 with us. 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.640 In the world that'd be great because we could use 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:30.840 some help. You've got twice as four kids. 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:32.760 Yeah, four kids, we've got two. 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:34.400 So you're twice the parent we are. 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.240 We always talk about the parenting hierarchy and when you 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:40.920 meet a parent and you go, how old are your 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.040 kids and if they say, oh, mina like twelve months 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:46.680 and you know I've got a newborn, like I know 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:47.160 more than you. 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:48.680 Yeah, I'm in charge of it. 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.320 It's all relative, though, isn't it? Like my four could 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.440 equal someone's one? Do you know what I mean? Like 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:57.240 it's all about mannerisms and like the temperament and everything. 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:01.639 True, very still very modest, I know so much. Essentially, 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:05.359 you're still there's what for male? Yeah, yeah, there's how 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.160 many fingers and toes. It's just like trying to keep 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:09.480 an eye on two is hard enough. 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:12.800 But they follow like little ducks. Honestly, when the more 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.880 that you've got, the more behaved they are, or in 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:18.600 my experience anyway, like if I'm walking in the shopping center, 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:21.040 one will follow the other and the other will follow 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.839 me the other. Like my two year old's so well 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:28.240 behaved outside inside he's pretty like manic, But like in 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:31.400 the shopping center, he's like such a well behaved two 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.400 year old because he's just following his sisters. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.640 Did you have a turn around and go, fuck, there's three. 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:37.760 Head count? 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:38.839 The way? 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:39.280 Is it that? 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:40.760 It makes me think that we should all have like 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:41.720 ten kids, because. 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:48.280 I do obviously want to get into your kids in 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:52.360 more detail. But before we do that, I read and 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.640 I was very surprised by this that you're not born 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:55.360 in Australia. 0:03:55.560 --> 0:04:00.360 No, I was born in Venezueter. That kind I used 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.080 to be my line when I was in my twenties. 0:04:02.680 --> 0:04:03.960 It doesn't come out much anymore. 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:05.600 So what do you mean by the line? 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.360 Like, you know, well the pickup line, like you know, 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:13.720 like you got to get it. Yeah, every time. It's 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:15.760 just you got to be interesting, you know, like when 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:18.280 you're out in the class. Venezuela was always my thing. 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.680 No disrespect to like accountants out there, but if you like, 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:29.080 I'm an accountant Zuela. Yeah, I know. 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:34.039 My parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian Embassy, 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:37.280 which is in Canberra. And then we're just on a 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.440 posting and I just popped out in Venezuela. My sister 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:41.760 and brother are born in Canberra. 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:48.560 Oh, right, line a camera, get out. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:53.240 HS just something really dumb here. But if you're a 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:56.159 diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing? 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:00.760 My mum had my sister because she older, so she 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.720 just stayed at like the country club where the expats go, 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:07.159 which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:11.760 have been so isolating because like if you're not if 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.560 there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:18.760 people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then. 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:22.240 I was eighty five, so like everything's in Spanish, like 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:24.320 she would have and she's got two under two or 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:28.160 it would have been horrible anyway, my dad, I don't 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:29.920 know what they did, to be honest, what does a 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:31.080 diplomat do? I have no idea? 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:34.000 When you said, I was like, the fuck is that? 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:38.200 Do you know what I'm picking up on? He's a spy? 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:43.200 I'm thinking that actually so fact the puzzle pieces. 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.440 We had a lot of handguns in the living room. 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:49.479 I don't actually know where he is now. 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.200 While do you speak Spanish? 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.920 Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:01.200 and I traveled to Spain in my when I was eighteen, 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:04.920 But no, like Espanol is like what I know. I 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:08.880 knew my lamego. I know, like my sister spoke it 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.359 more than me, and she actually taught me Spanish lines 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.440 that I didn't know she They were actually like you 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:16.000 look quite sexy and like things like that. So I 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.600 was just like talking to people thinking I'm saying, hey, 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:22.200 how are you going? But I was like, you really sexy. 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:26.560 So my mum speaks French and I was like, teach 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:28.320 me something, and like the only couple of things I 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.880 can say is like on par with that to a 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.599 tobert leisure tem and it's like you're beautiful and I 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:34.080 love you. 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:41.240 Yeah, yeah, I got nothing, honestly, that's it. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:42.600 But that works too, you know. 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:44.480 It does work around here. 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.040 You have a face like that, you don't need any 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.800 any like accents or other language. 