Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany, how you going.
Speaker 1: Brennie's very tired. She didn't get to bed until four
Speaker 1: am last night, guys. And now it's Monday morning and
Speaker 1: we're bringing you the episode. Now. I don't want you
Speaker 1: to think I was out going wild, because I totally
Speaker 1: was not her in her single life. Just can't get
Speaker 1: home in a Sunday night. No. I started filming a
Speaker 1: new film, just like a really small role in the
Speaker 1: Speature film. But it literally ran so far over the clock.
Speaker 1: It was supposed to finish at about eleven PM, and
Speaker 1: it was four am and I was still doing scenes,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I have to get up in
Speaker 1: four hours to record a podcast. I need to go
Speaker 1: to bed. So Britte is so far beyond the point
Speaker 1: of tie that she actually looks high right now. She's
Speaker 1: great for everyone. We're gonna bring you some solid content today.
Speaker 1: I felt. I promised. You know, when you wake up
Speaker 1: tired and you feel hungover, I haven't had a drink
Speaker 1: in in ages. I haven't had been drinking at all.
Speaker 1: I know. Thank you, guys. I'm sure, you're really patting
Speaker 1: me on the back right now, but I feel hung over,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. Whilst you're running me off. I wish
Speaker 1: you guys could see the state or Laura. Okay, I
Speaker 1: have felt hungover for an entire fucking year because I
Speaker 1: have a one year old and right now I look
Speaker 1: exactly the point in case. The point in case, yeah whatever,
Speaker 1: I woke up at six. I woke up at six
Speaker 1: this morning with Marley, and I haven't showered or brushed
Speaker 1: my hair or done anything yet because I don't exist
Speaker 1: as a person anymore and everything I do is to
Speaker 1: keep one year old alive. So this is yeah, Oh
Speaker 1: they took a dark, dark turn. Anyway, here we are.
Speaker 1: How was your week. I haven't seen you in a
Speaker 1: few days because you went on a vacation. I spent
Speaker 1: one night at a at a hotel, which definitely felt
Speaker 1: like I went on a vacation. I have had a
Speaker 1: pretty uneventful week except for Saturday. I spent Saturday helping
Speaker 1: Matt shoot some content where he spent the entire day
Speaker 1: dressed in drag, So I was like, that's mommonian, Why
Speaker 1: hang on? What do I feel like every second week?
Speaker 1: Matt's dresses a woman. Well, I think it's a fetish,
Speaker 1: to be honest, There's got to be something in that
Speaker 1: because he's always like, hey, babe, I have an idea
Speaker 1: for a video. I'll dress as a woman. Yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: if you follow my Instagram or Matt's Instagram, you would
Speaker 1: know that this seems to be a running theme. I
Speaker 1: was actually at work on Thursday, and often when Matt
Speaker 1: calls me and I'm at the office, I put him
Speaker 1: on the loudspeaker, and so it was just because then
Speaker 1: I can have my hands free and I can do
Speaker 1: work whilst he's talking. Anyway, I had him on my
Speaker 1: outh speaker and two of my employees were in the
Speaker 1: office sitting at their desks, and Matt goes, oh, babe,
Speaker 1: I I need some of your clothes that I can
Speaker 1: wear for Saturday. I was like, okay, well, I'll have
Speaker 1: to find something tonight because I don't want you stretching
Speaker 1: my clothes. And he goes, well, what about that dress
Speaker 1: of yours? I sometimes wear both my stuff, which is like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is going on? That makes it sound
Speaker 1: like he just walks around the house for fundsies in
Speaker 1: your clothes, which he does, doesn't He totally? And I
Speaker 1: was like, this is a completely normal conversation that we
Speaker 1: have often. But the funny thing is it is probably
Speaker 1: normal to you. You're like, oh, I know that one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just cleaned it for your honey. Yeah. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's a Grace Loves Lace six hundred dollars dress that
Speaker 1: you like to put on. No problem, I'll pull it
Speaker 1: out of the wardrobe for you. He's like, I just
Speaker 1: love to feel a bit at my skin really really
Speaker 1: defines his silhouette. Anyway, I'm all here for it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: if that's his cank and he wants to do it,
Speaker 1: he can pretend it's for social media. We all know
Speaker 1: the truth, and I'm here for it. I'm going to
Speaker 1: support that man to the day and die. Does it
Speaker 1: do anything for you seeing him dressed in Grace Loves Lace, Well,
Speaker 1: considering the fact that our sex life has rapidly declined
Speaker 1: in the last year, potentially not. I heard you almost
Speaker 1: had sex on the weekend, So Matt told me. He's like,
Speaker 1: it was really great to almost have sex. No, Matt
Speaker 1: was like, Matt was like, please don't talk about me
Speaker 1: dressed in drag on your podcast. Why don't you just
Speaker 1: talk about the fact that we almost had sex? And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'll talk about that as well,
Speaker 1: then I'll do boats. So that was a big overshare.
Speaker 1: We didn't it didn't quite happen. You don't have to
Speaker 1: keep sharing like we're good the end. Anyway, how about
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, no brand? How about your week? Tell me
Speaker 1: what's been having to go in your life? I don't.
Speaker 1: I could cry. I'm so tired. I actually don't have
Speaker 1: anything to tell you. I have two I have two
Speaker 1: mishaps in my you know how. Sometimes actually it's happened
Speaker 1: quite a lot. I write an email and I do
Speaker 1: it too quickly, and I don't look at what I'm
Speaker 1: saying in auto creaks and I send it. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: the time I sent an email to my entire department
Speaker 1: saying kind retards Laura Burn. Yeah, so I did that twice,
Speaker 1: two different people for the same day. Firstly, one was
Speaker 1: supposed to say hey Jesse, and I wrote, Hey, Jesus,
Speaker 1: I sent you the shining Light Jesse, you surely are
Speaker 1: the savior that we all need. I actually don't know
Speaker 1: which one's worse. You'll have to tell me. So I said, hey, Jesus.
Speaker 1: And then later on that day, I went to say
Speaker 1: hey lovely, because I often will do that if I
Speaker 1: sort of know the person, Hey lovely, and I wrote,
Speaker 1: hay lonely, she's probably dopally she hasn't gone through a
Speaker 1: break up recently. I reckon that, hey lonely. If someone
Speaker 1: wrote that to me, I'd probably just go and lock
Speaker 1: myself in my room with a double of ice cream.
Speaker 1: I'm imagining if somebody wrote that to you, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was the icing on the cake that set me
Speaker 1: into a stage four breakdown. It would be I'm ready,
Speaker 1: you're like talking through what happened. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: it started with an auto correction, and do we have
Speaker 1: any dating stories for me this week? I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: really pry into your personal life since we all know
Speaker 1: too much about mine. Right, So I went on a
Speaker 1: walking date. We're on a walking date with a guy,
Speaker 1: like I didn't really think it through much. It was
Speaker 1: online and spoken to him really briefly. I don't like
Speaker 1: to speak to people for a long time and drag
Speaker 1: it out because I'm I am too old. No, But
Speaker 1: I'm also for that as well. I think if you've
Speaker 1: connected with someone online. You can end up becoming penpals
Speaker 1: and like, that's not what we're here for. I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty has been a bit different, and like obviously
Speaker 1: people haven't been able to act on their online connections
Speaker 1: as quickly and as easily. But I think if you've
Speaker 1: contacted someone online, you guys vibe you have things in common.
Speaker 1: It's like within a week you have to set a
Speaker 1: date or a time or something to see each other.
Speaker 1: You can't just penpal each other to death, for sure.
Speaker 1: And it was alright for me when I was younger.
Speaker 1: I quite enjoyed talking to people and having the fun
Speaker 1: and just having something there. I am so short on time, energy, patient,
Speaker 1: Like I've been fucking whittled down. Guys, I have been
Speaker 1: burnt into the ground. They were literally like age, sex, location, cool,
Speaker 1: I'll be there. No, I'm like we just chat and
Speaker 1: he's like, what are you up to today? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I've actually got our free if you're around,
Speaker 1: let's get a coffee and go for a walk. And
Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, okay, so sorry you said craffee,
Speaker 1: didn't pick it up, Okay, just leave this. But I
Speaker 1: went for a coffee not a c and so we
Speaker 1: met straight away. Now this doesn't often happen to me,
Speaker 1: but I do get a really good reading straight away
Speaker 1: on somebody. He walked around the corner of the coffee shop,
Speaker 1: and as soon as I saw him, I just the
Speaker 1: energy wasn't right. And I know that sounds crazy, but
Speaker 1: I was like, I just know that this isn't going
Speaker 1: to be great. Within one minute, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, this is going to be really, really hard.
Speaker 1: I just knew that it wasn't going anywhere. And he
Speaker 1: was a great guy. Don't get me wrong, it was fun,
Speaker 1: like it was just it was it was not easy,
Speaker 1: and I think it should be easy. The conversation wasn't easy.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he was nervous or something, but
Speaker 1: I had to really like, you know, mate, you guys
Speaker 1: know I can talk under water. But it was hard.
Speaker 1: What do you do in that situation? Like? Is it okay?
Speaker 1: If you are instantly not vibing someone, you know it's
Speaker 1: not going to go anywhere. Can you cut that date short?
Speaker 1: Can you do like a twenty five minute and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, not for me? Like can you
Speaker 1: do that? You can? But I don't dating him. No, guys,
Speaker 1: that wasn't even funny, No, because well I don't like
Speaker 1: to hurt someone's feelings to that point. And we were
Speaker 1: going for a walk. It was a nice day. And
Speaker 1: also like I couldn't walk halfway and get uber back.
Speaker 1: I had to walk back, so like you know, fair,
Speaker 1: and also like a walking date is pretty harmless, Like
Speaker 1: you can spend an hour in someone's company who you
Speaker 1: know you're not gonna end up dating, and just do
Speaker 1: the niceties of having a chat. And it was a
Speaker 1: nice day anyway, So it was and look, it was fine.
Speaker 1: It was just all I'm saying. I'm not saying it
Speaker 1: was a bad date. I'm just saying I just knew
Speaker 1: straightaway that it was never gonna go anywhere. And I'm
Speaker 1: really big on being honest now because I hate people ghosting.
Speaker 1: This is my advice and anyone ever listens. I think
Speaker 1: it's better to be the bigger person and be really honest.
Speaker 1: I'm the same. If someone doesn't feel it with me,
Speaker 1: I would hope they would write to me and be
Speaker 1: honest and say, great, had a great day, You're an
Speaker 1: amazing person. Didn't feel anything like whatever, And I wouldn't
Speaker 1: like hands down, couldn't care less. If that was a
Speaker 1: first or second date, I'd be like cool, no worries.
Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, he said, because
Speaker 1: we matched online. And I think if you don't like
Speaker 1: not that you owe someone anything that early on in
Speaker 1: a relationship. But it's not even a relationship, like you
Speaker 1: don't owe someone anything. But there is a nice way
Speaker 1: and a rude way to handle things. I think if
Speaker 1: you've met someone, you've given them your time. Sending some
Speaker 1: sort of like conclusion message is a nice way to
Speaker 1: bundle things up. However, you don't need to go into
Speaker 1: why you don't feel it with them, Like they don't
Speaker 1: need to be criticized on what you think about them
Speaker 1: based on their very limited experience with you. I think
Speaker 1: with me, if he didn't say anything at the end,
Speaker 1: if we both just left and said, hey, had a
Speaker 1: great time, see you later, I have a great day,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't follow up and like tell him
Speaker 1: that I just want to see him again, like it
Speaker 1: just send me this message, Look, you seem great, but
Speaker 1: I'm just look I can't commit to they need to
Speaker 1: back that's not you as me, No, but the whole
Speaker 1: thing was at the end we matched online. At the end,
Speaker 1: he's like, hey, had a really great time. This is
Speaker 1: like in person, and he went to play his phone.
Speaker 1: He's like, can I get your number? And what you
Speaker 1: look at your phone? I'm like, what do you do? Yes?
Speaker 1: So I said, oh, I'll take one to run away.
Speaker 1: I follow lost my phone. I said, hey, I'll just
Speaker 1: send it to you on hinge like pre find away, Relax,
Speaker 1: I'll send it you a hinge. So we left and
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, okay, cool. And I was actually going
Speaker 1: to message him because that's what I'm honest, like that
Speaker 1: before I got the chance, because I went straight back
Speaker 1: to work before I got the chance. It was only
Speaker 1: like an hour or so later he messaged and he's like,
Speaker 1: this is my number. I had a great time. I'd
Speaker 1: love to see you again. I wrote back a few
Speaker 1: hours later, Look, you're really great. I had a great
Speaker 1: time too. But in complete transparency, I don't think I
Speaker 1: felt anything romantic. They're happy to cash up as a
Speaker 1: friend sometime. I think that's a great message. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: totally fine, honest, that's nice, crazy polite, And he wrote back,
Speaker 1: this is the funny bit. He wrote back, Oh, thank god,
Speaker 1: hundred percent me too. And I was like, but what
Speaker 1: you just asked me out? I was like, maybe he's
Speaker 1: totally just wanted to have sex with you, which is fair.
Speaker 1: I think it was a I think his message was
Speaker 1: a panic message, like I think he felt bad that No,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to make him feel bad. I disagree.
