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Speaker 1: This is Will and Woody. Thank got up today. I'm

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Speaker 1: having a wonderful Wednesday. It's beautiful time to be a live,

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Speaker 1: beautiful time to be a live. This time, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: matter if it's a Wednesday or a Friday. It's December,

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Speaker 1: so who cares not to mention the fact we've got

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Speaker 1: a prize as well. It's not as legitimate, it's not

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Speaker 1: as cash based. It's something that we've stolen from Beck Judd. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we do that every Wednesday for our favorite segment, Small Talk.

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Speaker 1: That's going to be happening a little bit later on

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Speaker 1: this hour.

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Speaker 2: I actually went undercover to Judd Scheller and stole this one.

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Speaker 2: That was the big how party. She had jumped the

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Speaker 2: fence there and I managed to snag that.

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Speaker 1: How did we not get to get to that?

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Speaker 3: By the way, Oh you didn't get invited. You didn't

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Speaker 3: get invited.

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Speaker 1: I was there with I was there, and why do

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Speaker 1: jump the fence then? If you're invited? I wanted to

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Speaker 1: show the people that it depends down little treat. Last

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Speaker 1: night on the Project, Channing Tatum was on there. Always

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Speaker 1: a wonderful thing when big international celebrities interact with our

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Speaker 1: politicians here in Australia, just because I think our politicians

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Speaker 1: here are quite special. But here's Christopher Pan saying something

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Speaker 1: to Channing about guernseys. This is our channing to it.

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Speaker 4: We have ten.

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Speaker 3: That's that right, So Wally could still get a guernsey.

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Speaker 3: You can have as many ganzies as you.

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Speaker 4: Do.

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Speaker 3: You know what idea.

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Speaker 4: I mean?

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Speaker 1: It's famous breadth Gunty Tobby Little is absolutely sided hm

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Speaker 1: under the bridge there. But look, that's very easy to

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Speaker 1: do for foreigners when they rock up here. And it's

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Speaker 1: often quite hard to get a little bit of a

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Speaker 1: hold on what a lot of our sayings and expressions

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Speaker 1: and stuff mean. We have outrageous slang, say crazy stuff,

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Speaker 1: and so often it's misunderstood. And what I'd love to

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Speaker 1: do right now if your foreign, if you're in your car,

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Speaker 1: wherever you are, if you're foreign, thirty one of sixty

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Speaker 1: five is the phone number. I'd love for you to

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Speaker 1: give us a call. I really want to know which

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Speaker 1: ossie expression you misunderstood? Yeah, and like how long were

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Speaker 1: you misunderstanding it for? What did you think it was?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: There's a great Venezuelan comedian with who we've both seen,

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Speaker 2: called Ivan Rista.

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Speaker 3: Get that yeah, yeah. He has a whole bit.

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Speaker 2: On coming from Venezuela and coming into Australian just trying

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Speaker 2: to understand the language.

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Speaker 5: English is a magical language. You can change the definition

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Speaker 5: of a word, just why the flick of the switch

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Speaker 5: is amazing. It's amazing learning learning here, sub be right, mate,

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Speaker 5: sure right?

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Speaker 3: No wras mate?

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Speaker 1: She will be right, she she will, she will be

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Speaker 1: Who the hell is she?

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Speaker 5: The entire hope of Australia depends on this woman?

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Speaker 1: Me right, what's wrong with this?

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Speaker 3: Great?

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Speaker 1: It's amazing stuff. But as you can say, like it

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Speaker 1: just happened so off, we don't even And that's why

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Speaker 1: I want to hear from foreigners right now, is because

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Speaker 1: as Ossie's we just don't even realize what we're saying

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Speaker 1: half the time. I mean, I for a very long

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Speaker 1: time I was saying fair dinkham to my girlfriend, she's Dutch,

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Speaker 1: for a very long time. She thought it was fair

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Speaker 1: dickham and she just didn't know what I was referring

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Speaker 1: to when I said it.

