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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now. Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson. It's so good

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Speaker 1: to have you joining us for the Happy Families Podcast

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Speaker 1: Doctor's Desk Edition. I'm here with Kylie, my wife, mum

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Speaker 1: to our six kids, and we're going to talk science today,

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Speaker 1: the latest research, the latest evidence, the stuff that's going

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Speaker 1: to make your family thrive, function better based on what

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Speaker 1: research have been discovering around the world. Three studies today, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: they get into where do we start.

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Speaker 2: Well, we have one on weight stigma and what a

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Speaker 2: UK parliamentary inquiry back in twenty twenty two discovered in

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Speaker 2: relation to our teens. We're going to talk about how

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Speaker 2: a baby's crime might not tell us anything, and we're

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Speaker 2: also going to look into the secret to getting your

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Speaker 2: team to listen to you.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, I like the sound of a couple

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Speaker 1: of those. Where do you want to start?

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Speaker 2: Let's start with waite stigma. I think this is interesting.

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Speaker 1: All right, So you've highlighted both some research and this

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty two parliamentary inquiry. Let's start with the parliamentary

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Speaker 1: inquiry and then go from there. If you're raising kids

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Speaker 1: who don't feel good about their weight, this is really

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Speaker 1: what we're talking about here. Waits stigma is that feeling

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Speaker 1: like my weight the way that I look is problematic.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling pressure. I don't like who I am because

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Speaker 1: of my weight. I feel like I'm less worthy because

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Speaker 1: of my weight. That's what weight stigma is, and in

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, I think that it's as strong, if

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Speaker 1: not stronger, than it has ever ever been. Obesity UK

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Speaker 1: is an organization obviously in England, that told a UK

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Speaker 1: parliamentary inquiry that based on their research, they've found that

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Speaker 1: people who are struggling with weight stigma a more likely

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Speaker 1: to experience depression and anxiety and compromise psychosocial well being,

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Speaker 1: and they could also experience a delay or even avoidance

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Speaker 1: in adopting healthier habits. Plus, regardless of what they weigh,

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Speaker 1: increased risk of mortality. Weight stigma is just terrible for kids,

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Speaker 1: adults whoever, in terms of their psychological and their physiological outcomes.

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Speaker 2: So how does someone develop weight stigma.

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Speaker 1: Well, this is what these researchers looked at. They were

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Speaker 1: from the University of Bristol and they got a whole

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Speaker 1: bunch of thirteen year olds. We're going back years now.

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Speaker 1: This has been a longitudinal study. It's done perspectively. It's

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Speaker 1: really really well designed. So they've got a bunch of

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Speaker 1: thirteen year olds. They've asked them about the pressure that

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Speaker 1: they feel from family members and friends and from the

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Speaker 1: media to lose a few kilos, and they've endured weight

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Speaker 1: based teasing throughout their lives. They were followed up eighteen

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Speaker 1: years later at the age of thirty one. Like this

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Speaker 1: is a really really clever study. These are very patient researchers.

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Speaker 1: They've waited eighteen years to get this data and effectively,

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Speaker 1: what they've found is that internalized weight stigma caused people

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Speaker 1: to feel like they're less attractive, feel like they're less competent.

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Speaker 1: By the way, there's other research that highlights that we

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Speaker 1: as a society tend to look at people who have

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Speaker 1: gained weight and who are carrying what we would look

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Speaker 1: at as being if they're overweight or obese, that is,

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Speaker 1: they're carrying excessive weight. There's a general human response to

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Speaker 1: attribute to those people a sense of incompetence. That is,

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Speaker 1: if you can't keep your weight off, people think that

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Speaker 1: you're less competent than you are. It's an absolutely tragic

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Speaker 1: mindset and it's absolutely pervasive. So this publication published in

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Speaker 1: the Lancet Regional Health Europe Journal, basically found that if

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Speaker 1: you're carrying weight stigma. Let me say that again, if

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Speaker 1: you're carrying weight stigma, not carrying weight, but carrying weight stigma,

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Speaker 1: you therefore think that people are judging you as less attractive,

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Speaker 1: less competent, or less valuable as a person, even if

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Speaker 1: you're not obese. In fact, even if you're underweight. So

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Speaker 1: thanks to eating disorders and increased drive for thinness, and

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Speaker 1: the research basically found a strong and lasting effect on

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Speaker 1: adult psychological health caused by pressure from parents to lose weight,

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Speaker 1: as well as bullies and the media. It's just devastating finding.