Speaker 1: I think, you know, there's always some level not always,
Speaker 1: but you know, a lot of people will feel some
Speaker 1: level of ego bruising whether or not they were into
Speaker 1: it or not themselves. But maybe he was into it
Speaker 1: and then hearing that you didn't feel something when he did,
Speaker 1: there's a defensive mechanism that comes into plate there, and
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, yeah, me either. I was just being paged. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was just a defensive mechanism. But I just felt
Speaker 1: a bit like I was like, just just own that
Speaker 1: and just be like, no worries see you around.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, but we can't control other people's reactions, Like no,
Speaker 2: it's totally on him. And for any men out there
Speaker 2: who listened to this podcast who were wanting a date
Speaker 2: with Brittany, I just recommend rocking up wearing a red
Speaker 2: flag as.
Speaker 1: A T shirt and she'll be like, that's my man.
Speaker 1: I often asked to meet them. I'm like, the only
Speaker 1: way I'm gonna know where you are is if you
Speaker 1: stand outside the coffee shop with a red flag, Like,
Speaker 1: hold a flag. I can only recognize you in that way.
Speaker 1: You know, that's probably as exciting as this week got. Guys. Well,
Speaker 1: guys that this week has been an exciting week. There
Speaker 1: has been so much happening, which actually it was last week,
Speaker 1: not this week, because this week hasn't really happened yet.
Speaker 1: Last week the Bachelor started, which we're going to get into.
Speaker 1: We are also going to talk about some other things
Speaker 1: we're actually going to touch on. I want to tell
Speaker 1: you about the Bachelor in America, the Bachelourette. Something happened
Speaker 1: ooh the og? All right, okay, I'm down for that.
Speaker 1: I don't follow the American Bachelorette, so this is going
Speaker 1: to be news for me. I don't either, but just
Speaker 1: read end I thought it was interesting. So we also
Speaker 1: want to tell you what we're going to be talking
Speaker 1: about for today's podcasts, so that you don't have to
Speaker 1: listen to thirty five minutes of us dribbling on without
Speaker 1: actually having a clear idea of what the fuck you're
Speaker 1: in for. I don't know. I think this is the
Speaker 1: best content. So today's episode, if you guys remember a
Speaker 1: few weeks back, we actually did an episode which was
Speaker 1: all about love languages and that we had such a
Speaker 1: great response to that episode, all about how you communicate
Speaker 1: and how you show love and receive love. Today we're
Speaker 1: doing a follow up to that episode, which is all
Speaker 1: about attachment styles and how you relate and bond with
Speaker 1: your adult partner. Adult partner. That was weird, how you
Speaker 1: relate or bond with your boyfriend or your girlfriend or whoever.
Speaker 1: It is, the important relationships, Yeah, but also how you
Speaker 1: bond and attach yourself to your friendship groups as well,
Speaker 1: and how that that's actually linked to your relationship with
Speaker 1: your parents and your daddy issues. So we're gonna get
Speaker 1: really into that later on. But before we do get
Speaker 1: into that, yeah, we have some other shit we want
Speaker 1: to cover first. Why can we jump straight in to
Speaker 1: the Bachelor? What do you think? I think? We don't
Speaker 1: go deep. I just want to know what your thoughts
Speaker 1: are overall. I like, like, let's not go deep. It's
Speaker 1: like it's the most like superficially fantastic. I love it.
Speaker 1: But it's like hardly deep conversation the cocktail party night. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, let's not go into detail. Oh, it's just
Speaker 1: like that zapp's my energy. Okay. So for anybody who
Speaker 1: was following along on the Facebook group, if you're not
Speaker 1: part of the group, then here is my plug and
Speaker 1: a bit of a housekeeping as well. We have a
Speaker 1: Facebook group It's Life Uncut podcast. We really recommend if
Speaker 1: you're a bit of a Batchel Diehard fan to jump
Speaker 1: onto that Facebook group because as the episodes are happening
Speaker 1: Bachelor episodes are happening, we have a running thread there
Speaker 1: where everyone is kind of contributing their hilarious commentary on
Speaker 1: the whole thing. So there are a couple of questions
Speaker 1: that got asked in that Facebook group feed which I
Speaker 1: just wanted to touch on because I thought they're actually
Speaker 1: really great questions. Some of them we have the answers.
Speaker 1: For some of them, we have no idea what the
Speaker 1: fuck was going on, but from our experience, we thought
Speaker 1: we could answer them, starting with the one very.
Speaker 2: Important question, where the hell did aribas ham sand? Which
Speaker 2: come from Printey, I always.
Speaker 1: Find this so interesting that it is happening in my
Speaker 1: season two. I don't know if it happened to yours.
Speaker 1: When someone's like, can I ask you some questions about Batchlan,
Speaker 1: I'm like, of course, open book, ask what you want.
Speaker 1: The first question is always about food and what we eat,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you guys could ask me anything. Everyone
Speaker 1: always wants to know about the food. I think it's
Speaker 1: because there's so much information out there about how production's
Speaker 1: manipulative or how like the edit happens, and there's so
Speaker 1: much conversation about that, but the actual like day to
Speaker 1: day running, like how do you exercise, how do you
Speaker 1: get food? What does your downtime look like? Those sorts
Speaker 1: of questions are really answered, and that stuff's really interesting,
Speaker 1: especially for people who want to enter or actually are
Speaker 1: considering going on the show. But they're like, well, I
Speaker 1: understand what the outcome is going to be, but I
Speaker 1: don't know what the day to day looks like during
Speaker 1: the filming. Yeah, like I want to know where I'm
Speaker 1: going to get my ham sandwich from. It's very important.
Speaker 1: So I think what's happened is so we don't get
Speaker 1: food at the cocktail parties. Guys, it's not an actual
Speaker 1: cocktail party, but you're you're obviously fed, so you have
Speaker 1: a break for dinner, and there's there's food that's catered,
Speaker 1: so there's food all in the kitchen. You actually have
Speaker 1: a proper break, You sit down, you eat your food,
Speaker 1: but it's food, like it's not sandwiches. Usually it's usually
Speaker 1: rolls and curries and like rice. But I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: I mean, it's easy. They could have had sandwiches that night.
Speaker 1: She could have made a sandwich, a ham sandwich because
Speaker 1: she's hungry, because you can do that. I'm wondering if
Speaker 1: she was actually on a break and they weren't properly
Speaker 1: filming when that went down, and the cameraman just decided
Speaker 1: to grab it because it was content, So I think
Speaker 1: she was probably just sitting there and eating. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was really surprised by it.
Speaker 2: And when everyone was asking where did she get the
Speaker 2: ham sandwich from, I was like, I have no idea,
Speaker 2: because you never are allowed to eat, especially production food
Speaker 2: in like a plastic container on on set, Like it
Speaker 2: just doesn't happen. So I'm thinking it's the same thing.
Speaker 2: Usually there's a catering truck that comes and they cater
Speaker 2: so mid break they do a like a food break.
Speaker 2: And then they do a big break at the end
Speaker 2: after the row ceremony, so you do have like these
Speaker 2: two separate times to eat. But we were absolutely not allowed.
Speaker 1: To bring any of the catering food on set, So
Speaker 1: when I saw her there with her dirty ham sandwich,
Speaker 1: I was like, you're a queen because that was my sandwich. Also, guys,
Speaker 1: the first lines filmed over two days, so they're really
Speaker 1: really big days, so she's probably just famished. She probably
Speaker 1: scurried off to quickly like get some sustenance in her.
Speaker 1: She was attacked stage left, and I reckon the cameramen
Speaker 1: are just like poink bingo turn their cameras because the
Speaker 1: cameras never shut down. They're always there. Even if the
Speaker 1: cameramen are like lulling around on the break, they're always
Speaker 1: ready for action. Yeah, I think it was a bit opportunistic,
Speaker 1: But you kind of just answered a second question that
Speaker 1: came up on that group chat, which was because I
Speaker 1: had mentioned, oh, like, guys, let's keep some perspective about
Speaker 1: how wild Zoe's behaving because the cocktail party is filmed
Speaker 1: over two days, and that kind of blew some people's mind.
Speaker 1: So the cocktail, the very first cocktail party. No other
Speaker 1: cocktail parties are done in this way, but the very
Speaker 1: first cocktail party is filmed over two separate days. Basically,
Speaker 1: you get up and you get on a bus at
Speaker 1: about eight am, seven am, it's quite early, and then
Speaker 1: you start doing hair and makeup in groups. So there's
Speaker 1: so many girls to get through.
Speaker 2: There's only a limited amount of makeup and hair artists,
Speaker 2: and they do a group at a time, so usually
Speaker 2: they split into three different groups. There's a group in
Speaker 2: the morning, a group in the middle, and a group
Speaker 2: in the afternoon. So then just before sunset you get
Speaker 2: taken to location and then right when dusk happens, that's
Speaker 2: when the first that's when the first like walk down
Speaker 2: the walkway, meet their bachelor, blah blah blah, that all happens.
Speaker 2: The first night takes so long because it's all the
Speaker 2: introductions that by the time they get to the end
Speaker 2: of the cocktail party, the cocktail party has really only
Speaker 2: gone on for a couple of and so the last
Speaker 2: girl who arrives has only had like one or two
Speaker 2: hours at the cocktail party. It's about three am, four am,
Speaker 2: and they wrap up, put everyone back on the bus,
Speaker 2: take you all home. Then at about seven am six am.
Speaker 1: The next day, you get back up, so you've had
Speaker 1: three hours sleep, You get your hair and makeup done
Speaker 1: exactly the same, You get put back into the exact
Speaker 1: same clothes, you do the whole thing again, and then
Speaker 1: on the third day, you get back in those same clothes,
Speaker 1: you get back in that same hair and makeup, and
Speaker 1: you do the boxes, which is when you're talking to camera,
Speaker 1: and you spend the whole day doing voxes about the
Speaker 1: cocktail party there was three weeks earlier.
Speaker 2: It's intent, so you have three separate days that you're
Speaker 2: wearing the exact same hair and makeup outfit, and that's
Speaker 2: how they manage to get so much content for that
Speaker 2: first night.
Speaker 1: Also, they don't do it for any other reason than
Speaker 1: they physically have to. There is just not enough time
Speaker 1: to get through every girl's arrival, get through a whole
Speaker 1: cocktail party, and get all the content. So they're not
Speaker 1: doing it for any other and they're not doing it
Speaker 1: for any reason to be manipulative in any way, or
Speaker 1: they don't want to do it, but there's just not
Speaker 1: enough time in the day, so totally, but it explains
Speaker 1: why by the end of that cocktail party. Everyone is
Speaker 1: just totally fucking like blotto, not even drunk blotto, but
Speaker 1: they're just so exhausted. But I did enjoy how they were, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: and Zoe took ill, so she can't be here tonight.
Speaker 1: Took ill. We've all taken ill at some point when
Speaker 1: I have seventeen Bacardi breezes, I take ill as well.
Speaker 1: I was so perplexed by that rant like the rest
Speaker 1: of the world, because apparently she's gone viral on TikTok.
Speaker 1: She's a TikTok meme or something. Is that a thing
Speaker 1: meme on TikTok You just haven't so old just then,
Speaker 1: but yes, I'm gonna guess it's a thing. She's a tiktokitty.
Speaker 1: She's a tiktoking meme. The one thing that's been so
Speaker 1: ironic that's come out as like the main conversation around
Speaker 1: that is that Zoe very very Caucasian. Zoe has taken
Speaker 1: aim at the only person of color on the show
Speaker 1: and said that she is victimizing her because of the
Speaker 1: way she looks, which the irony in that is just brilliant.
Speaker 1: Probably not so great for twenty twenty and where we're
Speaker 1: out at the moment in society. But oh god, the
Speaker 1: entertainment factor. You know, we have to keep perspective on
Speaker 1: who the villains are. We have to keep perspective on
Speaker 1: the edit and all that sort of stuff. But I'm
Speaker 1: here for this, yeah, And it's super important to remember to, like,
Speaker 1: if you want to laugh at people, you can have
Speaker 1: your opinions, but have them inside. You use your inside
Speaker 1: voice and your internal monologue. And it's really important that
Speaker 1: you don't go and put those opinions on the internet.
Speaker 1: You don't be nasty, you don't make fun of people
Speaker 1: like on their pages. Just remember that too. Like with
Speaker 1: the Facebook group, it's all very lighthearted. If anything negative
Speaker 1: gets said, it gets deleted. You guys, someone will report
Speaker 1: your ass and I'll delete the comment and then send
Speaker 1: you a message saying, keep it up, keep it up beat, guys,
Speaker 1: keep it nice. But also there's been a few questions
Speaker 1: because I personally know Bella, who's from this season, and
Speaker 1: there's been a few questions around how I know her
Speaker 1: and what my relationship is like with her, and so
Speaker 1: I just want to like clear the air before Daily
Speaker 1: Mail writes any fucking rumors that aren't true. So I
Speaker 1: have known Bella for about three and a half years now. Basically,
Speaker 1: I met her after we finished filming The Bachelor, and
Speaker 1: when Matt and I started, we were together and we
Speaker 1: started going to different events and things. We went to
Speaker 1: an event in Sydney and I met her and I
Speaker 1: met another girl named Dadae Tunci, and we just got
Speaker 1: along really really well. We ended up going out for
Speaker 1: dinner afterwards, and that's how we became friendly. You know,
Speaker 1: I've seen her probably once in the last year and
Speaker 1: a half, but we've always been on good term. She's
Speaker 1: a really really lovely person, and so that is how
Speaker 1: we know each other. I didn't know she was doing
Speaker 1: the show. I had no idea. I found out afterwards.
Speaker 1: I actually it's a lie.
Speaker 2: I found out during only because Florence had sent me
Speaker 2: screenshots of her photos from daily mails. So there'd been
Speaker 2: pat photos that had come out, and Florence, who also
Speaker 2: knows Bella, was like, holy shit, how's this some synchronicity
Speaker 2: in life?