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Speaker 3: So what would you do when you said it?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm just not in smile?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, would you say.

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Speaker 1: Someone said fair dick to you, You'd be like, yeah.

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Speaker 2: We'd probably take them somewhere private, imagine. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure. I'm not sure right.

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Speaker 1: Now, I'd love to hear from some foreigners. Thirty and

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Speaker 1: one and six ' five please give us a call.

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Speaker 1: We're getting lots of calls. This is obviously so common.

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Speaker 1: Which ossie expression? Did you misunderstand? And like how long

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Speaker 1: is this going on for? Because I know for a

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Speaker 1: lot of you you're just not in smile. We've got

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Speaker 1: Denise who's giving us a buzz. Denise on thirty one,

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Speaker 1: six or five you misunderstood saying.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, very short backstory. I grew up in Sweden, okay, Sallian,

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Speaker 6: So I came over and I was just traveling around

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Speaker 6: the country and met my now husband and he was asking.

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Speaker 4: Me how you're traveling, and I just thought, oh, we'll

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Speaker 4: go to Sydney going there.

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Speaker 3: Question it makes a lot of sense to answer like that.

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Speaker 2: That's the first time I've realized how are you traveling

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Speaker 2: is a bit of a weird question to ask.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, yeah, rageous next to the Caldons, it's so

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Speaker 1: funny that we I think, particularly in Australia, there's so

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Speaker 1: many words that can mean so many different things. At

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Speaker 1: the same time. Yeah, yeah, my girlfriend often said, like

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Speaker 1: she started picked up, she's Dutch. I didn't realize how

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Speaker 1: when I say joint, mmm, no as in like as

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Speaker 1: in like a house, like yeah, like his joints.

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Speaker 3: Down the road.

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Speaker 1: We're going to go and have dinner at this joint

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Speaker 1: over here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah what is that? Actually me?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 1: Like we've got it's a place, We're going to this place.

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Speaker 1: But for so long she thought I was talking about

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Speaker 1: something completely different.

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Speaker 2: But do you know one of our producers, Sarah, was

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Speaker 2: actually in Canada and she was going around saying sweet

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Speaker 2: as mate, sweet as sweet as Everyone in Canada thought

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Speaker 2: she was saying sweet ass. So so she'd walk up

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Speaker 2: to people and go, yeah, man, sweet ass, and they'd

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Speaker 2: be like, thank you, thank you very much.

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Speaker 1: I think it was on a kids camp.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I was going to say that

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Speaker 2: we've got Rachel one six by Rachel.

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Speaker 3: First. Where are you from, Rachel?

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Speaker 4: I'm from Panania, from Permania? Any thanks?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Beautiiful So Rachel, but you misunderstood nassy expression.

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Speaker 4: I did. My dad was a truck driver and occasionally

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Speaker 4: he'd bring us home stuff and he would used to

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Speaker 4: tell us that it fell off about the truck. So

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Speaker 4: from my entire childhood I thought that these things that

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Speaker 4: he were bringing home actually fell off about the truck.

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Speaker 1: What are we talking rage like, can you give us

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Speaker 1: an example of the sort of stuff that you believed

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Speaker 1: fell off there?

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Speaker 4: Oh, there were things like chips and toys and you know,

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Speaker 4: all sorts of stuff that we go, wow, wait, get

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Speaker 4: this from that, people like fell off the back of

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Speaker 4: the truck.

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Speaker 1: It's a lucky guy, just a lucky guy driving around.

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Speaker 1: Great stuff. We've got Stacy on thirty one and six

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Speaker 1: five stays an ausy expression that you misunderstood.

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Speaker 4: So I'm English.

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Speaker 6: When I first moved to Australia, people would call guys.

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Speaker 4: Spunky spunky and in England that means sperm.