0:06:50.640 --> 0:06:52.560 Just the opera estrange charming enough. 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:54.560 So when did you come back to Australia? 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.880 I was like, probably, I want to say eighteen months, 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:03.320 Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:05.080 was actually really cute. I just I look like et 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:07.760 because I had no hair, I had these ears that 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.680 sort of flicked out and my eyes were massive, so 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.600 it was yeah, I don't that, and that would have 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:17.400 been when we came home, so that probably eighteen months 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:18.560 back to Canberra. 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:19.679 The spy returned. 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:23.320 And then what kind of a child were you like 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:25.040 growing up? When you speak to your parents. 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:28.320 I was a good girl. I was like two, like 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.840 getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.520 in KINDI had my hair braided, like I don't like 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:36.000 breaking rules. 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.080 Like wow, yeah, are you the youngest of three in 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.160 the middle the middle of how many three three? 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:43.880 I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:46.400 get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.880 I was more like I wanted to be social and 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.360 like a sporty kid. That was sort of my thing. 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:54.600 So popular. But like just because. 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:56.640 I played sports, did you get into trouble at all? 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:00.560 Do you if you were a really good girl and thought. 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.240 Okay, if you look back now and you go, this 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.520 one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble. 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:07.880 I tripped up, guys, I'm sober in my twenties. Was 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:12.240 just trouble the whole ten years. It was trouble long 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:16.400 soberfore ten years. Wow, yeah, congratulations. Yeah, So I was 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.960 a good girl until I could drink okay, and then it. 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:24.200 Took a tur what what really, your parents would be like, 0:08:24.240 --> 0:08:26.600 oh my god. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:28.760 Look oh the party that I threw at their house? Yeah, no, 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:33.880 that sticks out. Yeah, And actually was house sitting for 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:37.120 my cousins and I threw a party there as well. 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:40.440 That was really bad because they really bad. 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:40.840 Yeah. 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.640 This is my twenties. So I was a gym beam girl, 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:47.840 so I hung out with all that crowd and. 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:52.400 Stuff gymnastics, like I used to gym. 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:59.160 Definitely. Yeah, so like the Eagles and stuff like that. 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:00.880 We used to hang out. But back when you could 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:04.240 sort of mingle with the forty players, so it was 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.080 it was fun. But yeah, we got a bit of trouble. 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:12.079 So the party that you threw, someone went through the window. 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:16.000 So we would have had it. We would have had 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.480 it all clear. We were in the clear, like, we 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.439 would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect. 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.600 No one would have known because my parents were away. 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:28.600 But someone decided to go through a window floor. 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.120 Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.240 party or your friends being like, hey, Amy, you're the 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:39.640 party girl, we should do it at your house. 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:42.160 I was never really the instigator. I was more of 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:44.280 a sheep to be honest when it comes to that 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.080 kind of stuff. But like, we had the coolest house 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:49.520 my parents lived in that was in bag Alla Heights, 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:51.640 so we looked over Clontaft and all that kind of stuff. 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:57.320 So we we had like the pool and everything. So yeah, 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.160 it was no brainer that it was going to happen 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:00.360 when my parents left. 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:04.319 But the fault it totally is you probably didn't the 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:04.960 pool and shit. 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.520 Yeah, so it says you. 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:11.360 Brought us upon yourself, know to that. So then when 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.439 you got found out by your parents, like what happens? 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:15.640 Then did you get disciplined? 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:22.040 Yeah, Well it's more that like that shame and that 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:24.679 disappointment that you've got to live with. Rather because I 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.000 was in my twenties, I was working and doing that, 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.240 they can't really ground me, like I still have to 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:32.480 go and show up to my job. But like coming 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.600 home and it was my stepdad as well, so it's 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.559 not actually like my mom was disappointed, But then it's 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.840 like letting down this man who's come into my home 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.480 and made my mom so happy, and like they built 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.920 this beautiful house and they were renovating and it's like 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:49.760 the problem child ruins it for everyone, So it's like 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.280 more like living with that. And you definitely learned my 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.800 lesson from that point about having parties. But my drinking 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.640 sort of went spiraling after that. 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.880 Do you think because I look at my girls and 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:05.400 I always think, gosh, like they're so as a whole 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:09.280 well behaved right now, then I often get scared that 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:13.040 it'll follow that same trajectory where they're really good. Now 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.640 I hit teenage years and older go off the rails 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.400 for you. Was it just the people you were hanging 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:21.960 out with, or was it the fact that you've been 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:23.560 so well behaved that you were going to go just 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:24.360 against the grain. 