Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay
Speaker 1: our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land.
Speaker 3: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life.
Speaker 3: I'm Kat, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is it.
Speaker 4: We finally finished live shows. Feels like we really quickly
Speaker 4: were at the same time.
Speaker 1: I feel like we've been talking about live shows forever.
Speaker 4: We actually have. It's been since of July.
Speaker 1: No, we drip fed it, but the last month we're
Speaker 1: obviously talking about it a lot because it's happening. Then
Speaker 1: we're there and then it's on Instagram, and then we
Speaker 1: talk about the next day and how it went. But
Speaker 1: it's been fucking phenomenal.
Speaker 2: It's honestly consumed every single part of our lives, every heart,
Speaker 2: our waking life, my sleeping life, my like I go
Speaker 2: to bed thinking about the live shows or unpacking, Like,
Speaker 2: did I say this bit right? Could I have said
Speaker 2: this better? I like rehash every show after.
Speaker 4: The Yeah, I don't think about it. You're fucking like dumb.
Speaker 4: That top of stage.
Speaker 1: Doesn't not one thing from that night is in my head,
Speaker 1: like I think about how cool it was and how
Speaker 1: much fun I had and the adrenaline. I do not
Speaker 1: go through the show. I do not analyze anything, do
Speaker 1: not critique a thing. When people write to us after
Speaker 1: and they say, like, my cheeks are hurting, I just
Speaker 1: it was just such a great night with the girls.
Speaker 1: Like for me, that is what I thrive on.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, Like, So last night, just so you
Speaker 2: guys know, we did the Brisbane show. It was our
Speaker 2: very last show. Brisbane was fucking unbelievable. Last night's crowd
Speaker 2: was amazing.
Speaker 4: Brisbane was littly city.
Speaker 2: You were wild, not lily city in the same way
Speaker 2: the Gold Coast was though, because you guys were like
Speaker 2: litter litter city, which is you're a drunk city.
Speaker 4: Brisbane was lady city. That's the difference between Service Paradise
Speaker 4: and Brisbane.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 2: So last night, for those of you who there, you
Speaker 2: would know this, but for everybody else, we interviewed Sam
Speaker 2: Frost on stage, and I mean, I knew that it
Speaker 2: was going to be great, and I love talking to Sam,
Speaker 2: but I honestly think the interview with her was the
Speaker 2: one out of all the interviews that we.
Speaker 4: Did that caught me completely by surprise. Was it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like her vulnerability, her conversation around mental health, her
Speaker 2: talking around what she has experienced, not just recently, but
Speaker 2: what she has experienced from a little child. We're going
Speaker 2: to get her on the podcast to have a proper
Speaker 2: chat with her. So, Sam Frost, I mean, so many
Speaker 2: of you know her from being back on The Bachelor,
Speaker 2: you know her from her radio show Home and Away,
Speaker 2: is her most recent accolade as an actress. But then
Speaker 2: recently she's kind of turned away from the public life
Speaker 2: and she has really leaned into her mental health advocacy.
Speaker 2: And I honestly, like there were tears in my eyes,
Speaker 2: There was tears in the audience. She spoke about how
Speaker 2: dealing with mental health has been something that has been
Speaker 2: a part of her family since she was a really
Speaker 2: little kid. She also said that she grew up thinking
Speaker 2: that her parents didn't love her, and I think for
Speaker 2: me when she said that, I just, I honestly, I
Speaker 2: can't believe how abandoned you would feel growing up feeling
Speaker 2: as though your parents don't love you. And that was
Speaker 2: because of the complex mental health issues that her mum had.
Speaker 2: But then Sam also, and it was I was not
Speaker 2: expecting her to go where she went to with the conversation,
Speaker 2: but she spoke about how she had tried to end
Speaker 2: her life, and it was something it took the wind
Speaker 2: out of everyone in the audience, but it really was
Speaker 2: this incredible reminder and this really humbling reminder that it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter how beautiful someone is, it doesn't matter how
Speaker 2: successful someone seems, it doesn't matter all the things that
Speaker 2: we think are important that would be fulfilling to someone else.
Speaker 2: If you were struggling with depression, if you were struggling
Speaker 2: with bad mental health, then all those things don't matter.
Speaker 2: And that's something that Sam really communicated on stage, and
Speaker 2: it was fucking beautiful. She's an incredible person.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think the other thing that Sam spoke
Speaker 1: about that must be so like, so frustrating and so
Speaker 1: infuriating is that she got a lot of backlash about
Speaker 1: being an anti vax and people were trying to cancel
Speaker 1: her for being an anti vaxxer. And what she did
Speaker 1: say is she's like, it's frustrating because those headlines keep
Speaker 1: coming and coming and coming. She goes and guess what,
Speaker 1: I am vaccinated. I am immunized. My son is immunized.
Speaker 1: But people don't care about that. People care about outrage,
Speaker 1: they don't care about the truth. They want to jump
Speaker 1: on a bandwagon and drive someone to literally want to
Speaker 1: leave the public eye, to move to a new city,
Speaker 1: to go quiet, to go off social media, to need
Speaker 1: to go to a psychologist, to someone that's experienced depression,
Speaker 1: to make that tenfold.
Speaker 2: So Sam Frost was the most controversial, and I say
Speaker 2: controversial loosely because she's absolutely not at all, but in
Speaker 2: terms of the response that people had when we said that,
Speaker 2: we were interviewing all different people, and so when we
Speaker 2: put up her post on our Instagram, ninety percent of
Speaker 2: people were like, Yeah, love san FROs. She's so amazing,
Speaker 2: We love all the work that she's done with believe.
Speaker 2: But then there was a small portion of people who
Speaker 2: were like, oh my god, I can't believe you're having
Speaker 2: the anti vaxer on which, if you guys know the story,
Speaker 2: it was a big thing that blew up during COVID
Speaker 2: and it really was taken out of context in a
Speaker 2: lot of ways. And I mean, it was the first
Speaker 2: time that I've heard Sam speak about it, speak about
Speaker 2: what she experienced speak about it in terms of the
Speaker 2: impact that I had on her, and I would love
Speaker 2: to do an episode on her. But honestly, as much
Speaker 2: as the live shows have been like fun, fun, silly, silly,
Speaker 2: gag gag gag, it was just such a special conversation
Speaker 2: to have on stage and the one that really will
Speaker 2: stay with me forever.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say Sam was the one guess
Speaker 1: that shocked you the most and that you're most surprised about.
Speaker 1: For me, it wasn't. And maybe that's because I know
Speaker 1: a lot more about Sam's story, like in terms of
Speaker 1: I followed her closely over the years, and I've spoken
Speaker 1: to her a lot in the DMS because we've both
Speaker 1: experienced very low points in our life and we connected
Speaker 1: over it. But what shocked me the most, or who
Speaker 1: shocked me the most, was Tones and I. For me,
Speaker 1: that was the one Tones and I. Tones and I
Speaker 1: doesn't really do interviews, she's not big on giving that information.
Speaker 1: She doesn't love it. And we sort of dug a
Speaker 1: little bit deeper into the why about that, and that's
Speaker 1: what really impressed me. She said, people don't don't ask
Speaker 1: me questions about me. They don't care about me. They
Speaker 1: ask me questions about my music or my top hit
Speaker 1: dance Monkey, and that's about it. And she said it
Speaker 1: felt different for her at our live show with us
Speaker 1: and the audience. She said, I've never felt safer in
Speaker 1: an audience, and I've never felt more like now it's
Speaker 1: the time to share some of my life. Maybe Tones
Speaker 1: and I will come on an episode. She did say
Speaker 1: she was keen, so hopefully we can lock that in.
Speaker 1: But she opened up about some things in her life
Speaker 1: that she has never spoken about ever, and she said
Speaker 1: that she goes, I don't even know why I've got
Speaker 1: the pull for it now, but you guys just feel
Speaker 1: like a safe space for me. That was a moment
Speaker 1: I was like, this is really cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know that it's like a it's such
Speaker 2: an attribute of what you guys as the community create,
Speaker 2: because I mean, it's such a reminder for us. We
Speaker 2: do this podcast in silos. We're sitting I mean right now,
Speaker 2: we're sitting in a tiny room by ourselves, producer to
Speaker 2: each other. Poor thing is really unwell with which she's
Speaker 2: on the ground, on the ground, but it's just the
Speaker 2: three of us. And then when we got to go
Speaker 2: and do these live shows, we saw thousands of you
Speaker 2: in the audience, and it's just this incredible reminder that
Speaker 2: we have honestly the most amazing community around us. You
Speaker 2: life as are fucking phenomenal, and over the years, so
Speaker 2: many of you are connected with different stories and that
Speaker 2: you hold space for people to tell theirs, and for
Speaker 2: that we are so so grateful. But honestly, seven shows
Speaker 2: all around the country, part of me can't believe that
Speaker 2: it's all done and that we even got to do it.