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Speaker 2: So what can we do as parents to help our

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Speaker 2: children navigate the challenges that come from a society that

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Speaker 2: is so focused on physical appearance to help our children.

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Speaker 1: It's such a tricky one because if you are a

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Speaker 1: parent raising a child who is struggling like they might

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Speaker 1: even come to you and say, I don't like how

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Speaker 1: I look. I'm not happy with my weight, or if

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Speaker 1: you're looking at a child and going oh, gosh, if

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Speaker 1: we could just get you to move a bit more

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Speaker 1: or aat a little bit better, then you would feel

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Speaker 1: better about yourself. The rule is, and it's really hard

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Speaker 1: to keep this rule, but the rule is that you

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Speaker 1: don't say stuff to your kids about it, because that

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Speaker 1: will create that internalized weight stigma in almost every case.

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Speaker 1: There's research for decades now that highlights this. What we've

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Speaker 1: got to do, really is the parents, is encourage healthy

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Speaker 1: eating by making sure that good food is around, and

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Speaker 1: encourage exercise, not by telling the kids to do it,

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Speaker 1: but by just going and doing it. Incorporating healthy eating

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Speaker 1: and physical activity and movement into your life and having

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Speaker 1: your children join you while you're moving and like being involved.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of it. It's really, oh gosh, it's such

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Speaker 1: a hard one. It's such a really, really tough one.

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Speaker 1: I remember being on the Today Show years ago and

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Speaker 1: we're having a conversation like this, and Karl Stefanovic said,

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Speaker 1: but if your child's overweight, if child's fat, surely you

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Speaker 1: need to let them know that they've got to do

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Speaker 1: something about it. And my response was, Carl, if they're fat,

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Speaker 1: they know it, like they don't need you to tell

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Speaker 1: them what really needs to happen, And this is the

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Speaker 1: hardest part of all right, because we all have such

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Speaker 1: busy lives. But what really needs to happen is that

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Speaker 1: we get out of the house. We go for bike rides,

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Speaker 1: we go for walks, we go to the park, we

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Speaker 1: go to the beach, we go hiking in the bush.

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Speaker 1: We do stuff that gets bodies moving, and we keep

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Speaker 1: the garbage out of the diet we eat. Well. That

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Speaker 1: is studying number one. We will link to it in

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Speaker 1: the show notes. It's a fascinating one and such an

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Speaker 1: important one. Let's look at study number.

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Speaker 2: Two, intriguing a baby's cry doesn't tell us what we

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Speaker 2: thought it might.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this one really captured my attention and well, I

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Speaker 1: think it's fascinating. Some researchers in France, Marguerite Lockhart Born

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Speaker 1: is the name of the lead researcher here, did this

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Speaker 1: really really interesting study. You know how people say, oh,

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Speaker 1: that sounds like it's a tired cry, or that sounds

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Speaker 1: like it's a hungry cryal that sounds like it's a

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Speaker 1: nappy change. Cry. My mum does this all the time.

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Speaker 1: Cry My mom can read babies. She's convinced of it.

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Speaker 1: But The research is basically found that they recorded a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of babies crying over a forty eight hour period.

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Speaker 1: Every time that baby cried, like, they documented it. The

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Speaker 1: whole thing from start to finish. The recording was just going.

