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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: wants answers.

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Speaker 3: Now, Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. I'm so excited

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Speaker 3: to be able to talk about episode three of Parential Guidance.

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Speaker 3: My name's doctor Justin Coilson. Hopefully you've been watching the show.

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Speaker 3: I'm the co host and parenting expert on the show.

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Speaker 3: And oh, I loved last night's episode. Kylie, Well, if

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Speaker 3: mum to our six kids, Yeah, what have you got?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: I got a question for you, right, because.

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Speaker 4: Last night we were introduced to four new parents.

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Speaker 3: Yes, who are your favorites from last night or from no? No?

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Speaker 4: From last week? We had the Lighthouse parents, the Honest parents,

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Speaker 4: the Gentle parents, and the Outback parents, all right, And

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Speaker 4: I thought I knew who my favorites were, right, But

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Speaker 4: I think it's changed, So I have to I have

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Speaker 4: to say that I like them all like I think

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Speaker 4: they're all great in their own way and they've got

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Speaker 4: their problems in their own way as well.

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Speaker 3: And that's what we're having the TV show for. Who

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Speaker 3: did you enjoy learning from the most.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't about learning from them.

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Speaker 3: It's just watching it for the TV and same fact

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Speaker 3: that Okay, would you like the most quick, let's do it.

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Speaker 3: I can't pick You're so funny. I can't believe you.

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Speaker 3: You're putting me on the spot, and you weren't choose.

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Speaker 4: I was waiting to hear what you had to say

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Speaker 4: them all and I'm learning. That's what I'm learning from

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Speaker 4: them all.

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Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. That's why the show is so good.

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Speaker 3: But you're hopeless. I can't believe you're doing this.

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Speaker 4: Look, I love Cat, she is just this like literally

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Speaker 4: raw edge, completely rough diamond who is so.

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Speaker 3: And she's doing it on her own, upfront, doing her

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Speaker 3: own with two twin kids, one who is in You're

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Speaker 3: divergent and definitely gives her a hard time.

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Speaker 4: And then you've got the Lighthouse parents and.

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Speaker 3: I love them.

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Speaker 4: I love them. I love them, And do you know

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Speaker 4: it's as you watch the kids interact, your love for

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Speaker 4: the parents grows even more to.

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Speaker 3: See how great those kids are.

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Speaker 4: And that can only happen because there's love, Like it

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Speaker 4: all boils down to love, and every single parent on

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Speaker 4: the show just loves their kids.

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Speaker 3: And then you've got i mean, David intensity the Outback Parents.

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Speaker 4: Hands down, I would have loved to have driven a

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Speaker 4: car at eight.

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Speaker 2: They work on bikes, they work on cars, they ride horses,

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Speaker 2: ride cows.

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Speaker 4: The life skills that.

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Speaker 3: When you see the heart of Larissa and Marcus, the

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Speaker 3: gentle parents just studying, yeah amazing.

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Speaker 5: We allow them to express their opinions just like we

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Speaker 5: express ours.

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Speaker 4: But last night we're introduced to the next four.

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Speaker 3: So we've got these stage parents, Shane and Sarah.

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Speaker 5: We encourage our children's individuality, creativity and independence. Stage parenting

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Speaker 5: is mostly fun.

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Speaker 4: When it comes to performing.

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Speaker 6: I think a lot of parents think their kid is

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Speaker 6: better than what they are.

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Speaker 1: The talent alone is useless if you don't practice it.

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Speaker 3: You know, our bike gets rusty if you don't write it.

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Speaker 4: It's that simple. And then we have the influences Jonathan

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Speaker 4: and kat.

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Speaker 6: We lead by example, and we use technology to really

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Speaker 6: connect rather than separate.

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Speaker 4: If you've been on TikTok, if you've been on Instagram

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Speaker 4: and you've seen some really successful people on how they

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Speaker 4: use the platform, the future is only going to move

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Speaker 4: more in that direction.

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Speaker 6: I think education is key for teaching my kids what

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Speaker 6: to look out for and keeping them safe is important.