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Speaker 1: What did a man screw up when you left him

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Speaker 1: home alone? That's the question, What did a man screw

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Speaker 1: up when you left him home alone? Because I've ben'm

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Speaker 1: a little bit offended. I'm a little bit offended. My

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Speaker 1: girlfriend and her mom. Her mum's currently staying with us

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Speaker 1: from from the Netherlands and they're going away for a

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Speaker 1: couple of days. I had to go away for a

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Speaker 1: couple of days and I thought to myself. You know

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Speaker 1: what perfect you know, like I'm a I'm a hard yacker,

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Speaker 1: you know, like working Aussie man.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like not this. You work your ass off two

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Speaker 3: hours a day. You are a working class man.

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Speaker 1: I'm a working class man.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: You know.

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Speaker 1: I look around the house and I'm thinking to myself,

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Speaker 1: you know, I can do this. I can. I can,

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Speaker 1: I can. I can walk the dog, I can do that.

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Speaker 3: I tick. I can do that.

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Speaker 1: I can water the pop plants tick. I can cook

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Speaker 1: myself dinner. Tick. I can do all those things. Yep.

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Speaker 1: And then as they left, my girlfriend Sam handed me

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Speaker 1: over this piece of paper, piece of paper, piece of paper.

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Speaker 1: It was basically just like a I know, I know how.

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Speaker 3: Badly you're going to ruin? Yeah everything? Yeah, the old house,

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Speaker 3: who know? Yeah, the other ones.

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Speaker 1: Here's how to operate the ship while I'm gone.

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Speaker 2: Given a Bible, except mine had pictures red reading. None

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Speaker 2: would take photos. There's like a flickbook.

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Speaker 3: This has a been.

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Speaker 4: It was.

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Speaker 1: So patronizing. It was like, I mean like it was lovely,

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Speaker 1: but it was like, you know, these again all the

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Speaker 1: things I thought I could do. Hey, these are the

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Speaker 1: plants you can't water. Actually, you know what I've waded

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Speaker 1: most of them. Anyway, I've got somebody coming over to

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Speaker 1: water them actually, just so you don't have to worry

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Speaker 1: about that, because youre probably gonna forget it. Yeah, I've

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Speaker 1: refrigerated your two meals for the two nights you've.

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Speaker 4: Got coming up.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like lovely again. But god damn, I'm a man.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you want your independent I want.

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Speaker 1: To be able to do these things.

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I sort of said to her, I was like, look,

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Speaker 1: I'm just not going to I'm just not going to

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Speaker 1: screw it up that badly. I'm not. I just can't

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Speaker 1: see how badly this will go wrong. So what I

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Speaker 1: would like to do right now, see if you can

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Speaker 1: prove me wrong. Women out there, See if you can

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Speaker 1: prove me.

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Speaker 2: Wrong by by stories of men stuffing that when they

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Speaker 2: were left alone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but weally we need any calls here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I hate to do it too. But I hate

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Speaker 3: to do it.

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Speaker 2: But last time my dad got left in charge of

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Speaker 2: the whole family. And this is a long time ago,

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Speaker 2: when I was staying at the family home. Yeah, we

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Speaker 2: all watched Mighty Ducks three together. Not a strong mighty duck,

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Speaker 2: to be honest. By the third one, they got a

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Speaker 2: bit weak, but we got pumped about it. So we

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Speaker 2: started an inline like a like a indoor hockey tournament

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Speaker 2: in the living room. Anyway, we put a hole in

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Speaker 2: the wall and I ended up going to hospital because

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Speaker 2: my dad hit me in the face with the hockey

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Speaker 2: seat and Mum.

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Speaker 9: I'm got the phone called from the hospital, like, sorry,

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Speaker 9: when he's knocked his front tooth at and has to

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Speaker 9: have three sticks in his upper lip, how soon is

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Speaker 9: that and there's a hole in the wall?

