1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: There's plenty of quotes about how money doesn't make you 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: rich and it's the people in your life who matter. 3 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 1: But in our modern world, that is easier said than done. 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: So how do we actually form strong social connections, especially 5 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: when we're feeling busy and worn out? Sarhill Bloom is 6 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: a New York Times bestselling author and investor whose viral 7 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: threads on business, finance and personal development have reached over 8 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: one billion people online. Sahil realized a long time ago 9 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: that focusing on wealth wouldn't guarantee him happiness, and in fact, 10 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: he's identified social wealth as one of the necessary five 11 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,319 Speaker 1: types of wealth in our lives. And in this quick win, 12 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: Sahil reveals what it actually means to be socially wealthy, 13 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: his number one rule for strengthening social connections, and the 14 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 1: dinner strategy he uses that could revitalize your relationship with 15 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: your partner. Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, 16 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:11,119 Speaker 1: and strategies for optimizing your dat I'm your host, doctor 17 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:18,199 Speaker 1: Amantha Imber. I would love to talk about social wealth 18 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: and perhaps maybe we need to define it in case 19 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 1: that is not obvious. What it means to be socially wealthy. 20 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: Let's start there. 21 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, social wealth is just about your relationships. It's about 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 2: a recognition of relationships as an asset that compounds over 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,479 Speaker 2: the long run if you invest in those things. And 24 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 2: that ties to the most common mistake that I see, 25 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 2: which is thinking that relationships are just a static entity 26 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 2: and not something that compounds, and not something that will 27 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 2: pay the greatest returns and dividends in life. The reality, 28 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 2: in the science and in our own anecdotal experience, is 29 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 2: that relationships are the single greatest predictor of a happy, 30 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 2: healthy life. The strength of your relationships determines those outcomes. 31 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 2: And yet they tend to be the first thing that 32 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 2: fall by the wayside when we get busy. You know, 33 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 2: you get busy in life, and you stop texting the friends, 34 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 2: you stop calling your mom, you don't get that old 35 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 2: group of buddies together for the annual trip. All of 36 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 2: those things start to fall when in reality, those are 37 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 2: the things that are going to contribute to the great 38 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 2: life that you are trying to build. And so recognizing 39 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 2: that and realizing that really anything above zero compounds, a 40 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 2: tiny action done for a friend or a family member 41 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,519 Speaker 2: is something that is going to compound and stack over 42 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 2: the long run, showing up for these people during their 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 2: time of needs, showing up when it's not easy. These 44 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 2: people will be there for you when your life is 45 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 2: in a tough spot. 46 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: How do you I guess action the principles around social 47 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: wealth when I imagine and particularly like with the insight 48 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: that you should around taken on a lot, a lot 49 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: of different things that perhaps you are now going to 50 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: draw and I just know you know what it's like 51 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: being incredibly busy, and it is really easy for relationships 52 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 1: to be the first thing that goes like, what are 53 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: some practices that you have found have served you, particularly 54 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: in those really busy and hectic times. 55 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 2: The number one practice I have is a rule, which 56 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 2: is when you think something nice about someone, let them 57 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 2: know right then. I am very good about that. I'm 58 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 2: not great about replying to text messages or emails really 59 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 2: promptly because I'm overloaded most of the time, but I'm 60 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 2: very good about sending someone a message when I think 61 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: something nice about them, And that has a powerful effect 62 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 2: of keeping you in touch with people, of creating this 63 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 2: level of connection with people over long, long periods of time. 64 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 2: I have friends and people that I don't see very 65 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 2: often at all anymore, but we still feel really connected. 66 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 2: Your one little hack is I have an iPhone. I 67 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 2: don't know if if anyone else does, but on the 68 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 2: iPhone there's this like for you, sort of like photo 69 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 2: memories feature, and once a week or so I'll go 70 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 2: to that photo memories thing and I'll send the picture 71 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 2: to people that are in it, so it'll prompt, you know, 72 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 2: some sort of memory from your life with friends. And 73 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: if you just send it to them and say, you know, hey, great, 74 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:25,159 Speaker 2: like this was great times, fun time, whatever, it sparks 75 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 2: a tiny little interaction with the person. You don't need 76 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: to spend thirty minutes catching up with them, but it 77 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 2: sparks a little interaction that just lets them know that 78 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,480 Speaker 2: you were thinking about them, and that goes a long 79 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 2: way over long periods of time. 80 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,479 Speaker 1: When you like when you say, you know, when you 81 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 1: think something nice about someone, you will communicate that, Like 82 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,480 Speaker 1: what's your go to? Like, you know, if we were friends, 83 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: would I just like get an email out of the 84 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,719 Speaker 1: blue from you? Would I get a voice memory? Like 85 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: what does that look like? In practice? 86 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 2: Generally a text out of a blue yeah I'm not 87 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,719 Speaker 2: a great email or sometimes voice note if I'm driving 88 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 2: or something like that, but generally speaking a text just 89 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 2: saying like hey, I was thinking about you. I hope 90 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 2: you're doing great, or you saw this thought of you, 91 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: hope you're thriving. Something tiny like that. Not trying to 92 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 2: force a catch up or a conversation, because oftentimes too 93 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: then you like put a burden on the other person 94 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 2: if they're busy, they feel bad. It can just be 95 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 2: super simple. I think it goes a long way. 96 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 1: Tell me about the life dinner concept and how that works. 97 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 2: Life dinner is an idea that I first came across 98 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 2: from an entrepreneur named Brad Feld, who sort of recognized 99 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 2: that when life starts to get chaotic and busy, there 100 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,479 Speaker 2: are a lot of things that start to naturally slip 101 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,800 Speaker 2: in a romantic partnership, importantly, things like bigger picture catch 102 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 2: ups about your vision for your relationship, for what your 103 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 2: goals are, for the things that you're striving towards. And 104 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 2: this life dinner is an idea of creating a monthly 105 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 2: date that is dedicated to those things. Its entire purpose 106 00:05:55,400 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 2: is to catch up and talk about those bigger picture opportunities, goals, dresses, visions, etc. 107 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 2: That the two of you have, both individually and for 108 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 2: your command for your relationship. My wife and I have 109 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:11,080 Speaker 2: done this since our son was born, which is now 110 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: three years in May twenty twenty two, and it has 111 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 2: been an incredible ritual for keeping us connected when life 112 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 2: got more chaotic than ever. There's the pushback that people 113 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,679 Speaker 2: like to have with this, which is like, you shouldn't 114 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 2: have to do that, you should be talking every day. 115 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 2: But once you have a kid and life starts to 116 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 2: get a little chaotic, they're not sleeping a lot. You 117 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 2: both have so many things going on that it can 118 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 2: be hard to find the time to talk about what 119 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 2: are our finances, what are the business things I'm excited about, 120 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 2: what are the things you're excited about, what are the 121 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,119 Speaker 2: big picture goals we have for the next three years. 122 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: And creating a monthly date dedicated to that makes sure 123 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 2: that there is that touch point and does it in 124 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 2: a fun way that doesn't make it feel like a chore. 125 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this quick way and with Saquil. 126 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: If you would like to listen to the full interview, 127 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: you can find a link to that in the show notes. 128 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 1: If you like today's show, make sure you git follow 129 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,559 Speaker 1: on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. 130 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of 131 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: the Warrangery people, part of the Klan Nation.