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's how I know her. I have no
Speaker 1: inside of goss, which means that I can speculate all
Speaker 1: the fuck I want. Guys, Yeah, I like that. I
Speaker 1: like that. You don't know, we like Britta and I
Speaker 1: we're so far removed from the girls who are on
Speaker 1: this season that we can talk about it, but we
Speaker 1: genuinely have no idea what the outcome is, and that's
Speaker 1: what makes all of this so much more enjoyable for us. Actually,
Speaker 1: I wonder if that's why you and I bonded, because
Speaker 1: like in this weird way, I mean, I trauma trauma
Speaker 1: responding bab. This is gonna this is gonna sound weird
Speaker 1: because I've just done Bachelor in Paradise, but I've never
Speaker 1: been involved in the Bachelor world. Everyone knows each other
Speaker 1: in Paradise, they all speak, They've all been in each
Speaker 1: other's DMS. I didn't know one person. I've never spoken
Speaker 1: to one other person before, never seen to the DMS.
Speaker 1: You didn't go to Bali that time, you didn't go bar,
Speaker 1: but everyone comes out and it becomes a really incestuous world.
Speaker 1: I was always very removed. I left and I just
Speaker 1: went and got on with my life. I think you
Speaker 1: sort of did that too, And it sounds weird that
Speaker 1: to say that I'm not involved with anyone else because
Speaker 1: I do this with you and you're from the Batchelor.
Speaker 1: But apart from that, you and I don't. We don't
Speaker 1: want the goss from every other person and every other season.
Speaker 1: So I think it's nice that we can now sit
Speaker 1: here and not have no attachment to anyone in this season,
Speaker 1: and we can talk openly about it. So anything we do, say, guys,
Speaker 1: we literally know nothing. Like I'm sick of the entertainment
Speaker 1: value now, Like I love watching The Bachelor because I
Speaker 1: think it's funny. I think it's entertaining.
Speaker 2: I enjoy the love story, like I actually genuinely believe
Speaker 2: that couples can come out of it, and that people.
Speaker 1: Can't believe it. Well, that's probably because here we are,
Speaker 1: but that's yeah, that's why I'm so into it. It's
Speaker 1: not because I have a relationship or any sort of
Speaker 1: attachment to the people who do it now. I mean
Speaker 1: I feel sorry for them sometimes, but part from that.
Speaker 1: On the first episode when it happened, when it happened,
Speaker 1: when they started walking in, I got this feeling of
Speaker 1: like nostalgia and it was really weird. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I sort of missed this house and
Speaker 1: like the friendships and going through that. How weird. And
Speaker 1: then two seconds later all hell broke loose and I
Speaker 1: was like, no, no, I don't. I like that.
Speaker 2: You had a moment of nostalgia, and every time I
Speaker 2: see the first episode, all I feel is wild anxiety,
Speaker 2: wild anxiety.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got the happy ending, bro, let's get in. Well,
Speaker 1: I've got something else. Oh god, we are I want
Speaker 1: to get into the accidentally unfilled. No, We've got so
Speaker 1: much more to get through there. So I don't follow
Speaker 1: thes Bachelorette, but I found this really bloody interesting. They
Speaker 1: cast Claire Crawley, so she's she's actually a veteran. She
Speaker 1: was on season eighteen of the Bachelor, and then she
Speaker 1: did two lots of Paradises and shed. Then she did
Speaker 1: The Bachelor Winter Games, which I don't know what if
Speaker 1: you know what that is, it's like another spinoff. So
Speaker 1: she's Courtney did So Courtney was on Georgia Love season
Speaker 1: he went over and that's how we met Lillie McManus
Speaker 1: because he did the Winter Games. I would love to
Speaker 1: do that the Bachelor. In the States, they really they
Speaker 1: drain and ring out as much content under the Bachelor
Speaker 1: series as possible. They've got like four different spinoffs. We've
Speaker 1: just got Paradise, They've got one for every season. Imagine
Speaker 1: just going to the snow, snowboarding with some friends, maybe
Speaker 1: hooking up with the love of your life, like brilliant,
Speaker 1: It's like my dream. Brittany's been pitching herself for Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Winter. She's like, I've already on the Paradise One.
Speaker 1: I'm ready for my Winter One be the next season,
Speaker 1: Bachelor in Spring. All right, tell me what happened. So
Speaker 1: Claire Crawley anyway, she's she became bacheloret So they announced
Speaker 1: the bachelorette. Then this is all speculation, okay, but it's everywhere,
Speaker 1: so I don't want you to say it's gospel. It
Speaker 1: must be true. It must be true. They announced her
Speaker 1: as bachelorette. Then COVID happened and everything went into lockdown.
Speaker 1: So they went to a four down lockdown. Then they
Speaker 1: came back out and started to film ten to twelve
Speaker 1: days inter filming. Now this goes for months. She refused
Speaker 1: to come out of her room. She's like, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I don't want to date anyone else. I'm in love
Speaker 1: with Dale. There's this guy called Dale Moss, one of
Speaker 1: the contestants. I'm in love with Dale. I want no
Speaker 1: one but Dale. They want see you one, but Dale,
Speaker 1: I'm not coming down of my room. I'm quitting the.
Speaker 2: Show in ten days filming. She's in love with someone
Speaker 2: and wants to leave the show.
Speaker 1: Lolcano. She would have spent three minutes with him. We
Speaker 1: all know how that works. She's probably only had one
Speaker 1: single day with the guy. Now where this gets interesting,
Speaker 1: It's come out that in the four months lockdown, Dale
Speaker 1: has slid into her DMS slippery McGee Daye, slippery Dale,
Speaker 1: slippery Dazzy. So he's like obviously been like, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: on the show whatever. They've formed this bond four months,
Speaker 1: fallen in love with a week end. She's like fuck this,
Speaker 1: and now they're engaged. This is all speculation. She left
Speaker 1: the show halfway through. They had to bring people back,
Speaker 1: they've had to find a new bachelorette, and it's been
Speaker 1: chaos and that has never ever happened in a Bachelor history.
Speaker 1: So I thought that was interesting. But how sneaky is
Speaker 1: is finding out the bachelorette getting ahead of time and
Speaker 1: making a fall in love with you before the show starts.
Speaker 1: It's brilliant power, move Dale, brilliant power. It's a really
Speaker 1: great game plan, that's for sure, but also I think
Speaker 1: like twenty twenty is pretty fucked anyway, like something else
Speaker 1: had to go wrong for them right this, I blame COVID.
Speaker 1: It's your fault. Well, there's one more funny thing about
Speaker 1: the Bachelor that you just brought to my attention. Do
Speaker 1: you want to tell the people?
Speaker 2: So Britt didn't know about this, and maybe you guys
Speaker 2: don't know about this. And I promise after this story,
Speaker 2: this will be the last batch thing that we would
Speaker 2: talking about on this episode. But last night, when I
Speaker 2: was sitting on the couch mining my own business, scrolling Instagram.
Speaker 1: Something popped up which I felt highly highly amusing, and
Speaker 1: that is that Matt Wyatt and Kieran from Paradise are
Speaker 1: having a charity boxing match and they're gonna try and
Speaker 1: punch the shit out of each other for charity. And
Speaker 1: I just think, boys, you need to put your dicks away.
Speaker 1: Enough is enough. I actually found this so funny because
Speaker 1: they nearly had to bunge up on Paradise. Now they've
Speaker 1: taken it into a public arena, and I think it's embarrassing. Look,
Speaker 1: it's for charity, so I'm here for it. Anything that
Speaker 1: goes to charity, I'm here for but I just think
Speaker 1: why boys like and they've called it Battle of the
Speaker 1: Bachelor's look. I mean, of course it's for charity, like
Speaker 1: money for anything that's going towards a good cause is important.
Speaker 1: But I don't know is there is the sentiment behind
Speaker 1: why they're doing it for a good cause. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, Like they obviously don't like each other, they
Speaker 1: obviously have a beef and then to want to beat
Speaker 1: each other up. I just think the whole thing's pretty dirty,
Speaker 1: and I think there's a big competition element to it.
Speaker 1: There's a big like my dick's bigger than your dick.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of jealousy. There's just a lot of
Speaker 1: like pent up hate and aggression. And I don't think
Speaker 1: beating the shit out of each other for charity is
Speaker 1: a great idea. I feel like on Instagram they have
Speaker 1: like made up because there's been apologies and whatever. Like
Speaker 1: I don't think their best is but I feel like
Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, bro, I respect you, sorry whatever. I
Speaker 1: don't know. You know what boys do. But I think
Speaker 1: Kieran's gonna lose. Actually, let's do this, Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 1: put a pole on Instagram. We're gonna put a pole
Speaker 1: in our Facebook group as well. Who do you think
Speaker 1: is gonna win? Kieran or Matt? I reckon Kieran talks
Speaker 1: a big talk, but maybe doesn't have the gusto behind
Speaker 1: the gas. Oh that was a good one. From from
Speaker 1: what I have seen, what I've known, I would and
Speaker 1: it's nothing against either person, but I would have just
Speaker 1: been like, yeah, Matt's got this in the bag. But Kieran,
Speaker 1: I believe has been training properly at boxing gym. Like
Speaker 1: I think they're really going to town. I think it's
Speaker 1: it's gonna be really serious. But how embarrassing because someone's
Speaker 1: gonna lose, Like one person's gonna lose. I would I
Speaker 1: just would never say yes to this. In case I
Speaker 1: was the loser, let us do it. How about we
Speaker 1: do a charity boxing? Would out at me? Na, no way,
Speaker 1: I'm a wiry little girl. I'd get you great hound.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine who wants to see Brittain and I
Speaker 1: do a boxing match. Let's put that pole up. No,
Speaker 1: we're not gonna do it, but let's just see who
Speaker 1: people think would win. You're too nice people there, but
Speaker 1: I'm an animal. You are a low key animal. I'm
Speaker 1: an underdog animal.
Speaker 2: This is what people don't realize. Everyone's like, Oh, Brittany's
Speaker 2: so lovely, Laura's got issues.
Speaker 1: I just think I'm fit. I just mean I'm fitting lovely.
Speaker 1: If it was like a fight, if we had to
Speaker 1: to like be the last person hunger games, I mean,
Speaker 1: I could do it, but I would never. I just
Speaker 1: would never fight someone because I would punch in my
Speaker 1: back and my go I'm.
Speaker 2: So sorry, and I love that about you. All Right, with
Speaker 2: all that out of the way, that was a really
Speaker 2: long intro, but we do have our favorite part of
Speaker 2: the episode and your favorite part of the episode. If
Speaker 2: you listened to last week's episodes in general, you would
Speaker 2: realize we didn't do ask uncut episode on Thursday.
Speaker 1: I've just said the word episode so many times and
Speaker 1: it's really annoying me, so I can only imagine how
Speaker 1: you feel. We didn't do that second episode of the week,
Speaker 1: but we did put up a bonus air which was
Speaker 1: only accidentally unfiltered stories. So if you haven't listened to
Speaker 1: our bonus episode from last week, it is strictly for loles.
Speaker 1: There is nothing serious about it. We highly recommend that
Speaker 1: you go and listen to that. However, we have some
Speaker 1: more accidentally unfiltered stories for you, because yeah, I got
Speaker 1: fucked up lives and we love it. I've actually got
Speaker 1: a good one, but mine crosses into accidentally unfiltered slash.
Speaker 1: Can't believe they said that, Oh it's slashy, it's a slash.
Speaker 1: It's a slash. Double barrel. All right, Well do you
Speaker 1: want to go first? Yeah? Why not? This happened about
Speaker 1: seven years ago, back in the day with my ex boyfriend.
Speaker 1: We've been together for about four years and had the
Speaker 1: epitome of a toxic relationship. I'm talking cheating, gaslighting, abuse, Lol,
Speaker 1: no idea why I have trust issues. We finally broke
Speaker 1: up about six months prior and hadn't spoken once since
Speaker 1: we had broken up, but we aasionally had social gatherings
Speaker 1: together because we still had a group of friends that
Speaker 1: were similar. On this day, we had a big group
Speaker 1: of pre drinks for a festival. I was sitting there chatting,
Speaker 1: minding my own business, when he came up to me
Speaker 1: and said, really, seriously, can I have a chat with
Speaker 1: you really quickly about something really important? I thought, hell's yes,
Speaker 1: this guy's gonna ask me to get back with him.
Speaker 1: And this is my shining moment to be like sorry,
Speaker 1: thank you. Next you missed your chance. He took me
Speaker 1: aside and said, really, seriously, I'm really sorry to ask.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to see if it was possible if
Speaker 1: you could take drugs into the festival for me in
Speaker 1: your vagina. I couldn't even speak because I was so shocked.
Speaker 1: I just walked away without saying one word and counted
Speaker 1: my lucky stars that I am now with someone that
Speaker 1: doesn't make me smuggle and be his drug mule. Could
Speaker 1: you imagine you're like, oh, this is my time to
Speaker 1: say no, to say you know what, I don't want
Speaker 1: you back in my life, and no, I'm sorry, my
Speaker 1: vagina is not yours. Anything. The hid audacity of some
Speaker 1: people like also, why would she say yes?
Speaker 2: You were in your standard slip and you kind of
Speaker 2: allow one thing to happen and then another thing to happen,
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden you're at a festival
Speaker 2: with the whole thing of k up your ass.