Speaker 2: And then the other part of me is like, when
Speaker 2: do we do the next one? The only thing is
Speaker 2: this is the issue we have now, like how on
Speaker 2: earth will we ever top these live shows?
Speaker 1: We can't, we can't. We have to go out a high. No,
Speaker 1: next year's going to be different. I think they're gonna
Speaker 1: be intimate chats, maybe smaller venues. We want to go,
Speaker 1: maybe hit regional towns because we don't want to miss
Speaker 1: you guys all the time. We've got to cook up
Speaker 1: some ideas, but right now I'm too cooked to cook
Speaker 1: the idea.
Speaker 2: Give us some time and we'll come up with something.
Speaker 2: But also another conversation that we had off the back
Speaker 2: of the live shows, and one that's going to be
Speaker 2: dropping soon is We interviewed Sam Fisher. Now Sam's story
Speaker 2: and it was another one that we kind of explored
Speaker 2: and discovered whilst we were on the road just Morris friends.
Speaker 2: We all became like family and friends, and he started
Speaker 2: talk a lot about his life and we were like, wow, yeah,
Speaker 2: but also his relationship with his parents and how he
Speaker 2: doesn't speak to his dad at all anymore. And I
Speaker 2: always find it so interesting when there is somebody who's
Speaker 2: had the bravery and the confidence to cut contact with
Speaker 2: their parents, when they reach a point in life where
Speaker 2: they decide to choose themselves over choosing that like expectation,
Speaker 2: or that relationship with their parent, and especially obviously when
Speaker 2: that relationship is toxic. So Sam was really vulnerable. It's
Speaker 2: a fucking amazing chart. But yeah, we have so many
Speaker 2: good things coming in the pipeline off the back of
Speaker 2: these live shows.
Speaker 1: Do you have a vibe for the week, Laura.
Speaker 4: I do have a vibe for the week.
Speaker 2: Okay, before we get into answering your deep dark questions,
Speaker 2: my vibe is it's a podcast. It's a New Zealand
Speaker 2: based podcast. Now I'm a couple of across the pond.
Speaker 2: So it is called Dear Jane Now it is. The
Speaker 2: story is from a woman named Jane. She's forty years old,
Speaker 2: but she's reflecting back on a relationship she had when
Speaker 2: she was thirteen. And this is a relationship that she
Speaker 2: had with her youth group leader, like a pastor from
Speaker 2: her church. And at the time, she didn't realize how
Speaker 2: abusive this relationship was because he was in his twenties
Speaker 2: and she was only thirteen years old.
Speaker 4: She thought that this was the love of her life.
Speaker 2: And it's her now as a forty year old, looking
Speaker 2: back and working through all the trauma that she's lived
Speaker 2: with and the realizations that what happened to her was
Speaker 2: not something that was within her control and that she
Speaker 2: was actually a victim in that situation. And I think
Speaker 2: the storytelling of it is such a human story. You
Speaker 2: feel so sorry for her and you hate that she
Speaker 2: experienced this, but it's a very it's like it's a
Speaker 2: real like understanding and self discovery of being able to
Speaker 2: forgive yourself for the things that you might have carried
Speaker 2: from your childhood.
Speaker 1: Well interesting, I'll like that to a list. Well, my
Speaker 1: Vibe for the Week is on Disney Plus. If you
Speaker 1: guys have Disney Plus it is the Wagatha Christie documentary.
Speaker 1: Now I have spoken briefly we have about Wagatha Christie.
Speaker 1: What do you call it wasn't a conundrum, it was
Speaker 1: a It was probably the funniest but not funny, but
Speaker 1: it was the funniest fight between two women that has
Speaker 1: hit the public eye ever. So it's it's I mean,
Speaker 1: if you guys know the Agatha Christie books, this is
Speaker 1: a pun on that because these two women are wags.
Speaker 4: Why set up?
Speaker 2: Because I didn't know this story until like about three
Speaker 2: months ago, and you said it a lot, which is
Speaker 2: like so weird. I know, as someone who actually lives
Speaker 2: in the world of media, I didn't know it.
Speaker 1: This has taken over the world of media for many,
Speaker 1: many years, Like this has gone on for a couple
Speaker 1: of years. And it's these two wags wives and girlfriends
Speaker 1: of these footballers over in the UK, Rebecca Vardi and
Speaker 1: Colleen Rooney. They're the two women. So both of their
Speaker 1: husbands played for different teams, but they're very high profile.
Speaker 1: So Wayne Rooney was one of the best footballers in
Speaker 1: the UK and his wife is Colleen. Long story short,
Speaker 1: Colleen had a private Instagram account in a public Instagram acount,
Speaker 1: you know he can do like a close friend's kind
Speaker 1: of a thing.
Speaker 4: I find it so fucking interesting.
Speaker 1: So all of her, all of a sudden, all these
Speaker 1: stories that were very private about her and her family
Speaker 1: she only had, like I don't know, five hundred followers
Speaker 1: or something, they were all being leaked to huge media
Speaker 1: outlets in the UK, and she's like, how how is
Speaker 1: this happening? And then she clocked that every story that
Speaker 1: was being leaked and sold to the papers was something
Speaker 1: she hid in some capacity put on her private Instagram.
Speaker 1: So I don't want to give it too much away,
Speaker 1: but it turns out that she gets to the bottom
Speaker 1: of who it was.
Speaker 4: It's this war of.
Speaker 1: The wags because she she accuses another wag of leaking it,
Speaker 1: the other wag denies it. The other wag makes her
Speaker 1: go to a trial, a huge trial, a trial that
Speaker 1: costs five million pounds in legal fees. The husbands of
Speaker 1: these footballers got dragged into it.
Speaker 4: But it's it's something.
Speaker 1: That everyone always laughs at over the years because it's
Speaker 1: like it's so quote unquote stupid, right, so petty, but
Speaker 1: actually it goes so much deeper into that it is problematic.
Speaker 1: It's a level of online trolling and bullying. It caused
Speaker 1: a lot of distress because these this woman's private life
Speaker 1: was being plusted all over the sun paper and.
Speaker 2: She had no control of it, because someone in her
Speaker 2: close network was actually just like trying to sabotage her,
Speaker 2: basically was betraying her.
Speaker 1: Yes, And then when she called out the person was
Speaker 1: betraying her, people came for her, saying, you shouldn't be
Speaker 1: calling her out. Now you're publicly bullying. It was this
Speaker 1: whole big thing. But this is the first time she
Speaker 1: sat down and spoken about it. And so the documentary
Speaker 1: is from Colleen's point of view. She talks you through
Speaker 1: the three parts series and she's just so normal and
Speaker 1: I really loved looking into her life and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you are not what the meeting made you out to be.
Speaker 1: And I just really loved it. I really liked her,
Speaker 1: and I liked the way it was produced, and I
Speaker 1: enjoyed It's only three parts.
Speaker 2: Disney plus is this it's Disney plus Disney okay, right,
Speaker 2: and it's three episodes.
Speaker 4: Three parts? Yeah, easy quick watch, alrighty, it is time
Speaker 4: to answer you deep your duck and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1: Question number one. My best friend and I have been
Speaker 1: besties for about seven years. A couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: we both went traveling separately.
Speaker 4: I went with my boyfriend and.
Speaker 1: She went on her own because she had just broken
Speaker 1: up with her partner, so she went overseas to find herself.
Speaker 1: Now she met a guy while she was over there
Speaker 1: who she's now living with. So it has happened very quickly.
Speaker 1: I never saw an issue with it. It didn't raise
Speaker 1: that many red flags until she ran into some trouble
Speaker 1: and needed help from me, her mum, and her ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend back home. Now I'm guessing that's money trouble. This
Speaker 1: is when it all unraveled for her. It turns out
Speaker 1: she never broke up with her boyfriend from home, has
Speaker 1: been lying and cheating on him for a couple of months.
