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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 3: Now it's The Happy Family's podcast summer series with doctor

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Speaker 3: Justin Coulson and Kylie, my wife, mum to our six kids.

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Speaker 3: Kylie another short podcast today focusing on back to basics.

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Speaker 1: That's what we're.

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Speaker 3: Trying to do all this week, just focus on the

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Speaker 3: basic stuff. And today's question is when have things been

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Speaker 3: their best? See a lot of people say I want

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Speaker 3: my family to be happier, I want to do this right.

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Speaker 3: I want to get that right, and there's this struggle

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Speaker 3: in terms of knowing, well, how am I supposed to

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Speaker 3: do it? Where am I supposed to go? How am

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Speaker 3: I supposed to get this right? Today's conversation really is

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Speaker 3: if you want to get it right, think about when

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Speaker 3: you've got it right before, what's been happening, When has

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Speaker 3: it been best? And then what can you do.

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Speaker 1: To recreate that? So can I ask you when have

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Speaker 1: things been best for you?

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Speaker 2: The first nine months of last year I think, hands

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Speaker 2: down with some of the best months of my life,

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Speaker 2: and it came down to just being so intentional about

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Speaker 2: how I chose to spend my time but a few

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Speaker 2: I think really important blocks that made those months so

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Speaker 2: positive and enlivening for me was stretching. It's such a

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Speaker 2: simple thing, but ten minutes of stretching and just it's

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Speaker 2: a mindful activity, right. You've got to be in the moment.

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Speaker 2: You've got to be so aware of how your body feels,

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Speaker 2: where it needs more stretching, where it needs more attention,

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Speaker 2: and you're focused on your breath. And so it's just that,

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Speaker 2: you know, drawing in that beautiful fresh air into your

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Speaker 2: body and restoring all of the muscles after.

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Speaker 1: A you know, a night's sleep.

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Speaker 3: So I hear you say stretching, and I instantly go,

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Speaker 3: oh gee, And I'm supposed to do that, but I'm

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Speaker 3: an active person and I have too many things to do.

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Speaker 3: I don't have time top and stretch, and.

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Speaker 2: That's how I've spent most of my life. But like

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Speaker 2: I said, nine months last year focused on those practices

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Speaker 2: made such a difference. I felt more relaxed than I've

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Speaker 2: felt in a lifetime, and more attentive to my needs

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Speaker 2: and our children's needs.

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Speaker 3: So that's fascinating when we hear about parents who are

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Speaker 3: trying to manage fatigue, who are exhausted, who are overwhelmed,

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Speaker 3: who and a lot of parents will say, I don't

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Speaker 3: have time to be mindful, I don't have time to meditate.

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Speaker 3: I'm not interested and it doesn't work for me. I'm

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Speaker 3: just thinking. I mean, I've never seen any research on this.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that it's actually been researched. But the

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Speaker 3: way you've described your stretching practice is very much in

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Speaker 3: line with what other research would say around the whole

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Speaker 3: mindful this thing.

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Speaker 1: It's about slowing things down.

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Speaker 3: It's about being intentional, it's about being focused, it's about breathing,

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Speaker 3: it's about all that.

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Speaker 1: Stuff that makes a difference.

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Speaker 3: You've almost inspired me to want to start stretching, Like seriously,

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Speaker 3: that sounds really really smart, and like you t ask.

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Speaker 2: Me how I went the last three months last.

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Speaker 3: Year, But for ten minutes, that's really all it takes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not a long practice. It's just giving your

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Speaker 2: body the opportunity to move in really gentle ways before

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Speaker 2: you ask it and demand of it. The things that

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Speaker 2: we do each day.

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Speaker 1: Ask me when things have been best?

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Speaker 2: When have things been best for you?

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Speaker 3: Honey, I'm actually going to say really quite recently, so

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Speaker 3: for the last fifteen years, I've been pretty selfish.

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Speaker 1: With my time.

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Speaker 3: Early in the mornings, I've gotten up every morning somewhere

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Speaker 3: between four thirty and five o'clock and gone for a

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Speaker 3: bike ride. Sometimes it's been earlier four o'clock, sometimes a

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Speaker 3: bit later, maybe five thirty. But essentially, bike riding has

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Speaker 3: been my life for the last fifteen years in terms

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Speaker 3: of recreation, and obviously it has been every single day,

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Speaker 3: but it's been most days most of the time. I've

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Speaker 3: put my bike on the shelf in the last couple

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Speaker 3: of months and started to really focus on having mornings

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Speaker 3: with you, mornings with the kids being present, going for runs,

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Speaker 3: going for serfs, being around for breakfast and doing all

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Speaker 3: that sort of thing. And it's really for me, is

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Speaker 3: the parenting expert who's supposed to have been giving everyone

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Speaker 3: all these guidance on how to make their family happy.