Speaker 1: He has lost a plot. I'm sorry that guy has
Speaker 1: lost a plot, Like bloody hell, Okay, I have a
Speaker 1: good one. I think it's a good one. I have
Speaker 1: a few. Actually, well you were this. We're not going
Speaker 1: to rattle off twenty you just pick your best one
Speaker 1: have a couple. So just the last few weeks, we've
Speaker 1: had so many really good, accidently unfiltered stories filtering through
Speaker 1: on our dms and guys, we love this from you.
Speaker 1: But this one came in. It's very, very g rated,
Speaker 1: and I thought the innocence of it was great. I'm
Speaker 1: not particularly hairy, so I always just use a razor
Speaker 1: down there, but on this occasion, I decided it was
Speaker 1: time to try some waxing. Having not gone before, I
Speaker 1: was a little bit nervous. I arrived at the salon
Speaker 1: and the lady was lovely. She walked me into the
Speaker 1: room and said, okay, well, if you're having a Brazilian,
Speaker 1: take her clothes off and I'll be back shortly. So
Speaker 1: I did, and I lay on the bed. She walked
Speaker 1: in and looked perplexed and a little bit shocked, and
Speaker 1: she said, I'm sorry, I thought you were having a
Speaker 1: Brazilian And she said, yeah, that's right, and she goes, well,
Speaker 1: then why have you taken your brown tomble? Why did
Speaker 1: she take She's lying there completely nude, like she's getting
Speaker 1: a massage, face up as well, and then anyway, she's like.
Speaker 1: I was totally mortified and made some lame excuse about
Speaker 1: being hot. Unfortunately didn't em there. She then asked me
Speaker 1: to stretch, so I did. I raised my arms to stretch.
Speaker 1: I raised them up above my head like I was
Speaker 1: doing a proper wake up stretch. I think I might
Speaker 1: have even yawned again. She looked at me really confused
Speaker 1: and said, no, I meant stretched the skin between your
Speaker 1: leg and your buttgrass. So I roped the waxing strip
Speaker 1: off so it doesn't hurt so much. I just love,
Speaker 1: bless this girl's soul. I love the innocence of this.
Speaker 1: Oh that usually I actually unfilled. The stories are so dirty,
Speaker 1: but this was I would leave. I would be like,
Speaker 1: I just don't understand what's happening in my life. I
Speaker 1: need to leave. She'll like, anyways, I've never been back
Speaker 1: to have a wha. I'm back to shaping, and that's
Speaker 1: where we're at. Thanks for the laugh, girls, to be
Speaker 1: our time for another one? Am I allowed to? Are
Speaker 1: we going to keep this on the on the short,
Speaker 1: sharp and ready today? Well we're about forty five minutes.
Speaker 1: What's another one between friends? Then? Hey, so this one
Speaker 1: came through. Actually, God, I'm gonna put one of them
Speaker 1: on our stories as well, because I've got a really
Speaker 1: funny one that came through in text messages. But this
Speaker 1: is one last one that I'm going to save for today.
Speaker 1: So this literally just happened to me, and because I
Speaker 1: can't bear to process it yet, I've decided to send
Speaker 1: it to you guys for a good laugh. I love
Speaker 1: where the first place people go when something embarrassing happened,
Speaker 1: like it's happening to them and they're like, I just
Speaker 1: need to record this for the girls.
Speaker 2: The amount of messages we get from you guys being like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm experiencing something really traumatic and I thought of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside,
Speaker 1: so proud, so proud. Okay, so this literally just happened.
Speaker 1: One of the coaches at my gym has a bit
Speaker 1: of a following on Instagram, like you would say he's
Speaker 1: an influencer and he's pretty famous anyway. He posts photos
Speaker 1: of his workouts and often he isn't wearing a shirt.
Speaker 1: He's super hot and my friend and I always talk
Speaker 1: about his photos. When he posts a new one, I
Speaker 1: get pt sessions with this guy. So anyways, yesterday he
Speaker 1: posted a new photo he had no shirt on. As
Speaker 1: per usual, I immediately clicked the little plane button next to
Speaker 1: the photo and send it to my friend and was like, dude,
Speaker 1: he's so fucking hot. I'm amature, replied dad, he do that,
Speaker 1: And to top it off, I added the dribbling droolly emoji.
Speaker 1: I send the photo and then I didn't think anything
Speaker 1: of it until today when I sat down with my
Speaker 1: girlfriend for a coffee and I asked, oh, did you
Speaker 1: see the photo, the one that he posted recently, And
Speaker 1: she was like no, and she's like, I sent it
Speaker 1: to you in your DMS. Then I went to my
Speaker 1: DMS to see why she hadn't seen it and realized
Speaker 1: I had sent it to my coach when I told
Speaker 1: you I died and basic. So she sent it directly
Speaker 1: to her PT trainer that she thinks he's so fucking hot.
Speaker 1: I just think to own that and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was giving you a pep talk like yeah, you
Speaker 1: look hot today, bro. What I would do, That's what
Speaker 1: I would do. I would just own that and be like, yeah, boy,
Speaker 1: I was just telling you a little hot. Oh man,
Speaker 1: I reckon could you go back to him and get
Speaker 1: pet sessions after that? I would. I'd own it. If
Speaker 1: it's that hot, you're not gonna stay. But it's like,
Speaker 1: of course I would. I would hope that he just
Speaker 1: now got the point and hopefully he would make the
Speaker 1: next move. I'd probably send that to him, pretending it
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to be like I'd probably do intentionally be like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that was supposed to someone else. I'll
Speaker 1: move again, Dear God. Guys, keep them coming. All right, guys,
Speaker 1: it's time to get into some content. I hope you
Speaker 1: enjoyed the first half of that episode, because I think
Speaker 1: you and I enjoyed that more than probably most people.
Speaker 1: Well weirdos, stop laughing at ourselves. Okay, so we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about attachment styles. Now. Before I give a
Speaker 1: little intro into this, I do want to say I
Speaker 1: didn't know a lot about it. You mentioned it a little.
Speaker 1: I'll go Laura on one of the episodes that you've
Speaker 1: done an attachment style quiz. We always said would go
Speaker 1: back to it, but I've never really delved deep into
Speaker 1: it before, and I found it so interesting. There is
Speaker 1: a lot of content here, guys, and we're going to
Speaker 1: be reading a lot of stuff out that we've actually
Speaker 1: just learned from a lot of therapists, psychologists, just things
Speaker 1: that we've researched ourselves. So this is coming from both
Speaker 1: we're still learning at the same time, we wanted to
Speaker 1: deliver this content to you because we think it's going
Speaker 1: to really help and affect your life and I think
Speaker 1: everyone can just learn something from it. Yeah, and the
Speaker 1: idea of attachment style, So this is a theory that
Speaker 1: I've always found really interesting and fascinating. It's to do
Speaker 1: with your relationship with your parents, and that's where attachment
Speaker 1: theory comes from. So in your early life, like in
Speaker 1: your childhood, when you from when you were born until
Speaker 1: when you're about the age three, that's when your parents
Speaker 1: have a very profound impact on the way that you
Speaker 1: feel loved, receive loved, and build attachments towards other people.
Speaker 1: And if you have had a bit of a complicated childhood,
Speaker 1: if you haven't received love or attachment in a way
Speaker 1: that could be considered, you know, in quotation marks normal,
Speaker 1: then you may have a slightly more dysfunctional adult attachment type.
Speaker 1: And I guess for me, the reason why this became
Speaker 1: something that I was really interested in is because, like
Speaker 1: I've talked about loads on this podcast before, I had
Speaker 1: a really unhealthy attachment style prior to my relationships with Matt.
Speaker 1: And we'll get into it with Britain. I both did
Speaker 1: the test. Now we both kind of uncovered our own
Speaker 1: attachment styles. Mine has changed over the years and I
Speaker 1: have a much more secure attachment type now. But we'll
Speaker 1: get into like how how your childhood.
Speaker 2: Basically can really form and affect the way that you feel,
Speaker 2: receive and create bonds in your relationships as adults. But
Speaker 2: like brit said, some of it is research and some
Speaker 2: of it is from like our own experiences as well.
Speaker 1: Have you got people in your life where you've ever
Speaker 1: looked at people friends, family, or thought about the way
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship. Some people are really aloof and
Speaker 1: unattached in their relationships. Yeah, like they're all dated.
Speaker 2: A guy who's like just doesn't give you anything, Yeah,
Speaker 2: this guy's fucking stone wall.
Speaker 1: And then others are super attached, super clingy, really needy.
Speaker 1: They need constant validation. And what it comes down to
Speaker 1: is some people are secure and some people are unsecure.
Speaker 1: That's that's the basis of it. But there are four
Speaker 1: styles of attachment. So the four attachment styles are secure attachment,
Speaker 1: anxious preoccupied attachment, dismissive avoidant attachment, and fearful avoidant attachment.
Speaker 1: What are you?
Speaker 2: I thought we were gonna be like and now we're
Speaker 2: gonna unpack these but like, okay, so we're gonna put
Speaker 2: the link in like we did for the Love Languages test,
Speaker 2: We're gonna put the link into the description notes for
Speaker 2: this episode so that you can go and do your
Speaker 2: own attachment assessment and you can find out what sort
Speaker 2: of attachment type you are and unpack that with your partner.
Speaker 2: You can also do it with them, and it kind
Speaker 2: of just opens up this conversation and understanding around why
Speaker 2: you behave the way that you behave, and why you
Speaker 2: perceive relationships and connection in the way that you perceive
Speaker 2: and define your relationship.
Speaker 1: So my, we're gonna start with me. Let's start with
Speaker 1: the trauma, all right? What are you? So we've both
Speaker 1: done the test, so mine has changed significantly. So I
Speaker 1: did my test years and years ago and I was
Speaker 1: very very high on anxious preoccupied attachment. Anxious preoccupied attachment
Speaker 1: is like I mean, I've described this to you guys before.
Speaker 2: But it's it's this need of being in a relationship.
Speaker 2: I got a lot of my purpose and a lot
Speaker 2: of my value in myself from feeling loved by somebody else,
Speaker 2: and I was always very insecure that they were going
Speaker 2: to leave me. I had massive Daddy issues basically of abandonment,
Speaker 2: even like it's not funny, it's not funny, but but
Speaker 2: this was me, and this is like, you know, this
Speaker 2: was very patent behavior, and a lot of my past relationships,
Speaker 2: I was always somebody who got into relationships that were
Speaker 2: very quick moving, very very intense, very volatile, and then
Speaker 2: I would be left feeling like there was something wrong
Speaker 2: with me because the relationship didn't work out.
Speaker 1: That has changed.
Speaker 2: Significantly, and I can only attribute that to being in
Speaker 2: a really healthy relationship with someone who is incredibly patient
Speaker 2: like Matt is an angel and Zi from the Heavens.
Speaker 2: But it's changed massively over the years. So I now
Speaker 2: was really surprised with my results. So I have basically
Speaker 2: basically the way it works is like you can be
Speaker 2: you're a dominant attachment style, so there's one that is
Speaker 2: going to be dominant for you, and then we all
Speaker 2: display characteristics of the others, and those characteristics can change
Speaker 2: depending on the relationship that you're in. They can also
Speaker 2: change depending on the time of your life that you're in,
Speaker 2: and so sometimes they might be higher or lower. But
Speaker 2: you know, we have an overall main attachment style, and
Speaker 2: now in my relationships, my main attachment style style is
Speaker 2: fifty percent secure, unsurprisingly coming a relatively close second. My
Speaker 2: anxious preoccupied attachment style is my number two at thirty
Speaker 2: three percent, and then dismissive avoidant at eight percent and
Speaker 2: fearful avoidant at eight percent as well, So I have
Speaker 2: a little bit from each category.
Speaker 1: It's pretty even. But yeah, secure, and guys like you
Speaker 1: want to be secure. That means that you're in a
Speaker 1: functioning relationship where you feel loved, You feel like you
Speaker 1: can communicate with your partners safely, you're not scared of abandonment.
Speaker 1: So like being in that and having that as like
Speaker 1: your most significant value on your scorecard is that's that's
Speaker 1: a sweet spot, that's where you want to be. I
Speaker 1: think it's really interesting. I like the fact that it
Speaker 1: can change because it evolves with you, I guess. And
Speaker 1: it's like you just said, you went from just being
Speaker 1: insecure all the time and needing needy. You were needy,
Speaker 1: you needed love to Now you are so happy and
Speaker 1: confident in your relationship and you feel secure. You don't
Speaker 1: feel like Matt's going to ever abandon you. I think
Speaker 1: that's a really nice place to be. So I love
Speaker 1: that you're you've shown and you're open enough to say, yeah,
Speaker 1: I went from one extreme to the other. So that's
Speaker 1: really nice. So congratulations on being secure, Congratulations on getting
Speaker 1: your shit together, Laura, thank you, thank you very much.
Speaker 1: But you know, like, like we'll get into all of this,
Speaker 1: but there are ways to change your attachment style if
Speaker 1: you feel like you're really vulnerable in your relationships, Like therapy,
Speaker 1: we'll talk about all the different ways to unpack it
Speaker 1: and ways to really approach if you have a dysfunctional
Speaker 1: attachment style. But yeah, well.
Speaker 2: Obviously, like after we talk about hour and styles, we'll
Speaker 2: get into like what each one actually means and what
Speaker 2: that looks like as a personality type.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so mine was interesting. Mine was fifty eight percent secure,
Speaker 1: which for me, I guess it's hard because I've been
Speaker 1: single for a long time. But what these quizzes do
Speaker 1: if you are single, that's so fine. It'll tell you
Speaker 1: to think of the relationships that you do have in
Speaker 1: your life or think back to a last relationship. But
Speaker 1: so for me, I can be secure in the fact
Speaker 1: that I have an amazing family who I know are
Speaker 1: there for me. I know they're never gonna leave me.