Speaker 1: She'd ghosted him back here. I was the one that
Speaker 1: had to feel him in. I was the one that
Speaker 1: told him she was cheating on him, told him that
Speaker 1: she'd had another relationship overseas, that she was living with him,
Speaker 1: amongst many other horrible things. She lied to everyone about
Speaker 1: breaking up and going overseas, so we didn't think it
Speaker 1: was weird that she was leaving. I broke her boyfriend's heart.
Speaker 1: My question is, how can I go back to being
Speaker 1: friends with her after she's lied, manipulated me, and put
Speaker 1: me in a very uncomfortable position with her boyfriend? How
Speaker 1: can I trust her again? Plus this is the second
Speaker 1: time in our friendship I have been in a similar situation.
Speaker 4: Oh what a dog.
Speaker 1: So basically she was in a long term relationship. I
Speaker 1: don't know. My imagination has gone to the point of, like,
Speaker 1: I reckon, she's met someone online somehow overseas, because.
Speaker 4: Okay, you're filling in some blanks.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I am this is how I see this going, right,
Speaker 1: I reckon, because it's a pretty big thing if you're
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship to say to your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: I'm going overseas completely alone. I gets that it happens,
Speaker 1: But I reckon, she's met someone online, she's gone moved
Speaker 1: quickly with him, and then probably falling in love with him,
Speaker 1: not knowing how to deal with it, so just ghosted
Speaker 1: him and stayed over there.
Speaker 2: When I see I think that I'm filling in different blanks.
Speaker 4: I reckon. The question wasn't fill in the blanks that
Speaker 4: we're doing it color of my numbers.
Speaker 2: I get the feeling with this sort of messiness is
Speaker 2: that when she left her current boyfriend or her boyfriend
Speaker 2: that was in the country that she's from boyfriend, what
Speaker 2: the boyfriend of origin, I would say that she left
Speaker 2: with things being not good, like she had obviously said, oh,
Speaker 2: maybe we'll stay together, like we'll work through it. But
Speaker 2: I feel like there might have been some sort of
Speaker 2: jeopardy there, right, So in her mind she's like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're kind of together, we're not together. She's not been clear,
Speaker 2: she's been very ambiguous because she's clearly someone who cannot
Speaker 2: be completely on her own. So she's like half broken
Speaker 2: up but not really broken up, just done enough to
Speaker 2: like create a bit of distance but also keep him
Speaker 2: there for when she wants him there. And then she's
Speaker 2: gone overseas and she's had this whole other relationship. She's
Speaker 2: told her friends that they've broken up, but she hasn't
Speaker 2: actually broken up with him. She's just done a bit
Speaker 2: of the groundwork of like, you know, I don't know
Speaker 2: how I feel.
Speaker 4: I need to go and find myself. And no, she
Speaker 4: broke up.
Speaker 1: With him in her mind, but that doesn't count.
Speaker 4: You don't sell the person breaking up with them totally.
Speaker 2: She hasn't said we're not together, but I think she's
Speaker 2: done enough to kind of be like things are not good.
Speaker 2: But the problem here is regardless of what she's done
Speaker 2: in her relationships, regardless of like where she in life,
Speaker 2: because it sounds like she's a bit of a mess.
Speaker 2: She doesn't know what she wants. She sounds like she
Speaker 2: is a hot mess. But that's now impacting your friendship
Speaker 2: and your relationship and your ability to trust her and
Speaker 2: to trust the things that she's saying. Because even if
Speaker 2: she was doing all this, but she was at least
Speaker 2: being honest with you and you knew about it, you
Speaker 2: wouldn't feel so betrayed and feel like you don't know
Speaker 2: who she is as a person. The problem is is
Speaker 2: that she's living these lives that are not true, and
Speaker 2: she's telling the people in her life what she needs
Speaker 2: to to try and appease them, because she obviously doesn't
Speaker 2: want you to think badly of her. She doesn't want
Speaker 2: the guilt of having to be honest and own up
Speaker 2: to the stuff that she's done or said, or how
Speaker 2: she's treating these different men in different countries. But ultimately,
Speaker 2: I would be questioning more why is this a relationship
Speaker 2: that you want to salvage? Why is this a friendship
Speaker 2: that you want to hold on to if you so
Speaker 2: deeply don't agree with the person that she is and
Speaker 2: how she's behaving, Because if you don't trust her, just
Speaker 2: like trust is important in a romantic relationship, it's important
Speaker 2: in a friendship as well. And so she's not showing
Speaker 2: up to your friendship as the person that she says
Speaker 2: she is, why do you want to keep being friends
Speaker 2: with her?
Speaker 1: So to be clear, it was written here as well
Speaker 1: boyfriend of origin one, he was actually waiting for her return,
Speaker 1: so like he didn't think that were on the rocks.
Speaker 4: He wasn't unsure about the situation.
Speaker 1: He thought she was doing a thing alone, you know,
Speaker 1: obviously when you're in a long term relationship. We've spoken
Speaker 1: about this on the podcast before. Like I have always said,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the strangest thing in the world,
Speaker 1: if you do want some time alone in a long
Speaker 1: term relationship, going overseas on your own.
Speaker 4: It was weird.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not against it, but I know that
Speaker 2: if I said to Matt, hey, honey, I need to
Speaker 2: go overseas and find myself.
Speaker 4: He'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with what's different?
Speaker 4: Now you're married with kids?
Speaker 1: If you were like bye, yeah, alarm. But if you've
Speaker 1: been together from a young age for many years and
Speaker 1: you're like, you know what, I want to just do
Speaker 1: a trip on my own, I think that's great. But
Speaker 1: I don't think that's quite what's happening here. I think,
Speaker 1: well it is. I think she has said that to him,
Speaker 1: and he obviously loves her and trusts her, and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: go do your things, see in a month, seeing weeks whatever.
Speaker 1: But in her mind, which doesn't count, she's broken up
Speaker 1: with him in her mind. Now, everything you just said
Speaker 1: I agree with, like that position. I don't envy the
Speaker 1: position she has put you in because it's not cool.
Speaker 1: And we all do have a level of grace for
Speaker 1: our friends to make mistakes because we do love them
Speaker 1: and they are our best friends. You've been best friends
Speaker 1: with her for nearly a decade.
Speaker 2: And also, like you know, if your friend has been
Speaker 2: in an affair or they've cheated on someone, they might
Speaker 2: not tell you because they're ashamed and they're worried about
Speaker 2: what you're going to think.
Speaker 1: Of them. Well, I don't think she'd I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: feeling in the blanks again. I think it was more
Speaker 1: she just didn't want it to come out right. I
Speaker 1: don't think she was ashamed. I think she was like,
Speaker 1: they're all too close back home, and I'm not ready
Speaker 1: for it to come out for whatever reason. But the
Speaker 1: situation she put you in is really shitty. But we
Speaker 1: do have to have a level of grace for our friends.
Speaker 1: I don't think they make one mistake and cut up
Speaker 1: and you're like, fuck off, Like you know, the problem
Speaker 1: here is she said, it's not the first time she's
Speaker 1: done it. But I think what you need to do
Speaker 1: is talk to her about it and be really blunt,
Speaker 1: how could you have put me in this position? Like
Speaker 1: I get that you're living your life, but you need
Speaker 1: to understand what you did to him is really really
Speaker 1: hurtful and wrong, and what you've done to your friends
Speaker 1: and family, me included, is also really wrong. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about why again. I say this a lot, but somebody's
Speaker 1: response to a situation I think is everything and is
Speaker 1: what will make or break the relationship, whether that is
Speaker 1: in a romantic relationship or a friendship or family. When
Speaker 1: you've gone to someone you said, this is how I feel,
Speaker 1: this is how it's affected me. Their response to that
Speaker 1: is really telltale accountability totally. So see what she says
Speaker 1: about that. I don't think you need to diss a
Speaker 1: friendship straight away. But having said that, friendships, I hate
Speaker 1: that saying what is that really cool? He's saying for
Speaker 1: a season or reason or a lifetime whatever, like I think,
Speaker 1: or a grievance in this case. Yeah, we get to
Speaker 1: the sunk cost fallacy, Like we get to this point
Speaker 1: in relationships with friendships and stuff where we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we've been friends.
