WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - Can I bone my ex besties situationship? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.720 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:05.880 our respects to their elders past and present. 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:09.760 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:11.960 recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:33.680 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life. 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:36.560 I'm Kat, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is it. 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:40.720 We finally finished live shows. Feels like we really quickly 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:41.680 were at the same time. 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.239 I feel like we've been talking about live shows forever. 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:46.200 We actually have. It's been since of July. 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:49.440 No, we drip fed it, but the last month we're 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:51.360 obviously talking about it a lot because it's happening. Then 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.000 we're there and then it's on Instagram, and then we 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:54.680 talk about the next day and how it went. But 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:56.160 it's been fucking phenomenal. 0:00:56.200 --> 0:01:00.240 It's honestly consumed every single part of our lives, every heart, 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.600 our waking life, my sleeping life, my like I go 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:07.080 to bed thinking about the live shows or unpacking, Like, 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:09.040 did I say this bit right? Could I have said 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:12.000 this better? I like rehash every show after. 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.520 The Yeah, I don't think about it. You're fucking like dumb. 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:15.600 That top of stage. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.240 Doesn't not one thing from that night is in my head, 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:19.959 like I think about how cool it was and how 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:21.800 much fun I had and the adrenaline. I do not 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:24.039 go through the show. I do not analyze anything, do 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.000 not critique a thing. When people write to us after 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.520 and they say, like, my cheeks are hurting, I just 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:31.240 it was just such a great night with the girls. 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:33.039 Like for me, that is what I thrive on. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:34.840 I'm like, yes, Like, So last night, just so you 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:37.920 guys know, we did the Brisbane show. It was our 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:43.000 very last show. Brisbane was fucking unbelievable. Last night's crowd 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:44.880 was amazing. 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:46.640 Brisbane was littly city. 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:49.000 You were wild, not lily city in the same way 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:50.760 the Gold Coast was though, because you guys were like 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.160 litter litter city, which is you're a drunk city. 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.080 Brisbane was lady city. That's the difference between Service Paradise 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:57.560 and Brisbane. 0:01:57.600 --> 0:01:57.800 Though. 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.400 So last night, for those of you who there, you 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.400 would know this, but for everybody else, we interviewed Sam 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:05.840 Frost on stage, and I mean, I knew that it 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:08.040 was going to be great, and I love talking to Sam, 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.280 but I honestly think the interview with her was the 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:12.000 one out of all the interviews that we. 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:14.560 Did that caught me completely by surprise. Was it? 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:19.200 Yeah, like her vulnerability, her conversation around mental health, her 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:22.320 talking around what she has experienced, not just recently, but 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:25.000 what she has experienced from a little child. We're going 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:26.360 to get her on the podcast to have a proper 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:28.680 chat with her. So, Sam Frost, I mean, so many 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:30.440 of you know her from being back on The Bachelor, 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.960 you know her from her radio show Home and Away, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:36.119 is her most recent accolade as an actress. But then 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.000 recently she's kind of turned away from the public life 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:41.840 and she has really leaned into her mental health advocacy. 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:47.200 And I honestly, like there were tears in my eyes, 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:50.000 There was tears in the audience. She spoke about how 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:52.399 dealing with mental health has been something that has been 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.760 a part of her family since she was a really 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.080 little kid. She also said that she grew up thinking 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.800 that her parents didn't love her, and I think for 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.639 me when she said that, I just, I honestly, I 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:09.040 can't believe how abandoned you would feel growing up feeling 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:10.840 as though your parents don't love you. And that was 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.320 because of the complex mental health issues that her mum had. 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.400 But then Sam also, and it was I was not 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.880 expecting her to go where she went to with the conversation, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.520 but she spoke about how she had tried to end 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.160 her life, and it was something it took the wind 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:26.519 out of everyone in the audience, but it really was 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.960 this incredible reminder and this really humbling reminder that it 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.840 doesn't matter how beautiful someone is, it doesn't matter how 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:36.120 successful someone seems, it doesn't matter all the things that 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:39.400 we think are important that would be fulfilling to someone else. 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.200 If you were struggling with depression, if you were struggling 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.080 with bad mental health, then all those things don't matter. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.440 And that's something that Sam really communicated on stage, and 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.960 it was fucking beautiful. She's an incredible person. 