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:28.320 No, it's literally Alcoholism is like it can take anyone, 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.480 you know, Like I was a private school girl, you know, 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:36.199 really well behaved, as you said, the crowd, yes and no. 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.480 But I put myself into that crowd because I wanted 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.920 to be surrounded by people that would hide how much 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.800 I could drink because they were drinking too. But when 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.720 it started to get a bit older and they started 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:49.560 to settle down and stuff, I really sort of went, wow, Okay, 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:53.760 I don't want to stop. So I became like I 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:56.320 hit it a lot more, and that's when it's like, Okay, 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:01.199 this is a problem, but it wasn't really an experience 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:06.400 or an upbringing that was the problem. It's the alcoholism 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:11.040 is like a genetic disease. So I have that same 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.120 fear as well because I've got four, so I've got 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:14.760 like chances are one of them. 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.559 Is going to have Yeah, and moment think, if you 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.320 like got kids and you don't, you've got it. 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:21.920 At some point. 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.280 I expect that they'll do things like that right where 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:27.720 they'll go, They'll do dumb things. They might pick up 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:30.280 a bad habit. You can't expect them to be completely perfect. 0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:33.520 So no, it's like when do they pick it up? 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:35.400 Yeah, it just sucks though, because it's like it was 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.680 so and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:41.320 drink and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.520 it now and I realized that if I drink it 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.480 would just ruin everything. So I don't for that reason, 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.760 but to think that one of them might have to 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.920 go through that because it was a long process for 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:57.520 me to come to that realization, and my parents had 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:01.319 to sort of watch but take a step back because 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:04.600 they're like the more we get involved, the less you're learning. 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.000 The only benefit, I think would be the fact that 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:09.480 you've been there so you understand, whereas if you're coming 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.080 from a place of complete naivity, you might not know 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.360 how to tackle it. Yeah, what was the trigger point 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.360 for you realizing that you needed to get help in this? 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:19.319 For serious? 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:24.240 When I was like drinking every night and hiding it 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.800 and I was living with a guy, it just like 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:32.000 he wouldn't even know that I had to have like 0:13:32.080 --> 0:13:34.400 a whole bottle of wine before I went like skull 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.920 the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this by 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:39.479 before because like, I don't want this to be. 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:40.800 What defines you. 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:43.320 Yeah, that's right. The second I open up about it, 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.079 people know that I'm sober and blah blah blah. I 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.520 don't really go into it because that will mean that 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.839 I'll be sober amy type thing, and I don't want 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.280 that to be my content. But I'm not ashamed and 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.000 it is a part of my story, so I do 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:58.559 like to share it when I can. But yeah, I 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.240 I was just coming home everything the night blind and 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:04.040 I don't I would wake up, I wouldn't remember being 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:07.640 with him, like being like watching movies or anything like 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.840 what cooking dinner. I didn't remember. I was doing everything 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:15.600 like just drunk, and then I started losing jobs and 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.360 then it was like, okay, I need to get help, 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:19.720 and then I would have I think it was about 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:23.000 five years of just in and out of rehabs, in 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:26.480 and out of back and forth with jobs. I moved 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:29.480 to Newcastle at one point and then like it was 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.040 just it was all over the place. But I think 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.760 I've been to it like almost every rehab in Sydney. 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.400 Wow wow, say like the anomaly quit straight away in 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:41.240 the first time. It's a journey to get where you 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:44.120 are now, like you go fall in and out, and 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.320 everyone's journey is going to be different, and everyone's addictions 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:47.160 also is different. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:50.760 So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.800 whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.800 guys that would enable it as well. So the lovely guy. 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:00.720 I've never had a bad experience with ex boyfriends and 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.280 things like that. They've just been like ten out of 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:08.360 ten guys. But I just messed it up because I 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:11.520 was drinking. But I picked them because they were so 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.920 naive to it all. Okay, but they're happy now. 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:19.920 I want to say congratulations, yeah, because I know you 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:21.640 talk about it's not the content that you put out. 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:27.640 I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.640 what you've gone through to be where you are now 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:30.920 sober for how long? 