Speaker 4: For ten years, like we should always be friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, you know, I don't want to throw that away,
Speaker 1: but sometimes that is what happens with friendships. Like I
Speaker 1: have had friends and people in the past where I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is my soulmate friends, like we are how connection
Speaker 1: is so insane, We're going to be best friends for
Speaker 1: ever and the like a year light, I've never seen
Speaker 1: him again because it's like you don't know the time,
Speaker 1: but it becomes situational or life changes, and yeah, that's
Speaker 1: totally fine. So I think at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you don't have to stay friends with her because you've
Speaker 1: been friends with her for seven years. If you genuinely
Speaker 1: don't agree with her morals and who she is, the
Speaker 1: positions she's put you in multiple times, it's okay to
Speaker 1: walk away, and you actually don't need that much of
Speaker 1: an explanation. I also think there comes a point in
Speaker 1: life when you say the X why she's her own
Speaker 1: boyfriend she does.
Speaker 2: I also think when you've been in a situation she
Speaker 2: said that this has happened twice now that there's been
Speaker 2: two separate times where her friend has cheated and put
Speaker 2: her into an awkward situation because she's not been honest,
Speaker 2: And I mean, I don't know what her friend expected
Speaker 2: to get out of trying to live these double lives
Speaker 2: and lie to everyone. But there does come a point
Speaker 2: where you have to assess your friendships and you have
Speaker 2: to weigh up what am I getting out of this
Speaker 2: person and what drama are they bringing into my life?
Speaker 2: Because if the constant is that you're just getting drama,
Speaker 2: that you're always being thrown into these situations that make
Speaker 2: you uncomfortable, that are very taxing and time ring on
Speaker 2: your mental health, on your other relationships that you're responsible
Speaker 2: for the cleanup and the aftermath of your friend's X
Speaker 2: or now you know, current boyfriend, whatever that mess is,
Speaker 2: that you have to explain to them what's been going on.
Speaker 2: I would be really considering what are the benefits that
Speaker 2: I'm getting from that friendship, because you know, at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, you only have x amount of
Speaker 2: time in your life to dedicate it to the things
Speaker 2: that are important to you. And so if you're constantly
Speaker 2: dedicating it to relationships that are bringing in drama, that
Speaker 2: are creating toxicity, that are putting you in situations that
Speaker 2: are completely lacking in any sort of respect, I would
Speaker 2: be saying that life's too short and you don't need
Speaker 2: to have friends like this. But I understand why it
Speaker 2: can be really hard to leave and to walk away
Speaker 2: from a seven year friendship, especially when the things that
Speaker 2: they've done aren't directly involving you. But in this instance,
Speaker 2: it has involved you, and it has made your life
Speaker 2: hell and it's really brought to the surface. Is this
Speaker 2: the type of person that you want to be friends with?
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of that comes back to
Speaker 2: what you said, britt accountability. How has she reacted to this,
Speaker 2: her response and what is she doing to show that
Speaker 2: she isn't someone who feels like people's feelings are just
Speaker 2: completely flippant and she doesn't care about them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the end. Okay, bear with me here. I've just
Speaker 1: decided did you'd fill some more blanks in no, this
Speaker 1: is the next question, but I've decided to keep the
Speaker 1: best friend theme.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna roll with that. Okay, cool. For the entire episode.
Speaker 1: We got a lot of best friend questions.
Speaker 2: And I understand this because we answer so many questions
Speaker 2: on relationships, but I think we undervalue how important friendship
Speaker 2: relationships are and how they can be just as tricky
Speaker 2: to navigate.
Speaker 1: Well, listen to this one.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm ready. My supposed best friend.
Speaker 1: That's my supposed best friend organized my twenty first birthday present.
Speaker 4: People paid her for it because.
Speaker 1: It was a group present. But it's been a year
Speaker 1: now and I still haven't got it. It's like the
Speaker 1: next birthday and she's like, eh. I've asked her multiple
Speaker 1: times if she can drop it off or I could
Speaker 1: pick it up, but she always has an excuse on
Speaker 1: why I can't get it. It's a present. I really want.
Speaker 1: I know this because she told me what it is.
Speaker 1: But I'm also stressed that she didn't actually buy it
Speaker 1: and she just kept the money. She's organized presents for
Speaker 1: people in the past, and they've always got them on
Speaker 1: the day of the party.
Speaker 4: I don't know what to do because it's something I
Speaker 4: really want. So fucking stupid this is so how did
Speaker 4: you think that this is just gonna go away?
Speaker 1: I don't know, everyone's giving you a hundred bucks.
Speaker 4: Who knows how much?
Speaker 1: She's just one thousand dollars? Is this two hundred? I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's irrelevant, but like the bitch stole your present, okay.
Speaker 1: I think that you text the other friends first and
Speaker 1: you say, like, hey, Cindy, Sarah and Jemima.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you guys up my little pony.
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I don't know if you guys
Speaker 2: know this, but I haven't got my present yet. Do
Speaker 2: you mind saying something to Stephanie about it? I feel
Speaker 2: like you use that you use that little in first
Speaker 2: you go and text all the other friends who contributed money.
Speaker 4: But then if that.
Speaker 2: Fails, your next bet is next time that you're driving around,
Speaker 2: you're doing something and you know your friend is home,
Speaker 2: like you know she's at home, you say, oh, my god.
Speaker 4: I'm in the area. I'm gonna come by right now,
Speaker 4: right this second. Well, she is stopping by.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she doesn't have the present. Like spoiler, she doesn't
Speaker 1: have it. She's definitely spent the money. One hundred percent
Speaker 1: what I would do. I would text the other friends
Speaker 1: as well, because you've tried texting her multiple times and
Speaker 1: she's made an excuse. I'd text the other friends, but
Speaker 1: i'd probably say genuinely, this is what i'd say. Hey, question,
Speaker 1: I know this was ages ago, and I actually don't care,
Speaker 1: but I just want to make no I do care.
Speaker 1: I would say, I don't care, but I just would
Speaker 1: hate to think you guys passed on money that never
Speaker 1: made it anywhere. I never got that present from Jemima,
Speaker 1: but I know that you guys said you throw in,
Speaker 1: so I just wanted to make sure that, like, did
Speaker 1: you actually put that money in or not. I would
Speaker 1: say that I would put it in, Like, look, it's
Speaker 1: not for me. I don't care about the present, hynough
Speaker 1: you really want it, You're more like taking the root
Speaker 1: of I want to make sure my friends didn't throw
Speaker 1: their money away.
Speaker 4: So well, she can go out party for a night.
Speaker 2: I like this be a little bit passive agress I
Speaker 2: don't even care, but like you do care.
Speaker 1: No, it's just like it's not about me, it's about you,
Speaker 1: Like it's about you. I care about your my friends,
Speaker 1: your money. I want to make sure that you didn't
Speaker 1: throw your money away. I would take that angle.
Speaker 4: Otherwise I would just be really directed with the girl.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, look, i'm getting the impression you didn't
Speaker 1: actually buy the present. Let's talk about this.
Speaker 2: But also that you know, that's so awkward that like
Speaker 2: having like, hey, I know you said you bought me
Speaker 2: this thing, but I haven't got it yet.
Speaker 4: You need to get it for me. Like, that's fucking awkward.
Speaker 4: You're never going to do that. That it's a year
Speaker 4: on and she stole money from a friend.
Speaker 2: Totally totally, but also, let's give this other girl benefit
Speaker 2: of the doubt for a second.
Speaker 4: No, yeah, I'm going to do it. No, I'm going there.
Speaker 1: She bought cokaine.
Speaker 4: She probably did.
Speaker 2: I'm joking, she probably did. Okay, let's say she had
Speaker 2: like three hundred bucks or something. Let's say she had
Speaker 2: three hundred and fifty dollars and she spent it on
Speaker 2: something on.
Speaker 1: A night out.
Speaker 2: I think she has the intention of still getting you
Speaker 2: the present.
Speaker 4: No I do I do birthdays come around. She hasn't
Speaker 4: got the next birthdays present.