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.600 Yeah. And I think the other thing that Sam spoke 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.680 about that must be so like, so frustrating and so 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:59.120 infuriating is that she got a lot of backlash about 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:01.840 being an anti vax and people were trying to cancel 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:03.720 her for being an anti vaxxer. And what she did 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:06.200 say is she's like, it's frustrating because those headlines keep 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:08.480 coming and coming and coming. She goes and guess what, 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:12.640 I am vaccinated. I am immunized. My son is immunized. 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.520 But people don't care about that. People care about outrage, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.159 they don't care about the truth. They want to jump 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.800 on a bandwagon and drive someone to literally want to 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:23.320 leave the public eye, to move to a new city, 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:26.360 to go quiet, to go off social media, to need 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.480 to go to a psychologist, to someone that's experienced depression, 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:30.560 to make that tenfold. 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.240 So Sam Frost was the most controversial, and I say 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:35.560 controversial loosely because she's absolutely not at all, but in 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:39.040 terms of the response that people had when we said that, 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.680 we were interviewing all different people, and so when we 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.839 put up her post on our Instagram, ninety percent of 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:46.920 people were like, Yeah, love san FROs. She's so amazing, 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:48.480 We love all the work that she's done with believe. 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.480 But then there was a small portion of people who 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.080 were like, oh my god, I can't believe you're having 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.159 the anti vaxer on which, if you guys know the story, 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.320 it was a big thing that blew up during COVID 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.039 and it really was taken out of context in a 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:02.840 lot of ways. And I mean, it was the first 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:05.559 time that I've heard Sam speak about it, speak about 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.039 what she experienced speak about it in terms of the 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.479 impact that I had on her, and I would love 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:12.800 to do an episode on her. But honestly, as much 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.559 as the live shows have been like fun, fun, silly, silly, 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:18.560 gag gag gag, it was just such a special conversation 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.760 to have on stage and the one that really will 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:21.520 stay with me forever. 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.040 It's funny that you say Sam was the one guess 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:27.320 that shocked you the most and that you're most surprised about. 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:29.159 For me, it wasn't. And maybe that's because I know 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.120 a lot more about Sam's story, like in terms of 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:33.279 I followed her closely over the years, and I've spoken 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.039 to her a lot in the DMS because we've both 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:37.320 experienced very low points in our life and we connected 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:40.159 over it. But what shocked me the most, or who 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.880 shocked me the most, was Tones and I. For me, 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.680 that was the one Tones and I. Tones and I 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:51.320 doesn't really do interviews, she's not big on giving that information. 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:53.680 She doesn't love it. And we sort of dug a 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.839 little bit deeper into the why about that, and that's 0:05:55.839 --> 0:06:00.880 what really impressed me. She said, people don't don't ask 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:04.000 me questions about me. They don't care about me. They 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.600 ask me questions about my music or my top hit 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:10.479 dance Monkey, and that's about it. And she said it 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:12.360 felt different for her at our live show with us 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:14.599 and the audience. She said, I've never felt safer in 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:16.840 an audience, and I've never felt more like now it's 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.520 the time to share some of my life. Maybe Tones 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:21.440 and I will come on an episode. She did say 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.120 she was keen, so hopefully we can lock that in. 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.320 But she opened up about some things in her life 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:28.279 that she has never spoken about ever, and she said 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:29.680 that she goes, I don't even know why I've got 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:31.200 the pull for it now, but you guys just feel 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:33.480 like a safe space for me. That was a moment 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:35.080 I was like, this is really cool. 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:37.640 Yeah, and you know that it's like a it's such 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.919 an attribute of what you guys as the community create, 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:44.880 because I mean, it's such a reminder for us. We 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:47.720 do this podcast in silos. We're sitting I mean right now, 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:49.640 we're sitting in a tiny room by ourselves, producer to 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:51.720 each other. Poor thing is really unwell with which she's 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:54.640 on the ground, on the ground, but it's just the 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:56.440 three of us. And then when we got to go 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:59.080 and do these live shows, we saw thousands of you 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:02.560 in the audience, and it's just this incredible reminder that 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.120 we have honestly the most amazing community around us. You 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.200 life as are fucking phenomenal, and over the years, so 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.560 many of you are connected with different stories and that 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:14.840 you hold space for people to tell theirs, and for 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:18.440 that we are so so grateful. But honestly, seven shows 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:21.080 all around the country, part of me can't believe that 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:22.960 it's all done and that we even got to do it. 