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Speaker 2: I reckon it was only twenty four hours after see, honestly,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: So when my elfriend passed me this list, I was

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Speaker 1: looking at it going like geez, Like I just had

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Speaker 1: this flashback to my dad of when my dad got

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Speaker 1: left at home with me and my sister and my

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Speaker 1: mom was so worried about him putting us in the

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Speaker 1: wrong clothes for the day that she lay out my

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Speaker 1: sister's clothes and my clothes like on the bed. But

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Speaker 1: next to like this is what Will's going to be

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Speaker 1: wearing for the day. Is what Clare's going to be

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Speaker 1: wearing for the day.

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Speaker 3: And there's a.

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Speaker 1: Very famous foe. I think it might have been like

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Speaker 1: my first day at school when I'm quite clearly wearing

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Speaker 1: a girl's school dress as my t shirt. What did

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Speaker 1: a man screw up when you left him home alone?

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Speaker 1: I've been left home alone for the last or for

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Speaker 1: the next two days, and I just feel a bit patronized. Woods,

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Speaker 1: I feel a bit patronized. My girlfriend's refrigerated my two

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Speaker 1: meals for dinner. I've got a watering guy into the backyard,

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Speaker 1: and she even hired a dog walker because she doesn't

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Speaker 1: think that I remember to walk the dog in the morning.

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Speaker 3: I mean, like sort of fair enough.

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Speaker 1: It's not fair enough at all. But as I'm learning

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Speaker 1: quite quickly, there have been some hours.

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Speaker 2: My mother who came home once when I got stopped

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Speaker 2: doing this. I'm sorry, but she opened the dishwasher and

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Speaker 2: all my clothes are in there. We've got they were

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Speaker 2: clean though, by the way, that's actually you only need

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Speaker 2: a dishwasher.

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Speaker 1: This is a bad This is a horrible stereotype. Taylor

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Speaker 1: on thirty one and six five. Taylor, What did a

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Speaker 1: man screw up when you left him home alone?

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Speaker 7: This was a couple of years ago.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 7: My boyfriend at the time obviously cooked dinner, but then

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Speaker 7: he left the gas stovee on. So when I walked

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Speaker 7: into work, the whole house was covered in gas. Jes

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Speaker 7: he was a smoker, tuone he smoked inside. So luckily

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Speaker 7: you have lit up.

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Speaker 3: Sailors.

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Speaker 7: The girl.

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Speaker 1: That's terrifying. That is really terrifying smell of gas.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's did you know that gas?

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Speaker 1: Did they actually put the smell into gas to make

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Speaker 1: it smell. It's actually odorless. I don't know that idiots

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Speaker 1: like that to work their way through the problem.

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Speaker 3: It's very smart. That's actually very smart putting the smell.

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Speaker 1: Obviously a woman did that one as well. But Brooke

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Speaker 1: here on thirty one six Brook, what did a man

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Speaker 1: screw up when you left him home alone?

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Speaker 6: Hi, guys, so I left him at home. It was

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Speaker 6: only for six hours.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: So my dog had gotten the toilet paper and put

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Speaker 6: it all around the house. So he had a massive

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Speaker 6: bunch of toilet paper that he put in the toilet.

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Speaker 6: He then tried to flush it, which started like blocking

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Speaker 6: it and flooding it. So he saw a hat on

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Speaker 6: Facebook to put glad wrap over the toilet and keep flushing,

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Speaker 6: and then eventually eventually he said that you're meant to

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Speaker 6: push down the glad wrap and it sucks it in.

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Speaker 6: So he did that and he put it down, and

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Speaker 6: the whole house was just flooded in toilet water.

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Speaker 7: So I didn't know.

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Speaker 6: So I got home and I had to pull all

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Speaker 6: the toilet paper out of the toilet.

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Speaker 1: Wow, thanks much for the kill.

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Speaker 3: Give me talk quickly about though.

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Speaker 1: I love guys getting themselves out of trouble once they've

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Speaker 1: got themselves in it. That's one of my favorite areas.