Speaker 2: So the reason I think that she's like it's something
Speaker 2: that in her mind she's like, oh, I've got to
Speaker 2: do that thing, and then she just keeps forgetting to
Speaker 2: do it, and then you will send a message and
Speaker 2: she'd be like, fuck, fuck, okay, I'll organize it for
Speaker 2: next time. She's not going to get away with saying
Speaker 2: that she doesn't have it for like the next five years,
Speaker 2: because that's just going to be awkward if she knows
Speaker 2: you're going to stop asking after five No, to stop asking,
Speaker 2: and that's your job.
Speaker 4: Never stop asking, keep making it awkward.
Speaker 2: She's eventually going to go and get the present, but
Speaker 2: she hasn't got it yet. I think that it's one
Speaker 2: of those things where she's like, oh my god, so
Speaker 2: much time has gone and now it's awkward. I do
Speaker 2: think you need to text the friends, and I think
Speaker 2: you can send a really honest message and be like, hey, Jemimah,
Speaker 2: big Ted here, I would really love you.
Speaker 1: Know these names. I don't know it's big dead.
Speaker 2: I've been watching to much play school, Like, hey, Jemimah,
Speaker 2: I know you said you picked up x y Z.
Speaker 1: I know the girls have put in for it. I
Speaker 1: don't want it to be a big deal, but I
Speaker 1: really really want it. I've been so excited about it.
Speaker 2: So if there's a time that I can come this
Speaker 2: week or in the next two days to pick it up,
Speaker 2: I would really love that.
Speaker 4: Ender a shared.
Speaker 1: Google calendar request, let me know when suit totally let
Speaker 1: me know when suits you, because I'm going to come
Speaker 1: and pick it up this week. And then that way
Speaker 1: you've given her a couple more days that if she
Speaker 1: hasn't got it, she can go and organize it. She
Speaker 1: can go and get it sorted or give it to
Speaker 1: her like open it up and say, like, you know,
Speaker 1: if this is a problem, let me know why. And
Speaker 1: then at last she can explain because it shouldn't be
Speaker 1: about situational Oh I can't come get it all, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm busy all blah blah blah. She can put it
Speaker 1: in the fucking post, right, I just say send me
Speaker 1: the money back. Then just say send me about child.
Speaker 1: Then if you don't have it, yeah, but you took
Speaker 1: up my friend's money. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like we're laughing. But you took a bunch of people's money.
Speaker 1: It's the step is reminded me. I actually owe my
Speaker 1: girlfriend a present, which I organized. I didn't take anyone's money,
Speaker 1: but my.
Speaker 4: Best friend Kaya.
Speaker 2: Sorry Kaya, she's still waiting on her dinner plates which
Speaker 2: are for her birthday, which are coming.
Speaker 4: Is she listening?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they just didn't have the and this guy
Speaker 2: is good.
Speaker 4: She doesn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Kai wrote in, but she just like changed the
Speaker 2: name Kaya. They didn't have the green ones available, just
Speaker 2: so you know. And so I was waiting on the
Speaker 2: stock to come in. But it's arrived now and I
Speaker 2: just forgot about this. So now I'll organize them. And
Speaker 2: it's awkward. It's awkward, but.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I feel like that this No, yes, it's so awkward.
Speaker 2: I agree, but I feel like that this doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be an awkward thing.
Speaker 4: But I think you need to go through the friends. Well,
Speaker 4: it's always awkward.
Speaker 1: It's not all awkward asking for something. The awkwardness comes
Speaker 1: when you've asked for something four times. That's when it
Speaker 1: gets awkward because you like, I don't know how else
Speaker 1: to say it. The awkwardness isn't like, oh, my god,
Speaker 1: you have my present the first time. That's easy. Hey babe, sorry,
Speaker 1: I know you forgot, but let's get that present this week.
Speaker 4: I'm so pumped for it.
Speaker 1: But a year later and five, six, seven times of asking,
Speaker 1: it starts to be like, I don't know how to
Speaker 1: do it, And that's probably what.
Speaker 4: She's banking on.
Speaker 2: But I also think if your friend has managed to
Speaker 2: go this long without getting it for you, and you've
Speaker 2: brought it up one like, I think that she doesn't
Speaker 2: think it's as awkward as you do. You think you've
Speaker 2: brought it up enough. You think you've mentioned it enough times.
Speaker 2: She obviously is just fucking cruising and like for her,
Speaker 2: it's not really registered as an awkward thing yet.
Speaker 4: So I think you need to make it more awkward.
Speaker 4: You need to send more messages.
Speaker 2: You need to be more direct, because maybe you're someone
Speaker 2: here it is. Maybe you're someone who's really indirect, like
Speaker 2: you're not an asker. So you've been like, oh, hey, han,
Speaker 2: can I come pick blah blah blah up, and that's
Speaker 2: been as forceful as you've been about this, whereas your
Speaker 2: friend is someone who needs you to be more direct. Hey,
Speaker 2: I'm coming to get that present on Tuesday. If that's
Speaker 2: not good, let me know a day this week that
Speaker 2: I can come. I think you need to be more
Speaker 2: direct and then it will be a little kick up
Speaker 2: her ass and she'll go, oh shit, like she's serious
Speaker 2: she wants this present.
Speaker 1: I would also love to know two things. One, what
Speaker 1: was the present? Yeah, well just let us know writing
Speaker 1: what with the present on?
Speaker 4: She just had a curiosity. How much was it? Two?
Speaker 1: Does said friend listen to the podcast? Because that's brilliant
Speaker 1: if she does so, here listening right now, give your
Speaker 1: friend her present.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're listening right now and you've been holding
Speaker 2: onto your friend's money for the last year and haven't
Speaker 2: bought your best friend her birthday gift, stop being an
Speaker 2: asshole and go and get it.
Speaker 4: Is that helpful? Yeah? Okay? Question number three?
Speaker 1: Have my ring? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, fuck, I also have BRIT's ring? Britt? Are you
Speaker 4: sure you didn't write this?
Speaker 1: Yere?
Speaker 4: Brimio and I have teamed up to get our presents.
Speaker 4: Brinny gave me.
Speaker 2: Back her Tony May ring to be polished, and that
Speaker 2: was two months ago.
Speaker 4: It's just sitting on my desk. Yeah, it's standard.
Speaker 1: Also, I bought Laura a present, This is like.
Speaker 4: Not that similar.
Speaker 1: I bought Laura three hundred dollars worth of massage vouchers
Speaker 1: because because I.
Speaker 4: Was like this, she's so stressed.
Speaker 1: Stressed out all the time, I'm going to buy a
Speaker 1: massage vouchers.
Speaker 2: And then I was like two years ago. It was no,
Speaker 2: I think it was three years ago. It was when
Speaker 2: we first it was my first birthday after we became friends.
Speaker 1: And then it came out that she hates. If you've
Speaker 1: been to the live show, you'll know Laura hates nothing
Speaker 1: more than a massage. So I'm like, well, I was
Speaker 1: great to know that that money went down the gurgler.
Speaker 1: You should have given it back to me so I
Speaker 1: could spend my own money on my massages.
Speaker 4: I gave them to Matt. I got Matt three hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: Went to be fair, I went and had one of them,
Speaker 2: and then Matt had two of them, which he enjoyed,
Speaker 2: and then that brings me joy. So in turn, your
Speaker 2: present was well joyed. Okay, I'm glad, well joyed, well joyed,
Speaker 2: heaps of joy all around.
Speaker 1: Question number three staying on the friendship train, Oh more
Speaker 1: friendship questions. Yeah, I thought we may as well, stay
Speaker 1: with the thing. We got so many friendship questions this week,
Speaker 1: and can it's crazy? Can we throw in the question
Speaker 1: that we answered at the live show.
Speaker 4: I was having a few.
Speaker 1: Glasses of wine on Saturday night scrolling through Tinder when
Speaker 1: I came across my ex bestes X situationship my ex
Speaker 1: best is X situation. She had a best friend. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a situation ship. The situationship ended.
Speaker 4: The best friend ship ended around the same time. Who knows?
Speaker 2: But yes, okay, well we don't go We're not privy
Speaker 2: to You're not friends with her anymore. And she once
Speaker 2: upon a time was dating this guy great situation shipping
Speaker 2: not dating, I mean loosely dating. Who knows situationships can
Speaker 2: be more to one person than they are.
Speaker 1: To the other. Okay, you'll let me finish the rest
Speaker 1: of the sentence. She has always said it was just
Speaker 1: purely sex and she didn't really like him that much.