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:24.760 And then the other part of me is like, when 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:26.600 do we do the next one? The only thing is 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:28.240 this is the issue we have now, like how on 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:29.920 earth will we ever top these live shows? 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.960 We can't, we can't. We have to go out a high. No, 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:34.560 next year's going to be different. I think they're gonna 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:36.760 be intimate chats, maybe smaller venues. We want to go, 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:38.680 maybe hit regional towns because we don't want to miss 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:40.440 you guys all the time. We've got to cook up 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:42.320 some ideas, but right now I'm too cooked to cook 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:42.680 the idea. 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:44.239 Give us some time and we'll come up with something. 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:46.800 But also another conversation that we had off the back 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:48.160 of the live shows, and one that's going to be 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:52.840 dropping soon is We interviewed Sam Fisher. Now Sam's story 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.320 and it was another one that we kind of explored 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:57.880 and discovered whilst we were on the road just Morris friends. 0:07:57.880 --> 0:07:59.800 We all became like family and friends, and he started 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:02.840 talk a lot about his life and we were like, wow, yeah, 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.720 but also his relationship with his parents and how he 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.360 doesn't speak to his dad at all anymore. And I 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:11.040 always find it so interesting when there is somebody who's 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.200 had the bravery and the confidence to cut contact with 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:17.160 their parents, when they reach a point in life where 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:20.320 they decide to choose themselves over choosing that like expectation, 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.960 or that relationship with their parent, and especially obviously when 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:27.560 that relationship is toxic. So Sam was really vulnerable. It's 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.400 a fucking amazing chart. But yeah, we have so many 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.120 good things coming in the pipeline off the back of 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:33.119 these live shows. 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.640 Do you have a vibe for the week, Laura. 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:37.080 I do have a vibe for the week. 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.400 Okay, before we get into answering your deep dark questions, 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.680 my vibe is it's a podcast. It's a New Zealand 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:45.400 based podcast. Now I'm a couple of across the pond. 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:48.840 So it is called Dear Jane Now it is. The 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:52.600 story is from a woman named Jane. She's forty years old, 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:54.760 but she's reflecting back on a relationship she had when 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.720 she was thirteen. And this is a relationship that she 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.200 had with her youth group leader, like a pastor from 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:05.000 her church. And at the time, she didn't realize how 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.439 abusive this relationship was because he was in his twenties 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:08.800 and she was only thirteen years old. 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:10.320 She thought that this was the love of her life. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.400 And it's her now as a forty year old, looking 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:16.480 back and working through all the trauma that she's lived 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:20.320 with and the realizations that what happened to her was 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.280 not something that was within her control and that she 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.920 was actually a victim in that situation. And I think 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:28.240 the storytelling of it is such a human story. You 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.320 feel so sorry for her and you hate that she 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:34.240 experienced this, but it's a very it's like it's a 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.800 real like understanding and self discovery of being able to 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:39.960 forgive yourself for the things that you might have carried 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:40.800 from your childhood. 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.480 Well interesting, I'll like that to a list. Well, my 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.520 Vibe for the Week is on Disney Plus. If you 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:51.480 guys have Disney Plus it is the Wagatha Christie documentary. 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:55.360 Now I have spoken briefly we have about Wagatha Christie. 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:59.640 What do you call it wasn't a conundrum, it was 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.160 a It was probably the funniest but not funny, but 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:07.240 it was the funniest fight between two women that has 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:10.360 hit the public eye ever. So it's it's I mean, 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:13.560 if you guys know the Agatha Christie books, this is 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:16.280 a pun on that because these two women are wags. 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:17.520 Why set up? 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:19.800 Because I didn't know this story until like about three 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:21.319 months ago, and you said it a lot, which is 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.080 like so weird. I know, as someone who actually lives 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:25.720 in the world of media, I didn't know it. 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:28.440 This has taken over the world of media for many, 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.120 many years, Like this has gone on for a couple 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:32.880 of years. And it's these two wags wives and girlfriends 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:36.720 of these footballers over in the UK, Rebecca Vardi and 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:40.560 Colleen Rooney. They're the two women. So both of their 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:44.600 husbands played for different teams, but they're very high profile. 