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Speaker 3: Very provocative couple, but they look good. And I don't

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Speaker 3: mean from a physical point of view. I mean as

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Speaker 3: a family in the show. Okay, well they probably look

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Speaker 3: good that way as well, but they look good in

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Speaker 3: terms of I love what Chris and Philips said. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 3: we were pretty worried about those influence appearents. They're on it,

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Speaker 3: they've got it together.

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Speaker 4: So then we have the spiritual parents, Deepak and Chardile.

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Speaker 7: We believe that our children are give us sparks of

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Speaker 7: the divide, and we look towards Lord Christiana, our God,

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Speaker 7: to guide us with our parenting and everything else we do.

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Speaker 7: Spiritual parenting means parenting to the knees of the child

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Speaker 7: on the physical level, on their intellectual level, and also

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Speaker 7: on their spiritual level. It's not just us raising kids,

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Speaker 7: the kids are raising us spiritually.

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Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, I just want to wrap them up.

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Speaker 4: They're just gorgeous, totally gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

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Speaker 3: And then our team parents, we have six.

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Speaker 5: Children and we're trying to raise them like our little

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Speaker 5: owned footy team.

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Speaker 2: Was that another or a coach league? Our family a

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Speaker 2: sporting team family, and that's how we parent. We believe respect,

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Speaker 2: the repetition, discipline. They're all the fundamentals that make our

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Speaker 2: team what we are.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I stated to an intervention with them in

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Speaker 3: the studio, and things got pretty hot in that studio.

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Speaker 4: Marc, we have got lots to talk about. So where

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Speaker 4: do you want to start?

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Speaker 3: I think we have to start with the intervention. So

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Speaker 3: this all starts when for those of you who are

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Speaker 3: overseas couldn't see it all, those of you who were

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Speaker 3: still sort of waiting to catch up on nine. Now

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Speaker 3: later we send the family to the park, to a

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Speaker 3: nature park and the kids get to have an up

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Speaker 3: close animal encounter.

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Speaker 4: Who's going to be beating the penguins today?

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Speaker 3: All right, so we'll need Brooklyn in with one parent.

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Speaker 4: So let's just put this out there. For parents who

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Speaker 4: are dealing with kids nine and older, yep, this shouldn't

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Speaker 4: have been a hard challenge at all, hands down.

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Speaker 3: Probably not. But for younger children, everyone wants to have

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Speaker 3: a go, and what's really going on is only one

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Speaker 3: kid gets to do it. Everyone else has.

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Speaker 4: To watch and the team parents out of all of

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Speaker 4: the families have six.

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Speaker 3: Children, They've got six kids, but their whole thing is

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Speaker 3: we operate as a team, but the little ones just

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Speaker 3: coudn't stand understandably that an older sibling was going to

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Speaker 3: get to pat the furry animal and not them.

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Speaker 4: Well, yes and no. I actually think the bigger challenge

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Speaker 4: was that mum and dad both had a younger sibling

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Speaker 4: in their arms and Mum had to go in right.

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Speaker 3: So there was some separation as well as the disappointment.

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Speaker 4: And I think that that was actually the bigger challenge.

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Speaker 3: Here's what happened. Here we go.

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Speaker 2: You're too young to feed the penguins because I'll bite

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Speaker 2: your fingers off. You have to stop crying with the

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Speaker 2: team parenting style and managing tantrums. We've got to negotiate

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Speaker 2: that on a daily basis.

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Speaker 3: Okay. So compare that to what happened with our spiritual parents.

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Speaker 3: So what do you think we have to choose? One person?

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Speaker 3: Do you want to be?

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Speaker 4: We should feed? I think Grishner you.

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Speaker 6: Do it?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, all right, So let's as spiritual parents. Selflessness is

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Speaker 7: a very important integral part of our quality that we

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Speaker 7: try to promote within us.

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Speaker 5: What did they feel like.

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Speaker 3: They're going for me?

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Speaker 7: I think Middler had a longing to pat, but it

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Speaker 7: did not translate into disappointment. While she didn't get a chance,

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Speaker 7: she also enjoyed watching and being happy for the brother.

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Speaker 4: They seem a little bit perfect.

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Speaker 3: I was so gorgeous. I love that so selfless.