Speaker 1: So proper situation share.
Speaker 4: I swipe him. We like we match.
Speaker 1: He messages me very flirtily, asking am I still living
Speaker 1: with my ex bestie? So they were best friends and
Speaker 1: mats so it's like a double whammy. Wait, so when
Speaker 1: they were living together, she was fucking this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so she would have been here in them in the
Speaker 1: room next door and stuff, bang bang, But he said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to living with the expreste as. I'd love
Speaker 1: to come over and see you. We moved things to Snapchat.
Speaker 1: I don't know why people to stap them.
Speaker 4: We moved things of.
Speaker 1: Snapchat, I know, and things I deleted Snapchat last night
Speaker 1: and things got hot. I no longer talked to my
Speaker 1: ex Bessie, and it seems she is in a very
Speaker 1: happy one year relationship from what I can see online.
Speaker 4: Should I feel bad.
Speaker 1: For wanting to have sex with her ex situationship? Because
Speaker 1: I don't actually think I feel that much shame. He's
Speaker 1: very cute and I'm very tempted to text him right
Speaker 1: now to come over, but I won't until you answer
Speaker 1: my question.
Speaker 4: I know it's going to lead to sex. What should
Speaker 4: I do? I need girly advice.
Speaker 1: If you happen to read this, please creep it private.
Speaker 4: Of course, all I have a question.
Speaker 1: Magim not bang him.
Speaker 2: Oh, Brittany, let's unpack this a little bit more. I
Speaker 2: think only you can answer this question, but I think
Speaker 2: you need to ask yourself a very important one. Why
Speaker 2: did your friendship end?
Speaker 1: Why him? No?
Speaker 2: Why are you no longer friends with your ex bestie?
Speaker 2: Did you do something that ruined that friendship? Did she
Speaker 2: do something that ruined that friendship? Did it just naturally
Speaker 2: come to the end of its life cycle? Which is
Speaker 2: weird because friendships don't usually just best friend friendships don't
Speaker 2: usually peter out.
Speaker 4: There's usually a reason. Yeah, like why something happened.
Speaker 1: Don't get the present at their own Yeah, you didn't
Speaker 1: get the present, and so you broke up with your friend. No.
Speaker 2: I think that's a really important question because if you were,
Speaker 2: and that well might take some honest self reflection. If
Speaker 2: you were the reason that that friendship decayed, then I
Speaker 2: think it's a real see you next Tuesday, move to
Speaker 2: go and also sleep with her ex situationship. But also
Speaker 2: she's probably one never gonna know, especially if it doesn't
Speaker 2: turn into anything that's important. So like, you can go
Speaker 2: and live your best dreams and do whatever you want to, really.
Speaker 4: But will you feel guilty about it? Should you feel
Speaker 4: any remorse for it? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think that only you can kind of come up
Speaker 1: with that answer. It's like just go bang him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: irackon bangyim bang him banging banging, Get him over right now,
Speaker 1: get him on WhatsApp, send him in disperop photo, get
Speaker 1: him there. The reason I say that is it would
Speaker 1: be different for me if they were in a relationship
Speaker 1: and the friend had feelings for him like the ex friend,
Speaker 1: if they had a proper relationship where she loved her
Speaker 1: or yeah I really felt something. But she has said
Speaker 1: I don't even like him, it's just sex. I think
Speaker 1: he's hot, he thinks I'm hot.
Speaker 4: We bang.
Speaker 1: I think that's fine. I think you don't speak to anymore.
Speaker 1: She is also in a relationship for a year, so
Speaker 1: she's happy. And if she's been in a relationship for
Speaker 1: a year, this situationship had to be a year plus, right,
Speaker 1: so eighteen months two years, we don't know, but it's
Speaker 1: longer than a year.
Speaker 2: But the question is do you want to ever restore? Okay,
Speaker 2: it also comes down to the friendship, right, do you
Speaker 2: want to ever restore the friendship?
Speaker 4: Do you have?
Speaker 2: You just had to have some time out from each other.
Speaker 2: You miss the friendship. You want to spend time with
Speaker 2: her again, you want to rekindle that at some point
Speaker 2: down the track. I think if you want to still
Speaker 2: be friends with her, then I would be prioritizing the
Speaker 2: friendship over the hangs and bangs with this one guy.
Speaker 2: But if you don't care about the friendship, if you
Speaker 2: don't feel like it's going to be something that you
Speaker 2: are going to resurrect in the future, if both of
Speaker 2: you have come to a point where you're like, our
Speaker 2: life is way easier not being in each other's lives,
Speaker 2: then I think, do whatever the hell you want to do,
Speaker 2: and if you don't feel guilty about it, if you
Speaker 2: don't feel shameful about it, then that's okay, Like you're
Speaker 2: allowed to do what you want to do. I get
Speaker 2: it that we have kind of been almost like conditioned
Speaker 2: to think that if one person has had some sort
Speaker 2: of intimate relationship with a person of their interest, that
Speaker 2: they're then completely out of bounds to all of their friends.
Speaker 2: But the reality is is like, we don't own people,
Speaker 2: We don't have DIBs on people, especially when it comes
Speaker 2: to loose dating connections. So if you're happy to sleep
Speaker 2: with someone who your ex has slept with, are your
Speaker 2: ex best friend?
Speaker 1: Fuck?
Speaker 4: That got confusing.
Speaker 2: If you're happy to sleep with someone who your best
Speaker 2: friend who is no longer your best friend once upon
Speaker 2: a time was sleeping with Then I think you can
Speaker 2: do whatever the hell you want to. You're not breaking
Speaker 2: any rules. Would it upset her? Would she be mad
Speaker 2: if she found out?
Speaker 4: Maybe? But the reality is you're not really friends with
Speaker 4: her anymore, so do you care?
Speaker 1: Also, the other thing is we live in a world
Speaker 1: where everyone has this loose connection, right, like social media
Speaker 1: now means people are if you have met someone out
Speaker 1: once in a group at a party and you follow
Speaker 1: youa other on Instagram, all of a sudden, you quote
Speaker 1: unquote know them right or you have a connection to them.
Speaker 1: So there's so many loose connections in terms of, oh
Speaker 1: my god, do you think I can hook up with
Speaker 1: this guy knowing that like Sally's birth friend, I'm a
Speaker 1: friends with an Instagram hooked up with him.
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, that's nice in theory, but I feel
Speaker 2: like this connection is not that loose, Like he's been
Speaker 2: inside her and being inside her old apartment totally.
Speaker 4: But I don't that's a tight connection.
Speaker 1: It doesn't, we hope, So it doesn't ring alarm bell
Speaker 1: for me, and I really don't think it is because
Speaker 1: it's been a long time and it meant nothing, and
Speaker 1: you feel something now and you want to do it.
Speaker 1: So I do think it's okay if you were still
Speaker 1: friends with this girl. I really want to reiterate, this
Speaker 1: would be different. If you were still friends with your friend.
Speaker 1: You would have to sit down and have a conversation
Speaker 1: with her before you went there, and I think you
Speaker 1: would have to respect what she said. So if you
Speaker 1: were like, hey, I know you were having sex with
Speaker 1: Freddy for a year. I'm kind of vibing him now,
Speaker 1: would that be weird for you? If she said yes,
Speaker 1: then you have to respect that. But this is you're
Speaker 1: not friends with her anymore. You don't talk to us,
Speaker 1: she's moved on, she's happy. You want to bang a
Speaker 1: guy that you've matched with a year two years later?
Speaker 4: Five, I have some fun.
Speaker 2: I have a question for you. How would you feel
Speaker 2: if I was single and I.
Speaker 1: Were trying to bang Ben?
Speaker 4: That would be very wrong?
Speaker 1: Yuck.
Speaker 2: No, if I was single and I was trying to
Speaker 2: bang someone who you had slept with in the past,
Speaker 2: even though.
Speaker 1: You're happily in a relationship like Jordan. Also no, or
Speaker 1: like the situationship before.
Speaker 2: My stomach is growling. Yeah, like the situation. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: the one.
Speaker 1: I'd let you do that, but would you think it's weird? Also,
Speaker 1: we do all have to hang out. I'm fully thinking
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: But I mean it like if I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: I matched with him on Tinder. I match with him
Speaker 2: knowing full well that you guys dated, but now I'm
Speaker 2: gonna sleep with him.