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Speaker 1: Then they trained a I and they trained a bunch

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Speaker 1: of people on ten ten different elements of what the

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Speaker 1: cry could sound like, ten acoustic variables. They got the

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Speaker 1: AI to try to identify which cry was for which reason,

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Speaker 1: because the parents were keeping a journal as to what

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Speaker 1: pacified the crying. Once they'd tried to figure out what

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Speaker 1: was going on with the child and Kylie, the AI

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Speaker 1: couldn't figure it out. Neither could the people who had

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Speaker 1: been trained to listen to the cries. It was not possible.

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Speaker 1: Nobody knew why the baby was crying.

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Speaker 2: I remember when our children were young and we were

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Speaker 2: in the midst of growing our family. I had friends

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Speaker 2: who would talk to me about the fact that there

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Speaker 2: were different cries and I just needed to listen. I

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Speaker 2: actually had one friend say to me, what's your baby

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Speaker 2: crying about? Like, do you know what that cry is? Like?

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Speaker 2: They're just crying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they might be hungry, or they might be tired,

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Speaker 1: or they might be a nappy changed and we'll figure

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Speaker 1: it out as we go through the process of elimination.

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Speaker 1: Based on the timing and when they had a last food,

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Speaker 1: I reckon it might be hunger.

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Speaker 2: Priscilla Dunston wrote a book called Calm the Crying using

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Speaker 2: the Dunstant baby language, and she teaches you the different

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Speaker 2: sounds that babies make and what those sounds actually mean.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, I'm so sorry, I'm MSUs Dunstan. But based

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Speaker 1: on this brand new research, if somebody tried to sell

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Speaker 1: me your book, I would hold onto my wallet and

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Speaker 1: run because it seems that the evidence does not support

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Speaker 1: what's in there. In fact, the team did right, they said,

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Speaker 1: and I'm quoting here. Some non academic sources even suggest

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Speaker 1: that babies cries are a language made up of phonemes

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Speaker 1: whose meaning can be learned. So I think they're really

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Speaker 1: talking about that. And then they basically say there's a

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Speaker 1: lack of fundamental scientific evidence to support their veracity. We've

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Speaker 1: got phone apps that promise to translate cries these days,

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Speaker 1: they're becoming increasingly popular. Evidence isn't there to support it.

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Speaker 1: If the baby's crying, you pick it up, you give

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Speaker 1: it a hug, you check the nappy, you try and

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Speaker 1: feed them. Sometimes babies just cry, and as you go

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Speaker 1: through that process of elimination you usually get there. Incidentally,

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Speaker 1: the team did find that the people who were best

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Speaker 1: able to identify what the cry was about was the

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Speaker 1: parent of the child, and it was because they could say,

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Speaker 1: it's been that long since they were fed, or yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can smell a really bad odor in the room.

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Speaker 1: I think that's the problem. It's got nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with the noise the baby makes, the baby's upset. Go

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Speaker 1: and look after the baby, full stop. End of story.

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Speaker 1: That's the science studying number three.

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Speaker 2: Every parent of a teenager is waiting with bated breath

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Speaker 2: for the answer to the secrets to getting your team

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Speaker 2: to listen to you.

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Speaker 1: I love this one. So this is a brand new

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Speaker 1: study that's been published in a journal called Emerging Adulthood.

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Speaker 1: University of California Riverside researchers asked a bunch of young

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Speaker 1: people how they work through their emotional problems with the

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Speaker 1: help of other people specifically, and they got about two

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Speaker 1: hundred kids, well, I say two hundred kids. They are

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Speaker 1: undergraduate psychologist students to to basically write a short open

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Speaker 1: ended page of material about the most recent time that

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Speaker 1: they had to receive emotional support from their parents and

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Speaker 1: the way that their parents got involved. And reading through

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Speaker 1: this study, Kylie, it felt as though all of these

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Speaker 1: undergraduate psychology students had read my book. It felt like

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Speaker 1: they just knew, or maybe they're maybe their parents knew.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. What they basically found was that autonomy

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Speaker 1: support is the central thing that determines whether or not

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Speaker 1: kids teenagers are willing to listen to you. They found

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Speaker 1: that when young people actively sought advice, they were much

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Speaker 1: more likely to believe that they were getting responsive, caring,

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Speaker 1: validating support from their parents, and they also felt that

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Speaker 1: their parents gave them better quality advice. They found that

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Speaker 1: unsolicited advice was not effective, but ultimately how well all

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Speaker 1: of it landed, whether it was unsolicited or consensually given,

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Speaker 1: pretty much came down to how much autonomy parents offered.