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Speaker 4: I mean, here's the oldest sibling actually saying, would you

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Speaker 4: like to do it?

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Speaker 3: I want our kids to watch that and emblazon it

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Speaker 3: on their brain and never forget it and become that

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Speaker 3: that was just beautiful.

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Speaker 4: During the experience, their daughter was looking on with anticipation

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Speaker 4: and almost feeling like she was missing out. It turned

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Speaker 4: into joy as she watched her brother enjoying that experience.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's just beautiful. So the other families, they

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Speaker 3: managed this challenge reasonably well, but we've got to talk

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Speaker 3: about the big emotions that happened with the team parents

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Speaker 3: and the way that the emotions were shut down.

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Speaker 7: You have to stop crying.

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Speaker 3: Take you back to the cardown. Well, then you need

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Speaker 3: to stop.

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Speaker 2: Do you not understand that.

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Speaker 3: That's enough?

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Speaker 2: You need to relax, You need to calm down the cave.

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Speaker 3: So the way that they dealt with this is reminiscent

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Speaker 3: of what happened last week with the outback parents when

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Speaker 3: they were pushing their son to jump off the high

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Speaker 3: platform and face his fears. I promised last week we

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Speaker 3: would talk about emotion coaching. This is where we need

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Speaker 3: to kids have big emotions. And I love what Larissa

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Speaker 3: the gentle parent had to say when everything blew up.

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Speaker 1: I think what you're saying is when they're crying, it's

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Speaker 1: a moment for you to comfort them and be with them.

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Speaker 3: And it's not.

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Speaker 1: Necessarily about the behat. It's about comforting them in the moment.

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Speaker 1: And maybe there's another chance after that to speak about

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Speaker 1: the behavior again.

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Speaker 7: If every time they want comfort, then are they going

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Speaker 7: to cry to you?

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Speaker 3: Are they going to react that way so you give

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Speaker 3: them a cuddle?

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Speaker 4: They're three, But if they're three, is that a bad thing?

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Speaker 4: That's unacceptable?

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Speaker 5: Just because you didn't get what you want does not

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Speaker 5: give you the ride to sit there and make everyone

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Speaker 5: else feel bad.

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Speaker 4: I guess my point here is why is crying unacceptable?

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Speaker 3: And then we heard this.

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Speaker 4: If you're not feeling happy, then being told to be

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Speaker 4: happy is essentially being told to lie. This led to

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Speaker 4: your big moment on TV.

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Speaker 3: I took it into my own hands. I was like,

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Speaker 3: I've had enough. I've sat here quietly for two nearly

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Speaker 3: three episodes. I've got to do something.

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Speaker 4: There was a fair bitter tension in the room.

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Speaker 3: I dragged them out of the room, and this is

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Speaker 3: what happened. There are a couple of ways that we

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Speaker 3: might be able to work with our kids when they're

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Speaker 3: having these big emotions that could be more effective and

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Speaker 3: help your family to function better. But I want to

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Speaker 3: spin the conversation to you for a moment, Leanne Ye.

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Speaker 3: Imagine that you're having a bit of a moment emotionally,

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Speaker 3: and Mark looks at you and says, Leanne, stop it

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Speaker 3: be quiet. That's enough. You need to settle down. Would

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Speaker 3: you look at him and smile and say, good point, Honey,

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Speaker 3: I am overreacting. Oh not at all.

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Speaker 4: My Maltes's arms would be flying everywhere, my hair.

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Speaker 2: Would be going this way from the amount of breeze

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Speaker 2: coming from a voice.

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Speaker 3: When we're talking with our partner or with our kids

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Speaker 3: and they're having a big emotion. Other than giving them space,

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Speaker 3: one of the most powerful things that we can do

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Speaker 3: is just to say what we see. There's a phrase

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Speaker 3: that psychologists to be using for decades called if you

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Speaker 3: can name it, you can tame it. So imagine that

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Speaker 3: Bailey is having this fit and you said, O, sweetheart, Bailey,

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Speaker 3: you're so upset because you're not getting to feed the penguins,

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Speaker 3: and then you don't say another word. How much you

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Speaker 3: respond then.