Speaker 4: How do you feel about it? I would be.
Speaker 1: Fine, And I genuinely say that honestly, because I didn't
Speaker 1: have the love for that person. Like that was a
Speaker 1: bit of a situationship, like we were dating and he
Speaker 1: definitely felt a lot for me.
Speaker 4: But for me, if I had loved Flaxpread, no am
Speaker 4: I I wasn't my ex. You guys know that, So
Speaker 4: it was like a hit different for me.
Speaker 1: But I think that it's okay because I have moved
Speaker 1: on and I didn't. I wasn't like head over heels
Speaker 1: in love with the person. I'd be like, you know what, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's actually a great guy. It just wasn't for me.
Speaker 2: Well, you guys probably, I mean, if you're new to
Speaker 2: the podcast, we've spoken about it many years ago, but
Speaker 2: you probably don't know about it.
Speaker 4: We did feel new, we Britt and I at the
Speaker 4: same time, tried to fuck the same person. Okay, so
Speaker 4: I make that sound so much worse. Not at the
Speaker 4: same time.
Speaker 2: So I matched with this guy prior to obviously being
Speaker 2: on The Bachelor and meeting Matt all that I matched
Speaker 2: with this guy on Tinder. I liked him, he was great.
Speaker 2: We hung out quite for a couple of I would say,
Speaker 2: like a couple of months, nothing serious.
Speaker 4: It didn't really go anywhere.
Speaker 2: By the time we got to know each other, we
Speaker 2: realized that we weren't really each other's person by any means,
Speaker 2: but like we were sexually attracted to each other. So whatever,
Speaker 2: because he's a smoke, because he's so he's so hot,
Speaker 2: like he is, he's really nice, He's Mayor Mountain. So yeah,
Speaker 2: climbed to that mare mountain. Anyway, Britt and I became friends,
Speaker 2: we started the podcast, and then Britt one day was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, Laura, I've matched with the hottest guy
Speaker 2: on Tinder and I've gone on a couple of dates
Speaker 2: with him. And then I didn't like I didn't see
Speaker 2: photos of him. Straight away, I was just like, yes,
Speaker 2: get a girl about it.
Speaker 1: But we were talking about not specifics but loose loosely
Speaker 1: like sort of a nickname, and like what we've been
Speaker 1: doing and how I've been hanging out, and that he
Speaker 1: was super hot, what he looks like yes, And then.
Speaker 2: Britt one day says something about him doing a specific
Speaker 2: job and having a specific dog, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, you want to show me a photo of
Speaker 2: this guy that you're currently banging and she was like sure,
Speaker 2: and she showed me a photo and I was like, wow, okay.
Speaker 4: I think we needn't know. You hadn't banged him yet.
Speaker 4: I didn't bang it. Oh okay, well you didn't, all right,
Speaker 4: Sorry I went too far.
Speaker 1: Well I couldn't then I going to banging that nine.
Speaker 1: Then I was like great, now I've got an abort mission.
Speaker 1: I can't bang my business partners ex bank.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: So she showed me a photo and I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: this is too close to home. But anyway, did not care.
Speaker 2: Once I was like you that is all yours. He's
Speaker 2: a beautiful man. I hope you have a better time
Speaker 2: than I did.
Speaker 1: And you didn't care because you'd had Matt.
Speaker 4: You're in love later, so like.
Speaker 2: It was years later, I was in love and the
Speaker 2: relationship itself meant nothing to me, and I can also
Speaker 2: appreciate that he he's a great person and would be
Speaker 2: a great person for someone else.
Speaker 4: I still couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I ruined my
Speaker 4: life from the Daily maun.
Speaker 2: You could be with him, If anything, I set you
Speaker 2: up for bigger and better things, so I know.
Speaker 4: But I didn't even get to, like climb him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't even get to climb that Mountainnumber man
Speaker 2: didn't go that far.
Speaker 1: Now we're just going to be friends, and we are friends,
Speaker 1: and now he has a really hot girlfriend who's super hot. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he did good, really good. He's not sad at all. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have one more question for you guys. This
Speaker 2: is a question that we answered at the Gold Coast
Speaker 2: Live show, and it was saucy, and I want to
Speaker 2: know how you will feel about it, because I mean,
Speaker 2: we all agreed, we all had similar feelings. Produced a Keisha,
Speaker 2: Brittany and I were on staf talking about it. Basically,
Speaker 2: the summary of this was, this girl has started dating
Speaker 2: a guy. They've been dating for five weeks. She's really
Speaker 2: into the hym. It's going really well, it's heading in
Speaker 2: the right direction, and she can see it being that
Speaker 2: they're exclusive now. He has told her just casually one
Speaker 2: day because he wanted to be honest. He said, Hey,
Speaker 2: I want to let you know that a couple of
Speaker 2: months ago, I slept with my housemate. It happened twice,
Speaker 2: on two separate occasions. We were really drunk. She was
Speaker 2: into me. I'm not into her at all. It meant
Speaker 2: absolutely nothing to me, and it's never happened since now.
Speaker 2: The question that she posed was when is it appropriate
Speaker 2: for me to bring up with him? How uncomfortable it
Speaker 2: makes me that they live together? And also is this
Speaker 2: a situation that I should be worried about? And she
Speaker 2: was really sort of talking about how she has this
Speaker 2: real anxiety now around the fact that he lives with
Speaker 2: this girl that he's had sex with, even though he
Speaker 2: says it means nothing, and even though he says that
Speaker 2: he would never do it again. How would you feel?
Speaker 2: Do you think think she has the right to say anything?
Speaker 2: And lastly, what should she do?
Speaker 4: I think this is.
Speaker 1: An unfortunate situation in terms of you've met a guy
Speaker 1: you like and he happened to have banged his flat mate.
Speaker 1: You've been within five weeks, It's very early. I do
Speaker 1: not think that you can go into this relationship if
Speaker 1: you are not okay with it. And I say that
Speaker 1: because it's too early to put those limitations on someone.
Speaker 1: It's too early to say, Hey, I'm not comfortable with
Speaker 1: you living with her, so you're going to have to
Speaker 1: move out. Because what happens, right, I'm not comfortable with
Speaker 1: your leaving her. There's two options. She moves out or
Speaker 1: he moves out. You're five weeks deep. You cannot have
Speaker 1: that conversation. You have the knowledge now of what the
Speaker 1: situation is. You can decide if you're okay with that
Speaker 1: to enter the relationship, or if you have too much
Speaker 1: wild anxiety.
Speaker 4: You've got to try and lack your crazy down. You
Speaker 4: gotta lock your crates down.
Speaker 1: But of course it's warranted for you to have those feelings, Like,
Speaker 1: let's not take that away from you. You like somebody
Speaker 1: that literally spends all his spare time at home with
Speaker 1: somebody that he has banged. Right, he might be coming
Speaker 1: home drunk. You're going to know she's there. She might
Speaker 1: come home drunk. You're gonna know she's there. You're not
Speaker 1: gonna spend every day with him. You're gonna know that
Speaker 1: they're living in the same house. It's something that you
Speaker 1: just need to get your head around and accept. And
Speaker 1: if you don't think you're going to be okay with it,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't probably pursue the relationship. But you can have
Speaker 1: that convo with him. You can be honest because he's
Speaker 1: been honest with you. Hey, I've done this in the past.
Speaker 1: It means nothing. You can be honest back and say, look,
Speaker 1: I really like you, but I don't think I'm going
Speaker 1: to be happy going forward not knowing what you're doing,
Speaker 1: and it's not a trusting with you, but it's going
Speaker 1: to be something in the back of my head. You
Speaker 1: can say that he might not like it. He might
Speaker 1: reassure you and make you feel great, but I think
Speaker 1: you have to have that conversation. If you are actually
Speaker 1: feel that unstable by their current situation, you have the conversation,
Speaker 1: but decide do not. You can't go into it and
Speaker 1: say you need to move out. You can't go into
Speaker 1: a say she needs to move out. It's not your place.
Speaker 1: It's just far, far too soon.
Speaker 2: This is why you don't ship where you eat. Just
Speaker 2: don't fuck your housemates. No, you can't unless you're in
Speaker 2: love with them. Don't fuck them because it never ends
Speaker 2: well if you can't just like have like casual hangs
Speaker 2: and bangs, because then even if it doesn't Yeah, but
Speaker 2: then even if it doesn't cause an issue between you
Speaker 2: and the housemate, it causes issues between you and anyone
Speaker 2: else you want to date in the future.
