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Speaker 1: Ash. Do you remember a couple of weeks, if not

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Speaker 1: months ago, we put a call out and we said,

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Speaker 1: who would you like to have on the podcast for

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Speaker 1: a guest episode?

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Speaker 2: Ah, where did you put that information?

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Speaker 1: I put that on the Facebook group.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, definitely, Sorry, Well maybe I put it on Instagram.

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Speaker 1: I posted it somewhere the way I did it, and

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Speaker 1: we had a barrage of messages, which were all very lovely.

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Speaker 1: By the way, they were very pleasant, but they all

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Speaker 1: were saying the same thing. Get Jim on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Yes, relatable gym I believe that's how we call them,

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Speaker 2: or Jim Sutherlan, but relatable teacher gym on Instagram and TikTok. Dude,

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Speaker 2: he has like doing two hundred thousand and followers. I

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Speaker 2: know it's really more than us.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I love? I love that. Back

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Speaker 1: in the day, the people who would get a big

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Speaker 1: following would be people in bikinis.

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Speaker 2: The fitness guilty, Guilty.

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Speaker 1: But Jim, Jim's just the teacher he.

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Speaker 2: Was, honestly, hang, I would say he'd be arguably one

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Speaker 2: of the nicest guys I've ever met.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Vic, take that out right now.

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Speaker 2: That's right. Tell me I would say he was very

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Speaker 2: humble and very relatable. That's that's that's his whole stick.

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Speaker 3: And I think being a teacher on top.

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Speaker 2: So he's got to teach kids all day and then

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Speaker 2: go home and look after his own kids.

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Speaker 1: What an animal hell wouldn't wish them for my worst animaies.

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Speaker 1: I love the fact that he has been so open

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Speaker 1: about the parts of parenting that he knew nothing about,

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Speaker 1: and in now on social media he is spreading that wisdom,

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Speaker 1: and now that wisdom will be spread like butter on toast.

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Speaker 2: I thought you were going to say, like an STD,

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Speaker 2: we should probably get into this.

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Speaker 1: Right now, media through a population.

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Speaker 3: Let's get into it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Welcome back to Three Doting Dads.

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Speaker 2: I am Mattie, j I'm Ash, and I am Jim.

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Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is

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Speaker 1: the good, it is the bad, and the relatable. Now, Jim,

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Speaker 1: we don't give advice, which you would know because you've

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Speaker 1: just told us before that you've been listening that one episode.

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Speaker 1: What did you listen to.

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Speaker 3: Through the last three? Actually and found them all interesting?

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Speaker 3: Last week was emotional, but it was good.

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Speaker 1: Did you leave a review?

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Speaker 3: I haven't yet. It's coming later.

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Speaker 2: He begs, he begs the reviews. We wouldn't be where

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Speaker 2: we are today without his begging.

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Speaker 1: I will say, but will you leave a review?

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Speaker 3: We carry on, I will show you.

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Speaker 2: We want to see it. So what Matt was trying

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Speaker 2: to say is we don't give advice. However, there's a

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Speaker 2: loophole in the system where our guests, especially teacher as well.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, there's going to be advice. I think people

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Speaker 2: would love when do we have a teacher or something

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Speaker 2: like that, because they get little little bits some information

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Speaker 2: they can take home.

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Speaker 1: Although he is a rural teacher.

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Speaker 3: Oh god. I did drive past a few schools around

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Speaker 3: here and I thought, oh wow, like the nice hats

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Speaker 3: and the things like that, we hate them.

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Speaker 1: There's a school around here. We're recording in North Sydney,

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Speaker 1: and I think whenever they cross the road they have

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Speaker 1: to tip the hat. Wow have you seen that?

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Speaker 3: No? But I did see some girls with some lovely

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Speaker 3: like is it Matilda the movie? They were those little

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Speaker 3: hats and I was like my partner and I were like,

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Speaker 3: we're in a different place.

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Speaker 1: What happens in Ballarati? People like spit the tobacco out

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Speaker 1: or we.

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Speaker 3: Have like you know, the old school classic bucket hat

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Speaker 3: or just the wide brimmer. But like the kids are ripped.

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Speaker 1: They got ashally cigarette when you crossed the read stuck

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Speaker 1: into the top of a Sorry. Sorry, we got.

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Speaker 2: The context behind the rural thing is that we sledge

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Speaker 2: rural doctors. I called them vets and they came after us.

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Speaker 2: So now anytime we talk about rural it's.

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Speaker 1: Like, aha, we love rural locations.

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Speaker 3: Yes, for the record, I think I went back though,

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Speaker 3: and I was listening once and I did hear Victoria

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Speaker 3: got a bit of a slandering. I feel like I

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Speaker 3: might have been ash So I got Mexico. I felt

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Speaker 3: like once and I was like, okay, Sydney does look

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Speaker 3: quite nice though when you compare it to Melbourne, the buildings,

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Speaker 3: how it looks So, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean, I love it here. Don't kick me out anyway,

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Speaker 2: let's get it. We start with this with a very

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Speaker 2: simple question. Do you recall the most trouble you got

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Speaker 2: in as a child.

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Speaker 3: So, I think I can remember the first time I

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Speaker 3: got in trouble my parents they divorced at an early age,

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Speaker 3: and so I was kind of left to my a

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Speaker 3: few of us. Yeah, I was left to my own device.

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Speaker 1: I think.

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Speaker 3: I think I was in grade three, and so my

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Speaker 3: dad was a working man, and I stayed with my dad.

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Speaker 1: Can I just ask when that happened? Did you decide?

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Speaker 1: Do you get a call in grade three of who

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Speaker 1: you go with?

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Speaker 2: Or do you know it's like with a dog, They're like,

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Speaker 2: come in, boy, and whoever you go to.

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Speaker 3: I don't know the logistics, and I'm sure my mum

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Speaker 3: is an avid follower of me. She will be on

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Speaker 3: this podcast. I don't know how it worked, but I

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Speaker 3: ended up with dad, which I suppose is a bit

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Speaker 3: different to how it would work for a lot of families. Obviously,

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Speaker 3: still wouldn't spend time with mum, but I was left

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Speaker 3: to my own devices a little bit. Because my dad

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Speaker 3: was a tradesman. He built fences, and so he would

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Speaker 3: work twelve hour days because we didn't have a lot

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Speaker 3: of money, and so you know, when I got home,

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Speaker 3: it was get on your bike, go for a ride,

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Speaker 3: and basically do whatever you wanted. And so year seven,

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Speaker 3: year eight came around, I think I was about fourteen,

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Speaker 3: started heading to friend's houses to stay the night, and

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Speaker 3: there was nothing much else to do but drink alcohol,

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Speaker 3: and so we would go to the local bottle oo,

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Speaker 3: and we would literally stand out the front and ask people, yes,

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Speaker 3: would you buy some alcohol if you buy a bottle

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Speaker 3: of gym bean, and we would eventually someone who now

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Speaker 3: I think like, I would not do that for a child.

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Speaker 1: I would. That came out as someone I used to

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Speaker 1: do the same gym I would. You'd try and get

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Speaker 1: someone a bit younger. Yeah, you want to try and

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Speaker 1: get like a nineteen year old, someone who doesn't really

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Speaker 1: think about the consequences of actions. He'd be like, I'll

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Speaker 1: buy a six pack, couple of tallies for these youngsters.

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Speaker 2: Someone's older brother or older sibling, case of throwdowns, pack

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Speaker 2: of Winnie Blues, good Night to his throwdowns or VB

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Speaker 2: throwdowns were like grenades, like a smaller yeah, bloody ripper.