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Speaker 1: When parents offered higher levels of autonomy, advice was much

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Speaker 1: more likely to be taken on board. And this is

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Speaker 1: the foundation of what I teach parents. If you want

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Speaker 1: to talk to your kids about hard stuff when they're

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Speaker 1: in their teens, first thing you want to do is say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I've got an idea. Would you be open to hearing it?

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Speaker 1: Or do you prefer to solve this one on your

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Speaker 1: own simply by asking, by getting their consent. That's an

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Speaker 1: autonomy supportive way of engaging. And then your kids have

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Speaker 1: to think, do I really want to hear from my

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Speaker 1: parents on this one? And if they say yes, then

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Speaker 1: they're in. They're open to it. They're actively now seeking

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Speaker 1: your advice. And then at the end of it you say,

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Speaker 1: well that's one option. Can you think of any others?

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Speaker 1: And then you're giving them that support, that autonomy support

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Speaker 1: where they go, hmm, my parent's not telling me what

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Speaker 1: to do. They're using their hard won wisdom for their

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Speaker 1: multiple decades of life that they've been alive much longer

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Speaker 1: than me, to give me some guidance. But they're still

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Speaker 1: leaving it up to me. And that's when the kids went, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like this. It's genuine, it's transparent, it's truthful, but

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Speaker 1: I still get to decide.

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Speaker 2: So the secret is really.

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Speaker 1: Read The Parenting Revolution by doctor Justin Coulson. Is that

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Speaker 1: what you're going to say. That's not what you're going

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Speaker 1: to say. I can't believe you aren't going to say

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Speaker 1: that I'm looking at your eyes and you're like you

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Speaker 1: just talked over me, and it's not even what I

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Speaker 1: was going to say. Sorry, I should have said, can

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Speaker 1: I can I have your consent to interrupt you so

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Speaker 1: that I can share what I think you I'm so sorry?

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Speaker 1: What's the secret? Kylie?

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Speaker 2: Read the Parenting Revolution?

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Speaker 1: I love it? Ah, that felt so genuine as well.

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Speaker 3: With five of our six children having gone through or

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Speaker 3: are still going through thirteen years, thirteen years, we've had

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Speaker 3: plenty of time to practice and learn.

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Speaker 2: And learn from our mistakes. And I think that what

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Speaker 2: I have loved as each of our children have got

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Speaker 2: to the stage is getting to that place where we

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Speaker 2: can have these open conversations and dialogue, where they are

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Speaker 2: willing to participate in exploration, getting curious about the possible

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Speaker 2: solutions to whatever they're going through in their lives.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely perfect. We will link to all of these

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Speaker 1: studies in our show notes for those of you who

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Speaker 1: are academically inclined and would like to get a little

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Speaker 1: bit more information about whether or not we can really

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Speaker 1: communicate effectively with our teenagers, whether or not we really

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Speaker 1: can or can not understand what our kids are saying

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Speaker 1: when they're infants and they're having a big cry, And

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Speaker 1: especially with that one about teasing kids about their way

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Speaker 1: and helping them to have a healthy approach to the

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Speaker 1: way their body looks, recognizing that their value is not

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Speaker 1: related to how they look. The Happy Families podcast is

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Speaker 1: produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is

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Speaker 1: our executive producer, and if you'd like more info about

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Speaker 1: making your family happier, we'd love for you to visit

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Speaker 1: us at happy families dot com, dot a