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Speaker 2: Started to probably slow down a bit because she knows

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Speaker 2: that I know she's upset.

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Speaker 4: And the reasons why, how did they deal with that?

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Speaker 4: Because obviously in the beginning, I definitely got a sense

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Speaker 4: that they felt like they'd just been pulled into the

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Speaker 4: headmaster's office. They definitely softened, But how did that actually

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Speaker 4: go in real life?

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Speaker 3: So well? Not only did it go well, but I mean,

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Speaker 3: we filmed this across a number of days, and once

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Speaker 3: I'd given them that instruction, because we were filming in

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Speaker 3: Sydney and that's where they're from, they said, oh, we're

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Speaker 3: going to go home and try this tonight. And the

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Speaker 3: next day when they came back into the studio, they said,

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Speaker 3: you wouldn't believe it. Last night we went home and

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Speaker 3: there was some big emotions and we did what you said.

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Speaker 3: And I thought, oh, oh, I'm nervous. I'm so nervous,

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Speaker 3: and they actually, like Leanne, almost started trying. She said,

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Speaker 3: we got results like we've never had in our lives

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Speaker 3: because we were kind to our children's emotional state rather

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Speaker 3: than trying to get them to stop it.

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Speaker 4: This is a conversation that I've had and I've heard

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Speaker 4: you have so many times with parents from the point

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Speaker 4: of view that we think that to acknowledge our children's

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Speaker 4: emotions takes time, and that.

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Speaker 3: It's going to feed the emotion and make it bigger,

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Speaker 3: both of those things.

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Speaker 4: And yet every time, yeah, we acknowledge it, it dissipates

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Speaker 4: so much quicker and without fanfare, unlike the times where

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Speaker 4: we don't.

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Speaker 3: Right, I mean, it's just amazing. And Martin Leane had

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Speaker 3: that experience the teen parents had that we didn't get

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Speaker 3: to show it on screen, obviously because it happened in

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Speaker 3: their own home later that night. But this is what

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Speaker 3: I really want to help parents to understand. When your

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Speaker 3: kids are having a big emotion, there's no point fighting

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Speaker 3: with it, There's no point telling them to stop it,

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Speaker 3: there's no point telling them to calm down. This is

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Speaker 3: what I really want parents to understand. I just can't

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Speaker 3: think of a single time we're getting mad at your

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Speaker 3: child for their emotion is going to help them to

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Speaker 3: regulate it.

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Speaker 4: Better, or telling them to calm down.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't help them to regulate it better. What helps

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Speaker 3: them to regulate it better is softness, kindness, gentleness, compassion.

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Speaker 3: And when we say what we see, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: use that exact line in the intervention. You've got to

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Speaker 3: say what you see. You're feeling real mad, you're feeling

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Speaker 3: so frustrated. You hate your sister right now. And then

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Speaker 3: they say, oh, you get it, and you say, yeah,

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Speaker 3: bring it in here, come and give me a hug.

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Speaker 3: Let's work this out. And you can't do the problem

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Speaker 3: solving until you bring the emotions down.

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Speaker 4: Well, one of the best lines out of this episode

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Speaker 4: was from you, and you said, I think, thank you.

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Speaker 4: Greatest human need is not to be loved, it's to

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Speaker 4: be understood.

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Speaker 3: You're taking notes. You're taking notes.

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Speaker 4: Of course, I'm taking notes.

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Speaker 3: A jr. Let's play that the greatest human need is

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Speaker 3: not to be loved, but to be understood.

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Speaker 4: I can't believe it. You couldn't take it from me.

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Speaker 4: You just wanted everyone to hear you saying it. You

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Speaker 4: said it first.

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Speaker 3: Is that what this is? No, no, no, it's not like

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Speaker 3: that at all.

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Speaker 4: But it's so true. It's so true. And if we

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Speaker 4: go back to that line where we were talking about

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Speaker 4: the fact that to tell your child to be happy

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Speaker 4: or to act happy is to actually tell them to like.