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Speaker 3: So we ended up very drunk, and I went to

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Speaker 3: the local Hungry Jacks thinking I was all safe. I

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Speaker 3: blacked out there for a little bit. And anyway, I'm

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Speaker 3: on the way back and my phone starts ringing it's

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Speaker 3: my dad, and this is like, you know, you've got

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Speaker 3: one of those old school phones. And I'm thinking, like

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Speaker 3: this isn't good. And anyway, it ended up my sister,

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Speaker 3: who I love dearly. But she went through the drive

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Speaker 3: through of Hungry Jacks very unlucky saw me. I was

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Speaker 3: like a fourteen year old boy should not be drinking,

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Speaker 3: called my dad, dubbed me in No, I know like

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Speaker 3: she is though, she is like a very maternal, lovely lady,

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Speaker 3: and so she wanted to take care of jesusitch but stitched.

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Speaker 3: She stitched on me, and the next day when I

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Speaker 3: got home, it was like, oh, this is the first

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Speaker 3: taste of trouble and yeah, Dad wasn't impressed, and that

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Speaker 3: was kind of the first signaling that I've been a

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Speaker 3: really placid, introverted young kid. And I think that was

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Speaker 3: a bit of a changing of the guard and led

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Speaker 3: to many other stories that Dad probably wasn't overly impressed

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Speaker 3: with you.

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Speaker 2: You broke bad, as they say, I really did.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, do you.

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Speaker 2: Remember the punishment or was it just I.

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Speaker 3: Think that one was like the walk in the house

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Speaker 3: and he gave me the look and was kind of

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Speaker 3: like dickhead basically. But I was so scared internally. But

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Speaker 3: obviously it wasn't enough because then I would have been

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Speaker 3: doing it next weekend that I would have been back

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Speaker 3: out there or something.

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Speaker 1: Not going to hungry jacks just keeping it to the park.

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Speaker 2: The trick used to go somewhere they won't see you.

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Speaker 3: Well, that was the thing when we were kids. I

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Speaker 3: don't know what it was like where you guys were,

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Speaker 3: but we would truly like we're going to meet at

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Speaker 3: a park at seven o'clock. Oh, you go to a

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Speaker 3: park and you would just start drinking on a playground.

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Speaker 3: And it was like very different to what it would

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Speaker 3: be like now, Like my child is not going to.

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Speaker 2: Just before I had kids, we backed onto a park

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Speaker 2: that would turn into that park where the kids as

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Speaker 2: soon as the nightfall.

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Speaker 1: It hit the chinking of the bottles.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that would rowdy as man, they'd be fights,

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Speaker 2: some sort of thing. But we used to get out

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Speaker 2: on the balcony that backed onto it and throw all

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Speaker 2: the old fruit at them. What I was trying to sleep.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about earlier people who were helping youngsters get alcohol,

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Speaker 1: and then on the other end of the spectrum we

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Speaker 1: have people who are.

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Speaker 2: Throwing this is a rogue episode.

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Speaker 1: But I think if my child, I don't know, the

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Speaker 1: time will come that if they were to drink in.

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Speaker 2: A park, do you want to come?

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Speaker 1: I would feel kind of like, ah right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, me too a little bit. Yeah, as long as

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Speaker 2: they were being responsible, but you never were like.

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Speaker 3: Do you feel like you're the part of that? And

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Speaker 3: your partner would be the opposite side.

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Speaker 1: Well, she's from Woollongong, so she'd be like, here's a mess.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. H. I think April will be the

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Speaker 2: enabler because her mum was the enighblorer. Like you know

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Speaker 2: how you always got a friend at that age that

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Speaker 2: their parents are like, I'd much rather you drink here.

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Speaker 1: I can see.

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Speaker 3: Of course we have one of them.

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Speaker 2: That'll be April. Yeah, you'd be like, come on in

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Speaker 2: and drink here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. We had one friend's house that you could go

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Speaker 3: to and it was like, if you want to drink,

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Speaker 3: you can drink here, and it's all cool. I won't

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Speaker 3: tell anyone, but at least you're safe here. And that

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Speaker 3: was like that, let's go to that house every weekend. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And so I think a lot of people have that

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Speaker 3: or the park park was really good too.

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Speaker 1: And so if there's any fear from your dad of

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Speaker 1: you going down the wrong path, you proved him wrong

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Speaker 1: because you became a teacher, which is very respectable.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well you guys probably don't know this, but my

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Speaker 3: dad passed away when I was twenty five, and so

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Speaker 3: that's okay. He missed like all my kids and becoming

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Speaker 3: a teacher and that sort of stuff. So that is

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Speaker 3: something that I do think about sometimes because he got

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Speaker 3: me at a time in my life where I went

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Speaker 3: through a lot of ups and downs, and I put

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Speaker 3: myself through those ups and downs, but it jeopardized our

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Speaker 3: relationship a little bit. And so when I was on

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Speaker 3: the back end of that happening, he passed away suddenly,

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Speaker 3: like without warning. And so that is like the one

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Speaker 3: thing that I do go back to off and I'm like, shit,

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Speaker 3: like I wish I had to figured it out a

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Speaker 3: little bit earlier to kind of showed him like, hey,

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Speaker 3: I wasn't a bit of a deadbeat, Like I was

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Speaker 3: always a good kid, but I was a kid and

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Speaker 3: I was just doing whatever I thought was right at

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Speaker 3: the time. And yeah, I go back to that sometimes

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Speaker 3: and be like, man, he just missed it. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know, some great things have come from you know,

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Speaker 3: not from Dad passing away, but like the mindset and

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Speaker 3: the attitude I have now for life are because of

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Speaker 3: that moment. And I'm grateful to have that.

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Speaker 1: What was it then? What happened that put you on

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Speaker 1: a course to become a teacher?

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Speaker 3: This is so random. I had a girlfriend when I

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Speaker 3: was like twenty and I have a Nissan and few

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Speaker 3: my sister's kids, and she was like, you're really good

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Speaker 3: with kids. And at this time, like I'm working in

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Speaker 3: pubs and bars, I'm partying a lot, not doing a lot.

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Speaker 3: And I thought, oh, that sounds like a job that's respectable.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, well, I'll go to university. And

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Speaker 3: that was literally all it took. I didn't finish high school,

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Speaker 3: so like I got to year twelve and I didn't

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Speaker 3: do my exams. I was like, I don't feel like

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Speaker 3: I'm smart enough, so I just didn't show up. I

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Speaker 3: had to go to university. I had to do like

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Speaker 3: it was called like the fast pass. You had to

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Speaker 3: do like high school in six months to get into university.

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Speaker 3: I failed that. I failed that. Yeah, and I had

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Speaker 3: to go and do a Bachelor of Arts. And I'm

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Speaker 3: so shocked when I think about this that I kept

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Speaker 3: at it. Yeah, I had to do a Bachelor of

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Speaker 3: Arts past those subjects that got me into my teaching degree.

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Speaker 3: And then was that hard. No, but it was like

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Speaker 3: about Roman history and like arts one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was just random subjects, so like Bachelor of

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Speaker 3: Arts covers, like a lot of different things. And they said,

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Speaker 3: if you go and do this and you pass these subjects,

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Speaker 3: you basically prove like, hey, you can go to university.

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Speaker 3: And so I did that, took the very long road,

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Speaker 3: and now I think I've been a teacher for I

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Speaker 3: think this is my tenth year.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: And those are the sorts of things that I try

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Speaker 3: and share online to inspire other people to be like, hey,

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Speaker 3: you know, you don't have to be a cookie cutter.