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Speaker 2: He try and put glad wrap over the lid of

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Speaker 2: the toilet, like the top of the toilet, and then

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Speaker 2: just push down.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I think I think no matter

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Speaker 1: how you explain that, we all know that that was

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Speaker 1: a horror from the outset.

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Speaker 3: Great stuff.

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Speaker 1: We've got Hannah on one five amazing. Hannah was one

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Speaker 1: of the man's grew up you left your mam alone.

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Speaker 8: Hey, guys, it wasn't me. But when my boyfriend was

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Speaker 8: a baby, his parents left him in the care of

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Speaker 8: his uncle, the babysit when they went out, and he

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Speaker 8: was living with them at the time. So so he's

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Speaker 8: just you know, hanging out with a baby, throwing him

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Speaker 8: into the air, throwing him up and down a few

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Speaker 8: times to make him laugh, chucked him into the ceiling fan.

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Speaker 4: Split his head open, and.

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Speaker 8: Then my boyfriend's parents came home to blood everywhere and

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Speaker 8: a note saying.

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Speaker 7: We're at the hospital.

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Speaker 8: The baby's okay.

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Speaker 1: Who my god, threw a baby into a ceiling fan.

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Speaker 1: I think that goes home with the Chockey's Small Dogs.

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Speaker 1: Sometext on kiss Hilla let.

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Speaker 3: Woods.

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Speaker 1: Right now, let's talk about Elton John Rocketman himself had

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Speaker 1: a couple of spats. He has had a couple of

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Speaker 1: spats in Australia. I mean, like, look, I get it,

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Speaker 1: you're touring a lot, the lots of beating out a

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Speaker 1: huge swipe at a couple of security guards over in

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Speaker 1: perf Yeah, a couple of nights ago. And by the

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Speaker 1: way they treated a patron, which may or may not

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Speaker 1: have been fair enough. I actually have seen them all

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Speaker 1: the footage. Got to delete it from the internet, Is

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Speaker 1: that right? Gone, couldn't find it anywhere.

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Speaker 3: He called him a couple of sea bombs.

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Speaker 1: He called him a couple of sea bump Yeah. So look,

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Speaker 1: it sounds like he's on the engine at the moment.

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Speaker 1: Is the final It is the final tour. I imagine

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Speaker 1: you'd get to that point you know, when you're in

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Speaker 1: the most isolated continent in the world. He's your final tour.

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Speaker 1: You're probably starting to just about had enough.

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Speaker 2: And it's pretty well known for having a bit of

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Speaker 2: a spat as well.

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Speaker 1: He's the original d But look he's blown another gasket

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Speaker 1: getting off a plane on thest coast of Australia through

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Speaker 1: his chea handbag.

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Speaker 2: Just the funniest sentence in the world. Elton John threw

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Speaker 2: his Gucci handbag off a plane. Like He's like, sometimes

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Speaker 2: real life is changing in fiction, you couldn't you couldn't

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Speaker 2: write now. Elton John throws his Gucci bag off his

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Speaker 2: private jet, throwing a tangy.

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Speaker 3: It's so funny.

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Speaker 1: So the plane landed, the door popped open, the first

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Speaker 1: thing to go out was the handbag.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He then stumps down the stemps, gets into his audi

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Speaker 1: and drives off. But look, look, amazing stuff. Here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: Eldon John's got a wonderful collection of songs. And you,

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Speaker 1: my friend, would he have a wonderful talent. You've got

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Speaker 1: a wonderful talent. You haven't heard it. We give him

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Speaker 1: a limited amount of time to parody songs with news stories. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: here I'm looking for song parodies. If you're up to

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Speaker 1: the task. I do.

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Speaker 2: Look, I do like Elton John's music, so I'm actually

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Speaker 2: partially excited about this one. So you've accepted, Yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: I accept, you accept one hundred percent accept. I like

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Speaker 2: it Elton's songs.