Speaker 1: I know if I need anything, I can go to them.
Speaker 1: The same with my small group of friends. I know
Speaker 1: I've got people to rely on. So I think that's
Speaker 1: where it stemmed from me. But the next category in
Speaker 1: my pie I was twenty percent avoidant dismissive, which when
Speaker 1: I was reading what avoid and dismissive is, I was like,
Speaker 1: holy bejeebers like me to a tea. I'm going to
Speaker 1: read you guys, what it actually says, avoiding dismissive is.
Speaker 1: Avoiding attachment style is a form of insecure attachment style
Speaker 1: marked by a fear of intimacy giltoo. People with avoid
Speaker 1: an attachment style tend to have trouble getting close to
Speaker 1: others or trusting others in relationships guiltoo. They typically maintain
Speaker 1: some distance from their partners or are largely emotionally unavailable
Speaker 1: in their relationships, preferring to be independent and rely on themselves,
Speaker 1: like this is me to a tea. You guys will
Speaker 1: know if you've been following along the podcast for a
Speaker 1: long time. I often joke, and I've always thought it
Speaker 1: was a joke, but maybe it's not. I often joke
Speaker 1: that I'm like emotionally void and that the Bachelor will
Speaker 1: told the producers were like, where are your emotions? Like
Speaker 1: why are you crying? Cry harder? I don't have feelings.
Speaker 1: I often joke that, and I've always said it to myself, like, hahaha,
Speaker 1: I'm emotionally void. And then when I read this and
Speaker 1: it specifically states like these people largely are emotionally unavailable
Speaker 1: and I don't. They can't feel that, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's actually me. Then it says they
Speaker 1: prefer to be on their own and rely on themselves
Speaker 1: totally me and I just think that stems from obviously
Speaker 1: the toxic relationship that I did have. It definitely does
Speaker 1: not stem from my family life because they've always had
Speaker 1: the support so for me. And this is what can
Speaker 1: happen too. In the reverse, the way that you had
Speaker 1: a insecure feeling and you came through that now you're
Speaker 1: really great, I was the reverse, because that can happen.
Speaker 1: I was very, very always very secure and happy and
Speaker 1: emotionally available and obsessive with my relationships, Like when I
Speaker 1: fell in love, I was in love like I wanted
Speaker 1: to be with them every single day. Then I went
Speaker 1: through this really toxic few years with this crazy sociopath
Speaker 1: Episode three and all love that plug.
Speaker 2: But if you haven't listened to episode three, it's by
Speaker 2: far both of our favorite episode. It's just Britney's story
Speaker 2: about her dating sociopath that had to double like a
Speaker 2: double life is the most insane episode ever.
Speaker 1: So we recommend that on every basically, but we we
Speaker 1: only say that for the newcomers or you ogs know that.
Speaker 1: But so then it put into reverse and it put
Speaker 1: me from being like really really really secure in this
Speaker 1: place where I was like, I don't want to rely
Speaker 1: on everyone again, and I remember saying that to myself.
Speaker 1: I remember saying I will not rely on a man again.
Speaker 1: And it's almost like I've driven myself to the extreme,
Speaker 1: So I need to find a way to one that
Speaker 1: back a little bit. However, I think it's important and
Speaker 1: just in your results there, like to keep perspective, like
Speaker 1: if you're still very high on the secure like percentage
Speaker 1: wise of these tests, but you do have like a
Speaker 1: twenty percent of something that is that is very manageable,
Speaker 1: and that is a very like minimal percentage in comparison
Speaker 1: to your secure attachment. So overall, you have the like
Speaker 1: you have the ability and the sense to be able
Speaker 1: to see your relationship with a healthy perspective and create
Speaker 1: healthy attachments. We're always going to have some level of insecurity.
Speaker 1: We're always going to have some level of doubt or
Speaker 1: something in us that prevents us from wanting to be
Speaker 1: hurt again if we've been through bad relationships, and I
Speaker 1: think you know, depending on where you're at in your life,
Speaker 1: if you've just come out of a really shit relationship,
Speaker 1: your scale and your percentages in this test it's going
Speaker 1: to be completely different to if you feel like you're
Speaker 1: in a really stable at healthy relationship. So it's very
Speaker 1: dynamic depending on what's happening in your life. But it
Speaker 1: also shows that different things that happen in your life,
Speaker 1: like things that happen in your childhood or bad relationships
Speaker 1: that you go through, can be triggers to stop you
Speaker 1: from being able to commit to somebody or have a
Speaker 1: happy relationship further in life. I was just going through
Speaker 1: that because I thought it was really interesting. That is
Speaker 1: only twenty percent. I am. I know that I'm secure now,
Speaker 1: and I know that when I have a relationship it'll
Speaker 1: be fine, and I know there'll be no jealousy, there'll
Speaker 1: be no one and where they are, they'll be no
Speaker 1: easy going to leave me because I'm just beyond that now.
Speaker 1: You do get to a point where you like. I
Speaker 1: think that's why I'm so picky, because I just know
Speaker 1: that when I pick that person, I don't want to
Speaker 1: have to worry about it. So if I if I
Speaker 1: get spidey tingly senses when I'm dating someone that I'm
Speaker 1: going to feeling secure, I'm going to wonder where they
Speaker 1: are and who they're with. I just wouldn't pursue it.
Speaker 1: So what was your other one then, because there must
Speaker 1: be another in there. That's a small percentage. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: one one percentage down again was the anxious and anxious ambivalent,
Speaker 1: and then only eight percent was disorganized, which is interesting.
Speaker 1: So I reckon.
Speaker 2: What we do is I reckon we unpack what each
Speaker 2: one actually means. So for anybody who's listening and they're like,
Speaker 2: holy shit, that's how I approach my relationship. You can
Speaker 2: kind of identify yourself before you even do the test.
Speaker 2: So secure attachment is the most predominant attachment. Basically, secure
Speaker 2: attachment is like I'm fine, you're fine. Fifty five percent
Speaker 2: of the population have secure attachments, and that's a really
Speaker 2: healthy way of approaching your relationships. Basically, it means you
Speaker 2: are happy when you're together, you still feel safe when
Speaker 2: you're independently apart. You don't have this fear that your
Speaker 2: partner's going to cheat on you. You're not worried about their whereabouts,
Speaker 2: you don't feel clingy, you don't feel obsessive. You just
Speaker 2: have a really healthy relationship and dynamic when you're together,
Speaker 2: and you both compliment and and bring a really positive
Speaker 2: light to each other's life. But you're also very capable
Speaker 2: people independently of each other as well, and that's a
Speaker 2: very healthy and secure attachment. And the idea behind this
Speaker 2: attachment is that through your childhood, your parents have been
Speaker 2: there for you. There've been a constant in your life.
Speaker 2: They have provided you with the love and affection when
Speaker 2: you've required it, and your basic needs to be met, love, food, shelter, support, conversation,
Speaker 2: all of those things have been attended to you and
Speaker 2: you're able to have role models in your life.
Speaker 1: So you go, oh, that's what a healthy relationship looks like.
Speaker 1: That's what a healthy love and romantic relationship looks like.
Speaker 1: That's what healthy friendships look like. So having these really
Speaker 1: strong role models help for you to be able to
Speaker 1: then form and have great relationships in your adult life.
Speaker 1: That's not to say that someone who is secure can't
Speaker 1: possibly get into a relationship that's toxic and bad. They
Speaker 1: absolutely can. We all can make bad choices and end
Speaker 1: up with people who are manipulative and bad for us.
Speaker 1: It just means that someone who is very secure in
Speaker 1: themselves is more likely to be able to walk away
Speaker 1: from it than somebody who is, say like an anxiously
Speaker 1: attached person, who might stay for a lot longer and
Speaker 1: cop a lot more abuse because they don't feel worthy
Speaker 1: of something better than that. That was a lot. Basically,
Speaker 1: it's just where you want to be. Basically, secure is
Speaker 1: the sweet spot that's all all gain and forced secure
Speaker 1: is where you want to fight for. So if you
Speaker 1: do feel like one of if you do the quiz
Speaker 1: and you do have a lot of larger percentage of
Speaker 1: one of these other attachment styles, it's not the end
Speaker 1: of the world. You can change it and you can
Speaker 1: work towards it. Again. We'll get into that later, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to jump into attachment style too, and that
Speaker 1: is the anxious, preoccupied attachment, which is like the I'm
Speaker 1: not fine, but you're fine. It's basically this attachment style
Speaker 1: that's marked and the basis of it is this fear
Speaker 1: of abandonment. So they say that that's coming back from
Speaker 1: when you're a child, because that's I want you guys
Speaker 1: to remember, this is all based off the first two
Speaker 1: years of your life. This is where this stems from
Speaker 1: the way you were treated, the way you're made to
Speaker 1: feel your environment. They really do believe that this is
Speaker 1: all started in those first two years of life, which
Speaker 1: is crazy, and that's a whole nother conversation because it
Speaker 1: makes you be like, why do I do with my kid?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? I know.
Speaker 2: This was something else that britt and I were talking
Speaker 2: about in relation to this. I was like, holy shit,
Speaker 2: the pressure that there is to raise a well rounded
Speaker 2: and like normal kid that feels like they loved. I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck, I don't know if I'm doing a
Speaker 2: good job.
Speaker 1: You're doing a good job. I don't know, what if
Speaker 1: she's super dysfunctional when she grows up, if she cries
Speaker 1: for like one second, you're like, I'm here, mommy. What
Speaker 1: if she turns into a narcissist because I'm too attentive?
Speaker 1: I just don't know. It's a fine line. But this
Speaker 1: this anxious relationship you feel like and you're always worried
Speaker 1: that your partner's gonna leave you. These sorts of people
Speaker 1: are always really hungry for validation and they get anxious
Speaker 1: very easily, like why hasn't my partner takets me back yet?
Speaker 1: You know it's been five minutes. Has something happened to
Speaker 1: my partner? Is he with someone else? There's this really
Speaker 1: really constant, deep seated issue of this isn't right, They're
Speaker 1: gonna leave me, and you live in this state of anxiety,
Speaker 1: which is awful for anyone that's ever felt any level
Speaker 1: of anxiety. No one wants to be in that place.
Speaker 1: So this is sort of where that stems from. And
Speaker 1: it never really ends well because partners can often get defensive.
Speaker 1: It can be quite suffocating in a relationship, and it's
Speaker 1: just it's really really not a healthy place to be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: twenty percent of people have this style of attachment, and Laura,
Speaker 1: you said that you actually were pretty big on this
Speaker 1: style of attachment from things in your past. How do
Speaker 1: you feel like you recognize that at the time or
Speaker 1: is it just something that you look like did you
Speaker 1: know at the time that you were living in a
Speaker 1: state of anxiety? Could you recognize and be like, why
Speaker 1: am I always anxious? Or is it something that you
Speaker 1: look back on now that you're in this healthy, secure relationship.
Speaker 1: Do you look back and be like, I only know
Speaker 1: how fucked up I was then because of how good
Speaker 1: I feel now? Good question, Brittany, do you know what
Speaker 1: I find this so interesting because I just want to
Speaker 1: like make this point really clear. Regardless of what your
Speaker 1: attachment style is, there is no blame in this. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, there's no blame on you for the way
Speaker 1: that you deal with relationships, and there's definitely no blame
Speaker 1: on your parents. That's not what we're doing here. I
Speaker 1: have I don't talk very openly about my childhood. I
Speaker 1: had a pretty you know, a lot of it was great,
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 2: Of it wasn't, And my mom and my dad divorce
Speaker 2: when I was really young, and my my dad moved away.
Speaker 2: So I think just just from that and that of itself,
Speaker 2: without like going into any of the other details surrounding
Speaker 2: my upbringing, I think when you're a product of divorce,
Speaker 2: there is this feeling of abandonment and without without it
Speaker 2: being an intentional thing. But even if your parents are
Speaker 2: telling you that they love you, the fact that they've
Speaker 2: chosen to move away and move far away and that
Speaker 2: they're not physically there, the words of I love you
Speaker 2: don't really match up with the actions of I'm not
Speaker 2: physically here. So there is that feeling of abandonment that
Speaker 2: comes from that, and then you know, moving on from that,
Speaker 2: My mom was a single mom, she had two kids,
Speaker 2: She started dating again, and I like when she got
Speaker 2: remarried to her second husband, he was not a great
Speaker 2: guy by any means, and it was a really turbulent
Speaker 2: time in our childhood. And I guess that there was
Speaker 2: this inconsistency. And that's the thing about this whole anxious
Speaker 2: attachment style, is like, if you feel like there's an
Speaker 2: inconsistent love in your upbringing as a child, then that's
Speaker 2: what can make you feel as an adult that you're
Speaker 2: anxious in your relationships because you just don't know, you
Speaker 2: don't know like you don't know where it's coming from.
Speaker 2: You genuinely constantly feel in this state of like, maybe
Speaker 2: they're going to leave me, maybe I'm not good enough,
Speaker 2: maybe my feelings aren't valid, And there's this fear that's
Speaker 2: attached to abandonment. And I really like look back on
Speaker 2: my relationships now and I go, oh, wow, Like that's
Speaker 2: what that was, Like I can identify that in myself.