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Speaker 3: I'm so smart. I'm going to be a teacher. There

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Speaker 3: are different ways to go about it.

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Speaker 2: I remember I spoke about that if this ever didn't

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Speaker 2: work out for me, that I wanted to be a teacher.

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Speaker 2: You have, But I always think about things like that

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Speaker 2: and they never come true.

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Speaker 1: This keeps on, we keep doing more episodes. Once these

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Speaker 1: episodes dry up, that's the driving force with ashow Will.

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Speaker 3: Now, honest, the thing might not.

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Speaker 2: I'm raising awareness. Shang got a wool and.

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Speaker 1: Going when you did the express initially the six months

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Speaker 1: for high school? Was it just fail or was it

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Speaker 1: a miserable fail.

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Speaker 3: Now, I think I had to do six, like six subjects,

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Speaker 3: you know, English, Math, and I think I ended up

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Speaker 3: failing two, so four of six, so not terrible. I think,

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Speaker 3: I like I put in a good effort to it all.

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Speaker 3: But then on like the final papers, like for English,

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Speaker 3: I had to write a big essay and I didn't

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Speaker 3: really know how to do that, Like I'd been working

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Speaker 3: at nightclubs till five am in the morning. I wasn't

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Speaker 3: exactly ready to write essays. I went to Shakespeare, no,

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Speaker 3: and so you know, but you learn on the journey,

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Speaker 3: and I got there in the end, and it's the

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Speaker 3: best thing that's happened to me. Like, honestly, I love

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Speaker 3: being a teacher. I think it's so good to work

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Speaker 3: with kids, and yeah, I love it.

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Speaker 2: So let's talk about the easiest first day of a

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Speaker 2: new job that you've ever had, which is teaching. And

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Speaker 2: I believe that you had your first child on that day.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that is correct. So I was. I was about

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Speaker 3: to become a teacher. The day before, we were in

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Speaker 3: like work meetings and my partner was heavily pregnant, and

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Speaker 3: all of a sudden, I got a text message I'm

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Speaker 3: not looking under the table. You know, you're in a

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Speaker 3: meeting with like new people, pretending to be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: ye know what I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: And then she's like being pretty close.

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Speaker 3: Yeah within a couple of weeks. Yeah, but you know,

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Speaker 3: first time, I don't really know what's happening. She messaged

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Speaker 3: me and says, I think my water's broke. And then

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Speaker 3: I said, are you sure you haven't weed yourself? Like

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Speaker 3: I don't know any better, that's the bad question, aod question,

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Speaker 3: And she's like no, She's like, actually I just did

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Speaker 3: ye never mind. She was like, you need to come home.

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Speaker 3: And so we went home, went to the hospital. Ended

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Speaker 3: up having an emergency season that time because the baby

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Speaker 3: my daughter said he she wouldn't turn and so went

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Speaker 3: through that, and I was telling you guys, I'm on

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Speaker 3: paternity leave at the moment. I took two days I

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Speaker 3: think paternity leave, and I went back to work, and like,

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Speaker 3: I think about that now and I'd regret that, but

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Speaker 3: I knew no better.

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Speaker 1: I'm surprised no one said, hey, Jim, what are you

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Speaker 1: doing it?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 1: Take like the people have had the fluid miss more

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Speaker 1: days of work than this. You just had your first kid.

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Speaker 1: Like go home.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if it's teaching, but I've built in

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Speaker 3: a thought process of where you don't take days off,

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Speaker 3: and so I think I was probably thinking that work

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Speaker 3: somehow was more important. One hundred percent of it is not,

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Speaker 3: but I think I thought that and I was like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I have to get back to this

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Speaker 3: job that I've just secured because my family needs me

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Speaker 3: to be at that job. Where in hindsight, when I

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Speaker 3: look back now like my partner needs me more than anything,

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Speaker 3: And like I was lucky that we had our baby, Lola,

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Speaker 3: who's seven weeks old. We had her in the school

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Speaker 3: holidays right at the start, so I got six weeks

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Speaker 3: at home, which was awesome, and then I still have

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Speaker 3: a month of paternity leave. So this time, I'm doing

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Speaker 3: it right. And I went straight to the principal. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I am taking every single day.

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Speaker 2: Are you still at the same school?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, okay, cool, it's changed a lot, different principles

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Speaker 3: all that sort of stuff. But yeah, first time, I

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Speaker 3: think I took two days. I think I only took.

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Speaker 1: How old were you when Sadie was born?

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Speaker 3: I would have been twenty eight.

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Speaker 1: And so how is Amy your wife when you were saying,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go back to work, babe.

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Speaker 3: I think that she didn't know any better either. She

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Speaker 3: was kind of like, oh, yeah, this is what he has, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: this is what he had to do. And now as

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Speaker 3: I've gone on and I've learned about the pressures that

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Speaker 3: women face having a baby and postpartum and all that stuff,

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Speaker 3: I think, man, like, we were lucky to get through

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Speaker 3: that time. I think because like she was learning for

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Speaker 3: the first time too, and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 3: I was gone for most of the days. And I

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Speaker 3: think back about that, I'm like, man, I did that wrong,

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Speaker 3: But you don't know any better.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes, how do you think you adapted to having your

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Speaker 2: first kid? You come home from obviously you didn't have

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Speaker 2: any time at home really, and you come home, how

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Speaker 2: do you think you adapted poorly?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So I don't think I was a great dad.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't a bad dad, but I don't think I

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Speaker 3: was great the first time around. I wasn't very hands on.

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Speaker 3: I had no experience with babies, didn't know how they worked,

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Speaker 3: you know, like all of that sort of stuff. And

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Speaker 3: I remember it might have been a month or so

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Speaker 3: in and I remember just sitting on a couch one

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Speaker 3: day and my partner said to me, is there any

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Speaker 3: chance that you could bath the baby? And it kind

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Speaker 3: of put a jolt to me, and I was like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, there are things that I can do,

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Speaker 3: like I can be helpful. And I remember that being

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Speaker 3: like the turning point of me being like I need

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Speaker 3: to be more involved. And it wasn't because I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to be or I was being a lazy dad.

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Speaker 3: It's because I just don't think I knew any better.

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Speaker 3: And so I still remember that moment and me kind

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Speaker 3: of going, right, I need to do more things, and

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Speaker 3: you know now third time around, like my motto is

387
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Speaker 3: like try to change every nappy, fill the water bottle,

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Speaker 3: basically be the slave essentially to make sure that she

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Speaker 3: has everything she needs because it is hard. And I

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Speaker 3: think it's important that more dads understand that. And I

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Speaker 3: don't think a lot of dads do.

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Speaker 1: I look back, and I think a lot of dads

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Speaker 1: of our generation can put the hand up and say,

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Speaker 1: for my first child, I was making all the mistakes

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Speaker 1: and then learning from them afterwards, because I was similar

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Speaker 1: to yourself, Jim, where I was like, oh, my wife

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Speaker 1: will do this like she's, you know, the baby is

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Speaker 1: attached to her twenty four to seven almost, and I'll

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Speaker 1: let her do a thing. But then also I think

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Speaker 1: I look back now and the disparity becomes so much greater.