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:48.000 So Wayne Rooney was one of the best footballers in 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:52.160 the UK and his wife is Colleen. Long story short, 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:57.480 Colleen had a private Instagram account in a public Instagram acount, 0:10:57.520 --> 0:10:59.040 you know he can do like a close friend's kind 0:10:59.040 --> 0:10:59.400 of a thing. 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:01.680 I find it so fucking interesting. 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.280 So all of her, all of a sudden, all these 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.120 stories that were very private about her and her family 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:09.320 she only had, like I don't know, five hundred followers 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:13.080 or something, they were all being leaked to huge media 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:16.360 outlets in the UK, and she's like, how how is 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.200 this happening? And then she clocked that every story that 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.520 was being leaked and sold to the papers was something 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.160 she hid in some capacity put on her private Instagram. 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.360 So I don't want to give it too much away, 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:30.160 but it turns out that she gets to the bottom 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:30.760 of who it was. 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:31.839 It's this war of. 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:35.560 The wags because she she accuses another wag of leaking it, 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.400 the other wag denies it. The other wag makes her 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:40.600 go to a trial, a huge trial, a trial that 0:11:40.640 --> 0:11:44.240 costs five million pounds in legal fees. The husbands of 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:46.000 these footballers got dragged into it. 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:47.480 But it's it's something. 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:50.319 That everyone always laughs at over the years because it's 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:53.320 like it's so quote unquote stupid, right, so petty, but 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:57.079 actually it goes so much deeper into that it is problematic. 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.720 It's a level of online trolling and bullying. It caused 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.040 a lot of distress because these this woman's private life 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.520 was being plusted all over the sun paper and. 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:06.960 She had no control of it, because someone in her 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.440 close network was actually just like trying to sabotage her, 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:10.880 basically was betraying her. 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:12.839 Yes, And then when she called out the person was 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.839 betraying her, people came for her, saying, you shouldn't be 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:16.679 calling her out. Now you're publicly bullying. It was this 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:18.880 whole big thing. But this is the first time she 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.120 sat down and spoken about it. And so the documentary 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:23.760 is from Colleen's point of view. She talks you through 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:29.320 the three parts series and she's just so normal and 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:31.880 I really loved looking into her life and I'm like, 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:34.560 you are not what the meeting made you out to be. 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:37.600 And I just really loved it. I really liked her, 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.520 and I liked the way it was produced, and I 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:40.800 enjoyed It's only three parts. 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.719 Disney plus is this it's Disney plus Disney okay, right, 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:45.480 and it's three episodes. 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:50.160 Three parts? Yeah, easy quick watch, alrighty, it is time 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:52.600 to answer you deep your duck and you're burning questions. 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.679 Question number one. My best friend and I have been 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.240 besties for about seven years. A couple of months ago, 0:12:58.280 --> 0:12:59.760 we both went traveling separately. 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.439 I went with my boyfriend and. 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.679 She went on her own because she had just broken 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.800 up with her partner, so she went overseas to find herself. 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:09.120 Now she met a guy while she was over there 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:12.480 who she's now living with. So it has happened very quickly. 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:15.280 I never saw an issue with it. It didn't raise 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.280 that many red flags until she ran into some trouble 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.920 and needed help from me, her mum, and her ex 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:25.520 boyfriend back home. Now I'm guessing that's money trouble. This 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.800 is when it all unraveled for her. It turns out 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.959 she never broke up with her boyfriend from home, has 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:35.000 been lying and cheating on him for a couple of months. 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.400 She'd ghosted him back here. I was the one that 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.240 had to feel him in. I was the one that 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:42.680 told him she was cheating on him, told him that 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:45.680 she'd had another relationship overseas, that she was living with him, 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:50.640 amongst many other horrible things. She lied to everyone about 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:52.920 breaking up and going overseas, so we didn't think it 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:57.120 was weird that she was leaving. I broke her boyfriend's heart. 0:13:57.440 --> 0:13:59.920 My question is, how can I go back to being 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:03.840 friends with her after she's lied, manipulated me, and put 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.920 me in a very uncomfortable position with her boyfriend? How 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:09.600 can I trust her again? Plus this is the second 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:12.280 time in our friendship I have been in a similar situation. 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:14.760 Oh what a dog. 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:21.640 So basically she was in a long term relationship. I 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.360 don't know. My imagination has gone to the point of, like, 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:28.640 I reckon, she's met someone online somehow overseas, because. 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:29.640 Okay, you're filling in some blanks. 