Speaker 2: And I also identify a lot of like my mom,
Speaker 2: like my mom's behavior in what I was doing as well,
Speaker 2: Like I really mirrored my mom's dating life myself because
Speaker 2: she didn't want to be alone and I didn't want
Speaker 2: to be alone. And I realized that I was trying
Speaker 2: to get my purpose from being in a relationship, like
Speaker 2: I was always in a relationship with someone. But also
Speaker 2: like on that, like my relationship with my mom is
Speaker 2: great now, my relationship with my dad is great, Like
Speaker 2: we both have very adult, very mature relationships, and I
Speaker 2: know they love me, I know that they support me.
Speaker 2: I just think as a child, there were times where
Speaker 2: I didn't get the love or the support that I
Speaker 2: felt like I needed at the time. So it was
Speaker 2: a bit mismatch, and it wasn't a reflection of not
Speaker 2: being loved by my parents. It was a reflection of
Speaker 2: them going through some really really challenging trauma themselves and
Speaker 2: also trying to deal with the fact that they had
Speaker 2: children that they were trying to raise. So, you know,
Speaker 2: this is not a blame thing. This is just the
Speaker 2: reality of the world and the reality of relationships. And
Speaker 2: I guess as I've gotten older, I've looked at the
Speaker 2: relationships that I had in the past and what I
Speaker 2: want and don't want for myself, and I was just
Speaker 2: really lucky. And there's a big portion of luck that's
Speaker 2: come into this. The fact that I met Matt. He
Speaker 2: is completely different to everyone who I've dated before. He's
Speaker 2: a very secure personality type. He's always been incredibly reassuring,
Speaker 2: and over the three years that we've been together, he
Speaker 2: has molded me into a secure attachment because he's just
Speaker 2: so fucking normal it's annoying.
Speaker 1: And so that's changed, you know, Like I used to
Speaker 1: date guys that were emotionally unavailable, so something that's actually
Speaker 1: really common, which you would think, how could this work,
Speaker 1: But people who have an anxious attachment type often end
Speaker 1: updating people who are dismissive avoidant, which are guys who
Speaker 1: are totally emotionally unattached, emotionally unavailable, don't really need you,
Speaker 1: don't really want you, and make you feel unloved because
Speaker 1: there's this feeling of like, I want more, and you
Speaker 1: keep going back for more. Whereas someone who is secure
Speaker 1: and like has a very healthy attachment style wouldn't put
Speaker 1: up with that shit. Only someone who's anxious would actually
Speaker 1: put up with that shit. So it's almost like two
Speaker 1: opposites attract and two bad characteristics often become moths to
Speaker 1: a flame in that sort of situations. Yeah, I think like, wow, wow,
Speaker 1: Like that was a lot there, and I mean I
Speaker 1: know a lot about you and your history and everything,
Speaker 1: and it's I don't know. I just think you shared
Speaker 1: a new little part there, which is great. But it's
Speaker 1: funny to see. Like you said, I found that really
Speaker 1: interesting when you said, you know, my mum was dating
Speaker 1: a lot because she didn't want to be alone, and
Speaker 1: then so I was dating a lot because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be alone. I don't think we realize until
Speaker 1: we're older how much we mimic those people that are
Speaker 1: in our lives. Yeah, and good characteristics and bad characteristics
Speaker 1: like when your main role model for relationships, that's your
Speaker 1: main model for relationships, that's your normal, Like, that's of
Speaker 1: course what you're going to end up doing yourself as
Speaker 1: you get older. I think when I look when I
Speaker 1: think about how I was dating afterwards, I was only
Speaker 1: dating after my relationship. I was only dating people that,
Speaker 1: like you had just mentioned, they would tell me, hey,
Speaker 1: like I'm emotionally unavailable, I'm not physically available, like I
Speaker 1: don't want a relationship. I don't want a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I they're the people that I would invest my time in.
Speaker 1: And I was doing it because deep down I didn't
Speaker 1: want it either, and I was too scared to actually
Speaker 1: form any sort of relationship with anyone. So as soon
Speaker 1: as song was like, hey, heads up, I didn't actually
Speaker 1: want anything, I was like brilliant when really, deep down
Speaker 1: I wanted it, but I was too scared in case
Speaker 1: someone was going to leave me. So I did have
Speaker 1: that form for probably around a year or two or
Speaker 1: ten nine year or two I had that. But there's
Speaker 1: a real theory to things, and I think it's so
Speaker 1: interesting when we start to unpack like who we are
Speaker 1: as people and why we make the decisions that we
Speaker 1: make and why we choose the type of guys that
Speaker 1: we choose, Like there's a pattern to this, and so
Speaker 1: much of it comes from our personality and who we
Speaker 1: are and what we've been through in our lives, what
Speaker 1: we've been exposed to and like, like I just mentioned
Speaker 1: earlier as well, but you know, if you do find
Speaker 1: yourself constantly being attracted to people who are bad for you,
Speaker 1: or you're not feeling satisfied in your relationships, or you
Speaker 1: don't ever feel like you're in a healthy relationship, like
Speaker 1: going to therapy and not going to therapy because you
Speaker 1: need to talk about the relationship, but going to therapy
Speaker 1: to better understand who you are as a person and
Speaker 1: why you have these needs and these wants and these
Speaker 1: insecurities or these these I'm not gonna call them shortcomings,
Speaker 1: but like these feelings of inadequacy, you can unpack that
Speaker 1: better understand who you are as a person, and then
Speaker 1: that allows you to make better decisions in your relationships
Speaker 1: and find people who are healthy and find people who
Speaker 1: are you know, not going to fucking play into your trauma.
Speaker 1: They are out there somewhere. They're out there. You know,
Speaker 1: they're hard to find, but they're out there. The third one,
Speaker 1: which I spoke about before because it was me, was
Speaker 1: the dismissive avoidant attachment. So that's the I'm fine and
Speaker 1: you have issues twenty percent of people. It's literally just
Speaker 1: where you're scared of intimacy, you're afraid to get close
Speaker 1: to anyone, you don't want to trust anyone, you only
Speaker 1: want to rely on yourself. You're very independent, you're basically
Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, and you're attracted to people that are emotionally unavailable.
Speaker 1: So that's that one. We've spoken about that a lot.
Speaker 1: That was me.
Speaker 2: The reason why people may have created a dismissive personality
Speaker 2: type is because and they totally dismiss their feelings and
Speaker 2: they what they do is they sometimes can't even understand
Speaker 2: why people feel so much. They are the type of
Speaker 2: person that, yeah, Britney sitting here pissing herself. They're the
Speaker 2: type of person where when you go to them and
Speaker 2: you are upset about something in your relationship and you're like,
Speaker 2: I need to talk about this, they don't want to
Speaker 2: talk about it. They make jokes to downplay your feelings,
Speaker 2: or they are just so avoidant of conflict because they
Speaker 2: can't actually understand or comprehend that you could feel so
Speaker 2: much about something. They trivialize and downplay things well, and
Speaker 2: the reason for that and the attachment to that as
Speaker 2: a childhood attachment is coming from a family or having
Speaker 2: parental caregivers who don't attend to your needs. Basically, maybe
Speaker 2: when you're one, two three year old, you are emotionally
Speaker 2: upset about something.
Speaker 1: You're crying.
Speaker 2: You need to be cuddled and need to be loved
Speaker 2: and need to be given affection, need to be told
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: You're not having that met. Maybe all of your food,
Speaker 1: your dietarye requirements, it's your house, like all of the
Speaker 1: other functional things are being met, but your emotional needs
Speaker 1: aren't being met. And without feeling like love and connection
Speaker 1: you as a child, that can be very, very traumatic.
Speaker 1: And what happens is that over time you start to
Speaker 1: downplay your own feelings. You don't play into them, you
Speaker 1: don't allow them to actually be real, and so over
Speaker 1: time you've created this defense mechanism to downplay feelings and
Speaker 1: like not value their importance, if that makes sense. I'm real.
Speaker 1: I was like, I know what I'm saying, hey, but
Speaker 1: is deep. It's just I'm laughing because even when I'm
Speaker 1: reading this now I'm looking at it on the screen
Speaker 1: and listening to you talk about it. I've just never
Speaker 1: felt so seen then this attachment style. Like when I
Speaker 1: was reading it, I've just never categorized myself so much.
Speaker 1: I've always just thought I was a bit different with
Speaker 1: my emotions. And when I saw it on paper, I
Speaker 1: was like, it's actually a thing, and I'm actually that thing.
Speaker 1: I'm actually that thing in that box. There's this one
Speaker 1: statement that they put in this type of type of
Speaker 1: style to explain it. They often make jokes to avoid
Speaker 1: difficult conversations and feel anxious and trapped when a partner
Speaker 1: expresses feelings. Now, this could not be more accurate. I
Speaker 1: always have said, and I always do. My Bachelor Finale
Speaker 1: is like testament to this. When I'm uncomfortable or upset
Speaker 1: or feeling heightened emotions, I laugh and I joke. And
Speaker 1: even when Nick was like, it's not you, you just laugh,
Speaker 1: I'm laughing now. I laugh and I make jokes about it.
Speaker 1: And if you can look back at any interview or
Speaker 1: anything I've done, or even you guys know me on
Speaker 1: the podcast, like as soon as it gets two d
Speaker 1: by like make a lull. But when I remember when
Speaker 1: I went and delivered this news to Sophie on my
Speaker 1: Bachelor finale, it was all very big. She was bawling
Speaker 1: her eyes out and I was in hysterics. I couldn't
Speaker 1: stop laughing in my inside of me, I was like,
Speaker 1: stop laughing because people think you're nuts. Like, people don't
Speaker 1: get it, But that's how ideal with my heightened emotions
Speaker 1: and when I'm upset, like it was a cry laughing.
Speaker 1: I was crying because I was emotional. But I always
Speaker 1: try and make light of a situation and like, but
Speaker 1: I think so many people will relate to this, Like
Speaker 1: humor really is a coping mechanism for so many people.
Speaker 1: It's a way that we are able to not look
Speaker 1: like we're vulnerable, especially women, like women, a lot of women.
Speaker 2: And I'm guilty of this as well. I don't want
Speaker 2: to be vulnerable. I don't want to seem like I'm
Speaker 2: weak or that I need someone to help me or
Speaker 2: fix me. And it actually took me a really long
Speaker 2: time to realize that there is power and vulnerability. And
Speaker 2: I used to be the person as well that made
Speaker 2: a lot of jokes whenever I was upset about something
Speaker 2: because I wanted to be fine all the time.
Speaker 1: Everything's fine. I'm the queen of using that word fine.
Speaker 1: You're fine, We're fine, everything's fucking fine, to the point
Speaker 1: where some of my friends have genuinely banned me using
Speaker 1: the word fine, because it's okay to not be fine.
Speaker 1: Struggle you actually you still say you say oh so fine, babe,
Speaker 1: So you say all the time fine, And I was like,
Speaker 1: you're crying in the corner naked, You're not fine. That
Speaker 1: was one time READI we said we'd never talk about
Speaker 1: in the podcast.
Speaker 2: It's not fine, but totally Like humor as a coping mechanism,
Speaker 2: humor is something that we use to deflect our emotions,
Speaker 2: and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but
Speaker 2: it can be healthy to actually unpack what those feelings
Speaker 2: are and sit in feelings as well, because, like I said,
Speaker 2: there is real power and vulnerability. And when you are
Speaker 2: the person who is always fine and you're the person
Speaker 2: who's always making jokes, you become the person who never
Speaker 2: gets help because people don't want to reach out and
Speaker 2: help someone who seems like they're always fine, they're always strong.
Speaker 2: And that's why it's really important to ask your friend
Speaker 2: who seems like the one who's always got their shit
Speaker 2: together and is always okay with every situation if they're
Speaker 2: actually okay.
Speaker 1: So they probably aren't. Sometimes they may be naked in the
Speaker 1: corner and crying. It's funny. I've come a long way now.
Speaker 1: I never ever ever told anyone I wasn't fine, and
Speaker 1: I never cried to anyone. But now I've got a
Speaker 1: small group of people laws then I'll just have my
Speaker 1: cry break down on the phone and I'll be like,
Speaker 1: I'm not okay. And that's it's been so helpful for
Speaker 1: me to have that group of people to do that too,
Speaker 1: and it's I think it's finally letting me move in
Speaker 1: the right direction. So I think this is a really
Speaker 1: big thing, is to acknowledge that you're one of these things,
Speaker 1: that you're one of these styles, or that you have
Speaker 1: principles of one of these styles. Just to acknowledge that,
Speaker 1: have a think about it, and and work towards getting
Speaker 1: out of that. So I think that's I've like, it's
Speaker 1: been a really big thing for me to be vulnerable
Speaker 1: I am, and that's I don't know, it's great, Oh
Speaker 1: bloody great, No, it is. But even when you and
Speaker 1: I are crying on the phone sometimes, like we both
Speaker 1: do it. We'll be upset about something, but then we'll
Speaker 1: still be making jokes like deepest like in our tears,
Speaker 1: like and then we're cracking up, but then we're still
Speaker 1: really sad, but like we can't just be sad. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2: But I guess like that also comes, you know, when
Speaker 2: you're a really independent person, when you felt like you
Speaker 2: need to be the pillar of strength for yourself because
Speaker 2: you're like, well, no one else is going to do it.
Speaker 1: Like that's that's the outcome of it. And like we've
Speaker 1: said at the beginning of this, there's no right or wrong,
Speaker 1: there's no bad way of being. You haven't done anything wrong.
Speaker 1: You're not broken, you're not deficient, you don't have issues
Speaker 1: just because you're you're not sitting in a secure attachment
Speaker 1: style just because you have traits of all these other things.