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Speaker 1: That the more time you spend away from the bub

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Speaker 1: and more time mom does, she obviously becomes a lot

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Speaker 1: more experienced, knows the cues a bit better, and so

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Mum becomes so much more experience,

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Speaker 1: where as a dad you're like, oh, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: like you know what you're doing, so you continue on.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I also felt like when you become a first dad,

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Speaker 2: the best way to learn is the experience. Like I

409
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Speaker 2: did the classes, I did all this stuff. I put

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Speaker 2: so much pressure on myself. But I look back now

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Speaker 2: and I think it's like starting a new job. You're

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Speaker 2: not meant to know exactly. You got an idea of

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Speaker 2: what I need to do, but actually doing it is

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Speaker 2: completely different. So new dad's like, I think, if any

415
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Speaker 2: coming up to being a new dad, it's like, just

416
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Speaker 2: get hands on and do it, because you're right. You

417
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Speaker 2: start picking up on the cues and stuff like that,

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Speaker 2: and all of a sudden you find that maternal part

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Speaker 2: of your brain somewhere along the line there.

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Speaker 3: I think what you said is the perfect advice for

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Speaker 3: any new dad or assume to be dad, is that

422
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Speaker 3: just get in there and give it a crack. You

423
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Speaker 3: might do it wrong, you might stuff it up, but

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Speaker 3: being there and having a go is far better than

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Speaker 3: kind of sitting back and going, mum can do all

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Speaker 3: abase and that's amazing. I think that's probably the mistake

427
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Speaker 3: that maybe I made, and just getting in there and

428
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Speaker 3: learning on the go that is one hundred percent okay.

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Speaker 3: But just make sure that you're doing that and getting

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Speaker 3: in there, Yeah, that's really important.

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Speaker 2: And I think like not to like I put I

432
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Speaker 2: put so much pressure on myself then because I wanted

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Speaker 2: to do as much as able could do other than

434
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Speaker 2: breastfeed obviously, but it was like I put so much

435
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Speaker 2: pressure on it that when I didn't get it right,

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Speaker 2: I was like so upset with myself. So I like, whenever, yeah,

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00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 2: a your dad asked me or soon to be, I'm like, look,

438
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 2: just give yourself a break, Like you're not going to

439
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 2: be able to do it perfectly first time, And like

440
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 2: you were saying, you learn from that first one, right.

441
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 1: It was Laura ended up tapping me on the shoulder

442
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 1: and saying you need to pull your weight here, and

443
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 1: I was like, holy shit, it was so hard for

444
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 1: her to tell me that you're not at that time

445
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 1: being a great father. Was it yourself having that reflection

446
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 1: going I need to pull my weight more or did

447
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: your wife Amy say hey, Jim, this isn't working.

448
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,879
Speaker 3: No, it was just that moment where she said and

449
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 3: it was like, you know, I feel like at the

450
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,399
Speaker 3: time it was probably a little bit of fre stration,

451
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 3: like can you bath have like can you do something?

452
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 3: And it wasn't her. It wasn't her having a go

453
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 3: at me or anything. But I look back now and

454
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, hmm, I probably wasn't doing anything. I would

455
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 3: take the baby for a morning walk and then it

456
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 3: was like, all right, off to work. I go get home.

457
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 3: I've started a new job. I'm a bit tired, not thinking,

458
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 3: not understanding that staying at home with a baby isn't

459
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 3: something that's just hell, it's not leisure.

460
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 2: You've technically you had two jobs. When you come home,

461
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 2: that's just your clocking in va next shift.

462
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,159
Speaker 1: Yeah.

463
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 3: So I think, you know her giving me the tap

464
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 3: on the shoulder, but it was my own realization of

465
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 3: I'm actually not doing enough here and I feel like

466
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 3: I could be doing more. But I think what you

467
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 3: said is important too, that you can put a lot

468
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 3: of pressure on yourself as a dad, and postpartum does

469
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 3: affect fathers as well, which is something that a lot

470
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,479
Speaker 3: of people it isn't discussed, and so that's important as

471
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 3: well to know that dads can struggle. And I think

472
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 3: sometimes for mums to let dad struggle a little bit,

473
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 3: as in, you know, when they're getting in there and

474
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 3: they's staffing things up. It's easy to get corrected, but

475
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 3: you've got to learn and have a go.

476
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: I'm not going to put my wife on the spot here.

477
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: Yeah go am I Yes, But when we're trying to

478
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: settle Poppy and it's a little bit tricky after a

479
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: feed to try and burpens a position that she likes

480
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 1: to be in full asleep, and Laura could hear me

481
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: struggling upstairs, so she would come up and say I'd

482
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: take it, I can do it. And it was so

483
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 1: tempting to give her the baby and be like all right, cool,

484
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 1: like I've given it ten minutes, you now finish it off.

485
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 1: But I had to be like no, no, yeah, let

486
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 1: me figure this out. And then finally I found a

487
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 1: position where I could hold her arms, and I was like.

488
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 3: Like, I found the magic spot and that's it.

489
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: I've done it.

490
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 3: Like that's what you said, is like often the baby

491
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 3: will cry and you're like, oh, I just hand the

492
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 3: baby over. But if you take the time to let

493
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 3: the baby cry and figure it out, you will find

494
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 3: your dad persona your dad position, and it will start

495
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,320
Speaker 3: to work for you and that will set you and

496
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 3: your baby up for the future and you will build

497
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 3: that bond and it will get much easier. So that's

498
00:21:59,280 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 3: really important.

499
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,520
Speaker 1: So if you were if you're going to grade yourself,

500
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: maybe you're getting like an initially like a C on

501
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: your parenting.

502
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, easily, maybe worse.

503
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 1: How is your teaching going? What would you give yourself

504
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 1: for teaching?

505
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 3: So I look at teachers who are coming into the

506
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 3: profession now and I look at myself and I'm like,

507
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 3: oh my goodness, these people are miles ahead of where

508
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 3: I really really yeah, So I pride myself as a

509
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 3: teacher on building strong relationships with kids, and that got

510
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,719
Speaker 3: me a long way. But the content, you know, like

511
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 3: the curriculum side of things, that isn't necessarily like or

512
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 3: it wasn't my strength, and so it has taken me

513
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 3: a long time to build into that and feel like

514
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 3: I'm at a place where I feel like I'm smart

515
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 3: enough to teach twelve year olds.

516
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,399
Speaker 1: But if you are asking you being too hard on yourself,

517
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: you're talking to your va.

518
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 3: I couldn't teach aswelve year old years ago, though, like

519
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,719
Speaker 3: you know, obviously I knew what to do, but like

520
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 3: as you go along, you evolved so much as an educator.

521
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 3: But the one thing that I've always hung my hat

522
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 3: on is that if you can build a strong relationship

523
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 3: with a child and you can make them feel safe,

524
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 3: they want to learn from you. And so that got

525
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 3: me a long way, and that's important.

526
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: How do you do that? Like I'd want to be like, hey, kids,

527
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:19,639
Speaker 1: don't fucking worry.

528
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 2: It's so true. When I grew up, I was not

529
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 2: very good at school, Like straight up hated school. School

530
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 2: hated me. That's just the way it was. But I

531
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 2: recall there was the teachers you'd latch onto that you

532
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 2: would build a relationship. We just have Extreme Deally and

533
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: he was a professional body boarder as well as a teacher.

534
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: Extreme Deally. He once jumped off a two story building

535
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 2: to stop a fight, and he was a king. I

536
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 2: would learn anything from that guy because he would build

537
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:43,879
Speaker 2: the relationship.

538
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: That is impressive.

539
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,360
Speaker 2: Sorry I did leave a pause there.

540
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: Did you ever jump off a two story building?

541
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:54,240
Speaker 3: I haven't yet. If I'm having a class that I'm

542
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 3: struggling with, I might get up on the.