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Speaker 1: So you got one song I'm gonna get. You've got

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Speaker 1: to come with three song parodies.

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Speaker 3: You said one.

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Speaker 1: I prefer you as reluctant and painful. So you've got

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Speaker 1: one song to go with three Elton John three. Three,

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Speaker 1: that's the that's the task.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, the time has arrived.

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Speaker 1: If you just Jordius Woods is doing three separate song

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Speaker 1: parodies Elton John song. Each one of these parodies is

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Speaker 1: going to be about the fact that earlier today Elton

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Speaker 1: John was spotted turfing his Gucci handbag off his private jet.

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Speaker 3: It's pretty fun.

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Speaker 1: That's the news story. You're the one with the talent, O,

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Speaker 1: my friend, Are you ready to go?

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Speaker 3: Three was outrageous? Asking for three was a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I'd much rather see you suffer than see you be

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Speaker 1: all smug about the whole thing. So are you ready

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Speaker 1: to go?

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Speaker 3: They're partially done. They might be a little bit. You

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Speaker 3: have to realize that.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite enjoyments about this segment is when

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Speaker 1: they bomb horribly. I mean, need I mentioned Lego House,

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Speaker 1: don't need I mentioned Lego House. Lego House needs to

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Speaker 1: become like Voldemort on this show, and it's just not mentioned. Here.

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Speaker 1: It goes again, my dad becomes King of England.

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Speaker 3: We'll move into a bigger house. Camilla will do Reynolds

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Speaker 3: and she'll knock it down.

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Speaker 1: I think that shot right, it's horrible.

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Speaker 3: Play that.

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Speaker 1: It's about the worst audiogram I've ever heard.

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Speaker 2: I can guarantee they're better than that, but that's not

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Speaker 2: saying much. You know this song, yes, Benny and the Jets, Benny.

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Speaker 3: And the Jets.

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Speaker 2: Well, here we go, strap into mild, Here we go this,

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Speaker 2: which is based on Elton John throwing his Gucci bag

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Speaker 2: off a plane.

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Speaker 3: Here we go, hit it. I threw my Gucci off

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Speaker 3: the Jets.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, nice Gucci, Gucci. Gucci. Probably gonna have to.

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Speaker 1: I think we've all had enough. I'm an honest, I'm underwhelmed. Early,

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Speaker 1: we'll move on to the second. You know this song, right,

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Speaker 1: it's a bit of a b This he does with

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Speaker 1: Billy Joel actually with with We're looking out for those

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Speaker 1: fans out there.

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Speaker 3: Oh the woody wat little parody.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 3: Don't let this plane he's go down on me. Although

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Speaker 3: it's time to land.

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Speaker 1: I'll crack the sads and have a danty. Oh yeah, nice,

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Speaker 1: I'll take my bag and throw it out the door.

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Speaker 3: You know it's Guccies. There was a motion mad, there

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Speaker 3: was I've got a third one here. You know this song.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to push from you.

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Speaker 1: You want to. I'm gonna want to give you a click.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, so you know the song?

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Speaker 1: Here, let me click.

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Speaker 3: Criady, don't you know?

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Speaker 1: The plane is landing?

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Speaker 3: Better grab my bag right now.

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Speaker 1: It's the one with Guccie on it.

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Speaker 3: Worth a couple of hunds without.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, plane is landing and it's not on top.

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Speaker 3: You better grab my Gucci bag. Ross back up with

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Speaker 3: this bottle of wine.

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Speaker 1: Plane is landing, can long bag?

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Speaker 6: No bad him?

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Speaker 3: Plaint is landing, Jan loll bag.

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Speaker 5: What are you singing?

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Speaker 3: What are you singing?

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's get my bag? Look,

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Speaker 1: I'm not critics. You cooked the chorus.

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Speaker 8: See what you're hearing.

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Speaker 1: Find us on Instagram and Facebook search Will and Woody