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Speaker 4: What it does also, though, is it makes us second

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Speaker 4: guess how we're feeling, and the internal dialogue becomes, why

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Speaker 4: are you being so silly? Why have you got such

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Speaker 4: big emotions around this? No one else would have big

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Speaker 4: emotions around this.

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Speaker 3: When I think of the outbok parents and the pushing

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Speaker 3: to face your fears in last week's episode, once again,

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Speaker 3: here's this little guy six years old doesn't want to

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Speaker 3: jump off the platform. A big hug, buddy. This is

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Speaker 3: really scary, isn't it? When you look over there, you

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Speaker 3: just think this is too much? Come here, I got cha.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes I feel like we just have expectations of our

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Speaker 4: kids that are so unrealistic. Yeah, it's so unrealistic.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have unrealistic expectations of parents when it

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Speaker 3: comes to knowing their anatomy. That was a really good segue.

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Speaker 3: Let's talk about this. Let's talk about this.

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Speaker 4: So how is it? How is it that you can

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Speaker 4: have mums in the room who can't even name their

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Speaker 4: own anatomy.

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Speaker 3: Now, let's not mum shame here. We're not going to

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Speaker 3: get into mum shaming. But I think that it's a

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Speaker 3: legitimate question to say, do you know how your body works?

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Speaker 3: And we need to address this.

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Speaker 4: Those a generational problem.

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Speaker 3: For those who missed it, We had a well there

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Speaker 3: there was a big thing about pornography and explicit material.

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Speaker 3: We're going to have to discuss that Thursday because we're

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Speaker 3: already out of time on today's podcast. But we've got

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Speaker 3: to talk about the challenge where the parents had a

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Speaker 3: conversation with the kids about reproductive systems and how bodies work.

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Speaker 3: Do your kids know.

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Speaker 4: Where babies come from? Let's find out you're going to

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Speaker 4: test your kids on anatomy and reproduction. They weren't even

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Speaker 4: having the sex conversation. It literally was about naming body parts.

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Speaker 3: Put the tag on the body where it belongs.

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Speaker 4: What is the correct name for a girl's external private path?

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Speaker 5: The reproductory system?

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Speaker 3: What is it that one? I love the line about

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Speaker 3: salad dressings? Do you all know what this is?

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Speaker 5: So it looks like that sauce ariola aola.

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Speaker 3: That was a good one, but I think the bigger

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Speaker 3: issue with this and unfortunately Mark and Leanne end up

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Speaker 3: looking not so great out of this one. Although the

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Speaker 3: spiritual parents Depak and Cargile also didn't come out too. Well,

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Speaker 3: here's what happened.

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Speaker 7: Okay, tell me where does the babies come from?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, they come from their valley.

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Speaker 7: And how did they come out?

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Speaker 3: They were.

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Speaker 7: I think it was good to test him out first, Yes,

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Speaker 7: to see what then what's the girl's private park?

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Speaker 4: H by him?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 4: Generationally speaking, this is a conversation that parents have not

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Speaker 4: been comfortable having with their children, but specifically with girls.

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Speaker 3: Which is really concerning because boys, when we look at

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Speaker 3: consent issues, when we look at all of the stuff

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Speaker 3: around violence and safety and girls the ones who are

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Speaker 3: the most affected.

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Speaker 4: Well, girls lives can change in an instant. A boy

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Speaker 4: loses his virginity, there's no there's no impact to his

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Speaker 4: life in a physical sense. To a girl that one

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Speaker 4: decision could alter her entire life.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm going to soften that. The repercussions can

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Speaker 3: be much much, much heavier for girls in typical circumstances.

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Speaker 3: There or something I've.

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Speaker 4: Talked about that, yes, the influenced. So she talked about

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Speaker 4: and acknowledged the challenges that existed from becoming a single

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Speaker 4: parent at seventeen.

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Speaker 3: So I didn't say this in the show, and I

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Speaker 3: wish I had, But if you have children who are

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Speaker 3: old enough to be intimate, then they need to understand

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Speaker 3: two things before they understand anything else. They need to

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Speaker 3: understand consent and they need to understand condoms. They need

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Speaker 3: to understand those two things at the very least, that's

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Speaker 3: the beginning. They're the two most fundamental things because otherwise, well,

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Speaker 3: we heard what happened with Cat and she was so

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Speaker 3: so dignified in the way that she dealt with her

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Speaker 3: past on national television. I just I love Jonathan and

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Speaker 3: Cat such a great family they really are. But can

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Speaker 3: we please talk about well, first of all, the vagina.