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:31.760 Oh no, I am this is how I see this going, right, 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:33.640 I reckon, because it's a pretty big thing if you're 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:36.120 in a long term relationship to say to your boyfriend, 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:39.520 I'm going overseas completely alone. I gets that it happens, 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:41.600 But I reckon, she's met someone online, she's gone moved 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.960 quickly with him, and then probably falling in love with him, 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:45.600 not knowing how to deal with it, so just ghosted 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:46.400 him and stayed over there. 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.520 When I see I think that I'm filling in different blanks. 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:53.760 I reckon. The question wasn't fill in the blanks that 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:55.160 we're doing it color of my numbers. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.240 I get the feeling with this sort of messiness is 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.600 that when she left her current boyfriend or her boyfriend 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.360 that was in the country that she's from boyfriend, what 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.160 the boyfriend of origin, I would say that she left 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:10.320 with things being not good, like she had obviously said, oh, 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.160 maybe we'll stay together, like we'll work through it. But 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:15.000 I feel like there might have been some sort of 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.120 jeopardy there, right, So in her mind she's like, oh, 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.760 we're kind of together, we're not together. She's not been clear, 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.840 she's been very ambiguous because she's clearly someone who cannot 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.720 be completely on her own. So she's like half broken 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:29.480 up but not really broken up, just done enough to 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:32.120 like create a bit of distance but also keep him 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:33.880 there for when she wants him there. And then she's 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.280 gone overseas and she's had this whole other relationship. She's 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:38.320 told her friends that they've broken up, but she hasn't 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.280 actually broken up with him. She's just done a bit 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.960 of the groundwork of like, you know, I don't know 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:43.440 how I feel. 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.680 I need to go and find myself. And no, she 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:46.280 broke up. 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:47.840 With him in her mind, but that doesn't count. 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.600 You don't sell the person breaking up with them totally. 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:52.480 She hasn't said we're not together, but I think she's 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:55.080 done enough to kind of be like things are not good. 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.760 But the problem here is regardless of what she's done 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.600 in her relationships, regardless of like where she in life, 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:02.680 because it sounds like she's a bit of a mess. 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.240 She doesn't know what she wants. She sounds like she 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:09.040 is a hot mess. But that's now impacting your friendship 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:12.200 and your relationship and your ability to trust her and 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:14.640 to trust the things that she's saying. Because even if 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:16.960 she was doing all this, but she was at least 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.760 being honest with you and you knew about it, you 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.080 wouldn't feel so betrayed and feel like you don't know 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:23.040 who she is as a person. The problem is is 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:25.840 that she's living these lives that are not true, and 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:27.800 she's telling the people in her life what she needs 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:30.520 to to try and appease them, because she obviously doesn't 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:32.680 want you to think badly of her. She doesn't want 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.800 the guilt of having to be honest and own up 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:37.520 to the stuff that she's done or said, or how 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:41.160 she's treating these different men in different countries. But ultimately, 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.840 I would be questioning more why is this a relationship 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.880 that you want to salvage? Why is this a friendship 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.880 that you want to hold on to if you so 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:51.240 deeply don't agree with the person that she is and 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.760 how she's behaving, Because if you don't trust her, just 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:56.880 like trust is important in a romantic relationship, it's important 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.880 in a friendship as well. And so she's not showing 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:01.960 up to your friendship as the person that she says 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.200 she is, why do you want to keep being friends 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:04.520 with her? 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:06.880 So to be clear, it was written here as well 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:11.600 boyfriend of origin one, he was actually waiting for her return, 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.679 so like he didn't think that were on the rocks. 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.200 He wasn't unsure about the situation. 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.000 He thought she was doing a thing alone, you know, 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:22.960 obviously when you're in a long term relationship. We've spoken 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:25.440 about this on the podcast before. Like I have always said, 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.320 I don't think it's the strangest thing in the world, 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.040 if you do want some time alone in a long 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:32.200 term relationship, going overseas on your own. 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:33.520 It was weird. 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:35.760 I mean, I'm not against it, but I know that 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:37.520 if I said to Matt, hey, honey, I need to 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:38.719 go overseas and find myself. 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:40.919 He'd be like, what the fuck is wrong with what's different? 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:42.479 Now you're married with kids? 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.480