543
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: What's like, what's you go through? Had a tough student

544
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: or a class? How do you crack in there?

545
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 3: This is a just finding something that you know they

546
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 3: enjoy in their life. I've come across many tough kids

547
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 3: across the journey, and you need to dig sometimes a

548
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,119
Speaker 3: little deeper to find the gold. But if you find

549
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 3: something that they enjoy, you can crack through. So maybe

550
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,919
Speaker 3: they're a terror in the classroom, but they go outside

551
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 3: and they love soccer. Well, I'm going to go outside

552
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 3: of break time and I'm playing soccer. Or I'm going

553
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 3: to go outside and shoot hoops. How you think you're

554
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 3: the fastest kid in the school. Let's go outside. We're racing,

555
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 3: you know, Like you know. I had a girl a

556
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 3: couple of years ago. She was very passive and would

557
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 3: literally latch onto her mum before we left and I

558
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 3: had to like peel her off, And at the end

559
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 3: of that year, her mum said, You've made the biggest

560
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 3: impact in who she is as a person and how

561
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,360
Speaker 3: confident she is in herself. And it was simple things like, Hey,

562
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 3: you like drawing ponies, Let's draw a pony. Let's find

563
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 3: some time. You know, like you just need to find

564
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,120
Speaker 3: little things about them and show them that you care.

565
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 3: On a Monday, hey, how'd your dog going on the weekend?

566
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 3: It only takes the smaller things for a kid to go,

567
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 3: oh my god, he actually cares about something in my life.

568
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 3: And it's the same with our own kids. You know,

569
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 3: if you can just build that really good relationship, I

570
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 3: believe that you can find a way to work with

571
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 3: any child and have a breakthrough.

572
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,120
Speaker 2: What's it like to receive feedback like that from a parent,

573
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: I can imagine it'd be amazing.

574
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: It's the greatest thing that you can get in teaching.

575
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 3: So sometimes people online are like, oh, you know, you

576
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 3: get your teacher gifts at the end of the year,

577
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 3: and like if you post a picture of it, it's like, ah,

578
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 3: your gifts. And I always talk about the best gift

579
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,439
Speaker 3: you can get as a handwritten note from a parent

580
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 3: and it says something like last year I got one

581
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 3: and it was like it was very detailed, and it

582
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 3: was just like the impact you've made on my child

583
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 3: is so immeasurable that we can't thank you enough. And

584
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 3: never has it been about cash and I'll take the gift.

585
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 3: Never has it been about you made my son awesome

586
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: at mathematics or something. It's that you know, you made

587
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 3: my child have a growth mindset, or you made them

588
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 3: feel more positive about themselves, or you know, they were

589
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 3: more confident and they loved coming to school. And those

590
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 3: are the things that when I hear them, I'm like,

591
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 3: I am doing a good job.

592
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: Ah fuck yeah, I want to feel like that.

593
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 3: And those cards, like you keep stag those cards up

594
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,719
Speaker 3: and you put them away, and teaching can drain you

595
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 3: some days, and you pull a card out and you're like.

596
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: Damn, this is good. I also think as well, I

597
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: think back to your dad. I'm like, oh, he must

598
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: have been so proud to know where you are now,

599
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: the impact that you're making on the lives of kids

600
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: in this country.

601
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, And like it was just eleven years this month

602
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 3: since he's passed away, And I posted about that. I

603
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 3: had so many people in box me who don't know

604
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 3: me from online and say, you know, from the person

605
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 3: I see online, your dad would be so proud of you.

606
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 3: And that means something too, like because there are times

607
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 3: where I'm I was so certain that he wouldn't have been,

608
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 3: and so it was a bit of a mission to

609
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 3: be like, I need to change that narrative. And you know,

610
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 3: my sister has gotten to see that and my mum,

611
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 3: which is lovely, but you know, if I asked my sister,

612
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 3: she'd be like, I didn't know if you were going

613
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 3: to make it through that period. And so it's nice

614
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 3: now to be on the other side where it's like

615
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 3: you feel like you've done a good.

616
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 2: Job, yeah, off the back of your dad and you

617
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 2: know how proud he would be and just off like

618
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 2: I was going through some of your videos and I

619
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 2: found one there where it was about a kid coming

620
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,639
Speaker 2: to you with a problem, Like does it fill your bucket?

621
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,639
Speaker 2: When a kid comes to you and trusts you with

622
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: coming in and saying, hey, I'm not feeling okay.

623
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 3: I think again, that's like one of the ultimate cues

624
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 3: of you're doing a good job as a teacher. You know,

625
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 3: last year, I would have so many kids. Can we

626
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: just stay inside with you, miss ress, We just want

627
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 3: to hang out with you, or you give me a break.

628
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong. Over stimulated, But it's again one

629
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 3: of those signs. That's why it's a great job. You know.

630
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 3: People will talk about how hard teaching is, and you

631
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: know it is some days. But when you get to

632
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 3: connect with a kid and you get to feel like

633
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 3: you're a safe person for them and they're not your child,

634
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 3: that's a special thing to be able to do. And

635
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 3: it feels all it's good.

636
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, when a friend's kid high fires me, I'm like, yeah,

637
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 2: my kid high fives them. Yeah. I know the feeling.

638
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 3: And I've got a bit of a persona like. And

639
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 3: I don't mean this in like a oh yeah I'm great,

640
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: but walk through the halls and it's like, mister s

641
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: and it's the high fives and that I love that like,

642
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,879
Speaker 3: and I you know, and I think another thing is

643
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 3: I don't put myself up and I'm like, I'm a teacher.

644
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 3: I'm better than all of you, you know. I make

645
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 3: myself super approachable. There's fist bumps, there's high fives. We're

646
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,720
Speaker 3: running around we're having a joke, and I think making

647
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 3: yourself relatable to children, It's like, oh, like he kind

648
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,439
Speaker 3: of gets it, and that again builds that Oh I

649
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 3: can have a chat to him, like he's not some

650
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 3: scary older guy. It's like, you know, I'm a kid too.

651
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 3: I'm still stuffing around and that's really important.

652
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: So what's it like saying goodbye to those kids that

653
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 1: you've built a really strong bond with at the end

654
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: of each year.

655
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: So last year, I had taught some of the students

656
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 3: that I had in my class for three years, so

657
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: and I'm like, three years is a long time to

658
00:28:55,760 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 3: spend with other people's kids. And there were tears. There

659
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 3: were you know, at the start of the school year,

660
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 3: we give out our lists of who your teacher is

661
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 3: going to be. And I can remember some of the

662
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 3: kids who didn't get in my class cried on that day.

663
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 3: They were bawling their eyes out, and they went home

664
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 3: and told their parents They're like, we wanted mister rest.

665
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 3: This is the worst day ever. And to me, again,

666
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 3: it was sad for them, but for me, I was like,

667
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 3: oh my god, like that is so beautiful and awkward.

668
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: For the other teachers, she was a.

669
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 3: New teacher, so she was awesome, but the kids didn't

670
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: know her and sorry about that. But one of those

671
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 3: students came back this year because her brothers they go

672
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 3: to our school, and she was like one hundred meters

673
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 3: away and mister ash she comes running over, gives me

674
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 3: a hug, And in that moment, I was like, man,

675
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 3: this is awesome, like kids coming back to school. I'm

676
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 3: sure that's not the cool thing to do is come

677
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 3: back and give you teach your old teacher a bit hug,

678
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 3: But it was like, this is really cool. And again

679
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 3: it just makes me think that, yeah, we're doing a

680
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 3: good job. You can build those relationships with kids. It's

681
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 3: really special.