Speaker 1: Like we've all been through some shit in our lives
Speaker 1: that's affected us in different ways. That's made us skeptical
Speaker 1: of relationships, that's pushed us and pushed our boundaries. But
Speaker 1: it's really healthy to understand what those things are so
Speaker 1: that you can work towards becoming a secure attachment type.
Speaker 1: That's all this is. It's not about shaming anyone for
Speaker 1: sitting in a category or struggling with their emotions. And
Speaker 1: I know there's going to be loads of people who
Speaker 1: are listening to this episode who are like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: I'm totally fine.
Speaker 2: I have a totally normal attachment style. I had a
Speaker 2: totally normal upbringing, and that's amazing. Like, there are people
Speaker 2: out there who have been super fortunate. There are people
Speaker 2: who have really fucked u childhoods. There are people who
Speaker 2: have really fucked up relationships, like you, brit Like you
Speaker 2: know you are like, well, my childhood was great, but
Speaker 2: my first real relationship was so chaos, yeah, so messed
Speaker 2: up that it then totally rewired my ability to trust
Speaker 2: or to feel love again. That's why I find this
Speaker 2: so interesting and so important because it allows you to
Speaker 2: identify what's happening in your life and make changes to
Speaker 2: have a better life. That was fucking deep.
Speaker 1: That was deep. We're about to get deeper, all right,
Speaker 1: give me the last one. Number four. It's fearful avoidant attachment. Now,
Speaker 1: this is like I'm fucked, You're fucked, We're fucked. It's fucked.
Speaker 1: Everything's fucked, where the laws on file and falls on fire.
Speaker 1: But this is also really important to know that this
Speaker 1: is the absolute minority. This is five percent of people.
Speaker 1: Four percent. There we go.
Speaker 2: This is four percent of people who actually had this
Speaker 2: as their predominant attachment style. And this is like, this
Speaker 2: is some serious trauma shit. This is like you have
Speaker 2: had an extremely traumatic childhood and it takes years of therapy.
Speaker 2: There's also often substance abuse or abuse of other kinds
Speaker 2: that are involved in this attachment style.
Speaker 1: So this is very rare, but it's very real. It's
Speaker 1: a really hard one for these people that are in
Speaker 1: this style because they're in this like constant conflict of
Speaker 1: what they want to need. They really really want to
Speaker 1: avoid relationships and are scared of it. But on the
Speaker 1: other sense, they're craving it and they want it and
Speaker 1: they don't want love, but they really really don't want
Speaker 1: to be alone too, so they don't there's no balance
Speaker 1: for them. And I can't imagine this fight and storm
Speaker 1: that they would have in their mind because all they
Speaker 1: want is this need to be loved and secure, but
Speaker 1: they're so scared of it that they could think of
Speaker 1: nothing worse. At the same time, like, how what do
Speaker 1: you do in that situation? I think this is when
Speaker 1: it's really really important to go and seek help, go
Speaker 1: and see a professional.
Speaker 2: I don't think that sort of attachment style is something
Speaker 2: you can really work through on your own. I think
Speaker 2: if if the trauma is that deep seated and like
Speaker 2: you want to feel loved but you're so fearful of
Speaker 2: being loved that you lash out and push people away,
Speaker 2: like that's when you have to go through some heavy
Speaker 2: lifting with a therapist. There's lots of stuff to unpack there,
Speaker 2: and there's lots of things about yourself and about your
Speaker 2: relationships that you have to talk through.
Speaker 1: And like we said earlier, you can change your attachment style.
Speaker 1: You just have to a RECOGNI so do the quiz.
Speaker 1: There are so many different quizzes. There are ones that
Speaker 1: have like two hundred questions that are deep and they
Speaker 1: go into every aspect of your life, and then there
Speaker 1: are some that are like fifty questions. There are some
Speaker 1: that are twenty five questions. We're going to put two
Speaker 1: of them in the details for this podcast anyway, So
Speaker 1: we both we both did a couple of them. One
Speaker 1: of them I found really great because it's like a
Speaker 1: very intensive questionnaire that you can do. One of them
Speaker 1: is a little bit more top level, so we'll put
Speaker 1: them both in that way you can choose. But I
Speaker 1: also think like during this time of twenty twenty crazy COVID,
Speaker 1: this has been a.
Speaker 2: Real amplifier for relationships. You know, this period of being
Speaker 2: in lockdown with your partner, this period of like working
Speaker 2: from home, spending all your fucking hand together, this is
Speaker 2: really really put the microscope in a lot of relationships,
Speaker 2: and for some of them it's galvanized, it's major relationships.
Speaker 2: Even better, it's made you absolutely certain that you are
Speaker 2: with and supported by the person you love. And then
Speaker 2: for other people it has really amplified the flaws and
Speaker 2: made you go, holy shit, like this, we've got some
Speaker 2: problems here, We've got some stuff we need to work on.
Speaker 2: So do this attachment theory questionnaire and have these open
Speaker 2: conversations with your partner along with your in the love
Speaker 2: languages is one as well from a few episodgo because
Speaker 2: that is bloody good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So just to summarize what therapists and psychologists do
Speaker 1: say to do if you do want to try and
Speaker 1: change your attachment style, this is gonna sound like very obvious.
Speaker 1: We've said it a lot, but it's obviously so important
Speaker 1: that every therapist always comes back to it. Number one
Speaker 1: is just identify your relationship patterns. Just look back at
Speaker 1: at like what Laura was saying, look back at your
Speaker 1: past relationships. Hers were all the same, they were all toxic,
Speaker 1: they were all because she was in a place of
Speaker 1: need not want. So go back to your past relationships
Speaker 1: and identify them. Assess your current and past attachment style.
Speaker 1: See if these patterns are still relevant now or if
Speaker 1: you slowly started to change. And the big big one,
Speaker 1: which seems so damn obvious but none of us do
Speaker 1: it enough, it's work on your self esteem. So it's
Speaker 1: super common character stick across all of these insecure attachment styles.
Speaker 1: To have low self esteem. You just need to learn
Speaker 1: to embrace and love yourself and look after yourself first,
Speaker 1: be okay on your own And we say that so much,
Speaker 1: but it really really is so important to get to
Speaker 1: a place where you're happy with who you are, You're
Speaker 1: happy with where you're going, You're comfortable in your own
Speaker 1: space and your own time and your own thoughts, and
Speaker 1: from there, a whole new world opens up. And I
Speaker 1: think if we all sit back and be really really
Speaker 1: honest with ourself, all of us at some point in
Speaker 1: time would have had issues with our confidence and self
Speaker 1: esteem and we probably still struggle with that now. It fluctuates.
Speaker 2: I mean I even think now, like I feel like
Speaker 2: I got to a point where I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: I feel very self confident. I feel great about myself
Speaker 2: now that I'm thirty four, and I feel like in
Speaker 2: the last year I've aged about fucking seven hundred years
Speaker 2: in a year. There are days where I feel totally
Speaker 2: insecure again, Like it's just I think it's that level
Speaker 2: of having self love. It's dynamic, and you know, I'm
Speaker 2: so happy for the people who are like Buddha and
Speaker 2: feel enlightened and they've reached it, and not just on
Speaker 2: the superficial social media level that we see all the
Speaker 2: time where it's like love yourself, here's a photo.
Speaker 1: Of my cellul lit. I mean really actually experiencing and
Speaker 1: practicing self acceptance. I think it's very, very hard, and
Speaker 1: I think there's no shame in saying that. Sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: you practice self acceptance, sometimes you feel insecure about things
Speaker 1: about yourself, and you know, it's dynamic.
Speaker 2: It shifts and you can. You just have to work
Speaker 2: towards having that as more of a constant in your life. Actually,
Speaker 2: one thing that Brit put down Brit did the notes
Speaker 2: for today's episode.
Speaker 1: For every episode, talking like every sixty episodes. I do
Speaker 1: the research too, excuse me. Okay, So one thing that
Speaker 1: BRIT's written down here, which I actually really think this
Speaker 1: is great. You know, there's a lot of fruit through
Speaker 1: around self love and self acceptance. There's a lot of like.
Speaker 2: Woo, like love yourself no matter what, embrace everything, and
Speaker 2: like that's great. But you know what, sometimes there's often
Speaker 2: so much self acceptance talk, especially on social media, that
Speaker 2: if you don't feel like you're at a point where
Speaker 2: you totally love yourself, it almost makes you feel worse that,
Speaker 2: like everybody else is so fucking in love with themselves
Speaker 2: and I'm not. So I love myself that much totally.
Speaker 2: Like sometimes I have to switch off, totally switch off
Speaker 2: and mute people because I'm like this, this constant conversation
Speaker 2: about how accepting you are of yourself makes me feel
Speaker 2: like I'm not really winning because I'm like some days
Speaker 2: I feel great and some days I still struggle with it.
Speaker 1: And that's like where I'm at. Yeah, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: And that's when you know, to turn your social media
Speaker 1: for a day or two totally. Well.
Speaker 2: One of the things that BRIT's written down, which I
Speaker 2: think is actually really great, is instead of like standing
Speaker 2: in the mirror and telling yourself an affirmation that you
Speaker 2: don't really believe, like, you know, maybe you think you
Speaker 2: need to stand in the mirror and be like, I'm beautiful,
Speaker 2: I love myself, I'm worthy of love.
Speaker 1: You don't have to say that. Why don't you start
Speaker 1: with something that's more about self neutrality and like actually
Speaker 1: accepting who you are, not loving yourself yet, but just
Speaker 1: having some acceptance and being like, you know, like I'm
Speaker 1: a good person, I am worthy of a relationship, I
Speaker 1: am worthy of being loved. Like that is enough to
Speaker 1: set you on the right path towards rewiring your brain
Speaker 1: and convincing yourself, and you.
Speaker 2: Know, step it up when you feel it. Having a
Speaker 2: good day, Yeah you look hot today, you looking hot.
Speaker 1: But on the days that you're not feeling that, be
Speaker 1: kind to yourself and be very conscious of your internal
Speaker 1: monologue and the words that you're using to describe yourself,
Speaker 1: because if they're not words that you would use to
Speaker 1: describe your friend or somebody who you just met on
Speaker 1: the street, that don't use them to describe yourself in
Speaker 1: terms of self neutrality.
Speaker 2: Is that hey, you're saying neutrality, neutral neutral reality, neutrality neutrality.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it didn't roll off the tongue. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're saying it right. In terms of coming to
Speaker 1: self help talk with Britain Laura. In terms of self neutrality,
Speaker 1: one thing that I would say to myself and I
Speaker 1: still do say to myself is you deserve to be
Speaker 1: treated the way you treat others. I think that's a
Speaker 1: really good one because it's not I'm not pep talking
Speaker 1: myself like yeah you look beautiful, you're hot, you've got this,
Speaker 1: you can win the world. It's literally it's about this.
Speaker 1: It's literally just about saying like, you deserve to be
Speaker 1: treated the way you treat other people. And I think
Speaker 1: it's just a really good one to reset your brain
Speaker 1: and your thought process and be like, no, you know what,
Speaker 1: I do deserve this and I don't have to sell
Speaker 1: for anything less. So I think that's a really good
Speaker 1: one to start with when we're talking about this, like
Speaker 1: look in the mirror thing yeah, totally. You don't even
Speaker 1: need a mirror. You don't need a mirror.
Speaker 2: And also, like, and this has nothing to do with
Speaker 2: this episode, but I'm gonna say it anyway because I
Speaker 2: really really believe in it, Like, your worth is not
Speaker 2: based on what you look like. And I think that
Speaker 2: there is times where we really need to get away
Speaker 2: from this idea that like, to be worthy and to
Speaker 2: be successful, you need to be atypically beautiful.
Speaker 1: Like that's bullshit.
Speaker 2: Your worth is not based in your beauty. And we're
Speaker 2: all gonna get old, we're all gonna get saggy, we're
Speaker 2: all gonna get pigmentation, we're all gonna get wrinkles.
Speaker 1: Like that pigmentation really, isn't it. Well, that's my jam.
Speaker 1: We all know that that's the one thing that gets
Speaker 1: me self conscious. But yeah, like we're all gonna get
Speaker 1: those things. And if your worth is based in how
Speaker 1: you look, then you're really going to struggle when that goes,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're getting pitted against twenty year olds
Speaker 1: and you're in your late thirties, Like, you need to
Speaker 1: work on having pillars of value that are not based
Speaker 1: on your looks, which is what social media does to us.
Speaker 1: These days, so like that is totally off topic, but
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's a topic we should talk about
Speaker 1: it completely. The other day, I know I could go
Speaker 1: I was just about to launch into my own I
Speaker 1: was about to be like intelligent and human. This is
Speaker 1: a doing a three hour podcast and that's our whole
Speaker 1: week gone, guys on this podcast. No, I think Look,
Speaker 1: I think we've gone into it some pretty solid depth.
Speaker 1: I think we've covered a lot. The last thing I
Speaker 1: want to say, and we're not going to get into
Speaker 1: this because there's so much into it, but I just
Speaker 1: want to make you aware of it. These attachment styles
Speaker 1: can translate into your work life as well. So if
Speaker 1: you're having trouble at work, you're not progressing, or you're
Speaker 1: you're in charge and you're having trouble with other people,
Speaker 1: they can actually be bringing these attachment styles into their work.
Speaker 1: And there's so much information on that and the internet.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to to flag that with you guys.
Speaker 1: It's just something you think about if this triggers anything
Speaker 1: with you, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: But also on top of that, it's not just like
Speaker 2: when we've been talking about romantic relationships, because obviously that's
Speaker 2: something that we focus so heavily on on this podcast.