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Speaker 5: Chance Deepak, are you now comfortable with the V word?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 5: Okay, because I just want to know if we could

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Speaker 5: do a bit of a vagina chant if you want,

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Speaker 5: come on in to team building.

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Speaker 4: A Because of the way the male anatomy works from

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Speaker 4: a very early age, you know it's there, you know

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Speaker 4: it's there, you know what it is, and you know

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Speaker 4: what it does, and you work out pretty quickly what

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Speaker 4: makes it go up and down.

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Speaker 3: Among other things. Yes, yes, you do.

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Speaker 4: For a woman, it's not so obvious.

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Speaker 3: Because it's not obvious to be seen and you don't

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Speaker 3: necessarily know what it all does.

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Speaker 4: And there's a lot more going on in our bodies

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Speaker 4: than there is for a male, and yet we don't

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Speaker 4: have conversations with our girls about all of that and

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Speaker 4: to help them understand that their bodies are normal and

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Speaker 4: flipping amazing.

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Speaker 3: I love what Philip has said, normalize it.

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Speaker 5: Celebrate our bodies, like our bodies are amazing, Like my

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Speaker 5: kids know when I have my period, like it's trying

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Speaker 5: to be something that's weird or grow. So these are

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Speaker 5: our normal, amazing bodies.

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Speaker 3: I love how much you care about this car, and

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Speaker 3: I had the same feelings as I was watching it back.

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Speaker 3: I thought, Wow, we have got to have these conversations

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Speaker 3: with our kids.

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Speaker 4: I want my girls growing up knowing how amazing their

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Speaker 4: bodies are, how they work, and why they feel the

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Speaker 4: way they do, and why their body responds the way

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Speaker 4: it does. That it's not something to be ashamed of,

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Speaker 4: that it's not something that they have to hide.

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Speaker 3: How to get maximum joy out of that body, how

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Speaker 3: to get maxim with.

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Speaker 4: Them to have all of the experiences that will bring

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Speaker 4: them joy and happiness in their lives, and their body

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Speaker 4: is a huge part of that.

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Speaker 7: Hindre's where the creators commas throws legs quite a oxy

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Speaker 7: more and that we don't discuss it, Kylie.

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Speaker 3: Parental Guidance gives you the opportunity to talk to your

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Speaker 3: kids about all of the good stuff and all the

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Speaker 3: hard stuff. There's so much that we haven't even touched on.

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Speaker 3: We haven't talked about the car reversing challenge, listening to

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Speaker 3: your kids' voices. We didn't talk about pornography. We're gonna

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Speaker 3: have to push those both to Thursdays.

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Speaker 4: That's a whole other episode, I know.

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Speaker 3: And we've still got tonight to make episode four, which

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Speaker 3: I know we won't cover all of tomorrow. But she

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Speaker 3: was I love the conversation. I still feel like we've

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Speaker 3: barely scratched the surface today, but we have to wrap

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Speaker 3: it there. Thank you so much for listening. We hope,

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Speaker 3: we hope that you're loving Parental Guidance on Channel nine

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Speaker 3: and catching up on nine now. And for those of

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Speaker 3: you who haven't been able to see the show but

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Speaker 3: you're following along with the podcast, we really hope that

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Speaker 3: you're loving the podcast and it's giving you plenty plenty

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Speaker 3: to think about. Once again, big thanks to Justin roll

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Speaker 3: On from Bridge Media, our producer, for making the podcast

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Speaker 3: sound great, and for Craig Bruce for doing so much

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Speaker 3: heavy lifting to help us to get to a point

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Speaker 3: that we can talk about it in ways that work.

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Speaker 3: They are integral to the podcast working. We'll be back

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Speaker 3: tomorrow with more on the Happy Families podcast Don't Forget

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Speaker 3: Episode four, Channel nine tonight, seven point thirty