682
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: I thought there's always this disparity between the generations where

683
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: the older generation looks at the younger generation and goes like, ah,

684
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: I don't know how good they've gone it that don't

685
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: work hard enough. What's it like with yourself when you

686
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: look at the young kids coming through? Are they good

687
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: kids as a whole? What's the issues that they're trying

688
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: to face? Are we screwed for the next generation?

689
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 2: What should we look out for?

690
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 3: I think they're good kids, but something that I've definitely

691
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: noticed about kids more recently, is it? And I noticed

692
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 3: this in my own kids, that they're lacking resilience, so

693
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 3: they're not willing to get in there and try and

694
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 3: try and try and fail because it's scary. And I

695
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,719
Speaker 3: don't know where that's coming from. I don't know if

696
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 3: it's us as parents that we're constantly coddling them and

697
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 3: giving them stuff. And I know that. And I heard

698
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: you say the other week that we spoil our children.

699
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 3: And sometimes I think that I've given my own children

700
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: too much because then it's like, oh, this is easy.

701
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 3: You know, I'll leave my plate to my bedroom dad

702
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 3: or pick it up for me, And most of the

703
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 3: time I probably would have. And I see that in

704
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 3: kids now, you know? Was it COVID? People talk about

705
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: that a lot. I'm not sure. I think that us

706
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 3: as parents, we're like, oh, we want to do better,

707
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,239
Speaker 3: but the way that we're doing better is making it

708
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 3: so easy for our children that when they come to school,

709
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, I shouldn't have to try this hard.

710
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 3: And that seems to be a big shift that we're

711
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 3: having in education, is that a lot of kids aren't

712
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 3: willing to try as hard because they're afraid to fail.

713
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 3: They don't want to feel what it's like to go

714
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 3: through failure. And so I think that that is a

715
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: big problem that we're facing. How do we combat it?

716
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 3: I'm not sure, but yeah, it's something that I look

717
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 3: at and I'm like, man, even to put your hand

718
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 3: up and get a question wrong in class, that's really

719
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 3: scary for kids. And I get that, but that then

720
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 3: goes into other areas of their life. And I really

721
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 3: see that with my daughter, and it concerns me as

722
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: a parent and as a teacher.

723
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have that sort of have that conversation with

724
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 2: myself all the time. We do as well about you

725
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 2: want to give your kids everything that you didn't have,

726
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: but also as well you want to try and build resilience.

727
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 2: You can't really have both all that you know you

728
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 2: can provide. I had a better life than you had, absolutely,

729
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: But like I'm struggling at the moment with my yea

730
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 2: with my son where I feel like, am I giving

731
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: him too much? I don't know. I want him to, Yeah,

732
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 2: try try, because you know practice is going to be

733
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 2: progressed for him. And if you fail, you fail, it's fine.

734
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 2: But I can totally see where you're coming from. Where

735
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 2: It's like, I know a lot of parents that won't

736
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 2: even let their kids fall over, and I was like, ah,

737
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: the kid could fall over at some point, right.

738
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 3: And I heard Gary ve a while back. He was

739
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 3: talking about like participation awards in the world. You know,

740
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 3: kids are finishing seventh and eighth now and we're like,

741
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 3: I have a trophy. And while I get that, is

742
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 3: that building resiliency in kids or is it saying that

743
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: no matter what you do, you get a trophy and

744
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 3: you've done a great job. I don't know. I think

745
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 3: that there's some good in losing, you know, to come

746
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 3: forth and go oh that hurt, and then it pushes

747
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 3: you to go, well, you know what, I'm going to

748
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 3: try really hard now and I want to work harder.

749
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 3: I think that that's important.

750
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: I think my school my final year, they removed us

751
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: sports Day became like a fun sports day, and then

752
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: they removed all that first, second, and third words, and

753
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: I was like, well, what's the fucking point.

754
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, facts, well, you're not going to do that.

755
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 3: At the Olympics.

756
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 2: They're like, oh, you know what, this year, participation everybody.

757
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 3: And that's the thing. You go to the top level,

758
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 3: you know, you don't finish fifth in a basketball tournament

759
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 3: and it's like, oh, you know, he's a fifth place banner.

760
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 3: Like that's not how the world works. And so I

761
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 3: understand why we're trying to do that for children because

762
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 3: it's lovely and it makes them feel good. But does

763
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 3: it necessarily set them up for success later in life?

764
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 3: I don't think so.

765
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that, like it's probably going to impact the workforce.

766
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 2: I know with my kids, I always try to say, hey,

767
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 2: you're not always going to win all the time. You're

768
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 2: all it's going to be hard. Sometimes it's not always

769
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 2: going to be easy. But I know there's you know,

770
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 2: there's parents out there that will just preach the narrative

771
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 2: of you know, he go have this, if you're upset,

772
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 2: have that, try and fix it with all that without

773
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 2: them having to go through it, and then they get it.

774
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 2: They're going to get a job, And your boss isn't

775
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: going to do that to you. Your boss is paid

776
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 2: to do the opposite of that. They want to get

777
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 2: the best out of you. Like what's that going to

778
00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 2: do for the work?

779
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: Like, tell you what not going to happen? Kids next

780
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: generation taken two days off work and then going back

781
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: to work after having a kid.

782
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 2: No, it's never going to happen. You can pull the back.

783
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 2: In my day, we only had two days off.

784
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: And I think, like my paternity leave, I've taken four

785
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 3: weeks this time. I don't think I wouldn't have had

786
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,280
Speaker 3: four weeks off in ten years of teaching. I probably

787
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,840
Speaker 3: you know, under three weeks. And that's because you know, again,

788
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: there's this thing in teaching where it's like, if you

789
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 3: miss a day off it's harder than going to work

790
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 3: sick because you've got to make like sub plans and things,

791
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 3: and if you don't, the kids don't have a proper

792
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 3: setup on the day, and so it's harder to miss

793
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 3: a day. Yeah, it makes it. It makes it challenging.

794
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: You talked about Lola seven weeks old. Yes, she was

795
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,360
Speaker 1: a welcome surprise. You have told us that before the record,

796
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 1: that is correct, before she came along. Did you and

797
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: Amy talk about the fact that we are done? This

798
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 1: is it. We have two beautiful kids. We're going to

799
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: just like pack up that part of our life and

800
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: move on.

801
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 3: So I think I was definitely done. I was like, two,

802
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 3: this is beautiful. Let's leave it at that. I think

803
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 3: Amy always was kind of like, you know, when I'd

804
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 3: be like, oh, should I get the snips? You know,

805
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 3: hold on a little bit. And I think Amy has

806
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 3: been amazing for me in my journey and teaching me

807
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 3: how to just be a better human. And when we

808
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 3: got to the point of, you know, should we have

809
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 3: another kid or not? I think also she had just

810
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 3: started to go back to work and she had a

811
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 3: social life again and she could go and do things,

812
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 3: and so that for her was really important. And then

813
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it was just

814
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 3: like bang, that's gone, and you're having a baby. And

815
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: I think the first day when we found out, it

816
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god. We kind of went into

817
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 3: this bubble and we're like it's exciting, and then we

818
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 3: crashed out. And the honesty of it is that we

819
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 3: had some really tough days. It wasn't what we had expected.

820
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 3: And you can't tell anybody because the whole twelve week thing,

821
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 3: you don't want to tell people. And so it's her

822
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 3: and I fighting these battles. Was daily of like this

823
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 3: is a great thing.

824
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 1: We've destroyed our lives.