Speaker 2: But it regards to your friendships, in regards to your work,
Speaker 2: in regards to like how you communicate and build relationships.
Speaker 1: On a day to day level. Like it's all. It
Speaker 1: affects all types of attachments and all types of relationships,
Speaker 1: big and small. It's just that, you know, often the
Speaker 1: biggest relationship that we kind of have to deal with
Speaker 1: is a romantic one in our life. That can be
Speaker 1: like the flagship one that all the others kind of
Speaker 1: get compared against. Yeah, my biggest relationship is the one
Speaker 1: I have with food, and that's a healthy one. Thank you, Brittany.
Speaker 1: It's a solid one. All right, guys, it is time
Speaker 1: to move on to the last segment that we do.
Speaker 1: We never an episode without our sucking, our sweet, our highlights,
Speaker 1: our lowlights, the best and the worst of our week.
Speaker 1: Now this if you're new, hey, this can be trivial.
Speaker 1: It could also be really serious. It just depends on
Speaker 1: how your week's going. So Laura, you want to kick
Speaker 1: it off.
Speaker 2: Okay, my suck for the week is that I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I had a weekend at all. It's really
Speaker 2: not a big suck.
Speaker 1: But works being crazy, crazy crazy every day has felt
Speaker 1: manic and they're not throwing on top of it the
Speaker 1: fact that we have to do two episodes a week,
Speaker 1: which we love doing. Don't get me wrong, guys, but it's.
Speaker 2: Just this constant I feel like it's a constant carousel
Speaker 2: of work at the moment, which has been a lot
Speaker 2: because we're also in between. I don't know, does any
Speaker 2: mums out there? Did other mums struggle with this? I
Speaker 2: haven't put Maley into daycare yet, and I'm really struggling
Speaker 2: with the concept of putting her into daycare. And so
Speaker 2: Matt and I and we have a babysitter a couple
Speaker 2: of days a week that comes for a few hours.
Speaker 2: We're trying to manage that and it's just bedlam and
Speaker 2: we're kind of drowning a little bit at the moment.
Speaker 2: But I know that putting her into dayk would the
Speaker 2: answer to this, but I just can't bring my mum
Speaker 2: brain to put her into daycare.
Speaker 1: Daycare can be I mean, I'm talking about my nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews. I've got a lot of friends their kids
Speaker 1: go to daycare. My nieces and nephews froth it. They
Speaker 1: love it. It's where they learn to engage with the
Speaker 1: other kids, they do paintings. It's literally they're learning social
Speaker 1: skills from a young age. I think I think a
Speaker 1: lot of parents have trouble and I think you're having
Speaker 1: it with the attachment because you've been there every day.
Speaker 1: Not that we've been talking about attachment issues, but no,
Speaker 1: I totally get it. I know she'll love it, she'll
Speaker 1: have the time of her life, and you need it,
Speaker 1: like your brain needs.
Speaker 2: Her to go to daycare. I never thought I would
Speaker 2: be this sort of mom, Like I never thought I would.
Speaker 2: I always thought i'd be the sort of mom that's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's old enough, put her in daycare. Like, you know,
Speaker 2: I thought i'd be really chill about this sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh you're not. I'm so not. Like, I'm so not
Speaker 1: the type of mum I thought I was going to be.
Speaker 1: I'm way more I'm not that I'm anxious, but I'm
Speaker 1: way more sensitive about, you know, letting go of these
Speaker 1: baby times and like allowing her to be taken care
Speaker 1: of by somebody else. Like this is something I'm really
Speaker 1: really struggling with.
Speaker 2: But it also is impeding on my ability to do
Speaker 2: work and just to have a normal.
Speaker 1: Life in general.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I feel like I have absolutely no time
Speaker 2: for myself as a human that's.
Speaker 1: Not a mom or a work person. That was that.
Speaker 1: And I also feel like I can't speak. Why don't
Speaker 1: you start with like one day a week and just
Speaker 1: get a feel for it. I mean, you need it.
Speaker 1: You cannot do you run two businesses and your mom Yeah,
Speaker 1: I basically physically can't.
Speaker 2: I absolutely and something has to tip it eventually. But
Speaker 2: like right now, at this period in my life, my
Speaker 2: suck of the week is that I'm dealing with the
Speaker 2: anxieties around putting Molly into daycare.
Speaker 1: That's my suck. Yeah, okay, well I'm gonna help you
Speaker 1: with that. Let's do one day a week and we'll
Speaker 1: work from there. You can hang out with me on
Speaker 1: that day, Okay, Right, I'm like, and I don't need advice.
Speaker 1: I just need other moms to say it's okay, I
Speaker 1: fucking get you. It's exactly how I feel. And so
Speaker 1: I'm running myself into the ground because I'm trying to
Speaker 1: be daycare mom and everything, daycare mom, business owner, everything,
Speaker 1: my sweet for the week, my sweet for the week
Speaker 1: is also business related. So even though business has been
Speaker 1: so crazy, Tony May things are great. We have a
Speaker 1: brand new range coming out, and I've just spent the
Speaker 1: last couple of days shooting that range. All of our
Speaker 1: content amazing, all of our campaign imagery. I'm so stoked.
Speaker 1: So I'm that's going to be coming out late the
Speaker 1: next couple of weeks. So I'm like, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm a really proud mum because my second baby just
Speaker 1: had a baby. I'm not even just saying this because
Speaker 1: I'm a cheerleader. I just wants some free stuff. No,
Speaker 1: I've actually never had anything from her. I don't I
Speaker 1: like people to know this. I'm not using this for
Speaker 1: the friendship I've never had any I have never given
Speaker 1: britt Any free Tony mail. I need to. I feel
Speaker 1: guilty using my friends to HOWK my stuff and I
Speaker 1: would never ask, So, like, bitch, I want some a
Speaker 1: It's Britt's birthday this week, so my god, I'll know
Speaker 1: what she's getting from me. She's gonna get a whole
Speaker 1: horde of Tony made jewels. I actually forgot it my
Speaker 1: birthday in like three days. Oh my god. No, I've
Speaker 1: seen Laura's stuff. She shows me the campaign as it's
Speaker 1: going and it's actually insane, like I had to pick
Speaker 1: my job off the ground and keep your eyes out
Speaker 1: for that one episode. It's brought to you by Tony
Speaker 1: Mate and uh yeah, so Tony May sponsor jump online,
Speaker 1: Tony May dot com dot you you may as well.
Speaker 1: It's streaky business. Okay, my suck. I'm same as you.
Speaker 1: I don't have a kid, but I feel like I've
Speaker 1: got a kid. I don't know why I do it
Speaker 1: to myself. I actually think it might be a thing
Speaker 1: because of because I'm single. I like to be busy.
Speaker 1: I think it's just because you're a massacres and you
Speaker 1: like to you get joy out of like blowing yourself
Speaker 1: through pain. Well, I don't have no. I think it's
Speaker 1: just like I don't know what. I've gotten to a
Speaker 1: point where I don't know what to do with myself.
Speaker 1: If I have free time, I physically I go. I'm weird.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what do I do now? That's why I
Speaker 1: just like go for more runs and stuff. This is
Speaker 1: so brit always wears active wear so that when she
Speaker 1: has free time, if she's sitting at home by herself,
Speaker 1: she can just go for a walk. Like I actually
Speaker 1: don't know brit to sit still. It sometimes makes me
Speaker 1: feel anxious because she's always doing something. Now like thinking
Speaker 1: about it, I'm like, that's actually I perpetually. I went
Speaker 1: into Mama Mia last week because I had to do
Speaker 1: a podcast with him and Kelly Bless you. I know
Speaker 1: you're listening high. Kelly was the host of the podcast,
Speaker 1: and she was dressed up beautifully and I looked in
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, and you're active way and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, like just in case I need
Speaker 1: to go for a walk. After she was like, what
Speaker 1: the hell is wrong, I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I I need to be ready for anything at any time.
Speaker 1: I need to be ready for any compulsive walking that
Speaker 1: has to just happen. Oh but no, my psyche is
Speaker 1: literally especially now I've just started filming this short film.
Speaker 1: Work at the hospital is nuts. This podcast is going nuts.
Speaker 1: Instagram's going nuts. I'm not complaining, but I've just booked
Speaker 1: myself in every minute of the day from like six
Speaker 1: am to ten pm. Love it, but girl's tired. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also, I guess in this current climate, you've got
Speaker 2: to appreciate the fact that you are busy. You know,
Speaker 2: those people out there who are struggling and who would
Speaker 2: give any to be busy during this time. So like
Speaker 2: perspective is important, and we both are very grateful that
Speaker 2: we are able to be crazy during a time where
Speaker 2: like things are so fucking uncertain.
Speaker 1: Well that's why people are like, why do you work
Speaker 1: so much? Why do you work at the hospital so much?
Speaker 1: Why do you? And I said, because I'm forever grateful
Speaker 1: that I have the opportunity to work, and I will
Speaker 1: never ever take that for granted. And also, like when
Speaker 1: you're doing influence and stuff on the side, you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know where my next meal ticket's coming. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just got to say yeah. I'm like, but my
Speaker 1: sweet is like, well, actually this could have been my
Speaker 1: suck to. My family has decided to do like this
Speaker 1: family bonding. Oh I saw. I know. You would think
Speaker 1: family bonding would be like weekend away or let's like
Speaker 1: have a board game pizza night, But no, my family
Speaker 1: have decided to do an off track like a trail
Speaker 1: run through the jungle. I say the jungle because it's
Speaker 1: more dramatic. It's the bush. It's the bush through the
Speaker 1: Australian jungle. A half marathon where you have to carry
Speaker 1: you back pack with like space blankets and whistles and food,
Speaker 1: and they all think that this is going to be
Speaker 1: really fun. So that's what we've done. We've signed up
Speaker 1: for family bonding hunger games essentially. That is literally my
Speaker 1: idea of hell on Earth. Like I would rather but
Speaker 1: my brother in Lauren, brother and sister in Laura doing
Speaker 1: it like it's a i'ld rather break my ankle. It's
Speaker 1: a whole big thing. My dad's sixty four, he's Papa
Speaker 1: tones He's so fit. The man gets up at like
Speaker 1: four thirty every morning. He does and trains before he
Speaker 1: goes like he does pull ups and push ups and
Speaker 1: waits before he goes to work as a builder for night.
Speaker 1: And he's insane and he's the one frothing and he's like, whoa,
Speaker 1: let's all go and do this. And I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: only doing it for my dad. I'm like, I'm doing
Speaker 1: this because I bloody love you. And if my sixty
Speaker 1: four year old daddy's doing it, how can I say, no,
Speaker 1: this is your mom doing it. Oh no, she's gonna
Speaker 1: be the water girl.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm right there with Missy. I'm not
Speaker 2: I'll bring I'll bring the kool aid.
Speaker 1: It's fine. If you knew my mom too, that wouldn't
Speaker 1: surprise you. She'll be there with the watermelon. Yeah. She's like,
Speaker 1: she's like, I will cheer you on the sideline. I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 1: it's the bush. There's no sideline. She's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to the Bo's like, I cheer you in spirit. Well,
Speaker 1: that's sweet for you. Sounds like a terrible, terrible suck.
Speaker 1: But I'm glad that we, you know, have our opposites.
Speaker 1: Can we just talk about this is the longest podcast
Speaker 1: we've ever done. We had so we were so chatty today,
Speaker 1: so chatty, but also the last episode, the sex Ologist
Speaker 1: one that we did was a bloody banger of an
Speaker 1: episode and a long one too, brit We just get
Speaker 1: in this room and can't stop ourselves. We had some
Speaker 1: really great feedback from the Sexology Chat as well, so
Speaker 1: we're glad you guys like that, and I'm glad that
Speaker 1: you guys got something from that, and.
Speaker 2: We will actually do another Sexologist Chat in the future.
Speaker 2: So if you do have any other questions, sexy questions,
Speaker 2: whatever it is that you want to know, things that
Speaker 2: maybe we won't answer, we will file that shit and
Speaker 2: keep it safe for when we have either either Juliet
Speaker 2: Allen or a different sexologists on board who can answer
Speaker 2: some variety or varied questions. But yeah, if guys, if
Speaker 2: you have any ideas of people that you want us
Speaker 2: to interview on this podcast, send them on over as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like literally send the person here, yeah, to in
Speaker 1: my bedroom so that I can put them on speaker. Guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for tuning in. We love your support,
Speaker 1: We love getting your feedback. It really really does it
Speaker 1: for us. It just means the world to us. Like
Speaker 1: we are so sick for our reviews. It's our guilty
Speaker 1: little pleasure. It's like my hit at the moment. Seeing
Speaker 1: you guys share how you're listening to Life on Cut.
Speaker 1: We absolutely love that. When you're going for a run,
Speaker 1: when you're going for a coffee, some of you are
Speaker 1: cleaning the house and like your toddle is dancing to
Speaker 1: the theme song. We can't get enough, So keep sharing those.
Speaker 1: Throw on your instagrams and tag us because we love
Speaker 1: to reshare them as well. So if you're not already
Speaker 1: following our Instagram page, it's Life on Cut podcast. If
Speaker 1: you're not already on the Facebook group. Get on it
Speaker 1: for the Batch chat and for all the other goths.
Speaker 1: That is also Life Uncut podcast. You know the drill. Guys,
Speaker 1: Tell you mom.
Speaker 2: Tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends, tell
Speaker 2: your sister, to you brother, just tell everyone you know what,
Speaker 2: and share the love because we will love live, reatus Pliny,
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 1: Bavacuta al the Babani, Bavacuta alabam the Baaaa