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Speaker 3: It's really hard for me to say this, but I

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Speaker 3: think that I've missed out on a lot over the

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Speaker 3: last fifteen years because I've prioritized. I've prioritized exercise, cycling,

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Speaker 3: being with my buddies, and my health. Now, this is

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Speaker 3: a bit of a tricky one because we've still got

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Speaker 3: to look after our health.

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Speaker 2: And we're dealing with the balancing act right now, trying

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Speaker 2: to work out how to make this all work. Because

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Speaker 2: while you have spent so much time taking care of

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Speaker 2: yourself physically for so many years, that has been such

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Speaker 2: an imperative part of you been able to do the

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Speaker 2: things that you've been able to accomplish.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like, I really think that it's contributed

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Speaker 3: to my overwell being and productivity and capability and capacity.

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Speaker 2: But now that the kids are older and have greater

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Speaker 2: capacity to get up earlier and participate in the activities

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Speaker 2: that you are encouraging them to participate in, what I'm

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Speaker 2: loving is actually seeing their love of those things increase.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been really awesome, whether it's going for bike

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Speaker 3: ride or going for a run and seeing them run

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Speaker 3: further than they've ever run, or watching watching one of

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Speaker 3: the kids the other day she caught waves on her

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Speaker 3: own and stood up on her own and went across

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Speaker 3: the wave on her own, I mean, and the stoke

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Speaker 3: that was in her eyes.

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Speaker 1: So this is kind of a bit of a wake

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Speaker 1: up call for me.

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Speaker 3: I've always said kids spell love time, and we've made

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Speaker 3: sure that they've had lots of time It's not like

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Speaker 3: the kids have been tremendously deprived because I've been exercising,

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Speaker 3: But just this reshuffle of priorities at the moment has it.

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Speaker 1: Feels really good. It feels really good.

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Speaker 2: Well, when you look at any given day and recognize

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Speaker 2: that there is so many moving parts in our lives,

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Speaker 2: with so many different schedules that we've got to work,

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Speaker 2: those early hours in the morning are pretty much the

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Speaker 2: only time where you can guarantee that we're all in

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Speaker 2: the same space, whether we're awake or not. And so

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Speaker 2: being able to maximize the time with them and in

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Speaker 2: that way and prioritize it in the way you have

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Speaker 2: has meant that it actually happens firstly, and everyone can

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Speaker 2: be involved. And I just like I said, I'm loving it.

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Speaker 2: I'm loving the renewed energy that I'm feeling in the

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Speaker 2: house as a result of the kids feeling more and

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Speaker 2: more connected.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to start stretching. You've inspired me.

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Speaker 3: Hopefully this podcast has inspired some thinking around when things

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Speaker 3: have been best, how can you go back to basics?

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Speaker 3: How can you recreate what you once had if it

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Speaker 3: used to be better? And if you can't recreate it

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Speaker 3: because circumstances have changed as they do, what can you

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Speaker 3: do that would most closely resemble or replicate that.

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Speaker 2: I think it goes back to that conversation we had

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Speaker 2: the other day about the tightrope. You know, there are

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Speaker 2: so many moving parts, and just when you think you've

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Speaker 2: got it right, something changes, and so you might not

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Speaker 2: be going back to the same thing to recreate the

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Speaker 2: feelings that you had. So it's reassessing the situation and

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Speaker 2: finding what is the thing that you need right now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, one of the I know we need to wrap

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Speaker 3: this up, but just to extend on that a little bit.

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Speaker 3: One of the main reasons that I'm completely shifting what

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Speaker 3: I'm doing in the mornings is because we've had kids

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Speaker 3: that have had driver's licenses who have been able to

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Speaker 3: assist with transport and movement with extracurricular activities in the mornings.

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Speaker 1: That has disappeared.

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Speaker 3: The kids with the driver's licenses are now in other

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Speaker 3: active parts of their lives. Therefore the driving around falls

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Speaker 3: back on you and I, which means that I can't

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Speaker 3: do what I would normally have done. So it's created

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Speaker 3: a need for a full reordering of priorities and a

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Speaker 3: restructuring of schedules, and.

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Speaker 1: I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 3: I think that we're I think we were dialing it

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Speaker 3: in pretty nicely. I guess flexibility is maybe at the

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Speaker 3: heart of everything that we're talking about here. We hope

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Speaker 3: that there's been some inspiration, some useful ideas in this podcast.

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Speaker 3: Back tomorrow with one of our best of a conversation

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Speaker 3: with Amanda Keller that is guaranteed.

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Speaker 1: To bring tears to your eyes. As the Happy

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Speaker 3: Families Podcast summer series