825
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 3: We've destroyed our lives, and we've made a really big mistake.

826
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 3: And it felt bad thinking that because I know there's

827
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 3: people around the world who die to have a baby.

828
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 3: And then so then all of a sudden, you're in

829
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 3: this spot of beating up on yourself, thinking, well, I

830
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 3: shouldn't feel bad for this, but yet I'm in a

831
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 3: bit of a bad place. And I think we both

832
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 3: went through those spots together. And even telling my daughter,

833
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:31,320
Speaker 3: We're like, we're having a baby, her face she went sour, angry, unhappy,

834
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 3: and even in that moment, it's like we made a mistake,

835
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 3: like we shouldn't be doing this.

836
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 2: What was the age difference at that time?

837
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 3: Sadie is eight, Yeah, oil is fresh?

838
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 1: Yeah right, wow, okay, yeah, I don't want to put

839
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: on the spot here, but what was your game plan

840
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 1: when you guys were having those special moments and you

841
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:48,919
Speaker 1: and your wife, you know, were you just throwing cause

842
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: into the wind?

843
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 2: What are you staring at me for?

844
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: Well, you know, what were you doing, Jim? What was

845
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 1: you've done this to yourself? You're not wearing condoms?

846
00:36:58,160 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 2: What position was a Jim?

847
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,719
Speaker 3: We were we were running the risk? Well there you

848
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:05,879
Speaker 3: go out, you know, and it was always like ah,

849
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 3: but once you start to learn about pregnancy, like it's

850
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 3: actually quite hard to get somebody pregnant. And then yeah,

851
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 3: we were like, this is never going to have.

852
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 2: A horrible joke, but I won't say it and I

853
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 2: can't do it.

854
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 3: Cover your ears.

855
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:21,879
Speaker 1: I'll let it out.

856
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,479
Speaker 2: I was going to say, they do say things feel

857
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:24,359
Speaker 2: better when you leave it in.

858
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: It's not your worst.

859
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: I would have delivered it with much more bizarz than that.

860
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 3: We took it away from you, You took it away from me.

861
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 2: Now we can cut it out. No, let's cut that out.

862
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 3: But I think it's hard to have a child when

863
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 3: you're not expecting one, especially when you get to a

864
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 3: phase of life. And I'm grateful that Amy and I

865
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 3: were a strong couple and worked on it together. I'm

866
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 3: super grateful for that because I think that in the

867
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 3: days where she was having a tough time, if I

868
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 3: couldn't lift her up and vice versa, you know, there

869
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 3: could have been some really, really tough days. But the

870
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 3: moment where they passed baby Lola over to us and

871
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 3: one my daughter was desperate for a girl, and when

872
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 3: we saw it was a girl, and just that moment

873
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 3: when you catch your baby's eye for the first time.

874
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 3: Because we didn't find out the gender. This time. It

875
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 3: was just like a wave hit us and we were

876
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 3: sitting there thinking, how could we have ever not wanted

877
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 3: to have you? Like you are perfect, You are our baby,

878
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 3: and we should have never had a single worry in

879
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 3: the world, And of course that isn't the case. But

880
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 3: we kind of just looked each other in that room

881
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 3: and it was like, this is what was meant to happen.

882
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 3: And she has been the best baby, Amy's been the

883
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 3: best mum to three so far. And I learned about

884
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 3: something called the law of Lisa regret. And when I

885
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 3: go back to that moment and I think about, you know,

886
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 3: if I had to said that to myself, would I

887
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 3: rather be going on that journey or would I rather

888
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 3: say no baby? Like bad? Like I would have chose

889
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 3: having the baby. And if I had had that mindset,

890
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 3: you know, it might have helped me a little bit,

891
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,320
Speaker 3: and maybe it'll help some other people, because it's honestly

892
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 3: been the best. The kids have been amazing, and you know,

893
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 3: maybe that'll change in the future, but it has been

894
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 3: awesome and as a family of five, we have just

895
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 3: been so whole and together. It's like, this is what

896
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 3: was meant to happen. Honey, like it was meant to

897
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 3: be this way.

898
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then all of a sudden, it's impossible to

899
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: imagine what life would be like without them in the picture.

900
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 3: So true.

901
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 2: I had a baby once between the two of you.

902
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 2: I'm sitting over here, I'm moving on.

903
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 3: And I thought I was there. I thought I've.

904
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 2: Had the snips, so you're not tricking me.

905
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's that's now, that's the next step, Like

906
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 3: four can't happen, especially financially.

907
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 1: It's like looking in the mirror, right, Why don't you guys.

908
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 3: Start a podcast. I've listened to a lot of what

909
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 3: you've spoken about before, and I thought, like, wow, we

910
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 3: have some similarities. Amy even told me the story because

911
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 3: she listened to Laura and she told me the snip

912
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,319
Speaker 3: story about and you were like, what do you mean

913
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 3: like going to get the snip straight away? And so

914
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 3: some of that stuff. I've been like, oh, these are

915
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 3: interesting relations, but we'll be with you soon.

916
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 2: I've got a guy, I've got it's great.

917
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: How do you find it? Like I always think you've

918
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: got to have so much patience with your kids, and

919
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 1: it's like a jar and as the day progresses, your

920
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: patience runs out. But when you're teaching, that patience is

921
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,399
Speaker 1: being funneled out of the jar, and then you come

922
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 1: home and all of a sudden you've got to try

923
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 1: and have that patience all over again with your own kids.

924
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: How do you juggle that?

925
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 3: It's hard? You know, you get home, you're already depleted.

926
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 3: You've been asked thousands of questions in the day, and

927
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 3: then your kids are like, dad, play with me, and

928
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 3: you're like, I don't have anything left, and you know,

929
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 3: the easy thing to do, it's like, chuck them on

930
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 3: the iPad. Let's go do the iPads. But now i'm

931
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: you know, we've just set up in our house. It's like,

932
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 3: you come home, do ten minutes of like homework, like

933
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 3: some spelling words. You get half an hour and that's it.

934
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 3: Now because I've started to notice what I think of

935
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 3: some of those effects on my daughter, but because I

936
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:02,839
Speaker 3: was coming home so tired, it's like, I want to

937
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 3: talk to Amy, how was your day? You know? And

938
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 3: that classic when you get home and you try to

939
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 3: talk to your partner, your kids are barking at you,

940
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 3: your partner gets frustrated, You get frustrated and just implodes

941
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: like that. That moment is so brutal some days, so

942
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 3: trying to find ways to work around it. But my

943
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 3: biggest parenting hack actually came from my dad. Whenever he

944
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,280
Speaker 3: came home, he would always make five or ten minutes

945
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 3: to play. And I've tried to burn that into my

946
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 3: brain and remember, like I have the capacity to get

947
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,279
Speaker 3: up for ten minutes. I just need to go and

948
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 3: do it, even you know, ten minutes on the trampoline,

949
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 3: whatever it is. You just have to find the guts

950
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 3: to go and do it. And I signed up to

951
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 3: have these children, even though some days that's hard to remember.

952
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 3: So I need to get out there and give them

953
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 3: that ten minutes because it was my choice to bring

954
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 3: them into this world and I need to do that.

955
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 3: And some days that is way harder than it sounds.

956
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: So fucking hard. In the mornings, Lola is always up

957
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 1: at six am, Yeah, and she's like, let's play a game.

958
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: And it's so easy, just like give her the game

959
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: that I'm on my phone, and I'm like, gotta keep

960
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 1: giving her attention.

961
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 2: I know the connection, like it might be five minutes

962
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 2: for us, but the connection for them is everything.