Speaker 4: Who was your houseman?
Speaker 1: I've lived with someone overseas in Scotland. When I first
Speaker 1: moved over there, I moved in with someoney.
Speaker 4: Just as a flow. But he was in love with you, No,
Speaker 4: but not at the start.
Speaker 1: We just lived together for ages and then one night
Speaker 1: we bang, and then we started dating, and then we
Speaker 1: split up and then I had to move out.
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: But the problem is is you weren't bringing home other
Speaker 2: people after you banged.
Speaker 1: No, that's why I moved out exactly because I couldn't
Speaker 1: break before.
Speaker 4: But that's what I mean, right.
Speaker 2: I think that it's he has created such a shitty
Speaker 2: situation for himself now because he couldn't abstain and Helen
Speaker 2: know what, he didn't need to because he was single
Speaker 2: and he can do whatever the fuck he wants to.
Speaker 2: He shouldn't be reprimanded for that. But the problem is,
Speaker 2: I don't think that there is a single person out
Speaker 2: there in the world who would not feel a little
Speaker 2: bit anxious about the fact that the new person that
Speaker 2: they're dating has fucked their housemate. I don't think that
Speaker 2: there is and it's okay, And you are absolutely validated
Speaker 2: in feeling insecure about this. When I first heard this question,
Speaker 2: there was part of me that was like, I just
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to know. I would never want him to
Speaker 2: tell me that. But then you would be so angry,
Speaker 2: you would feel so betrayed if he didn't tell you
Speaker 2: and and you found out another way. So I guess like,
Speaker 2: essentially he's done the right thing by being honest. He
Speaker 2: knows that this is not an ideal situation, which is
Speaker 2: why he's told you early on to be transparent. Now
Speaker 2: you're never going to be able to find out through
Speaker 2: other means, and he's given you all the tools exactly
Speaker 2: like you said, Britt, He's given you all the tools
Speaker 2: to make a decision that is right for yourself. And
Speaker 2: I think in these moments sometimes we have to be
Speaker 2: really honest with ourselves around what's going to inflame our crazy,
Speaker 2: what's going to make us feel insecure and mad and
Speaker 2: like we can't trust the other person. And if you
Speaker 2: know that you're someone who is jealous, is insecure, and
Speaker 2: this is going to absolutely inflame those feelings, then this
Speaker 2: might not be the relationship for you, and five weeks
Speaker 2: in you're not so invested that you have to continue
Speaker 2: to pursue it. However, if you are someone who's like, Okay,
Speaker 2: this isn't ideal, but let's see where this relationship is
Speaker 2: going before I express to him how uncomfortable it makes me,
Speaker 2: then I think you can kind of like take your
Speaker 2: time and feel it out and you don't have to
Speaker 2: make a decision either way. But definitely at five weeks
Speaker 2: it's too soon for you to say I think you
Speaker 2: need to move out so.
Speaker 1: That we can date. No, it's something that the conversation
Speaker 1: can happen six months, eight months, a year in Like
Speaker 1: when you guys are more serious. I think that's when
Speaker 1: you say, Okay, let's let's take this to the next
Speaker 1: level and be a bit more serious. Do you want
Speaker 1: to move in together or like, now that we are
Speaker 1: at this level, I don't know if I feel comfortable
Speaker 1: with you being in the same house as her.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you have to wait six months.
Speaker 2: I was more thinking like when you do make it
Speaker 2: to a point of being quote unquote exclusive, you know,
Speaker 2: and you have those kinds of conversations around the fact
Speaker 2: that you want to actually dedicate your time and everything
Speaker 2: to each other. I think you can say, look, I
Speaker 2: really want to be exclusive with you, I really want
Speaker 2: to see where this goes. But I have to be
Speaker 2: honest with you. This living situation makes me really uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: and I just want to make you aware of that
Speaker 2: so that you know that this is something I'm going
Speaker 2: to really struggle with. If we are in a committed relationship,
Speaker 2: that gives him them the opportunity to make the decision
Speaker 2: because he might move out. He might go, Okay, well
Speaker 2: I want to be with you. If this is going
Speaker 2: to be fucked for you, I'll move out.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I still don't think it's something that's going to land
Speaker 1: with that person. If it happens too soon, it's not
Speaker 1: he's going to feel like it's a level of control
Speaker 1: or a lack of trust. The last thing that I
Speaker 1: want to say is, and people might not agree with this.
Speaker 1: If you don't trust the person you're about to go
Speaker 1: into a relationship with, don't go into the relationship with them,
Speaker 1: because you have to have complete trust in a relationship.
Speaker 1: So if you are going to get into this relationship
Speaker 1: and think that he's going to cheat on you with
Speaker 1: his flatmatee again, don't go into the relationship.
Speaker 4: Why would you do it?
Speaker 1: It's the same as people say to me, like, why
Speaker 1: would you do long distance when someone he could cheat
Speaker 1: on you all the time? Of course he could, But
Speaker 1: if I thought he was going to cheat on me
Speaker 1: all the time, I wouldn't be in the relationship. I
Speaker 1: have complete trust that he wouldn't, And I think trust
Speaker 1: is the basis and the foundation of any relationship.
Speaker 4: So if you if you are actually worried, like I.
Speaker 1: Don't know if I can date him because he's probably
Speaker 1: gonna fuck her one night, cool, don't date him? Then,
Speaker 1: do you know what?
Speaker 2: Though, it may not be that she doesn't trust, It
Speaker 2: may not be that she doesn't think he's going to
Speaker 2: do it again. It could just be that it makes
Speaker 2: her uncomfortable that she can't she doesn't feel like she
Speaker 2: can be herself in the house because she feels like
Speaker 2: there's this girl who's in love with her boyfriend who
Speaker 2: lives with him. Because that's what she said. He said,
Speaker 2: you know that she was really into him. He wasn't
Speaker 2: into her. It's this like weird power play walking into
Speaker 2: a space that's not her home, it's his home, and
Speaker 2: it's the home of a girl who's got the hots
Speaker 2: for her boyfriend.
Speaker 4: You won totally, You did win at the end of
Speaker 4: the day, but it is.
Speaker 2: This like a very unique and uncomfortable power play that
Speaker 2: happens in the home then, and you're not going to
Speaker 2: feel comfortable and you're not going to feel like it's
Speaker 2: a space where you can just be yourself and be
Speaker 2: with your boyfriend and relax. So I understand why you
Speaker 2: feel on edge by it, but I do think that
Speaker 2: you can have this conversation with him in a non controlling,
Speaker 2: non accusatory, non demanding way and still air the fact
Speaker 2: that it makes you uncomfortable, because I think anybody in
Speaker 2: your position would be uncomfortable by it.
Speaker 1: Also, Guys, I would love some aftermaths. I know we've
Speaker 1: said that, but a lot of these questions today, I
Speaker 1: genuinely am going to lose sleep over unless I know
Speaker 1: what happened, Like, I need to know if you had
Speaker 1: the conversation, Do you have the conversation with your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: how does it go does he want to keep dating you?
Speaker 1: Did you find out what the present was?
Speaker 4: Did they give it back?
Speaker 1: Like? Please ride in the aftermass so we can sleep easy.
Speaker 2: Slide into the DMS at Life Uncut podcast. Also, if
Speaker 2: you just want to join our cute, little sweet community
Speaker 2: of lifers who are absolutely the best people in the
Speaker 2: entire fucking world, you can join that at Life Uncut
Speaker 2: discussion group which is on Facebook.
Speaker 4: And you know what that is? It from us.
Speaker 2: Thanks to everyone who came to the live shows. We're
Speaker 2: still in claud nine. Can't believe it's all over.
Speaker 1: Absolutely I know until next year though.
Speaker 4: Maybe we're going to do some regional talents to you.
Speaker 1: I think so, but like, I'm absolutely cooked, so let's
Speaker 1: not look.
Speaker 4: That in yet. Yeah, regional, we're coming for you next week.
Speaker 4: We'll be there. See us soon.
Speaker 1: Orange and don't forget tell your mum to your dad,
Speaker 1: tea dog, tea friends who shared a love because we
Speaker 1: love love