Speaker 1: There's plenty of quotes about how money doesn't make you
Speaker 1: rich and it's the people in your life who matter.
Speaker 1: But in our modern world, that is easier said than done.
Speaker 1: So how do we actually form strong social connections, especially
Speaker 1: when we're feeling busy and worn out? Sarhill Bloom is
Speaker 1: a New York Times bestselling author and investor whose viral
Speaker 1: threads on business, finance and personal development have reached over
Speaker 1: one billion people online. Sahil realized a long time ago
Speaker 1: that focusing on wealth wouldn't guarantee him happiness, and in fact,
Speaker 1: he's identified social wealth as one of the necessary five
Speaker 1: types of wealth in our lives. And in this quick win,
Speaker 1: Sahil reveals what it actually means to be socially wealthy,
Speaker 1: his number one rule for strengthening social connections, and the
Speaker 1: dinner strategy he uses that could revitalize your relationship with
Speaker 1: your partner. Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals,
Speaker 1: and strategies for optimizing your dat I'm your host, doctor
Speaker 1: Amantha Imber. I would love to talk about social wealth
Speaker 1: and perhaps maybe we need to define it in case
Speaker 1: that is not obvious. What it means to be socially wealthy.
Speaker 1: Let's start there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, social wealth is just about your relationships. It's about
Speaker 2: a recognition of relationships as an asset that compounds over
Speaker 2: the long run if you invest in those things. And
Speaker 2: that ties to the most common mistake that I see,
Speaker 2: which is thinking that relationships are just a static entity
Speaker 2: and not something that compounds, and not something that will
Speaker 2: pay the greatest returns and dividends in life. The reality,
Speaker 2: in the science and in our own anecdotal experience, is
Speaker 2: that relationships are the single greatest predictor of a happy,
Speaker 2: healthy life. The strength of your relationships determines those outcomes.
Speaker 2: And yet they tend to be the first thing that
Speaker 2: fall by the wayside when we get busy. You know,
Speaker 2: you get busy in life, and you stop texting the friends,
Speaker 2: you stop calling your mom, you don't get that old
Speaker 2: group of buddies together for the annual trip. All of
Speaker 2: those things start to fall when in reality, those are
Speaker 2: the things that are going to contribute to the great
Speaker 2: life that you are trying to build. And so recognizing
Speaker 2: that and realizing that really anything above zero compounds, a
Speaker 2: tiny action done for a friend or a family member
Speaker 2: is something that is going to compound and stack over
Speaker 2: the long run, showing up for these people during their
Speaker 2: time of needs, showing up when it's not easy. These
Speaker 2: people will be there for you when your life is
Speaker 2: in a tough spot.
Speaker 1: How do you I guess action the principles around social
Speaker 1: wealth when I imagine and particularly like with the insight
Speaker 1: that you should around taken on a lot, a lot
Speaker 1: of different things that perhaps you are now going to
Speaker 1: draw and I just know you know what it's like
Speaker 1: being incredibly busy, and it is really easy for relationships
Speaker 1: to be the first thing that goes like, what are
Speaker 1: some practices that you have found have served you, particularly
Speaker 1: in those really busy and hectic times.
Speaker 2: The number one practice I have is a rule, which
Speaker 2: is when you think something nice about someone, let them
Speaker 2: know right then. I am very good about that. I'm
Speaker 2: not great about replying to text messages or emails really
Speaker 2: promptly because I'm overloaded most of the time, but I'm
Speaker 2: very good about sending someone a message when I think
Speaker 2: something nice about them, And that has a powerful effect
Speaker 2: of keeping you in touch with people, of creating this
Speaker 2: level of connection with people over long, long periods of time.
Speaker 2: I have friends and people that I don't see very
Speaker 2: often at all anymore, but we still feel really connected.
Speaker 2: Your one little hack is I have an iPhone. I
Speaker 2: don't know if if anyone else does, but on the
Speaker 2: iPhone there's this like for you, sort of like photo
Speaker 2: memories feature, and once a week or so I'll go
Speaker 2: to that photo memories thing and I'll send the picture
Speaker 2: to people that are in it, so it'll prompt, you know,
Speaker 2: some sort of memory from your life with friends. And
Speaker 2: if you just send it to them and say, you know, hey, great,
Speaker 2: like this was great times, fun time, whatever, it sparks
Speaker 2: a tiny little interaction with the person. You don't need
Speaker 2: to spend thirty minutes catching up with them, but it
Speaker 2: sparks a little interaction that just lets them know that
Speaker 2: you were thinking about them, and that goes a long
Speaker 2: way over long periods of time.
Speaker 1: When you like when you say, you know, when you
Speaker 1: think something nice about someone, you will communicate that, Like
Speaker 1: what's your go to? Like, you know, if we were friends,
Speaker 1: would I just like get an email out of the
Speaker 1: blue from you? Would I get a voice memory? Like
Speaker 1: what does that look like? In practice?
Speaker 2: Generally a text out of a blue yeah I'm not
Speaker 2: a great email or sometimes voice note if I'm driving
Speaker 2: or something like that, but generally speaking a text just
Speaker 2: saying like hey, I was thinking about you. I hope
Speaker 2: you're doing great, or you saw this thought of you,
Speaker 2: hope you're thriving. Something tiny like that. Not trying to
Speaker 2: force a catch up or a conversation, because oftentimes too
Speaker 2: then you like put a burden on the other person
Speaker 2: if they're busy, they feel bad. It can just be
Speaker 2: super simple. I think it goes a long way.
Speaker 1: Tell me about the life dinner concept and how that works.
Speaker 2: Life dinner is an idea that I first came across
Speaker 2: from an entrepreneur named Brad Feld, who sort of recognized
Speaker 2: that when life starts to get chaotic and busy, there
Speaker 2: are a lot of things that start to naturally slip
Speaker 2: in a romantic partnership, importantly, things like bigger picture catch
Speaker 2: ups about your vision for your relationship, for what your
Speaker 2: goals are, for the things that you're striving towards. And
Speaker 2: this life dinner is an idea of creating a monthly
Speaker 2: date that is dedicated to those things. Its entire purpose
Speaker 2: is to catch up and talk about those bigger picture opportunities, goals, dresses, visions, etc.
Speaker 2: That the two of you have, both individually and for
Speaker 2: your command for your relationship. My wife and I have
Speaker 2: done this since our son was born, which is now
Speaker 2: three years in May twenty twenty two, and it has
Speaker 2: been an incredible ritual for keeping us connected when life
Speaker 2: got more chaotic than ever. There's the pushback that people
Speaker 2: like to have with this, which is like, you shouldn't
Speaker 2: have to do that, you should be talking every day.
Speaker 2: But once you have a kid and life starts to
Speaker 2: get a little chaotic, they're not sleeping a lot. You
Speaker 2: both have so many things going on that it can
Speaker 2: be hard to find the time to talk about what
Speaker 2: are our finances, what are the business things I'm excited about,
Speaker 2: what are the things you're excited about, what are the
Speaker 2: big picture goals we have for the next three years.
Speaker 2: And creating a monthly date dedicated to that makes sure
Speaker 2: that there is that touch point and does it in
Speaker 2: a fun way that doesn't make it feel like a chore.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this quick way and with Saquil.
Speaker 1: If you would like to listen to the full interview,
Speaker 1: you can find a link to that in the show notes.
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Speaker 1: How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of
Speaker 1: the Warrangery people, part of the Klan Nation.