963
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I've definitely picked up on that a lot,

964
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 3: especially with my son. He is very much a dad

965
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 3: Watch me, Dad, watch me, Dad?

966
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 2: Watch me?

967
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, mate, I'm watching you. I'm watching you. And I've

968
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 3: started to feel great guilt around that, especially when you're

969
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 3: making social media and so your phone's constantly pinging. It's

970
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 3: so easy to just go oh. And so I'm starting

971
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 3: to do things like put my phone in the kitchen

972
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 3: when I'm in the lounde room and doing things like

973
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: that because I don't want him to grow up and

974
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,480
Speaker 3: be like man, dad checked his phone a lot. Yeah,

975
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 3: that was no good. I want him to be like

976
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 3: Dad always played with me. If my kids say one

977
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 3: thing when they get older, that's what I wanted to

978
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 3: be man. Dad always came and played with us. Hew good?

979
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: Was that?

980
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 3: Because that's what I remember about my dad, And so

981
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:48,439
Speaker 3: I want the same thing.

982
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,799
Speaker 1: Well, when your kids are all grown up, and maybe

983
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 1: it is the answer you just gave. What would be

984
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: the one thing you want me to remember about the

985
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 1: house they grew up in.

986
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 3: I just want them to remember that it was a

987
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 3: house of love. So Dad loved Mum so much. They

988
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,320
Speaker 3: were always you know, he was giving her a kiss,

989
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 3: or he was cuddling her, or they call it from

990
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 3: blue her. You know, romance. Oh, Dad was doing romance

991
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 3: with Mum. I want them to remember that, not too

992
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 3: much romance.

993
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 2: Not yeah, put this pigeonhole.

994
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 3: This man Ash was winking at me. I know what

995
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 3: you're talking about. I want them to just know that

996
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 3: they grew up in a house of love, and especially

997
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 3: when I can remember at times my parents fighting and

998
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 3: when the breakup was kind of coming. I don't know,

999
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 3: you know, the ins and outs, but I can still

1000
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 3: remember some of that, and I don't want my kids

1001
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 3: to ever have to go through that. I just want them,

1002
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 3: when they're older, like man, Mum and Dad like they

1003
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,719
Speaker 3: really loved each other and they were always saying I

1004
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: love you. And I think Amy and I do a

1005
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 3: really good job of that. And I think that's super

1006
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 3: important for a household and for kids to grow up

1007
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 3: again feeling safe and nurtured. Is to see their parents

1008
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 3: and that they love each other. And you know, some

1009
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 3: days we fight in that, but we try and keep

1010
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 3: that from the kids. You're always going to have an

1011
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 3: argument here and there, you know. I think keeping that

1012
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 3: away from the kids and letting them just see this

1013
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,280
Speaker 3: magical love bubble that never ends is important.

1014
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: It's hard to imagine Jim not being an outstanding individual.

1015
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 2: It's definitely a teacher. I feel like I've liked me.

1016
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: It's been amazing to talk to you, Jim, and I

1017
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: honestly can't imagine you being anything else and being what

1018
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 1: you are now, being someone who was having a tough

1019
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 1: time in life, because you just fucking safe. Your sound,

1020
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: you're intelligent.

1021
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 2: You seem very put together as well. I'm trying to

1022
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: say and thank you so much for coming and spend

1023
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 2: some time with us. And I mean, we don't get

1024
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 2: a lot of parents in that have a fresh, fresh newborn,

1025
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 2: especially after having such a break and then also working

1026
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 2: with kids and going home and that dynamic and what

1027
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 2: that's like. So we appreciate you coming in and spend

1028
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 2: some time with us.

1029
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 3: No, thank you so much for having me. I think

1030
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 3: you know, like you talked about being a good person.

1031
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 3: The things that you go through in life shape you

1032
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 3: my dad passing away, meeting Amy and being with her

1033
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 3: and then having our first child, or the three things

1034
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 3: that have helped me to try to be the person

1035
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 3: that you're talking about. And so it's an important message.

1036
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 3: You can go through tough times in your life and

1037
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 3: you can have really shitty days and be at rock bottom,

1038
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 3: which I have one hundred percent visited. But there are

1039
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,879
Speaker 3: good times coming and there are good people coming into

1040
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 3: your life. You just got to wait it out sometimes

1041
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 3: a little bit.

1042
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 1: Well, you've had some great success and I'm sure it's

1043
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: going to keep coming. I would also say thanks to

1044
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: your followers, because when we said who should we have on,

1045
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 1: you said, hey, guys, go write on this post and

1046
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: then no, wow, I was big. We're a big attacked

1047
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: by the followers of Jim. But no, it's an amazing

1048
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 1: community to have online and for you to be doing

1049
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,760
Speaker 1: well at work, be an amazing partner dad, plus build

1050
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: that community. It's really amazing. So well done.

1051
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:40,760
Speaker 3: No, thank you, guys. And it was a great honor

1052
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 3: for you guys to have me on. And yeah, it's

1053
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 3: been awesome, Thank.

1054
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 2: You, thank you. He was definitely one of my favorite

1055
00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 2: guests to have on, just because I feel he was

1056
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 2: so easy to talk to.

1057
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: I think I see myself as a bit of a

1058
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: bit of a gym character, do you. Yeah, Like when

1059
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 1: I dropped the kids off at school in the morning,

1060
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 1: I'm always like, hello, Hi, five fist bumps. You know.

1061
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 1: I feel like kids light up when they see me.

1062
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: You know, they get me.

1063
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,359
Speaker 2: Okay, you're in amongst one of your own.

1064
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, they're like, oh this is here's Lola

1065
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: and Marley's dad. He's cool, he's hip, he gets us,

1066
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 1: just like Jim. They're like, oh, like I was coming

1067
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 1: over you high five of them.

1068
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 2: Oh God, I think like I look back and I

1069
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 2: wish I had a teacher like Jim. Yes, I feel

1070
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 2: like he's very good at understanding kids emotions and also

1071
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 2: what makes them tick being a teacher.

1072
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, the only teachers I had at school were the

1073
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 1: ones who got me suspended multiple times?

1074
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:43,439
Speaker 2: How dare you blame them?

1075
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: But also shout out to all the parents out there

1076
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 1: who had a surprise bundle of joy myself included.

1077
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please do matter favor. Only

1078
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 2: two hundred reviews.

1079
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want anymore.

1080
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 2: Oh, angle, I like it. I think I'm full treating

1081
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 2: me keep keene.

1082
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been I've been starving for so long. But

1083
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: actually I don't think I can handle another review?

1084
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 2: Right, Maybe I want them?

1085
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1086
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 2: Well please, maybe just fucking do it a different approach, sorry,

1087
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 2: or you can draw the turns of tabled. Yes, well said,

1088
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 2: Or you can join us on socials. We're at now.

1089
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 1: Two Duting Dads Facebook. There's a group. We have a

1090
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: page as well now on Facebook. Yeah, big, set it up.

1091
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 1: Thanks Vick, Facebook, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok.

1092
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 2: And you've really lost your way.

1093
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: That's why I'm so cool because I can just talk

1094
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 1: about social media with him. May you should be a teacher.

1095
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 2: One day, me too, one day?

1096
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 1: Well, oh my god, teach. We could teach together like

1097
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: a duo.

1098
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: Half the work.

1099
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 1: Marley has a class where they have two teachers. I'll

1100
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,479
Speaker 1: do Monday to Wednesday. You do Thursday, Friday. No, okay bye.

1101
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

1102
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

1103
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

1104
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

1105
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land