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:34.520 Ten years? So I got sober about six months before 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:39.400 I met Shae and I started nursing school then, so 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:45.320 Shaye's never seen me drunk, and yeah, the life just started. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:47.080 Lafet started ten years. 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:48.960 Do you think when you talk about going in to 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:54.120 rehab multiple times, was there anything different about the one 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.000 moment where you got on the road to recovery and 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:58.840 you stayed there and didn't go back. 0:15:59.040 --> 0:15:59.280 Was it? 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:05.600 The rehabs that I went to were all like private 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:08.600 rehabs and I had my own room and blah blah blah. 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.200 I don't think that really has much to do with 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.360 why that didn't work. It was all a process. But 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.280 the last one that I ended up in was involuntary. 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:21.840 It was either go to this one or you go 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.760 to jail because I I don't or die like that. 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:27.920 They were my options, do this, do that, all that, 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:34.400 And it was the like grubbiest rehab and I was 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:41.440 like like shocked to my system. But they did AA meetings. 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:42.800 And the others didn't. 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:44.800 The other ones did. But it's like, you can go 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.840 if you want, but you can stay at home if 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:49.560 you want to and work on your mind. You breathe, breath, 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:50.400 work and stuff. 0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:52.440 And I was like, that was ultimately it's up to 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.160 you totally anyone else. 0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.400 Yeah, And it was it was You've got a choice. 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:02.640 And I never had been like sat with that choice 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.199 in front of me. Do you want to die, do 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:05.720 you want to go to jail, or do you want 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.520 to get this and do it? And I think that 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:13.439 was also when my mum just goes, I'm done. The 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.760 boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:21.240 also gone done. Wow. So and through that we were 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:23.720 together for about two years. For that time, he was 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:28.720 like he was like helping me. And when he just 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:31.240 went done and my mom went done and my dad 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:32.959 went done, and I was like, I'm going to I'm 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:34.240 on my own. I've got to do this. 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.480 So that was that, yeah, wow, so brave And like 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.720 I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol, it must 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:42.840 be such a big moment for you to. 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:44.120 Go, Okay, well. 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:44.800 This is it. 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:49.040 Yeah, it's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:51.600 the fact that now we live down in Kayama, and 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:53.840 Shade doesn't like he has a beer when he cooks 0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:56.159 a barbecue type thing. And he used to like he 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.000 used to go out with the boys and stuff. He 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:01.200 played soccer and was pretty up in the soccer world, 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:06.119 and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:09.240 And I don't really have friends that drink too much. 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:11.600 Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:14.280 the wine. But one wine, it's not a wine for me. 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:18.720 Having a wine is like having metholated spirits in the garter. 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:22.160 It's not just one cocktail for me. It's like it's 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:24.160 like it's yeah, and I've learned that now. 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.920 So did you Australia from school? 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.719 So what I did my Diploma of remedial Massage out 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:31.439 of college in North Sydney. 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:39.000 It's funny say that because my right shoulder actually. 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.879 The amount of times that's been so it was that 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:45.399 was actually, yeah, that was pretty funny. When I was 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:47.800 studying it, like the only thing that people could say 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:49.760 was like, can you please give me so good to 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.960 see you by the way. 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:56.080 Forcing shoulders. 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.560 And then because that was like hard work, I worked 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:03.480 for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day. 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:05.520 I was like, what else could I do with this? 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:07.280 And then at the time, I had a boyfriend who 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.760 was a personal trainer, and he's like, do this. So 0:19:09.840 --> 0:19:12.320 I did my sirt three and four of personal training. 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:15.720 I worked at Willoughby Fitness First for a while as 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:19.080 a personal trainer, but very quickly realized I was not 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:24.320 like I'm not a business owner, head brain, like I 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.439 can't and if you're if you're doing personal training, you 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:30.040 need to own your own business. Like it wasn't me. 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.800 And I was like this nineteen year old, like tiny 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:37.880 little blonde girl in fitness first and like competing with 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:40.240 like big bodybuilders, Like who are they going to ask 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.800 to train them? You know what I mean? So I 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.320 was like, okay, I can't do this either. 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:49.520 And then you've got great delts. By the way, I have. 0:19:49.520 --> 0:19:53.479 Been out with my four children. It's a lug them around. 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:54.720 Who got you into nursing? 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:58.800 Because I had all those times in hospitals. I watched 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.920 the nurses and I was like, I want to do that. 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:04.240 I want to be on the other side. And then 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:06.480 when I finally got clarity and I got sober, and 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:08.119